Welcome to the latest pod Caslon birthday. He won the committee and you should know especial. This is an all Santa Comedy special recorded at meltdown comics on December. Twenty ten is: can we are less than seven twenty ten? We back regular scheduling twenty eleven, so please don't worry you weren't, we neighbouring towards. You seem fine, a few people to think, of course, meltdown comics on sensible of art thanks so much for giving us the space. Also Jonah re who co produces the meltdown. Show the weekly Wednesday night show another comics with Johnny and also a huge special thanks to Emily Jordan, who, without her I mean like she was. She was the champion producer that really helpful this altogether. So, thanks to her as well- and here you go the nervous- I guess number fifty one comedians- you should know exclamation point Now I mean merely stir com

Thank you for coming through nerds podcast, resenting comic, you should know, live at meltdown convicts everyone work of euros. Chris we'll go to the comedians use. It knows best begging for coming. You guys. I wanted to do this joke as when I was a kid. I was very heavily influenced by me in there in the eighties

buddy boom. Just try to try to fucking get away stand up on television you couldn't so I watched every special I consumed every thanks for the water. It that's not going to help the people there biogas? Why would I refer to things, but they can't see what their you can't see with your ear. All, that's! Not all those work. Unless Europe, an aesthetic, that's the term berwin senses cross over. I know thing sides channel, so was so heavily influenced by young comedian. Specials, where, like you know, every every year danger It would do on their work, in other words, that they would always introduce you to the night annual young comedian special. I had videotape it and I I literally watched at every day for like a year straight, but it was ready. Dangerfield hosted recent reduced filled in was on the show as well, but for some reason he wasn't doing comedy. I don't know I was so

see that special and was like. I can't live like eighty four. Eighty five, I think maybe, but it was it was. It was five Zagat Louie Anderson, reader, Radner SAM Kennison, who else was announced by scanning Bob Nelson that I fuckin loved Bob Nelson was really awesome. Yeah Smirnoff was on their because in Russia comedies, but what you had to go and so, and so that is really just changed. You know like that that shape to me as a comedy consumer and our and made me want to do comedy you know. So I thought where we have a spy glass and a lot of people, listen to what we should do, a comedian. We can call it. You would call a young special, because these guys are art, seasons, professionals. So we decided, let's call it the comedians. You should know special so battle. We have for you tonight comedians. You should know special. So before we start amateur,

I'm gonna shovels them of my bullshit audio. To try to warm you up a bit. I I I'm in well into my thirties, and I am feeling my age for the first time in my life and it's weird and I'm noticing little things like like overseas, hearing. I am becoming over share urban traps within elderly person and they just talk on and on about anything cats. Real. It doesn't matter there just they just need to say things and I have started to do this is up. This is something that happens with aging. I was, I was at an age restaurant earlier I was ordering some noodles and I said to the server yes, I will have the vegetarian noodles, I mean I'm out a vegetarian diseases As you know, there is probably a lot less meat and I want to try to live healthier like working out a lot lately and I really feel like it's important to feed your body like you want to hug your body, you know and like I used to drink a lot, if you don't kill me,

It is that they are carrying out like it was really It's it's really awful you how many any anyone? Thirty five out there, any thirty, five that their any thirty other thirties and Africa. Thirty, you are I'd, see thirties, not weird. Thirty. Five is fucking weird, that's the offer one, because thirty five is the year. You start checking a whole different box when you're filling out surveys you take it for granted for sixteen years you live in this week. Big country called eighteen thousand, two hundred that it's just thirty five like no one gives a fuck anymore. I shit about you as you are old and caribbean weird, Your priorities change like, for instance, this from a thirty five and thirty five below I take a powder

Thirty five than up. Let ask you this question: what happened? A thing doing what happened. Fingering, when I was a part of your daily vernacular when you're young fingering, yeah fingering you'd, never even say the word past. Thirty five never ever comes up because no one ever says like I want to go home and finger the life. Those two words are not ever in close proximity to each other but when you are young, you know it's it's all of its fingering, as part of this really complex tee. Age negotiation worry on I will say like. I would like to put this man she's like no, but how about bees and your like, I accept your term even even the word. Even the word finger,

Just sounds weird like to make to make a verb out of finger. I fingered a figure. That sounds like a word. An alien would use if you were trying to fit in with humans, so we could take them over greetings thy trust finger human female on the back of my car, then I penis tariff or seven minutes I love intercourse integrity or later and ad hoc doping is something else. I didn't college lot lot, tugging just sound, so awesome when you're in college. I had tub Don't tell me you're out Dagon with the Czech, though I have a hard time at my house. I've I've, never in its ever ever, because when you are young, you just

that sounds so Oz Gallagher is a mega jigs that then, at a certain point, you just realized that for naked people in hot water, you're just brewing ass tea passing, but those like make a jigsaw merit. And their legal fluids into our shared space. It is downright unsanitary. That's a word! You never used before. Thirty. Five unsanitary, but after thirty five it shapes the parameters of the landscape of your life Dana Lotta hotels, because I'm touring, comedian and hotels are fucking unsanitary a hotel as a place where people rent the right to put their balls on everything matter, just send it on stop them for the remote is like up like it like a changing one

or something and they like, even if they can, because they can like back of the real, better turn the lights on they'll just use their phones cuz, it's funny, because you can't you can Do that at home, you're significant other wooden would never be. Could it be like? Why are there ball prints on where this is not a hotel discuss. In places disgusting places and always, I would say, six times out of ten people, I'm I'm in a room next to a couple that How there is having the loudest sex of their relationship? again there at a hotel and they don't care, and usually that's awesome, because I don't you like me, but when I hear couple MAC Store starting to get into it for about ten or fifteen We we're all in a three way. There had aware therein,

that is fine, but recently I was in a situation where the dude was louder. Then the lady. No S way perceval I mean I don't eat the whole time he was like he was driving. They were trying to get paid cause, he doesn't have gone like you said, a call. The start pointed her uterus and she clearly was not into it because you didn't say anything for most of it and finally, after a while she just eked out it's like a defeated sounding you fucked oh well. I am not claiming to

super awesome at sex, but I am fairly certain you're not supposed to use proper grammar while in the past- and I suppose that the presence of mind to use an advert properly, you suppose it descended near lizard brain because are caught up in the moment. The passionate these words plantier mounting over the fuck you're saying is just like do good going sauce, like you don't know who you're are the most sound, more educated than when you started. I would like to express my sincere gratitude for the sound of fucking, your delivering. Truly I've received our full rights scholarship to Orgasm college. I was both marinas Aeroscope punchline. The same thing happened in the next

I hear the like here. The bed creaking start here, the noises in avoiding all right. So I began to take my position and I heard one voice go yeah. Second, and I are another voice: go I'm fuckin guy. I was left the choice, but I'm not a quitter. I is near is. I grew up. You know, like the whole everything that I was into a day in the chest. Club landlocked computer can like everything made budget, go away and what I did almost lose. My virginity when I was fifteen, which is a very big deal very big deal in retrospect. It wasn't because there was anything special about me. It's just. I was dating a girl who had very religious parents, and so what happens sometimes

when two really religious people programme eight. For some reason, their belief system is able to spawn a virulent strain of super. Slut, and so there was the and so this girl was willing to have sex with me, and I really like that about her, and so we are about to so we're about to do the deed, we're getting into the position in the end there and this other ban. The engine flooded before I could

the car in the garage. I prematurely ejaculate it. If you know- and this anomaly- that's not a problem. If your fifteen, a teenage boys like I would it be ready to go again and meet like borders, are like kleenex for teenage boys up there's another one like right. There but it turns out that the female of this species is not biologically programme to respond in a sexual manner. When the male of the species it near her, and then cries interface the rain. I just went back to my burden, room and started drawing layers and tiger I did love lay. The reserve is unbroken point. What it was like with me when I was like yours, like

like I got so I love hybrid animals. It so fascinating. I mean like there are hybrid species. There are hybrid species there, either their hybrids day. It's sort of its like a species. Cul DE sac, though there always seem other can't produce offspring, but it's fun. They don't like lions, don't choose to meet with tigers in the wild humans. Make them do it because we can be humans are like these big, dumb kids in a sandbox, pointy things things like you fuck that everything would happen. So we get we get laggards and Tigon's and and and and nor is then crawler chairs, and yet humans cannot produce offspring with our closest cousin species, the chimpanzee we cannot get a chimpanzee pregnancy or their means

no condoms. Here I come you didn't you say, look how cheetah well! I might as well throw my vanity animal into the mix or talking about right and we were, on the same page, see guy prelude to a bawling, a guy with his arm around the cheetah who just start trying to force its head down under with cheetahs do like other heads, forced down on car, they won't stand for it.

Is that why earth don't like could be objectified either? That's a rapid about this. I as much of a site by fanatic, as I am, and I appreciate your freaked me shirt, Sir the cheetah lover affront there's. Your wife now govern some. Its atomic sense now he's like looked they just draw couple spots on your body and it just run really fast around the yard of accidents. Now did you ever go to those reporters and you walk out man?

the Working Party. I think what is filled with stupid dollar bill. He does jeez drink. I do love site. I am still. I am still completely confused by the programme, Creation of ghost hunting shows that have taken over every cow. What channel, where there are suggesting life after death, except for the news channels, Do you think of our life after death? Maybe it would make the news baby, USA. Today oh. CS. We wish we could we freaking out like they're? U turn me like. This is more put there tonight, the situation room now, there's pocket girls

wouldn't be other travel channel, wouldn't be it wouldn't like that, wouldn't be discovered by four due to look like sports bar bouncers bumbling, their way through an abandoned hospital with a shaking night vision camera like programme under, quality poor. We probably all just got step row row row row row row every goes there. Hunting on those shows is like a hundred years old, What have you ever noticed there are now know. Is it goes to a process that red tape that it takes about a century for the paper were to go through and ever like those every one of those shows there like. Well, let me tell you about our goes. You see an eighteen eighty, poor: little girl died outside in a well and now at three of you can hear little wet footprints in the hallway. Like no one ever says in nineteen, eighty four young man died

the sunset strip and now at three p m you can hear the rattling of a chain while it on s watch chain as aside, nor do they Patrick Swayze now goes up behind people and pottery classes and hugs. Then just a crack up other joke. I believe you are suitably warmed up. We should start to show comedian use it now. I have to say, like Peter all people that I know I've known for years and I adore them in your first comic is not only an incredible artists, but he also has an album out called their bags with an apostrophe.

One of the top ten albums on Amazon right now cavity items and asked about that. It was like. I don't think, that's cause. I sold a lot. I think some birds decided that so even putting himself down despite the fact that he they masterful comedian? Ladies and gentlemen, please look to state Chris and I all that you're, not assault professed nerd. I think people proven it other people, civilians, but he said cheetah cassettes, tar sands, ring attain friend to say you didn't fuck a cat, this news and yet about impregnating pray. Maids and now animated episode, you may have missed,

now I would urge, is, I think, Tarzan with some episodic cartoon volume. Is the third seasonal Tarzan we're but that is not bigger. With that, I made that up dreams and had crazies us. Christmas talkin about people saying like prime all things Zimbabwe City. Having sex. I'd like to combine the two like idea, I do get all fancy with it But then all the Sunday gets primal at the last minute, so I'll be having sex, and my like. Pardon me MA am, but I have something to say daddy's about to go

number three to combine the two very descriptive. There must be a leg is just be up here. Does not my life, like a strapping at all. Well, don't say things that I wouldn't say, do a lot of visual jokes during apart I am a poor girls. Can we Icu here says occasionally, go ahead and admit it, you go that's what she said like their certain moments, where you feel ok, stop fucking clapping her hands and phalanges, because that's don't stop. Please stop! Don't not stop doing stop saying that's what she said and then,

I just said. Please stop, and he said that's what she said I can access everyone wants to do. It clears the thing. That's from wanes world member that movie that's an old one if ice, saying not after what you said, I just get punched and hit a hockey. My mom dressed up like Garth one Halloween, I think, was nineteen. Ninety one and see like had stepped. She did a great job. You gotta show that he wears and the whole night. She said: that's what she said that was nice. Ninety one, and once again that was my mom. So please stop doing that and don't miss used. The word ghetto. There's a lot. Girls. Are these shoes are so ghetto yeah yeah, totally compare your tattered straps on your palms to housing, projects that doesn't offend anyone get

I I think I'm shooting blanks. Actually Kristen, on that. When I Dracula nothing comes out at all, just loud bang in a puff of smoke, a flag unfurls summary, on it I just found out I my part native American, which is interesting, which I had known that before college it's not my blood. It's just I was born cause. My mom used a dream catcher as a diaphragm. And learn about Montana history on there's ways. Yeah. I had met a trip

What's with all these owls graduating from something every time I'm meat and or see an owl he's wearing a graduation hat, and we can all agree on that. First of all, all I know you're a wise bird or a bird. But I haven't seen you on campus all year here you are suddenly at the commencement ceremony, tassel Tumble left its funding What's your major, you don't mind me asking? Actually I first got interested in anatomy when I picked up my first mouse skeleton. Passion is in statistics when I started monitoring my touchy pop links to share our hey baby want to meet us in the cloud for some ultimate frisbee

could include the word ultimate be his wise. If we, if we ve, learned anything from their skunks. I think we can just assume that french people are violent. Rapists, hired disguise yourself paint stripe on her to get ready. It's always a nest. What turned into a patriot patriotic hatred towards french people. We met friends, people they're, all nice, Gerard Dep, our duties, a great guy. Yeah we're supposed to hate him cause a pepper, Pepe, Depew, Peppino appeal. I hate him so much that the four Bert twice I'm not stuttering. I'm just called

the love, picking out laughs knowing who that person is possibly two hundred. Allow jazz I feel nervous. It's way it's a normal thing. Everyone's must be created public speaking and heights. I think We're because we're all just ignoring what everyone, way way, more afraid of which is getting tipped over while in and out house like. That's the scary thing ever I can never sit comfortably at a fair

Least, you can build up and immunity and then, once again ready to give a speech had been practising. You can practice for the outhouse weird seriously. I'm gonna walk this gauntlets guides just throw the shed at me all these pockets go and ask how I felt them throwing Yo seafarers coming up. I want to see the guy. Create company. I think they do ok. There are several locations, but their chivalry named just tyres. Really living they have more here's a better name, just tyres: how about tyres, colon and bore car tyres? Calmer and more? Maybe I've just figured out

why you're oil changes are flying off the shells just tyres. I can't believe I already did my closer. I really where I wrote that job down and then parentheses followed by you being carried off on everyone's shoulder ready further, can vary from just tyres com. I am more, you combine them because of my request. I like comedy what yeah. Like comedy. Let me professor well, I do it What I'm doing understand. Early comedy like like Greece do differ, watch three stooges episodes their episodic.

Much like Tarzan was its where every episode of the three stooges, apparently they were like independent contractors- labour. They worked she ITALY together, they worked horribly they'd, never finished a job because they start fighting, but every up so they're doing a different thing totally unrelated to the last, but obviously there is like references that got them the next gig. You did a great job moving, my piano. Why don't you pull my civil war, general friends tooth and then maybe you guys to get to get our no debate. Fancy cakes pragmatism, construction, work done

well elephants upstairs accidentally that everything does like pays. You pump enemy, rightly I've fingers in the eyes you're the worst friend ever Andorra, that's the witch hideous move ever finger in the eye, and then the guy, please like? Oh, I hope the wing on my house and my little music box is fixed and they just show up in there to buy for through a window. It's that blood on my floor yeah. Well, if it's they consolation. They were kind of funny to some of the men in the room. Well, that doesn't it that's the last time I hire three stages. Plumbing debate may offence cape, hey thanks,

I regret it alright, keeping this no moving identity. What I'm doing, instead of just doing it, you know the former. I believe I first started laughing. I first met her in like Ninety nine, maybe we should do the show in west- would place called the Gypsy CAFE. Decorous Superfund show Only one other person went to and it got it ultimately got taken over by wealthy persian teenagers who

the smoke of pipes and who, apparently, don't really want to hear why people point out of oil wells of mankind. So we can be sure what I've known forever and I loved you. She does pack has called dork forests, ever heard, of your forest and also has an alibi called: it's never gonna be bred. Ladies gentlemen, Jackie occasion he asked over and then he introduces an army lady, I am or media, and I know I don't look it and which was said to be actually about a month ago at the whole foods. I handed my credit the lady and she was you'll. Look armenian in that voice. It's a gift seem now to say the generation right I'll meet you, your grandparents were assholes.

I mean everyone is an asshole when they come here because its frustrating- because nobody comes here going well right now in Guatemala, no one is sitting around going. I know I'm a dentist here, but what I really want to do is watch clothing for a living I've gotta move to Us Angeles and I know the new or all smell vaguely of big projects. The cold war. What fucking nut anyway so and if it's any guns, Listen they're mean to me too. Ok, because I have melted and am, I know, dress up any more used to dress up. And of comedy here in LOS area, then realized, never gonna, fuckin matter, because casting people will still look at me and go

airport cup, here's the Good NEWS when professionals and are involved this cleans Rita queens of nice. So until then, this is, though this will like So that's fine, but other than that. I worked all day job. I quit my old age while go, but I helped out at Christmas and in work my day, job and then four hours and what I was like. That's right. That's why I quit this fucking job. These people were idiots and I hate it and my shoulder hurts So in other news Christmas talk about fingering. I use it all over thirty five. Let's talk about it, I I was arguing with with with Christian or someone who claimed to be, and again raised armenian church, great thing about being raised in the armenian church.

All an Armenian. I don't speak our media, so I can t whatever I want, which is like the nice in the picture and go get your dad some coffee so that was you stand of it so so I was talking about how they wanted and it was George George Bush had said it is well, which was he wanted to be alive to see the Rapture George was actually said. He wanted to be alive and guess what, if you're alive, to see the rapture you fuckin dropped the Oh don't shit. This must be gone and insoluble, I don't want to see the rapture? I don't want you don't I I want to die very old in my bed being finger to death by someone. I love so much ass, a beautiful limits its better before,

worse, one of the apocalypse so where you come in bookstores only talk about poor things, which is why I just I wouldn't so red and expendable rules at the Pasadena ARC light. Ok, first, while these are old people in she be right right, we all know and in their old people, watching the action movies, because it's an arc light and what you can do is get a nice glass wine and have your sign seat and sit down and watch. Sixty year old people deal with their pro They put young people and it was my first clue that this generation will not be going gently into the good night, They will not diminish like lead real and go into the west. And I want them to I want to rings. I am going to start a business called one wing to rule them all and it is going to be a chicken

drunk and why I love chicken and of you know the Elvis word Vera for for four hours were true friend, free soda Anyone at least three people come up to me and tell me ok and then we'll get get some nice anyway. I am married to a giant dork who makes video games for a living and that's very exciting No, I said how did you get that job and he said was perfectly obvious how I got that job. I fought my way through several levels, Yes, yes and a great deal, and then he killed the boss. Please try and he's a green design right, so you're playing a game. Any game you wanna play paper says: Rock Car Games Board Games. Video games dress up like an elf go away for the weekend, deeds onboard more than once. When we were organizing your wedding, you referred where

it's as costumes. He wanted us to dresses pirates and take over another wedding. I am not saying that that would not have been found. I am saying that I'm not to weddings, crazy man and he's like. Why would we have organised a second one? Are anyone a crown, turned to our wedding, and one of my friends was like in you're gonna, let him and that's when I knew I had done any dating before, because I didn't but I cannot let him defects by matter. Does he get whereas underpants Gary Bookshop Disease awesome any, but get this? That's you everything and until three took what's ok, so I just saw go. They have may adult male under ruse a target adult men's, not boxers, briefs with iron man, Superman, Spiderman, yeah, I thought it was hilarious and bottom repair any put em on and also take off

nothing less actual than man underpinned uncrown ass man goes unilateral, the path to make some pedal bites. That's it! I never data, because I do stain of comedy ronicky Doone soon Comedy since women comics Wicked staged. I'm right. They were burned, isn't which Hester prynne Open for me the best chance that jokes ever, let's try this one. I think European would make an excellent president if we lived in the hand me Stale, ass women studies of the middle. Ok, we'll get business so so I never did. I bedewed stand pretty forever I never did him and when we were debating my husband at one point it was pulled out of him. He said it so great that you ve never really dated,

Any body. Could you have no expectations of many expectations of any said? What are your expectations of me, and I said I expect you to be nice. I expect you to be polite. I expect that if we haven't lived together that you will keep the common areas clean and that you will do your share of the chores- because those are roommate expectations and I said well what her boyfriend expectations and he said me too. Now kid you're not going anywhere fantastic. Ok, I might end early, never know something which is wholly ok so, where the car last week- and I just said out of the blue,

I'll do whatever you want and he took it to mean sexually and here's a yes and as a what? What just happened and any goes? Would you we're an outfit and those like of Please would you wear shark outfit addresses a shark and as like what would happen? That's unnatural, because at what point, wearing a shark outfit. Isn't lady, and somebody says you back- that up that doesn't want long way to go for sharks upwards, Leave you wanna see, which is. We went on our honeymoon. Anyone does get matching tattoos and I do not have a tattoo, and I wanted to do not tattoo people- and I said instead of a tattoo- why don't we do with old people in Wisconsin? Do where I'm from when they travel, which is collect? Those spoke

and he said- oh, my God would get to do though spoons report get like a cab due to their backs and then everywhere that we go we'll get a different spoon tat for the rest of our lives, and I was like how I would rather get a plate in my head and collect magnets, Rhode Island, thanks a lot There is a recurring theme tonight with animals boy. I saw you in the back and when she talked about her hasn't wanted to dress up like a shark. I thought I are you go like, yeah just a little bit, because a few people could organic

though I think you're on the right. I think it would be cats very clearly. The internet has shown us that we would like cats, verse no I can't has cheeseburger now MR boots, while did well. Do they make Antonio Banderas. Voice of the NATO? Next me, they were trying to tap into our innate desires to fuck mandibles inset, like that commercial exit, export aid was bright and totally renders does actually we're nasal spray resolve your couch this this latino P. No I'm going to here knows all So the eggs

Oh you're, nasal passages dry. I go to making away so bad fine That's my under asthma, treating you grow no, I don T know be in my nose. Somehow it worked legitimate. The next person but I would like to bring to the stage, is

this very model away that go bruises these barriers to their colliding. If you were to look at them Ben diagram up his work, it would be a perfect single circle because it all overlaps. Ladies and gentlemen, please work or to the stage Mr Giotto Hardwicke everybody. Thank you so much for coming and, of course, the empty see right up front where my dad should be sitting once again. I'm always waited for him to show up. So I can kick him in the face you some for coming to this ever really appreciated. Some of you might know my my voice from timing in inappropriately when Christmas, talking to someone famous or, as I

I too do stay. Ok, I'll stand back I, that showing you weren't. I go Gamba back here, also, try to talk as much as met Myra, which is not much everybody. I realize this recently that I need to start drinking too much beer because I'm really bat really bad, but just like a fat enough to where I dislike, and I sit on the plane and Annette just all piles up in front of me. You can't tell by me standing, but once I sit down and a tiny see they just grows, and I can't put- the tray to stop drinking switch switched to vodka, which I'm heard is the last booze they can. If it can, they consider that because we're like I'm like I M, excited about it, I'm like is really no hang over. The like, I know, that's why, the last, when you drink, when you realize you had bought because it than all azaleas like it's like. I do something really bad, no fucking, really bad nothing are really those having to be drinking? So why not give go until it does

my wooden wings, like I tried one because I don't drink beer beers banning is my favorite kind of beer is like I have a virus wheat beer, you know a very hard, beer. I love it so good eyes. I love. I love him so much, but things like that, like the most fattening beer you can drink, That's like saying, hey man, what your paper kind of bread cake makes my favorite abroad Swiss on road building up besides the burden. There's gonna be the dewy guy, I'm gonna be the guy. If I never had a poor party, let me restate that if I never invited Marty, the guy that just as a shirt on in the pool, you know that guy, like everyone's like. What's he doing the guys Don't just like members. What else about what else? Why does elsewhere and other goods like a thing is: you are not the guy with the shirt on in the pool the early. The guy- that

have assured on the whole, it is everyone's like good for him. Little hangout doesn't care about what we think as much as you should You should care, he doesn't he just. Let is, I think, it's like I'm resigned to the fact. I'm just gonna, be like the other guy Like you know, MA I'm I going to pick up a girl there. It has never been a girl in this world said nay, who's that guy with the soaking wet shirt sitting on the steps of the pool with ashore. That don't belong and why a cut of genes yeah, that's what that guy knows a lot about zombies be does because it's me and I do

realize recently that the name t J Max should mean a really cool thing and it doesn't tedium acts is a horrible clothing store today MAX shouldn't be that tedium attribute the coolest kid in school We, like you, hear about tv max. He beat up every body, didn't fuck elite out girls, boys principles, teachers he bought them all. Everyone out suffered Rossi. He guessed with rise pretty well Dj Max is the coolest I am. I like. I have a girlfriend now and she's awesome she's a delight. I she's a lot of my life she's a lot better than that horrible can ex girlfriend. I used to have what I find is usually the case, no matter what I was at a point recently to break it works like, and I was so sad that, like you know, I would have to go to a girl and say: hey do like be signed.

Tell is feeling of common tears on your back, because I could provide that for you. It would be during word sex that neither of us will like, but for you could be a fun guessing game. The consistency emeralds going because they know the one would be slower than the other rolling down the side. I now. I like a like the group, and I have now because the thing is the last government I had we will we lived together and women when you when I was moving in with her. I was convinced that when you move with a girlfriend, you happy Ex all of the time everywhere and inaction. Well, do you arrive with a noise that because, as a smoking, none of the time anywhere I dislike? It becomes a theory and some guys head that sex exists as like it's a spoken, I dont know what I think it sealed up. Then she soldiers I go, there's no way we can do as ago your own.

We wanted to have when you get married, it just turn into a dick. You know I guess I've got a second we just went away Itzhak they went away, and I just I'm really tell my prince, I'm a guy with a girl, when I wake up and male than I can be right there and I can fucker. I can find a desolate. That's the rules, rules and obviously, as I heard that story, which is very, was very of setting the here. Mary of setting out the thing is, I was like it's like. I am I have time to masturbate neither needed to I neither was like pressure building up on me. It was like spur by building up from my walls and into my hands, and I want a fucking killer like it like. It's like it was like when spent like Papa spanish issues of war. I look like I don't wanta bird or anybody else like. If I can't create life, I will destroy one

I welcome the EU need to relieve the pressure was like a factor that is about to blow up and one guys like also don't worry about me, and so I got there is one thing play as hard as I couldn't find the time match right because I was like I would leave for work before her. I would come home from work after her there's no time to do it until this one that I made a point out like I made outside, the tree myself good at ambit of pocket, jerk off, This is a May day, so I tell my I told my boss is at work that doctors appointment technically not but not Alai, technical and alive, because if I was going to do that, either I would get hurt, or someone else would- and so I think- and I just like- I left work and I was like driving home so passive, like we ve been through traffic, I was, as president pulled over, but

and if I did I'm sure the cop Oda been like over it. I live here than she does never see later bugging. I know there is a huge problem because I go get out of here. You will hear all guide you through with my sirens and so on and get home, and I just right. We have three dogs, they just like Russ pass them, which is very good. Into a dog when someone gets home when it when you get home adult life, this is what I've been waiting for. I'm gonna get paid behind this year that here baby my broken belly. If I show up without resign and the like are shooting early and then I just like with spider, and then I go with a fork apex for pets, and now this- and so Does I run into the bedroom and I just start bucking going forward, not even in a play durable way. There was no pleasure in theirs because this was just like, and I needed this to happen, idea the relief of fresh or does it hurt

it heard I was holding myself just like gold so hard like, like just trying to get it done before she got home in it was like when I was doing, I was like making such a ruckus that, like I fucking you know when and dogs here commotion, they like oh shit, it's time in there, what fucking, great joke Jonah just did now we ve broken all go in love, so they all run a wrong time at the in time, and then I had to do something. I never thought I would have to do my entire life, which was kicked dogs. Coming and it was well like like independence, it wasn't like it was a weird. I was like an old just trying to let you get away from me.

Like it was all. I wasn't like we're not by the situation. I wasn't like surprised by. I was scared. I was so scared, because what if that was the best org, Have I ever again from now on and his leg: listen girl, I'm dead Do you have a dog or you better, go One is the only way I'm gonna come in. You is that I can kick a fucking canine videos of that thing, that thing we're public bathroom and, like you hear someone like taking a horrible shit and then you look at shoes like it might have some kind of answer to what's going on, like your hand I wash. Nor has it. Does your ball up up up up up up up up up up up up up fine slamming gonna pumps? Oh shit, clown shoes, nonsense, it's a lot of firewood rob! we, whereas assert and the poor.

I love I will in the years that they are not like it's like I'm gonna, I'm on a very nerdy podcast and I am like you know we like to think that we're like very progressively minded, but I love like me my I talked with my friends about shooting and how much I love it. And it's like it's silly, its dollars very like rudimentary about like it's like a fucking love it you can. You can deny that its number two, because sexes like that thing ever and then right after that is fuckin shitting. Shooting is the best thing ever am I I would. I would probably be gay if, like the annals export part, was only the second part. Where, if it was just a debt coming out of my ass, if there was a way to just have dicks come out of my ass, but not in any way to her, but our fuckin want that there is some way working get dicks in my body and then just come back. You just sit out dicks like you to sit It's over and over again until I come it would be the fucking. I would be gay I'll be right away,

I do not know about getting a pale and they just aid inside my belly and then I just our sitting out little Dixon and if I let it Sippar, while a huge dicks come out, there are black and huge and appeals bucking weights I don't know I don't want to get into my body, though our measures like it I could eat it without would be gay, and then I saw mister, I'm gonna. Do it. Everybody can generate. Thank you so much Melissa ways. Everybody my good friend, but also rights for website, Jonah, rails and rights for the website and you can follow human is due to good purpose. They don't have a twitter account.

He got have got possessed by hipster and was a bucket man. I'm cancel too in our pockets need twitter because he got drunk any thought would be funny and cool and then with mom. There's like fuck, I gotta get back on Twitter, so he got rid of at generate. You can follow him at at a rate of Jonah sweater It also please I wouldn't have had remained Myra, whose in the back their running the board, that are you back like about? How are you out of your virus? I well dressed. I was everything sounding back there. Please tell me that it is working phantom, thickly, Steve Jobs, little baby hasn't come stoning nope. I hope you're referring to build upon our energy. You feel it. Ok, that's good! It's nice! I get to sit and enjoy. Well

people do all the hard work that sounded have sarcastic. I really know that owes genuine sitting a lot. Have you ve seen me, but I dont tenable. I've never seen you I just in Europe was only exist. I'm a new goes. I love that you just call back my That is an excellent callback, thereby good coverage team behind and mire not the same ring. I guess it's that famous hard firm. I would like to bring up your next performing a committed who is also a co producer of the show, and so do I not known as law.

I think we probably preference for two or three years, but the first time I saw the sky was immediately cause. I'm such a I'm circumventing earn a comedy horror that I like. I have three friends what I got a bad he's very funny. I didn't approach him like that, because that would have been aggressive and weird. But I am glad that we became friends and he is here tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Commissioner job like every line, plugging you guys wonderful balances, sincere mode, I live another city about ok, I fucking love Christmas. I really do what are you think of Christmas, like a lot of people are created about, it will happen in the country ten years you know. So this is my pen Christmas, so remember how outside you over Christmas. When you were ten years old. That's me

right now, ten years, all at Christmas is back. We not skip it. This year I thought we might, but we take that back. I love it. I love all the songs grandmother run over by reindeer. That's a fresh take on Christmas. You know we haven't seen likes to be. She wants to fight Santa Claus. There is also another war, Rudolf original report or the version where he starts off. Like supercilious, like you know, tat plants like he's gonna, give bad news. You know I'm Asher killed in a motorcycle acts. It might do you reckon about my favorite. Why that liquid movement What do they know? It's Christmas? You guys know that one we're on the star

from the eighties got together to raise awareness about the famine in Ethiopia. You know which such a wonderful sincere gesture today, even though it is Christmas right now today, now wonderful. What most people don't know is that the Ethiopians actually recall a response on those called do they know where Muslim? God. I can't hardly any celebrities. You know who this is perfect for you love me then I am in love. Horror movies I saw Friday votes is Jason again You guys know that one it's so you know, Freddy from nightmare, announced we resist Jason Friday, the thirteenth, it's it's actually kind of better.

I genuinely want it many times, but I know there are those apart. A net where there's a part in it were Friday has to choose between killing a white girl and killing a bit. Go and really goes. How sweet dark me other collective grown, in the audience in the theater, when I watched it like people were disappointed in full. Krueger you monitoring children with your needle gloves. What raises making it very hard to achieve four EU body. Now I want Jason do within mass mooring monster, but he's no bigger,

he'll kill anything. I've only been in there like a couple months. I did a show in orange. County is kind of nervous sort of. Has a reputation of this house are gonna. Go I don't know No, my car literally ten seconds are forgotten. My car tens, economic in our car. This car pulls up this guy put his head out the window yells that music hey come are where's Harold, walking

Second, like people waiting around the corner for we like, I can't wait for a brown to come to town. I have a pop culture reference to be where I got so fucking angry really caught to me, and I was trying to think why do I get so angry somebody's raises to me, and it goes when some reasons to you: there are no comebacks. There is nothing you can say two way, because what am I gonna do be racist back to them. No cause Racist and most people who races to me are are white and it's very difficult to try and be racist white people. It is that what am I gonna be? alarm, Kumar, well, you're the lead in most movies that come out now, I think about it, for like fucking nights like

We note that I swear. I couldn't sleep was so angry. I think that fucking I was so races to me. He called me Kumar, which is critical. My name is the city coincidence. As the only reason I want to be famous. I want to be like so famous that on the pop culture reference it people will make to try be racist, to me and I shall be walking down the street in the car pulls up and is look at Ashcombe Outline Johnny what that is compelled andreotti. Thank you for knowing my name rank in Frazier, the waiters tuna get bigger. I guess not.

In love like cipher. Really, like you know, terminator matrix are I Robart were lacking. Is the future and the robots like taken over and enslaved humanity and like rose up in reality? No, I love those will be, but I think it would be kind Also everybody, if, like the robots, like totally jump the gun and try to do it before they have the technology to do, it you know like right now that, like robot vacuum, thing would be their leader. You know room by that's his name room. I dont get it it's in a room everything's in a room. You be the letter, a few months. We are here and we are going to destroy you, there's nothing. You can do about it. I am room bike and vacuum the floor. This guy can make a car that I can play the play. The trumpet there's pack and plan the stairs very slow at that

Actually, that is just a coffee make. That is fry from that movie short circuit. He has the power to evoke nostalgia. We back in ten years derive forget. This happened You guys know planet earth I don't mean the plan. I may be the hideous like a mega. He eagerly pretending to be human. Have you humans heard of planet? It is my hope. The bbc- it's fucking also because a follow it be called life. Do you guys know that one? It's ok, you people who you should watch it. It is always the same people. Its awesome is just like animals trying to survive so fucking good, but they should change the name of it to fucking and eat

that is all it is, but it is also right that is on it, as even the narrator is like this and will want to fuck, but it must eat am I eat. One is a separate thing. You know jungle, one like a mountain episode, but my favorite one is the underwater like the ocean episode, because there are some fucking fucked up creatures down there. Have Europe into an aquarium, it's just like monsters. Here. The planet with as these There is actually exist. The ocean is God's basement. Wait. I thought his mistakes. We were never supposed to go down there, but we now we can see the things we ve been like that fish, that are the fucking light bulbs the other pursue my do it and then it eats down there which is crazy to me, that that words, because there are no light

holes in the ocean, you know but precious to let go. We left the light I hadn't, even though we have this deck knowledge you. I guess somebody invented it and then put you ve done it on my favorite. Poorer movie has to be the. Being the origin of the thing together that one songwriting aren't gonna like nineteen eighty, it's all research facility in the middle of Antarctica and then she goes down, and I warn it's a horror movie shook goes down.

Don't want to give too much away. This really doesn't give it away, but towards the end of the movie, there were three survivors and therefore decide whether the Gonna trying to escape or like burn the whole camp down to make sure that the monster doesn't get out. You know, and I was watching the movie with my wife and she looked at me- choose what would you do that situation? What you're trying to survive? Would you sacrifice yourself for the rest of humanity? I'm never going to be in that situation. I am never before the last guy- is alive- I'm gonna be the forest guy to die. I'd, die right away. I die said the other characters get to find out something weird going on. I want the autopsy tabled twenty minutes into the movie, whose hearts missing on that guy on the set up, I bridge acts one in two. I go off alone to find it

act. Does we ignored in this corner? I must investigate Dan. I never even find out that there were monster to me. The blood of the movie was we're at research facility and the cats missing. My motivation is defined back cat. You guys I've been so wonderful thing. You may follow on Twitter at Camille care. You may I l in use and also want to say. Is that he's one of them add also need, and I often Emily, who also got pretty sure we have noted out on doctor

four hours and hours and hours. When I went to the great Ferguson Show with men Smith, I brought them and they get the meat mats made than we all like. He had met left the room we were like. It was so awesome. And so the meltdown show every week, others a vip that we call out that answers a tribute question on between, Feed for them out on show which is at meltdown, underscore show dots, don't spell out. The word underscore it's just that underscore, and the question was who's the current doctor and just to get a quick answer. Matt Smith was the correct answer. Of course,

I was answered first by Miss Sarah Fitzgibbons issue here this evening, cabins gotta prowling exceed trigger finger and have gotten you won't mention on the notice board gets do people follow you at it? What does your twitter name at s? Bits gibbons at. Excellent. What's your email that israeli do? What do you do serve its givens European legal now shouldn't you be? Compiling documents are not answering doctor who questions on twitter, but ok, he's gonna die foiled me with that little caviar. They like a verbal buying print. All you must be a paralegal. You know come on in the legal web weaving well, thank you very much.

When did the show sir fitzgibbons and now I would like to bring the next reform to the sage. His a guy that I've actually went over a couple years as well, but again see when you when you're comedian and you'll see other comedians, like you can tell the second, they open them like, oh, my god that gonna be funny. I'm gonna watch em. Maybe that's that's a much deeper than just being a regular person I wanted to give it some gravity has entirely- and I have done a ton of shows with him around the LOS Angeles area. Like we do the What are some issues? We then together? Rather we didn't, you see, be shows together. We ve the work within the improv What other one other shows? What do we do both he's on wheels together? Oh my god, that's right, yeah! What's better than doing cavity when you're fucking sports bar, and you had to be like You jack heads or watch and sports banality, or some jokes wow

what a pay as much attention as those who could smoking persian teens, which is no attention at all, but anyway, this guy Rights plays a contributor to website called the eight tracks. You may follow him at Paul seabirds on twitter, por favor. Thank you guys, think you Chris. This is a smart tech, savvy audience, I'm guessing! You guys know about this. Iphone app cultures am right. Yeah. If you don't know it then you get for your phone, where, if like there's a song on the radio- and you don't know, but it is. You hold use your phone up to the speaker, then she am, will tell you what the song is and who sings it. Even if it's kind of static and guard

it's an amazing piece of technology, and I really hope that the people who make that up. Can make a similar app that I can hold up to my mother and it will tell me the name of the movie. She is trying to catch his Is hours of my life wasted Did you know the one it had? What's this name ended with the wrinkled face. I have no idea what it the phone evidently guys no country for old man, you saw no country for old man. It was time Lee Jones we're shutting off your cable? yeah! Well, this is amazing technology disposal, and I mostly just use it to listen to the spider man theme song over and over again, which is its either

school Spiderman theme in other Wanna one go: spider man, spider man. You know that song. There is a lyric in that song bid is fantastic where the song goes. Is he strong, listen bud got radio active blood. Like that line because Radio active blood doesn't mean anything That is a meaningless phrase. So there We too ways that you can interpret that little exchange reversed Is he strong he's radioactive blood. We can, with the car yeah he's pretty God, damn strong and in the second way, is strong, he's got radioactive blood he's very sick. Does he can barely out of bed you.

An asshole you I just have a garbage like that's on. My ipod is impaired, sing? I live in constant fear that someone will pick up. Ipod and just discovered the shit that I keep on it legality somebody starts fiddling with my ipod. I suddenly feel like I'm in one of those movies, we're like I'm, hiding a corpse in my house, cool. While the cops are snooping around, except in my case, the corpse is just a playlist of Avril. Levine songs cops just my body whose, in the passenger, see idly thumbing through my ipod, unaware that my hand is closing around attire iron under my seat. Just just waiting for the moment when I hear him go skater boy really

That is why you shouldn't have looked. I am a thank you. Ass s. Welcome, fellow travellers and welfare we, brothers, here yeah, I'm I'm trying to fix a situation. Believe me, I am I'm going out on job interviews getting asked others job interview, questions you always get like one of the big ones is. Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you want to be in five years man. I gotta be honest with you guys at this point. Coma is look real guide is knocking guys you would be so great to be in a coma. Didn't you know. Wake up in the morning in your lungs, going off any slap this news button and you roll back over you now those nine minutes feel

Imagine that stretched out to nine years. That's a coma! You just get to sleep. And nobody's bothering you about anything like nobody wants a ride to the airports. Nobody's like hey an injury to take this thing over the guy with the whatever others. Just none of that, like the only that somebody might ask you to do while you're in a coma squeeze my hand and you can hear me and you don't have to do that What is really optional I spend a lot of my unemployed time watching the history channel and are you guys know this, but that channel has gone off the fucking rail as it is St Channel, you know it used to be about. You know people

and things that actually lived and happened. It was about what's the word or that's right. History. It was history channel, but now everything on the history channel is just a bunch of crazy makes em up see. Zena were just Every show is like no strict Damas team up with goes. To fight dragging this history channel investigates There is actually a show on the history channel, right now called ancient aliens Yes, this? I can tell you the premise of ancient aliens is everything in history, lake, the pyramids in Stonehenge. All the work of aliens and then even stuff. That didn't actually happen. There's a whole episode that tries to make the point. What if angels in the Bible, were acts

really aliens. Okay, so basically what you are asking me: story channel is what, if one made up thing, was really different. Made up thing. Well, then, Nothing is the answer. F. Why I like what? If what, if Batman was actually droopy dog as well. Then you ruin to perfectly good stories. I that you ve done. There is a this street near my house where for some reason. There are bunch of weak stores, I dont, know why they're all clumped,

gather, but their seriously, like a dozen wake stores in this one mile stretch of road most of these weeks, Where's have names that you would think a wig store would have. They have names like Harry beauty supply or eggs and things. But there is one store on this street. I swear to God. It is just called human, hey, yeah, is it not the creepy a name for a store? You have never heard in your life. I don't think that's a wig store, that's that's just the store that sells things that serial killers collect imagine you walk in there and there like welcome to human hair. We have well human hair. Obviously we have that what you can get that within without bloody clumps of scalp a lot of people. No that,

and we ve got two fingers in a jar over here. It was or nice a lot of people like those in work. A special this week, and only five dollars gets. You grab bag of miss matched baby shoes. Only eighty man, I moved I mood recently, but for years I live it actually very close to here in a neighborhood called West Hollywood YAP whew, if you're listening at home and you are unfamiliar with the geography of LOS Angeles, West Hollywood is kind of a gay neighbour and that's an understatement. It is called, calling West Hollywood kind of a gay neighbourhood is like

Jerusalem is kind of jewish says that should give you some idea. It was about neighbourhood, though I loved living there and one of the parks will say West Hollywood. Is it some mornings? I would walk out to my car in but in the night it had been covered flyers for gay club nights around town, gay, club flyers, if you're not familiar, are pretty graph. Ray other. Basically just gave pornography like on a postcard, and and the thing is they wouldn't put them on the windshield wiper. They would actually stick them in the driver's side door I like, like in between in the window in the door frame. So when you go to grab em, they just slip breakdown in you like into the door like we're Your window goes when you roll your window down.

If in this neighborhood for years. So to this day there are still dozens of these little porno cards just rattling around the door panel of my car, I have weighed for the day and so help me, God what is coming when I'm? driving along minding my on business, some, back ass runs the red light bounds me and my car. Just

slowed like a gay porn, clean yadda, it's gonna be great and you guys have been great. Thank you so much on Twitter ACT all see I be. I am wearing a fantastic knock. It tell me was assured phenomenal and- and I did were by the river, the show that we forget, the show that you and I have done the most together- we're just Tiger Lily the Monday night. Let me show, and the girls than average Asthma Ezra parts runs. That is a great bugging Joe as well You guys ready couple more comics I have to say he has he his team, the mass of his beard, since last I saw him he's, got all

it's hands on his face, Toby Airy, but he is also one of my favorite The watches accounting album called the death of the party, You can follow months, whether at at tile, Canadians Kyle can come as a surprise to none of you here. When I tell you one point: my life. I belong to the Facebook fan page for red laughter, cheddar bay, biscuits now that it is for these reasons there are delicious flaky butter retreat that serve as a wonderful prelude to shrimp furthermore, in the throes of a drunken visa truly do hope in my heart of hearts that there is a

geographic location somewhere on this earth. Colchester Bang. So my perhaps North Nova Scotia Weary sailors could just slosh into the cheesy waves, Sulky Fargo hit them, and they will carry a bounty of jittery goodness and necklaces for their ports. Where's named brandy, but I was privileged to witness something being a member of the german biscuits Van page I don't know I don't know if I witnessed like like an absolute like zenith of of of

of understanding of human compassion and technology are twining too. To make me think like yes, we are going to be. Ok is, as is a society, is species, or if I witnessed the absolute downfall of more mankind, but what it for what it that, for whatever reason the day Michael Jackson died, the red love to children, biscuits, Fanpage became an unofficial forum for mourning the loss of a recording legend. I have no idea why, but that Dick, the Venn diagram of of cheddar, Biscuit Fan and Michael Jackson Fan Eclipse tits and became one, and I don't know that's beautiful or terrifying, but what I have just that day, all the Ugandan educated dozens and dozens of comets people just like gold

God Michael Jackson, we miss you, went through a lotta hell on earth of we find a peace and have an hour ip king packages. Like recording legend. You meant a lot of these. We love you Michael Jackson, our eye pages, dozens and judges, and outpouring of support for the lost Michael Jackson, but the best part is that, like every thirty, five, forty comments. Somebody will have just logged in not having heard the news so you just reading. Just all these heartfelt eulogies over and then just resolving to like my job is. The losers, like somebody put a weird classified on the open thing, is, it would be so quickly policed by the Childer Biscuit Community, because you could see the time code everything it just by minutes. It is it's a minute later suitably Roma man. Job is deserved. Looking to book,

when I get my people and merely the best myself, so you could just you can turn the guy was like there's a man today is not about sharing, this gives polite, but also very hot, and you could almost be over remorse emanate from your computer of that one guides. Oh my God, I did not even know I'd away got a stretch out get my coffee and I log on to my cheddar biscuit fan page to my people. Up to I don't tat. My affairs there's two of my compatriots urgent and love, that's fantastic or horrifying, But it's something big takes threatening podcast. There's nothing saying that you're. But maybe there is your tombstone. Does

have to be factual right paperwork. Does the paperwork does, but then you go there. We were like loving fathers, like I could, but it s also life, but you can write anything out there with their philosophy. I have finalized. My my tubes, don't will require, can aim born December twenty third nineteen. Seventy six died in Europe. Tonight quotes. It must have been something. You said you were quick to apply their view that you think about the way, those stupid joke, I'd, really dumb joke Missouri that's when the irish variable would be calculated inventor of time, travel born to separate either Nigeria's Ex Die December. Twenty second division

more clever. It's now at last, put its a clever fibula gets dude. I wonder when you really did died and looking up my iron babies, I have an amount of money, not a large amount of money, just an amount I'm unfamiliar with, which is actually it's not like. I could. I could put a confident down payment on a new Toyota camera, which is not that's, that's partlet, that's not, but that, as far as the payments coming up, who knows it's in the wind, but right now I'm like I could theoretically have a very nice, reasonable family Sudan. Ray possess some time next year so do well. I have the amount of money at thirty four year old man should have if he applied himself

last fifteen mere years as the manager of a foot. Long. That's like made its corporate illegally about that cuz. I don't have the responsibility that came along with that. I just tricked people through jokes. This is still what I've been doing and just get drunk talk about your dick. Now. People aren't We checked sport, it's a scale through its alert. How much really but so I don't have the responsibility for this amount of money. Where, like oh look, look at you know, you know what you need: you'd unique! You need a brand new electric attire, time for you to get on. The BBC. Rich websites are price. Now war locks

what I need right now. What I need is to be able to breathing cool air without wincing, like I just put my dick in a light socket. That's what I need is to go to the dentist, but I'm an asshole. So I'm looking at electric guitars that c dot c deville play. What's in eighty seven, but I need to be able to eat a piece. A candy and put it in my face. Learn a push. My head side decide the game. Elaborate doesn't have a magic to that makes me forget my middle name. I need to do when I have had to do certain things. This amount of money has been easy, either to get drunk in many different Jesus. I had to go to win a pig Canada for two weeks when it

the biggest selling point. Their biggest tourist attraction is that they are the geographic Centre of North America. That's it when that's all you can draw up for your paltry brochure like come on. I why we're in the middle of all its other stuff, what you're? the middle of is fun. That's devil! Now, here in the middle of a for two weeks and when a peg eyes, I stayed across from a mall ironically name: Grant Park a beautiful place in Chicago wearing from legal grandcourt. Mind must be quite regal, no Grandcourt bars bill. With people that I think I've already perished. But the rigour more is because they're all in some kind of aluminum tubing keeping them up the rigour Morris's just allowed, Did you stay there perched in front of an aim w burger two weeks like nobody? I just thought you really like the display uttered own over.

So one woman, she had a walker with hand, breaks on it as if to imply that at some point she would pick up to speaking as it deserves you started, drafting behind another old person will Edith take it easy in the corners he's trying to pass that value might hit the wall. So How does the most exciting night I had when a peg Canada? It was a Tuesday night and I got stone, oh boy, he's a Kyle got himself got high flown the marijuana. Stone, ordered a pizza look and wrapping up got upset. I the pizza cause. I didn't need that peace then I forgot, I ordered the pink

emotionally involved in a television program on country, music, television, Canada pick a puppy which, if you cannot deduce from the title, the premise of said programs, they will take a person or persons and then they will present them with a selection of you the public and then over the course of the next half hour. I know it seems like it should be. An hour long shown over the course of the next half hour these Schools have to pick out a puppy like everything else in the world has been solved. Here's a show with drama pick out a pup hey. Why people everything else, swine right, not really six puppies and you can.

We have one for some reason. I logged onto the idea for cereals, high of man. I locked on the idea that the other five puppies would be promptly turned into aka since raise the stakes. That's why I got more excited about so pleasant, but we too pay Canada. Some look of rating to attach the emotion was void of widow payable anything that's resembles something that will make our heart move like five pick a puppy and when a rock of puppies might die they not doing so. Minutes into the show. I'm just standing on the couch alone. This guy's gonna get a gallon rich. You awhile preacher, get off on television. The door bell rings and I immediately think

the police, because nobody's ever expressed that amount of emotion in Winnipeg, Canada ever past the hour of eight hundred and thirty nobody's the name of the day. They founded the city, one guy lid off a firework, another guy, clap for the better part of a minute no like. Well, that was pretty. No need to explore that anymore. The pleasant time for us go, let's call acquits clear limits of thought, a murder, it happens, shouting at nine fifteen or whatever the door I look for the people I see it. I just see the pizza is just says a pizza what a grand idea you dastardly Paolo site, like momentum like all see what you did, you knew good.

Open the door. I don't know if it's a pizza, man or woman, I'm too high to make I cut. All I can do, is look at the pizza. That person was maybe three or four inches taller than I am, but in my head, they are a giant, so I'm taking canadian money. Holding it up. As far as my army reads like here, take this site or giant us take this clown. Looking canadian money from Ireland, I must actually just holding money

dangling over a pizza persons whose already having a terrible night from the inappropriately name, Boston Pizza, what's best known for everything but pizza place, called passed in pizza, Winnipeg, Canada, this place sucks. Thank you. Thanks to a party that alone, I can put it another way of final gonna. Give you guys have been fucking phenomenal tonight. Thank you saw you last comic tonight also has a comedy: Obama would limit the ideals of the Amazon and all the digital portals you like deficit. It is called soak up the night. You can follow me on Twitter,

blogger. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bat awry keeping over with what you guys s right. I've always been more of a dork than a nerd thanks, I dunno what is expecting there, nothing I've range ambitions like I want to learn how to write a unicycle really well, just like it round on it Loring when hardly day it's an t shirts, Pat on the back say if you can read stop, it fell off earns like that. Scared, so confused I get

we're a culture obsessed with catchphrase, is now think we're looking in the wrong places like comedians like out a comedian should have catchphrase. I think they're, that's fucking done, but I love it. When regular people have catchphrase like there's a there's. An italian restaurant not far from well kind of army in LOS Feelest called pull our that's, like a red and white chequered tablecloth place with a key anti bottles of candles in em like sauce. Typically italian. It literally literally be called that is what they should say in the phone when people, cop and theirs, little guided seats, you that looks like Super Mario. If you bought a condo and he's got like we must stand and like the little chest, hair that shirt open will cross any seas. Tall people listening, I'm I'm holding my hand about three feet off the ground and when

see you. He says the most amazing magical thing he takes. You the table is like her, I pay of our these away and take you to the table and goes Harry ago. It's back at a time and walks away like Fuckin lighted, spaghetti time Oreo, one of their prime could possibly fucking me. I will gladly anyone who says, if not spaghetti time right now, there's no quest What time it is, what you will? There is not spaghetti time. You know what I need stuff like that. I drink a lot. You know my mind drifts and I do know that the only reason I've gotten any near healthier in my life is to improve my hangovers, Some sad, I am us out. My life is only reasonable smoke cigarettes anymore. It's alright, I drink or not the morning. Is that not a horrible hang over the next day? Could I mean I used to have a horrific hangovers well you're hung over. You need something like starchy in fatty and

Cheesy you know to eat, but I would be so hung over. I would need something like that, but decide on a specific thing. So I would make up foodstuffs that exist and unknown universe and just them like a baby would like a baby just talks to hear its own voice like a latter day later, I would say these things due to a waiter and hope you will go the kitchen in its three style, em up so. What do you have in their yeah Gimme a play cheese, babies and a hot boy no, no whatever that is, I don't know what that is. You make it to decide, makes my hurdy brain heard here. So you make that happen. I don't know what that is. Some cheese babies are not taken up MAC and Cheese, buddies, some cheese, friends, some friends of mine that are cheese. What's in a hot boy, I don't know if it's tiny baby to spin a FILO dough with pot dog for veins. I don't know why do make me make it up. I'm doing your job and some ham dancers whatever that is. I just want that, like just once

what the guy to know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. Like me, a player she's babies, you want to go. You're, a tribe, a tribe, hot boy. What one is going to be like angry, nor melancholy melancholy? How boy that's gonna drive, achieves babies in a melancholy, hot boy pick it up, and now we want to demand answers to Georgia, I know you do Christmas is coming or is over depending on when this airs How do we just in this business, and you know I'm not a crumb much and I do like Christmas, but I have noticed something recently that a lot of Christmas music, just objective terrifying, like a lotta people, dont like I'm, not a big Chris of Music fan, but a lot of Christmas music is packing scary. For no reason it's the darkest and call this time of the year. Do

you need to be freaked out, like I went home to Portland Oregon, where I'm from it was hanging out in church, my parents, you know doing that thing and just hanging out with them, and I'm like. Why am I so tense and afraid? Right now, it's cuz this song is playing. Wrong done on and on and on and on and on and I'm gonna turn things come. If I don't know what you're mustard period spoke a Christmas, that's all these horrifying man, that's like plying monkeys, are attacking meaning. Even when it saying merry Christmas. Ex creeping up on you, Mary Mary, Mary, Mary Goldsmith, Jesus, Just your Christmas. Don't do that man, pests myself! scare me like that in essence, Even the scariest Christmas saw and scariest Christmas song, as we all know, is due who here what I want- What do you hear tell me? Is it a werewolf? Should we be running, don't make me gas? Are we gonna die?

we all coin about it. In the face of danger, now go on to a new fund: nine! Ok, it's not a night! That's what I hear child I know, but that's where this goes from a scary too ridiculous. We that the child, shivers in the coal. Let us bring him silver and gold yeah or a fuckin black. Get one of the two of freezing baby. You guys wrought treasure good call, babies, love money. They know what monetary values are, the capitalist, a little fat guys right ever get fifty oh baby, it's like I love this and tries to eat. It hurts its mouth now he's a manger, that's a born missing a wall is unbelievably call is broad money. You guys

not wise men? Copyright come on everybody, one should joke one city city jail drain off the rails,. Thank you know I like Charlie and Chocolate factory, but I dont think people would be as on board. With a savory Willie Wonka, like not a sweet one like it, the world was made up of meat, loaf and castle roles cheese and mass potatoes like smells like an old half a in your world, Mr Walker, Opel loopholes, just sweaty, Greece stained aprons are unshaven enchained smoking capital, herr wraps hair nets. Walking around pizza bread, souls and hot dogs for you live

take a ride on the river of stew like no likes it. In his hand, canoe, understood, river chunks of beef banging against a side does not magical world stinks of rotting flesh in here it's been cooked radio that the last line of novel and the old clown lay out in the field softly farting into. Night. I am kind lightning rod for awkwardness parliament, word rod and now I cause I'm gonna need jive a black belt in saying dumb shit, the girls. I have always been good, I know they have started when I was dry hopping with a six year old girl in some monkey bars. I would say

at the time it can fucking, weird and silent. They were learning, is blue lagoon type, shit and we're just crawling around each other and are growing brush, and I said: let's do that again know exactly which is awkward. Is that moment? Just now you said that, yes, fast forward to about seven years ago, and I still live in Chicago. I was we carry ok it and, after hours bar doing stellar rendition of oops. I did it again, like I Brittany? I went to my own deck, but I was amazing and this girl comes up. May I just like hey that was really funny hi. I'm Sarah gives me rhythm comes to me and I could any number of things to make her like me or be my friend or maybe more, the night was young, but instead what my brain told my mouth to say: I'm a mouth was like bucket, I this guy two was thanks a lot

Where do you live? What? Where do you live not deliver around here? We neighbours care for a cognac. Now, where do you live where exactly Do you live? What's the address someone hang on the closet with no certain Viking, Helmut Kohl, Hunter Boo check out the balls. I didn't do the last two things, but it would not have been creep. If I had you understand, it would not have been creep Europe. I was carrying rope and bucking duct tape when I said that she would Do you live Jesus Christ? Its causes, shit like those men like thirty percent of everyday wincing. Just throughout the day is walking down the street totally silent but why? Why really? Where do you live? Like you, Madam So myself no you're, not alone gotta go banal Ali beyond there's a quick story. I

started out in Chicago with calculated with command on Johnny, so, yeah, you know get. We got little crazy back then, and I remember on me on a pub crawl that was specifically a clown pot crawl, where eighty five men and women dressed as clowns and half of us took ass. It which I want to know your brain and half. Oh yes, it will actually on second thought and we read it at a school bus and higher too We're going to drive us to bars on announced did not any of the bar that eighty five drunk and ass, it had clowns showing up to their bars, and these were like empty. Like old man, bars right, we'd have room to move and is all in all bartenders wipe and down the are not seeing ass, yet going slow night. We come in what are back

we're rolling in like burn banana time to do shots plug. Horrible round off and somersaults hurting our doughy midwestern bodies and, at one point we're crossing Michigan Avenue. Which is about eight lanes wise, enormous Streep, very big thoroughfare, we're halfway across the stream and there's a cop and is squad car. The curb now weeding out first off. Believing it Chile's, which I'm pretty sure we set on fire where half way across the street and there's a cop and is car now we didn't know a cop was in that squad car. While we thought the squad car was a dragon here that its dragon to sleep, o clowns go and we cross the street and we're halfway across the street and a cop gettin, a loudspeaker. Now, if you ve, never to cop, talked you through life, bigger. There met to be heard over, arrive there incredibly loud, and he gets on that thing and is like, and we stop in the middle of the street, like you,

You can't make us we're in conspicuous right now we are blending in an word. Dad still we're like we're like we like pop lock stock dime up up up to stop and it's dead silent. It's like the kind of silence before a gunfight in the old Wes like all. Even here is wind and tumble. Aids were standing there like statues. Eighty five silent still clowns and the cop gets back in his loud bigger swear to God, says this

quick loud and around Larry s you in this day, and you guys are so. You have seen crisper bags Jack occasion, Giotto re command on Johnny, Paul, seabirds, cow canadian Matt Braunger, all in one show comics. You should know it too. Maybe I'll do a contest and give it away for the podcast listeners out there. I would like to thank you,

but the show together there. I would like to thank melt down comics we're having a meltdown comics Wednesday night here about the law goes on sunset Boulevard. I'd also like to bring up Joan re. My Myra come on up well play. That's my Myra! That's why you inside of you, I am the ring up so eager to end the show in the traditional way, and if you know what their ways you can join in one two three now, there are more time to give our one other chance, one two three,

It was a very well enjoy burrito beggars, now leaving noticed dot com.