Jimmy Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Man Show, Win Ben Stein's Money) is a late night host, comedian and one of Dax's best friends who he never sees. In this episode of Armchair Expert, Dax and Jimmy discuss the origin of Jimmy Kimmel Live and why tomatoes are fascinating. Jimmy recounts how he accidentally learned to play the clarinet, the time he willed a tsunami into existence and he reveals Dax's next birthday present. Dax talks about his scariest adult moment to date and how Jimmy is getting better looking by the second. They discuss the experience of using their platforms for political exposure and Dax re-lives the moment when he realized with certainty: Jimmy Kimmel is mean.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hello welcome to the armchair expert, I'm back shepherd. Today. I'm gonna talk to a good friend of mine, Jimmy James Kimmel. You know him from come alive or maybe you fell over them. First on the man show or wind Ben dines money. maybe it wasn't him on the radio. Maybe you went to college with him in Arizona about our or will find out shortly he's a very good man. He's a generous man he's a father. He has a huge heart and the proof of that is that he would find time to chat with us in an otherwise brutal sketch. welcome James he's here. This is really erratic. Did it does it make you at all jealous I think you have an attic.
it. So it's such a piece of shit. Yet I find that I want to move into this little space. Could it does not appear to shit? It's nice, you like him, I do love you re not there's no door to the bathroom. Wrist and issue on fine. With that. I like it when you first moved to allay. If you had. This is an apartment when you been thrilled. Can I tell you something will be completely honest note. This doesn't upset you, but on my way in here because you're doing a lot of construction here, I thought maybe I'll be outside a bit more. I have I would have liked. we plead in lot never mind no door on the bathroom magyars about me at all as a material, but there is something about this little space, because there's no kids here and there's not a wife here that I am that's a pull out couch you're sitting on this land of the roof is its comforting and It really is yeah yeah, it's open
yet its tied him here yeah. I, like it yeah I have fantasies of moving in here. You will in no way eventually hers. Tire of my my share? I dont mean you're moving permanently, but when they're looking for you, that's visited wherewithal primary idea, but I I'm really grateful that you came because Europe, your incredibly busy. I did not want to ask you to come This is my final earlier word. Hasn't Kristen told you that right when she's crowded Tom as like what that's crazy, I probably drafted in emails you over the course of four weeks, like twelve taxes and misery. Glenn event it yeah, you could have told me we will you come talk for an hour without it being on tape. I would have. Do you think so? Because, yes, you do, of course ok, because I I often think, thank God you have that fucking show, because that's how I and obscene you now,
because of any fault of either Mars, but we have to keep its good, though, and I'll tell you why? Because I understand that yeah and I feel the same way, I feel the same way about like Howard Stern. I listen to him on the reigning awry, and so I know everything that's going on in his life. He doesn't know anything than how, in my life- and so I can, I get what I need as far as up data ghetto. His take on things here. And he doesn't get anything back for me. So he calls me Roseland suppose I feel bad luck. I suppose com, but I need to call on rightly as he's on the re. What are you gonna ask me? A redundant y know every little detail of your life in he's, not on Instagram, so he couldn't possibly know. What's going on with you right. Yes, and then my wife updates, the personal side of our lives advanced Grandma Oak, which, which our wives are both very you know back and forth with that stuff you I look on. It went but like every eighth time on the toilet ice Digest, that's us,
I was a very die hard twitter person, as I believe you were maybe still are here. You know I I yeah, I guess so I guess I don't offers I'd say I'll die hard. Oh hi, why was a junkie for it Ryan? Then I had an integral account, but I really didn't do anything on it and I didn't follow people that interests me nothing and then, after the elect, can I was like I gotta- I gotta- get off this twitter and then I kind of fell in love with Instagram, because its one hundred percent positive, like do you, have an account that you pay should I do here and I post of, but not very much but is due its generally, like a hundred percent positive. If I'm right, if I did anything other than go to work and to go back home yeah would post why you, I only I want a posting like pictures of pancakes. I made ye, I suppose I'll, take pictures. I think. Oh, this is kind of financing. No, it's funny, it's mooring, yes well well,
the reason I was drawn twitters. I certainly can I can draft a funny hundred and forty character. Three words. You always have the last thing I want to bees in a photo. I hang how I look and photos I dont want to be in those we're looking for a funny things to photograph yeah. I don't really know how to be funny and a photograph yeah. It's it's different. It's easier, though Instagram. you're right. It is more positive. It really is in so I was on that just almost exclusively, then. If then, I figured out how how it's fun, because I started following all these like off road dunes and people falling off stare. cases. There's this account oh shit. It's ok over her that no itches guys on work sites that wouldn't doing
dangerous things possible, usually in another country, and someone falls from like a hundred feet, but they somehow live it's fantastic, there's one. I like it super seventies and just has things from the seventies, toys and our hearts and yeah. I like look at that. Yeah have one that's like seventies muscle cars and I follow all the chefs too, because I like to see just like the look at the foods yeah yeah yeah. What do you have a deep unknown uncover anything? That's not know you pluck out. You have a deep obsession with shafts yeah really more than anything they. When I go to your house, it's pretty evenly. but between like actors in shops yeah that's an unkind, well family, as actually seventy percent family members and thirty percent divided yeah. I've live a couple bodies in particular, Adam Parallel Yeah barbecue chef, reindeers Bianco, whose pizza chef course they both do many other things. Besides those things, but we tend a week. We do most every
together. Yeah in do you find that that's a super, easy hang for you cause, you guys are busy doing activity of cooking while I always liked to be doing something, and so even on watching you ve got something going Morgan. I say I'm never really hundred ball lands right, so the idea socializing and then kind of learning how to do things and to be making food. At the same time, the appeals to me yeah in new you're, not like at no point or you intimidated. These guys amazing cooks in your an amateur that doesn't know your mind right? Well, it does, but I'm not. I don't. not intimidated, am eager to learn, learn their ways and the yeah ways of looking at that's a good quality of yours. Like you, can receive instruction right, yeah yeah. I know One thing that that required instruction if you had to be taught it, I dont do it does incapable.
Overseer that to a certain but with cooking and with an I've, learned things that I think apply to all areas of life and I'll. Tell you one weird thing that I learned from my friends: Christianity, so I'd make a make a mariner sauce and I've been making it for twenty eight of twenty five years. The twice a week, lady ain't we makes of the over and over again you improve it changes LEO years whenever- and so I just it- never occurred to me that the way to make a great marineris sauce is to use great tomatoes either though, the tomatoes are ninety nine percent of the recipe yeah. So the idea of opening a bunch of Kansas tomatoes and wasting them and figuring out, which ones were the best war ass. Will you read
a book about to me who I am I right. It was a big book. I read a five hundred fifty face about NATO. This is one of the many things that blew my mind about you that that was your summer rainy and then you and I thank you for in that book, because I dont have to now, because you, I think you condensed really the only five interesting things about the book was so ensure as well. But you told me that when they list like the the you know that exhibitors of tomatoes be advance or whatever, whoever selling tomatoes the and the list of the five things are looking for, taste isn't in the top Viner I one of its, not one of them right. It's a color, its size ability or ability on the shelf. All these things in taste isn't even in the criteria. When their ordinary. It's not, and we don't think about it until if you put an airline tomato in your mouth, Yeah next do one of these more ball than to made its more its closer to US sporting goods
Then, in his route yeah, it's a huge difference, but are you so in an you, you, you ve gone ITALY a bunch times, I'm sure I I've been there six or seven times a thank you and so the tomatoes their way different, yeah he's here. You know you know ye. You can get great tomatoes error, but you're not gonna, get better produced in an caliph than in southern California, brave, crazy right. If we just got back Monica Christian and the kids- and I were just send, Turks and cake owes an all inclusive resort Chaz? I saw the other as early as this vicious bitters, Hampshire and them it was awesome It was a water part for the kids, the beaches, phenomenal. Everything was great about a truly, except for the fact that you can't get around the fact looking protests has to leave on a boat from Miami and come to that island five undermines away, and if in it certainly was a groan him I am so it already got flown or railroaded from key.
a thorny right right in it doesn't matter what the ships are doing like the lead, why This is how it is that you can't cook your way around how she did Protests is in your from Brooklyn than Vegas, but coming from Detroit I M going to a grocery store in January and she was fully. season. When I moved here. Was mine blowing right away The grand jury over so soil you'd like that yeah, right tomatoes. In January I went to an in the Bahamas and I tol me the boat comes on. Tuesdays silvered As for my Monday, things are getting a little starting to become Do you have a kind of a superpower which is wherever you go on vacation like a natural disaster occurs while it happen. Yeah yeah we're on
I go there, some kind of a natural disaster cuz you went to Bora Bora and I was like, oh my god, you're going to love this place. I was there for a month. I could have stayed for years, it's the greatest. so jealous, and you got an answer now. Me happened right. Well, I'm not a few member to lead up to this because you are telling me was great men and I always you know you see those pictures, those huts over the water- oh, that's where I wanna be out over the water hot and looked so great. So then, I looked on Google maps and I noticed that is a little speck of Brown and then nothing but blew the people should live on an island like this. It's too there's. No, it doesn't make any sense the idea, and then I had to speak to you and a few other people who have been there for reassurance that for her, I wasn't gonna be swallowed up by the old arrive. As you know, we think we were fond of the ocean, but it doesn't care about. You are yourself: vulnerable, really hits you in your flying into the planks, because, when you're at thirty thousand feet
and they started to send you like looking for where your landing it's crazy. The p Even got their yeah really is not, and then we and I had recurring nightmares about. You know me since I was a kid. Based on that weird movie that was title everyone, I'm no way before that. I and my dad told me every eye. We'd, never discuss this, but after I wrote an article about this matter told me that he has come to a real I'd, be some weird psychological thing, thereby aha press related and ensure it means something, but I dont know what it is. So I was panicked about. My wife. He wanted to go there as like, there's gonna, be a snobbishness lab star. listen and then- and I have this on video tapes of this- not even like one of those store is I've embellished for comedy, say I'm video, taking my wife were sitting by the pool and all the stuff suddenly start raining like heavy drops of rain on each drop has like a pint in it,
and I said this is it. This is an obvious if you're being ridiculous, go back to the room Raina and I turn on economic affairs and I see that this- that in Japan there's been a nurse, wait right anomaly- why. Why are you you you have on your computer unrelated? Nor lay off as an elegant men's then started research, and I have done my computer. That's what I do seventy or eighty years and I got a letter and there's an earthquake in Japan. I have no idea where we are, I mean, like ah my sense of g I've been there. I M noirtier that in relation to declare a leg. Well, I don't know if were forty miles Japan or a Miller Yogi any of those nothing. So I look. I look it up and were french Polynesia and we're not close to Japan by law
closer than we are to Japan right now and I thought well, oh, no, there's an earthquake that could mean there's going to be a tsunami and I didn't hit refresh. I want to find the tsunami alert Center for the world and I hit refresh something a great vacations like one hundred and forty like free like forty seconds I'd hit refresh real in it popped up now, and I had a mixture of terror and real power like in my earlier. I knew this would happen. Hold is the ultimate I told you so yes on this I told this happens. Being washed out those that line and that there's that light in politics and worries complain about that. Someone keyed his car and I will when he goes. It would be worth it be worth it keen my car just catch that Motherfucker public, so that was going to make was in his party. To be so happy the right. Oh, yes,
because there are many times I would choose death to be right, yeah, and if we I know that if we survive this, that it might get out, the move out of the elderly are only I absolutely so now I m bodily before this economic morning, I'm calling the front desk asking like what's the plan, for it oh said yeah. They are an I'd call now four times and they are laughing hysterically out. Make really makes me feel better, the beyond a hand would then the alert comes, and they're, like all in one form its there's, no siren on analogies s head fresh Polynesian, like french Polynesia manners and as that's where we are in this is real bad
and dumb, and I was worried- and I do not call us at what's the this procedure. They had seen armies before there. They told me what would happen we will get on a boat. We will go to higher ground will wait there until the dangerous pass, but they assure me that its impact, simple that a wave of be higher than higher ground Ryan and we should be ok as long as we get out of their bob. I now pack, you know I'm now We are ready to evacuate you're in a movie now six hours before the evacuation, I'm falling dress. Also from the time of the alert how long before it actually makes grounds. Well, it was. There was a long time now. That's the good thing about soon armies. In a place. You have some kind of access to computers. You know when they're coming right, so I'm late. Molly goes asleep and I'm lying on the bed with my shoes, watching CNN, taking this damn role
Are you making calls the love one? are you email I emailed loved ones are even in the face of death, I'm not gonna spend the money for an internet. You gotta go get so gonna die as I let everybody knows that there is a good chance, we're gonna be wash and are the emails. Are they a mix of like? I don't want to scare them, but I do want to see everything that needs being sat. There makes up, don't want to scare them, but I do want to scare our two hundred, what everyone I want to hear some nice words remember. So I set my family, the aim of the email and still Molly thought I was crazy. You know at this point, maybe I was, but we then the phone rings and sure enough there like get stuff together. Don't we take here, valuables and were the hotel to middle of the night. Oh real. Now I get to the lobby and there
our eyes in the lobby already wearing life, preserver oh wow, you ve, got like tat- is I'm happy because I know right away around I'm not the biggest was in said these eyes were actually worse than I am, and any it's really you get to see. The worst of people like people, call em pushing like ahead to get on the ferries that are going to take you, Ireland, and, but is there at home this to the whole thing, there's its Melanie, it's a and the people of could have been through this before so there com, blind people are shy. Face, presumably rises. The mental guy out of people were drug. Some more. blocking. Some people are hammered going on in the above yeah and silly I'll get on on this boat and is pitch by I mean there's no light and in the boat the end, in dies in them. Now they now, I don't know they actually turned it off. It didn't die, but it sounded like
it died and the reason they turn it off is because there are other fairies like ahead of us kind of block and had the weight the other fairies unloaded and then, but it was so dark. Would we didn't know we're like a hundred feet from the there's, no moon out or enough? It ok, as from those hotel rooms to the mainland, is only like a mile or whatever over the water. As I recall that Anna Maria and I'm look, to the mainland of the mainland is about a twenty minute flight. So no, no I mean it. He had that you're immoral, more right. The medium mainland dna owl may all other than the eight toll surrounds. Yes, we're looking King Kong, volcano looking mountain and the centre right, that's what and so we go to that place, and so anyway, the the war and then like. Oh, my God were now in the worst possible place on a little boat waiting here? I don't you have my driver written it out in your over. The water will underhand alone here, yet others like a grab onto something you now and
it was really scary. Had you been to that that that little sender island prior to that, did you go? Did you go there to go to that french restaurant by G S? I did right in the decision. You notice the enormous amount of feral dogs on that island. There we were where all the dogs were right right, because I had I had a near death experience in Baltimore and that I didn't tell you about cause, I'm I knew you were there s about going, and I didn't want to alarm you, but I had. Probably, since I was eight years old, this The scariest moment I had, as railway. Yes, what happened Christmas, shooting a movie couples retreat right in their filming on these barges out in the middle of all this stuff in and I take a boat out there to watch them shoot and I'll for about an hour now, I'm bored and then I said like to go back
to the hotel, they say or not. Gonna send the boats back for like another five hours, for whatever reason that was not an option and I was like I want to sit on Siddons Barge for another five hours and I start looking at what the little island off you know in the distance, and I think in my mind, that's a ten minute swim. Like I can do that now and I'm gonna and you ve been there see nods like there's a little island, then is it therefore, gap in the water and then another little, I'm than a tune of a gap in another loyal psychologist swimmer that one and then I'll, walk across the island's elsewhere. The little hundred I'll get back to the hotel. I get some flippers. I put my shit, no plastic bags. Since time. You do not do this. Do not do this. I wait till they call action, so she's distracted in a jump in and I start swimming and I'm swimming women's movement.
And I'm not joking you. I swam for at least twenty five minutes, and I left my head up to look like how close I am to this island and I am still the exact same distance. I was when I was looking at it from the barge now you turn around and look at the margin, the barges very very far away, and I'm I'm almost I'm having you tell myself, don't don't start having a panic attack like E Europe pot committed you gotta just keep swimming, So then I was lane on my back was trying to realise what have I swear for about an hour in ten minutes or something I get to the little island. I'd like to thank God now I can fucking walk. I take my slippers off. I start walking along the beach, and I wasn't here and I look in all these dogs are running on the island in their the running right at me, and I have to run into the water. I go up to make others in their swimming out, but they cannot stop at like three feet. Death- and I am now I now have to walk in shoulder high water, the rest of the way, which was a few miles, and every time I went
one of these islands, these fucking, crazy, rabid people's, would run out an attack me. I've run right back in Kristen, wrapped the whole thing she goes back It took me six hours, probably to get back. My feet were fuckin bleeding. I was sunburn, it was out of a movie, I finally get to the door. I knock She opened the door. She thought I was like at the General Assembly cheap I had gone back on. A boat was at the gym. She opens I put my finger pointing to air fleets because what happened to you and your vice way back from March I too wrote this really long thing as it was such a harrowing, terrifying experience cap having these moments wows like I need help They give airlift hit some kind of like someone to rescue me because I'm not gonna make it back in there's nothing on those islands other than dogs there's no way. I would have gone to bore a boar
Had you told me when I never went out the immense. Why didn't I tell you, you would never have an anomaly that Europe has for me to know about. You know I knew about the dogs. I know well pitfalls. Oh yes, yes in again, was really the store I, when bite of how is listening to me, but I'm telling you that the first island had pretty averages his dogs, and I wasn't in a full panic. It wasn't like the fourth island. I got two that it was actual people's criminal, islet people, people, island and this poor. One- it wasn't in a hammock and watching these does it. She was screaming like no to them. You know like a local, polynesian, wavy screaming. Not they didn't give a fuck. They just ran right. sir into the water, and I had to swim out to them. People who live on yes, so the p
but that are on the main island. We went to the french restaurant on where I reevaluated non. They live there, but they all also own those little islands like their their community. They have little barbecue pits there and they go spend time there and apparently they're keeping their feral dogs there. Oh, my but it was really it hadn't Benson cells, like ain't, got lost in the swamp and screaming. For my mom like I was really scared, they close Fear I've had to that is we drove up to northern or new, in California, in our Tesla and didn't get it fully charged, Take it easy. I wound up spending more hours in Walmart. Car charge is terrifying airy, but you another yet another experience like I did. I imagine that not like that one, I'm not sure, the thing you know what I'm really really well written by the way. Every time. Thank you time I go on vacation. I have
one day that goes. How would I know exactly what it was was that you invited us camping this year we arrive at camping. Oh you in there is literally seven twenty seven's a buzzing our camp ground about thirty feet off the ground. Because the whole mountain behind this is on fire and when I say that the whole mountains on fire and their planes swooping in in over again and dumping. Some kind of chemical on and we were geranium being a few hundred feet from mare in going to bed the night was hurt you with Iraq, as you like sky was, whereas they ve got it under control. Yeah, they say neither of these must be what you're, all your vacations airline is kind at away. Just bad planning did you have any fear of fires prior to that? No, no! No, I should have more fear of fires is reasonable and we re able with some like that, but no fear five. But I tell you what we could he's a nice
so now me at that time. There were would have been very helpful now that could about us out by the way the Simpson Army which arrives. You know them. They know the precise time that this anomaly will arrive. Was the size of. I described the size of a skill. what is it like? Ok, that was it really mean that was it there like. That was this economy. the time it got to you guys. They know when it will head, they don't know what size. So it did nothing. It was nothing. And it was kind of a man made Molly then write again once we were on up at higher ground as like all right, I want to see the tsunami smash into the other world, K S deal, I lose some luggage yeah. You want to see some more of a role, one movie american or whatever. People also what the people I was with all the other people from the hotel is in a b c, I send a helicopters and of your bike.
Wouldn't Zenda ass. You do you think that you will do that sooner mean to exist. all I think you're, a girl life? If I you know, if I have that kind of power prohibition, be in anyone's presence. But it's you know. Let me as you that, though, that that that leads to a great question. I want to ask you, because anyone who has had his like you and I had way too much luck in our life. I guess a suspicious amount of loch right. Yet would you agree with that sure I mean you towns in everything, but a lot of low. Whatever adds turn into people s? No, like Elon Musk, he's a proponent of this. This thought that that that weren't a tricks right when we heard insomnia. London is the idea, as he says, a lot of things and sometimes I think, he's just kind of destroying shut out again. I have no way of knowing if this is one of those or he really believes it, but he certainly talks about a quite a bit right in my
take on matters like yeah if your Ellen, ask this must feel like a major risk as what are the odds you invented an electric car in this space programme in you built this company over a billion dollars like it needs If you are a little suspicious yeah, I mean I don't think a guy who's like roughing than the winner in Detroit thinks he's in a matrix navy is in the world a hideous made, a shitty dismay I just now. I doubt they go like this. Is too perfect? It is has to be a matrix. But to that point, do you having men is lucky we both our didn't. Do you think that you ve willed, weird things like do you think there's some suspicious stuff. Ah the men's, a momentary like this sum stinks here. Yeah, I think that's it our things I think there are times in my life were aid. Something happened because I think it's going to happen. I think yeah. It's really the secret right. Any idea. If you believe- and I do think that I
have like colourable dislike began these I feel, I'm going to win ever time might play any it doesn't matter. What it I think, I'm going to win yeah, that's right and I'm surprised with goods and then I go like oh yeah. Ok make sense, and I wouldn't when everything what I think United, nobody could unite both crazy obsessed with Letterman he's, like our God Riah. We we agree on that it was stern and Letterman are both. Are God's is Bill Marie? God VS yeah yeah, so that for me those are the three God yes and I think what's the Martin up there too, but neither Letterman Apron, Howard murmured? He is a little too g for me. I gotcha Bill Marie. You, like you, might end up in jail that night he mused gangster. Yes, yes and I've been in, that's it. You're not gonna fix everyone's within their banjos gears, like other, but am that's it I was talking on an airplane ones, that we would fantasizes,
it's about being interviewed by Letterman there we knowing whether yeah yeah and I had even in them those moments whereas fantasizing about it. I didn't even have an aspiration to be an actress, I'm not quite sure he was going to interview me about, but I came here. I didn't know that, isn't that weird like. I would be brushing my hair like ten years old. The mere was always in the mere, and then I was just thinking about the things he would ask me about thought at my bike or whatever the hell it was, but I kind of practice in my head talking to him so many times, I got a wonder. Is that just is that? Does everyone do that? Monica use the fantasize about either I'm in the same situation. You on your an actor yeah, so I think the differences between the guy in Detroit and Elon Musk is Elon. Musk is like a new too and me are constantly putting things out there were the constantly like I want this. I want this. I want this eventually want this fantasizing all your whole life the guy from Detroit is probably not doing. No, that's my watchman front of the other problem
I guess I was gonna my leave. Some of those things are gonna come true. What is true? I try. I wanted to be a super renowned and famous in any he's in only a couple of them came right. What ye tat! I thought I was gonna, be like up bukovsky from you know. It's not too late What does anyone else gonna learn on this matter? I might try to figure out what when it's too late, like I don't play the piano I still feel like. I do you mean to learn that before I die, but is it too late to learn it No, I think it is because I'll tell you why do you think you were only? Does I think you're gonna be satisfied with just being a shitty piano player. You're gonna go, I will give you see somebody else playing the piano and he's really great fuck em up I'm a piano, yeah, you're, probably right. You know you do play the clear you know what's funny about interview people, for this shows a largely talking to my friends, who I think I know, but then I'll read about them on Wikipedia and have you done than ever. Yeah sure is really fun cause you there's always.
Things. I don't know about you, but I learned like an hour ago, Oh really let your play the deeply the clarinet. Yes, I do. I don't know how maneuvered thirteen years- and I have no idea- you play the clarinet because Sally I whip it out at party when there has been times I went through my head and unlike what bending your room where you of instruments and I've watched people play at your house- and I never saw you fuckin- run Burgundy break up the clarinet blow this year. There aren't any songs you can play learn. I do have a clear one sitting right next, my desk in my office at work, and you play it in your eyes only time I really play it is on the show in some way like like I'd played with the killers, wants I play with you. We lose our rail. I think I had like the clarinet at all, with an actress who also played the clarinet, but not an idle, and on that but had as eyes gazing out of its out of ten. I don't even know who attend. Clarinet player is off the brew back
Dave Rebecca he's more of a he played the clarinet as well, but he's is primarily saxophone player ok, so lucid, ten o like what he'd fountain or by any good men, are some power geyser that that's a tan and then I would I Mozilla early at air attend that I'm a probably a one and a half will know, but I'm a zero ok abroad, probably like a three ok right here that's exactly the number you myself as a drummer as I can play the drums, I'm a drummer right, but I'm at best a three year. Three I'd say I mean I stopped when I was in high school. I thought that's what I was late in the day in the I played in the man, accidently played the clarinet then seems. I got very weird choice for a young man. It is aware choice. I thought I wanted a light born. I thought they were called clarinets wait. Do you know how similar this makes us, because I picked the Tron Trumbo
on solely based on an elementary. The junior high kids came in, showed you. The instruments in the guy went with the trombone. As I got that's my entire is like that too, and then I picked it up and then I couldn't play at its very smooth way and then my whole life. I thought why and play the dragon. like it is something that you can apply to the rest of your life. Like a high school life recalled guitar. Maybe yes said Billina. I thought the Clarence, The trouble is called the clarinet nice signed out and accelerate flaring made all the time, and I ll never forget my teacher, Mr Parish, class and I have an instrument. Yet then there are a few kids at had Clarence
That said, I said I'm I sees me, I'm the wrong class and myself along with me. I say clarinet, and he said this is clear and I don't know- and I made a trombone motion- started laughing. They really american sign language symbol for trombone and he said well you this is that's the trombone and we can get you in trouble in class, but we have to you will have to be. The council rearrange your schedule and I went home that day. And my mother had for the first time ever in my life went in purchase Sir thing for me that I needed for school, and it was the clarinet. I didn't know that you could return things surgery, stupid kid, so I felt guilty. The air was the clarinet, and so I just play declared at last. I'm really Swedes door in a kind of parties into another similar. I think we have a. Maybe I just try to find similar is between us, but.
You are the most generous human mean. I've ever met. Mine, now. I am your your hundred percent he's married a christian bath, analysing you are the most generous person. I've ever met my life, I'm not the most generous, that's not. The comparisons can make, but are you you are you genuinely that generous or is it somehow linked to that store. You just told me which I can relate to, which is I'm very codependent I loved my mother so much and if she would abrupt me home anything, I would just dealt with it. And I'm wondering is that I think, is a combination of things I think it's nice people say generous by anxiety- is one of them. Ok, right but maybe more than anything. I like the challenge of finding a great gift- and I like to see would be those reactions are yeah gives mean it. Your hobby I got yet China is I've. I've received more thoughtful gives permitted than any family member I've ever heard. Yes, you ve, given me only and what the occasion was, but you had a pillow embroidered for Christian. I that's,
that had the tweet that she sent me proposing marriage right and then my response, what fucking me things did I made a hang on balls. You may with a sign it yeah you know when you would eat sausage. I was nothing that great plague acted pleasure in your love of August. The idea that the opposite- I don't know I just lately, you know: I just the unease at a catholic thing, I'm wondering like that that you fell on the air about why my my mom, your mom, having bought gone out of her way to buy this thing, and you don't want to be a dick, we'll money was always very tight in our family. Growing up, and so then, when D have some money and also its can't. You know it's a cream. Dr Endeavour. Finding a gift for somebody was theirs. There's nothing like going into your garage about two weeks out from Christmas, which I've done a dozen times,
it's just floor to ceiling packages. You must by I don't know a thousand Christmas. Sensors, yeah. Probably, and are you doing it all year round and birthday? Also sometimes I'll see things, I think all that's cool and I know I have somebody in my life. Who's gonna like that, like, oh, for instance, speaking of Elon Musk, You may be able to tell you this because this guy had in mind for he started selling flame thrower, who I read that myself, and so I bought a pre, ordered a couple. You dearly for flames Don't let that stop you from you, and I would add by January I forget about it: you're in never no one that will come in handy, because someone got me, I think they thought a little bit as a joke. But someone got me one of those on fly.
Larry guns that you put yet all need you. I want to know you loved their fantastic. It turns out, but the other day we have a mean that even to tell the story, I am going to get so angry, but you know we have five feral cats at our house or six kittens. So it starts with that. There's kittens outside right that Christian discovers and then she starts getting involved with them, and now we ve got a capture them all in neuter them, stay them whenever you do for night and you just can't imagine how much effort goes into that lay. I Snyder answered. Did this to and are doing this is, a daily evolution. There there was a point where I had four of the cats they couldn't catch. The fifth cats of four were living in my shower work, old days in there jumping all around their feral cats in the whole fuckin room smells terrible like feral cats, and I'm just asking like. When do we think this branch Skinner RAP like? Is there an end date that we we give up and we re release these four. We it's a week to get
v once we had always kept. It doesn't even on there. So then we capture on one gets loose at the bat one goes under the tub. My sister is going to have the whole tub ripped off it all ends. It culminates with Chris Scott Food outside from and now we have this gigantic raccoon? The biggest fucking raccoon you ve ever seen in your life is not now its living in the backyard the size of like a boss, interior somebody. It's it's quite large were lying in bed and we hear this thing ripping apart this food dispenser, it sounds. It sounds like some crash into the side, a house. I look outside the Cinctures Klein at this thing and I'm like a fucking great man. I gotta get this raccoon out here, because we have a dog is going to fight the wreck. power. What am I gonna? Do I can't shoot this thing with a real gone. Obviously, and I got all the salt the fly shooter, so I thought that's. Say I'm a humane way to shoot this thing right, so I ended up going out there shootin in its very thick fur it didn't
like it enough to leave, didn't hurt. It didn't cry, but I thought look. How this thing really came in handy yeah, did you I got storing kind, the network. I grow the rangoon aware. I worked with remaining why salt gun can I make a suggestion, as I would love to suggest, Paintball gun war, You think that's humane shot with Paintball gonna mentally and in fact I paid does not without employ gun yeah. I had coyotes hovering in my back yard. Anyone size it! No with my aft reference dog. I was worried about, so I got up and I don't wanna like shoot, em with, be. This was in eye like Hollywood. Yet so I gotta Paintball gaol, which I never had the occasion to use on them, but but I think that's the way to go yet, and you did you don't have to tell me publicly
You got one maybe later. I would tell you why I be pretty proud of my hour. By. Did you pick a certain color that you thought? I beg you, think I got bread or something I don't know I mean this is this? Is one of those guys are really backfire on us? You know, there's I kept the painful neuron paper gun in the garage wooden canister in everything, and I had this. The idea that are, I think they sense that I got it or suddenly I otherwise they ve never the same all over again, when I was reading about you. I didn't know you had a controversy in Detroit on from Detroit oh yeah. I had a big. I almost got cancel the views that campaign, which and even believe so at it. If it's true what it says on Wikipedia, you were basically there and there is going to be a Lakers Pistons game, and you said I order that's what I'm Molly! I was in Ella. Oh, you are now and the Lakers and pisses replaying MBA finals, and I said something to the effect of I was being interviewed by Might to Rico on a b c,
and I said something to the effect of well I'm rooting, I'm running for the Lakers, because I really like Detroit and I hate to see them burn the city down. If yes, distance, when which I thought why I thought that wouldn't be offensive About how you why shouldn't- the offence of I'm from Detroit in every Devils night, the night before Halloween, we burn the city that India and I just wonder how on earth could anyone have been offended at just a fact that we in Europe We burn the city. I think sports have a big part, our big reason because when you say something in your rooting for the other team Europe, then. You know the eight people descend on their already defence. There already super defensive and in our aim, is a Lakers fan, stirring things out. Its is, if you had said, though, if the bulls, when it's gonna be windy as hell in Chicago, like a bug, early burn the place now once a year, that's not how they looked at it and David.
A very up saying they chose not to air your show that night in Detroit right. Well, what actually happened was I hearing every it was mad in Detroit, as I am inclined to do, decide to doubled and make it much worse. did that Then were really mad dollars. What nightgown worrying we did? I I think we did. We did some bet involving I'll fire and a lot of fire. I don't remember what it was the local failures. I hate. You know we're here in Detroit. We don't need to be they it's great for you being the hated guy. but we live Here- yeah Nepal, you off the air and, as I write well, what're, you gonna, do and then when they their works. It abc, like you, really
did- he get pull up the early toward the hush. The show is like that's it real, what year was this? This is the first year about land and by the way I would have been so upset if, if they had pulled this, off the around your thinking. This is there's a lot of cities in Amerika. We can live without know. I was thinking great. I don't have a fucking job any realise as yo immediately a rude awakening, because I remember again unite on aeroplanes. What's save, this should have been stated at the beginning, but I did you show one I'm, but then we both happen to be in Detroit weirdly enough for some GM event, and then we flew back on a plane to go there. Then we sat together and we talked the whole time. We became buddies, restarted hanging out right, and on one of those men. We also flew together to some really Frankie version of you see, I was happy that actually was really great things. We are great barbecue. It was like when you have de minuses load of Latvia and too
who gales far. In the end, it was before the that the level of fighting between women has got into the bug the veranda arouses lower, like a bar for your sister and in one of her friends. Finally, I was a moment were like we couldn't design of wherein do it or not like we're trying to give it a fair shake. And then one girl punched, another girl in the boom in she said oh like he was. This sad, is real owl warehousing, our mother fell down the stairs. Let us very ashamed of it. We were like. Why are we here? We want much energy with why it may help women to five years in the hut in cry. They are each other and cried for like three or four minutes, and we just kept going Jesus. What we gotta get out of this situation, I wasn't so excited about the guy's fighting, even if that was ill standard that he has a whole thing was that had we not at such good barbecue s, room would have meant a wash, but on one of those trips
It was saying to you, of course, heavy men obsessed with Letterman that I always fantasized about having Letterman's or your job and you said to me- and I aims is so rare that I actually believe someone in you go it's so much more work than I think you realize it is in any just kind of walked me through what the commitment that the show is- and I really thought- oh there, that's too much for me. I don't think I could do that. Oh yeah, it's it's! It's relent! That's right, it is relentless, having gets easy, nor have they made her, but at that time like when that at that I'm the show was live at nine, o five p m and we weren't even done with our work day until ten o six p m and it just start over again assumes you woke up in the morning and five nights a week, and I was then
office that had no windows. I was there all day, long and arduous, like I'm going to die in this task is no good and we had no guess you know it's funny and then said something else, though there was blowing his like you, so once you do that, that's the end of the road. So if you don't succeed at that, you don't don't then go act, you don't do anything you that was your shot. It's a rap on you, Viejo traditionally I mean who'd other than may be doing. Another talk show on a lower jail. Who does thing after our talks right. So it's does all this risk and then If it works out its grave man, you still have to the job, but that yet they were thinking other time. You know what fuck it I dont want this, this bad yeah. I thought if I get out soon enough, I wore it, won't have that a fact
go back to do others. You demand short end or something you know. Yet what was the workload of the man show? Complete works six months of the year, so we know how we did what we did a lot. We did twenty four episodes in six months and we had six months off I ought to do something else, yeah, which Having that we note that island would know, people Swim to is a huge, is mentally its but that time? I was any of you have ever you hacked it at all over the years where you have forget ass, you have you. What are some of the like big changes that helped well, one is one big thing is that you know no one at our show, knew what they were doing wrong. literally no one had any ex. Only our had rider had experience in late. I television as far as doing that particular job and I'd hired I'd, I'd saddled him with
You know just like a bunch of my party's family members, and so we really mean that we are booking system was crazy. we hired a book or from a magazine in that way? They, like magazine LE ghettos, I think, was like in style magazines, popular magazine like they basically tell celebrities who they die, why that's? How then do I there is no planning ahead? I would say that People are so focused on the first episode of a talk show, unlike oh that, first episode in, but what everyone should really be focused on. Is that Wednesdays episode?
like because that's where you start to see what it's really gonna die right. Yes, were you really get when you had a lot of favours? Yet when used your be illegal guy, your second night ass, big ass, a bit you worked on for the last six months. Not what emerges have now been spent and now you're like ok. What do you really gonna do? Yeah, yeah look is Kristen Didier hosted your shall yeah last year Yesterday really was the fifteen year anniversary. Everyone is we premiers on super Sunday, oh really yeah in two thousand three That would lead in yet well yeah we're on that Sunday night. That's pretty fucking lucky, don't you think it yeah. I was kind of wealth in in a way was lucky in a way it wasn't. It was lucky in that we have a lot of people watching within Europe, but also to watching me do terrible to be Vienna.
Now that is rough wheat parenthood at that same lucky thing, which was we launched on the winner Olympics in at that time. Nobody is watching embassy. Like ten years ago, Nino there, writer and last play yeah, that was the one thing people are watching in. It gave us a good launch because none of them, shows that still want. My all time, neighbour network television show ya. Toys made me so Picasso had your watch that I love that you loved. I love doing it. It was a great show yeah, I always felt like it was. It was like It should have absolutely been nominated for and one enemies every year, and I just I haven't figured out. Maybe it was because it was such an ensemble show hours. Nobody was the star of that Jai, something yeah it's hard for me to separate. My EL from being inside of it in evaluating and that way examining. I think, we're doing something special. sober, then alike, but what if I join arm in arm inside of it, but
Mr Kelly, who was on the show right cheek, she was also on so Jason Cato created and ran parenthood, and he also created and ran Friday night light, and so she was a guest star on the show and we got talking at lunch and I said she's like apparent so good and I got us not as good as Friday. Lights like Fran lights is the best fucking show ever and she's like no. This is so much better than firelight likeness or getting in this, debate over what do you know what shows better and something weird happen where I was editing hit and run like during one of the seasons- and I was so busy doing that I stopped reading the scripts. I would only read my part, so I was prepared to do my seat, but I didn't know what was going on the show. Then he said watching the show not knowing what was coming in everything changed for me. Then I was like just a normal person and I didn't know what was going to happen. All these people and then I like, fell in love with, and then I never read the scripts again. Am I I find I we love lead from the right from the outset. Yeah there really made me happy
but you were saying Kristen hosted the show and if she has the show- and I was with her that day and it was we were at the so exhausted and all we can say was like how does he do this every day that process of the rehearsal and then coming back, and I mean I guess, maybe it's different, because they know you a little better. Writing lies, but woe but you know you shoot me. No part of the thing is like I'm involved in even the writing of like when the guests toaster. You know everything runs through me. It's it's about me you in some ways it harder to be the guess hose. Because you don't know the drill not familiar, but in other ways it's actually easier because the you have things going in. There is a separate, whereas some days I will I walk in the show, like I don't know, we're gonna do on the showed a night and we just have to figure out Erskyll. Ah ha shows better
worse than when you have areas it varies as Riah, because I but in Robber Donnie Junior on that same Jones Show get interview in it was. thousand acres he's SAM settled how how much do you prepare and he said well, I've done everything he's like. I was chaplain and I I was chaplain like I, you know I was method and I did that and he goes and now I wear near peace, and I have my line said to me right before I say them and he goes I'm not adverse to the work. I just found that I my personality lends itself to chaos like when I'm hearing something for the very first time before I say it, that's what's magic for me and I like that really cool that he's done all that it's likely Caso he painted normal before he did. Cuba's Amr would arrive. So I am curious yeah. Have you ever felt like when its chaotic, somehow
that's just as good or there's a value to bad or it does you scary to proceed that way, always or no, but I think you have to have a plan going in and be prepared to abandon it. Yea AIDS, which holds true more for energy, is because fur I'm doing a model argonauts. Just me standing out there and everybody has to know like people like the director has to know what clip they go to you know from Landlord Annesley Ex too. There are a lot of other people involved, so you have the clue them in on what you might do. Yeah some night. What the nights were, we don't really have things planned. Those are the nights were, will do some kind of whatever excuse is for me to go out on the street and just talk to people who are walking, by and sometimes we call it foreigner nod or sometimes make it an ways or whatever, but ultimately it just me ripping with people outside yeah and that I like that, because
by the way it will be loved about Dave right. Yet I out of the daily owner, it almost always goes well. Very rarely does not go well and in a way it kind of makes you go like. Why do I do all the other hard stuff? When I see you this yeah, but I think if you did it every NEO become yelling. Are you jealous of stern that maybe I'm wrong about that? The way that shows put together, but it does appear to me at least that he is large there debris interview when you go do his show, so he really is just chatting, I'm sure he's been prepared by Gary whatever to have its he's prepared, I think than most people than you realize he is. I mean hee hee Reed's all the research about the guest rights questions for the guests. He, ah you know he spent most exhausting of all when you're on the radio that every day- and this is what most exhausting is you can't do anything for plant just for pleasure,
you can't just gonna sit there and enjoy something if you watch television show, if you go out whatever your writing. Little notes down your car Are you aware us just to give you cause? You know it's so much material, so like Our talk about the superbowl unease? I wear my notes and, like you, starts going through all these notes. You realize this guided enjoy watching the super run working. My tie mining lawyer and that's why, Howard, I think, watches shows like the bachelor, because you can You get a lot more material from a show like the bachelor, then from show the Sore Michaud. That's finished good yea, Adam breaking bad, yet doesn't give you yeah, so he is attracted to the shows that an award you something that our lie: riser drove of funny shit, yeah, Has he doesn't? He doesn't have the luxury of amiable watch things just for pleasure yeah. I can really
to that in that when I was in the groundlings, and I had to write six sketches a week for years and put them up every Wednesday night, like my whole life, that you'd have a waiter. That said something weird! No, my oh there's a sketch! There yeah all and then this happen at a traffic light alders sketch there and it was kind of maddening, its excellent lost a year. You, yes, you say, you're not actually experiencing life, your observing it with the intention of making fun of it and yet point yeah. That's all- You have to do a job over the way I mean, I know you love him, I'm stayin. Are you jealous, fact that he has a week to do that. oh yeah and many others time off. Yes, yeah. Do you think in the future? You all a craft a show for yourself, that's probably nada things. You're doing that I'll. Do this until I'm done doing this and then that'll probably be fifteen years, is a long time in your wildest dreams. Did you think you would be doing the show four hundred and fifty no way and how I'm the one thing that they like? If I
you about. You there's just no explanation, and I know you and there's no explanation: how on earth earth you go from the man. Man should even have your own show on ABC. That seems like a crazy, well leap. Theirs quantum those I was on the radio for twelve years, yes and then and I was here unreal here- no way for five years, so a lot of the cabin and being shown Yahoo producers would that was a very. It was very popular, show so they hear me, and so I'd get calls from this person that upper mostly like to do riding are some little like commercial or something like that, and I just you know just for I never imagined I be on tv. I just did it for money. But then I got women's tides. Money, which was a game, show a comedy central that was my first show right and we started the same week as South Park that was Archer premier that weak actual was on. When I was on the chauffeur for maybe five seasons and then a continued,
two seasons after radio. Simultaneously, I was doing the radio I would do. I was on the radio from five hundred and thirty to ten a dot m, and then I rush right over to the studio and do that show from like one thousand one hundred and thirty until I'm thirty p m. I drive all the way home the West Valley and start all over again early in the morning. That was a retiring I'm in my life, but I was only three months you're there and then I did. I was on Fox and I fell Sunday for four years. I was that I made football picks and I did a comedy sketch every week and Also then we'd sardine, the man show, and we did that for four seasons as well, and some of these overlap with each other. Until I really, I got to the point where I kind of had cornered the market on young male scenarios far as audience go in, I had that sports background. I have in the man shows successful. You guys had a pretty big audience
yeah, I was very, is number one on spike outflows. There's a comedy surrounding central idea was very, very popular yeah. Our last season was our most popular season. In effect, they they continue doing this. oh for another season after we laugh, they tried to continue, replace you dog, stand Bulgaria, Romania and dumb, and so then, a b c. I think you at the time late. I was very male moves like the audience was like seventy percent mail for late. I television. What is it now? It's fifty fifty, no really yeah and at that, but it was different at that time. It was very male orient until they thought you wanna get somebody that guy's, preferably young, guys like, and you know what kind of made sense plus, I think, I'd bowl
the President of ABC over with my knowledge of late night tv, which was just from watching it in already I am being, or they had never done it right. They had never done late night. Haven't they hadn't done it since Jerry Lou, this in the sixties. Yes, so that they made on the ladder men and he deserves we ve got to see bs, but they will got there ready to go and then once they'd already clear that kind of spot, for they said you know what we didn't get Letterman. Maybe we should find somebody else to do the show and find somebody that's going to be a lot cheaper and we won't have to necessarily get the ratings that Letterman gets, but we'll, make some money off of the show. What who, as is on then Craig Kilburn was on the earth. Red color was on after Letterman Yahoo com and then who is after Leonard Leno after Leno Boys, so crazy that this is now not coming to me I mean, ass with yeah,
you think you're perceive knowledge of lightning was like oh good. This guy this. This can help us. As we don't know we're doing. Muslims are really understand it, even though we ve never done it. I don't know, I don't know it was a roach. Do they approached me and in and they didn't approach atam or did that? No real progress that. How is that's like being in item and I have already decided to leave the mantra. Oh, you ha ass now introduce separate things not less the severally December things. In fact, Adam worked with me at the talk show for the first year. He would he come at a price but we had decided that we do want to do it any more based on one thing that happened in civil funny, because I now know looking back on it, that if we'd announced this the colony central that we work in doing more, they would have paid us lot more money dna and keep doing it, but at the time ok, we're not gonna. Do this anymore, animal still doing love line at the time. Oh right, Joe The radio show that was very big them very big.
now's, the Syndic guy, making all over one hundred now not upon, but you know, but you do and pretty well and at that time I just thought oh, but what happened was Adam. We get a bit. We said it's what we're talking about like your dad's like you friends dads and what jerks they could be when you're here higher and eyes again, my friends, that is one of those guys who said he was geyser would say like opinions are like assholes. Everyone has an audience instead of is out of going well yeah, that's the lame thing everybody says they clapped and applaud it an alibi looked at each other. It is. Is it kid, do this any more of these people and its disheartening. We decided that would be a. I don't know what we thought we had crank anchors at the time going in that was going. Well do so. We had something.
Happening. You know it wasn't like when you know HOLLAND odor together and they approached Darrell and say why don't you just be a solo act as you know, and then in feel like that, tie their view, not at all Ok, you got an then we start working on a sitcom for Adam for a b c at that time, and he and I worked on that together and so you know we were gonna, do some things, but but the plan will always was and still is to a large extent this day that we would help with each other's projects right. He replaced burn in allaying Phoenix Seattle on the West Coast. I was the executive producer of the show we, you know we're always kind of involved in each other's things. Yeah, but but you didn't pursue that show they just literally approached you yeah. They not only did they approach me day. They misled May they told me they wanted to talk about a Thursday night variety show, I told my age and as I have no interest in that- and they made it had listened
the present a baby she wants to meet with. You is not some like development person right. You need. If the present ABC wants me with you, you should give him the courtesy of a mean as well. I went away, this time- I'm not gonna. Do that yoga! I got in the meeting with Lloyd Braun. He never even mentioned that Thursday variety show he just start asking me about later. what I thought- and I start talking about Letterman and then I went home and I call my agent like I don't know what that was about, but he seemed like a nice guy who just talked about Letterman the whole time and a major was not how thus weird- and I got home crawlers wife was an assistant at ABC Orilla. She called and said Dick and of late I'd spot hasn't what late night spot the late nights body I m she's like they're, going to offer you a lane. I talk show and sure enough. The next day they did- and I said yes, and that was that an you were you terrified or you were dissatisfied, oozed I'd, say more than anything, I was just kind of confused yeah and then we had the like builder,
feed the sad and it'll come up with a logo. Where did you get caught up in all its young people? By forget your side like a different form era? You'd have like a guest host every week, re out join you for the holy calling Adela that lasted for about two years. Ah, that was her putting our gas bookings. I kind of enjoyed it and help me get through. Those early years were, I wasn't really capable of hosting a show on my own, but I was capable of sitting with somebody in talking yeah. It was a crutch and in retrospect, I'm glad we got rid of it, but the real reason we got rid of it. Is it made it hard to book gas because They even nobody's got. No publicist is going to book when, if Paltrow, when you're co, host that we, my back yeah Thyssen around like that: yeah, that's a pretty cell people. What kind of like well will wait to see or your caused is, and we never had that plan in advance yeah, but I would say there's a few things that right at the gates like
while pursuing directing there's a little voice in my head. That has said you're not a bit. enough ass ought to be a great director because invariably every single great director, that's where he knew here just terrible, terrible stories, and I think I made them not a big enough ass well to be a really good director and there couple things, but you you're actually social in normal you're, a normal human being. You go to your house, your friendly in you enjoy being around people which is pretty rare for a late night. Talk show these. I don't think it is any more. I think it was all minors. Letterman's is weird, as it gets right but none of the guys on our weird literally none of well felons na yeah, but you started out. As you are aware, coal bears thou Wert. None of these guys, they're, all nice guys are all alike. I mean
honestly about it, but the history right is like is carson- was a recluse kind right, yeah in Letterman, certainly stern. Admittedly, although now he learned to become social right leg, was not hanging out with anybody really to my now a year, but Leno is always chatty with people and he come in and talk. You know what I think it is I don't think anyone whose are now has the cachet and the mystery and status that any of those Yeah. I guess your hand really nobody's going to tolerate me being a recluse, a vassal Aurelio far off, but then the other weird things, I've done all these talk shows and done a lot of them several times you you also have this unique thing were you're, not panicked, which had the his. have unique about fine that other yeah yeah I feel like there is you have a very relaxed kind of interaction,
when I'm on your side, and when I watch you you're not like you're, not you know sprinting to try to get the next laugh you, like your very comfortable and relaxed, which is, I think, a kind of a unique characterised. I think it's from radio things from being on the radio for four and a half hours every day and in just getting used to it, islands being and with a little bit silence when alone This, though, because you have told me interesting things about it over the years which, like one thing, is the whole shows about the monologue right. That's really what people that's your ratings, that eighty percent of yeah, which would that blows my mind out of, I would have assumed its all about getting Tom Cruise and your show, but really it's the monologue. Is your? Shall basically you? on a consistent high level of guests sure, because then you're, I think it's more about like kind of what people expect and what their perception of the show is
do you have, but individual gas there may be five of them that will actually bump your radio bump. Your rating you'll have to assume people watch your shore, they don't. the general pretty much yeah yeah and so is somewhat other. What other things could be But all these things, even in the format change you get rid of the gases and then you kind of struck gold with the viral videos right. That was like a huge kind of new we, even after a few hours or aroun, ruled every right. Probably the latter, because that, a hard machine to feed. Isn't it well, it's not even that! It's just that it's taken away. like there's no urgency to be in front of your television at eleven. Thirty anymore because I can only later at Eu Level, watching Letterman, like I remember I falling asleep once when Shirley Maclean was gonna, be on Letterman and he always had
a war with her every time she was on as something uncomfortable had an, and I remember I was up, and the next thing I knew it was three o clock in the morning and, like I was despondent, yeah right. I have re. I would never elegant romance it against the game of the World Series. Yet it was terrible- and you know just that kind of that urgency isn't eunuch. Is it's almost like with record album? So you don't have to buy the LAO, because you just cherry Lydia thing you want to say yeah. It is true and look. I have too little kids, I literally when I see her like highlights I'm definitely scene and it's funny because you worked so hard on the whole, we'll show, and then one. Little piece of it is what we'll see and yet, but it is certain that that aggregates now being acknowledged at least isn't it it is even if you like, a little compartment of your show. That is its acknowledge, but it's the IMF. Out of money that the show makes on like you too,
compared to the amount of money to make from television advertising yeah. It's you know it's. We ten percent of our revenues from online viewing and online viewing, as we get fifty million people watching a week in online yeah. That's crazy, Yeah I got half of that. Watching live you'd, be making a hundred million a year. Well, we yeah, I mean we yeah. You mean oh and emulate mercy. Nineteen, twenty five million people down into your shell. yeah I mean it is you'd, be modern, family times three or whatever. It's really crazy. Yeah and one of my you're, you're kind of mean to you like to play jokes on people. You ruined my birthday party. One time came over and ass I am in Cameroon, a party when it happens at the end of a large party was over. No, I mean when I think of that birthday party. I only think of that coffee pot, but I believe I like to believe that you you
Knowing how happy it made me actually made you happy as a result will that's all it kept us remember getting in like a fish, but what had happened his arm. I like to make my coffee the night before and I set a time or so it will be ready when I wake up in the morning. This is like the most important part of my whole day is that when I wake up the kitchen smells like coffee and so had gone through the whole process. Muzzled sheep is a motherfucker as we discuss them away at neither Russell heed our poor right here. We, I think, that's reasonable. I don't think that's Jane will both pay for like fourteen frenzied at a restaurant and write a thousand dollars, but I will not heat Maputo for my children, all fourteen friends get in I'm. Ok. What had passed through there is a time and place to heed the pool, but in general I won't do it. So you know I I make myself ten
cups of coffee and I buy Starbucks. So this is about a four dollars pot of coffee ever made and because there was a party and they gotten switch to the brew mode and not the auto on mode I made the whole thing I hit the button which I thought was arming it for the next I go into the living room, we play ping pong and I smoke off certain why the fuck the copy going on right now I'm inordinately man right out of the gates, Garvian group. So then I go back in. its wrote, nodes, drinking coffee at nine, o clock and AIDS, and I pour out ten cups of coffee and think that makes me even matter and then only remake. Now, my step dead, watches me remake this coffee. And then he sees me hit the thing I've now put it on auto on. I now go to play ping pong again, my step that things poor guy. He meant to brew upon a copy timers, though ye puts a number because it's another playing big bucks. I plugins model Bobby a second time, and now my area
is as if someone drove a car through the living room like. I am so angry that now I've I'm out twenty cups of Starbucks Scobie. I like storm in there Actually yelling in the party. Don't fucking touch the coffee part. Like I don't know, one touches is coffee pie pour out the copy, make a whole new, better go back into the temples as man, I'm taken off I'll, see you later in the fucking door shut and then I smelled car. I went in there embrued a third part of car. I remember you looking out at I didn't. I hadn't told Sarah my girlfriend what I have done so delighted cluttering up, and I was like an old course tyrannies. What did you do? You do make more cause. I mean I had actually embarrassed myself like had even that third part not happen. Definitely everyone plays a key issue.
Right. I certainly do not all have started thought you had so then I'd I'd, then dump thirty blocking cups of coffee down and made a fourth batch. But then, and this is why I am not mean you- you had left your wallet at my house to remember that you drove away and then later I found your wallet and I should have poured coffee all over it and given it back to the old, have understood. The only mean thing I've ever done to you is that you know assume, because your job is due, is it really monitor how stories are going like if someone's on your show in their time story ass? It does you ve got to save them, and this is what your by occupying regime is to keep things interesting. So This trip where we went and saw this this low level. You have see thing I got to the airport way before Jimmy did and we met. I met a guy there. That will happen also be an airplane, and he told me it was a forty minutes story about I'm getting a swing set to his house in Hawaii.
It was the most boring story I had ever heard of my life. I couldn't believe it was Beans Hall ages, the whole drive on the dirt road, I heard about every mile of the railroad. This story was so bad, We get on the airplane and Jimmy sitting directly. Next, the girl he might. tell him on that swings sets the hurry. He then I just get the Z. Therefore, forty minutes it was worth me here in the story. Where is your endorsement made me think there were? It was like going to become a huge may. I would have died installing this swing set at some point, but it is never got it. The punchline the story was, it was a functioning swings that buddy it's I the same thing to Gary shambling once there. the guy, we're having dinner, was Kevin, euins birthday and there's this guy there, and he was likewise guys like open
don't sit next to me and he told the terrible's or in the home. The more pointed the story was just to tell him tell us that he knew someone famous arrival at that was whole thing is like one of those stories which, by the way that the whole swing set for us by how rich the sky, what size, The ultimate punchline was that he had about a hundred twenty grand in this swings. Why we heard about accede to go? Oh yes, I have, I put it in my Suzuki psychic. I only on that car just on the island like there's all these things that things the only didn't muse what our people always think, they're clever with that kind of economical agonizingly I had you should tell me: you're rich, do thou to date, thirty seconds this guy tells us a terrible terrible story and Gary shambling, like just bales and says I have to go to the bathroom get up and start as the story begins and dumb, and then he goes. The bathroom and sky tells a story and Gary comes back and sit down sit down.
hey Gary Miss Thea ourselves at getting Gary whispers. I've never seen the sight of We got to her the whole story so zoo now that you ve got the show kind of dialed in and by the way, it's visible on you. I think this this this has happened to both of us. You will notice, probably bottom there's that you and the show it's always son in Philadelphia so rob millennia be random. On the show, Europe is one. The creators yeah a good friend of mine, wasteland his wife airlines, husband. Yet one of my favorite people on the planet and he he pointed out that the weird thing about sitcoms. Is that the actors get progressively better looking on the sitcoms, because they're getting rich right is like. If you look at the first, season of friends there all like sixes and then by- the aid season there, all tens, you don't say
might there getting the facials and they have a good style, is right everything, so he he gained sixty pounds in the off season of its always sunny. So he did. One season is a fat ass, which I did younger greatest decision to make him about me, but, like Why, when I come out on years, everything I was bringing up unlike you're. Getting better in better looking, which is very suspicious, and I think I am getting better, Looking as well, because I have a picture of me, you and Bradley Cooper. at that birthday party you ruined oh yeah, right, nice, your identity or reason? We really look. Read the drain. I know it looks like they wanted a treatment centres year. We have terrible bags and her eyes are here. We have terrible haircuts. Everything is now we're hovering over Scrabble board. Yes, I went I almost and train. Remember I posted that picture, but It's a career in the photo brought it to your show. They shouted on the shelf
well there are you aware of the fact that, even if you ve been basically giving incrementally more handsome every year, are they they and thinner? Your hairs amount looks thicker. Well, it's definitely the weight loss by hairs defiling, not thicker, but there were your lost as something that it looks so robust me. Well, I might see I made sure I had some bad choices, wardrobe wise and adds man choices, make up wide its learning her I had vampire sideburns, also hiding it also is the start when styles tangier yeah, I just look we're going out back but yeah losing I never. You know it's funny because eyes make fat jokes about myself and I was part of mild. My act, you I never actually thought I was right, roughing, lying aided Amr may I felt I fraudulent about, is just another hurry. I was ever go and skinny kid, and so you have that in your head. Oh yeah, I know what you are. I was like the skinny is: getting:
down the area, and so I always thought allows grassland, rebuttals, Maria and and dumb, and but now I looked back oh yeah, I was pretty fat like actually fat. And that's the way to go. Adam parole always says like in a week when women for their wedding will like loot, Diet lose a lot away worries. I know you go the other way. Is you don't wanna pictures on the mantle You want a legal matter, boy really put away the opposite. That's great! Yeah, yeah yeah! That's my philosophy happening in m. Yes, I'm assuming you feel that way about me. Don't you a little bit because generally, when I walk out and they always so. You looked good, though I more thank you for that, but I do find that when I walk on stage is quite often spend like eight months since we ve seen each other something
and we walk, and I find myself startled with a good looking. You look well and then, of course, I shall be wearing a sui generis immunity and then I feel like I'm reading, on your face that you're startled when we look at each other. First of all were wearing it like we're, dress nicely. We are never which, like look at our dress, values rights. Secondly, where are we groomed? We have made a mine or talk to hear now. I've got a lot of like hair fill our uninstall yearly outer we look nice, we ve got a lot to fake tan. Like kind of illicit are unclear, sister is system came on and the studio in her view, I would have much dripping down my head. Have a black pony, that's like all is showing that it is. We would deserve mugged going down our visas, but what? Yes, and also you know. I think the beard has helped, because I don't really have a masculine chin the fears that it is a really good luck for front. I so little thy rout she's got shoes touching my beer and she goes wiser wise at white in others getting white and I said well, I M getting
modern he said, is gonna get whiteness dad's gonna get wide use You won't be a daddy anymore. I soon you'll be like pop we're going around when you know you had your too old to be having care yeah automatically right to ground I care about a bit of our kids are the same age and I think a man when learn high school, I'm gonna be that kind of old. Third, there may be not now lay here matter. I feel Rank Xerox. for years older than me, and yet you do do yes out that yeah, I add up like when I'm I didn't last night as I was gonna battles like ok, I'm fifty my daughter's three years old when she's my oh I'll be dead, yeah, yeah yeah, I think to myself. I'm gonna have to be extremely healthy to watch her grudge from college or or get married, or have a kid like I'm gonna sciences,
I have to intervene crisp version to work. All these things are going to my daughter is, is might my dad was my age when I had my oldest daughter? Yes, so it's like like a that way, it's like I'm like me do my mom was my age. I was graduating college yeah, yeah, that's rare as various here, ah design, two more things. I really want to talk to you about one. Is you weren't super political rights, fair to say right preferably ever thirteen of the years yet. But I republic, I always on the show. There is always that was part of the show yeah sure come much or a part of the schwaiger inches in general. You're always gonna be making fun of whoever the president rise in that kind of stuff, and so at present is give you more opportunities to do that Certainly this one's yeah, my right at the top Yankees, is really up there.
but you, but you ve gone further than that. Obviously, with you no health care and stuff like that, which clearly is motivated by Billy in them, it's a ton of sense, but I am wondering what what's the kind of internal dialogue when you're deciding whether or not it's an issue you because you probably experience it- comes at great expense to write yet does in in it that I don't care who you are, that steps hard the weather, even when I it is. I have my little causes that I'll do on twitter. You now whether its pro life for its game marriage where everything is, and even I should be the right off the people that are sending me hateful things. I should build this God, oh whatever it does affect me.
I'll, read stuff and then I'll go that doesn't affect me, but then I find myself in the car two hours later in it's in my head, a meeting about it. I think the same thing I can't outsmarted like I would I tried to tell myself you're having a fight with the guy from seven lemon he's got a parrot on his shoulder, If you were to see this guy you're fighting with the it's probably someone you would write up is too crazy even talk to, but So knowing that, how do you do what's the calculus, where you go fuck it? This is worth it well, I think you know when you sick children. That's definitely had seems like yeah parties that tips the scales. I think that I also go into these things. It maybe I'm alive but naive, but I go in thinking that everybody's going to agree with me area, because you'll make your point So well- and I don't know- I'm peoples I was doesn't make any sense that they would do anything other than agree with me,
I did it to a form of former statement or an argument, nothing and I'll try to think of every single retort, and I shall think some somehow I've, cracked it and I'm actually come up with the message that can't be retorted. The right then you feel like you're also yet went to it with the same mentality going to any conversation, but the people you're. Having conversations with r p
will you know or work with their are your friends you feel are in your silo, but he added you convince anyone in Europe Circle almost anything sure, or at least a nod and go along with you and you'll. Think you convince them. But then you realize, like oh wow, that these PETE these people think I'm attacking like something that that they have or they hold deal. It's probably a part of their identity, as when it gets really sticky is in people's identity feels threat. I think, there's an undercurrent in this country. I think it's entirely unfair. I think there's a group of people who think there's another group of people getting something for free there, not working for it there not earning it that in fact,
equally and take it into another levelling. It say like its hurting them: the fact that they're getting services or whatever welfare, whenever you want to call it whatever that when they get that that disincentive rises them to work or to think of the Future blah blah gonna hurt them, and I think that that there's truth to that you known, but I dont think I think that a lot of liberals say: that's not happening at all or that's happening in a tiny bit and then could servers will say: that's happening all the time on huge way and it's probably somewhere between them was to think what- and I think you and I are both naive in a way that I think we both actually think we're way more central than our friends are out here. Yes tell you, so I make the mistake quite often, as I actually do think I understand more the other,
in our view, because I feel like I'm more central centrist than say my wife or a lot of her girlfriends and so oh no, I get them and then I make a statement in really the honey. I don't give them as much as I think and then funny, though, how you get CAS, because people know you are talking about this or that whatever was not what you know and I started realising. This must really be happy new. You a lot is that I have now been doing your show for thirteen years and every time a ban on, I promote that you all tweet about it right at an early age, and now I will tweet about it and now get a handful of people that, like launch into some crazy thing, and I think, oh shit, that human Kitty, Matt Daily, if I just tweeted this all guest on the show you now endorsing camel, even though I would you know now, I'm under attack and the new there were signs around L, aver hate, you posted a pitcher view flipping one off. Yes,
that had to be us per high incidence of would take the time to put up sign the view yes signs of a picture of me crying and forget what it said in that some conservative street artist, who uses the fonts available on Microsoft, that's the kind of artist whose newfangled running on the level of art is real artist, AI thinks of himself as like banks ie, but yeah yet outlay in an idea. Of course, because I love you and you're my friend I get. I get this really protective stricken. Unlike will that says everything about those motherfuckers that that would be an insult to be motion like that to me. Tell you everything about like that. It's that simple is that a man doesn't do that and then I get really pissed in the whole thing aggravates me is not even happening to me, but I'm wondering cuz when I'm doing the calculus right and I'm not in your position where I have to, Every night, but do you say to yourself? Sometimes I catch myself, I'm about to do something I got. You know what
that's actually someone else's job, that's bill, Maher's job or that SAM Harris is job or that's. You know what I'm saying like yeah: there are people who that that's what they do and I've sometimes probably post election. I pulled back a bit and thought. It be one thing if, if if my voice was needed, but my voices it needed. Like I, I don't. I totally get that and I do, and there are times were someone else, whether it be television host or whether it be somebody's written. Something who says what I what I would say- and if that happens I dont say because I feel like ok, good, that's been deviation covered that took care of it. You, like it time with billions Health guardian like anybody was saying? They are now and when a really unique opportunity to make that a personal topic, and I think its awesome that you did and then forget,
tonight when we were super vocal about gay marriage Wasn't a ton of actors out there. There wasn't a hashtag for it. There was you know, and I was like. Oh, I need to I believe in this and I'll I'm willing to get these tweets or whatever, but a lot of stuff. Now I feel like it's. So many voices are heard. President Obama didn't support gay marriage autos, yet we were hosting rallies in New York and he was saying he would now not just being quite about a bit saying. No, he won't have meaning wasn't I have five minutes ago that I get a little. And again. This is where I feel like I'm centrist. Is that remember one russian Olympics happen in a couple of their big complaints about the Russians were that they were killing dogs in the street, getting ready for the Olympics right and I'm like we kill a million dogs a week here in amerika- is around don't kill. Dogs were doing in his answer, what you can't say: that's unique to them and then their policy on I'm gay people, I'm like five minutes.
your president's Eddie wooden support like we can't be any fuckin moral pedestal, lino tenant later near. We allow you to do oh yeah, yellow we forget two hours ago, we had a completely different opinions: yeah we love human rights and in all yeah all this stuff. We criticise other countries and then you drive pass somebody's been slow, being on the same corner every day for like three years, yes and then so. My final question I had for you is that so christened associate the tea. the eyes, and that was a horse ass. Ever oh boy ass. She hoped an acronym. Yes, he owes its haggle words and when she got asked to do that in November. This seems like a very funny right right,
and then this very important movement happens. The me two times up thing happens and then they, the golden globes, are arse almost solely from my perspective about that issue, and now she is. She was then in a position where, oh, my god It also knows about how much do I acknowledge it? How much doing die you who wears depends? Who doesn't? It is indeed the fucking weight of hosting that show. Now. It is so tremendous that, I mean she seemed to be fine with it, but I was like that this really takes the fun out of it. From my perspective, in do you feel it all going into hosting the academy wards of like man. This is why, this year, my hosting yeah it doesn't help to be a white male Valley has, alas, person. That means that we have heard here right. Nobody was here when I think yeah, but yeah there's, you know it's tricky you don't even know ye can even prepare for a few weeks in advance because
don't know our lays heads are going to be in here and there's. You know something new like every three today's yeah, so it's hard to figure. It out I mean I think I have you know a general sense of I've been in this situation before where there were some touchy, whether it be like you know, Oscar so wide that you know that kind of thing in the end. Was that what a when all eyes, why I thought you had a skilled bell Y? All I know is able lived, latino director who want or something, but there seems to be some some thing, some like some cause. or some kind of problem or something else year but in this, is where I can a little bit see the point of view of the conservative middle american viewer, which is I my memory of, would be Goldberg, hosting or Letterman hosting or of cities liquors hosting? It wasn't.
Political I mean, maybe idle husband. There be one or two jobs, but there were a theme of that awards. You every year, like whatever social issue, they were tackling it. Just wasn't like that right and I can't see a little. I can sympathise with the critique of like a just fuckin. Do the celebrate the movies? You know you're right more, not only you know you think about the people who are there and who are nominated outbreaks. My heart is something they have been dreaming of their whole life. Sixty years somebody's been pursuing this thing I may I don't want that cloud over eighty, one that you don't have to appalling. I found lad the golden gloves when near multilateral wins, but but it starts by going ok, here, the all male giant actors. I know my I'll wait it out here on this dude comes from Fuckin will Hocker Mexico we found his way to this country. Needs are best director in thy philosophical, I guess was like. Oh my god. This is risk
actually for him, as he is funny. I thought of him in your saying all the directors are alike assholes. I sing it not hand there is. There is certainly no one here. You know you hear my mazes stories. So you're here, your guy now you're gonna have to acknowledge it. Obviously, in that area that I can, I just want- I want to hear one grievance about the academy awards, while held heroes and raises closes I'll, get to being able to tell anyone anything ochre. They always say a billion people watch that I don't believe that such a fucking hoard? Let me let me let me just tell a billion people watch insuperable. Can Can I tell you why I know this so the academy, fifty million people watch in Amerika? I think I will get the real numbers: the ITA monster, yeah yeah, forty million or even the Superbowl, like a hundred ten million yeah. Ok, so the academy awards is guinea,
fifty million viewers and who we are a country of of of three hundred million. That means it only one sixth of Americans are watching it right right, but in order for a billion people talk to view this worldwide. One fifth of the world's would need to watch so you're expecting me to believe that I dont think interest rolled speaks English, exactly respect me to believe that the interest in this award show actually goes up as you leave this country. That's what we're required for them to get to a very low way YAP where they get off same is, I feel so offended by all I know. Is I've been out of the country when the Superbowl was there was one I was in Europe or something and television with the Superbowl on was not to be found, exist right people I want to know. We don't know in Asia
it is too late. That's the one accident you're logo I'm having absorbs that, I don't have any clear distinguishing. I couldn't let you any anybody you could do in English acting you want, I cant do Monica, and I we were just talking about this. The only ones I can seem to do are not dying you could do more freely and also you can get away. While I do you do that, quite often in solely because do you ever get pizza from Lucifer's no way I've heard you ve talked about it a lot you order as an Australian? No, the buggy now going message. Resume reason is an Australian. What with is the outgoing message by give recalling lays the first pica we ve got to locate she's male rose in here. He asked for my regular. asian praise worn for our heels? location brains? Do that's it
I don't know why I beds in the mood for Peter you. May you wanna barbecues people the kangaroo that its work, is going through a monopoly. You think, as I love piggy blinder so much you are pretty blinders no hale, but my love. He loves me I deem it is a good you. You have to watch it with the subtitles on. That's my caviar, as I tried watching him. and I thought the show is thereby you can. I didn't realize you're missing have of it, but I was as arrogant enough to think I was understood, mean everything you're better than I had no interest in that this was a habit of me with Ricky your vases podcast drugs. Like I don't I I missed forty percent of this year- you'd do knows. I'm heresies, you listen. You programme, star searching Mean surveys show that today, when I brought him monsieur darzac by Lightning Sir yes answered now is huge Bosnia, as he's too hot call those dancing with the star Samantha Harris that what you don T mind,
now you got in a fight with Ben F, like I'm bill more about Islam. Oh ok, right he's a neurosurgeon he's a fucking one, a nice man answered he's a neurologist he's in the dialogue with IRAN and he has a diet, is a dagger degree, Neurology from museum and he's also very outspoken, atheists and his broadcast. He has like the Ino Harvard professor of psychology on so everyone he has. on his is a genius is well right and when you listening at the Pike ass, I am like. I'm running on a hamster wheel as fast as I can do to understand what they're saying and I can keep up in my car like I can follow what they're. So he has no access to Eliza. He's gentleman makes very slowly annually, Ladys just that smart right and what they're talking about
so dense that I just really have to pay very close attention, but I can keep up so I'm so obsessed with em Kristen, for my sobriety birthday reached out to him and said: would you go to dinner with us? He said yes, very nice of him. We go to dinner and everything was going pretty well, but- an opposite plate started arriving right and then they want and they want to know. If I wonder refill on my soda and he was mid conversation and I lost him a completely fucking losses. He must have spoke for twelve minutes where I do no a thing. He was saying, as he's so smart and in a real life setting with distractions, I just couldn't keep up, and I just myself, like nodding in agreement. at the end I was hoping like that. Was that the conclusion- as I that's a tremendous point, but I can completely for twelve months than understand a word. I do. I do that every single night, with a guess, as we talk in between the commercials and the bans blanks,
I know we have a finite amount of time and I got a wad sky is not an ice, really loud do go on the bright. While our say there's some people in our old earth or some people- you know, yard, quite as assertive yeah, and then she is so some your guests are obviously they do. One of the lifting for you and then a lot of them she's have yet he does like you like when I, when your item like all right, I can take, I can take, solid one. Third of the show off. I am so glad to hear you say that, because I live in an egotistic away, I've I thought maybe? That was the idea that I would never have the balls to ask you that, but I I wanted to I just I was hoping I made it easy for you. That's really help then I then about because I'm a neurotic I'll leave and I'll go. Was I doing him a fake?
They just steamroller him now along. Like that's what we like, and I speak for all of us all all hose all hosts yes, but did you do try to do? Try to control that in any manner like, if you know, you're going to have to guess that evening, do you go no guys, that's two doves in a row I got to have. I wish that I was able to get a with I'm not really involved in the booking process. Right herring, you get what you get so yea a kind of get when you get yes, whatever the special soup is today exactly ok well from the bottom of my heart. I know how fuckin busy you are and loyalty little here like I do, and I appreciate some I can. I gotta pee on your land is because I really have to go, and I know there's no door on the bath. You can be anywhere. You want on his property they ever more and will thus take a couple stills. What the idea behind the website I love you, you ve been a great
of mine in you- ve always been really James. This is fine I'll come back. If you feel how dying at all We fund for use you'll, be the kind of monitoring the progress of Zaire yielding this dump. I have got a coffee machine, and here we can really. I thought you know speaking of our money in a rose. I have one right there. I have a keurig on the way up, you're, no good. For me, I mean use your usual fire up a couple. Pods though I like these guys, are while the consular plain gray pranks in nature, the lecture me a coffee, these wild grazing alleyway. I love you stay tuned. If you'd like here, my good friend and producer Monica had been pointed out the many years in the future, Monica before we get into fact checking that Kimmel episode. I just want to acknowledge that there is a ton of noise happening around us in what is it? gonna go. What are we hearing? What are the listeners hearing word?
mad all being thrown into a huge asteroids, there's a lot of concrete being load of drug about literally three feet from the microphone on the other side, the window here in our clubhouse so don't be worried. Don't don't think that you're ass is crumbling or not, an earthquake is on earthquake in your cars, not breaking it's us, ok, Monica! What do we get? So you said that you twice you meant that Jimmy has two kids. Oh yes, final has before children he aroused by talking about the new kid you're talking about the kids yeah, because his other children are not chip. Kids vernacular their girls at their always his kids, that's true, so he is born. ok and then in the new mentioned that you have never done anything that requires instruction. And you really have meant, but you ve done a couple thing, even some things improv, oh
and I did learn that required some instruction. I don't know if you took the instruction, but you were in a class and you why certainly receive the instruction? If I recall there were five ways to add information do seem, but I can only remember two of em tat tops, but you kept your ears open in that area and then you may be alarmed at it is, car stuff that I really did just figure out by this. Is this assembling things paying attention. While I was disassembly them ongoing or will they must go back together? The way became apart cabinets and nobody tire Danny and ask When I was in twelve great, I rebuilt engine in my mustang and can candies neighbour, marked health did show us how to you know, put the right pressure on the boards for the heads and whatnot so yeah. There is some instruction that can give me tax.
About a bunk item book on tomatoes, very thick book on tomatoes, and it's called ripe. Oh that's the book he wrote and enhance called ripe by Arthur Alan. there is a lot I not only for now and now ensure Baron. I can't find that I gave her now and I googled in a big book on tomatoes, and you would think why What pop up and will be very clear, so many books on tomato o roon, I had to ask Jimmy's wife with o- was Glad at Molly helped us she helped us. Ok, then, when you are talking about the food and Turks and cake goes, you said the food gets brought over from Miami five hundred miles away and it is all its bit you're, very close, its five hundred and seventy
I've nautical miles away, which could be upwards of like six hundred normal miles right nautical miles running about logical, my I think, they're a little longer than that our standard mile came in and Jimmy there really loan. Can you here? There is a big big cement dump in that you need on Europe. I love a grand jury mentioned that the raindrops him poor boy were so heavy the thing a pint of rain and each one? Well now I beg your name Taking me I mean he was. He was clearly in the world of hyperbole wise. But this is my job. Ok come out my job camp, so I tried to research how much water raindrop could hole and I couldn't find it.
yeah how it how it anymore- I don't know if there are scientists who do all kinds of things Amre, but I was able to find out how much ran a cloud can hold bulgarian here they're. So scientists estimate that one inch of rain falling over an area of one square mile of Bulgaria ah well yeah is equal to seventeen point four million gallons of water. holy small isn't that crazy, that's a lot of water and it would one hundred and forty three million pounds. A hundred and four ok or I will again waters. Eight point: eight pounds I believe softly lived there.
I like to bury you more claims, a guy I believe it may take. As I looked it up in its real Jimmy, was saying that he had no. He did know how closer how far he was from Japan, Menus and Barbara who is like. I have no right. I have no idea where you're in context other places and bore a boar is five thousand eight. Hundred and thirty one miles from Japan, basically ten times the distance from Miami to Turkey that well, that's not gotta go miles, and this is a regular okay so still in the ball park of ten times the distance wonder how the vegetables taste their wives. I know but
you're not coming from you. I got a guy doesn't make inflated two different topics. When you were talking about you're, scariest momentum, Barbara Raw, you said there was a little islands and then two hundred feet another while surrender. I am actually couldn't find the exact foot footage between I really looked hard. a busy week last week so dear so some of their very good. We have a good weakened as busy week. So my research had to stop at some power saloon but bore a bore. The island group is twelve square miles, so I don't know where you were in those I'll but there's a chance, you swam twelve miles. Well, here's what I can say is you know that that the
but all chain of islands does make pretty much a circle. If you look like an overhead of it and then there's his big big island in the centre that we're talking about work were Jimmy was about waited to volcanoes, so the that ring. I guess there saying as bride twelve miles right of its twelve square miles where well that's a little confusing. It looked like make a start on me again and again the map. Well, Ok, it does completely surround that centre, Ireland and its shallow in their work, as it would very that surrounding but ledges what I will say is that from where our hotel was to where they were filming on this barge was about half of that that that the ramble archipelagos yeah yeah. So I might go so far as to say that I. It travels six. My legs, I oh wow, that's cool.
hence rising miles while being chased by dogs. Yes, I got married mile. Yeah I'd be scared. I probably give up the french restaurant is may be called so I found a review with super. Is it love Villa Hannah? Donor or lagoon. I don't feel like it be lagoon. Does it was up? High lagoon is Leisure George, that's a fancy! Restaurant, ok Neither none of those ring about a million I can tell you is that you it was It was away away from shore. You know he was ill you. It was up up hill, a bit. really wanted to find out cause. People will want to know that in case they go yeah, who knows where we were there's a eight years ago? Maybe, oh, it was what we, Obama was elected the first time while we were there, so two thousand eight. So that's ten years ago
so who knows that there might be a proliferation of french restaurants on their main island at this point here and there are good, the other they're, all their old five stars gates and article Jimmy wrote about his experience and bore. You wrote it in our having to impose be out with the Epp and having imposed and its key, a dramatic story at the end of which nothing happened, sophomore preserved by my group. Incidentally, this on Inter web and neat and find it and read it? I reader or use I don't know what you're busy we had only this week, I'm gonna go back and read. It is really well room. I bet that title alone is perfect. Is so you reference and generally you said, a Roland movie, Roland Amre yeah. I just want to clarify that he directed Independence Day, a patriot
air Godzilla. How would it was day after tomorrow, after tomorrow's no one about crazy? Whether right, I think so, yeah there's like a tidal wave comes through Manhattan. Awesome I don't know I rolling desire. I leave german right. He added I would really help listening. We dont we'll find out we gates. We want our students towards dark you, U reference! Railroad, Danny Junior and SAM Jones Show- and I just want to give Samuel shout out- that's called off camera with SAM Jones and it's an interview show on Directv. His audience network
and its podcast as well? Oh, I do realise that I'm in the new said every single director working as an asshole. How were you able to substantiate that claim? I both of divers wrote, not true of the Niger is not true No not run Howard's of I've got some that are nice you're, almost everyone I work. you'd put me in that cattle. Where it already working rhegium Medium. Maybe I'm just getting at you. You said: if nightly twenty five million people tuned into Jimmy show it would be modern family times three. So today, is numbers. I have some insight scoop by modern families. I only realise really able to get it.
Your roommate hackler do, sir on modern. She was she's no longer organ shortage. Another shot now in my old remain also was writers assistant on my family. Ok, I so today's numbers, modern family, has about six. Alien beer is an episode. Ok, so I under us you buy it at its height. It had about twelve million viewers, an episode, guy. But let me just point out too that I was saying he's getting: twenty five million on night rights or five nights a week saw hundred twenty five million views per week, yeah there's only one modern family episode, I'm per week, gesture to recycle, as yet so he'd be making a billion. If you can bring in twenty five They viewers are nigh last night there quantifying man there I saw it
What has come, I am you'd be a billionaire yeah would be, but it wouldn't be. It would numbers. Don't they minors mammograms in their own right and then. Ok, you said we kill a million dogs are weak in America or jeez. That's not true, and we we roughly killed two point: six million dogs and cats. So that's more than just dogs. In: U S, alters annually, o guy grown, so not only not re work but but that's Andrew million dogs- are we gotta, be fifty two million dogs and cats in here but suffice to say I don't believe that they killed more than two point four million dogs to prepare for the Olympics in Russia. That was my over The point is that we were so judgmental them killing DA grand.
Again. I don't want anyone to kill dogs, but we do kill dogs with their wider point. Six quite a million a year. Well, that's including cat, and I don't want to offend cat Lubbers, but I do hope, there's while nine or hope anything when you have a future, I guess Holdeth Horatio favours the dogs and made him by me, which day, I'm sorry cat, I'm really sorry I I guess I really am drawn the fellow pack animals. You know we speak the same hierarchical language, I'm here that we alienated a lot of cow lovers, but I also need to be true. We need to be true nor myself. That's what you gotta, give you nothing. If not on a summer you said Gore modelled Torah was from, were hocker, lacks a clear and he's from Guatemala.
Guadalajara. Ok, yeah did he go to film scorn. Will Hocker on. I stopped at the ok back. I could be partially right and then I think they are met and film school were half a dozen, maybe but he's not from man. No, that's not sexy Guadalajara like it's gonna sound. They say. Okay, so you're upset because they say a billion people watch the academy awards, and then you said, fifty million people Watch Academy awards in America and where a country of three hundred million, so one sixth of Americans are watching it, which means you said a lot of was so the Hollywood reporter didn't investigation on this as well as in fifteen,
a billion view our failure and that that statistic appeared in nineteen, eighty five and then just keeps getting sighted, but they say the more accurate figure is seven several hundred I am still alive role hundred. I still don't buy that no. They broke down by country and I wrote a lot of them, but they had a lot more, but they had thirty seven point: three million in the United States. Ok, so that less than I will allow that immigration, you were less and then five point five million in Canada. That's the next This will never rise mail. You there so many countries Dax their desire manner. Seventy countries, Latin America, five point four or five million India. They love it. Four point: five million Mexico, three point: eight Middle EAST to point to UK
one went away. I'm services hung out several million. I mean several hundred Michalik eyes, doping, it's bullshit, I mean I respect your fact checking, but I also contain Your call bullshit why there is an elder if only thirty seven million Americans are watching it, that's one in ten, but even if one million Iranians have of all in all the countries dear awry I am already at underline something, and we have three it makes sense it such an arrogant, I stand by the million is a problem There are seen claim more coming up on it because the current- U S, population is three hundred and twenty three point. One million around down with three: you ran around it down
I continued to do so, would be accurate. Now that you know the facts, I already knew his three twenty three three hundred using like an asshole saint retorted, just keep it at three like look in got about a billion people right, save our find out. They China's got like about a million and a half people just say it. You know out of convenience, thinking, inefficiency. I think you should set the truth. Ok at the post, all these figures all over this, the walls in this room. Yes, I remember exactly SAM Harris Slander, just wanted to tell you right out clear up his credentials disperse. You said he was a neurologist than I corrected you, then you said
he has a decisive, useful, neurosurgeon accidentally, oh, what she's defiling on rural right, then ya think made at an hour. She said, but you said he is a degree in reality from Israeli SAM Harris's credentials, areas a beer from Stanford in philosophy and a phd from you silly and car. The narrow science so that go under the Umbrella of Neurology. I now that's all that's! Ok, and then I wanted you to find out exactly how many people rob gained to do then I didn't, I didn't Are you burial, ledges, we'll just pepper that into another fact check and can completely off top No one will remember just what let's say I in view Diane Sawyer. She still with us. Yeah, ok,
I'd, say I do that and then you just saying that fact. If you said Rob, macaroni yanked a bunch away was known all remember. I love you.