Today's podcast is very special and personal to me. You are going to meet a man who I have admired for a very long time. In fact, when I first heard his story may be close to ten years ago, I bought the rights to his story, and I wanted to publish a story telling and no publisher was interested and it went on and on and on and finally couple of years ago I said David, I'm doing you a great disservice. By holding your story, please give it back to you tell your story. She did and it is now from Post Hill press. It is one of the best stories I have heard. It is a story of a guy who grew up just wanting to be a ball player. He wanted to play so badly for the Red Sox. She had an amazing string of events that you have a better chance of winning the lottery than this happening to you, amazing string of events of bad years decades of just horrible stuff happening to him and he fights through it the entire time, any fights alone self. He didn't know what was happening to him, yet all the while he is doing a job he loves, he doesn't become a ball player. He ends up now as the grounds keeper for the Boston, Red Sox, and you know his work if you've ever seen a ball field where they've cut in the name of the team or they've made a picture on the field. It's this guy. That first did an amazing strength. Tremendous humility. You are going to love the next hour, David Miller, this

it's been a long time coming life love Your story since two thousand and ten, I think, is when we first stumbled across each other You are true The a remarkable positive man Quite honestly, you don't have that. Reason to. If you chose to look at your life, a different way, And yet here you said a guy who wanted to be a picture for the red Sox That's all you dreamt up as a kid right. Yes, sir and here you said you didn't get a pitch but, as you sat down, I looked at your hands and went oh, my gosh can. You are wearing the Boston Red Sox. World series ring. Yes, sir, I'm very very blessed so for people who,

don't know who you are. Let's them discover how you got that ring slowly. Let's start at the beginning, you're a kid you live in the Boston area. Boston is your The red Sox are everything and you grow, wanting to be a picture, it did yes, sir. My grand father played in one thousand nine hundred and two in the majors and my dream was to follow in his footsteps dad died when I was three and my mom when two brothers helped raise me and raised me to be your red sock fanatics then- I just lived and breathed baseball, but the Red Sox baseball. So you know I wear a life, I don't. I don't follow sports at all. But my wife's family are e

Keith and added it. So I wear red Sox hat just drive everybody crazy, that's funny! That's quite the high level so good growing up. Were you good at baseball? Yes, sir? I you know I I I I had the dream and the love and heart for it and then once I got to high school, I had opportunities for scholarships. Yes, sir, so you were on your way, you may not have been a picture but for the Red Sox, but you were on your way to some sort of career in baseball. You thought yes, sir you're, eighteen, yes, Sir, what happens, well month after I got out of high school, we had qualified for a state tournament an my coach said before you signed scholarship why? Don't you wait till? We go to the state tournament if you do well you're going to get more offers, I see that, it's great and about ten days before that tournament going to see a movie with one of my buddies we got out of the movie and

beautiful sunset is and there's a saying red sky at night sailors delight really superstitious, and so I thought that's a great sign of things to come. And so we're driving. He said, however, if we stop and get a bite to eat, and so we saw Mcdonald's and. Pulled into the parking lot and parked on the side of the side of the entrance across from the door and we got started, walking across the parking lot, I realized I forgot my wallet. And so he says: hey I'm going to go ahead and go in, and I went back to the car to get my wallet and and take my wallet up and close the door and started taking a few. What's toward the door, and I heard a car come off the street quickly and stop. Suddenly I looked up and the two people the car, the driver and the passenger. I had opened their doors and we're changing positions too. Person was going to drive, so I stopped and waited for them to get in

and when they got in and shut the doors I motion for them. To go ahead and drive, drive, To get to the drive through and they motion for me to start walking. Go ahead and go so I started walking and I heard them rev their engine and squeal their tires. And I had enough time to turn and I my left leg and put with my hands up The car was speeding right at me and I didn't have time to move anywhere else in the car hit me. Twenty feet in the air and I slammed into the door the brick wall right where the corner of the door jutted out in what I landed right in the corner I slammed into the brick wall. Land in a pile at the base of the the corner of the wall and when I looked up. The car was coming at a higher rate of speed.

In the car hit, the metal handrail sparks flew, and in the car's metal bumper pin the handrail in the car's bumper against my knee against the wall and I, You know the the engine is revving and the car exhaust is having a hard time breathing. I can see the lady just staring at me over the steering wheel screaming at her to please stop. Please stop and the force the car is still pressing. My knee against the wall, Ann by that time, I can see people know pressed against the glass triangle get me as time goes by pretty soon there's a gentleman with it's dusk and there's a gentleman shortly thereafter with flashbulbs taking pictures who later while the engine is still going

shortly thereafter. It turns out he was a newspaper reported in the local newspaper. Please officer comes and tries to reassure me. It's going to be ok, he gets there it's in park gets lady out of the car and his partner. Is going to back the car up and as soon as he does that and the pain really kicked in an I almost. Just passed out from the pain was so intense and it was just. You know I feared that not only is my leg crushed that's when I really started wondering if what am I going to do? If I can't play baseball- and you know the Emts arrived and I I grew up, my mom and two brothers were amazing. Raising me.

Help us a lot of money, and I had a brand new pair of jeans on for graduation gift. I remember they wanted to cut my jeans off 'cause. My knee is swollen up so much they couldn't can see my face. See my knee and it just struck me. Simple thing like that? How that was going to impact my life and then they had to, me to the Room and. Even though I was eighteen, the doctors wouldn't really tell me What's going on until father- got there and so there's just so many things, spinning in my head. What what wrong with my head, not my head, but what was wrong with my leg: stop what happened with the woman? What what did she he have a seizure. Was she doing this intentionally? Well? Who was the woman she He said she stepped on the gas. Instead of the break the

The young lady who she change. Drivers was just learning how to drive, didn't feel comfortable. I guess driving through the drive through, and so the other lady who was approximately forty years old said she would drive instead and you stepped on the gas instead of the brake and panicked panda hit, so there was no ill intent. No sir, it's just a freak accident uh. Did you ever talk to her? No sir. You kind of wish you did or not no sir, no it wasn't intentional. It was a freak thing that there no forgiveness to give her. You know, certainly at the time I was upset there was a time I went through when I was kind of mad at the world yeah. I bet you know I didn't understand What was going on. I thought you know if

I couldn't play baseball. I didn't know for sure what I was going to do, but my dream still to play baseball. I was absolutely my dream When you are asking the doctors that are not telling you what's going on. Are you specifically asking? Can I play by Baseball, can I run again. Will I what's happening to my leg? That's what you're all focused on! Oh, yes, sir, and I'll, tell you anything They wouldn't tell me until my mother got there and what they say they said my mom got there. They said you know your son's name. Definitely damaged, but he's going to need to see a knee specialist. They gave us a after, to see and then you're in a bigger city, Dayton. Oh and have surgery do you happen to have surgery? Yes, sir, how many surgeries, um You know initially I had I had surgery, and went up to the University of Toledo? Afterward, they were still interested me pitching

an unfortunate, my knee got injured up there, six weeks into school- and I had drawing come down for another come back home for another surgery, alright, so what happens in between this and the next event? Well, in between my desire was still to play baseball right, and so doctor did surgery and gave me a person back then they put. But you like in a cast versus in the immobilizer, and so you come out of the cast and you have to get range of motion and then you graduate to after two sizes to weight. Lifting and so they gave me a prescription to gradually start lifting weights low weights, and so I took that too. The Physical Therapy Department,

and they said you know you can start with up to five, but need to go gradual and so they had me sit on the side of the table and in fact, they did not have ankle weights at this facility. I was at Tube socks filled with sand and they would bass bandage around it. So they had me sit on the side of a table and do leg extensions, and uh My leg was so weak and muscles were so out. I could not do a full set. My leg was just shaking and that was on a Monday and so he told me to come back on Wednesday, an they increase? The weight fifteen pounds and that you know you want play baseball again. I said yes, Sir and so we're going to have to work hard and basic. I thought he was the doctor. I do anything to play baseball again. So I tried to do extension sitting on the tight side of the table and just couldn't

even complete a set, so you so come back Friday and plan on working harder and back on Friday, and instead of sitting on the side of the table. You push down inside of my knee and it was very sore and He said we're going to have. You lay on your stomach, do hamstring, curls, so he strapped five five pound sand bags in two and a half pound sand back to the side of my leg, my ankle, Remember looking over my shoulder and it looked just like a bit tumor on the side of my leg. And it's drawn And You told me to do three sets and an You me on the bottom and said you baseball game. You have to work hard and walked out of the room and We struggled to lift it and I had my hands on the side of the table. Bracing myself lifted it up all weight shifted my stayed flat on the table. And my ankle bounced off the floor, and I

screamed and screamed, and a nurse in an attendant, came, rushing in and carefully picked my leg back up on the table, Ultimately, all the ligaments many were were not only the one, what was injured before, but were not injured before or now They caught global instability word where all shredded so immediately lawyer. In sue the pants off of that for her. So what happened? Well, so I end up having to have extensive surgery, and know that also increased nightmare and So you were having nightmares from the first right from the first car coming at. You can imagine- that started right away and started the first night. It literally started the first night. And did you have him every night?

I had nightmares every night for twenty nine years. I one to five nightmares. Every night when I first went on at home. With my mom I slept, the tv on so when I would screaming at night, and she would rush into the bedroom and say: are you? Okay? Are you okay? I would to blame it on the tv and see mom, it's ok. It was just the tv. I think you want to tell her. I was ashamed. I thought I had I thought it was a sign of weakness at that time. Ask for help. I didn't know what year was Five hundred and eighty one I didn't, what was wrong with me, I didn't know me because of the nightmares: yes, I didn't know I mean they were all car crash nightmares. I bet they were and they were vivid. They were life. Like you know, I was having flashbacks during the day if car exhaust. If I heard revving engines, if

if I smell Mcdonald's french fries, if guys brought lunch it back to the to work. I smoke, Mcdonald's, french fries that could trigger a flashback. This is still does not now no sir twenty nine years, twenty nine years so now your nightmares getting worse, other the same nightmare after the after you have this incident, where your beer given snap you you're the nightmares, get worse as Sir that adds into the nightmare, sometimes where my leg bounces off the floor and ice cream. What happens? Next? We have you. I had seven surgeries. I walked on crutches for two and a half years and walked with a cane for ten months. Over those first basically Three one slash two years and you knew your baseball days were over so after that, after injury in the Physical therapy department. I came out of surgery and

I was in the most pain I'd been in after any surgery and doctor came to see me after recovery. I said dark How soon can I play baseball again? He would, but you won't play baseball again and I should be lucky if you walk normal again, can you quotation fingers when said the word normal, and here's just start pouring down my face. I I was very Physical therapist, I was upset that. Now there was an allied baseball game, but maybe turn into a competition. That was where one base at a time started to kick in even more that was a goal that I turned in even the smallest to walk from here no three feet away out of out of. This bed to be able to?

to the bathroom or to be able to do one more leg, raise it just because competition that I was going to walk normal again when you, tell me about what the doctor said to you. Maybe I'm wrong, but it looks like your AL eyes, welled up still it's still painful. Is it sir, but I'm proud of what I've achieve sense but abs. It starts so He tells you you are not going to play baseball, you don't want to accept it and you start working at least you and did you accept the baseball? and or anywhere just working to walk normal again What did the baseball part? I was bitter really better still having nightmares absolutely have nightmares and flashbacks. Nightmares and flashbacks nightmares every night, then what happened

I was in physical therapy and my mother was the assistant pastor at our church and she was working, and fortunately some retired gentlemen and ladies from our church would drive us drive me to physical therapy and now, I'm embarrassed to say I wasn't always the nicest patient at physical therapy, and I would I would do my work, but I didn't interact with the physical therapist I didn't interact with people around me were: U Matic two, or did you hold on to that? You know at times I was yes, sir. I some embarrassed to say I was and you I just. I was mad at myself and I there times I need to know thank play counseling taught me to love myself again, but Why were you mad? I mean I can Stand

I can understand your anger at the woman who first hit you. I I understand the anger at the doctor or the physical therapist. And the situation Why are you mad at you because of my mood swings. I wasn't I wasn't treating my mom is nice as I should. I would. I would be short with people and then I'd be upset that you shouldn't? I shouldn't have said that or should have been short. I should have been polite Am I love you express that regret it all? Oh, yes, sir, never felt, like expressed in enough right and then You know my my mom and two brothers Just to me, you know find a career that I'd love to do, because so many people love their jobs, they said you know, David, you really lucky before before I thought: I'd go to college

play baseball, hopefully get drafted study some kind of business and I don't even know what business meant now. I just thought I'd study business and they said you know you're, Lucky David. You have time now to find a career that you truly love the passion of what you want to do. And I'd seen the good side of physical therapy and obviously I'd seen the other side where, when it's not done with compassion and properly people, get hurt So naturally I thought maybe I'll be a physical therapist, and when I got the okay after those seven surgeries to go college. I thought I would go to Ohio State and going to physical therapy department- and that program was full- and I already missed two years of school. I realized I didn't want to wait another year to continue my education. I thought what do I really really love. I thought I'd.

Find, a new career, and I realized- I wanted to be outside. I grew up, take are people's lawns. Science was a subject I enjoyed in school and I loved baseball. I thought so must major league groundskeeper my brother lived in Milwaukee at the time until If I could get a job with Milwaukee brewers, I can live with him to save money start to the brewers with many many many let Send lots of phone calls and kind of became that squeaky wheel. He finally gave me an opportunity. Thirty five years ago, and said we're giving an opportunity just on our day of game staff, gosh that'd, incredible and so that's how I so did you go to os? Yes, sir, I went to Ohio state. Would you take

two majors ones: landscape, horticulture, one is agronomy, which is soil science in turfgrass management, ok, Each comes in very handy later in your life so you are If people don't know you, they Know your work, your actual work is actually very I don't I'm not a baseball fan. I know your work. I've seen your work. I've seen it and gone. That is one of the coolest things. I've ever seen thank you oh you're, very close to your brother. Yes, sir and you're living with him, and and tell me about your relationship with him. You know, both my brothers were are amazing, amazing. They helped raise me. Tertiary. Seven years older than me, and no he's not only my brother he's my mentor Best friend is my father figure in many ways now he taught me about life

tell me how to mow grass how to play baseball. He taught me to be an adult how to treat people with proper manners how to treat women he he taught me so much about life. An so When he gave me the opportunity to go live with him, it was, it was It was an incredible experience. Best friends and mentorship ship. It was just incredible crumble. So you're working there now brewers you're only doing one day a week. Whenever there's a game whenever game. Yes, Sir one game, and how do you grow? That so, two weeks after I start there, one of the is on the crew who's working. You know sixty eighty hours a week, find another job Ann. Supervisor with the brewers hey. How would you like to work his shift his hours?

Oh my gosh, that's incredible! and so I went, I went from hardly any hours to working from showing up at six seven in the morning till midnight who was who was your mentor there at the beer at the to their two german one was named, Harry Gill, get and, was named Gary Vandenberg and Gary we came dear dear friends and so you're working, you're working for the brewers, sir, things are going well, sir, Uh. And then well. So after I graduated from Ohio State, the brewers created a position for me and I start full time and we were really my wife and I enjoyed Milwaukee. We had two daughters and life was going really well, and October of nineteen, ninety five we had an opportunity to re sod, the field

And so we've taken all the sod off the field, and the bleachers at the outfield. There were some offices and so the next day we were going to have semis in Fort forklifts, and so I spoke to the people in the office, and I said you Know- please don't have your car behind here, because the offseason they would park right outside their office door. I said wife, semis and forklifts here today tomorrow. So please Your cars are so they're not in the way, and they said no problem. So the following morning. We're waiting for this side to get delivered, and I was in left field, raking around in irrigation head and we had, big double field gates behind the left, fielder on the warning track, and I- project car and have certain very eyebrow, aware of car noises an I thought. It's odd that there's a car specially. In the park and I turned, and there was

car coming from behind the bleachers tored, the field. And so I ran over to where the warning track in the open gate. Were I put my hands up. And yelled for this lady to stop it hang on. You've got a car your proximity. You have flashbacks you're you're having all kinds of problems. And yet you're trying to stop this woman, which had to feel familiar again, sir, how much water is happy with part of you took over here of protecting the field or acting yourself. How did you manage those few seconds? You know a couple of my workers on the field. I didn't want them to get hurt field. Just been graded. I didn't want to to get damaged. I just thought it was responsibility to stop the car. Ann

I thought she would stop I didn't know why she was there. So I just thought when I put my heart hands up in yellow. I just thought she would stop. And it became evident when I put hands up in you know I'll stop, and then she kept ice cream, stop. She stepped on the gas that had your worst nightmare. Yes, sir, and had enough time to once again to I did turn sideways my left leg and she hit me. I hit the windshield and I landed basically in a pile right at the base. Outfield wall right where the gate was, oh, your back against the wall again. Yes, sir, in a heap. Yes, Sir hit by a woman who wouldn't stop the car. Yes, sir

Then what happens? She went speeding. She turned to the right a little bit and went speeding down the warning track and the curve of the warning track, behind home plate- and she was going so fast that it it drifted, a rooster tail track material, but- rose up into the stands. Now she started doing a full lap around the track. A couple of my co workers came running over and to David. Are you okay? What can we do how can we help and Please call nine one one and behind the bleachers we had two big steel delivery security gates. And I said please close those up, so she can't get away. And as I was laying on the track, she made a full lap and she was hugging the edge of the edge of the grass and as she got closer to me. Instead of hugging the edge of the grass

she starts veering away and aiming right at me and- I thought oh, my gosh, this is it this. Is it she's? literally, just going to run me completely over I was on the ground, it couldn't move and it last minute. She the car and swerves to miss me and slams on the brakes and she sits up excessively waving at me, like she's sitting like heads touching the roof of the car. Just excessively waving and waving and waving at me. And my heart is, in my throat my Ears are ringing anime pulse- is racing then she sits down and peels now goes through the gate and covers me in track material Ann. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts thinking. It just happened, you know

I'm thankful. She didn't hit me and shortly thereafter I can hear screaming cuss words and not just one cuss to me cuss word. I've ever heard it top of her lungs. She. Screaming cuss words and I roll over and pull myself up against notepad and limp out. Behind the bleachers and she's out of her car. Anne she's, dressed in a business suit and a trench coat an the You know there was a wooden, security gate that is entered all over the orange and white Leonard Security Gate. That's all over the ground and she's out for car screaming cuss words at the security guard to let her out Every once eyes her eyes up in the in the air:

and in her head, and she just mumble, and then she just start screaming. He was nuts she was having a mental episode, and I know Mister Car was still running and so I thought I'd better. Take her keys out or she's going to hurt. Someone else and so I went over and turned it reached in and turned her car off. He starts charging right at me and she gets right in my face and she's spitting at me and Ann screaming every cuss you could ever hear and say give me my keys. Give me my keys. I said I'm sorry ma'am. I can't do that and she pushed me and got in the car and slam the doors Ann shortly thereafter the deputies arrived and I knew the deputies from to beat the ballpark and they ask what happen in, I told him and they told her to get out of the car and she wouldn't So I gave him the keys and they locked the door and

He grabbed an ink pen out of the the car counts, console and tried stop them and so they got her out of the car and cuffed her it's a beautiful kind of indian Summer Day. You know It's a beautiful fall day. Add a couple of squad cars there and they put it in Bank of her squad car in the back in the open, the back window about that much Chin, This said David before you go to the hospital do you mind filling out this re police report, while it's still fresh in your mind, and there is a squad car nearby, and so I started filling it out on the back of the trunk and she screams at the deputies cuss words and they went over to ask her why she was there and she said she was there to do a stunt for a movie and if it didn't work, she was supposed to kill herself so this is on a Thursday because she said that they took her to the county, Mental Hospital and

and I go to the hospital and saw my my knee surgeon in and on Sunday night I got, phone call from, from an attorney. They said we would like you to come testify tomorrow against her. Otherwise she's going to be. Let go nice well, she's this unstable. I don't. I don't want to be the only person testifying He said no they'll be other people there. If you could please come to the hospital, we would appreciate it, So I went to the hospital and there was a regular courtroom, just like you see on tv in the hospital and ' her attorneys there she's in her room in a straight jacket and waived her rights to appear in person. So the I testified, the police officer testified and a doctor testified that at a past history of mental illness. One thousand eight hundred and ninety one choose rested in Florida for stocking Julio Iglesias. Nineteen.

Any three shoes arrested on international charges in the queen of England demanding to be adopted or she was going. The queen. The night before she did this at county stadium, she tried to assault Oprah, but she got away, but Oprah security team got a picture of her and her license plate? doing good company how about that and so the judge said well, we can only keep her fruit Seventy two more hours do we have another hearing and I went back on Wednesday at their request, and she's there this time and she's on her fifth attorney since Monday. And she's at table with her attorney and she just stares at me. The whole time just give me the dirty look. And so I testify doctor testifies. The police officer testifies in the judge, says: well we cheaper for six months.

Or two we find a medicine that works. Puts the gavel down. She jumps up and starts because about the judge. You know don't tell what to do what medicine to take, attorney says you know, settle down. This isn't the way to act and she says you shut the bleep up. You for me she turned and started. In your hand, violently at main and lunching at me, and she says I want to know that I come within one foot, two foot or three foot of hitting you, because I always miss it. One foot the judge said you know clear. The courtroom and some do or, and there were some during your when he left in because of right, so the mental patient in the state of Wisconsin. At that time We can do is sign her up for a retest and she got to pick the date time of the test and doctor said. If she took her Madison in the morning, she would be able to acid in the afternoon so where she now

she loves still in Milwaukee So now you have nightmares of two car crashes, sir flashbacks, and at the ballpark. So now the ballpark is fused with that, yes, sir, and crazy woman who is out and your looking over your shoulder absolute you doing mentally. Exhausted. I wasn't sleeping from pain. Emotional pain was just dominating my life and it's looking over my shoulder for my family, it was exhausting. You were married, the Sir You share this with your wife. Now, sir, I am I this is my best friend I'm my best friend You know before we were married before I ask her to marry me Before we were married before each one of our daughters were born. I would rehearse in the car

out loud, trying to find the right words to describe all turmoil in my life. In the demons of my nightmares in the pain, physical, an emotional. How did she Don't know the nightmares you you covered your mom, she did. What did you say to her image on the tv? There were nights, Mr Back, when I I would sweat so profusely. I would have to change the sheets in the middle of the night. She Something was up. She dealt with my mood swings. She dealt with Maine, my withdraw from the family where I just didn't want to be together. She dealt, times of after I would go to the basement and drink beers. In fact, in two thousand and six she had come to basement and said Honey Girls- and I wish you stop drinking,

come down here and you're taking valuable time away from us. At the same. When you drink an that way, like a lightning bolt to my heart. I thought, In my own mind, I thought: by drinking I didn't drink every night I never drank and drove, and I didn't mix it with some medicine, but I thought in my own mind at that time. If I slept better? It was a vicious cycle. If I slept better, hopefully I'll, be a better dad and husband the next day, because I wouldn't be as moody. But now I know that's that form of self medication, but luckily that night. I stopped drinking and haven't had a drink since but she knew about the nightmares but I was scared if I didn't describe things correctly. She believe me. I didn't give her credit for the incredible lady. She is. Why would she leave you? What I mean I've been here. So I understand.

It is a mental illness, that's it I mean when you started in on the drinking and she came down. I know I used to truly believe when I would drink I would yeah, better father. I used to believe that it's total lie. You get so Spahn upside down do what was your logic of why she was going to leave you. If you 'cause, I thought I thought I had thought I'd been able to put up a front that I was. Another person that I that I was. I thought I was able to be better that that she didn't know how much pain I was in emotionally. How much pain I was in physically. I thought it was a sign of weakness to ask for help. How did you not get addicted to drugs,

so careful and- and I would I would try- I mean I was so careful what medicine I would take you. I do I just never took any. What the doctor told me I was paranoid and I and I never drank medicine same time same time. In fact, I wouldn't drink the day after medicine because I was so scared that I had some bad reaction, it might kill me. I a dad I didn't want to do that to my daughters, well, so what happens next? What happens next is when the the The accident at the stadium just really turn turn my pain upside down it it increased, nightmares, and my physical pain.

So another level it it. I didn't no. My pain could be that bad, and I just couldn't bend and it got to the point where I saw the team doctor- and he said you need to talk to. Doctor Bonnie replacement, I was thirty six years old. And so I went to see the knee replacement doctor- and he said, look now this one thousand. Nine hundred and ninety five 's really early on, and he said like most people that do knee replacements or six thousand five hundred and seventy five years old and with technology two knee replacements before we have to fuse your leg straight says it with it. Live with it, and I said problem is. I miss my kids life. An I'd rather I'm not able to be the dad that I want to be Ann

and I was even tell anybody about the mental anguish and emotional pain. I was in the propane I mean the kids would say: hey. Can we go do something? I get off the sofa. I don't get out of bed run from work, not want to do anything Ann My philosophy was, I would have. Knee replacement, and if it helped me, you know over the neck one thousand and fifteen years be more active. So that could be a better husband in a better dad to be active with them. Then, in twenty years, if I had my knee fused at least add time to interact with my kids while they were young, and so I went to see the doctor and said: hey I'd rather be. But her dad now he said well, then let's do this, but at that time yeah. I think I had already had seventeen knee surgeries and they were big

Zippers, basically on both sides of my knee, and most times when they do a knee replacement. They go right up. The middle of your knee that he couldn't do that because of the amount of scars on both sides. My knee he thought all the skin would die. He extended. The medial side of the, Scar that I had and did the placement that way and they then they would put you in your knee and passive machine would move your knee for you. So you didn't get scar tissue. And unfortunately, probably day, five. My knee swelled up the size, literally of a basketball and it It would not move in the machine so I can see the doctor and- you said you know normally we but a needle and knee replacement joint because the risk of section I've never seen any swell this bad

Says I'm going to have to try to drain it? Are you going to bigger problems and the I had already kwagga lated and there was nothing to drain Ann, hit the side of the knee cap, like my knee, was going to Reno it is at. The pain was excruciating, so he said well, let's try to to move more range motion to get the the blood to move out of there, and unfortunately, you might like just basically stopped moving. He says well we're going to have to do a manipulation where put you to sleep in. Musically rip that scar tissue out of there and he said you know I'll- do it under alive x, Ray a fluoroscope, to make sure that, don't break your thigh bone, but you know we've done. Before and It should work

and so we did. This did the procedure and I had one under anesthetic and woke up to Absolutely. Most pain, I've been in my life and just keeps getting worse, and I had been in extreme pain and. I mean I was absolutely, and so much pain, one night, I, I talked to God and said. Yeah. I was ok with if I didn't wake up, because I thought Even though I knew oh, It was growing up without a dad and hard more importantly, it was on my mom. Not having a husband

I was in so much pain. I thought it was causing so much burden too my incredible wife Denise into my girls, I but if I passed away overnight do they'd, be better off and then I woke up in the morning. I was thankful that I math way I was just filled with so much guilt that I even thought. Having known can I tell you something? I have I've spent time with Billy am. I spent time with the Dalai Lama. I have spent time with people that recognize are just giant You are one of the most men, I have ever met, You are, truly remarkable. All

the things that you're talking about No, don't you still tear up and. You're ashamed, but you're ashamed for the wrong things you just want to be a better person, my gosh Some time with me I'll tell you some things you should be ashamed of, because I was ashamed of my life. He who are such a good man, such a good man, you are you're a hero. You really are you really I'm bored, you say that my family, there, the heroes they didn't for me thank us. Another one that lived tough times This is sort of the credit, my wifes she's the girls are amazing,

I woke up that that morning, I was. Thankfully I was there. Now I felt blessed that God give me another chance in you don't give me a chance to be a better dad and better husband, and now it's still a long road. You know I still everyday. I tried to take the philosophy of one base at a time to take on that next challenge. And unfortunately, you know that, it was a learning opportunity. You know that that name in Let me manipulation did not work, I need, different up again week later I had to have another. Manipulation. Ann. Woke up even more pain, but the doctor said. I came out, he said Good news is, I did

make your I thought I almost did better news. I think it's going to work this time because got more movement. I felt the scar tissue ripping I felt more movement when I, when I Forcibly ripped it oh and it did it worked Pain was intense, but it worked. So. You go through this still having nightmares, yes are getting worse. Absolutely still haven't talk to your wife, no sir,. Uh, You miss how much work today my name is replace.

I miss probably eight weeks seven weeks where you go back to work, sir. What happens back to work and the reds. Now the brewers are very supportive. And now, I find that. To me from the beginning. The busy I cut myself at work. The less my symptoms, and time to be active even going back to college the more I studied. The less down time I had the symptoms weren't as active, and so that. Was a double edged sword. It helped My career hurt your family family, which is something that I never never. Live down. I always regret Now there is a time our girls were. Probably five and three driving by the ballpark. There

back seat you might wife, is in the front seat and drove by the ballpark in our oldest daughter, said to my youngest daughter: hey look that's where dad lives, because sleep. When I got when I went to work and would come down and have lunch with me at the work and they'd come, Anthony, should bring him to the game and- Verbs were nice enough to let him help us pregame had their own little wheelbarrow and rake Reagan would help us pregame and watch part of the game and go home and sleep. When I got home and. Nine hundred and ten twelve game, homestands and then they'd see me. For dinner and Then they'd seem in the offseason. When did you go to When did you go to Boston two thousand, the Red Sox called.

Your brother still alive no sir, so in My brother and his wife lived on a lovely lake, South Milwaukee. And he was Second, second add to my girls. His wife, edit or just incredible, and we would go down on the weekends and go fishing together and we had a lovely weekend. July weekend and after that On that Sunday we set our normal goodbyes of I'll, see you later. And give each other a hug and in the car and we drove home and two days later on Tuesday evening my sister will pack called and shoes. The lady and she's at gone. I said we go. She he passed away an it felt like my world crashing down around me. She said she walked in the house and

Terry had a a samoan dog who they had a wonderful relationship. Bonding. And the dog was going crazy in the house and kind of bounce into the windows and at Terry was laying out in the yard, and it had a massive heart attack and there's just so many things I was I would've told area Not only that I loved him. Thank him for his mentoring and sacrifices and his love. This. Just such an important person to me. I got living my life thinking Add time I thought he was in good health. He smoke, a little, but I thought I have time and I just got living my life thinking. There's time

I've got to work today and, Something we hope that people will take from the book Today's interview, I hope to reach out to their loved ones. Today and often to Tom, important. They are learn from my mistake and don't miss their opportunity and celebrate life everyday you know you never know. Next challenge is going to happen in your life and there. Your missed that opportunity to tell a loved one how important they are thanks Your coworkers I mean just two years ago I was flying on an airplane coming back conference, and uh Compartment door came disk. Acted slam me in the head and shoulder I'm still dealing with some their post concussion syndrome, disk disk it in my clavicle and dealing with it

You never know when something is going to happen in your life, so it's so important to make them list of every day in specially tell your loved ones how important they are like never dream to me. Terry would pass away, never never ever and I should have known better, dad died. When I was three when we, Thirty three, it was Terry, was ten ten year old. Kid to be a man in the house now and the sacrifices he made. Ann I've been hit by a car Times had in the horrific, injuring physical therapy, in other things, happen, and yet I just assumed it would always be there please don't make that time so you did not realize you get a call from the Boston Red Sox. Yes, sir CALL

be one of the better better days of your life? I mean the days that we've heard so far, pretty bleak. Oh, please! You know it was great day and I think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. You know Thank you are. Thank you. I I really do. I think I'm blast it yeah. I never would have met my wife if I didn't get by the car. The first time never have incredible daughters getting his buy a car in the way you did, you have a better chance of winning the lottery. I think that too I play the lottery and several hundred million that's right, yeah. So, The dream of a child was to be on. The mound at Fenway yes, sir, who calls you Joe Mooney. He had been the groundskeeper at Fenway for thirty years. And you knew who he was obviously a sir. How absolutely mired him? Yes, sir yeah, he calls you he does and he

is what you said David, I'm thinking about retiring, but I only retire. If you replace me what did at feel like. Oh my gosh, my heart went my throat and I got chills. I couldn't believe it I had you met him before You know he was eight. When I I just said I had I, you know my last year at Ohio State, I sent a letter to every major league groundskeeper asked, with a resume and asking how to get my foot in the door, and I sent a letter before I even started in the major leagues before you went to Ohio State asking how to get my foot in the door. I heard back only five groundskeepers and he was one of them and he called it was. It was just amazing, how did he know you? I mean? How did he? How did he know that he would only retire if you would take it,

I don't know how he selected me in and why he. It was amazing in the timing, was ironic in that night just moved into my new office at Miller Park for the brewers. And the Cincinnati Reds just offer me a job the week before. And the reds were very nice, we couldn't come to terms and I I respectfully turned the job down the road said how bout? How about we negotiate for one more week, but I have to have an answer next Saturday and Mister He called that that Wednesday and you knew and him I did not know in. I was very humbled. My wife said she knew and I just want make sure it was the right move for my family, an I see Mr Mooney I'm incredibly humbled and truly honored. I'd love to follow in your footsteps. But I just have to have a firm offer so I can weigh all all the offers decide

what's best for my family. He said all I have Mister John Buckley was president of our club call. You, and the Red Sox flew me out on Friday. And David. This is not a job interview. The job is yours. If you want it, we know what you can do for us importantly Can we do for Denise and the girls to make this successful, and that's ceiling and the brewers had done for our family in Milwaukee and that's what Billy The aids had offered us in Oakland and and that's what we were looking for is a family environment, so though he mentors you a bit yes, sir, he was incredible, if I can be half as nice to the next groundskeeper who takes over Fenway as Mister Money was to me. That would be incredible because he's like a grandpa to my girls It's been incredible. What is it like to be that.

But is it like to you're, not just you're, not on the mound. Famous you know like picture would be your. It's your ballpark, there's a lot of team work that goes into. I know that, but you are the man responsible for it, I'm very humbled to have the opportunity to follow in his footsteps and be one of the caretakers. I said it's a lot of teamwork. I get goosebumps every day I walk out. There is such a great thing. It is just it's an incredible incredible. Opportunity be behind the scenes. So how will people know you? How do I know you You know probably from some of the mowing patterns that you see on the grass. How did that happen? how did you? How do you mean? I don't even know how you do it? Well, certainly, any Morrow make a pattern in the grass. The first more was built in eighteen, thirty,

instead of having wheels on the mower Behind the cutting unit has a big drum and so that drum bends, the grass blade so a light. Stripe section goes away from you in the dark. Stripe comes tordue, so it's kind of like vacuuming carpet. It changed. People first start doing these patterns, well the basic pattern. Checkerboard in straight lines been around always come first, unique pattern that I did was after a Paul Mccartney concert. One thousand nine hundred and ninety three we damage in the outfield that we maid, safe and playable, from in front of the stage where the forklift had driven, but we did not have time or Technology to re sod it before team came back, and so I asked the vice president and my boss. If I can do a unique pattern up on the infield grass to hopefully draw people's attention, and

yes to the infield. Instead of the static, are you know the dirt? looking spot in the outfield. And they said sure I was staying overnight and kind of working forty hour shift too- rate the field, and so I did this unique pattern on the infield and yeah. It was amazing the feedback we like. I bet it was and what was the first pattern it was. We did different quadrants, on the infield, so we had straight lines and checkerboards in different areas. Instead of just using the whole is one canvas And then what was the first. Design design. When was the first real picture. You know when I went to the Red Sox I put the Red Sox logo, hanging socks on the infield we put a one hundred in the outfield 100th anniversary of the team,

and we made the number one- a baseball bat in the two zeros baseballs an it was before social media but as the term viral can of happened because media and players and radio and fans really reached out and started talking about it it's amazing, it's amazing. Thank you all right. So, Let's get to the let's get to the redemptive part of the story. You're you're still in all this pain you you're you're, still just on the edge you still haven't, talked to your wife about things. What finally breaks well September, 23rd, two thousand and ten, which happens to be my brother's birthday, which, and you know I don't think it's a coincidence to another lucky day and I have an aha moment where

I have acupuncture treatments for pain management um before acupuncture. There is a table with probably fifty magazines. There. And I in the pile and I see a Smithsonian magazine, so I pick that up and I down on the table, and the doctor puts the needles in. Open the magazine and and there's an article in there about a new treatment facility for veterans dealing with post traumatic stress, never heard of it, and my daughter is doing an internship program at the home base program, which is a wonderful program for veterans at at. General hospital who are dealing with post, traumatic stress and trim. Brain injury. So I thought I would read this article to learn about what my daughter's doing and Post traumatic stress because I didn't know anything about post traumatic stress other than I thought,

as a condition that you got from war. In the first paragraph, twelve symptoms of post, traumatic stress. As I started reading it. Chills, just I mean waves of chills, just pouring through my fingertips, my arms, my body, is just start pouring down my face is, I can actively feel feel these symptoms. As they describe them, I either actively have I've dealt with ten Twelve symptoms, going once I don't have perhaps with our suicide and drug use, and it here's the heck out of me he it gives me hope, yeah, because hope that over has twenty nine years. Maybe

This is what I have. You hid this so well that you have a daughter who knows she she's a growing expert in this field and she doesn't go. This might my dad you've Did that? Well, she- and my wife knew something was up. They def You know they tell me now that I never would have won an Oscar for my acting they knew something was up and, They. You know when I read that those words It gave me hope I mean scared me because up to that point I thought. You can only get pizza. Sd from war, I had no idea you could get any other life. Was a war? You're luck If it was a war zone, you I had two women look at you from the windshield of a car and come at you

that has to screw. You up it certainly impacted my life and sadly at you know it impact my family's life and that's something that I learned through counseling that PTSD doesn't just impact the person who's dealing with it. It impacts their loved ones and people around them. You know and that's when we wrote the book. To have people learn from my journey and learn from my mistakes. Bring awareness to PTSD bring away, just how incredible life changing service dogs are, and also bring away is to let people know the Pts, he doesn't just come from war it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help that I thought it was for. Who's twenty nine years. Nothing to be ashamed of its. Because, as I think of

into people in your position that might be watching this an they would think. Well, I haven't been hit by two cars. No, it doesn't it It can come many many ways, sir, and it is that meant we were talking a minute ago, but how your mind. Just gets all screwed up and you think okay. Well, that's not me and you, avoid you, don't You don't see the sickness that is so uh current in someone else. You don't see it in yourself. You think well, they're different and I I think that there are, I think, if we would just talk more, a lot of people would be a lot better. Yes, sir, I agree just. Everybody is living in their own little secret world and suffering pain and feelings that everybody's feeling alright

totally agree, I can't thank you enough for your support in the opera. Need to discuss, PTSD and the book and help break that stigma? You know because. Too many people suffer in silence and I hope people can learn from my mistake of doing that. You know In twenty ten in January, my wife and daughter. My older under, came to me and so dad and if you would have read a book of someone going through similar challenges, would it Expired, you would have helped you during your journey nice. Absolutely what if they said- why don't you write your memoir if it helps one person, one family, it's doing, and I said okay, and at that time I didn't, not been diagnosed, people would see the scars on my knee or see me limp

in me or judge me and. I thought if I, if my if I stuttered because of of. Showing emotion or my I welled up I would be judged. I would be ashamed even when I first started writing the book or putting it on. Ipad. It was just kind like a police report. I didn't show any emotion and then When I went home after after I read that article I realized that was, aha moment. I was had Courage to go see my wife I went home right away. I said honey we've got to talk All those things I feared she'd say mister back She didn't say I should have given her credit

long before for the incredible lady she is, she said I love you. We'll get through this together. Let's call your doctor go to mass general tomorrow and we did and after set me up to see a psychologist, in the next day, with my I down and now sometimes in Boston. People recognize me and I thought Oh my gosh. What happens if somebody recognizes me and says why are you here now I'm proud to be a PTSD survivor. I somebody recognizes me so I can tell him it's nothing to be ashamed of me. I see a counselor regularly now and if something comes up. I pro actively reach out to my doctor, made it count. Things change my world for the better, let me be a better better. Dad

maybe a better husband help me. A better person, but you know counseling. I remember the first day I went to counseling Mister Becky My counselor said your symptoms, are going to get worse before it gets better before they get better. Hello, my gosh Ann. What I'm going to do, but that night I spoke to my wife. I told my daughter, and she said dad. It's not going to be easy, but you gotta make. Promise to me. You won't give up I promised her that is going to break that promise. The counseling was tough. I did a. Type of counseling called exposure therapy and which you right out desensitize each trauma you write out. Your your traumas to try to desensitize those traumas one by one

and initially I literally wrote them, on paper and I would write them as I would write them. I would be crying so intense, the would get so soaking wet that I would have to start over. And I would initially write them on paper and then my wife would enter them into the computer and. It was a way for her to learn about Things that were going on in Maine Ann in time. She would say this doesn't make sense, and I I explained to her the pain, in physical pain, the emotional pain Ann, you know, my symptoms were kind of I thought of him as like a sea monster like a crack. Tentacles of different. Different

Demons are different. Symptoms would no sir one would get better another one will reach out and grab me, and attached to me an as I would write this down. Part of it with be to try to desensitize it was the writing process and then I would read it to myself Then I would read it in front of a mirror and then I read it to my counselor and with- my permission. She would record it and then I mean I went for an hour on Mondays. Hour and a half on Fridays. Between sessions. While I was Working on Continuing that trauma writing about it. I would listen to what I been working on to desensitize, that it was tense process will take you, so it it took me I started right away,

right after September 23rd, and it intense process and then February 25th two thousand and eleven Slept through the night. For seven hours without a nightmare I felt like jumping up and down on the bed screaming Hallelujah. When I woke up, I mean looked at my watch. It it had I had no nightmare. I had slept for the first time in twenty nine years and that is the first symptom signal that symptoms He was really working before that night. I fell sometimes things better. My flashbacks one is bad during the day, but that was like my gosh and I'm major superstitious

to tell my wife as soon as she woke up, but I didn't dare 'cause. I was scared, I'd jinx it. I want to tell my doctor, and I didn't want to jinx it and I went three days in a row and I as soon as my wife woke up, I just shared the news like I just I was so excited and then, as soon as nine hundred o'clock rolled around I called my doctor, I mean I was so excited. Counseling that is the breakthrough in my counseling really started to turn the corner. And show that my which started to get better at my nightmares stopped until November, two thousand fifteen and I had two nightmares and you know now. I have tools to manage nightmares when they happen from three techniques to I Tatian

to reaching out to my counselor right away instead of letting things faster, or before when I had nightmares, you just barium, I buried him and they got worse. I dwelled on him I didn't go back to sleep. If they happen, I fell asleep it. Finally, one thousand two hundred and thirty and they happened. It one thousand two hundred and forty five, thanks, I just too scared to go back to sleep. And I just ran on empty till the next night sure is that son was going to go down and I knew. I didn't question it just if I was headed there is how many just dread going to bed again, sir, her name nightmares. Now, not having a right now. I would you know. Sooner or later I will yeah that's part of life. Yeah, but I know how to

actively and what they're worth yes, sir, we talk for a minute just about dogs. Yes, sir, you and I are both a ship. Fans, sir. The first time, you've traveled without your dog, sir, and thank you for that but your dog is sick, but I want to I want to talk about the positive stuff. When you first got your dog. There was a connection I mean that dog in your brother, yes, sir, so growing up, my brother, and I always had dogs and and then for years Terry, would say someday after I die I'm going to is your dog

I didn't think anything of it one. I just didn't think Was gonna die anytime and I just never put a connection with how that would happen. If that would happen or that it would happen and then Terry passed away in July of ninety eight, and I didn't have a service dog when Terry was around and and then mister counseling uh, I said you know David. I think a service dog could be another tool extension of your your counseling in your healing, you consider getting a service dog and Before counseling, I I don't think I would have gotten a service dog, because I think people would stared at me. I would have been sensitive. I think I would worried. I would have been judged you know and

But after like this stuff go yeah now I do thank God, but back then I would not have no 'cause. I was getting bullied on people staring at my scars and get you know when I go in and just paranoid, but After counseling, you know- counting change my world, and so we started researching service dogs and my wife. Grappa shepherds just the that's what she said the best, and loyalty and smart and. And we started looking into him and we've got a service dog who Drago and so we came into my life may, ninth, two thousand and fourteen and we took him to the vet the next day for his first checkup and the vet ran the scanner downs back to check his microchip. And it turns out, Drago has the same birthday as my brother, Terry, isn't that incredible?

And. Try literally means the world to me. These important part of my life, because everywhere with me, He's trained not to go the bathroom on grass, so in the field with me every day, and how did you do that I'll, just repetition, repetition, buddies and he's such an important part of my life. I have never ended an episode this way before but I would like to with you first of all thank you. Thank you for writing this book. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being so open. Thank you for

making me want to be a better dad in a better man. You are remarkable, thank you for just not giving up and thank your wife and your daughters, Q. It please If I may talk to the audience for second, the name of the is one base at a time. Please share this with anyone. You know I wish book could have been out for me and my family hears before three Just a reminder: I'd love you to rate and subscribe to the podcast and pass this onto a friend, so it can be discovered by other people.