« The Glenn Beck Program

Ep 29 | Kevin Hines | The Glenn Beck Podcast

2019-03-23 | 🔗
Glenn sits down today with a walking miracle, Kevin Hines. Kevin Hines is a storyteller at heart. He is a best-selling author, global public speaker, and award-winning documentary filmmaker. In the Year 2000, Kevin attempted to take his life by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Kevin now travels the world sharing his story of hope, healing, and recovery while teaching people of all ages the art of wellness & the ability to survive pain with true resilience.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Four seconds four seconds is what it takes for somebody to hit the water after they ve jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge four seconds: that's the amount of time people have alive nearly one hundred percent of the time to take the lead, in this case those four seconds didn't and alive, but changed alive, because those four seconds were different. Somehow miraculously on September day in two thousand nineteen years ago, cabin Heinz thought no one cared for months. He had suffered from severe mental illness and depression. Voices in his head had told him. This is the only option Kevin. You can't trust anybody you have to kill yourself. Today is the day you die on his journey to the bridge Kevin mentally pleaded with strangers. To ask him: are you ok to stop him? No one did get through a series of miracles. Having survived, she was rescued. Recovery was not easy. He still struggles with his mental disease every day, but this guy is a fighter. This is a show today made for you or perhaps somebody that you know, because this is a guy who gave up and then hand. For second said: wait: I've made a mistake,
And every day he shares his story in the hopes that his message of hope will others seek the help. They need. I want tell you about a movie called, unplanned None of you, ve heard, but MP, a has decided to slap and our rating on it. It is really it's it's crazy to do this. This is so far away from an hour raiding. The reason why it has an hour rating is because there is a sea gee. I seen that last, maybe thirty seconds tops and it is of of of of a baby, see gee I on an ultra sound fighting. It is its abortion.
It's crazy. It's a true story about Abbe, Johnson and Plan parenthood. This, I think, is a game changing movie so much so I volunteered my time to be able to tell this story and to get people to come. So please go to unplanned film dotcom, that's unplanned film dot com. It will change you your travelling. Seventy five miles an hour, you're dropping twenty five stories. Its said that
hitting the water at that speed from the Golden Gate Bridge is like slamming into concrete. I want to. I want to start at what you thought was the ending. Then I wanna go back look what brought you there and what you ve learned since the moment. My hands left the rail Now I was on no cord to be talk back. You know it was his freefall and there is the most terrifying pattern fine feeling I've ever had until today. The though the way and is coming out you so fast with the fog. It was like. It felt like needles hitting my sincere and. The impact was so harsh. I really knew something had exploded inside of me
I would have been my tea, twelve l, one male to that just popped. And four for a moment before when the shock it was excruciating physically painful, that pain was completely overwhelming and then a vacuum Because you're going so fast just talks you under seventy feet into the depths of the water, and you don't which way is up or down, but I opened my eyes thinking I'm alive and I'm drowning. And my first thought Glenn was, I dont want to drown, watch it what Choice party now and and trying to write myself and find a way to this. Office in the Turkey, water was the
and comprehension. I do know what to do, but you eventually just naturally Bob up No, no! I couldn't feel my legs not enough. They were immobile or if I could not feel them, but I couldn't hear them thought I wasn't moving, but swim as fast as my arms would take me. To what I believe to be the surface Do I figured out. I was going down initially because my there's began to ring and my eyes, and learned that I knew I knew I was going down. I learn that by watching enough majority tank Europe, we desire for the surface. I'm serious fact is Mars will take me. Not feeling my legs and I get I guess lit circle of water above me and I think I'm not gonna, make it died today. A died today. No one is ever going to know. Did I didn't want to cause,
when I my hands left, there really was an instantaneous regret for my actions. Which is what nineteen of the thirty nine gone Gate Bridge Jump survivors have recounted aloud. At an instant regret from their actions- and I believe, gland it's, because our thoughts are separate from our actions. But just because we think something does me we do something you analogy I use when I go and speed to high school kids is, I say when I'm four thousand, because I say if your mom and dad thoughts always became their actions, how many of them are being jail right now for rolling up my dads and get rid of their ads. You know so. We can recognise and settle crisis, but our thoughts, we have to define own or rule our actions. I believe we can always stay. I will come back, to how you were rescued, but now come with me just two,
The few minutes before you jumped In reading your book and and having personal experience and familial experience with with suicide. I saw related and People don't understand when, if you ve ever Contemplated suicide. You you read your book and you're like that's me. I know that I know that moment and others just look at it as well. Let some sort of depression- hey buck up kid. We all have that kind of stuff. Don't understand how There is a you in there still fighting just a little bit still fighting one, putting someone,
to reach out and say, stop stop. Don't do it tell me about Just tell me about the morning that morning so the morning of well first, why hadn't slept fourteen days, but about two hours, That causes psychosis all by itself. I give the morning of. I'm feel like bugs your calling up now my skin I have bipolar disorder. I'm sorry, I've, a neural chemical disease in my brain and misled chemicals in an end And that morning I had written note, I had put the note in my notebook in a notebook at my shoulder bag by the door that's six. In the morning I entered my father, Patrick true. He was sound, asleep wearing see pat machine. You know you sound like Darth Vader snoring and And I started him awake and he says immediately Kevin. What's wrong.
We ve been having it. We ve been having a trying. Time can what's wrong Said nothing death. I just to tell you that I love you. My mind it was for the very last time. I saw Kevin. I love you too, but it six in the morning have to be at work until nine go back to bed and he put his mass backer. And he a sound asleep, is quickly see and welcome He had. No idea walked around the other side of the bed, sat on the carpet in Florence, Iraq, my body back and forth, and tears bang myself to tell the one man who loves me, the most in the world. The truth. All the voices in my head, the auditory hallucinations caused by that disease I called brain paying, you know he called a mental illness. But it's really brain pay, you back king diseases, like any other organ in the body rock back and forth. They must tell him.
And then the voice in my head said Catherine, you have today you have no choice, its inevitable And I was a voice. I heard for so long that that inner that and people don't understand what it is. If you ve. Never, had a hallucination if you never heard a voice other than your conscience in your head that doesn't sound like anybody. You know I love you can't comprehend, unless you put on your funds, like they're doing now, to study people with live with schizophrenia and and and my time by poor disorder. Studying how and what it's like to listen to voices other than the voices. You know You had telling you think you should do that. You want to do so, who did you who how did you process hearing that voice? Who was that voice? What was it I had heard that voice first in fourth grade the never told anybody.
And fourthly, wasn't like it. It was I got a voice yours, it was like a four spiteful voice. Did I couldn't quite understand? I just knew it didn't like me, you know I knew it's great that this. This thing was in me that didn't like me that hated me how new process that I Didn'T- anybody I do. I just have to decide how to do what what were you thinking? That was what do, what what what is it and what worth greater will, as a fourth grew to first of all, I was vis. Really bullied in grade school. Because and am be Frank Glenn Ideally, kids. I wasn't I wasn't all irish, no wasn't all italian, I'm part B compared Jamaican make an portuguese and and people took note of that and they made fun of me that they, the eighth graters, would pull my ears like this and yell whistle little inward whistle Oh yeah, a few guys would hold me from behind. Under my arms and punch me in the gets, an almost see the bruises. I love to name, but I'm not going to.
Your n n n. And this is something the one on every day. And so there is definitely a great. Self loathing It came from without from outside of me that that these guys hated me because ten color, my skin or they just hated me because I was different and I may be acted differently if Canada. I was not He knows I was loud and noxious and maybe the word annoying came up. A lot but I was laudanum nauseous, partly because of those voices in my head. Then and then it would turn to this massive amount of bullying by not just my graters but but every It above that who didn't like. Me and what I look like in that my family was adopted at my brother. Was black in that you know my it was a whole situation that I had to deal with for seven years and great, I said no more. I saw I got you should get back out at the school a long time ago, and I to a whole black grade school,
It was the best decision ever made because they accepted me on day one day, one. And really glad. Nobody really knows that part of my story. I don't talk about, very often You know it's not something through public they they put me in a trash, can upside down babbles when they wanted to pursue this. But why are you sharing it to me now? I have no idea in my head I think about it. A lot they broke meekly everyday. And some of my first in didn't understand what was really gonna and I say it now. I think I say it now Glenn, because. Look at cyber bullying, which is the crisis text line, says, is sixty percent more lethal than schoolboy, because These kids see themselves online, it is persona they developed online this social media and they see that their network
the people on their feeds to them. Glenn, that's the whole world, and an end, some puts her a message on line or a pitcher on line that makes you or video online. It makes you look terrible or shames you in some way, or even goes worse than that goes further than that. It would These kids are doing these days the whole world sees that and they can't see past affected some day. They are gonna, beat thirty seven. With for successful businesses in a lovely wife, Anna and a grave, a great network, a family in France. They can't see that Glenn he can. The possibility their stuck in that tunnel Everyone knows it out die, And something happens in their brain Glenn because no brain change base upon the amount of lakes they receive or don't, and that is, a problem we need to solve before it's too late.
I'm gonna get alot of flag for saying this among social media all the time. I just started a. U do general, you know, but but I almost some. I find myself wishing for a world. Where we look at each other glancing demagogy- mobility, among other things, called social media who is so hilarious and so wonderful in some ways, but so detrimental and so many others. I think we used to mess around with that. We don't anymore, I Have a part of me, a part of me that we should show that world peace at least dangling we'd, be sitting at the table having a conversation in person that would matter at least dangling. Kids would have the conversation they need out with their parents that they're not having because around their phones all night long and they're, not sleepy.
And then the depressing the money in their wondering. Why so you're an eighth grade, you say: stop switch schools. Stop but the voices don't stop where it says so silly. They happen in fourth green and teeth green like, but then they went away. It was like, It was like I got out of that school. I gather that situation and people who accepted me, for who I was now you wanted to beat me to be someone. I wasn't and now was magical man now and I get in high school all boys catholic high School, my father went, which I had. I I only applied to that school is my only option. If I didn't get it, I was deserted, big trouble, you know, and- and I am looking at the ad. At the wall with my dad's, picture on in his
picture in his graduation pictures him looking sideways ribands answer how he is not yet an extra tat. They really amazing is down there forever. I love that large fish ridden high school is a crusader. Her And I have great faith I always have Only lost my faith, clan, the I was on that bridge. Looking down cry my tears. The waters below. I found out on the way down you know, but but but you know that at the point at hand. I school. Wasn't easy either I was five too. Back in some change the tiny guy with no no friends and a member a remember, remember vividly walking in the cafeteria the first day of school. And you can, you can literally see the division of race amongst the tables. Maybe so sad you on the right
and I'm some very clear here on the right- in the book of me on the right was the asian table we must see it. Looked like you, don't you? U detail, they were chinese green individuals and their em. They made it clear that Philip but it was very clear: the black table, the That's what I call the misfit table: the table, and then I remember was on the left, but I walked up. To every table every table dismiss me. Every table said dose it to the next, every syn will table. I accept the missed it the table of tax, urging geeks in an guys it didn't belong anywhere, are still they felt, found myself there, and that was also magical. Wonderful because I made some of the greatest friends I still have today, who are trying to make
like me, soldierly call I'm guessing enlightened lot of those misfit tables end up being the people that are running the world. I think that I think there are doing great things that are there. Try that Europe does misuse tables are filled with people of their fill with the people that are affecting social change. Yes, that's what they're? Yes, that's daddy, change the world they want to, they certainly want to, and they ve always wanted to. There So you use continue to speak about your father sounds wonderful, but he's not here your birth father now her father and mother. You are actually begin from their home. Very very early on tell me that Argentina said Alice was half mexican half a tie.
He was a round faced man from the picture. I own picture I have with the black beard, and lots of bushy hair and am, and he was a hippie through and through, In the seventies emphasis your posts, Hippy Erika, you know and an eye- and he was madly in love with Marcia Veronica There are precedents, She was a whole bunch of wonderful things, but is born in Jamaica in in Spain, Ireland, in Saint Mary, so and they found themselves in safe he's gonna find themselves in love and they had to bury boys me there. Name Giovanni, Gabrielle Prescott, FED Alice and my brother George Bush, I wonder why yet for names he got so add two boys an end. And I have since learned that they weren't on drugs when they had us physically right. But they were on drugs after they gave birth to us. So they
Porthos very quickly, both when at one after the other, my older brother, I got that wrong in the book actually been misinformation or misunderstood that, but. Direction my older brother Bali little bit. There are busy Mama Jack. You know and em we we lived in in squalor in the tunnel and San Francisco and and and and they did a lot of drugs and they saw drugs in and I'm told my birth mother. She was prostitute. I don't know if that's accurate, but I've been told them many times by different people and I found some court documents that that. When you read a certain quota, it says. The boot when they came to take us, the police, came to take us from our are our neglectful. Parents. The boys lie there fairly closed, in their own filth. Gaming trying crying not to be neglected.
And then when you go further, you see that their dog paraphernalia sharp objects on the bed that, if we had touched, could have harmed or killed us. So it's a bad situation for two events to be They took us and they places and foster care we bostra for from home to home and I got emotional when you said about my mom and dad because I love them dearly, and I know they love me. I know they. Let me on conditionally. They fought to keep me in court, but they couldn't because of their sickness there, their disease, their substance, use it. You understand this, I know you do, they actually kidnapped, you say they couldn T one. As someone said, they wanted this back so bad that day came to the fore. Procure it for a meeting. You know meeting and we were poyser we're playing and they had a whole plan. They took him so that we are on the run four weeks with mom and dad and I'm sure there was need to be put out on them and they got a How can they be trouble for that?
but they really fought for a long time take to get us back. They wanted and loved us unconditionally. I know that I know that I didn't know any of this grown up only thirty remember it. So I thought my narrative in my head was that they didn't we taken from them, but they gave us way so thought my head about being given away from from from the from the aid say this, but from the jump I felt worthless, I've had a void in the pit of my stomach, My chest said I can remember, since I can comprehend what pay is I've had it I say I say in theirs I say I was born in pain like the care to dead Porsche. Where am I had my watch and I were Ray purposely because back was born in a great deal of pain and I feel like I was too an All my wife Glenn the greatest achievement I ever would have wanted, would be a walk up
two Marcin too, up her in my arms to tell her. I lover once do here say back and if any she never allow me be in her life. As her son out even find with that. I just wanted that one hug and that one I love you, I wouldn't get there she would die Can I get this of your mind. I mean I would go to look. I would follow our. I would find out my bird dead, I think, was but police officers because he had to eat basalt to them, so they had to do what they had to do. I understand that you know you is it pushing drugs and all that and that happened. But I that when I was twelve, it happened when I was young and then I go and look for my birth mom around twenty five, twenty seven years of age, and I learned from a great friend who looked into the matter, who found my birth parents information and found that I had a
a grandma grandpa in in the Bay area, was my grandmother's name Glenn. My grandfather, s name was Blenkiron Silvera and Sheeta live. With hope and Blenkiron. That was my half sister that I didn't know. I had an Oh, I get this phone number and I all it. Then this is what I say: hi she, My name is Kevin Heinz. I think I'm your brother when it needs to be given a governor, Proserpine Alice. Please call me when you call that guy who's gonna call our guy. Obviously two years he sees me on toiling twenty regions docile. She knew the story she go. That number. She calls a number I'm in my dad's house, in our battle in San Francisco, the or house I had the com, kitchen and making a spam sandwich in. That was my. May nobody maids man like me: nobody not a lot of people. Even but
but I get this call and an end. She says hello Kevin. I said yes, she said you name it used to be Giovanni ass. It who is this is noted, cosmic This is Sheikh ass. If she can my sister and she said how many she could do you know I have to see right now it all. I know you, I should know how to see right now, if you don't want to see me again, ok with tat, I need I need to see please, I'm begging. I go when I meet her. And she comes around the corner of a Starbucks on forty three new low in San Francisco. Unless Portal avenue the spitting image of our money, uncanny resembled of the picture. I've had my entire life, which I have framed it's the only frame picture. I have in mind and gave an Furthermore, a marble man, I can imagine the gods- are withdrawn. Regards our comments. I got one for infectious mamma and
She walks, after up to me, opens her arm about me in them the Indian and sat alone, it was like you happen. If it happened, ended and we're think is these today you know and then I finally have a half brother I didn't know I had. And I mean my cousins- you look just like me once heavier one. Skinny one's got my muscles. You know there. Ball, but not by choice, and so you know the point of all this is that you know I lost my parents, my birth parents, but I that. A beautiful family. The Heinz family, my mom and dad panda behind me and made me their son they may my brother, their son through different family and my sister, their daughters, the family and then we were a melting pot of a beautiful family that nobody understood because we then look alike and we walk in restaurants, and he would turn us away
in California in the nineteen eighties. You know, that's crazy! That's crazy, crazy only happen a couple times. But the fact- After all is ridiculous, you know an end You know they gave us life future hope but even though they gave us all of that. The three of us would see the insider psych words three times each before we were thirty because of our brains, mom and dad they were both. When usually people who are self medicating her. Doing for reason. There doing for reason. Therein pain they and in their their socio economic status was it was poor and and they had no fees, believe income birth answering the day. They they had nothing in knowing tat themselves, they had us
And when they didn't have us, they thought I didn't have anything. How old were you in your adopted? I was daunted by when I was about foreign, I think for to have us he was March marks. 17th nineteen, eighty six, so yeah Elizabeth was adopted. The same time I was in we took in Joseph what a pumpkin this kid he Especial Hugh Special I can get into too much about him because he doesn't like to be talked about. Buddy buddy. He's had the hardest life of anyone. I've ever known that Syria that any ever known, my entire life You close to you mine's yeah. No, I am my dad nigh realistic, as these were were good buddies. So
We, as you were approach in your time at the bridge, yeah What were you going? I couldn't tell him because of the voices just kept interrupting. You know to my dad and be quite Kevin, you have to die. Can now is one vote. Several voices I dont, imagine an echo they get Loud as you can possibly fathom, but inside. It's not coming from outside from inside. Imagine like feeling like. Like there's an entity inside you that it's you and is always trying to kill you. I think in either you know some butter. I do
I've never heard voices, but I do know I do know how unreasonable out how absolute lies and and call it anti logic. Yes, becomes the most logical thing? You can your you are you believe in it You see yourself as the problem use hard to believe that things are better without you. You just want the pain to stop and. You ve tried everything you can to get away from it What's the one thing all of us want to happen when we are in excruciating physical pain, we wanted to start right. And go away you try anything that brain pain is true. A thousand times worse than physical pain. You can heal physical pain over time and you're.
And you're brain your mind, no was your weaknesses, being a battle with someone else. They dont know everything that you do about you? You know and your brain plays all of the weaknesses when it comes out you knowing you yeah it's your inner critical voice. We all have our rights no political voice needs to be re taught in. Is we re learned right? So this is what I do again with high school students and people all over. The world is right in front of an audience. We do it and we do have an interactive session, whereas ok I'm going say my name. You say your name repeat after me we're going to win to retrain the negative in a critical voice in our in our minds. Okay, so everytime, you say I'm ugly, say I'm beautiful! Every time you say: I'm fat, SAM, I'm gorgeous everytime. You say I'm dumb say I'm smart and we go back and forth and you you here,
somewhere between a thousand fitting does we will recounting this allowed and they say there I say money as a cabinet. I love you and you hear all these names and then I love you Kevin. You beautiful Kevin you, the best you're the greatest, and I do want it the Enron or do do silly one, but it is, it gets more laughing, it gets him standing up. Movement in their seats gets me excited, and then they go home and get these letters from people. That said Betray my negative inner critical voice every time I say something I go the mere, and I said I do love you. You are amazing and you are the greatest and when that happens when they reach any unequivocal voice, overtime. Guess what recite Believe what is every faith ever been built on the site PETE believe if we recite, if we repeat, if we believe we can change it on that, no glad I wanna buy some of you that I think you're that that Because your heart. I, U S military,
is dying, twenty two a day by suicide or more. Actually, it is more because of its cylinder report, because the ones that are acts, as reported in all the other it it's disgusting there the things I think can change this in very quick amount of time. And I mean this is this is this? Is I have been racking my brain as I travel the world military bases, giving presentations system say team. We see here an Iraqi, my brain working for the d o d and on their unborn of their boards and trying to solve the military crisis of suicide, and I believe I have come up with two strategies that could make a real difference. Number one is. Is that, I believe the cadences raw, it is the captain said every military officer, gives out, went when this when the military Joe sergeant, puts it out, and then they repeat it is.
About how they survive themselves. It's about how they survive war It's about how they fight to kill fight too, to take over and in an invite to win and that's great and that's important. That should be part of another part of it. Should be like fighting to survive themselves, especially with the number that die every day it the I will never by my hands? I will the pain in Spain, the pain to survive every day along those lines, something that we can write, that a drill sergeant can bello that military officer can repeat every single day and if we recite, we repeat, we believe, look at every faith in the world. So I know what you're talking about is something called science of mind that I was raised on and it's a philosophy from California think around the nineteen forties in the age of nor of its appeal. You know puzzle
thinking and all the and Its rooted in the ideas of the power of the spoken word the power of the power of creation no, as God, spoke it in the beginning. There was the word: and the word created, and so oh, we have that creative power inside of us, and it is by the word. Our words are thoughts- are all creative. So when you say I will never them the the I ain't, doesn't recognise a negative thought It is not a judge of positive negative. It just is so when people say if I asked you jumping off the bridge. Was at the worst day of your life, the boy stay of your life or both right.
The brain most people would say, listen your story and pick one of the two ok you know to, and they would say how you struggled so hard. That was the worst but when you really have perspective you back up and go this way horrible in my life. But I had the power to take that and bill. This out of it, you know I so the brain doesn't doesn't judge good or bad injustice, so, whatever you're telling yourself, you say I fat. I am ugly. You are going to create fat and ugly me believe annual leave, a note and people, fail when they say well. I don't believe that I'm I'm happy I'm successful right. You won't for a long time, but you have to start replacing this negative tape its
I firmly believe that The commandment of Thou shall not take thy Lord thy GOTS net name in vain. I firmly believe this, and I haven't heard- and he church ever say this, so this the guy, according to Glenn Thou shalt I'll. Take the Lord, the God's name in vain. What is it it's your way? It's this! It's that will know in fact it so sacred but you're I'm supposed to say the jewish people will now utter it and your way is not yet it is, if you were to pronounce it. It is more like so tat the breath First, there was the word and it was spoken in so breath that comes out. That creates, when he says, don't take my my name in vain. If you will read the Bible, it always capitalized by them.
His name at Moses. Who shall I say, sent me I m that I am, I am happy, I'm coupling with the God force to create that I am miserable, be careful, don't take I M in vain. Don't jerk Let it spill out of your head because it builds you, it creates you and it can destroy, and it can destroy you it's what saved my life! so it saved my life. I was going down the same exact path, my father said What are you saying? What do you feel the m, but what's the word after that you here all the time, you're saying all the time. And you don't even notice it any to me. I
You too, I want you go and and keeper notepad at your table are at your bedside it for the morning. Do one day put it no pad and a pen keep it there. You wake up after midnight or whenever you wake up job your thoughts, don't write down. What is just put a slash down the centre positive negative. I woke up at bath For forty five had to be at work above five, Fifteen I was hit my eye my first stop light on the way had thirty seven negatives and not a single positive. Ah. That was my diagnosis that I knew exactly what was happening. I had, taken the things that I had felt that other had said. The sperience of my life and I just consumed them,
and I made that me start who I was. You are absolutely the right track: on the other things it follows my mind he said, every military base in the world has about For five things in common taco bill, Starbucks, Mcdonald's, a subway and and- and maybe one other. You know Peter Peter, pizza there, that's right, five. Shops filled with inflammatory foods that cause depression, Phil with implode, nothing but inflammatory foods because depression, and were wondering whether die had seventy. Seventy a day if, if we actually do the work to remove those foods and and put in the food and that there are some alto basis now that our implementing really good healthy foods?
I'm free and the the chest name, Schaeffer one, however, everyone is implementing the great misty delicious and healthy, not implemented foods in some other basis, but the, but we need to find a way to do it and all if we are going to change their brains, so they can change their minds about about feeling so depressed, so they can stop some of the suicide. I believe those two things change the in some way and helping replace that native in a critical thinking with positive, positive force. Thinking and also replace, the main reducing information in the brain and is causing depression. Look windward, implement is cancer pain rain. Paine S say all of it. Let me, then he too would you know how to store. You know about my life, but in the last hundred weeks I have been through the worst hell in my life, worse than the Golden Gate Bridge worse than what happened to me as a baby Arguably I in the last hundred weeks.
I came down with secondary burns across my entire body from the bottom my feet, the top my head. My medications- I've been taken for twenty years, poison. My inciting and I wished You could see through me, but you could also see blood and blisters just coming out. It was awful clan and it felt like needles and nausea coming out of my skin twenty four hours a day for thirty of those one hundred weeks. Before seven and I want the diagram I wanted it I wanted a fool. I wanted to take my life, but I thought Every day I found to have my wife's save me every single day Margaret. I love you, gotta love that woman and Anna and two things happened. The date. They they reduce the demands which, which I I have to take a party these measures, because my brain is broken and an eye, and I take them with accuracy every day, but
they reduce them to zero in one in twenty four horse. Oh my! What I've been taking them for twenty years by twenty three twenty four hour hallucinatory base withdraw Bay psychosis from the male MIKE. I saw the answers to the universe. Gandhi in front of me, started the king, a baton, sorted all of the juices is in every ethnicity. It went on for twenty four. Oh, I'm sorry, seventy three hours of this forty eight hours of this forty four forty eight hours of the semi three hours. Psychosis was the Aurora Borealis in my room, blackness and just lights. More beautiful than the one I saw in Alaska a couple years ago and it and then I and then my wife to care me and got into a safe place, and then I healed the burns with a very particular natural ointment, but ass, the burns cousin. Because I ran into what I call new friend MAX Louvieres wrote the book gene.
Foods about information in the gut and the guy. The foods I was eating was cost information, my brain, caused my skin to burn an end and it was in mixed with medication. They said I was on the tipping point of Stevens Johnson's. One per people who get Stevens Johnson survive. I was already one percent the Golden Gate Bridge. I wasn't it but twice I thought The pain gotta Stephen we found Stevens Johnson's is when your skin boils out of you with on the inside comes out There's nothing, you can do you dined agonizing pay, no pain method can stop the pain you just each I just everything on the inside comes out? I was the tipping point, which is why they had removed the meds in twenty four hours, no, I'm not not suggesting people with medication. Don't hate them was a very particular medication. They had to find out which one of the five men was was causing this. I take it because
and we found that we were we ride in the ship actors got involved, I'm lucky that I had that ability, so many do not and that other mass and from which we are not going to solve this conversation. Nobody is you know, but it was. It was terrifying and it was the most physical pain over experience. My life, everyone kept asking me how I can keep going, and I just because I have to I've gotten this far. If the Gong bridge was gonna, kill me this certainly isn't. It was a nightmare for my family, my friends, but here we are, and I get to sit next to you tell me happen, we left. Story with you under the water,
swimming up towards the light yeah, and you said, ah, I'm not gonna make it tell me what how are you after this is? This? Is was beautiful part of it all. I'm bobbing up and down in the water. I can stay afloat as you are falling You actually look up thank you, my head back, and you said to God, God, please say we are going to die, So, in the four seconds I was fine, I presume you own a diamond, a mistake. Not that I set out in the Waterford me is area so so, yet what are ya know no genuine. So as falling, I said what about just done: I'm gonna die. Godly save me hit the water. Then you're coming benighted, that I come up Bobby I'm the water. I cannot stay afloat.
Cold. Is the water? What's the temperature, all oh, I become require. If, if you is either no night, I don't I don't. I know that if you are in that water past fifty minutes, you're gonna die my mother it's suicide in the water and ass, it was about eight minutes are you I mean it's ok, yeah, yeah and about it wasn't the same water which she was a little farther up, north, ok. So so this was in the gong rage. If you, if you're in their fifteen it somewhere, you now, can we get so at that time of the year it was September two thousand- and you know You can't move your legs. You can't feel your last year feel my legs, and so somebody downswing, solar of speaking out, I'm coming up going doubts bidding then I go down. I can't kit continued back up, I'm getting really tired having a violent asthma. Taliban exercise use asthma well since kindergarten. So I kit I keep going down further and something happens Suddenly means a circle beneath me, something large
And very slimy in very very alive everything I myself Kill me I'll die the golden gate. Bridging the shark is going my right arm, which was read like movie. It passed here with so many people and I'm just like this, they know don't eat me, don't eat me, please don't bite me, but it's not. Sharks. Hide is tough and like sand pit, I didn't know that when I was hitting was very slippery, so it clearly wasn't sharply. I had no idea some freaking out an punch in this thing. They won't go away at you, was faster and faster faster. And no longer my waiting in the water to stay afloat. On the top of my back being kept afloat by this creature taken. So this is one helluva nice shark. Right then, and there are named him Herbert and Herbert is right here. This is Herbert, and he was sea lies a sea lie.
And I know he was a sea line, because because A man named Morgan MC word, who had seen me on tv, had run into ABC any road. Any said Kevin, I'm so very glad you're alive. Stan listen to feet away from when you jumped Pardon me until this day is known, would tell me what the elixir died by They, given there was no shark, like you mentioned, on the show there was a sea lion people above looking downloaded, we keeping our body afloat and to the coast. Boy right behind you? I call that a miracle south healing miracle, no their fears about three things that came into play and absolute, your game. Changers, a woman Meanwhile, a red car. At the moment I jumped she saw me, go over the rail and she called a friend in the coastguard. The reason- Who's got a me before out certain hypothermia drown. Next to that,
in the hospital. As I was entering emergency ward, one of the foremost back, certainly on the West Coast, was leaving. He ought to stay. Does a surgery on me it's one of the first of its particular kind of these. Only this particular kind, and I have a twenty. Stable scar across my left side and I always say an army stable, because I asked to pull them out myself as part of my healing, oh I just it was. It was a thing I needed to do. They started upon him out. Does it not now I got this at all. That's good feeling very well, so I so I did that. And so many things came into play and, frankly, there's. Another piece is that I thought of recently, that someone said to me: there was a woman, Before I jumped there was a woman who approach me with this.
Sunglasses. Like you see in these factual ladys russian Access, the weights was really has a video. Take my picture. Ok, I'm not going to define what that was busy. I really take my picture, and so she approaches blonde it beautiful lady in the sun lasses end And I would first think the Charles there to help you, because we have to the scene about yeah of get off the boss. You leave your house after rocking back and forth, with your dad you on the floor. Right you get on the bus you're going to the to the to the bridge. Today. You know what you're going to do now and your hoping that somebody will stop you. On that basis I was crying like a baby idea buzz lately. Oh, I don't want to die. Godly say why are you aware what what are you saying it out loud say now allow out loud. I don't want to die, I'm a good person. Why do you hate me so much? Why did I ever do to you allowed?
the only person to react to llamas this guy who goes like this. The first time the boogie goes. What the hell is wrong with that kid to the guy. Next to him,. I think the problem we have in this society Glenn is that we live in a society where we, give apathy for those who are in pain. That's his or her prompted a mine. I got started Busy person be somewhere, we see someone on the street whose visibly in pain we walk by them. I've seen it a thousand times. Well- I've got a walk by those people who work up to them and say hey. Pardon me, but you look too well. You look, like you really gone through something they look they re. Actually you gillig, why do you care because I'm human and I do and you look, you really hurtin and if you You talk, I'm a city with you, you wouldn't be surprised at how many people take a seat
And just let it out. I was honour as on a book to her and I had gotten my first real bad death threat and it was from a group and I had to do multiple city. Twenty six cities meeting, probably about three thousand people a day and. Get out of my mind scared out of my first time I may work bulletproof vast in all of these things And I was on the road for a month and it it almost broke me and a friend of mine, Virtual leader gave me a blessing, and gave me a blessing of of discernment. Is greatest thing I've ever been given and in it,
It happens when I'm out in crowds. I can see it. I could spend two seconds with someone look them in the eye, but you have to look them in the eye and you have to be reeling willing to see. What is there and you can see it and I have so many times stopped, align or something, and you said skinny could somebody had walked off no communication. Just hi, how are you what's your name signing the book? They turn around and walk away and I'm overwhelmed with their. Trouble, yeah and I've. Up the line several times this law spoke to her. I went out. I met three people who can up in line and said you saved my life. How I don't even remember what would happen. They said you stopped a book line.
And you came up and hugged me and said I don't know what's going on in your life, but it's ok Usually people will cry and its it bizarre, but there Looking for someone, anyone remarkable about your story. I think is finish the story about the Lady Ville. You take my figure, so so this is why it's part of the miracle too, because Had she not stop me to take her picture file five times she had to do The whole thing. For those five minutes. At sea line It wouldn't have been in the place was: are you to save my life? So I look at it. I look go ahead I used to look at it like. Why? Don't you see my pain? I didn't you start running. You say something nice to me. Why don't you help me,
But then I saw someone said to me Kevin you, you mean did, she was trying to interact with. You is probably a language barrier he's trying to make a connection you missed it. I've changed narrative, and I know that I think I ought to know that other, which is accurate bid, or maybe it's both. I will tell you Look at your story. Can I tell the learning of yours, please you're here. God knows you God knows not just your pain. But he knows who you are now. Who you were and who, you're going to be and how is the greatest, the greatest at making lemonade out of lemons. You can do anything and maybe be like he s, but whoop. Look. What do you just made you know I mean you have to embrace it, but you can t could take anything the worse that you couldn't do and make it great
So you're saying God: why do you hate me why. Why is no one? Stopping. And you look at that part when they're on the bridge and you and I could were humans. We're like please, Lord somebody stop me He was there. We the woman in the car with the dock earth it was getting onto an airplane. We the seal? He knew he. Oh that there would be people that would be there when you needed it but jump off the bridge. I not saying you should ever brought into any one should ever have not already done the EU in its when, when you have made such a colossal error. If you survive your stupidity, and you allow him. He's already got it all in play. He has it all in play some except you
course. He does. I faith I've had it would have had an amazing known, and things did to address those who do not what we're not put new down over repression on you. Just Lay no you that that guy you back to her, Oliver back of our backs over here, yeah and you are loved and you are beautiful and Europe. Just as you are- and you are all one thousand times good in the worst thing you ever done so when you are on the bus and that guy said you know what's wrong with that kid began to a place where you can see his pain, because he's lying was reason easy. He was hurrying, think about it like why why why. The kid crying like a baby, what the hell's, rather than give if you're, not if you're, not broken to you now I get that I totally get.
I've no ill will turn that day. I know. No, not you know, you know he I understand their reaction. I've, seen it in the meantime, the the book is cracked not broken, and you talk about the hearing voices of the people. Really relate to most people and and in the theatres, It was recently was a movie called broken. And it is, did you see that moving? I have ceiling of its about her?
about a guy who hears voices and others and he calls it the I think the herd did the hurt doesn't, He calls the p he doesn't usually come to the surface. The guy but he has had horrible things happen to his life and so he's got all these layers of protection raw and all kind of work to protect him and he's afraid and the herd is afraid of one in described, very similar to the voice that you had That is just dark. He hates me it's it's! It's pure, hey! It's it's! There. You know it's interesting when you, after my skin here,
because I've been hearing that an army, bank I've been hearing for the better part of twenty years from this voice, Kevin Gonna, kill you its inevitable It's just a matter of time can end you and there's nothing. You can do that And I ve been fighting that for a long time and, I believe, always win, because I have I have because my fate, but because of my family, who has my friend because my support network, because of how hard I work for my brain health every day. That reason why you took staples yourself, yeah yeah, I can do they got this? I got this better not going to be my end. These hands will not end me I'll die. Actually holding my wife's hand.
In a hospital setting like in the film the notebook and our walk, tracer creditor needs more than two hundred and twelve hundred twelve and actual natural causes is how I will go, but potentially For the first time ever, I'm I'm. I was having an emotional breakdown at a hotel and there I had I had such physical pain Because it was you, it was our laughed physical pain, even though burns, where he lives on off such The pain that I worked out for like six hours straight exercise, I've receives our state, which is ridiculous, but it's the only thing that made me think of something else. Besides the paint and after that, Ridiculous work out, I came out and I was exhausted and I sat for breakfast cuz. It was breakfast time already and I looked over. And I could see me and ass. He looked at me. For the first time
twenty years ago is hey man. I'm sorry. I'm never going to kill you. You ve been through too much already Dont effort with you it's over, I'm not gonna end. Anyone and I just left sat there just like. Feeling for you than I never felt my entire life. Feeling, like justice, justice is all off of me. And he hasn't terrorism. Only only I guess two three months ago, and he hasn't.
Her voice hasn't come back to say what do you say. That means a lot to me, but it does for the last time find their voice. So when I say it gets better Glenn. But only with hard work, my dad I'll be nothing good, ever came without it. I know. You know about that. Let's talk to people first, Talk to directly to somebody who might be struggling right now. Talk write to them one on one, but they need to. Is there. A camera can begin to see them into that.
Will you had up so they can see your eyes. You are beautiful. If nobody else says it today, we love you. Hope is real. It may not be an action plan, but it is really exists. There is at the end of every tunnel and suicide can never be the answer to your problems. It is the problem and I believe that if you the pain you will, I believe in you. And I think that. If you are in that place right now for you, Desperately considering suicide, why Just take a breath to take a moment and take a breath. Take take take thirty more.
There's a technique called for eight in their foresight and do your exe Eight seconds through pursed looks like a whistle but no sound. You. Do that thirty times you bring your panic to a calm and adrenaline rushed to two took a quell. You would be able to bring yourself to a norm an even keel. If you take your life. We're all gonna die. That is inevitable. None of us are gonna, be immortal. We're all gonna die, give yourself an opportunity for things. To change in this life. Naturally,. You take your life now, You will never know the beauty that you will become. I would never have met the love of my life and my very best friend Margaret Heinz. I would never have had the dog, nay MAX, you look just like my dad. They were twins. Users shower pay all the wrinkles
I would never have become the godfather to do beautiful, godchildren to be fair, Molly, the Godfather one of them, but I am by proxy I'm making myself the godfather the other one. I would never have enriched their lives with love and beauty and made their lives better. I would never been given the gift of a second chance. Please I beg of you I beg of you, don't learn the hard way like I did. Suicide isn't worth it, but life is. An you deserve this life until natural end. I want you to think about something. Think about all the children never make it passed the womb, percent of every first presidency ends and miscarriage. Margaret and I know that pain. Jack. Rye will never be in my arms arms it wasn't meant to be here and physical form. But you all are
for the simple fact that you are looking into my brown eyes, I know you're supposed to be here. Beer mall, and every gas darn day after that Mounted the pain in spite of the pain, You can survive I wish. Every time I tell the story to somebody of The day I decided to live instead of die. I wish I could say- and I caught up the next morning and it was better
What we want Now. It's hard for a long time, tarred for a long time. One more. People don't Anders tanned unless they lived it. You know An overdose, how we have helped that alcoholic or Could we have helped that drug attic, were you there did you ask, do you need help? Do you want to stop it? dont, you ve done that and they say no, they have to find their bottom don't enable em, don't help them. Just be there when they say. I need
help, I need out with depressed I know so many people were depression, Parents or their spouse will say all their just always having these get down, and Stand is thy tell em is get over it it's not the ad knows it's not. That simple shall speak to that person who doesn't understand yeah. It's too, though, folks and look at you and they go about how to get over move on police of other bootstraps. It's all in your head. You jerry it didn't. He adds in my head thoroughly my brain, the single most powerful organ you we'll controlling ever. Action and inaction. You take a decision and indecision. Did to every other part of the body and if brain is in malfunction with the rest of your system. There goes the rest of it. So The people that look at the individual in bed, in pain and say snap out of it.
No use snap out of it. Recognize your love one is going to something very real. That is detrimental, and they don't just need boys that says: hey come on, it's been, you know. It's been three weeks since you ve been depressed. Let's go, let's get out of that right now. They need a hug Lenny, your whole them for twenty three. Second today, which releases oxytocin in the brain which make people feel better that they need to do more. Be better, do better they need you to research, mental brain mine, behavioral, spiritual health and and they need you to understand depression, so you can help them defeat- depression tube If that there is a mind spirit connection that there is a very. There are physical things that with the matter, I can only address
and then there is also a component and they don't always come together, but usually they will come together of spiritual wounds That you had as a child, so that's those spiritual wounds, the Making fun of the telling yourself something all the time that's, not necessarily a chemical thing, but you have created it or it has been created for you and it works hand in hand do you believe in those of others, thank you not. I believe they can intersecting. They can affect one another, absolutely because I am a very spirit, a person. I am also very religious person suddenly, but I believe that. We. I have my faith. I have my family. I have my friends, my three F's, those who Let me out of trouble right, three s, faith, family and friends, but spiritual side of things, allows me to to
who tap into something that is stronger than myself. That can help me defeat the pay. Does it make sense, as I see it, so you weren't sent a Navy seal. Yours zealously lunacy, hurries, analyzing, linear. Do guys do anything. Why why, ah. To give me. A chance to survive physically, but I could try just try to affect the lives of many human beings as possible. For the rest, my natural life I didn't interview three years ago, with a guy who was on a bridge in London. I think it was a London bridge. And he was going to himself throw himself off. He was lucky,
to have a stranger, just walk up all these while he was crying just like you all these people And why person didn't. It said he but was happening. I met him. I pull them both in from London. I met that one. And I said what made you do and he said I dont know. I said: I'm not I'm not that guy he's I just knew he was in trouble. And so he saved him. The guy who is saved, went had same kind of issues that you have heard voices since he was little in and no one said, but he said that the guy, and the bridge said it can get better why you do the eleven and Daniel I dont think So I dont really. I don't think so may had always a movie called find MIKE. Yet
yes, yes, yes, yes, the other, their good friends of my life, and I love them So if we brought them, we brought them here and he. He I dont think he had put in the place yet he knew he was supposed to talk to other people and he was forced to help, but we flew another person in, it was somebody who's life he had saved. From hearing hymns. He kept bout his issue We used to talk about justice, to us that he was going to kill himself. He saw him on line and an online talking. The other guy what he said. He had the key weakened or we can all do this sensitive goods and avoid right. It's crazy that we all
get inside of herself we're having something happened to us. You didn't say anything for the longest time, you're afraid it's just me, you're afraid to approach somebody on the bridge you'd. We're on the bus and you kind of joke it offer play macho because your uncomfortable with what's happening, nobody is willing to break out of that bubble and the ones who break out or they're gonna be the ones who break you change the world. At the very least, change one life. Yes, for the rest of change. The word yes, yes We think about it like this right, so you a suicide, doesn't doesn't just stop at that generation. It affects every area is so, if I'm an uncle, which I am followed on. I a diver my hands in my nephews grieves me and They become different people, they take different paths. They take
print careers because of what I did their kids, take different people, because initially of what I did- and it just goes on forever- the and it also that had to suicides to my family, and so it is all. With me with my mother- well, that's just that's who we are I mean, I guess that's who we are. I guess that's what you do. I guess I'm I'm destined for this, and so it Plays it plays into that, and it changes your tape yep you eat. It then becomes that option mandate right, if I did it, you know it becomes option, and so we have to. I am a firm believer that we have to teach our kids from fourth grade what mental Mine Brain Beer health are when they can comprehend the words
Just so, they know that by the time they had, sixteen and added potentiality first be diagnosed, that they know what to do to talk to and that we got there back that than that that that your support network is there and that you're not going to be alone in this fight and We are going to support. You am pathetically with an entire lack of judgment one of the worst people, I've riddled with add and I'm one of the worst people to sit by. My my wife is the exact opposite of me. Thank God. She is quiet and gentle and peaceful and solid and so when we are having an argument. It is well, let me think, drives me out of my mind because it takes forever for, but it is, so important in this
particular problem that you do just Sit and shot up because the per person who is struggling. Is what you want to tell your dad if he would have said. I love you too, but here sit down later compared with me. Would you had the same day? I can and so the question I have no idea I look at it like it. It's no fault of his own here, not saying that now I know you I know you were. I know you aren't. I know clamber, I that I think you know, had had he said. Had he said. What are you thinking right now I think you would have been different what
The first thing he said ass. He had his secretary drive his cry. I couldn't you couldn't yeah so you got the phone call at that from the hospital and the they were so careless. They were just like me, Mister Haynes, yes, you saw it jumped off along a bridge breath sat down. He, as is my son, alive thing here a fourth generation San Francisco that he knew. The answer, though, is gone. When she says yes and his immediate reaction as a pessimist was no he's. Not you just say that to get me to I do the body at the morgue safely. Because Secretary Rachel says Rachel. My size, you jumped off the gong a bridge I need you to write and passenger seat. The car. Because if you don't, I will drive off of the cliff.
I didn't mean that by suicide he this meant that if he didn't have someone sitting there to protect, he would be able to see straight to get to the hospital. Who was the first person, there, kazoo speeds Yes, there walks in to my room, and I feel I looked at my dad and He looks down at me and this is a man who, in Eighteen years, I've never seen a to run down his eyes, not one pain and death in the family. Nothing. Looks dummy her father flow from his eyes and it comes over. And he put his hand on my forehead and these is Kevin. You are going to be ok. I promise. And I never held words- closer to my chest ever before I just is held him Ok, data will be ok. I got this. I can do this. Just gestures,
the getting out of the bracing structure under the surgery, the the b and ass for the going to decide what afterwards the walking in the back Basin Kane. For how long I got. I can do this. I can survive this pain and an. Glenn. I think I learned another thing After all this, after the the miracles in the and then in getting to be here In the fighting all the different kinds of pain in my life continued until today, just like you do I think I learn at least that is how I feel about turn: pushes anybody but I believe after my skin disease issues, the pain is inevitable. But sufferings optional, we we choose to suffer which to thrive Damon ominous thrive! Every day for what's right for it causes. Haven't we it kind of passionate, loving carrying empathetic and non judgmental every person I come into contact with that. I possibly can already.
To some people that that's that's, that's take it around that fish in airports nobody, but but you gotta, try to give act to every person. You can every and you can Could you never know what they're gone through. And behaviors are learned. Nobody is born. Hating somebody else their talk to hate, I choose to love everybody every time and have empathy. For all, not just some, because I think that it's too easy for us to be angry at. Different kinds of people, I think we need to be kind. To everybody, no matter What their views are the socio economic background, the political affiliations or none their religious affiliation, none and then we had to be kind to people at a base level.
Because we don T really know where they came from and who taught them what they taught them. So, let's wrap each other round, in some love I that, maybe hope, isn't the answer, but it's a darn good start. I don't think I've ever entered upon costs podcast with this, but I I love you too glad back so great a levy to a blessing. What Just a reminder: I'd love you to rate and subscribe to the podcast and has his own to a friend, so it can be discovered by other people.
Transcript generated on 2020-04-19.