« ID10T with Chris Hardwick

Guy Branum

Comedian Guy Branum and Chris talk about how excited their 15 year old selves would be about their current lives, how he decided to become a comedian, his solace in being able to be open about his sexuality and the importance of doing the things that make you happy! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Walking the nerds podcast number. Five hundred and forty nine come Sia said comic con we're going to both Theatre Saturday July. Twenty six doing two Nerdist Podcasts, the second one is sold out. The one thousand and thirty pm show, I guess, is going to be cm punk and on the early show. The seven hundred and thirty show which we just had a recently. Our guests are going to be evangelene lily from, of course, lost an more of the rings and Michael Rooker Shirou Brother Merle. So I'm very excited, but those shows the seven hundred and thirty show. So, let's take it slow also go online and find them at on Ticketmaster and come see us and I'll be running around all over the moderating. A ton of panels all posts that this week and then they were doing at midnight, live on the Friday, the twenty fifth as well. So it's gonna be fun. Compass gonna be good. You guys can please here ready again and soon it's going to be next comic con, because that's how time works it moves in a forward victor, at least as far as we perceive it. Will
I just twisted into the past, which is my up. My dear pal guy Branham, who worked at G four then went on to work at Chelsea lately and he's super super super funny. Comic in a phenomenal writer and all around good guy, and also like is super nerd in the best possible way. You can follow him on Twitter, at Guy Branham G, U Y, B, R, a and the U M and he's recording his album at nerd MELT, Thursday July thirty. First, it's free, so gonna, nerd MEL la dot com is your personal to get over that his nurse pi. Guess! If I,
Forty nine, with Guy Branum, now entering noticed dot com now, that's the most in Donna podcast. Thank you very much. Chris Hardwick, it's very nice to see you it's good to see here. I'm sorry. There are so many scheduling conflicts. You were actually supposed to be on a it's ago, and then I had to shift a couple times because of my life, and I apologize. You do a lot of things. And we're all aware of that? One of the things I needed to back to you about. While we were here what
wired article from going to say, like two thousand and eight two thousand and nine that I read. That was how Chris Hardwick manage, is everything he has to do using technology, but it was like a very I was reading it at NBC like perform meeting, and it was very like It was just a very interesting sort of like well. This is what you have to do. Guy like this is what your career will look like most of the time, so you need to let I understand that that's going to that's going to be. Case that, having to juggle a shitload of different things will be, annoying. But you have to- and it's been like, it was very well to me in the long run, to sort of like be able to like when I am in one of those situations where I'm having to rush from one job, the other or like secretly send off folks that I'm doing a different job be like hey. This just means
things going right. Yes, yes, yes, and I'm almost feel like it's. You know when, when we were growing up, I feel like the the the thing that adults were telling us was, to pick one thing, and just do that one thing and do it forever? Do it well and and but I sort of feel like with the the way that everything is changed so much particular of what we do is that I I mean there's no stability, and it's like it's like. Basically taking all the money you have and putting it in one stock right and it you just can't you can't do that, so, well, I feel like to survive. We need to do a bunch of different things that all tied together. If you get a good, wonderful job, if you get the best job in the world at last seven years, yeah the best yeah and that's terrifying, and you know when you when you look to the long run. It is easy to get scared, but also we tell Dick jokes you know, get get paid money to talk about the Lord of the rings
Yes, yes, yes, oh fine, things are great things. Are I mean it is I'm still glad that I have that excitement that when someone As do you want to do this thing and with like doctor who or whatever week, yes, I'm still not I'm still over any of it. I still get it just as excited as I would before yeah. No, I I mean well, you can also get grumpy like it's easy to just sort of like be very much in the matrix of things that are going on and see little flights a little ones and then you there is some nice about having that step back moments and sort of realizing like oh, this is lovely. You know like Sometimes Sarah Silverman emails me that's something something you like what like fifteen year old We would just be so stunned that I get to freely touch boys with
but fear and like have a job that is creative, like I just need to remember more. How excited fifty year old Manual me game is a great game, because I just did that 'cause, we just produced the Weird AL, video, the tacky, video and one of those seriously yeah, oh nice, and so that was one of those things where I think I even said when I like you know, like you younger me, whatever like little way right, but I figured out what what I'm starting to figure out. I would have done the same thing, but just because market show was that you had to, but the it is. You can get grumpy, because I feel like one of the things that we do and juggling all these different little jobs as we're putting out fires counts. Yeah, and so sometimes you can take putting out fire mode into your personal life. Home home with you, and so what I've kind of a lot of anxiety comes at night.
And sometimes it spills over into the morning, and so one trick that I'm trying to get good at is too, when I'm falling asleep. Just think about all the things that grateful for and when I wake up in the morning, think about all the things that I'm excited about, yeah and or just think you know happy for grateful for and you know, and it and it kinda it just sort of takes you out of the man that one thing didn't get done the right it should have been. You know, 'cause, we were really hard. 'cause. We want everything to be like it has to be perfect and it doesn't. It doesn't have to be perfect. Night versus day dynamic is very interesting because, like what do so frequently involves shows at night the You get home and you're all revved up an hey. I can still be productive 'cause. You can be productive whenever it's not like you're, just being productive at home or when you're at work, so I so freaked. We will end up at two hundred o'clock in the morning supposed to be doing something alone in isolated, just sort of like mulling, and I need to remember: hey Branum, go to fucking sleep, wake up,
it's light outside, and there will be people to deal with and do it then you know well, you have to you really have to get good at how to rev the engine down, because at night your brain is still spinning is basically but it's like the cars in neutral, just got the accelerator Florida just going Reno and you know you have to learn how to back out of that a little bit and just go okay. I got done with it done today and I'll get done when I can get done tomorrow, and that's that's okay, it's a it's sort of you know kind of trying to live in little compartments. Here's a question for you sure, as somebody who has dealt with like subs senses and addiction- yes, Sir there's just something so weird about leg stand up, is awesome, great and you like it is a great fix, but it does you up for a little bit like it's like
in a good way, but it like you, know it sucks with your head and I just wonder, lank how that is different from from being addicted to something like alcohol. If it does that make sense to you, you're, basically, you're, basically talking about the addicks mindset as applied to something else other than a substance like a concept no rush or a higher getting, you know like getting addicted to an. I guess my my thought about it is that you know. Obviously, in a perfect world, you wouldn't be addicted to anything right while you're trying to figure it out it's better to be obsessed with stand up It is putting drugs in your body, while you're sort of working on the. Why do I need this, and I I you know, I'm really really starting to examine this question and I think a lot of it has to do with. Where do you place yourself, a steam? I feel like we talked about this with Burke pressure yesterday,
do that if you like, there's something in the air where a lot of people are just sort of looking for answers, but I think a lot of it has to do with with with your self esteem, from an exterior source, and sometimes that might be chemical and sometimes that might be the power surge of being on. Jim, commanding an audience and doing stand up and getting them to laugh and control. You know like that situation, and so I think maybe it's. How can I just feel good about myself without anything else, without any distractions, with How do I shut the internal monologue me we're? I think we're all just trying to distract ourselves from from toxic internal monologues, but it it's like a. I asked, the God Damn question: it is the thing of like: oh god, wouldn't it be nice if we could, be happy and satisfied with ourselves sure, but also, then, how do you get empires? You know it takes broken sad people to build an empire. Well, it does. I think it I I think you know in any situation, so we can
along, whether you know its rejection or something you know whatever something you're doing didn't work or you felt like you fall on your face and you failed in or you just can't push something through and then the quite and he's like. Well, what do you do with that? You know you can either stew and it and be bitter, which I think is ok for a day, but not more than a day, and then, after that, you know Can you take that and use it as motivation to then you know I I mean I think, there's a way to be helpfully competitive. Not I feel like the another way to be competitive is I must win at all costs and I will destroy any the process is very unhealthy. The competitive way I mean the healthy way to be competitive is hey. I'm going to use this to try to do better. I'm going to see how far I can push myself. That guy did this I'll see. If I can do this, and maybe he'll do this and then I'll jump forward, and then we're kind of you know, but not in the sense that you are trying to crush anyone, it's just. How far can you push yourself- and I think, that's very- I think it's a very healthy way to be competitive 'cause, you really
you know all life is in, is in two states: it's either growing or it's dying and as long as you're growing in some direction. You know I just unfortunately, do that in negative directions. You can you can. You can grow and drugs and alcohol Then you can also grow in you know in in in a development and then scan career stuff, and you know so. I think it's better to get on that side of it, while you're trying to work out why you play so much of your self esteem into these external it is. It is a weird situation where you need to have you both need to be needing and wanting more and all of that, but there has to be some level of just like south suiting later. I really feel like. The thing you learn in stand up is how to get off stage and if it went very well, remember how to be a person. Very poor. Lay like be okay with that and be
and again remember how to be a person yeah and you can't really teach them like after you go to Lego I lived in New York last year and I was always going to gay guys. Cabaret shows are like sketchy things or stuff like that, and all these theater people were like congratulate each other and being enthusiastic for each other and just realizing how much we don't do that, because that's what you're supposed to learn in stand up is how to not just get in your car drive home and like say that was that and move along and how late is hard because you can x like succeed in a very external way here and you can feel like it needs to be about that and you want it to be about that. But it also just needs to be about you being happy with, of course yeah. I had. I had a kind of a crap set at the improv, the other night, and I just couldn't I just couldn't get.
My feet in a twelve minute set, and you know after as as I mean, I guess, it didn't go very well, and I was okay and then and then you know, I've talked a friend when they go. How go and I go oh you know- I don't really there wasn't that great and they, like, oh, don't be so hard for so go, I'm not being hard on myself. I just I'm just saying it didn't go that well, but I'm fine with it like yeah. It's what you know when I remember when I I I'm. Hang with the same trainer for like nine years and at the end of the year. Every once in a while he'll kind of remind me he'll go. Do you remember any single workout that you did and I go not really it goes exactly because it's it's basically the fact that you kept showing up it's the sum total of all of those things together. Where that you know it's like you, don't didn't know that one day I really did this and I kind of feel the same way with stand up where I don't I mean I have flashes of oh. That was a fun show where this happened, but I don't really, six months later, I'm not still focusing on a thing that happened at a show six months ago it all just sort of like mashes. Together, it's a fascinating way of looking at it. I never
about it that it is a it is about habits and trends, not incident, and at the end of a period of time you have that much more growth. Under your belts that you know you didn't you just don't notice it as it's happening yeah, I'm curious because you said when you were fifteen, you never thought you'd be able to kiss a guy are hot at like like be with a guy in public or whatever yeah so was. Did you re I honestly believe in fifteen like I'm I have to. I have to be secretly gay for the rest of my life. Yes, well, then, that's bucking! terrible way to live, and so, of course, a lot of what you're feeling now might be rooted in the fact that you weren't comfortable being who you are yet. No. I mean like 'cause. I didn't come out until law school like it was a very, very long, weird process of me getting to a point where I even thought that this was possible just because you know
it was it was. The 90s was the early 90s. You didn't really see sort of evidence of anything other than the most like. I really thought that gay was just a terrible, terrible thing and I wasn't gay because terrible people are gay, well, I was just attracted to men, and that was just because I was missing bacon a wrong. Or you know man, I'm so sorry, it's you know it's just the way it was and so like. There are when I just get so delighted by the fact that I live in West Hollywood like I you know, I get to go, hang out with Q boys anytime. I want to, and I get to have sex with them sometimes like. Will it mean it's it's hard enough when you're fifteen, because you feel like most people don't accept you just for like broad
Official things like I like these kinds of movies- or I like I like this, but but the idea that you know your core sexual identity, you feel like isn't acceptable. Is I mean that's of course, that that would be a difficult thing to go through developmentally There is more interest interesting because it meant I wasn't playing the like the social game that most people at my school were, which left a lot of Time to learn like it was a lot of of like really really working energy being spent in other ways. And that is like everyone, my own, that, like my deep, deep ridiculous knowledge of the academy awards, or you know, like s asian parliaments like in nineteen, ninety nine, when I you know, came out and suddenly I was dressed in my
Jeez went elsewhere. Yes, but like let's talk about, let's talk about the nerd thing and the popularization of their culture. Because it is a very weird thing for me, because I grew up in a very small farm town in northern California and liked all of the weird things that I liked and felt in very much as they just didn't have anything in common with the people around me and now I live in a world where those things are everywhere and I'm still uncomfortable with it like. It is very strange to me that, like I can't be more comfortable with lank, you know the prevalent excitement like In short, all right with you of game of thrones being something that swept America really does feel like an amazing gift. I, I like it, can be like hard and weird for me, like the
which everyone started wearing no offense hi Larry S, T shirts right like hi. It's like Branham, look like because I didn't have that thing. When you're fourteen you meet that one other person who likes what like yeah and you're, able to just sort of like bond over that an I wonder whether it was the gay thing just took it was. Bridge too far with, like you know, just a little too much dorkiness with the wrong flavor of dorkiness, to be able to sort of like get that real like, satisfaction from having legs are tight. Little group I don't know. I say this like in theory. It bothers me conceptually, it bothered me, but then work. G4 felt like magical home where, when you, you know one randomly for no, as the guy sitting across from me, just uttered.
No, I hadn't under my breath online from dune and then he up immediately said the next line from June, and it was like me because and fifteen year old me never imagined that anybody else I mean it's. It's amazing that that that there do you have these two parallel, these two identities that are to be together, but also you know, if you feels like you figuring out how to be comfortable and about your sexuality, but also being comfortable in open with the public about their culture at the same time yeah and it, and it leads to me being sort of like bad at ' I think that it leads to me being in a situation of just sort of like because there are those guys who really are committed to this is my name. T shirt. This is I've always maintain that if I found like a like a reliable purveyor of plus size, hilarious, t shirts in two thousand and four,
I would be living a very different life right now, number of my very first. I mean it t shirt thing for Maine, and this is going to this is gonna. Make me sound like a fucking hipster, but it started in the 70s with my very first well. Excuse me: teach yeah and it went all the way through the 80s, and I remember in one thousand nine hundred and ninety one. I bought a krusty the Clown Cereal Box, T shirts, and it was just I was always for me. I was always kind of expressing my comedy stuff. Tee t shirts for some reason k in the eighties. There were these great t, shirt shops. Malls where they were just like iron on yeah and I had fuck tons of those. So it was, you know I don't know It is kind of funny now that well, but it is something you're beautiful. It's basically like having the balls to put out there. This is who I am and it isn't who most people are. But if you get this or you know this- it's like,
that we have something in common, and I really like being in city little town with no mall, where you know likelihood thank you know, I would I role playing game materials, but it didn't have anyone to play them with. So I would just have these complex campaigns that I would put together and then be like that's enough, so I was really lucky because I went to a school that had a great and it was really just one teacher that was who I mean like the guy looked like. It was weird he kind of had an athletic build, but everything else about him like he had a mustache like a bowl cut, tucked to shirt into a shorts, really I like, pull the socks way up to his knees. Yeah and his name was mister flick. Injure and flick injure was a
I who single handedly at my school built the computer lab the chess club in the Math Department yeah, and so he had you know there were maybe like five or six kids. I went to a small school who were in this chess club, and and can club in Math and Math Department and he it was just open at all hours like you can go there and you know I before school, you could stay a couple hours after school, and so I actually was looking up. It was a very small group, but I had a group. I had a group of people that wanted to play d and D. I had a play group. You will want to play video games. I had people that love computers. That was that that group- and so I was just- I was really key that way, yeah it up in a pre internet day when it was all I r l communities and I are all forms I like do seriously wonder how my life would have been different. If I had gotten on to like
early 90s, the internet like if, if been one of those people who would like you know, thought to sort of like reach out and find. I do remember falling into my first like mud and there's like the the first mmorpg things were you didn't do anything you're just it was. It was choking themes, and I do remember, participating in like a poet, but they were just having a poetry, competition. It was like this is so stupid, but also this is who, like that something like that it was stunning and amazing to me it's possible that you might have not a lot sooner if you had had like if you had gone in some news groups and you started finding forums and you started finding other people like hey. I feel that way too, like if you would and your community earlier online. You might have been more comfortable a lot sooner. This leads to one of my grand theories, Hardwick
in the same way that you got movable type prints and then, twenty years later, like the catholic Church will not twenty years later but like within the next fifty years, Catholic Church was falling apart and, like every country was full of revolutions like the internet like a, Homophobia, like the internet, makes it so you can't make gay people prison cells anymore, and we can find each other and it's It was really like it was once I had reliable access to the internet that I was able to like, go scared way find something to masturbate then eventually like to chat with someone long enough to realize there scary monsters. They are bay there we, it's all. You know whether it's gay
comedian. Any kind of any kind of thing that you feel is is who you are and you you lack the ability to find other people like you, but I remember when I first when I first went to college and I went to a day at the UCLA had I'd stand up comedy club like a group of people that would meet once a week, and I went and the first time. I was like there's other people like this. It's when you have that moment and you find your tribe it's it's the best it is the best feeling in world to realize that you're, not the weird that you're, not I mean you know I was so accustomed to the reaction from other people uh. I would say something it would be like ok, whatever and when I finally found a group of people that was like yes and it was like. Oh shit, I'm not broken. You know like I'm just this type of person, so College. I went to law school in Minnesota, which was a mistake in two ways: the whole
I was there. I was with these people who rightfully so we're like on the path to be professionals- and also Minnesotan, and they I was to my for them and the whole time I had like barely barely done stand out. My last semester of college and the whole time like I didn't when I started stand up. I think about it. Like. I would like to do this. I would like this to be my profession I was just like. I want to be around interesting people. Every night like I want to have a place where I can go and be around interesting people and again like is a weird kind of socialization. What stand up is, but just having. Dollars of knowledge that any night of the week, you can go a place and it will be full of people who you, and who are very, very funny. Yeah. You know people who challenge you in ways that most people can't challenge you right. It's you know like getting to feel more alive in that way like yes having an audience really like you, a super super fun, but also just having that Electra.
Charge of somebody who can like chit chat real well, like that's, that's the best yeah it also when you're around your group. It if you have the right mind that it made it should make you better. Yeah I'd, make you better at what you do and it should make. It should focus you and it should. You know it's just it's just it's just finding a package just finding finding a tribe and and then when you it and it really it should elevate. You. But unfortunately I think some people, some people get competitive in the wrong way and they don't. You know, or I shouldn't say raw just in a way that is not beneficial to anyone yeah, and so I think it's I I love like I've. I love I hate being so low. I love community, I love a group, I love being a writer's room, full of people and kicking jokes around. I hate writing alone. You know just like I just like being around like minded people who want kind of the same things yeah. I was very funny because, like so
recently any kind of work, I just want to do it on my own. I am very like just let me do this on my own. I said that twice that was pointless, but writers, Asians, are real fun and on a couple of shows, I've worked on they writers, homes. Where you just came in and said your jokes and you didn't like have you didn't, have electricity of hey, it's talk in the morning. You be funny blank, it was not fun. It made the job lake less magical their ease. I can forget that, like going to a job where, every morning you're just supposed to be on yeah from that from the get go, it's pretty ridiculous, pretty fun that you, you did such a great job at Chelsea too, and I I I I had a really hard time fitting into that construct, and I I I feel like I did for a couple years. I was able to kind of sort of push my way through it, but I didn't really
just wasn't really that interested in that particular source material. So it's very difficult for me to maintain, and then what I realized is that, after a while I started slow. I had the same experience when I trance all this is that I'm just realizing at the same exact experience I transferred to a high school. I went to three different high schools in three different states and when I my senior year with my mom, my step dad moved out here to LOS Angeles, and I fell in with the group of like, like cool kids like seriously. Well, not not cool for reals like the are quote, unquote cool. It was the football players and the did the cheerleaders from a sister school, because I was an all boys catholic school in our football team was like
Flick serious, yes and I fell in with this group, which one did you go to the boiler. Okay and it was sort of like it was sort of like Mill House, goes to capital city. Our hearts are, and so it you know. I think I have this new identity. I can try to fit in with these people, and I I tried for like a month and I just slid back into who I was and just I and rely and did not fit in with them at all, and so they didn't want to hear about nerdy things they didn't want to hear about. Sci, FI and video games, and you know like what Bobcat Goldthwait's last comedy album was. They didn't want to hear about any of those things they just wanted to get high and fuck each other and get dry the weekends. Okay! Didn't I just couldn't be, cool, and so I the same, I feel get the same problem on on Chelsea show where I and sliding into like the my reference bank and at a certain point, I just kind of gave but I'm like. Well, I'm going to say these things, and you know the
the nineteen year old girls in the audience just it was not connecting with them, and so I you know, they're very gracious to and as long as they did, but after the last aisle after the last time I did I was like you know. I feel like this isn't really great for the audience and I'm not really having fun trying to force my dumb references on them. So I just kind of extracted myself from the situation. Two points in response: yes, the general is a fitting in, is really interesting and ask somebody who is very physically distinct and sort of behavior distinct. I have never been good at fitting in in any situation, and it took me very long time before I became comfortable just Slash Lee, not fitting and just being like I'm different, but I mean in the long run. I've been terrible that yeah and even in situations that would have been appropriate for me to fit. You know which goes back to the whole nerd culture of
sure thing of like. Sometimes it's like brand new, calm down and have a good time and treat these people like your friends. So there's that Chelsea lately, fascinating situation, because those ladies are so great, so enthusiastic and it was wonderful look. I went from for where it was fifteen year old boys from Tennessee who watched it knew who I was to show that, like super hot gay, guys watched it, knew who I was and get some action up in Chelsea out please, but the same time coming to a point of one time. I was opening for her somewhere, and maybe it was just like a bunch of a bunch of People who knew me from Chelsea lately had showed up to something, and I said something that was like sad or human or whatever, and like the word, I know how to deal with that, like it was too much for them. I had confused them.
And the thing is, is that, like I did end up like on through twitter and stuff I think, some people who are like the best possible transfer me those like for five or seven people who know like deep, fantasy, novel and too much about the British Royal family and care the Kardashians and it's like those people are, you know. Having one person who gets your fucking joke- is always the most wonderful thing on the planet, but There was the weird thing of like, maybe if if you stay here and are satisfied with this. You know nice money, and attention like from cute boys who do not get you? You will just be happy with this, and that was you know it's an interesting. It's an interesting kind of thing, because.
It's always this question of how stand up is fundamentally about asking people to understand you and it's like how much should ok try to make what I do palatable to other people and how much should I expect people to come to me and I'm not. You know, I'm a weird thing: I'm not The regular enough that it's easy for people to just say: oh yes, he is talking about an experience like mine and, like you know, like ladies, are great, ladies, are wonderful and ladies and I have so much in common and those ladies in Chelsea lately are really smart and wonderful and we're so like generous kind to us. But there were you know I I I sort of.
Needed to do more than well good at making fun of and what I would when people go to see. Chelsea they go to see like a live, so they go to see. Chelsea and there's a certain. You know like they've, been condition because of what what the show is to see a certain thing and so and that thing is, is very kind of surface level jabs at celebrities, and so you know it's not like the round table was never about how human can we get right so it it's not. I think it was just maybe in that context, but you, but you know You is you, of course, people will come, find you and of course people want to an array, and that's the thing is that you know your your job. There was to do that, okay for by the way, I'm sorry interrupted with anymore than if it had been the guy Branum Show, and then you know, see it open for you and the show was all about you guys and then and then she was opening with jokes about you know like the card
whatever it was. Thank you typical Chelsea kind of jokes and then people like that's weird. We were really expecting to see guy be human and talk about this other thing and not this these kind of like surface tension, jokes, but it was for me just kind of I was being successful, but I was being successful as the gay guy from Chelsea lay and that is done so much for me and is such a good thing for me, and it is why I am like look. I like talking about celebrities. It makes me very happy, but it was a lot just about challenging myself to do more than you find find for a while at a certain point, but then it's like, but who am I and what do I want? I have to tell you the story sure so during the rough years that followed the thing the shower I for peer to time, is running for the most recent season of punks, because that was the job that I could get okay and that's not a job that I should have that job is like not like.
What my sense of humor is. I don't mean that it is of way. I just mean some people are really good at stuff like that. I'm not amazing at plotting things false, no writing of jokes, and it was a lot of what should we put in the gas station of this person who was in the twilight movie? So then I ended up a job being one of the one of the people who writes for fashion places before the strike, but just getting now in right, mean jokes, about celebrities at Joan Rivers table was, it washed over me like water, like it was just so nice going this job. There was like exactly the thing that I shouldn't be doing to this thing that was just sort of like so comfort rible I'm good, and I knew how to do it, and I liked it length hey you know I
like when having Joan look at you and say what do you think like she's fucking listens like she asked questions and she listens like it's. What went on with her and the strike makes me so disappointed, because that was one of the loveliest experiences of my life. That lady is a bit like define for me. What comedy should be and getting to like sit at her table and washer operate and Dan? I don't. I don't know how much you've got to see her in action but like did, she would be up at four in the morning. We would give her this all of these jokes. She would them down, but then later we're actually shooting the show realize that one of the jokes that she had heard earlier fit perfectly here slide in seamlessly without any notes or anything like that, a woman who's in her 80s it like that the one time Betty White was on Chelsea lately and I just realizing these people who have had jobs that tax their minds. The end
all of their lives have been able to remain that sharp that old, well, but I think the argument would be that, because they had to do that all those years and didn't stop it, that's what kept their mind sharp as opposed to just checking out. Yes, you know like you get you know yet. So if you don't pick up a wait for forty years, it's gonna be very. Hard to pick up a wait. Here's the other thing that was awesome about Joan was one time we were like pitching jokes on. Thing everybody laughed she laughed along and then, when she outside she reached over to her, he told us this later she reached over to her head writer and she was like everybody laughed at that. What's the reference that was made and just I feel like when you are famous or successful it's it's because you've trusted your own sensibility, but you get trapped in that and not be able to see things outside of yourself and just that this lady was working.
So far the she wanted to have that good joke yeah that everybody in that room laughed at, but she needed to understand at first, so she was going to do the work to understand that, like I just respect so much yeah yeah yeah. The people that continue to, I think continue to have success with the people that continue to ask questions and continue to want to understand- and you know I mean that MEL is the same way. I mean the keys and he's another guy that, like he just wants to. He just loves to play and wants to understand, and he, like he didn't get to a certain point. Go all those guys M kids like keep yeah. He still has that mindset of like I want. I want a I want to know and understand and that they give you. I think, as long as you have that you're okay, I do have one question for you, though, can you obviously you you can't really be in a relationship that with someone doesn't understand you? Can you just look up with someone that doesn't understand you like? Could you look up with someone that if you made a joke, they were like what and then could you still hook up with them or do you need to do? You need to have some level of of intellectual attraction that sort
let me in relationships because hardware, okay, I am incapable of human relationship wise. I pretty much only just have sex with people, but that's largely because I can't go herbal around someone who doesn't get me. The vast majority like that during the time that people who get me best are not people. I'm sexually attracted to my most functional relationships are. With women. Some of them are gay guys with whom I just don't have reciprocal attraction again back internet homosexuality, and may I insist, I'm very boutique, facts and not something like when people talk show internet dating I'm like. I am not something you should just find at the corner store. You should need to look for me. I am the sexual equivalent of a left handed oyster, shucking, glove late, yeah.
Thank you very much, but I you know I'm a very specific. Both personality, wise and physically wait. I gotta go back for a second the fact that you would reference oyster, shucking and then a glove and then make it left handed our goddammit, not. Everybody needs one of those they be at the leftorium, but they would be so nervous or is it wins the last time you watched the simpsons I haven't watched it. I haven't watched this season I maybe watched one or two episodes from last season. I thought they were ok but uhm I I've been to I used to watch the Simpsons, for I guess, probably for maybe eight years r, I a with sort of have this
Who right would you know like I would have dinner at around. You know six or seven or whatever, and then just watch it. What whatever episode of the Simpsons the d v are picked up like almost every day, and I would just watch the same episodes over and over and you know up to up to a certain season, then I like them: okay, when they get when they started writing when they started trying to write over the audiences head hundred references- and I was like all right now- you're now you're reverse pandering yeah. So I I just kind of then I kind of fell off a little bit and then I was kind of in between permanent living situations for awhile, and so I I just fell off the Simpson's wagon. It is weird to think that these people, who have, Characters who have been so much a part of our lives have like kept going and like it was just you mentioned the left, or am I realized? I don't know what Nesbitt and then a string. I think the love story and closed the deal. Delivering closer to is, it says, is open yeah, I don't know, and, and it is it is going to be. I think it's going to
only affect me when that show was no longer being made yeah, because when you think about things in your life that you can rely on yeah, even if it's just running in the background of your head is like all that shows been on since well, essentially, nineteen, eighty nine yeah that it to just to think that that's not they're not doing that anyway. Wait. No, I have to really you know, even though I may not be watching all the new episodes are. I need to make a couple of points here. First of all, how much the Tracey Ullman show men today. I cannot live without full, of course, how are we tend to define her lake? Sexuality is just a thing you do with your desk and for game man at least or particularly it really isn't. And how much real I think that other people were weirdly preoccupied with the color purple or Tracy, a man or Julie Kavner such a similar feeling to
thing that line of June quoted back at you. It really is magical, but then next step back to relationship thing. Yes, your boutique that that's right side tracked because, like the oyster shucker I it was is the weird thing of Chelsea lately. Was point in time that I had people really really legitimately, like wanting to boyfriends being and I was like. I felt more alone with them than I did when I was there. There was this guy and I felt more alone with him than I did when I was alone why he was so attractive and he was so nice and had a good job and all of these things because he didn't. It you need to sell weird blank. It makes me think more about what it's like for super hot people, but just sort of of having somebody like you, but
not you or like not getting. You were liking some corner of you and not realizing. What's wonderful and that sentence very self absorbed, no, not at all it's at the sensibles at that, like that's something that that really everyone kind of deserves yeah. I have to have that in a row in a row, nation, but I wonder- and this I mean I don't know you very well. This is my. This might be a completely off base question. Do you think it's possible that you've that you've painted your identity so much into a corner that you were? that you don't want anyone to get there? with you in a relationship God, yes, and sometimes you know, I wonder how much I'm broken. Sometimes I would feel a little blank. Moses, like getting people through the desert,
the promised land, but knowing you're not going to get to the promised land like. Let's be fair guys, you know I was pretty old by the time we started getting chill about these things like. I am very proud of the fact that I did will get to have illegal sodomy in Minnesota? They were still on the books. They were still enforcing it periodically. Yeah I I wonder how things will be different for kids, who grew up, grow being able to sort of like more normally conceive of themselves in relationships, but I did not of a relationship as like a possibility or a until I was a grown up adult and like there, some gay guys who are just like who
twelve years old and they're like well, I like boys, so I will get married to a boy the way the girl gets married to a boy and that's just how they have a think about it. But I didn't I use so. Essentially your your developmental years were essentially squashed by not realizing that this was something was an option, and so those years that you would have maybe been developing like this is so I am section so I am in relationship to so I'm with other people that was kind of risk was choked out of it it was choking many things in those days, but there was a masturbatory reference but like, but also I'm weird. I weird and owner, and I don't know how much I'm blaming this on. You know it's weird, though, by whose standards right the thing is, it's like
as I broken by society in the world, or am I just one of those people who's not really into relationship, maybe you're, not, and if you're, if you're, for if you're comfortable with where you are, then that's, then you don't have to be in a relationship this is like I do like, and find them very interesting, I just find stray is the notion that the people with greatest primacy in my life should be with those with whom I'm having sex. And, yes, like you, separate physical and emotional intimacy. Yes, very much so, and I wonder you know I I feel like I should be better, I at not doing that, but this is where I am right now. Do you when you think about yourself, do you like yourself or do you not like yourself? I, like my like, I think, I'm delightful
but sort of assumed that other people won't get it you're like it's a very mental assumption that I am not for everyone, but it means I fall really hard for anyone who seems to get it. You know, I don't think I mean ultimately, because I think we can all develop a pretty awesome them. Mentat, like a me and them mentality, I don't know if anyone, no one is for everyone right like net, not even most popular thing in the world still isn't for everyone right. So there I mean like what is the new? What is weird like what is weird and and but based on who's, look who's perspective. You know so it's kind of an interesting question of what's normal. What's weird to who you know that there isn't, especially because our culture is so niece oriented now because it we can be, as as unique as we want to be. You know, what's you know, is that I don't know what's what's you
the what's weird I'd. I don't know these are killed insurance and with Michael Pare. That's a the no I'm just saying you're very sweet. You make me feel like I am in therapy, isn't it you know? It's only. I mean the these types of things are things I think But all the time in in its in a particularly you know it. He, I've been very reflective lately, particularly because of just things that have been going on in my life, and you know, work things and personal things
so you know I I just spent a lot of time in in my head thinking about. What's what what means this? What means that? How was you know like it's? It's been a pretty interesting, it's been a pretty interesting time, and but I, but the thing that I do appreciate about it- is that when you're at the point where you're asking a lot of questions, that means that you're looking for answers and when you're looking for answers, you'll eventually get those answers. Yeah get those answers. You will feel a certain amount of growth right at which point the process starts over yeah, I mean It's there's something nice about trying to be somebody a lack, I'm thirty. Eight years old and a lot of people were thirty years old and figure out what their life is and they're just going with it, and that's when they're happy It doesn't mean that they're happy, and it also means that they had, they probably had well defined cultural structures for them. Fit into an AIDS, possibly a bad fit. I have decided not to fit in. It means that I have to figure things out for myself and that's
It's gonna be rough and it's going to involve some. You know some mistakes. Of course it's all with the well there's, always mistakes. I mean you, don't learn without making mistakes. You can't be better, you don't get wisdom without making mistakes. Yeah and you know, there's! No, I mean wisdom is over rated. I'd rather be one of the rich kids of Instagram, so you wouldn't wouldn't. You know why, because if, if start your life out or, if you, if your condition to learn that shallow pursuits are the only things in life, it's putting a have eggs into that basket and sooner or later one of two things will happen. The rug will get it out from underneath you, in which case you won't know how to deal or you will be faced with a
tragedy or real human thing, and you won't have the empathy or the ability to process it and which case you'll crash. Or what will happen? Is this ever expanding hole that can never really be filled by any amount of cars or selfies jumping out of your helicopters. Are I mean it's just it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, and then at a certain point, there's no you you just can't fill it and then and then it see the first. Two choices right, so it's I well am so happy that I the experience growing up of being kind of a weird outsider, rather than a kid who was popular because it taught me that-
I could make my own way, or it taught me that I could survive outside the pack, if I you know and and can create my own little pack with the other question I have for you, is you had a very interesting x? of people very much knowing who you are and having like a nice like bump of attention. Everything like that, and then things on is great, for file and then things coming together again and how how do I think that informs you and how does it give you a different experience from people who, just at thirty or thirty, two have the have their success all at once. Do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean 'cause, I didn't really. I didn't let's see
I didn't really start trying to turn my life until I was thirty one, and so you know single that it was just a for. It was just a fluke and I just happen to be, for whatever reason, the the kind of nerdy kid that I was with a kind of like Anthony Michael Hall and Breakfast club. He he basically was a good talker and I was always a good talker, even though I was are you know like I could get uncomfortable and you know like I get uncomfortable in large groups of people know. Unless I'm doing stand up. I got yeah groups of people, but it, but essentially I can match. I can be a good talker. I can talk my way out of things. It was my only defense mechanism because I was a little kid until I was in high school little kid yeah, and so so you know, would single out came along. You know same thing, so in high school is the did. Actually it's this all ties together so high school,
hi to fit in with these days jocks these cheerleaders and then that went away, and then I ended up my best friend's story, but artists, and then I was hanging out with DD people again. You know that in college, I'm like I chance to start over because for some reason I kept thinking. I needed acceptance from this other group. My biggest challenge in life is that I play. I try to place myself a steam into other things that are of perceived value, and then I get self esteem from that right, which is dumb. I, the comfort with who I am but this is. This is been my lifelong challenge and I think it was the core I'm gonna go back to my whole who's gonna make empires point, it's not so bad keep going so, okay, okay, so, but I think it's the basis of like the alcohol the man yeah, I know like Just- did root root, root, codependency, sometimes in relying on other things, and so I think so. College was another opportunity. Like a like. I went to an all boys school. The UCLA was thirty five.
The people and there's girls and there's there's you know like it's social in there you know. So. I joined a fraternity for my first year and then slid into basically back into the comedy club. You with people who also were in science. Clubs and you know like Sci FI clubs, and so I ended up sliding back again so then and then get this. I get this job at MTV, which was a total fluke, and it's like a hot another opportunity to establish this cool whatever. That is, identity, yeah and I think part of not being true to myself and not being who I was starting at singled out and then just kind of moving on up until the early two thousands led to a lot of drinking and a lot of dissatisfaction with myself, because I was kind of I, was trying to be this thing that I was not ultimately and then ultimately, you know I quit drinking of get some clarity and then around about two thousand and seven I I kind of go.
You know I'm just going to like the things I like and I'm just going to pursue things that actually make me happy. Instead of trying to pursue things that I think other people want or other people think are cool, I don't fucking care anymore. I just it's important for me to be happy with me and like the things that I like, and so I think that's why um uh a that's why when I first started people like you, know what a nerd 'cause, I still single that was like yeah, but that wasn't really mean you know an be. I think it's another reason why I'm so um
no rah rah. Everyone just like pursue what you're passionate about the most important thing in the world find out what you, like figure out, who you are and then pursue that no for the rest of your life, because that was the experience that I had and it was. It was really lovely, and so of course, naturally I want to force that on everyone else, so that's kind of the that that was sort of the the evolution of it, but it's it was. I never really thought about it in those terms, but I did keep trying to do the same thing over and over every time I would enter a new situation. We moved so much when I was a kid. That I that I all I had tons of like you know like putting in another quarter into the machine. I got a I got to do over and I always slid back yeah and and again. This is this is what happened again after this singled out drunk because our repair, but but at least in the I'm sorry for myself in the third person, but at least in two thousand seven it stock, and I was like yeah
I the I am. This is who I am, and I am and that's, okay, you know I'm still not entirely comfortable myself, but I'm way better off than I used to be. I find very fascinating the temptation that happens when you are successful in entertainment to become more invested in, like the public persona of you as not you personally, but anybody is like this shiny. Happy thing becomes more appealing than who you actually are and then seeing people become scared of taking risks, an and scared that if they try and fail people will realize that they're, not this magic, glossy thing that everybody thinks that they are, I mean it can become a fascinating kind of prison. That's what's so great about America. Podcaster doing stand up, though yeah is that it is long as you it. It gives you outlet it gives you an outlet to say like hey.
Human and I'm scared of things, and I, if I up at night and and I'm I have doubts- and I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing, but I'm gonna try. It leads to that weird break of like some people are such good stand ups and then they become extremely successful and they can't write a joke anymore because they don't have anything sang or they're scared, and they just keep telling the jokes that they told from when they were on their way up or there's the other part of it too, which is you know the the idea of comedy being to subvert something right, and if you get super comfortable, then what do you subverting anymore? It's like well now come to and that, like that, hunger and that kind of desperation that the fire like you're talking about of empire building thing like once you kind of built it. You know some people can because I think it's it's much more that's more goal oriented as opposed to, and it's not that's, not how always is, but I think that's more goal oriented as opposed to process oriented. I think people who are priced
sorry entity are always going to be successful because they just love the process. People are goal oriented once they achieve a goal. It's like. Oh, that was being a goal, is and and goal is almost meaningless. It's just a it's just a mile marker. It's just like this was the thing that was get that was bit it was essentially a measurement of distance between where I am and here and all the shit that happened in between that's the important stuff. Well, it's so weird just hard to so we're just talking to people who are kind of starting stand up. Who do not understand what you should do stand up, and they're trying to get somewhere and just trying to explain to them you just kind of have to really like it. You just have to want to do that, yeah, because you could do it for six or twelve years before it really starts to lead to yes, and maybe they think that it should be leading to is just you being good at talking You want to be able to talk about, and- So at the same time, once you do that, you will be successful like if you just like, keep your head down and folk on what you should be doing, things will be fine, like I haven't
most amazing career on the planet, but I rent every month on a lovely apartments from doing something super frivolous. I should be very happy with that, but also just back to. Your narrative is just so lovely. Your narrative is so lovely because it does there's some things are neat about. Somebody who like saw this machine like that, you are getting too, have success while understanding the game and how it's played and what's good about it, and once bad of like. I really do think when I see people who move here. Off of the Montreal from somewhere else and get the heat and get blown up. It's exciting but like having kid in LOS Angeles for awhile is valuable, just because
you see how it all works. You see people getting like fame as substance an abusable substance sure is a fascinating thing to dangerous, because there ceiling on it and also there's I mean when you look at the way that our that we deal with celebrity culture, it's a very much. I mean it. It's so represented by I mean read: it is the perfect it's up or down vote yeah. It's like you know the culture will up put up with someone and immediately go that guys got too many votes, download, Download, Download, download and then just like kind of like take him down at the same time. So of fame. Is your addiction, it's fucking dangerous, because there's a ceiling on it and not only is there a ceiling, it's a ceiling that could potentially explode into a million shards and cut you to ribbon
Yes also you can't just go buy some for three hundred dollars. It's important to that's why it's important to enjoy the process. That's I think, that's the most important thing you can do I strangely value the Kardashians, because we're we're we're doing that thing we're getting somebody to endorse Arma Dorianne, be on the cover of ok magazine without linking it to a talent or scale we're not making a musician. Do that, so we're just doing it with people who do it for its own sake. So you respect the the you think, there's a certain amount of authenticity in the honesty and simplicity of that formula. I wouldn't go to the point of respect, I don't necessarily respect the plumbing on our house. I just like that it's there, because it does its job sure yeah, which is which is ultimately just to teach in exactly glad that we arrived in that. So what are you?
what is it that you want to account like? What do you? What do you see that you want to do that? You feel, like you know, it's still. I've never been good at only articulating that and it's kind of a problem in my career. You know, I would like to have a show. That is my I would like to have a show that is mine and is a good art. Lucien of of what I do, whether that is a scripted or a unscripted show I don't know, but yeah is that it's weird it's like because somebody who's primarily had a career as a writer so frequently therapists. Word, managers, or whatever are like, will your do you really Can you stand up in? The thing is, is yes I will always. I will always do it, because it's part of Maine, there's also the thing of lag,
out, gay male standups are not a thing that exists that much an and so it's part of my job is to exist and to be visible, so they're young homosexuals can realize they don't have you wear a wig and chuck their genitals inside of their body to be able to tell jokes in public? I mean I do apologize because for awhile, but then I moved to New York, I I will I've been trying to figure out doing another one. This is the thing I think you know. I remember when I I I and by the way it between singled out in between the time that I started nervous and everyone I finally realized. Was a ten year low, yeah ten years of failed pilots and struggling in
this is going to work. You know I got a job, but all I got a little bit of money all it just went away. You know ten years and so uh. I would get frustrated because I've been doing standup since ninety eight and then in two thousand and eight thousand nine and like good Emma, no one's coming to see me but I've been doing said a personal because of my head. I'm a stand up first, and I know that. But then I realized well. Everyone else doesn't know that. Right and the reason they don't know. That is because I have not put my voice into the world enough right. So what I would say is if you want that, show not that you asked me, but if you want that show you have to put your voice into the world in as many ways as possible, so that people know who you are yes and so that your audience can find you and then you can take all that somewhere and go. This is me this is my point of view. It's very clearly defined. This is my audience.
Do you want this or not? You know, as opposed to hey, I wrote a script and it's about me, and I know you don't really know me, but you know, and then you just kind of cross, your fingers that they go yeah. They see something about you that they that they just catch to tell your story, sure Ok, so year after I left Chelsea lately I was doing all of the things that my managers and agents told me to do, which involves a lot of writing for movies and tv shows that I never got paid for it never went anywhere and it was frustrating and I sort of went through my savings and these were like starting to get back? and like it weighs very frustrating. It was very frustrating- and I did this thing that you're supposed to do, So, where you downshifting, you just start doing a short letter stand up, and that was good. It was satisfying it made me happy
it also sort of like open my eyes to a world that I had been not been paying attention to, and there were a lot of great venues where you could just start a show, and I was like I should start a show, and I had a stupid, stupid city idea from that I had come up with in the back of a van on the way to a quiz bowl tournament in law school and I was like. I will do that as a show. And it was a game- show Talkshow Hybrid, and just put it up at the Improv LAB now. Currently do it your find theater, but you do. I did it and then at war. Basically, it comes down to the night after I did it for the for I could not go to sleep all night long, because I was so ridiculously happy that this,
I love so much. This stupid stupid idea had worked and it was just one of the most. It was the one of the loveliest experiences of my life because it was just fundamentally about do the things that you like, like do the things that you like and that's the only way that people will just because you're more excited about it. You'll put in extra work, because it's very personal to you and you know the thing that you realize is that you go okay. Well, I'm not working right. This minute rather not be working on things that I don't care about. Raines working, I mean I'm not getting paid this minute when I rather not be getting paid on things that I don't care about, or at least if I'm doing stuff, I like at least I'm happy yeah and then what you find is that when you get that it
just changes, your energy and somehow it may be good good things start to happen because you're in the right mindset for it and people are seeing. You is like that person is compelling and had they. They have something interesting to say, because you are a live with the fact that you give talk about what you're doing well, also like putting it out there matters. So much not just sort of like working on some like working on scripts is fine and all of that, but like being able to do something and then put it out there and show it to other people and have it on its own for its own back like not trying to get somebody to buy it or not. Wanting somebody to like your script but just like having exist on its own, it's so good. It's Y podcasts are so great, but just like stand up and get in our own head, so easilly writers can get in our own head, so easilly, it's just nice to like put it out there
people and let them respond. I mean the the bummer part is that stand up some writers we get in our own heads because that's the nature of our job. Again, that's were supposed to do we're supposed to over analyze things and go what's weird about this, and how can I make this? And how can I connect this and then, unfortunately, when you run out of other things to do that with it's sort of like the hay baler, all the sudden starts eating itself to just like make bales of something yeah I like, and that's that's where your brain starts going after you doing the thing that you taught it. You know like that. You taught it to do. Basically it just you know you're just not putting in other things. So it's like ok, well, now I'll just sort of turn inward, and I mean I read the artist way and it's like. Oh, this is bullsh. If this is so stupid, but when she tells you you should go and look at other peoples, art like you have to you. You can't just expect your mind,
she won itself for all of time and have that be your job? And so you you. This is a path that you you want to take this and you want to do bigger things with this particular call talk. Show the game show. You should talk to jack hair growth about it's. I know he's been talking to you about doing some stuff for nervous, yes and cut this out of the podcast, and I didn't mean to bring that up, but also hi. You now should be pushy. Sometimes I don't know the point is yes, I love it Donna. Do it as a digital,
Uhm, I don't know I like it, and I think it is a good format and my advice is yes. I personally, I think it's. I think. I think it would be better to do it as a digital series yeah, so that you have an example of it working yeah, so that then you can take it too. I mean you know. The best case scenario is like a plucking ton of people watched it and then all of a sudden networks like oh interesting, but even if they don't at least you can tell when you watch something like oh there's, really something here, yeah and then at least that way. 'cause. If you go into a network kind of blind with your own ideas, they could be like. Well how about this? about this, and how about this? That and the fact that, like what's tv like what is he currently at at midnight, you guys have figured out a really good answer to what
He is right now on how to make a participatory, an interactive, but right right now that we don't know What television is like six, an Amazon and Hulu clearly are the future. But what like? What broadcast tv is supposed to be like there's not a good answer and we're still using a structure for building it that we made in the sixties and were failing it like it's. You know so right, some breaking capable one of us needs to figure out what the answer is. I wish I had it, you know lake. Well, I think the answer is you know you try to you, make your thing and if it doesn't work, you make another thing right. Another thing and you make another thing, and then you know eventually just just make sure that you, like the things that you're making, because the best case worst case scenario is that you do get
stuck with one of them and then, if you don't like it, then all the sudden. The thing becomes like that attractive lawyer you were dating and then you're like this thing that I'm with doesn't get me and it's I have to do it every day. First of all, his jet pilot, ok, second of all, I firmly LOS Angeles is a machine for making everyone's ninth best idea, like you into a room you're like my heart and soul, and this and the like yeah, but have anything with dragons my yes. Well, We I just met with Jack today, actually so Chris Hardwick I did not mean to be a dick to you on your own God dam you're, not being a dick to me, I'm so sorry about that. But it wasn't doing me in a favor like that guy, you should be forward. Believe you're doing me a favor if you know like, if you have a show you're passionate about that's good, that you want to pour all of your heart and soul into, and we can help you do that you're doing me a favor, I'm not doing you a favor, that's your that's
that's your bullshit. I I got my way through addiction, the whole world. Is it sunny and beautiful place? Look at things. I will continue to be darkening green though the whole world- I I I well, I I don't think your there's a sunny place directly Jones. Your goddam sweetheart there are there are. There are bad thing in the world, they're very bad things in the world, and I just if I, of course I could focus on things- and I do sometimes- and I you know like I do have- I do- have moments from like am I doing and I'm dumb, and this is stupid, and why did I say that- and you know I fuck this up, and I did this dumb thing to this person. I don't fucking like what am I doing then I also know that I can either go down that path or I can go well what's good about this thing and if I have to force myself to find things they're good about something and then ultimately that I do start having a better more
outlook on things. That's a fucking great skill set to develop and I'm still working on it. It's a normal things to realize it's so much fun to just be me. Well, I know in the fifth of his have a Joan always that I actually have a very means sense of humor, and but I just don't I've just I've. Just the times in the past. It's come out the wrong way and I hurt someone's feelings, and I don't like that. So I actually you know Actually, the I ab. I abit back. No, it is one of the most interesting things like I somebody who really is just defines myself as Clausen scar tissue is you know and sort of thinking of myself as needing to be scrapping an angry to defend by place is coming to a point of realizing. Like oh hurting somebody's feelings,
something that you shouldn't have done just being so used to like be aggressive and lashing out. Like just on Twitter or like saying something, and then you know something, Let's get back to you in your language? Ok Branham blank. What if you're just doing it really over the course of the past two years on stage like a couple of things that I've done, that somebody afterwards with Lake Lake that was too much or you know it, he it hurts. You do forcing me to sort of like reevaluate reevaluate myself, and I appreciate that so frequently- and we can be reactive, so many of the things that have happened on line over the course of the past couple of years with you know, Aug article and then comedians telling people how wrong they were was comedians just now. Listening, and there is something valuable about having somebody reflect back to you and having to think about. Why did I really say-
Why do I really need to show that and also like? I might not at this point a big and strong enough boy, but we're all, but what we're we're just we're just basically like You know, I think, part of the reason why we look to humor just for whatever reason, the that this is part of our make up is that you know it's all defense and it's just like you get more more to Then you build up more and more defense and then all the sudden, it's You know yeah, you take a swing because you're, just in that mode and you're, like oh I'm sorry, I was just I don't know, I didn't mean to you know and you realize like well, maybe you don't need to swing, and you know if someone you know our, maybe are you guys, don't have to be so so that, if someone takes, I at you, and you know that it's it's really not the worst in the world that they are not really different than any shot that you took it anyone else when write were making jokes, and so it's sort of. I don't
I'm in a much better place with all of it now than I used to be because again we specially with stand up, you know we place our self esteem in the hands of an audience. You know here a bunch of things if you react in a certain way. That means I did good and you like me, makes me feel good because I'm getting rewarded with that chemical in my brain yeah and you know as a that's more goal oriented than it is again process. Answer was like I just like being up here in front of you ' I'm talking and they can like some stuff. They don't have to like all of it, but I feel good I'm saying and I'm nice to them, and we come together as a group, and you know and it can be fun like I really I'm really appreciating that aspect of, and I think that's why it did bother me when I had you know that set the like a few years ago. I think I would have been like I'm better, this. What happened to me, I'm? What am I losing my I don't
stand, as opposed to like cats, and one fucking said, but what's lovely about it, is that you and I realize We've been doing this for a while and we need to add, but what's lovely about it is that you are at a point where you could just say and bigger, and better than this and walk off, and not not one of stand up anymore because you don't have to deal with those crappy improv sets and there's just something so lovely about still dealing with those crappy improv. So well, it's also. It's also good because it it just reminds you why it reminds you hey. This is a never ending, you know no, and no one ever gets to the place where they kill every time
If you did you might get bored doesn't remind you that you're still, you know that you still have work to do. Games aren't fun once you use cheat codes that are fun for, like fifteen minutes after you cheat ok, I do have one caveat to that was when I played Warcraft Warcraft, two and star craft, it was fun to go through those games, the the way down and then to go through and basically just be invincible. That was really fun. I really like playing for craft to that way and Starcraft that way too it's getting to be rich king of Instagram like if there is there is the fun to it. Do you ever play. World of Warcraft I'd almost dabbled in in the beginning, and the reason that I didn't is because I had quit king and I sold all of my games and all of everything because it was I had.
Also had an addiction to video games. I lost two thousand and five to that game, and so knowing that knowing I consciously did not. I did not play for a very long time, because I knew that, if I did, I would not get anything else done because would be all I could think about when you like. Do you remember what your originally rolled main character was through the game? Why I always play magic users in everything Hardwick. The whole point of this was that I was going to marry Conversely, determine what race and class you were using my judgments of your character. Okay. So now you already told me, I'm sorry I always play it wasn't when I play Diablo, I played sorceress like I always play, always play a magic user always, and I think there's something about magic users like I look at comedians is kind of magic users, because they're sort of like incantations. Basically, yes, what's why so many lawyers also become stand up because it like that whole coercive use of words, sort of
If you now yeah cast your spell sort of thing, but I have I have I I I it it I am. I am back in oh wow now, because you know I'm going to go to Blizzcon this year. It's so much fun. And- and I really love- I I just I I it's it's a piece of my life that I was so afraid of her song was released. I was just afraid myself yeah what what it would, what I would do, but now you know now, but lately enough of my life is in place where it's it's, I'm not going to not go to work right. It was really more for the period of time when I was trying to create work that rather than you know, rather than creating it in, and it really is just a part of my obsession. That's really interesting. I never thought about it. That way, but like win, win game when games are there to? Let you chill out from the thing that you do to provide you with a sense of satisfaction that is fine when games.
Providing you with a sense of satisfaction like providing you with that. Like thing you did today, yeah, that's a which is ok sometimes, but I just I just have a brain that would just Do that, if that's all, I did my point about being a magic user as opposed to ogre warrior is just there is magic in real life there are weapons we have. Weapons yeah in real life. You can be a thief in real life. You can be, if even realize you can be a warrior and we have guns like there, but that's better than an axe we have access to, but let you know being able to slowly to
in someone's life away. You can only do that in a relationship really. You know there's nothing more satisfying than building up your magic points by taking someone else is his point. It isn't that really what comedy is in a nutshell, so we're just going to walk away from the microphone now leaving Nerdist dot com, enjoy your burrito
Transcript generated on 2019-11-05.