Armchair Expert Live from Austin at The Paramount Theatre. August 17th, 2018.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
The reason I am seriously well enough cherries, fifteen hundred armchair revered- and I know I know some of the deuce- don't wanna- be gets dont, be
norms errors, I allowed tweets from dudes. I know man armchairs, I don't think so. Holy shit? Did Robert Ellis play that Qatar? Oh my god, you guys we are so excited to be in Austin. Texas sincerely is without question my favorite city in this country last night, others there's eleven of us in our group in seven of us get food poisoning last night is not us historic does not answer, because I didn't get it one of the four strong ones. In the place we ate at, I will not idle it'll remain nameless cuz. I don't want to sync a local business, but what's funny is I was tech, lizzie. Today, and I said oh yeah, seven was kept food poisoning we're up all last night, I said, but the food worth
the boys in the news elysium, might be the rosy overview of all time totally worth the food poisoning. Now armchair expert has a resident baby, a genius. She would now made its value than she was one of the south if we can make it out here, one of the one of my soul, mate and lie. Please worker Monica bad men, Monica Madmen Z? Did they get better
Look out now been used earlier on this count. I slept on this couch to recover, but it worth it. Totally where the work we have. This is worth, but you'd go back tonight. What new to the place, where a hundred percent so the guests tonight, the surprise guest, a very smart human being she she clue She has the fourth most viewed. TED talk of all time. She is a is a professor at the university of used in the EU
further, do please welcome to the stage bernay what a beautiful hair package of youth he won. What this is all long, horn, stuff right now, there's there's some jerky from Bucky's other. It's a corner called me of all things. Tax and a couple of temperature goes. I didn't write. I didn't write drawbridge egos yeah, what's up with what is it chicken guys, I'm trying to learn lobby invulnerable and ask you must have let's start here: Toto Turbo, Chico Toolbox,
you go now. I know Topol means water craft known as cheap home means inexpensive. So this is what like a fishing boat like an aluminum busy. I think I should recall my turbo cheek now: it's sparkling water, ok with the perfect, which allegory deep perfect bubble ratio, novel water with some of the people here, no, my history with global water, yeah, already my hands at home, deeper level, water mixture, shit, you're, bad, that's a disaster! we're waiting to happen? You heard I had Dodge the bullet last night. I will see you dogs there, so I want to catch people up this very clear. Must it be new Bernay by Bernay View, who had a very big TED talk, is now number four of all time and it was called the power of vulnerability. Yes, yes,
Can you just quickly say what type of professor you are? you did not work yap now represent representing his back now. Forgive my ignorance is that we did you major sociology. Now social work, settlement, ain't worth bachelors, national, hd, all social, we're; ok, it has its own young Building and no you went to undergrad here, dad universes exercise and I'm just gonna. Guess roughly. I don't really know your age and just for the sake of this jovial pretend this is what age you are. But when you rat you T did Mokanna. He wear shorts men, Matthew Mechanic, Emmy, not with me as much power as a lot of all right. All right now, I'm older than asking the guy who you are
you're not are you here. I am not now placating you How are we credible, Cobb, You think I, how do you think he is without that yeah? Well, I'm forty three, I think he is eight years older than me. I think he's fifty one. There were the same age, but he's not. Does anyone know how our common google that shit he's that fifty one as a roughly the same it. You may have dated he looked different colors because is heard I get. This is always uncomfortable for me to go back to the eighties yeah So if I didn't know you, you went to you too, oh, but you know what I was on the twelve year plan or you were. I graduated with my undergraduate degree like six months before it turned thirty Are you? Ok, that's the way to do that. Yeah,
and you weren't with child. Now just lazy yeah. I bar attended a lot o you do here and I hitchhiked across Europe and I played allotted turn us. good good for you, you're, like retired, both this first tired, first and I retired. Then I went to work bartender at night tunnels and the like. I want to do that by us on a Thursday night before, and I worked for a large not to be named telecommunications company taking cause in Spanish. Oh really, your ear bureau fluent in spanish life. the shit out of that drinking. Bring that up. Whenever I did our trading anti others say that that I used to think Gracias put him out. Eighty anti me nobody S. Bernay cannot apply to Serbia but I would regret, was your first language if I was a collar that until you asked a technical question and then I would be like no
jack in the liner ha ha you young, and they were they transferred major another than I did sixteen Why did you speak spanish five years, a French and then a spanish speaking boyfriend for a couple years. I was gonna, make the job, they say lovers or the best language teachers, and in this case there, true yeah. I love stereo. Several of you have been so any time the stereotype comes. True monitors upset, I'm delighted yeah, so it was a latin lover who taught you Spanish. The latin boyfriend right now. just a narrow. The bar you you haven't seen Antonia born yeah and then back there back there from MIKE eighteen to twenty something, I'm sorry
He's right. You're timeline began at the college here for twelve years now on our also there now yet now, just for tenders, tournaments and whatnot back. I started at Saint marries in Santa anyhow then I gotta know that said you can't go to school here if you're, not attending class and just point ten us Also there was of all ways I think Austin would be like hey. We do know. That's the Antonia Saint mayor of the city. I moved here. and then I started waiting tables and bargaining and kind of got serious about school, but it took me a long time in. Maybe this dovetail into some stuff. We talk backstage. I just want to go are there really quickly with we don't know each other. Now I only over Twitter, which this is one of the good stories It comes at a twin where we rats very few very few, but as one of the good ones, but we like each other on the internet Ok, I really want to go into the stuff that, like the work you have done, the research work and then within five,
seconds of meeting you. We had nine disagreements within eight minutes and although this is fantastic this is what we went through in five minutes, backstage whether you can say policy or not try to make an argument that, since we're saying dear you can say, pussy Barbaik Wayward will touch on that I call bullshit seagulls Walser. My argument, in a nutshell, is this: first of all, first of a very small that share your point on the stereotype of Pinochet mean, and I accept it and I haven't they re. I think all the shaming should work no, but but all the same. I want to say out of the gates its Japan, horrible that we call people policies referring to them.
Cowards, and that the female genitalia is now somehow synonymous with weakness. For that's wrong, that's wrong! I so I'm on them That is wrong but I would argue with equally wrong that every asshole in the world is a dick, like that's my genitalia yawl, so it's cool of my genitalia is usually used regime people, but not your genitalia feels very equal footing, you don't agree. Because your didn't tell you, is attached to the patriarchy yet and circles are between. But yes now you know why I just the thing I don't think there's all highest yeah, I take you don't its equal now, because the paint that the balance of power is such a massive different
but then I propose this question to you. I said: ok we're not gonna use pussy anymore. This. This is all within like torrent. And my wife, yeah Terra didn't mean giving up you phd. Let him have it so I said: ok policies off the table now do doesn't want to jump off a tall bridge, not rights, Sparta, yeah, but then I said that we have a dick anymore. You can't see it, they cut me off in traffic. Yeah can now can I go something like there's something poetic about, look, don't be a deck. and round one is you round one? Is you your terms. Love fifteen!
they June for more lives. Show after this exciting commercial break. Arm, chair alive is brought to you by the Chrysler Pacific, ah My man ban that I crews around town in turn in here. get thumbs up from other dad's. oh yeah, they loved their jealous our job as they should be the vehicle suits me? I don't know what else to say my pacifica, because it's so black thou chair, and it's just a mean. Looking machine in back, we ve got ten inch. the dual seat back touch grains. What games in Amsterdam? so it is a blast in there and then see me role into the grocery store, which I'll do occasionally and use the hands,
free sliding doors and lift gate, I you're starting to get jealous you're certain ask yourself: how can I live such a care, free life so easy? It is just go down and get a pacifica vis got all kinds of storage capacity. more than suvs, an crossovers you can hold a four by she'd apply wooden there, which I do often Chrysler is. For an armchair expert listeners in exclusive one thousand dollar incentive on a Chrysler Pacifica. That's just forearm cherries to get your one thousand dollar offer visit Pacifica and dad stop come enter your information. Shame is something you talk about a lot and I met interested in shame. For a lot of reasons, a I carried a ton of it as the drunk it's. Why do the ninth step is all these things I of shame as a just a huge component of my life, I'm very susceptible to it.
I deserve to be four years, but I mentioned, at an anthropological sense that it most, certainly served a very specific purpose: evolution airily because, as you say, we are social animals. We live in multi member groups and for the vast majority and we ve been unplanned earth. We did not have governments that we're enforcing rules, or you know that police anything for the group was in force in all of our art are commonly held morals right in so I do believe, shame. It was the glue that probably allowed us to co exist, the worst we are too general. really hard wired to feel shame to keep our behaviour within keeping of art the group or him It had to observe that purpose. Do you think absolutely? Ok, I absolutely it had a role. If you look at We should airy biology for sure you do this and you filthy.
An in animal species like you do this you threaten our group. Are you break some some stand? that we have. Then we shall you which is stigma and shame, and then you die because you're not a part of the collective right. You ve broken our lives, social gown tracked him in fright. In so that's that's its purpose, but likes many things that helped us evolution airily throughout our two hundred thousand year. History are now vested jewel in our cancerous to us We're not my example is How will win When Halloween roles around My brain tells me eat twenties knickers bars right. Because we don't know one will come upon. Another Snickers bar tree Ethan ashore. Yes, it could be a year right every one you can get your news, I'm in my brain is screaming now in
it's real, the chemicals associated with it are real, and yet I've gotta combat that go. Oh, no, no Snickers bars or three nine. Six. Five days a year there in bloom and I can give them at any time so so ignore that which is a very strong message of getting right. And there are so many things like that that we we, but I thinks so. We all seem to understand that we seem to understand. We were hardware to eat way more food than we should ever eat store up. We accept that. What I dont think people spend time thinking as we are also hard wired to be obsessed with our place in the group whose of whose beta, whose gamma you know. Where am I in this group and there's so much uncertainty, especially because we're designed to limit about a hundred people? Now we live with seven billion people, so our The occupation with where we are out in this social hierarchy is all kinds mean for me, it's all consuming the example I give as we go to concepts and allay this place. Hollywood bowl from industry
then throw furious at the peoples Ex Rosa hadda me, I'm sure it's happening here tonight. What I do myself. The logical part of my brain goes on mad because they can see and hear the concert better, but that's it true it's really happening. As my my primate brain is going. Oh, they have more access to food in mates in grooming. They are higher status. They're gonna have a much better time. I am not aware of its is blowing over my head, I'm just jealous of these people who seem to have more money in clout than me. In its Consumers in its maddening. Your question was what I just now, but I just want to decide. I was curious in your line of work and expertise, the things that you think are no vestige all that we must police ourselves against
I think shame is a big one, because we don't need it anymore, because our capacity for a motion to understand, emotion, ourselves and others has grown so much that it mean you can still change of behavior on a die with shame, especially with children, but it's like hitting up. Plastic them tat were there with a mallet like you're, gonna, rush everything around it. And so I do Think I do think, constantly up against that brain that is saying where's my rank, and been below that it's about what is my level of love ability like How lovable am I because, in the absence of women belonging there's always there's always addiction, depression, anxiety, and so I think, were constantly monitoring connection and influence, because we I mean
we're, so shall we want to be accepted me like just think about. We don't think about this. Like we're a social speed. imagine a newborn unattended or the high will those horrific is my wife around. She really hear me, Romania, thanks honey. I keep my database right over. There goes the president has just over there. You have it. There is those orphanage studies in Romania work where that happened. Unfortunately, we got dad on that, which is if the kids weren't touched, babies weren't touch, they die right right and said so. Thank you. How strong that is its really interesting job Kyoto, steady, loneliness nearest to Chicago, and he said despite and it speaks to your concert experience despite what people say a full
we developed a fully functioning member of assist. A social species is not someone who grows into complete independence. It someone on whom others can count said. That's the mark. Of true. That's the death penalty, and that you are someone that people can count on and connect with, and I wonder if the first goal was falling known than ours. Fifty thirty forty dues, I one than others, I was I and unless the YAP just how to match that was crushing but you're the first goal you you should grow up be somebody entirely independent, which is we weirdly, a goal that we like you, think you should have heard. How did you think it's uniquely?
miracle, like that's kind of what we ve been selling for a while. I do think we leverage the shit out of that message. I don't know you don't like. I don't think we have been. I we have taken that and combined it. Their pioneer spirit and all that stuff and just marketed the shit out of that idea. Yeah yeah it's kind of how we will even the american dream I'll, be dangerous and say the american dream, which has certainly working for some people. Clearly, I'm the recipient of it. There are many people that are the recipient of it. Also, statistically, it says it's not really fun you mean if you're born into a certain strata percentages horrifically low. People who escape that, but but part of this week. we do have the kind of like remind everyone of thought that, like the Disneyland aspect right in and that's part of it, maybe- and I think it I think you know- I think it's part of what makes capitalism Like I think, selling the deal of independence, but its funding as well,
listen to arm chair one of the things that one thread that I was there I hear across a lot of the interviews is you always seem to equate success with generosity? I mean hear. You talk a lot you. You talk a lot when you're interviewing people by how generous they are and the role of generosity. So I will yeah I was the one thing I talk. A lot about with people goes quite often the people interview have attained the thing that is the american dream, which is there a famous in their rich and then I have ass. Now. Forty eight people, if it cured all of their existential crises or if they woke up in the morning and like the person they saw in the mere and without Accept Walmart Marian. Without besides Mark Mare, and that has solved anything if anybody,
Back there was so refreshing; no, it is worked like I have money now and then that's the one. We should oyster to keep a model going. Yeah the other thing than I am interested in, is in, and then I just learned this backstage about Unama, how open your about it, but we're both over now you're open about arable silver, Seaver, open I think- and I think it through the bride you you, you kind of learn some tools about what things actually do. you like your reflection in the mirror and they're just unfortunately not those things right- unfortunately there not there much harder things and there there, and actually, I think when you one thing I've noticed since my career has changed is authenticity is one of those things that keeps me centred and grounded and the more that I expiring
the guest traditionally, what success? As you know, number one book store, big TED talk the more scared shitless. I am to be myself because I, then I feel like I got a lot. I got a lot to lose now and now there's thirty people who work with me- and you know it now. I gotta go everything I say and do the exact opposite of what may be successful, I was gonna. Ask you that, because, as you get known for being so, and with a lot of the answers dont, you run it big risk to yourself. I find myself guilty of this is like my wife, a lot of her girlfriends last me for advice, and so, and I like that gives me self esteem, and then nothing purvey yet going just a video that'll combine, but I,
the police myself, because I oh I like this role of someone, who's got the answers and then I've now I can't admit my own failings, because I'm afraid, if I admit to you, I fucked up just yesterday, like I'm telling you these things, but I just broke my own role yesterday or I do something regrettable this morning, I'm afraid I'm who's. That position is someone who has the answers and you do not have that fear have become known. for having quite a few of the answers now because I The people who follow my work are super clear that I fuck up all the time yeah, because I, like I mostly right about that like either mostly say, look hey. This is what discovered about whole hearted ness and in that book, Does that make you gonna kick somebody in the face, like unlike super honest about that, so I'm pretty straightforward, say like if someone he's me like. I've got friends, though, that are a kind of in my field and they get like if their kid is.
throw in the cheetah rose out of the basket the grocery store and screaming. I hate you and then people like, oh, my god it but you're that you're the expert If people see that with my kids there like her right on right, I know you're not going to shame, because that's can we make it in the next I'll gas. I never went even Jellicoe perfect, so therefore, I will never have to cry and admit my imperfection. I went straight on imperfect right! Well, what's really funny you and I have a similar embracing one topic in particular, which is I discovered you after we started this part gas and you seem to love the messing this of being human. That's gonna be like an actual. We will raise you use as well. You don't have a boat called these, not you
but you you you seem too You really don't know that my dream in life is known about called these knots, and then I was heartbroken to discover that someone already on these any thought, maybe that they heard it on the I guess they were glad, but they made their about tat. So embarrassing that sell lovable like and I began to use them to use the word worthiness. In a way that I I generally made me think of self esteem, so tell me about worthiness. Am I wrong to think that, because you, describe worthiness is, is a believing your worthy of being accepted by the group is really the answer right but would believing I think
believing that if not when no prerequisites right now, as is messy, wounded broken in places put back together with the little duct tape and glue like I am worthy. Levin belonging, enjoy right now That's me what worthy enough, I think people call it self esteem, that's probably like an academic thing, because that's a dicey term. In my view, yeah dummy one foolish sure, but tell me one: let me try the great time don't be a deck drink, a dyke out. Will these he thought he makes the negative impact that the committee's companion, peace verbal charges, the nicotine just now we twelve years ago I quit drinking smoking same day
Oh, you did. I bet you're such a pleasure to be around the night. Do you miss nothing such a pushover. Now, while nearly twenty years later, yeah you only a mad like a bull in a China shop, yeah did you. Do you miss smoking? MS smoking at all weirdly, thank God when I see it happening now, surely go like. Oh my god help us. Fosters. I was like putting smoking these tiny little fragile bags in my chest that it's crazy and then even judge Today is the last time I was here was for a movie I made my dad was an unknown thinking, a lot about my dad today and those they came up. like they used a fucking dry, he had a nice corvette. We in a welfare apartment building, but he had a corvette is put us It sets out in his new car like when you got in his corner, is hundreds of cigarette blot just put out in the armrests virtually over the car.
where is he I might wanna just written a car like to tobacco and spit neglect box. So you, hateful ex smoker, no I'm not able adjust. It really clicked at one point. Like all that's real gross thing. I was due to myself. If you smoke, that's awesome, I'll buy you. A pack of cigarettes are not judgment, but just somehow it occurred to me. While that's about it actually, both big one thing, I was going to go back to smoking or cocaine. I would go back to cocaine. I think I would die sooner of cigarettes, I don't think I'm Jean I recently now and now you know what I want. I won't ever do it again, because my kids, ok, but I miss smoking all the time you do all the target retard the lozenges. Now I don't want I know I just want to especially like. I usually have a pen in my car so like a good song comes like Metallica or years something, and then
listening to crack the window of the pen. Punctuated yeah You have a pen yeah a vacant. Now The point I am I might have- or, as you would say, a police reform, a believer foam. There was a visa ban, Polygram yeah. No, I won't be going backwards and forwards I'll go with you now. I will tell you a bit pensions them. Then I can hold unlike flesh out the window like get a motorway a guy. I based my way and every now and then, if it's really good work, the smoke should come out. You're! No, ok, you got me when I missed it.
did not take long. That was why you attic should never going for you right. It was good music, get somber, more optimistic and she loved me when I smoke that checks. They fuckin lover, What was that I couldn't hear Yos Lady my cigarettes. pack and like what are we go? The goal is: do like expose the more of the paper like when you light it in front of your chick and then he blows up at the cool, I almost got on fire. Hacking, eurobonds, Extry, hey you gonna lie at a poet,
the zipper dropper answer, they take their opening like that Cambodia I'll admit there? the union, should get out of here. Let's grab a pack, a camel lights, but his voice talking worthy knows himself burns and by cuts as at the four seasons in bed where these are. You were mere Eddie. You were always over two hours ago, I'd, never missed the drinking. You have not one. Crazy when I'm is smoking, as you had me rainy day, that's it go ahead. When do you miss or you don't mess drinking you don't ever miss drinking
but you can't even hold you gonna pull average wanted by unless it is true, I went in a meeting my first in I was ninety six means in six days later. It goes, but go ahead this seven days and await the guy. There has been a lot of ninety nine and used in that's what they wait. There's always six days a week abuse, and would you, outside its spiritual rest on this? I was in church filling the gods. I told ya think about this way, we're Six days was the girl Maybe we have different slogans year. Apparently again we have seven days and not least so, of course, there's gonna be different slogans. It was
since everyone, you I say, opens you twenty four six, Oh you're, gonna love that restaurant, the other are always open, twenty four six and they ones they times. Fifty two hundred, I'm so glad that we can. And the lexicon Anita the cut me has now so here's what? When I go go to the meeting, but I didn't feel like I got. I got some some stink, I from some of the old timers sure happens. Yeah then I went to another meeting and then I was like me: fine, like a temporary sponsor, and I found that we went out The dinner and she's like she talked to me for a couple hours and she said were you belong, and I said what do you mean and she goes if you're drunk enough for me- and she said, but you you pretty codependent but
here's what you should do. She said your compliments, which, by the way, only people that are Erics would be offended by you not drunk enough and where the fuck are you talking about Biltmore, my sure than you drank way like like I may. We need to show a cell, She said: here's what I want you to do. I want try all these different meetings and I want you to quit drinking smoking. Emotional eating and trying to take care of other people in your life wow one day. I once that's why I took a seven day off she I desire. I hope he just didn't. Wake up. That's so rapidly tat sounded like she's that I had the poohpooh platter of addiction, and so I said, ok and I tried all those things, but I don't know that
linking drinking was hard was in his heart. Is smoking yeah, only emotion that leads me to want to drink is when I get super leg MAX anxiety, and how they five or six times in the last twenty one years, I thought this is why these like people, frank line after work. Well, kids. This brought that out at me like yeah, it's real a five year old when you get through the war zone in their. Finally in bad, am I I get it? You need drink after that, like you really need a lot of drinks after that yeah you do. Sometimes you need a black right out after that now, and it's that you know what Lou sorry and I also origin, they just say two or three places and I'm not at the other parents? gdp is their drunk, and so that's totally cheating if you're drunk when their awake yeah,
That's it! That's what it was, but an awesome like we go on vacation, the parents are drunk and they don't hear the screaming or any other stuff there now we're in other kids. It can turn out or anything. It looks so liberating until the morning than in the morning in my now your kids are twice as loud. That's what you really live, furthermore, earlier little either! Even now, I think tat. I think I will nay that if everyone who takes the edge off every night with a few beers, a glass of red wine start drinking vineyards across the world would collapse twenty four hours like you may not you may not. Everyone may not nome chronically compulsively, which I think is addiction, but people definitely numb to their debt. From it. I mean we have got a world full of numbers,
Well, right so mean is one of the topics that you ve done. A lot of writing on and in public speaking on, You tell us about number, because there's a trillion ways and downright you can be online buying share for sharing right. Yet I think it's this is this is this is what I think was shocking for me about the research that you cannot select fifthly, numb emotion so when you say this is really hard, I'm in Greece for disappointment or anxiety, and you use something to take the edge off of the hard stuff you by default- are numbing the light as well. You cannot collectively numb emotion. Yeah, though the of pain, maybe dulled, but the edge of joy will also be dulled beer, and so it's really difficult. You know I mean we talked about this, that sage because my kids are thirteen and nineteen. and I'll tell you. My husband is just not he's the kind of guy
that, like drinks, a twelve pack a year, are he'll, get out some chips he's here tonight. I want it yeah yeah I see. we're not. Can I ask you a quick question when you drink that twelve beer, I guess, and month number twelve, is it turn or is it the city is just as good as the January beer. do we have we're gonna know where you are, but do we or do we not have a beer in our refrigerator? That's like three years old Steve laughed good. You wanna talk about self care is like I'm. Her deeds are you're smart. We get it. I bet he's with crystal at the buyer. Pounding nobody can drink it. I just finished up
Let me move resorts and you know it seemed as civil say I want some ships he'll get the bag of chips, he'll pull out like Handful put it in a bowl, put the bag back together and put the click back on the bad a psychopath have may exist message. Even I shook as anti look like a normal person, and now I realize he is a psychopath have that he doesn't have that like we're alive Riyadh like reason to be landed and have now. You just know me, I'm sure, he's a wonderful per year is amazing and he's probably treaty can be a deck very latest leads into all the staff as opposed to taking the edge off like we need the edge like I've. Never forgive interviewed a single then in twenty years, and we're talking about thousands and thousands of people they didn't want. like more joy, more intimacy, more trust, more love
I also wanted less paying less. You know you can't have it both ways yes, but would you agree like I'm very pro drinking for people who can have a couple of beers and I think its awesome, I hope any of your sly. In the bag, at least I'm Ro like, let's just put it this way, we're living in an environment. That is not what we were designed, for instance to some, some alleviating of that stress. I think if you can do it in a balanced way, I'm ready for that. Are you for that? for I am for real comfort. Real enjoyment and not for nothing. The shit out of things. Ok, ok, but have you ever wake, boarded with four beers in you? Not that I can remember her. Then it was rather more than four, but do you think that's deeds, genetic disposition or something he was just
Raised well, are you going? I think me, I think, for sure I thought about talking a lot, but I've got you It's just, I think he's not here over now, three laugh now. I think it is anyone. I think it's how I think it's wiring ya think I mean I think we have addiction on both sides of our families. I think we told our kids and say we're probably in kindergarten. Look I believe in this idea, because I think there's enough good science behind the idea that genetics loads on an environment pulled the trigger, and so we ve just said you know you you're you're lucky. In loaded for a lot of stuff, We don't know how it's going to turn out and it could be nothing. It could be something so the longer you wait to explore those things. The safer It will be because if you do it, while your brain still developing this stuff is happening so we're honest about it. I'll tell you the other thing that was really shocking to me board as apparent is having to
the conversation with my kids about when they spent, other people's houses, how much parents drink unlike you know like saying like. I don't want you in there are, with this dad after nine o clock, It is the other line. All that ran a lot on their, but to counter that the joy of doing mushrooms in your own family home, it's so confusing, you're like trying to reprimand Iraq. I grew up in her room up here. Did you feel it? You should know something, because you grew up in this room. Do you think you can be with that? joy of that?
Never done or you have never gonna get very naive before season fairness. I hope I've never done yet we're going on I and our consciousness because isolated high school. So this is true in nineteen. Seventy nine zero graduate eighty three and unnoticed everywhere but like when I was growing up in high school. Everyone talks. not like. If you do drink A million spiders commander, your eyeballs there's a girl that walk through have plate glass window. You never that grant specials yeah yeah yeah I was like and then I went to a high school. There was on the cover of people magazine for more suicides than any other high school, in the. U S at that time because they were. In terms of I don't know, maybe that was so like it was heavy loathing. I never just because I just because I was like I like to drink and party and get wild didn't mean. I wasn't in control of Shit Solo, to do something that you swallowed unlike
Who knows no, now, I'm the same way in its his mission in life. To get me to do much, oh god, oh god. I have to think about how the new research, on psychedelic drugs alike, will so there's a ton now of various more people recommending especially of end of life, because in the grief- because you guess maybe have heard these can there was? I wish I could really because neighbour, but In essence, what happens if you take the right amount of set aside in the air of your brain. That's really in charge of your identity in your sense of self it just Canada, literate, it goes off line and then you're more able to experience the party or brain that can feel connected ness and life and all the things that we probably like to be. Your touch was so definitely what people that are, towards the end of their life in the wrestling time with with self and identity.
it can be really helpful to help them feel the connected notice that we all have who throughout the but the omnivores dilemma. The guy? Yes, he's together MIKE Pollen Pollack, Joe simple and rank you accident power Jackson, how you're right he's the guy you currently is making this area and I just bought it as I listened to your pockets with him into their yup. That's what I do and it was very persuasive and I there are things that we don't know. You know Bill W, did LSD therapy in sobriety advocating that on this, this is a historical fact that build W did LSD therapy well sober. They talked about on the seventh day. I was not now. Ok, so really quick, you and I both we share a belief. We almost fantasize. Vulnerability
It is my experience in life that I dont really learn a lot from people telling about me about their victories in Algeria like day. Eight. I summoned it Everest an online I have a hard time taken like three flights of stairs thanks you now but if someone's like- oh my god, I fuckin blew up at my kid last night like I said this and then I sat down and then I'm then I, like you, have my attention and I might be. I did that thing to and then maybe, if that person found out something on the outside of that that help them now. Maybe they burn my trust state. I know they're flawed like me and in the end as the magic of eight my experience, which is the largest in their go unlike, whereas I blew it does on the way he I've seen guys get day. Meanings who were at a innate fistfight at a street light down the street vendor realise are both going on a meeting
come in holding hands. I might add that sums up the whole experience assuming when you're sitting there and there's this aid. I can't remember what it says, maybe autumn exactly a big boat, but it says we're not here to deflated over eager we're here to find self worth. Let me like men when you're sitting there and lake that's. Why? When we're getting my brightened. When I was getting my people, After my I got sober the day after I finished my master Bayer awhile yet and I got we're because the last assignment and my S W programme was to draw Graham, which is a map of your family. As I go the fair with my mom and I was like mapping this family like is like notion, family tree in the drugs fall out like I was like. Oh my god. Oh my god, yeah and and and all I have
appearing was like wild folklore stories about these. People like they were fine and they will, I hope, Hell shot Uncle dogs yard gas, like Berea behind my grandma Cyber shot, each other. What that that exact, looking rate story when you're like a we do you like, I really was a story where they now he robbed a bank in his dad was the sheriff and sad. If you don't leave taxes in the next twenty minutes and then a kill you and kill your children man, but he fell in love with a girl in El Paso and so each day, but the dad shot, em like Elmore, Leonard Novel and you're, like just the Texan like that within you, like, oh, my God, wills the text once you realize, like oh, I'm in route to be uncle cow. That's when it breaks you out, like oh yeah. Well, I've had a gun out in someone's present. I didn't shoot them, but I bet that experience. Yes, I've had a gun out in someone's presence,
later drunk done to bring it down yeah I've had a dozen scenarios that could have gone sideways where blacked out in in that, when you start realizing, like, oh, my god, I'm actually taking the baby steps to end up there that you know it their perspective on your own life for sure it's almost impact and I think the genome is so helpful. That was like In my mind I was like this is issue. Show its psych tell me. I was there and I was like gas and so in some way, those I bought him because I just designers, like I'm not doing this. I can see where that I can play the story to the end: and so for me it was really about it was making a choice, but it's an incredible experience. and if you ve never been to an aim, meaning I don't know where you get this experience, because I've never had it elsewhere in life other. Maybe this show where used it, I strangers in you hear there there
we're coming in their failures and in the vulnerability and it's the first place I ever witnessed Maybe in like my core group of friends growing up in Detroit, we had those moments, but outside of that, get at Detroit motor city madhouse. Where do you that in life I dont know where that exists, In my experience the times I went to church, maybe that's your experience. You still let you like church still you liked your dry Ok, you know, I, like God, you like are ok I got a fallen out with church a little bit you have look. I was what seemed it's not and grew ass. I learned this on the pie kiss it incongruous? What seemed incongruous
with your aversion to shame is that you would go to a place that, to me seemed like the biggest perpetuate or of shame. Historically, organize religion, well right. It's kind of like its book. It's the call in the furnace of religion is at least for my outside perspective seems to be shame. I also notes the big Rick reading tool for, like ISIS like that that that's fear they find these guys like. We know you ve done something terrible like as we all think we ve done something terrible please I have. I do you just learned what the guns, but that tool you ve done something terrible. It would take you a lifetime if you're lucky to get to the right place, but I can give you a short cut. That seems like a good path and that's so dangerous but anyways. Tell me how you when you are enjoying religion, that how did you
compartment. That's that's on condescending, but tell me I mean I think I wrestled with everything you just said. Okay, so I think taking their broad whack at all. Churches is hard because I think there are some churches, so Ardashir the research with you. Ok, I'm out yes and here's what we found that people ass. Is there one denomination more shaming than others, and the answer was no, except they were congregations that bubble there's more shaming. So it's not your imagine those Westboro Baptist folks. Well, that's it! That's on handling Asia. I'm congregation gather that they're just hateful assholes. Well hold on I would be very tired ever hear gonna collapse in the field they will one day give jack. You say it.
They were that one funeral. They made a great point about parking. But here I think if you look at them- and you think you mean- obviously we doubt, but I think, there's churches in some organisations that work really hard to do the opposite. To say you're here see you belong, it doesn't matter we're all together and I think that's the power right now. For me, I'm struggling a little bit because I don't know I am struggling. I go in and out a church. I go on full time, God I go into now to church now, but I do I remember when I click on unity. Part idea. That's it that's I get it at meetings and I go. I get religion because there is a power in community and in, but then then again
a tiny bit daisies, that's also like in group, is a little in group out repairs a little party, your brain, that's being satiated by that, because you find yourself in opposition to other people. That's a little tricky as well, because These were you weren't here you don't. Many real reason to tell me that it's not ashamed factory. I think so. Churches. Are, I think it's how people use God? I dont think God is inherently In writing. I think help logos, God, shaming and when I go to church, I go for three reasons. I go to pass the peace with people. I don't know I go to sing with strangers. and I go to take communion with people who I probably, if we're talking about politics, our social issues. One a punch in the base right want. I want to go somewhere in my life, to experience, collective joy
and to believe there's something greater and biggest a bigger than bring that brings us together and for me that is God and I want to share not with people, but I you get really frustrated with the sausage making peace like I don't need a congregation, are some kind of like convention of people to come. Altogether a meeting to see. If we show ordain gay, lesbian, Engendered queer people, I don't need the idea, and if you need to talk about that, I don't wanna talk about that. That's like if you're, if we're not fighting for then you're, not on God side- Nacho, that's where I get frustrated, so you just hit on something that you and I also seem to have a lot of concern over and I talked about it at nauseam and I want to hear you talk about it, which is
How silo too? We are in our political points of view, and what the result of that is is you actually have dad? What the result of that is, which is? Greece, loneliness ironically right yeah, you think I mean so we you know it's it's then the stuff I wrote about breaking the wilderness so where the most kind of sorted by belief, Americans, ever in history, we now more than ever, live with worship with hang out with people who believe like us politically? and an culturally. Yet same time were also more lonely them with ever been ever be right. It's it's gonna! Do it! it is correct to accept that what I figured out from the research in the interviews. Is that its exact? what you say about the Ingrid Out group staff, which is.
We are it's called common enemy intimacy. Yes, we have together, because the only thing we actually have in common is we hate. We hated the same people, yes, I read about this a lot. That's a terrible reason. The like, hey these leaders in high school time. It's like fucking hate the passionate. You do too. the passion mode exactly a cigarette outside and then Well, I always you just look at the practicality of that, bonding over something you hate right, then nothing to do beyond that gives you can't go like we fuck and ate the personal me too. Let's not go to the passionate cancer number one we're You bond over things, you like them! It's like will now, let's go to depression, cars or whatever it is. If you're defining yourself by things you're in opposition to its its, lately unproductive weirdly, and let me
fuck that a little bit more politically. So now you and I were outside smoking talking about how much we hated depression writer and we feel something we ve like TAT little Energy connection right, like yeah fuck. Those people live We're gonna get me now, we're really afraid to say you know who I really like the beaches, because now now we're afraid to say what we do believe in because now Our relationship is tenuous and based on Haiti. same thing. Yes, there now we do nothing only way we can build from not going to depression mode is now guy here with me: we hate this man unless, let's find People that hate this mess yeah own Andy, yeah round G, o d socks, Love Owen deleted the orchestra. What movements in the dark or ailments, I'm gonna, love tat we some music. I lost my my way,
You wanted to know that right you. I know my virginity I'll, never listen! Maybe it's how you I m is so perfectly well, we I don't wanna completely tell you her full identity, but I made it ex table. My mom was at its house in the basement, downstairs on a couch later found out best for a narrow, weekly spine from around the corner that song came on right one. and took off. If you feel my idea, I'm with you. I was done before the chorus of course. Why Canada with almost no that's? That's, that's! That's a loving you! Oh no! That's I'll! Stop the world that now my mind. An idea from point is this: I I was done in seconds. I just kept
wings. I was confused, I didn't know I thought like when you sit, stop awkward. I was physically ready and maybe wasn't emotionally prepared, so I just hung in for a y all where they get soundtrack, meaning then we're just try do enjoy design earth Are we talking about ass? If either of you? I owe you? Yes, if your identity is is shared by things, you hey, there's, really nothing to build, no and then it gets really dicey, because now? The three of us are friends. We hate the same thing and we know that were capable of cruelty and hatred so now I'm gonna do whatever. I need to do or say to stay with you and then it just becomes it's so empty will the thing I think we should all like everyone here are all guilty of it and it's what I want you to to point out every single genocide has ever started, yeah
genocide has started the same way innovation, we dehumanize all. Besides, we did. It in history started with a subtle dehumanization of people which always starts with language will in world WAR two. We call them Jerry's in Jap. Soon, all these things, Ngos, as you call them that the downward people in same with Vietnam, and so first you up the label them something right with language with language and then their different from you, so you're not killing a human, because we actually don't wanna, kill human. That's good news where first to killing each other where biology like our biology, wires ass to really it's really hard like it here. sober and now and mentally. Well, it's really hard to kill someone who you see within the scope of morality. So in order to hurt people, you have to push them outside of that scope, and we start with bad good evil than dehumanization,
this is my. This is my rejection. So much certainly a lot of people who voted for Trump are xenophobia and our race stats certainly is the case some percentage but I my little left is silo and allay their all races, they're, all race. everyone who voted for Trump is a racist and am I that's not true that's bullshit, that's not in so. Is it it's that step one Now there racists and once I Someone raises, I dont really give a shit if they get punished in the face. I don't give a shit if they get thrown in jail. I don't care about those things, so it step one in me not really carrying what happens to those people so you had a unique experience which, as you were in the hurricane that came through Houston, What happened in that situation, I mean we get it that there was
wind and water. You don't tell us a lot of like sixty one inches in three days and it was dead. waiting for us and as a city we just we know, Houston is choosing just so much ass. We are really strong, amazing people there and super diverse. I mean like my kid: what to public elementary school in our neighbourhood? Fifty one kind, of origin first generation, why this is like they say opponent of diversity in the world and the thing Houston, its great outdoes plug it. While we're talking about it is watery ones doing the wall, conversation we're just building longer and longer tables. The thing at Houston is if you're willing to work hard. She straight behind, there's a place for you in here. I guess it's a great city. We got super. We got divided by the election,
The election was we didn't. We were not immune from that. Just like no one was a mean from that and during Harvey what you saw was people being people again it was such a power. I felt like it was a gift in some ways I mean it was a powerful reminder that the divisiveness that we buy into we have to be super careful about it, because someone is benefiting their firm and certainly the Trump administration. Bennett from the dice investing. But when it comes down to it, you saw like you saw them. while the cage Navy showed acts that occasion agent Navy should return five hundred fishermen and women on both in like swap bangs waiting nine years for the IRA, like the city, Mariner, pathfinder boats and their way of air between China and taxes, because we
we were there during Katrina, like aha, like him. In July, we had a lot of as many as we could and still have a lot of permanent residence now, but so it was like one. Things where no one reached out and said: hey, I'm here too help you and get you out of the house in my boat. Who did you vote for it was like we're just matter as humans. Looking at him, that's so important and it's a shame that it takes a life threatening event to go. Oh first and foremost were to humans, and we owe it to each other and try to keep one another alive. That sounds saccharine, but it's it's really true, it's so true and yeah. Here's, the other thing is it's not required to your point of view in your political preference in the way you're going about you, you don't you can have all that you're not giving that up by refusing to make them all and out group or making them all the enemy. You are married, the other. It's not required
You can still want to reunite rated families at the border and still not have to look at them. As in I'm saying that. That's me, I myself talks about that. I just think again. You have that using thing on my things. Might all my Hobbes under their hillbillies, it's under, as Only person out there that voted for a Democrat without question and I'm good for that, I am regularly confronted with, like others a trump flag on his doom buggy Yok. Now MIKE always get acute family. This guy, like worked really hard to. Like you know. bring his family out here and look in east pushing around the swaying, and I start seeing all these things like I do together and then talk to him and then, if that never comes up, and it's like, oh right there, they tonnes still in that we have to focus on that, for us to somehow work through
this stuff right, I'm just screaming at each other over a wall, is going to work it's, not gonna work. I think there's a couple things I mean I like the people that yours in the doom buggy. That's a lot of my family. I M really inefficient duration tax them like we're not like, like these are serious serious like you know. I thought my family always not that I don't have a college on a speech shooting hot scholarship on a shooting scholars. You might you do they thought I would in that there are also like either I shot skeet like like a motherfucker like a mother fucker like idea like ass, I was really good and so that deathless this coming, you grew up and we ve got like you. my God Hunt envision nuts I mean this is the towers the jam but I think you have a great analogy to think about your grandparents, you Ben ideology. What is it why it's that tell me
all of us in this room, think about our grandparents and what percentage of ideology matches up with various right. It's about twenty percent just across the board. And who would want to excommunicate their grandparents from their lives. Ghana, you can have these conflicting points of view and so love one another. You can act and tell the moment. That your opinions and belief, diminish my humanity. Exactly. Then we got a big job, Leech, Romania. I would keep yeah yeah yeah and it depends on whose you know who you are voting for the Democrat who you are at the dunes right. If, if you I love you, I love you don't rush argue asking, but if I am let's say I was
muslim person at the dunes, and I was talking to these people who voted for tromp. It's personal for them, it's not just like we can get. We know, let's see across the aisle it's you are actively making a choice. ways that affects my day to day life, and in negative way in a painful were so if you're, if you're a person, who isn't experiencing that every day and is just voting and it might be easy, or it might be easier to be like you were all its fine, we're all people and gorgeous people, but if you're the recipient of the hatred, its harder of that, and I think it's not a fair ass, I dont think I dont think that people who are the target of the hatred had the responsibility to build
the table and invite the amorous? Yet if I am totally that's the part to me that I can do that like I can't I could go with you the dunes and toss their families, and I ain't no- and I I can I can I have the privilege of being white. I had the privilege of knowing Gonna hurt my kids I remember doing Harvey that's when they were going to rescind data, that's when they member that, in the very first casualty and at Harvey, was- a young emigrant who saved a couple of families, want that. Our third family and hit a wire in his boat and got electrocuted died like in. So it's like, look, I don't know, I don't agree with either of you on either of those points, and I think there's like that that the simple fact that
illegal immigrants commit less crimes than natural, born citizens, and then legal immigrants also commit less crimes. Does this notion of them in crackles ashes? wrong. That's that's wrong and that's great. I E. We agree on that. My question is the method getting through to that person- is- is the method to get through to that person to go or maybe you just fiscally conservative- and you made this choice because your fiscally conservatives in maybe you could just tell you like with some of the other ramifications that are. Is that the approach or is there Roach you're, a fucking racist, your red, let's device. I just to me it's all about how we get out and what's productive and what's not a productive. I cannot agree more that every one of these policy things you guys are bringing up it's just. I dont think that the path out of all that is is in group out, but I think the path I don't think it is either, but I will tell you this at this point at this point: in the administration and where everything that's happened there
some people that are so double down. There is no conversation to be had like. I don't. I think it's just too scary and to unsafe there's so much vary so much fear and here's the thing you got a leader right now who I just finished this journey brown. she's, not here not here, but we have administration, that I just finished a seven year study on leadership and what is the quality of brave leadership and What is the most dangerous kind of leadership that we can see in organizations lead you work with companies and people all over the world and what so, Interesting to me is this formula that I think completely explains we are seeing right now, which is take a group of people. Uncertainty and fear, give them some one. laying for their pain. And deliver deliver
Someone deliver an enemy and you can get away with anything was NEO Nazi Germany. Said immediate aid like we're in so much like. We have changed Fundamentally, I started my research six months before nine eleven. Just obviously, coincidentally, and I have watched fear change- who we are, it is change who we are a country, but but again, that's on both sides know that That's the big unified after it's a big unify, because all the left, these in my silo, are like panic, like they themselves were, kicked out the kind of like their living at this heightened sense of fear. That is again I get it there why they are not the ones with that says
They are acting like vey. Worse, like that, there is a heightened sense of panic that I think, is a little on realistic. I don't know if it's heightens and I know it's also people lifting up other people right said these. The white people there. you're talking about will know. Ok, my left silos gotta lotta brown people. A gay people, but I think We're talking about the white people who are overly panic, does what you're just saying. Ok, sure, but they're not overly panics, because you need numbers, you need safety in numbers and you need a good idea, I think that it will be like there's two ways to look at its: a glass, half full glass, half empty, there's a way to look at this in go or only got the system's kind of working. There have been federal judges, it said no, you can't do that. They like we're, seeing this system work in ways roses Zena
dismantled and ways, and it's really how you want to view that and we're way too down a wormhole now, but it's also working, branches of government are working that the safety valves are working, he's being regularly shut down by federal judges to those things that are encouraging as well. That are better happening, but I think he's also being shut down, as people are making so much noise. I could get older I think I am wrong. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, I think, I'm a hopeful person. I believe that people are inherently good idea and I think that we going to be ok, but I dont think we're gonna be ok and quiet at the same time. Others do before you leave. I want you to tell us actual impractical ways to be vulnerable because
Vulnerability is the path out of all this stuff right in. So what are the practical ways? People can be vulnerable. I think I think the greatest active vulnerability is to be real to be authentic? To be to be honest about who you are with people that you care about? I don't I don't leave and vulnerability for vulnerability sake like I think I really I believe that we share our stories in our struggles with people who ve earned the right to hear them. We should our stories with people with whom were in relationships that can bear the weight of the story, but I think I'll only vulnerability, is a ties at this last local peace. We're talking about stuff, working. Your shit out on other people like like.
Like, where we all have pain by you and and I don't think I would ever had this career had. I not gone, through a I right, because all the slogans are actually true. annoyingly knowingly I get that about. You drive came up with the truth of lighting like on viper. Keep it simple, I'm not there yet on keep it simple. I like people like the one in dollars decker you like a greasy, you get a ride like yeah. You guys fighting minister stoplight on their way to a meeting. Keep it simple on Burma like is live and let live only though one either and then I heard a therapist when times a brunette you know the Seine, is let go and let God not let go, and let Bernay how dare she right now? I think that I think the answer to vulnerability is this. We are so much better at at causing pay Then we are feeling our way through our own pain,
I think vulnerability is about saying, yeah, I'm in perfect. I make mistakes, its messy I don't get shit down and I need to get done, but I'm You have loving belonging and I'm going to treat myself like that and I'm entry to other people like that that's got bottom line, and you know on the pain topic. My mantra when I miserable and in discomfort MA, am answer is. This is temporary this a temporary this temporary temporary cause. I need to remind Myself- and I am in that moment of pain and anguish. I am certain that the rest of my life, I'm positive of it. I will never escape this further my life, the guys you know, and I just go its temporary separates number and then The other thing I think is like but on a roller coaster like having to look at it, hands going on. Big Yale thing like ocean
I feel is leaving the rest of my life. Razumihin rule. Always know the good times. Gonna end in seconds Allah. I love my way by psychedelic furs it'll be over before you know. It Never fearful that my joys gonna last forever always terrified my pains gonna last indefinitely so I just go. It's temperance temper and sometimes it's three days. Hussein is temporary and then it is fucking temporary you now it's all temporary peas weather the storm. Bring it back. I've used in now. I can that's a smart I'd. Also tell you one of my vulnerability. Hacks like tat. I tell myself is one of the most vulnerable things that we do. What did I think is the key to life is setting boundaries for Europe in the boundaries. My told me, yeah dig into she said: she's gonna set some boundaries with you,
that'll be so fine. Yet, on the other hand, it Andrews has Ike undertaking to like yours. What's ok, here's what Sano K like at work like you, it's ok tell you ok, you're pissed, it's not ok to score. our pounder fists on that here's, what ok, here's what thought? Okay! So one thing that I do because I also have that like. I need to be liked and another disappoint. Anyone that a good girl, horseshit and so what are you we do. Is I've come to the conclusion, after studying this, that when you do so hard, it's uncomfortable for about eight seconds. So what I do is what I may say something like hey Bernay. Can you bring, the food for the Bake sale on Tuesday that I just say Tuesday. Comfort over resentment, choose discomfort over resentment shoes discomfort over was that many, I just say it three times, because eight seconds is innocent
you have to write a book on the rodeo, that's a long time when you're on a ball at the long time or waiting for someone come on Marcin across the veto is still a long time, and I decided I very long on your first time, but not too psychedelic hers ashore, really quick. I think that's very hobbled history and its goes your temporary thing just you can be uncomfortable for a couple of seconds are resentful for, like six months, and be like here, you're brownies asshole. I hope you choke on them, which is that we want to be now when you your narrative self at night knew you'd tell that. Your story yourself, you're gonna be disappointed. my one variants by one good, experience with my lovely bride, who probably left with deep? But I bet you for two years: lay in bed together at nine posts, coil,
as Andrews was once a week but she's on her found. but this back when there's a blackberry one button. So the bug receiver vast tax are just like firing. Shit. and I would say to her Now you do a lot of emailing in bed at night, well, how to get my stuff down like I have emails that need to be answered and then I'll go down say well. Your managing your time. Well, rights are now getting the debate about how well she's managing her time. As you know it you should do. Is you should set aside in and ninety minutes in the day? Do those emails and I'm like creating the systemic she's like you, don't fucking need to tell me how I how to manage my time furs. Second, on one of my business. Just fine, I don't need your expertise on as and then
Ex Nihilo try. Another approach like one of those things are really be. The blue light will keep you you're getting a lot of blue July, not try that scientific approach right. This went on for two years crystal meth. Saint is a ever thanks requested. This goes on for two years. In one nine I found the courage I dont know where it came from. I found the courage to say honey. I would really like your attention and she goes up and I What We would never not give me attention right, If I say I would love your attention, she's never gonna go well, but I have an email that this is not her. I didn't marry that person that persons a deer
beautiful example being vulnerable. We do years, one more. I have one more equally crazy. She is all charities. So good is always charities in a lot of them in the beginning of us dating involve Africa, so she didn't like me gone to Africa would give me water, and I would this is this. This is evil. What I'm about to admit on the stage, but as an their apologies, would you know often the white man has gone down there and tried to meddle in its backfired and way more damage than had ever help, which is true. This is actually true, takes hold.
one group to separate where they wash their dishes and where they wash their clothes and they had a population explosion, and then they all died of famine. So I'm giving her all these examples of the arrogance of white people going to Africa and making decisions that'll end up killing more people, and I'm doing this for years and by the way, I'm making pretty sound arguments there, not just out of air there. Should I learned at anthropology collar bone reasons right well, I didn't even know yet that it was bullshit reason called nine realism, I was using her and her charities of we would fight about non stop in almost I had a breakthrough or we were fighting in Florida Eder extent Dad Larry's wedding,
HU. I love Larry. By the way I resign. Larry takes a bite of food, one hundred percent, the timing of another Louis Catch regime's war, hundred percent in the by any Means more gratitude than any human alive. Larry rules we go to the wedding were fighting about Africa Selinger about genocides, Finally, I say to her: you know what. I'm in love with my mom, she worked a lot. She built a business. add at times be second to that? Is that had to build everything and pay for it We got it. We were second that she was gone away and I, because this work you are doing is good that
more important than me in that I will be second to this for the rest of my life, and she goes. If you ever tell me, I need you at home. I need you home, I will not go to Africa In literally that sentence it was gone. I was like you, gotta have as much as you want and by the way, after eleven years of being together. I wish you good. If I can have a more it would be awesome, but again I could go on for ever until I finally said I'm scared, I think I'm gonna be second, I'm second to work come second to Africa. God knows what's next and so oh yeah vulnerability,
brene. I thank you so much for caring that message at. Thank you so much for being our gas. If you want to hear the fact check, please stay tuned after this musical interlude by Robert Ellis just want to thank Robert Ellis. He was so much fun. He put the audience in the best mood he's such a talented musician. Please check out Robert Steph. I also do special thanks to Lizzie doing in my top queen asked in who hooked up with Robert Alice was so And came out and put,
a heck of a show. So please enjoy some Robert Ellis before the fact check.
just another we really have to say about it. It's just leave me so would stick to let things on such a mess skies
Think it was a surprise that I'm here to everyone, including me. Tax email me and asked me if I do this- and I was like no brainer it's gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel. At the paramount it's your audience can be easy I'm just gonna play a few quick songs cannot set things up up this next one is: I asked permission to do this one because I wanted to say before a player that it has some offensive which is for the love song. Those thoughts, As for the most noble of causes that I swear.
This is a new scientists like the first or second term played it. Please don't be afraid. sorry mom. fuckin crazy. You that's true Let us stop us from doing so saying screaming you ve got me, so some days,
she gets? The next meeting we see you read me last January,
fuckin crazy can't drink this, which we meetings. We we you mean
last January fine fine. very much my mom mom heard that song and
I have a six week old kid Thank you very much, but she heard that song and she said she said of a child now What are you gonna do if he starts saying those words? I was like a minute. Mensa immediately six weeks a whole. If he says anything, he will be the smartest child ever to have. all right. Thank you guys for putting up with me play this. This is a song, the deck
question. This is about growing up in the Bible, built signal not just make you rich, but I would just say
is she comes to watch? boys. You too, you were here chickens. A jerk what our boy judge you I dont know. Why always I should pick for that was all right to be imitating. There are large, is just doing me, he's a check or whatever you, Michael Mcdonald, doing Maria. Who rules you now watch over war, you're, good trees or will know, is fact checker of distracted bedroom pneumonia. I like the first, where they will keep out his hand rain. Now is that one where they provided the you came up with you tell it was obvious that regular was very good.
As it is. Was the idea swimming around here in my phones, ones. Just man, eater has gray idle love. Keystroke ass! She comes has really good. why shouldn't you you're, fax notions iq, your ass, o Now I always zeal to your eyes. That is a warning that should be given, brought about me you by like eyebrows dated someone in them. he was in his brows dart, stating that his you're on. You just gives them like a heads up like fun. I off boy she's few, whereas, as is their heads, do you think it's what would be watch how? I guess it depends on the person rain? yeah? Maybe let maybe I like like that watch out boy, maybe like her,
enjoy boy shield shoe urea somethin like that, doesn't bother, ok boy! This is not about not me. No one ever wondered. Get confused whose voices whose now, though, that you're not talking about me. No, she won't you, Europe, or maybe she will. We don't know that you ve not declared on here whether NATO to someone say I'm not gonna, Declan. All that you gotta leave some secret yeah some secrets from your suitors unity. opposition one way or another, which I think is the right move down. The middle family, ass, crack. Ok, something great happened when I was listening to burn. I want my love bernay, all we love so much will first, much is. Let's applaud your name never met. She grew
come on, and do oh, my god, by the way, I'm heartbroken, I got the best fully instrument, I discovered the other night and I'm going to bring it and I'm going to put on a show for you. I was so excited to bring it and I forgot it the hell out of my beard, I'm walking through the floor, I like it when it's like a natural thing now, whatever we will do it on Monday. Here we gotta do it, because it's so great care not to build anticipation too much, but it's incredible. I discovered it putting the girls down and I was just I was fire. Unexciting adds a really nice thing and we're gonna have a nice romantic com. Station is it's a real mood setting this sound, that its mimicking is it in a restaurant? It could be restaurant it could be made when in question is a fair one. It is it's a meteorological of rain I can make it sound like it's raining down on the roof.
How can they be grave? Where do in fact taken? This is a gentle pitter patter of raindrop. I would be nice. Well, that's what we're gonna have. Next. We high tech, Bernay Renee Brown, who came. as a stranger didn't know either of us. Came and did alive, shall also high stakes, and we knew within two seconds backstage that she was gonna hand me my ass. If the situation cos four yeah yeah she she's a power, how she's a power, how yeah, ok, the whole house, your guy she's, we're she's a breath. She's, not employees have wrecked powerhouse, yeah sure, ok like a brick powerhouse, she is a break. Power has yeah, but if she's listening just this episode and not others, now. We have a long standing conversation about this guy. In people's brick, shit houses, it's very complimentary, should know that can go in. There
We love it. My love, I, if your listening hibernate we miss year, we miss you like taught you yeah, as something it happened. Beginning of the live show she brought a bag of treats for you as a gift after two, so nice, a lot of Texas starve and one of those was Turkey from Bucky's Bucky's Jerky, we didn't know about back he's Yankees was that we were excited about yet right. So when I went back and listen and heard her say that the butter Lee was from Bucky's Dachau above use, jerky gas. Can you believe it was forest, doing for a few days later on, we got so excited about Bucky we sure did driving. It was serendipitous yeah. Anyway, there was some confusion about Matthew, Mokanna his age. You thought fifty one, your guy in his forty eight
oh boy, a young. I was three years off in the wrong direction. Wanna put out there in the universe, Matthew. I think you look great in you look younger than me. He looks great. He looks and EU policy felt like that cause he's been around for seed and working for so long since I was beyond aiming yeah, yeah you're, absolutely right. That's why I thought that you so accomplished. That I'll elevated his age to make myself feel better, and I will so this Gower with Kristen he was there he was auctioning, offers some stuff for his chair, which was very nice and as charming on stage, disease and his movies, got a lot of real life, charisma. He really had a lot of. It is really weird you're bringing him up, because three days ago I decided I'm doing our next intro. Has him.
Why the magazine for a couple days ago- and now you just brought him up- who even practising gray, lower pay. It takes practice. It does, there's a few like key words, I have to say to get into it great gray. I'm excited we have a lot to look for you from Monday's Jeez or putting a lot at whom my high far yeah but does not even have an episode. Monday's episode is going to withdraw Mikhail factor, whereas Madonna hang there, There was a runner about tennis and the scoring of tennis, who is it This is the fact check of a million teases, because I just teased than on their new Mccartney and then Peter crowds adjust interrupted. Our factor we did he knocked on the attic dollar those fine, it's like elsewhere, brothers would do you totally they'd room each other's factual, we're he just
by four attempts to chat, but we had a kick him out to get back to work. My dad, but is it this is. Why did he come in and ruler factor, but he won't come in and get interviewed you're. Not we're working on in nice guys are working on is open to the idea to sir scheduling them. difficulties and very he's axing shares the person yeah busy man, the bigger giving is, I won't. I always hear my Odessa yeah yeah yeah, I know but see it's hard for me to tell, because I do dad. I really think that, but that's also, my parents Her love, it gives confusing the add, or what what Adam Braver men, is the type of character you generally like on a show. Idolizes error lies guy. You like the nice guys to less like he was your heart throbbed near Hood way above Cross now what outweigh above just alot above no
Wasn't you like jaw? I did like oh yeah, I did. I did. Charlie, you guys who did I not like? Let me go, let me think I don't think there's been a guy on that. I have liked on parenthood gulags. You loved Mr Seer love, ok, no boy, tennis scoring. right, ok, tenant scoring tennis going so each This matter is made up of two to three sets: ok to Duennas set. You must when at least six games the games scored, starting it love or zero and go up to forty, but that's actually just four points from love. The first point is fifteen and thirty and forty and game point which wins the game: what a stupid scoring system. Why would the increments be fifteen bill and then and then ten.
Girls, love fifteen, the third and when that, far more in my guardian, his team, ten and then within the ten than theirs to cause, you can go out in an out and out. So then it becomes twenty. It's so stupid. The English had to have come up with it. Just like our stupid for entry. is my own tax system there and high all of it, none of it based on that's interesting. I never willing. I never really thought about it, but that is stupid. Agriculture, is no offense to tennis lovers, I loved the game. It's great, they didn't invent the English. now the players all right. Yeah they should be offended that true, true true, okay. So the romanian study, the sad romanian study about the orphanage you can find it on NPR it's called, or and lonely beginnings reveal how parent shape a child's brain
I read it and it was too heavy right. Even A minority and talk about it is that is not contradictory, wrestling yelled out from the audience, Romania. She dared. So we heard a little voice, an audience that was her yeah. Ok, first are also side. No, you know I used to be upset with Romania. Why? Because all the good gymnast were from there all right, so I like was begging cancel on vacation there over the American. You don't realize dates a third world war, not going right. I was mad at them, They never gave me what I wanted. What movies are shot? Romania, weirdly yeah by Christian, has done a film in Romania and I think it's much different, though, when you work here it is it's gotten about our beautiful place. Everyone should go on vacation there. Now it's a good place to vacation yeah. I wonder if we should do our romanian tourism, commercial. I think we're doing one right now at work,
a pro bono romanian conflict with their their tours while these things they are competing with countries probably is We cheaper to go to another. These guys were fed with New Mexico, urges excite. Now I'm talkin about our commercial, I'm not with that. Thou products. I think we can say the allayed tourism commercial reasons. Oh all right, but also the bug Josephine's wondered whether new mexican border tourism, the army to law over the romanian study. You said: if it was this thing work, babies won't touch, they died could be indifferent article that I did not find, but this is about parenting and affection, and even the attention, because I visited the kids in these orphanages- we're not getting that's when they did all these studies on them and they have a lot of damage
mental and brain issues, and they even did scans, and there was like the great or verses. Why matter was all off for what Beam and their brains dwarf physically small yeah, and so this the scientists really the cause wasn't anything as simple as nutrition. It was a different kind of deprivation. The lack of a parent or someone who acted like apparent now happens is staring at a white ceiling and no one's talking do and no one soothing you when you get upset so areas, the brain involved in vision and language, an emotion don't go wired correctly, and then this professor of cycle, do you see allay. says all the research on neglected children reminds me of something that should be obvious. Parents are playing a really big role in shaping children's brain development and parenting. She says a bit like oxygen, it's easy to take for granted until you see someone who is in getting enough who knew the Obama now I know it's such a bomber modes in polar cells out about.
we also need to know how we gotta. We gonna tell the truth. I have had some of the Saharan people out there and its good parents touch your kids and faction and with them in the world find some other ceiling, other kids, all right now we're gonna pull that yoke you're gonna game elevation. Now you said that mainly the people you in our view, are people than ever. Keep the american dream, which was that their famous and that the rich, and so I just want to be the american dream is the national ethos is the ideal that every U s This should have an equal opportunity to achieve success in prosperity through hard work, determination and initiative. So your I think, you're, right in some ways, but I dont think being famous, is a part of the american dream gives evolved. Sure that's old thing in the fifties who is like
The american dream was Yonah Home, Yonah vehicle. You- have all the american ideals giving you got also be frames final. Think that at all, I think that a I don't like I'm social media emu like a million followers- and that is not the american dream I agree- should be better. I feel like now kids thing successes. guinea money in getting In fact. I think they do, which is why I wanted to clarify this, that that we oh yeah. We don't. We don't think that that fame has nothing to do with whether you're successful or not. Yet You don't believe to famous people telling you that famous no are you re lies in Denver last weekend from this day, that's famous now, when you out with your friends and a stranger recognize you that's famous, saw,
to be the one yet aims: well, there's really good as and I let you your base, it did is handed exactly opinion, as that should be a new burn. It would be great if it was a bar. We should do that. The aim is to without this ill little busy. I would like to do that. Then we see someone like gum by everyone. Damon I'm gonna, get your famous. Does don't do it, he doesn't deserve and saw who do you want me to do too? who deserves a big insult warmer and assured himself, but let's just say, I saw He has been real. Big Sinon feels bad. I guess you can. Well, maybe I like him now you're famous me too. A lot will Psmith. I want instagram videos in these. I feel at ease a shoe, and for this part I think he is lovely. However, I feel it is on this same mission were on yeah. He has
american dream? Rich and famous sets drive your veins okay, so I think you're talking to we were talking about this american dream step and you said, Mark Mare has only one: that's been a high that has said that money and fame has helped to self esteem which I just want to be careful that we're not painting him as like a vapid person. Can I don't think, that's what he was saying. I think he was saying like it. he's a lot of his anxiety in them are not seen it negatively. I just it was it was it he's the only person right and you can hear his own words are upon you totally yeah. I was in saying that I just on urgently yeah. Ok, so We talk a little bit about Michael Pollen on the last fact check on Doktor Drew's fact check
Oh, he comes up again on this, so people can listen to that fact check if they want some info on Michael Pollen and suicide and and psychedelic pics O k, Oh one thing I wanted to clarify you talk about being vote, a ball and having Christian put her phone down and stuff. So I won't bring. You did a mime until you, no Sir Listening what happened, but you you say honey. I need your attention and then she said: okay and then you did a mine of putting the phone down. So people need to know that. That's what that's what she did. equally transpired. Yes, great that she listened and put the found them. Why, then, having also mine that she put it in the microwave set it to two minutes hit star they found allowed our hands signal, dry rise right and you bought a new house implicitly gunfire. Aha,
Well, that's it! I have one fact out: ok, we had we were out of. Ten. We were at a ten that night and asked him collected all fine, even we loved it so much, even though it food poisoning. We still loved it. You all. Something that was a visual experience, not auditory strains that you put your pants twice on state now. That is not good up really a broadly, and then you put your hands behind your butt and weed Oh she's, getting her waller out really quick for something. Well, there's no bills! Do why she getting old and the new waddled off stage, and then you can. Ignore where indifferent pan yeah and that happened- Hawaiians change. Yes, most people know that you're in three different kinds of yours lacked a liar, didn't happen, but could the credit credit color, they gotta, remember but should have got. It was gray. We love
We love ass the time last and we love bernay. We do think thanks for everyone else, gave us that night. I love you