Welcome the editor Antipater s number nine. Ninety five, I d, ten t dot com is a place where you can get their podcast shirts, other shirts we may have some fancy licence things coming up in the very near future. Around dates that of into your interests or go there also stand updates, there with links to tickets, Albion, Nashville and Select city in June, so be insane ease and then why, guys arriving over to say that way. Why guys S. Elsie people know what I'm talking about so go there and I hope to see you there. Let's go to the community Court board. The first court board is from duty who writes my husband: Rob coffin is a great artist and my soul me. We have known each other since nineteen eighty seven had been, since two thousand he's been battling cancer for six years now, and the cancers fighting back, he can no longer work and bills were piling up. Rob has published a book a few years back called Doktor Consuela stones, zombie, babes, colouring and activity book is obscure perfectly drawn and unique.

Selling. Some of this would greatly help us. So please check it out on Amazon by searching Doktor Consuela finger stones, zombie, babes coloring activity, but absolutely duty, and I just wish you and rob all the best, and I hope we can. We can help out there also Christina rights. My friend Brad Dukes wrote the most amazing book and I think any found a twin peaks would love it as much as I did. It's called reflections and oral history of twin peaks here. We need some of the casting crew the show and gives great behind the scenes in sight to the funds for the show I can be found some Brad Dukes or reflections and oral history of twin peaks. There you go, nice job events at eighty ten t dot com is how you can get your court board read. This episode is one of our Dearest friends Jamie King, not to be confused with Joey King, who was on a few episodes back. They are not related anyway.

They are just J kings, that's it but TAT Jamie. You might have heard her husband, Kyle Newman on a handful themselves. Again, if you haven't he's, also wonderful and just the best nerd Amy is so just a beam of light and sheep officiated are, which is one of the officiated of my wedding to Lydia. I friends there before than she and Lydia also happen to be friends and she's, just one of the best, most wonderful and loyal friends, could have and on this episode, also so open end and authentic and honest and and willing to talk about things that are difficult to talk about an and again very open. And am I just and tell you how much I respect and appreciate her and I'm so glad she was able to to come on end and do the podcast. Her show that you should watch is called black summer.

And it is a zombie show, and it's fuckin really good one. It is, I guess, technically it's the price Walter Z, nation, but totally it is not legally nation, all examinations or fun Corky Lydia, on the show. Last year's pandora and but black summer is a completely different tone, completely different, vibe and really sort of tells the story if the events leading up to ultimately that sort of the FAO of society. That then you know a lot later on becomes Z, nations of black summer is available now on Netflix and the episodes are rashly, pretty really digestible there like summertime. Seven summer thirty summer, forty two minutes and its they did have a really they ve done. A really storytelling thing are the way that they kind of even altogether and Stephen King has been given at props on twitter. So you know if the king is behind its use, that behind it, but if he's he's on board for it-

you know cause he doesn't need. Jamie doesn't know of, and I read enter the other day I like hazarding on issues like Stephen came tweeted my show this the fucking pets up, so I was so excited tat. She was so excited so black summer available on Netflix now and here's the eighty twenty podcast number nine, ninety five with the wonderful Jamie King Candy,

visits to talk about my The lesson euro no living on, though, and I were- but you know we were friends before even met Lydia. I know I know not crazy. It is. It is one of those weird thing: because I met you when I was working at for in the new and Kyle

came to my show and asked him when you're doing a showdown there and it would lead it. I started dating. She talked about you and I know them and totally separately. You you two were friends is not while and then you're one of the official letters of our wedding. You, you helped Maris, yes again, So thank you for doing that lesson. That nice, when are you, gonna cemeteries and go, and you can actually you actually here a proper minister isn't like online or was that what you did? Oh yeah? So I went to secondary school for several years and got my masters and spiritual signs in psychology. I never both even organized religion, when I last arms- and very close to me when I was. Seventeen from it on this

member state, on the corner of Saint Marks in New York, and I people were getting bigger, those and coffee in there in their taxis, and it's like I couldn't comprehend how life kept moving on when everything side of me, methought like it had been torn away- and I remember this standing on the corner, saying if there is a god what ever there is if someone is up there in hearing me, you know show me a reason The reason why were you show me reason why I am here: what is the purpose of this life? Because if this is life, this is all it is, then I just I don't I don't even want to do it. I like, interesting, you don't get to those places, were pleading with something up above right, because something so dramatic happens

and you know in my family we went to church by parents. Weren't, like you know, godly people are however- and I walked a strand bookstore I found this book called spiritual warrior and it was written by John your is number one on the New York Times by signing lesson, and I was like an item Cover over in all these different people, I admired you know were on the back talking about how this boating life and arming, ok, and rent home and like one of the first fines in the book was Ike. If you read this book and belief, with everything that you read then you're stupid and I was well what is this and basically what he was talking about as ache read, it

I use the word God you can use whatever words you want, because you could say banana and it's all the same thing like as we all have words that progress or whatever. But ultimately it was like if you try these things and it worked for you great and if it doesn't have the wit to let it go, and in this book you know it talked a lot about forgiveness and self forgiven and at this time you know I you know I had you know. I would stress into an industry where there is a lot of drugs and a lot of this stuff- and I didn't know like the first time that I did You know heroin, I don't even know what that. Why is they said? I was like added. Very fancy and they said oh, do do dope and I thought there were times Pied close fourteen and ours. And I thought I'd be like

sent home, backed in Nebraska sure, and then they pulled out like a line as something I was like. Oh my gosh, I think this is cocaine and then I was like oh they're, going to Homelike What my my vena, like my adolescent brain, was thinking and I was terrified about being at home, because I was just going to ask it every day. You know like I didn't go up with money, I had everything needed, but I just didn't have just have what everybody else had re, and I look certain way, and I you know was a weirdo to them, like I, you just wondering bugs and listen to music in Vienna very often in a watch movies and recall bugs you know, My favorite movie was here star wars and she would watch over and over again and- and I thank you until I was twelve that Irene

as there is a kind of hierarchy that that one. Had to belong to an order to kind of survives school and my sister The way is the gay in a town that you know when she came out, people were being murdered for it, and my family fully accepted her because nothing this magic of my parents because they there is no internet. Then you know but she thought TAT. She was gonna, be the sound and delay the urine daughter. We love you and- and I I Every one of my siblings, you are also different an hour a lot has to be. Who were? were and begin a bit

I remember like the breaking point for me was when I was sleeping when I and all of a sudden, my bad start up up up up up up up in a lid on fire, and they these kids got bricks of firewood oh my god, and let them on fire interim on my bed. So you'd that that's you did not want to go home to that and so the fear of not wanting to go home to that, and you are in a situation where there like, who gives what worthy handing out heroin, what the fuck, because in the end, the nine these in that time, you know when I look back on it. You know that that was. That was the thing and I don't know what the thing was. I was a kid I knew what it was. I just didn't want to go back to a place where I will get heckled in school or people to me. It raises in the bathroom for just being,

so. I didn't have a police to fade like I didn't have like, like you know, it couldn't be with like that leaders cause? I don't want to be. A year later I was in the dark I was like. There is no sitting in for me there and the more I try. If it in the more I got kicked out, and so You know when you're young everything is quite shakespearean, but for me it really felt like my my my life was on the line and we Try to say that your parents and parents are due parents. Do it's not like they didn't hear but I don't think they can understand the capacity that just like you and I think it was. It was just hard because kids are brutal And ultimately you know when I was young ever want to do is be a filmmaker. You know, I I remember you know cause I can afford to. Like sound tracks, I will take my boom box and make us at tapes, and I would put them.

To the television? So like whatever scores, I like what you know like Heather. Is, or you know, timber or Xanadu or whatever I press, play recur when the songs came on. It would be like if you like you re like that, but I got the music Aquino and so I I I knew from a young age, that there is something in me that didn't fit the puzzle of the outcome. World, and I was always ok with that, and I remember my mom telling me that she's, like I, don't mean the suddenly

abandoned mother, but or like fate like two. She loves Oliver Children, she's like where you're such an easy child, because you didn't need things from the world. You are happy with your books or a happy running around in creating these imaginary worlds, and My imagination was so vivid that I. I gotta go to this only how's ray and I would punch in numbers and I'd like ppp ppp peep and when I would like a fake punch board right and then, when I punch those numbers in that I got to enter a different world and I lived in those worlds and had the you know these stories in these place. I can go anywhere and people think only on those checks crazy, but I think that a lot of you could probably really understand what that's like. You know where you we create worlds within worlds and

my imagination with justice. Is reality- will wait. So, what's I'm really curious about when you're forty and then they put the stuff in front of you and then set you. Do you do it right? You got it. I did and then decide peeking everywhere and did you was that something you did a lot or would you do once and never again I mean you know I was the baby. And it was interesting because I became so famous so quickly and well being that the youngest and then you have of the soup. That was the time with our actual supermodel reigns over like fifteen of ice and a lot of situations that I put in where I was not aware of what people were giving me. You know

before we knew that roof he was like the date rate, bag, chrome or whatever you know like. I would wake up in places that I didn't even know what would happen, and it wasn't men. It is women too I I you know at any child just once to fit in to the group in some people believe that does mean have to like do heroin or whatever. I just wanted to know that I was worthy of being loved because my experience, wise from everybody that I grew up with that who I was What is not meant for this world and who I was sitting, belong and there's a killed me. You knew it killed me that when I was really me that it me was not enough for people

then again like when I tried to be like, then it wasn't enough for them, and I am extraordinarily grateful looking back on that, because this world is an illusion, you know like there. It's like it's it's a puzzle and construct here that that this is, though, the picture of how we're supposed to work in this world right and then and your turn. If it you're puzzle, peace, into the picture that that some collective consciousness than that the world has created for us right and then your shoving you're, trying to shove your piece in and it's like, but I dont think I don't think I'll Carvel counted. It still is, in fact an old man, like you know why this world, Is our temporary home and this picture of what people want is to be is not know

space time. You know some win of some person and that some place- and says to some other per person, and then you know that listen, everybody believes it it's the domino effect of like oh well. Everything has to be blue right and then the then, someone's as well that wall is blue in here like the and I hate blue Blue is the worst color and the whole world. I cannot stand, we right. Do you hate, blue and then these people are like yeah, yeah, blues, terrible what, if it into if they want to get into right, it's it's a human nature that goes back to the lineage in our dna that we have to have a pack or try right to survive. But we don't need that necessarily anymore, so I do believe I actually learn that you know when I was studying that you know what that those are the chains that we need to break.

And so when I was seventeen, I I I never touch anything again. And I thought that was when my plea to God. Where's, your show me wine here, because I had them put in situations. I could not comprehend I, you know is making more money than I could ever. Possibly imagine, and am I, if all that money and all I wanted to do was make comes in tell stories, and it was interesting because you know when I was clean All of a sudden, I wasn't is cool to be burning more it like in it's interesting, how people and that sounds backwards. But at that time like that was like thing right will you, but also when you know that there are certain people that way

You get sober when you stop engaging in destructive behaviour is uncomfortable for them to be around you because it number You're not validating the round behaviour. Arafat sit back and it reflects it back and it makes them it's it's almost like they feel like there being just one word: you're you're, so much better. Now you know it's like it's that kind of, because it forces them to take stock of themselves, which they alot of people really don't want to do it, but that's there, that's all in the end, is a genetic thing. You know that Sufferin through my family, you know and about luckily, for me. Parents never drink. They never did anything because their parents did you know, and so I didn't grow up in a household where that software around or anything like that was around on an inner. My husband has never drink and his life, and then they aren't. The irony is that everyone's like osiers over even above, like in here

no I'd. Is that never needed that for me? Some people do it like Lydia doesn't like she's has had drinks in her life, but it just doesn't something that she really thinks about her likes industries. Doesn't do it but she's not like she didn't she didn't make the decision. Like I'm gonna, be sober, she just doesn't yeah it's not our. The glass iron gray or whenever, but it shines unleashes, sets a very rare you shall literally doesn't. I never also just make her feel great like the times if she's doses and feel good, but I think there is an interesting there's, there's an interesting for line here, which is this idea that if you can you know you said: oh, I you know I I wanted to be oak. I one another. I wanted to be okay for other people and you were trying to fit into their contract, but you know the, and maybe this is where the spirituality comes it, but if you can, if you can figure out how to be okay for yourself with yourself,

and that is the key there anywhere sort of folds and around you and you're, not chasing? You don't have to chase all of these empty, fake things exactly and ass the thing, and you know, and the book He said something like you know at the kingdom of Heaven is within then go within meditate, and so I was taught how to meditate. You know were church, you not to go to church. To be a church. Churches were two or more gathered in loving. This is church, but people read scriptures and bibles or whatever you know the torrent, whatever it is, people and I'm not knocking those things, because there's a billion people on this play, there's eight billion different ways to get to what it is that you need, and for me I don't want to be control,

good by something that organised with rules and laws and regulations the world the spiritual Rules that I stand by is take care of ourselves can take care of other people. Yourself and unheard others. You know service yourselves. You can be of service to other people and that the first love spirit is acceptance. And you know when we start moving into that acceptance with ourselves and in the forgiveness with ours. When we can look at side it inside of ourselves and say you know what they are driving. You drive faster and these are familiar knowing your like. You know a guy like: ok, you resolve for debt, myself, for being, you know like that, and you know someone like it's it's taking stock of yourself because

these spirit that resides the loving that resides is, like you said it's inside of Us and when we take our own inventory and we take care of that, then were already in the communion saying you so it doesn't have to be based on you know, and the other thing I logged about him is like you know this idea Valley you're not supposed to go out and be some kind of missionary. You don't go out and, like you know, tell people to believe what you believe and there has been so much abuse within you- know certain organise religions, because man will take a scripture or whatever twisted in turn it and then say. Well, if you don't buy these rules that you're gonna die and go to hell and, above all, other there there is. There is a need, I always used to. I resisted it because

virtuality is not is not automatically religion. Religion is a way that people can experience there. S reality through. However, they they do but spirituality and its Alfie, I think, is a unique thing that that that everyone here and I think religion just sort of take spirituality and adds a layer of politics to it, because there is a structure to it. However, again you know I know a lot of people who are of various religion, and denominations or wherever in their great grievously good things. So there's nothing wrong. It's it's just like it Whatever works for you, but it's how you interpret day, you know, like I'm saying the same thing: I've so many friends that are extraordinary religious and I think it's beautiful, because They know how to read the scriptures or whatever they believe in and they're, not using it hurt, abuse or oppressed people.

Yeah, it's a vehicle. Basically it can be a vehicle. You know like your car, can take you places that are good. Other people can use cars too, people run over them and destroyed, so it's just like the vehicle is neutral, but it's it's sort of like who's driving. It not exactly the fault of religious out before it, but it's like a who's driving that one car and again I just think you know it's good Sorry, I think our lifelong quest is to try to figure out how to get closer and closer to whatever our kind of spiritual, jobs are what they are buying argumentative. Who we are. You know like. I love God and I loved you this. He was like he was punk rock thirteen I mean upon rock for real, though like, and you know it's just put people and they turned around and unlike ok, you know too, his own and again, you know like ice

for everybody. What they're doing is long and is there not hurting people right right right, and you know it, sir, unfortunately not all the time, but sometimes you know a religious organisation, any religious organisation might make proclamations, and then you go to kind of ironic habitats. Benefits you that's what I'm Rosalind viewed over. That's what God says things really soon recover that all children matter. If you like, devoted orbs harangue prejudice, I mean like if you want a woman to get it but like like that, when people use religion to literally dictate what happens in a woman's body when people you really in two to shame you or to make. You feel that whoever you love is wrong. Woman

inside that we don't need religion for moral, high ground and people do that constantly. You know it's like people are. People are generally at their worst when they feel like they have the moral high ground on any issue religious or not by then then you know they just sort of like that's their permission, to be like it can be as shitty is. I want now beginning, I imagine that it did not matter. I meant an idea that I always think to bully. Think our that's ok over what they're doing but a, but I also, but you know this: does this back this book, spiritual warrior, you had this experience and so would it. What is what is that getting closer as part of our core like what is Is it too? I ve been doing it ever doing to him for a little over a year now, and I love it yeah and in, but but what is that thing that excess more? What is that journey, or what can expedite that journey to being more good with ourselves, are on our own,

if so into serious of that, because good with yourself and that's the key and that's what I had to learn from myself, how to why be gentle with myself. Do I look myself through people's opinions in judgments- false accusations, or whatever I do. I love myself for my natural propensity to. Really hard on myself to feel again worthy, which I think is part of the human condition and you know when I, when I got this book sorry meditating two hours a day and I completely devote myself to that and when I did that nothing

in this world ever made me feel as high is the connection in the attainment of going inside enchanting this tone and and being with myself, because as that there's a tone, it's called the on I hue and honour means empathy and Hugh means God, and that's I recalled human. And it's this it's a sanskrit tone, and I will do that two hours every day, and something called free form writing and you. Get a journal out. And you had a pen and you just start writing. It might be like the elephant wore a pink. The tide and then all of a sudden like and you have to do with it the video the pencil like I'll tear like shred through the air. I would do that like forty five minutes and then all this stuff comes out of your

Conscious has been stuck in their inner likes weeping and sobbing, like, like you, just right right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right and you don't read it back and when you're done, you burn it. And it's amazing because I do it therapy, but nothing is as effective as the meta Jane and free from writing and forgiveness, and forgive statements, meaning like real we go inside and saying I forgive myself for judging myself or feeling like I'm a bad girl. Or whatever comes up for you. I forgive myself January's off this thing that I did get the data. I forgive myself for judging this person, for you know the way that they that, in its very specific and The thing I did like my thesis ways I want

to see if forgiveness truly change on. On his cellular level, and you know, this idea of rising like you would cries, tight witches, forgive one another on would like that. It does really work, and so I was like I'm going to do a forgiveness statement for every time I have a judgment. I was forgiving Chris, like over three hundred times a day? I'm not kidding you because it's so subtle sure, because we, Georgia Judge, we don't even richer that is how much we're Georgie, yourselves or other able, but our brains have to make sense of the world, and so we have to file and sort things, and so you know just like when you're judging all day long, I just feel like a summer that is just a byproduct of like I just

know what to do with this information, exactly sorting, sorting, sorting, sorting, sorting, sorting, Kessler Problem solver. Yes, you know this is probably that, even though you know you don't have any of the, even amongst other things that you judge you don't I I know man ever in any of them. You also don't have most of the actual facts about to join, but you just have information that you have to deal with a sword and propaganda, especially people like ice re, were He just. I think that you are its iron terms of lake when you're a high creative, when you have lots of ideas when like we go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go and we just need to like doo doo, Doo, Doo, doo and not just randomly, but it's like because research, passionate about the things that we love. You know. I think that when we had that kind of thing

There is also an underlying nature that I will lead to waste and you know not to be like to waage sketchy, but that were very similar in terms of like we go from everything's gray too: oh, my god, everything's gonna fall apart. You know in like a two seconds and and for me it's like. Ok, how can I? How can I expand? How do I change my elasticity? so when I go from all this is so great, and so I should be really proud of this, and then this voice come in and they take over did you really kind of internet and always like behaviour, you say about it and then we come with it and then like. I just want to get back to the loving like back to the centre news as quickly as possible, and you know that's where

He knew why meditation literally in real life and and and it's interesting because I talk to people about the there like war. I can't meditate, because when I I just can't thinking I was like yeah cause, you have a brain in guinea. Given a brain for reason and theirs, the illusion that you're, just opposed to sit down and, like or whatever and that's all revising unicorns and you're, not gonna. Think about the fact that, like you forgot to like them retires Lorelei only God did that their data or the one thing they your mom said like we're through like like there's all the chair the emails that you have to respond to that's part of it is so it's learn how to have like a mantra, because men Attention is different than like when people,

sitting closed their eyes and breathe that to me just contemplation, but meditation is active. It's an exercise so when you have them that your chanting there's something to focus on. So what I was hot is like ok, yet you forgot to do something cook great you're here to completing so write it down, go back and you start to your tongue. Something comes up, write! It down, go back into your tone. We can on you know I I you know, that's the part that kills me. The most is people think that their failing and they can't do it, because that of all the mind, chatter, the main chatter- and I think you know Seinfeld Who'S- been lifelong meditated for of GM.

Which is little bits of information than what you're turning a guy with a lotta, a lotta avoided the TIM peaks and of doing this, this town, yet what he hid sort of described. It is. Like when the thoughts come when he's meditating, accepting receiving that's right and letting him got like? Basically, just like people. Just moving by he just got lies the move by without innocent use it you don't necessarily have to engage them in. So you know when you have M like when you get your mantra. It's you go back to it because it sort reminds you, oh yeah, I'm not. You know I'm not here to engage in all these thoughts, I'm here to just sort of be here and then just kind of let them go by so you can kind of sink deeper. Lay with Why I say the first love Spirit is acceptance. So, as I do not mind comes in its IKEA. All these Is he going to limit ok, cool, it's ok and

like moving in that acceptance. I yeah that's happening fan I just keep going I am going going going in you know, like I said. Oh my gosh, this it's been Watson's yeah, since I was seventeen eighteen. And I'm turning fourteen April, which is it is it brought so soon and so dedicated my life to this, and I can never imagine being where I am, the person that I am without that, because nothing Changed my life more then having a mantra going within and and and learning that it's ok, the eye, in the way that I am- and I have this thing and I know of use variances, but it's like a battery right at stake, a sometimes like of, albeit going about me, in little. I feel like I'm going out of my body up in my body and unlike ok, I need alike. I need a minute.

Right now right now, because its it completely reef fuels view and when you do it, it's like. Ok, if I, how did she if I like only three hours asleep or I could chant I'll, take the chanting, because that revitalize as me, far more and more that you do it fast you get up and out re ino you get up and out. Body on any, become really and you can do it in a very you- become very debts to that, and it shows practice in an ending the wrong way to meditate issues. To not do it well, yeah, because if, if you're, if you're not comfortable yourselves for review- have trauma or if you don't want, you know Sinhala with yourself or whatever reed.

Whatever reason, namely not deny your on the nose. That's the truth, then try and you're going out your I'll go out and you're going to seek external things are going to seek. Drugs are going to seek sex, are going to seek food, you're gonna answered, reared social media didn't you from yourself. Yeah are and you and I both knew crazy? You and I both know this is true we both know that it is insatiable yeah this an insatiable world and we will always. Be insatiable, but the world will always bounce back that it's never enough, and so the fact is is that each personal come into it in their own timing, but every time that's just to distraction, it's a distraction and when we go out to all these different things are trained fill it. You know it's actually it's like. I say I caught like an energetic vampire, vampires ice. So who are you surrounding yourself with Howard

Spaniard, tying, our you being the people that will have your back, no matter what no matter what people say about you. What people think about you, like all I give a shit about frankly, is like if you will. Let me outline best, and you will love me out my worst. That's all I need brain and I know who those people are Lydia you. My husband, I know I know I can count on my hands the people that will always be right or die, and for that I am terminally grateful because when the whole, when, when you get a bunch of people, try to make you feel really bad about what everything and I caught. You know. You know trial by twitter or cancel culture- this whole thing, that's going on where it's like this momentum. De where it's like one person will right will write. One thing- and it goes back to like when I like- oh

No, they won't do you. He blew intimidated and I, like you know, one person will say what thing and then spread like wildfire and people are even going because they're not going insides as they are. We. How do I really actually feel about this, and there is clear examples throughout history where these things have taken place, and now more than ever, people are supposedly being held accountable through social media and yet, at the same time, we're dividing ourselves through social media and, unlike the that, that's not the though I want to use it as a tool to to genuinely, as who I am when you talk about, Forgive forgiveness of the world forgiveness. To yourself forgiveness of you know, someone said to me once you don't forget you, you don't necessarily forgive too

other people you do it for your serious off. Yes, because when we forgive essentially is like a monkey on the back right because you know how you can we walk in industry and some looks at you and your like. Oh my god, why they look at me like that. They must hate me that and our minds go crazy right and in their brain there are like smiling and they thought nothing of it right. So we carry he's many many many many many experiences drop out from the minutes were born. You know all the time and and also like in much bigger circumstances to buy the forget no says is for me is that I went to live with the freedom and I have myself so that I know that if I forgive I can let go of it. If I forgive, I can the girl,

they can do whatever they want with it. But when I move into the forgiveness I don't have to carry that hatred and my heart or the grudge in my heart or the against this in my heart, because when I am in my gunsmith, I'm not in my my truth, nor my happiness and it and that I cannot live that way. And so, if and it me in and so be selfish and your forgiveness only cause it burns. It just bore it just like poison, when its poison wit when you hold onto me. I you know there are things that happened in the world that are tough to forgive. Resigned, but also at a certain point. It gets You know, I'm sure for people you know like something horrible happens in people go. Oh, but I forgave the person that you know.

Yeah, I know is: I grant rant, ran over like what like a big things and amuse you sort of, and then you got my god. How could they forgive How would anyone- and I think it probably is because they can carry the hand trade round because it just it just poisons everything. A guy isn't everything it does and then not runs you. So I always ask myself what me right now when why allowing to run me right now. No there's so much urgency in this world. Someone people alike Anything has happened. I got it right now. We learned the business above you never Taylor, visitors, yelling and it's like. I know the difference between this needs to be handled. Mood pleaded bright, now, verses, people's fear and urgency and inside that their thrusting upon me. But when I move with

urgency will it's not an emergency, then I get caught up in their whirlwind, their tornado of of their uncensured ness right, but we- like, but that's the thing about going inside and meditation control, your own in virus into the best year ability because then you can you become either. A more quickly able to discern ok is something that is truly urgent right now, like I'm with my children or I'm sitting down after right, this Ryan preparing this character whatever it is that we're doing that moment is it? Is it so urgent that I should get up and handled that now or is? Is that just their urgent see and their fear worry anxiety, concern and everything. Can we ll if I do

this in an hour or two or tomorrow, because it is about delegation is fashionable now where you know, there's never we defend everything. You know, you know Lula and you know, then, then, that's weary! That's why we suicide is a second cause, a dance I mean come on. Well, it's it's! It's bar words can get so complicated and you know when traumatic things happen. You feel your world get smaller, hunger resent and that's, but but good part about the world getting smaller? Is that it does sort of force you to realise like what's important, what whose important, what it was central to year: survival, what is essential to your emotional survival, Europe, physical survival and- and I think, though, moments are when people can really, you know, sort of Phoenix of the ashes, because they really. I think I think I was just like. If you

live your life live in your life when you get a horrible medical diagnosis is like oh yeah, that other you know the coffee that didn't get made like, and I, Pinta television, fuckin matter and I've been through many of those experiences. No- and I am grateful for them because my mind, What I need is quite simple. You know I just want to be able to connect. You know I just want intimacy or into me see like really that that's I want that I've ever wanted. It's not sexual, something I I don't need a bunch of people telling me I'm great by that, has never fulfilled me, because that's always just height and be ass. But when I'm with the people that I know love me,

or why it and we can just like play boardgame or like just do this just as talking like I'd rather do this than anything else like this play with my kids. You know, like exercise, read a book you know have in a nice cup of cut their simple things. It's like how much do we really need, and it takes very traumatic experiences- were all of a sudden. You feel like you're. Life is threatened, or you're a someone you love their life is threatened on an end, not just physically that movie physically mental emotionally spiritually when he knew something that expected to be so big office incomes crashing down in its nothing when we, when we

base our value on the outside world then were in for a real disappointment, because expectations led to disappointment ultimately, when we can live in their simplicity. Of of this is what I need, and you know why what I just said do is really messed up and I'm mortified an embarrassed and terrified and scared know what to do I literally feel like you're, going to hell and then all of a sudden, it's like wow this. I really do believe that things happen for reason, because all like it's, like God or whenever we believe is like it comes in and edit your life like things thanks thanks, so much because now we know who really loves me right now. I know what it is that I really need

and now I know like- has my backing and like and that this simple things that I just that that the I need either as a soul to two to experience and to give back to this world yeah, and is it you know in as much as for, especially for anyone who is listening? Who feels like their struggling to find that centred nests and just sort of knowing like hey, you know, look you ve been doing it for when he some years in it and you and yet still something that requires work, it's like you just figured out once in here like one good forever now like it's it's, it is a thing that is it. Sort of a daily thing, but you know like what are some ways for people to start. I mean obviously, this book that you read might be a book. People hands down like a game changer, but what about you know like you know, so I came to her and said

oh my gosh Jamie. I don't know. I just feel like I'm spinning up. My ass listen. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. How do I how do I start finding more of my centred spiritual self like what? What do you say? What he's going to say to somebody I would send them a link to the town to the Shan outs and unwilling to that I mean, new part of what I do is beyond beyond being in a writer- foaming earn an actor storytellers. Is this work? And you know, and if someone were to come to me, we have to relate to each person according to their level consciousness and You know, ultimately, we are never given anything we cannot handle. I really believe that There was a man that attacked my four year old child last year and crack my friends ribs.

Nobody knows this he's been you. He just walked out of courtesy four months ago, and does not in jail. Well. Now is all good. That was three days ago, Oh my god, by you know, I've had a person coming. Me and my children, my family new, I lived, you know I had to set up a covert operation with my husband and one of our best friends to get this guy and cuffs, and I never thought that it would come down to a place I would have to put my body on the line and my friends by the line, but that's what we do for one another, because our system spoken here. You know- and I you know I told, saw me sorry, son, this light two days ago,

because no one knew no one knew presiding, know how to explain its anybody, and I don't want people to scared, and I was dealing with you know the mayor and the deputy mayor in the officers and- You know, there's there's a lot of different things that are involved with their end. There is somebody props and laws that have been passed through that you know it doesn't matter what someone has done somehow they can just. Walk in and in our system is deeply underfund. And the people, the men and women that are serving eyes, you know their hands are tied because they they served to go. Get these guys, you know and I I've been living this false. Exterior, which is, I think no this about me. That's not who I am like idle for ten

maybe be somebody else on the outside. While something else is going on here, pretty frickin transparent, We therefore, as we know, is how transparent I am and I had this. I see that he was gonna rip the dress off my son's faggot ass. You know a video of him saying he's gonna, throw me off of a truck the timing to retract from me, The UN dragged me round LOS Angeles until you hold my body over, I mean that's just the light version of it And I wanted the school for four months and the for the past two weeks. It was the most excruciating, and so you know You know when they pass prop forty seven, which was the realisation marijuana, which I wasn't very about, because there is so much

print under that there is I wasn't really throw via a you know. I blue eyed, I don't software, wanted no judgment about people that do, but I just know that there is not enough research out there an important, but it's not even about marijuana part. It was like billions of dollars response a good or a public schools by poverty is evidently everyone or- and I literally campaigned for a social justice reform like I had friends back in you that would get caught with a bagging end of rikers and then end up as crackheads. You know. Look I've seen you know. People like. Literally put in jail for no frickin reason at all, and then you have people that are out that legitimately- are convicted felons and needs

to be in jail. He known, of course, you know if you're, a personal color you that that's the way you know if your personal color that's where the real injustice is this. Is it guy who was in the navy. Everyone kept trying to tell me he was just crazy news high as a kite would never knew. I wise and then have saying my is to study human behaviour and my theirs mental illness throughout my whole family? I- and this is what I study this- is what I do because someone has a mental illness which is basically the majority of everybody we all have. Something does not mean that they cannot be tactical and that their that they don't have the capacity to think and this is sinking way and when this guy just walked out legit. Why

doubt. He created then account and came after me in new I lived in here. I can't Adam. I see. The whole thing is worst on. You know I haven't or date- and I haven't said anything to anyone about this narrative spoken publicly about it and reader, I mean what you to feel abrogate over nine? Oh I'm! Not I'm! Not! I'm not wishing to be comfortable. I know I'm just not gonna give details, but basically due to the great so you know with we I'll? Just stepped back with property, seven, essentially in aid almost every drug personally is so you can be caught with fifty pounds of heroin and I'm not joking. I asked to do this, so if I fit depends of heroin on me, that would be a misdemeanor and she said yes, unless we can prove intend to sell and I was like and what would that means

is like well if you had baggies on you, so someone could say with the fifty pounds of heroin. This is personal use, then it's a misdemeanor, yes and all these things that they slid in there and yet the mud. And yet, Money is not going to our children into public education and where's that honey going. You know it's like it's it's and I'm not for mass incarceration? We incarcerate more people in this country than anywhere else in the world and in there this is a very difficult subject. Talk about? But when you have a person that literally, not only becomes it says if you but is tightening too to kill. You children and when they are attacked your choice. In your child, has been in therapy for a year when you have a person that then you know is

sending you like the moose like a horrific things, was it the same guy that it the same guy Jesus, this same guy- and I kept saying he's gonna know he's gonna, know he's gonna, know he's just crazy here hi he's just crazy, and you know I'm like a course like you like it. It's like you know it's it's so that's that's what I've been going through for four months, and I mean I mean obviously were friends. So I know you know a lot of yes, but but I I still I mean it is remarkable that you, but the fact that no one else- any idea, its remarkable that you were able to stay compose under such a really really horrific circumstance then, when what is that where, where, where you, where do you in Kyle, pull that strength from when you know

when you're being tormented by this person, like what are you are you is it meditation. Are you shoving it down or your clinging tighter to each other as its future like what? What is it that you are doing for anyone who's going through as something that insurmountable, very interesting because it not only people, really knew about this? I told you I had Lydia New Year about eight summer knew about it and then when it really ran up the past few weeks with and the house serious and dangerous a wise when knew about it, because I I I how I dealt with it, was this cause. I have it. Periods, many traumas throughout my life and limb,

that I've gotten through the other side, I've made it through the other side. And an eye- and I always and I in and what I want I learned is: how can I use everything from my learning uplift meant and for my growth? I go back back to that back to that back to that and when I saw like I was just going to crumble or lose my mind, and I remember you know the sheriff saying, never seen someone so calm and compose through like going through something like this and and yet there is a part of me that just kept going back to that the price rise had built within myself from going within from meditation from Saint, You know I'm going to do now.

I know now add to get milk from my kids, I'm gonna do that now, let's begin look as pets were isn't, as you can hear, how will become as present as possible and if this is not possible for people this, I'm not giving some esoteric thing, but if you feel like you're entire world is crashing down. All I can say to you: is this: you put one foot in front of the other, and I just go back. Is my heart? Beating, yes and I breathe Yes, ok, then, right now, I'm a success that simple. Because sometimes we need very simple, cues, very simple cues to get us through the most horrific things and the whole world and then be pro active and it's like being a soldier.

And I learned how to be like a soldier in you know I like liking and not too long ago, my best friend dynamite arms. I was caring for her. You know when she was you know when she was dying sir. You know why I have we ve experience, different things, but what it is is when you feel at a loss. What can you do that is? an action right and this may some crazy, but sometimes when I feel like I'm gonna, crumble or crash, you know when people like, oh just see from a different perspective I literally will turn my body around and I will look in another direction. I won't.

My physical body around in focus on something very clear like right now, looking right at that we on wallpaper and what that dies as it changes the synopsis in your brain. It changes its inhabitants in your brain? So we get on the when you get when you you're depression in your anxiety and in your pen in all this stuff, just by turning it actually- switch is around your brain for just enough of a second that it it moves it. It's very simple thing: they you peace or clarity or its. Just like you know what you're thinking entered your in your downward spiral in your just like, oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god just turn around and look at something and then. Say: ok, whatever you're looking at ok, that thing is green. Errand thing is, you know, ok, there's like us

agreements, green and then there's these little petals right behind it like describe it yeah. That's that cassettes forcing it be present, that's forcing it to me to be in the present moment, because there is that you know that kind of like a one day at a time thing which I think is very flexible for most things get If you know a lot of our catastrophe and being overwhelmed comes from you know then it's all gonna crash and then I dont know how to get through its like. It always goes to a place of ok but you, but but- now where you are now and what you can get through this moment and then what you can get through today and to do your best to worry about tomorrow tomorrow and yeah and then in its hands like white, like people, going through really intense things may be like that. And we were too simple but telling you that it's a simple things that have

saved me and got me through the hardest things in my life and They say like the hardest things. When I walk into the kitchen and I'm getting death threats, it's like I and I go to washed the dishes. And all I do is just focus on washing that one dish with love- and I put it down- and they go to the next S, and I just focus on what I'm doing then and there and of course the other stuff happening in you may be crying or whatever, but what it is is just doing that thing in the moment and you're? Not that is a mere ignoring. It does not mean you're denying it does not mean that you are pushing

something aside. What it means is that sometimes all we can just do is the little things until we're had the strength and the capacity to do it in depth in where we can handle it, and we have to understand where our threshold are, because we go into the past. We go into our sadness, our melancholy, but when we start projecting into the future we going fear anxiety, concern right, yeah. Never like oh yeah, watches sound, so easy people say be present be present, so these are actual physical things that you can do right because its kinesthetic so sometimes, and especially now, where we use our phones all the time it's like when you have something they can do with your hands. I don't care if you saw a button on his shirt like just do that thing, because you can't focus on two things:

once yes, you can't focus. I remember when I first started talking about years and years ago talking about- panic and anxiety it with a therapist she's, ok, the next time you see, to really just go into full blown anxiety, just focus your breathing just lie down and focus on your breath? this on your heart, beating, think about it, because she said you cannot simultaneous, honestly be relaxed. And then go into panic at the same time, you can focus on that and your anxiety at the same time, and it in nice doing it is like a fog. It works because, especially when you having thy you tax, because I sort of it having anxiety tax. You know when I last this person when I was younger- and you know you literally feel like you're gonna have already taken- I, yes and but then I realized I would. I would have such

I fear that I was going to have a panic it here. Maybe the major yeah yeah yeah, so like these, these tools that are quite simple, but they really work and right now more than ever people need it. Yeah I mean, are you know, but without because I don't want you to have to go into too much detail. But are you. Okay, now reads there are you? Are you feeling like if this person in jail, then are you do you like? I? Can you breathe easy or now do you feel I have no doubt that yet I have in its very strange because Evans, like our east, so excited about the show, and I make you I'm really sorry about the show and then there's the other thing that was like open this person's after us right. So then I realized

shit this is life and obtaining are this is rose, were ruled out because rose rose. Was under the same kind of circumstances, were she's torn from that what she loves, the most there's, the thread of life, that she loves the most and she just keeps going through it, and I just saw how interesting how that works, but it now I guess there's I fill relax because this person's not on this street, but that's just for now in tow, are Corky

and you know I know that there is going to be. You know it's such a process and I spent a year dealing with this case, and you know right when I thought that I you know that it was dying of the sun. It had just started, but I feel I feel grateful because again, it goes back to that thing of doing. You know like they had sent a corridor. Compact me up. Alice and I was like I just want to drive decreases house like I want to drive to my friends House Nina like I don't wanna be driven. I just want to drive. I just wanna. Do I just wanna go talk to my friend right now. You know end, and that's the relaxation re like that is this right now is the here This is what how do we deal with the problem? I'm so glad because you know- and you also mentioned Selma, who I mean instead

So I've also contain cat united taking care of herself her, and I did- and I really didn't tell her, because I was the first person that new when she was diagnosed, we ve been best friends. You know why, like we were twenty in and even this is going on. I was like at the hospital with our in taking care of her and an end. I do that because HU. I because the that, because that helped me, because that's what I there is nothing I would not do yeah sure her. You know to a new areas like there's someone people in my life that I'm so blown away by that I'm humbled their strength Europe. Them so much. I don't even really know and am I feel that way. Her Lydia that way. I just like how are you so like she's? Just such a she's, just a rock she's such a peaceful grounded creature, I don't know

feel really lucky and just mean even superintendent meter other vehicles we're lucky to where I live each year. It just feels good. It just feels like because you have the same value. Eads. Maybe just can t Just have I just have I have. I have a lot of respect for you like like and and so it is Interesting to you know to hear about your upbringing and then there's something about like, because I'm sure people would me no, like they'll, see supermodel and make a judgement on this girl probably is bad. It easy bothered about ITALY on I now and also Mary. The swedish nerd I was just the sweetest. You know husband. I really, I just think the world of him

he does you, I'm so glad my even greater guess whether he was out a few months. I know is that, as you know, is so excited. I mean I've also grateful that we have are. This is our family Disesteem, yeah. You know, and in this world of chaos in and nonsense we have our mean a blood family, but- we're family yeah. I mean you know, listen, you know all the things that we try they require, whether it be material objects or likes whatever it is. You know it's none of it of its gonna matter. You know like it doesn't matter now, but it's some day it really and got a matter in its like will what matters? Well the people whose lives you were touched by the people whose lives that you touched like the real, the real people, not just You know, that's it and you know it, and I think you don't ever so fine there's nothing wrong with there's nothing wrong

with wanting to be answering there's nothing wrong with wanting to you know like do well in life, require things are our, but as long as it does in defining. Well, you don't let it define you in their sizing, yeah and so that I think where, if you, get you a place where you are okay with yourself, where you are fine with yourself than others, stuff is just like. I can come and go and I'm fine, no matter what an that's. Ultimately, you know I feel, like that's the spiritual, asked, is being not elaboration. Yeah right, that's celebration as when you can be with yourself and and be free in that and you know, social media is brilliant in so many ways because we can connect, but it's also, he know like a brave new world of United, it's like you to ever,

prison out there that things that their legs are. You know you know those. I it's pavlovian its truly pavlovian, so it you know think alike, and I feel better. I feel better. Will good luck with that because that's that's not love, you know it and that doesn't mean that you want those things or whatever, but like what we're talking about year like this, This is real life. This is home and anxious. It's just Making is just amazing, you know to sit in front of you and be with you, and you know how long we each other in tissue each other grow and expand in Libya, and you know like it's. I just I just that it's just a guest, gas will. Thank you for marrying us an IP and Yeah, I mean listen, peoples. Everyone's lives

crazy with stuff in you know very serious things and then just regular life stuff now, but but I do think it is important too. For when it so easy to be comfortable and stayed home out of you. Gonna feel too in his unavailing data like forcing yourself to go, be a part of the human experience in the world forcing us up your friends forcing yourself to be around other people, So you like his Unite thinker, natural eisele leaders like actually intervention. Sure do you mean, like the correct me if I'm wrong, but I am definitely can be like a and like all being interpreted and then I can very extrovert ashore yea. I feel that way too. I further wager I can be very introverted in social. In social situations sometimes I mean obviously I'm a comedian, so I can be very extroverted because that's it as we can be extroverted when we're doing what we love to

You write is ultimately to give back by companies. A real gift is just such a girl. No, but also like, I think it's the communion brought together. It is it's a connection, so the next time you stand should be like pc with you. Do you accept this? Do you accept the body of Chris Nobody is that what the fuck is wrong with this guy you're. Ok, but we'll make sure that we had to be at the top of the pine cast I'll, explain think about black summer, which leading I watched first to episodes of and his great bids did, the storytelling we're great in it. Also, the storytelling mechanism is a really interesting and it's sort of fund because it following with hard facts, perspective and gas and so you're you get to see things from a lot of different angles. It that almost at the same time, in its it's really

missing were stored, and one thing we did that nobody else knows is that each each episode is based on an icon. It found that we love Ochre psych episode to his doom that's it, I'm so three, as Lord of you know, so it's like each wine has a thing without losing it I love you and I thank you for your presence in this world and for being a beam of light. And, and also you know, I mean but to say, I'm sorry, you have been going through this horrible horrible shit and you know you now No you as happened. Yes, if you ever need anything, I'm always now is like. I always now is always now. Ok, good and I Have you so much good good, good girl? Might the door you and and yeah I mean. I hope we hope we get to begin like do fun silly stuff. You know.

Over the summer. Can we please we got anything like a vacation, and, and we have to do TAT S like and Show- and you know I can, do the scary movies lids loves, but maybe I'll you will get silly stuff. We can do up. We can begin to all kinds of funds that good right I will people should watch black summit with em, make sure I know the disk its April eleventh April, eleventh also by the time. This goes up. It'll be up perfect, so already up now, it's I'm on Netflix, you can watch its aid episodes, and just watch em all at once, because there are different. It's like one episode of like forty two minutes. One up. Like thirty four minutes. Another episode there like we created a visual, yeah, it's really interesting. Cuz there. Each episode is kind of as long as it needs to be, The story of that episode gap so yeah so run run, don't walk even though you're probably right in front of you I see you right now watch Netflix on. Thank you

making you. I love you thank you for being in a free and thank you for being a friend on the road and we're gonna get her back on. This is word salad, rap for episode, number, nine, ninety five, that was Jamie King who you know, as I said in the intro and hopefully was apparent during the podcast- is someone who is in sport, to me it just in the amount of you know. She's she's been through a lot in her life and still

manages to embrace positivity and embrace people, and still I mean again just has this ability to no matter what she's going through still kind of? Let people into her lives and be there for other people, even when she is having a hard time with something, and I just have so much respect for her and her family, but she says that they really interesting when I asked her about like well, how do you you know when, when horrible things have one tragic things happened? What are you? What is it that you do and the nugget. That's gonna, stick with me. It was the idea of, like you put one foot in front of the other. Things are gonna happen, your life, I feel overwhelming, and you put one foot in front of the other. You know she said she goes and wash is a dish and just completes that task. So if you're going through something right now- and you feel like its insurmountable- and you know like how am I gonna get through this, are we going to find the energy,

you you know just do what Jamie said. Focus on the moment be present my late friend, Brodie Stevens. I remember one time said you know that for him depression was about past things and anxiety was about future things, and so you know he also expressed this idea of being able to to be to be in the present and- and I always that was a piece of advice from him that always stuck with me, and I hope it something that you can take away as well, because you you can't country what's already happened and you can't control what's to come, but you can control. How you are in a moment ends changing your direction? Changing your perspective when, when you can and obviously you know, some things are devastating by doing the best you can get

how to reach moment going in washing a dish if you have to turning and looking the other way. Just getting yourself into a shower, brushing your teeth, doing normal things, because, whatever you're going through you, I guarantee you are stronger than you You are because so much the anxiety that we all feel is about what could happen. What could happen next? We're bracing for can happen next, and that makes us feel weaker because it makes us feel like we're not in control You know we are not in control of what happens in the world. What can have in the future? But that's not the point. You are in control of your present self inured control of You know what you're doing in a moment to take to take care of yourself and when release the pass and when you release trying to control it happens in the future that allows you to be the strong creature that you are so again. One for them, for the other brief

what time is it? Where am I? What is the wallpaper look like taken your surround? his innocent doesnt really syndrome nervous about a show or something or in our. If I can, if I'm really sorry. About something I'll, just look at a detail of something in the room: ok, the wallpaper is this color. That frame has that shape this. You know This pen is facing this way, and I I was play out loud, the things that are present in the room. The way it is right then, because it just it just pulled me into the present, and I know it sounds like a doable thing, but if it's fit if it is useful to you in any way than it is worth sharing the the dopey thing, because you know again, Europe stronger than you know, and you know you, people like Jamie, like go through

just absolutely insane things, multiple insane things you know, and here she is able to talk about it, able to open up. Hopefully people are able to gain strength from her story. You know this is why we share things why we tell stories to help not only have catharsis for cells, but also to hopefully benefit other people who were asking a lot of questions. Why this? Why that? Why me? Why does this happen? You know, and you know whatever it is whatever it is. I really I want you to know that you can get through things and that your stronger then you know, and even sometimes just hearing someone say that even if it's a stranger on a podcast can ignite something and give you that little bit of a boost that you need to to forge a because I have always said you are worth it and- and I appreciate you so thank you so much for listening to word, salad, rap.

Four episode, number nine. Ninety five and also a special thanks to everyone who came out to the comedy works in Denver. I just had an absolute blast there and the shows were were super super supervised and got to talk to a lot of really cool and to take pictures with a lot of really interesting fun people in There- and I just want to say thanks Denver. I consider it kind of my homes. They were dies, go there, so it was, it was really fun. Tennessee, my actual home state of Tennessee likely Kentucky my Home State Tennessee is where I largely grew up some looking forward to the national soon and seen some folks out there. So thanks again for listening- and I hope you have a wonderful day- I e Andy leak.