Hi, it's Phoebe, you're, about to hear the first episode of our new show. It's called this is love. We hope you like it. You can subscribe an apple podcasts or wherever you listen. New episodes come out every Wednesday find out more at this is love dot, com. Hi, my name is David Alexander. I grew up in Brooklyn and I'm here to answer a few questions and tell. Story one day in the early 70s David Alexander, decided to go for a run in central park And so I drove up there, and park, the car And walk down in the meadow still holding my key ring a big key ring and I wanted to put to put it down

and there I saw Jesse sitting on a blanket a Wednesday afternoon in the spring and she had the times Sunday to arts and leisure section: a bottle of water, the sketch pad and a man's hat with a ribbon tipped one side, and I perfect, may I leave my keys here. I go front sure she said, and so I was gone for fifteen minutes and came back and we had a natural conversation and I sat down and then sometime I'm fine and I offered her a ride home and big cheeks. The it was a day.

In time into your, we describe what she looks like five foot, eight straight posture at the time had long, hair and green.

I athletic and slender, not really slender muscular slender and she had a face that was full of character and was both smart, looking and lovely, and I asked her for a date. I said him. Would you like to go to the ballet? That's quite a. That's a great for state to pull. It was the Joffrey ballet at Lincoln Center, while she she said, okay. It's easy to tell this part of the story. The rest isn't so simple, nothing good where I'm Phoebe Judge- and this is love.

What was that for state like at the ballet? I ran outta gas on the way- and I said, here's a ticket. You know I can some gas and I'll join your oh, no I'll stay with you and we came in a little bit late and then I taking our home and stopped in front of her apartment building and she said. Would you like to come up of course, and we were together ever since it sounds when you hear it like a movie, it sounds right out of a movie. I've told the story to other people.

And when you tell other people, you know how I believe Well, it sounds when you're telling it. We can't prove that this is what happened. Also, the ease of asking a stranger to hold your keys, and you just can't bear it out. Hold in your hand. While you go for a run, he said he had a gigantic key ring. He said I said so many of his big ring. I just again her keys. She had a different upbringing than you. Of course she did When did that first become clear to you right away, well and Jesse, and her best friend live together in this large apartment on the west side of the park, and

they would have during the week sometimes several dinner parties and salons as they are known where someone with be singing while dinner was being prepared, it would be or Derbes, and there be wine flowing and um this. Of course, she was brand new for Maine and they'll they'll be artists and writers, and some famous and semi fame people that passed through see you walk into this one world of salons, finding yeah play a fish out of water and when you met her family for the first time, tell me about that experience. Did you go to the family home? I remember having being invited for dinner. I was on my best behavior, of course,.

Certainly, I was not her dad's idea of the ideal choice. My grandparents were very traditional. You had to wear specific clothes for different events in. Everything was just so Jody and I were sent every year the Tiffany's table book of manners, because we can. I need to not learn and then upon our arrival at her grandparents house, we would be tested and always fail. David and Jesse wanted to make their own kind of life. So they left New York and moved to San Francisco for money. They opened a lasagna truck. This spend the first generation of food trucks. They called it Jessica's moveable feast, they also started studying eastern religions

psychology in Sanskrit and when they did to get married. They ask their teacher to perform the ceremony. He said sure he'd be honored and

he said the roll up at Golden Gate Park right near the gardens. He created a traditional marriage that we were painted with henna. We had a traditional garb on and my mother and step dad and dresses family came hi. Jesse family do with that. Well with the well. They were at best. They would have been very, very difficult for bowing to the astrological deities making offerings of key and rice and other things n circum Amber waiting, the fire pit

very, very difficult. There's pictures of them dad looks fantastic. He has the largest beard of ever seen and mom looks great, so she's wearing a sorry he's wearing a Punjabi, I think he is wearing a my grandparents. They their picture there. But they sort of look a little bit uncomfortable in the sand. Hugely I'm comfortable and they're being asked to like Porgy G into a fire ceremony in there like white suits sworn he was wearing seersucker if they might have been wearing serious. Are there lots of flowers that Garland's many garlands and

Bin flowers all over the ground? You know both parents in ecstasy. This capture, next it is- that is what they yeah they they do, look like sort of like they're hovering, but also a slight or relief David says it was a good life. They created a life that seem natural one of those lives where you can't really remember anything before lived in an ashram. They lived in India eventually found an old farmhouse in the mountains of North Carolina, for they landed David. What's that the studio so Jesse could paint, she would spend hours, painting and drawing people and landscapes. Sometimes small paintings. She might give you as a gift and then Jesse was pregnant. Jesse never fell.

She was going to have children. She was told a reading, actually one time that she had that it It might be very dangerous for her and she was very happy to be becoming a mother totally happy as it something that she never felt was gonna have turn within our lifetime. How did having a baby change your relationship as a couple, don't think it did see? We were older. We had known each other for twelve years. We had our lives in order and to manage the extra. Capacity in the newness of it was just wonderful and exciting years after Julian was born. Jesse was pregnant, again remember going to the hospital and them

babies. Nurse handed me Jody. She said stroke Alexander, congratulations, you're, a and father again How old is forty and how old was Jesse? Four thousand three hundred and forty three, Jesse was a happy mother. The happiest it was six months after Jody was born. She lump on the breast. Who is analyzed and she was told that she might live for three and a half years on average?

I can't even imagine what that game. Oh good, who could imagine that I was crushed, for three years. They thought the best care they could find. Then she again treatment at a hospital in Virginia. Two of her friends invited her to live with them. Much as she wanted to see the children all the time she wanted to change the pivot for the girls over to me, and so the children would begin to look to me for all of their needs. We would visit regularly, but we did not together. So she was like she was kind of like training wheels. It was like she was giving it a ramp up period to,

You have to do this all alone. I was still thinking she was healing. She. She she held herself together, very well, but the illness progressed and she was unable to get around as well, and it was obvious that it was going to be soon and she called one of our best friends who is godmother to there. Girls and asked her to come and our friend Gabriela came and took charge of the situation.

I want to sit with her on the last day for her last four hours. She was no longer speaking. And then there was the hard breath it was just a graceful exit. Gabrielle created for the children a great way to say goodbye to their mother. She asked Our friends to gather up some children that. They knew in the neighborhood, some families with

children, and we had them over. Her husband built a little boat, little sailboat about two feet: long, simple, a little wooden boat at Jody, and I were encouraged to fill with little all gifts or let there's notes to mom as sort of a send off, and then we took it down to a stream and sort of a parade, mostly adults banjo. I believe in formal dresses that were very starched. Remember that and we pushed it off, went down the stream

around the band and out of sight all the adults were just weeping and and also smiling, and I think we were both pretty confused about what was happening. You remember anything of that Jude. I only know from the pictures that we come out right. There are pictures from every stage walking me holding the boat and then getting to the like the edge of the creek that we put it in both joy and standing at the edge of the water, and dresses. That seemed slightly out of place where They'd stayed in close touch with their friends from the ostroff spending, many summers with them in upstate, New York and after Jesse died, David and the girls invited back there

special guests in order give them time to get on their feet. They there for a little over a year and when it was time to go back into the real world Day, took the family back to North Carolina to Chapel Hill, see you arrive in Chapel Hill, these two little girls here now now it's you it's it's dad at will what you do? It was all about managing. It was not about getting ahead. It was hold down the process and be there for them. When I came home stability yeah, I'm not Okay, I think from the outside. Looking in for a number of years, it was pretty confusing. How we were all you know, hanging around through life and my add shows to sort of Fargo

Financial Security for a more loving and readily available situation, which I think in the end, has really worked out for us Amber him dressing up a lot in costumes of various kinds to pick us up from school, like not full costume. But he would put on like a paper mask and just like waltz in and never knew when he was going to take like a Koosh out of his pocket, just tossed it to you across a room that is in public. We have we both have very good hand the coordination, because you're always ready to go up like this serious seriously sort of like to think we looked. You know how These days, look really put the where everything is coordinated. The girls with is in their hair and the moms have done so much

make them look well, look I could take a picture on this. Would last in this would be like. Oh I'd like to have that for my collection, where when I, when I think about drilling- and I were dressed up as a kid- we, you know just grab whatever looked like clean, and sometimes like, I think. Oh, we got out of like a trash. Cam dash cam, but your phone they're probably said when you came down to a nice breath. Well that looks good yeah yeah, I think we war rings, were definitely too small. I mean sort of straightforward stuff, we probably by looked a lot like miniature fathers and we still sort of our. It was easy to have two beautiful girls who were vibrant and having opportunity to be dead. You know, ah,

I continue to feed them every bit of their mother that I could and she's not very far away she's. This sort of thank vague, but she's close. You know for a number of years after she died. One of our various and parents will call them would asked to call us on her birthday and tell us a story from their lives before when they're young cools and California, which I thought was a really nice way of get. That may be what she would have been telling. You- know she wouldn't be telling US stories of our life with her. She would have probably over the years, told us about what it was like before.

She was an amazing woman, amazing, great woman who had such strength and such great virtues and such artful living as well as they are. You're still in love with her sure, I can't really remember a time when dad wasn't talking about mom in general. I think she just as part of his daily existence. Last time, each of you talk to your father. Jody a Saturday, that's true, he came over your house on Monday. That Monday I mean, I don't see the sun, it was Monday, psalm in person on Monday about you

so some on Monday and how woman different times different, making the rounds on Monday, I was, and he was saying that in like really congratulating himself about it but like stated that make the rounds once open having us both in one day, it feels like a success. Does he show up at your homes or workplaces? Unannounced? Yes, so he would come in you'd be working and there would be your father right reset my boyfriend Chris got a job, and- and I was super proud of him- and he took the opportunity to go to his place of work with a bag filled with ice cream ice cream box. He Chris is were yeah on his first day. Looking for Chris, you feel like

as a doorbell get invited in and he just immediately is like have you seen Chris? I need to bring to Chris there a hundred people who work there, and nobody knows who Chris is because it's his first day but he's spends, maybe most of an hour. Looking all over meeting everyone. Add handing meanwhile just dripping ice cream all over the office before he fine Can you find someone who shows them where freezer is where he can deposit the ice cream? I I think even encountered Chris. I think Chris was in a meeting or being like HR somehow, and so he only we heard about it when he got back to his desk in everybody in the office had met my dad, I was looking for him yeah it a good way for Chris to be introduced to his new scene, but also yeah he's great. My dad's great and

times he miss reads a situation but seems to always tumble out on top s, girls, how they would feel if I looked out, maybe look for some company. Oh yeah, dad glad sure yeah do it. You know fully encourage ing me. You know how did you do I didn't know exactly how I was going to go about doing this and eventually placed an ad in the independent, which is very popular. It's time that weekly news now baldness be independent and I placed some expensive and in there- and I got I got a lot of responses. I mean a lot. It was, but I think in the first two days I had thirty calls he roses are dating at a pretty

in time for us. In so far, I think we were discovering what like pranks were. And so we played pranks on women who would come over? What he told me is that the add one out in the Indy yep and that he is lot of response he did yeah it was too much. Was that hard all we have like a love death grip on each other in general? The three of us so we're all we're all very protective, too protective, I think was good enough. And I didn't care for one of them. Yes, did you tell your father the mole? I feel vocalize vocalized at least half a dozen times and also put saran wrap on the toilet before she went in there. So not always verbal communication.

He chickened out of a few really harsh ones like we put tax in her shoes once and then we went and pulled him out. Are you dating now? I'm not. You interested in dating now. The phone is going to be bringing this is just like that ad. In the paper I tell you, I am ready to date Are you online dating? I have one, on? How are you good at online dating? I don't know it be nice to have for him to have someone you spend a long time in the more time I feel like he spends out someone the more he we sort of get too comfortable with himself that's possible and structure

more needed than anything else. I think not not that he doesn't know what to do. It's just that. He says things. I could really use some kindness and what he's saying is that he can't take care of himself as much as he thinks he probably should be doing. Yeah he's adjusting and he's doing good job and he's healthy, but, he doesn't see things that I I went out and I feel bad and I don't want to be mean that I'm pointing out, but she means like your hair to be clear, I think you're totally right Jody the more time he spends by himself. The more I mean. It sort of seems like the pool of candidates is shrinking both in actual numbers, but also just because people will become more and more jaded in their own ways, and so then they're less eligible for my dad, who,

I think really more than anything, wants like an open hearted person, so yeah, finding partner of any kind, even if it's just Amanda pallor round around with, would take a little pressure off of us. You know that love grip that I was referring to is real and have thing someone else who could listen to of the stories and if the haircuts- and I think he would really thrive. What is he taught you about relationships if you don't have the same like deep heart, like heart sense of each other? And why are you wasting your time and

oh yeah he's a real cut, your losses, kind of guy when it comes to love, he's like or it's there or it's not, and there's no sense in trying to build it. It's just that's not how it works. This is. Love is produced by Lawrence for Wilson. In me, audio mix by Rob, Byers, special thanks to Incel, Ogun, Katie Davis, Julian Alexander, create original illustrations for each episode of this is love, and her father is very proud of. Her will be back with episode next Wednesday. Here's a preview yeah, I think, that's normal. To be scared, I mean, when you can't see anything below, but you can feel something, and you can also not just feel the motion, but presence of something

go subscribe and find out more about the show at this is love dot com. This is love is recorded in the studios of North Carolina public Radio, W? U N, we're proud? Member of radio talk, from prx collection of the best podcasts around special thanks to add for providing our ad serving platform to radio. I'm Phoebe Judge- and this is love- radio to.