« Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

America Ferrera

2020-05-11
America Ferrera (Ugly Betty, End Of Watch, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Superstore) is an American actress, voice actress, producer, and director. America chats with the Armchair Expert to discuss her feelings of insecurity when she won her Emmy, growing up being told she wouldn’t make it and her learned skill of molding stereotypes into true representations. Dax wonders if it can feel burdensome to be the voice of a community and America talks about her identity crisis at the conclusion of Ugly Betty. Dax and America discuss raising children in a place of privilege and the newfound proximity amongst women in the industry.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome all the welcome an arm chair expert, I'm dyin, shepherdess joined by Veronica MA Real, I'm feeling doing well. That's where Delta said why Delta the five year old on one of her and those like like acting crazy and she's like doing I'm feeling well today You have America Ferreira Amerika for air is an actress, a producer and increasingly a director. She was, of course, on ugly Betty, superstore sisterhood of travelling ants, and now she has a show called hint to five, which directed in his phenomenal and you should check it out. So please enjoy America Ferreira. We are supported by master class
Monica yeah, you know it unites, sharing common even more than anything else. What is our love her? Are we to love dollar and we love? The learning were mad that we're not in college anymore. I was so fond, but there is a way to basically do your dream version of college, where you just audit unit uptake tests in that his master class, they have the best professors. If I can use that term in the world, educating you on topics, let me just hit you, one that I recently enjoyed. Sowerby Hancock teaches you about jazz on master class class. What you learn from the best, with exclusive access to online classes top I masters of their craft. You can learn com. starvation from Doktor, Jane Goodall improve your Kommeni from Steve Martin, Us Bank guy at we could have used. Or learn the art of negotiation from Chris Vos, who we had on. There are over seventy five different instructors across tons of categories. There is literally something for every
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You can grab gradually. Thank you I have a son who was about to be too which is fine and a lot of work, as you know, when you're this far along pregnant? It's like their days were. I think I can't even keep my eyes opened yet you announced in January that your praying about how far along are you I'm do like some time in many so like all ok, ok, I guess I've been following a little bit like just uninstall I am, how are they allowing people like? It was just that the women were doing on their own right now, husband was like not allowed in Erin yeah. I mean it's really insane and look. Everybody is dealing with insane upheavals in not normal circumstances. I mean I can speak for other women, but for me, like child birth is scary and it brings up some like really.
I'm all deep seated, probably warranted fears about everything that could happen. So you know that's true for me. in a global pandemic like add that to them mix and you can't you don't know what situation you're walking into and I think every state is kind of doing a differently in and different hospitals are doing it differently, but like there was maybe like a week or so, where mothers New York were birthing alone, without any buddy in the room with them. Like I mean I could burst out into tears. Thinking about that right now, nurses and doctors. I guess coming in and out, but without their their partners. any family members or any loved ones there with them, and I think that changed rather quickly.
But now I think the issue is that post birth, the mothers aren't allowed to have anyone with them in a lot of hospitals, which is terrifying. Childbirth is no joke. If you're the rank, your overall general anxiety and life zero to ten were, I don't think I'm an anxious per cent. Now, I'm not an anxious person I can get to ten like I can guide us after ten. Do you know what this is so interesting, it's so interesting because I'm not in general, an anxious person. I am a highly suggestible person so like a so like. I can't do things like. I can't watch horror, films. Ok, I get too scared watching or thumbs. Yes, I have the same thing. We watch Dateline the other day and I was like scared for two hours after yet like here. I believe it too much yes, so I stopped watching horror films like when I was like ten
I'm an I get mad. When I'm like watching late night tv and they play a trailer for like the purposes or whatever and dislike, I didn't ask for that. I don't want that. It's eleven thirty p m. I wanna go to safe and you just made me watch this horror moment. So if I start to think about something, I can get myself there and make a second, but I think, on a day to day It is, in general, there's this silver lining of perspective, of like nothing really matters right on its own when the illusion of safety instability is broken, but there is no safety and stability even like everything was maybe like Esther Perel. Someone really impressive. It was like marriage is an illusion of safety. It's it does. It doesn't come with just safety that you know you have to daily, create that, and there is no.
Homeostasis for stability and saved us. I love Esther. Perhaps she says she, the bass he's amazing yeah at the moment. I see all the real position of like we don't have any control really ever is actually bringing me like this president natural kind of calm versus the other, But I also feel like just like shooting to the news for three minutes could like John, Do you re only way like right? Really, click is only like conventional male female things happening between you and your husband was my wife and I are like. We went straight to cliches my it's fuckin fine until this house is on fire and everyday shine united, the everything's fine, because I can't fix it. So I just dismiss it is not a threat, so we're like what we just snapped right into these really can be national rose well in our house, my has, Ryan was,
sounding the alarm like December like a second he heard, but this was happening in China here, like. This is what we need her I'm gonna start stock an up, and you he's a little OCD like for real. There times where it by is a bummer wonder why, and I definitely was like rolling my eyes and just like Ok, go get up, fifty pounds The beans went off, doomsday, Bro, are you I know, but you know what I really want this time we'll peers tendency to have to be prepared. He really saw the signs and take it seriously, and I did not. I mean I was a pragmatic like didn't, have that much mental capacity to like take it in and
I was working. I worked all the way up until March thirteen. They didn't shut down production on my show on soup, storm which, by the way was a week before I was supposed to wrap this. hearings like the you're moving on yeah yeah, I'm leaving Michel, and so I had lied to granting myself that, for, like my life step is so you'd already written your cards and everything and everyone week of Terry Goodbyes, and also telling people like we're not doing this right now to do this week, like I'm not crying like saving it off in the last week, and then you know we come into work on Friday. A week before were actually has to happen there. There like this, is your last day. I assume they just click the episode off the order. I don't I'm going to try to resume. Gazetted it'll have expired, at the end of the seasonal be well. I think I will have to go back and finish because the story mine, isn't really complete for my character.
It's the end of her entire character on the shelf. so. The way that it ends right now is with the penultimate episode, which was not intended to be the finale, but is going to be the finale, and then you know, I guess it's kind of nice will come back season and start the season with the real bummer of an epoch like leaving. Obviously that's as next year will see that final episode. I think so. I think, that's the point again my what our plans these days no, but I think the chances are good that I'll go back in and finish even storyline. My wife has just an abundance of lovely feelings about you ah well same, but she has filed in her like gum group of super women who are changing the world backs and friendly polar. She told me that this morning I call
like the best of all the best how'd. You guys me, we three groups of friends, and then you know it's like if you're lucky enough to know I probably the coolest woman ever and you get to meet other call women. You know we ve gotten on all these texts. Chains where, like crazy, These are happening around the world to him. You know we all get on text message and try to help each other like get free with an emotionally hair, like as a mom of my cat would like to, or you have any awareness or gratitude for the fact that you work in a narrow were yeah. There's Amy Poehler there's my wife at like. If you were on tv in the 80s, you would have bumped into other women on the lot, but they would have all been someone's wife generally. They would have been like the lead of the show and isn't it kind of cool that your work
ERA, where you have all these appears that are like their own an absolutely, and I think this time is unprecedented in the way you know. Yes, I feel for a while. I have been able to kind of like look out and see amazing women. Doing amazing things that I wanted to be doing. You know watching polar go from being in front of the camera to producing indirectly episodes of her show to direct, in future, is in watching my friends like Amber ten when an evil on boy do the same like watching women model. A possibility. Is life changing, but something else happened in this era in our industry, which was at times that movement and that changed so much more for women in our industry, because I think before that, even if you saw women from afar or admired them from afar went amendment an award ceremony and said I love you like. Thank you. There was still this field
like being in Silo Siena, we often times as a woman and particularly as women of color you're, the only one in the rear, only women and cast you're? The only woman producer you're, the only being a woman in a decision making, cohort and MAC can be really isolating and really lonely, and what happened when times up was one is that those barriers just dissolved and women were literally coming together in rooms physically to be. Each other in a way that was unprecedented in our industry. In a world where there was proximity and where we would talk about things like, why has it taken us this long,
so often we are not only kept separate, but also pitted against each other as competition, not jars, potential partners and potential collaborators, whether there's still a scarcity Mantell cause there were so few roles. You know that were relevant out there, so I do think there's a scarcity Mantell it that was quite real ten years ago, that helps lay the groundwork for that totally and its also like cyclical, because if women are never together and are never collaborators and never talking never even know each other or see each other is anything but competition for those universe, paltry roles that are out there, then they can create together, you know and you I'll get what someone like Reese Witherspoon is doing right now in and everything she makes. like opening doors for
five other women to start produce to direct, and it doesn't have to be. I have to protect my piece of the pipe from me and right that mentality really opened up with this, not easy, but very simple. Act of of proximity of just be around each other and the feeling that, like even if I didn't know somebody if I watched a film she directed, I feel like in this day and age. I could reach out and say: hey I really love and admire what she did. Would you willing to talk to me about about. You know this project that I'm trying to get off the ground and from where I sit there is an openness and willingness to do that and to lift each other up to like mentor each other. Yeah any just feel so different from what it felt like. Ten years ago, in this industry, as women as a woman of color,
There is what is right for all women, but has not been a woman. Oh my god! I I didn't. any other Latinos in this industry, and you know you talk about scrambling Competing for a small piece of the pie. You know there are five, let them as that, we're all like competing for this. ass, you like being a lever. What I heard here- and you only knew each other in that context in bad boundary- has started to dissolve, and that feels incredible to know that we can just reject the idea that we are not allowed to create together and that were not allowed to empower one another, and then there is space for all of us because of course there is an area and more that we are able to collaborate, inspire and and connect with one another the more is possible and seeing
every day as a producer, as a director has an actress now, I'm curious about time's up, I'm just guessing and projecting here, but I wonder, is or any comfort in the fact that a magic, if I'm young and I'm female, and I'm looking at the real witherspoons and Amy Pullers- I am wrongly assuming, while they're so bold and confident that they couldn't have ever been victimized by this and then finding out like no no level of power really makes you impervious to that. Like us, it was there some layer of comfort knowing like oh my god that happened to you absolutely that so much of the deal right. It's just coming to see each other as humans and and coming to realise how shared our experiences are. Risking this beautiful speech at an award luncheon this past year. You know
talks about like how dismissed and how no one would take her seriously is anything but like a pretty blond actress and now look at the empire, she's building for herself and it's beyond inspiring to be reminded that, like everybody, has the struggle and even to different degrees with different elements and asked obviously back, but it isn't easy for anyone in and no one gets to escape the psychology of this industry and also the psychology of being a woman in this industry and how you have to really fight passed, what you have internalized as a woman about what's possible for you, like for meagre. I've started directing started on my show on superstore. For you, years ago and I knew I wanted to do it, but I was terrified I mean really truly like shaking terrified to ask,
The question in a first show that I was a star on and then I thought I was a producer on from the beginning. Yeah and you know it was like do. I just think not capable do. I think I don't deserve. It- have not worked hard enough really having to figure out like what is this fear. There was a mental block and I remember like I was a said, and these two actors walked on said these two male actors, who were like somewhat known television, stars. I was a highways to meet you, he's doing here like overshadowing to direct? Nor, of course you want on one television show Euro for a couple of preserves in your like you do which is right not to take anything away from that back like such a mirror was held up to might I have made over a hundred and fifty hours and television
like what am I waiting for like I've been working since I was seventeen years old, I've been onsets. I've worked with countless directors like I don't know what I'm waiting for it to be ready, and so really I like did Amy Poehler and texted, EVA Longoria and texted Amber to come in and talk to my friends and said, I'm sure. If I'd and they're like you got this like you're going to be scared, you got this, you can do it and it was like in spite of how scary it was. I had to take that step, but I don't know that I could have a wood of without some level of support and my laying from women around me who had done the same thing and since then I directed several episodes superstore I directed to episodes of hand to find which is showed from IRAN Netflix early. I myself, I was waiting for you to pronounce it first got. Word looks like gentrified me, but I am dislike sick and I dont know hinterland through the play on gentrified hand. There is the word in Spanish for people
It's a made up word that was actually created by activists inside these gentrifying community. So it's essentially kind of active community changing, but by the people from that community. Then it's a very controversial issue, because in a town like boil hide serenely, it's such a beautiful, beautiful neighbourhood actually shot. My very first film I ever did where women have curves was completely shot him boy lights on ok at him, yeah and its changed so much. Hence the desertification of the idea interpretation. Is that, like a lot of young people like myself, who are born and raised, and of these neighborhoods go away, go to college get educated, get access, come home and then open up their own studio or open up their coffee shop, where a bloody Castelo
where's and, and they themselves, like the people of that neighbourhood are part and parcel of the changing of it and also other time is unsustainable in view of its historical kind of traditional routes. And then the people who live there can making it harder for the people who are from their history. is there any way hinder fight. Is that it's a comedy? I'm sure it sounds. Rather, I explain it but it's a comedy with drama and super centred around this family and boil heights, and I'm so proud of it and as a producer to have gone, to create space for two incredibly talented young, letting a voices to come through in this story authentically and have their show. You know beyond Netflix and watched and loved it such a way,
and at a man like I said I got to direct to the episodes which was really awesome now off. Then, when we intervene, someone of color. There is part of me that, thanks if I were in this position at times, I would be like selfishly hey. I just want to enjoy this fucking right because I'm black, I have to now speak on all black issues or or be politically minded or be active in that way or if I'm a woman, I have to take on all these women like what, if I'm just a selfish person who wants to fuck and get paid and live yet there's this kind of baked and expectation. Does that expectation ever feel daunting. It sounds like you run towards that end in really enjoy that, but sometimes I just go like
Oh it's kind of not bear than on top of it being harder to get there once you there. You have this added responsibly. That certainly I dont have you know I'm free to just fuckin make money by cars. You do shit had yeah now I do this for the money. Is that now I'm doing a very much- and I like, I believe, wholeheartedly in everyone's right to be able to just make money by I wouldn't want to do I get it and, in their terms, very few about yeah sure there are moments where sometimes I feel like this is just for fine, where this is just for the love of life doing something silly or whatever it is. Or can I add an ego thing like an ego thing for me: would be ii, drug and within the question about directing it when they say it's great they and then they say as a woman director in it, and then I think why
putting me in these two box, you ass. I fucking directed this great episode of dealing ledges leave it at that. That's like where I would get trigger knife Yeah yeah yeah. You know it's tricky and you're right and it's like it's also about contacts right. It's like who's, putting you in that box and why are people putting you in that box? And you know, since I was seventeen when I started my career, it wasn't something that I was ever going to avoid. You know I was starred in a film called real women have curves and as a brown, overweight, young woman who didn't fit any of stereotypes of like what a leading lady in a form should look like could be like. I realize really early on that, like it was enough to make people were going to cast me as a role model as an example and an at seventeen. That's incredible: daunting oh yeah, scaring, especially when, like I was just a kid trying to figure, my own body issues, and I did The issues and part of this is
two. I am my personality, but I really got so inspired and changed by realizing how powerful storytelling was and get in touch with my own anger and my own desire to see people like me and realizing like oh yeah, I had grown up my whole life, seeing myself in Tom Hanks and in Julia Roberts, because I had to because I had to watch whatever was available to me and say yeah I could be. and I never got to see anything that really looks like me in and as a kid you know, you don't stop to think how that's like deeply impacting you in your view of yourself in the world, but as that older, more awareness grew around mad and then truly more indignation right, so I felt so lucky to have so much access to influence way. Kinds of stories were being told and also just like how certain characters were being
betrayed, you know, since I was seventeen. I've had to walk on sets and say, like I wouldn't say that, You know that sounds dumb or, like I dont connected you know, and learning at such a young age to have to be an advocate not just for yourself but like for a representation of people like you, so I I guess, I'm just power hungry when the power game on life. I will do right with this power but now you know it's obviously about personality, and for me, what felt daunting and scary and like a bird in a more than I it handles early on now feels like my purpose. It's like. Yes, we what what else. Would I be doing with this access that I have gone for myself? If not changing? What are stories? Look like an and also getting too a part of getting millions and millions of millions of people seem- and I know
what that means. I know what it feels like to look out into the culture and feel truly invisible, and I think that the tax it back go far beyond Having a show to talk about it's cool, it's about feeling like you, belong in this society and you know the impact that has on young people. and what they believe about themselves need to go back to myself and like why I feel like I didn't, belong in the directors chair. I didn't see anybody like myself in the directors chair so anyway, and not get too self righteous. It definitely feels like it's. It's a part of my personality to lean into it. As he said, when you were first auditioning, did you already have that sort of sense of self or when your first auditioning, where you like? I just want to go out for the white
for the every person roll, and why does it always have to be a latina role because of a nice are not just knee? I was like I'm not doing an indian accent, I'm not going to do anything stupid with a name like whatever it's going to I'm a whole sure yeah, what Dagger alpine audition Florida and I just ran and the complete opposite direction. I was like I'm not that in it sounds like at some point. You decided smartly that the best way to do this is to embrace it, but was up the beginning or did you have to get there? You were dreaming my very first audition ever I was six. he may be fifteen sixteen, and it was like literally like a late night like cable subscription, commercial or it was like bail, bonds, commercial, kid, your marriage is something done, but it is like my first audition ever ever ever ever ever and I'd like walked in I'm so excited
You know, I'm when a man from the valley I wouldn't like thirty far abutments was growing up like a Spanish is like not that great. So I walked in. I read besides the Greek, and then even the casting director lady was like that's great king You do that again, but sound more latina in areas like What do you do? You want me to do this in Spanish, and you know what I'd do it in English, but, like sound, MA I genuinely was like I've, no fucking idea. What you're asking me to do so. I just liked Did it again the way I speak and and I went to her nose like I am latina, so yeah this. What are latina sounds like an she's just like
do, you think you honey by a you know: I've never got the rush I was so young. I didn't really understand until they you're like. Oh, she just went meet a lake, speak bad English, very tired. Now they now that that's why I think it's actually expired already but yeah for a while. There was like the safe way to say it was to say open, like ok, ray Urban. Meanwhile, like I couldn't be less or about him. If I tracked very early on, I realized, there's gonna be a box here that they're gonna shoot me But you know it wasn't that I was willing to do things that felt debate. And again. This is a personality thing. You know I mean I came from a very, very poor family. Mother was a single mom. Parents were immigrants like I didn't know leg to stand on in terms of like my art. you mean, like I just had to take whatever opportunity, came to me-
but I remember like additions coming through, where even at sixteen I was. I know I'm back. And for the EU now and then there were other opportunities for things. Didn't your perfect, but there are felt like enough there, then I could then go in and might have a conversation about and talk to someone about you and I learned how to work with mostly white men or white women and health. conversations with them about how to make a better decision for the care turn that served them in the long run and how kind of get too, which is like it's a pretty exhaust thing, but was skill to learn at sixteen years old, seventy years old and then at a certain point we as a body you're old woman you're twenty years into this career feeling like
I don't want to have to have those conversations if I don't have to like. I know how to have those conversations, but also I actually We want to see us telling our stories, and I what other people to have to translate like. If I could see my Health and Tom Hanks than why can Tom Hanks see himself in me when you did curves I've shortened to just Herbs doesn't get one guy organs is a good choice. So when you did curves in you went down the oil hides being from the valley. Had you spent any time over there or that was that culture shocked you were you like this whole pocketed. The city is much differently, the San Fernando Valley. It was a little bit of culture. Shockey I mean I remember. I go downtown with my mom, where I see many more latino people. Honduras, my mom sender and yeah, we go downtown d like by things wholesaler. Whatever the thing about Boil hides, that's amazing! Is it
real community with real history and with a lot of fried like the people who live there, have so much pride in their community and in an culture, and you you drive around in there. Are these stunning murals of sees your child in the Lord time, line by line artists, that sort of an russian of art, that felt like closure shock to me, because I had never seen anything like that before and in that way Boil Heights is distorted. That felt like culture shock to me, because I had never seen anything like that before. in that way Boil Heights is the sort of like magical place, anyone stand by the people who are from it defended because we don't have that many spaces that belong to us, that where our art is on the wall, where are music like mighty hatchie plazas like the central Boil Heights, where you know these musicians with the tradition and culture show up. You know it full regalia and are celebrating are piece of culture that
really matters to that community and there a very many places that that exist that are like that. So, yes, it felt like quarter shock to me. The railway, even when you were a kid, was thirty to forty five percent latino right. There were people, like you in San Fernando Valet yeah. Well, yes, I know when I really young. We lived in Canada Park where that was true, There were many more latino and brown faces around, but those were obviously like, not the good stuff they weren't well funded. They were more violence and- so naturally my mama's, like I can't send you guys to school, you have to go to the better schools and we were lucky enough to have an answer to who had money and lived in a nice are part of the neighbourhood. So there was like a small, period were yeah? We like you, used her address to go to the better elementary schools. Apparently in this country you could go to jail for seven years for a bit
surely that an helped us move into a home in that zip code, so we were able to go to some of them better, funded, better programmed, public schools, which obviously meant that it was a wider neighbourhood, because now, where the better schools are, and so I was in a wider and predominantly very jewish neighbourhood- stay to arm chair? If you dare, we are supported, I better help, which is online counselling. Monica yeah, I think so important is very, very important, especially right now, because of your struggling with stress
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the watch with an sees your job as his wife and sees your job yeah yeah there's a potential I would imagine to be like in this nether world of culture right. So it's like you go to boil height. You didn't have that experience. You can view that experience and there you might feel like. Oh, am I not authentically latina enough and then back in Europe, more predominantly white, high school and feeling like not wide enough- and I just know that pain. Yet through many interviews we ve done together, like you know, he didn't feel embrace sometimes by the mexican American Community and, like you, wasn't mexican enough, and yet he was to Mexican to be why- and there is this kind of this like where do I fit in
what what is my niece totally yeah? Maybe you don't belong anywhere and you're, not good enough for anyone. Yes, absolutely that's like my upbringing. In a nutshell, the ban- I did a edited and compiled this book called American like me, which is based on that experience growing up, but you know what I realise, as I grab up with older, was just like. Oh, this isn't like the particularly latino experience. This is so we experienced by so many generation, children of immigrants, your grandchildren of immigrants, in this, country. So I had friends were like chinese american and Filipino American and and palestinian American, and might we talk about our brains were like saying things like were basically all the same yeah, so I actually compiled this book Anders thirty four authors in it and you know People from
During tat time, again to China and Japan like shit. Stories about that experience and ended this is. My book was focused on mainly people who were children of immigrants for immigrants themselves, but you know is an experience. It is also as socio economic experience to die after it can never stop if you choose so like I'm from a pretty lower class blue collar Hill, Billy Redneck, high rate of violence, alcoholism and then, as I ascend through the Socio economic spectrum, yeah, I'm hanging out with much differ even then I go home and I'm I find myself even codes, which he knows a white dude of like oh now and I see my leaders device pernounce pop soda. You know all these little micro things work. I find myself doing so yeah, I think there's so many different layers are opportunities for us to have a duality and its. I guess it's only compare
did ya out when you have more visible indicators. I listened to your interview that you did with I, and I felt like so much of what you were talking about in that I felt really really relevant and similar to like the experience that that I had kind of theirs. There's the ethnic piece of it, which is you know, I'm not american enough. I'm not white enough. I'm not let you know, but then, like you said, is, as you start to become successful and gain access like what does that then mean for your whole identity that from from, like having nothing pleasure like in your mind, you're like I have no idea what I am anyone like. I don't know what I'm allowed to claim on paper, I'm the person I hate. I certainly just like. If you were rich, I hated, I felt less than a round you man.
Did you and then here I am I, by all accounts them now. Rich in my children, are growing up very privileged, like huh. Ok, this is interesting. How do I make peace with all this? That's the thing that I feel is seen tricky is like my children's blind and upbringing is going to be so radically different from the way I grew up and they are like parts of that that I'm super grateful for and then parts of it were like you know. If I wanted to do something in the summer as a twelve year old kid I had to. The bus routes. twelve years old happened, three bus, This is the right hours each way to go, two and acting class I wanted to say, I want you, five male predators these were examined. Was always horrifying, you're like obey out, if you would like their time, do we really like things like that? Where my that's something that we look back and you go, I came
that was questionable whether or not to let your trouble don't do that, but also we didn't have a choice and it's what I did also like. It taught me so much and it gave me great and it taught me how to work hard for things I wanted it MIKE. How do you give your children that experience where You're like I could buy you. a car Oh, I am said a perfectly. They said the challenge of parenting with money. Is that, instead of being able say I want there? Oh, we can't afford that they have to say I could buy them for you and I am not going and I'm not going to I now what especially when you had nothing as a kid and you living vicariously restrictions already agony. Mind daughter has three off road vehicles mother, I was like. I can't even get shit in the garage. Could she is got everything I wanted as yet
No, I dont, like our all I wanted, was like a massive trampoline in my back yard, like my not gonna, get get that for him. Second, second can can jump ass, though it is it's a balance and obviously very, very high class problems to have, but, but I do think it creates a challenge just identity, wise and now I just like, as apparent like, I just want to put the good people went in this world and in it so scary, when you're like
I'm not sure how to do that, because my reality has an adult is so different from what my reality. As a child was MA, am its evolved at, like breakneck pays, my best childhood friend for Michigan his son is now thirteen super good. Looking kid tall, beautiful long hair looks like Robert Plan, I said our girl starting alike em in school, and he goes a year s up some girls end. Some guys do and, as I owe hot dog really in Michigan, like that, therein junior eyes in the boys are saying they like music, oh yeah, and unlike amazing, that would have not been my prediction from where we came from that that could have happened in
thirty years an ear. It it's happened. So it's like whatever you learned in the tricks unite cobbled together. I don't need to know that they apply in so many ways. All that I am not a whole story was using all hot. Now I get past, you just said all dignity guy Valentine's day, You know if you ever worried that that little Dax left you he did not yet another the other michiganders still in there makes me excited. I don't like that. I'd really interesting, like a great aren't, kids, others already. So much more evolved than like. We have a chance at you know, no matter how much therapy we do and so many ways like of what I would have been passing on- is like this code of armour like ok, well, here's what you do and the guy pushes you got a bunch of right now, like all this shit, that tools that urges useless for my kids and I do accept that. Ok, I'm gonna walk through some fun, highlights of your so seventeen, you got curves
and how quickly? After that, did you get ugly body? So we women have curves came out in two and then the next big thing that I did was the sister of the traveling pants ocean. sure sure had made into those above a came out to those five seems like a three year: bread and me: why did we wouldn't have curves and then went right into college When do you see- and I studied in national relations, and I was doing school and then like leaving halfway through this master to do like an independent fell on now like all these independent films and a couple, pilots and still being a full time, stood it, and so that was crazy and you know it. Sixteen awake, like it's been a whole year and I haven't had a job, let you know so dumb, but so really when was two thousand to sisterhood came out in two thousand and five. and then ugly Betty was like right after sisterhood your mom was nervous. Reggie
like yeah acting, that's adorable, but let's, let's get some sustainable. I think, like Monica parents, what we did was there. a reservation for obvious reasons. Yes totally new and also the mom the family thing. It's like saving that for the memoir What do you know where I can think or you're dead, you're dead item two dozen ten right, my dad died in two dozen twelve in so now. I just feel like I have carte blanche to say whatever EL. I want and then I then feel guilty later with your gab right. But lady, I am you, know your mom's alive so well, my mom is abnormally cool. I will say- and I told some story at one point- and I said some stuff about my childhood and my mom initially was a little bombed and then I felt really bad. I apologize to her and then she called me like three days later and you said, what I want you to forget what I said like yours, nor your story? You have the right to tell your story. Don't ever worry about me going
but that's a very rare, very apparent should give their key idea. A very special MA am very lovely. Now I think I have a complicated relationship was my mom and with my family, that I don't talk about asked an end. Mixed up with all that, it's like what's mine to tell you know it's the Kurds. bravery. When I see people telling parts of their story and elements of their story, That involves their family. It scary you don't know what I was going to say just like, culturally and Monica don't know if you went through this too, but it's like there is the one thing of like no one like us makes it in this industry, the chances are so small You know I was a really good student. It was like get you know get AIDS go become a doctor, a lawyer or like just We didn't come in this country for you to be like a starving artists like I am and makes an ear smarts alike go. Do that and the what time? On my ok, I always
The aim is, I always went to school. I took a very seriously and I did what I love and, and so Was the element of people like don't make it, but then the more direct element of people like you, don't make You know you're, not pretty enough you're, not something you don't look like some higher. Your now you know so there was that doubt on top of it, which was like what you could make it if you wanted to turn your of into that thing. for me to say no one, do it and I'm going to do it as the post. but I am yeah. That was conferred to the whole culture into defend your mom for half a second cuz. I have two kids, it's like I'm assuming what she thought she was doing was preparing new for the reality of the world and did not want to see your heart broken, but then obvious,
the accident. We broke your heart by the virus was preparing and protecting which, by the way, is real and end. It is the intention behind what a lot of parents do for them. too, and for their children, but is so excuse for love, fucked up shit parents due to their your own four years cloudy and what is good, there we fear so to your question of light- was this. This wasn't like that well think for for my mother and for my family to like support. No, I think they thought there was a chance in hell that I was going. make it and that, like I, was gonna, make it as the person You know that I have to go into it myself and become something else if I wanted to be successful yeah so now that brings up ugly buddy, my first thought was: I saw boards, that's how it became aware. The choky angels and I started seeing all these billboards in your face was on it
ugly body- and I was like I'm not seen it- I'm not I'm not seeing the ugly Betty part of this embargo me. The cynical me was, like bats Hollywood, that's ugly, again I am sure that the title of that show met way. More than I have a knowledge of, but I would just like that's not an ugly. What is that? What is that You don't make any sense. totally totally and without any contacts. Absolutely that makes sense I mean, for me and again This is one of those scenarios where I could look at something and be like this. Could go a lot of different ways, and this has the potential to be something- we attach and really like, full and, like you sad Hollywood, he and bad messages, wrong messages, but I read it. and learn about this character. Watch the original tv show and saw my perspective, which was like she doesn't kill herself.
Aha ugly, Betty is what the world but she's in calls her and accept this like crazy fashioned magazine a Psycho Belgrade. She works at math and and when you hear the words ugly Betty or for being hot ugly they're coming from these God. For human beings and characters her on it. about like what they see when they look at her the heart and the soul of the show was this, all who knew what people by the people in this particular area. Of her and saw when they looked at her and in spite of it was herself, and it was obviously something that might I could relate to on the deepest deepest level, and I felt like the title to he never was the truth. I'd always a perspective, and the title was somebody else's perspective. But the strength of this character is what
people will understand when they see the show- and I think most people who did wants to show got him like Betty, didn't think of ourselves Betty Betty had a friend Betty was Fucking Guy, You don T want you my time he's late evening would use workin the brazen, but obviously was never ugly area. It was just based on what the expectation of this world, and so for me it was like either we have met before Monica, like you kind of he was available to you and your choices are to say, like note not for me, walk away, which I've done before, or you have a choice, to look at something and say hold on this matter and be what the person who wrote this intended, but I see something different, an I e the possibility and the potential to like take a title. To take a stereo type and to deepen it, and if I can do that successfully
What would the power of that be an that's hard? It is not easy to do that, but I feel I have had no choice in my career because, as you, the men and ass. Tina really for the majority of my career, the people writing those rules were not people like me. They were people putting on to these characters their perspective away, and it was up to me to come. Men and work really really hard to advocate for that character, and could more space for more humanity, more dimension and that's not true the best possible in every room. It's not and not. Everybody has the power and set to do that. I have been extremely lucky to have the opportunity to be the starving we show or the start of a movie and say this doesn't work for me. It's very evolved and takes a lot of, I think personal, maybe or not give yourself of credit for the amount of like personal integrity. It takes because in
acting. All you want is a job. It's like you'll, literally cut off your left hand for a job. When you get it, it feels like to say anything to them about. Well, this is good, but maybe we could do it like this, or this doesn't resonate with me or I'd. I would never say this. That is very hard to do. I think it's amazing that you took that on and were able to say like yeah, I'm going to say yes, this knowing not going to do it in their way. Yeah yeah. Now everyone loved ugly you are golden globe. You want an and Emmy you on. You want at all was that the swedish spot of the journey was that like having dropped? No, no! No! It's not the head shaking now. I just want imagine know if mom had some doubts and you dropped out of college, which you I'm sure, even you had some fear about the band the show that's it hit and that you're winning award or was it didn't, feel very validating, or did you feel vindicated?
I mean, of course, on one hand for us all loved this character loved this world loved. My cast, I have a feeling that, like oh this character and This story is so needed in the world right now. I just have a got instinct that it is going to speak so strongly to so many people, myself included, and then to see that happen? I mean it's best when ever to be like? Yes, I followed my god. I followed my instincts about a big the whole that needed to be filled and great. you know I loved every minute of being I really did it was so much work is maybe the hardest work I'll ever do in my life, but I loved it. The law and the whirlwind that happened around it was challenging and exhausting and my whole life changed. The other debates
Miss element is that we are reviewing the being wasn't really the being came as it was then what it did to my personal relationships, what it did to my familiar relationships. Are you know, I'm working twenty hours a day on onset and then like having to navigate everybody else's projections of what's happening to me. You know not everyone else like strangers on an instrument, like my family like like my siblings, like you, my husband who been now been with for fifty years appetite we ve been together one year, has a big ride to take. We ve been together one year and then do everything changed, so that was crazy. This guy that I really like, but, like I don't know, M forty three days on it and he's working I mean, like you know, is this going to survive? This was a partner. It could trigger a lot of fears over the jail for nine years when I started working and now in retrospect
there's no way bought for that. So I got pretty self important, pretty quick epic ice. All of a sudden, we had been daddy Well now I made all the money that was dynamic lay. There is a lot of new dynamics that I didn't really have any one ask advice from an oar. Couldn't humble myself enough to ask your advice, but I certainly did terrible job navigate totally, because its hard, and so when you asked the question, might a winning these words with this like the sweet spot? And it's like you, on one hand, it's what an amazing experience that how many people get to live that and who knows, if I ever get to live it again, but there was so much drama, and so many challenging things happening in my personal life and also I was a kid I was. I was we need to twenty three years old and all and still figuring out, like what matters to me and what was portance me in and also when the that you were straw,
for your whole life, and in your local, but I still feel an area of feel not secure, and I still feel like a hack and I feel like people. Learn this about me. I said this in an interview before so it's not breaking news, but I haven't said it. Many times but when I won the m, I can't bring myself to go back and watch that because The only thing I remember about being on that stage, accepting that Emmy was the feeling. No one in the room thought I deserved it and guy that's a shit, What was your narrative? What were you thinking? They were thinking like doesn't really deserve that? What is she really doing in that role? That role is not interesting enough. It's not dark enough. It's edgy enough, like you know all the bullshit of Latvia has like oh, she got it cause it's a good story, not because she does did you like, with which you know
enter your mind on its own. It's like they were. people in my life sort of perpetuating those narratives and and making me feel like ahead at this moment was somebody born in your life are probably getting very scared that you're going to outgrow them totally are subconsciously. Trying to lower use now leave em right very unhealthy now that responds to the yes, and so you know when I look back at that time, my heart ached for that, twenty two year old girl who, like didn't get to really, enjoy those areas and hide it in like, as at thirty six year old on one hand, maybe those moments would mean less at this point in my life but on the other hand, keep them in context of, like my whole life, but I have a full whole life, and this is a part of it. First, is being a twenty two year old, where overnight, this being in this character,
his journey and this career moment was everything yeah yeah noon and night and your whole identity almost yeah It's too much, there's no perspective. There is no context. There is no. Rounding up especially when the people around you are acting like children to figure out when there is no one around you saying like everything's gonna be ok, so it's complicated yeah. I am They too arm chair there. We are supported by stamps dot com. Now, for all of our sakes, we need to avoid crowds anyway. We can right now, but what if you need postage to send out letters and packages, dont worry stamps dot com is here to help anything you can do at the post office. You can do it stamps dot com, you can print postage, undermine and skipped those lines and crowds at the post office plus you can actually save money. Would discounts that you can't even get
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You can stop worrying about life insurance and get back to bake in your own bread, adopting a fairy friend or just being a kind inconsiderate human so with ugly buddy ended. Did you have sophomore musician fear like did you beat? Did you feel this incredible pressure of like? Oh, I gotta choose perfectly yes identity crisis. I started Betty when I was twenty one linked one year, your child, oh yeah, I am I getting worse yeah, and I think I handed it to the best of my ability and I've always been a mature but It's a very weird experience. They have to grow up and find yourself in that circumstance, and so you know in a way when I came out of ugly Betty and ugly buddy ended. There was all this growing that I needed to do as a human being on the job. so consuming. You must push paws on your development right,
It's so heartily hardly add that there is no time to like make mistakes and learn things. This is like so shameful, but I think born ability can be a powerful thing, and I say this just because you don't talk to your point of like what people's perception of of success is verses. What it feels like. I actually had the thought- and I think I said this out loud to my best friend when Betty ended. I was terrified that my friend wouldn't love me. I was an honest shell because I went and like that is like that? Wasn't it sure fear that I had that like home The show was over and the people that I had made proud like, wouldn't have a reason to. Let me anymore
ass. When you get into fucking therapy like when you're like figures than shit, you were lucky for you. That was your conclusion because of where many actors- that's not it is they have read back on the hamster wheel and try to you now actually unique that someone. This is not a desirable outcome, I shoot me feeling this land. I need to figure out how to solve it internally, as opposed to externally. totally and I was lucky enough to have Some really amazing friends around me and wonderful human beings to really helped me through it and helped me see myself, and you know some people are lucky enough to have amazing families and amazing family members, who are their rock n and help them evolve,
help them feel safe and secure, and some people aren't. You know, and I and I feel so lucky that I was able to kind of create a support system of friends and people who were so amazing and helps me really find myself in the midst of like an industry and a time it's just not set up to do that. For you, you know everybody ended ten years. ago. Yesterday, a while. I would a decade which is crazy, funny, because ten years later, I am now saying goodbye to superstore, which was like the next thing on whatever my career patch and had five glorious, magnificent, wonderful, fine, fulfilling, amazing years on superstore and I feel great. About moving on an end, the differ. between what it feels like to be making a choice about what I
one and what I need at this point in my life and an how how on tethered and was scared and how in secure, I felt tenure Go to me it's like that's the success, like that's the win that gap that's the thing that I'll make a likely you see in the mere you like Could you imagine if, ten years later, I was as scared today as I was when ended like that would be the tragedy To me like, regardless of success in your words and reviews, and how successful was that show winded. Do people love it into people still talk about it. It's like no, my personal successes that I now know my value and I know I'm a bad ass it I know. Regardless of what ends there will always be more for me because it's coming from inside me and you're. Looking for other people like validate me from I'm a greedy little piggy, is it hard to wipe out the waving, steady, paycheck quarters whispers?
he's a kid who grew up with nothing either live. There is always a voice like what you think you are walking away from money and what yeah job we almost feel you're gonna jinx yourself, don't you I do sometimes, if I say no to that money, I'm gonna lose everything totally in and who knows what my next, but that's that scares the mentality that keeps us small right right. It's such a double edged sword, because to go back to when Betty ended. Like I stopped having a dog walker, like you, know my making money for four years, I was fine like I could afford to like.
take a year offer not make any money for a year, and literally like the week after Betty ended. I fired by Don T like the poor girl inside who would like our own together. Coins were Mcdonald's. Cheeseburger was like oh hell. No, I, like money, is not coming in medicines going now, but if that doesn't change like a bad scarcity, mentality doesn't change to fit the reality. Then Europe ways are small could be. Thinking about my possibilities in the same small. Terrified warranted way that I used to think about them like that, would just be doing a disservice to all the everything, but I built for myself in Bulgaria it be dishonor in it some young. Now, what are you gonna do Next, there is a number of things but, like I said it's like we're in the midst of this global, you know the thing that
like nobody knows how it's gonna impact the global economy, how it's gonna impact our country has got impact our industry. So like sure, I have plans, and- and phone calls. You know all day about those plans. But I am also humbling in this moment to realise, like nobody knows anything so can see loosely that I love directing, and that is definitely a path that I wanna keep pursuing as director your brain is firing like all day and and its great and it's fun in its exciting is very different from showing up rolling wearing eggs and holding a coffee cup and being like railway staff. You know every did so sooner acting continuing to produce executive produce at develops, television shows with other really exciting writer
and and continuing to act, and so all of those paths are still interesting and exciting to man and like I said yes, there are things that I'm building, but who knows, what's gonna happen in the next year or so ago. So my last going in his eyes we back the greatest thing of the last decade. I mean I love you, What are these migration or I wouldn't Second reason. I literally watch like in a whole like I didn't move. sat down and watched all six episodes, lady, one go yeah inspirational, unlike upsetting We also need, as the add my ultimate compliment, I can give people is like I start hating them half way at all. I can't compete with this. I dont have this level of talent and any of the departments. Isn't that so awkward like as an artist where's such Is this a Agnes like? I went from being like oh my god. I love her. She so funny she so funny I lever MIKE how old is she
He's gonna work. You man, like I hate her. That's me and Donald Glover, unlike awesome, so poor, your music, perfect way and is one of the best shows ever and now wonderful good, for you So I'm not above petty rivalry with people who don't even know mining and say I am with you: will America you're so wonderful and joyful to talk you? I hope we can do in person. time yeah! I totally. I was looking for theirs? I love. I love the show, and I've listened to somebody episodes and- and I I have to say, like I don't know that much about like your body of work but from the outside. I just wouldn't expect you to be such like a thoughtful soulful I feel like a really bad not knowing you at all perspective in the world, and it was like such a pleasure to discover your podcast Buick. Oh my god. I love how did you are and vulnerable and honest and Monica you make him better
Ah, it's much better yeah. I think the broadcasts answers the question for a lot of women like oh, I now I kind understand one person's: we and had been Amerika we love you. We hope to talk to you again and good luck with this new baby. I'm excited for you to have a little subway sandwich in your bed. Again: Thank you and now my favorite part of the show the fact check with my soul maiden mama got bad men miracle. Who was wonderful, Canada, so much so smart, so cookie so cookie. I love cookie love cookies homage. Yes, she was grey, I'm so where we gotta it took, it took awhile she's. A busy bee is busy. She is
so we had to seize the pandemic. If you well what we ve got lucky with a few folks, yes endemic yeah, we ve got off the phone with somebody that we would normally blind every moment, go hardy, it's your birthday see you ve anyway, so American, lovely and I wanna be best friends with her. I want to talk to her about all kinds of things. She seemed like she would be in Euro, like aspirational, camp people, you'd like to be yeah, yeah, she's speaking, some truths that I think need to be broken about, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, and maybe this is the first I had, oh facts, zero, zero facts. It is like our opinions. I mean it was a lot of introspective thoughts, as opposed to fact now, I'm not saying that I didn't miss any there's, I'm sure a few that
got through the sifting screen. Yeah Pollack has. I was so interested in re. Listening that I may I M not it is fine. I occasionally that. Often, when it's like a really dense person here- and I don't mean densely d- dense, like they were pedantic in their breath of knowledge. Yeah that, while a viewing them unlike swim, as fast as I can keep up with them and I can't really enjoy them and then I'll listen to them, and I can this was and is a listener. That's nice, alma ata level since person top yet I'm editing, I'm listening very intently, Lincoln listening for alms and yeah? That's it. unless the name for her humped, so it very rare for me to feel like? Oh, there were ten minutes where I wasn't listening value added. Exactly who dream most yeah, that's mail! and some sorry I miss facts, but
felt when I was directing Bradley Cooper and certain scenes and hidden I would just be watching in the manner and I'd forget de L cock, as I literally just get sucked in. I thought I was watching a move, the earth summit in Rio, and I owe gown source the yellow card. I think the scenes over that very killed, so there's that now what sort of sifting screens, I just said it got through the sifting screen. Ok, what thoughts you have when you see it by the way they mine for gold any thoughts. I have thought on those things and I have no thoughts on that. Ok, Well, I have to imagine it's probably the most tedious job on planet earth, Because they're going through like millions of cubic yards of material yo, yeah, fine, like two fuckin specks goal. I guess it's worth that tobacco gold, when you just think about things that year, like Pre, disposed to be good or bad
that were on the opposite of whatever that is. I need like an immediate return and gain on any effort put forth. I trust I am like tedium. My kryptonite, that's funny. I was just asking someone with their kryptonite was today who everyone has at least one piece of corruption ahead eyes Ivan pieces. You can be kryptonite his axe. What I'm not a DC historic, My memory of it is is he's from the planet, Krypton, Superman HA and on this planet. He didn't have superpowers. You know that I didn't. I know nothing, I have something to do with our gravitational field in some other aspects that make Mr Superman super here. So the kryptonite the trunk of the planet and when they bring in around him it neutralizes superpowers that I was at the. U S is giving them, but that the earth we deliver me yes, our
c, o o there there's a really interesting metaphor about that. If you think about I've, never thought about it, but we do One conversation, I don't know if we re told it on here in an interview and I don't want to belabor the point talking about the potential of going to Atlanta for alive show and how that would be hard for you as going to Detroit was hard for me because people I knew in childhood or their seeing me, and it just brings up all these thoughts of like anticipate or who, without only there's a neat. For what one remind her sad yeah, where you came from your down, neutralizing use, you rose, we will leave their home, become a new identity and away from their family and then when they go run their family, they have to reassume that identity, and sometimes there is discomfort in that and then like what they leave their tongue. and they become something else. Yeah guess kryptonite is kind of like what humbles you really do
did they knew? That was the metaphor. Hardly their smart, whose day the cartoon orders I don't think a cartoon unease. Is these smile of course stand. Liese, proud was probably quite break. I guess it's just you. deep for a comic book? Guess what do I know? My comical exists? Is why comic people. My love answer very well but a great metaphor yeah. I was about the person like in high school, who was, like a wallflower and then they become fancy and successful. And then, when they go back to that high school reuse, they have the all these fantasies right where they're gonna show everyone that third, this person, I bet the second they get around them. They feel like oh, of course, of course, lab and you I've never gone. I think I have possibly assessed what my motivation, to go to my school reunion would be here, and I decided that wasn't a good motivation to go somewhere.
So, yes, I was tempted to like parade through my high school you couldn't, even like lawyer, aid and point to every girl. I like that, didn't like me inside you should a like me. That is no reason to go somewhere. Yet the ego is so fucking stupid. for my high school tenure reunion, I literally had the fire of some bears no way, but I had the thought: I'm not successful enough to go back yet aha, aha, by the way I at my tenure, I had the same thought so embarrassing, but now I feel good and that I'm not like. Oh, I can go now like. I don't feel that I don't know you I feel like. Oh, that was so damn I should have gone. I should have seen my friends and, I should have said hide all those people who I never get to see and what waste. I have to
I'm just gonna guess at some percentages here I have to imagine the high school reunion thing. Only like thirty percent are just thrilled. The Oh they're, in like these had this great experience in Cameroon to catch up with everyone. I have to mention the others. Seventy percent is going in there, either feeling like they ve underperformed or they over perform, which is like one and we put in a situation where yet evaluate whether you over Lord, who is big enough to go if they feel like baby underperform. If you feel like you just perform the great, I think you'd go and you be like sure, but if you feel like you have- There are performed and it takes a really big person to still show up, and I did feel that at the time. Yes, I agree your people went fancy cars, the driver unions, it, but you know it really. I talked about on here. What I really did, why was it junior high Reunion a year. You tried it
you tried to make- why are you realize it was whatever that Ninetieth year anniversary, raise seventh grade, in two thousand and two and even went so far as to call the junior heinsius when she calls for rent the place and one at the party there, and then I guess I didn't execute. yeah? That's really what happened. I just ran out of momentum authority and I never pulled it off, but I really would love a junior high reunion again in junior high, I was among the thirty percent. The just would love to see everyone. I had a great time. I got often approve, one see everyone re, but I don't have the relationship with high school, see that's what's weird and even more sitting. Is there so many people that when I go home, there were quick starters so, like they had left school, they went to Michigan State this one asshole in particular it totally dislike. He went down a North Carolina South. Can you get some job right where he is like a count manager sought Medina?
big bummer. Well, in my experience to like at the ten year reunion, there were a handful of guys that were quick starters so, like they had left high school, they went in Michigan State this one s home, particularly totally toy dislike. He went down Caroline or south. Can you get some job right where he is like a count manager, someone? I know nobody may well. Let's say it was like a hundred fifty Granier and every one of my I knew about it. He was crushing lasting oranges, gulf to my fucking eyes. Go watch escape peacock around. There could be proud of them, I'm not in what I turned out to be a piece of shit, but he was a quick start to look for a minute like he was crushing captain of this sports team and those brushing of its very compassionate but Oak Billy. I have no compassion for this, for certain person is not interesting, so my insecurity
ere. I will pull over and help anyone deal with flat tire of a good track record of this at below, right by him of our entire oh yeah. What it is like oil. What do you do? That was so everything I hated about job popular culture is like a bad toxic masculinity, fuckin boy, two guys piece of shit here. Any Polly had a lot of reasons. For being all there is probably a bunch of stuff underneath that caused him to be that your own and now is an adult person. You could have some compassion I've in his report he sued for the grapevine eggs there still hold onto some grudges. People might say that you might most certainly do isn't that a bummer, don't she wished, they could be evolved enough to know that people can change and even help them do that there are people words like me for a myriad of reasons, so
them warranted some of them not an I'm fine with that, I'm not fight with the ones who I owe apologies to for sure, but the ones you hate me cause. I wore pony tales and I put a I warhead bands and I had long hair and I dressed as Tinker Belgium, the school play like those people that hated me cause. I was not afraid you fuck with the gender norms stuff was. There is a good deal of them? I don't give a shit if those people dislike me or not right ray. I just mean you're involved enough to know that people aren't who they were in high school. So he didn t have a little more compassion for maybe who they ve grown into or who they're trying to grow into may be would would be nice. Evolved heard of me I aspire to it, but that the Roma guys, who screamed you're a fucking faggot to me, as I ran by my Tinker Bell outfit during the play. I'm fine with
this guy's, not like me, I mean I don't need any closure with those guys. I mean just sounds like the opposite of everything. You sail a time Oh yeah, I just told you I aspire to I have no moral high ground in this, right. I'm telling you I am being very trite. now, leave is holding resentments. Would you always say is: was cancer yeah yeah, you know. In truth, I dont everything about. I'm thinking about those guys right now we're talking about going to high school reunion. Thinking about the big group, guys who was yelling you fucking faggot at me, and yes, I don't have any compassion for them in this moment, but I don't ever think about them in bed at night yea. I am now make sense. Ok that kryptonite, tedium tv on anything adding that law anything's Edith a mouth like died, the notion of sifting through ninety nine point, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine May nine percent of something different. Something nothing worth that I was. Is there anything worth that I'm trying to think the?
One thing I would dig through at that proportion is to get my kit. From somewhere. I would I would look all seven billion humans on blander than the face to find my children, of course, and that's what I feel about tedium ambivalent. Now I don't like it. I do not like it either is dependent What the reward is you now? Will you you're the viewer like except it's a bunch of times we have taken on projects that were much bigger than I was his yes, and then you literally have to get into like a buddhist mindset we're like one panel at a time, I'm gonna paint one panel at a time. I'm not gonna think but all the panel's that I have to pay an event that talk of myself. Obliged really are all I mean circle back to where we were just talking about with less editing the show and listening to a can be readily tedious Ross
cause. I will have spent ten minutes and I've gone two minutes in the show and it's like. Oh my god like there is no there's no end. It can start to get there. you, like overwhelming in your hair, so you do have to like very much compartmentalize, as you say, and just go like literally second to second, when you and I shared one experience which was you're in it. but you are part of a lot of it was I decided I'm going to paint the fence around the new house point is this. I would like to help paint that fuckin friends, I'm not gonna, hire somebody paint this fence hi. How long did it take the pain offence? My goodness, the fences like I think I figured out was like three hundred and some feet long and there is a God. Damn post every four inches hurry up and there are so many moments where I would like, if I think about what a little of a dent I've made in this fence in three days I'll kill myself. Oh yeah
You remember that of course, remember remember very well. I think, but about it every time I drove by that France, it was Harbin. Is that specific job, because it had a lot of layers like you? First, we had to go through the every single post and cleaner scrub fraud, grape it scrape yes and it that in itself was horrible. If it was man then to go back and spray pay. or wipe it offers the only name, ass wire, bristle, brush work yet then paint it and then layers. I dont member have now coats yeah. And then maybe there was like a seal layer may be at our, but that purpose it was like, oh, my god, even once you made it through once you weren't dawn. you haven't even barely started, and that was all don't make me do that You would never now and also I will tell you
and then I was like. Why are we doing this? Like can we just hire someone did you have the money to do that and this is wasting all of our time. So I do think unless it's something that I feel that I must do myself or the end result will be worse. You I'm happy to like Oh there's, no way that we do a better job than a profession that the area we ve been eliminated and waste F emerges was I Don T like my it only as someone who does a lot of the shitty work yourself for the things I am the app, because my dad did none of his map maintenance- I guess, is probably woods. having the whole thing yeah. Why do you always have killed about having this big house it? So you feel like you have to like, earn it somehow or something you're sure were also I do.
you, like I just said I do every time it dry by the fence. I got out of hand ever, do you think about it? The attic, the fact that no one was involved. I just tore that wall only I'm. It looks like shit, there's fucking cords hanging, but am I going to handle the whole thing in giving you want to do? I get self esteem out of that? but for some reason fills me with everyone has different ripe factors. I guess yeah, there's something. I'd turn up someone else that you would never yet again. I think because for me it's things that I feel the rest, I won't be as good. The non yourself yeah yeah, donwell, em, right, maybe well and right, but not as good. There is a difference yeah anyway, that's really off America guy. Well, yes, I wish we had said some facts without relics we had plenty of time.
About one always written at school, I hated about those guys. I still don't like yeah. It's ok, if you dont like them. I just I just don't want you to be holding onto something. That's old for no reason year I am also aware of the fact that, like I wanted a lot of attention and that's the price we pay for one in a lot of attention, I deserved it It's what you get me don't deserve to be called me names, and now no one deserves that right it's like there's a reason. People are afraid eleven. Loud, and this is the reason we choose about thirty kinnock- shocked, that's the result. I guess that's what I'm saying it's not like. I was doing nothing keeping my head down in the sand and then I got you know me I'm, but still is this not an excuse for people to treat others horribly year? Not nice. You guys you aren't really nice. I announced the guy's a real me. Forget me: probably don't listen at a spot, they might tell you don't know. That's true people change
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