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KINKY SEX IS HEALING? ft. Dr. Lee Phillips

2022-06-17 | 🔗

Corinne and Krystyna break down what you might be missing about the Depp v. Heard trial. Today’s Guys We Fcked guest is sex therapist, psychotherapist and couples counselor, DR. LEE PHILLIPS. This discussion includes how to stop people pleasing, the healing nature of kinky sex (even splooshing), ways to not internalize being cheated on, and confirmation that sex addiction really is bulls**t . Kinky commentary from Mike Coscarelli.

 

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THIS WEEK’S FEATURED MUSIC: Mary Moore

Song 1- Glimmer

Song 2- Legendary Love

 

https://open.spotify.com/artist/2XZC5cqR9ZMD9fdDAZ6TPD?si=Fn-4dYBsSvqYjuHiXZugQg

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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where'd you Burgess here. I've just never seen a studio like those anyway welcome two guys we fortunately we are. You said that who knows not even paying attention for r amp d fuck, what you man about so welcome to the show. We're gonna talk right now about the johnny depp verses, amber heard case. I know some view. you buy me like some members of society, not you personally, the guys we fuck listeners, but I know there's mixed feelings on this. Some people, like it's just a celebrity saying I personally enjoy a learning about celebrities and I think they do tell us a lot more about the culture that we live in then them even realise that being said, I don't know. I don't like to wash like celebrities. Throw each other under the bus or like get into messy fights, but this is not not that I think if you don't realize how important this cases and how it could affect you eyes a person in a relationship then
you're missing something- and I myself didn't really pay attention to this case and tall. Maybe three two weeks ago, it is documented on without a country, because the new show that idea with chain smith a couple weeks ago, Oh, I kind of just saw a lot of things happening on the internet, but mostly what I would call a pie align at any time I see pylon on site buddy, especially a woman. I need to look into it because a lot of times, I think it's unwarranted and I'm talking about a pylon. We ve lived through harvey wine seen through bill Cosby pile on for those two people who I think we can say our monsters was it seemed greater than that. The amount of me of tip top tick. Talks of
the liberties making fun of our, I mean it's, it's it's rare to see no celebrities going after another celebrity in that way, because why would they doesn't really work in their favour? Yeah, I saw I said on the air on without a country hey this week. I kind of just smelled something fishy, but I dont have the details or the fire or the research done to talk about this intelligently, so I'm gonna pause, but I just wanted to go on record and say I dont think amber heard. Is this villain in that we are making her out to be an ice. Certainly in this is the important part do not think that Johnny depp was tricked or was the one side recipients of abuse so or is somehow the hero or the winner or the person that we should look after a guy who should set a precedent for anything and that's the important
in no way am I saying that I dont think amber heard? Did thing batter. Wasn't he toxic memes, the relationship. What I am saying is, I think, Johnny depp diddle a lot more should and the way that those two people were received was markedly different and so first I've I've spent days preparing What we are to talk about today, so popular, listen, I obviously you know if you ve been buying on social media. How I stand, I do, ask you if you ve, been listen, The public has for a long time. Even if you really believe John he over amber. I would ask you to listen to me because I think that if nothing else, I've proven myself to be aware. Researched, intelligent, trustworthy person on the shown likeable, obviously not, but whose try and and I spent a long time researching this watched a lot of footage. Read a lot of articles, not just
people who agree with me, because I really have a show about doing not that and I ve peace. Stuff together some personal feelings and a lot of acts. Is that's that's important. You need facts and out of all the pieces. I've read it kind of started with the opinion, peace that was in the news times which I do recommend reading just because it was the start of the tides changing. As far as the media is concerned, opinion piece of milk, this up sorry putting it up it's a number, it's called amber heard and the death of hashtag me too I came out on me. Eighty is by Michel Goldberg, so that peace kind of started, a change in media. and I think it's important to follow
to get a better hand, ok than the article I like the best that I think is the most well researched came out couple days it's from slate and its by Michael hobbs, and I do think it's interesting by this. Is this, man who wrote this article, because basically I was a ninety percent of the other articles that were saying hey, you're, not looking at this with the right lessons were: women. and I know there have been a lot of chatter about like this isn't just like women are always right. Yet, no it's not that women are always right, but in For instance. I think it's a really interesting. look enter into. We as a society look at women how we look at people who aren't the perfect victims. So my nor hobbs is he he's right he's a host of a podcast called maintenance phase, and I looked it up and is a very popular pike us anything I guess that is literally about de bunking with proof
things that are incorrect, mostly they'd, be they focus on health, wellness and scams, but This is a man who has has it. Following an ecological, hostess female who has following because he is so good at sea. Bunking thinks so keep them into minding, as it is important, I one thing, born between my new shows its really important to not just read news from different sources, but to also look who writing your news, because a lot there's a lot of power no bias in news. The probably shouldn't be there but we are. We ve turned into a kind of a social media news intake places, so we want opinion. We were more interested in feelings than facts. Now, that's very dangerous. So far of all. If you dont know this, there was already a case where Johnny depp try to sue the sign, which is a uk tabloid, and I know it's not like that at times, I am very familiar with what the sun is as a long time space. Girls fan, I know it's a rag, but even rags are
to a certain journalistic standard. Legally that they have you a bottleneck so so I think a lot of times like they can print what or because they know celebrities aren't gonna, take the time and money to legally fight them, but I also that there is a lot of law, suits going on that our they publicize that you don't know about and like if you watch keeping up with the car dashings, though People will just say in passing all we gotta see this this person, so I think suing, but but like comparison. What they owe a magazine like the sun is making financially is so much more because of the stories at their their yarn about celebrities them that you going it's in the budget to be sued by celebrities, yellow, that's part, one of what you need to know to you is that so cases in a uk, twenty eighteen johnny soon the sign for, is alleging fourteen counts of abuse.
And also a calling him imprint, a wife peter, the again amber yeah. Yes, they later got hurt like back it up, but like this this, that suit was justice. The Johnny depp, an assignment andrea, was wasn't involving I mean she was but like she wasn't here is so the judge ruled that he was guilty of twelve of the fourteen allegations and it was proved to uk civil standard, which is very high and very tough. It's very hard took it to prove that and in the sun, gis echoed the case results not under no. He was suing the sun for defamation of pursuing the sun, because a sun printed in article saying alleging these things, and the case was later and calling him a wife, peter imprints icy. So then he then see for defamation, and the judge was basically like no ice through. I was able to prove beyond this. You know too.
Double standard, that you are, in fact a waste peter, and there was no defamation right. There were certain out bad news. johnny yeah, ok, so now we move into the slate article, which goes over a lot of information. Some of this might be new to you and I know a lot of guys watch the whole trial as if we can't we can't be checked by the one of the most famous for being movie stars of all time that that's probably art so amber heard, met, joined up and into two thousand nine, while filming the rum diary. She was twenty three. He was forty six already our laura already having a problem- and I am not talking about leg- you can't see any wine different age than you, but I will point out that I did someone twelve years younger was called a pedophile everyday for six months, also in a mandates, a woman that much younger than him. It's because he wants a woman, it doesn't really know or self one of the sin of to his bullshit you
I need a big, even though they were both dealing other people at a time of floated on certain bonded over sheared passion. Surely books are imports recline? Oh, I often meet a lot of almost fifty year old man. What I'm twenty three white a lot in common with ok that was silver when they first man, but as the relationship deepened, he began drinking again in amber's testimony. She described him disappearing for days at a time than reappearing as a different person. He accused her of warring herself in quotes in hollywood and grilled her about auditioning for roles that involved sexiness. When you didn't get the response he wanted, she testified tat. He turned over tables through glasses and punched, the wall next to her head, so all it just from being a guy prolonging the ways in which we have seen we, we ve seen we ve received emails where we hear these things, all alarms, we're going off, alarms are going off in may, Fourteen a in depth, flew from Boston, to los angeles, on a private plain heard, was about to film a movie with James franco and ongoing source of tension in their relationship, because she said he was considerably younger than dep and it made a pie
at her in a previous film heard it He told her ass this and to make sure that Johnny depp didn't see this script for the current project, because it involves the loves you and so are ready. We see that hiding things really money. They should have to an extremely controlling relationship by two before it seeing her. I said she was the only person and his life who told them the truth about his anger and his drug problem and He called her the less the encamp camp counselor, who ruined his fun. I'm reminds it again of what he has done on the nights he couldn't remember what a fun ruined her being forward tee. The writer of this article points out that herds narrative also matches nearly all the available evidence. Even the evidence against are in twain, in depth. The british tabloid have, as we just talk about the sun, for calling him a wife peter to defend itself against.
the uk, notoriously tough liable laws. The tablet called heard to provide, evidence disturbing substantiate its claim, which they want the uk trial include the text from Johnny depp assistant after a blow up on it I ve jet, where he kicked, amber her the assistant says one eyed all tat. He kicked you. He cried, so he can. and when the dome of arms that he didn't remember the assistant, saying that if you know anything about working in this industry, you know an assistant is not fucking causing trouble for no reason you anything were constantly trying to not be in trouble, will not someone who has been a this high level, but I've been a reasonably high level hollywood in bye, bye. new york, sand and ass. It is You are constantly just looking at your at my in my time, blackberry to just try not to get in trouble. That's the whole.
just try, not fuck up and get anyone mad depths giant up sex, also confirm the outlines of her count Both trials featured numerous taxing with which johnny depp admits to becoming a from person when drunk or hide that's fine. He says my illness somehow crept up and grabbed me. I of course pounded and displayed ugly colors to amber on a recent journey. So that's a message I he sent. You a frightened, so obviously I mean he's talking in his fucking johnny depp made up language like you How can we save linguistic school with madonna just so I will allow they may do so so so an insane two or more friends testify that they saw him acting acting aggressively towards her on one occasion and her sister confirmed another. This is. There also has to fight in the? U s trial that adds up once held her dog the window of a moving car when you drink it
If you don't care about, I included that because if you don't care about women, I know you at least care about all true. So there audio. There was numerous audio recordings presented at the trial as evidence that include acknowledgements by death that he has exploded in anger at heard many times, improve, and yet in one she says I cry in my bedroom after I'd dumped you a week prior after you beat the shit out of me, I looked up replies. I made a huge mistake. I won't do it again, so are implying that you beat the shit out of course, and then this is a famous line. We all know the one were heard says, put sure cigarettes out on someone else and Johnny depp replies shut up fat ass with a real one, and I just have why I guys I own. The only thing I know about this case is that allegedly ever her pooped in the bed and is always means about united share one. But I do I don't know anything about the night with so many people, only now yet, and I think that's important. That's it that's important! Yeah! Ok, let's eat!
then we go into other people not amber, hurt, should about Johnny depp, not talking shit like telling traumatic experiences were drawn up so as early as nineteen eighty nine johnny depp. Responding to rumours of onset, tantrums, misbehave, you're, an egotism while foaming twenty one job sweep and ninety ninety eight article referred to the EU legendary, dep temper and just think how long ago that was and how reach men have so be been misbehaving on high levels in hollywood, and so if this has been a voice, still you pointed out, and eighty nine and ninety eight we're we're that's bad in two thousand, both terry gilias who's, the director of fear and loathing in LAS Vegas and MIKE Newell, who directed to Johnny depp in donnie brass, go told squire that he had blown up on their assets and again in their male directed, not have anything to gain from that they. They they were private, spoken sick of dealing with them near.
Also, I think about me, but on this now that Johnny depp is done with the herd allegations he will defend himself against eight twenty eighteen lawsuit filed A cruel member who claims dep, paraded and punched him challenges set of city of lies. So that's mail on male abusive. That makes you feel more comfortable. If that's how feeding into this in a feminist agenda that I personally are witch hunt and and so a guy. It's very selective. This I've talked about before I think I'm without a country Ellen barkin, who was a former friend in lover of Johnny depp, an elite. Ninety you said he was controlling jealous and once throw wine bottle across the room in one of rages other of his axes. Jennifer gray described him eyes, crazy, jealous and paranoid. Adding to this John,
zap, I dont know. I think you reminded me of their smike defend or no you didn't someone else it Amanda remind me of this was no defended roman polanski, Roma defended, roman polanski and also said the accusations against harvey wine seen were implausible because his wife wasn't some harry, backed bitch. I even have an eager for that, but I have not heard you hate. You hate me all my fucking god. His text from earliness relationship preferred a herd as an idiot cow ate it. These are quotes idiot cow. Let's make tee shirts films. Or an worthless hooker ones. as all smack the ugly cunt around before I let her in dont worry wow. You may be sure this is the right or again, these may be jokes adapt, but other correspondence has a sharper tone in an email to elton john depth described the mother of his children as
That's not that's the vanessa identity, the mother of his children, as the french extortionist acts, kind or tax referred, are heard as fly Be fish market. We ve heard that one comes guzzling, whore nuns in setting us yeah and scumbags illegal digging content. I'm not saying that you're not allowed to talk shit about your ex and text messages. With this just caesar high regard for women, it seems excessive, nine, exactly the late. There is a difference between like non gender specific language. Such ass is saying that you hate someone and there and women hating languages, and this is women, heating language, and you need to learn that our identity at durban been heard, had no pre nuptial agreement, meaning she would have been. Titled. civilians in their divorce, regardless of whether she was abused. She dropped her I am for ongoing support and ended up taking significantly less than she was entitled to. So do not gold digging as
but of this settlement. She as part of the settlement, though she didn't, while withdraw the abuse allegations cell musingly. She would have been left with no money had she not withdrew them signed a non disclosure agreement, which is a common problem. Nine closure agreements are truly like gag orders and I think that they leave believe me, I I understand why you need them from a professional perspective. Yeah, a marriage perspective, Jesus criteria, and we absolutely we have our people who were right. I thought sign and not endear, but that cause you're reading your personal emails and we know what I'm saying shore, but when the end, but when they have in and we all want them like, you know announcing projects, but why I announced some. Professional reasons lies. I dont think gotten otherwise, known as when you're signing a non disclosure, grim and many times are also lake, giving you rightly says like you, can? witness really legal behavior you can undergo
illegal behaviour and abusive behaviour, and you are still by law, supposed to say anything and co signed a visa statement that the relationship has been vital but that there was never an intense of physic our emotional harm. Listen to that language, she was needs assigned to get any money any money. She had to sign something that said the relationship had been in quotes volatile, but in quotes again there. has never end ten, so law, the call or emotional harm raining The cologne emotional harm was under protract dine, but it wasn't intention. I even though everyone I've ever married is a current. I guess it's no problem needs all constitute marry an end.
not only did celebrities get involved with this narrative brian's also got involved. If we all remember the let make up incident that everyone on on instagram likes to bring up so here's this real skinny on, not since I as an alibi, is fuckin just like Sheila Aren't you made up the wrong path? She said the wrong palette linked. The palace was an airline a year, so nice the bottom of this to thank god in the earth. The ideas of the trial. Amber hoods lawyer held up a conceal or care to demonstrate our point that her abuse bruises often were invisible, photographs because she covered them with make up almost a millennium window. Johnny depp supporters. Zoomed in on the image has ever had and don't think everyone, everyone's thinking doesn't like true crime, popeye cas and thinking that there fucking investigator has fucked up this. It fucked up the beach that big
it's where the two travel bloggers went out that earlier the loudest yeah. Yes, yes, and so this new this- that its noodle riots, fake investigative, everyone's thinking there a crime investigator because they listen to my favorite murder. One time and I love the package shot as low shade love, not acting against them, but you'd you you're talking about about a from like an entertainment, harmony podcast? So, just remember that so that's crazy and so yeah almost immediately depths supporters, zoomed in on the image identified, the make up brand and starting I get on instagram and of course you know this company, they don't care about that here about money, so then the bread, the brands official account then deep. Onto amber herds lawyer saying that that specific make up power, they were using as a proper court only came out and to set in twenty seven seen. This meant that it couldn't have been used to cover herds, bruises religious etiquette, adder because
The thing was, it was a generic fuckin conceal. A pallet right fright worthwhile they were just using is this is this? Is the end its on record? That heard nor earlier had ever claimed that this the thing that we're holding was these. pacifica make up palette used between twenty twelve and twenty sixteen. It was a prop that the lawyers assistant got so the fake social media p eyes sought. They found it who Paul and could discredit amber's peep of lawyers, but that wasn't the fuckin pointed all right? Yeah I mean this: is this is a little bit of of goods? They don't they or taking his all, What's the word that I'm looking for yes, his own liberties by Basically saying like yes, I'm I'm probably grab that from a sea vs as a visual aid right, because we know only when we show people things like you help part of.
the lawyer is making an exception. Putting on an exceptional performance and props help. Visual aids help making people feel feelings help so low catch raises many, don't fit yeah didn't exactly. They didn't think. I didn't think enough like all people, economies, zooming, and on this I mean all sectors of looking trial should be televised in this manner. It still so in saying that the judge allowed us. It was weird. This was the ice yeah what did you do to to do so? we all the evidence against heard propagated on social media. Had the sea laser focus on small discrepancies and minor misstatements, and this is so important because number one it does not a it. It's a tactic of me. Fox news. I gotta be honest. Where, yes, what What they're saying is true select there they honan on something. That is true fox. Does this all the time? But it's something
is so unimportant in the large scheme of things and they blow out of proportion to its huge to the point. But it's not as some kind of got your moments, and at one point, amber heard referred to her, make up as her bruce care, which is a term professionals use for make up that create space. Thus in the industry, and she quickly corrected herself on the sand, but duh duh, Johnny depp, The porters online use the slip to claim that she had an inverted high admitted speaking rises is on the staff. Who are you serious? Oh my god, because again, like you know, I'm not in make up, and if I had a cover bruises with conceal or palatable call. My fuckin bruce kit two years issue. It's fucked up job. She was making to herself. She was being abuses and I am a bruise care like we know we make jokes about five. Should all the time you like the way you survive during trauma here about the amount of anew
the guy he jokes, I've fucked in hospice, while my dad was dying, I mean I tell them to audiences and they gasp. I go yeah. You've, obviously never had someone die in front of you right and the greatest okay, okay- and this is other things over was as what about the donation, so she said she was gonna, donate stuff that she wine in the door, the divorce settlement. Through the acl you and then she never did. This is explained here. So the greatest and most effective discrepancy was her. Charity donations after she negotiated her seven dot million dollar divorced settlement amber heard announced that she was joining half to the acl you and just work of equal value as well, and the other half to children's hospital los angeles over the course of the trial depths lawyers revealed that the charities, Haven'T- received the vote on its hunting move on their part. Yeah. That heard had lied about giving the money away, and obviously this looks bad about
and then the author says until you show the tiniest shred of interests in discovering again the facts. Well, yes, it's true that herd has enjoyed needed the full amount. All evidence the case that she intends to and twenty sixteen after her divorce was finalized. She entered into an agreement with the ace l, a c o you to give it the full three five million dollars over ten years. She made the first payment, delayed the rest, because by then deb had started, trying to see her into oblivion. She says she spent six billion dollars on her legal, legal defence so far, which I item resent I'm sure I can only imagine much. This cost everyone, large chow but he donations are routinely, spread out over longer periods. Representatives from the asian, you testified that It was transparent with them about her financial circumstances and remains committed to completing her payments, be proven I hear amounts to an impressive imprecise choice of words because honesty- and she said I don't need
when she should have used the terminology. I pledge, okay, so again oak absolutely nit picking to get the outcome that you want and I think didn't she ordered she gave him a million and a half and she gave them already gave their room a thirst payment she gave already. Yes, that is, I don't know the exact amount, but also to avoid. If I, even if I said I wanted donate money and then the guidelines obscuring me more like I, and if I'm financial arrest. What the fuck do expects like you, holding me to that doesnt prove anything. about my own efficacy or my own morality and says to pay and chunks I mean. Are you you're really here, so you ve never heard before it's called the non funds go out and is the first ever bunch of biogas voiced by enough tease, that's right enough t characters hosting all kinds of biogas. Talking about everything under the sun pop culture, tv music, and maybe even hiring and a few big celebrities and help us launch the non fund squad The wallet wallets from that of an easier
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piece of the most disruptive opportunity. Enfranchising today visit own a mad dot com. I also heard is not a perfect victim and is never claimed to be, which is true in her own testimony. She admitted to engaging in screaming matches fighting back and insulting death. In the final year of the relationship, there were only together, flick. Fifteen months total, I believe, really a hunch hates the judge. In the uk trial aside, there was probably some truth and ups accusation that heard was condescending about his drug use. That was a wise something or something that trigger his salary, shining and ultimately, his rage. The psychology sees her fault. He eyes outweigh you saw them saw them. In twenty fifteen said both partners had poor communication skills and were able to de escalate fights or have productive conflict. If that's a crime than guess
we're all guilty hell, yeah, let's yeah, there is almost no evidence that I, the op ed in the washington post now we're referring to, which is the american case, had any effect on. Epps career over as one amber wrote yes over the previous decade, that has had released a string of high profile bombs. The rum diary Alice through the looking glass transcendence, the long range or mordechai dark shadows, didn't see any of them, and, had been the subject of numerous articles documenting his dimming star power and man that must have bruised his ego for years. Sat leakers reported that he showed up late and drunk and needed an ear peace to remember his lines that were and that that was used to listen to music by now using meeting his lines, and I m saying, is lines over a guitar cash mode while doing the sea and talking about right now I didn't
he's active testified that no one at this pseudo was even aware of herds are bad when they decided to not ask debt for the highlights of the caribbean movie. Let's see I'll get, and then he was it by saying in hindsight, the verdict came down to the minute. The judge allowed the case to be televised that I could not agree more jure at an end for an here. Here's a big piece of information jerk weren't sequestered or sheltered from the internet in any way going is a strong case was all that was being fucking talked about amongst the shootings happening in america's week as we needed something to cling onto that. Wasn't people getting murdered, yeah, meaning that they were likely explode, exposed to the same bad faith means and out of control out of context was clips was also for media and unless it as an approach on it of very long, it was amber turd.
As someone was barred humor. Those funding I share day without even looking at the videos really read that, and I am as pod, castors god, who knows the power of an out of context clip more than us earlier mother people who work for me. I gases will not work for me work with me. I guess it crimson abuse our buildings. Where, with me, I guess I should like the people who produced the cliffs and suffer the show almost every week. I have to be like take that clip because from the new show they take some out of context clip where I'm talking bout, some one- and it looks like I'm saying this thing- it's just every this has happened like so many weeks in or in a rubber exhaustless. This case has been swirling or on the internet for years, which is true, making an impartial jury difficult to imagine in the first place one man. Loud to stay in a jury pool after revealing a text from his wife that red,
more is side cod. Why that's? Fine, that's the slow sway, swaying much was allowed, which is why critic is insane that this case was allowed to be documented. Oh and you're. Feeding your feeding is to the sharks yeah, which is public consumption in the internet, yeah, and, if you and, if you want to, and if you want to see the power of tick tock and what power it held over this trial, just just google how tik tok effect the amber her trial, its there's a bbc article trial by tik tok. There is I see in an article there's asleep article nigger, I am yours, you hiring article there's a guardian article, busby dwyer, this cases already generating so much money click be examined, as has happened in early on and the reason it only became like a pile on that. I that was so bad that I had a stop and take notice was because, in the early days of the trial they work
to make both sides a johnny and silly amber concept. Here, people were feeling the amber content and and creators content creators weren't making money- and this is not speculation. This is all fuck it. I can't I can't read every news article to you guys got to do some of the work for yourself, but like this was it is on record that, they were making so much more money creators from doing anti on amber continents. They just started doing amber content, because you know what a real like mentality that we have as a society is like shit on women just to show all their celebrities they're, not human. It doesn't matter. Also there you, whatever we want to them, because their rich in their famous in they were asking for an expedient. If they don't want to be abused by all of society, they should have followed their dreams. That's the fucking mentality that we haven't. You absolutely disgusting. Do not remember britney spears, Monica lewinsky. Do you think this is not the same exact thing? Of course it is how many
I was doing, needs a real live history before you learn a fucking, Lhasa, allow more apparently it's it's a nauseated, and I think part of it is also like. We care four britney spears because she gave us she gave us a lot more things amber heard yet ever heard do create anything. I love. So I guess she has. Matter she was an item you my favorite movies right, I don't want to give up edward scissor, hands and cry baby and that's fucking. Bastard position of willie walking to chop vondra like, like that, seems very creeping political at europe. S if you like movie, that's my art stance, so I am I was. I am sorry to tell you this guy's, but if you think that job I mean he is innocent or the hero you are tricked, you got got and it sucks. I don't get, got a lot. I've gotten got by a fucking, manipulator abuser guy before and it's no one. I've talked about on this show and I'm not going to start a thing here, but it sucks. Okay, it sucks not physical abuse, but an everything else.
Nay it sucks. I know it sucks one when you as a smart, pursing get got it sucks. But if you can't see The way we are treating amber and the way we treat many victims of domestic using violence, including men very often men, men are rarely bleed in these cases. I am convinced that there's something or someone in your world who can steal that men are now being targeted because that's what's happening, there's again look online. There are so many conversations about how kind of like in cells basically took over this moment. Men men hate the me to movement overall because it puts them on watch. Yet some on notice, the end and it takes. I've gone away with one hundred percent. I'm with you, because I think that lake I don't want to screw up your flow, but I know what it s like its gross, that there were a lot of men that were set
Writing this whole john. In that thing, as a victory at ales, while light, there is a lot of mean outwards like congratulations to Johnny depp for once for winning an argument against a woman, and I don't even know the detail, that case here I saw that housing that is fuckin disk. It's like fucking this man like look at those because I was getting served, some of those clips on social sharing. We all were like, like pro johnny depp meme accounts, which I didn't even think. system right there, like pro johnny depp me recounts, show his testimony and basically how china, in funny, he was gonna stay. I gotta get your little it if you had a bad after eaten, talk about something you just. We all have a nose for somebody, it's full of shit, and that was a thing that was just so phenomena frustrating with this as soon as a guy, because it's like to be a man, speed
yeah out against it. You seem like a like a jerk off in a lot of ways, because a lot of a lot of guys that I know we're like like what do you mean this is like you think, amber's like like a victim here. It's like do cheap, there's enough evidence shows the johnny whether he got often like beat the system he still fucked up and treated her like shit yeah, you know I mean- and I was just at aggravating thing- is that as a person who is as a man who was not pro johnny reign, the right of croatia to speak out against it yeah, because everyone subtly everyone's like this- is that this is the rack and meets you that so many men were looking for and if we add emotional leaders still so many aspects and I ve been talking about their so still. So many pick me girls in our society, which is such a fascinating confound. It can we make- and I want to talk about that. I link with cell with someone who has a level of expertise, and I mean I know what what it is and what it means in a. But I want to do it ours of research on it, and so I think yeah I think like is unjust
ITALY, concentrating on women who d don't worry celebrating johnny and there was women outside the court house when he moved with with post earth like it was a facade, celebrity convention, but but there it gathers there. It there's a little girl inside of you who is here, or or abuse. Oh, yes, and, and something in you actually feel, will feel better if, the attention of being called the crazy lying war is on you any gear. Yeah me. Let's look at background focus on that. It's not that she's such a beautiful stunning woman, I feel, like people, feel even more powerful men and women shitting on her. Oh, there is, and that's really disgusting, because society says if you're a woman, your value is in your looks so oh well now we can even feel better that we're taking down number one, a woman number two, this hot.
you mail hollywood engineer and any villages grow sense of power that you get to shit on her and that's also something that you should take a fuckin look. Yet you know, uses a trash. You you really just hit on something a part of the most interesting part of this clementine afford a peace that I shared on insarov she's at clementine underscore forward. If you wanna go read it but she really she talks in this peace god about at the heart. gone pretty women in society, especially by other women young. She even points out one of the greatest examples historically, which is Marilyn monroe earlier we all have a picture of marilyn Monroe somewhere in our house. Is you know their selling cop princess target, but drawing her lifetime marilyn run? Monroe is treated like a present. Fucking war yea and that made me think of the Diane Sawyer britney spears interview, we're diane sawyer was like, while you make men feeling
comfortable. The way you dance on stage and pretty was like fuckin eighteen years old. She was like I'm sorry, that's not my problem and I was like yeah. Well. Maybe you should think about that. Unlike oh yeah, women feeling threatened by other women's good looks is so what it wanted to service ha. That's the patriarchy winning, but for sure I again so I think, like there's someone inside of you as you who, who is glad, there's a relief and not being being the crazy lying whore anymore right. Maybe those are things that you? U secretly say to yourself. Maybe someone you lover who loves you in quotes says those things you and maybe first Can it was nice for the negative attention to beyond someone right? Were it to be somewhat more famous, more money whose prettier, who had the opportunity illegally shitty opportunity in quotes today, one of the most famous movie stars of all time? Well, maybe that diversion of attention felt nice. This is my writing now guys, maybe the that that diversion of attention felt nice for a moment a moment to breathe among
It's a hide a moment's. You agree with the people who talk down to you. I love you for so long because, hey, if you can't beat them, join, I'm an and I do have some sympathy for you and not I I fucking guy, I they must focus doc to have those voices in your head, but to use them and it's a weapon eyes. Those mean voices that use towards yourself with other people use you. another woman is represents. Oh again we could have covered the lying everyone's like she lie she line under, oh so many times I mean, first of all for I think it's much. She must up a few times and we all honed in on those mistakes because we loved him. They pick women because you love captain jack, sparrow yeah. How many times have you heard on on this package in the world like women can make mistakes? Women of color have to be perfected
responded thinkers. One little slip up ray a whole world gangs up on you. What are disgusting wait alone, worry adverse. I mean we all live little bit to make ourselves look better, aimed at adapting it to grow. I don't you think ITALY purposeful. I mean, I think, sometimes it's like the exact rivals. Sometimes it's like knee jerk reactions, alot away. Also, if your being abused over the course of many many months, I would think that you will just like miss. Remember things wasn't abused and I miss remember things from relationships all the time, not because I have some fucking I'll tear your motive just because the human memory constantly fails us yea quota it late and there's a lot of scientists. Tippit evidence to back the witness accounts are not, I know, people think witness accounts or the strong form of of proof in evidence in court. There really not, because we must remember so many times, think about all the times that you know people this sort.
A guy? I mean this is the most common things like people see a black man committing a crime and then they just choose another black man from the lineup, like our marine. Aren't fucking good luck, Do you know I'm bearing an invasive invulnerable? It is to talk about all the worst parts of your relationship publicly, because I hear her angry hyena does not sign. You know if working sucks a lot of the time when it gets use against you all that her house by smaller oddy and vanessa the ice- and I say, guess why you, the listeners, are often very cruel about it. You, aren't you it's like you sign up to be cross, some emphasis. I can not all of you but that I have to say it. Unfortunately, the cruel are the loudest, which really is a disservice by the same people who jammed our boyfriends to fuck them the same day. We put our hearts and souls out to. You are now calling me crazy, because I am providing with a
out of facts and evidence of back it up a different perspective, a perspective that you don't want to be trail. I've I was called in a far I lost hundreds of hours are all my social media. The past week, for speaking out, I've been called crazy, and abuser contrary and someone who sticks up for women just because their women isley, no not at all girl. What the fuck are you listener are shut. The fuck up it would be really. When are we really be nice? If some of you have ever stood up for women and, more importantly, ever stood up for yourselves? Ok, that's all we really want, and you are nothing to say your odds of what does that mean things about women out of jealousy anger, because it was a funny thing to say quickly because it would make the boys live. I'm guilty of that too, but I've my as every year are opened more and more and I've really been, I really watching that the past couple years really changing. Who I spend time within who I, who I do calmly with and
of course I so slip up every now and again, but it is something that I when you think about a lot, and I mean god, I will never call a woman crazy again and the most I in the past week, the most fantastic women I've ever met in my whole life. So into my jams to say. Thank you. Thank you for saying something something that I I couldn't because I was scared you I did say something in my friends gave up on. You called me crazy, and these are not the high powered women. I'm talking about heads of accounting firms, law partners, mathematicians, fellow comedians, journalists from grade school, high school colleges, women in crypto women who are married, women who are unmarried women who live in the? U s and abroad white black
in gay straight by people who I haven't spoken to an years reached out this week, and I'm telling you I mean people, people who to reach out, and I became a comedian or or did a ted talk. I wrote a book or gotta tv deal they reached out this week because this was so important to them. I think if you don't the pattern of like. Yet women are asp. free to speak out about, or abuse, and many victims of abuse are afraid to speak out about their abuse. And it's like you in talking about someone else who was abused, we aren't. We now have a fear of talking out about that. I do not deny or any here s your seat do not see how much of a problem it is. If you can't like state opinion that amber her.
maybe isn't a lying com bucket for saw career, I wasn't saying I believe everything amber hurts at. What I was saying was, I didn't think amber heard was a lying come bucket who deserve to get kicked? And that's that's an that's. What, though, that's your problem here? and ends and moving on from the women. Some of the worst men in my life showed their true colours this week. You know, I will sign it, It's not. I don't think it's a coincidence that the boyfriend who treated me, the nicest, was the only one who said something nice about amber heard. Okay, it all adds up. Okay, so men this week, solidified the fact that I'll never have a drink with them or answer their telephone call or sleep with them ever again, wow Men are innocent, just because they are women by the inequality in our standards of behaviour, our glaring when use, but when when we start begging man who never respect Let us in the first place, to choose us and like us, and think we
a worthy of being fucked by them. How can we undo the need to be picked by men? Did you feel good when you said team johnny and your guy friends or your boyfriend or your husband said. That's why I love you. Euro girl, who gets it did you feel chosen in special because not moment you chose him over you yet again. Start during your back on yourself, and if you can't do that, I beg Who does stop? Turning your back on us, the group, the women? Ok, I don't think that's. I think that said I think. That's all I wanted to have more written here, but I mean that's that's the point I raised here. The crux of that's: it I can go on and have this conversation all day, it's so funny cause Korean was I and I told her where we were hanging out the other day and like we I was like. I don't really know much about this case, exactly what I said on the intro. I just and I still don't.
she told me like what the verdict was and why the judge ruled that, because of the the or not the op, ed piece that amber rowe m like that is dangerous when the fact that koreans getting all this awful residual reaction from saying that amber heard is come book which deserves to be good, is wild and, unlike ma, people on this planet are so there's so much, energy, like pent up bad negative energy swirling around in our minds and our hearts and our souls that we're just ready to pounce on people without? Actually thinking in and analyzing the facts, because you don't have enough energy. To about just stop taking your like, it's not don't you this case as a public punching bag for your your own shitty problems. Look within man, its we'll get yourselves and allies yourself yeah. I just a really is. Is it is a whole? Are larger conversation about calling women crazy, an item? I dont think people really realise how power.
Fully leaving a woman crazy as aids almost impenetrable, and this is something when used for a long time calling women crazy like legally? Dave Chapelle years ago. If you guys remember, you know he took a long break from comedy and his from his tv show and he and he said not enable people as crazy and It became a provocative hero. It was poignant when he saw it when women say not to call women crazy. It's somehow lunatic somehow makes exactly some humming aris raise your oh she's just to go to london yeah. I edges justice just to see people in my comments calling amber crazy someone, you ve never met and you crazy someone. You ve also probably never met it was it was you I mean. I really think you near on the head chrome, when you are like people, people on it all this woman crazy, so that for one second, the spotlight is an on them. It's I said, has a lot light is, is internal right so that the euro woman who commented on crimson, sir grandma gaol shoe amber her, is crazy. Yours bottle.
Is internal. Obviously, I see it now because I see that common and fuckin see through that shit, but its that's the main problem here, it's we want. We want to get away from ourselves. We don't like ourselves so were quick to shit on people and to take societies men towards us and research the back and that's never gonna to, you're. Gonna live a life of chaos. If anything internally, if you keep living life, this Y yeah and I mean it's it's so it's It was so weird because so many of the like public comments were anti amber pro johnny and then the aim is all like: oh my god, it's ain't using, so it's a yeah yeah. I just gotta this. Something smells really funny when people are afraid to speak up, bought something out anything near whether I agree with it or not. This you have decided. This is not. I didn't spend all we can researching. Could I give a shit what you are didn't? You might ensue room? I dont whatever I don't care about that ages, it's just
it's so disheartening. I use that word rely on his show to spend almost a decade doing up a pro women show and of so many women respond in the that you did not even talking anonymous started on the man yet and if you want to do some further research into other cases like this, you can look into gamer gate and how I might sarkozy and was afraid, treated and then also very famously. You can look into the mia arrow and what he Alan case again. This is not even Some people think you're you're allowed to have your opinion current. My opinions right. Right on this? I don't care. If we do we reconvening twenty years, but I this is, this is what's happening, is fucking wrong, it just is. I know it s a really, never there's a very few times over the course of this progress it. I felt this strongly about something yea that wasn't related to myself near so there we have it. So that's
presented my fucking case. You know who else is got. You knows just lovely here's. A conversation were really excited. You guys here is guess this week, oh my god, I'm so so excited few to hear this conversation. I love this man. We bought it so much of so much in common, but for you guys what you need to know. If he's a relationship expert, he is an award winning sex, therapists and he's house of sex and chronic illness podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show doctor
He fell down, that is to say the catch me there's no way man
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psychologists and others. I go there. Psychotherapy therapist recycles yes couple therapists couples. Now those relationships gonna die or two year we blossom farewell a little bit about lad. Hottest parents are out of family, they can die or they can blossom lie. Ryan. That's really why people, I think, come to therapy yeah The boy you discover like do I wanna does the put the effort into the shed any rise. I mean they can get exhausting yeah. You know yet though, so we're we're talking before we start recording receive a lot of interesting topic you bring up on your instagram look, let's just start with a we're one solution: why blushing. And what is your experience with people talking to you, why you know it's what's great about being a therapist. Is that often, when you hear things come up in the sex therapy world, we have many doors and supervision that we can go choose.
the first time when I had a client. That said, I mean displeasure now's like what the fuck it up at him. I won't wait a minute. Let me figure this out, and so then I heard that it is about playing with food rioting, sags. Ok, at which people do. I mean you, add the whipped cream in the banana chocolate now that, but he told me that he enjoyed sitting on cakes naked. I keep up the in that idea being in the ocean well. You know what it really is when you think about it, but if you know needs that, I like the way that the cake in the icing on everything feels on my general. When I stood on, ok, you don't think I can see where they can feel Interesting are good ones like you know that that what's a movie rumblings russa doctor and that that old, lady page yes passage, I think I've always wanted to go into a pool full of noodles and she didn't you like. I would fuckin low
do. You know why I went down when actually feel really glad. I would want to be naked and does it is. I am leg in its own skin. I am, I think it would be fun to say you know what I was. You know. One of the things that we do a sex therapists is that sex, positive sex therapies they out in detail a date and normalize, and so when he told me that I was like ok and then from the non out, it was like. Ok see you left sitting on cakes, I mean the thing of it is that he wasn't really come in and because of that, but he knew that. I was a kid you were a therapist, though he king aware rhyme right, which is not everybody which is not everybody rise. If someone came in and there were like guy like two sploosh shore, be you know I like to urinating my wife's panties, I mean than big, I go well, you need to go see somebody else right, but I have not had any right to people work out their trauma through kink. Absolutely absolutely it can be very powerful for some one because they can actually focus on. Something else is not
ways there: enzymes, he or their trauma, respond yeah, so they can go into a kink scene and it can be. Nor is it the jensen or relies of short term their communicating their getting something from it. It's a good thing, versus that bad pain. So you know people always think that, when you're involved in like media sam, that you must have some type of dramatic history right and there's no evidence, research that supports. Ok, but there is evidence, research that support said king is healing to us and its fun, and also you have to be a damn good communicator, oh, my god. The kinda king community is very on top of their conversation skills. They really are air and there's this language that sex communicates a you. Just can't get verbal. There we were answering an email miracle. an intra earlier from a woman who could is the hardest from brutal rape born and she was a victim of rape, herself and gm like them. all the sense in the world you're being on the other side of your being, everything is power. Every relationship you ever have. There is
some type of power dynamic and for sexual. to be aroused that there has to be some power dynamics at play. Absolutely, and I think the other thing to is that with sexuality there there is that power play, but in all relationships most people have had some temperature You know, I think everyone has had trauma and their life we all had charred wounds. We have things more pass that maybe we haven't been able to. Let go love and Adam when were in something like as a kink seen you can Do that area in its liberating it's doing something different as plain pretend to is a fine. Yes, isn't diving into your imagination, had written or sexuality into a yes, it's so much fun, and I find that that's what's really hear about it is that you know you can have some one who was a big managers c o somewhere and they loved to be subsidy in the bedroom, and then you have someone who's taking orders all day and they like to be a dom. So it's very impact
yeah. I saw something to you on your instagram about media sam and it was a chronic pain. With chronic illness, yeah, chronic illness and chronic pain, which area that I specialize in, I specialize in chronic illness and sexuality. oh, why that's a big one yeah! That's a big get up a little bit about access to that's, not something that we ve cut, that we really covered here and I think that's interesting. It's one of those areas of sexuality that doesn't get talked about enough reda. We do talk about sex and disability, but what's going on with people that have invisible illnesses such as different autoimmune diseases, yeah, and so what it does, m is that it allows them to step into a world where there are not always consumed by their pain and their illness. Now, because when people get diagnosed with various types of illnesses, they stay wrapped up in their consumed in at their always thinking about it. But when we go into something like a kink, seen it's almost like you dissociate innocence and you're, not so far
Estonia, ok, which I think is very empowering for people and they can try something different instead of always having to about their illness right now I don't want your leg, nipples clamped, like all the other. I can't feel the other pink dinner. My nails cry of apples argument any by the society of our side, annulling I'm getting flogged and I'm being spanked migraine headaches at them, so it's so empowering for people when they can try something different like that, and sexuality is always about creativity anyway. So it's allowing them to get creative with themselves when they're in some type of scene and when people come to see you, I imagine there at this precipice of ok. I know there's something better for me, but I don't really have the tools to get there, so you ve, probably had the
which to watch a lotta people blossom into their own sexuality, it so rewarding. That's why I love this were yo nice to see people come in where they feel like there broke in or they can't be sexual and then watch damn become very sexual in their own bodies. Verse was solo. Sex masturbation, which serves great purposes for groaning vein as well, and so then allowing them to have sex with someone or you know, really kind of find a partner to date or have a play partner and so on It is empowering, and also referring folks that have chronic illness and disabilities to just surrogate partner. The visa got heresy. All yeah got I've been wanting to interview a success at the back, and you explains ex argosy, so I'm interviewing to today on my podcast sex and chronic illness, parker, and so really it's a way to work with a client to build trust, to learn how to create emotional bond, learn how to
tides, be out and explore pleasure and thence At times the surrogate may have sex with a client, but sometimes didn't even have to get to that point because the clients like while I think I have the tools now I can do this My own someone, that's has a disability. That's never had sex before you know it's a good way to introduce that or if someone has had sexual trauma and they ve worked through their trauma, but now they want to become sex. On their bodies. Yeah enjoy themselves super powerful at such great work. Yeah I play there's a lot of value in roleplaying. Oh yeah, I mean there's this creativity that can happen that I think doesn't get talked about enough. So I'm a big fan of surrogate partner therapy. I think sex therapists could really benefit from it more for working with the surrogate partner here in the way that it works says, is that the client goes to the surrogate partner and then they had their experience and they come and sex therapy and they process would it brought up for them. What's happened, the motions bluff, what made them feel uncomfortable? there is something that needs to be changed, comprehensive, the it is.
It only law. It is it's a lot of work to because your also meeting with the client but gerasa meeting with the surrogate partner since so much communications that an you and then you act as a kind of the dead. The guilt Why does it all personal translate for her younger than you go back and tell them the sergeant? What worked, what didn't work rank ass, a loosely or than the client goes back after I've talked to the client, with words with the right words and so often what they'll do as though do notes on the client, and they will send the notes to me and then what I do is I go through those notes with the client, ok and it's very empowering, especially with people that have had sexual trauma. You know because they really do feel like there is a piece of them. That's missing sexually it's very low. Sexuality was used against the exact off eggs. It's awful, and so the thing is that it so easy for them to say no, but not to say yes and allows them to feel more comfortable in their bodies, so they can do that is so funny cause I
This is not a disability by, like p talk about people, pleasing on your social media, and I always thought about how themselves before like it will be great to have a man. Sex stall, because I could actually figure out how I move with no insecurity, because it's not a person there right into the shape of a person apps and I get action. Unlike all, I wonder if there's like sex arrogance for people believers Why would I lie area at its heart and I'm not gonna. Do it with a man. I'm sorry! like I'm, not dunno, it doesn't feel safe. Well, it feel safer when you're working with someone who is not going to judge or shame you at the hour doing business.
There's no stay guys you impressed. I want to do. I fucking love me right exonerating and in a lot of time, so you don't have a guy anymore. I believe that paid out about that now appeal inside exactly but its powerful work. You know it's really great, because it allows some one to be in their bodies, and you know what, if the client falls in love with this, it will happen yeah! Oh you because you're trusting, I totally it's your. I wasn't. Gonna fall over their therapy high. All that time I came I know somebody. I got Sony p o box as you either all island, digger guy or they just don't, say anything, but they are in love. Yeah, so intimate- and you know what's interesting- is that they're encoded with zoom, which I ate it at first yeah. It was wild, but I can really see their eyes better and they're. Looking at me and I'm looking at them,
and its wild, and now I get uncomfortable sometimes with in person. Thereupon, like I've, been doing the shit for so long and I've got someone sit in front of me and I'm like, unlike twitching, whereas the barrier there's no barrier, I and I am sure they are willing. They always teach you and like when you go to school to be a psychotherapy sit, there should never be a bear air! Oh I'm! Why didn't you some barrier island? I fuck your patient. Well, yeah speculation about sex that organ high surrogacy is different malaria, but I love my barrier riah. I love it now and now I don't have that sometimes in its like. Ok, I've got this couple in here with me and I've gotta do this work. which I mean I missed it, but it's still hard yeah. You know if you feel the energy of the uncomfortable nest. Sadly there, whenever you and sometimes on soom, are on if you're doing like tell a health, it's hard to actually see that sometimes
You know, but I ll never forget. When I started doing tell a health I was living in a studio apartment with my husband and my husband was having to work. He was using them through sink for its down. My guy, I had a little noise machine, oh yeah, yeah yeah, we're doing I was doing sessions and, of course, George floyd had just been killed, languages matter so had yelling about knows esters. I am helicopters above my studio apartment yeah, while I'm doing such right right right right trying to like you, People in Gaza is right know, but then you as human beings, you know we get used today Y yeah there's this tendency to for every person, nine percent almost to not to feel like you can't. You can't handle senor own pain. When you actually can that's your big rub to all this I'll I'll die. All fuckin thing is is really rooted in you can face your own pain and it's gonna, these sad and hard, but like that's how you passes through your body, it's so good.
When you can do that, and when people have chronic pain, you really do have to form a relationship with it. When you can, former relationship with it. You can actually manage a lot better right where, when you try to control it in your fight, it people find them selves and more pain. Of course, sooner brain your brain can make you feel pain. Oh yeah, your brain embody a so connected. That's why people have erected issues yeah, yeah, I really sorry, I a book last night and aids are basically kind of talking about selling like walking into the pain, walking into the fear that using a lot of buddhist principles, but that's what they're they're just like nowhere. We make the mistake of doing all these things in life shoe to avoid situations which were scared of and The first story is that the author Taos is like a dog got, off its chain like a guard dog out of its chain and was running towards a group of people and every one ran away, and then this person charged at the top.
The dog and then the dog recoiled, with its tail between its legs re, faced the fear head on, and unlike I mean that's, you don't don't do that at home. Get yeah right in saying that the networks at hand out its enzyme is now you're gonna find out the hard way. I was less than eight. I guess it's me then you know it's interesting when I worked with patients where they are chronically ill and that they do have pain due to their illness and they start recognise in it and former relationship with it. It's very and power rain gather not running from measure out, avoiding it. Then, of course, there's gonna be times or you don't want to us, two things right, but when you get to a place where you can always try to do that, we see that people can actually cope a lot better than fighting it of it. I'm yeah we're just takes them down. Even more. Have you seen? Have people ever really completely illegally? It alleviate their chronic pain. What I have, especially with chronic back pain,
The answer is a lot of mental stuff. Come yet that's tat until the sole talks about that. Unlike Louise hey every hour that re basically like you can heal yourself, and you really can it really him insulting? Does I've her I've witnessed people react in a way that they feel insulted that I say there that that that is a concept that gets tossed around, but it's like, but you, like you said, if you keep fighting you are perpetuating the paying re right and what we find in the literature. Now, when it comes to mental health and chronic pain, is that psychotherapy become one of the leading treatments for chronic pain, because, if the process, your emotions in your feelings, that's why I think people can heal themselves if you're angry all the time and your wrapped up in it. Your brain is communicating with your body yeah. Why so yeah? What makes psychotherapy unique? I think there's a lot of its also liked psychotherapy like who you're going to because, like I just go to like a regular, earth as she's, not using psychotherapy
right. Oh yeah, you explain that a little about. Well, I think what s great about psychotherapy, as at your actually using some type of treatment, modality. Ok, with what's happening so yeah could be using carbon to behavioral therapy We are looking here, thought us and we're trying to change. Thoughts were trying to look at them a different way. You know trying to address like a lot of the irrationality that could be going on. So that's really part of that and you're really, given the patient or client homework to come back and report on the same thing with sex therapy, I mean sex therapy is rooted in cognitive therapy. Ok, so I'm giving like people in relationships, things to go home and try and come back and see how it works? You know I mean my family in north carolina, their electorate, you fucking, your clients are not like. I'm sure. That's out what it is, I believe we have honest communication. You know what we're talking about. Zags like there's a day is echoing from a place of not being horrible's, argue balzac's, that their asked that either
yeah like I talked about it, I'm gonna be not doing it. I'd know we can talk about it and not doing exactly ready. What it's about and re sex at its heart is about communication anyway, right now, that's what was wrong about, but that's through psychotherapy lens to ok, even we're doing trauma work. We may be going into the past and dig in some things which can be uncomfortable button. Again, it's almost like what you're saying you have to like feel that an before you can have healing. Sometimes how did you get into this work? To begin work at it seems. Like you know, tiger family was like go leave a talk about king yeah. Well, I was an actor and a dancer for years before I went in to be a psychotherapist, and so I moved to new york at nineteen. You know wanting to go into to theatre and went to college and then got a taste of new york city and started working at the tunnel
listen dancer was fun who went on all the tunnel was a nightclub backing. Ninety ninety nine will end and eightys you now, but I got to work the tunnel in it splore, that lovely people and people who are actually play They must now that I worked with light. Peppermint gummy bear mandela. Poor, oh my god, people that, were there loudly irrigation and shit alec. What's his name who'd than died, Somebody alan like the night light thy mind I already wilder amongst the party I was it was fine. Now is the time to be in the union assumes adjustments down with spine, and then you know I went home and got my shit together finished all my degrees and said you know I miss new york. I want to go back to new york. I think it's a great place to practice therapy, but on how to get involved in the media and sport. things and so on? I came back either something about new york.
That's different from every city. There's like an energy here, loyal other and you can come in and you Let us suck you up and spit you out what you did to me when I was nineteen when you come back and you take it you're like we're. Gonna do this again Shall you yeah you're? Actually the ocean like it just pushes you out, and then you go back to my mind when I read showing how young working on myself in doing that yarly, you know, that's what I found the love. I started feeding the homeless up here when I was young, and so I started volunteer and it like soup kitchens and also, I think I wanna go into social work, but I not sure which guidelines and give back, and so that's what really got me into this work. And then I started going to workshops and people are like will you should become a sex therapists because people need to really learned to have sex or reclaimed there like a shame around so much shame with their chronic pain, and I was like ok, I can do that and so
That's when I started doing that because I didn't, if they don't teach you sex therapy in graduate school, when you're studying to be a therapist, really, no, you have to get certified, it's like equiv to a masters degree. How many years have liked regulation are shared by junior without good will mean that the I came back It still cannot imagine every ground all the ground. Being covered in only two years, there's so much either. So much too is therapists. I mean the great thing about this profession. To is that were always learn. Yeah always learning with lion will come in and throughout a term and unlike legs, pollution and yeah. What is it You know where I would have a teenager come in and say yeah this girl at school. She has a blue waffle that a pussy is why? What is one that doesn't take care of itself? But you don't wanna, google? Why don't? I don't wanna teenager come this way, then you know everybody. Has the episodes? Google blue? Why doktor doktor Lee this girl at school has a blue awful with
why okay, that's not how we talk about women's vaginas exactly and I was like well, what is that and then I googled it it was. What is it in his boy doing insects therapy I mean honestly, that's. Why was I had sex, thereby haven't because of his behaviorally must underpin waffle came and then I came up right right to its great about this profession is always learning. We're just always trying to grow and we love working with different people. That's why I specialize indifferent things just so again, I'm like bunch than they are hungry for human experience it actually and its great that's what's great about the work zion, you know I can still use my act inability. Sometimes too age and yeah there's a lot. I had an unfair if you like, not anything I face when people say shit, you are you need a good poker fate. Is somebody coming whose just do I imagine you ve had at least one client in your lifetime spoiled and entitled
and kills either or three of its high out of new york. Yes, I like how the fuck do you get through to some be like that, because, if anybody's going to get through to somebody like that, it's not their family, it's not their romantic partner, it's their fucking therapist, so you put one foot into their world and you keep your other foot out right. Yeah. I have to feed it. A little bit must have been tough yeah. I hear you, but then I'm thinking alright, let's and then you can start to challenge yeah a little but it's see how they react yeah. Well, once you form a good relationship with them, then you can challenge them. You can call them out on their shit, sometimes right and clients like that yeah. I want someone who's going to just like be passive. All the time someone who's going to call Now, unless you're like a not like what narses narcissistic purse like with the true narcissus personality disorder, come to you to just give validated has ever happened, it's rare that they do that because they feel they don't need it.
the needs are rare that ignores this comes in and then, if they do come in my chair backs up. That? I'm like who I think I know what's who are, but what's odd, was interesting. Is that sometimes a personality disorder? Is you don't see it until later on in therapy, because they gonna hiding it yet data now exactly, but my guide and see that are invested. Guides error. You know, but you know it. I loved challenging people yeah so and you know what they need help to because acquires wants it. It's a defence mechanism, right defence mechanism, most people with personality disorders. They have a history of trauma They need help right into that's where we come in funny. You know people go the same thing. Could how you could emotionally manipulative parent tales, all his time and you get the kit, you know it depends into the kid is of course, but like you can go one way or the other you can do.
Of a form of narcissism computing at the love you need, so you just need to have yourself in his holier than thou position is entitled rainy walker, I might, or you can People pleaser and just fuckin bend over backwards. Any goddamn, Josh mother looks at you which a lot of people do. Sometimes they get had. What do you say to those people? Well, you know, I think the first thing to do is most people pleases have very low self esteem and they don't even think about themselves. They think about other people. So one of the things that we have to focus on is what do you like? right. What are you like when it comes to pleasure? What do you like when it comes to your life like? What are ya values? What are you right. You know. Often what happens is some one would bring something to people pleaser and say here you go. I made you Oh, how I made you this is like you don't you. Dont have eat them, anything. Let him what them say thank you and exciting to thank you and accepted it's really hard. Please also have a lot of shame. So that's a defence mechanism is deeply
he's because their covered in shame yeah. I was called the shame monster. It shows up in either gotta like attack it and let it and defeat it sometimes or let it come let the shame monster do sing and then let it go near you now, but people pleases they they need a lotta healing to you. yeah they! So it always comes out, but you know I mean that's what's great about this field. Is that there's always help out there with the right therapists, You know that you can gel with your imaginative as a people pleaser. If you engage in like as a dom. I wonder if that would do anything as a huge role reversal. Hey you Grady here, so you ve never heard before it's called the non funds go out and is the first ever bunch of biogas voiced by enough tease, that's right enough t characters hosting all kinds of biogas talking about everything under the sun pop culture, tv music, crypto and maybe even hollering at a few big celebrities and help us launch the non funds squad is the wallet while it's from that of an easy
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the peace of the most disruptive opportunity. Enfranchising today visit own a mad dot com. Oh yeah. I know it can be empowering I've actually had a client ones, and they did that. Damn and empowering you know and it's also great to like. If there has been like infidelity in a relationship. What I find rewarding is when a couple stays together and they're like well. How can we make our sex life great now, so they make open up their relationship after cheating, everyone thinks they interesting. You know it's like like opening up, meaning like going to see other people like where they swing together or type a non monogamy. You know they may be having some things that they're very interested in, but they never talk about it right. I think my very first boyfriend cheat romeo sixteen, but I was so devastated and I think I developed there like a coupled a queen, lingers king, because, unlike if I'm on control of it. This is variant.
a book has now nothing's wrong ray yeah, so you can explore that with each other yeah and I have a lot of couples that do that after cheating, they may swing together or they may have their own partners if that's what they want to engage in, but they have to have some type of an agreement, and I help them form those two yeah you. What you are talking about. A topic that's been coming up alive is like pollyanna marine open relationships, oh, is it most often after cheating people just coming in cold, like one of the reasons people come in and and start talking about those topics? Sometimes it's a combination of both sometimes there's been some type of right. You know rupture in the relationship. There's been some type of cheating so now they're coming in, and their wanting to open up their relationship now, because they know that this has happened and one partner may desire something different. So that's why they may want to come in and explore what that? What is that looked like to them? Yeah then? You ve got people that come in that had been together for years, and their sex is just boring as fuck yeah yeah
you know, and their law have enabled this aim thing over the taliban will then we work on. Well, why don't you trust I stood up and do this than they do that and then like here, but, unlike you, wanna sleeper. Somebody else There were thinking about it, but we don't know that looks like it am. I gonna get jealous and unlike look any time, someone goes into now. Monogamy expect yourself, shall I tell me, you're jealous if your monogamous, a quarter gonna get probably arguably more jealous of law. The time all the time, and so we just direct them and help them open that up. The bad thing is that when I hear people commend that have already been open and they come in there, then like lies, or they have respected the boundary now and then I often say well: did you have an agreement when no, he never had one. While that's your problem, you know. Boundaries and more flexible than rules right, but they may break those and then there's. This is trust, and I don't know if we should keep our relationship open, but it's really hard to close it back up after you open
yes, yes, yes, I know that and that's why I there's a lot of people who write any. You know it's not that we're like believing in pollyanna reopen relationships as the tick tock comments would say it's more just like people are trying to do the of do. What I would consider is like a next to level as like. It's like I it's the next level and married brothers to me as polly amorous. You have set a kind of like master I, you have to master monogamy or not. You know to get to the next level and there's like these twenty two year olds. Writing us in that their pauling amorous and I'm just going. No you're like I just know, you're, not laying no, it's such a complex thing and it is complex and you need to be so good. No evil unintelligent yeah a lot of it and you have to have a nice foundation rights matter. If you ve been together for like two years, you can be together for two years and open something up if you ve got sure, a foundation. That's what my husband. I did after three, as I have said a bar with them, and unlike you know, I love you, but I want to explore things and he was
like all shed, I'm glad you said something allow that work now and then I tried to close it up. I got jealous and I don't think we can do this and he said well, I'm not going back and I said well shit I gotta get by water. That probably touched your stuff joanne selling. It touched my stop. You know why it is it's interesting ideas, savage talks about this, a lot making fun of straight people, but it just seems like that. Gay community as a gay men have really mastered. been relationship in a way that her or sexual people have failed to. What are you? What is inside of you know why, but so fast, adding. I know I just thought a clash yesterday, therapy with algae bt, q plus clients- and I talked about that- I said if you're gonna be working with gay men expected it may be now monogamous yeah, it may be involved in king there's something I think that they are just very confident about with there
actually yeah. There's aunt. Also societies like there's, not everyone's, not a gay man, there's not a lot of us. If I lay me when I say you can't fuck him good, I parked in what yeah I'm claim and half of the year relation our town, perhaps exactly there's something that is more relaxed about it, that's more calm about it. They feel like. I think they can talk to each other better I think you're also deal with two people that are actually the same sex. I mean not in that women and men are so different from each other socialize different. When there are so as to why during the earlier, I guess that's what it is, I think there's a lot of us up. I can't leave straight men and women get along to beyond all I know I know I really does, and men are portrayed straight. Men are portrayed as one way and so are women gain that is damaging its very damaging. I work with a lot of couples where they struggled to communicate and a lot of times they do it because the mail client always has this toxic masculinity
that he's been tied, yeah maya, has always been taught to be a certain way, so they clash when it comes to communicating falcons. I think it has a lot to do with that, but I mean I have worked with you: no game l clients where they ve had an issue with opening things up or their varied. Alice in the beginning, and so we re work through those imposed even breathe through a breed through area and sometimes people I think, during covered, we saw people close things back up which was like really apart really fuck, you and you can do a riot, and so that was difficult, but now that we're living in this pandemic, I mean people are getting back out there. They are communicating more, yeah exploring that, but I have found that gay men are more accessible and it they come into their vehicles, come into therapy because they want to do more fun and exciting sexual things sometimes or their does. Having like bitch,
Thank you. I mean medical sample. Yadda yadda ideology, their mad, though come in and say why I'm jealous of his hair god needs like. Will I'm jealous of the blows that he's wearing a thats, a cell phone and I'm like we'll? Let you guys you guys come on gas knockabout man for a fight like that. It's like you're, just doing this stop You do need a referee some time. Do you think a mediator? Does we do come in sometimes, and we hope you know just as it. Where are you hearing him talk right now and help validate each other values and does not agree with your partner, making sense of how they feel yeah, and I think people struggle with. Now you know what I think relationships could succeed more if they actually listen to what they were saying to each other. What one of the kind of example that you ve been presented, which, eight men and toxic masculinity, and how have you ushered them through that? That's her illegal question. You know really just giving them the space to let it
How would you rightly somebody you know? Somebody needs to give him the space and glad it's you, because I have I looked down the patients but you're right, yeah like these, they need, they don't need it from their their partner, can't do yeah and its yellow sing. It says it like I'm helping walk you through this bullshit. It I come in and you know they can just let it out little bit yeah security. The whole goal of therapy is just processing It's all, as you know, we're taught in school to use this model and do this and every time a client comes in, make sure you're doing this and I'm like fuck that just holding a space yacht and really see where we can get to and when I find that I let them guided. Sometimes they love that. I don't talk too much. You know, and I used to be so uncomfortable with silence and therapy Yet neither of us actually may be comfortable with silence cause. She was very comfortable economic weight,
say something you don't like me. I don't even know if I should be here, but I think healing that with them it's allowing them to come in and talk about how they grew up with that toxic masculinity and how it's presented a problem and how they can be more flexible in their thinking and that it's okay, the vulnerable and it's not a weakness. Yeah and you dont have to put up the front all the time and then, when you can crack that with them man, they start it's like that. gates, open and therapy yeah? Have you have you hide shriek, I clients just straight up say like I saw my dad, this rice or I was taught that like absolute any any like any specific set of blown you like wow, that is brutal, like yeah. I mean I've had people before that have endured so much abuse from apparent where they ve been beaten, or they were told if you don't get it together, we're gonna be out of the house. I mean there
years ago, where I actually had a patient where his father made him get on his knees and on his knees under his knees, were popcorn colonels, oh so, the trauma from that to be a man and we wanted that had symbolise like what was at work. When I say what I think he was trying to get him to fight through his pain. That will be very painful. To lean I going on, we can help being on your knees to india is a very delicate. As you know, it is a job. Yes, it is a job for sir. I thought anything under their yeah. I would be very painful jewels and, like you, threw himself tat, he could have programmes and then to be able to have. You know them come in and be enabled to just talk about that in the area and sets the eel empire in illegal we're talking about earlier. You have to get through the tough parts to get to the eu
sure you can do that work. I mean it's empowering. Yes, I think some dad's things like they're running their own boot camp in the house or something you shall save, have what. Why is it not olympic training? You re teaching your kid how to run away from himself rates, oh, we tried alike work with people, so they can be more flexible. So they don't have to be like that when there when their dads and a lot of times when they come in, they don't wanna, be like their parents or another gotta one, my son, to look at me that, way. I want to be a good parents, my child, so we talk about what is that look like? So there is a lot that goes into that giving people coming with a sexual desires that are illegal, the lately. They may have fantasies about things, Anita, that's their fantasy, that yeah people have fantasies right, I mean so many people have them and they don't share them
has it that recently iron, it could be a healthy way to fantasizing Keziah harvey limited and honest eyes into really be able to just keep it inside, but in sex therapy or just in therapy. They can open up about it and it can be validated for them, because if they go to a different type, a therapist. That's next saxon that that's not sex, positive king aware they may not what to share the engine. It. You are you obligate report. If it is it there, acting on something yet mean it could be a mean as a as a therapist. We have the duty to to warn into report if certain things come up more. I have it had some one, come in and say: well, I'm actually doing this. They may talk about the fantasy and there had- or at least are now telling me you re on, have you to tackle someone saying I'm like I'm attracted to minors? Can you not something that we talk about a lot on the show and they're, so they'll youth, airbus willing to even like here
because you know what you know it is a service I mean I would be opened as I've. Never personally, I haven't had any one talk about that in therapy, but I would be open to young if they do, they have somebody to fight need. Someone was you yeah to be able to talk about it, and so I think there's this judgment. Of course that goes there that, but if you can hold space for that and lungs our job about that, because they think it like a certified sex offender practitioner nor certified sex. There are certified sex addiction therapist, which there's no evidence base that sex diction therapy works, and you can't diagnose it. You know they need to see some one,
ooh sorry, I was just really patting myself on the back, as she was just talking about sex addiction, kind of bullshit. Oh my gosh, it's awful, it's so pathological and it's terrible. It's exactly what you said in so few words. Well, the thing is: there's very few things that I know a lot about, but I mean we've been doing this show for almost a decade at this point, so it's just you know. I've talked to we've talked to a lot of people There is just one of those things. It's come up that enough. Really well educated studied a people that trust have have said. I don't think so that's addiction and enough narcissus have said that a real bad. It's really came to my own computers right now. I did you do that yeah yeah! I guess so. Unlike you know, to people who say I go get I'm sure something's wrong. It's just like your blaming it on this other thing that I feel like feels easier to say, because I,
labeling, something as an addiction or disease like you go, oh, I can put it in in a box. I understand what it is now I'm sick and I just don't think That is why I am being into this victim of that. Doesn't do anything to benefit you to get you propel you out of the situation so loudly. That is the biggest thing about it right there right, you can come to a certified sex therapists that a sex positive and be able to talk about sexual company seventy in a way. That's not going to shame you or judge you right, because one of the things that I do is if I have a client that comes to me with sexual compulsively. I do like an erotic assessment like how what's one erotic is like where you just asked them certain things that they're into and they'll say yeah, but I haven't had the opportunity to try that or when I did cheat. I would go out and do that that I wanted to do, but I had the energy has got to go somewhere or just gotta go somewhere, but I couldn't tell my significant other about that, so we normalize it and it's like okay. We talk about healthy sexuality, because we do know that some of these behaviors that can go out and there's some consequences that can happen with us
the eyes or they aren't monogamous relationship and they're, not telling thereof. Partner and yeah, it's always great when they do come out about it, and there are other partners like him here too, weren't you yeah, I others behaviors, you know, so why don't we work on yeah, there's so much theirs. I love the four agreements by damage our wheeze and their one agreement that is so relevant to everything you ve been talking about, is not taking things personally, even when they are romantic partner and it feels like the most fucking personal propaganda. Then thou annulled, but I could ever on this fucking plan to do to us now and it's still not personal, which is while because, when you, which argumentatively relationship- and you were saying, you know your has. Your partner was like when all bailing out we do. You know that Is this, and maybe it in in the mail? Gay community is just more understanding of this, but you can
I fuck somebody and it has nothing to do with how much you love your party has nothing to do with witches. Oh, I know that's true, but it does feel while it does, it does feel while because a lot of people say well, why do you want to go out and do that when you have me right? Well, that's why a cuckold and kink is so interesting because when you watch your boyfriend that you're in love with fuck on a hot chick in front of you, your on face initiate ha like us on. It's really therapeutic. It is therapeutic and- and I think people have different desires- indifferent needs indifferent, vanish. yeah and I just think its grave when we can normalize it and we can talk about it in a setting. That's not gonna, shame them or judge them, because a lot of times after they talk about it there like that's all. I need it niger about item here and do this and do that I've been able to talk about it with you and fantasies about it master be also yet that's. Why said everybody to look when you're thinking of a crazy care like a crazy canker, something of ski
premier dirty talk like baby steps run out and do it cause you don't have to run into the fire, but then cause there's a lot of it. I feel like there's a. We have a something about us that makes a lot of people who listen to the show very impulsive know any any time. There's a a lot of people feel a certain way or we have a certain type of listener. That seems to be like a larger numbers. I I look within because I go. This is something that we're a track. for sure. Obviously idea in and sometimes it's not a good look in the mirror arise. So as far as a kind of not taking it personally. How do you feel that way or how do you talk to a a client who's been cheated on, because I think for me learning that being cheated on you'd like to not take it personally, I that that was right? That was such an eye. Opener right. I think it's great when you can get to the point where they Don't have to take it personally, I always talk about. There are reasons why people cheat people
I usually just don't wake up and go. You know what I'm going to hurt my partner day and go fuck. Somebody out yeah, there's something going on in the relationship or with them and often when we start to dig it up. There is a disconnection going on you. People either airs and emotional disconnection. There's a sexual disconnection usually it's not a sexual dicks, This emotional connection, it's an emotional there's, something going on. That's caused a rupture in the partnership. There could be some gas lighting that is going. I like, oh you're, too sensitive. I don't we add you get over in somewhat identified both times I've been cheated on, the guy was like you're insane. Why would you? How dare you accuse me that when that's exactly what they are doing on my right, you, mother yeah, so it's like there's something going on with that person, not necessarily with you and that's why we have to get to a place where you don't have to take it so personal, because a lot of times there not cheating, because a jew, there's something going on within
m, but often it is something going on with that partner yeah and when people can be accountable and say you know what I was shaming you I was gas ray. I was unfair to you, no wonder why you went out, and maybe did some of this- that's why I love it when people can get back together can actually work on the relationship, the ending. Because you express what you need to express through unhealthy ways like nagging, I think, is like a other topic, typical behavioral pattern in within a relationship that it's like you're, not expressing what you fuckin detox press, Now it's just coming out as nagging and without heard somebody off, oh yeah, absolutely I mean of yours. If your judging your partner, all the time in your yelling at them and you nagging at them, yeah mean they can get resentful, yeah and back him into a corner, they may go out and do something right, but I think the goal is is to work on that before it gets to them. doing that? And unfortunately people end up in my office after after the map, but then they learn something from it.
And they can learn to be accountable and be responsible and there Nation Shep. But then you do have relationships where someone goes out and cheats and the relationship was going well and while we have some have so many people who like to mess of a good thing I sabbath because they don't want to wait cause. They don't want to wait for that bad thing to happen, because you feel so out of control and so anxious to wait for the bad thing I'm just going to make the bed like a can opener affair where it's like they open. So they do it for a reason: they're, not happy or, and that's how they can. Integrated that's how they communicate as what happens and mrs leary on dawsons creek in out everything was going through louse again. One of our colleagues are obviously a really related right, yeah. Well, you know, because I'm assuming that would they instances that I is cheated on. It was excellent. Why had literally been trying to dump for months and so and when I click to my head, I was all he just took.
control by being like we're, gonna do this on my terms, but then I found out about the cheating later sunlike. Just like something like heat control that he needed within not even necessarily control that he needed to like splashing my face so like I, I actually understood completely why he did it. I was like, but just like why julie glided, like I like cause. I figured it out and I said, did you cheat on me and he goes no and I was like he fucked like, but like I wouldn't been been ass. I had you told me than it was setting out so much later and finding out from someone who wasn't him. That was the part that upset me. That's the part. That's always upset yeah. So when I talked to the other partner, that's been cheated on, that's what always comes out. It's like he or she, or they would just meaning that I wouldn't have gotten so resent mad and very otherwise your pardon for their re ain't. Will you kindly feeling a jack s when you find out from someone else, you feel embarrassed, I got you going era's yeah that and that's the problem and no one likes to feel embarrassed to no one likes it.
Feel that way, wrangling you gonna write out or if you find out that the stuff on your own, if you through the phone or you go online and its yeah? It sucks when, like women, have an intuition, whereas last do they ever thought? Do they now you got in town. I was annoying how united got it, but I, but I also buck and love it, but what I like about you now, but let me tell you: what do you do you do that there be because alcohol, when you, when you as a woman, I've been in this position like when you know well, you don't have hard evidence, say you're, like will what the fuck do I do now. I dont want to snoop that's when they come to me.
What do you say knew of the time that I have when every time an inkling I go on to look in the phone and an executive look, and I want to find exactly no eyes. Do I always find about stuff. When you have, I say gesture got instinct of you can talk to your partner, more running it out of their yeah. Do anything gaslight you then I say, snoop die. If there has well yeah shit element of zero a lot of times. They are that, sir way to defend themselves. Some people do unconscious. Gaslighting, they don't know they're even doing it really yeah. I had a journalist like interview me this morning on it, and the thing of it is just that there's a lot of unconscious gaslight people are really afraid of the truth. People are afraid and they'll. They will say. Oh my gosh, you're being so sensitive. I didn't do that to you and it's like you just gaslight me: what does that mean you re right, I'm a generally all about it. It goes back to emotional intelligence, the alive they don't know when they dont know it from childhood.
Who can gain emotional intelligence? You're fuckin, word thrive and need the word. You need to do the work. Unita! Listen when someone's trying to like. Instead to call you out, sometimes call you win, yeah a we need to talk about here. Let me call you when you say this is what happened and then you can like learn. Maybe something from it yeah you can gain the emotional intelligence that on to have the relationship, but then you just have full blown narcissist that just gaslight all the time yeah and you're like there's, no there's, no, you can't get through yeah. I love calling in because I just wanted to talk about kind of like celebrity relationships. Obviously the amber her johnny depp trials going on right now, but beyond that, I think, we've seen no as part of the re emergence of the means to me, We have also seen a lot of people being caught called out for emotional abuse and it that's so hard because it's like, I feel
almost every relationship that you're in you emotionally abuse each other. So when does it like cross? That line of like this is something that we should be being talked about this? This is a dangerous man or a woman to be around this. Is they should ruin your career because as much as I am on board with speaking up and like the socrates not doing enough for rape victims. I I'm sorry To get nervous now that, like us, labeling. Someone in emotional buga abuser feels heavy when in reality, Basically every lunigiana violation adviser on it yeah someone has that arise Amelia I, and does it look as much as I hate like the euro zone on my ex is really wanna wine. I don't I I want to say anything publicly that actually get hammy like legal trouble, because they dont feel that he needs to no right, yeah yeah! I am always very careful about what I say, which is not good Concerning what I have said just imagine,
how much more there s activity. I tol seventy eight baby. You know, because I don't feel that way, and I just talking about a lot because I obviously have not done processing and that's the point of the shop right. I like that. You're saying that I think to think of it, as is that what it comes down to is that partners they heard each other in the ill, each other areas, this interesting dynamic that always happens between them and I think you're right I mean, I think, a lot of times partners can emotionally each other yeah they nominate becomes a problem. What is this continuous thing over and over again? And people just could not literally take it anymore and that's when they finally do something when they should do something really are rather gave themselves their aid for tenuous thing? And what really drains me as if I get a couple or people in relationships and they're, not changing they just Keep happening on waiting when are you gonna actually do something
yeah I've told people before. I think you need to separate. I say it I'm not gonna sugar coat. Anything I'm like, and I have My website, like I will work with you, but it your responsibility on what you want to do with your relations. right right here to fix anyone. I think people coming to therapy think it Mingling anything work people into relationships as a distraction to their own pain or oh, my gosh say that ninety percent of romance Aisha, which, when you are relying on a person to distract you from your own pain and they're, not doing their jobs in your head. That's when shit pops up with that, all that so many relationships all the time you have to be no but react up in wonder enough from the untutored soul is my favorite pocket book in the way I yet no longer lasting. That's what happens there out that they have some one come into their alive to try to help you there.
I'm paying yeah or the person is gonna, help them cope with that, and that's not why you get into a relation right. That's what people who do it's empowering when you can do your own work rabbit, I dont think people have had that opportunity has raised What I wanted to ask if you have anything to say about the Madonna whore complex my guys boy. I run into that boy. Do I run into its you? Also time could explain what it is, and I only you know it's a horror, she's the madonna, I'm a slut. Well, what happens is that you know men issues happens in like system, heterosexual relationship, rare. I concur wine like everything to a man. They love her He loves her. She does everything in the home she's like the perfect person and then the sex starts dwindling off because the companions always trumps a sex and racism
right and so it's like that arise in room made, and so then it might see a woman whose india heels, whose very cocky use beautiful and knows a lot about herself in his competent. they don't see that in their wise and then saying, there's that there's the the whore that's the deal That's my writing. Is like I still the women and the opposite ends of these the receiving on rather of these madonna work, they would have been a whore about lahore- and I don't like you eager you're, you're you're, saying I'll- be the hoard. The way madonna would say at ryanair you're just like. Let me guess you a sandwich I'll, be that italy has horrors. Horrors are saying all guineas, I lack the forests, are alike, get the fuck away from me. Let me get this straight away to now be naked when I do it darlene ryanair, husbands like about hell. No, let me go out in india whore down the street with the hot outfit on you know, and I think the husband or the male partner just has a really difficult times. Still cnn
yeah, but you know what I do find. Sometimes it is nice when they can spice things up and they can do something different, because I had a friend that went through this and she be be happy that I talk about it real quick. Count. She found her husband, one night, literally masturbating at his laptop or she walks out ass. She was going to the bathroom, she went to bed early and he was up with the lights. Often she saw him, do something aids Hayley, honest eyes, lamb, the laptop down as she does? What are you looking at any cost? Nothing she guessed at the fact. So she goes back to bad and this in the next day. She goes. I really want to know what you are looking at, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, judge yeah I'm not gonna, shame you and he does. I don't know if I want to tell you, because you know porn can be very personal. Yes, like just how many guys I have a thing for women that, where cheap eighties yoke a ban, cheetah print to be exact, interesting. So then, one day who hears the work and she the walmart and she buys them like cheetah print yoga pants. Now she becomes omen.
she's got him on and he got so turned on any really helped their sex. I am looking at her as I prim improper mom and everything, but it really help the now. That's it that's the fairy of the forest. I was the first person that you know she called because unless you now yeah you're the sex therapists, my friends, I gotta tell you what happened yeah. You now say ass nice. What do you think about? I read a quote the other day that side basically illegal meat, you'll keep meeting the same person again and again in your life. Until you learn the lesson out you. What do you think of dialing? They feel, like you know, so often we talk about like a you know, a women and men are behaving like a type that we go after that's bad for us eyelid, like guys who are bad for me, is there? Is there a lesson we're supposed to be learning like just we deserve more, I mean well. My thing is this is that I think it's in the unconscious and I think we as partners based on the positive and negative characteristics ever caretakers,
you say that, like, oh you, that's our drive like it's well, we know when somebody keeps going back to a toxic person to me. That's like ok, there's still some their freedom learn prior that in their yeah there's pain for you to be had to face right and then move on from it because then cause I have experience liking. You know, I'm not sure that guy. Like I used to be my experts, seven years had a very grumpy demeanor. He was never satisfied. He was you know, egocentric about so out of opinion, and there was a type of I then I really love, and now I'm just after I broke up with him. I understood the roots like I'm, not attracted. that personality- all my fucking god so you do get unattractive. I feel like when the lessons been learned and away when you can learn- and I think that does take some time and so
someone comes into therapy and they say you knock. You did in the same people who well. Where did that start? What goes on in your body? What comes up for you? What comes up with your emotions? Zena see you act like you dig, I always think of therapy like an iceberg at the table said, and then you got to go deep. You got to go deep, and so we find out it's usually from childhood and I'll a lot of patience I come into their like. You know it's because that's how my mom was my dad. What yeah we find that out or you want someone completely different from your family because I was a guy see very much like my mom and my dad in my friends, but am I
partners, I just like attics like no one in my life, my parents are knowing my family is not well one person, but it's not not really super closely related, that's fascinating! Your idea, I think like it's like, because I misread like addiction as like I kind of interpreted as like you're really passionate about something, and that is ultimately what I'm really. I, like germany, all putting I'm really passionate about like success and like then they entered there really passionate about like drinking stole yacht tenor. You're like why do I keep doing this for marine yeah? There's something about attics in india or even have to be like active attics could be recovering attics just anyway, all every basically everyone I've ever data, while their successful just in a different way. Gastro. Thank you, yeah! There's something in your successful and what you're you're you, what your drivers and what you want. Yeah yeah
since eighty and I think that at the universal derive their there's an energy there that they are doing, and so your seeing that yeah. I also like how do you stop like I have this problem, we're like when someone says something I'll believe them someone's like I've you I was there? I saw a big promise. I can't read the difference between like fall com. and and real confidence to give a radar for that when people are foolish people, you know, I can't you full of shit but like so It was like men that idea like because I classic basically the one thing, the most yahoo in core thing. I need, as I used to love yourself, because I can't do that workshop for you again. and I'm like its sometimes it'll. Take like too
here is for me to realise this person didn't really loved themselves. Yeah, maybe now really good at the facade right now. You ve just got out and say that they want to be that right. It's can be equally really are really chameleon. May I would just like to be the person that you want them to be acknowledged. We actually are being done by wire guys out every day. It was as long as they want to be accepted near the way that they use them to be right, iron and, ultimately, my fine oversight of the hour than just get that I really hate that Right, you know my trade, your soul, does very little betrayed you see what's happy funny, learn. What's happened is no way to tell quicker a blood
yeah yeah? We avoided a true torreon me get. What time were you born and what was the north note in this happening? There is really hard. I think people take risk and relationship yeah. It's like yeah take the risk of in your like all right. Let's do this happens. You're, like damn thing that I realize about myself. When I do it myself about back. I ain't afraid, heartache I'm worried, you know what I'm saying, oh, but I think, maybe if you, when you know that about yourself, that's empowering buccaneer buried, I'm gonna go through with only getting worse and I'm gonna give them a giant got me down. Relationships are so complicated stuck to act, and I know man. How did you know that your husband was gonna want, like you wanted him to be your husband,
oh, my gosh, you know it's really funny like I moved to DC, because I had to get the hell out of where I was living, we're hampton roads virginia. Ah, yes, I gotta virginia beach chesapeake. Why? The idea of europe and check great wedge, I grip and worse than brand, great bread, well, yeah, that's kind of like Marymount manhattan wild. I know why a while, so I got an app yeah. It was on scruff or grinder. The scruff it was scrap. I, of course, none of the guidelines on their because I'm queer in there all bald, headed and bearded. also queer, though yeah, but they're they're, like scrub,
Bear your yeah, we're lukashka crews. I gotta yeah exactly understand right tat. So, right now my wife has now she's going. I China describes a people, the cash accrues. I go yeah it, what the big there it was queers, ike, gay, eddie, it's different and you just have to write, is not yours now you know. So we hit me out and we start chatting these light by the way I'm gonna open relationship of my husband. I like what I can't do that block Because at that time I was a little you know yeah, good boy, he never hampton rights. You know that. I know you dial that all so I finally hours or two months later, I went through my unblock my black list, and so I am blocked elvis classical from yeah. That's a good way to find a building block and abused by high hit him up, and I said I'm really sorry. I think I made a mistake in the cycle. My husband I argued in divorce, is that you want to go out
and the brain. So I met him at a gay bar in DC called trade. I walk in and I gotta go to the bathroom I gotta pee, so bad, I'm going to the bathroom many says my name and I turned round and looked at him. I live with them sense why, living together a few months after dating theorizing, Dan, savage and terry, like when he describes like they met as a one night stand and using you forever? I've never been a party in my god. He had to go back to work to dc like last week, because you know they made him, go back any works for the federal government and when he laughed with her, You dogs me, you got him and then he got word that really has to go in two days a week every other week, which is democratic. We split our time between northern virginia new york. We do both places in so ever practice there in here. Oh, it works out nice, but that's learning, verse very close were just edges. Works were very different yet, and I have heard it I'm extroverted I loved the limelight. He can't stand it
Oh that's, gonna, do you need? I don't need someone who wants to show me. You know what I'm here I want to be the show you need someone who wants to be the star and then someone who's as they have spotlight envy wonderingly that I have it he's like dogs jago. Do this go to it now. Ask radio works, you know, so it's a great relationship and were very open with each other. You know I bout six idea day. Sometimes I don't wanna write you know. That's I'm not saying it's like that sort of friends were rachel was dating a gonna colleges, but at the time she was working at the cafe and he was like trying to explain to hurry like you hello from a day working like if I see one more cup of coffee, ah man but yeah yeah, that's item like nine, a m to sometimes nine p m at sack, yeah we're just spun, buy outs, exhausting there too so great. I come home. My dogs ran up to me and he's got dinner me. my or where a shower he doesn't try to go so so did he lets me? Go Anders obey my brain. I got it
many comprise stories in my head. May I love someone who greets quietly he was reading yeah, where Can we find more of you well to promote? You know, I'm I'm on hiv aids? Actually, philip someone, facebook actually philips. You can always hit me up directly, philips a gmail dot com. If you want to Shout to me I'd, I checked my email, religious they all the time that thing but me and I'm I'm out is looking out at so yeah. You hit me up any time. I do have a social media manager now. So please watch what you message me. She does. She know new lives as well, as I do the other day parapets on instagram on I e g on you, you get a new dawn linked in Are you get a neuron laid down by the problem? Is man generating rarely ever his? I think that I can she's
oh, my dear cooker, you I haven't had a guy ones, hind that ass, if you get masturbate in front of me, to show me at the technique, is right. I said absolutely not yeah yeah, that's more than six set. Another minors are now. I just don't know they don't know they hear the axe and they think that they can do yeah. You learn how to react to the seller press that you go hard, the us, so we get we educate and their than their cooler like, oh damn, doc. I didn't know that our eye, I won't show my junk in front of you. My fair inky s, fair, so yeah, then you know me: I cast you as why do you have a pocket, sex and chronic illness with doktor Lee, where we have shame free conversations about chronic illness and sex eyes, so yet important work and chronic pain out there that feel run by that needs have feel sexual and there's absolutely. Thank you so much for being on a show. This was a great opportunity was always talking to yale. It was great,
it has been guys. We fuck the anti slept, shaming, podcast, we'll talk to you next friday, you'll get some guys. We fucked is presented by luminary, create an hosted by current fisher and christina hutchinson, editing and music coordination by my casale theme, song by rob, patterson and jake coasts and suck my what asked pussy christina advocate that before, but now it's an area what's keeping her wings.
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Transcript generated on 2022-06-17.