Conan O'Brien (Saturday Night Live, The Simpsons, Late Night, Conan) is an American television host, comedian, writer, and producer. Conan sits down with the Armchair Expert to discuss the sad truth of bicycle accident funerals, his propensity for kindness after having consumed alcohol and how he has let humility become a guiding principle in his life. Dax is sad Conan never went to the playboy mansion and Conan corrects Dax's grammatical indiscretions. The two talk about the duality between control and chaos, they defend the idea that all parents should be slightly addicted to alcohol, they declare the certain fate of class clowns and Conan denies Monica's request to be friends.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Allow everybody welcomed arm, chair expert, I'm Dan rather and Monica pad its across from me per year, She's adorned and purple She has a lot of weapons at our disposal way, is for her to make her beautiful brown scan pop, and I was wine orange for you as a real, gives Europe pop. very much you don't, but when you do, where Orange I'm quick to comment on it right yeah, I guess so yeah about this year. Things are really think about. If I had anything orange, I don't think I d you do you do well, maybe worse, not unlike this is regular with me- is getting in arguments about what colors what color, but you are talking about two made out. Tomato ray. really well, ok,
so, yeah you're in a tomato blouse, the other day right, the teacher made a real to do about how, as complementing your skin town, well. This is weirdly appropriate because our gas has a very distinct level of militant red, ness melanin melanin manner melatonin that put you to sleep melanin which dictates how dark your skin as well. He has a defect. Is well hold down when it is a fact of genes, and now I think it was an evolutionary answer to getting less vitamin d in northern climates see how little you Jeanne, you could argue in its a its defective that's tobacco. According to my research, ok you could. Are you he's more involved than smarter than all of us? That's true, unite combined he's a very smart guy
I have also said ethical guy and my favorite side of him, which is the least known side of him, is his thoughtful side, in a serious side because he is a uniquely discipline person, incredibly educated person in a very high working person and I was exposed to that site of among on stern show what you'll hear about Conan o Brien, HU, I have my own fun passed with. If you listen to the show, I was momentarily off that show, and then I regained, moreover there and done it a bunch of time since we were or channel and down here gales. with his whole story and it's really fascinating yeah, but before we get to common. I do want to announce yet another live performance, from the gang at armchair expert, we're gonna, be in LOS Angeles we're gonna be alive, show at the theatre at the ACE hotel, which is a glorious.
play, restored cool old venue. That's on January, seventeenth, fifteen days ass, my birthday, we call it a birthday, show, It gets our on sale tomorrow, Tuesday night, Remember: twenty seventh at ten, a M local time! That's yes T Pacific time, girdle website if you want to get tickets for this? W W W Arm, chair, expert, pod dot com and we hope to see you in our home of LOS Angeles, so please enjoy Conan Aubrey an arm. Chair is brought to you and supported by stamps dot com. Monica the holidays are upon, as I love this time a year meet Hale, it's a very, very busy time a year at the post office. Shipping lacks peasants. Yes, so what is a great way to avoid lines and inconvenience while stamps dot com, obviously is the easiest way you can buy imprint official? U S postage for a letter, any package
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I've done your show in the teens at this point. Yes, I'm gonna show many times your. I call you a money in the pocket gas tell that's being serious. I love you are actually called money in the bank money the pockets, not as good It sounds more like a like a twenties english thing, tat you no money in the pockets of fish and you firstly, instinct of the bank than it had been a park at interest rate. This is the right way of want at holding her oh yeah, I have the whole mind hold your microphone. It look like Rudy Valley, it's an old reference. No one listening to apply, cast we'll get it, but what I mean and before we even launch into this, what I'm gonna say and I'm gonna and I'm gonna try to outmaneuver you with a compliment. We really I rolling yet are always were always Roy. Ably are always be always be. Rural always rewrote. If you
member! I sent you of one of the most sincerely emails. I think of ever sent my life and it was after hearing you on stern. It is it's in my top for interviews. I've ever heard. I fucking love that in our view and Even though I've been in real life, with you a couple times and of course, you're quite sincere when we're out realize they hear you so sincere on stern was such a different side of you that I had never really heard and I loved it yeah yeah in this show is boring and sad, so feel no compulsion to be entertaining or funny. Ok done, Do when ass sincere questions. I do answer them.
Great. How long's your penis the wisest of weight at last have the Azores. That's not good, would go back if it. If you hadn't, said flashed out of gone for it mining span, mine expands exponentially put it that way. It's likely hulk of penises. I mean seriously. I am for three I've been with the penis for a long long time, and I am regularly blown away with what a bizarre organ. It is one it is, if your hand just tripled in size. It's almost like a superpower, if you think about it, although no good generally comes from it, it is a free or you, email and we'll go away. If you look at evolutions, it's an appendage. It's going away a vestige of a page going to go away, there's a better way for us to have this transaction of sperm and egg. I bet your ride in a penile, shaft and hangs off of your abdomen and doesn't really belong there. So it's
to go away in the next six million years. Yeah it's a cumbersome which is a lot of business between your life. Your cyclists yeah, that's anew Hobby of ears are like a few years old, I've been doing that for a long time. Actually, what a little less now Now I do more running in swimming because It's less likely I'll get killed. Yet we talked about that when I saw you you're telling me, how do you were I been in recycling for a long time? I have, as you know, I don't think is comes across on tv it now. I'm I'm I'm not. You see your giggling now. I just like you. So much isn't gonna present tv, but I am very long in the leg and tall cat, but I'm like eighty percent leg. So for some reason, when I get on a bike- and I start going I can go forever, yeah, it's a great exercise for me and I really enjoy at my love the mechanics bikes. I love the whole thing. I love by die, yet in LOS Angeles, it's really tricky. It is, but you know
got my first road bike like a month ago. I impulse bought it and what I immediately like about it is unlike running, were on board out of my mind. There is a fair level of danger when cycling and allay so requires your full attention. The I do enjoy that aspect You plan your roots that you're no, in fact I will leave a lazy in that I go out his bride kind of paralleling the subway system. So if, at any point on like I can't go any further discussion on the subway and come back, which aim of done while I just right I'm not a gas and get on the subway you, you got a really be care from this town. In there day of people texting other driving home care. And if your killed bicycle. No one feel sorry for you. You just think we want it. Euro funeral is like what a dick he was I am absolutely in a dense urban area and it is, if you
for Ben. Do. If, if you go to the funeral of someone who died while skydiving right, no one's crying, that's right or you're, just cruelly laughing or cardiac arrest from crack, you there's no, oh, what a loss you're right, that's always present in my mind, if and badly heard on the bike: tier free funeral tier free funeral, my fault yeah, even in Heaven, no one's talking to me now, you feel like it's very weird. I genuinely juggled are wrestle with this, which is, I do have key. It's in there. I have things I love doing, and I do I think, like deck with your at that funeral and I have too little kids are asking me like wanna, fuck and dick. He had to write a motorcycle. He didn't get enough motorcycle riding in the thirty years before you, kids, you know we ve talked about
you still write a motorcycle. I do and you're just gonna run a motorcycle arrest, your life, it might be short life now you can choose, you can choose not to speak lanes in dense traffic. You can make smart decisions on a motorcycle. I'd argue, that's more dangerous one, not splitting light really. Yes, because I look at states without lane splitting laws, a very high percentage of the fatalities are people. Guinea rear ended by other motorists who our texting. They don't fuckin, see the stars, recycling and they blow through so always moving faster than the traffic you at least you have some kind of control over getting rear ended minimally. Do you like? I explained here you, but that's what I told my wife. By that, I think most of what you have going for you as you better. I think you been writing motorcycle since you are too rough,
roughly. I think you came out on some kind of motorized bicycle. I did my birth. My dead took me home on the guest of an enduring you shot out over the virginal Canal like evil Geneva. That's right and landed on the other side of the canyon. I yeah that's so you know what you're doing you'll be fine I'll, be fine. Now we're gonna parents did you have I do of their store life. Ok- I guess I mean in childhood- go ahead of us, or maybe they're really laid back now they are more laid Then they were the Irish Catholic. There very Irish Catholic, if you watch them most Irish Catholic you could be yeah might parents took in and take their a thousand seriously, and so I grew up. In their very funny, and I love him to death, but it's funny in some ways I think they adopted.
Some of the more is that their parents in their grandparents handed to them and brought it into the twentieth century sort of unfiltered. So in some ways I feel like I grew up in olden times that must ensure sure, for example, where traditional well there fear of Alcohol is a means for good reason if you're hardcore Irish Catholic, so I grew up in a dry house. Oh really, yeah, no, alcohol, no alcohol. I did and think I've told anybody this I grew up in a house or there's no alcohol. I've never seen my parents hold a glass of alcohol and in my life I think at my wedding. I saw my dad like holding a glass of champagne, but he probably didn't drank it right and because of that I did not drink. Shall I was twenty six years old relay yeah and how are you as a drinker, your fine with it?
Fine with that. I am a if I get, I think, I I don't do hard spirits, not a guy goes. the bar and says give me I'm leaving your people talk about anything. Gimme air always keep gimlet with the Jubjub. I don't know if you're talking today as at our aim rusty now I am delighted by the work of Monaco. She knows what the drink, Sir Monica still very much in the game. I study she's thirty one in she lives in Hollywood, she's an actress. Oh yes, she has like I'm more where we, the Moscow mules, cameos little hop in its it looks frosty. I will try those drinks every now and then, if I'm I needed, sometimes being a location. I was shooting a travel show in Berlin, staying in a hotel there and had Moscow, mules and copper cup, and I had the Moscow Mule and it was. It was poor as in, but I am most please stick to wine or why
Yeah like her. I stick to wine. Do you really like and I am I don't I ok with it, I don't have an addiction issue, I very much to be in control. I don't like the way You feel when you have too much when I get a m, I guess buzz on jerk I become. I think I'm a nice person, I'd becomes three times a nicer. Which is very interesting. So I am very solicitous of people's feelings. If I've had like three or four glasses, a red wine AY and this is being sought asleep, but on us leave sincere with you. I would one eyed you in any way Dax is there anyway. I can help you. I like your mother, and I love you man guy, I don't say I love you, but I
promised to get involved in your life and help you in any way. You start feeling really benevolent yeah, very benevolent, very generous and then very swinging. It's really nice people have told me that they ve had the nicest conversations ain't gonna have done every now and then, when I have gotten somewhat as I say, and I'd send texture and email you wake up next morning, and you know that dread. You have that, oh, my god, I what did I say for a lot of people? It is something they dread, I mean it something worth dreading because they read it later on its and it's like you think, you're, a good bars and tear bars and I'd like to read pure ass, open with you whatever, and I always look at my leader accessing. Oh, my god. I know it. Aunt em something it two in the morning and we really had a nice time and then I read it its beak beautifully, written, sweet and succinct and
like. Oh my god, that's my drunk text has like the best version is migrant. Yes, it is a. It is a better version of myself will. It sounds to me, like you're, giving me a fax that normally you get from empty, I may from ecstasy, but just through drinking so you're saying, is I'm not done ecstasy? Should I do it a hundred percent iron argue again. So would even know where to get it at all I'll find some. Ok, I'm someone who I would say in me. boy. I don't get it case now. Will I've had a lot of therapy and worked on a lot of my staff and continue to work on a lot of my stuff, but I would say in the Eightys and Ninetys I'm someone who would have been healthier. If I had handled drinking.
we're taking some kind of drug yeah mild drug? Like you know, I've been smoking pot yeah Robert smile at CERN Alive once told me, you're, the only person I know who I think, live longer. If you smoked yeah because I was so key die. We while- and I was so intense about what I doing when he said it. Taken as a joke it it clicked he's right. If I had a pack of marlboros- and I had a lighter and I just stepped outside the writers renown and smoked, a couple came back in what or damage that did my lungs and my heart would be offset by the peace of mind and gave me Joe. I cannot believe that I have the gene. the Red Head- Sort of Viking Jean troost- that two days ago I got up over the weekend. I got up. I
I did have a great night sleep. I went downstairs. My wife had made coffee strong coffee. I had four cups of coffee went back upstairs and went to bed with Africa, so goodbye. Now I I I don't, there's a Buzz saw inside of me that grinds through medications and same thing. If I go to the dentist, may give me novocaine, though, give me much more than other people and then they got to do. and I feel everything and they say: oh yeah you're one allows your redhead, so I guess that's a thing. You'd like these others use areas. Maybe your metabolizing all the time it's having lies it and spit it out. Yeah your machine of your if you're
hard core Irish, which you are you're as islands at your pure, I'm sure our irish people, Pierre. No, I am I am about, is I am more irish than most people. You would find in Ireland that for some one hundred percent in this over very hike occurrence of addiction and that that the gene, the addiction, Jean so likely that yeah, you does have. The good chemistry did like handle all that shit, we're your parents, abstinence from alcohol, a reaction to their parents or mere parents had been dries well. They were talking about all grant all grandpa It's all for grandparents, only goodness, both grandfathers buzz grandmothers, never alcohol never touch their lips, and this is the thing you come from the same. Massachusetts and it's the nineteenth early twentieth century. live in farm country and your Irish Catholic,
There are two ways you can fuck up your life. One is with alcohol and the others to get someone pregnant before your marriage It is instilled in you without in being spoken, its passed on. the genes. That's the way to fuck up. That's the way to lose your life and be disgraced. So these strictures mores about you now, sex and alcohol are really hard core and you listen. You know it's interesting idea. I lost my four. any during Obama's second term. Ok right right allows him, bring that up an that's very nice of you. Had your folks yeah, my my for his report and thank God you waited. So I waited a long time here, yeah end, but I wonder what
Parents do, while my there very smart people. They were both sort of the Irish Catholic Rock stars of of you know, fortys and fifty's there, their parents, not going to college my mom's dad directed traffic in downtown Worcester Massachusetts. sir was the language the mass here and my mom was where's my mom, my mom, a complete, they through hard work I got herself a full scholarship to Vassar no shit when not a lotta, Irish Catholic men from Worcester going. Are you lay fifties, a lousy that there will be? No, no doubt a late forties early fifties and then she got herself a full scholarship to Yale law School here,
so and then she has all these amazing syringe. It's funny shall tell stories about well when I first started clerk ing for states you know at the letters like Ruth Vader Ginsburg story yeah really yeah Ruth later Ginsberg stole my mom story that make sense. Now my mom was one of those people that did this incredible thing, then went to work for a big law firm and again. This is a time. Think early madman episode, the other training her very well on imagining show it was very h, was not better at all she but just say. Oh I loved every one was very nice to me and then she'll tell a story about well the time that we are working on a big case and that it was time to eat luncheon. Everyone went into the executive dining room, but they were nice. They set up a little table for me, oh geez, out on the all well my group, because women were allowed me in a executive, dining room and in Russia, within anger or spite she just has this and has this
it's kind of what it was and that's what we dealt with and it was ok and I got through it and then she had six kids all same time. One every three weeks for a while hair, so unique genetic ability of the Irish is that we can. We can Three babies a year. She never checked out the hospital, so she did not ass. You, like I'm good. I like this bed, so one a year for awhile. There's a practicality too. That generation is sure, today. There is a lot of, I think much awareness, obviously with me to movement different, which, which are fantastic and people speaking out in their talking, and there is much more of an awareness, and I feel this is much better world. For my daughter over boy. I feels, and so everything is happening. Now I think, is, thank God. my daughter. This is the world that she's coming into, and this can be heightened awareness,
You know my mom that didn't exist in nineteen, forty, nine nineteen. Fifty and so there is a practical Neither does it well. Let's push ahead. Yeah I'm so happy ass, you his aggressive what I've figured out that I like about, reading street, which unites sharing common, is ah it is comforting to me to recognise that oh, it was Much worse, it's always been much much worse. Exactly it's a bit pertinent to Know- and I think generally, we will not have a great grasp of what actually was like it's not to say, shouldn't keep fighting very hard to move for, but also recognise, like husbands pretty amazing progress. All you have to do is mean: one of the reasons I loved also love to re histories that right now or at a time when there are many young people not best Jen Access
but millennials and there tearing their hair out saying it's never been this bad and I keep saying to them. Oh no, always been off. It's always been awful and not only had been awful bite Its nation of ours has been a work in progress. She manatees been a work in progress, the twentieth century me for of the nineteenth century was terrible everyone thought when the nineteenth century is over. There is a new century. Now twentieth entry and mankind it's getting smarter and countries, now have they sheriff, banking system, we were lie, and each other, the soul
literally in nineteen o five nineteen o eight people are writing essay, saying there will never be war again nearly a year, and then we have a look at the world Ferrers back yeah. It was almost like they were celebrating refinish we'd, finishing we're dial the word dialect trysted went away done, we have electricity and only only one out of three children die of the four five now and so have for us. I say, but then you look at the twentieth century and between World WAR want world war. One was so awful dreadful. It's very hard looks anybody howl there are just imagine giant, meet grinders that your feeding the the fruit of a generation to on both sides and that runs on for four years and nothing is accomplished in when it's over. No one knows why we even did that and the tables perfectly sat mouth her whirling resume, the bigger yeah and then World war, too, is in
many ways worse and then that ends with us. Inventing nuclear weapons and just people say we ve, never been more split as a country, and I keep saying there was a four year war when we The sight of the country was trying to kill the other, and then I had this thought the other day which is: could there be a civil war? Now I thought that the tricky because none of this AIDS, the dough. get along their they're they're not attack. To each other when it was north versus South yeah a whole cha. could say, we're together and you. Travel from sir of Carolina, there was the members alliance and lose amazing Dixon line now. Well, California has linked forces with New York and you think we'll how we wait. A minute has outward and then in anything to myself. It's not even California in New York
San Francisco, in LOS Angeles, heavily forces with Manhattan, but not state New York hates Manhattan it. So, as NOS invading now raise no is invading LOS Angeles Rakers field is helping Fresno all of organs, closing Portland on Portland yeah, and then he accepts exactly and then there are. You know the Portland his trying to join forces with Seattle, but EAST Washington has attacked where we're all gonna be bit so busy with our podcast that they would be now will be overrun, it'll be a bunch of hipsters making. I just made a gin, it's pure, so dad dad dad dad must be kind of a confident guy because, as is, is massaging cystic as this sounds to say it takes kind of an evolving man.
in the fifties to be married to a woman pursuing a career in law. I think he liked that she was bringing money in the allocation of aid that is at an end. Also, my diet is similar to my dad is my dad. Is and was, I think, highly evolve, my dad's also brilliant guy, on his side. He, when God, we'll scholarship wholly cross colleagues and full scholarship to Harvard Medical School. where he likes, you were just watch on my way less than before us. Now, with your accomplish yeah, we should, for us anything shy of prioritizing talk a little time. First mission furs, you heard as yet there is still time on twenty twenty. Eight if I don't even Melloni forty, I thought even lines out about the lack of this. The someone out there, who knows immediately that now that's not an election year
but no he and then he will turn a doctor microbiologists and he and the early Seventys was saying we're over prescribe being antibiotics and everyone was a shot up yeah. Antibiotics, should great what's the problem and he and a few other people literally and full were saying who could be, it resistance, sure and people blood shot a nerd and made them shove, my dad's head into a toilet and then give all the cattle in the area giant Falls stripped the mice and nerve whatever, and my dad was so use in research in and still to this day, He wants me giving out his age, but he still goes into the lab and partners around here. He goes in the lab working to mean his big project in his life has I'm trying to figure out how to track worldwide is our way
track worldwide. and I'm sure I'm I'm butchering the acid of what he's trying to do? I'm just gonna give you the basic spoke out. How to worldwide. If there is an if there's resistant bacteria in in in Chile and it, how can we if it's also showing up in Amsterdam, and what does that mean in which the best waiting bad. It's on my dad AUS started back when they had punch cards. He was trying to work on it, Peter sittings are big, IBM yeah now he's got this computer network and he's got these young people working for him. That's if, on fact history that IBM was sending guys over to help the Nazis with their computers. Do you know that with a punch cards,
I didn't know that we'd better factor I may have to be believed that they were already have you just gonna talk that somehow you have your Ebay does land or an identity. Yogurt was actually have you had project of Himmler, just gonna start saying staff now state arm chair there we are are brought to you by sleep number, a device that gives me a beautiful night sleep very well. Rested there. very well rested. My sleep number is eighty five, my partners low down in the seventies, I'm firm she's a little soft like your personality, is very much like our personnel. These things for pointing that out was in the holidays, are upon us guys, treat yourselves Sometimes you know what I'm saying
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soft. I feel like a mean snuggled from risks to angle yeah. I think everyone needs one of those there so cute. You should every by your partner, a one, see this Christmas and guess what it yourself. Wanna, be matching love matching as a couple cell phone that clear matches it's the best solved his honour in the world? We get so many It saying I actually went bottom for your suggestion and they are every bit as good. As you say, yeah hourly we get those. It's made a micro modal fabric, which is three times softer than cotton. They're gonna start releasing new prince every Tuesday love that so far I like collect. Staff management and collect those. I gotta get myself into some Christmas me under me on these as a great offer for my listeners for any first time purchasers when you purchase enemy on these you get fifteen percent off an free shipping. This is a no brainer get fifteen percent off a pair of the most comfortable unease you ever put on to get your fifteen percent off your first bear free shipping and a hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed, go to me,
these dotcom Slash Dax beyond these dot com. The tax, so that its afore in conclusion that you're gonna have to go to Harvard right now, a guy, I know they go like hey you, we did it. No, they did not do that at all, because when one both your parents are working in their six kids it there was a krona, see healthy amount of look. They chaos, but what number are you in there, I'm third o per se. We are a metal child and yeah might none of my. Neither my older brothers went there and my Sisters didn't go there and then my youngest brother, whose much younger than I am forty years younger than I am I just through that out of fire associate anyone's attention, he ended up goes inheriting employment
saw very nice very nice yeah he's he But yet was not. You will go there. I think they were happy to see Yes go to a college, real, Quick Lodge simple question who on earth was raising. You guys was the older brothers in charge. When my mom didn't work for a while, and I was young, so she took time ass, to have my brothers and my sisters and then she went back to work I just before she had just in time, whenever ass gentle, yes, so so she was around. She was at home, the person that alleviated tension, there's a good have got ably a teenager and makes an like a terrible too in the mix. I remember I was a highly anxious kid, ok, very
yes and what brand of anxiety, fearful of the future or no, I just a free floating. It took me a long time to figure this out in what I kept journals. I was a kid and I there's somewhere, but I don't know where that and I've tried to find them, and I can, but if part of me that doesn't want to find them, because I think they were pretty dreary, I think Yale. Fourth, fifth sixth seventh grade was a pretty intense, anxious kid who did You have a sense of like I've got to accomplish somebody at the gates. I did yet is genetically We know what I don't understand. I thought I thought about it. A lot and I've thought about what maybe I was, stream. We determined yeah and as a young kid- and I dont know where that comes from, and I have a theory that some people, Just have that sure
and it's inside them and you can put them anywhere. You can put them in Antarctica, but if their meant, to do what they're gonna do they're gonna end? If there are meant to be an comedy, they're gonna somehow get down a bright citizen. We gave them. They're gonna get an audition for sound, a little satellite something so dull satellite, you see be our they're gonna you're, going to figure it out, and I mean well. Is it you children zau. I wonder if you ve had this experience where, like my oldest, we have this pull that support this morning in our backyard in I just watching through windows, so as not to impress me anything. She just tried to start scaling it and she just did over and over and over again for about ninety minutes until she got to the top- and I thought well, I can teach her that she is she has that I dont know why she has a cheek. She just won't quit. You gonna be a stripper
I always using promise. Our legal system assess their assessed with working a pole and I'm sorry I overlooked the very obviously I was that you did that your party did. He asked her to absent during throughout. She didn't has for another. Is the I thought she took her shirt to get more traction on the whole army was poor. Some sugar on me playing there is, you know you cannot you and still that in somebody it's in them or it is not in them, but the ego right the ego a little bit We knowledge that are admit that it takes a little bit of the accomplishment away from an do. You think like if you, if you dont diagnosed like what the fuel in the tank is in you. Like, like a soldier hardware, to do this and then you feel a little less. Meanwhile, prouder yourself You know. I think this is a big
with me as humility. It's a big word for me. I'm get enraged by people that think they are where they are, because they completely got themselves their rights and remembered once at the she were? I was living on the EAST coast, I think working on Saint alive and aims to sometimes take em track to go visit, my parents and a member being on an Amtrak train and getting on and all the its were taken and I was standing there and this some of the people they were sitting had a real superior I too about the fact that they had a seat. I remember too Looking annoyed that like, why are these people standing here and why didn't they just get seats, This is a perfect. You know I got on later than you did you got on earlier, and you have a sea and I've always had a lot of the sea for I think growing up
the way I grew up in having a lot of anxiety and being a terrible athlete. When I was a kid and not quite figuring, what my jam was. You know comedy, which was my super weapon with something was only known to my freely good friends of shy. You weren't a class clown or is not a club of always said class clowns. Rarely make it uncommonly. Like Steve. Martin was probably not a class clown near class clowns die and motel shootouts. You know that the good kid the Lahti straddle both lines. Now you I was I ask why I got class clown yandah but yeah. I was you know and allow those motels work. You ve been shot out many times. You have returned fire and you ve got out the back, but I Well, I guess my point: is I don't, Why I had that thing in me.
It makes me need to do this and I've kind of given up trying to figure it out. It was it because you were trying to break the stress of the house. That wasn't your role. I would say where you trying to beat people to making funny. You first like there's some kind of pretty well worn past, devaluing the sensor it I was there, a lack sick, and so I had and still are yeah some permanently disloyal. Now, I'm sorry saying what you know: you're, really your ear legged over the past ten cent- and I fully he's sorry. I was dislodge fifth time. We point out my tens ease his ideas right, I'm just giving you honest someone's. I will say that yes, I do think that I was aware of some level of tension. You know- and I think there's some misconceptions about my mom- didn't go back to work till later, the game, and my
that is working in academic medicine in their six kids. So there's he waited for you at the perfect parents. Yeah was an area with some. There was some. There was some creative chaos there, either not drinking to alleviate, like you'd ever came home and had like three highballs much better child.
Yeah I mean what are you wearing your aiming for is the apparent that came hit that sweet spot you dont want either you now want to sober or an alcoholic. You want the right up. The minutes, the b, which dad who comes home and says, make me a stiff one. He has a drink or two, but he never seems intoxicating now. But he's is so much more tolerant of hearing about everyone's day. He is endless patients now yeah right. That slows subtle, buzz, sneaking in so always exactly so I'm yeah. I desperately think that down. My childhood was ruined because my father wasn't a heavy drinking that I got. What I'm saying that you know that take when we promote this episode, that'll be like Canada. Catch lie, yeah with so many new, not drinking for yourself, you're drinking fear to shoulder, but you get to harbour. You have this crazy compulsion to succeed in your work
crazy hard. You know you have an insane worked. I was what I took away ass on the stern interview highlighted active at the risk of sounding. You know you don't want, you know, I mean I see another people to like a sea at some. Unlike Tina FE. If a who I have incredible respect for I look at her and I say she has an insane work ethic. Yes, very hard core work ethic and I'm so impressed with her career accomplishments, but a most impressed by the fact that that she, I she's always seem to me like someone who has a really strong moral compass and works very very very hard and I think, there's she's, not an accident, there's no Tina phase and and and I've really believe in those things I think if I have a good moral compass and work really hard movie. It is a very dicey observation to make, but I think you- and I could both agree- that, like Chris Farley, just born like you know, point a camp,
Let him put em on a stage, no matter what what's happening. Just are Belushi, there's been a universal people to an and in there people that that just broke their fuck him back in create so you're you're. You didn't come outlet Chris Farley. Now your ear like I'm gonna write, that's a say: spot. For me, you know what it was. I What was there are things you have that you're born with an eye very early on could make people laugh. I dont think that something you can Oh I'm not funny, but I'm gonna work really hard. Well yeah. I know I do think what you can do is maximize what you have and so long before I was Workin added anything I mean for the long. Time even well in the college. I didn't think comedy was a profession I honestly did not think it was a profession I thought and inappropriate go to law school or I might
they're a school of government. I may be a serious writer it didn't occur to me. I got on the college here magazine and saw that other people had turned comedy career. thing I enjoyed most with something that you could do for a living This isn't funny to me is that people it them. it was. This thing I worked so hard to do when I was a kid because I had a compulsion to get somewhere. I knew I had to get somewhere, but I didn't know where I knew I had get somewhere, and then I get Harvard anyway. The real, arduous journey from me. Anyway, that's how it felt and other people could say sure white guy with parents went to great colleges assure was rawhide, but for me it felt like a Tolkien. Ask adventure, with many missteps along the way, but then I get into Harvard and
I get into comedy always wanted to do was live it down. I hate even talking about it because it back there's always baggage that comes with it. Were people think of a guy. I think I'll, know I'd. So if I could rewrite my bio right now, the end just Lou that would rise, so I nothing worked so hard to get there. I've had a few people here who went to Harvard, and I bring this up all time. A good friend of mine, Christine Kane. She went to Harvard then, with her many times when people this college comes up in every time, she has to say I went to her whenever the oblique Emilio mocking thing- and I was like it, what what'd thing observe I would have thought this is something you be so proud of your whole have interests. A big pay now asked now and make sure not just as much as I am refused a bitch, going with us. You have to like try to get around
you're saying I went to school in Boston, there's all the acts you guys now yeah most born Erin care about the Harvard of it, but the the her lamp whom so I just saw this for the first time. I know what you get is because of this little cancel right. You ve gotta clubhouse and is an area that only you guys of Banion. Yet is it like our words. Is there some exciting going on in there? Or would it disappoint me? Everybody, the Playboy Mansion now they actually invited me once in like the nineties, and I said no and they were like they were like what he may know, the actual the woman on the line said. What do you mean? No- and I said, it's not going to be good. If I go, I'm gonna be self. Anxious and she kept saying wait. What are you talking about? I said: look if I go. Everyone's gonna have less fine and I talked myself out of going to the play by mansion well. I wish you'd gone because I went once for Halloween Party an them as I a rhythm like. Oh my god there. It is it's amazing and there's a game room and everything in his upon close every time you got closer to something you like
Well, that's a really old phone system of you. The buttons are broken off slowly, you realize the whole thing was just rural run down shit. That is the best. What you just said unwittingly, you ve stumbled. Nobody has fallen Ellsberg words into somebody. You, like Mister Mc Gowan, Adam, like clues, no trip and solve the case that experience in life has been over and over and over and over again, is that if you idolize, something if you idealise something if you put a place her person up on a shelf the best thing you can do is go and experience said: and I'll say it about Look Harvard defines but I had not spent my life it's going to move,
wonder. Is there someplace sure she had some place? I've met some really smart people. There. I met some really dumb people. There right have no magic beans there that they're, giving you I had the same experience over and over again in show business skills. The greatest gift in life I've ever been given is too been given. So many of my wildest dreams to recognise all those things won't make me feel different inside now, much as I was so they would be so even use the EU even though I know that I think about you, Vienna, as the now in the town, You were there and I think I know it must have been magical, but it was will hang it up. I'm gonna qualify this. There are magical moments there are moments that, still to this day, you know because it's a point in your life so I'm not gonna lie there a little moments here and there in any one's life and am sure in your life is well. There are moments you have that
stand out that get this sort of gold then you over time definitely being young and going to sound alive and suddenly being in the room pitching and ideas Dean Martin Minister, one of the main things like China life. Is that Lauren I don't know where he got this but had been in show business that long, but four stern alive, but the during his I had had were very much you wait out here. While We go through the sex levels and then go talk to the talent son alive. You suddenly you get to this place us twenty four I think maybe and they say yeah yeah, Steve Martens in their Go Tom, some ideas, because the house, people may be done now right, the house. They spend the weak there in their generally part of the writing. Yes right, they come in, and so
go in and there's your idle mere absolute eyes all your idle steed, Martin changed my car, cept of how funny a human being could be that whole For me that Euro Steve Martin, yes yeah because these things are generational. He did things that I didn't think you were alive out to do? And I'm not talking about like the arrows through the head kind of Steve, Martin right but his chest, his attitude, his completely brash attitude, and then What I love is the intersection of smart and so the two circles, and when you can get him close to each other. There is this for they intersect. This little point this is this narrow, action, Martin silly come together and that guy nailed it now and then and then attach like a ten thousand volt battery to it
couldn't believe out in the same room with them, are ya. and now he tells me I'm his hero. Does that true? Now, but I kept sire. I really did you held a long held there and I stared at you. You know those doing going through my mind, like in Canada, something I don't know about. Like you, save some people that were at sites like a maritime rescue. I need not and Marty Shorn were in a dignity, they weren't a dingy and here is gone under, and I was in my does. As you are. Yes, I had as the S S title VI, save them. Yeah, ok, that makes a lot more sense than we now. I think, there's a really- and I dont know that you ve, looked back on your life and actually thought about it. This way, but you ve done some you equally brave things and I dont know if they were motive at what they were motivated out of I'm curious, but you are sentiment live for three years and that's a dream job for anyone that went to Harvard was in the Harvard Lampoon and then
the three years you quit that show near and I didn't have another job at the time right and it this this to me seems very inconsistent with someone who's kind of type, a and plotting and gets into Harvard. So it's like you you're, very much taken safe road. So often it what was happening. Can I guess, for your anxiety. I think you're drunk to writing because you can control that world map piece of paper yeah right. So it's like you're, totally powerful and effective on this typewriter in. I don't know that's what it appeals to performing about me as you think. When do you think I was writing typewriter in the fifties
You started weren't, you writing a lamp room. It was a steam power to Taiwan, not by our that you are moving them. Livable types when I was edging the blocks dip in the act of additionality. I know that you are very drawn to control what here s, what I did something you can control here's. What I think I because I've thought about this a lot, it's the sultan the sweet, it's the yen and the ANG. It's the tension between control and lack of control. So there's two parts of me: none of us are one thing, but I am exactly two things It desperately want control and craftsmanship, and I desperately want chaos and to be challenged, yeah and those two things are constantly I mean there's it's it's a struggle, because I commit to things and I say I'll: do it and that's the brave part of me and then it starts to come upon me that I have to
perform at the White House corresponds to an end and fire, low President Obama in front of a hostile crowd and I'm why? Why did and then you ship, and then work ethic. Let's walk really hard all the time to come up with the best Joe. He adds almost your creating situation either create negro you'll have to dig it out, yeah Dan, similar thing and that's what I do is say: yeah and know that court does asked her and then his white young people, all the time you have less to lose than you think I see several times in my career, as were blows. My my have said yes I'll. Do that and I'm scared, I'm saying it: it's nothin, I'm insane or have a tumor right. I'm very aware.
As I'm saying, I will do that that this is potentially does. Asterism life ending year and then I start going to work getting myself out of the jam so zoom, I was going to use your leg going through the groundlings and Three days a week going, I'm benders saws like crazy focus, control freak, and then I needed to just right. I needed relief from that values. It was the uncomfortable we met y know so my hand, Is that your out as the now in your pretty much do queen about a spectacular as you can do at twenty four years old. In Maybe your disclaim, ok, what I was expecting a certain feeling from all this in that? I don't have that feeling than I need the kind of regroup yeah think I I also head
was in a relationship that it just stand: aha and one reset. I just wanted to work Please reset, so I sounds sir, but I at CERN Alive, didn't have a job didn't have a place to stay. And Eric sound me, an apartment that I could stay and on the upper West side gives the people there were gone for like a month, so I stayed there. I bought a book, Seamus Heaney, poetry walked around New York and sat on benches reading it and I said,
Yet now- and I am ashamed of our very sorry that I I walked around New York and red poetry on a bench, a lot of people saw your like fuckin somethin. I literally, I literally I literally rap day of your magazine around our three books, so people would think I was a little you're or not Missy New Zealand, you're you're you're, not blending. Now it was a bad one tall red hair. I now had looked like it was bad. It was like big bird from Sesame Street was reading, fair, told the rack, and there I was completely lost and that's when there was an opportunity, the Simpsons, an eye which they didn't higher much back. They were not. They were Stoke. I think pretty much working off the original group right, that extremely lucky, because I got in there now. People are always coming up and saying like, while you know seasons whatever with I was there. I can remember for
five. Ninety one and ninety three yeah there I, while that had very very little. If nothing to do with me, I kept the sweets It was really nice. I was there. I think your ring. None are let me days under because before you got there, the show was very realistic. Sick. Come Khartoum, and while you were there, it train is formed in your very surreal show, and I think, people love about the show is its surreal illness and its Conan o Brien as nobody for real egg it out. There is a radical shift in laws, ability of the show the people that worked with you. There have said publicly that they believe you would have been the shell runner of that show. Had you stuck around so I don't think we can underestimate significance. Imagine an end. The paradigm shift that occurred while you were there, so just take the fucking commoner. I you're a big on hard of why that show is, Gordon unique and wonderful, MIKE I'm curious
you watch that show after you left funny. I didn't ok, I didn't know not because of any snobbery or anything I or I don't need that anymore. I left. the late night show, and I did nothing but eat sleep, breathe Ah, the late night show for years and years- that's all I did the end I mean just He doesn't want anything like that. I'd buy you said that feeling like I don't enjoy going to see. Improv shows because I'm an improper I dont know I want to get on the stage and do I can't really enjoy its like watching other people fuck. I don't really want to do that. I love to each other
I do too. That was a terrible did you, let maybe the wording we may never made it. My watched people fuck with you. That's when I have walked Hendry Park and we have looked for people who are having sat sermon and when we look in the window and we watch them with you- and I have done that. Count was timely and you have said this is the asked moment of my life. Every time you had, I like us more than Fucking owings, a heavy, Beverly Army, yeah you're, absolutely right was whatever, but but I just wonder if you, if you would watch it show you would have felt like you would have felt a sense of like missing at like. Oh, that would have been fun to know I dont have any. I e I don't care how this sounds is just the truth. I'm someone who would. Rather rule in Hell and serve in Heaven, so very much for me. I always wanted to make my thing jar
and I really need of real good dose arrogance to make it in this business, well I'd fruit and calling guess why call it what you want, but I the whole tunnels at the simpsons inasmuch as I love that show an end. I have read discovered the Simpsons through my son back it cause he started about a year ago, watching the Simpsons and loving it and worked his way. starting from the beginning then hit me. At the sides and was Ok, I mean I'd actually the first time I've seen em have light a glint in his eye of the old man had had a fastball once, but knowing gifts that you should, he wasn't in Latin it didn't last long by ay, rediscovered the show and I've been watching them and just skipping around watching all these episodes with him. blown away. How I mean but genome, shows from
years and years and years after I was there and being blown away by the creativity and laughing out loud at the cleverness of the jokes, and just I mean I'm stunned, that the crew at the Simpsons has been eight. Keep it Gunnar maintain that you maintain, that is, unheard of because even centred on live, it goes through these walls it's a year, they rediscover. You know it's. I think one of the things about the simpsons that helps is that the reference points always the same way its turn alive. The cast you no changes and so you can completely ineffective. You dont checking with your baseball team for life three seasons, you Tony at its all day, when people yet worries the Simpsons, you are anchored with theirs Marge, there's LISA, there's homer, there's bar your locked in, and I think that makes it a completely different said. waken, but I, wanted to make my thing
I wanted to make something that stank of Conan and that was Conan Knee and I and dad is probably would cause wherever you want narcissism ego whatever you want to call it, but I just that was my compulsion was, I would and I remember once when I wid used to get up on David, the groundlings and do stuff and out act out one of my sketches, the groundlings wasn't paid. Ah, you know you're not, may your pain, yeah you're, paying aim to be there as credible, and I would add, I am paying money to be up on this stage and and it was going wow I was much happier than I, eyes as part of the large institution that was making some some one else invented you as much I admired that. I mean I while incredible respect, for it is a very
riding on a tv shows very collaborative its there's. Compromises there is a network; no past there is. There is legal well there's all these things that you could feel like arches, lowly taking their desire for the thing you originally want to do. So it is inherently as a lot compromise built into it. So yeah you long to just go back out, try my exact thing yeah. I want to do a thing where you we're getting a main line, shot of Conan, the fact that I'm leaving describing this using my name and a third version is problematic- is very proud of that and I acknowledge that- I'm aware of that, but that's what I wanted so you tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare
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calm, slash Diego fiercely second time, but I think you're crazy. You, who were on the simpsons that was going well, I'm sure they cherish I'm sure you're, making a lot of money for a young guy, and this Julie came up Let him it was leaving and Lauren approach should be applied you certainly on the replacement, whoever they may be? I was not thrilled with a pretty sir on something where there was no talent signed up yeah, so I actually parted company. I said, like you know I don't want to do that. And I went my way: assumed that I will just be reading soon about somebody else being the host of late night right. I guess they weren't seeing the person that they want. Are they couldn't find the right? They didn't know, and then I think, Lauren
I was talking to Gavin Cologne and Gavin said: hey look kind could probably do at enormous it. You think I could do it and wasn't Gavin year he was my age and yet he was right because it you, often see agents. Take a tremendous amount of credit for things they another new, but in this case this good store yeah. He I mean Gavin had seen me do stuff and I think Lorn had also I had been Jim down. He was always a big booster of mine so alive, and I think he had I used to perform. So the writers laws- gonna SAM you in- and this was kind of your role- I've been told law has it so when you're pitching stories are bits or jokes, you would often asked them. I gather in so you'd. There is an inherent. That's actually how I wrote is I've sit down with a piece of paper and right eye do things in it, My friends, I remembered once I was out with a second: I was out in midtown Manhattan, we'll just walking around with Robert Smile
Bob Odin, Kirk, Gregg Daniels and this attractive girl started to go by. And I wasn't doing it so they could hear me, but I d like where she's you know, she's looking pretty sweet and you know an end. The girl would walk by and I'd go and buy penises two small haze too fat and they and life they just start laughing and then I I keep doing it. Those kind of things, I would just say very confident on the approach. But then, in the same it just crack me up that the same confidence listing the reasons why she passed me by. They were like that's right. What's right that up and the mayor we all road it up together and then Tom Hanks did it and we called it the girl, watchers and remembered, at the time. Our frank in just saying like did you think of this, and I think I don't know I was doing it right. My brother Luke said something that meant a lot to me. A couple of
weeks ago, was the twenty five years to the hey that we had started the late night show it was September, thirteenth, two thousand eighteen October. The look just posted this thing on Facebook, they said, people keep saying to me. I can't leave your brother's been doing a show for twenty five years and he said I've been telling all of them he's been doing and show his entire life, and that is exactly true right, which is I always was doing a show, and I was constantly. Doing a show it if you sent me to camp New Hampshire, doing a show in the cabin for kids. I was always doing a show and I did it come from Fifthly, it wasn't a plan. I just that's what I did. The only thing is I wasn't, I was shy. This is hard to explain a shy, but then, when I little
the ideas would come to me and I work up the nerve to sometimes do them in front of other people and I'd get a laugh, but then I'd retreat again it was not brazen. I was like hey everybody, check me out here by that would earns you? The rare distinction of class clown, yes class clan and we are now an ice. It became obvious how jealous you are of now clowns mare in this class clans, rather child in a motel. She added at the end up. of a garage coming hide cast either way, it sorry and I'm sorry, and so so gabions is why don't you try, I think, and less money just be really cleared. There's proper, documents somewhere? They did exactly say what happened. I says all turned into large enough to some regard, but the brow strokes are, Lauren says to me: would you interested in you know, auditioning than I thought
Dixon there's one those times. You said yes and while I am your pay thinking, I remembered thinking. Could this really happen? I mean I'm I'm, twenty nine, the replacing the biggest star on television yeah. I have no on camera experience, I'm reading books and the poor exam reading you folks in the park. I'm not you know, I'm not camera ready in so many ways are not ready in any way and that help actually com you're. No now it was I who is it we all know and I go when I go all over. India is a met, my best when I feel asking a guy misunderstood. Yes, if you watch my audition, incredibly relaxed and my addition, because I thought this isn't going to happen right. That's library, then I got very scared after the audition because everyone had kind of wow that was
good yeah, vibe and I wise Retro actively frightened? I was frightened, ah said, wait a minute. What did I just do? Yeah? You just said a very good applications. Wrote it check your ass. Can't cash! Yes exactly! You know, I did it again because then there was there was a couple weeks went by I think NBC was saying. We can't you into this ed, and so they actually went out and they talk to gather Shambley. Man actually got a call ends. We secure broken back this up as she was in the car with me at the time, but I got a call in- and I was in my car and am I haven't going, early nineties cell files, there is larger than the car itself and I the phone rang and I think and Laura said well, it's not happening. They're gonna get sent. You know, you're gonna get something out of this, but you're not going to get one thousand two hundred and thirty cuz that's going to go to shandling, and then I hung up the phone and then I remembered least
saying hoss, I guess that's not happening. I said I don't think shelling shillings, I'm gonna do that doesn't make sense to me has, he was doing the very Sanders L and he was doing his brilliant thing- that much the idea of doing a show, and I thought why would he give that up to get in there and grind it out every day for an hour, I dont see ya very who observe that who didn't have to do it, and I brought me and for some meeting at NBC remembered. So and got into me. I just Robert smile and I had been talking a lot about what did show after Letterman should be. I got to this meeting and I just I mean half me, like, I said, there's a duality, but half of me wanted to say guys, you're right. This is a mistake and I'm just gonna go back to the Simpsons and I'm gonna go
a car phone. I got a great car foam everything's going as rival arose and re are tourists as they show and it's all go in my way around. This is gonna be great, but this other half look over when I got that meeting- and I said: ok, here's what show needs The Letterman did irony. We have to go pass that He would use your Larry by no means in your Chris Elliot's. They would do sort of a comment performing we're gonna cut to really but improvised in the crowd, we're going to really commit to a bit. I'm not going to wink at the camera. Is we're supposed to be my sister in the audience, I'm going to really play that she is my sister in the audience, even if its Amy Polar we'll have cartoons they'll be music, they'll be appealing Herman sort of sensibility to all this of came out of me and I swear to God. This is never talked about, but in that meeting some members in a room if people they didn't know what to do- and there was a twenty nine year old in a room saying this will work
What we're doing I left that meeting- and I remember talking to LISA saying I think I just taught myself into that job weather. did I do that again, you're or another, and even bigger jihad, even bigger check that out in cash. But but the decisiveness is attractive right I mean this is how some people explained a lot of trumps appeal: the people's right or wrong he's. Not waver he's got an exact point of view so you- and I would like each day they buy- was an idea. You knew what you want to do in that it only if we take anything from this interview which that my similarity to trump almost interesting when you- and I am the tramp of comedy- that's why we're taking away that's what it that's? What everybody we all say when you're not arouse is virtually look. I'm willing to have a clear question here, quick wish, quick glance going back to what you said about doing this show your whole life is it exhausting? Are you at any point like I'm
mentally done doing this show, I meant you know that I'm the answer is yes, but it's not the show. I note your, King and the answer is yes, I am mentally exhausted, If myself some time had ended, be there were also just ask say it out loud, a verbal eyes. A lot of things, like my wife, will hear me at night. Go into the bathroom. You know to pee. you're something error, or so Jimmy brush my teeth and a bit like you idiots and that's what you do it. You ve look what happened like now. I just and its You know I very vocal about I it's not true, that's, it that's a real thing and I don't have to rats, but I blurred out a commodity what we do and what did you do and people? don't know, I think that,
someone came in through the window and I'm fighting them off because they have an exact o blade and I'm fighting them and they I know that I am superintends and I I think back and visualize mistakes I made in the day or even a mistake I made fifteen years ago, I blurred out no, I meant the disappointment that I did that and it has. It gets really. hiring so. I have many times when I say it. Work all the time- and you can ask anyone who works for me I'll go on this long, riff and people will be laughing and then I'll say I'd like to go to the hospital now. And when I, and it's this thing this recurring thing with me is. This is good
Sound, really crazy, but I've had this fantasy for years, where some people listening, not know this, but there was his old tradition in show business back in the forties and fifties and thirties. Where entertainers would they would go to hospital for awhile because of exhaustion, and so Gleason would be checked into hospital in Miami or something and one of the big performers of his day and if hospital for a few weeks and there was no medical care going on and I've always had this thought of God, like the word to go out. It Conan o Brien has he spent he's at cedars, Sinai and he's real cut. He's he's resting, that's all, it's going to say as he's resting and then what happens is I'm there, and I have this whole thing worked out. My head, I'm not sick I have a nice sweet there's no one else. In my room, I've got a big tv but people come dance
comes in and Adam Sandler drops in maybe feral stops by we shall we laugh. Maybe but your movie, we cross the street. We gotta Jerry's dally. They shouted down. We yeah this, so this happened a few years ago. This is my elder. Your tents, you fucked up attends sorry contained You know what I should or shouldn't have snapped at me, and you know what I was at. You are wrong, it's not in me, and I was wrong a snap of you but and I just I mean there for a couple of weeks and what happens is People are visiting and then at some point a nurse comes in and Mr Brian needs to rest in everyone's politely ushered out now, I'm not wearing hospital garb, I'm wearing jeans, but like really nice ugh Slippers and a t, shirt and I'm comfortable. then she gives me a pale and I get kind of sleepy and I go to sleep for two hours and then I wake up and then some really nice food is brought in, not the hospital food, sir. You know and then that's about it week stay there was
yoke similar there in a bad moms where Christians character she she fantasize about being in a car accident, is bad enough. That you'd be in the hospital for like a. We owe you just well too, to rely now. It's weird you mention act as it exactly after I got the late night show the whole world I'll dislike? Who is who the fuck is this guy? What's a Conan o Brien? Who is he they were mad at NBC anyway, cause They had all been Letterman had been screwed over and then the quote gang. I can't shoot straight when found this, this guy and everyone's just salivating, and it was a nightmare- and I remembered so funny say that thinking if I was in a car accident, yeah, but I wasn't killed I'd, but I was fucked up just enough. They would get someone else to fill in for me and it wouldn't be my fault, yes, by the way, so often in life is looking for a way out of anything that it won't be. My fall
trying to create a dynamic got. How are we gonna get out of some relationships and stuff? I did like guilt free, walk away from something yeah where I couldn't be seen as a failure. You know I did you, love Letterman. Oh yeah well, this is going to. I'm crazy! It's gonna Sonic, no, no you're making up that up after the fact, but I used Look at him. At CERN alive, live people used to say probably as I wanna be performer wanted to do what they were doing and had seen. Now I never looked at Dana Harvey. Phil Hartman our MIKE Myers and said that should be me. I knew that they did a different thing, and then I watched Dave and I thought that's him, voice when he is. These centres spoke of a world that revolves around his voice, and I'm not anything like him. I'm very ray unlike him,
There are no similarities, am there are but go ahead, what are probably some similarities, but am yonder both smart fur, but I'm the but I'm a goofy. I am physical, there's, a bunch of things about me that and he has this whole skill- set- that I could never have in a million years, but I looked at what was doing, and I thought that resonates with me- and I didn't first second think. Oh I'm is you know I never thought that I thought what he's doing where he has this little world? Did he were you can create? where are you you can see Dane a certain level of madness, and you have your people that emanate from your vision. That was resonate with me in the end. So you of what I would watch him in college
and watch the morning shown as in high school and then I watched him in college and I ve really admired him and I like yeah. This is, he was my first kind of major comedy crash. I think, but your show started in ninety three and I was a senior in high school and ninety three, like those gonna when you get in the late. My I think- and I the games like when I read stuff that it was some journey for you to get the show what became and all that- I am completely unaware that I remember watching you because I loved Letterman was a big. You'll need laughed. I remember watching his first show on CBS or whatever networking into I was on a road trip living. In my conversations. I figured out how to get in someone's living room to watch that right. It was a very big, the allow super into in years. Sure I was immediately India or shall I fucking loved what you did right out there I thought you were spectacular. I think you like what you set out to do like ok Letterman with this far I've gotta. Now. Can I go this far? I was in for
I get go. I loved the shell so excited to be on your show, and this is one of these funny real life experiences are often when you're, nay, you do your nine. tapping you make amends to people, and I had the opportunity, unlike commercial bright on yours I apologise for my first appearance I Neer show and what often happens when, making a man's. It's not a big deal to the other person. Right was our case. Yes. So my thing was I, I did coke and I blacked out my was woken up, security in the hotel room. In my publicists announced with a stranger and one of us had paid the bed and then I rushed to your show, and I had done poured down Ferguson, who I love so much damn two. I had done the pre are we in a black eye. I dont remember anything I get to your show. I come on onstage.
There had been an animal wrangler out before me and then my joke. When I get out there is, you should get separate green rooms for the animals in the gas cause. I was bit by with a snake and then I fall over the chair, I break the table of your show. This first time, I'm on your show and then used are leading me down the path that I'm so sorry. I don't know what you're talking about you're like Dax. That's it weird name and I like the way you look at me. I'm thinking I must have a story about my own. I added I remember right now I don't know all interview was like that. I guess why and I gave I got good news for you and MRS in a joke. We're coming out with all of you.
At the sides in a high resolution, high deaf seriously, I think in GNP in January, and so anyone who wants to see that this that were what's funny is I've, told the story public and again my perspective so much different than if you're just watching the show like I do fine on my like I I don't know what I'm talking about your eyebrows traded, I'm sure and I'm not telling you need the stories, but it mildly, entertaining no one, really, no water. The. But, from your point of view, you ve got like four questions in front of you and I know the answers to fork of the quite right and I broke right able right in so regardless I wasn't invited back or how many times I tried to get back on the show, and I drive workers and would never have me, and then Tom Arnold called implicit pledge to somebody inside and sober for while they. Let me back on one more time than I did. Ok him up and backup lunchtime, but anyways near commercial break. I said you
hey man. I just really wanna say sorry that I had what's so funny is that all I wanted was to be under show up like working towards getting ratio and night. That's what that's how I prepared to be under shows. I go. Do drugs, NEA and I say I'm so sorry did there and you go. You wouldn't remember this. You go. Oh you, you won't even make the top ten. Now disasters we ve known are now I've heard that that's the other thing is in your mind. It was this huge embarrassment, embarrassment but again theirs. nothing like the voting. Business of late night, television, which is in it. We just hundreds in hundred an hundred hundreds in amendment now I've done over. four thousand our l and then you multiply that by three people a night. What I always backed and honour is when people and their people that consisted
We don't try and their people that consistently come on and sort of disrespect perform and then at a certain point in its not because they have a drug addict, or an alcohol addiction. They just do that then I I you know, lose patience with those people share by other, probably scared and then they go I'd rather act like come to cool for this than here get caught. Trying and failing. Maybe is that, yes, there is a young, pathetic. I've noticed over the years time it again that is very rare winning. Actor from the UK. Ireland, Scotland, England, whales, well come on the show and not be a good storyteller. It's part of the tradition of being an english anger. Now, I'm now exception, I'm sure proves the rule under their people. good or bad at it, but
always blown away by the fact that guests from the UK there's a verb, Oh there's a there's a day. Stress somewhere or something in the water, but the great think about it. A lot of a great actors from United Kingdom like should burden was a terrific storyteller, Sir Richard Harris Repeater wrote tool. I mean there's this: tradition that these eyes, and then you look it we can hold Europe today hold your attention and they tell you a tale right and they spinning yarn and as its react structure needs a beautiful and I've always said when, though, when guys like that when I have encountered the equipment, If that, on my show- and I got to talk to me- no Richard harrison- I get it after some of these people over the years I was told him in the commercial break.
and James Dean ruined actors for american talk shows because James Dean, Martin brando them the brooding, the brooding mumbling. You know I have to do that. This sum is like either of their funding ceiling that show they will never be taken serious again as an actor, yes, but also it just the tale wagging their dog gear inwards. If I'm difficult then I must be a genius. Yeah now lay a genius first and then, if the site of values that are difficult to accept it right, don't be difficult, as in the Euro zone, in the hopes that maybe you see here the foundation, this will be one heart of that peace imply that you need to construct, but when you said that you don't even make the top ten. Is there a cut it? Can you think of
one or two or the with a guess was just annihilated, and you thought how many and now they call really need help on this. The derived exempt lacking on his name, the director of the bad lieutenant Ah Herzog now was not Herzog Oh Ferrar able Ferrari able Ferrar just put you eddies incur able. Ferrar was a direct or eccentric director who end brilliant guy. Booked on our show and he's a wild eccentric and he salmon producers them with me. Since the beginning, Frank Smiley was in charge it's him charge of him and he fled, during the show for his segment.
Ran away gone on the elevator and was out of street running away and Frank gave chase online. and grab them, and I think he may of gave chase and who no one has said, gave chase absorbing the Lincoln Assassinate one club, gave chase but boots escaped so yeah, Frank caught him. Ok, in back made him pushing him got him stage. He came on camera against his will. Ok so's, I so active. and then came out and I think,
big yelling at me. Oh my gun- and this is a mean, look it up on this is this: is you think he was intoxicated? Yes, I mean I'm sure or if not, he should abandon bites and it was. It was entertaining, I think, a member to being kind of like if you ate fifteen clothes of garlic. You wouldn't say that was a great experience, but you'd remember it right. It was what we call compelling vision, but there have been moments like that were have been people that came out. That would give Yes, no answers, and not even look at me. Able ferrari. Would you ever get like? Would you ever be inhumane up in someone coming Conan Ceylon, you know MIKE your first guess. He saw he's he's pretty drunk me drinking in the green or like. Would you ever get a heads up like I get it s? Our group and I get a has someone that eighty eight ass member on a certain show at once, trapped on an island his ad in the way you much to drink and becomes
me can smell it all while and do they think their funnier. All they do is laugh at the thing so they say. A pauses they take or wait too long, but never mind their killing. It right the razor another their publicist tells them. You killed it. Absolutely that's what you're paying them to do now Is there any moment when their hammered? When that's happened, where you thought in it take advantage of this like this could be. Where's earlier your nature, you're out of your jokes. Let him it was very good, yes being Dick, but you loved him yeah. He like he could good annihilate the right people. He always chose well, who s gonna pick on yes, and it always was great, and yet how you could do that. But let us decide our brain. That is not wasn't even a choice. I mean I'd like to say a lover
it's a moral choice, but it's not it's just nine arrow and my quiver aloud. I don't have that. It's funny because there's a cone in that post the show behind the scenes debt I can really make the right there's a howl laughing, and it's me a sure sure he s really me and sort of sometimes they can there like. They cover their mouths because they can't believe I mean so I have it in me. You need a safe place, so if held talks about design and stern a couple dividends he's got a body he calls every morning and he's like you need the one buddy. You can call up its the worst things ever that you would never say publicly. I need that you need a kind of the system a little by have a thing, a game. I playing hauled. What's the worst thing I could do it is I'm constantly thinking of
in this moment? What would be the thing that would really and of my career, and I can't I do it in great detail, and I do it sometimes it moments of national tragedy, or I think I would, if I sure, just tried to promote my show during its national tragedy, and I know it It's one of those they. I can't. I can spin out in great detail these horrific stories were I'm at the centre of it doing the worst and an edge. I do this all the time I go into the booking Department, Paula David, always has the tabloids therein. I pick it up, and I very convincingly open it up, and I go. What do you do tabloid out a five minute and shovel oh, my god I didn't I didn't know. I would like and then start to read a fake story and out and I'll married it without stopping and it's like Colonel Brian, the carrot, topped quips stir, you know, and a late night luminary and quotes
entered the so and so restaurants, in LOS Angeles and said the king, is here loudly, please, Sir sit down, your upsetting the gas in Et Cetera. a boy in a wheelchair. Why really said o shoving the wheelchair over? How dare you heard that boy cried an older woman. You know, if you are fifty years younger you'd be sort of attractive snarled. The late night bring talk, took it out and an ice do without in everyone's laughing. But it's this complete chance for me to create a world rhyme, the biggest asshole in the world. listen and it always ends up with me loudly shit, my pants on the restaurant, escorted out. I hid and none in the eye and then a widow and say she'll, be fine whatever
craziness, absolute madness. I play the exact same game for six years on parenthood in it was basic, I would create a sentence you have to say they ve asked you to present at the academy awards and yes assented. You have to say that I do not know what the price daggers goes. Every idiotic ray you're done that the outlets and Angela received add like you, the end of your career. In there's something so appealing about doing their edges, something about going, ok! Well, that's all I own stuff obsessing about this whole thing as ended. It now on it on and now I get to go and teach literature at a small college and make me aren't you depart I'm done, I figured it out. Ok? Well, listen. You ve been very generous with your time. Have you really really have the only other thing? I want to say that I do want to commend you, because my wife has always been very brave in doing,
this and I think it so helpful to so many people, she's oarsmen, very honest about having depression and not having medication and down. Think it's really relevant because you know, as I do look up to you and I recognise that the crazy work ethic I also recognize that, the illness can be a part of the process gear. It's so scary to disconnect yourself from this thing. That's worked item I mean I can on compared to myself witches being an attic. Like part of my immense suffering, I write my motivation. Is your piece of shit failure, lazy scumbag! Any of you not do this, you're that you know, like I motivate myself by this self hatred and self rolling. Nigeria Spire and have made progress, but I want to work from a place. That's different and I think it's possible, but is so scary, isn't it well, you know, my my dad
the very smart fought for guy and he's been survive. Watching me now, Fifty five years, my dad said to me, I think I'll, just a couple years into the late night show and he had watched every episode and he called me up once and he said I see now I see I said what do you see and he said you're making your living off of something that should be treated and he wasn t was kind. It is making a joke shower but it is also not a joke and eyes. Many of the great jokes tax, as a great shout are, are just the truth. That d ties are very high of getting too he funny in front of people and then add the loaves and the anxiety in the blackness from an awful, and so it's really funny
because the biggest thing I was afraid of- and I would talk to people I used to think I need this. I need to be unhappy to be funny and Andy Rector. the grumbling tonic. The great aunt erector who is one of the funniest people I've ever met. Never will me he. I talked to him because I really was sent saying I need to get help, but I don't wanna take some thing because then, what? If I can't do this anymore and and he said you might find it easier to be funny. You might find that this has actually been getting way land that way. is a huge emanate Andy for saying that, because he was incurred, Jeanne me and but yet, when I went and got I went and when sausages
my colleague just how long interview and- and I kept saying I'm not depressed, I'm just anxious. I'm just anxious and she said do realise that anxiety is a form of depression. Right- and I said I didn't know that so I was, like my hand, was shaking when aid she handed me, the M, you know proscription. No I was it was shaking like I don't I deal with this and I don't want to go in to see vs and get this, and I remember thinking what if someone's sees me getting like what, This also doesn't in immediately in that moment, transform from mood swing to a condition. Yeah like a permanent state. The out you will have to try out and then you realize that it does, I'm not on me now, I'm on
you're living am, I think, one tell everyone powerful. I mean I haven't having a lithium drip fed you better, not videotaping. This isn't funny, even within people who would acknowledge jam on this than there's still yet a tiny compulsion to go, but I'm not on a time. It is now we're right that the whole thing is stupid, that there would be any shame it's for me. It's good Old EAST coast, and this is exist many places, but my strain of it is EAST Coast Catholic. Irish. Do you job: don't wine shut the fuck up, don't be abandoning don't be a baby and you know you get to, I would cite you had gone out. every day and doing an hour in front of people who are having to be on from in that our and then plus some
fuck I want you to do is pod can hold away you now. You know why go on doing you're, Letty, fair odor. Why hasn't hide Canada's your launching a pod care? He let's talk about that. I would love to your lunch. I guess, and what would be a nice. What I have observed from the outside in your life is that it may be its Coralie. to getting medicated maybe a little more calm as you seem to be now taking your career in a direction? That's more just self fulfilment. Yes, each I will now you ve decided here. I do sales in a change. Yes, we're going from an hour to a half hour, and it's totally because I wanted to focus on. Let's do this does that I really love ass, not do this stuff that used to love, but I don't love is much anymore here and so, let's do a half hour show.
I have my analogy is a really good restaurants. You go in there serving what's the best catch the day. What's that you know me, what's what are we really Are you thinking is funny today? What are we really wanted? You today, rather than we gotta, fill These shows were invented in the forties late forties to fill time right and I think a lot of it. ropes from that area still exist when no one needs to full time anymore, because there's hundreds and the hundreds of thousands of late night shows and so the nowadays. There are literally feeling time, and there are things that I was doing on my show, while you gotta have that second guest I'd folks, but up our back and I got a guess because well know why rise it makes sense. So we're doing that and then occurred to me that all these years, I've been on the air, and
to an observer like either have you you'd think O Connor meets all these people on his friends with them. Right now, the common misconception is people are saying: hey, you're, good friends with these people, and I realized I'm, not friends with infringes very few of them. I most the people that come to me, Christmas Party are people that work. For me, like Mr Byrne they're carrying their getting a shadow for me, and I think they re like working for me and they I'm a good, I like to think I'm a good boss, but so I gotta be fun to do. A podcast called Conan, o Brien needs friend where I talk to pee. about. Why aren't we like, for example, I can say to you Dax like we're. Not really friends we are friendly, but we're really friends now, but I can tell you from my perspective. I definite they thought
over the years has ever come on your show like organ along with you great. You have zero interests and hang out with me ass. I wrote it. What you you had, I would have hung out with you in a heartbeat. I know it's censure because you got my email and you email me, your email, you. What did you do? Email, Dubai, yeah. I know what happened we while we hung at once in Santa Barbara, where we live we as we do have a geographical challenge, we're on opposite sides of LOS Angeles we did have a greener date lined up. We did, and I fuck that annex tease me who fucked it up by this young. You blew it up. I did I didn't you it will do at another time yet and went on and we're going to young about what that was months ago. Listen. I know you all, I'm saying is save we. This lively point from the point of my podcast is getting a chance to say Dax. You made a deal
a date with me. That's right, I cleared my schedule. Then day of you cancelled wanting was cancelled. What then, which graze? When I come on your part, guess I'll have got the emails now bring them out. Utopia I would never cancelled day of a dear you in my attic fuck you Conan, o Brien. It was definitely a few is viewed. Is you're gonna go on rights by a few days ago on record interviewed Asia. I do I do ok Never right, listen! All you have to do you anywhere. You can get a podcast. You can sign up for this. Now it's Cairo Brian, a friend and arguing, I'm very sorry, you're gonna good tee, and you are going to hear the truth. we'll be love. Why Dax and I didn't have the dinner and you know what One of us is lying. That's for certain or both of us also an option
in this town. That would be the likely action over the legal action. What really we I from the bottom of my heart. I have a deep desire to be friends because were history nerds, good love, it and you're learning to bright a motorcycle. I've been brain Mozart over several years. I just I haven't. I didn't. I say that correctly. I am learning sounds like I am training will said: does. Did he have training wheels? Four thousand emasculating, wait. You emasculated mere newly into motorcycles are a year. I have a deal with my wife and end with myself. I have certain rules, they only ride it in the house had had a tight circle, that's grow, but it's really fun. So listen. I can't wait to come on you're you're park, ass, witches compromise of France. Gonna try and needs a friend available everywhere. Punkahs- and I am I want to be first in line to be one of his friends and I'm gonna do miss my pledge, regardless of how it goes,
that up. That's gonna go very well for you here. You re you're, gonna win you thank you! Thank you. I canceled day of impossible, but we'll find out. And look amount of glamour, others Conan further. What I'm going to say is the idea that you cancelled several days in advance now abject lie abjectly That's a desperate man. Do you do you know why the excuse you gave him about work, He said he had to work late. That night. Can you really legitimacy used by the way. Would you excuse I didn't like we're going to find. It was Christmas day, I'm workin pretty late tonight. If we can figure out a way to be friends were works, involve it's, no brainer will be able to do. It
can see and rob and I'll be your friend to us on opening up and I'll get a look at the worrying thing all gone, and I love you I really have always had. I think I've had definitely my phone is talk show times on your show, some glad to be with people who like to play, and that is the joy of it now years of just It's so fun when you can. when this is work, suttons wrong. Me I mean I can't get on time. It has to be but relax and breathe and then be present and experiencing at its very spectacular now I will I do for you and I can't wait to be in your thrilled to be here. Thank you for having me and let's, let's talk again soon. I peed my pants about forty minutes ago. I don't know if you did Your tiny bladder, I gotta get a disproportionate bladder. Billion. That means other things are disproportionate out to micro penis, if that's what you're getting terribly
now. My favorite part of the show that back check with my soul, mate Monica bad men very few people are gonna get the song Monica because it was a. barely seen movie for my youth. So I can't even imagine if you're under forty read the soaring any bells, but I'm gonna honor currently, we have a move in the marketplace about Freddy Mercury S. Chair pretty mercury. Did a song and original song for a flash, Gordon Movie and Eightys, maybe even late seventies, and I'm not gonna replaced that song and make it our song. You ready she's the rule the universe, Doo, doo doo! That's exactly x, x, x, facts yeah
she's a ruler of the universe, doo doo doo. You can imagine what was said instead of facts flash the ruler of the universe. Do that's virtually all the lyrics and the song and was it ahead now, but it repeated over and over again throughout the movie, and now, as a cell boy, I loved it. Yes, US investment, yeah, does like a call to action. Does it does? Were there were there any juicy facts again: Conan Camp Coney and O Brien? Yes, there were some facts. You said that stuff. Its without lanes. Splitting have a high percentage of motorcycle fatality is coming from rear ending, which is why you are condoning lanes.
Pro lanes living. I didn't really find any numbers about the fatalities in the rear, endings and stuff, but the price, President and C of the American Motorcyclists Association says lanes, budding, keeps writers safer by eliminating their exposure to rear, end collisions and it helps ease congestion by effectively removing motorcycles from the traffic lanes. So that is the defence did, I say in the episode how it started. I probably did of why we haven't. California. Nowhere else, because motorcycles up until the eighties were all air cooled, and so they needed to keep moving or they would over he, and there are some all these motorcycles broken down in the middle of traffic, causing further traffic issues are on the side of the road where they were safety hazard. So they decided what we just gotta keep these things moving, so they dont overheat. I see that makes sense, but have why only California, so hot here and the traffic was
the battle motorcycles are sitting about Florida. Well again, I think we'll I've been to places for me, I rode once my old Harley through Denver and you can't lanes, Their aunt was air cooled and I had a passenger and it was a hundred and I was really concerned and it started knocking a little bit like it was overheating, and then I thought there, traffic, probably new relative to LA Graphic Denver traffic issue probably came about. Navies, our nineties and then most motorcycles were water. Cool to pry wasn't up. Huge issue that they had to confront oil interests like our own state, Conan joked. They you ve been writing motorcycles, since you were too, you came out of the warm online so when did you start you ass, my mother? If a motorcycle had passed through her the canal, I felt confident
that was not the case so now. I guess I didn't do my due diligence but I lay right you're right now, so when did you start writing motorcycles while my brother had a wise e eighty that he taught me how to ride on in our yard on terra road or in our neighbourhood When I was six years old, you taught me how to use the clutching the gears a crash, Times you ran next to me. He was trying to be a good dad. He ass nice yeah, but when you're eleven new teaching is extra right in ABC motorcycle? sometimes you don't- have the best game plan either share. But hey I learned how to write it. The intention was bare all in spades. Ok, so He said that when he goes to the doctor or when he goes to the dentist like he doesn't feel the Nova came and that thee
and test would say, like oh you're, one of those redheads. So then I looked in that in its true it real yeah I mean It was known as a method for a long time, but then there's been some studies on it since and it's like the roads, don't feel the effects of Nova king. So the M c r, one receptor, which is the thing that I was saying, was defective in common in redheads yeah heads, because that is what makes lake basically brunette hair and all remember all the detail. but there is a g mutation on that area, which mutation as the birth of all evolution gray still differ. Death because I can't make Burnett hair. So the goal is to make brunette hair so there receptors. The M C, our one receptors they appear in the mid brain were pain. Perception is regulated, so there's ever The gene also influence is our response to injury and discomfort.
since two thousand, a handful of small studies have examined the connection between redness and and a Louisville University team led by amnesty and easy geologists. I'll, never be able to say that as these geologists Daniel Sesar found that redheads require nineteen percent more inhaled general anesthesia, no cuban than their darker. aired counterparts. Did you ask Jes if he's seen like that? One of the superpowers is on these impervious to pain. I did it, by the converse of this is that red heads of both genders mean less of an opium morphine too dull, their pain, old out counter intuitive. It seems like it be. The opposite is, but I guess there's two separate things happening there with the with the medication in there and station overcame him in the interesting copyrights, yeah yeah. Well now this helps give a little bit of scientific
foundation to something I've anecdotally observed growing. I only a few rules and who I won't fight. You ve heard them. you wanna hear that one one rule of mine when I was Hunger was if, if happens at a street light and temperatures flair. both gentlemen get out of the car. One of the gentlemen immediately removes his shirt. What you should glee from that is that man's ruined, so many shirts fighting that stop lights. That he's learn to take it off fighting so that just a little bit of a tip that maybe you want to defuse this interaction. Ass, a smart tat yeah another one I used to have one again. I went to Mars. Is you know a guy? That's conical! I met with a wedding ring on drinking by himself. You pick a fight with him. he's, not fighting. You he's fighting his wife, his child, oppression of
world loud. So layered and you know it's there's more going on and whatever is happening between you. Ah, third is if you can avoid finer redhead in this is why I observe growing up in grade school and junior high in high school is ice on many, an outsize redhead get into a fight. it very emotional. I saw many redheads crying while fighting, but then Victoria seemingly impervious to pain in Aceh. But I've acts. We have also heard their more sensitive to touch and temperature. Goodness so were really treating them like there another species ass, I said, I said the fact that we can do that though, because they're not marginalized in our society, look at colonies on top of the world the eyes doing great yeah he's doing better than that. I brought up the one thing I learned in my aunt about you about redheads it the only homogeneous group not attracted to each other. Just has said
that too, that the scientific facts are generally people that look the same are attracted to one another but not redheads. They tend to want to day outside of right. You rarely see to read heads together, Centre, YAP, fascinating maybe we should do an entire week on redheads, sir. You think so I'd love to do that how to be more mysteries of weave uncovered all this doing very little digging their there's, probably a panacea of interesting details about redhead staff now Also, let me, throughout their reed, I think it's Tom Robins, still: life with Woodpecker still live with woodpeckers of a fun nominal book One of the central themes is redheads, ah how special they are ah yeah, and it really makes you cut it Nineteen o mutated, is the especial thanks to you should love it. It's rare ideal
I love her and had their lunch ass. One of my favorite people, doesnt yeah, is twenty forty eight and election year. Yes, What is, is an election year was IBM sending over computers to help the Nazis Yes, they were good, good, good whereby, but they weren't computers. Then it was a punch card system the ad they were very instrumental in helping the third Reich. I'm really glad that you confirm that cause. I could have had a real liable case on my hands yeah when you said, and I had to write it down. I was really shaking my head: Then you are solely right. I guess IBM does not really acknowledge this sure it's a bit of a regrettable part of their business history it is that it real. Ok,
Conan wrote for the sun since four season for an season five. There were some questions about when he wrote for this. What seasons was foreign? Five so he talk somehow his fantasy of going to the hospital for a stay for a few weeks ago, the new reference Christians, monologue and bad mom wish was to get hit by a car. And then I remembered that. when I was cheerleading when I was first starting and really tor and basically up until the very end, I was like praying to get her and not have to compete. Really yeah really because you have done some anxiety about not performing well yeah in me, yeah Can it be easier to just have a good excuse? Yep. I think a lot of us are do that yeah!
It's really crazy right. Are you crazy and never happened? will you allow derogatory Hayley did while my hamstring, that was after I stopped caring about Ben, I was really confident, but then it happened. But then I still had to perform today were on yeah, I'm trying. Think if I ever had anything looming over me. That was that stressful and I was for some kind of intervention yeah, divine and medical intervention near its you bring this up, because I have a friend whose an actress who's been one since she was a child actor She has a lot of medical issues recurring medical issues. Part of me wonders if that was the only safe way she could get out of the treadmill of being a child actors. It was more important. Obviously, that's issued a felt bad, maybe thing. I need
break. Yes, your body gives you a break, also gimme a break. Give me up break me out for peace that kid get by loving, take up arms? Would you think about doing that? check. Songs at our jingles turn. Gimme some backs game is in fact bring me up a piece of that fact check bar. That's nice this road better than the flash. When I did earlier, the funniest jokes I've ever seen on tv is in the american office. There is an episode where an deeply by ETA Helms can't remember the end of it. Jingle so that whole episode he's like he's placing care far with all of these crazy. As it is. oh funny. It's really really funny reloaded homes, yeah Edward getting here, yeah we'd love how are you hiding from Sadie,
here is another white male, but I still really want to talk to. I want to talk to him so we ended the conversation you're going on his podcast and there was a debate as to whether or not you cancelled on him day of now. Do you have facts? I do Did you can't find him where's my own question? One? Is his episode come out Gazelle it was in order to help drive people that episode for the result. Lucian? I feel a little bit her unethical taking away, though well. You just said that you would never cancel day up and I don't think that's true, I'm not judging as I reschedule all the time day of bright sore my thing but patented moon, Monica Patman soccer punch, re scheduler. I do it, that's that's everything that is
Well, did you find yourself. In awe of his mental powers. Absolutely here is really wonderful. I was You and I are horny for intellect. Aren't we the air? Is it s really really powerful? He has quite an abundance of it as well, yeah, whose gray, maybe there's gotta be erotica for people like us like there's, step brother, insist. your pornography, their step, parent pornography, there's every single nation pornography. I dont know that there is one where someone, besides the Magna Carta and then the other person news as invisible boner from that you now yeah, the problem is with that. Is it's not like? I mean I do like me, learning, but the attraction is not because they know fax, it's because there can critically thing and then he in the manifest those facts into some in
sting conversation agreed, no one will be entrusted in Google. It's the critical thinking part that so sex, yeah right, maybe not reciting Magnon, maybe before they have sex, they can just have an interesting conversation or like some kind of complex. few riddle. You now that's interesting. Now you ve got my attorney as a little bit of foreplay, you do like maybe the immense application yeah I'd like that. just see what happens and closed our coming out. That's right. Only with every right answer. Yeah I, like a woman, Thanks for those facts, I love you, welcome and happy thanksgiving to you. It's not thanksgiving anymore,
Ok, I merry Christmas.