On this special episode, we revisit some of our favorite moments from 2019.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome. Welcome, welcome manager at your miles to the armchair expert best of two thousand nineteen show yes, and we should say I best of your one was in February because that was our anniversary of our making it a you. Just a yearly irregular calendar year, Besta, okay, so about the fiscal calendar or the school calendar, exactly okay. So what does that mean, though, be some some best of that were already on the best up? I don't think so them are from two thousand and nine t write em, maybe there's a couple. Overlap. I can remember who knows the bottom line as it has been a phenomenal year for us. Yes, so much love and thanks to everyone that listens to show last year, I mean really really really. We love you yeah, so grateful never were all incredibly
credibly, lucky Wabi, while Monica nigh that you guys listen gas for eternally grateful. We ve had so much going out on the road this year we had, we had so many fun shows, since it was so wonderful meaning in Ultimately, what do we mean? Lobby was fifty thousand armed Jerry's more than a year somewhere in that range la just, the most beautiful group of people. We feel so grateful and honoured that you guys like what we're talking about in relate to it and it makes us feel more connected in less alone. To have you guys enjoying the same stuff we are, and now we hope you loved two thousand and nineteen, and we hope that you will stick around for two thousand twenty. Montgomery Dream. Guess for two thousand twenty next year amending hailing should come on. Donald Glover should come up Europe, who else a lot of Obama should come. Oh, my yeah, both of them Michel, should come separately for
Emma separately and together? Yes couples. Warm and signals were exactly. There will be like couples therapy where you first talk to each person individually and then bring a man. That's right, Wabi one, a dream guest. Tom York, think, oh ok, you even only that is Monica now Radiohead they get it. Yet! That's right! Yeah! I got it some really good, so stuff too, and then mine, Brad, Pitt, Channing Tatum care. You boys, we do in all yours a couple more just fun ones will Smith. I just people live one instagram and I want to argue Shaquille, O Neil, I would love to Wilson and always people who brought me so much joy to survive scanning through my answer ground the air. We will everyone to come on. We want everyone, everyone you're invited. We love you so much happy new year, happy marriage, this, all the other salutations
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is of yours is on Dyslexia. I am dyslexic. I had grown up with the knowledge that oh yeah you're, twice ass, likely to go to jail if you're wrong be imprisoned if you're dyslexic, but then you revealed you're also twice ass, likely to be a ceo. Can I is it doing roughly right. Buddy labelling, yours you're, met conceptually get his career. Hers wrong is already so maybe it's a curve. It's like disliked. Eggs are overloaded at the tales of the curve, more them in prison, more of them super. I achievers, whereas ninety six, are a normal belcour with most of the people in the middle, and I found that to be very comforting and wonderful as a dyslexic in there story. You articulate
You getting live on Airbus, I'm so happy that you're here you talk about this stuff. All the time you are getting. It probably allow wrong glad we're gonna get all the answer time, but I think I would I interpreted that point was: is struggles in coping mechanisms in and having to strengthen other aspects. I can be of great value in your life. My friend David Epstein, over this brilliant buckled range I use the phrase in his book strategic difficulty, David and Goliath. I talk about desirable, guilty in both these similar notions of it, too hard? It's a problem, give too many problem you can't get ahead and if you have oh problems? It's a problem, young right you! What you want is something that that in the courts so being channel, the right amount, yours force be resourceful, you will learn things in a more profound way. You will invest
nature own strengths and weaknesses. More aggressively was all kinds of good things that happen from, and I feel like the reason that such an important point is that a lot of people think that what Preparation for excellence is, is the removal of different. In writing. I want to give you the very very, very best endowed overly resourced environment imaginable. Allowed articles Randal want that you, you wanna, have something that you have to wrestle with. and I was like I don't ever want to be- a dishonest or cheat or lie. You know what I mean like. I want to be a and I wanted to be independent, so I never have to rely on a man, because that was my father, and that was what men look like the other issue is that my brother died when he was nine and swore to me like on our last night. You know
he was coming back and he now and he said I will never leave you with these crazy people. Referring to my parents. He was the oldest and I was the youngest, so we were bookends and works of you there, and so he was like my first crush Montague anyone hiking in the granting of loans and Jackson, oh yeah, and then he fell off a cliff form that was pretty brutal ever and until I met this psychiatrist. Who actually interviewed on my Netflix show. The fur episode. Unlike early education and adolescent brain development, he listen to me that, like you know one something like that happens when your nine years old you, you get stuck you're stunted from that age. Because you have to wrap yourself up, so you don't feel the pain my father fell apart. My mother fell apart. Everyone just retreated into their own corners and
until somebody said you as a nine year old you? U digestive that as rejection, he rejected you, he went off and found another family. He cared about something more than you yeah value. This trip weirdly more than you really wasn't careful carefully. Tommy's gonna go back. Me lie to me so my nine year old head that was, oh you never trust man. They will always lie to you, even though I was like it so obvious, but yet until you do that work in my kind of talk to someone who is a professional and studies that realize. I was acting like a nine year old with regard to any man. So back, What we're talking about the beginning, how men or fuckin scared of media I'm fuckin cared about a hundred percent, so its rejection before you get rejected, which is obviously like class, a whatever you know, typical textbook behaviour, but jobs to hear it from some one that has nothing to do with your life, because I think you know for me. I'd ever wanted to go to therapy and really dig it up, because I thought I was too smart. Unlike that's not, I know my mother died. I know have problems, but whatever its
working, I'm strong. You know I've my shit together. I've got a career. I've got everything I wanted in my life, my friends, my family, blah blah blah. You know to hit forty and all the sudden go what the fuck is going on. Why am I acting like this, but it was so worthwhile to like actually have fashion, all that you're paying you know I like that exchange burden. People with my problems. I want somebody to get money for a visa and I was- you know a very sensitive- continue to be very sensitive person, and I looked back at that, though, and my goal was so to be liked. It's amazing how these people we're not kind to me, but I so desperately wanted them to like me. I must
a dog returning to its vomit Siena's agenda since, like you shit on me, but I'm gonna make it my goal for you like me, and so I became all things to whoever anybody want it right now It's amazing how like even told this one girl so awful but She had this tragic thing. Someone died very close to her. This is what I was knew the school. I want so bad for her to. Like me, I told her. My sister had died away. The role played by the way she could care less, but I had to live rested on my experience with her thinking. I had a dead sorrow had your way like I M just like the depth of that openness of wanting heard this popular girl to lay heavier. How unbelievably selfish nurses embedded ought to do that somebody, but just coming from a place of like like me, please, if you like me than theirs,
like me. It'll domino effect. I have found myself over the years, not even cause you and I are friends. But because I recognise, I feel, like words coming from, I've always felt very defensive of you, because you you'd seem to trigger people yeah you treat, people in it drives me bonkers. It really drowsy monger says I think, because in sobriety are made focus is really kind of isolating. What are our fears, because our fears are are basically driving this ship in until you understand what you're afraid of you- and I can understand what coarser on right so this is the one that mad at you to me. It seems so obvious. Oh there's something about her when they look her. They feel less them, which is their issue in a sad issue, a terribly sad issue for that person, but they ve been a cup of tea.
Over the years. Where am I, You guys are so mad. She said this like a conscious uncovering that became the fires storm right now and I remember thinking: why is everyone's? What is going on, but that's not even you didn't make up. Come now been coined, I think, in the seventies and at such a beautiful concept right. It's like you know your staring down the barrel of a divorce. Your worst outcome possible, especially you know I my parents were married to my dad died. I'm all my best friends have been friends with from elementary school. Middle school are all their parents. First were married and they all married like college or high school person there all still married. You know that I just didn't come from a world where there was a lot of divorce and, as I de around inserted knew that we were. This was happening, and I thought you know I'm gonna try to collect
little data around or how children have been impacted by divorce and again hurried over used. The word would be intentional about avoiding knows common pitfalls like what are the common deems here, that we see in the most common wound that I heard from children of divorce. Was you know my parents? couldn't be in the same room and couldn't be friends, and it took three years it eighteen years. It took you know, God forbid. The death of close family member for them to sit at the same table, and I just thought like. I wonder if there is a way to circumvent dot and just go to the directive, to the point where four friends and we remember what we loved about each other and constantly acknowledge that we created these two incredible human beings together. Aren't we combing old, our dna or family? That's it! So we pretend or not and hate each other, and you know, drop a kid under the driveway and not come in or like. Let's try to read,
vent this by ourselves, and so I think the time honestly. I was in a lot of pain. It was so difficult if Balikh such a failure to me and it was so hard, and I was so worried about my kids. So then there was a whole other layer of like the world. Turning on us about saying, essentially or just wanna be nice to each other and try to stay ever going to end. It is without a tunnel wreckage, no wreckage an end. It was you know cause I already felt like. I had no skin on you know year, but as as happens to me in my life and alike, by partner recognition. I can see that I, I think the hope Being here is to try to optimize, you yourself as much as possible. A b is accountable for your shit is possible, like stretch yourself grow ya. Do the uncomfortable thing like in the name of something bigger and more beneficial for your family? Are your community and-
Sometimes I've said things and it's been too early in the culture or whenever earlier and Ok, like you know, of course, sometimes I ve gotten my feelings heard, but then I Iowa, thank. You know. I really feel like I do things from of being in integrity, not that I don't make mistakes, but I try to align my words in my actions as closely as possible here, but I think at the end, When you really believe in what you're doing it doesn't resin aid in a way that like breaks, you apart, you know cause you believe in what you're doing my wife loved you guys, because I know you're not past tense, but she So I respect you so much cause. I needed this right now here. I beaded that someone like you yeah
we share this in common. That, like my identity, is very turn, I especially publicly right In your identity is very much you in bath area, so you the one layer of just heartbreak a losing your best friend in your wife in your partner. That's That's identity, shattering, growing menu have you're a thing. You guys are. One thing then you gotta now. Imagine what your identity is without a half of you right, then that's gotta be terribly Frightening well and I googled it. You did and its as you adapt you get smarter she's to tee. You stop me from the cradle from eighteen years. Old tissues. Fifty one, I don't it's all those little tiny order shift at a restaurant because I like I'm not old,
turn on myself. Ornament nobody's gonna, look mistrust of the girls go fuck dogs, Vietnam, is blind, or he wants to be seen that sways gotta, light on how we d area, you Know- and I dont know- and then I am afraid to say two Gillian Julian. What are you so? What doing is listening to my brother, David or someone else, table. Where do you want go you go first, then I'd like archive solar yeah I'd get better, but it's like I depended on. For so much yeah that you're right, I am fully aware of it until it's gone like saying now: reduced prices in Europe, people stress, like you, strong, and then when you're all alone or you wake up, and you go two minutes doubt realize that she's got many feel like shit. You feel guilty right, yeah, oh shit! This morning I got up. The alarm went up. That I said. Oh, my freaking phones and then I'm like in the bathroom and like I'm going to get a shower Agno. I got coffee at Starbucks last night everything is okay.
Are they gonna take it also like facts here? Sorry because you know it's what a terrible shit. What are the Bible says that the last enemy that shall be whipped is death? I met fuckin team, when he does not want to be right there, because it is fricking hard. I a dream. I have visions. She's in Heaven and she looks up my God. Big daddy. Love here. Look at all the animals like, but look good rather corner. Where are they now and then water in the garden looks exactly the same water, and eyes this snake upon her boots and she We try to sneak up on me, but I'm a magic can do that's right all almost every day, and so I went it's true I laughed goes victory. Would he's so long and start cried saw what I've said and when I'm developing is way. Tc dog without Beth
I swear to God up where the seat belt oh surrogate, however, and I dont get it front of a train, but I a dinosaur Am I a lot of reasons I didn't grafter certain people or go to them doors? Is that not the fear of death, but what it I believe were alone Rhine bright and she finds another man, maybe it's better to her than me Did she marries a pact that I know more I am not afraid to die. You know, the fear is gone. If it happens, it happens.
Good? the work we are doing that brought you to me. Engine is very,
so I'm gonna wanna. I want to say right now kind of what your work is and then I want to go conical back and for your how we got there ah well. What I mentioned in my TED talk was that in my role in my clinical practice, when I started this clinic in this, neighbourhood in San Francisco. What I quickly discovered was that there was an exposure that dramatic The increased my patients risk of long term health problems and that we're talking about very high doses brain we're talking about. People, the risk of heart disease, triple the risk of lung cancer and a twenty year difference. Life expectancy, and so if this were some packaging, chemical or some BP, like a gazelle by Lee, lag, pull the shelves in a minute like and by the way, it's not only harmful, but something that two thirds
Population is exposed to, but it turns out It's not packaging, chemical, its childhood adversity. We would, in general, the labour someone to say trauma as that will that's what I'm talking about trammeled right. The reason why I use the word. Adversity rather than trauma is because I think that for a lot of people it so common that they almost kind of don't think about it. Astronomer royal right so first, let me say: this research, the science of this, came from a huge study from the CDC rain. We trust them and yes and Keyser permanent aid. They like big, well respected health. Their institutions, and they did the steady and seventeen and a half thousand people, and they asked them about ten. Categories of childhood adversity- and these include fist
all emotional or sexual abuse, physical or emotional, neglect or growing up in a household where parent was mentally ill substance, dependent incarcerated where there was print. Separation or divorce or domestic violence girl. I got like seven of those you just click through those. I don't think was I now it is why you drink so readily and with the EU with the without any path. Algae adds, roman ass, really what's goin on here. Wow so in that is referred to as he's in my raised at the adverse childhood experiences aces. Why, people like me, something I still haven't really come here it working He was imparting this lesson to me. An end em like have boundaries have been boundaries
exactly as I was feeling guilty that always send those people away. I didn't give them enough and they were to do so nice later. I came back the bar and this fairly empty and was my last night, a shooting this movie and I went out with one of the air, MRS, and in these two pays a guy in a girl and of They go to the bar at my two shots and these guys sidled next, but I just remember the feeling of their sound, so new age either, but I did they had disappeared energy, the dark energy in them. They said with weapons to you, the other night, Mister Bigshot. As what you mean, you guys were moved it somewhat fancy area like Barbara and I shall hand, of course, have so any place right into my vulnerable in which was I'm just like you. I grimly. I don't like this so sorry Suchard together and their home, and they must have sent That was my weakness because they kept coming over to our table and you guys know the big shot arms to Hollywood other. So at the end of the night, if only we were there for a couple hours, and I was a little, but you know
in them we re leaving the guy's kicks. That is two in the morning in Birmingham, and they said you want to. Go to a casino, we're gonna, casino and think the actress and no one would go home and the PS again will go, and I was eager to go because I love plain black jack. I have been there. I convinced us that Detroit I thought you in the morning kind of drunk with strangers, so we're going to headed Ps Car and they said the tap. The direct compounds with second structural does not, but you know that guy Italian one week I'll take the same car Peter. I said, and this is where you will get a do something the howling and as a gag eyes, come on we're gonna sing We got in their car, we, they drop me off the hotel for secondary my pretty him out again with. Again a were haven't seen. Oh, they said we can really great when you're in your room as any party, you goin no note of Nope, which crazy it up. Good question. No, I'm not
with my money, either way clear to everyone that the thing about you know they were out of a deeper waiting, so I run out the guy get my money and we they stop at their handout. So we can make a stop. I forget why as we were, going and remember they made a big deal ever take turkish soft going. Quite there are rumours that was sleeping, took my shoes off. They took out a, Long and they they passed me, they live in them. I don't know, you know, I'm ok We don't have my wits about exemplary blackjack, and these are you fucking kill him. And you know you're, not a smoker those programme on software. I go everything's like a huge task, yeah you're, feeling tat. I knew you were each year there are confirmed yet they, of course I might take a big hit at the end of the second a hit my mouth. I know the taste was kind of chemically kind of clear This wording describe it and an eye team.
If this crazy to condemn and my mind, I'm just remember the feeling of like Lou media. Losing control of my, but not the bureau. Should my pampered, like I wish my way we gotta get up one. In fact, I am not an end, but I quit my mind. Wasn't working. I was the strangest thing. Illegals angel does well. I've since told the story to people in is one going to take her in private skirting he thought of peacekeeping. The aid as goods, as are the same here again and yeah. I'm panicking, ended the good, but the pace in its Manuel. Do the girl did ok and she at this. Looks like a demented like some cartoon characters like a Tasmania Runnin simply cannot frighteningly over
and I'm not thinking myself am. I do. I look like this new right, whereas I feel like the idea and the guided, and he had been drinking and say or Norton was saying what then I passed the boy back to the two and they were studying the colonel. I look in looking. Each other like conspiratorially like is it working canopy in and I said, are you gonna smoke, but it probably came elegance whom eagles area- and they in this and on our brothers, were straight. You cool that frightening. Can you probably have, in our time, navigating what's now paranoia? What's really how totally yeah crash Euralia Spidey since they're gone bonkers? Awkward essay gave you some that there are not doing yes, but you're also impact, but mainly on being paranoid, there's a hurry. Stairs a party that is it I'm like hoping the idea that drug yes, just the drug demonstrating, keeps getting worse than they say, oh gets could get Sean's we should not. As a rule, they don't get here that you sleeping at one of em stood, stood up you'll get the roommate and I stood up and
the remaining townie started doing these karate kicks at my face, like it was Woogie nights. You know that crystal Meth scene, where I am he just you. Saying things I won't work bro you will sit out, combat karate, checks at my face. I condemn the did. The room came out fully dressed, wasn't sleepy and he sat on every said: oh yeah, you're right. That is the guy. Let me go get my camera This is our horror story, but I didn't have nightmare. I hear you won't, even though the punchline so now I'm route fully panicking in this before everyone had cameras with them. Mercifully dislike thirteen years, since two thousand and seven it was two days before twelve years. Life be a further delay, second another,
air with his birthday and he was there he could rescued you guys. You would love to have tat, he would have needed and we were coming like a whirling nervous. I we sit around the city, so we are convinced of that to drive me back gilding the whole time and saying things like what are they do? You can issue we broke. What about that movie? You do strange wielder etiquette mentioning this when we strange wanted and We get the car I'm in the back seat of the two p m the girls next to me too driving their front and they can whispering back in and their texting somebody and dumb understandings exciting. You know I could hear snippets like yeah we're. Ok, we can become a reality.
They would lean back me said our Brower. We're gonna, make one we're, stop and there'll, be it ok just in or do they said, they start saying: ok, strange wilderness year, these they started say like other. We make another move even been, will be for teams ear and I'm panic and I want- and I and the girl I keep it- senses the senses and I'm panicking she. It was probably clearly where you and she, I remember this is the worst, but she leaned forward to them and said I M, I could hear everything went, would weaken. Doing he's. Freaking out, don't do this to him. Are you doing this, and this issue Can we not do this thing we gotta without energy, and she leaned back to me it it just in this authority will take you home evidence now now she's the girl is the silent other Pierre who there in the kidnapping movie they're the ones who are like guys we're not really doing this. Are we come right because they were locals? I didn't really now live in working with them for two weeks, my like them by yeah. I didn't really know them so now I think I'm gonna didn't die.
That's where I ask, and- and this are saying how much money you take up the casino, how much money you gun off our almost thought. The how'd you didn't, I thought, giving them, but this is also my body at this point. I, the idea of taking on my phone and dialing numbers is in simple fleets are so I'm just I gotta know what it is. I started like Tut freak punching did the seat in front of me and the worst part was. They said they tried to mollify me. There were like oak, oh ok, calm down, we're gonna. Take you back, it's gonna, be ok, and sure enough, and I knew the town wanted to know they had been going in the wrong direction and then they rivers coarse and they started going back to the towns and sweets. Tibet, Monsanto and I use somewhat relieved, and I remember thinking Oak thank IRA fucking with me there do you want to see me scared, whatever end so weak, they started going over the hotel they slow down and then here we go and they kept and I said what are you doing? It was back there.
Ok, we're just gonna make one more star there's that they want to be calm, and that was the scariest part so that I saw a red light come here and there is no one is three in the morning: the ass, no one on the road. So I'm coming up to this red light and I think ok, I'm gonna get out and I'll just run to the Brenner and they go right now, red. Oh, they blew the river the red lines because we stop size, they ve turned a corner and echoing about there the five miles. I I opened the door and I jump out of a fucking movie. Carla fall guy, I'm cold savers, but it you and I'd seen it on tv it in the movies, not Eddie, you just wrong you're, all your land on your happy, in spite of it. So I rolled and end, of course, I rolled under the car, and they run over. My leg Over my I role more, and I remember going Yad it should have been what the fuck, but I remember thinking it was the happiest moments in my life. Right, I'm a right after I got run over. I said
and my leg was like that- just bent twisted and- and I remember down at first. I was I looked down on my genes, and this is a weird thought for me, because I care about his little about fashion as you can, and I remember looking down at seeing blood- just pull it like seeping out of the sky. My leg and my genes and thinking. Oh. Why of those genes ruin the written so we're out of an attachment to end up but also filled with the being a lie in oh yeah, thoroughly, agree hurry and that swing I'll, never forget that major neighborhood they just kept fuckin motor and right. Well, I didn't want to deal with having run you over. Well, I I don't know that at this point and I I had seen a car coming for headlights coming and I am to power toward flag it down and an weirdly was a cab, and I got in the way and locked the door- and I said to take me to the town
sweets. De notary and- and I remember the cabdriver I gotta get these pants and water water and in the guy, was what is going on. I'm not being raises a number of anybody. What is happening but to get other my care hidden mommy in there, and I can go if I must have had the craziest energy sure, pc p, broken leg, I, like the woman, leaving our room with your child and then the peace came up here. He wasn't moving and abuse came up and I'm, Hannah Camphor you what if they come from and they start the did the two p M up in Serbia on the window, a freak it especially the girl with easy being or system, was freaking out yeah. I remember she kept saying and is its purpose just what she said she said them. The repeating I thought we could even but we will do that and the guy was kind of freedom, one who had been kind com and he was freaking out a normal and
non picturing like the driver, telling the story. Like his point of view. No, I love those over. There is little yellow, literally labelling, Do you want to stop me? Twenty dogs, if I can just jumps out of the car I like a guy above, is therefore the cab driver. All I'm talking over pure orderlies by linking these here. These do not get a completely diagram away to have that, in fact, in long over everything was innocent and could have been doing how much money you got enough money dog did a little worried about you. What you need money, videogame duenna to spot you for Blake, orderly. I was all in my head, but so do I saw they let them out. Yes, yes, I think in Gaza than they really wanted to run.
Oh yeah. I would imagine some preliminary I get out of here and now he's her and now you talk about jail yeah, they must have freaked. Out till I made my way back to the really cool I get out of the calf. He wasn't dry, but he wasn't going you where you want to deal with now, and I saw I got the sense then that they were saved by their react. They were, they seem safe for them. I'll and I was so close, though TAT he was moving, so I had no real joys right. So I go back. I wake up six hours later in more pain, then I've ever been implied all over the sheets and down our boy. I made my way to a doctor. I broke linens fears that a brilliant satisfy the criteria, and then you go to the hospital. I don't ok go. I went to a doktor or you, ok, I don't. Why has actually Muslim Yosemite with Doctrine he x rated, no broken bones, which is crazy. That's right such bad nerve damage that to this day and I never dealt with it because a couple days,
her, but I went through a break up, so I was dealing with like this shame. Plainly right sure you ve embarrassing this woman yeah yeah to be response, oh yeah, undertaken through machine, but also for me, was for me you sought a nowhere that I, in the wake of this thing I when I was supposed to be healing leg, I was just at dealing with the original, and I remember the funny little like it. Then I had to do. One of those babble does Matt Commercial afterward like a week after, and my leg was swollen out here to the point where they had to get special loans Guy James, the station for more arms exports. If you dare
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Comes lashed acts, the last weight loss programme, you'll need Suppose there's some in Europe have the masters in psychology. Maybe you could help me. I assume there's some kind of catharsis in watching someone else go up in flames for something that you you know you yourself have done. I think eight You know there are so many different things that are at play in online world. You know, there's the mindless inhibition effect, so where people, because their hiding behind a screen or behind anonymity, fine It easier to take on different persona, as we saw that the beginning of that we remember. Second life, oh yeah yeah, you know so I mean that was really that was coming. Beginning, I think of this idea of unknown avatars of certificate. Let me both be this person, but also be someone else, be some different curated version,
of whom I want to be right. Some projected brute advertisement format right exactly and dam which in and of itself has allowed Or of shame connected to it right cause, there's that idea of whoever I am really am is not good enough. Verdure yeah. So I think that you know that's at play. Think we have people constantly. I mean just the chasm between our real lives in curated selves online is very challenging anything. That's where there's so much the mental health issues coming in but this young boy say to me last week, which was I'm he'd written in an essay and I've just been turning it over in my mind, ever since read it where he was talking about actually with physical violence that, when don't have an adult to say to you, everything's gonna, be ok, you're alone in your pain in your experience, and you may lash out at some one else doing the exam, same thing, for the very in so that you're not alone
uh sure sure I, which was amazing to me, like I had never really thought about it. From that way I mean, I believe, ok hurt people hurt p. All in all those things. Misery loves company that it really does. I certainly dont want excuse any kind of online harassment or billing behavior, but that in some ways it coping mechanism for some people. You know and that's where we kind of have to step back. There is no three pronged the solution! This is like the human condition, You want me to never have meet again, but we also need to stop having like a massive brick of meat. At this, of every single plate that we ever use, but in front of us dear. We don't need to stop flying, but we do need to, change? How we fly the really moving experience happen about two weeks ago. I was in Brussels as giving a reading from this book at the There is a signing. A couple came up to me. They open
the page where normally signed the title page in this field their handwriting and take what this. And they say we're getting married and a couple months and we decide. Tonight that we need to have some kind of plan, because we don't have a plan which is going keep doing what we ve always done because that's what people do you do today- what you did yesterday more or less their plan was eaten determine unless served meet. Friends. House! Indeed, in two days a week, have no more than two kids. DR no more than fifteen hundred kilometers a year in Europe, instead of having decided that written alliance had witness they wanted me to, and I found a really charming and its funding at an insight into who they argued very european to varying and then I realized holy shit like I was the guy on the stage on the guy signing the book, and I don't have a plan. And I went home to my hotel that night I took up hotel station plan because I realized,
on that schmuck who says the amateur try to fly less, which means nothing. I just live regular work. I'm gonna try to drive less. It means nothing, nothing, it's empty and worse than empty. It's like pure narcissism everyone. We know along these. Seven seasons has been like an probably just putting a bunch of like a positive energy at you. I we ass. Yes, as then there is a big turn aware? I assume a lot of people are putting some negative energy out. This is where it pays off that I've spent my entire time of game of thrones believing anything. That said, never taking anything that everyone said any we Value, yeah, really just like
my negative voice shouting far louder than anyone say anything nice, because I was always in the back of my mind was. I was like a great with Sesar will now we won't be tomorrow, lies regions that we won't be tomorrow. So for that, I'm base level aware at Google myself. It really is a lot, but I dont here and now, regardless people have Sweetly said, lovely things: I've got a lot of fun, ferries and I've got a lot of life. If I had my way right, oh I mind we're doing indifferent, I'm sure, but I definitely the worst thing that anyone says- and this was painfully close to the show I I'm a month's house which is in the countryside in Oxfordshire, and I went to wait, trace to get some food and it was a good day after episode fire,
why we had to say was six emphasise: wasn't it the analyses? Oh yeah citizens, thereby so this was. I like. I had never seen what that looked like until I watched it of his exerted on the greens green stuff, and I was in wages, and this woman looked to me when by your brain to be outside like- and I was made- should highlight. Oh my god, I started. Welling are always guided me bad times. Honey, ok, but by now and I'm gonna die, don't need any food. I must leave without. Why is it that we are beginning middle and end of my bad experiences with regards to that the earth is thing. I remember my life. The earliest lie on at the most viewed memory earlier on in my life was when my mom Gara in New. Emma pops part me, then I was there,
I was three years old and I was there I came he D, like What am I gonna get you he showed the gun. No one was probably- get me down in the tv, while my like the d and other rural and stayed in air and I was it was a tv came. He asked me if I had you to bear fruit to the bathroom. What set me right back Ro, the tv and also in engulfed in whatever was gone on tv a whole day right some hours ago were dickie live out there is the key. On the picture of the zebra and Europeans. Frazier and, as you know, watch tv there now as you like will, my mom. I want to see my mama she's right now, she's sleeping no more about it and I'll write cool when he left, I guess after my show went out, I got up and went in there and some of my movies, like she was handcuffed to a chair
and what a math tape the and legs tat inside up there and I pulled it. Above a manner- and I remember this- is good the airline as they Mama. Why take your mouth love? You take it out too much you shut up. Will you help me get in here? So she leaned over lightly Maggie. Imagine you of that share, but on your back, like of your loud to that cheer on your back scratched over while into the living room where I was watching tv. There was a pitcher kind of high up on the wall of a zebra in front of an x caliber like a cause of pitch of z, Zebra, the Excalibur enable the pigeon Medea here s, the key to the handkerchief: does she was bound to was appear on the pitcher? couldn't get it so she sees like to get up there get a key years or so the class? Imagine I declare a three
climb in on this chair, the juice sitting. I too, like the It part a region to this tv, candid and grabbing a key in bringing to bear her help her do herself? three years now. I'm up do you. I have a hunch. You file, that in like oh yeah, that's the building blocks have made all this thing happen. You recognize it's a fucking, incredibly traumatic experience. I was scared. I d never feeling out, as this is bullshit. This has been let it like. I was in danger to make spreads its views holding my best friend in my arms as he died cuz we was just in the shootout. He did the common base shoe beggar, for you know that
gas. A traumatic experience, yes, but TAT carried that trauma, and I recognize it accurately true, but let me tell you some you're carrying the three year old trauma of aid. The reason you fucking remember it so vividly isn't cause you were unaffected by it. Others should happen that you weren't affected by you, don't remember that right, there's clue, number one that it was fuckin, traumatic, ok, promises to bill you'd be in the next situation, where you're holding your friend cause. That's fuckin level. It's like I try to explain to people come enough. Cope four years ago I set ten or create a really high level ride, so it took me pretty five years, I could experience nine by doing some joyful and lovely, because I said it appended when you fuckin take duct tape off moms face three years. All I'm sorry whether do you think's or not. I mean that sad haven't have how about this. The trauma have recognised the
ever again as others, but it's a trauma that I have a wrecking yes, but because I could not tell you something you just go: oh, that's life like oh here's life on planet earth. When I'm three people come in the house, they tie up mom. So this is life you're not going oh poor me, I wasn't gone pour me. I was like a while in life. Deeds are dangerous, wearing a hit, your mom and they d, it's scary cry and just that's life on planner, but that is it life on planet earth. That is why she has not that's not it does not it dear kid. You can see you beat up you're no wiser like they now have saloon, but afterwards they are a product of the exception. Not no see. This is what I'm telling you. I bet you can't do it at that. If we did a poll, we know the numbers. If we we talked about it all the time I want to hear it. Fifty percent of all boys will be physically abused. Okay,
all right. So that way, you know it's either or you can say it is or it is. I have it I have it I have experienced, or have I witnessed in my family, the experience of sexual inappropriate behaviour from adult the children or early sexual experience. It didn't got it involve like girl people, it was me, the keys I do as shit. We were opposed to be door ajar, but the arrow seated at the other, that that's not a problem. I maybe it is now a candle lit my insatiable appetite today, it's also a level of somewhat as some kind of a sea being planted in a certain level of trauma. Well, though, so I'm the same, but I was molested
So in my world view, like your worldview, everyone gets there. Mom gets duct tape in three years old. My worldview everyone's molested. Unlike get that standard operating procedure here on land or I can dig, but I now recognise that is not fucking standard operating procedure. That is anything but that needs to be avoided. That is a pity. Neither does need to be avoided and it does need to start, but I feel like if you look at the barometer at that moment in time. Nineteen eighty three aha, ok You do a census of nineteen, eighty three, how much of this activity was being done in America, it's far far exceeds fit two percent I'm sure I don't think so. I died the I do a big too if the budget is it occurred to you like right now to day. I know it isn't like there, because we ve learned Mord our experiences in evolution. Is human beings have led us into
a better civilization, lids Collyer yeah yeah were at that time. Yeah, I'm saying is that was a different time and the barometer of right and wrong was fucking. Broke I accept that the line on the graph is going. This right in the positive at that but also you're in percentage of people who experience a lot of trauma. Ok, it's a fat ala groove there, I can agree with that, and I think we now know that people of trauma. Have some pretty predictable shit hurt people her people? I'll the youngest rock the girl
Now to talk about that, we would have fights Et Cetera lover. She had a stroke to howl wishing she's right. Thirty, eight in she was like Canna getting ready and she was getting more and more confused and it was. There was a long period of being confused before she even put together. I think she called someone who will could recognise something was going on, but, oh god, what of guaranteeing the anxiety and will they happened to me? Was I take a look? it more obvious that there is something wrong, because I was having queens those in a story I'm going over to my friends, my apartment till I have one. With them or something- and I barely gotten in the door? Talking about how had taken my younger sister to Hilary Duff concert than I prefer the sweet of you? I remember Tagamet hurried off at in mid sentence. I like look down on my right side. My body was paralyzed, but I didn't realize that's. My brain was like telling me the signal of like that. Is not your arm.
It is not attached you. If your paralyzed, it's not like a numbing sunset. I would imagine into view not just it doesn't mean anything. Your brain is just not computing that that's your arm. Yeah, so I was like whose arm is that all the sudden, my arm looked very long and like alien liked me where I was just like? What is that and I started like hitting my son. I remember that and then, like all the sudden, I kind of like blacked out for like Second, unlike the sound got like weird and then, when I was like conscious again. I couldn't speak because the blue what was in my language, sinner temporal lobe, and so I had expressive aphasia, which is where I forgot language, but I could understand that I just couldn't like respond so that my friends thought I was doing a bit because I was always doing bids Sharia relate you're, very funny like stop it. I remember
my hands, my throne, going like I make you like a weird south you're right. This is the worst thing that can happen to a comedian cause. Everyone's assume media, as we have said, were interrupted our hearing our she. I interrupt this launch party, oh yeah, thou Windows here rampart is just people didn't know. Something was wrong with me and then they can go should we call an ambulance, and I was conscious, like that's a weird thing about having a stroke is like you know, it's happening sure you're watching it go down which is like the weird trippy part of it like. I knew what was happening, but at the same time I was like. I can't talk, I don't know what and they were like she. We call ambulance and I was shaking my head. Yes and then a pyramid medics got there and there asked me alleys questions and course I can't answer any questions they think on what drugs I want out. One hundred I was on drugs. I was lying. What did I tell you? What I say? and how long before you regains your ability to
I was saying certain words, I would say the wrong word. They would ask me, what's last thing you a, I knew the answer was yogurt, but I can say so it would take me a long time and then, like maybe half an hour later, I be like Yogurt my god, and by the time they were like. Why, Do you want yogurt warehousing like at the time? I was dating someone over the five years older than me, and it was like relatively new relationship and he came to the hospital to see me and I was twenty and the doktor was asking me. How would I was- and the only number I can remember to say, was sixteen and acknowledge- and I block rather like tat more sixteen, and I was like sixteen at all with illegal leg of what is happening like you know it was. There were funny things, but I have referred so fucked up
nothing scarier than your brain being right. Now, I'm scared every day and like I am still on the kind of investigative journey of trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Should I tell people what happened last week with what Tell me, will you ailment M yes, so embarrassed. I think it's adorable so last week I had a horrible said aunt that that cause me to like I have a brain tumor them I stole my. Have you come too You wake up in the I wake up in the middle of the night S and I had felt
wet mess near my underpants area closure, and then I thought maybe I just had a really intense night, sweat. Sometimes You didn't make any point. Think. Oh, I started my period in the middle than I now I can very regimented on my period right right, right, right, ok, and but there when I started doing some investigation. It was your Leon. Yours p, p their regime a good amount. Tibet in Liberty, one in my bed, thirty one year old woman this has never happened before this isn't like. I have incontinence nor even Sir Silver Means Bab Pass no arena late bed wetter, exactly you know history. I haven't peed in the bed since I was, five years old or earlier than that. I also don't pay very often at all, so the fact that its uncontrollable in my sleep
was a rare. I Gary yes, then accompanied with severe back by severe lower back pain. So, of course I was like ok something's wrong with my kidneys. I probably have a kidney infection right which I've had before ok the next day I I text my through the greatest the text. For End Allison out and shout out. Yes, if you need He D been LOS Angeles. Please go see, Allison Courtesy, she is the, but only if you really need it my life is because you want to meet Allison. Well, if she they're gonna pay, I'm sure you, I guess you could just hang yeah sure guttered. Yet anyhow. She. I just want to say for the record. She feels a lot of your your car, poor girl she gets a lot of text for me This is happening. What do you think by the way
very good. She never makes me feel stupid. She always listen to what I have to say and then says: ok, yeah, that's all this, but its probably this. I can tell she's just being really nice and telling me that I'm over reacting here, she's. Also again, you super knowledgeable, also, not an internet. She can tell based on like so in terms of basin what's happening if it is muscular or she's like this doesn't organ issue. Our this you need to go said the doktor, but she never never says, reproach you not yet one said, except on Wednesday. She I said- this all half haven't really really bad back pain. Jos was a one year old, she's dealing with right like when you call year about have not like she's pregnant, suffer she's gonna deliver any day now Reich I'm gonna hear now has also I did. I was texting and she was like in Vienna.
Are you doing? Okay and she's like yeah, yeah yeah, I'm ready, I'm good and I was and she's like you want me to come. The doctor knows, like I mean no cuz, you might need to be going to the doctor at any moment. She said yeah this is strange and aid its death. Not consistent with acute muscle, pain, great, so she was like. I do think you should go to the doktor about the cinema and she never says it. So then I was like oh boy, ok great, so you were so they did a urinalysis. Even though I had no p p laughed all and vision write your sheets. He cut off like a corner of it, then stuck it met under lasting hell. That's my favorite jokes. I tell a really which shares in old, I go to the doktor, an old man and a woman and the man is needed to get his physical, any kind of
a hearing, so they sit down in the doctor, says: okay well before you leave, I'm gonna need a blood sample of urine sample and fecal sample, and the man says to his wife. What words, What do you say, and she goes She made your underwear, I figured you need your underwear, okay, so any so then I wonder the doktor. They says there is nothing on the main kidneys drawing blog now maiden check my brain and I also had a big abscess. My foot well well hold on hold on hold on. No, I did you stubbed your tongue, your for now it was it. I would have remembered stabbing it appeared out of. Nowhere is clearly a scrape described it on some listen. It was very deep,
I haven't gaps his absence on my foot and I had to Brazil my head right and it's weird you're, not taking ambient or anything at night. You now, can you not walk and run a bang and ensure that I love that you know. Yes, I think you fell out of bed rarely like a baby your head- and you know when you gotta, be scraped your foot on the bottom, your bed, and then you got in bed, and you are confusing thought you had made it to the bathroom and then you just squirted and then that's We think we know about brain tumor about the back pain totally with the extremely us information like on as a key test, almost throw that right. I why unrelated on correlate unrelated middle of the night, the ongoing out your back up there are or maybe sustained during this fall. Ok, we are half asleep. I just I, but aunt. Polly woken up by this that crashing onto, ground right, but you knew and straight to brain, tumor well or aneurysm
I would do other delineate a little difference between your my hypochondria gashes. I have these and then I just never go to the doctor, no, but I was in pay. Oh you, I'm my you! You you you're more prone to go, investigate or alive I whip up some crazy theory, and then two weeks later, just forgotten about it. Normal. I guess that's true, I mean, if there's, if there's physical symptoms that need addressing s ago, the doktor, but I didn't go to the neurologist like I want Arroyo. It was rough anyway that led us to have a conversation about wearing two adult divers, all right, so I'm leaning towards this I wake up in the middle of the night to pee minimal once always that's guaranteed, I'm gonna sometimes twice, and I a bad night three times, and I cannot have a very hard time falling back asleep. If it takes me fifteen to thirty minutes each time, so I'm losing an hour and a half on a bad night of sleep,
getting worse. I have older friends and for males it just gets worse and worse and worse in an in this group. We are talking about it all the males there were experiencing nighttime p that were over thirty five. Yes, so my my thought was, Why don't I just start wearing depend undergarments in training in my body to pee at night, which I do think will take a few weeks. I think it'll. Basically I wake up in the middle of the night I gotta pee. I've got, diaper on I'll, just p and then maybe the next time I wake up. I can do it more half asleep and then eventually I'll, just train myself to pee at night in my diapers and then I'll get way more sleep and I was in the question, why not do that? What's wrong with right and you are opposed, well, for a couple reasons: wine, if Ben Urine, situation where you can't your Mama's calling me. That's should I m sure hello. This is Monica.
I gotta yeah did you Oh I'm, sorry, I got your text and I thought I responded, but I probably did not respond yet she's in the middle of a vat jack. We are recording yeah we'd, be pause to answer an important call. It's ok, Oh my god! Thank you. I will tell him back, ok by well. The first right but a whole flow going about. My diaper well now is to talk only which also appropriate, and I'm talking about returning to diapers and mother would call the last person who dealt with my diapers yeah. She said,
instead as it like. I think I feel like he's about to try to be a baby. I got the break out of this. I put a lot of energy dick. And not be a baby. Ok, so rich heritage action. I had a couple wine. What, if you are in a situation where you are, the group setting and you can't t, but now your bodies, trade and to peace in the middle of the night, so deftly being the bad and there's gonna be a stranger their hold on handling oils, encamping. Ok, so I'm camping MA, but I'm Cambrian in a town with strangers yeah. Why am I doing that polyps by their money or reason I can't really get into, but will I can concede that if there is an apocalypse, was about ok but also its assume note for this for ships and giggles that its there's not an apart? What are you what, if you just add to share a bed would like. I'll bet hopping. Let's You darling uranium yeah? You had to do
I just tell her look. I'm older appeal out in the middle of the night it was. It was cutting into my ram and now I've got the solution, it's an adult diaper and I wear it. Kid big work, ok so within this- this lead to another conversation, but she wouldn't be able to snugly you why. I think it goes on more than our undermine show an unheard of bodies, gonna her skin and no virus scan and doesn't like it they're not made of burlap. These are going to be a nice labelling. I first, why might have just make an adult one, but I dont Y know, ok, here's my other right there's no morals being in a deeper as an adult. There is no more I'm talking about practicality, why you wanna get frisky in the middle of the night. That was my other thing, and you said now that you're not interested not at all, and no doubt forty four were married. There's no way organ frisky. What about our johannsen this scenario? I will make an exception I'll give risk overnight and I'll just remove my diaper
in a very sexy now she doesn't now I'll, take Adela Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo, L, she's, peel, gaining doo, Doo, doo doo. I hope we interviewer. We ask, as I gotta hunches shit she can kink out on when you said that you would like wild right so that lead to another conversation, because this is how it started. Goblets dil, she's for she, still diaper at night to Lincoln, was out of a deeper at two and a half at night yams. This gale, this bitch, loves her diaper right and I started thinking I gotta get around this diaper another all what if they don't get her out of diaper? What does she was for the rest of her life at night and then I just thought what, if I met a super cute growth and amazing personality when I was in my twenties, everything was perfect and then and irregular went to bed. She goes oh by the way where diaper
When I go to sleep I be like this is so q and adorable I'm and you're, so unique, inauthentic, you're still wearing diapers, it wouldn't be a barrier for me. I would love it and then we pose that questions are different guys at the party. I was really to see that Ryan hands and said mighty men like or more Charlie, a little less but could get through every ten tralee said he could manage thrill. They wasn't thrilled about the idea of rain and I were actually excited about yeah cause. I'm like this person. They really thought. But the rules of life that they just got put on our shoulders. They ve question and they realize now this rule silly that adult key word diaper at night. They also that's it that's a critical thing. They also tourists have enough control or our commitment to bettering themselves in that they just decided to just where diaper their whole life as a whole. To working through an issue was an adjournment of judgment laid near common. Now was that they did they there there failing that, their affair,
we are now? I think if you have an issue, you should work through that issue I don't think, there's a judgment, there's no good thing to want out of a partner. You want that out of all the people in your life, there's no working through for an old man, peace in the middle of the night, there's no solution! If they're working about twenty euro ok twenty year old girl should have by then tried to figure out. How do I do as opposed to suggest. Who cares what I'll? Just what's now serve it right. Stay too for more armchair Vicksburg. If you dare we are supported by policy genius, it's already December as much as we love gettin seasonal. This month can be a bit stressful too. We ve all got a long list of things to do for the holidays. If life insurance is one of the things weigh down on your less policy, guineas might be able to help you cross it off finding the right life insurance at the best price and do all the work to help you get covered policies,
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when it comes to life insurance? It's nice to get it right? We are supported by Hallo Fresh America's number. One meal kit get easy: seasonal recipes and pray. Majored ingredients delivered right to your door. All you gotta do is cook and enjoy Monica. Would you cook and enjoy. I had some italian chicken over eight allow many spaghetti had zucchini. It felt very well, rounded, ah ha balanced, very good. Ok, why had a better than take out Sweden Spicy Chicken with Korea Beans, a Yasmine Rice or you I'd say jail where I would say: jazz, you and say: Yasmine Elk has jasmine is high, say, ok! Well, I had it with a green being Anna Yasmine Rice was Dell Lashes, I do love Yasmine, Rice, alot, We're gonna rice. Did you know about me? I didn't learning new thing. Listen, hello, fresh
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or do you think you are frustrated with some situation. I don't know why I was angry then, but I do know I was angry. My twenties and thirties. Ok, and I think I was angry. My twenty and thirty is because I genuinely wasn't really in touch with my own feelings and emotions, and Emily was the one who taught me she's like this, for basic emotions, this anger, sadness, happiness in fear and everything is a combination of all of those sadness, happiness and fear. And all be turned into anger. You see, like obviously sadness, can turn into anger, like I remember those a guy who went and killed a couple like indian people in a bar two years ago, and they found out that isn't dad had died nine months earlier and he just was like really upset about it. Even like joy, like you watch likes sports and getting what you really a hoodie anything that's a great example. Anything obviously for fear can be turned into anger, we're seeing that all across our great nation and so
For me I was getting angry because I was feeling all these things, not processing them not being in touch with them, and it was all coming out as anger event. Chile, like by citing most of the world's problems, are because of men who can't feel their feelings about Julia, be being angry. Significant percentage of, I wouldn't say almost it's uh, it's so many problems come from that So I really think that that sort of Hina were obviously in the era where we're talking about masculinity is in the staff, and I think I hope we start we defining it as people who are in touch with their feelings and can feel All these things in me, I cry at almost every moving, I'm so jealous and that only habits are happening like three years ago. When I realized like I have to start knowing, I'm feeling all the time.
Do you have a weird journey with money? Maybe, but then I got breast cancer right in what did that do? Well, everything falls off. Breathing and talk about a lens changer young. So everything gets distill. Well, panic fear, true, fear, not hereditary fear, the movie, but truth here right, and then everything that is precious becomes clear and mud It's not in that category right. Romania really not right except to say that you need it, maybe to fight. That's my. No money lecture. Did you have breast cancer in your family? Did you have any plans that this could happen? You now never been on your radar, never and you're happy What a routine mammogram are now. I just noticed something in my breast. A little serve slight did it.
So that's it. Weird. Aha Brad's, like you, slept on it funny guess right and then you went not checked in the new and then they should hit the fan meant it was really fast and furious, and in fact it was the weak so we can of the enemies in an era on the show one. It was all very exciting, and I one- and you know that was so excited She said, I think you should prepare for bad news and I like, and then we had the embassy to go to all those parties. I remember any of it were about now. Now I was just on offer. Pilot and then, and then that night. One the show it was all very exciting, and I one- and you know that was excited and The next morning I got the call that it was in fact cancer, and I will admit you. I started howling laughing, you do. I take us
The juxtaposition around I put forward in the morning yeah it is pretty bunny it now. It is it's hilarious. It is like you trophy in one hand and to answer the idea tat. They evolve. And when I was a kid. My mother had a bad back. I used to be that my mother was this close to being. Wheelchair about here he's the lion traction boards in Alma back my back right, she's coming in here over the belt, any pusher Y, all back anyway, then she our babies. We never second heard at the back again Just when a legacy of new things you she could prick itself with the and nails and then you go artists towards the end, our stopped hearing about the diabetes
answer why from not hearing about the partisans area, but in the end she just a bit like issues large woman and her master. We're wasting away. She kept on fallen over and not ban to get up at the call, an ambulance. I roll a time to Ireland's trips, and so I could deny going. What are you gonna get a nursing home? I got dead cat left you up. We have two kilometers. You need full time, medical care, so I was paying using I'm? So there was an element, me and my mother arguing about. I don't want a larger. Is you don't really have a choice? Was that huge eyeing? She never the guide for the first man? You have to share room in the person until another room get Cyprus right and she guys. If I to share room when someone I'll kill myself, and I mean this- is why I have no friends you do you think I strike this. What is this is the best You ve never met you. I got a friend like life like it could be beautiful. Anyway. She said you engage said she wouldn't go, and then it came to the day. She had to go.
I couldn't stand up anymore, I saw the aim and came together the tiger financing I used before I go on any other bath, so they help to the bathroom it's on the toilet, the two ambassador. She stands up in a fuckin, Shin snaps in half new is buying and the fact and blood personnel of the leg the bone sticking out who breaks the leg in front of ambulance, drive all men, crazy, right, yeah inside the Ambrose came in just shot or full of morphine, and then she's lying there passed out and thereby countless jobs. Does this dead white right from eternity pans of dead? Why it is in the bathroom, is lying in the whole whales fill out than other toiler door, just a single toilet. I call another ailments up african leave that Then they call in of the Fatah parliaments and to we got is hot upon these six guys in the fine via truck down in my dad's this blot everywhere and he's oilfields outlet, Israel it out, and then,
but it has a little Claremont was a little bit of a border. Nothing like a tv show, but is big plotted in that they have to drag. Through the hallway survey site, just throwing furniture out in the fuckin straight like I get to make way, might way by polar at that They dragged along getter into an ailments, gather hospital argument, cohesion, American, a guy for I have as yet broken a leg. The doctors don't think she'll get through the Anastasia she'll. Probably doin surgery under my arm is preparing myself for this, and I try and next day this is. This is a few months ago now she thinks day that guy she kind through with foreign companies. They ve put some pins in a leg, she's she's in great shape, whereas I prefer a little bit longer. They go where they got here this morning fiction that to give her antibiotics, so the infections clear up hasn't move now for a few weeks, while the legs healing outlook on the lungs mine, your right, and so they put on a bed that rocked
so I decide to keep a body moving and I got so. We put her on more anybody that we don't think she'll live through the pneumonia, and so I'm preparing to fly back to his dry and then I get to find cool these nine Romania legs all good, and so I literally set down a couple edibles and would finish, recording the show- and I said to me, go for us and I think, a term of final for a couple of guys. Just so in its every fire of the Euro, the antibiotics, it killed a kidney. She had too much guided by the guineas file- is my point, she never went into the nursing home, for her. I want that was the man. In the end she won. Well, I'm just saying historical loved. I would prefer that they would orgasm, while that is fine, and sometimes they just don't and guess what sometimes and I mean once every three years. I don't It's never a comment on the other person's performer hard, not to tell
in that way, can we come so easy as guys dear habit to be you know? No one knows what's happening behind the scenes. Did you just point poet? in the toilet. An hour before exceeded, anticipate this kind of fun right that could happen is different things. You could be heavily said. Did. You know if you're just add a surgery, well yeah. I think in that case people have a lower bar. That's true You see someone taken a personal. I probably lead very sensitive Well me to lady. Why do me told me. I say that I have a very thin skin and others like you're tellin me up the whole of that. I don't know lady. She actually was suggesting that you'd Dormice, it was, was thin and yeah real yeah? What what kind of cool- so she getting that it's that well, she tore big chunk ear scan all that.
Nervous or of what has happened down there. That made you say that you know we're talking about my private parts. Sure we're being very eloquent about a delicate she's, an expert in private parts. Ok for your email, privates, so she's in a lot of skin, and I guess minds just thinner than what was his used. Was this her red like so she's got wax on there and she's about once used your skin, is really thin, then, like that we are going to to get some napkins give that happened just before Paul. I bet you will hold on hold on hold on what ledges warm this up and made it off me the unconventional way right. What would you say like I could recall your skin of what? No she just it was. You know who is after it was actually post house waxing users, courage shown in Chad and she was plucking. She was doing
Plato, gas should first she gets in. There was some why oh yeah and then she goes at it with some tweezers. Sometimes it's a mix of Soft- wax hard wax and to what is this like a thousand dollars makes me dollar sixty dollars. Ok, how efficient say: that's why I don't know out of so funny look I'll, be bad about the price of getting that's kind of indulgent. What do you get waxed every week now, half into gear waxed quarterly no Jesus, I don't get a fit while we only one array of thin skinned going now you have a condition of four times a year. Do you know now? I could never that I dont know what well look at my hair out my hat a good indicator of what's goin on coming other, you bathroom foot, long ere, yeah! Oh, if I let it go, if I do quarterly that's what little while did she say, there's anything you can do to make it figure in what is it
something I would want to do. I can't imagine down there, you one have like a packet Durham, skin. You know package Irma. Now a packet terms. Group of animals. By their ten you ve got rhinoceros, hippopotamus and elephants or hippopotamus the idea that they are all packaging. Real real thick skin, do at thick skin yeah interest and interesting do you think, I'm a playground of people want to be mean. They would call someone, I'm Packard, Durham, Pussy, but there Anyone sailor here comes Jenny Packet or impose a deep yeah, I know now read the deep cut years would require a very deep cutting through that package terms, but I would be both proud of the person. For being so inventive and scientific about their insults, and then I would be sad of course, goes down the meme thing to say. Unless it was super desirable that culture it might,
super desirable and ours. I dont know too have just normal skin, then packet, Burma's below the waistline. Well Ok, air picturing, like cholera, hippos, no, no you're, not collars NATO allies to five times thickness in one area. That seems a little off putting ok. Will I ever weird question: can you tell the difference between thickness when you have all the earth exploit the am now I couldn't there's no egg guess whether it was like a millimeter thicker point two millimetres there. I guess you would only be able to help. It was so thin that you could like see their insides or when you touch it broke. Vice versa, if it was up I condemn style that, like you, just move in this is pretty soon I was just not malleable. It was like a letter, rawhide bone or a mould, yeah, like some other more gallop cool com. I bet my way Sir, as seen bat,
She seen Jose back a nervous you at the moment Was this back enormous well Monica? What were seen down here is nothing be worried about. It is put his pack and we're gonna use alight acidic cream else, gonna slowly enough or then that our own? No, no, you won't feel a thing that the package services that fact that you have had let's get off that three
you slip through my hands? I got it through my dance. I got a river. The passing raw the song Brazen long leaner saw its common When you go, you're gone. Now what role the sex playin relationships are huge usual and in Ireland I think the important thing to realise is everything a sex. Tell me that to explain that I guess just
getting up in the morning and telling your wife did. She smells good I got you like every thing is: is going to impact that right relation Euro, it's all foreplay emerges in Europe I get up before Julie does usually and in a like. I can I, The coffee in empty this dishwasher and get stuff ready, and I can look at the in the way she looks at it which is very different from the way I look at a bullet. I can look. Now, so they wish She comes in girl. She hasn't, go all crimes size to clean the solid and and so she's gone work and very sleepily answer. You really feel coffee and she got here and his is the coffee so you're always making love. I think you're always connecting emotionally in some way, whether you mean to or not as if, you're getting wet
do those things now, you know, you probably know this study that was done. The largest study overdone on sex in the world said thousand people in twenty four countries. What they did was there one question is racism. Anything different about people who say they have great sex life. People say they have been a bad sex life and is that universal. I found a dozen things that people do. Sex life people don't look? I say they don't do those things and there simple things. You think they would be sexting. Makes our positions, you come the older yeah yeah. Now we're talkin they say I love you every day, a minute they give their partner accomplice. They have a weekly romantic date, they make time for each other. They make time for each other. They cuddle they get even
they're watching tv together there is there on the couch holding. It shall express affection and public all of these twelve things. We were so simple, just not rocket science and for all Everybody mean many of us think I would never lie under oath, but we also live in this. Tree where we have these puritanical views about sex, end almost yeah you know asking someone about their sex life under oath is almost always perjury trap. You know, like Terry Seinfeld me this great joke about during that time were said you know, everybody lies about sex. If people than my about sex, no one would have six hundred and eighty, I think sometimes people don't Remember I didn't choose to step forward to talk about this rose. I in fact gotten to trouble because I signed a false affidavit right, trying to deny that there was a layer where people didn't
I understand the level of detail that came out. That was also not my choice. To share that. I had to share that legally. I was legally asked end in fact had to give even more detail because of certain ways that other people chose to testify, because everyone's trying to male down what sexual relations mean, so they then feel justified in hearing every single detail of every single thing that ever happened that I'm alone the reality is that there was not truth, told no matter what definition of sexual relations was right. That whole thing of like who does this count? Is it Does it doesn't it it doesn't matter, given everything else that happened. Yes, I've said before I never understood, buyer, how this became about oral sex, because that wasn't just what happened, and when I get into a lot of the details, I think there was a big part of shame that I ended up having to carry for a while.
Time, as a young woman being labelled as somebody who was engaged in this servicing relationship right, wasn't: mutual in a emotional relationship, was only for a while that is now being reduced to the late is now being examined through a lens that nobody I mean, like you know, maybe when you're first start, someone your like, but we ve done it. This many times are now such a strange way to not only as oneself to trade. Analyze something or a packet, but even more bizarre to have other people talking about some which is normally so private leaders, even as someone who is very vocal, we out loud what my sexuality himself and I was a kind of hyper sexual. I still want someone to account everything every move. I may never to take it from you that, Inter agency yeah, you know I mean that's part of consent in it in a very different way, as sort of in a what which
used to share about ourselves and what we choose to keep private and with whom we share those aspects of ourselves, well. I've said sense are, break up there who broke up who for real. I don't remember why, and I think it is partly wishes- sort of mutual ass. We were indifferent. Says in our life. Oh, you think for sure first of all, very very funny very memorable, wonderful, fine experience, number two I'm thinking about like all this may come up. What is my summation of it, and I guess I decided
are really only take responsibility for my stuff. That's really all out his hide, it I'm sure yeah. I wouldn't like well right. So my things- probably that were very hard for me- was I felt very less them around you. Moon often Keitel. I think we all do. I think I was just in the point where I was not going to get hired for movies anymore. I had a bunch of didn't work and I'm, like I don't fucking know. What's next in you were at the time making the most you ever made and having the most opportunity- and I felt very much like I don't know what I'm doing I'm following this person around as they do things I wish I were doing. It was just a rough, period? For me any ways, and then I felt kinds of adequacy in that position. How much love tat, I know,
the honest. You know, I I you said something really interesting when we were debating and you were right, which is like man, it's funny. I just brought this up with Danny, because I did something that I recalled your boyfriend by Danny's and I did something, and I went on my guide because Dax used to say it drove him nuts, always say what, but I heard him, he's like. I know you heard me. I know you heard me but you're asking me to repeat myself again and I well, no actually dont know what I said, but that doesn't mean I do know what he just said. I don't know why arms and I did it the other day with Danny and oh my god, tax
looks at me, any Anne and Danube is repeated. I got honey. Do I do that a lot like? Oh yeah, you do it all the time, and I would like why don't you ever tell me that I do that and he does cause. It doesn't bother me narrowing, and I thought that's really interesting, because and then I told the story owed blowdryer crazy, I witnessed rates or where we were breaking ovaries. Heartsick courtesan, you gonna, give me complaints about it. It sounds to me, like you, look at your person, I d like you personally, they like it or not, but you. You also said that you really want it like a we in your life and that you felt that it was just about me, why they
like I hooked my caboose too, like a speeding locomotive which, by the way you are rather items dance called for it. You had a child lehtinen, so that makes me infinitely more flexible. Now that I have children, I see the whole thing through different lens, and yet you had money making opportunities that you could not not take other the lot going on was like the apex of business, and this time it try yea. So can I ask you a question. This hope ass, yeah below you, gonna get that legal terms correct. When you presented your wife actively pursue. I think this entire landscape- surrounding monogamy a mental lance if that we don't know well and just like marriage, has gotten a terrible rap that does not actually match the actual experience of a good marriage at all are
understanding of how monogamy works is there's no place. You can go to find out what the truth of monogamy is mean. It's a little bit like sex the. The mythology is so off that we just don't have a good source of information, which means everybody, a sort of on their own to discover the Reality and then once having discovered, it can't talk about it, because it's at odds with what supposed to do, and have been imprisoned by religion. In my mind, at least where I grew up it if it has a religious connotation to it, there definitely and religion is fraught with logically dishonest about the cause of that it's like. Ok, we have this iconic thing which isn't right, and no middle ground between that and a belief that it's actually a kind of affection than something imposed beyond the world by people who knew no powers there
to wag fingers rather than something else. It is not true that monogamy is the human mating system, but it is true. That monogamy is a human mating system and that it is a product of evolution where it happens, so that racist question about why evolution would ever bill. That's just what an end to the logical speaking far more data, supporting that it is the more when anomaly is farce, when you look at hunting and gathering societies, which we spent the bulk of our time being its very rare and their well this again is a great example of something we were talking about earlier, which is, if you think that the loosening nature of a human being is all in the hardware side, then you're right at the level of the hardware, human, the vast majority of Hunter gather cultures, which is the vast Magritte majority of the time that human beings have existed. We're not monogamous network wildly polygamous either right, but they were not monogamous and on the other hand, if you look at the vast majority of
people on earth today they belong to cultures that are at least nominally monogamous, now have to say no monogamous culture that actually perfectly monogamous and there's no creature that we have studied yet. As far as I am aware, when we say creatures monogamous what we mean, as it has a high degree of monogamy, not that there's perfectly monogamous creatures anywhere, we look, but if we make those allowances, monogamy does exist and it is not an accident. I would argue that it is a fact sure of the cultures to which most of us belong. I would argue that the reason that modern He has favoured monogamy has to do with the difference between
The way evolution works in what we would call zero some circumstances where a population is growing and non zero sum circumstances where a population is expanding. The basic fact of expansion actually favours cultures that made monotonously and the reason is a subtle one. We tend to think of politeness cultures, what might be called polygamous cultures in humans, but polygyny sculptures as may be more sexual, but it's not the case. The thing about monogamy is that it provides mating opportunities for every able adult, both male and female, because everybody's pairing off, because then of males and females that are born tend to be similar. A monogamous culture brings all adults into child rearing, and when that does is it allows a population to grow at the maximum rate after popular is in growing that parameters and favoured. But if you're population is expert
turning into a new territory than how rapidly it expand across the territory made dictate how much of that territory it ends up with anyway. We have a monogamous programme, it isn't the default for humans, but it is encoded on this cultural side rather than on the hardware side. There are things that can happen that would cause another system to be advantageous, in other words, every expand population, runs into a limit at some point, at which point the mating system might change, which might be exactly what we are seeing right now, but you have an amazing quote. I wrote it down so like that so much. He said. There is always someone turning away from their partner towards some one else, but toward a different side of themselves, away from who they ve become. I'll, let you elaborate,
it was really one of the great discoveries. When I wrote the state of affairs in a letter I spend ten years about to exploring work. I mean this is thousands of couples here and abroad and the one word that people would tell me when I would talk with people who had been unfit for who had stayed. And they would say I felt alive. They didn't talk about sex, particularly didn't. I filled alive, I feel, like I had read connected with first of all, my will, because, by definition when you street, you are acting selfishly in for you in for nobody else, you know, and I'm not justifying a thing, but I understood what they were trying to tell me it the power of the tree aggression of having broken outside of their own. Wars and then, of course you ask why why because many of these people had been fitful for decades. These are not chronic flanders. Why?
would you risk losing everything for what what made you do this and why now and that's when they began to this line that kept coming back. It's not that I will to leave my partner, I'm actually quite happy in my relationship, cannot there's lots of infidelities that has to do with the discontent of a marriage short period, but as a whole. Other group of people that community I love my life. I love Finally, we have a great family that at the end- and then you know it not that I wanted to leave the person that I am with its tat. I was, to leave for I had become. I was looking for parts of me that I just had lost and didn't know where they had gone. It was years, since I had felt this that whatever it was, the specific I had. Mother? For all these, a father, a caregiver, have taken care of my parents. Have I just felt like I was true?
or like. I was lifeless, that's what I mean by dear erotic as an antidote to deadness. That's it that's a definition here, and this is what they were highlighting your mind goes immediately to my partner, wanted that person they wanted that person more than they wanted me but just knowing that in some cases or maybe often know that your partner wanted a part of them. You know, maybe that's this. It is very important because then you know what you need to do when you want to help people phase one. If this happens is that I have to acknowledge Did I hurt you, the theory they have been. I regret all again. Yes, it's about the remorse and again for hurting the other person you ve got to acknowledge that face too is who asked me what was this about and that's what stood at the meaning of the affair, is what's at stake and not the details and the sordid facts, because then, of course, it will hurt still but its very different, because if you tell me that I can
them see? I too have had that feeling. I just didn't. Do it right, I didn't give myself the permission or it would never have crossed my mind to hurt you in this way, but the thought that dicks during itself of longing of yearning affairs but betrayal and violation of trust, and they are also about longing and loss and yearning, and that's much better for people to understand about their partner than to adjusting. You want Somebody else, but me you know, because their assumption is, of course, that people are just having a great time. Not often people are having a lot of come complex, contradictory feeling. Feel guilty, they feel ashamed and they feel like they're having a divine intervention all at the same time. I did think it be better if you told it, but started, Monica became attracted to boys,
or at least would fantasize about boys in the throes of bad illness, that's not a joke. Ok, most specifically like, kind of a flu likes. You re all right. We. I wish we had figured out a way to say there is really no way to solve, says no way, yeah, it's really strange, and it did happen really much earlier than that, like. I would have fantasies about kids in my preschool Oh really risk day cares. I would have been like six in you would fantasize SEC and that you would help them right. Yes, I got it so it's so wonderful and real in honors in beautiful all in bizarre yeah,
you can write some might bear I've. Seen a couple thousand movies in my lap. Never was there a lead character who fantasize about helping a boy through diarrhea it's so. Loving and tender in general, it's it's a nurturing fantasy, but there is some it turns out that gets that gets brought in yeah yeah. So I of course made her walk through this, a meticulous detail of meat. And generally it starts with nurturing like Brandon rubbing his back. I assume- and maybe you too his hair, tell me like what we understand their rights like what you really don't you and you are helping someone who is sick, child, the just a child, a loved one. Yes, sex object, so you're.
It's ok, everyone throws gets does give you feel really uncomfortable type men at a certain point in really because I know this is another part of it, but they are intertwined crying that's a big yeah, that's a bigger their normally, not crying while their sick Think I have too much that's on allowing on your lot the at one or the other. I did really love when I would. See boys cry right. Ok, so really it's just! The three line is vulnerability. I really was a trap. Did to vulnerable. Letty young. In wanting to be there, for someone when they were vulnerable and I guess did not have an outlet for that, and so it was getting like really displaced, at misplaced.
But you do marriages, and then you have friend where Elias who was at his best friends beyond she My my son, my human, ok, she got diagnosed with terminals, some pancreatic Olympic answer: ok, in from the moment she was diagnosed something shifted the right, yeah loved rare, more than I have ever loved anyone or anything, and she was this like clamour. Lesbian, rock and roll of course, use foreign gain and what man you gotta love, attics and till they still have helped you look or of when I met her she'd been so refused, but she had been a major speedboat Heroin Jenkins Lorry side in the eighties, from Detroit Port in Syria, moved Michigan as a kid choosing. Address issues of filmmakers. She was writers, she's, just the most dynamic I've. Never I mean I've met. All sorts of people have never met anyone.
Were charisma, she's, a weather system, common cannot eyed and she was vital to my life and we became best friends, but that word never even really worked. I always just called him my person. She was the most important person I've ever known. I could not do life without her here in the first phone call in any crisis. The first vote or with any thing great report, the safest I have ever felt my life was when ever re was in the room. They just felt like she's got it and if I don't know what to do, she will ensure at this end, this quality issues very tough and bury ST smart. She lived in tents, editing, Tomkins, where parking she'd been Rikers Island, Sheep in Belgium
She lived every kind of bad ass light that there is, but in others that adequate doesn't kill. You makes us stronger and with most people isn't true what doesn't kill them make them really for talks with Ray. It was actually true that what hadn't killed her had indeed made her stronger and had also made her kinder. She had this infinite capacity for mercy because she had really been a horrible person when she got clean Had to go beg so many people for forgiveness and many of them forgave her and she was so humbled. Her was so broken in most beautiful way by the amount of forgiveness issues on the receiving end of that her general policy was, withhold mercy from nobody while at the same time having immaculate boundaries. It's not like anybody could ever run. Moreover, over she had issues this incredible, powerful combination of very strongly crystal you're, never gonna manipulator and she would never
only body away, so this sense of safety in her presence was incredible nearer and and on the day that I found out that she had terminal pancreatic and liver cancer, massive tumors in Oliver organs and that she was gonna die. The bottom just follow my life like, as this is the one human being in the world. I cannot live without end within a couple weeks of that issues. Became abundantly clear to me that I had just never called that relationship by what it really was, which is this is the person who I love right. This is this is a person I'm in love with the minute. I knew that I just had to change my entire life well so we have this great moment in here. Drama cohesion is one of my favorite human beings ever his mom left his dad for a woman and he goes well. Let me just we really clear my mom I'll tell you she's Gay marries gaze hell,
partner, but sieges fell in love with Mary should have that like just like all women, she shrank fell in love with Mary Railways, gay and I was in love with rare yeah, so unique an interesting. I am I'm proud of you for being open enough. It did cross with your money. That was never the issue in order. I like that was there were so many bigger fish to fry during that time than what's, people's sexual identity is right. You know I was just desperately alone with her, but again I'm saying it's. It's aspirational vat, like I when such a solidified compartment in my own head. I love Many of my friends, I'm very touchy with my friends. I don't Then I would be been too that I was in love with one of my mail friends you now, but you haven't been probably gonna, give them rather than, but you probably have ever been in love with. What did I do question whether I have a and governor on my throttled that has just linear weekly?
I think about your weekly all day long I have, since I was twelve years old. I love him. So much the connection to him on a cellular level, and we snuggled when we were kids whenever anything sexual, but I just I him in a way. That is just very unique, and I do wonder if I had different parameters in my brain. If I be like none, I like air nice have lived together for a life in adopt kids. I just wonder whether self who their cells just this feeling than I had. I mean I saw some vision in the end it was just dreadful. I mean, thing that everything was dreadful. Seeing a realist world was dreadful like like it would be in a post, apocalyptic landscape in which a speed like how on earth. I simplistic this world. Without this person, you're right Also, what I saw was. Yeah, I knew I would be her character. I mean I would I knew I was going to be the person to take care of a new. I can drop everything in my life. I already had the second that phone call came as like
Nothing else in the world matters to me, except taking care right, we're doing it s. What I saw was a vision of heard moment of death, and- and I knew I would be there for that, and I was and- and I saw that like a permanent and I saw me her hand in her dying and her leave. Swirled, never having known what she was to me. Never having on the shoes, love my life and me letting her go without her ever knowing that it just felt like my soul was appalled by that vision Yeah. That would be a tragedy. It was appalling, is appalling. And so it is currently like that it could not be allowed to happen yeah. I just couldn't be allowed to happen, and, and the really the moment. My way to that, I saw that then it was just now everything must change and and did instantly, and that didn't happen. She died and I was holding her hand and she knew exactly how much she was
exactly what she was to me and to many other people by the way or the other every desire in a dream scenario is to be looking at the people They love the mouse, and I certainly when I think about. If I get to stare at my daughter's when that happens, I feel like I will be so happy ungrateful yeah what you might No! Is that it? be even more important for them to be looking when you die, then to be looking at them, as you might not be conscious, like there's something about the need to be with the beloved at that moment is: is fairy primal and the promise that that I had made her air and and her Ex wife and her ex girlfriend? We were all there was the mid around sphere. We will very nice, but she was such a MAC daddy. Of course it was surrounded by heart blunt about it. I know she is better, but it the promised that was made was in a wee wee. Will work
with you write to the edge of the river and we had to for our own hearts. So the post, apocalyptic landscape that I had anticipated would be around This world has not actually come to fruition, and I think it's because I shifted the story so dramatically too that I got to love her and she got to know that love and that I'm really proud of us so you. You started looking at givers in takers and then there's also a mix of those two right in new found that in in work forces and in cultures of companies, that you have these different groups of people that you ve labelled, givers or takers and then there is a third one with a natural some matches. Yes to tell us about givers in takers, because I'm really
As I was listening to explain, I gotta say I have no idea where I fall out. Oh yeah yeah really have an automatic first yeah. Ok, so explain what to give her a than what to take her is so for it. First of all, these are styles of interaction that we all mix and match throughout the course of our days and our lives. But when I think about your style, I think about what your default so win win. Interacting with most of the people most of the time, are you asking. What can I do for you just givers orientation? Are you trying to figure out? What can you do for me, which is more of a taking mindset or you're saying oh yeah: can we can trade favours and I'll do something for you? If you do something for me and that that would be being a matter? Aha and I found it, course here we all have moments of each, but you, I think we all also know people who are pretty
since that way, you're trying to add value verses extract value from their relationships. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to get up, and you are also saying one is not better than the other like you. Obviously we all think, Take us bad, I mean I will he was at least no use you think well, but you know, I think, more specifically, you approach in it from the angle that he was open to the notion that it take her might be better for a business that the outcome I got you out of the study yeah does that unites, obviously, morally out prefer that there are many factors in the world. You know you set out on that hypothesis, hoping that givers are ultimately beneficial to an organisation, but you are open to the notion that the data may not support them. They re medical. Would you agree that Dax pretty agreeable, as opposed to disagree bill! I didn't realize you wouldn't when you are talking about when you're talking about givers guys, I dont know if I may give or take her, but when I know agreeable, this group totally disagree he's What do you say? How could I not by everyone
I have listened to. Your show I hear off the charter why I now get, I agree that I do not think you take her at all, sure. But now I dont think I do I think you are, but I do think your disagreement. I think I'm disagreeable due to hear well definitely what you say about getting energy out of a debate here as about the inhabitants, but wait a minute that that's only a little different, so intellectual debate very different from actually genuinely disliking someone Ok! Yes, I know. Ok, you almost never dislike. Presentiment of I don't agree with them and also seem to hate the idea of being disliked too, of course, yeah, yeah yeah, one of the hallmarks of agreeableness as we ve got
more anxious about what our identity is, because we have all this. Freedom were now kind of expecting their human being to help us to find that may be more than ever before. That's right, that's exactly it! what did relationships as religion. Ah, yes. Because religion used to give you a distinct before and now it's your partner, fine, you tell people what were expecting from our partner now cause it's a great list. I would start with. First we expect what we always expected. So what we wanted was a companion and some economic port and as someone to have a family weight or children wit and social status, because you were definitely different. If you were in a family or not in a family That's what we want now. We still want all of that, and on top of it I definitely needed to be my best friend is rife,
and I need you to be my trusted coffee, doubt men. I need you to be my passionate lover dear and I need you to be my intellectual equal and I need you to be my coherent and need you to be my soul, mate and I need you to help. They become the best version of myself. Settled all order out through the idea to yeah mind you, the other person's, barely get their own shit together and they're going to somehow add all this vote. You do. Your life has still need all those things you are, but I would argue that the nine side job my own personal, take on the way. I say this: we ask one person to give us what once an entire village, and example ETA. Community yeah relationship is essential, but it is one relationship, in the middle of other very important, significant relations yo. You could aggravate those other things. That's up to everyone to agree upon. It cannot just be the
in person to say I'm going to outsource these things. I need your partner has to get on board with that, because if you say I don't need this person, be my intellectual equal, so John is gonna, be my intellectual equals. I'm gonna spend some time with John, because he's giving me this that partner, to be o K. With that, I owe much jealousy. I welcome that beheld anyhow yeah. Even I think you have to be confident because we see that you're just outlined the mother. What does it mean I'm jealous about that re? It means that the meat You need to anything elsewhere. It I'm not enough Diggs. Exactly comes a measure, that's your identity question, becomes a measure of my sufficiency of my of my Creasy, so it is, it becomes a crisis of identity because you want to see yourself as indispensable and you, you can irreplaceable and everything only way you'll feel safe, valued or value are valued worthy. The identity
a relationship if it's one person for everything the moment you not everything you have a crisis of identity. That's the logic of this model, a model that has to change on one person, well, well, Julia Louis Drive, drivers, crazy Julia, Louis Drivers, crazy, your talent. What do you take away observations of that interview? First of all, you loved it. Could you, like me, worshiper lover, but given take away thoughts about me. That I just want to own some stuff. This isn't to clap me on that. Shoulders were taken. Because my own self critique is. I was very desperate for her to like me.
I mean really will rely on and heard a like me could did. I feel needy at all during that little bit twelve percent. Now I don't think needy, but you were too much No, no, no. I knew that you are trying to get her approval right, but I dont think he'd necessarily your flirting pretty hard by Nazi mailed. You so quickly, but very me getting by listening to two minutes of welfare that you give our aim. Compliments to everybody Norden these! down other lie because we started this debate couple episodes ago and I keep cycling back to and I think there Have you thought about it since wait? Wait, wait. We talked about falling in love and I ranked myself found the scale between Love ACT in zero, and I keep kind of cycling, through that debate. I think there's that's a good juicy realm. Yeah, there's nothing there juice there. There is
as I've been moving through life, all recognise. When people have that appetite, whatever it is, you have been aware of it since we had that debate, mostly self reflection, Goin. Ah, what I felt like you are accusing me of. It insinuating was that I just love everyone which I dont think is true. In fact, you are saying that you said you could fall in love with any, but you said that out of yours not to say that I have, though I guess what I thought. Maybe was the application was that it wasn't sincere and then I was like You know what I m very enthusiastic about. A lot of people are really enjoy, like Rob, Michael Honey yeah I really enjoy rain Hansen. I enjoy era weekly there's a lot of people. I really am wild a minimally one phony, but I am not. I have true feelings: yeah government railings, I dont figure a phoney Emma. I hope that's not how you took it. I guess it is. I'm sorry if you take it back
No it's my fault. I take things. You can tell me what you know her here. We go again, but I when you say things like my favour person on the planet and then said that about like forty people. It doesn't feel phony, but it feels like a vat it is to you Just- doesn't mean what it means. And to me I say that about one person If I'm saying my favorite person on the planet would just, but the structure of the sentence. Yes, it implies one person by you and I agree on the notion that mending Callin suggested, which is its a team s friend, is a team. Does it here how much I love them for me favour person the world isn't here: ok, ok, I always say one of the faint- and I know now, ok in its
I'm your also doing it for a fact in. So I get that as someone who you might say that, following my person in the world, the answer her reveals la special and it feels like. Oh, that doesnt really mean what do here well but hold on. Can I make a difference for myself worse, I believe that Phony would be. Someone is like Rob, Robert Mccartney's, my favorite person in the world, Then I go on saying that I tell him that when I see him but then when he tex me, I swear I took two days later. I respond to him or if he asked me for a favor, I ignore it or I do feel proud of the fact that anyone. I feel that way about. I am there, I'm so available for everyone. I love. Of course it's not like I'm just saying, then my actions don't match that they do you're, not a phoney. No one is saying ok? I know that the all those people you're saying that about you love intensely its literally just
a as syntax day, and it is they who cares if just everyone's different, I just I don't use phrasing like I'm very exclusive limited edition about you suffer lives, superlatives right right. He understands it was through supervise their very very but what's funny is like Thank you really like that about you, as you should like what about me, but you loves many people and you feel that way about a lot of bee mob. Thank you like that about, somebody you should going to stay wanting for it's in the singular reason to be alive, the only thing. That's giving me joy now that I don't do drugs or drank the air is interacting with the people. I live for We have that to run, and I get a ton of joy from the people around me, but I dont think every one of those people is my favorite person on the earth. I still love them and I love spending time with them, but doing part of our Americanism ism that there's, like everything works,
with wire DAS. It's like, I think I think the thing to strive for would just be a year, first all kind of unbridled joy. Love for one another and amounts. But again it's not like I'm like that person is not I've ever Burnham, so I'm hang out with a nod and have fun with that. I'm not gonna love that MIKE it's written bang anyway. What my point was you like that about you and that's great. I like the thing you lose everything I do. I like that people are reserved in different areas of sort of special ness. It's all good! That's all valid. It's just there's a difference, in my view, people
Vegas shit Louis Vuitton, seriously. Signal and I lost my Virginia
in a three way. These poor mother say guys, let's paused, to consider for a second why women want yet what game value? I was about to say it s very very long time ago, where they sent attractive young women out on a college campuses to approach at random com. Guys and offer to have anonymous sex with them right, TAT minute and Ninety eight percent of the guys like ok, this man out to ask women on the college. Candidate, random and they were alike- know. The answer What the researchers I was manner promiscuous women are more family monogamy oriented and they did that study again in Germany just a few years ago and controlled for violence, sludge, shaming, exact rape, and they did it with Peters and they sat women and men down and they showed them pictures and they told them. These are attractive strangers their town. On the whole, they would like to have sex with you right now. No one will ever know you will
be harmed. There will be no violence and women were as likely to say yes, Asthma attack, so all those straight guys out there and have encountered so many of my life who are jealous that it's easier for gay guys to get laid. It is, and if you wanted to be easier for you to get laid me the world safer for women and one little ass to complicate matters so shaming is a phenomenon that women are fifty percent responsible for driving. Just about to say it's on everybody to change, not just man and arduous men and women slight shame, I would say almost more than man and a lot of ways. So it's on everybody. We are going to work on it my dad
as for backstory, my dad is Harvey gone. He is like in the race car New Jersey, New Jersey, Motor Car park and the eye are beyond really importantly, the ire, because he really like develop that from the ground. Damn it was. It was in it all, I'm all right out in the seventies and famous in the seventies and then a kind of like the was left. Nothing in their elected. Then my dad came in with love and so is like That's his real, like soulful blue eyes, acts donkeys of race track. You remember that chain. Studies of all along these phronsie bore none. I seventy five sort of nasty. What is that, while it is mostly like a truck, stop type arrest or like cracker barrel, I guess I'm hungry every day to come and go as Gordon Jerk slap inside, but whatever Ngos and actual oh. I know ok for the wise up for the first time like a month ago in our policy
Why were we were invented the Arkansas, since it is not only is it come to see, you know it's a while I do it's kitty. Kate was still we came up with some really funny word. Remember. We re name that while we were there ever what they were like spray and stay here come and go or sprains these up street violence banal more time, they're, just like straight up an exact, unacceptable, its own, primarily in the Bible Bell to IRAN, a clean they added, a keg has its the south. Well
I wanted us another conversation monitor here. They put me hey and from every year they like getting over there and you don't see could be replaced by catch. You bet it's gonna buy now. I definitely take unease ass and replacing it with a z here now but with, but with a historic cuckolds clam connotation parameters into, but I kind of I blew writer every places like one case shy of crispy cream is cake, a we're almost there any with a love creating I or even that together. When you go down south me, it is all tolerated by India any who we love the South Korea, and so anecdote olive oil in a two means, but it did seem to be a pretty consistent division between many of the women seem to be what is maybe referred to Mars, low vat- and it's really midday- in the fantasy isn't in yeah, which is to say it is ok to explain,
how we are going to fantasy. You mean you're, driving home right, thinking about something imagining your weekend. At home. You don't know how you got there all right. Well, we all are mildly, dissociate aiding orbit. Yes, that fantasy is more of moderate, too severe, depending on the person we are living in a bubble which is even language, they use an essay. Where, were you not really present or in reality? So you see somebody and all of a sudden you're like? Oh, my god, I wonder what would be like to marry that person and order thinking where he's going and should drive by his house and arrange to meet him, and it can get story also because it's a war person system, I'm having this experience in my own head and I've never even talk to that person or I have, and they ve been cut a lukewarm, but I didn't notice it State are people assigning emotional states to it,
or when I'm with him and we live in this. How can I prepared dinner? I'm gonna feel this way and you can actually even feel that way, while in the famous he lets her eye because imagination is very powerful and how we create our reality. So yeah yeah There said that preuss said: love is a product of the donation that the other person, something which is really That'S- love addiction, is at its height. I would not have the goal of convincing everyone listening that there is sex attic, but I think it would be helpful because we all kind of have some barometer of what substances looks like I think. Sex addiction is far more closeted,
it is alcohol. It is easier to hide or spoke. It is ya, then you Polly, don't know, you're, not aware that you are doing at that you're. Using all these mechanisms to control motion a lot of times there not aware until they keep hitting a wall if they can't get into a relationship or sustain one. That's the main thing and the thing that they're doing is no longer fun or pleasurable or doesn't give them the same high. It starts to feel pressing, there's despair, the can't stop doing it because I don't know what else to do and that because of the adaptive nature of it, you just doing the same thing over and over and over again, yes, and you can't not do it because you don't know what else to do unless somebody intervenes on it and that The power of fellowship and a power of a programme- What is the
attraction to working with domestic abuse. I'm a survivor myself and it wasn't until very recently that I really came to firms with everything was even able to identify what had happened. Rise. When it happens, it's very complicated and you lie. Yourself, you're being lied to you been Gaslight, Europe in a dangerous situation. You you know you give up was a sense of self rams and of reality because you're stuck in this kind of nightmare for awhile yeah people jump right too. You are physically abused. How could that have happened right? Yes, the data realises generally like a really strong steps en route to theirs. Is that have an EU precursors? Are you watching the hour Kelly thing? I did last year and I related a lot too in and I was really got it
we're having a lot of those conversations causes a lot of ways that you can be abused. That aren't, sets a clear right, there's a lot of really complicated ways that somebody can control. You prevent new from leaving a situation without ever having to restrain year that we do not talk about it. So is it only if somebody hit you just leave. You don't they don't talk about. Is the person that hit you, somebody that you love very much error for a long time, been very nice and very charismatic and very sweet, and you ve seen this amazing side to them and you dont want to believe that's who they are and it progressively. Worse. You know it's not something that just sort of you it's an anomaly and there certainly then apologizing my craze according to the best version of themselves and then you're walking on eggshells to prevent another incident in theirs tension building and then there's another explosion in the new start cycle over again and because of all these misconceptions about what to my domestically, is what it looks like it there's so much. And blaming guides its scary, it's scary, to come forward with that.
So in the end our Kelly example. His pattern was starts by commie, daddy, we're having sex, deploying alpha I'll call you all my wife, what everybody wants that helps her great regular chicken little whatever, okay, I'll call you daddy, and so that starts and then you're getting from over that way to is you call me daddy all the time not when we're having sex, but now I'm always daddy and then I want you to wear these certain outfits and you're gonna, like only want my partner to be attracted me now, all of a sudden, your climbed aerial time, you're wearing lilies of the minutes, and I want you to talk to my friends and I acknowledge talk and then it's you can ask me you're gonna go to the bathroom when you're going to eat when you get a drink and housing. Oh, this is far more complicated than he likes young women there's a lot, a different view, There's a mat transmissions are based sounds like you might be an actual psychopath If we have gotten complex, it is definitely narcissistic, but that is, that is how it starts and how it can get so complicated
Are you able to find sympathy for him at all? I want you. I I understand that he may have had a very rough at the heart of the tragedy, but a lot of people get abused and don't abuse other people. It definitely raises a lot of questions, but I think, as a sir, however, in and the responsibility that we have. I think that he should definitely be passed kiss you our worries, our knees, a monster, yeah yeah, I think, he's totally monastery. These ruin a bunch of people's life. If all that stuff history actually don't know that I won't get sued, money went by assuming that document was an accurate portrayal. Heed this guy's, a fucking Mansour there was a part of my brain going, it's kind of like a nasty d. Man at the person it gives university, but someone If that person is, do you like IRAN ones are victims of violence, uses a virus that spreads from person to person, and that is why it is so sad- and you know a lot of
users that beat their wives. Are there partners grew up intimacy, bonds, households and neither saw family member being beaten. There were beaten themselves, and this is why it's a cycle. Yeah and This is why we have to put things into place, especially prevention and education, so that people know how to prevent it. There were a lot of things that happen to me that I just tat. No idea about so young. I didn't know the things to look for. I didn't know that I was being abused, that those with a very complicated person right tat- I was being strong and- and I think, feeling, any romantic a sea of yours about being in a suit. Mamsie relationships are one hundred percent that was in the beginning was very, like its mean you against the world. Man yeah, my one hundred worry about tat. No one understands isn't it you feel like you are a part of something release. Yeah and they make you meal really special? They make you feel like they need you
me no much like what they spoke about the documentary they usually a share, something very personal with you that makes them vulnerable any go. Ok, I see where this comes from, and it's not your fault, and so I'm gonna excuse this right, Savior, and then you know from there and it gets worse more. As you know, last well as falling asleep. I thought of something that I did a dynamic that I created with a man. If it is the other way around would have been very clearly. Not ok right. I'm sure he would a are designed with easy comedian and he's? U. Did stand up. He writes now is is very successful. Great guy- and I had said- sexual prowess. I was very calm,
and he was very kind of shy and- and he gave me a ride somewhere- and I was talking varies, actually in very explicitly at him. You know, and it was eight it felt like power. I really was remembering those last night, and I was talking about You know, saxon orgasms, and this in that, and I think there is a permanent got off on. Making him uncomfortable and then He said well, when I come, I come or what oh me up and we I love you, but it was then. I M yeah me down like it was brilliant because I was wing, so powerful in the power was coming from making him uncomfortable. And then he made me uncomfortable in this is he did it? I mean I'm in of it really how that coming over the top on the bed,
raising. I see that now fuckin, double that raise. Oh, I don't have great conquered, so I was hoping you'd folded, but anyway, at the point being that I thought wow that was the other way around. We would we be very familiar, what that is and why it's wrong, and I just I couldn't ass goodness. I should call chuckle but you know it's interesting, because these things aren't tit for tat Because we live in a patriarch way, so that guy had the confidence to come over the top. You know he just in leave from the city lives undesirable. I can always fight back. No- and I mean like what I would he said I am I am- I fully support above it and I wish I could member the things I was saying buddy I it was right yeah yeah resigned, I was I was I was
using my power to degrade him in a way. I think we are on the way she. I use marriage just as as feeling power in this, as in this world, you know. I've been yeah to justify it. I should say, name, but I had this friend in middle school and her last name was Canute Sin and my mom or legal dairy products. Can you d, like the cottage she's Newton, Cottage she's, how it's I don't know about that, but it was. Can it's an end her and my mom was like now it's it's that K is silent right and I was like no. She knows how name how arrogant of you tell me. You know, I didn't say that I probably said something worse, but how arrogance of you too
you know somebody else's name better than them like Riad Oriana. That a big one, she pronounces it re Anna, and that is of this extra. Yes, she browser Amory, yes, because it's already our any God the climb up the giraffe highness I got a high me. What do you even suddenly hang out his haunches? I was midnight we aren't as and high quality need ask our first. If you have permission to do that, but yet why would never mount someone's hindquarters? Without you know, some of the consent consent be that physical or verbal or whatever right you eat. We do talk on here, like people ask who are all passes we Christians, are well documented and I never really have an answer cases some partner on the lives are those extra too. I don't think
fine, I don't think it is a drivers. A majestic inner she's got along she's got long torso it now. I know I shouldn't be calling women naming them after animals. It feels. Complimentary. The anyone knows Vienna will ask her if she the complimentary to be called the sex. Giraffe What have we found out that or let's say that Zack brass you found out referred to you as the sex, inshallah. That is why I said yeah ginger. When you, why don't you just visiting rights, anything and no see that's right. There's the breakdown, teaching
you're, seeing her as simply a sexual object as sexual animal, actually not of a search Jura, not a person she's a person not of course sensual animal Schubert, talented person. Huey not enough we can't there's one o clock by the way it doesn't feel comfortable always to have to think. All these men are seeing you a purely as a sexual being. More is done well all pass right now, so it's really I will use that is to say about you said we, wouldn't you want sex in front of any name right now, not sex rat, discern animal, though that you would like to be called sex blank. Now, I just mean it's not all that comfortable for a woman. To feel like every single man on earth wants to have sex, power, because it's dangerous.
They also danger. They are our get into a genuine conversation. Now, would you I do not want people you like to think of you. A sexy in sexual people. I, like nine, every person on the street? No, I don't. I don't wanna be walking down the street and at a guy sitting on the curb to think that or to see my body and think that so I'm complementing myself. I guess I mom, maybe I'm arrogant at this moment, but I I give myself of credit that reality would like, knowing that I'm sexually tractor door, Do you think she waterway, I don't oh, I don't know her opinion- is, I don't know, I'm just glad if you would hearken and guess what I dont know. How should feel about you just calling her that I dont know she might love it. She might make a down. She might Haider Rehab you don't like it I'll, never say it again and if you like it, I will say a saying here yet
Does all this port this kind of notion that there is a approach for kids. There seems to be a little bit of a desire for people to create the perfect kind of person kid. Yet and what I argue sometimes his that know- and this is again frame it in another way too, as I often you're frustrated with Republicans and Democrats it they actually think that if the whole country was either democratic or republican, that that there would be a perfect country, argued no, we totally need each other do said to reach some rational middle ground, so doesn't The world needs Steve jobs and Mother Teresa. Isn't that what this world requires for us too? function. Don't we need some asshole selfish, rather fucker men, redoubts, ok telling us Steve jobs if he were less of an asshole would even picked out of his own company in the mid nineties,
How much more could apple of done between eighty five and ninety seven? Maybe Steve jobs, need to go off and take a different perspective in refreshes thinking. Maybe needed to evolve and become a little bit more mature and a little bit less nasty. I shall try to Walter, I six and about their. So he interviewed what two hundred people who were closely with jobs knew him well other guy who wrote the Blair YA, and he said the most consistent theme was people said Steve jobs could have been kinder. That it would have cost him nothing to show a little bit more respect to other people, and they would have work that much harder for him because they felt like he was giving them credit yeah. They felt like they were valued and loved you, and I think that when people say will you know Steve jobs, look at all the successes achieved, but he was an asshole. I would say: he achieved a lot of that success, not because he was an asshole, but in spite of his asshole lorry in insistence dynamics, there's a term equip analogy which is,
but a means many routes to the same end, ok and in any complex system. That, by definition, is equal file. I hear you're in Amaze as opposed to a tunnel. Ok and so, if you think about it, cable, one way to be you know- to have extremely high standards- is to be a tyrant yeah. That's not the only one here and We all have lots of degrees of freedom to say, ok, what are the different ways and I could achieve this goal and I would love to see more people say I you shouldn't idolize Steve jobs. Idolizes a specific value or a specific skill or behaviour that he had adding his you know if he had a superpower, it was clearly obsess maybe he's obsessed with perfection. They had probably the highest standards of anybody in this industry and so great. Let's take that analysis, rigour all the different ways we can week, make those standards a reality and in our own lives
my favorite things. You ve, and I have a lot of favorite movies ears, but my favorite things are like. I was at a fuckin. Lakers came on time. Look over there bene lasers game, there's like six guys in red vast, I'm not sure what they do, but there had the corner of the court there, the cinema or to go. There is a great idea, but they're not mean red jacket, yet jackets yellow. Does he that even me yeah what they're doing but right and in your hand, like looking over my mother fucker, looked so much like welfare immunity must get that a lot, and I am, I know, that is: will I'm barometer honey, this fuck it, did that one come about, that was that outfit was a gift. Oh Poor, of course, will have a we had a stretch of time or we give each other really weird birthday. Gifts,
gave me a full regulation, staples centre out how they got it. I have no idea but head to toe the line, the tie the red jacket. Oh my goodness, and I open it up. I didn't last oh, my god, why not liking to make known, it's so much the problem is not going to actually have to wear. It will be a complete failure, so it took me like that. Whole season, ok, How do I do this because I dont want up if I wear it in they might go. Where did you get from the rights right. If I didn't know how they would handle it, so I snuck in the jacket. Ah I wore at this whole plan in need is a normal seats at sea. We have enough courts, I'd seed sky and
Chris and she is like ok. So I like so here, if I get to, go to the ground. What do we do it I'll just be there with? If, if I get escorted out, we had all this contingency, and so butterflies, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. So I have everything ready to go. I decided to put the clip on time and the jacket and we're like ok next next break next time out go going for it, so I just throw it on and just up and just stood the way guys stay has with my back to the court. Looking at the crowd. Yes and then there, this became this ripple of like for starting the real ass will like, who is that Guy euros aim Riyadh and yeah? Yes, I started to try to get out on the court of auditors to the guy credit who is closest to me. He was like I just can't. Have you he's what he's try not to laugh? The moment had been torn, don't laugh at stuff right and
you know permission for. No all God bless you of that makes me so how- and so he just said just like you skip just please don't stand the court so I just stood on the baseline yeah. Super serious and then I'm looking around and I can see they must have been talking to each other, because I can see the red coat I'm gonna ring the court. Yes and there of the ear all and looking around cutting their finger to their ear like, whereas people are probably consulting like a proteome book in the annex, as I yeah like what we're? What's our moves? So yet I sit back down. And I'll get it high up on the shoulder- and I notice that shit, was there too. I was like, he's sitting down way over in the corner. I get Half on the shoulder and those in this guy comes up. Ok, I'm Bob ma am bodies with shack. He thinks it's hilarious, he's gonna,
ready to leave. Ah, do you want to throw him out of the game I go? Ah, yes, that's great! Yes, so the next commercial brow this thing just start writing is go health. I stand up and but a kind of shift over then Anna. I keep can over a jack in a heap motion had knocked off. He plays a long beautifully while even actually yeah he starts to throws hands up like what am I doing, and we do this whole little play where I'm like. That's it. With me, and I asked him out in he's so large, so so large and he's cracking up ah m in the head of sick already comes. Parties like the guy's law, You made their way. That's it.
I'm up, so naturally I we have a story, tat, all boy, how we interviewed someone yesterday and I would add that it was a pretty female Gaddafi like that combats for me sure and even these new bars you, Norman generally, firstly, Pollio, and so they fit in to that that zone. He ass white pounded like two or three those bars in the morning and then throughout the whole interview. I found that I was getting very gaseous and I was really holding them obviously want a small space. Has its own discomfort, blah blah blah pour me. We go outside to take photographs, as we do at the end of the interview and, it was a great interviewed early on and we got along with her really well out there, Ben ah were taken pictures and Wabi was changed his focal length at one point. Ours is aperture something, and I was about to comment on that and read as I was about to speak, I get up
our real loud of our Emmy. It came out of nowhere. I have no warning it. It was a big of us. Price to me as it was trying to. Why me why they were woman is longer than the Wazirs LAW Right Junior year, your more objective, the me I do what you have all I've known. I am going to push back a bit because maybe that link with curve but that sounded what's good for you, but his his under wet and mine, in no way anything. I needed to go like check myself for wipers in my meander or why there was a lot drier than that, but up, but I can see that it might have been that lay at a map volume was so loud
the guy had have you ever run through an audition in this one hour break we have. I did so. I miss this mom. Whom is this moment, and there was no missing it if you were within twelve or fifteen feet of other. You heard that why did I was driving acknowledge his eyes far back at the other end, he was so obvious, an unavoidable that I mean these go. Oh my god afforded I'm sorry and carefully that in its God bless her. She was like army. I love that it is far Emmy should clearly just being nice to make us we'll Will you- and I really really I'm hammered this out last night? What are the different levels that go on? yeah and you were like one: that's fine if she said she thought it was funny, and then we were playing this game like hypothetical? What have we had scarlet Johannsen on back, and she too did during the pictures right. I think you'd like that in your right leg.
First I would like now, but then I really put myself in that situation me in the eye. What I decided it was I was, I would either be neutral of of it, or even maybe, he was cute yeah, but I would also be overcome with the codes of course, second hand, embarrassment than I know, she's feeling he and I would take that. I shall, however, call this gale was yesterday. She had to have been like. Oh my god, he's so embarrassed. Now. I've got a comfort. This is like the race the day of the com for people who are apologizing for green raises there. That's different EU foreign and you couldn't help air, and I did not you didn't nine on islands, everyone says I passenger in this far its
extra feeling a bit like? Oh no he's embarrassed, but also the meat pry, the mirror neurons like? Ah, if that's what it is a mere neurons, even of using its cue, you go wrote to how you would feel and you'd feel terrible. Yeah. Oh all. I want the feeling that I find to be the most relaxing feeling like that that I would rather get instead of a massage or something like that, and is someone like scratching my hair airplane, my family called it an icing seeing your head. Why don't? We are amazing, your arm, but that to me is absent. Thirdly, like Lovin kind of our down or calmness. Suddenly,
NEA so Monica was on a trip with her girlfriends to Denver to weekends ago or something gray, so I was texting with Monica while she was in Denver up in. She goes Gotta run about to do hair play a massage with what was the friends. My friend Gina, play a massage, and I thought to myself like I know, Monica really well, the sounds actual doesnt mean that sounds I'll, be honest? That sounds like a porn category. I have you, couldn't Felicia unimportant search engine if such a thing were to exist, which I can only assume that if now and then tat happy time, it says so much care play an massage now. Is there Something that you and Gina like hey before we go out later. Should we do here play a massage now, so we ve been friends in sixth granted at our member how it started, but at some point we started during sleep.
Over is giving each other massages, ok and then playing with each other's hair and taking turns during this Bangalore gluten you're just going to keep during this very low rushing through, like slower, like there are some music is just a lot, resembled she'll musical yeah. So we would do that and then we just have continued to do that or the rest of our lives and because it night it's before bad Yemen liven lads were most sexual activity having arrived before better. But yet, if the thing about it, too, is if you start that in six grade, like you and I may become, like I like you already. We just could develop into something there'll be no point in our future. I go you fuck you and you may reply what before you go to bed,
we have to resolve. You ve got to help me and says before we go to bed in this by the way it was like a two hour or de either due for to tell you, how do you? Let me ask you I've, DR requested Gay, and how do you stay a week so long now think you would just like whoever goes first. I would think that the person we just sleep in ten minute, they'll be so unethical for the other personal really ability reciprocity you have to. I would need to go first. Let me say that I would have to go first in this scenario. I know my second Eugene to be the last one to receive we'll know right, yeah, I want to, I would want to react, was but it's not unlike oral sex with your partner its best for you too forget it over with no not even to get it over with, while your warning here, you're really horny in his own over with, and it might turn now me me me me you're enjoying it as the gear.
Because you're so horny, yes, but if you get it first in you have an organism, your kind of like you're thinking about what's on tv, yet right o absolute. I turn off all the light. Does as what is it April, if we via taxes, would you be opposed to like next time do this and I mean, since he found he just a little bit for Instagram or just for them. For this reason I gotta we know how to deal with just started extreme. What's that without look like yeah, true. I do son impressions, but I'm not what's right into oneself. We could take the long walk there, but let's just say that you're you're friends with what with was robbed Schneider, really here, you're acquaintances with Y know who he is. Rob Schneider, yeah
movie was Sylvester, that's call, judge dread, That's right now in the movie hidden Rob told the story to me: science tells a story is a day. Once the long comes up to my girls, you up a great idea. At the moment, a lucky you may say who Emma look at me why you say you are like Rob, listen Did somebody say who? Are you look a meagre see you other so immediately goes to the directive, goes hey dude wise comin, out media once you have to say this shitty line like war, the law that, unlike what the fuck is, that Rob Rob Rob today. Stay one we're not film
Matt for like months sly will absolutely forget it. Don't worry about it. It's over three months later gather road is gonna Brenda, because see, learn rub I don't see: the lay of the land and the law sale of working life, You know slide, I don't know, but I must say to you: This guideline,
is blue. Is one so look to pose mountain look Valley. The unduly me cheese, you'd things, you don't thing, do you don't tell me you don't know you don't you know you don't dream and you don't know you don't know how come you don't know? You don't know you don't know you don't know you you don't know, you don't know you
there is an insane idea, use society or body that doesn't have a microphone in front of it, so here's where we going get to kind of a tragic part of the story and it Disney story. This is where the parents would go on a sailing trip out and they would not return Her parents reminded us of their great hold on. I oversold that ok yeah, so you the boy. Alas, there was a boy, you had a crush on Yan sixth grade and what was his name. He might live there. Ok, give em a pseudonym Fabio should I say his name Chris Pine name, and I think anything came of your get nowhere. Suave in you. I'm pretty sure he'd like to you right. Yes, So, yes, so Chris Pine was very friends with two of my
a good friends, and so there was a lot of mutual hanging out in these friends were going out, going, steady, we were at the pool. One day is kind of already structured as a double day in the sands workers of one's a couple on you guys are yet are killing each other Liliana game, Cox yeah, any. He and I friend, pull Chris time aside. And said hey. Why don't you ask Monica to be girlfriend, and he was like well would but her parents work at dairy queen which does make sense to me. When I heard it does a Michigan teenagers ran dairy queen right I mean I'm talking eleven year olds, I was just back home with my daughter in a fucking preview message
running Mary Queen. So when you heard that you thought I was saying like her, parents are children, Robarts Watts, ass. Their immature raises make emblematic count the money and the other running the establishment. Now now, but in in Georgia, there was the stereotype that only Indians on dairy queen. Well, we had one dairy queen and in an indian family ran it. Will it be safe to assume that all the other dairy queens were run? That way I mean you can't blame anyone. You see one dairy queen run by anyone. I like I used to run and all the daring I guess that is sixty aid logic. Anyway you're so so he was saying that he could mass me to be his girlfriend, because my parents were indian in fact
The shop was a civil engineer. Mom was a computer program or, yes, they did not work. Derek, there's, no way this mother vagrant a baby, someone with two parents doing some better the map. Let me just say right now, there's no way yet the bed yeah you pointed out. We are promoting chips, like Aristotle, as the first the Tina Lee on a tv, show right there in your childhood. We're like wait. A minute. Wanna do looks like me as on tv there and that's it seventy nine. Seventy nine, which is currently you know, and but you still and then you have Edwards James almost see that was my guy Edward James almost like. I was happy that that's. Why, like I'd
page any of the of the names into a latin name, even if it does a start out that way, characters that you characters. I characters that I plagues, unlike I think maybe it'll inspire some kids. Why some people that are latin but when Did crash up to that point. You had played like gangbanger number one gangbanger number, two ganging lean on three key words in your way, as I thought about it, it's totally true You started probably going bang number five of our and your one of our water goals, change your life, but this man I want deck. I always gets a gang leader here, competitive at whatever level Europe right. You are really welcome gang leader due to my youngest, our work and our brow, and am I going to fuck up that and why pity Bluebeard my gun wouldn't want to work on my New York Access data like that
Come on mom like I've got again later just like, and then I remember, I made up a gear and you know what, if I'm going to play gang bangers like animals, be an actor in arise for so I started play music and then also there's a couple things I'm like and then, if I'm into play and gangbanger hominid, I'm going ply all this? You know all that the my teachings are studying that I was doing for like Sanford Miser and all this act technique and I'm going to plan like a real person, right and the first time that I did I was crash right. Why crash was kind of a real revelation for a lot of people. I think that an answer testament to both you and broadly Paul Haggis that it was the Egypt, Israel Lee generic trope of the ala, gangbanger the shaved had bribe and then use Oh, this guy has a kid nor the sky loves his kid like you like, it was really either is really powerful
I think, right up to that point. Maybe I miss the movies along the way, but it seemed like a little. No characters, were largely filling the same role that black folks always had in the sixtys and Seventys I go, there can be the drug attic and the criminal, and all these things in that Florence, even though starting with that promise of you being a gangbanger and stuff like transcended that, in a way that I think I think, shifted the whole thing I think there's a lot of different rolls being written now and I think that's one of the first big starting points for aid it did. It did change I mean it my career, and I think that now the generation that we're living in his awesome. When you know what do you remember that the breakdowns Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah do I couldn't even believe that I still have some of them.
Where it is really Gwig when they make a movie or a tv show they send out a breakdown and all the casting directors in their listing the characters and what they're looking for the energy and a brief description of of of what they are so that you're like I could play this guy, basically like the first I'd say, eight would be cut. I can only be caucasian caucasian yelling and then and then oddly enough, like number nine would be like african american name. But right now, and then wouldn't be until like fifteen there, it would say open to other ethnicities ass. The best I can do is fifteenth place brighten the day, and so that way, that's why I was like. I don't know if this acting thing is going to work out, I'm still going to do for the rest of my life, but I just not my might not have the type of six and I want to have because I don't think it's out there for me
you wrote in your book that you are grateful that you don't have is because there's a conversation that you would not want to have with boy so I said I was reflecting. The boy was the idea of having to have the conversation that my mom had with me when I was like ten now that your ten in your black boy, you're, basically a man. So your mother said you down settlers in your ten years old, but that's not how you're what happened within our members. We went to we're in Boston where the racism is as we talk is that in the syrupy entangling we go to. Like the kind of drug store where I would go to bilateral cracked magazine and a candy bars my Amity age, where I live close enough. Why might go about myself to do it and so she's, like when you come into a store like this. You have to make sure, You only touch things that you're going to we buy you dont?
with your hands, you don't pick things up and put them down. You have two only touch things you actually want, and this things looking at us. That's a store detective he's follow me around the store he's looking over. Like me, would be standing here, he's gonna follow your on the store, be aware. We your hands are at all times and when you walk out make sure you ve paid for everything. Don't actually take something because it could in a badly for you. In what is your when you hear that, do you think this is all share already go. Oh this is his life on planet earth. Think there's a little bit like my moms. Big deal out of nothing and then, when I was fifteen, I was literally like throwing out of a record store, because I've been here out too long, and they do so. I'm tired of seeing me in there well in their due and you also whereby a creed album, that's true but just you know you, you go
places that people live a lot better than we do and end its true, even Caroline, India. It's it's amazing when you look at what is possible and what we, reasonably adopt into our own lives here. He asked not that hard, some of it We love the home, run with other touchdown. We love the big pleasure, but thank you ignore the little place. I can have a huge impact on your life. Is there one thing you would say that everyone should be doing daily? That would help written these long term effects I give you two because there's like a million of ripe right, that's what is, I think we think about your diet. This isn't a say about being vigour and having begin but but eliminating processed foods and added sugar. People say this all the time, but when you look at countries where they have far less heart disease, borrowing, diabetes far less dementia fear is it the diet? Is such a big part of it.
I'll tell you in this kind of animal squish year around the edges, but there's a lot of other countries like ours right. They did the same They ve had the same economic challenges that have the same labour force and immigration issues, and and yet they continue to increase in life expectancy and we continue to go down and I think it's is that of really invested in the social fabric of a place where people found their trial jobs. When you said earlier, you have your people and I think in this it's you know, it's become the sort of rugged individualism, the darkened the IRA and loan. This insane social isolation is a really toxic thing. I also want to your highness man O. U yours are their eggs. I remember in detail in our own all my own bad shirt and where, where where did we actually meet, we were in a vehicle yea. I picked you up when I was there,
Kate. We picked you and shown up from a very small airfield in Moscow in Somewhere area, Ontario Counter and we all. I can tell you verbatim what was said in the car. I got very triggered dyslexic. As you know, I carry run a lot, a bag, and so people don't think I'm smart, I said at one point I was driving you in the back seat with China. I gonna be the DE. Why ire in Europe at sea. In you go you mean a d wire. Do it yourself I it was like who the fuck is this. Guys, thinks he's so smart meter point yeah. I guess I got really. I was like omit will first, I know immediately Meyer use so that and then the other factors in Vermont.
Full time. Jobs correctly. Might the many things alley, ironically, emits a full time job? Here I mean you're like a joke. When a dyslexic me to know I wasn't even commentary. That is pure compulsion, like up with this looks like me, nosey, that's and have and then we saw we saw, Bear CUB in the road We are driving and I stopped. And you were saying the mothers gonna beat of the left or right. The month of the mothers always are, like you said going into some bear knowledge, and I was like I was on the verge of there's a big we bear and let's just enjoy baby, we become look up further mom like it's a baby bear. Let me again? Let me on all my own baggage, I'm already being someone the I feel less than around quite often, and now someone has arrived is even higher than that in the end he pointed out that I didn't say something quickly, so I'm in them in a pretty pretty big less than tailspin. At this point,
and then we got into this ball. You put yourself in a whole John, and I talked about it later because you were for, I want to add the color in the you and China were friendly. They in fact what I had said. All who are we now, hey now, if she's like Alma, My friend acts he so great, and I got a funny as people and you and you you guys will get on like crazy he's. Actually a prime attali just like that very like tat, and I was like, newbie affair? In my way I was like, are you kidding above all taxes, a machine gun? Rushing guy, you're gonna kick out on these things, and I was all I was all label with like new mail, for and because I never experience was and this just shows you like you stay who you are because I went through so of my life feeling isolated, not hated, but unseen? You know what I mean more literally the
he'd who's driving around in the Ford Escort trying to find the party based on the flow of key as you know it, I'm gonna have told me where the party here we re, where they Algeria and you and I never ever felt in- will any many tribe any clique, any anything I'm, like I'm driving around alone, listen to the Smiths us yet and spray scene in the clash and go and going I get out of here, like I gotta get to anywhere where someone is like come on companies, that's right, the imo or who even like the same thing that link, but in my head because as well We met you got set up to me. As literally like this, this person's. You, like all the things you unlike great
and then I started to acting really alpha and yet no one- and I had again I as I went away- I have I have not raided like I just I just have not read it- does not know boating no boating. I'm not gonna learn to write a motorcycle at this like the Euro zone, and I am I would not like I am I going to do we both dear, but I was sort of like well, maybe Kenny GEO. Take me flying it's not what I was hoping. It's not the whole closely and I was looking for, but I'll take it. You know ok, so One of my theories are you're very hard work or now whether you want to downplay and say that this, because you from the EAST coast- and I think, that's bullshit- I think we all agree. Also you
said something to me very interesting. I think I'm boy say betraying your confidence that these any of us people you ve, never been in it like the window. I really now, for I believe me, I wouldn't do an eighty, nine July, sexting alike and once over the line. Now you know what it is that I get it to my house. Beverly Hills, which is foolish and I walked towards the poor man. I hear that Boston voice. When he's, how can I had shit? We witnessed a pool obeys out? You'd gotten under do we got an unbroken around here, was nigh to make another fix what you subway with Singapore. We do. We could do it again here is here in the pool. When I get wet now we're not gonna get the vote, then you re not a reason to eat all the eye. There must be something I can do besides sit in now. I don t I haven't got it.
But the thing I really want to say about you is in your group afresh. That you are the high above and we are all spoke of there is about forty of us. I think your Christmas party has at least forty people out, maybe fifty yearning to over the last eleven years, if I had it the list a hundred most joy times of my last decade. Sixty of those things are at your house. I don't think you'll ever understand the value and warmth and love that you had to of our life. It's incredible my most happy joy, failed I am doing the right thing. Moments are at your house, it's the most beautiful place to be. I feel so grateful that Chris introduce me. Do you hear like Davis, parts of my home you ve, given me like a whole life outside of this group of friends. I came in with them so grateful for it and I hope I'm like night years old, but you don't deal big brother in that I love you so much. We,
We feel the same way about you and can be a? U give you guys. I saw many people's life, meaning guys. It's really good Yes, and I'm really really grateful nomadic is to hand you wanna, concur moaning, and now I think you saw the Shell YAP Monica building to say was that let me so much and I'm so happy for you that you have found this base with Jackson. You have it It's amazing shall we bang our private together I realize you may be sure see I see
Transcript generated on 2019-12-20.