Fresh off their press trip from LA, hosts Corinne and Krystyna have a pitch for all the hot/famous/rich guys out there: TRY A FUNNY WOMAN! Chris Evans knew what was up. David Spade kinda knows what's up. Let's start a trend!! In today's email inbox, there's a woman who just got out of a heterosexual relationship so bad she thinks she's gay. Damn. And today's guest is comedian ANDY HAYNES who talks about his most chaotic alcoholic moments, recovery, marriages #1 & #2, the fantasy of faking your own death, and getting molested while in a full-body cast. Isn't life grand? Commentary by the man with the mega member, Mike Coscarelli.
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WATCH ANDY HAYNES's comedy special - THE COWARD OF GRAMERCY - for free here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsm_1HhG8Cc
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THIS WEEK’S FEATURED MUSIC: Natalie Barth
Song 1- Rent Free
Song 2- We Used To Dance Together
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome the guys. We therefore need about a bucker is, would pay you do and welcome to another episode of guys we fuck its antis slut. She mean Podcast Ancren Fisher on Christina Agents and welcome to the show would stop right. There have. You are taking very much are a special day in earlier. You tube all fuck, you or you do it or to have a moment of silence wrote a dumb bitch. You are tat, was in sight
the final shot, hoping that's.
Okay. So I hope you fuckin watched the special and that dumb bitch silence moment that we provided, for you, literally free you're, going to go to youtube dot com, slash guys we fucked without the- U n fuck to thank you, for.
while the comments you guys have been leaving us
we heard you when you said you didn't want to pay for shit. Ok, some people! Listen. We think that, like the car,
and we put out behind the payoff. Luminary is incredible faded, but we also know that everyone is not a position that they can pay for sufficient room put out free stuff yet and then so there you know how to launch the free stuff ILO itself, then you haven't you
your finger in the flame and you're gonna wives burning right. So, let's get out of the flame when you don't special, when you don't, when you want everything for free gotta, do stuff like lake and subscribed idea costs. No money doesn't affect your like I'm. Only whilst I know the bare minimum exactly yet wishes chastise all ya it was,
they show really does help. That's the thing. So it's just like. Ok, so you want art for freight. Don't agree with that, but that's how I will give it to you, but that you gotta do something else. You gotta do something here a folly as I live snow
my story yeah. These are all things that you can do that are very helpful. Fuckin and you know you get two extra episodes of guys we fucked a month in addition to getting the episodes right when they come out instead of seven days after so we,
Jake you all you luminaries subscribers, if you're, not one yet you could subscribe to the luminary channel on Apple pod casts, and you also don't get any eyes which we did we like, which is weird, because we're not doing out rely on, but there are ads on the year. So we are are flow. Gambie interrupted rabbi genius
damn so whatever and is not even US radiology, I say let others ass their hand, ass any forecasts. The EP yeah stamp actual upstairs
you're a musician and you have music that you'd be interested in submitting to be featured on guys. We fucked
the email MIKE Big Danglars guerrilla D. W have package music at gmail dot com.
Need. I love the way like if I dont included in description. Hillbilly us a Jew, regionally Duke spoke up, sometimes willing to change it up in a guy. Another seem thing: yeah, colorful writer, with yeah use different, were it's pretty amazing? How many weeks you but able to figure out a new tell that I do in short reading your zogg description. I love other Soares refrigerated. Every area should know our cognitive as friends. Therefore, via there is a strong just refer these draw our rights of Europe's citizens Emil. It sorry about last night show at Gmail DOT Comic that subject line specific. So we know what you're not complain to us about see yeah baby. This is, I broke up with my toxic acts. Many out, I'm no longer sexually attracted some mental guy that'll do is always one guy vacant, but you over the hide her and increases their aside layer. So is that guy they like I swear to God, I'm never having you dig in my mouth, I feel like a polish thou. Are born gay, except for with the exception of a few straight women who are bitter, turned again: yeah, yeah, really dukes. I know some people that I regard as by that I was like night think you were turned guy. It yeah, I'm in there in my head right now, but article universe by people work and are good at convincing themselves of any of any truth. Yet, oh that one yeah women can give its cells are in love with people that their not climb hiker in Christina, it's been inspiring to see you both evolve and grow over the years. Your mark starts minds been backwards. Your package has helped me and many others navigate sex, love, business and life on many occasions. Yours my problem, I recently finally cut things off with my emotionally abusive narcissistic act,
after a long messy break up now ass. If for about two months as a short break up, I feel empowered and am working through residual
Roma from the relationship in therapy also, I am open to dealing again, but I feel like I have completely lost my attraction to men, guys that I've come in contact with since the break up that I know
it would feel attracted to. I feel
absolutely nothing towards. If anything, I'm slightly reveal that that happens, girl that happens after you get a vow one man, oh gosh, it's true! It's like where you can get food poisoning from a food and then you can never eat or if that, whatever alcohol you drank in college, a major project
of arming right is the one you can drink any more european assistance yet area and for me hard for me to kill off for me ass. I say yes, three men smell like to give it to a point where
think I might want to explore dating women. But quite honestly, I dont know how I would begin exploring that were pretty
the yeah. I feel like this to a lady high and I explore my sexuality with you, perhaps yeah. I feel pretty disconnected from my sexuality, because I was relentlessly slut shamed during my relationship and broken down emotionally and mentally all your abilities of backup yeah. There are so many things that fulfill me in life dating sex relationships are not at the top of the list. Okay, however, I do crave attention so connection connection. I literally read that as attention I literally looks like it's me. I do well because that's what I I was like why the cause in my head. I was like what the what the fuck would you possibly need an out of
However, I do,
If connection and feel like the longer I go without seeking it out the more isolated and sexless I be caught on the ice, I would love your insight into this feeling. Have you ever felt? Similarly, how would you navigate finding attraction and connection after a bad breakup? I appreciate you taking the time to read anonymous. You gotta take some time girl, you gotta you're, not don't don't force your
today, you should have connections with your friends. Have meaning faults, friendship,
actions and work on work on those
connections and do nice things for each other. Take each other out go do bacteria, like date, your friends, that's what I did it fun. I think
I think it's smart of you to identify the fact that dating sex and relationships are not at the top of the list of things that fulfill you. I think, especially for
Great women we are considered
weird or strange, if that's a like finding a partner, is not one of the main things that we want to achieve in our lifetime, and I know this first hand because I feel the same way and I think it
took me so long to realize that it's just
it's like, why am I feeling at this thing like I'm, not a fear, I'm not a failure, I'm not a failure. I'm good at anything I do, but I wasn't was, was feeling out relationships and it's because I just don't care enough and I think that's
a very feels bad, there's, a weird thing to voice and AIDS, especially as a woman, especially as a person who this is my career. Do I know what to do? Yes right, you can. I tell you what to do to make it work yet, but I mean you know the number one thing you hear: people talk about with a successful
issue is compromise and I am not willing to compromise to have some dick
in my house. You know
it's literally figures sound like me, and no, it's good, that's good, and so, and so I think that number one recognizing that is great, and so then you and and then I think you need to have like kind of flipping your mind while you're dating most people are dating with the
goal. They either want a long term partner. They want to get married, they want to start a family they want to have. They want to have kids these kind of things. So as soon as I started,
but being why am I dating literally just stating for the experience to have someone to experience life with at certain periods? In my life, not consecutively
I don't think I don't think I could handle that because I don't want to be convicted of murder and smart and then so, when you flip that there's a lot less pressure on you in the relationship and you're able to enjoy it more again. Obviously, everyone's experience is different, but that's what I was going through for a while. I too jumped to the point that you are now
want to explore dating women. I mean you very well might be
sexual, maybe you're, bi, curious just right now I don't know, but I'm not.
Necessarily sure the reason you are repulsed by men is because
is. You are
the travellers who were yet. I don't know, that's the reason it doesn't feel like the reason at in here. I think it's just like. I think you feel like something is wrong with you, because you're not attracted to these people that you are you,
we are trying to two when in reality are probably just going through some kind of a change. Maybe you're not
I know you said you're not attracted to the people that you're usually attracted to you. Maybe this guy was part of the same of like a group, your type in quotes and you're. Finally, you finally were pushed to the edge by this type of guy, because this type of guy is toxic and sucks and is bad for you and maybe you're, just growing until
Maybe it's time will number one.
A little pause, but then I think that pause start dating like make a concerted effort to date, a different type of man like do that, even if you're not like you,
be repulsed by the guy to going to deal with them, but just like now not try normal of guy. I think it will really open up dryers the care. A dating a different type of guide makes all the difference, and I I don't like it did you am. I find you like you know is about my life changing. No,
but it's all trenck slightly and that's what do you look for? I think, because of
movies and media
Think, like changes are going to be wild when they happen and they're, not their slight, and you have to open your eyes and notice them. That's a scene with it.
We will suffer you you go to a psychic. You read your tower all these things, the in the cards,
It's like it will be a drastic change. It is not that's not how the world works. So if you're you're, you know if you're getting the whatever the death card or whatever it's it, it will be a relatively
slight change, a new beginning in your life. It will it's it's not like your whole. You know it's not like your whole family is going to die like because that's how it reads, but that that's not what's going to
and yeah, I mean it'll happen to someone, but I'm guessing not you, and so that's that's that
I mean how I felt similarly guy. I not because I want to take long breaks after breakups.
Spilling you're describing right now is also similar to how I feel during Greece.
Like. I don't feel like having sex with anybody right now. I don't. It's definitely hard to explain to your boyfriend that you don't want to fuck em. These people definitely
get personally, that's a whole other that people need to under streets, understand grief better but like feeling,
many reasons why you could feel disconnected from your sexuality and certainly being emotionally abuse. Give yourself time to recover from emotional views and and also to grieve the part of you that for me
it comes to come to terms with- and I am thinking more about apparent relationship than than an ex boyfriend with the emotional abuse in the northeast itself, but it
Once you realize like oh it, it's just
that you're that you stayed in the relationship for as long as you did it and if that's, if that's a feeling they are experiencing or were pray.
apps. For me it was that I was alarmed that
see it. I know why it and seeks as raised by it, but it was still alarming because I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person, so so my
a self efficacy had to you know be be
make sure you're not getting into a relationship to fill the fill a void of sadness, because that's gotta, if a
if you're looking for another person to fill something in you that isn't your holes sexually
It's not it's not a recipe for something long term, because that's too much to put on a person
at times, sometimes when you recovering from
accept was abusive. I imagine you know falling into the arms of another you're more vulnerable to you know we're in that area at the moment cause you maybe a little tender, but you gotta love yourself, yeah only
listen to people when they tell you who you are at the very beginning, the relationship. We say that time and time again it's not new news. It's not unique to the guys we fucked podcast, but it is goddamn. True and.
The last part of your question: was you? Don't you don't know how to begin exploring relationships with women just go to organise an engine set your apt to men and women. There you go, I think, figure that out yet and then in the vital to say I'm curious,
and by curious that that will that will alleviate anybody that will,
You getting into a situation where you
really know what the deals with your sexuality to say my curious Routh about also lesbians, love like your yeah. They think they can turn yeah yeah king. So maybe you like to be on the receiving end of a king, it's amazing and yeah, and I
so I think, like as as a straight woman, feels very like
comforter bawling. If I went out with a girl, I wouldn't be as nervous because it's like you are also a gorilla. How shall I went out with a girl I, when I sent by being a profile, the girls a while ago
but I did it, it was really fun and it was it felt very comfortable. I was, it was nerve, wracking cause. I was like I dunno what I'm doing, but you just go with the
while dating his nerve racking so time
you're being honest about where you're at in your life. You can't you and just you
a break out of fear, not loves, operated of fear.
our view of the love, not fear. While I will let you re my brain turned off. I was about to say Christine whatever book that you read daddy, I'm gonna have to take that economic zone either stepped out in every action or saw, is either coming from a place of lover, fear and make sure it's going for employees of love stuff. Ok, that's what I mean you thanks for correct
we're all were all our thoughts and a very near Rina, wrong words: lookin Saintship backwards,
but you know we're here.
And come see us live if you live in London, I'm going to be at the Leicester Square. Theater may 12th,
Ireland at the sugar land Club may thirteenth and
you can listen to
or the latest episode on, patriarch dot, Slash, Christina Hutchinson forecasts,
cholera! Oh, I will be an U April fifteen than sixteenth for four shows at the comedy, for it
an hour outside Dunbar for you Dunbar folks. I'm sure you know that if you live in the area above for Collins
like a cool town ready to be cool and sought saunter around
Collins, I love Colorado either. I literally could go there for no reason at all, and you know one day I will but anyway that but it'd be fun for now. It's a Fort Collins, Colorado April, fifteenth and sixteenth at the calm before the link is in my linked tree. You are in my instagram bio, which is at philanthropy gal or you can just go to the comedy fort website. Whatever you'll find out, I get how to get a ticket,
smart person, you know how use the internet and then without a country
podcast man. If you wanna hear about
green and Russia, but like with some jokey jokes tune in every Saturday, wherever you listen to podcasts, including full video on Youtube. It's me as Shane Smith, he's the one with the tattoos on his face. You'll know: I'm lotta, you got one's a sword. Lot of people try to go through me to hit on Shane are asked on a date. Don't do that? Do it through him, literally not going to do that. I literally dated him myself. Why would you ask so in that wildly inappropriate? Why would you ask her that? So I will ask you things, I'm like what did you think she was gonna say our listeners are, while not even other comics. She tells me about it.
Some people say or other people. We know that now we are well known, quotes right Cheshire. I couldn't have like a thicker boundary floor, sturdier war and I dont want to do that.
yeah yeah yeah see now. If you don't know now, you know also he's not available. Mama. Oh ooh falls on Tiktok to act, guys we fucked without the you and fuck that's art. There are social media handle across the board, including Youtube where you've already watched and commented on that special. A
How are you Karen? I'm ok arm, but I haven't.
from when we were aware. Oh you do so. First there was Stephen Genk language backs and one jot Resnick with his marmalade phrase. No, no! No! And now in my dear David space. This is long time comes you announce months ago. Well
it was so ok, so we knew
Julie MIKE three days ago. Oh well, so we knew that there was a special guest on our show at the improv in L, a because okay, so high it was listed. But then we didn't know who was when we got there. I asked the the club Booker who it was and she was like David spade
I was like nice less Miss Christina and I we made a David Spade sandwich because every day David Spade Christina on all three of us crushed and it was
great show and
I didn't realize this, but the other, the woman who working on us shut up on
if she was at that show watching us as well, and she saw David Spade. I know she saw him watching your set, but he was like he was sitting in the audio
the whole time. I didn't know that and so
de dm me- and he was like great side, and he said I tried to give you a fist bomb on your way back to the green room, but you Scamp, he said scamper, which is true camper visa. You scampered up this path and it's funny because this is these.
Second time I David Spade has watched my set, and I didn't know that he was watching my side and I was sampled this time, though I was very proud of myself. I didn't talk about wanting to bone him. I also couldn't
time, because the audience didn't yet know
he was the last would have ruined it. I mean that could have vaguely said man. I really want to fuck that surprise, guest but yeah. You know that would have been fun but yeah, but, like I feel like I'm only twenty, I was on my best behavior because I was doing a showcase spot at a club that is not my home club, whereas in SALT Lake City I was headlining the show, so I could literally do whatever the fuck I wanted. There is a different, more leeway. Yeah we were a guest at their house. Yes, I wanted to be on my on my better behave. My bet by better behavior is still like a pride but yeah,
and so I when to read the whole thing on here. It was it's not like sexual or anything, but it's definitely light recognition. Well, I mean have listen as as the saying goes. No grout grown man wants to be your friend, so people just like fucking Steven Jenkins. Don't want me my friend Davis. They don't want to be your price, so that must mean they want to, and David David speak at some of the hottest women in the game. So he's about to get listen or talk to now he's one of the funniest know why you sometimes symmetrical face. Sometimes you need to take a break from pretty easily switch it up. Sometimes you say dating models, yeah funny, yeah funny late yeah, but we see that half and then and by
I am by no means do, I think, I'm unattractive, but by an l, a model, I'm a pizza to do on the ground that I don't care, I'm fine with that. He said to the ground it's kind of like it's like when, and this is no shade to her cause she's amazing. But this is when Jenny Slate dated, who whoa that hawk. Oh yeah, Chris Chris Holmes, yeah wait were away when the flame
there's a will Channing. I can't remember who boy
we asked her elbow on journeys. Chris Evan, Chris S down the line was added where the budget, the anguish of invoking a very happy the mirror. Let me tell you something my taste in women. Jenny slave is one of the top people I fuckin. I would data shit at a genocide, such grand soda Chris Evans, for a second year, and yet he was. I gotta go back to my superhero bunking loss. Chris Jenny's label. Entertain you in your eighties will a model. Perhaps I gotta kicker
but I can guarantee that Johnny. Everyone has a funny woman. Woman moment becomes crape, ok, eventually, no matter what your occupation Bobby Flay, that did it
they did those models. Regular. No funny per cent did it ever way. Everyone visitor they and waiting doubts now, ok, well, ever gonna gives it a shot. Mostly, that's not for me to end and bigger away. Much talk we're here. If you want that shot, savage egg is doing well,
they would say. I want you to know that I am a very quiet funny person, ok,
I think, that's what really one of my selling points when I'm not on air. When I'm in the home, you don't even on there, it's pretty cool
I could talk and you couldn't have gone online check your stocks David. You need, you need to do. Yeah. I got a big house. You've got there's room, I'm not going to overly support you, but I'm also not going to bother writing style, and
that's your challenge, you in a way
that the models won't ouch.
as you in a way that it makes it harder for you to get nightclubs, because I are blessed why yeah, you know maybe she'll give you share european mean. You know and she'll say David Spade. I know where in your house, but you can't talk
feel like that. Sorry, I'm not a model I set up from his current pitches is a lifestyle downgrade or upgrade mentally, with the gymnastics it'll have to do all were going to sugar fish you're going to have to order two boxes not used to that hot, but you have the fun. It's five that snl my work. Yeah see. This is why courage really have a higher chance of dating somebody famous than I do, because she gets she seals the deal. Man just goes after it funny. I even Jenkins flirts with me and I go. I want to say something to him: sending emoji go anywhere, but he's still
it's my story. Don't think! I don't see that my god
may I have your bank, it would be. That would be a good couple. I think it would be a you would be a good couple because he would both get something out of it, that you haven't gotten before
You would actually date somebody who's doing. Well, that's pretty cool
and he would date, someone who doesn't matter.
Get away with stuff. Assuming that models, let you get away with stuff, which is what every band once you get a funny way in a funny way with Michael in a funny way. You gotta make your later life more joyful. You get a core workout as I'm on top of him, he should be like trying to lift lift this. That's not as if Elvis I never had so much weight on this area before yeah cause. That's what a real woman feels like. Yes, it is David Spade it is actually to notice he's like I'm gonna need a Hollywood minute to get this venture off me. Yeah. Take the time you need
a lower bed, God, ok
I'm fine. We ever got tiger. We had a good time
our rights to the cup. Did you two way was and users of quit back and forth yeah, but that there is even a lot of lake out to sea.
talking to me- and it was nice
I do ammo, I let them out of it. I go if you want to stop this conversation and then he did and then then they kept. Then he kept talking okay, yeah and then he said he thought he ruined me and you going back to back, and I said no, we don't necessarily like doing that and yeah. I know it was good that was good to break it up yeah. He didn't.
It needs the ambulance very nice. The firm don't worry gave its paid will make David state. Can we can any time her handsome rugged, fellow we as upon ass, its doing really well written? We be on it in a car hemming, our energy, in a car, we have a heart all this happened. A charter or yellow us to those are two. While you day David Spade, you hang out in while using a local people to really work
that'd be pretty cool yeah, all of a sudden you're just hanging out with Adam Sandler and Dana Carvey David Spade like out of people, whoever that's a sexy, Motherfucker yeah David Spade Emily are the only other person from SNL male cast. Member that I would be interested in dating is dead because it was norm. Mcdonald cause I like a Kunti yeah. I like a Kunti male sense of humor, like David
even as as I like a high school or I thought his countenance was so fuckin hilarious, right yeah, and he also has that. Like you know, I love pop culture, so he has thus knowledge of pop culture, like a male Cathy Griffin, as I do know that that's lily what he'd that's what he did on us and I remember he did a hit.
his whole thing was Hollywood.
with Hollywood by your where he would cut. He was Kennedy. The original price helter right, rang, RE rang, but it so funny when a straight man yeah it just doesn't computer mouse Gaza idea, though, which, as you know, cast member, would you like to date,
yeah? Well, you know says they strong, be honest. You yeah a woman yeah
She was that I was such a caution or- and I saw her insert a search for intelligent life in the universe and I've
I sent her so
the girl crush, is a fucking crush.
In my Rudolf, oh my imagine, that'd be the fun. Is life in the world date her? I I've always had a big crush
oh yeah and, of course, Adam Sandler. I forgot he has he's nice you're yeah he's like so he's like such a movie star now no offense,
bearing in mind that Messina movements, good, I didn't see about it with eyes, guy rose dirt is whole areas of my question. Just love Joe Job but yeah. No Adam Sandler, Tube, Adam sailors, Mary furlongs, here yeah yeah yeah. But may I like it when you are.
This is somewhat even when they're all- and I can say this June,
in uncut hand like day. I hope it's
You have not. America was dead, her arm
cool- that's cool. I guess just gets that so wildly excited when,
it's the coolest thing ever, because it is symbolic of so much MIA and one of them is, I we're doing really well and then it's like. Oh, my god, like these people like look uh we're doing and if they don't then.
What's the point of life you know just getting and I'm sure us tagging them excessively one hundred with the worse than I do myself any favors when you reach out to loser and I'm going to get so giddy that I'm not going to able to respond in anything. That's going to make you onerous, oh god, who no one likes when you act cool when a celebrity reaches out on a call at all. If I was a big time celebrity and I reached out to someone- and they gave me a cool response- I'd be like yeah, fuck, yeah, celebrity hair, because that's just battle of the egos. That's not gonna go anywhere, that's not going to sex, but you know
the good guest, the one you're about to nice. He
a stand up comedian and his new special, the coward of Grammar C, is out now for you to watch. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Andy Haines time to go. Know that is only gonna hurt us both wish. I could go back in time and change the band and cry because we know that it was almost time to say goodbye when I'm good and sleeve state the new hair by then my James been hypothetically between reality, the party with a new girlfriend she will say in other things than others to realize what you love to the strangers again. This was in the.
We are here with stand: comedian, writer and meditation voice over artist. Andy he's good for an occupation
so you're you're married to our friend. I know I was I was I gotta get this round of away. Andy is married to rose by, but that's where the last line is all about person, because you, your own person, and I actually excited for this opportunity, because I don't know you super. While you made a nice efforts, you say hi to me in green rooms after nice, but I got together good friend move. I appreciate that began
it's no more about like who I know is that you also are in recovery, and I don't and I'm just laughing, because I kind of always like to know the story of like what the
I what the fuck app ads I mean mine was like
normal, I was like just very bad drunk when I was a
honey. I rested arrested like six time in Seattle, yeah
Well, I lived in Lake Tahoe for two years in some trouble there and, like I travel well
hell. You lost over the years. There are still pending, I was very- it was like very Mister Magruin Black out, where I would wake up places mainly jail
are yeah, you mean when you are drunk
sometimes a guy. I, the first time I got back I was
cabin in the woods and then
friends and I were like drinking. We ran out of alcohol and I was like I'm going to get the alcohol wow
So I got my mom's minivan and I mean we're like in the middle of the mountains, and I had drank like an entire fifth.
absolute holy fuck and I woke up going like
eighty miles an hour on the freeway in my mom's minivan and I flipped like I tried to take the exit cuz. That's when I woke up
but there's the exit, and then I flipped it going. You know just into a
atta trees like lying minivan, climbed out hitchhiked to the store to buy
alcohol Stella and that's where I got arrested.
That's like fucking, real you free, like
the I mean
It definitely was like this is bad, but I also was like you know. Boys will be boys. Oh man see guys do internalize that in like oh yeah, you let yourself get away. I think this is the problem with like there's two kinds of
boys that are raised by single moms there's the kind of boy that is like hyper sexual and he's? Like fucking, then
They were at seventeen, so no just under a lot, and I may like yeah yeah cylinder eat out of like a Honda, civic. Yes, yes,
then there's the other ones that are like. I. I have to be a man, but I have no idea what that means. I don't know how break bottles over my head all lines into my moped, mullet, yeah, yeah and and I'll cross Raven.
You just moved to the EAST coast, so I can call on you to challenge.
also they so they just got divorced and Asia separated and lives. If ok, ok, I mean he just had to move to these coast cause. He was like a corporate show, supply, drink alcohol and like get energize by it, was that the kind of drugs were because I've magazine- I don't even know that I'm capable of being alcoholic as I would either throw up or sleep before I would have a chance to get drunk click. I mean I just I was talking to have a sober friend, the other
about this, I had no interest in chilling out. I had no address. I was which Isles and bodkin last legs like Ray what we running- oh god,
breathing GM eyes. Those of us so afraid get ready. We get started right away on this topic as are yet something I've. No boundaries me either at random. In Switzerland bound up we're just done was withdrawn.
like so so where there were their gaps are holes in her
How you were raised in that. Like did you.
needed from your mom or
my mom was severely depressed from the time I was born. I'm ecstatic yeah, that's hard working on this in therapy now yeah cause he the whole thing. Is they like
Aren't you to be mad about it and they want you to like process that aim
but she's always been such a tragic figure. For me, I love my mom she's, a very great person. She's done some amazing things very supportive in ways, but when I was a kid
so broken up over my parents, divorce, ok and so depressed. That's that's also a specific type of single mom and I know some sons
of single moms, like that. I feel like that. Rarely like US
sexy. Oh, yes, you if your parent doesn't know how to get what they need. Howling and a father raise a human,
yes, she just hated herself so much and then also that she had she still
to this day. Has this thing where she doesn't want me to like she kind of saps
ambition, cause she's, like my my, which leave why,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah? I had tickets to like a backstage concert in Seattle. The last time I was visiting- and I was like alright well, I'm gonna go to this concert and it was like a forty five minute drive and she was like we'll have fun in traffic and I was like yeah it's
yeah. Good thing that right, that's it also such a mom response. Why would you enjoy this concert outdoors backstage passes? You'll have to sit and trust.
It could didn't, didn't stop you from going the concerts at,
I think I didn't go because I just got lazy, but I don't let her stop me. That was what I was most concerned about. Did you ever let her stop you from doing stuff and then not realize it or have you always been pretty aware only internally, just everything
internalized, which is so much in the way that shit it resonate. Like you plan, a seed of like ours is gonna. Come up at some point. Minded
and I also I I have this thing where I react. I feel like this is going to sound sexist
I think I react in a very female way. You know what I mean
like I'm. I get very like a star crime,
No, I have a little bit stoicism just cause. I can't access stuff but like when I'm in sick.
or I start kind of doing the like the like? Well, okay! Well,
have fun. You know. If you meet me, boys are united, totally understand. You're gonna write right right. Ok, let me says I mean because even get it, it's not it's excess at all, because anyone is responding with a feminine or a masculine energy that is like it's, not it's a feminine. It's not like girl,
I know it's it's my you guys know my wife, so I've definitely assumed many of the female aspects of the relationship right right right, and that makes it and that's, I think, a lot of times, especially with female comedians, because I definitely like MIKE before was accomplished. I dunno if this was a compliment or an insult, but he was basically like. When I give advice to listeners, I can always tap into the you know: stereo
typical male perspective and I'm like I don't know that. That's a good thing that I fucking think like a man like that's kind of a toxic curse, it seems, but it was meant as a compliment. I know good for this show probably bad for my personal life but
I had so many because this of the nature of this business and how aggressive you need to be to succeed like I do at especially for women. I just feel like a lot of female.
ninja our unmarried because we're more
still in then every
guy we meet, but a lot of US
someone to out man actually went yes and like how the fuck do you find that working
that's. Why a tough somebody so many female comics day like you know, but you have
Z fighters and things like that. A good option yeah,
what was your rock bottom? Without? Did you one
Why can't I? I definitely like had like a eighteen
twenty two where it was really bad and then I kind of quit and I would dabble
just download for like the next seven year and you are successfully dabbling yeah, like I didn't really like. I cheated on somebody that was that was very like I've had a ton of guilt
so much guilt that I had nightmares now get into that. That's interesting!
yeah, I don't know if she knows I cheated on her. She also married a like a movie star, so she's wow, oh my gosh, so she's fine. I don't think she's worried about her boyfriend. They have a kid and they go to like terrain
wherever is wow, so is a significant long term relationship three years: oh yeah, so yeah yeah, but it was like you did you care about the person that you cheated on her with her. It was just a rando yeah I mean
it's like one of those things where I knew it wasn't really going to work out. Okay, we'd moved here together on a whim like I was moving and then she was like. I want to come and then can I can yeah and then it was like he was.
I was like a young comic in the city. I wanted nothing. I wanted. No, you didn't actually want her to be along with you for that. I just wanted to never
the obligation I wanted to. Like sit at the creek till four am and go to this House party and go to that show and all of her friends were like: let's have a dinner party anywhere in comics, and I yeah that is so that's always a problem, especially in the beginning of the career when, like the hang, is like a cell phone and so necessary, because I had. Alas, that's why I keep dating comics because I'm like I just don't, want anyone being like. Where are you fucking hate? When people ask where I am, I mean I've tried to date, people with normal jobs.
Ass, like serious girl friend, I should think I'm maybe talk to you.
about her, like on the street in front of
Although there are a lot of comics well, what did it guys? We need help. Please help me yeah, but she was like a Taipei architect from Australia. You just had like a very New York cool life. I was totally enamored with her
but I remember on Valentine's day being like. Oh, I have a show like after dinner yeah and she was like what and I was like. Oh I'm leaving I'm getting.
I work night and that every time every single
I'm somebody's not in comedy there. Let's just like how could you even imagine
right, which I get they just they just don't understand that. That night is specific. Like very specifically,
one of the biggest nights in comedy like that?
I mean any night night for me, I'm just like. I would rather be a pound.
Like yeah yeah yeah, but rock bottom wise. I mean when I finally got
sober. I got sober cause. I was smoking pot like literally morning till night, just like nonstop, and I really wanted to stop
and I was like starting to have
I was riding on a sitcom and I had these,
sitting in the corner of the room with my head, my hands, trying to figure out a way to fake my own death. Yeah.
It was like I'll just disappear I'll park, my car on a bluff and then I'll walk to Mexico.
Well yeah yeah yeah, and I still you know, imagine faking out that. Well, that's why it's illegal, because it's so fucking enticing yeah, a permanent vacation! Okay, the french Foreign Legion they'll, take one of the best fantasies you could ever dabble in research. I've done I've already researched how to go to Ukraine and fight with the international that I would do that. I researched how to go fight with the Kurds in wow or a car wow. You really want to get away, don't deal with all this. I hear you and you know it'll all be different, then well, yeah, because that would, along with the fantasy of faking, your own death in like doing a new life, is like every single,
from you ever had her obligation disappears, it's done,
Are you still alive you can like be are alive on earth? I said
fantasize about like finding out that.
but it's like you know, a fucking Oscar Isaac or something like oh wow, he's hot yeah, and I just am like alright. Well, then I'll just go to Crested, Butte or like work at this like
store and I'll? Just like walk my dog in the snow. You know I'll. Do like crafts like man, that's a man craft likes fixings.
keys, all yeah like fixing how
the repair- I don't even I'm not enough of a mountain Joe, was then ran. Draft is man, craft carpenter,
adults, I don't know I found an undue. So we is, is your marriage? The only thing that's keeping you from faking, your own death, the question, no logic. You know
being a comic in New York, is all all those things like actually loving my life, but just you know having
our day and you're. Just like Cotta be nice to me,
were I were in a society of cigarette immigration and on its lean old things,
occasion of relief from our responsibilities, can only be
when you figure and other you kill death, your own death, yeah, real death, yeah actual death.
It to your death yeah but stay alive. Kids, it's great it'll, get better and then I'll get worse. Well, how do you like? I do
Have this internal loneliness that you grapple with the infernal?
Yes, but I don't know if I cuz, I I don't know if you guys are like this. I want to be alone
yeah a lot like I wanted like I wanted
be in my house like there's an if you guys have lived with a partner, theirs
I think better than when your partner goes out of town. It's the fucking best having that feeling all the time. I remember when idea with it. I lived with a boyfriend for six years and it like I loved it for at first it was fucking amazing, but oh, my god. It got to be like him. Breathing want to make me want to kill him like I just don't. I don't think he's
Things are meant to be that close, no yeah, I think, are mean rosebuds marriage works because we both have to go on the road yeah like we get to stay alive.
days away in hotel room yeah, it's via that's a vital to be separate from each other. I think physically and in those ways
from any things in the marriage.
That looks surprised you, like
being married. Wait can I can talk about,
you're you, you were married before right. Yeah yeah, I know you just remember that, because I didn't know Yankees can say so was my quest
Who is going to be your language? That was our anything about marriage that surprise you that you weren't expecting by I guess like did you feel that when you
her first married. You feel that now is married. Some change! Well, I moved
I think I'm a serial monogamist because, like if I fuck you and I wake up the next day- and I like like you and I don't feel shame I'm like we should probably get married.
Do you feel a lot of shame when you, after you fuck people, know but like? If I don't, if I'm not attract
it- did the person you'll Kyra, it's like kind of like wasn't something that I was really seeking out and then I did it just a kind of you. No more body yeah
but yeah like I think. The thing that
prize me, the most is, or with rose
What's unique is she's?
Just done so much work on like this.
P sobriety and things like that. Like that, the fights that I used to be like, while I'm fucking out
her she's like we're, going to sit here and we're going to fucking talk this out.
yeah yeah and just things that would have used have been.
such big deals like and she caught me and like Instagram flirting
like Instagram flirting with somebody, and I was,
real person or like what level?
unlike like me, like setting anything up. It was just like me, like Ella Welling, yet a learning
because a little too much- and she was like what's this about
and it wasn't like how she see it causes it was like open up. I found or something like that. She didn't. Let go
my phone, but she saw it and she was like, what's this about we're, going to talk it out and who is it like? You know I was just like. Oh I'm, sorry, you were like you've been like
super busy, and I just ended up talkative person at a show, and it was like an idiot. You know like
she didn't like rake me over the
cause or anything like that. It was like very like
something you're interested in you don't like up. Do I need to be concerned and wasn't like a big, dramatic thing.
and just her ability to just take something that, like in my past, would have been, like. You know completely
a blow up fight a blow up fight because it pokes at you if it pokes at an insecurity that makes you like unable to communicate then yeah. That's always when ship blows up. Your insecurities are dancing with each other,
and then I don't know just like the the ebb and flow of marriage. My last marriage was totally on a whim. We both weren't sober,
we're both sober now,
So we can see that I got it. Allow yeah, that's really speaks volumes. I think I know a lot of people who won
weren't sober, had a kind of like very intense, as you say, on a whim relationship. How long were you married for the first time? Well technically
your married for two years, but that was just like a court thing. We got divorce now we got separated decisions, incorrect excess, seven months after our marriage, flower, thirty thousand dollar palm springs. Marriage like our birdie.
I was in dollars a cheap way. That's what I get still look to me all as well. They way why why, if you get married, have broken vote Hannah Gardens, it's like a million dollars hide yeah she's, oh yeah, Jesus
Well, I wanted to get into other marriage, but what I want to ask you dropped a bomb or I was drop in a piss. You were molested. You were saying
Graham Watson, Christina love. As Didn
and- and we were having this conversation about how like a lot of people were like, and I and I and I think it's more people were then weren't. It seems based off of just two wide nope. My its
I think men are less likely to speak out about it, but it's kind of men were molested. Jan, it's got a fuck, you fuck you up for so many reasons, but the whole masculinity part of it. I wonder, is like that
separate. My folks. I've actually has ordered the entire greek ethos of it than I was just an exchange of energy. I have no shame whatsoever is really the other ways. No, it was. It was like kind of mildest.
Far as sexual abuse goes yeah, whether it was like you know, just
like an older baby sitter. The thing that was like that- and they are female mail- was,
is? There is a female. I would have just told me. I hooked up in my babysitter by masculinity. It was like a like.
older baby sitter using fifteen hours, a gate, but the thing that was dramatic about it was, I was in a body cast because I'd broken my family, my the all your femur out she, but it was really just like exposure like exposed
he himself to me.
ah, move because money can then then wanting to see me. You know my egg was about to be like genitals.
The fair and I said I am also concerned that you are in a body cast an your mama's openly millimeter immediately in Europe are all I looked it up there so and if we go back through
80's and 90's and actually babysitting right.
Have any like second thought about it. When I was a kid
Well, when I was like that when it happened, I didn't I was
ashamed, I wasn't brain whatever. But when I broke my leg, I was in the hospital for about a month.
And then I was body cast for about two months, and I got this real like bad hypochondria one. Where is that what it is like where your seared afraid of being sick, yeah yeah? It was
during the AIDS crisis, so fuck? I heard something about.
how you got aids and I was like how did I get aids? How did I get aids and then I was like. Oh that thing happened, and so then I told my parents,
as I was like them all, but there too babysitter exposing himself so that you are exposed to a deck and then you haven't got is well like he'd here,
suppose himself. I think I had to touch his dick at some point. Not like a jerk M offer anything I'd like to stay. There was contact. Ghana. Look I so I was just like. I have eight
I wanted to ask you to look at his dagger. Exposes dagger touch it whatever were you? Did you have a pittance
stomach or you like. Ok, that's where I think I'd probably thought it was cool. Color ass, like a kid in you know, gear like
just about to like kind of learn that
however, by yourself and re its, and he also wasn't damage older. It wasn't my old man, so I was promoted.
Oh cool you'd have all that stuff guy. You know like rye and he was like he went to a catholic school. There was a very dubious heading
some sexual abuse, their yeah yeah at fifteen, he's doing that Jesus and then later on. I I
I saw him when I was about twenty four interesting.
and I was like- I had like a quick thing where I was like. Oh, I should kill this person right now.
and then I looked at him a little bit longer and I realized that he was like he looked like he was on drugs like addicted and he also looked like he was maybe some kind of
sex worker, and I was just like completely filled with empathy for a moment I was just like this is like not your fault
Is it right and also I'm fine? You know I got. I need to hate you like
You don't seem like you caught her carried anything from that experience with you like negatively into sexual experiences, or am I try?
wait cause like. Oh, I don't you not like some people totally don't. I think that I carried a little bit of a like sex.
has kind of a gravity to it. But I can't tell if that's from that because, like then there's like this, there was like prep,
charges were pressed. I was going to say why don't you tell your parents yeah yeah, and then they agreed to like drop the charges if there was counseling and things like that? Okay, but
so he admitted to it and he knew I think he didn't actually admit to it. I didn't want to go to court anyways cause. It's like. He lived like five blocks from us. They didn't want it to be a thing right, but I just
Also, my mom was like a LE teacher very open about sex stuff. I think my dad was
two, but we didn't really talk about that. Stuff goes by the time. I was old enough. He was already on these coast, but there was like a thing where it was like your first time should be import,
Do you know I'm raised by like all women and gay men, so it's like I'm kind of brought up till it hyper respect women, not that I always did.
Did you disrespect women? I mean, I'm sure you know. Ok, I am remote, but I mean I'll tell you like. I tried to disrespect women, but my sister is like an aggressive kind of Butch lesbian. Okay. I remember one time I was like wrapping something some game
Sir aptly work near her and she like punch me in the nose and then spit Luke ease on my face and was
a key. You will never use that language about women again and I was like yes, yes, MA am ok, so yeah. I think I carried
Definitely some shame around it, but I think with sex stuff,
it was more like this is important. I dunno
yeah, because it is sex is like the closest you're going to get with another person. It's important, but it's not it's like a it's whatever you want it to be, really should wait till somebody
serpents with you not sure how you for once, it's not me
We talk about getting molested in therapy, yeah yeah, that's a funny thing too, is like all these guys feel like I'm starting therapy, I'm gonna figure it out. I've been going to. Third,
Since I was seven. Was that your?
your parents idea, parents first and then, as I became an adult, it was,
always better might yeah guess when you yeah that's good. It took it took with you. My ex was in
he was a kid and it did not work.
They get worked in a lot of ways. I'm and I have been fucked up on and off. Guess it's just you know: depression been at it, things
that yeah, but it's says, there's like a term in sobriety, twelve step words. It's like he go where GOAT go, where your
eating. You know what I mean, so that's like twelve step talk so like. Are you having a lot of problems with debt? You should maybe go to a tbsp about that or you're having sex with people anonymously. Maybe you should go to eat that
that for me it's just like. Oh I'm acting like a fucking weirdo, so I should go to a therapist and figure that shit out
like, for instance, I'm thinking about faking, my own death, while death well in the greatest job I've ever had in my life is pretty good.
I think now, you're making me think I should bring that up. There, because I think about faking my own death, all the time too, I mean it's certainly an enticing option. Honestly, it's fun. I don't think about faking, my own death, but now I will I mean I would I would love an opportunity to
appeared to school Roque, yeah yeah. I think that makes sense. Its way makes sense with we're Ratan Society, its exhausting in it, feels like everyone to
they're being thrown at you and it's you know it's hard to manage. I only have two family members standing in the way between me and faking, my own, damn, I'm sorry are on there nah have they had some kind of chronic disease, you'd be off the hook or the on the edge of my mommy. Doesn't like your girl, you're on the edge of her
a vitamin levels we're in therapy when you were doing all the drunk? You know,
I think I went back after that
you weren't like it, but you weren't like in Serbia, as that was happening no
think I was like
like the middle of high school I'd seen a therapist that I really liked and kind of gotten me to a place where
at my act together and things like that, and then things
really good and well. I've got busy, I moved, and so then I stop seeing him and then like. When I went to college, I spent
years in Tahoe trying to like pursue a career, a skiing career? When I came back to Washington to go to college and that's when I got in like all that trouble uh huh and then I was like. Oh, I should go see.
try again cause like getting arrested every time, something back. I had no idea. You were arrested so many times. What's it like being in jail,
do you were in like driver jail were like the overnight yeah
first time was like pretty funny cuz. I just was like drunk and
not like. I didn't know the consequences of it, so I just like hey what
her man, I'm just happy to be alive. Did you see my mom's car that it's fucked and then I just
made fun of all the other drunk people cuz. It was all these like Eastern Washington, university students that were like crying cuz. They got put in the drunk tank and I was like I had to burp
and then one time I I was at a bar in light,
Tahoe and, and there was a there- was a guy I was very drunk and there was a black guy. The boy
and I was so drunk that I went up to him and I was like hey man so nice to see a black person here
was like the middle of the mountains. Re friend, my friends are like kids
a way from this guy like this. Is you know
I'm I embarrassed about this, I'm to say this was like a good idea, but then
into this House party and with a bunch of people from that bar, and I heard one of the guys use the
word about that guy, oh, and so will you step in so I started to punch
Guy, okay and I got kicked out of the House party. Glad you started that we're glad you punched them and then I got arrested, trying to walk home from that party cause. I can't walk on the highway was in a t, shirt in the snow, and I was Bang on the door because I was past the legal yep, but then it's, I
blackout drunk I get arrested. I even do the thing in the back of the cop car, where I take my legs
under my feet, so that I can put them in front of me again to see where they hang up you, for. I have four I think right and then I wake up in jail with with the blackout
from the bar. Oh wow, were you like says the Rio? Sorry, you don't know what I did for you, bro wow yeah, I'm sure it was very thankful. Now is he in jail, probably
There is absolutely no accounting. I was like with the help of this guy down
yeah. He was like sleeping in his car.
I see why you got arrested that is illegal, but knowing why people get arrested for shit like that, actually, like half of the people in the mountains, are sleeping in their current US gas day. Yeah. That's well, and ok, okay,
Your mom ever get down on your criticise you for any of this stuff. Will my mom such a p,
Oh please, her that she would do things like should be like you need to collect drinking like you, have a problem with drinking
and also I bought you a six pack, and you know what I mean she was named: senior yeah yeah. She definitely wanted to be like lie.
You know that, even when you wrecked her whole car leg, she didn't get pissed, I'm sure she was pissed, but I think
she was also like. I don't know more,
concerned and glad wow
wow. We had different childhoods town.
There was no. That was a thing about my childhood. Is there was no disciplinary almost what ok, ok, look. I didn't get in a ton of trouble in the sense that
like I acted out. I did things when I
rank or I would fuck up with a friend I mean it was like mainly like Goonies tanking Azure, I rarely breakin till I can old water,
fall facility so that we could, like that's, find the power plant or something like that and we get arrested re. But there was no doubt,
plan, like I literally I signed myself up for s a t tutoring. I did all of my college applications all that kind of stuff yeah. You have to lead the charge they paid for everything, but there was no like you need to get
your shit together, as had to be that for yourself,
comment now, though- and I think I know a lot about a lot as sober people- there's there's like a real calmness. So how do you go like are obviously
size therapy getting sober. How do you go from this chaotic lifestyle to being like
bored, although I
restless. How did you get that? I just do like a thousand things a day you really like yeah, I'm
constantly cleaning something or Pangaea organizing, something or anything like that emotion, yeah! Is it
like do you still feel like it's a daily thing like oh yeah yeah,
the broader you act like be with yourself every second of the day, because I mean it's like I'm. If I,
in my mind realm. I am looking up flights to Krakow, Poland, so that I can join the ukrainian resistance that can shift and l ha okay. Okay, why did your first marriage end and well because honestly,
I think that we we met and we are both in comedy and it was exciting and fun we got along and then it was like kind of it was Brooklyn. It was too
ten and it was like now we're going to like live together and
how the house want he's up his I'm. I was twenty eight. Ok, I think twenty seven to
it's like oh we're, going to play house and then we're going to move to L a cause, that's fun, and now, oh now we're engaged. Now we have a wedding to plan
It was just like each of these things was like kind of like a man
EL stone. You know like are something to work towards something that kind of pretend that were adults. You know give us some focus.
I know we got married and we weren't planning on having kids and it was like. Oh wait now what I'd like to next milestone.
And we didn't have any and that's when you we all much. We both got the too
I got a tv writing job. She was on girl code.
At getting other acting jobs and she was like you know. Both of us were like kind of like fine
at seeing each other her extended amounts of time that cell phone, as he didn't, really want to hang out with each other
totally trying to bag somebody on my sitcom and
shared someone levels, and I gave you don't sleep, the things that come out of your mouth. Doesn't it doesn't seem like that's. What's gonna come out of your mouth on you, I know any honestly. I think it hurts me because I think people like me they go. This is I got nice safe person and then I'm like she had a real messy twice animal like we did. You say that yeah we like to hire a snack with AIDS, very unexpected yeah, I'm proud of it. Did you succeed in backing the person on your second no cause eyes?
I am honestly the king. I am probably like the greatest
person at not acknowledging like signs that somebody wants to
go to my God, I've, even when you are actively pursuing. Yes, I'm really diameter than I was down you're, not that you all are. I would go to this.
Rose house and I would smoke her out like. I would just
I would always be like hey. You spoken, she dickie I come over and she was a mess too, but like supermodel, pretty and
like let's go, get massages and like let's get thai food and that
like after he was like a stone, is used while stoner adventure yeah and she was like you're funny, and then I was a girl. I should probably go and it was like what the fuck,
my do you know why I looked back on announce. She was like the one time she was heading on me.
And there's like a million other stories where somebody was sitting on me and then I was like. I should probably go to bed or not.
What is that you not knowing that it's happening or is that you running away from it? It's like a little bit.
You scared, but also like using to be ignorant to it. I why? But I think a couple
I, like I remember this one time this girl. I went to NJ with her. This is like really as twenty three
We went out and I like spent my only money, so I could take her to a fancy restaurant and then she was like. I really want to come over.
but I have like an early morning and then I was like
If I see you next time and then it was like, she never talked to me again cause she just wanted to have sex, and you know she didn't give a shit right. She wasn't trying to do the whole romantic thing. Ah yeah yeah, but with my marriage. One morning we woke up. We got married in like February, and then one morning in, like August, we woke up
It was like really early and my wife leaned over and she's like what would you think about like
having an open marriage and, in my mind, I'm trying to bag this girl on the Show- and I'm like this- is so easy. Yeah, that's great, and then we didn't talk about
it anymore. I hope a lot of the listeners are really really turn up the volume, the constant problem of getting our emails. This is like a pretend to like this thing that it'll actually want to get into the quintessential book. This is
How so many open marriages and where you go, do yeah sounds great, and so
now I'm in an open marriage and I go- this is going to be awesome.
I go in at like hit on like a like an acquaintance,
my K. You hang out there like you're married.
I'm like I know but like it's one
if you're sexy, as fuck to being in a ride, but if you're, just like
handsome and like decent boyfriend material nobody's like oh. I want luck, that guy actually fuck that guy and have him not be emotionally committed to Ryan right. That sounds from wow and so I'd go and they'd be like. I know your wife like ugh go away, and then I go to my ex wife and a monkey.
Yeah yeah, I didn't want to go. It's like. I said it like. I dont like how this makes me feel, but
Really it was near nobody's trying to have sex with me.
she was like. Well, I have a boyfriend, oh fuck, poly, bit yeah. I was like a open. I was like we're having boyfriends thanks for giving me the memo. Can you stop,
and she was like this. Monogamy thing is kind of stupid and I was like
I got married wow and I remember like a week before I'd been like telling all my friends I was like she wants to be open dude. This is awesome and they were all like ticket great you're awesome, and then I dunno, like a month later, we were separated, fuck, yeah and
a Jew. Is separation? Legal or do you have to separate? It is just so you can separate, which means that you retain some of the like rights of a marriage like tassels or things like that, but we just didn't talk for like a year and then we can
like were like, let's be friendly and d, I Y separate process our divorce. How did I get ours is how much
Oh, he was simple because I didn't want anything of her. She don't want to think hard evidence. You can't there is an option.
Someone period dollar wandered either. You also didn't have anything right property, because you see signs that, like five hundred dollar divorce and language, that guy has literally like if you just like you just pay, I didn't want. You are my life. Yet it's gotta disillusion, a marriage means you have no, no qualms.
Anything allow so excited tat. You should get a divorce euralia
Then so did you have any interaction during that year and did you
starting resolution or closure, that you found I'm still friends with her. Oh, not
as friendly as we used to be cause. I used to live in L, a and I'd Sierra LA write, a separate law, and she also I mean she bugs me sometimes like I'm like. I was like see a post that she puts up and I'm like, oh god that reminds me of this-
well because it's like she's doing well or because she's beings there's an attribute about her, that you don't like cause. She's got some Savior stuff going on politically involved and
things. I don't know what she was. She, the one who did the the poem to who and if I was your mother before now, I would bet she's beautiful but yeah, but my god. I definitely went after some chicks like that. That's a very easy period to have in your l a experience
What I did the hot check, no lack of that I mean,
there's like a million Venice beach, personal chef, yoga teachers
right that you write eventually have to date. At some point, if you re, like your your taste was, is different and labours is New York. I'm I honestly like people like him
types and tastes, and things like that. I really don't think I had much of that
I can never really it was just if I vibe, with
you and raise attracted to you. You know so. If
so bad it knowing when people want to fuck you, how did you know that rose by one is a fuck you because its rosebud rosebud,
doesn't have anyone.
I don't know this store any. I sought fresh in my mind anymore, but because we were we were recording.
I guess I gather that time. So I was really getting first hand. Accounts are bad. It was literally like we have
started hanging out a lot with Gavin math
ray. We would all three go to dinner and stuff, and I had her do my podcast at the time
and did you no? I was just like I mean I will say
There's like there's like a famous famous for me.
sure and I think some other male comics would probably acknowledge this picture, but it was like we.
He's thought of like Rosebud is like a hoodie,
tough loaded. I this is an infamous photo. She said he changed the way people thought about tat, and then she just posted this bikini peck and ass, yellow bikini for Mexico, and I literally was like what the fuck like
I know hover, yeah, undercover hottie thought it was the one piece black and white series. Maybe there is too I mean I'm sure, there's mold because I literally vacation was ah yes sounds like it was like. Yes, she was armed with a with a previous partner. No no. This was the families. I remember that one I was like. If you guys sold the calendar, I would buy it yeah imo yeah. I will get them. I was always begging her to like to send nudes
yeah. She wouldn't never. She was never really like leading with that. Now
We became closer and closer and it was really the three of us that really made me think I got to go. I have to be platonic, friends
I should have. I will also I was friends of their acts for very taboo gray swear. I just that's more fun
now times that bathing suit
but without a sudden death up other bathing super owners like who needs friend and see right c mon ass, likely we change how quickly, but
anyways we went
This wedding, though we both want to dance into remains wedding, and we had kind of.
where did, but it was never obvious show. Now we weren't like DM angered the flirting alot. It was always a kind of around like a meet up or something that happened
and then we dance like all night like like
It's like we do two us and then I drove her home, and we like talked about all this wife stuff and she would say
I think she said at one point in their courage using would you ever data
I'll make again- and I was like that's a weird question for you to ask. Not a feature was the day you I costs
ass people that, because I just don't know why the answer as now anyhow comedians love, saying they love making rules for themselves or I may have already and will say they dont Davy.
A comedian there and then they will try to fuck the closest female comedian to them. Thank you. Don't fall for that. First,
and if they say they don't date, it's because they're not trying to have a commitment or there they don't want to fuck you. You know right. I definitely want to date, you I definitely turn down people.
With that. Why any just didn't want? It actually believe that those on the sea, I don T, use, don't like my field and then the next week I'd be dating. Another come right. Are you know, then that speaks to my theory of like if you wanted it badly enough, you go after it yeah I'm in
I don't why why I can't date- somebody who has the same exact hours as me, and I can't understand my schedule and needs, but with the
We went and saw a movie with Gavin we wanted
parasite and we all,
Tom. You, you were in a polymers relations. Yeah yeah, given is still are in our thorough, and then she texted me into is like I wish we could occur
hanging out and I was like I'll see if gabions still around, when I really like a widow, and she goes no with you
you're you're right, you like when you like you like what
but what's the notion of oil recoil? Yes, when intimacy is laid out on table, I honestly
I just I think I just didn't get it at that moment. Cuz other women hit on me and I've been like. Let's go, you know, but
Second, I realized it. I think I said something really lewd to her nice. I think she was like
I want. I want to hang out with you again and then the guy says: do I wanna wear you like a gas mask all and then she was like. Let's go yeah, so you tapped into her love language, she's, very direct yeah. So that's nice
that's what it's also harmful cause like sometimes shall be
telling me about previous relationships and she'll be like yeah. I don't
dance around it. I told that guy wanted to fuck. I were
and aleve and I'm like my Bae.
rights are you and you're, not as open with talking about past relationships or no I'm completely open, but I was never like the cut throat like that.
Right. I was like I would love to take you to a beautiful dinner. Your Monday yeah, you know
Did you remember your first romantic date with her, or did you have one?
at wedding, I of like our first? It was. It was very sweet. We like didn't go together. You know I
I'm recently understood.
Stand that butterflies when a guy like gives you butterflies, that's actually anxiety and that's like not good, like you, don't really walk towards it right. So, when you're in love enough to be married, at least with this marriage cause, it wasn't like you're, both sober, so you both are kind of present during all this, like what is the feeling
Well, honestly, I had no intention.
and now having a serious relationship at that time, and then I was spent
so much time with rosebud, but I was also kind of like
flirting with the idea, like I've been very free for the first time in a long time like I've been dating and seeing people and then rose but popped up- and I was like this is like I didn't. I
to be a slot. You know really always happens. I wanted to be a whore, but then the more
got to know her and she basically said to me she was like, if you don't have interest in having a serious relationship. I don't we're not going to be exclusive right, and I was I don't really like to do. The dating multiple people thing and I was like I should very direct. This is like,
really like her. I love her and yeah. If I don't commit to this, I think I'm going to be missing like a huge. This sounds weird to say
opportunities are left in the sense of like a partner and life, and things like that- and so I was like what's do it like? I don't know who I am
play before it's not like I needed that I was sober enough to be like I. I think I've been laid enough and had to have fly.
I liked the casual sex to know that, like this is much more important yeah and it was just like I've always had this
It is about like long term relationships, especially marriage? Is that, like fifty percent
marriages work, whether they
organic like you meet somebody in form of or a ranged, oh and so on
so always like. That means, like you kind of, have you're going to have to work just as hard
so intentional, yeah, yeah and she's.
Like sober and wise and real
taught me a lot about how to carry myself as far as like not just a comic, but just like
with my sobriety and things like that like.
It was somebody who I'd already committed, but then I like learned that, like this is like a person who's going to like
advocate on behalf of me, yeah, it's a real partnership, yeah and so, like I think at first, when I committed I was like wow, you know we'll get
merit married eventually and then the more and more I got to know her and her family and just like the things that happen and then the pandemic happened and it was like well, you know
yeah I'm engaged within a year right.
Engage in five months
yeah yeah? I think I kind of knew I was
like did she know you were going to propose or like did you talk about it, so she did so anyway, where you what happened, because I we had talked about it and then I talked to her mom like asked her mom, how she felt
Do it because I hadn't really matter dad yet. So I didn't feel like doing the ask her dad thing:
and also they wanted to use an heirloom like a family heirloom ring for the engagement she had already,
I told you that they wanted to use this or the man the solidarity. Both kind of coach me through this, while endorsing rings that maybe could become a useful to how can see enough. Hence were dragged really idling, silently to procure it was like negotiated almost and then I'll, and then I it was like the third day of quarantine or pandemic,
kind of yeah lifestyle in LA and I got take out and I put the ring in one of the takeout boxes,
yeah was the whole ring an heirloom or was part of it like the whole thing. Wow, it's like she's got some family rings that are just like Gatsby Kind of Jesus.
if any platinum, that seizing a lot of money? But I will soon I was. I was still all her. My lay on the table. I three months of income. We agree that ring virginal, baby whew any means the bear from Ben Bridges causing with but waiting to know enough five months into confidently propose and know that you know and then say.
And then get married. What is that feeling like like when
I don't know when know, because I actually wrote it. That's interesting that you bring that up Christina because one of the topics that we didn't get to on our intro for this week, but that I wrote in my phone that I was thinking about a lot this week with the concept of when you know you know, everyone always says that, and I go. I thought
in a thousand times, and then- and sometimes I don't know it's like what is that even fucking mean and did you feel that either time or any
I think I thought I felt it my first time getting married like I was just like
so in the kind of like very much like it, treating it like an addiction
the Russia. These are milestones in this kind of playing house, but with
Rosie was like I don't know, but I know enough that, like I know that if every
with my sobriety and everything else in my life like takes a day at a time, and that makes this like function
well, then like. Why can't I like just like,
like, I knew that Rosie was special and I you know I didn't. I still don't know. If we'll be, you know cause what we don't know what happens to people
she could easily get sick of my shit and you know be like I gotta go, but so I definitely just treated with that like. I know that this is like something I'm willing to work on.
right and things like that. That's what I in the moment, you're in the moment with that yeah yeah,
so it's easy to, like. I just think it's the idea
like soulmates and true love, and all these things I think that's like nice and it's romantic, but it's also probably code
and had see in love, addiction and all these other kind of things that we ve like made pretty.
well. So then, do you not feel true? Love with rosebud, of course,
I feel so it is real, but I mean like like the idea that, like
so I mean like only one yeah
or relying on one person to fulfill all your needs? I mean that's codependent I mean I just think it's like a lot of people like use. Those things to kind of gas
late themselves has made themselves, but I definitely had em. I mean I've looked across Dan's wedding and I saw a rosy and it was like that
person. I wanted to see- and I'm have basically been with her since that day
but I don't know, I think I'm also jaded, because I've been divorced and I've had right, heartbreak and things like that. You know they're just give give feel like you, for you thought you felt true love multiple times but
but it's like. I also think it's like. We have the concept that true love. It needs to be ever a lasting and it does a gray had true love before you name it
was the wrong thing to say. I've had true love, but I mean my soulmate
the soulmate thing they nor the continent love at first sight
eight or like also that's a big thing like this, deafening him people. I've had great,
Listen up so, if re didn't work out an add that had happened or that it's over right, that's experience it yeah yeah. So maybe
I always thought I saw something I actually do feel like it's kind of weird cause. I do I also kind of have a jaded perspective, which I called based in reality, but whatever I, but I actually do feel like people have
or like for me that I have a, but I just think that it not is not necessarily always or a romantic partner.
I don't know mine, yet it could like literally like the comedy or something I don't. I don't even mean to say that, like to Pooh Pooh on no on
we have very, I said: pooper wishes shit like a man, but such a girl
nah, dude, I'm so female. I got to like pounded.
found a polar and smash. My head, I know,
I think those things exist and I think that, like everything is proving that rose, but is my soulmate, but but think going into that with this idea,
Thank you. Like sets. People epilogue till it not be able to deal with conflict in the air, the added cycle, what what do, and it also to not ask themselves what they want out of a partnership like a partner in life, is like I want you want somebody to make life more tolerable, more enjoyable, more pleasant and to push you or whatever you
have someone who makes you not want to face your own death.
that's all we're looking for exactly so. You have a special out. You wanna promote that Yemen,
What comes out this Friday? I don't know when this will drop, but it's three eleven, so you keep it
general yeah? I love that our legal, vague, three eleven fan back in the day when I was six months over. I went to the three of us like I got hired to do comedy on the three eleven crew, but they really nice. I didn't like any of the music, but they were very nice. We went to Jamaica
It was rough for somebody recently who quit Quit weed yeah, Alaska, Anchorage, Idaho, and now, where can we
and you on the internet
the I think, I'm Andy Haynes Vigo, the conjunction not I'll, go
go: listen to the album now and listen to my podcast with Rosie. You might find your peach beach speech but find your peach
find your peach bunch of anger, beefsteak corona phone, you begin and sorry it was
the special one more time cause we started talking about other fits the coward of grammar, see rights on you too. That's what we need to allocate hours of grammar say, love it, and it's on your personal.
Youtube channel? Okay, so guys morphologically that show you're going to be on Youtube anyway, watching our special day, if you haven't already and then you're going to head over and watch Andy is special and and- and
why it s a great joke writer, very, very fucking funny. So I highly recommend that yeah,
thanks, I dont our own studio, and sometimes I don't it's hammer. Sometimes I look at the side wine, but anyway,
Thank you so much as regards this has been our guys. We fox the answer. Slut, shaming podcast, will talk to you next Friday, guys we fucked, as presented by luminary, create an hosted by current Fisher and Christina Hutchinson, editing and music coordination by my Casale theme, song by Rob, Patterson and Jake coasts and suck my what asked pussy affect Christina said of the kind that before, but now it's an area. Let's keep encourage, discuss a manner we think of ass
we used to do certain things. I finally fills a gap tat turns ago. I didn't think I make a report,
How do we use to change my style and that day day answer my kitchen? Change must sale and act like style.
Transcript generated on 2022-04-09.