Armchair Expert Live from Seattle at the Paramount Theatre. June 1st, 2019.
This episode features music from The Head & The Heart, performing “Missed Connections” from their new album “Living Mirage."
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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nor its unbelievably it's it's unbelievably flattering to think that three people on special armchairs heard the insertion in Kandahar doing that I am so so so happy to be in Seattle. I'm not placating you! I spent more time here than any city other than lay in Detroit. The infamous
hurt Marysville. Our parents are here tonight, Greg Hair, so to have been accepted as a family member in this house for nine years going under Marysville was so special. So so grateful to be here so blacker than you guys all came out and other special thing, my favorite interview of all time you. Have a mom wars here tonight, many wonderful women in my life, my mom I had a real perfect saw me in a very, very many.
Your package, you guys know as the woodland creature from Atlanta George, please let me go I love you Tat. All Israel usage rights is ignored, yeah gotta guesswork spark. Maybe somebody brought some can share the very kind folks at lazy boy, We supply us with this furniture and then we donate it, and tomorrow it's going habitat for humanity. To thank you lazy by. I want to share a pet
about lazy boy, though my wife and I had a very famous viewed about a lazy boy than I had in our house, but she was unhappy. And it was in front of the viewing area of the tv, it became kind of a thing. She was very anti lazy boy. I was very pro lazy, but I have always believed in the product. Is a trusted brand of anyone's watch tv lately, but guess who's, sellen, fuckin lazy boys? she has a very cute face. She can sell anything. That's that's! That's all you can also. She didn't have a problem with lazy boy, The problem with you we wanted to have a guess deny that was somebody that was really important to Seattle, and this is somebody I've humongous fan of four years and never had the pleasure of meeting till backstage this evening. Tonight we have every year the pride, the feather in the cap of Zaire,
the one and only Dan Mr Savage allowed. It is my hope This ends up being the pervious episode we ve ever recorded that I I want to make sure my mother was here and my ex Europe experience. It was really important to me that there is really I know the underbelly of my imagination. I guess right out. The gates first of all, you had an incredibly successful long running podcast savage love CAS, which is so great. I've listened to countless episodes. I'm always fascinated with the comfort level. You have talking about nearly anything which I think is a unique quality unique to gay men
generally is: is it unique to gay men generally? Well, you can't be hey if you don't open your mouth and and say something that other people sometimes are gonna have a problem we have, as you know, I think the problem first rate people is that it's not hard to just to be safe. You know if you looked your mother in the eye when you were fifteen years old and said effectively. Mom I put Dixon my mouth. Talking about anything else with anyone else is never is scary is just that one basic Fundamental s eyes tat like everything else, is a cakewalk thereafter. Yeah. That makes a bitter sense. Is that what is raising you used? Our told your mom? Is that it raise it's not it's other expression I use, but what look on her face meant that what she well. As I remember the way you told me, as you said, let me take this.
that's our kids come out these days is a Skype to do it, but you're not from the background that would lead me to guess that you were going to be so vocally prospects pro many things been activists in many ways you went to a catholic school. Your parents were very catholic here type of Catholic. My dad was deacons used to be like novices are women who are going to become nuns like apprentice, nuns and deacons were apprentice priests, and in the seventies to address the priest shortage. The catholic church created the permanent deactivate where you could become a deacon and just stay there Wade's married catholic man could be deacons all and the deal they made with the church was. If your wife died, you would become a priest which kind of bounty on your cap with Mama's heard, because if they need more freezers, there's one real good way to get. My dad was in the very first class of the permanent deactivate and growing up. There's this expression like a preachers kid like you,
The preachers kittens out everywhere in the pulpit. I was a catholic preachers kid and then my dad was up The altar every Sunday, helping to say more, giving the homily doing everything a priest does accept the transubstantiation Hocus Pocus, that's the bread that became sacrament right. That's Catholic, we wear. My mom was a category minister. I went to the seminary yeah, but we had of a Jesuit kind of education. You have to win an argument to get fed. Kind of jazz household like ours. Yeah jesuits are basically atheist, Catholics, hyper rational, complex, and I like the idea. Transubstantiation and Mary floated up to Heaven whatever, but I'm a Catholic. Do you recall the inn, no dialogue. While you were a kid and dad was up there and did you have a good relationship with then? No ok, great. We do now, but that it was very strange like that, cliche No, you didn't have a really good relations with your dad. That's what made you gay
gay and that really fucked up my relationship with my dad put our religious conservatives and people who criticise gay people and want to argue that we are not borne were made. Get that exactly backwards. It's not that shitty relationship with dad made you gay being gave distanced you from your father and this weird wake us. He knew what was up. He did yeah like I, my parents were of the generation, because I'm fifty four thereof, the generation that looked at Liberace and I think he was gay. Yet that's one of the great mystery you. What a lawsuit against a british newspaper that employ He might be game damages that then, that british newspaper tabloid conservative newspaper, tried to claim back from em Greece is a state after he died. What they want. The money back is obviously he'd been gay, but the thing was for Piquet. Are we sure where's your hours. I saw also have to be true. My parents, they look deliver. you didn't, he was gay because to think some
was gay was to think the worst thing you could think of that person and made you a bad person to think that. So they look me listening to Camelot in the dining room on the attractive and when, As you know, one of my thirteen birthday in Chicago I said tickets to a chorus line which was touring answer already like for me, and in a few years later I come out of their like. You went to court in line with me. Don't you remember my enthusiasm right by glee? You put that question to my brothers. They want to go to a bears game and I was like chorus I know they didn't think I was. But I want to say this just right out loud, one who is getting something I've religion, I'm so for I just want to say that I'm so for anybody who is getting something out of anything so unabashed anything I'm just speaking for me personally I was, however, that you have to take responsibility for the fact that your belief system exists. a continuum that takes us to grow.
Spanish inquisitions, thou, persecuting people string measure share share your DNS internet right people if they have to accept and wrestle with its part of the responsibility of faith. My parents wrestled with that as people. I faith. I think if you are devoutly catholic groaning one these religions, it wouldn't kill you to acknowledge that to your online and on it and then work through it, I think that would be productive and cool, because you want to be one of those people of faith who helps inoculate face against those kinds of abuse these not just blind to it and then led into the guy those now with that said I just never bought in, I believed, you didn't yeah, that's what I was curious about. So when you are a young boy in your father was up there I'll, be it a complicated relationship. What we're your thoughts during that time,
Well, I thought mass was incredibly boring. Glass church itself of physical plays because we were Catholics and it with nor side and old Catholic beautiful, and so it appealed to like my little entered gate Jerry static. Yeah, yeah color. I found a hoping tedious, but I believe that, I believe that Jesus, what the Son of God believed somehow in the sun bother wholly goes three in one package deal, We are glad that I ended up being gay because there was a momentary, surreal I was gay and then thought. Okay with the church has ten me about me a ride? a wrong about that and some people, gay people legally, raising, conservative or anti queer religious traditions will then just shift to like a less homophobia, you're, not homophobic faith community. Yes, sort of editing out what you know brings them into conflict with faith, and when I did
Even I was a kid I just sort of like pulling at the thread of that garment and the whole thing was unravelling in front of my eyes: leave the wrong me what also they wrong about here and then even going. I read the Bible. I cover to cover three or four there's two books of red cover to cover three times the Bible. rise and fall of the third Reich, gray eyes. Yeah, that's a beast of a book. I and I like to read it when I'm super depressed, and I dont know why that is exactly. But we cannot be under the Bible and critically without you know that the spectacles or blinders have faith in you know there are two creation myths, one right after the other, at the beginning of Genesis where things are created and in time, really different orders, and so they both can't litter, may be true. Not the Catholics believed that the was the inherent literal word of God right, but then, like even in the new testament shit. Just started to fall apart, and it was my sexuality that prompted me to take that critical, look, and I M so glad
A cocksucker is, I might add, we all are still, I could be wrong do that today. If I hadn't yesterday, Dick in my mouth, and so my mom about it, and what age is that like fourteen fifty not that I came out at that age, but right when I read your history and I knew that you, you ended up basically going to a kind of preparatory school, a catholic school that people would go if they were gonna end up in this monetary or be try to become, although preparatory seminary and it's a big big building with like three hundred catholic boys, thinking about being priests entirely staffed by praise ah ha and Missus Sturt liken plates and eighties, and there were soon catholic priests, similar one, is to an office. The plan and the door said disciplinarian and they sat in their office all day long to have Catholic high school boys sent to them to be spent that was their job is catholic priests.
After they eliminated that position. I didn't want to be called the priest anymore. I guess you're right. What's the fire, but I that's what it really fell, apart from any weight, was their stuff going on when we obviously without going honours, all sorts of catholic sex abuse scandals and prancing children who were damaged and adults who damaged by predatory priests but nothing We're happened to me and it was. I was like a chicken covered and Bacon Greece sitting in the middle of a much our universe. I worked just go to the seminary with all these crazy predawn whistling oars line, tunes yeah yeah a man who is, as you know, no is actually made you a mark like so many young catholic Gay boys were preyed upon by
is because the priests relied on your own sense of shame and complicity Yankees. You say you had a secret as well right. Yeah you're, already pay Does that keeping a secret you? I was never molested by a principle you couldn't go to your parents say this happened to me without drawing attention to your sexuality, and so many catholic priests, even like bishops in the last couple of years, have blamed the children for seducing the priests. So it they'll say that newspaper in America and fame now ever try to tell your kid. They can't have ice cream. It's almost impossible said or who told your cubic metre. Ice cream of our hands are approaching was there a moment at all that you considered when you're in then school. While, if I take this path into being a priest, I will avoid having to ever deal with this whole. Oh it's! While the issue, that's why I was there like. I was realizing. I was gay and liked. Seventy, great- and I went- I chose this place because I thought I can never come out. I can never tell my parents, I'm gay, so my option
are fine some women, but I can lie too forever and that conflicted with my catholic values, you couldn't you. someone like that you can treat someone like that. You wouldn't want to be we would like that of violated the golden rule. In so I couldn't do that without ok, so. I'm gonna be a priest, as so many other queer cow kids throughout history yeah. I thought I can do this instead and it would have been a terrible thing. Thank God. For the you know, it's the fiftieth anniversary of the Stone Wall Riots, as is known all right, so yet my ignorance will there was gay rights, queer rights, movement, pre, Stone Wall, an activist, Please to law and protests priest on but still more was a bar in New York City that the police rated toward the end of June and nineteen sixty nine and round
then allow themselves to be beat up and dragged to Patty wagons, the crowd in stone while having to cry talk about the crowd and stone wall, which was a mixed crowd. People of color white people, Trans people, cross dress, was dried, cleans gay guys. They fought back against the cops in. There were three nights of riots in the village and that kicked off the modern energy, BT, civil rights movement and really rolled out the concept of pride and you the end. In being our thank God. The cops raided, the barn not on November tenth, so a demarche, cynical awry Ryan. I jus the accident and constantly up it was. the day of garlands funeral was that that's serendipitous and a lot of people, you know have said apocryphal declares, were fed up there to bury Judy Garland yeah. So thank you like that up in a nineteen sixty nine I was going to the school in the late summer are early eighties and there had been a progress in these
The idea that you could be a gay person live a life out there. only option. Wasn't the priesthood or the closet. There was something else and the gay rights we get it. it put in front of me that I could live and a big house where dresses in fact boys without getting ordained- and live with some integrity and get to do all those they buy boys. I mean adult man right. Yes with moustaches or not. You choose whatever A non Oda physicists are thinking of the seventies. Is Jerry Mustache Heavy there's a problem for me in the seventies. Like all the other current, I could get my hands on my guard. Bert Reynolds I play. Girl magazine when I was in my formative stage, parental airs, rug, Yan IONA. I would put my thumb There is much to my other occupies measure so prior to the stone Wall there.
there's, no one, really in the public eye that you can even look at our look to right. That's living out loud at that my mother is Poland and Charles Nelson really is the deal with The culture made with critically game amply White Man. Pre stone wall was in here some bushes and a park where, If you go there, we're not gonna arrest. You often here's a house if you go there and you can publicly sort be gave him be Liberace. You can be Poland, you can never say you're gay so that we can pretend we don't know the original. Don't ask don't tell kind of right. That was the deal for a very long time. So there were no gay communities. Gay people are out to each other, but in other gay couples who lived other who had separate phones to their apartments, and one guy would answer his found. Another guy. We monitor his. They would never answer each other's cones because it their families found out. They could be committed. Libitum Isaac lose their jobs and get through another apartment at their landlord found out. He was a very tough way to live.
it to make relationships, unstable and lasting, and then psychologist looked about said well being gay is obviously sick because their relationships, so fragile. I recently got in an argument with someone's dad about that same thing will look at the rate of mental health issues among animals. Chicken or egg may be completely excluded from Europe Social Group, and you don't think, though, ever be a down river result right immensity. Yes, do you think, because in again I speak anecdotally, living in LOS Angeles, where we have was Hollywood, which is by the way when I first moved to LAS Angeles, I moved to Santa Monica. I was bored, I just move there. I thought maybe we'll get a cup of coffee was at night, I'm just gonna drive down Santa Monica Boulevard first place. I see that looks busy, I'm gonna get out now. I'm gonna go and fresh from Detroit. I part my car a first happen in place. Is: was Hollywood if you leave Santa Monica Santa Monica Bulwark and as I walk by rage, which are then learn his rage, my own is tons of deeds, dance with each other that others that's it
a bar that make sense. Then I sit down the star bugs and I nor is There- is like a ton of deeds making on its term bugs in Asia. A guy next to me- and my is businesslike- gazed- bucks- I didn't know there is again a gay Starbucks, he goes. Oh yes, Therefore, as gay town and I'm like it's a game, TAT gathered cops are game like that cops are going, it was. It was truly a mining is a method of us anywhere repay turn whatever and stay there are day cruise ships. Could they put enough of this item on matters? A tipping point? Crews, cocksucker yeah so start talking, this guy gorgeous dude talking to him for a while super good hang, he goes AIDS or rolling rock night em, a mother lode across the street. You wanna come in and like I'm any where that beers or dollar, go too much. Load with him he's super hot, so ever
ones inviting us into the bathroom to do coke. So it's free coke in dollar rolling rocks, I chose wrong. This could have so so that town again, this is anecdotal and is probably quite misleading, but several of our best friends wanna can I meet your friends. Are gay and in LOS Angeles and in their twenties it was pretty reckless lifestyle by any metric them very high rate of drug use, very high rate of everything- and I was initially like that, are those things correlated? How are they correlated and our good friend said to us. You know when you are certain that your life is going to end short from HIV or it's gonna end, because you're gonna get beat up in an alley drug minor cup, you kind of dont, really give a fuck. There's almost like a research shows that gay men, you know, use drugs at higher rates, abuse drugs outside sorry, I use so that you can
drugs about abusing them? We re asking a lot of people in a four hour to go the speed limit the wide even get the and it's a little hard to separate out, because you know, be gay is to say Acts and desire is not sanctify. or ennobled by reproduction. This is for pleasure and connection, and I for a lot of guys within happens is ok. What else is for pleasure and connection yeah and it's sort of is a natural extension and gay guys don't do anything like sexually with the sexually out of control. Stop they don't do anything that straight guys wouldn't do straight guys could have because women won't. I Did you see the SNL with John Maloney peed Davison, joking about cleanliness, made a movie he's. Ninety years old made this movie, where his care, he wrote and directed his character that he wrote for himself has two three ways
ninety eight year unclear and peace. Davidson and John Millennia look. Do you this going. Maloney goes, I never had a three way and behave like I've had won and thereby helping I have one more or one of the first before their ninety Sidney gone. I lost my virginity and a three way, these poor mother straight guys and let's paused, to consider for a second why women, while yet what game menu? I was about to say I study very long time ago, where they sent attractive young women out on a college campuses to approach at Random college Guys- and We too have anonymous sex with them right that minute and ninety eight percent of the guys, like ok, and then out to ask women on the college candidate, random and they I like to know the answer: what the researchers I was manner more promising If women are more, you know family, nor oriented, and they did that stuff
again in Germany just a few years ago and controlled for violence. large, shaming exact rape and they did it with computers. sat women and men down and they showed them pictures and they told them. These are attractive. Strangers the return of the hall, they would like to have sex with you right now, no one will ever know you will not be here there will be no violence and women were as likely to say yes as man. So all those Drake guys out there and have encountered so many in my life who are jealous that it's easier for gay guys to get laid. It is, and if you wanted to be easier for you to get laid, make the world say: surfer, women and yeah. One little ass, tromp, what Europe charming is a phenomenon that women are, and I must confess that responsible for drivers and just about to say it's on everybody to change, not just met
this man, women, slight, shame, I would say, Most more than men and a lot of ways, so it's on everybody. We are going to work on it well, but but also, I think it would be attempting to make it a by ordinary option as well. When I don't think any one of these topics is solely a genetic thing so we are cultural socio. You know its impartiality, separate those things out these ideas, because we all your life, you and I have a poison coursing through our veins called testosterone. That is also a fact women have to and a reasonable dossier at around Rwanda, so there a lot of things. Yes, because there is there's this, you know I listen to how people talk to their daughters, and Basically, if you have a son right, it's like well Tiger. I hope you get laid son. Do you need to borrow your dad's car? You have a suit. You got twenty bucks. You know it doesn't matter who you get laid with just get it in
and the daughters, like you better make sure that he loves you like forget. You know, someone loves you at fifteen. You know they said it and it's not. It's not irrational. Bobo that overprotected missed apparent show for their female children. You have to factor violence, women and girls are likely to be murdered by intimate partners. anybody else, and so you know, and say to the parents of young gay boys treat that kid like a daughter, hover and be protective, because in the same way that if your daughter was straight and going to go out into the world and have male sex partners, you would be a little bit more concerned for your daughter than Your son who is going to world female sex partners, is your daughter's at greater risk of rape, intimate partner, violence, murder and domestic violence. Then your son is your son is likely to perpetrate those things. Please talk with you sign about that. Men men are to start your own soaked, Dick monster
and so I think, it's perfectly rational to be a little bit. Moreover, protective of daughters. I had this these conversations with our neighbours in the predominantly like probably straight neighbourhood or Terry, and I live and embraced our under together, who felt you know, is good lefty per group level. Progressive Seattle lights, that they were being hypocritical and that they were more protective of their daughters, and I was there going. You should be more than TAT. Of your daughter's there at greater risk because of male violence. I'm nothing lock your daughter's up, saying prevent your daughters from having, but you do believe in chastity. Lay friends you're on record and generosity, to biodiversity, battled sea area, but only for fun and only with something. But you can also you can be protected and not put on the societal limitations. Like you, gotta be in love and you got you can still put right and save their things to be aware of, and also if you are horny and excited and confident. the pressure of the experience being one
her novel Serbia would be on the cover of is a lot to put on a fifteen year old girl, like you, better bring you flowers, there better be champagne, and you know you you should be addressed to the now. Although the question is, do you wanna, fuck him reality. Is this what you why I won't get yes, and there are other issues along a continuum that may end if you, if you know I have a hierarchical pushed. A second thing. Fucking is like the ultimate We should be saying to kids adults. Do a lot mutual masturbation alot of rolling around a lot of healthy, putting Porthos and rationally our game. There are things reindeer games fantasy play. There are things you can do that are less risky than penetrative, p ivy or p. I sacks that our European Year UK, I s things here- oh my god, but imply any so knowledgeable on their rights, he's like a military general speaking, an acronym kind,
ass. One leg you email is recently. I lost the idea that fast now I live to do fast matters. It be ivy but I guess I am not going to take credit for Christian. Somehow learn this that even when you explained sex to your kids, which you in very we have to do earlier than your expecting so Kristen say she learned. This is like the woman takes the man's penis in puts it in her vagina. They just something that simple of like you're going side of the thing is in your region is a good way to say it's a weirdly like empowering just explanation of it. When we talk about educating our kids about sacks having to talk with our kids, I always to tell everybody other that you're gonna screw it up, because you cannot screwed up as the acquittal and- and I must confess I screwed up that conversation with my own son me of all peoples acts and vice versa, reserve that up, because you know we got to the point. It is life we wanted to know where babies come from and a kind of what sexes
and then one day he came down and jumped up and the counter wrote about this moment my books. Much to his consternation, up on the kitchen to talk about ever glared at me from across the room, and I turned around us like why it and he went. You daddy had sex for no reason to men can't make a baby is like. Oh right, I left out ninety nine point: ninety nine percent of the sex people, how Jasper pleasure not per baby limit to how many kids you can but the pleasure the intimacy. The connection all the reason straight people have said. Those are all the reasons gay people have sex and ever once in a while. You guys crank out a kid what we produce ourselves through your bodies, primarily gaze, lesbian. There are the product of Hatteras Exe
Zack so I like to think there's a lot of like defective models and then the like the gays and lesbians cones and where the butter pose they tune for more lives. Show after this exciting commercial break supported by legal zoom. Now, I think, is very stressful for people when they are thinking about having to make a will. Allow. I find that very successfully. an event like when you knew right it on the back of a match, broken in sign of hope. Someone finds it and I don't know who needs to get one of my assets prison. I did this years ago on legal zoom in one page, prompts, after the other, to ask a specific question either. Answer is very, very simple. Now, look we're right in the middle of summer, and the last thing you anything about these. completing your last will our living trust, but right now, it's the perfect time to do it because its national make a wheel month at legal zoo, that's a holiday of sorts Willissimus
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Jerry dot com, that's b and J e r r. Why dot com enjoy Have you I mean obviously just said it coming not about who you truly are, is such paramount declaration and requires so much courage that everything else than pals by comparison, but even with that, there must be something you can point to that has made you just not shy about this topic when my parents encouraged us to speak up. They were both raised in children, are to be seen and not heard homes and didn't like it, and so they encourage, therefore children to argue with adults which appalled their parents and a lot of my answer, goals, and so we were very sort of argumentative and my parents had a sense of humour that was understood that when it was just family you talk,
this way everything you didn't say: brother, grandparents think you didn't saint bride of the neighbours, but it was just ass. You could be not quite crude, but a little blue like had George Carlton's record, listen to it when we were kids right that the understanding that we were smart enough to know that you didn't then shout that at the none who taught you at school. Yes, yes, but I think what set me up for it as a sort of semi professionally. Where they are. But I had to have it my parents, when I came out to them with my mom specifically at what age Eighteen, I was ready to come out to my mom when I was sixteen and gained with my elder brother Billy, but then my dad divorced, my mother, ok, surprisingly, in out of the blue left, got two frocks and I knew if I went in said. I can take your mind off the divorce for ten minutes tat they would killer. So I waited another like year and a half, although I was ready, can quickly as well.
Brothers you were close to them. He had already told your brother. I was close to my eldest brother and I told him so you had told him they age gap is what two years. Oh cigars, you liked Irish Triplets Irish Quadruplex Cloud relays. Four of us each lesson in Europe are all my Oh and my mother's started using birth control books, a catholic priest told her too was right when they decided that could be used right. The bono, the complex, restore, pose ice idleness into a blot boy. Don't you want to fight about this with you, but I heard a bog cast talking about the fact that the pale as we commonly use it. The two or three days of sugar pill is completely pointless, there's, no reason to have the three days where you get your period in an fan, road vehicle, The whole reason that three day window is in there is because they pitch to the catholic Church has not a birth control device but
device that could align your menstrual cycle to be predictable and they, the catholic church, had already agreed that you could have sex without when, when you are not fertile, is random. Burmese, romantic and and withdraw the catholic Church would approve of, but the yet. I did try to make the pill something. I would appeal to the catholic Church and then they would allow for a lot of the former burthen hurts rejected it and every sex. I have to be open to procreation, so no but Saxon of face sex and because, the church uses. The same terms in turn Equally disordered, inherently evil to describe masturbation heterosexuals having sex birth, drawn homosexuality, so so we're all sodomize. Basically right, I would normally admit this, but our second child, my wife became pregnant.
They sex? I just want to put that. It happened once in South Africa. There's one documented case were eaten and maybe it's a dark story performed oral sex and then with stab times yet seem intimated from her stomach to her uterus and she got pregnant. She was a virgin similar home from oral sex and a brutal assault. I'm eight dinner party go back and you got individual exorbitant. Another zero captures who and look what our relationship like when it was just us. When I came, to my mind, this is a long time ago and my parents were operating with no information and believed that, as many people believe that homosexuality was this thing, your kids could drift towards and you're supposed to nudge them in the opposite direction, my parents had access to Google today they would not have done and said the things that they have done and said my mother, after it came out, she said. Okay, I can deal with it.
You may never have a boyfriend. I never want to hurt anybody that you're dating they can ever come to the house and I've I've put with this for a while and then You know my sister's boyfriend would come to the house just like why Can Laura's boyfriend be here in mine, can and my mother was just uncomfortable being around someone. I was having sex with sharp and I said Laura sucks, her boyfriend's cod is her boyfriend, blowjob haha. Why can't you pretend that you don't know that and you don't see it. It doesn't like play your imagination. Why can't you extend to my boyfriend the same like willful suspension of disbelief right and she looked me and just like very coldly L platform, more street L station in Chicago said the Blowjobs Laura gives can lead to marriage. family and children. In the blowjobs you give go nowhere, I said to her and whose fault is that make those rules right
yeah, you motherfuckers those rules, and this was the way we could talk to each other privately. We could be that sort of way. Stripped down and like we had that kind of delay and ship and then, when I started giving sex. If I seriously come channeling me and my mom having an argument, Rhine came around, She did because I insisted, are you deaf ear? I dont think you would have come around if I had my sister I'm always encouraging younger kids to do like your only bridge over your parents as an adult. Is your presence that, yes, if they can't love you and through you with respect and treat the people, you love with respect dont be present for that mistreatment, right ok now to walk through your life a little bit you. Obviously you leave that preparatory seminary school,
and you are no longer going to pursue that and then you go to the university Illinois can until you're funny story absently. Now we hate funny stories here we discourage them at all costs. I would be in jail if it now or some kid now it I d done to get out of the seminary because I wanted to the seminary three quarters of the way sophomore year and my parents, wouldn't let me ok. So I took two M eightys to school and them in my locker and blew my locker up, it was funny. Then it was now I'd being one Taliban Verizon WAR or lie here. Obviously am I gotta similarly blew up a typewriter to get out of typing cloud. Oh my god, where lay yeah, you guys are also hindered yeah, I got it spell, then, I got to go to a different school, but I I got expelled from the seminaries you leave there, but you make your way to University Illinois in Champaign and you major and acting
of musical theater, and so I didn't know what else to go to college, for I was sleeping with somebody was in the acting programme, a universe of Illinois, so I just sort of followed his dick down their shares. Her share, Yellow Dick Roche, yeah yeah did it for three or four three years: did you have aspirations of bean and now really just the lifestyle to talk about? This is a weird I Inter University in learned how to fence but didn't learn when people did that. Do you mean, like I graduated knowing how to Giacomo, but because went into the sophomore year of the programme and then it in my senior year college. I took all of my basics o interests because they put me into the We are the problems, they need, an extra body, So I took history all your prerequisite religion and is senior and I loved it and then, at that moment, as I go, I should have majored in history. That's what I really have a passion for you
I had a similar thing where major and anthropology, and then I had finished all my stuff. I now make fun of me. How often I say I can't not say I can't I I can't on our that it's a drinking game on the has people, so I fear all my course dove and then the like the last year, my senior year I got to kind of just take elective in and I was always trying to be an actor. I also emerged take some film step and then it's like a film is, class, and I'm sitting there watching like a Nightrobe print of Casablanca. Em, like these motherfuckers, be doing this for three years I should have been doing this. You can major and watching movies. Did I I really was like. I blew it right at the end, I figured that out still wanted to do theater, but I wanted to direct by the time I got out of school. You money. the theatre here and see out over about almost ten years called Greek active yeah needed interesting. If you kind of pre him not Hamilton in that right. You would. You would take classical stuff and right. I wished I done
unlike Hamilton. We would take place Sean Saint, Joan or Shakespeare's King John and and Duke queer rips on them, and it is the height of the AIDS epidemic and people are dying people my shows were dying. Somebody died halfway through the run of the show. As that we have these kind of queer writ. You know my approached theater and this gun really get aboard people now is you know every there there's no such thing as it: actually there's only comedies that M sad suddenly, like him it's a really funny play people who, like form, hamlet and like take it in our so self serious and the production takes itself really serious. It's unwatched bullets, tedious. If you treat it like a comedy and like mine, you like the humour in it and find the life in it. Then you are sad when these people that you, like spending time with the end, are all dead yeah if any perform hammer is a georgian air by the time their dad you're like a year die data our earlier out of a fuckin guy solely graduated
you're, like a moving in New York and I'm gonna be going. Broadway and I'm gonna be in place. Nothing like I want to live in Europe, but I never did I moved to West Berlin in Today. There was therefore a year and a half there when the came down what what took you there. Why did you go there? Dick, ok, I've laid low, Dick Road like yellow road. When I dare to let you different dick located on the same yellow, Dick wrote, a guy I broke up with the guy, went to college to be with amendment of different guy and he got a fellowship of the west german government and they were so much more ants than we were, and gay rights, then that the fact that they given a fellowship to this gay dude, who had a boy and I got a residency permit oh, no shit. The funny story I applied for a job. With the: U S: Army working in a school cause there's a huge basins, alien, outside Berlin and they hired me to teach German, which is a language. I didn't speak right
because they assumed I spoke it because I had this residency permanent, lived in Berlin, yeah and when they found out, I didn't speak German. They wouldn't fire me. They made me teach German. That's military! I would prepare less implant each day with my german speaking boyfriend. Then I would teach to these second to six traders, but also it to myself. So I spent like a year and remove yeah. Above we called it, Saxon Super german because we could get groceries and get laid. Those are the essential road yeah vivo cos. I am fully shines in except important This to my mother's were flirting Vanozza Duns Gabor stock. You speak German. No, I swear. I remember like nine things from my german class in high school and like you and answered, I don't know, I asked how much you're sure was, but I don't have you set a million dollars or seventy dollars. If I didn't understand,
said so I said size memory rising to lift up the, which means don't shit on the floor. You'd be surprised. How often comes in here are, while Germany, in particular The end of year. There was a very fascinating vanity, fair article about the german character and their very obsessed with shit, there's that they have like a hundred twenty words for shitty I guess it most ever is now much more open, gazing there and eightys owed. Imagine yeah people are dying everywhere, but it was a desperate time how about drugs drugs out an open, their drugs were expensive and we were all poor, ok experts, there? Wasn't a ladders drinking there wasn't a lot of drugs that I saw how can use, been sort of like around drugs, but never kind of succumb to them. They did an interest you it's weird, I have a varied, except for Dick, I guess about addictive personality and then try like I did ecstasy and I did cocaine and call
couple times I did ass it once in college and, like I did, those things have a goal that was really fun. That's that that's it. I don't need to do that again. Also, is I'm gonna do that again some day and it's always seem to that, like you, took ecstasy, I was amazing euphoric experience so you want to like put that up on a shelf until you need that experience again cuz. If you take ecstasy, every weekend is not going to that is a return rose, so you should want to jealously guard the power that by not abusing using it all the time, be asked, and I was always my approach to drugs. They know what those making I'll do that again in fifteen like crazy, I didn't like it. We want. I did acid in college. This is horrible. Sorry, That's cause ones and it was like the acid, their kids and down sit Illinois could get. We'll pure re your little high grade, but I was it gave our in Seattle in the nineties, and somebody offered me acid nose like Nebraska from college. It wasn't like too bad.
right right, so I didn't hit of acid and then a little while later some beside you feeling anything like now, not really listen to one another wonders allocation. First, one hadn't hit get is already told me that the in the intervening nearly two decades, the power of Ass clearly here on the West Coast, to suppose it Downstate Illinois increase like a thousand charger I was destroyed, I was in a gay bar in drag on Halloween sitting on the bar holding the sides losing my mind for six hours, and I was the host of the costume contest I fulfilling their line of lunatics totally shirked. All your responsibility went around the bar that I was fucked up out of my mind and assets of everybody had to come fuck with me, and I want to hear any more than I ever done ass. It again, not surprising. How are you not to sit on the floor? mother yeah. I had to
go to the bathroom at one point and it's really hard when you're so fucked up on acid to make your bladder release cause you feel like you're going to dissolve. I never want to sound I'm not recommending an acid for ever. I just want to be on record so when you got from Berlin. Did you guys break up? As that would happen, we. Let him to Berlin. He we came back to Madison Wisconsin. We had an apartment and when he was gonna, get this arts degree and then we can go back to Berlin and then cause George W Bush was president. We could imagine a worse republican president. To reconcile we just deal and then he job on the road for a year with an opera company in the states, and I doubt that, right after I met TIM who's coming The stranger and I said, I'm gonna go right. This advice, column and after this year is up will go back to Berlin. I moved here, we broke up and I got stranded in Seattle. Ok, so
What's really interesting when you move back to Madison, you happen to through working at a video store. You befriend TIM, who was the co founder of the onion, wrote, and did you know immediately? He was one of the co founders of the onion yeah. Well, I, when I met him, I was introduced him as the co founder beyond any just sold the onion, and he was moving away to start this paper. How can we met at a social- and I was just like? Oh, you can have a newspaper in the sound so disingenuous. years were the columns later he's telling me about his paper and I said I operating rating Landers- Exhibit HOLLAND and Penthouse magazine who wrote asked the Madame, which is a terrific sex advice, column and listening to my mother give advice to the Neighbour Ladys, because I was a little like since he gave way, under the dining room table. Listening all attire, and so I just looked at him and I was like oh should have an advice column because everybody reads those you see that Cuba format. You cannot read it yeah and he looked at me in what excellent advice right. The advice, column and I was angling for the gig
have any aspirational of Bein, a writer at them? No I wanted to do play is why we need you to make any decisions, career, oriented or is all just just sort of like. Dick Road gave me plays the idea which, by the way, is not a bad end up somewhere you now now. It's now don't want orgasms long way, and then it was ninety ninety one. Ninety intimidated started talking like Look at this is straight paper, but you're gay. Do you gonna, give sex advice? You can't just write about K. Saxons like I'd, want to write by gay sex at all. We really funny. If eyes, a gay dude was giving sector based straight people, and I treated straight people with the same contempt that heterosexual advise com. Is it always treated gay people? I would like treat straight people like that, like New York, I can't believe you would do. we are discussing your poor mother- must be heartbroken. You'd sympathise,
minister. I started writing this column is a joke thinking. I do it for six months and straight people who never been treated like this imprint before by a fag whose and telling them they could call him a faggot lab salutation on the call for the birth of years was a faggot loved. Yeah, and then it turned into a real advice, column by accident. Let I start getting real questions and I didn't know anything yeah, that's what I'm very. curious about appear ambition. When you write it advice column. Is you only print the questions? You have answers for? Yes, and ninety ninety one, there's no Google, There are libraries with books in them. Give you don't know somebody you got a book bid, the humiliation about, and
I put the glittering in the wrong place. The first time I talked about my sex it because, while I was twenty one that gay due to came out like as a teenager in high school and why I wouldn't know, let me that even as a straight do it's a huge mystery time I know where it I my first experience going down a gales, pants Amy I'll leave her last name out behind the UN's garage, she's have you ever fingered. Anyone is an absolutely tons times greater Let's do there and I was going down down down down down as I I'm pretty soon I'm going to strike her gonna become an up here pretty soon I was PAN like I'm gonna, hit her, but it was much because going on base up my anatomy. Lebanon is kind up top on my pupil, mound, my mounds Cuba's. I thought her whole, would be the backs of the man's gang.
Was at the Navy here. This is the plot. Point in book, smart, you should go, see books my down down down down. Oh, it's terrifying you're, like I'm, gonna, be on the buck Gregg here pretty soon it is terrible and as I'm taking longer and longer in Hungary too, she does in any of you have done this before, and I was my last poor shells like fuck. It hell or high water, and I found it. I mom, breeze pair poor barons, everyone's taken on the internet, so get to find out where they are there was an you you, u turns out, it's not on the soft power Anime was. It was now googled, just global prepared. I just I'm not getting a lot of angry letters from people with clear. As I learn a lot from my reader yeah, I mean the writing. It
comes changed a lot in the last thirty five years, because there is the Now there is Google and writing it about how much more difficult now because everything is situational ethics yeah you get used to get questions like some straight person in a bar with friends somebody They bought plugin. They would know what that was me a letter on paper and put it in an envelope with stamp on it mail to me, and I would write a call but what about plugins but plugs? Have a wiki pay now. If you can tell me you can like Google re yes rocking has a wiki page. I used to get to write these instructional columns about how to do a thing. You don't need those columns anymore than look at those questions anymore. I did this day did that, if I tell them it'll be, this will happen in this bed. Consequential happen for me, but also their consequences for them. What do I do? Who's the fault here and it's gonna have to mail is like there's nothing that you can do you ve shot the bad and a can't be unshod. You screwed the pooch Campi unscrew right. You need a fireman. A cop and approved
yeah and I miss writing those what's about plug columns because they were easy. What objectively there was, answer and now you're more bad, ass, more or less to levy a verdict, whether the thing right moral or amoral levy, a verdict on remember that and use that that's what I do all day long is whose right who is wrong, as opposed to just the moral, absolute goodness I plug any trepidation about levying these verdicts, because, ultimately, rights to advise com, they're asking to be told that they are not what to do is not binding arbitration. The conceit is you tell me what to do and then I get to make up my mind. I get to seek out other input, often people- I'd me in anger if they thought what I told this person to do as the wrong thing to do at arose letter I was angry letters- always assume that that person did exactly what I told them to do. Yes, and that's almost over the years
yes, the mail I get ten years later from people is. I didn't do what you told me to do and I wish I had rights right. The measure of successful advice, collars read it tape, people read it. People send you questions, that's the gong! I was just talking to Monica about this. When I was younger- and I was in my twenty- in the committee, and I was just starting again in a position where I would get interviewed and do the stuff. I went and did love line, and I I had acted during the high costs and we are working on it. We are talking about that episode and then someone tweeted a link to me of it, and I got through about five seconds of animals throughout my only I used to be such a negative. Like my just impulse, supposed to make fun of everything and everybody's. So much of the sex of us out there was so terrible. It's it's putting people down for being sexual in the first place and sneering at their sexual interest, and it's really what sets have a slumber party for I think whatever you want to do is grey lungs. somebody wants to do it and so much of
comedy around sexes. Look at that disgusting pervert, we're all discussed, per bo, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I asked again- and you may have a thing that you're talking about it, that you ve been out it for being interested in, and people are snickering or walking you and everybody snickering, unlocking you is it a fear response because they know that their shit got dragged out Public they would be marked, and maybe we got to stop marking each other in this way and in there is, there is a humour in it like. I think that the sexes, funny, I don't like boring dry on funny advice- comes like its inherently ridiculous, whatever you really similar, look anyway to human, the rain. Our capacity for abstract fodder capacity for language is a lot of researchers believe also what makes our erotic so complicated like drives us to fetishism and sort of this. Like these associations in the same language can, and it can be a random association and using its it's so
interesting and we're all in it together. Yes, that love this study done in the UK, huge sample size and they literally wanted to measure the prevalence of was called a pair of failure, which is a non normative sexual desire, a kink, fancy, medical Research pure science, you name is paraphernalia, probably thousands of people together to like try to figure out what percentage of humans have a pair of failure. Sure the majority, the vast an overwhelming majority, have a non normative sexual interest, which makes it normative too. Kinky, we already, I was out yeah one easier, when you read curve, but the sexual d in all of us by Jesse, bearing I'm proper yeah yeah, I mom, I'm not pro making anyone feel threatened or scared, but if everyone's up for it, I'm going to talk about fat, Nancy's till the cows come home, I'm going to talk about pussy, pachyderm, banks. Economic incentive, icy MIKE, is no. What's an icy MIKE. I can't tell you
to grow? You take a big too, and you put it in the freezer Sharon and you use it as a dildo. Ok allow you're welcome and it never happens. It's like will not answer that argue punching nobody on it. We were just talking about it at lunch. What's it called the thing? What's a calling you jack off and were online Robbie Wabi, while what's up. soggy bears eyes and again this is regional robs also from Chicago see. You might be familiar with arguments get married again, you are right it's never happened on planet earth, no, never happen in the blinds of a billion humans is currently alive. You run everything is out, but we did an icy like one you're right here and now is vice president,
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it's a great way to take an even more spontaneous trip, because you never know what you're gonna get some of the best deal. Are available via daily drops of start scoring amazing deals with daily drop at hotel, the night dot com or download the today, one daily deal per person not available in all destinations. You have the grid pride of having given vented several words that are now in the lexicon, pegging pegging guys Dan Savage invented pegging. You didn't invent the act, but you you named it yeah. Named it in a self serving workers in their early On the contrary, it was when stores like baby then come as you are in good vibration started to open and there are selling strap on those primarily to lesbian
Why and how and women who had sex with other women, they sell, strap until those and then straight couples started drifting in straight guys, wanted to get fucked in the ass by their wives or girlfriends wearing strap. Until those and I start getting all these questions and my column and some would say you know, I'm a guy, a straight guy and I want to get fucked in the ass. The strap until the by women and then we would talk about it in that would take. So much of my word count every time. So back to me, ass moves are about. I am sharing their it's a cumbersome description right. You we're gonna, Kylam and you're gonna cut down. The word. Tell you starting out like single words here and there a year. Is this phrase that was forty two words larger, describe an act right, and so I put to my readers, I did invent deterrent, but not my readers and like, let's think of a name for this fucking, a man in the ass, the strap on dildo needs lovingly consenting and we took nominees, and there were Malta in the my readers voted assuming that haven't with Santorum. Actually readers Norman.
And then don't spoil and much to my aunt, pegs, consternation peg, so so so pegging and then also Santorum right. Does everyone now it seemed to me. I don't even know that I will have you describe it by we already described. Mozart say: tourism is the frothy mix of Lubin fecal matter. That is sometimes a product of unit, as in it was a response to your dislike of Rick Santorum, who had some very antigay yeah something. I have said that we in ruined his name, because he opposed gay marriage, Barack Obama opposed marriage, and I wrote him five thousand our Czech and voted for him. in a loud wasn't about opposition to marriage, equality Rick's it warm given interview today pay in two thousand and three in which he said that gay couples that wish to marry were basically the moral occur, went on people who raped children and
Do you want to fuck dogs, and it was a reader who wrote in cuz? The scandals are to blew up in that was blowing over to Reeder Road in and said he should never be able to live this down. We should redefine his name to mean something disgusting Put that out there and reader Senate a whole bunch of different definitions and the readers voted and pick that one. Chapter in my book, american Savage about how Santorum happened, his great by this is that the reader who wrote in the original letters and what you should do this contest said he should never be able to live this down when he said, and to the eight p when Rick Santorum ran for president in two thousand and eight and two thousand and twelve, the very first story. Written about him in all the major political papers. At all that the picture of the Wall Street Journal was about the two thousand and three interview and in terms Google problem. If you ve got nowadays, you organise illegal problem because it when you go about his name, for example, on the first thing that came up was the frothy makes it
There are not many leaders you're like that. First, view that comes in on a product on Amazon it S. There you're always agreed that burglar Santorum, don't fuck with the queers mother, like I wrote them, a third! You had a third really good word, do you know what I'm talking about. Monogamous Managua husband, measures. It is right. I love that term monogamous. It appears from the outside that. How much easier to format. I'm enough our friend, whose on grinder, where perpetually fascinated by an unjust in a walk cuz. If you, if you're, not privy to this stuff, I find it to be the most interesting thing in the world. But how are the hookups happened? He goes well. Ok, comes over the house, its customary to offer I'm a water in the boy, in the four year, Morgan, the door,
hey you wanna water, I'm good. I brought one. It's also polite to have brought one, which I love this etiquette So when I actually goes well kiss for a minute- I am I am, but this I take a look at it looks good, go upstairs. If not, I just stand up and I go we're not a match, do goes, ok, go and bounces and I'm like if I were live ever Pull down a woman's pants stared at him and then came up is not a match, and I ve only the most evil man to live amongst our friendship, metallurgy guys do that. Right again, I dont want to paint with two brought over, but I'm only telling you about my one friend on be very clear about that. It can be to humanize and obviously that's very dehumanizing but fear and the right frame of mind if you're not fucked up on drugs. You know you can do anything for the wrong reasons: drink too much eat too much, but there are people with high libido those who have thick skins, who
handle rejection, penis barrier and can give rejection in a way that doesn't make somebody else, field destroyed or devastated right. Then, there's a lot of people like that who do that kind of. Grinder hook up roulette, but this is where my This is where my catholic thing comes in my friends when I first came out NOS seventeen, eighteen years old, my fourth weapons, twenty eight and in Chicago its Pre AIDS epidemic, and he thought it was his responsibility to teach me how to have sex and about us too, like have sex, attend guys and about us. One item seventeen eighteen years old, and I would just like I, sure cannot cope with my sister is cooties they marketed suck addicted. Thirty other mouths robots in the last hour. For all I know, so. I've never done that. Like grinder instant hook up thing, which it s, eating pizza, gum off the subway it as allies, not to say look, I haven't had one night stands in it. I want a slut chain people who can do that in her down yeah. I have hang ups Roma, but with that said, I do think there are different.
Pressures on a male male relationship. That is striving to be monogamous Could you nine reality to pretend that there are different temptation, dry ice It's a it's! A minority pursuit for a male male relationship to be monogamist, most gay male couples, whether they tell their straight friends or not, are not monogamous. When you look at the research and the studies into even game. L couples that identifies monogamous their monogamous and they have three but only together, so that counts as Monogamy Ryan Monogamous, but they go to the bath house together. Occasionally the IDA grinder hook up sometimes together and that's monogamy, Yeah, there's nothing! On the side, it's all share, right, yeah and jestingly Miller is a terrific Sesar sex researcher. Who did this study that showed that Billy Monogamy, all people, gay straight in monogamous relationships, were as likely to get a sexually transmitted. Infections as people now monogamous relationships, because people fuckin cheat well We just said Esther per Ellen. She was fantastic. I love her yet
she said that Cheating is something has been universally for Benyamin literally practice, yes, which is such a profound truth, and we tell people that monogamy comes naturally to us ass, a species that, where a man when is species, and then we have to threaten people with death if they commit adultery in the old testament and as Chris Ryan read sex at dawn, another terrific book said you don't have to threaten the species to do what comes naturally to it. We have to go up to a porpoise fuckin. Swimmer, I'll kill you, and yet we tell we tell people I sometimes get painted as an enemy of monogamy, I'm trying to like proselytize phenomenon. We everything I say about monogamy is to help monogamous people have more successful, monogamous relationships, it's about being re, listing about what monogamy isn't means litter, the only thing that humans attempt we're perfection is the only standard for success. You are with somebody fifty years they, she don't you once or twice they were good at monogamy,
not bad at it, and if we tell people, there's somebody cheats and you just once in a multi decade relationship. That they'd never law. This is what we tell people. They never love to your relationship with a law. Our marriage was alive, otherwise they couldn't have done that it is such destructive bullshit and that destructive bullshit does not destroy. the relationships of non monogamous people. It destroys the relationships of people who are trying to be monogamous. Well, yes, applause there and I just want to say I don't have a position on whether anyone should or should be monogamous. But what I have a very deep conviction on is you shouldn't feel like you're, going to hell or complete failure as a human? Being, I think shame is the cancer that we all spread to one another and that should be it tact and fought. You know the end. The lies, we're told about monogamy, instil and create a lot of shame, because we tell people
But if you're in love you I want to have sex with anybody else, and then you do want to have sex with other people really are attracted to other people, and that is a you know people have it in their heads cuz, we pounded into their heads that you're gonna grow up, get married, fall in love and never want to have sex with anybody else ever again, except that one special person and then they meet somebody else there attracted to- and the story they tell themselves is, I guess I'm not in love with my spouse anymore. Otherwise this feeling would not be possible and so on and this marriage, because I'm not eleven whilst anymore and the proof is, I'm attracted, perhaps in a very fleeting way, privilege crush on this Well, yeah, another important thing asked who says is the victim of the affair is not always the victim of the marriage. If I say to somebody, here's a married couple: there that one there cheated errands, thats a bastard, that's a monster there. The jerk and some
What happens? Is this person was emotionally physically abusive? This person was neglectful are contemptuous. This couple hasn't had sex for fifteen years yeah, and this person had sex with somebody else after those fifteen years of neglect and emotional abuse and there the monster none. I know it's too simple to black and white to say to one a couples in crisis, because there's been an affair, earn infidelity well who cheated there, the bad guy, not always the case as Esther proves in her work. This is why I came up with the expression monogamous was. I pointed because, at a very perilous momentary I came out as now monogamous the height of a marriage equality debate and where parents we talked about being our monogamous in one of my book and they were saying that a gay people should be allowed to be married, because all the studies show that gay male couples are the least likely of all to be monogamous. Lesbian couples are the most likely to be monogamist, so if six, so monogamy is standard that only lesbians to be allowed to get married. That said, there are studies.
show that the couples most likely to divorce lesbian couples less likely straight couples least likely gay couples relationship instability correlates with monogamy? Ah but you're, not programmes? now that it is very sad and people who want to be monogamous should know what they're signing up for an optimist helps people do that, because we do not like some people used to say we're monogamous, but we both acknowledge that we're sometimes attracted other people and that's not prove that we don't love each other, and if people can just accept, add that you're married to me. We have a monogamous commitment. We don't have sex with other people were about honouring that commitment. You are sometimes attracted to other people. People creates much grief in their relationships by policing each other for evidence of what they know to be turned to just accept. Think over the euro. Looking at porn, you looked at the breeze to you. Looked at the waiter you're you're attracted here,
personal trainer, of course, she's attracted to her personal trainer. No one at all assorted Mozart, personal trainers ever employed a personal trainer. They did not want to fuck your wife and wants to blocker, but dont give her grief or wanting through the question is: did she and if she didn't stop bitching about the fact that she's attracted her personal trainer, he probably cranks rub it makes you feel good, a man. She comes home and box. You Now I gotta get my wife or personal drank some people and arguments means is just like Let's see when I get beings, resell, attracted other people, but we're gonna like soak up that energy, sometimes from others about acting on a than ploughed into each other right, we'll get bored and particularly women at board Wednesday. Martin is a terrific sex researchers. Britain, a giant book about it we have it in our heads that women are the more naturally monogamous ones. Women are more ass in long term. Relationship actually feel desire and a committed relationship for a male partner, falls off.
stir the male desire and that relationship. Does women get bored faster? There's all these programmes like how do we create a via gruffer women, all these clinic The problems are addressing low, libido and low desire in women, and the problem is boredom. The problem isn't They don't have a libido. All these sex reaches Laurie broido mirror the drivers Amy is terrific sex research work in Canada because can actually get a grant and Canada to study sex realistically, as opposed to hear they also do fecal and plants there, yeah yeah that's place to be they often binding that they have these case studies, and they talk about you. women's in his marriage is libido, no desired they're, not fucking she's feels tat. what about it, wants to know, there's a pill she can take that they are there in therapy there in sex counselling, nothing. The marriage, is on the line. The guy's gonna leave her. The couple ends up getting divorced, so her libido comes roaring back lies that could now she gets.
fuck someone else. What are we Do with that. Now that we know that that's how female desire works in a long term relationship, how do we control? that if monogamy is the only standard of success, our relationships are set up for failure, prickly opposite sex relationships at the outset, at their crews, nation, that's why we need so much will do we don't need it that's why I think the culture committee so much violence against women and sex, shaming is because women are less naturally monogamous than men likelier to wander off than men if left to their own devices, why women's bodies have been policed in a way that many have not and a patriarchal culture. It does seem like the underpinning of many of our big systemic issues is just the patriarchy. Securities. That's not a medicine when you think about people's sexual kings, their sort of fantasies narrow
There are almost always erotic sized fears to really common for women to have ravishment which fantasies people prefer that term to rape fantasies ravishment fantasy as someone overpowers you that you want to be over by so it's not right. so many get when you think about like gay male erotic, archetypes like the kinds of men, the game and fetish eyes, marine, truckers cops firemen, not Torres Pro high types are likely to be the guy. You beat the shit out of you when you want to sleep with that guy. You know this made this fear of, like somebody else, sleeping with your partner to your partner, chew eating that some people are now successfully around the that fear and can like that out in this contained way actually makes their relationship more exciting and and mutually pleasurable. It allows for this variety, that's awesome and we can say: ok the power, the fear, the cultural shit that informed that take that created that sexual desire, that's fucked up. Let's addressed that in the meantime, you got this king
enjoy a consensual, yeah yeah. We should We should acknowledge that, like women's ravishment, spanish he's come don't come from nowhere. They come from Walter, where women are not save the at that for some women, not all women that fear becomes erotica. where they, because in neurotic play sense you can take control of that experience and live out your worst fears, and we have no problem when people want to live out their worst fears in film and tell a vision and watch disaster movies and slasher move and here are movies out of We are in an orgasm and people like well, that's wrong. but I was angles. Inquiry was. If you put a brake in your mouth. Its end see seventeen. If you cut the breast of the knife, its peachy, thirty is like there's any issue here there. Isn't it yeah, yeah, very true thinking, I say Think about monogamy undesirable, a long term. I would love it not saying everyone has to be on, but
you're bored in your long term relationship. There are ways that you can address that that don't involve counselling, fantasy scenarios and third parties, when you think about low, is exciting about the relationship at the start, you're practically strangers to each other at felt risky and day for to get undressed in front of each other. She could have been crazy. He could have been a psycho like the adrenaline pump, again coming together and it's scary and you usually have to clear hurdles, and you don't understand or no. each other well and its nerve racking. You can manipulate nerve racking, you can create new hurdles for yourself, go had sex on the roof of a building somewhere. Like people come to me Mary ten years, were hardly having sex what, Do it, I'm, like don't have Saxon that bad in that room. At the same time, on that same day, will you Do you say to each other? We can have sex three times this week, not at all not in our bed and you We're gonna, surprised me and then
to do this again next month, an ominous surprise you and then basically you're going to go through the day nervous, because you know if your wife comes around the corner and leather, your office usually doesn't drop by what that means. You're gonna get fucked at work and might I fired by the stairwell or a bathroom single cedar or fuck quietly in the stall. At the end, we have to do it. You can like bring back. adrenaline with that same person. That was inherent in the interacts those person at the start when they were stranger to you, you can revive Europe it'd monogamous longterm relationships, Ex SAM Hats graded. By certain sexual adventures together you gotta, be horse for each other, you'll be one of the only guess I could asses to in hopes that you actually have some kind of statistical information then anecdotally. Why, in my observation, is the amount of bottom so disproportionate to the amount of time?
you're a top. You got the pick the litter in Ella. You could be like fuckin eyepatch hook. You're getting them ass tonight. Why do you suppose that it so disproportionate I don't know, there's no kind of like study about now. Ok, I'd love to then role in that study or try to get grant money order and you'll be the first and I can do now before I let you go. You ve been the most excellent guest. Now you ve done something that is so profound. You started something called the gets better progress and if you guys aren't familiar with that, he gets better project. Fifty thousand users submitted testing Niels about getting better in the first year, its many many more now it is. I believe that fifty million views of kids watching this. I think it's, the most beautiful thing that you could put out into the world of just hang in there and things
change in how did you know that I think the most valuable thing about the videos as so many of them? It's not just like you wait there get better around you. So many the videos are people describing exactly what they did. Like me, the arguments are used with my mother to bring her around there's one did That really was one of my favorites in the first few weeks of the project where this kid, who is still eighteen, seventeen years old, I was looking in the camera saying I was brutally bullied and high school. I hated it. I took my g, your whatever it is, and I skipped senior year went to community college in college. You don't have to show up for senior year you can graduate early like. I did. Do it like this. Yet Marie advice, was practical in the eyes and then went self help. Stop is a little bit vague and opaque. It's like your purpose. Right yeah, he's a good idea. What I think about all my mom we're going to come from doing the project was really. rewarding and tearing I'm
one video and tens hundreds of thousands of other people participated in making other videos, and almost ten years later, ten years this of temper? I can't walk through an airport without some twenty five twenty six year old, queer person approaching me to say that the project save your life literally just happened in EL Last week with Mormon get that the project save your life. Not me not, Terry, like all of these voices together and when you think about it, the project. The religious rites freaked the fuck out, because they knew that it was their kid specifically that we were trying to talk too, because these videos, or for kids, is to go to a school without a gay straight student alliance is parent. Would never allow them to go to gay youth are queer. You support group and it was bringing the queries support group to these kids in their parents. Homes. We got a letter a few months after the project launch and breaks my heart. This latter still from girl who come out to her parents and Texas, told them
is a lesbian and they forced her to take it back to change first turn to repair therapy at our church, and so she did with so many queer kids have done myself included. She told her parents under duress which he thought they needed to hear, which was that she wasn't a lesbian to confused. She took it back right and she wrote us to say I'm watching the videos in my bedroom. My parents house, under the covers in the Let the night and their helping me there are helping her because she was seeing adult queer people whose parents at ease, exact same reaction, her parents did when she told them whose parents are in their videos with them whose parents are apologizing to them in the videos and they made and she see, a future now, and this is where it's really put an outbreak of crying in advance of sharing this? she said the end of her letter everyday. I
it up and I go downstairs and I look at my mother and I look at my father and I love them for who they might be in ten years and they are being awful to her. This moment, and she because of these videos in this capacity, not just to imagine a future pursed up which gets to escape her parents, but a future for herself to her parents come around like so many other people's parents. Have because she saw it with their own eyes. You hear about it the power of the it gets better project, not because territory a hundred thousand videos are seldom because so many other people participated and made videos why it's there? most beautiful you you give yourself this compliment, but I will give it to you. It's not too much to say that you ve, actually saved a ton of people's lives, and I doubt many of us in this room can say that so I just wanna applaud you. Thank you.
Thank you so much for coming. You are a beautiful, beautiful person, I'm so proud to have been sit and talk with wonderful. You guys, say everybody. I just want to say that our lives, Seattle experience, featured music from a very beautiful ban. The head in the hall we are a little misty I'd when we watched them now you can catch the head. Hard on their lives. Mean Mirage tour this September through October, and also before the vat check where include their song missed connections off their new album living mirage. It's so beautiful, so enjoy the head in the heart. At that other than that
Sonny desert me most is the daily they can now father. When you get back, applause Please blasted. I didn't do a better job.
The problem is, Erasmus about this lunacy? Something these battle is always ways: What's this, Chris drastic families
for a moment similarly there, I am pleased to see the ban on these connection towards this he's blasted around about myself? about a gun
the sea will be delayed, and now my favorite part of the show that fact check with my soul made Monica bad men welcomed this act check very excited about this one. A lofty aims I now giving them would be. Upset. If I told the unjust ok how it so we were backstage India and we didn't know dad we're just getting to know Dan and somehow the topic came up that he spends a few months a year in Austria
He's got a really good friend there and when the austrian guy comes to the, U S he's always taken aback by how overly nice. People are too folks in the services Oh yeah almost seems pandering to him roused like so many civilities, and in so I city niceties pleasant trees in so what Dan was suggesting in Austria they actually pay people they pay people oriented way. Gm may have real health care and they have nice housing and the waiter at ease doing fine. You might live next door to an architect. The observation was that people are walking or so much guilt, because we were getting paid eight dollars an hour on. Other people are getting paid a hundred fifty hours in our hands. Naturally feel guilty about that. So you're o
how long have you worked here, you're much like talking to a baby yeah you're like you're, really pandering in ever since he pointed that out as I've been moving through wipe I've heard people pandering, sir, much has been very obvious, though bade her mind off. I've been my oh, my god. She's right do, you as we were in should got we're driving Chicago there's a toll booth operator, I feel fucking tear. well that someone else's name booth all thy. So we should be over. That told me, yeah yeah yeah swamp, just employed on line of the Roadmap general, though this should be odd made it. I don't know either asked by a person and there's no cash and even exists and if it exists and should be audited, I pay real bad about is gonna, be mad, and I want to take away somebody's job, That's, that's would you spare, but ok, there's a lot of things. pack, your one of them is we ve gotta interstates is that Eisenhower Fuckin Green, lit back in the day. That's all road thing is of buncher who, in my opinion, all through fuckin.
I'm willing to take on this battle Del guy. Why don't like? Ok, there's gonna be your cause, it is fucked Antiochus about the gas tax and one of the stop we do so what I mean I mean those waves of Rafik Dream and remember the thing we saw where some one was accidently in that fast. slain and they clearly didn't have a vast path, and there are people behind it. We are today were Zack. Oh, my god, it was back. There was agreeable to trying to watch people move a bed through doorway sideways. It was just was agonizing to witness. This whole thing was a huge clusterfuck behind what is going on? We are paying taxes in India, upon the Interstate India's get to where you're goin yeah. I agree: ok, anyways, when we would talk to those toll, booth, Plaza employees. I was like I gotta they called Plazas Langley fancy place like the New York hotel at the Plaza is like a fancy place. They decided to call the whole
station up laws Plaza my specific definition, but when I pull up, I feel tat terrible. I would have a hard time stating that booth all day my feet would hurt you ve gas fumes ahead, exactly all my heart, you you when you you gonna, get to go somewhere before the joy, so patronising paralyzing. I give up on talking I'm done with this far as I can see in fucking we're Equally, I know them, but I can't say so. I understand this theory and I believe it- and I think that's probably true and some people just our friendly and do want to talk or do one at least like make someone smile once during the day. I don't think that bad about. Is it pity or is it kindness because of its pity,
I dont, think people should be paid in line on the reason. Their easy to pity is khazar completely underpaid, and it's not fair. So if you fix that problem now you're just being friendly as opposed to theirs pity. Underneath of it. I don't know, I've wondered at each year and some people are in horrible situation you know, here's the thing if you feel shitty, instead of fucking, forcing them to have this super over the top conversation of kindness, give them more money, don't pander to them just fuckin tip I'm way more or so slight. Twenty am I per personally, I am not nice to people like like you, I am not a nice person at the grocery store like I will not trying to make small talk. Do any of their? No one would think you were from the south will may mean you ever know. Now I very cold walls. No, I just like you, we don't
to do this? We do not need to do this, I'm never going to see you I mean I might suit next week at this but actually it that's the case if it's like some I'm gonna be seeing that I will be like how are you or you know our remoteness, european aid and went away ha ha. You look heavy the week. What are you if you change something the die. Always your diet. I guess I'd be nicer them Oh, you went off your die savvy bad move My group sees one of your diet were shown here. Definition, plaza, yeah, Paula, that has Plaza note laws and we got you heard Plaza heard Plaza Other Plaza. Ok, passer not Plaza a public square marketplace or similar open space in built up areas.
The plaza is lively in the evenings when the pavement cafes are full, and yet this is a Europe shopping center. They bought fancy bright aware at the plaza see fancy there's a connotation that are fancy right Strip mall. Next, your house, that was called huntin employees, Ok! Well, that's a situation like the toll booth, where people are trying to make it and see and its non and that's a bummer. That makes sense. Why is a funeral parlor corridor parlour Oh, is that makes me and causes a saloon look parlour. I am mainly the endless listen to how it is spent, how I spelled it: paler witches skin, not parlor, you and hear her show his unravelled.
Parlor, parlor, ok, the sitting. I can't in trust anybody sitting room in a private house. oh yeah, you know, parlor is a private. How well maybe just a parlors the place. You gather to look at the corpse yeah. The boiler is the room where the corpse and what's this is the big building, a funeral home yeah. Ok by me, a horror in the home all right now, back in someone's on their way to a funeral, parlor religious, I'm brought up or the or they went to a funeral home in sad and parlor last week, and they had just stop. Thinking about
and now look at Uncle Teddy alleys. Now they know how to pronounce it, that's true and why it's called the year. We were timeout kindness in that type of thing and USA. She just pay them more money. That is definitely my em out, because you know what I dont think: people that are equally low income. Do this whole patronising thing to them like where I grew up. Working class area. The commission get people didn't talk to the servers like that. Oh hey! You owe you we're gonna go with. How have you know there has been no, but it's also it's nice to be put light and make use of it being polite. You don't have to ask him about their children and stuff, but no, but there's just there is a certain here. That is, I think, pity, and I think it we're a server. I would recognize of this person pities me. That's why they're
Do you like I'm a long lost cousin. I just return safely from war, ok, but that would also be around yes, I have it in sync, your idea, I don't think I would ever I never find out when I worked as sole cycle. We also from south not to say yes, I grew up in a completely different environment. Everyone, he's doing he's the gas station, the woman's like sweetie yesterday combat right it you sweet sweetie, which I love calling a woman's. We can be very dismissive, and I acknowledge that it is a tool that has been used for with massage monistic men and also swedish, a great thing to be guy. I don't mind that at all, but southern husband in general. I have kind of beef were sure cause. I do feel like oh hey, you're, being supervised to people's faces and then you're not being
behind their back the same woman at the convenience store. They call you sweetie comes home and she's like I saw that brown mark that around girl mom. I hate that my stick for Sunday Monster pad months. and she smiled like her. She stung. A high. Heaven like hurry, attract dairy queen all over your store, sticky. When she laughed yes, he said he saw the Catholics. Don't necessarily believed that the Bible is the word of God, I mean he said, that's from passing, so it may be met like some people or whatever What are you means? Some people think it's metaphorical right in some people think it's literal I know, but they do. I did check in with a Catholic. I now ok and they do think the Bible is a direct will of God delivered through a select group of men, so they
do you know that, like yeah it'll, take penned hiring right the Bible right that it is what God watts most people following that religion, I would say probably gonna, take a lot of it as metaphor, I'm again on a much better he won the likes it. I think it's great yeah, the one funny analogy I really do like, though I want to say, is SAM Harris, pointed out, It seems so normal that God wrote this book to everyone, but when you position and is what, if God had died did the movie yeah, and that was the movie of God. All the Senate seems completely preposterous, Although the movie in a book are the same thing, there, a story, young ones, written down once fell, yeah they're, just media there, both yeah. Of course,
in one media seems totally reasonable that God row and then another media seems absolutely preposterous. Maybe because, in that media form you could do tat self love. You could not direct and more God could. Well good, absolutely reactors does he could make em vote? what do the logic of it? They wrote it down, because they wanted the mouse amount of people to be able to consume yeah right in so if there was a God currently who wanted to get his message straight once and for all a smart God would Well in this world way, more people see movies way way more people are seen Avenger than of red any book debts in the marketplace survive the most amount of people, to hear the direct message from my lips on direct in a movie
and it is a magic people to learn years from now debating whether or not that movie was really directed by God or not it's impossible to even a man. I got wanted to make a movie yeah when he pick from the current cap, like we already lay our ally Julia Roberts. Instead, like a million under the cap Rio, sure her atam or her Brad Pitt Lesters. They would be. A normal wrong or Dana Shan, for I would not make that. Yes, we can tell there's a lot of characters in that basically turn Tino. Is God he's the closest thing the actors have to hi where every he wants in his movies is gonna, be in his mouth. Oh, that's, true! Yeah in the fact that I have not been asked to be,
meets. We can settle on what God would do as well, while he's not the only one score say, see: Scores Asia, a God, no question, but he's had a cup. You should the bet a few times of high you. Normally There are many kinds of guaranteeing o shooting the bed. I dont know that he can get anyway. I'm being honest, especially now, because there's like a lottery young with him yeah that I think he could- and all the end were like there's a lot with him. The provocative ramaker as most of the groups have been but I just me- and I everyone is willing to be a part of that. I just feel like this is in foul. conversation were warlike there. Nobody went ahead and we can but no you're right. We came up, hey nobody and we can also say both rapidly or in his current movies, and I thought the bigger lottery they're, all God would pride, but the rock in his movie again ever gonna, be like technical about it all those people, Jesus
the yeah there, jewish and their mandatory, like they have dark skin. That's right. So I should audition for God movie. You would make a great Jesus. I have hair for your average height back then two thousand years ago was about five one for a man, that's what will be next ransom some day. Some audacious my playwright is gonna. Cast you as Jesus. You might want to fight with Jesus God fancies, moments later of fifty climaxed. He is yourself down what who climax when these are your fancies, you with their situation, is ok. Well, I bowling they'll, be they handle blankets, no reform version as long as it is just that the robes and everything look. Let me tell you actually I went on
walking down the street. Like I'm talking into the bushes to they said to me, I love thoroughly. Now, let's be fair about Europe, These, ok, sorry only their perverted you you, unless this new thing you're you're, the new area of ah it's your fault. It's all women's fall for being attractive, unite. Candy times I've to re, educate you on this mansplain. This too, I hope whoever wants to puke at this smelling conversation war. One appeal get this: this is worse than whatever stinky smell we were describing was at last episode or this one staff anyways You people finnish, releasing so are you a wave of emotions is over and then they settle and your performance people leave the theatre, What's the best rendition of
Jesus Christ of ever seeing you I'm tie forgot. It was a woman of natural gas, You would be limiting the poor because, maybe even though they might go as far as the castle woman is, Jesus, they're gonna be specific not to cast a woman with augmented breast as they didn't have augmented brass. Two thousand years ago you re Stern, was just the topic came up about James Bond being female. Now you know this is what's happening. Who is it? Is it then Daya, but I don't know, but our and fees writing it. Phoebe, while our brain she's riding down my in it's gonna, be male double, o seven stern brought up. I agree with his it's fine if you hand over double o seven to a female because double or seven is just his identify. fire with the Scotland Yard Order organization he works for me. but her name me James Bond, she gonna say bond James Bond
we're gonna be staring at a woman. They made a mess. Did I know my favorite name, deb for a girl is Jane it would you call her Jimbo at. go by Jim and then the mad evolves and I'm not going to allow their daughters being called Jimbo. That's it that's a rough. I bet, she's gonna be spunky, and I bet he'll, be able to take on a name like that. Like Jimbo, we're here comes Jimbo, yeah, Ireland in Europe. Yeah. I love that name. Will you be fine with a female also being caught named James Bond, any more now now see, I think that's almost word blames. The now should either be like any like a separate thing, rightly Elizabeth, Padua, yes or James Bond. It can't be Jennifer Bond that says silly, you re you're all and are all right. Our nothing illegal
a whole new name and eighty goes teddy. Bear Elizabeth ok, then exaggerate not steward. You believe what Then I wanted to be James Bond, I'm glad it's is gonna, be I don't think they had all the details they went on. Maybe they were like pontificating ass, you better get used to the named James, firm, I'm telling you I I will, if you a little James, Patman, stupid white dress. I will be its bigots, bigots, fanned boy, you dont be its biggest ban that same topic: birth control. You think that become for birth control, you having you're allowed to be reimbursed Beata you're, not a lot of people are ok, so Ballade people have just decided.
That is why I warmly of Tunisia O this was crazy, so he told us that there was one case where our girl in South Africa got pregnant from oral sex and then I looked up and that's true that happened. So no nineteen eighty eight Tina living in a small southern african nation came to local doctors with shoes and labour, and they were confused because she didn't have of the giant. No, no, no true rob, as I promised it's true. Oh my goodness. She now the vagina she had a condition. This is a new site. I got this on an outward. It was now a dot org, I think, was ABC News, since it was a specific condition that they talk about the condition and its real, very rare,
obviously sounds vaccinated, hidden that have pussy packet german. Now she had pushes absence Burma's yeah right not to be clear about this. Nice girl were anyway, so inspection of the Volvo showed no vagina, only a shallow skin them ball, so they delivered this baby through a sea sectional guy and everyone was very confused. She was confused he didn't understand how this could have happened and then they looked and she had been in the hospital two hundred and seventy eight days earlier with the knife, went to her stomach. Oh Margaret, the average pregnancy, Last two hundred and eighty days and just before she was stabbed in the abdomen, she had practice fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover and the fight with knives and sue
Oh wow, the girl arrived at the hospital with an empty stomach and therefore, with little stomach ass. It around the doctors found to hold from a stab in the opened her stomach up to her abdominal cavity the case reports as doctors wash your stomach out with salt solutions. Stitched her up a plausible explanation for this pregnancy is that the sperm gained access to the reproductive organs via the injured, gastro intestinal tract, while isn't that raise that is really crazy, no vagina in an Romagna, and even if you have a vagina, to get pregnant from the oral There's. Really three amazing story I want is: she doesn't, have a giant began? She didn't. She was pregnant us three haulage, she was blown dude. A knife right that result in her being stats. These are all these are all. Once in a ten thousand lifetime store gets right. Although the second argument she was pregnant, didn't know it, but that's not crazy about you- didn't have a diner months pregnant. She was in.
labour. But if you didn't have a vagina you just be like some, I am even barely would be distended you'd feel kicking you rest would be tender. Do you did not have but China or a lot not even in high near around Russia. You would be like. Oh, I have a tomb like it would be. Something else would you think like when it was kicking. You like, oh my god, if such bad indigestion that my stomach, poppy now, if you will but you're right, it's not an option, is not an option. Now. But I have to imagine I'd be more quick to believe that small. Owing seeming got me pregnant verses, my spicy bird, It is now pushing out of my stuff. It can a handshake like given those two options, gotta go with? I guess you can get pregnant swallowing sperm. They should have taught us that
anyway. The baby was healthy. That's all that man yeah another miracle. Okay, so use you. I don't know why you keep saying that you have said this you time. The Germans have a hundred and twenty words for shitting Batman has making that yeah. It's so big. I'm hoping. You know that it's I don't know how ok. Here I mean facetious intentionally you're being fears. Seas is Asia that I can't find how many words they have been in that article. They talk about shy, said, drag missed Irish, but that's manure, ass, dirt and shit. So have like some words for those things, but they don't have like an absurd. Now. Ok lag as I wanted to be decided In other words in this now it's not, but they still love, I'm still Say a lingering attack our boy, I know, but you just can't spread, information luxury and I greatly again you can like one on Chris,
go the laughed. they're my people. I am allowed to say that these have too many words for share even other nigher people, nor do they have too many appear, yeah and you can have an affinity for that for shorter yeah, but they don't trust him a hundred twenty works because they know I'm never going to stop. Something I bet we have a hundred twenty words excrement duty, crap shit poop do do we probably have more Well, I'm just saying the date. They must have ok, I'm back, I'm back again, say it more. Oh Ok, so he taxes it about hair! I is these people like to have sex with people our legs. What why here Billy Japan's like looms as true a pair of filling sexual interests are defined as unusual or anomalous all like paranormal
yeah and he was saying, but actually most people have them. So then I looked this up their action occurrence in non clinical samples is still unknown. One study looked at desire for an experience, a pair of Philip behaviors and a sample of adult men and women in the general popular. In a total of one thousand and forty persons. This was can drink, classified according to age, gender, education, ethnic background, religious beliefs, area residency and corresponding to the norm for the province of Quebec or interviewed nearly half of the sample expressed interest in at least one pair of Philip category and approximately one third had an sperience with sir. Practice at least once voyeurism fetishism, broader resume and masochism interested both male and female respondents at levels above what is usually considered to be statistical unusual. Fifteen point: nine percent for all
I know and Earl Fraud or is that's F r, o t t you are. I'm SAM Water is yes, fraud, tourism, broader ism is a pair of phallic interest in rubbing, usually ones the area or erect penis against the non consenting person for sexual pleasure will. This is sexual saw. yeah well. So most of these, like these are perfect sexual interests, but normally, when you hear about paraphernalia its parents
they elect disorders, and that's always when its affecting some one else negatively right. So, interestingly, levels of interests and fetishism and masochism were not significantly different for men and women, masochism significantly linked with higher satisfaction with one's own sexual life. These results call into question the current definition of normal verses, anomalous, sexual behaviors. So that's interesting. I think I could check off to those boxes voyage voyeurism, absolute and what's the other one fetish, I guess Fetishism Rosa your liking, something a fetish. I don't know. I don't think so any furnaces body parts you like obsess about or I like certain body parts over other body parts, but that doesn't seem like a fetish said. Just seems like. Oh I'm attracted to
Do arms or riding like that, if you like, if you searched in your porn site like broad shoulders that you're going to watch, two people have sex purely for the aesthetic of it and a visual So you can refine were exactly the visually wanna see gap and that to me would then become kind of sizing guy. Ass may be. It generally is a little more extreme, like you like two legs suck the toad she's out of peace his toes all right through an inveterate Humphrey whirling have cable the aid they do get like yeah. They do they do. They do in tow vanishes seems to be a cop globular new. I wonder if you like that she's, oh boy, probably probably having there's people that, like Baby used socks off the internet, others think that saving think a spectrum. Maybe
and then absolve also heard it being kind of co opted by different social justice movements where it's like, if you like, let's say southeast, Asians and deciding them civically like right, and so they ve kind of made it. They really definitely help make it a pejorative amount. It all right I think what they're saying as leg you normally care about the human The agenda we're trying to push right now- basically, I think are at least I am fond of you are- is that people generally aware that they have things that the fantasize about now right? That's where we're going legal and unless its violent or a museum is taken. We someone else's rights, yet not an option exhibit. But if you, if you have said Proclivities grad improbably. We all do so. It's not a typical bees, accurate and in on that point I actually think lower offended by what I said very in the worst possible definition of fetish, so that fetishist kinky in dirty
in naughty legged, that's naughty. So in that respect they see what they're saying right, but we're both operating now from two different definitions of fat. It, but I think fetish is put in. This pair of helium box, so it is, if you're putting a whole group of people as a fetish. It shouldn't be a issues just like I like minium P, so it's not. I see what they're saying about like. Why does that have to be something extra? It's just like. Why can't you just like them made of urine? It does have to be a fat like saying my good neighbour, who say your neighbor right. I got you Reading of gay man now, why are there so many disproportionate bottom gears out? There's an article on vice wire. Gay guys convince the world is full of bottoms. I read a lot of it: ask any gay man and he'll tell you. The world is full of bottoms liberally quickly very continue. The seems absolutely absurd not to have to explain because we live in a light. in case you are in the middle of nowhere and have no gay friends
bottom is someone who, generally, what enduring anal sex, is the one receiving the penis yet top is the one administering the pain the hour, the Dong exact? Ok, continue. Grinder added the option to list ones preferred position in their profile for the first time this September. This is yours. You, since then, six per cent of daily users have identified themselves as tops, and only four percent as bottoms according to rubber Twenty eight percent of remaining men identifies versatile Similarly, on scruff, dating up more users identifies versatile than anything else. According to chief product officered Jason merchant, thirty, five percent of the EU s users identifies versatile while twenty one percent identifies bottoms and nineteen percent as top,
but that's what ok, I'm gonna say: oh yeah, ok, it would seem, then, that more guys want to present themselves as liking. It both ways and exclusively preferring one position over another, but only forty percent of grinder users and forty four percent of scrap users list any preference at all many prefer not to broadcast their bedroom preferences in the first place. These statistics are skewed by a more obvious factor. This is what I say their preferred position as when they're putting that information out in the world. That means a whole host of human behaviour and social stigma comes into play. Guys will fib in order to get laid or because of what others might assume about them, based on their preferences and they might be driving. They anecdotal perception that the queer world is ripe with bottoms in a two thousand eleven paper published in the archives of sexual behaviour, researchers Trevor hard and David Moskowitz surveyed over four hundred men, recruited by a Craigslist personal, add section to uncover factors
that lead one to think of themselves as the top bottom or versatile. They found a similar breakdown as grinder and scrap about half of those surveyed identified as versatile and a quarter each as tops or bottoms. However, they also followed up to see what kinds of behaviour guys reported engaging in during sex and discover that, while those who self reported as tops or bottoms, actually consistently topped and bottomed in bed, only about half a versatile guys actually switch things up. That means that when it gets down to getting down the versatile guys surveyed want nearly as open minded as our claim preference would lead you to build. Forty eight percent himself report. A men were in fact bottoms, while fifty two percent were tops, so all things being equal, which these statistics would seem to bear out gay guys. all told LA pretty evenly on the divide between top and bottom? Oh, The other myth, or maybe it's factual, is that men, are in a relationship longer those roles tend to blur more
They that that marrying man that have been or Weiler married for. Why would the been together a long time apparently are more versatile yeah. Just when you're an app year you're having a out if the person's act wig when they're like if the time the trail a versatile. This bottom like that. as a member of your top, you just say your top, because you have your picture. The lid array, there's no incentive to say your versatile you're, actually, if fear like you want hook up with another taught me, just like I'm down for anything really, maybe your top. But then you make some got it so high that you, like fuckin I'll, be a barbarous, be with like me, I guess you know my have a favorite sexual position, but I'm open any sexual positions. That would get me in the rack, with the personal and be with yeah. The whole tat bottom thing is very interesting to me. like the fact that it so rigid like that, like Everyone has all the parts,
in a is very polarizing. Topping alot of people do not enjoy at all, but I guess point is like why, wouldn't, if you're, in a relationship or your sings? when why wouldn't like you'd try thing and then reciprocate? unless and reminds us as they tried it made on. Like that yeah I mean everything is off cycle our sexuality, so psychological, a right if they don't like it, then now, but I just make their India's like rigid concepts of them. So like it's like an identity thing as opposed to. If they really like what are they doll mere and I don't know- and I will have to ask more tops if they ve tried getting fought in the ass. He hated and our like, they re or it was more of an identity thing. but how would they even now? Now? No one knows there's no such thing. I know you
any way. Those are going to say for the record damage on my favorite. Yes, how you is so new, so interesting, new, so interesting, so smart and then so beautiful in an articulate, a about so many things tat are really beautiful person yeah. I agree I enjoyed it, but what was funny as my Ex father in law was an audience yeah yeah Gregg, who I love so many areas dad mom and dad came. It was really fun in no way home of over anything. He's is also a vat who hangs out at three you all here, man, an older man, and it was a real crash course in what might I guess yeah dry, alive Why love you? I love you bunch out.