Friday friday bride a bird crisis, special secret time errs on net flags and murmured and brighter murders evaluated the europe do fig. Laugh must renew promo anyway try to remedy this friday night. My special urgency, your time on nope on netflix sue time. I hope you enjoy it Do me a favor, as you know, spread the word. Tell your friends share it. If you enjoy it. Sheriff people, if you dont joy, just don't tell anyone about it, takes a rolling charge Really proud of it, I'm really happy about it. I'm doing if you're interested on cigarettes, podcast, mercosur, to night, it's out, probably today, tomorrow, twenty second, we tomorrow so tomorrow and then rogan on thursday. and aged three

on friday, rich eisen tomorrow, grace helbig podcast smile tomorrow I'm doing on the ovens tomorrow, yeah. I think you have a you have a crazy day tomorrow. I'll tell you my day tomorrow. I'll take a look at this. It's you have a foreigner folder with eighty pr note: the terror bang now allow the interbank. There was a really great they did then I'm doing rich eyes and then Theo van den grace big and then, when I come back into an open tabs, it should be a really good open. Tabs bambridge arrows robbed gambling colombia, there's the asia Argento stuff, which I probably won't get that much into cause. I don't want to get political. I think you know everyone wins. When the Chris hardwick thing went down to look innocent until proven guilty, it works both ways. We don't know all the fucking details, so let's just all hold our bite. Our tongues for a second and allow dupes access to happen. You like how that is, I'm a goddamn fucking american due process, I believe innocent until proven guilty. Just

something comes out in the fuckin tabloids not mean granted it's a lot of fucking shit, but but that don't open tabs tomorrow. Grand antimony cover the travelin. I totally got to cover the travel on the last open dabs, my only Someone called wholesome my co host and now he's not my fucking co Those events. If we judge me I'll, take care of you but doesn't talk to you. I had a blast during the woody show this morning It was so much your fucking phone and I gotta get them on the PA guest. I gotta give a shit to them therein they're all over, but we did it and delay and theirs the gate at all over in kansas city in hawaii. So I am doing their show about more. I was eight minutes away. And it was a fucking blast. We're doing things only black eyes? No and their callers? It was like breaking my heart, but it was hilarious. The same time this lady,

called any. She goes. I yeah, I'm so fact that I went to a wedding outdoors and all the seats were in the grass, and I thought I'm not certain the legs of that seat aren't just going to dig in. If the grass and I and I was like- oh my god- I'm fucking been there- then we're talking about belts and stretching out shirts before you put them on just fucking great So I got a lot of press lined up of an urban this weekend at the an oxnard next week in Kansas city the weekend after do I have a week off, and thus, I think I'm after yeah gay, maybe get Polly I'll be in new york, weeks, I'm doing conan on Monday and I'll be in new york. Both weeks do in time and pushes progress was fun as falcon shit yesterday, oh yeah, haven't gotten to spend. You know I haven't been able to hang with them much now casual just so fucked and

and we used to spend a lot of time either we talked about that. We talk about what was like. You know they ve just had their second kid. In times like I keep getting overwhelm, you had two kids and you are making. seven hundred bucks a week. My way, we say that it may sound like a lot of money to some people, but you remember, to pay half to managers agents taxes. I was really making for our fifty bucks a week and I was having to pay for flight. Sometimes yes, and and your food and everything but hotel. I was little breaking even as a feature and a father of two we'd make you'd make like tuner bucks a week since the end of the day it's what we got to keep. I thomas saying that in a very like in a very like, like he's kept saying, is I'm so proud of you loved me? special. He did. He loved my special listen to the beginning of the podcast. You get to see it. He just called Netflix he's fucking the big one of the biggest names on the goddamn raspberry yeah. He was like he was like hey. Get a copy special and send it to him, and he was like sincerely like it had me. Crying left

yeah and was like you know it's what's really and- and I don't think I put you- don't planetary right- we do a special. I just say that to me: just don't just right, whatever sweethearts happens in your life. For me, I can't Really I go, I need this kind of bet it. Just whatever is funny to you at the time you write about he's like you, with everyone having an agenda and having a political stance and being so politicized on stage he his brow. I forgot just how funny or unlike in like a sense of like just being funny like just telling stories and any goes in its just. It's like emerald privacy, comedies dead, I'm paraphrasing a lot, but we are listening gotta go here and say any of that shit. That's what I actually heard right, and so it's big week, I'm really excited, and it is a big leap, gap,

who billboards and allay the arts, and let me tell you, don't ever think that that's lost on me. I know for a fact, You guys we're here when I started this goddamn podcast you here and I got fired from travel channel. You listen to me. Piss in moan about emotions and low self esteem. You hear what I was to fifty five when I lost them. With tom when things started, pay up on the road, and so I feel like I feel like this broadcast this. Whenever I make this podcast the I feel like it, a journey that you guys have taken with me and see what the shows you say, shit like I just wish. Leanne was here and then I'll facetime leanne, I feel like. I just want to say. Thank you want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Could not. I could. Watching dane, say stuff like I couldn't have gotten here without you guys in amerika, my bullshit and now I'm he was really accurate. You couldn't the subtle like com,

nation that we share once a week or twice a week with open tabs you guys sky goes, I commend those little towns is report on open tabs have been killing me in the foot, most hilarious way area. You guys, cover- the shot hellas to avert any pineda and I'll be like alright have to laszlo element is of great children. I only I'm goin up that pose a hit my fellow citizens getting columbus, great weakening columbus irvine oxnard next week. I'm happy. I'm very very happy, happy not booze in this week get my head straight. Yeah yeah last. I know no, I posed a lot less night yeah most in wasted yeah, I know and then, when I said, have you been drinking when no, no, I'm just tired, Yes, you did you most certainly did I was in no. You said yes, yet I said, are you you sound like your wasted or my blue enduring king? You decide you away

I have said I was waiting for the PA gas, always in ways that are lazy, muttering, and I would ask you and you will aid lie you Why did you said? No, I'm just tired a lot of big things happening over at all things comedy and we're really excited and- and I was there and the night got away from me- we did two episodes someone's burning, though, should become an I ll soon, Michael Rosenbaum, harlem limbs, both of them beyond the podcast, as well as greater l, big and brooks whelan, and so there really fun and we opposed up and I can the most amazing amazin, amazing asian meal, and we ended up. You know talking about blue apron on on someone's murder. Yesterday, of course, I love blue apron blueprint is my we just had bob's burger tonight. Those knows moms good burger. Good mom burger from bob's burger the tv show whose, with those who are here today, we're talking amazing. I didn't even get a bond. I just had the learner lastra cucumber radish labour

fuck. It amazing and I'll. Tell you why blueprints amazing- and I know I know that they, this their mission, but I don't think they realize how it would actually manifests itself in people's lives. We spend every dinner with our children. Are children set the table children, clear the table, we cook memorably and cook together and we have a great family meal and we talk about stuff a georgia we make any friends I school, hey isler. How has the reading come all like you, have a great meal. The meals are fantastic there. expensive, to make your every meals gonna be purple? and under ten dollars you can make I mean that meal. We made a once in twenty two minutes. Yeah was pretty clear. Rules will be under forty five minutes less and it's the front just ingredients. You can imagine their deliver right, your door, you they save for it. Like a week, you don't have to eat him right away. When I am I love what they do their mission statement as they want to make home cooking, accept

What everyone and to be dead, honest? We do. They ve done that for us we we ve cooked. more since we started using them as a sponsor than we ever cooked. Is a family ever and our tire lives no question tat we ve had morphine me dinners. Cynthia started using boy point. If you are a member, if you a member of a family, father mother- and you start bring in your family together. Tighter and you think you know shit, kids get in high school. We should get closer dude in blue apron is the answer for you. Yeah. hurry. I love this goddamn company. I really do, I hope the responsible for it. I do apologise, but if they If you decide to leave, I will continue to use them at their that fucking great players here's. What you can do guys, here's my call to action. Well, I didn't read any the things that they have read. I think you're get here: she's cheeseburger, spicy, slaw laws come an upsurge in the tangy bbq,

sauce, coming up check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free, a blue apron dot com, slash burt, cast that blue apron dot com, slash broadcast to get your first three meals for free to understand that three meals for free. All you have to do is go to blue apron, dot com, slash bert, cast that's b e r t c, a s, t blue apron, a better way to and I gotta be honest with you. it's been really nice too, because we have another sponsor. That is it's better, that I've been offensive for ad hoc, probably twenty, five years, I'm under the first time I ever got gotten. My grandmother sent these to me. It's omaha stakes. We have a Freeze were full of almost a year. We do because they they sent a sum to try. and we just doubled it went back and double border. We double it online is super easy to do really easy. Sometimes they free shipping, sometimes less great too

so nice to have stakes on call in the freezer that you can has moved to the fridge in the morning grill em up that night, and these are the best stakes out there. I know there's no question about that and I will tell you the fucking hot dog took. to the best fucking out of your ever. Have I dont know why there so I don't know either there really good. I wasting away them, then, at the store, because I wonder who hotdogs the other day driven whoever is in the freezer in europe, we already eightam its idea, hotdogs and I just can't find a hot dog that that's that's echoed. I tell the story of a time We brought those hot dogs over her breakfast one time or body tom s. Let grow them up. I we hot dogs for breakfast without eating breakfast never sell dead grilling season right around the corner, enhance your fault cookouts. bill. Gregg grow better with twenty eight cookout favorites that are daring to be ahead hundred percent guarantee world class stakes burger Frank's a more for ireland

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tomorrow morning, for I had down to go to rich eyes and show end, and so yeah thanks everyone for really giving a fuck oh, no! No, he began customizing rests in the order of our states, giving gives you the option to customize your cuts for your grilling needs fine respite. He's fine wine bearings right now omaha steaks is giving a limited time offer to our listeners and its enemy. Indeed, a really good, almost stakes, dotcom type in bert, in the search bar- and get seventy five percent off the almost stakes: family, gourmet, buffet package, here's what you get to tender, mild, philammon, yachts, too bold, beefy top sirloins to juicy bonus. Pork chops for crispy, fried chicken stay, my mouth fucking. What

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You can always email me, a bird at berber, dot, com Leon it's all them. I don't read them so subtle, notably an check on her Guess why, for the party it's on, when you drop yours thursday, who you have come up, there is a kind of a measure recording tomorrow. It is with miss chris, our daughters, piano teacher well? That should be a good one. It should be it'll, be gay you're, honest with all of our kids. I dunno, our kids are not. They are not yeah, not big on piano, but piano is really good for dyslexia, so yeah sometime is Chris. This week and next week sandy and my friend, paula are are doing next week. Saturday crab feast, homerun derby. I couldn't be more excited saturday, rhino, neo, fights, Louis J, gomes saturday's. A big fuckin dang. Why was the way Ellis mania?

louis, diego matter. You know and ryan only or from danish colonial yeah, their fighting in Emma style fi shot up, not obviate the urban improv and we'll be home watching my special, but if he'd eight, but this is like fuckin love about networks. If you want watch your they ship, hey, waterways! on sunday we're watching a sunday watching whenever the fuck you want. What are we doing a viewing body sunday night, so you know I've treaty or something I'm on a social advertising so afternoon to pm. Really. Is this a school night we're having to showings at three p m and a fourth thirty, Today's podcast is of great one: it's tom road. I've known I've I've known for over almost over twenty years. I've known him for as long as I've been doing comedy. I met him when I first was working george was inhabited by news from florida. He'd had us come on embassy and he had been do the rigorous he had done colonies. Annual event like

documentary about going back to vietnam is daddy, was in the vietnam war and then he just dipped out He went to amsterdam and that when he became this fucking world traveler and he has lived he's one of the most thought for guys, I know an honest podcast. He tells me the better stories I've heard on in this room in a very long time. Really, oh, my god, it is a great story and it embodies everything I love about. Tom Tom has just hamburg, who is one of his good friends and stand up? there's a ring to the way he tells a story. There's it's almost like jazz was a little bit like price or eddie murphy, there's a strut and swagger the way Tom does stand up, and this story fucking blows me away. I want to sit at the tail end of the podcast. Isn't it it's towards the tail end of the I guess, and I'm not going to spoil for you you'll know when he goes. Should I tell you the story and he tells it A man I am so excited he's

right now. I think he's in mongolia. Befallen him on is to graham so following on instagram, because his s rooms, fucking, awesome, he's all over the world is going on. Is our world to a right now and he's got everywhere. You about that. Now. If you abroad and you're, a traveller or you, working abroad and you're in asia. That's where he is so go find them go see. Him live I'd, say by my beard with men that guy's a fucking gangster huh, I quit drinking. I think three, your new year's eves ago for new year's eves ago, just like that's it, I'm done school cool. I'm done. I think I'm done with it. and just no rehab? No, nothing just like, I think, I'm done, and then we were going to smoke a cigar, but I was training for the triathlon, so I couldn't smoke a cigar next time, but he is a Dear friend, I love him. I genuinely genuinely love him, and I love that he does this business his own way then, and this whole parish trip that

talking about. I wanted to take land somewhere. That's how we start off. I asked tom advice or where I should take the m, and I think I think within on paris, and we talk about paris, so I hope you enjoy this episode. Remember my special netflix secret, I'm out his train for Ladies and gentlemen, today's podcast tom roads, The yeah I can smoke cigars and printed for travel on occasion would be around like pot smoke like their smoke upon as a pole, I fucking eighty a fuckin in green room of the selling grass. I think kids are going around gratis wacky backing. This could not be a better time to try to do by gas with your life last night

I got a like a hair of my ass and I think I think it's because I traveled so much for so long and I had such cool experiences No we're way you more than when you stop travelling that like exotic you more them and then- and so I had was passed, drinking your my kids and it all fell apart. And no one can do anything, and I and I have to spend money for after by fly a of miles on american, so onto a year. Your status, unanimous pham obsessed with it, and this is gonna, be my last year- when for because- and I really like put my My relationship I am taken exotic gigs all over the world, just because I wanna hit at diamond level. Again dude, I I'm I saw. I did my year out like a book out my ear, I don't wanna be short I need one big like six thousand, mild trip like a big trip and so

Oh, I looked it up it. I've been talking about this nonstop, and so here my options I can go Asia or I can europe or I south america I can go, shanghai Hong kong, beijing toe Those are the four asian choices I can go in those areas under Chalais. I can go well. I'd go anywhere up north, but it won't give me that I need to go either to chile or buenos aires or I can go Europe. I can go madrid and frankfurt milan, rhone, Rome or here's problem. Lisbon is gonna, fly, that's two flights. So These are direct flights out of l acts I'm actually in dallas a little bit so where would you go in asia

well men- I mean you know you review you: ve covered asia extensively yeah. So next week, I'm goin back to mongolia. I dont have we talked about mongolia. Last knows me everything. So I'm doing I'm doing? Mongolia, here I get it from a little book. I didn't golly a last october and it was in the thirties. It was freezing and I wanted- and I read genghis khan biography before I went there, and I was really like too fast it in culture- and nobody goes- on going on eliminating mongolia, is, is there between china and russia? Ok and its founded such a fascinating place. comedians local comedians were such great guys. I wanted this see it in summer so When I go back august. Twenty second I've got a gig and lunch, but tar, that's the capital city

I and then I got a gig in beijing on august. Twenty fourth: have you been to beijing but yeah many times, and then I'm going to shanghai on ok on august, twenty fifth, perfect, perfect, let's, let's, let's compare beijing and shanghai shanghai is my favorite city in asia. Okay, why I whenever okay, so hong kong, unless you are forming the view because everyone's. Like me, I travel to time yet when it comes to like beijing or shanghai. For me, that's like fuckin. Like it's like going to the movies like charlotte or atlanta I don't really know much about shy, but it's almost too. words that I go yea. I bet they are the exact same thing like either. I can't I'll I couldn't find like. I was top ten things to do in beijing. Targeting those doing I am. I couldn't tell its other than the great wall, china or get have you been to the great while no I'll get sub into the great wall twice, and that's the one the beijing has over shanghai so soon

so it s. A comedian performing hong kong is mostly like people in the banking industry, and then beijing is people too for governments, indifferent embassies, it'll come to your show, shanghai. Whenever got a thing I will. I will meet like friend, journalists. Work swiss, filmmakers, japanese animation people like really creative people are living in shanghai room and I it's both to be like, harlem was in the thirties. Now as far as jazz, I know a lot of like black american jazz musicians who are living in shanghai now so like selling your shit for entertainment and stuff right now in shanghai is really sexy. The free concession neighbourhood. Is these tree line boulevards nets? We're like yours, in our shops in art, galleries, there's a place there That makes these incredible action figures and they'll. Do like nba guys, they'll do like CHE guevara and in the action figures are like where's three hundred dollars each year laugh forget the name of it. It's incredible but-

beijing, the old. I think that the old neighborhoods are called. Who dawns those are. Does it really? fascinating, but the great China is, cool and I've. Been there twice, there's three sections of the great wall you can go to as a tourist in only one of them is this slide. Show you take like you like it well, what is it a ski lift up to dollar gondola? Thank you, but there's only one section where you can go as a tourist and use it's this slide. I feel It's on youtube, if you, if you type in youtube tom roads magnificent slide from Google chrome, I feel in the entire thing and telling you I enjoy this slide more than I enjoy the great wall of china. Very well Jane, is pretty awesome. It's great to go. There. I've been there in winter and summer, but like that,

that's the one thing. I'm going to do when I'm in beijing, I've been the forbidden city's; okay, it's not is there is really nothing in there to see we're haven't what is it called Tom roads? What magnificent sly viewed both magnificent and age, and I am- I see- anti magnificent- Have you been away? Oh interesting about? You is, if you type in Tom roads, magnificent a lot of things come up at all right. Yea. I will is what are you on? It's like a little plastic slide and you have a stick between your legs and if you pull it towards you, it goes fast and if you, if you have you, I'm sorry, if you push it forward, it goes fast if we pull it backwards, it goes slope It's like one of those fucking insane mountain slugs, yeah and there's no safety precautions in china. You could fly off the side of so you can fly off the side. So there's a chinese soldier

the chinese soldiers positioned along the way and telling you slow down and you go around the big turns really because they obviously brad people fly off. The sides is nickel. Mrs beer, So is beijing more A long series of three minutes live yes, bisbee from that. That's the so imagine, explorers. They took a month to go up there months to go down and you can slide down in three minutes so is is what what's it what's bay. If singapore is more like a disk, The scenario bore shanghai, shanghai and beijing. What what amount Yes, cities is very similar to nothing. You can compare them yet That china has over us. Now is the skyscrapers. They ve gone crazy with that, design of scott. You go to these different cities in china and you like wow, really it's mine blowing, what their enlightening, Chang eyes, skyscrapers city, the the bond?

Is the river curve. Where there is dead magnificent city shot, you ve, seen it I definitely Zena eugene their skyline of shade in that's so There's one thing you have to be precaution, silver going there there's a pedestrian shopping street that goes right into the bond. in Shanghai and I fell for this about seven or eight years ago. This. These people come up to me a guy in two women, there I'd say: blade twenties, hi. How are you? Are you from the united states, Sometimes I years ago I remember being in beijing right before the the beijing olympics like a year before people would come up who in beijing wanting to practice their english. and so a lovely day we're having isn't it. Where are you? from- and you know you can tell- but these people there What was really good are from the united states. Yes single, they go obama. We love, obama, ok, ok and

they go we're going to a cultural t exhibition. Would you like to go with us- and I said now that I've gotta meet a friend for dinner, but thanks in I'm dying, no blown him off you know. I got my inner when you're traveller, you know your beer, you, you know you, don't you socrates and anything and the guy. puts his hand on his heart and goes. Please come with us, we'll make friends and that's when the hawk went into the mouth? That's when he got me because the reason I travel is to make friends here. So I thought t exhibition what you know where your web difficult, or how long is this going to be an expensive? Could it be so I with them, and it was this little jumpy t exhibition in this little place down a street side street unlike the woman explained to black tea. You'll, never get cancer in green. Tea is good for digestion, and all these when things and then it's over, and then they brought me the bill for a hundred and fifty dollars, number one you realize hey what a good deal starbucks

when you get a hundred and fifty dollars t bill and I knew that I had been swindled fair and square and then that night, at my show in shanghai once I spoke the words cultural T. Exhibition. Everybody in the audience went no real. You didn't it's. This thing being, and I don't know why the cops here to do crack down on this because it there's there's screwing visitors and like half the people in the audience had fallen. For one guy told me, you know what I bet they they they gave you a break because I was charged three hundred and then another guy told me he jumped out of a window to get away from paying the bill man and, and then but told me to go. Did they mark you? What do you mean? Did they mark me Did they give you the floor red. Chinese

he's dangling thing. It looks like a like the the thing you'd have on the top of a graduation cap, but its red like tassels go year. They did put it on my backpack, the guy who here's a gift from us for our friendship. And he tied it on my backpack that so When you go back out to the pedestrian walk, the street. They know that you ve already been taken the other. They know that they know each other. people who are out there getting people to do this know that they ve already got you. So that's shanghai, that's the one thing you need to be careful of in Shanghai. I would almost find that if that happened to me in shanghai, I'd almost go through that and film it just to get everyone. I too am so angry. The next day I went back with my camera filming and then they won't talk to you. Have you got a hammer yeah? They know it's evidence. So what's what's this street food in shanghai is amazing strip. better than either beijing.

Is being well mortgaging it's gotta. There's a street in share in beijing. That is all everything fried on a stick from home. You're selling me hard. They got like disgusting things I made the first time. When debating amid a youtube video. I think its use on the regular beijing video- and I was with this bridge. A comedian who was portly fellow who was eating everything who under events and had rigged stock and so he was, they had fried snake had fried maggot now the stuff which I tried, the fried scorpion but I didn't get any free gear than that but they also have nice things like you know: strawberries dipped in shock, things like dad. This is one street where it's all this stuff right on a stick, but shanghai, the the people who run the conflict many club theirs. It

releasing I'd True there there's going, we go to a spot, their jane. I got many club and then there's the kung fu comedy club in theirs. It is a really lovely gay american fellow who give street food tours of shanghai and it's it's great there there's one street did Andy. bourdain went to sky had also taken me too, and its crawfish, it's all crawfish on this one. Sorry crawfish sit there that their famous foreign chang. I show me Natasha firm forever where you would go up to see the great wall of china no way while china is is, is so cool anytime a year do have either people they are trying to sell you'd trinkets and things in your you gotta watch out for but the slide

incredible I have four out of the beijing is great wall of china an hour okay, so you def take a bus out there. You can take a cab taxi, oh really, yeah! Does bishop was living in does business back. I know him. No, no white, guys easier. Irish eyeliner does right on your city. They can someone else and then he was he wanted to perform comedy and mandarin, so he was over there for like a year to living, and we took attack see directly there and it was probably like twenty forty, talks in the guy waited for us. What are worth it? you does the shadows, shanghai, comedy clubs. Do they go every night. no no, love to get up and do stand up. If I'm out there are those who stand up one night, but I guess I'll take care of you. I can get you in club will get in touch with both clubs and you could do either I'm trying to I want to go, they'd be they'd, be thrilled. have I'm sure I haven't performed. I haven't travel later

Give a reformed in asia perform the singapore issues a great singapore's awesome. The great I did not like singapore. When I first went there really I founded, to clean and soulless is very clear but they're like, but I like the fact as well, but I'll tell you so then, the next time I went was coming from Cambodia where there is like so many people missing limbs and street. Chill when begging and there's no beggars and there's no homeless people and shit in singapore. They don't allow it known. As for the second time I went to singapore, I loved it because it was clean and it was soulless. The report is so it depends on your perspective until us, you of the four floors a horse. their debts. You know what It's it's like what certain cities are known for like amsterdam, for prostitution in drugs is such aid? small sum, portion is one of the portion of it like city great. I actually have had singapore and show me around and two they did

the street food in singapore can't be beat I would fly there for the black pepper crab. I think I've told you about the black pepper black pepper crabs better than cocoa in malaysia- also does it but the black pepper, grab, is one of my favorite things on the planet earth they also do so. the crab, which is a little sweeter. I didn't have the bite veto the hard time finding food their souls by myself yet, and so I was literally walking in just go, and I was like our it'll take what is like. Fifty bucks had spent fifty bucks on a budget of risk. take it over and just eat just go to sample stuff. But I I gotta be also their fellow. I didn't really get out of my car for its own. Food was like devlin. Another back programme. Well, you know what you gotta get yours from. You have to go to a city a few times like the first moment to shanghai. I didn't like it. I, like I had heard so much about the night life and like I was in and out to do

gig and I was I was no big deal really I've since been back there like seven or eight times and gotten dunno a deeper, and I love it Shanghai is also I'm sorry. Singapore is similar and the I've had locals. Take me to get black pepper crab and the last time I was there in April. I stay in this neighborhood. I never even knew existed and I've been to singapore, probably like six hours. In times this sultan mosque. this muslim neighborhood, so there's this malaysian food and malaysian food. There's this thing. hold? Marta bach, like roadie bread and its men lamb and egg and red onions chopped up in it, and they give this kind of curry, dipping sauce with it and

It's when I'm in singapore, malaysia. I have it for breakfast every day. Really. I didn't even think it's a breakfast item, but it's like so good going. Dude have you had pizza? I eat exactly yeah, but the neighbourhood in singapore. In them. I stated at the hotel called the sultan which is in the neighborhood and and singapore is really small and easy to get around, unlike singapore. A lot I'm gonna go back, I'm doing. I'm doing Australian run. I think, again young do another australian on and I'm gonna tag singapore onto it before I had a super just a really fun. It was a formatting into perth, meaning like everything else. Just I feel perth, gets left out, and I love you. I love her further eroded a story about it for the hovel the five years ago the having imposed, asked me to be a travel writer. I dont do it anymore because it was like gospel.

like all this energy into it and they don't pay any money yeah, but I wrote p, soon on how much I loved perth and all the great things that there are to do there and the four think about perth is that people in perth think it sucks there think it says its they just there not that thrilled about it yeah and everyone like. I asked a taxi driver in Perth. What should I see? Well, I'm in Perth any said the airport go to sidney put that in my story. So the western an newspaper which is the newspaper of Perth reprinted, my story, left side of the paper and on the right side they had five people come counting on what I had written and they were all saying. Yes, we should be more upbeat when we talk to foreigners without them. That's what everyone that I when I went to Perth everyone said: why did you come to Perth? They all have low self esteem about it, and I was like I love it. It's the san, diego of australia, it's eighty two degrees year round, weather yeah.

got. One of the I think it's victoria park, some that one of the nicest parks is like coover has this big beautiful nash. park in the center of the city. Perth has that and then right next door to there free mantle it is, is the little town next or it is where bond scott is from. I want to bonds. its grave put flowers on his grave and there's a I think, it's the ass beer in Australia, it's called little creatures and at the little creature- is brewery they gotta. lovely restaurant did did the lamb and feta a regular pizza, yeah, loved, I loved australia. I would go. I was thinking about for a day just find a sydney. I really love sydney, sydney as well my favorite cities in the world easily one of my favorite cities in the world. You have you done the comment. No, you did that and more theater right, did I am more than I did too shows at sidney

perhaps, but it was like guess it was just knows. I was part of something It wasn't just for lisbon, comedy festival, know maybe he's just for laughter. They know ye out sheer, and so I did and more than I did those two sidney opera house. I didn't, I had a really great show, one joe and then the net Those are all right, but I loved australia, I am, phone australian and by had anywhere else the city I saw most others pie brisbane also a grating bridge, when was fucking. I I walk uneasy. It's it's really hilly. They have great see food and they're called worker com the gist of the worker cottages have got these There are these wonderful porches from the south yeah. You we like porches yeah. I liked There was something really familiar with was with

australia, something that made me feel like. Oh, like I could occur, lived here. You know I mean there's so far removed what, in my opinion, I think they took the best of english culture and the best of it. american culture and kind and left out loud abortion now. Why do you feel, like you, ve traveled, more in asia than anywhere else from morn europe anywhere else? no definite europe really but I've just through the years of done, everywhere in asian? yeah what that like. I did I did this, This this magna's comedy festival in april- and I did was bad because singapore, hanoi ho chi Minh city oh in Manila. That was interesting. What I mean like manila, this shithole and ass. It is to be avoided right next to my hotel was

a bar in it, edna unsigned it's like it more than the club that I played, whose Agus kind addison entertainment area, and there was a bar, a block from the club said: midget boxing. and it me and the other outmoded craig campbell, canadian comedian who lives in in london and the south african blackfeet comedian named tin, Jui and it was really we wish. We were a great team for this international festival. Cool thing about that. We don't have the states. Is you do team up in england and the international comics team up and go fun runs together that we just don't do here, but for us it it's you and another guy doing Omar and then just a normal, you don't do anything, it's crazy. You can't do anything, fawn you'll joining sites, you just go! No more! You drink, the club late. You go back to the hotel, you wake up. You do

launch, you maybe see a movie but that's a day, would almost great for used. Vinyl records really yeah, dig a great vinyl record shops. United almost prove me immediately, but I'll overt alcoholics deadly do that, but regular people- I don't use it. So I am really into vinyl records and almost one of my favorite places to go because you can for fine great duff. Therefore, reasonable prices in good ice cream, but so mean the other comedians in manila. Wanted we like midget boxing, let's go check this out. Sad and was gimmicky, and you know the drill I told the owner. I said you know the rest of the world, were we call them lit people now, said, I know it's too expensive to change the neon sign. He didn't give a shit and then walking back from club after the show this guy comes up to me on the street is weren't in new york. Yankees baseball had he's. Excuse me brother

I'm living on the street, and can you spare some money and his english incredibly said brother, I go you are you american, he's no known, and I lived in los angeles for many I got your english is amazing. How did you end up on the street in manila, use it philippine guy filipino and he said well. I was living in los angeles for many years with this filipino woman, I came home one day. I caught her in bed with another man and I grabbed my baseball bat and I beat the men very severely and I I was put in jail for a year and and then I was deported back to the philippines, and I I grab him by his his his elbow and I said: do you still like baseball as he goes of course, how are the yankees doing either of those statistics that crazy. So then so then so

If you had one trip in all of asia, where would you go? Well, I mean it's it's later. If we know what, in its the worst thing, p, can do like when they, when they go to europe, they'll go there like one trip in there. life and are trying to two days in paris. Two days in rome. You can't do that to focus on one thing at a time get unless nor does way. What's the perfect length of a trip, meaning land feet in country on a plane out what's a perfect lying. I mean three to five days. If you, if you got a job, so that's a four days, you did you leave on thursday you get their friday so a sunday you come on monday legacy. singapore. Great there's always advance going on in singapore. You know- drinking beer fast and its It's it's great, it's outdoors and they got all these we're bans in theirs beer tense from all over the world. They did comedy, which was,

four called in a tent with music all around here, but I was still drinkin at the time. That's a fun festival when I was in singapore in April of the jail, as festival, was going on and I got to see Lauren hill perform really yeah, So I've been to vietnam a few times of her noise? I love you I have really loved vietnam really do my mother, my father flew helicopters there and was shot down. You have a special connection with vietnam because my dad fought in the war in which shot down and survived in his helicopter buddies where it was is everything to him. so I read all these books. My whole life about vietnam- I saw every movie- and then, and then in ninety five. I did this comedy central special viva vietnam, where I did like a travel. Log where I wanted vietnam, when it first open for americans, so I went back in two thousand and fourteen

guy who runs the gig in hanoi is english guy. like a romance man he's not like girly and oft handed like most british guys. You meet he's like the indiana jones of england. In any case, be does the comedy at this at his club in Hanoi. He also gives mode cycle tours of the north of vietnam. I'm not afraid of motorcycles. My whole life I'll see that was one of the areas we gotta anchorage, talk to Shelly gregg and find out good anchorage and do a run on a motorcycle up into the off the grid camp for two nights drive back in at the important balance. That was another. What am I don't think about north vietnam and this guy I do I don't know, I don't think you can get they'd be he'd, be thrilled to have you orient we're dead seriously. Think about taken the herdsman trail on motorcycle. We were dead serious about it. Ok, I mean that there would be cool so

I had a wreck on dirt bike when I was fourteen in florida saws, afraid of motorcycles. My whole life when I was when the travel tv show dutch television film to highlight on peru and we went to the nazca lines and two guy. Let me right is motorcycle around the nasa lines, so I got over my fear and after I did Hanoi in two thousand and fourteen. I like this guy, so much like the next time. I come go on this. This motorcycle trip with him, so my wife from rotterdam. In the netherlands, her brother teaches more cycle lessons. So last summer I took motorcycle lessons with him for an afternoon. So when I was back to enjoy. This is the fourth time I've been on a motorcycle and my life. We go and work forty five mile, the video, is actually on my instagram, the guy started. Filming me right before I wrecked

silver forty five miles north of Hanoi and this goin this little windy. Mountain road and my wheel got too close to the edge and it was dusty and the bike when outright from underneath me and my head, it did the street? Thank god I was wearing a helmet and the only thing- it happened, was eyes a scrape, the skin off my elbow, and we were like and minutes from video of that the guy was He just started filming me right before on europe's around my mail. He d, the guy just darted film in me, right before I wrecked, we ve got computers in here, like romans got so we can go pulled up Jamie So you know so I was, I was actually think so ten minutes later we're up in the village Fortunately I wasn't seriously injured. Not them was hurt We ran a little medical hut. Ten minutes later, the guy cleans my wound. I had no problem, but the driver.

There. I'm thinking, oh my god, this is my new life, I'm going to start going motorcycle of luxury sofia, and then you haven't known on on looking for I'm primacy on twenty eight may on a motorcycle here, a pull it up for you. His picture. Your marin, uganda to soccer game. We gotta go deep, oh Yet, as it was in April,. you're, some of their so much to see in an age. I love you. Thailand is amazing. I mean he found it. You got it yeah, that's it could work yeah, like thirty seconds on but I am really happy that I survived this motorcycle. crash my my dad's survive this

chapter crash in vietnam. Here's where it's gotta be happening. It's comin up, I can see as equally as cobbler motorcycles, you Oh oh shit, yeah oh shit, You went over the handlebars, I know I hit the no no no known, and it looks like you what you want flying over the handlebars like, I know, yeah the the the bike the bike slid out from under me, and I may have I don't know God you at home alone. Yet thank god. I had a helmet on and then after I brecht I was taken, I'm never writing. Another motorcycles owes a god dang and you have to be these people are coming out you on the other side of the road. Well, what you don't see it were these big trucks that were coming around her. Oh Jesus price and drive and whereas only have a home, in seventy five views erect on a fuckin motorcycle

yeah and then and then going back people vietnam don't recognize like traffic lights. Just suggest! Oh my god! There were these long straight, a ways and unlike go, and I can't wait to get back to annoy, get off this mode cycle and and then teenagers on mopeds would just come ribbon across or leg from the other side. Would just do? U turns right in front of you? Oh we. There was a glow two times I d slam on the brakes in an almost had other rex. We rode motorcycles in Hanoi through I think that was one of the things we thought would be fun and you're driving on the noise is really airline invigorating. But there's the park where John, not John maclean, John Mccain, John Mccain, the park where he landed, and this is a big square right well its? He landed in a lake and lake in the park right, yeah, there's Parker. There's a road ran it. Why fucking sooner I got to any straight away. I would open a motorcycle up like almost get me.

from the shit because you eat it is literally. You have to be like when you are ridden motorcycles a lot, and so when you, a motorcycle. The one thing that's cause that you are dialed in to the moment. It's almost running a rumour, can't astray. You can't your ear. You can wander your mind. Your focuses on the guy in front of me, this coming to the left, you really in the moment it's real kind of zen like because you Aren't you not thinking about bills? access or anything like tat. You think about traffic and what's going on. in illinois it's times ten, because there are people eulogies, this guy pit pocketing me like Jesus Christ, automotive, I call this cars. The current votaries is is cutting over nine lanes. Yeah there's no stop sign what I've got a good idea, but get led one thing: people cutting over nine lanes or someone come from the other direction just decides make a? U turn in front of you and they see you yeah. They just don't give a fuck. Is that all of asia, this Japan right no debate

and oh, and we need to talk about Tokyo if you're thinking about thing about. So, if you have you been of your once, but their report- it's ok. This is gonna, sell, so fucking bad. My third party tokyo is the airport because they have those hotel. In the airport that are fucking amazing and you can just go the airport like you fly. Tokyo if you're doing a lay over like to vietnam or to shrink singapore and those airport hotel rooms I've never had a better night's sleep. There's no windows, it's a box It's got a shower in it. Oh my god. Lid got one in dallas airport that I go in by more than a thirty minute, lay over I'll go in Get one of those hotel rooms like a little it's kind of one. in the study and I'll just pass out hard? That's the best thing about dallas for its terminal. I think oh, but so Tokyo yeah. I said earlier about it, but the lasting one say about Hanoi. I that lake, where John Mccain was shot down in and in its day the height of the vietnam war, the the

soldiers in the townspeople survey. Did the lake the date they pulled him out of the lake and they beat and kicked him all the way to the to the Hanoi hilton where he was in prison and we tortured that lake, where John Mccain, ended in the middle of the night. You can now rent. one paddle boats. We hold on the Hanoi Hilton, that was the nickname, did so the yo debutante games that inside Hanoi in the city. I think I can would do that, that's something I would have seen it's a yeah, that's a it's a it's a historic landmark. It was always the prison, that's where they took him from there to there. We marched him through the town and like everyone, kicked in medium. Imagine and it's you know, is it such a harrowing story? The guy is definitely a true. american hero or muddy survived, and then he was being orchard in they were going to let him out and he he chose

to stay with his with his is: is men you know could have got now like two years earlier than he did. We don't have what whatever men were made of back. Then we don't have, but we don't we just don't this. I think that's been kind of farmed out of us and a weird way like the idea that you would how many americans, you think we go none. I stay with my men as a poster. I get my phone back. You there hey here, yeah, and I and I e that the restaurant were anthony boarding and obama aid at is is quite delicious. If you really yeah well have was think what did you think about when you heard about boarding suicide You know what it's he was. He was one of my heroes. I dont think there will ever be a better travel show, ever and me He is a traveller. I got so many things. Annoy? Oh, my god. I'm gonna go check out their restaurant, in malaysia. The different

places around the world. Did you know he taught me great places too two and things to do in everything- and I absolutely worship anthony, bourdain and then after he died. You read that the thing that it was all the time away from loved ones and time spent alone in hotel rooms did they did Can aid him up and I'm thinking? Well, that's the life of a comedian, but why was he was dead? it on a five star level in the Ices hotels eating the nicest restaurants comedians have to do that, staying at fuck in no motel aid on a highway exit. A micro tell yuh, I mean it's mine, film, enjoyable, otto dollars but hegemony, Do the one right by the bar? and by the right across the street from the arby's german deceiveth. There's a grow tell in demand. That is just depressing.

I haven't played the morning awhile I used to love playing that club, but it just, I think, the financials of it of it. It only seems like too sixty maybe now and there's no there's no press presses dead in anymore. It's not gonna happen anymore out. There so you couldn't go. If you were short on tickets, you couldn't go sell out the place by to impress it had to be word of mouth in certain places like like, and I don't mean negatively, but someplace in the country where the internet just isn't as popular like alabama. The internet is not as popular as it is on, california or new york. It just isn't my my wife's dad. Sold company or sold businesses like is a grudge, and he won't sell them the internet because yet the places internet- He said none unadorned I'll, take care of that. Paying the internet, because I don't want you to lose it. If you miss a payment, I'm afraid the lou.

And then you gotta get line to get internet again. So you just not just Everyone has the internet out in alabama. It's like its first come first served and if you then You gotta wait line for it, and so by with it, very rural alabama or georgia, very rural parts. But it's just not you know it's not when we were there. We were out about once a year and I am just off my phone for weak because it just doesn't get to connect signal outlets. I'm looking forward to going to mongolia next week and its economic leaping know its summer. There so The comedians are going to take me out into the country. And went to sleep in a girl, for some and for some reason, americans think they're called yurts, but it's a it's a girl there's little white round tents, the ones that you'd see and those like, not the ones that its I got. erector set where they go colorado and then they rapid and then put the roof on you'd know

if you saw their round in their way I've seen I've statement europe before and there's a show. I love call your. Is it your life Barbara genghis couple of years, y'all love, yours is a show. I will wait. Did you see the exit at an exhibit recently here in hollywood I went it's at the ronald reagan museum. Is this still going on? It's still going on for real yeah? It's great I. you know the mongolian, gave us pants ice cream and the world. Hooray monk ancient mongolian would end this full knowledge dug its big oil things. Company doesn't get behind this. they would end prayers and celebrations by cheering or saying her e each? U r, e h

and europeans took that and made it hooray. Hooray is my favorite word in the english language, hooray hooray and did comes from ancient mongolia. I had a great opening in Mongolia. Apparently everyone in the world is somehow related to genghis khan. So I'm just here to visit family, hello, cousins and I read genghis khan's biography before I came to mongolia and under genghis, under rule. No indeed Visual was ever held responsible for a mistake or an error. It was the community's fault as a whole of the show doesn't go well tonight, it's all of our fault, and then from reading genghis khan biography. I learned at a comedian performing in mongolia, you never upon a joke, never give up on a story, and if that doesn't work, you can always put a risk. rats in nobleman into catapults and shoot them against them. Alice walls, because that never

fails to make the mongolian laugh. They were real, cruel, motherfuckers holy shit but civilised and away. They he had absolute religious tolerance that you could be Jewish muslim or whatever aid genghis khan had no problem with people. having their own religions. He just wanted total control a just as long as you obeyed him and if you didn't, they were pretty nasty. I was obsessed with a heart: were history tearless? Not for history yeah! It's funny you mention mongolian everybody is it have you heard heartbeat, yeah yeah? I know I read books on my own. You know that so soviet people that do that. I listened to his on and we're we're a logical or something a few years ago, and I thought it was ok because I'm like a big caravaggio free who care about zero. Italian painter. You have you gotta rome, you gotta see the caravan geo stuff, so I mean I get

on reading books and and and sorting out my own knowledge did you know, did you was this part of you? high school evolved. Milburgh like where was the worms evolution like like I, when I when I when I feel the view is younger and Florida, I think, regular and then, when I first met you I felt like almost like like you have been to the hollywood ringer and you are like out of that's like like in a real like These will noble way like our love, that's what I'm here for and they I knew move to amsterdam, that's where I met you out in amsterdam, but like wended, that window The transformation come did it come when you first that delay what As far as I like, what like reading of knowledge and over this huge is developing into almost global the personality of global like bigger than fucking papa. You know I mean

oh veto, ovida, that's it yeah veto well. The first love of my adult life was with a parisian woman Natalie, lived in San francisco for seven years so sheet and me onto french writers, voltaire and more passant the eyes, five click ocean pain and all these other great things that civil, as human should be into But how was I think, I think San Francisco really kind opened me up to, the world in culture, and you know it's funny man. I live just back in san francisco last weekend. Where I lived. in that and I are still really good friends. We lived on Alamo square park and in full and pierce, and then over his division arrow this was a real black neighbourhood. When I lived there were these militant shops that sold malcolm

next speeches on cosette. What years us We move their ninety ninety one and lived there till ninety six. She bought the apartment that we lived in a ninety seven, four, three hundred and fifty thousand dollars and she's one of the hat these people. I know it's places worth millions now. so to arrow is now all white tech not just white kids, but just a little nerdy middle, well, heeled, tat, kids and all these black, militant shops are gone and the the church John coal train, the junk altering the church The official name was the african orthodox church of saint John coltrane It was a storefront church. I would go there on sundays and it was the very first place. I ever saw a picture of a black jesus and display was so cool the preacher.

rarely spoke. He just played saxophone. His wife played like stand a base and on The pews were musical instruments, it would started like three in the afternoon and they would jam for life three hours it would go to like six. Sometimes seven, everyone is encouraged to pick up an instrument and play because, We are all a part of the music in that beautiful has create. So I to check out, went to my old neighborhood last weekend when I was in san francisco and the church got john cold train, where I had so many spiritual, beautiful moments in my I've is now an expensive outdoor clothing alike, hiking store, like two hundred assured five hundred dollar coats. expensive outdoor clothing shop and, the only thing that I was guarded

his disdain in the middle of this. This room Jim, what used to be? The only thing did slightly cheer me up. That was twenty years ago. The only thing that me up was to think twenty years from now. somebody's gonna walk in there and go oh man, this was want inexpensive outdoor clothing store. They ve got the solar now. This is where they put the chip in your neck and yeah exactly or I was thinking like little portable helicopters or something who knows what they're going to be celebrating twenty years. So when when you were to san Francisco you had I, like my awakening from me, was when I moved to new york out of tallahassee, moved to new york. Very first show I saw was stella, remember Stella Michael and black Michael show walter David Wayne- and it was It was like an improv show, but they put stand up on in Janine garafalo one stage and she was I she was doing poorly, but she was doing great and she's

started referencing her set, versus something, unlike in some book, an area I laughed and I didn't know the name of the bite another book at another reference, and I thank him for the first time. you can get through tallahassee, confidently stupid, like just with confidence, Just about that? Would you guys think yeah right. You just go with last sister, my you're, my sister, I graduated the same year. It was I and I and that's when I got I literally, went and got a job at barnes and noble thinking, I'm going to read every fucking book and I read: I read a ton of books but that was the beginning and the end, and I think it slowed That was the beginning of may realizing others more in this world than just fuckin One thing for me was you know when my sitcom ended. I You know I had lived in new york city like a dog when I was twenty and I

we swore, if I read me money, I lived, there was style. So when my sitcom ended, I was angry at los angeles. I was angry. It show. Business was angry humanity and I just wanted to just go full hard core back into stand up. So I move back to new york city and and then I also looked at my money as my NBC artist grant. So I start taking systematic trips to london, my good friend rich all was living over there and he was in their funding and then gregg proofs, good friend of mine was also play in london. A lot and both of them thought that I had like you known some until joint comedy that would do very well there. So I took about. I took like three trips to london and then they data Rich all taught me: you do the peripheral clubs for before you go to the main clubs see

your sea legs on stage what it's like to perform in england and what joe, what references, don't work, and things like that. So I think it was. It was that period also and then being supposed? Once I got him with london, I started dawn london and oliver england hard core, and then I started playing in power. As in berlin in amsterdam, and what years that at the first time I went over there. I was so that was like ninety eight and twenty years ago, I just got an understanding. So that's what I did. I have been to the international circuits for twenty years now the international search of so far enriching? It really makes you love comedy again. Why don't ya? Inside the big, in what I love is you go to a different country and then Like you know you you write, it gives you

ideas in you're, like I've got an observation on this in, like you is now read things before I go to a country. You know I'll like before de mongolia, I read the genghis khan biography the before I went to Tokyo, I read now these books on the samurai and my favorite hugged coup, ray the way of the samurai, which I learned from the film goes: dog that movie quota was with a force, whittaker layers. love that movie and there's this book did. He quotes all throughout the the movie. It was written, unlike the thirteen hundreds advice for a samurai, really, it's all great stuff. A samurai should focus on death every day so that

nothing to him. A samurai should make every decision within the space of seven breaths. Think about that one to seven. It is a long time a samurai does not that's a good amount of time to make a decision of a samurai does not go about were rushing things or make trouble in the world, people it make trouble in the world. I forget what is seven brow. So I like that, because it really goes haste thing about you doin a samurai. You should write every letter, with the thought that the recipient will display. It is a hanging squirrel in his house. Just full of great shit, so what's so ok, some duff. We want to show you a big big hearted travelling for me is like get now

foreign like knowledge, nuggets and learning stuff, and then you know I'll get Joe side of it and then and then there's a lot of things like paris, my favorite city in the world and my wife, my widely full disclosure said I want, because I was a housing. I should go by myself haven't been off by myself in a while and I miss you got off by yourself every single weekend. you mean you should go somewhere. She was a girl. I go paris taken paris I'm I'm I'm goin there in october and I'm doin gigs there. I was have wanted to film my next, our special there in october, but I talked to bill bur of that I think we might try and do it next year on year with, hopefully with all links, call me like other I've, got all this information on paris, like I hate when american say they hate france or french people. I think that's the story,

but this thing in the world, because free gave the world the bikini in lingerie, what's not to like and if it wasn't for the naval blockade at the battle of yorktown, the united states never would have gained its independence from england and the more key. Who arranged that naval blockade? his name was lafayette. and that is why, when the american soldiers landed on the beaches of normandy in world war to the american government sent a message to the french government that simply said lafayette. We are here like most americans or know that and a friend, most friendly people. Don't even know that really so I'm in there just. I have so many great knowledge nugget things Says with the life of voltaire and voltaire and rousseau hated each other. They would write, nasty things about each other in newspapers. was the eighteenth century equivalent of a twitter bitch fight,

and yet voltaire symbol, red roussel. I wanna get down on all fours like an animal and makes me want to de evolve. He sent him poor writer and and then avenged, Lee, there isn't much longer story, but eventually reno back then the authorities didn't like what author had written, they would burn his books if they really didn't like it. They burn the author, so voltaire had to flee paris several times he had a place up on the swiss border and- and then rousseau later in life. His arch enemy was having problems with the swiss the authorities and they were going. They were burning his books and considering burning him and tear said of his arch enemy, whose guts he hated thoroughly.

although I disagree with what you say. I will defend with my life your right to say it is the famous quote: that's fucking so that's so prevalent turn on today in society seriously. Yes, so that their so I was I'm ready to fill my next, our special in paris I want they do it in october with there much more eloquent story. I tell about the voltaire of that story, but that in the the thing. And then I have a personal history with paris? The first time I went to paris I was mayst these guys tried to rob me. I got a lot of great jokes and stories drowned on a french resort in thailand, while diving doubt or know how faulty equipment we would happen debts. what are my biggest veers yeah? There was terrifying weight, started at the beginning. you and the story of did time. I am, of course yeah. Ok

who did So I'm in amsterdam you know had delayed. I talk show on dutch television, so if that was not fort, hu. It is enough when that ended the same network. Let me be a present or on a travel, show I do a highlight on saint petersburg, russia, Peru the champagne region of france. I got to do all these. Great trips, and We still do not stand up comedy and I was doing a state of come. tour in asia. I was doing. I did hong kong, Bangkok and I had two weeks off before I had to go to Tokyo so my dutch travel she'll boss- said that if I got certified diving while was in thailand on my next assignment. He would send me to the dutch caribbean. Where's, the dusk, caribbean, aruba, curacao, ok, I own air. So

My dutch travel show. Colleagues a date all done. Thailand death, so told me where to go so I flew the ppp islands, I flew from bank octopus cat and then took a boat for three hours to the p p islands, and I want to copy p, and I stayed on this french resort and I'm a franco file. Love everything about france in french culture, which is why its unfortunate what happens to me in this story. So my diving instructor was this tattooed criminal scumbag from mope. Ili france named philip and you could smell the cocaine criminal passed on this fuckin guy. There was a reason why he was hiding out in the islands in thailand yet home made jailhouse tattoos up and down his arms and yellow, had rat

only tail and the sight of his hair was head was shave for his mask of any eta. mustard, yellow speedo, that She's mustard, yellow teeth- and but he was ever gone. Diving there's like a book that you have to study for a week. before your ever allowed to get into the water I didn't You have to look at this book for one second, I sat with a very hung over philip on the morning of my first dive and he went through the hand signals with me this means. I cannot breathe. This means, I have a love of air alike. of air. Ok, I'm underwater oxygen is precious. Ok, oliver three days to figure out this means you are low or they're. So my diving class was very small. It was a british couple from london, they mark and mara, and I'm still very good.

friends with them because of what happens in this story, and they had both in paris for five years in both spoke, flew in french, my diving buddy. When you go diving your paired with a body safety. Your diving, but you have to constantly be checking on you. Buddy are you? Ok, buddy, I'm ok buddy so I'm single for a freshly dumped like a year or two before and Total knew no lover of all things: france, my diving buddy, was this beautiful frenchwoman from bore, dough france named hell, even and helene worked for worked. Did the ticket counter for air france at bordeaux, international airport and I fell in gently in love with her how perfect man we met while diving entirely. You know of imagining my future life living in bordeaux, I'd, get a job,

smashing grapes who my feet up at the end of the day, the bordeaux, international airport. We drive our shaggy dogs out to the coast and though tennis ball for dogs, the chase and make love in the sand dunes, dozens. Well, she spoke minimal, english and I speak minimal. French and philip also at a crush on this woman and his underwater flirting was outrageous. Every day heed. Let me aside and take her and show her pretty linked in whatever and by myself, to blow bootblue so a lot of men do this. When there's a rival for their affection, he becomes the silver back guerrilla. Any feels need to loudly insult me in front of the group every chance that he gets so we all said, but we did for a living, and I said I work for this television show, so he

keeps calling me mister television. Is these good enough for you, MR television on you, get your diving certificate and do you learn the buoyancy? You must learn to buoyancy me The television buoyancy is the perfect balance of perfect measure Professional divers never use their hands. You have an air vest with two buttons on at one. and increases the year. The other one decreases the year so perfect. No divers, always perfectly horizontal newtonian buying their backyard and very coolly go pitched while I m, nurse flail their arms and that's what I keep doing any yellow me over the buoyancy. Perfectly balance of perfect measures- so every day we would have lunch on these. Beautiful islands on these little alcove beaches and one Helene was pulling her bikini bottom out of her ass crack and I asked mark to ask her if she was going to the movies,

She says why I say, because I saw you pick in your seat: it's a children's joke. States she had never heard it before she thinks it's, the funniest joke ever cheese laugh in your ass off and I look at village and he's fucking idea. Is it me manny, so pissed off that I scored a point what this woman. So on the morning that I almost died, he's being a real dick to me and more in our boat, we're driving out to our diving spot and yell at me over whatever just just fuckin. Be rating me and and I finally said, listen philly, but I don't know what I did to make you dislike me. But I have to be honest with you. You making me feel uncomfortable and I have to trust you. down there and he goes all Mister Merrick. I have. I heard your feelings, maybe the Al Qaeda,

has asked me to leave your body in the ocean today and that's where mark stands up and boat and got you out of order and then they got into each other's faces, and then they almost fought. And it was like an hour before this explosive situation finally died down and we all got to go diving, In retrospect it was russian roulette with the bad tanks. When I got the bad one did you give it to me on purpose? We will never know just like it the other day. He pushes me aside. He takes her by myself, blah blah blah blah blah blah all of a sudden. I start breathing in water, and your Long story, water, we're its dates, ray. I know the equipment works, there's a button and forty the water in your mouth. You hit the button and it shoots out the site. It's not working. I get despair. Aspirator the octopus. It's the same thing. It's water, woke up and it's like forty feet is not that deep, but its deep enough to be dangerous.

You can never shoot straight up to the top. That's all people really get her and I looked at philip and he's like Jesus. I don't know. twenty thirty feet away from me. I swam to this guy as quick as I could. Oh, my god and I actually came in a little above him, and I had to whip him around by his ponytail to get his attention and who would have thought that I ever would have gotten to use in my lifetime. The I cannot breathe signal and he looked at me straight in the eyes, and he really seemed to take his slow sweet time me that spare respirator, and by the time it got to my mouth, I held my breath for so long. I can't

We create the sound that came out of me was the sound of someone dying and it came out of Me- and I thought this was the last moment of my life, watching bubbles go in front of this french fucks face, but I survived, and I had to wait on the boat while they finished their dive and I'm sitting on the boat and the tide boat. Captain was fishing, He pulled up of fish on the boat and fish was flop and around on the boat, and I felt so bad for that fish, because that was me just a minute ago and then what I got two they all came in and we all go back to the island and I sat on beach and I watched the sunset and Honest with you very mediocre sunset, it was really hazy and overcast that day There was the greatest sunset I've ever seen in my life, because there's nothing like most dying to make you really appreciate living and then he comes over to me on the beach and he invited me into the village to have a beer and we're here,

a beer, and I know he was trying to cover his ass. You know but he honestly he made an effort. He showed me. Picture of the wife and child that he had abandoned in france. You know he was triumph and I told them I said philip. I want you to know today the true meaning of buoyancy, because this more you said that should have at our kind and I hated your guts. I wanted you to die, then you saved my life and then all this forgiven. That's the perfect balance of perfect measures, and then I go. back to the resort and helene was sitting at the tiki bar by herself, and I went over to helene- and I tried to make small talk with her and I go so what's the first thing, gonna, do when you get back to bordeaux and she goes make love. To my boyfriend hidden what the second thing that there is now a second thing, so big,

carefully almost die for as they may not give a fuck And now you know I almost drowned in p. That might be one of the best stories I've ever heard. Yes, ultra, that's fucking on me, Things are going to do that on my neck special, oh, my god, that's fucking, amazingly, and it's real. It's like, and its ike it's I'm the one guy who loves everything about france infringe culture, and I find the one asshole frenchmen who's got a bug in his ass about americans landline amusing mock and leave me in the ocean for Al Qaeda back in the so I've got a lot of great stories are related to france in french culture and stuff, and that's why I want to do my next, our special there I feel like and be like, I feel like stand up is catching up to where you are right now because I like,

I'm I love a good story, I'm in love a good story, and I don't need it to be hilarious do I just needed to be good? I just need to be engaging and good and with All I need is on these. a gimmick, seven lapse in there and I'll be there, but all being, but what I need is an ending you gotta give me an end. They got out a good ending, be carefully. well done. Mr Martin, my high school speech and drama teacher taught me that you have to doubt The argument and the stories need to lead somewhere stores are right. I do think that stand up is moving towards more authorised authenticity and stories. Although I do I, I still love of a great written joke. Oh yeah, you know, I love a good centre. Much. I love a good joke. I love a start again with what norm was doing, which was these like these No, my ran into my neighbour the other day in, like those civil, where thou only does know

What am I gonna like a false set up story area is one of my favorite norm, jokes ever its and I don't even know what a norm joke or if it's him tell him a street joke but I think he wrote in a random whenever, though the day after the so that aaron nice major what he did for them. Living nurses, a comedian cash is out So what are you doing, as is a profound, serve logic, because oh really you have it. I was that it was hard, may explain so much easier for me to show so the guy says. Normally I have a dog and of course he is alone. Ok, and then by knowing you have a dog. I must assume that you have kids I do have kids. It goes golly? I then can assume that if you have kids you're married to woman, because I am well logically I assume of your married to a woman that you're a straight white male numbers. I am he is that's what I do not that's interesting.

So the next day norms that the elevator runs into another neighbour and other neighbours vain or made up so babby is the new neighbour numbers. I did What's he do norm says? Is a professor, a logic at the college? the guy goes well. What's that norms is actually caesar to show you, the new explain numbers The dog is no normal as well, and you must be a faggot I got obsessed with that. Joke are obsessed with that joke because No one does it that way any more like that was the way it was done. When my buddy hack, it would do the tonight show right. Someone would have to write those jokes and I'm those jokes and I wanted to write one. I wonder Up with one, I warned you write. What am I come a good comedian, honesty comedy, I understand I understand the waiter back in reverse engineer- myself ended a joke, but

but ultimately I end up doing what you do in his is or what I'm my strength is- and here I think, you're strong rather than I am, but just a great story, weaving a great story, leaving like the little things that you like I had gee. I had a story about running out of air in fiji, but Nowhere close to his good is yours is nowhere close by mine. When I said I talked to them. Often there were like what story It's always like. I wanted to tell the story about running out of air scuba, diving, mpg and the lady goes yeah, but I know the ending and I went oh yeah. I guess you do she's. The oh is something I'm not knowing and I go no no there's no real story to it. I do it just a interesting thing that happened. There's no legendary! I thought Oh, my god, I'm gonna get a great story out of my vietnam motorcycle crash yeah, but to me now, but it's not it's not. Like dead. Almost drowning in thailand story is because

No, there was a girl involved it's good know and, and then there's a rival for the affection. What is I'll tell you I'll tell you for me: what stands out? Is it it's, it's inclusive because not all this beloved taken scuba diving lessons, and we know formalities in them. You give us the you gave us the I'm, get the frontier scuba, diving lesson and yet what What's he do it's already communicable comedic in nature. The description of the guy he's hung over its digital to the hand signal it struck in this means cannot birth, the accents or who was agreed to man and then and in it does what I think all good stories to do as it puts you not the protagonist, but as a innocuous protagonist like you You are that what's moving the story forward, but, alas, I love what stories have I when someone tells a story that sounds like the bragging lay

by the time. I did this. Did me my boys, that's what an amateur do we tell her does, is he tells you about the coolest thing I ever did good storyteller tell will tell you about something that happened one. Where do you really aiding stories in the best and worst celery advocating like glories of failure? Now I don't. I don't think I have. Any stories were on a ban. ass in it. I think every story Every good story. This happened to me under the one that the last to recognize it or I think that's what what loved about. That- is that you are this in, sent protagonists this. This almost like cod, in the end, the gulf stream of of events- and so into it. That's what I love. That's a good way to describe it. Yeah, the gulf stream. Only a floridian! no shit right, but yeah, that's you know, did all these you know

I am imagining. Oh, my god. I'm go to fall in love with this girl and it's all the things that people can act with in their lives and, like you know, Disobey judicially banning oh yeah dc busybodies. Doing this thing on online, which is really good. he's doing on his instruments, studying it is called the storytelling and diesel, a great story, teller really agree, it storyteller any just pointing out some of the sum of the pitfalls of storytelling that the average person does where you can like. I would I used to do this thing where I would say to my friends Tell me I'll tell it back to you about, I should have told it and I I could just the average person would tell me a story and I could make it great story, because I knew what you wanted to hear. But can't do that with my own. It's really. For me to do it my own. in a weird wagging? I get my way of it like segura, wants I'm told me a story and we are the our drive and breyer, and I go I tell you how you should tell a story is, by the way he really young at the time

yeah sure I told him the way I thought he should tell it, and he was like that we're so much better, but the problem is you're also connected with your own truths. Like so much What really happened you, but you can't just stress, didn't make it a mental walrus shows up in oaks cause you're, like you know, every bit of its show. My wife thinks did I shouldn't say on the morning that I almost died. No large anything did I should check should reveal that later? But I say no, no! No! No! No! That's the way, I think that's a powerful, hard core power that I did to. Let people know that young I did. this is this- is where should gets real in the story. I did, I would almost say a natural way that this story came out. When I was twenty two, I got Bob the russian mafia. Here's how I love there, that's the it's! It's the thing where you go! Ok, I know he doesn't die, but I wanna hear how we almost died. I wanna hear and and to remind people of that. I love that I love that story. That's a great fuckin story,

I would love to. I would love to you tell it in france to yet. So if I take my wife paris? Where do I stay in paris? we know what theirs. This chain of hotel did I say I did it like independent boutique hotels? like twelve of them, Oliver, paris, and if you stay at one, you can stop at any. the others around the city. They have happy hour. Free wine, free coffee, so you can use these hotels and it's not like a chain chain, it's just a bunch of individual. chico tells that are owned by the same company and you can use them as stations go around the city but very important. You need to go and I told bilbil about this and he went there and lost his mind. It's the best participatory in paris, it's called storer. What's

history where they have fruit tart, oh yeah alone, napoleon god pastries yeah. Also do the most incredible sandwiches and paris and- and I told bill this and you'll think me later get one to eat at that moment than by. another sandwich for later, when you're walking round him years ago, goddamn. I would what about another one of those sandwich? And then you will have an iphone This place, one instagram, what is the name of it I'll follow them on instagram right now, storer s t o h, r E r. This is great cause You gave me the tip for rome about this scooter. Roma yeah, would any which option, and I did we want to rome on one of our rome tripped yeah and we loved it. Oh some foreign I've told a bunch of people about it. So this this is the best

by tee, o h as tee o h, r e r, r e storer, the street did it's on room onto boy is one of the best been paris, so many in in over the last twenty five years, I only learned about this street last summer and I've bindon. I was in paris last summer and then went back in december, back in january, and I'm going back in october last year, I was there, I went straight there when I got off the plane. I too, so I took the metro straight there.

e t on Marcel it's between eighty on Marcel and les howls, the the the the metro stops and that street room onto guy has got a great cheese shops. Great bread, shops, great meat shops, great fish shops and this place has been there for four hundred years, the store in credit, fuck, ok or at night, because now I'm I'm on the fence on either going to shanghai by myself or I'm taking wife to paris should take leaned a pair says she's never been. The issues raised, and I said to her: I set a really want to go see either said why we want to go to beijing? Singapore or I said, or europe in ottawa and among our new players in europe, but we gotta go gotta, go with me in paris in october, and I can only go the only week. I have off for the next, like eight months is september,

the second September september, fifth, sixth, seventh and so I it's the only weekend. I have often everything else. I've got some for my girls or something this one's totally free so like maybe I'll take Linda, paris or I'll go to shanghai, will get to beijing and lands, like I wouldn't mind, seeing the great wall of china but the way she said it was almost like a and then But when I said paris she lit up yeah, oh shit them either My daughter me gotta go ok and tokyo. I hadn't in turn. We are you didn't tell you my boy last september and go back thanksgiving week of of this year, the gig. There is amazing, its isa hundred people. And the food in in Tokyo.

Neighbourhood rahman shops that it's not as expensive as you think it is. I want to Tokyo. I've been to amend, took your once really and really travelled and I loved it. I thought it was fucking amazing, germany of asia, yeah, everything's, clean and efficient, and the subways or sire the trains or silent like know. What's the streets are still like get off the subway station and everyone no one's talking, throw just perfect. And I want from there to vietnam- and I was like if no one's touching you in Tokyo than they have you their fingers in your mouth in vietnam logging That was my analogy lately, the completely different. Can I plug if you could please please wait. I think you would. You would appreciate my schedule for the rest of the material to hear it yeah, okay, so of the broadcast cast fans, please come out and support little tommy roads before I

died drowning in thailand. What a great story, what a great fuckin story: okay, so august! Twenty! Second, I'm in all on, but tar mongolia at you be city, comedy club. August twenty hoary, greater, whose growth of funny jack play in call theatin magnolias outer house august, twenty four them in beijing august, twenty fifth them in shanghai august thirtieth through September. Second, I'm at west nyack new york? If you done that is lacking, lebron arrive. Have you done it's a good room. I've never been. There is a great room just very different than they used to be comedy room and yeah I'll, be coming from shanghai to west nyack. New york celebrity live leverage, levity, live it's a great mall, they're, great and then october september. Fourth,

through the ninth amazon ease in Chicago september, twelve to sixteen m its aims. Rosemont and then september twenty seven to the thirtieth at the punchline in Atlanta cod, you fuckin workin october. Fourth, I'm in Porto Portugal october, fearsome in lisbon, Portugal, Toby, twelve and thirteen them in paris, France october. Sixteen, through forty I'm in oslo, Norway October twenty fifth twenty nine them and go away. Ireland during the Galway comedy festival October thirtieth is Dublin november. First is belfast november third is berlin. In november eighth, through eleventh I'm at the improv in addison I love how you love november, twelfth through eighteenth and brad garrett's comedy club in las Vegas november.

yeah then like. Thanksgiving, we're gonna do osaka and Tokyo Tokyo might be like november twenty six one. seven and work in that out now and then of ember, twenty ninth december. Second, amid the improv in pittsburgh and then december tenth through seventeenth, I'm doing this israel tour of ever done. The israel tour no, but I just heard them of influx of crocodiles in the west bank ye. I think there might be war going on there by the time I go there spring. I see I'm doin israel. The december and through the seventeenth and then december, twenty the twenty second I'm at the improvin orlando I was to the world. Improv the week before christmas, fucking year that's a nice year. That's a fine have already done a lotta. I already did that your tour in April in paris in january, in god, damn tom, that's fucking, Why? No one doesn't give men come

The travels, I don't know you. I don't know what I mean. I have a few reasons. I think that tv she just learned to skate this The scope of television would never be able to make some that bourdain made now yeah. I do think there are media outlets. That would, I think, vice something that would be great for you from all things company. I just Accommodation will berlin about what he called me in the middle of this podcast just at this conference. What berliner and we were meeting there week. Me him out bill no more than tat. if a woman, a light up my instagram, I'm literature, film, I'm going to film because I'm going out to the mongolian countryside, here's what here's, what I think, here's what I think, here's the I think we should utilise something like all things: quality when you're doing this tour. What you should get is a small like care, and g seven acts. It's like a real it's a, I think, that's the name of it. It's a really cameras, point shoot, but a shoots. May in the footage it really does, and if I were you, I would get

two hundred twenty eight gigabyte cards and I will end- and I would no just filled him up, fill them up and I'd film a tonne, film you travel nuggets film you information, film. What you ve read like to stuff. You do about samara film at all and then give it to me ike and let him edit it into stuff too, that you go viral online, because I think it's I know that you're, not the kind of person that thinks film first live. Second, I am more that guy, like I definitely go like I go, do definitely go or should shoot this. I used to be obsessed with it because I was, and I made all these youtube videos and- and I and I have an old, great canon camera that I used to use and I I would call it x, ended arm productions, because, if you look in things I'm like they did this decision, It is me extending my arm going hey when you're in beijing there's this street with the guiding fried on a stick yak in what I say,

That's how out dunno I'll call you I'll call you before you take off, I'm going talk to them, but I think there is things that I think would help increase. Profile help so you tickets in all these places. I think what you, what who you sell it two, in my opinion, are the people who, I happen to be living abroad in mongolia happen to be wanting live abroad in pittsburgh. Listen to going ships, What's the name of that fuckin restaurant in paris. Ah, fuck only goes scuba diving in thailand. Its oration fear mean Arias has as made it sexy. I think to a large group of people that like me and you didn't access. You know like. I travel, no older people even newer care that I travelled. You know, but I think there's a way, I'm out I'll talk to you next week, so I'm talking with them beginning next week, and but I would love to see, special. If you get one of their hot editors, to put two jazz it up

it's actually give you an introverted, now draw and make five minute clips woman eclipse for you. On your instagram. I just think that's loved value on the store. I would love to track or use scam stories at all. Gambia digest started I've been I'm while this guy adam green tree and he doing a hunt in Eight day, hunt in the outback of australia and I wake up. he's only stories, I'm really watchin. I watch his story. Why is it better to do his story than just post a video and instagram or is it I didn't? I think, the For me, the videos are more bigger production, meaning like if I shoots up into promoted data It's not funny earth. If, if I'm an edit saw a joke together, You know when it's going be a minute. The story. for me are little quicker, but I think people are more forgiving with them. and they go on, I was stupid. It's just a story is not like. The next what times to be posted instrument post that maybe as stupid, people like fuckin Jesus part. You know

but can can you do the same like post the story and the video. So if a story is good, sometimes what people of a story is good. You can save. Videos and edit them together and then put him in your feed. So the story good people put them together, put in their feed and and vice versa. Vietnam, motorcycle crash, I didn't put on a story. I just put it on the regular and single. That's, I think, that's an instagram, I think that's deftly in its grand post, but see what I would do that I would. I would definitely turn that into a promo video for my next time. I Vietnam, I would definitely like. like I would like when you're in paris. I would definitely do a segment at stores and be like hey guys, it's tom when I was on burke, rushers podcast, he's reposting this for me by the way. Thank you bert, like just

fuck around and when and Bilbil, whose also reposed in this war me thanks been bill was that he talked about it on his podcast and then he'd like did so much. He went back while he was in paris and then they see this ain't on his biogas. can you say the name cause? It's roads is thing and roads found it and then, like I got like a guy like it's good though I got like third It'D- be really nice of him to have that code of honor but yeah, then I had to answer thirty five emails. He wrote the vocals, the name yeah. I think I think I think I think you definitely should do a segment there, and I want to feel stuff, I'm endeavouring in it. enlighten the world with. I think what my group, what would benefit you, as opposed to give me ray absolute blank canvas, was say rachel MIKE and myself, and build an owl, and you all sat down and go looking calendar, said, unlike an almost

reproduction meeting for you going here you go in here here here. You're here, do shoot someone at the stores just cover it just covered fuckin lou really woes it down with footage. Do a couple: of your, what you love about it talk too. Maybe someone that's going in their talk and then let go separated genetic paris. Are you into mongolia do carry some gangs. Can I knew you would very easily go towards this end, as a set of eyes from the outside of it going. This is what we'd be in, and I can tell you what I am already until you across the board, what I'm interested in every little place, and so I think what about some like that in a year. Well, terminology would be very easy to put out to have been a lot of most of these city, like I've been to beijing five or six times You have been to shade. I don t. You believe those like Ok, I'm gonna make my decision based on what tom tells me like I know me and you talk about doing to travel podcast, oh yeah,

totally forgot about. I know I do said just I e the aids. I sent messages. Never think are both are schedules were so fucking being a part that we need to find a time were both and allay for, like two weeks and then just gang shoot. Em dang shoot em and get out he's coming to produce them out and just gang shoot, em a release them and just released them once a week ago, The place where we issue like twenty five day. Twenty five. So we got half a year and then wait till we have the next two weeks. You traveled. I've travelled, but it's one of my favorite things scares me I talked to travel with one of my favorite things dude. I know it inspires me. I told you, I got the bug, I'm like an itch and I need something. For me where I can disappear and go out and stay out until four in the morning, walking around streets and and put a lock on some fuckin bridge

yeah know what impair the the the paris the I've done, that the days they stopped. They cut down all those locks on the asia because it was a too heavy for the the structure. Oh for real, but one of my favorite things when you fly to paris and you land there and option, and I my wife the first few days, you're jet lag and so waken up in the middle of the night and my wife photographer, so what am I favorite things in the world is to be jet lag and up all night in paris in your walkin around it such a great city to walk round and pictures of and stuff. it's alright I pick up my daughter dude. I love you. I can talk to you. I love you so much man, anytime anytime. You want to podcast. Just call me cool and let me know I'd. I'd literally will move things around you. Such a fucking am so excited for your next special, stories. One the dinosaurs, our lives, aids, it's fine! I can happen until next year, so we live our lives, vast racket,

done man. I love you blossom brother. Thank you. Low may run the this episode.