Sophia Bush (One Tree Hill, John Tucker Must Die, Chicago P.D.) is an American actress and activist. She sits down with the Armchair Expert to discuss her love of stunt driving, her experience being a woman in Hollywood and the steps she's taken toward self-fulfillment. Dax gives a solid piece of advice to young actresses and Sophia unknowingly drops Monica and Dax's favorite vocabulary words. The two talk about the path to learning from your previous mistakes, Sophia discusses reaching fame from a locational distance and in the fact check, Monica and Dax entertain the notion of Barack Obama fathering Monica's hypothetical child.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hello. Everybody welcomed armchair expert, I'm Dac Shepherd, I'm joined with Monica bad man. I today we have Sophia Bush. You probably fell in love with her on one tree hell and then carried that straight on over to Chicago pity and now she's in the attic talk about wife on planet earth, so please enjoy Sophia Bush. We arson ordered by cash app? you already know the cash app is the number one finance upon the app store. What you might not oh, is that you can also put cash app in your wallet with the cash guard. Only debit card that offers instant rewards incomes packed with premium features, not even a credit card can offer like boosts, save up to ten percent. foods but lay or shake check in more of your favorite spots. Or even one dollar of coffee. Every time you swipe your cash card at coffee shops across the country, the cash card puts you, control of your money with extra inapt safety features that lets. You pause your card with a touch
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I am talking about leg having an uncontrollable erection because of a scooter you found in your garage dwell, and I was like this is where I thought I was gonna go at all, but it ok mom into the olympian theirs. An anomalous number of Olympians seem to get arouse a daring, the metal ceremony, because large, there's pitcher, there's pictures in tat yeah, I like it. I think it is an item Ottawa appear in good order, something about it. That sounds like one day of coercion or sure it gives me the little like the back play for, unlike yet that one I can. I have a few those words for me. Panties, as one can have our hands were earlier you, yes, I do not want to use it for men, payment,
these com, male panties paint, male paintings, email says that panic I offer my now. I have said that I do use the word panty dropper, occasionally animals We you saying it ironically, like all save like we're going insane instrumental, my San car does Willie's I'll say like all that thing. If I do Billy? That's a painting dropper now, I'm very and on the joke. No girl on Planet earth airs. If I do lately you he has in my mind I've convince myself that it is some kind of an Afro DJ act. It's this now. I mean first small sector sure I would say small sector danish market do you do suffer from that at all? Have you ever like really been convey it's your boyfriend, he loves that. I cook you now son a dinner or whatever he income to? Finally just getting through it I don't know. I think I'm at the point where I'm pretty willing to look
my own shit because everybody has like everybody, has things about them that are probably a lot. I make no mistakes that the things that might be frustrating about me to a partner or frustrating You know nobody likes that I am so hyper focused on the knee. Is that I take my phone everywhere. I read, I'm reading news articles, while doing other things that you think would need focus, but I can't, as I fell down actually the irony is that backstory, let me just bring aroun appropriated view arrived in Europe, you you had a lamp, Yoda, visible lamp and you're in quite a bit of pain and ass, because you had an alley. I took such a spill at home and the irony is that I wasn't doing anything. I I had this little jack. over one arm and my bag over the other. I had my father in the hand, but had the jacket, Sir over the arm, but it wasn't open and I
an ice tee, in my right hand, drawn and- and I walking out of the house saying goodbye to Jenny. My my best friend Melissa me as I go Galileo, but then I just When I tell you that I ate shared it was like. I took a step with my right foot. It went across. My body to the left and, like I was doing a high kick, but I wasn't. I felt in such a way that I landed on my right knee I landed my right elbow went into a box that was on the floor, which is now fully collapsed and crushed because all of my way you fell onto it also, but I mean do not take, but about a very happy accident was that there was a collapsible box in your landing on, which is for people not on the inside of showbiz. That is what stunt men are jumping off buildings into and jumping cars into his big pile of boxes. That box probably saved, I am, as interview ya mean
It doesn't make me think of on one of the funniest injuries. I've ever heard, my my buddy TIM loves dead, who is used to be a cashier advance he was just stand in their ring and people up and out of nowhere he was in the blue, is ACL lies the Indians. The bell ringing, groceries, blue and ACL, he's like it was. It could have been a more embarrassing. He was like stand, any was talking, zombies ringing shit up and then he was collapsed on the ground screaming and now nothing had happened. that's amazing are awaiting you. Wanna be like throne yeah superbowl you why you're injury to be kind of sex easy. You have a story. Yes in again, and this will be the last time I hijack your interview, my best friend or weekly. I called in this radio station in one him a trip to tigers, fantasy, in Florida TIGERS. You know the baseball sawing off isn't like any got down there in the speech at the beginning was listen everybody we want you to.
start swell and then back down from their because everyone at ten the camp is in their forties. Fifty sixty and they're gonna play with real life tigers may and sure enough. and said he saw like three or four guys blow a seals just running the second base. You know they haven't probably sprinted in twenty years there there in their excited, they have the unity of the journalists who fatty is spinning now yet by your little inner child brain is screaming. Yes, yes, he saw guy running second, and just he just collapse dead. You know not tat story tat. I thought they lie. They re guys at fantasy. Candish orders were now something interesting and I learned about you today and I want to know if this is one of these things, because as actors, we sometimes into putting things- I mean granted this. Long time ago you put stuff and your special skills that part of your biography. Now your resume here on the back of a headshot you'd like I compare wet
I do gymnastics. Gymnastic was always like your old like better block manager. Your first manager, who was like even do a dance class you're a balance Then you're like cigarettes, ok, you! So right my mind was littered with lies. I could fence I had like combat training. I mean it. Five plays and ever was in but it said that you do you're on stunt driving ideal. That idea that you do, and where did that begin, I don't, what it is because I am not particularly a fan of watching car races, it bore me, but something a bow, loving, and maybe it was the romantic idea of car racing really got me, into, as I started, being a working actor and seeing how the stun departments all worked into wanting to do that, and I have this bad ass done coordinator name to MIKE Owens on this movie I shot out in Texas and New Mexico who's. The guy you like you know I want to see,
coordinated the driving on the italian job. He does really hard core shit right and you know had choppers coming in the dew stance and all kinds. I was just like my little inner tomboy would like further goulash ends. So I started asking to learns four make and then worked on a cop show in Chicago would mean units working on them. Now I quit my job bro, you, dear dear I'll, tell you about it. Oh my god, I was working on this show and my stunt coordinator was like, oh you're like actually a really good driver, e sort of took a notice of how exciting I get about all that stuff and then he started, letting me do more and more of the things like we were doing near misses and seventy miles an hour. Chases with you know the this, the blacked out as you ve it- has the cream Cameron and in all, and they were just like. Ok, you're on the stun team great and then an act HU. I adore who wasn't trying to be funny, but is very comedic who was on action
with me who shall remain nameless because hoagie very angry. If anyone did he did it got into an accident onset literally going five miles an hour and I was like brow, I'm doing like sat stunt sequences with near misses with six stun drivers. You had to pull into a parking lot and do that so then they they put the kibosh on any of us driving anymore, and I was like the highlight of his job for me. It's driving and doing all of this, so so slowly but surely time would be like don't tell anybody working did you take so you grew up in Pasadena, which is very weird to me I grew up out like Ella Proper, my parents first House was on fifth street- ran off so Sir. Ok, like that's Hollywood or his unholy warming, a gas like permit, will surely they call it maybe like it was just very cute generic little world war, two bungalows year, like like sort of nineteen thirty's
cute tiny houses- and I remember I have this neighbour Lillian, who lived across the street. Who was this old woman who was retired and she made dollhouse furniture, She was fascinating and I would hang with her and her daughter collected vintage clothes and she wound up starting this very wildly successful like store. That then became the place that lends collectible vintage to movies, and for super dreams. People in both parents were into photography and one where yeah my dad's a photographer and my mom Roma studio ran his studio for a while. So when they met my parents met because they lived in the same apartment. Building in MID Wilshire right off the brain, insects, sixth and my mom had this giant Doberman, name bouncer and answer would always try to bite my dad and the answer was like loan. most wildly well behaved dog, you could say anything to him and he would listen to you and he would always Cowan.
but my dad and my mom was like I'm so sorry he doesn't have a problem with anybody. I dont know why he doesn't like you and I think bouncer was they get out of here? he knew bouncer newly is gonna be replaced by your father, but the irish level is that my mother did, at my mother, grew up like super attacks in family in Jersey and she's like an hour move to allays, accuses photographer weren T pansy, Fluxions ere, I just figured he was gay pride where we were going to be friends with using a female karate care year and that the story of chronic here, New Jersey, Italians, move to Valley and I'll help for excellent launch. Yes, my mom, like thought my dad just was being nice. and my dad was like I was in love with you you'd. Our so similar, so even just thinking that yeah in preparation of I'm talking to you, you and Christian, our friends, you ve been friends, for I don't know a decade now or something of a long time in UK
God damn similar, I'm gonna take anything away from your originality or hers. But I will say you seem to be almost carbon copies of one matter, that people say that and here's what s interesting is like. There's one of those people that I've known, and I see you guys that stuff and so many other things we have to go to her. So weird and I'm one see you guys in a room and like yes other seen, people I can Haydn corner with, but I do get to really hang with her, because I never really in here and so she's one of those people who I'm like. We are for who never see each other rights but like from a distance, were always slow, clapping, each other stuff in whatever, and as someone is in the eye of her storm, I can tell you it's no comment on her desire to be friends with you. I don't know. That she has thirty seconds to add to anything. We us quadruple booked all day every day and then assess yeah, there's something I think when you work in the world the way that we do as women who also have all the other things. That, ladies, are saddled with. It's like you just you know their sea.
Mister B this how now just does this assumption that were meant to do everything and be everywhere and and and service everything and support all the things and its effects? like a lot and I can't imagine you know you guys have a family like get overwhelmed. Having dogs might also because I'm sick also, I dont have somebody splitting responsibilities would make sure. But it's it's a. It feels like Unita House boy like me, Someone out there, like you now, just managing shit, but I want to I want to ask you: do you, but so you're, very, very philanthropic? If people dont know that you're involved and eighty seven different charities and movements in all kinds of things, an you. It sounds like you feel, like you're, an during a call that your expected to answer now. Ok, so it is not that your woman s is the motivating force behind all that activity or
What do you mean by that? Will you said, as women were expected to go and why I think we're just expected to be all things for all people all of the time, so is as a woman. I noticed this because we as we're talking about our group of friends, women, incredible community, that is really invested in each other and supportive of each other and willing to have big, deep conversations and shows up each other, so there's a lot of analysis of the world that happens around the dinner table, and that happens in real time in workspaces and what and it's just in my new shot. You know when we think about macro aggressions to micro, aggressions, for example, that women are on the receiving end of a man who, in our work and our kind of workplace, stands up and said like this is unacceptable. The way this is going whatever For example, acts stands up for the color.
Then the crew it people go. He's he's he's really he's a stupendous, bad ass. You know and he's very firm. I hear that men are firm and women when we do that. There are clouds. Bitches people make flippin books about like- are you on your period? We called difficult, What we're on the receiving end of his different we're supposed to go in and be the jar, the show and everyone's favorite person, and Unbelievably, you know nice to bend over goods for everybody in the room, to the point that your own spine breaks and if you complain that your back is broken you're an asshole, an end so long and suggest something very provocative that I but I'm just now, I'm just now hearing you say there and I want to thank all of it through. So that's a hundred percent. True complete
I agree with you and a ban on shows where there is a powerful, dynamic woman, who's, not afraid to speak up, and then ever people call her that in that's true totally with you, but don't you think somewhere in this recipe is also the fact that you would care that people call you bitch. because a guy would go. None of this is a total waste of time. We're not doing this known or go home on time. We're gonna do this right. Now I've been there person, and I actually think must then be boring. I think I'm a dick and then I go. That's ok I'm ok, I can live with like do you think, maybe There is also a secondary layer. Where were we men, or maybe in of course societal yet only biologically, if we were a little less codependent in that way that were not as concerned. People are saying that sure I see what you sang kind to raise at another point further. If I measure one of the things I think is interesting about, that is
what are your codependent or not, I mean you go back into a sort of psychology and, as many of us have when, when you ve invested deeply in your own mental health, you and stand like was a child deformed insecurity, secure attachments. What was my home life like? What trauma? Do I carry that that to me speaks more clinically to whether or not you operate as a co dependent person. But what I think the difference is is you is a man and I'm guessing air, but it's a theory. with someone onset says you know, he's really a dick you're lucky I don't care. I know I'm doing the right thing for me the woman, if somebody says well, she's, really a bitch I'll I don't care, I'm going to do the right thing, I'm going to say to my producers for exam. When were shooting in below freezing temperatures and six of our peers have pneumonia and they don't care I'm going to raise how about it and I have- and I never will not do that run, but the differences Men are society sort
idolized for strength and your dicks an end for being bossy, but if women are bought see their shrews their comments there, horrible nobody, one, to be around them. Why won't they just kiss the ring there? There's a there's, a different set of ramifications and a different kind of follow up, set a fact for women who are called uncooked difficult and that's more. What I think is hard is that it might be the same feed back in the moment, but it occurs whose, for us in a different way, because women's Foolishness is into a negative bucket, whereas men's bullish nest is put into a bucket. It has to do with strength, and you ve seen so many actors and our business male actors get away with like terrible behaviour for decades and people say well, you know, but he's just so talented
but what woman makes one very public screw up and she's like blacklisted forever. I think the market neutralizes that aspect, because There are tons of actresses there absolutely fallacious to be around in their super. Talented and people go see their product in they just keep getting hired. I think if your, if, if people consume your product This business you're going to be allowed to work yeah entail the second. You have a hiccup and then you're out which you see, I'm sure you ve been doing this long enough and I've been doing and long enough for its like I've. I've been in the horse race next to a lot of deeds, and some of them were Dixon. Some of them were nice and we have all had some bowing moments, I've been lucky enough to being given second chances and so on and so forth. I think law, is it because I'm fun to be around on a sat, the guys that at will
or infamous dicks they're out like the second day they stumble. It's it's see later yeah. Well, I think it's great that there's something that hold you accountable. There has to be, but I just I know what it is to sit in my communities of women and men. and see that there are just it's like there's more boxes. Next to your name, if you're a man in a lot of circumstances and by their that's not me saying that life is not difficult. As a man or our industry is not difficult as a man or that men don't face unfair circumstances. All of the time. Of course you do so. I'm going this up brilliantly on Twitter, which is a great way to describe. Privileges, I know, I'm not always gonna bring up. Proceedings are not always in love with how it's it's ruled out as a concept a great way to describe white privileges. Your life will be very difficult, but your skin color won't be
The reasons your life's difficult, exact and so your life is a man. Will be very difficult, but being a man likely won't be the cause of those difficulties, There is a great for me. I don't know why. That seems like a very non triggering wait, a phrase. It yeah, and I I I just had that conversation. I am. I love like this very amazing out of body experience. Last weekend, I got to speak at the Institute of Politics at Harvard which was like it was the coolest, and I spoke with one of my dear friends who is an activist than life, the just one of the most inspiring women on the planet. Act that you should follow her on all social media. If you want to know about the sort of justice, racial justice, inter sexuality, she's agent and Simone Sanders, who is a commentator on CNN a lot and it the very important conversation we not to have- and I really was honoured to be in the room with those two women and then passed, but, conversely, and we were having as women the conversation we're having about race to be awake.
I mean really sitting and conversing with two black women who I adore idolize respect and am consistently just so impressed with, and I learned so much from and to sit and talk about what our ship looks like an end. For me to be able to say HU, the women who look like me in the room guys, I'm not saying your life is art and the men who look at energy. That is it That doesn't mean you have already drives the drama you there were some. filling in a long here, but you know a tragedy trauma, hardship. All of those things are very real. Your life can be inexplicably in an wildly hard, but your race is not one of the things adding to your hardship, hardships, hardship, but but you start again having these extra boxes that can be taken when you are a person of color, when you are a woman and end the irony that people who are so afraid or who are operating in
scarcity mentality, as I think we ve all been consciously and unconsciously taught to do in the world. So every one thing They don't have enough. Won't have enough whenever the manifestation of that is. Is that? people say you know like. I want a new, were my white privilege card is show it to me and I'm like that's not I'm not saying you haven't had a hard. What I'm saying is that the complexity that makes things harder for others is something you should have sympathy towards and very often I feel like were mad at the wrong people. You know there are some things I think should supersede quote politics red issue. We wish you and I were- which I think is our bullshit America's much more purple than it is anything. I totally agree with you. How long did you live in mid well sure, before moving to yourself a sand semi, we moved up. Error. When I was eight bait yeah, it was a tiny little town yeah. There were like five thousand people there when it was daddy
photographs errors. I went no, so we we started taking little road trips as a family. When I was a kid and we drive up the California caused in my parents would find, like some q, weird seaside motel. We stay for the weekend, I just always loved nature, I loved being outside so much and my parents really fell in love with Cambria Vacation up there. We would go up there. All the time casinos three and a half hour drive from allay the go up on a Friday night and come home on Sunday night. You know my dad. Here was gone well in the very ocean of the american dream, the they realize it in the small town. They might actually be able to find like a cute little vacation spot. We started looking around and finally, when they were able to swing it they did and did he continued to work? There is a photographer. So what they did, because what they really like. The idea of me having this sort of like small town, horseback riding on farms, life is my dad started.
voting time and hidden in a work and allay for four days and can be with us for three days and then work and allay for three days and coming with us for four days and it. like charming at first and then it was really exhausting Yeah, that's right! This is hard and and ITALY of on doing this for my family. So they can have this idea, grandchild heard, but then it seems handwork what Orton about childhood is just being with your family. Rollerblades me move back to allay and my parents design, I did that they wanted me to go to this all girls pulling Pasadena out West reach school for girls I remember this. I threw a connection fit because I was such a tomboy? I was always out playing with the boys, unlike digging things up, and I just couldn't it back from that, I was gonna have to go to school with all of these girls, and I had great girlfriends growing
but I think also my family dynamic, like my my closest sort of cousin you are a boy, my age boy, you're younger than me, and then a girl whose three years older than me and we're all still the best of friends as adults. But as kids, we more like the three musketeers and she Jana was like she was at the homecoming queen, like a who hated US We thought we were just so annoying. I think I had this new. Your little. Get brain, makes the connections with the limited amount of information it has access to, and I was like girls so pretty and scary, and I don't get it and the duty. The duty- and I like this is what You gotta figured out yeah yeah yeah, and so I really was so upset about this. I don't wanta being awesome, new love it you can't, you came to enjoy being surrounded by, when totally especially when women, as I got older, just the change happens to your life, your psyche, your body, all of it
not have any pressure around men male attention, any of it and you I wouldn't school every day with nothing to do but learn yeah. It was really special. I went with a body who went to an all boys school. I went like as a guest one day to be in his class and was like other guys on brush their hair there. Like a mass note, no one is trying to look good. No one knows really showing offer any girls. He was very yeah. It was incredibly different from my co at high school watching what deeds were far painting class. No one cared. I was like, oh my god. These guys would never get a date if they were acting. This way, do you think in retrospect, you're glad you went to an all girls schools there's more attitude on this scale than not, but on the flip side I will never forget the first, Am I was in like a truly terrible relationship. It took me so much longer to figure it out and get out of it than it should have, because I didn't
for being lied to before I I believed were you? Girls my lady Orson. I mean girls have little things, but no one was competing for boys attention. What were we line to each other about? Certainly some of the girls of my high school were like mean girlish, like it took me a long time. Post College, to realise that somebody I'd been friends with forever was. Actually not nice, Finally sorted it out, my mom was like welcome the party either hated that girls and fewer twelve little she socks you're really ill, and I was just like, oh my god, but that's a different thing than like population lying whatever I'd, never gone through this thing, we're like in high school year, like you, have a
we friend and you hold hands, and we hear what you go steady and then, a week later, you find out he's been kissing like Jane. You like, I never did any of that. So I took so much at face value. I think, because of a naive tat that was born out of no experience. Did you like boys? Did you wanna boyfriend? Were you there were no noise in your school? I wasn't upset about it. We had like schools that we would do. dances whether whenever I still had great guy friends through Highschool, did your boyfriends amazing it I my high school sweetheart was my best friend from camp since I was nine our real like that is still the best. Do it by one of my favorite people on the planet or eating gives anyone or lie to you now, like a soup Maybe really you just made the mistake of updating a nice guy. First, maybe
Dana nice guy. Nobody I mean it. I just think my only relationship experience was with a really nice person and relationships. Like you, you know when you go to a girl school, you see you like your boyfriend, maybe on a Wednesday night for a movie and you go have dare and his parents house on a Saturday when I don't make on the hallway. There is theirs in daily dynamic to be him hard of in this same way. So I do think it probably is and tat my emotional growth in those types of relationships Moreau you know you catch up. Stay to express their own chair expertise Do you like me young these guess what Monica lack when you came over last night for a little tv watching yeah? What did I? Wait you in man,
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we really glad that I read Lolita or am I gonna be like loving, then I went swimming with my girlfriend ever school. I don't know, I'm not sure. What's important I mean, I would say: we both the ideally my left to you now I really. I will never not be grateful for me high school english teacher teacher who changed my perception of the world through literature and my communication, His teacher and my political science teacher in college game, changing educators and my life, also, I hated chemistry. Maria do any of us. It s, it was really knows anything when it occurs to you. I never gonna do trigonometry. I guess I was never heck wherever this. I know it. I'm sorry, it's worse than you can realise. Yeah there were hours. I wish that I'd been my dick and around having a good time. A nice go instead of in that class, but there's classes changed my whole life and I think that's the point. You know it's
Actually something I've talked to Bell about. Is this now Oh shit, you know with our platforms and our job and and this this sort of megaphone we ve been given- That part of the reason that we try to highlight a lot of really bad ass causes to people who are curious about philanthropy is because there's no way to every person who followed her or me or you on Instagram, all gonna give a shit about the same thing. Your life If we highlight ten super cool things, ways to get active involved, sponsor schools bonds, teacher work on the environment through some of that is gonna, get to everybody You know there will always be somebody who responds to one of those things. And then you can really help to offer resources to people and a kind of thing that that's what it must be like to be. You know everything much more difficult hollow like. Let's not act like this is a true comparison and clarifying for you, but you know. I think about that for teachers that there is
those who know that you know five. Twenty students don't care about their class by The fifteen, who do they might be the kind of teachers changes their life where we had a really great do that was in here that books on the counter Todd rose, who spoke dark horse, any key studies at Harvard Education, and how basically, the whole systems really suffering from the fact that we design the curriculum for second grade reading. And then, when you get there, when you ve design things for the average of the median educational level or reading level for certain age group, weirdly a dozen benefit anyone, so it's like virtually when they do the statistical analysis, half the class. Above the second great reading level. They ve said was an average and then half is allows its really servicing. Nobody is leaving almost everyone out and then that the M, the edge
occasion itself, has to be variable which exists now with technology. So you can be teaching a classroom of twenty two kids on ipads. The Ipad themselves can evaluate the kids, actual retention, all this stuff and then cartel the curricula until their level, that's really interest answers like we have these solutions. A lot of them are lot different than I think traditionally how we think the problem is But how do you go from you? Gotta, you will see. A new major in journalism is accurate guy. I went for the beef and acting programme, Ok, because I I always wanted to be a doctor. I was dead set on being a pediatric heart surgeon. I was like. I was the weird who do you know dissections in science class and ask Mr Holm, and if I could stay after during lunch till I do the rest, I need to understand how every part of the body of X Y, see thing works and
really thought Med school was it. I think it's a little bit of like a kid of an immigrant mentality. Words like you're, a doctor or a lawyer. Those are your options: you're going to go to college you're going to like make the family happy whatever and arts requirement in school in this awesome all girls go? Then I went to there were two years of its requirements in every semester you had to do a different kind of art and I put the play off till last, because I had this friend Betsy, who I'm still friends with four middle school. She is the rat funniest, like coolest jack, will live up to its name. Like bats you have, you can have any name Betsy, unlike you know, tall with life. fire engine red hair like she's, a big personality, and she was really passionate musical theatre, kid and In my little brain, it was like that like singing in the show, tunes and like that was theater and I was like well that's all yeah. I gather sesame you're, not surely tat, like, I think that's for me. I'm like a nerdy science can
and then the player requirement came and she and I got to do a plenty other and it was like the most fine cause, you're hanging out with your best friend after school doing rehearsal. But the thing that hit me was that it was the living version of every one of my favorite books from an english class debts story telling could be alive and any real time I was seeing the emotional response that it could out create in person the cafe since the humor- and I was like oh, this is really cool. What you justice bribed your interest in it is so deep and beautiful and something I deaf they see like a thirty old professor appreciating about power of the medium I am also going no you're a sixteen year old girl. At some point. You don't want to be a list of MILAN or anything. I was Erin Parity, child. Ok, I don't know if it
like really I I I wanted to be able to even heard heart nourishment say like I want to be a doctor. Railways. Really I was always really into meaning. As a kid, my parents didn't really understand it. You know never forget. When, like I got the National Geographic six Cosette Box set about the world, and I watched the tape on the Amazon Rainforest literally so many times. I burned the tape through on them on the visa just player and I would sob when I would hear or like red a paper and see that the rain forest was being cut down, but my parents were like what is the matter sure like your seven, the others is just how christian it was lost. I was a weird kid, but did you like tv shows? Did you like movies? Did you have a little bit? How did you like lands and you like Baxter Alloy, wake up now? I was in the lake power Abdul and Nirvana and prince? Ah, a group of senior Motown when my mom and my dad willing legal span yard
There was something about the power of it, but I thought it was a hobby. So I started doing theatre through high school and then my senior year in high school, I told my parents- and I want to go to medical school minor, go to a theatre, conservatory mine. They were just like fire You know what I found a kind of weird censure, dad's, a photographer. My mom looked at my dad would like this. Is your fault? You major obviating your career, and now she thinks she can do it did Hildy. I you know they were totally petrified and my dad was like mooring. Give every year like she's gonna go can be so bored didn't give her a year. and so a year into being in the feed her school when I was like this is really not for me. Whenever this is I'm not into it, I did drop out to be a failure, around my transferred into the journalism score. My parents were like here we go and I I know. I just think that knowing what actually going on in the world will make me a much better and more communicative storyteller and they were like black, though double game, I double down it, but it was interesting that studying
journalism in political science in and everything in the communication school it did really felt like it made me better at storytelling and and relating to plough, did you end up on a tv show, cause you gonna one tree hill, young ray you're? Twenty, only one hollering I've been twenty one for two whole weeks. Oh really, and had you been in stuff before Oh yeah, I worked. I didn't work on the first season, a nip top, which was super cool wait, who worry I loved naps. mara- and I have this whole thing together Jolly Richardson, oh my god, I'm banking. On the name of the matter of later husbands slumbers, There were a couple on the show and they had a son and the sun was like super and loved. This red headed girl, who was Kate Mara but keep Mara, was in love with her. friend, who is me all, and I am a very Ryan Murphy out. We have the whole thing. We were like three call three high school kids who thought it like might be: funded, I'd, try to hook up, and then I realized she has I'm in love with me and he's freaking out
have, I guess, sit down busily with all three of our set to parent over the top about the fact that we got caught like drivers on strategies with a woman no, but that was my first onscreen can with a woman, and so it's like a very fine point of like whenever I am celebrating pride, I'm dislike. super proud to be an ally for as long as I've been on tv, but yeah Kate and I became friends, understood friends and she's the cause took on the planet. But I'd done this HBO movie with real Yoda before that that was really fine, and I did like a couple really bad enough Anima ways which but yeah we buy, booked the job. In North Carolina to go to one's real, and I almost didn't take it. Because I was like, but I'm going to miss my senior year of college, like I only got one and my advisor Annie in the journalism school at USC. Annenberg was like. Are you out of your mind,
come back to college anytime years, always a matter which I, like you, Well, when you do this, this is what you want to do, and you know who would have known that it would be on fur what felt like. Was in nine years nine year and when you on all nine years lies in what You excited to move North Carolina or nervous, or both I mean all of that. The idea of upper bring felt really weird, but also really. exciting I represent is normally the edge you'd, be a college generally in a foreign land, but you only ally reinsurance, we were in Wilmington guy and yet felt scared in fine and when we ought also to the point I was making like we didn't know, wish I was gonna be on for almost a decade. I think we all would have done things very differently if we had, but in hindsight gatherings would you like, we would have all been smart.
unlike invested in real estate ocean, they are bottom swords are things like? Would you just rent places a reality at hotels or would we mostly rented places- and I have a little bit of like eighty t and I felt very locked into this place that was really little- So I would like move around all the time. I'd like live by the beach lived downtown go to the beach gotta mental. A town go back, downtown, go back to the beach like I just was so stir crazy. There I dont know if you ve- this. I imagine you have cause if you like, is attacked it. They like to use the tv bosses love to tell you that you're on the above all your shows one just one step away from getting cancelled. They want you to feel a year ago, also fears of parenthood. They said we weren't coming banning all six years, exactly like we're. The great Morgan Emmanuel here on one of them being in tat shows they tell you that the EU should be grateful to have a job, never ask for a raise many economic getting fired tomorrow. Will your living in a constant state of panic? So you know
we always thought like movies. Is it and then we get picked up again? You know and you just never, because it was a human rights. Yes, but they loved to tell us it was run it was here shows see w yeah yeah still by the way where I still has this that I joke with me. like I am mad Mokanna hand gazing confused, because I keep getting older, but the girls stay the same age like. The high school girls college girls there to love the shock waves of it and and it's so crazy. I would do best comparison Demeter's, this great english musician, Craig David, and he was like yeah I'm finally, I met the point in my career now we're fans that r r, Tell me that their sixteen year old, kids, like you and I I'm gonna- find this great guys names Craig David there like when I was your age
there was dancing in clubs to Craig David Music like sit down you. Nobody, like some of the kids, don't even realise that it's not new and while you're lucky girl can I just say that the opposite, for me is the case where I run a full fledged adults like you're old men who are like dude. On a paddle. Was my favorite movie, and I am I owe you know every rule, six green, I'm so much older than I thought I can promise you. The opposite, isn't necessarily more comforting to see like a dude with grandkids tell you he loved you, and he was a kid I actually obsessed with when grandparents want to talk to me about like high school age, character story, I'm osier, like some seven year old, be like you know. I started watching with my groundwater and I just thought it was so great that we decided to give in to their so q and I'm like you're. My profound I've ever had now It was all young people right now how many CAS members were either of you guys got area
yes, I mean there was sort of like a core five. Ok now and then or because we were in high school, so there was a whole periphery of great characters came and went over the years in some states. The long haul lighting you guys are all twenty twenty one somewhere in their right, you're all young in Europe, famous overnight right, yes, but it was different. For us, because we were away, and we were very small town I would think they would make it worse. Now, the current you more exciting in a small town than you earn Ella. Yes, and no I mean yeah for first sort of light. Stranger danger, like people running up to you and grabbing you on the street, happens to me still and I've things. I've never gonna get over its very scary that We are in a small town, but we didn't have the experience that, like the kids from the o c or the kids from Gaza, girl had where we were being like chased around by poverty,
see getting invited to crazy events going crazy parties. We didn't do you weren't in our any of that or New York. We just like one the work at four a m and left at eight p m and, like you know, now how you went to like the copper penny. It's like a great barn, downtown Wilmington we'd like camp beers and go home so I was very normal, and I like this now being so young I got to imagine twenty one year olds in general are gonna, be crazy. Benevolent with sure, isn't there was there was a bit of like controversy over who yet competition whose whose more famous who that kind of stuff was it like. Did he get dicey? seems like I want to give honestly not in the way I think it could have. I think there oh a little bit of that that more came from insensitivity on our like grown up producers, parts like there certain things. That should probably de reserved for private one on one conversations with actors, unlike shouldn't, be announced,
front of everyone, because it doesn't feel good to hear that, like someone testing through the roof. You like that It doesnt reveal great to be like cool now, I'm getting you know like looked out or would I get there they didn't do a great job with some of that for the most part that but really an issue with us. What what sort of came too late leader was MIKE, and I dont know if you saw in over the whole thing that happened last fall or not, but all of US girls were the were the first cast like right. A cast letter about this predatory environment, onset, ah an end. What was interesting for us was that we found out later, in addition to dislike being a total piece of shit, There was this thing going around world. However, one loved talk about the friends cast about their renegotiation and how they all did it, as its aim is hit, show, and they were all the best of friends and they re negotiated together and whenever so forget them.
That, when friends was on, there were like five tv channels and they got twenty three million viewers week like none of us could pay for that. Now sure you you you could like, doing like crazy sacrifices to the devil. If you believe in that shit and you'd still never have twenty three million, whereas we, but like that The impossibility of it just makes me laugh anyway, but there was this sort of thing that I heard from a lot of people back then that was oh yeah, all the bosses were like you, gotta get in the middle like don't let your cast get to tie like Is there not fuck you over right? It was like a whole thing, you're, so weak found out later that are boss really liked to talk. A lot of shit that wasn't true, the treaty jars about the other and what we, realize now sort of his caspian closer than ever is there were times when, like things were perfectly cope, aesthetic, and whenever on sat, but we all really sort o had our own group of friends we spend as much so
crucial time together after awhile as we did in the beginning, and Luckily, we sort of got to the bottom of that and we were like watch us now like where your halos, though we were able to undue that. But even when we were like a party of five right there was there wasn't like animosity. There was it: Hey guys. There was just more of a leg. You do your thing. I'll do my thing. You know Roma with one year Gostar you got married to one or two: are we really discuss this one I just learn this yesterday. The reason that I don't talk about it is because everyone on twenty one and stupid, but if you're in our job, for some reason, people want to talk to you about like when you're fully fledged adults who have done really amazing shit with your lives. They wanted- I'll tell you about the damn thing you didn't college, basically, which doesn't make sense to me because I like in any other Rome. If a ceo is like having a meeting. No one can ask about like the time they went to a conquering college,
and will then I'm really quickly be super clear with you. I asked no because that learned a thing while more than that, learn anything from your victory. few went in a major and I'm in America again relate to I'm not gonna, win an agony. I can relate to making a mistake getting married and getting out of that and then be shame written by that and wondering like fuck, I'm still in that spot. How did you? How do you grow out of that? What are the tools used like your victory? dont teach me anything absolutely well. That's why I'm across the blacks about this issue for media is that the person who I was. Twenty one and stupid with is also oh, an actor and I got asked about this on a radio show back in the summer, and I talked about my experience I said like You know when you're kidding, you realize you're, making a mistake and you felt pressured and all the stuff tat. I talked about this. Only from my perspective, I don't you big, my ex his name. I dont, like I'm, not talking about any but he also experience but my own. Yes, and what
was blown up into an but it was made into oh sure, I'm very trepidation over sure out speaking about it because and again the irony is that, You know it was made into this story that everybody service for his opinion button and not for my I'm doing is talking about my dear I can I just tell you see. Aero interest in him knows nay. Now totally I have zero enters into. I observe interested in the gossip that happen. I dont know what happened again by the we. All I've ever interested in is what your site. the street was and how you cleaned up and change your side, a strict, because what I don't you the guy is, I don't know if he murdered someone, even if he murdered someone, there's nothing for you to fix about that. You can change the another medicine, but you need to do some things to you ensure that you're never gonna end marrying a murderer.
so it is of interest to me. So I had a girlfriend of nine years who I still love. She's, most wonderful person the world the first year and have we are broken up. I could have listed, do everything she did wrong, that relationship or one why she caused the breakup, but then, when all that, I supported, and I was no longer hurt and angry. I start Oh, I really fucked up here. I fucked up there. That's the only thing that's relevant because I'm not in charge of changing her, for there are her life as she has great relationships going for and I'm in charge of changing Dax. Yes, in making sure that I'm very honest in in objective about what I, what role I played in yeah, some only interested in Europe. how do you already gonna hit on it? A little bit, which is you probably didn't, have a bunch of relationships in high school? maybe normally had not only- did learn to look for red flags. It sounds like in there was sir level, what maybe also if you're really critical, like- maybe you believed- some romantic notion that you bought into yeah.
Think I was a really naive kid and I think- and maybe it is that story of change. Maybe it's like some weird morphing of that, like american dream, idea that you can like come somewhere and you can start over and you can make something of yours often there is theirs romance in that shot. I think there's romance in that in a relationship so often once more, evading you'd, like somebody, is your own insecurity. So this person is somehow alleviating and insecurity of yours. Now whether it is again a dream notice person, say this. Dude had a leather jacket wrote a Harlin was wasn't bad boy. You Evan insecurity of I'm a fucking nerd wrangling. Really like me now, here's this guy he's kind of validating me. Who is all those other things yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh that's your side of the street sure and I'm and I'm sure a lot of those kinds of feelings were at play. Like yeah being I got a super nerdy kid and suddenly like you're on tv and all this stuff is happening and, like you know, one of the cool people you work with,
Things here are some way. There's there's really base brain stuff there. Of course, I think that, for me, It. Took me a long time to do the kind of inventory you're talking about in the after effects, and I continued to be in a place of work with. I acts, which a great landrigan too there was no space to self reflect. Their was like this is my integrity. This is my job. I will not falter for one second or one minute ever on this set, I will be the most fuckin professional. doesn't anyone has ever seen this happen within the filming of the ninety, yet whether producers, shitting Abrek, like what's gonna, happen to this show. Now we have a divorce couple. They were actually really deeply inappropriate to both of us. Are they were out it yeah behaves like me. They ran like no, they ran like tv adds about a lonely, was really ugly. All we re maids practice of taking advantage of people's personal lives.
And not just for me and for my axe for other actors on the show who would share alike as you do when you get closer people deeply personal, as it were, happening in their lives and they would wind up in story. It wasn't ok right to just like wasn't ogier very opportune, It was opportunistic and ugly and like When you run a show, you're like a parent years will protect your flock and there was the opposite. I imagine that was hard for him as well. You know it was. It was a very ugly situation on their part. The I think they kind of lived from drama right, they melick it was good for their ratings and I think, for me was a good for the radio. I dont know whether paying attention to the inner there was like no social media wit enough smartphones. Isn't that you weren't, like googling the ratings for your show on your phone. Also, that is a little bit of them a blessing right, because going through I've had a lot of people here who had like public breakups Yang and yet the fact that people have a you know they have done
lying to you now really compounds all those things like like my mom was on here. In my first up, there was physically abusive and I sent her it's so boggling to most people. I would imagine your super strong woman. How on earth would you ve stayed with this person and she goes. You know my shame of failing a second time was so strong that literally bats what it was like via an isolated the shame of that failure, yeah so huge in so funny, because we all feel that sense of like that that such a mortal fail yet its ubiquitous in almost the norm is for that to happen all of us, yet we we individually assume that were somehow are transgressions worse than any other something as well and what I think about having done an inventory. Similarly, I imagine here mom as I go. Oh isn't it interesting, though
The shame in may be failing again might be the thing that keeps making you fulfil the pattern of putting up with something you don't deserve because you want to get it right right, like you, try it again yeah, but like you're, not doing it right cause you you're playing out an old pattern and the work that it really takes to undo some of that stuff and to look at how you do things and why you do things in, and you know after of a first heard or whatever, how pain that fear that humiliation whenever it was, you were going through all of them morph into these, motivator as these like pain points that are calling for attention. You don't realize what attention they're calling for. So you continue to feed them with versions of the thing that her, you sure, that has been a really interesting sort of exploration. For me, yeah will also, I think too. We ve talked whether a bunch
here, which is familiarity, is a dicey thing in the hardest thing. Do incited the thing that is so hard for people to embrace, which is this notion of contrary action right, which is like almost as an experiment, do opposite of everything that comes natural to you more heels, write to you, because at a certain point, your life? If you look at your life, Don't like the pattern. It's in you have to admit to yours, your instincts are great, that the choices you want to make seem to be repeating. himself, so you actually have to make choices to do things that don't feel natural to you. That aren't appeal, and it's so bizarre. But then, if you have the willingness to do that, and then you end up looking at the results if you can get through it, you'll find like. Oh, my goodness. This thing is probably better for me stay too warm armchair experts, if you dare,
saw mommy kissing so knows, clause outsiders. Donors clause it's their time a year. And you should? If you really want to spoil somebody, give them a sound house where wild about our South Ossetia, I'm gonna, get life, mom, your dad they're gonna love it. Maybe each get them once again at the fight over here they fight. This morning I was piping Christmas songs or throughout the house had a plain in the master bedroom. had in the living room and even out on the patio, as we criss crossed to start morning. It sounds so good in it. So aesthetically pleasing, that's my favorite part Monica Stephanie, my favorite part I care about the lux, the eggs, your look, Another thing, barely more than your listening to it very elegant design. All the speakers work together. You just can't expand your system, infinitely anytime, you'd like
and right now you can save twenty dollars on a single, so NOS one in fifty dollars on a pair of sonar ones, keep one and give the other or stuck up we all your family and friends to the gift of amazing, sound offering December twenty six or while supplies last go to so knows dot com for more details, so I just did this thing that I think you would love I've been Billy fortunate. I have this buddy, nay miles who lives in Nashville. We know each other for almost ten years and for tat years. I've been learning about the work that he doesn't. This place called onsite a retreat centre, they do work with artistic kids. They do work with I'm a recovery in new people dealing with addiction and in my head I guess I always thought like. Oh, when you go through something I totally crazy, you go there and in the years of our friendship I learned about some of their programming and I've been so fascinated by it and he finally was equal. Why don't you just come check it out?
and I was a kid, but I have like addiction model where I'm ok I've had it anyhow, I don't know what my trauma really is in comparison shook his ipod. The comparison game where I dont have a right to trauma, because other people been traumatized worse right kind of ink and he was like, I think he was kind of like that's cute, and so we at wound up as just sort of like Community uplift experience, we curated a group of twenty two of our buds and we went out to answer and did programming and for a little data nerd like me, the lectures in the morning and at night, with learning about aces, learning about trauma, wiring learning about when you when you have a mist pattern. development in your childhood development in your family brain MRS wiring in certain ways, and they literally don't exist. Undulated orientation helps you know, but yes from all these really interesting things where you go, oh so the things I witnessed, the things that
Let me turn into this. I missed this. No wonder I keep repeating this thing and you know, there's there's that adage that life will make. You repeat a lesson until you earn it, and you get that theoretical actual, but you don't get in, and so I went to on site- and I unpacked so much of this stuff- and I realized that, as I was thinking, I was like being a tough guy doing the thing showing up at work. I programmed myself to tolerate the intolerable and part of the bay break for me in saying no, I dont necessarily know what it is, but I know that what's happening is not good for me and everything has to change. That was a big cut off point. When I quit my job I was I Chicago was like I gotta check. It has to stop everything stops
Why ends I quit because what I ve learned: I've been so programme to be a good girl and be workhorse and be a tub boat that I have always prioritized tugging the ship for the cruel for their show for the good. Goop ahead of my own house. My body would react to something that I was like. That's a big deal, if not great, but it's not a big deal. The reality was the my body was like falling apart, because I was You re really unhappy from the outside here's. What I know you. I know that you're on that show from the outside. I saw that you promoted the show a time like on your answer. Graham and stuff, it appeared to me that you love being on that show. There were aspects, and I loved, are you in Chicago yeah, that's raw, for I was really again, I could we not love Chicago, but it is not your home, it's not your home
and then there's a thing that happens and I think the reason that it sets can be hard for people and, like you know, every after we now is dictated somebody they worked or by the MILAN, literally everybody you're you're, so insulated two hours or so crazy. You have nobody else to hang out with its. It's like someone camp that never ends but instead of like gallivanting in the woods all day, you're like working sixteen hours a day and for us our writers were hear and obey and they really to snow look so cool on camera, and we were like its literally thirty degrees below zero Ryan. Sixteen, degrees below freezing and you're going to say we have to keep working outside like people were sick all the time it was really just physically hard hard, but the culture
protected it and the culture said. This is just what it is and get the job done and do the job and do the things, and there were a lot of people there who I really loved, but it was not ok, but I internalized and sort of like in habited that role of like pull the tug bow to the point that it was. I will just because I'm unhappy or I'm being mistreated or I'm being abused or work, I'm not gonna fuck up this, for all these people and what about my camera? Guy who's, two daughters, I love and like this- is how he pays their rent. You know what about it become such a big thing, because there is this. What was denied being codependent earlier in this I know that some very good of you, but you know
there is. There is a thing and by the way, when you're bosses tell you that, if you raise ruckus you'll cost everyone their job, Georgia leave that area. It was also convoluted with the fact that there were great aspects of it and I did get tat stuff. DR and gone right along the train. Can do other things that were really fulfilling. So this thing that sort- Great, for you is also really bad. for you and how do you know what to do so? My body I can make those mental arguments all day my body was like will take you out of this, will make this decision for you yeah how'd, you are you get out of that, because you clearly have a seven year contract that, whatever all of us, have to sign to start in your five years in I was for years for years in. So how do you get out of it? you call your agent you gotta get me out is now no actually. When I finally started talking to my agent to my attorneys about what was going on there, they were like how could you not have come to us sooner? What
up and was. I sat my two bosses down and I said it was after the table read for the first episode of season for and they already knew what was going on. But I was like this is how not okay it is, and if things haven't drastically chain aged between last year and this year. I'm warning you now, so you don't have the argument of saying she was like a hysterical female or emotional. I cried I can tell you now when I give you till the end of the season and if it isn't different, I'm leaving. So it's not even like two weeks notice right. It's you have twenty three episode figure How do you figure it out when I started rattling off the list of what has been happening on, sat and was literally told, to stop by my boss- has this is bullshit. I got a college are about and I really want to deal with this anymore and I was like? Ok, so I'm making the right decision, I have to go said: there's no way: they're gonna! Let you go like you, can kick and scream they're, not gonna. Let you go, and I just said okay, so you can put me in the position of going quietly of my own
or you can put me in the position of suing the network to get me out of my deal. And all right and opted for the New York Times and tell them. I I was like balls of fire can steal at this point right. So I take a look and then, when I'm done, I'm done like its nuclear right. We finally found some new nicer, hey early the eurozone. Here I have a problem of holding two molotov cocktails. Example: Africa and I will say, like once when I'm so grateful that there are amazing women and amazing men in the room, Jen Sulky was still the head of the now. Work and when this finally got up the fine put to her- and I found out for four years and had been hidden from her when she was also unacceptable. She called me and was just like talk to me tell me, I don't need to talk to any and turn it what's going on, because then it was like it's done. You can have like, of course we're so sad, but of course you wanna go got, we would never try to make you stay and vat I really appreciate it. There were you fearful dear
this whole thing like well, I'm pretty much ceiling, my fate, I'll, never get hired on a tv show again cause I've left. I think I'm too, foolishly optimistic, even in my, like raging against the dying of allied every day, to think that that could be
to me. I worked really hard. I know I have a good reputation. I know that I can be a little too political for people on to anyone. Not offends, I apologise, but also what you don't know, how else to be sure. I am not a difficult person to work with. I know that nearing the end of my tenure there I was probably difficult to be around because I was in so much pain and I felt so ignored. I said two to one of my co workers, who you know checked in with me and was like how are you feeling I said you know I finally came to terms with the fact that I feel like I was standing but naked bruising bleeding in the middle of times square screaming at the top of my lungs, and not a single person stopped to ask if they could help me that was hard by. I was worried that I'd never get another job again by any means.
Good because to me staying was like certain death like I was gonna, make it out of their rights and made the decision becomes much ease, yeah yeah. So now to be. Like my jerky self, I will just say: there's a really clear. Parallel to someone who's been with an abusive boyfriend too so you ve had nine years of work here. No thirteen years of work experience, thou art a bit of a path. sure. So how are you going forward can and not a number and a third situation. What I do want to clarify is that our experience on one trio was unpleasant, but our boss, who is a bad dude, lived in our so eighty percent of the time we were on sat long.
Having our experience at each other run and then he would come to town and it would be like watch out for Vulcan Handyman hands you unlike and then we find out about a text messages he was sending girls and, like you know there was, there was a lot that was inappropriate, but it wasn't all the time sure an end. We ve thing is understanding is we still have like nice memories with the guy yeah. I'm days were not in line with the guy, I knew and then, it be gross again. You Billy goddammit, it wasn't wasn't the same. That's the partner, really wants to talk about, acknowledges that all of us are so multi faceted. We would love it. It would be so easy inconvenient if we could put human beings into a box of good and evil, but no everyone's get a little little dose of evil. They got being a hopefully a lot more dose a good, and it is all very that's what makes it so nuance challenging and
few young Irish into just a quick heads of the crater of show pride doesn't need your your phone number, the only man doesn't need a text message. You go through someone else. Yet this is a quick. As a rule, the Irish praying Certainly we heard your day playing on a show. You pray, dont need telephone communication with the creator. Exactly you move your legs ass, an excellent just go in general Mahathir, but you know so I do want to clarify that they were very different experiences like a guy who we really know what he's back. One was a consistent onslaught barrage of abusive behaviour, and you know you start to lose your way when someone assaults you in a room full of people and everyone literally looks away, looks at the floor looks at the ceiling. You're, the one woman in the room every man whose twice your size doesn't do something you go oh
I wasn't worth defending, I'm not worth defending, What words also challenging is there's all kinds of systems that are successful, and it's really it's is, I feel like it gets doubly hard to challenge something that produces the desired result. Yeah it's catholic mean on a football team that never loses, but you she knew. I guess that's, what we do like. I guess that's how you get this resolve, and to your point about someone who you say, I like ninety, six percent of them in four per cent of them is a duty. This is like, while I like we'll ninety six percent of this project is going great and we understand that four percent is really a dumpster fire, but ninety six percent is awesome. Let it go shudder when you're the person on the receiving end of one hundred percent of that four percent. It's it's untenable. and allow word by the limit untenable, Batman, flat, bore all my my historical fiction. They use that word alone,
untenable, untenable gray and an yeah I realise that I didn't have to put this sort of sisyphean task of pushing this endless bolder, Monica favour management back the bad guy. Did I just sing you an answer away again, I made a joke on your instagram recently you called out like some stupid tabloid. You know they have those Monday meeting the tabloids and you call her. We were very low wages or sexy yeah you and cable or like auditioning people, for three sums or something- and I was like, oh so, our podcast interviews, podcast its courts, vine also come like Jones. I thought it was so funny, so I feel, like the three of us just had like an intellectual three saw me and tell people that you sort of did a year. I feel really line aside.
Now in you, no money was going to say engorge. Now, please don't do you know my pattern and you know what I'm attracted to, which is actually pleasing someone So much is you just gave me my favorite weren't Monica I more. upset that I have again your face. Adds that to me that's where the real satisfaction in the in the eagle. Jade inflating would come from. I had hit a word, ok for you that you loved, I, like you know, and so for the last year and change I left. My weekly therapy is non negotiable and end to really start unpacking trauma and to go through the experience of therapy that actually start rewiring. Your brain, I dont turned to the things that- are those sort of whole fillers for me, so that I didn't even relays really were because, like I can, additionally addicted to anything like so I was
paying attention to things that were kind of addictive behaviour, and God has sort of lost its for me, I'm like oh, I'm, not trying to fill a bottomless hole I mother that version of myself now and I because every version of me, that's in me, is actually solely my responsibility. only eight year old in the twelve year old and the twenty one year old were always looking for some one to not wound me the way the person I loved the most in the world wounded me at that stage, and I dont need anybody to not wound me anymore. I'd one myself most important thing to recognizes. Like all those things are explanations to why you're here Jack There is only one human being that gets you too, where you want to be it's not everyone else. It's just you! You are completely responsible to feel the way you want to feel it's your job. It's no analysis,
No one's gonna make you feel a certain way: no one's gonna he'll you, no one's can do anything. You got Do all that all of it. I think it's really that's something. A lot of us understand actually, but this society does not teach us those tools, no really teach our kids to read in school relation. The fact that there is not a course on how to communicate in a relationship and state your need. Once I don't just empathy, education, curriculum were really missing. Some big dots here as I had to go back and real learn. Some of that which made cerebral sense to me, but didn't have emotional practice, and so each of our pattering some are wiring, and so we do the same thing every day and we don't even realize it. So you have to like it's like fixing a car engine. Like you, gotta pop the hood you gotta take the engine out. all the wires apart, put new lines in and then you do it. You're, like on my final with car, runs like
ass. The son of a bitch is put now six hundred horse and the way I do know you're going to next. Are you going to try to act? What're you doing so? What was really a highlight for me- and I think made leaving less scary Garrick. Your point, I probably would have a couple months after I quit my job and I go fuck. What did I do, but I got a call from one of my idols in the tv industry, like an executive at a studio who is just like such a man. Ass Diana Walden runs twentieth century and was like I hear through the grapevine your quitting your job. You want to produce an act. We want your voice here, my drawings and I was like what Ok, so I went into production sort of umbrella over there, and I got connected with this incredible writer named David White and he had this script about a woman who works at the asset.
and I was like oh hello there that so the show is this beautiful amalgamation of all the things I care about in the world of technology, innovation, patriotism. It really looks at things from all sides. were for going to shoot the pilot and like five weeks and cool Oh excited, it's been so great a to have so many more divisions of a project to my brain power into Sharia, because blood sensible may Europe is really reward in the sense of ownership and also I'm a person who has ideas about everything and and feel ownership and be a woman at that table and and know that I get to set a town on my set and make sure that any actor or crew member who comes through their has the most rewarding and fulfilling and fun? experience what was the name of it? It's called surveillance. Today it's called surveillance.
The earth, so many things I say almost half the things I shot and independent, indifferent title when they came yeah. I shot this really terrible, independent review and I was in college and the title was actually something like sweet and collegiate and what they changed, the two and I'm. No, I won't tell you, can I don't want you guys are called Mama diver? No, it was not close. They change their total hidell. That literally made it sound like our Lucy Porn fire. Just after you I'll talk to you about it. When people are listening, but they are not one of my things. People mean to go watch a hundred and eighty seven episodes of wondering how you can log. Please watch anything but the bad indeed, but we must ever anyway to find out the name of not that I was of the IRA, you're a wonderful him beam, like my wife, you're, better person, the me thank God. There's people like you on the planet and I hope the pilot turns out gray, and I hope you get to you be the person setting the tone
it's all very fine and then, when it's a huge success, you'll come back in war or promote that. Ok, let's do it by severe. Cecilia, oh, oh sir, I was tired, Europe's son. We suffer from them. We suffer from the same condition. Is I'm so excited to talk to you guys were excited talk to you, is your son in. Did you start kindergarten this year now he just missed the cut off by like a couple weeks, but if he had here, if you hadn't requires a hard and back anyway because, like I think
so people are doing now, anyway, you're there seems to be like an arms race with this, and my prediction is that in twenty years people sort kindergarten when they're like thirteen. Now, if I tell you, I ll actually are in the process of setting about for next year, so Lake debts, competitive or something you yeah yeah yeah. What do you did you? Listen the Doktor Wendy mogul on the shell yeah cited. Oh, my god and I have a background in psychology in lake or therapy, and I worked with children so that others such as the first thing to be identified what I, like all other experts on exports. Here the celebrity is you don't have to pick yeah we're gonna? Viewed, I will give you both of them are set your Brooklyn. Shall oh, oh, I like them, and I didn't. I Didn'T- have a good enough seats. He couldn t my sighing I say that I love it when tax mispronounced his word the other near you must be
Abby, acting as I mispronounced like every fifth worry gags win, my husband and I beg you when you came to New York for rum, brothers, Justice Heller like eight years ago, all my God, probably even more were, does you ain't the screening? We had yes unlikely I talk to you and hug you in they could get it gets when my crushing you started actually so all this is why we have history had, but I was so I serve sat after the record, so I went to meet bonica causes You know I would have it. I know where my husband was tired and was laying we had a long day. So, whatever husbands now how it's me I can't. I can't live with them and you can't kill them as well. listen. We really really appreciate your generosity and, of course, we would like to pay your generosity forward.
And is there a foundation or a charity that you believe in that we could forward your money to so, have you heard of modesty? it's no tell us about my right needs to find it at last. He thought work. It helps prevent people from falling into a cycle of poverty when they just new lack of financial boosted falling on hard times it could be single mom needing a car repair. It could be an unexpected injury or illness has left someone unable to pay their brands anyway. Dom these people go to this website and the people of embedded in the money that you don't go. we need to pay the electric company or the otter repair. Ah, you know and I think what people might not understand about this issue right is that some time, while they say I've, read statistics like of what percentage of Americans are. Basically one pay check away from falling into poverty,
and how we gonna be a self perpetuating. So you know if you can't make that car repair now lose your job and now the burden on everyone gets in We hire submits a good investment yeah. Yes, yes, and you know it is really quite knowing their certain. You could see what share which ones are running out soon. You're, like oh, my gosh, especially as one week to so great ass, much money, you know you can use weapon and save the day for some people will. Then we will be happy to send your mind there. We thank you so much for donate to us. And again, but why would I implore you to clone Monica her dna is on everyone needs. A Monica you'll get one of us when you taken to the lab over your proprietor exactly could even-
couldn't be a mash up between six. Would react. Six foot three Monica well, Cecilia! Thank you! So much our love, you guys think Sicilian, and now my favorite part of the show the back check with my soul, mate Monica Batman on a vat check gain were now a jerk bags. Range of actions to
that was just Wabi while who said Roman on fact check that came out so be so fear him all right. So she was talking about her stunt coordinator that got her into doing stance and his name is Michael Alan and she was like, I think. Maybe it stands on the italian job. He did do stance on the italian job and you know what else he did stance on chips Chirac he did. He did. I thought that was funny. Wanna see. What's his new Michael O in one go online ha ha Castro, who you ass. He did so
Germany. Newman motorcycle team really well for obvious reasons chair, but I might have a gun everyone's name, these, like broader, bigger scenes with people running in falling downstairs and now yeah yeah. Well, I'm using your movie, that's great and I was just noting who say was Michael O in which is very hard, because you want to save Michael O wins it's like oh Riley's and crystals. K Mart very hard in burger king. It's very hard to not put it s on Ellen three billion by people into this thing. That's going on with you and I M burking sure so it turns out We discovered about three months ago, that money can I and our youth loved that Burger King Chicken sandwich. That's a rectangle directing, and I always go my with extra man. Is that you heavy man he's a good man. Is an ketchup boo, hoo
yeah, maybe a tasty men. I didn't he stood at my mouth right now, need to. I always got extra man he's a nurse. It was thick. It was almost ass, thick ass, the chicken rectangle itself. And their manners, when warm is all very special oil. So figure this out a few months ago and and and my ride to the attic from Netflix. There is a burger king and I am almost pull them like fire. Times to get us those rectangles in, but then we ve and decided better in our memory is gonna. Let us down, I am worried about than we aged out of that tasty rectangle. I think we might have so we can't really decided we should do it or not do it. That's the questions and maybe we need to post a survey shall be guided by the better wisdom of the collective genius of arm chairs yeah
Add some mouse. I got my first personalized license plate I've never gotten personalize license plate generally. I hate them, but I will The in California. You can order these black there, the retro plates in their blue, with yellow writing in my Lincoln Continental. The theme is black and gold, so I needed to get a blackened yellow license plate to match And then whether we should have hung in order that maybe it's time to go vanity play and then I threw up now. When I got over it. The only thing I can think of the very perfect vanity play and Monica you know what I am getting ideal arm cherry. I now my new vanity plate is going to say, arm cherry on my Lincoln Ike up so excited tat. Shall we say how it your spelling a higher doing at a r m? c h are why, in case you're on the street, yeah see it
the minor arrive if the Lincoln isn't in the late hour and now that it's you here with the enormous gold wheels on it and so obnoxious in the best way flash he caught. It is it's obvious in ostentation, rare in rare and rarefied. one more thing before we get into some worrying about a million of them a meaning to bring this up, but I didn't know when or how, but then it came up when I did Chris Hardwicke Spot guess this week and I was thinking I would like to share that on our part, and what happened was I the share at my meaning that I didn't think a Tom about Then the following week, someone a mere share brought up, but it had really resonated with them and then a couple other people really agreed with that and then I started thinking will have that of resonated what these gentlemen, maybe I should share, it is very simple and stupid it.
Occasionally. I have a conversation with myself where I it's he's while beating myself up, which is my great hobby share. My main hobby is really being mean to myself. Can a yelling myself inside my mind about how failing all these ways and I'm a piece of shit. And occasionally, when I'm in one of these spirals, I think to myself. Would you ever talk to a stranger, the way you're talking yourself, Do you ever? If you knew a guy and Ain he came up to any said. I did X, Y and Z, some indiscretion what I say: yes, because you're fucking piece of shit and a terrible person I would never do that to somebody. I would never treat a stranger the way treat myself right, so I too, this new programme words like minimally. I,
treat myself as nice as I would treat stranger? Why deserve that? Yeah? That's a good model, its helped a bit near. So what are known as the Tipp? If your hard on yourself to think about treating yourself the way you treat other people, this is kind of a reverse is normally used, was to say treat others as you'd want to be treated I'm asking you treat yourselves the way you treat others its decisions on how you'd free others, that's true. If you raping and murdering them. Still Gordon Rape, murder yourselves. You should be yes, I think. So how could it could self regulate? Gesture yeah, I think that's gray. My only thought on that is I definitely no one should be beating themselves up. I don't think that's. How
but, as you said to me yesterday, that I think is the word miserable, but they sometimes it takes feeling those ways to change and to be critic goal of yourself in a way that helpful, when you're not can be critical of a stranger cause, you don't hey. There's no investment Well, no good, you can be truly invested, known of friendship or you want to help someone work through the thing that their dealing with and you want to provide a constructive suggestion that could be a pathway out of that behaviour or suggestions on how to prevent it from happening again, but all those things would be done from a consumer too pragmatic point of view? It would mean a shaming self hatred way or he uttered way. You know it shouldn't be now the shame in the the yet you just this shaming, yet we give ourselves as may be a little rough yeah
A mere, but the thing I was ain't you in this is something that again commoner. This isn't my thought, which is Having a lot of us in a few very fortunate that the thing we had was so the stakes, are so high that literally There was an option. If we didn't change, I think it's just so hard to change as a human mean. It's I think it's the hardest thing you can do change your core who you are, and I am sympathetic to people who the only result of their character, defects or their bad habits, issues generalised discomfort, because most people can taller it generalised discomfort naked may be tolerated their whole life. But you really care. Tolerate a condition that I'll kill you and kills many of your peers without really fundamental change,
I said it ends up being a weird thing: I'm grateful for that. I had such a life threatening thing that could have change makes out, nor what else would of yeah that's chair out. She was looking for a actor in her brain she's, hey my nap tack and she said gently Richard sentence has spent on the show, and that is John Hens Lee now I guess I don't know for sure that it's John hands lay because I never watch Neptune so I had to go on. I am db and look at the character name and match the last name rose. So I assume that its John Henry, because because jolly riches and played truly Mcnamara and John Henry played Matt Mcnamara now could be brother and sister. I don't know, I don't watch nip talk
I did and I believe that their character gripe I loved, nip, took yeah ever launched it. I want a road hold up, but it was one of the first cable show. That was naughty naughty naughty. Yeah, Rhine Murphy, Brian Murphy right piracy here, man he's a productive son of a gun. You really is wishing him on here. Ok, curious all right. So she said to have our favorite words back to back. She said untenable, awe and then sisyphean Oh so s eyes, I say specificity and because I think it makes the most sentence and also helps people know what it means is. His name was scissors, but the actual word is not sufficient in its sisyphean. Oh, but too hard for me, it's hard to say in it. It makes less sense than
in ninety six percent of the people that you say that word to dont know what it means that there's no way they were correct you there is plain a numbers game ass he went on. I like I mean I hate it. no a fact and ignore it. I dont like that, the implications of that, but I don't think anyone is harmed by hearing the word mispronounced. Although some people lack like it, sir, you know sacrilege more a great offence. Those. We was an eye on me, but well they say wrong. Speaking of that great yeah, a lot of people know did in Debbie's episode that you pronounced Sana in a very strange way Mona. exactly, and I also noted that, but for some reason I got taken off my fact check and I forgot to say it.
because Randy Hammond, oh my girlfriend and seventh and eighth great love for him. He was so cute so fond of music eight track athlete we're both high jumpers and we go to track me together with high job her. Stepfather was swedish, and they had a sound in the basement, They called it a sounder prior to that I'd call their dishonor sure like the rest of us here, but I do believe the Swedes Are we Germans, the Finnish? people who love their sound as and I do believe, invented the sauna they call it a sounder in, I'm! Just in I'm just trying to be respectful to the creators of the product I kind of like it. It's fine right it. It wakes up. Well, vote me a big time. I didn't know what you are saying and then you that a couple more times by the end, I understood right
it's like. If someone was telling you about going to the park and sitting at a picnic table and there's a picnic you would just be so much more interested in their store in hoping that they would keep saying beginning table in a picnic basket. In a picnic blanket yeah. for me I would love it air. So you know. I guess you're welcome throughout their Randy Helena still still using the word. You taught me really surely made an impact you so pretty just just beautiful and she was always blue ribbon in that hygiene. She wasn't inordinately tall either this be a chat hops and that she had elite muscle mass like me, but there's no question she about Elite Mosul. I've told you about her Mamma, so beautiful. I was very lower there, mom to at like fourteen years, and I'm going to see Randy, and I would talk to her mother in the kitchen about appliances for
sometimes up over an hour appliance yeah. I was very into appliances, one else. Why still vary and have always been in applying. I'm not concerned that you're into them. It's a little strange that no mothers decorating a kitchen or picking out a plan, for a kitchen, you don't think she should be hip to them. I don't think to talk about appliances for an our with a fourteen year. Old boy is moving country, and you know Did you wearing a robe? I wish or do I wish? I just I had occurred Mom is while in anyways I would talk to her about appliances all the time or anything. I could think of to talk to her about thinking a lot of face time. The dad Lloyd did go one time to a restaurant with them as a whole family to the Boneyard barbecue restaurant, oh yeah,.
the sand and ass, no ages gums and make just got really sad that I'm starting to forget the name to some of the roads in my home town. You now is whereby northwestern highway and in another ordered like road is on order. Labour down was starting to scare me. I know you started to get really upset over there. I was gonna motion on Boneyard an Orchard lake road. I want the Hamleys oceans of your violated by it. So if I just said, does it all seem positive? although they are not in their own home. No, no. I didn't have any any contact physically with mom. Just such he was really pretty nice loved, talking, you're about ranges and refrigerators and trash compactor. No, no! No! No! No! Don't try to sully this very innocent, wonderful, ok I gotta talk about something. She said that she did a movie there.
And a very normal name, and then it turned into that she said sounded like a poor name, o car. So then I've looked through her. I am db and I don't know what she's talking about achieving sounds like a porn name. I think this is what I think She thinks learning curve is learning curves, yeah yeah, that's creevy! You did don't put an ass at the end of it learning curve, is a thing learning curve learning curve like learning herbs is now the shape of body. Curves are a specific thing. It's Female has that's hourglass shape and exactly her v. Voluptuous try word that always boggles me as buxom me. What the fuck is that word. Buxom me with an accident, and you say buxom me. I've never said it. The way
because it's intimidating write me means big boobs and she was very buxom. A p d were way to say: someone's got fat, natural's mouth like any of these phrases. I told you I don't like fat Natchez. I know you know you know I love it. I know you love it, because that Natural's did. I say that are that I go straight deferred, Matthews, cause that those who was triggering you now, I dont like those fat pure, and I think it is p h. Aid to now has now been in loud ass. Now what I mean you know through non means who know what it means the person and introduce you do it or the person who heard it I mean sabres. Ok I'm I'm the one who told you Will you make it out that matches? I did not make it so too friends of mine, introduce me to I loved it. Fat natural's yet
and do you really think that the intent of that word fat is p h, h, Yes, I can tell you, regardless of what you think about it, that the two gentlemen then introduce me to the term and then he too, it is a great compliment. I know It's a compliment. I'm not saying that you don't think it's a compliment, but you know that the word fat in that phrase is not referring to p h eight Lydia's, like you view, or to say she had this, just big fat, ass and fat tidies. That is What year did you're saying you are in your excited by that you? I know you're we're talking about two different things. I'm not saying you are excited, but you're talking about actual facts, will literally, I think, that's what's entity exactly exactly you are taking them derogatory because no,
but he wants to be associated with anything f. Ain t got all contrary confrere. Remember we enjoy was in here and she said she was completely and secure and her neighborhood in the Bronx that she didn't have a bad ass, that that was very much desired can someone said you have a fat dick. I'm in. Thank you let's go Do you want some? I dont think that someone saying my penis has a beer belly attached to it. I don't like ok well, I will never ever describe your breast as fat, natural's great, but but but but at gunpoint I am forced to describe. As the keys Monica does, whose Monica Gide my? What does it look like and then gunpoint. They forced me to describe exactly what you look like. What do you mean
me too saying yes, buxom Luxor me a guy for eleven buxom e pussy boots. I last summer buxom ass possible. Maximus If you are a ruler in Greece, they would have called you. Buxom is Maximus in also just for the record events to describe to you, go on and on about your in electing your great personality. Nr are responsible and competent. You are, to be a long time before I got to your fat urals, Gulliby. Third, so this also interesting, because I don't have that body issue which one feeling like yeah yeah? I know I don't have that it or not at all, so we ve been blessed with a great metabolism in moderation and eating. I have a small frame and you don't have to be like bonkers about year, die it in order to stay in the shape urine incorrect year, which Israel is grey yeah
it's just interesting because every nod and it's a privilege for sure, but it is not an issue that I have, but I still am triggered by that interesting yeah. Rustin said to me: that's how does hike, how embedded it is in society that girl should beast guinea? I was, I think it was learning curbs learning curve for sure and what is What was learning curves about Brad, art student hoping to win a prestigious fellowship, finds his life and career turned upside down when he falls for a faculty member at his college you would love is move because it's about professor and student love affair. I live, I am watching over the holiday. Ok,
just have one less test for you, you don't like the term fat Natural's correct, but let's just say that you intercepted a message from your professor on a piece of paper. Errant Covington Eric was forced to describe you to another professor and he added fat man girls into that description, would you not be excited that he was just aware of your factual ness? He would never use, I know he wanted course not and he won't be slightly of perish in the other professor, describing I'm not saying you become aware of the fact that Eric Staying having tell him oh no, this is Jean Cordell
all over again by the coming dns. You remember Gazette was previous previous to me. Andy's Covington was my panty of choice and that's back when our a boxer, panting and old fashioned boxer painting, you can only get cavvies, I call them copies and set a cup there. You can only get me cavvies ass, seers, see here, the ugly exactly one of the most blue collar things in my life at that time was I'd have to go down a seers to get a three pack, a Covey, wow, yeah and unwelcome into the ground, those cavvies. Well, I wonder if he comes from a fits his family, if he's heir to the Covington panty fortune, I wouldn't be surprised if he so regal Maybe I can Eric you. Do they told us too, Would you lose you young? What's the most brain and signal you sent him. I wrote him email, oh good, Eureka. Oh my god, yes
yes, yes, yes, I do not see this coming. It was not like you all or anything else. If you tell me the email tell Yo Social remember it was our. May I don't have it any more. I think was an email telling them like how much he changed. the life of a canoe, nobody changed. My life, remember any real! I used to do that. I used to like really have a pattern of doing that with people telling them how much they impact. Did he ask speed the hour the written word? Would you be a little buzzed when you'd right these email never know now? I was just like waiting to send him in all by God and waiting for the response? How do we respond whose price so nervous? the master has been so high opening, and I thank you for broadening my horizons, something Did you saving like real, sparing lined up found? It has man. I have learnt that now taxes, but they did
you say: did you edit? The I'd have to imagine. You said something like you really have a special yeah or honourably did say some. What was his response? You must remember that for a really, I don't it's. That said, I should be emotional about their like. You were emotional about the street. You couldn't remember. I can't remember what he said. I remember being happy with that my head. I feel I was under was the end of the year. I probably said something like I know you don't know me there's no way. You know glad I'm in this spirit and whatever, and then I think you responded in a way that let me know that he did know me and I like that, would have you had written to him. Doktor Covington. I often go through through me, cavvies during one of your lectures on sugar,
I should have a run through me. Curve is firstly that opportunity, love you I'm jealous and Miss Doktor Covington, and I hope everyone has a way of how it sees this year.