« ID10T with Chris Hardwick

Todd Glass Returns

2014-07-28
Hilarious fellow Nerdist network podcaster Todd Glass laughs it up with Chris and Jonah! Todd talks about writing his book The Todd Glass Situation and the relief that overcame him after he came out, and the guys do sad spit takes! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome the nerds podcast five hundred and fifty two well. I've got comic con voice, which means that I get squeaky and higher registers, probably from screaming all the time I got my god it was. It was an unbelievable year at comic con. I want to try to get the sister wives together to do a host fold to sort of rap up everything from this week. So we'll try to get on that this week, it was, it was just last week was really crazy to get everything organized, but it was. It was an incredible time hey by the way, I would like to say that there are a bunch of other podcasts on here that you might enjoy on the nerds podcast network. Maybe the the with Kurt Braunohler or Ding Dong with Matt Braunger, a mutant season or sex.
Address or chewing its or the JV club. There's a lot of them so go check it out. It would be really great to to have you poking around the Nerdist Podcast Network, and I know that our other are other podcasters would appreciate it. This is a tall glass one of my favorite people in the world. Todd glass also track as usual, is new top dog called the talk last Show Todd was read: a book called the Todd glass situation, which is a funny and beautiful and interesting story, and we talk about a lot of the podcast and whether or not you know Todd, I think, you'll really enjoy this particular episode. He's also going to be at the comedy cabaret in bucks. County Pennsylvania on August. Second, so go check that out if you're there- and here you are there's by customer five, fifty two with Todd Glass, now entering nowenteringnerdist dot com,
Chris! Are you? Okay? I'm worried sick about it. What are you worried about how are you doing, I'm doing good action good, what's going on, what's going on just doing a book for like the last month and a half, but so the doing stand up in did you were you were just as well as your God Damn book I did with some help? I never read a book, but you can ask me I'll say the stiff you. I never read a book. If you ask me some going on part, is I have a funny story about a movie star? You can start now. We started, I mean we can
but you do it right! No seriously! You know you give me the us piece of advice. What's that play more music you know that's also a running joke. Nothing brings us more joy to go. I fucking Chris Hardwick and we play messages from you now we don't even use left them in the beginning for it, but now we just put on the voice effect that it's you going Todd. I don't give a shit stop and good interviews and just play your jingles, more jingles thought and I go Chris. Nobody wants to hear my jingles and it's ruining my show. People think I stop it. You know I don't give a shit more parities, jingle, no, don't make the podcast if it represents work and it sounds not lazy cousin other areas. I know in your career. You welcome work.
But in this isolated area, don't make it represent work for you. Enjoy it as much did you say like don't look at Well I mean it should be. It should be fun for you and it's the stuff that you're actually interested in someone asked me this you know. Viewing Chris Pratt. For guardians. What to what? What should I ask when I was like? Well? What are you curious about like asking whatever your case, but I think people sort of think that the process has to be more for more than it is, but particularly in a podcast. So you just talk to you could just talk whatever is interesting to you and no editing I used to edit in the beginning- and I thought that's what Chris was talking about now, every Wednesday I'm like. Oh, what should I do that or how should I take that out to go? Look just do what you you don't give yourself at its by the way. Now I'm paranoid about. Putting it sounds like I'm not really doing anything.
What you doing, I'm like! Oh, the listeners go obviously nothing's going on in his career yeah. That's what they're all doing and then they've already turned off by itself and then they'll. Never like you again, they'll. Never go out to lunch. I, like you know I have been conditioned in this culture that people are trying to sell me things. I don't want to not buy that thing, but you never used to like it. When people sold you things. Are you trying to sell me a bill of goods now, please. I just need to be sold. Something please, I'm dying. Tell me something: oh boy, consumer attack. I thought you know when you're talking casually before the podcast goes on and you know when someone is how's everything going. I never like to make the mistake of thinking. They mean business wise because you do you like, so I just started to go? I don't want to say like start reading. Well, I'm working on this and that so I just say good! I got my yard, not nice, you have a nice place
I am trying to get rid of the grass and as much as I love grass I have all, but one spot of grass removed 'cause of the people in the drought. You still live in the duplex. I do I do by the way the the the upstairs I rented out for a little while these people from like some cut other, country with their actions and their food and their culture, you might as well just take the toilet out, 'cause they're, not going to use it to know that I don't tell you what country or who they are. No, they do have a little sick already. They were from outside and they made everything. Look like. I can't. I love life and, I said, sounds a but I good life, and I enjoy my comedian friends, but I'm not a relaxer, Maybe I don't want to relax but still looks appealing. I look upstairs him and his wife or girlfriend would be outside on the deck like with their legs. Crossed
be like smoking. A cigarette having a cup of coffee in my car can only do that. Difficult foreigners yeah. Did you probably late for something? You better believe that to you do you know, did you have it because the courts? First of all, my mom's house, that was a real spit take because it would be so aggressive because I was jealous that I could relax like that, but I would have picked them if it take regal? No, but the real spit take. Is you hunch, over an this falls out of your favorites, but take here's. What happened and I've talked about this before is. I know that I'm going to swallow it. Why try to may pretend if I want another second and tried to have a word, then it would spit out. So I just open my mouth, this ain't going to get so close together. So if you said
I'm pretty good at keeping it in. That should feel good. That's a real fuckin' spit feel really good. I thought there anything are there just on tv people. Don't really do yes, I will yes and then they both sides of the sad because of a drunk person or so yeah yeah yeah yeah. So what happened with the What is that? Could you do a double to a? U depressing spit yeah. I can always wait. I think I know you mean, like a gift. Giver, hello, good limit was in mine, yeah yeah. Do it do it? What do I ask you, and now time for video moments and audio for podcast I have to say something that would normally do you have a spit. Take that now, as okay, hey how's, your mother been I love that. What is that? That's the saddest? Well, that's where you go sad spit tape. I used to do that all the time. Oh, that's great. I used to do that at rest,
it's more like a like, they would bring the food, and I believe that's not what I wanted you ever do that someone can. I do Kimmel tonight. If I, if I say it's your okay Okay? What I'll do when I do the gonna do the mop it next on a cone, absolutely who, who let's see your version I don't know what my sure nobody I know about them. So I'm the only one. This is a target brand sure, try all right away, you're sure has fish on them. Jonah you're just trying to keep away to keep them alive. Chris, do you mind of its visual? No, no go ahead. Ok, I'm ok, sorry to hear about your neighbors Jenna. Be something happy like that. You don't know is going to go back. You said: ok, ok, ok! Here we go really
he's about your neighbors oh yeah! You should see Todd shirt right now and now fifteen minutes of origami. What a fantastic queen in making this okay, a dick involvement of paper is child. If the fork up, that's the timeless long goal, that's what the say what it is just goes to react to it. So no one ever fifth, Chris, take everything out of your pockets. I do say
can you do it on stage yeah Really I just don't like I mean I have my phone in my pocket usually, but I just don't like having a bunch of crap in my pockets when I'm sure so good right now? What This is great news from laughing and I'll often I lost thirty, but that I did and then I put back on ten but because of Kimmel it. I got the tent off what I'm losing you took the ten back off and back off, and today was the day like this morning. I woke up and there I was at my weight and it's just you know. I get tired of being stopped and and feel because you know I got thirty eight, but then I bought thirty fours. So now I'm putting on weight in my thirty four pants. So I feel it so now it's like feel good, I'm not stuff. I just what's the tile glass diet, you don't want to know it. I don't write. I I'll tell you what it is, but it's not. I don't recommend it to anybody. Okay,
you know I just have a bit for lunch in a sensible dinner just a little bit for a little bit. That's funny actually work. I have a little bit, but it got a little bit of what no a little bit of a bit. Not just minutes which I hate you'll be the doctor and I'll be the farthest bits. The comedians do all day. That's all comedians! Do that's why I love comedians. It's all bits! Well, it's time for my snack. I need a location. People say: oh yeah comics are always on yeah 'cause, it's fucking fun shaking his hand because yeah, I agree, and you don't want it's not only to me: I don't know about you, but I'd love about stand up comedians because they for me they fill everything need an it's. Yes, its course. It's being able to actually get seven for the rest of your life, but it's also. They can be deep. And they can be silly and they can be emotional. They don't you know they don't have to be like. So that's
everything. It's not like. It's only were competing. I always feel like it's more like if it is competing. When we're being silly in trying to be funny. It's like seventh graders competing. I come in with this and are so excited in their ramped up in life, hasn't beaten the out of them. Yet it's a kickball game, everyone's a loser and winner at the same time, right yeah, never never kick ball game that way the great equalizer, no one's really that but much better than anyone else? I guess that's true. No! I don't know, though I feel like. I was not that great a kickball and then there are other kids who were just super athletic and really good. It kick ball with the spectrum, not that big- and I guess so. I hurt my foot playing kickball once okay, never mind well they have it. I hurt my flight, wasn't doing it wasn't the yellow, I mean, isn't that the Red Squishy ball like it was like a hard soccer ball and I went to and my foot just bent back when I can. I was very young, yeah and bendable would feed a very bendable and actually hurt myself playing kickball. Now, that's when I realized I should
do stuff, like that. That's when the indoor said Chris come back, ok and that's why we're tracking play chess for reals, so I'll tell you my diet, Now this is once I have the weight off. I couldn't do this once the way, I just want to maintain again, I recommend this anybody. Okay, I do have health. Drink during the day, like you know, one that, like whole foods with Kayla, celery, carrots and weaker, and I get we grass and ginger and everything, but I'm gonna eat late at night. I people you don't eat late at night. I go, I know, but I'm going to get her all up really late right, so I don't eat all day much if I do I'll have the grass the week with a healthy shake, not a shake like it. You know good agreeing a green drink. I have that and maybe like half a piece of chicken, I can clean piece of chicken. That is it. Ok then I eat it.
Like three in the morning like three in the morning, french fries Roast beef sandwich. Do you really, and that means and that's the way it'll stay off I've been doing the. I was just talking about this. The other day I just drink juice during the day and then at night. I have like you know like but you don't think eating the worst meal at the worst time of day, is bad for Bush senior. Saying ok, let's say it keeps the weight off what about? For other reasons? Well, I'm just saying I'm saying it's you know because of the way that your metabolism works. When you go to sleep, it's not great to eat right before you go to sleep, your stomach right, yeah, but where my lifestyle is You know in the morning we get up and we get you know get start today does have a lot of time, so we'll go and get like, but if you know you're going to eat late at night, I guess that, but I will but in the morning, if you, if you eat a banana and then some times. I think it just 'cause. It sits in your stomach. It just goes right how I made that part up, but I think you don't think you made up shooting. I think that exists, like bananas as a whole note gives it makes you go to the bathroom.
Coffee doesn't same thing. Actually, it's coffee. Do you drink coffee actually deplete your potassium potassium, so you have to the bananas very wise to us why these banana coffees are starting to pop up. Let's see a basket of bananas right. There isn't really I thought they were just impulse buys because they can charge a dollar for a banana that basically cost a penny. That's true! That's why I'm good, but I know it totally works yeah, but it was bananas. When did you decide to write a book? Well, the funny thing I'm just going to make sure that very thing go totaly like into regular interview. You know Chris, it's a good question hold. That would be right back with more time you know what I never thought. I would because I matter of fact Alex our manager had talked about. It loves talking people in the writing books. Well, he said I said I could never write a book because I never read a book, I'm not bragging
but the worst writer in the world. I grad, I never graduated high school. I mean to brag yeah. I because I only read one book and it was which I have a funny story about that book. I read but I'll tell you so at a time set a time timer I've read it I've, but after I came out of the more room, a lot of its owner. What is it because it was Mark Merritt or because of the listen? Listen. I think friends and family would accept you for being on mark. You don't have to keep that in. Don't let you know that I think it's time to come out of the garage
oh no, that was that was like a prize fighter of carpet boom boom boom and just when the jokes all done one more boo, and by the way noise, don't even like to say, come out of the closet. I like come out of the garage or come out of the shed, so it worked. It worked perfectly worked. So so I had someone had Contact me from Simon and Schuster and said: that's not a story that they usually would want to talk about, but they thought the situation, and I yeah, I don't know, and then they hook me up with a ghost writer and I'm not going to lie after like three days with the ghostwriter. Really I thought. Ok, I think I might have something here so like PO or Shakespeare in fact,
No goes right. A lot of some single moms go through that with somewhere along time ago. Tell mine yeah. Well, you keep the floors, the punch, I love any ghost writer, Joe Blake work. So every time it comes over, my house puts a sheet and goes on to all their use. Is that getting old them like you kidding me, gets better every job, I those jokes yeah thirty. So when you sit with when you sit with a ghost writer, do you basically do you give them? Let's just start talking to them and they kind of compile like that person can yeah. That's exactly what happened. He just I start talking and talking and talking for like three days straight, and I was surprised how many notes he took 'cause then later when we went to write the book that was just for the proposal or to Simon and Schuster actually that there.
I went ok and then and then he would go back to specific things, even some things that I thought was that even interesting and then he pulled looks at it from a different perspective and then memos on my phone, it's in my voice. So I'm not. He was actually the Cole. I he's actually the co author. I didn't realize he. That was his title, but even when I thought I didn't have to give him credit, I'm like no given credit. I I wrote the book animal, he helped me, I could have done it without him. Jonathan Gradstein, but yeah give give a little plug. He was great. Thank you good. It's a fake name, Saigon. The scene just because I see groats deep, it is gross dean. That's why I go. I see grad students, groats did you say, growed Steve hide out, you know short is on the way you say, but I don't know I don't I don't seven and I never ever once So so uh not make it quick 'cause, it's probably boring, but I would leave voice, memos and the only reason he would change the verbiage is when I loved
You know when you're trying to explain something to a friend and you can't get it out and then they get it out for you. They say you got nine q. They got out better than you could get it out yeah. He did that a lot, but it's a my voice and I would leave him voice memos like alright. So I'm connect. The comedy works is one thousand nine hundred and eighty three and I gotta go pick Jay Leno up in my parents' station wagon in our in West Orange NJ, then I would tell the story, and he would and then I had printed out and I'd read it and I'd go. Oh, that's! Good That's good! I go even when I wouldn't this year. I wouldn't say that don't know now I go. I answer my comedian friends. I said and just you know, I have the answer to my comedian friends and I don't want them to read it and they'll be right and of the I didn't. I mean it's a good book, but you can tell it's not his voice or whatever, so he he he here to that- and it was great- that's fantastic. He should have done. That said. No, put, I know, but I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it myself, just 'cause. I really wanted to that. For me. That was my. I can't really write a book about
but it's kind of got that one myself I have like 'cause, I never. I knew it was not even an option. I was doing a book book book thing. A book signing I was telling a friend of mine that I've never read a book. It's just. I can read when people put something in front of me. I can read better than they think I can, but I can't retain so. Is it book signing and it was about twenty minutes before I went on? I was very nervous. I've, not I don't really like doing them, and I told me old book ever read- was there at about a dirty dog harry or something and I go, and I I promise you. This is a true story. It's a so just ask them to take the part having fun so so I said we've got a dirty dog, it's something about Harry and I go at the end. I wanted my back when I wanted my dad read it to me along time ago. You know back when I was like thirty. No I was in the first grade. I said yeah, that's the book with the.
Aug sleeps in the ashtray at the end and my dad found the book find and he wanted. I said: yeah there's the dog sleep in the ashtray in the last page, just like I remembered, and it was the dog sleeping in a blanket after you know, so I thought it looked like an ashtray 'cause. You know like the old funky ashtrays like from the same period. You just can't see pictures. I can't see pictures, that's the problem. I can't even look at pictures. Probably can't interpret pictures and I have a blank? Is an ashtray so tell of in that story, and that was it and then I know it's just I call the coincidence reverse whether you believe it happened from somebody upstairs. I don't necessarily but still thinking that it's since the universe is still amazing, right and there's the book on the shelf white, where we're talking and I go shut the fuc up and then you know, Blake comes over and I'm like that's the book. It said it's fifty year anniversary because it was written before I was even born and I'm like. Are you kidding me so I went up. I don't. I don't want to read my The book is on that a great reader. So I read that book. Like
a bit of it and I went right. This is the only book I ever read in my entire life. Even finish it. That's. I didn't finish at that time. It was funny that I go. This is the only book that I read and here's the book I ever wrote that sweet though that's really nice story, it was. It was weird, it was crazy and weird and crazy. I don't know if they're the right adjectives. One was pretty interesting about having someone else. Listen stories and tell your thirsting as one how many bits you don't pursue because you go that's not interesting. Anyone because it's too close to you, but it actually You know, if we're from another point, if you'd like no, no, no! No! No! No, like a you know how many times you had a comic for new sets, a meal. You've got a right that you got right it down like really, no, that's just a dumb thing that have no good. No! No! No! No! That's really interesting! That's exactly what I told a friend right now! That's writing a book and he doesn't have a even if you write your own words at least sit down with somebody you, whatever you want, call them. Even if you hire somebody just to sit with you because that's what happens?
trying to do it I'll and then they'll pull it out there. What was that? You know help me a lot to say and then, if nothing is a don't ever it's nothing. Just you can go, go, go, go, go, go, there's nothing! But if it's for you on a book tour now Are you? Are you compiling that with stand up or you can do it with stand up? I did a few book thing book. Signings, but I'm done that they're not they're, not my favorite, because I get so nervous, but but I but I did have fun at the book someone to we don't have to do it traditionally. So when I did the one over at place here, Angela Skylight. Thank you. There was a nice group in front of me and then I said every time somebody comes in late, I go start booing me. So I'm at the podium and they by the way. Not only did they do it, I love when people do it and they do it right. They did it like a great bit and they were like,
Boo turn his mic off and I just kept going. No you're, not listening. No, I didn't say all women, I didn't say all women and then so I would pick key phrases and then twenty minutes later somebody else every time I saw them coming in 'cause, I was facing the door. The audience jumped right in and I said no, no, no, I listen all I'm saying. Is they? Don't marriage is between a man and a woman? Why is that? And then they were boo, boo Oneguide, not aggressively, he did it. Right basically took the chair in front of him that was empty and he pushed it at you might get all day and I'm like you, don't push a chair at main and now at what point do you switch back over to the real forty five seconds? forty five seconds, not that long and but the people in the bookstore great. I was afraid if they be like what yeah. This is not a typical book signing, but that they were great. They law so so you know we're out of farming in this podcast and I feel I know we talked about this. The last time you were on, but I still love the bit about where
you call someone and then you start then use they start saying really tragic things. And then, whenever you feel like you just hang up on me and it's always funny, it's always funny. First, so so well, I think what the way we should at like later on, we in the podcast you'll, leave the room and call me and then we'll do it, because I can love it so much yeah I'll call. And tell you why? Maybe I hope it was funny because you know I for here's. What's going on in my life for some yeah yeah yeah it was I yeah, it's just some tragic yeah, that's a great my you know! So whatever it is, we're probably in the park. Is that well go? Look as I do want to bring this up earlier, because I thought it was a little weird. I know when a bomb everybody out, maybe and then I'll tell you some really said you, okay, that's our pockets. I think, if I think on the better- and I think it's better if you go- go through call me and okay on speaker phone in there because yeah something really sad about a voice on speaker phone to yeah, okay, I think I I the first time you ever did that was years ago and I was with the guy. I was in a meeting and I did we did it and we and you go and I'm telling you
the funny you're gonna love it you're gonna love it. No, I'm not I'm not setting it up too much of the doesn't matter. It's going to be funny and you did it. Yeah go up on you after about like twenty seconds and everyone. Everyone loves. That's great. I the thing in my house. It's a version of that when my friends are leaving. I don't know if it's really based on the really not wanting to go to bed and everyone's leaving my house after, like a hang out, so I go out to the last person leaving. I walk next the car and I go man. Roy Scoville is the best that this he'll commit So I don't know what it is. You know it sounds even depressing now when you're saying it on the thing, but I just lately, I think about killing myself all the time, but You guys are here. I guess the reason it makes me so happy as I feel like when you're here. I'm not thinking about it. Just so really had a good time tonight. I guess he goes uh, it's great. He pulls off and it's the same bit but different Dr Edward me, it's great because you get like oh my
of that happened how that would be the worst person, and I always ask him the next day. He calls me because it's so it's a bit, but it feels so wrong and so right, you literally call me and go all my god we're laughing so hard. It really is really good at the at the esoteric bits. Yeah he's be, maybe one of the best he gets seat. You know Roy, that's why I, like you, know hanging young comics can be fun because number one, the only one that will talk about common as much as I want to talk about it right and that you I've learned a lot from watching Rory. You know like it taught me like yeah did, did take bit, you know silly keep going, keep going, don't get nervous. You know in Carmel is good at that too. Oh Jesus Christ will push forward through people not laughing or not getting any just like just like growing just pushes through and just gets it back so king awesome to see yeah. I and I totally agree it's ice it now. You know, watch him and I'm like it makes me want to ask him dumb questions like not dumb, but with audience questions we perceive. The beef
Somebody like you know like how do you come Other ideas and that's I want to go like asking him: did you plan that he's like no. We just thought of it right there. I'm like you, did yeah his brain just works at it on a different uh and such a nice guy, too yeah yeah. You want to hug him yet so much. Of his but hold his whole being radiates with love, I think have you ever thought about legal or where is where Where do you fall in the like? Getting talking about more personal stuff on stage versus doing like doing bits? well. Obviously I always have that rule should be funnier than it is. You know it always before if you're going to say it on stage, but but I like to do a little bit. Both I remember thinking about just George Carlin had died. I thought I was thinking co, incidentally, like ok, decide what I'm doing like do. I talk about social issues 'cause I sort of like that. But then I'm really silly- and I remember thinking I knew for a fact I had to choose one or the other. I thought, but at the time I had certain today, if you have
if you got to choose one or the other, and it was like a big thing like what am I going to do like you know, twenty five using comedy or twenty eight. When I thought about this, like oh god. I don't want to have to put what am I going to do and then I saw George Carlin talk about it, Talk about him, a good note, whatever you want to do, he was really was socially was political. I think, thank God, because I did not want that job to figure out what I was going to do so I like doing a little bit of a little bit of everything than anything in the book spawn some new material or where they separate. You know it did that's a good, that is a. I hate saying that 'cause it's so cliche, but it is a good question, a story that he did is this too, when I was younger, my mom had a a bird That said any understood it. It said I'm thirsty and I was telling him the story. I don't know how it came up and my aunt came into the living room and she goes Maureen. Your birds thirsty. Okay, first of all you're part of a select group of a few people, maybe audience podcast that laughs right there
I don't care either way, it's a gets funny either way. But, like you get the birds, birds, don't have cognitive. What's the word cognitive thought tight right? Sometimes, audiences don't laugh at that they're right there there, like they don't understand. I go folks can nineties anyway, so that story yeah at you know that story right there. The birds thirsty- and I thought That might really mean she has I'm serious it instead, not stable like if that I mean I kids and she was going to watch him that weekend I go seriously like so the audience, is anybody who agree with me. If that happened with you, your aunt's going to watch your kids, yes or the bird say, go really. So if you want living room and I'll. Tell you something else. The bird used to say no! This is really the bird used to say apart. Will do me a favor. That's my dad! So if you saw my aunt gon opals outta town sweetheart, is there anything? I can get you so so and she now would you go and if she was not joking not doing a big going, the bird went Paul. Do me a favor and now listen, I'm not going to tell you again pulls out of town. That's I'm staying with Maureen for the week
to help her with the kids pool. Do me a favor you'd go. Ok, there's a blockage! yeah sure not does silly block the genuine there's a problem, so. I said you in the so I said why isn't it the same way with water? Why didn't you understand like the woman of the birds? Firstly, more what if she gave it water, we thought and it kept going. How much water can you drag wait till Paul, so that was a story that I told him that I've put in the act that into a great job recapping it. But I did all right. I like to insult myself. You did. Are you just saying it was a mind funny? Yes, your vote on the I have a bit it's. It is but it is fun to do in real life. If anyone ever Bates you and you just you just give them exactly you, don't you don't take it
If they go, I'm a failure. I swear, I'm never going to amount to anything and you go. Oh my god, we thought you didn't know it feels so much better. We thought like do we tell a more like and it works for anything. It's like I, my hair looks like shit. It just looks like shit. You go that's what I was thinking. I loved it. I was. I was going to say no because you fail at everything, so we thought you knew, but now to find out. You know that you're a failure, oh my god, take a weight off my shoulders. They wanted me to tell you. Oh this is just such an idiot. No! No! No! I don't want any of that failed to rub off on me and I want to get your clothes anyway. Just leave my everything still water, yeah. Sure now. Is that no one? I think. That's one thing. That's yours yeah this. Let me take a new one, I'm always paranoid. If I'm not positive what that I saw in that drawer, Goo, Goo cluster shut off, Google closer can have it. If you want you're more than have
well, I would need it on the air really won't. I won't, but I have these related. Damn that looks good yeah. The grew claustrophobic environment, where they part of the you know that you know we. We talked about him at one point it because that I think it's a natural thing of the of the other three were just coming from. Yes, come from national, have someone who clusters, and so they sent us a box of them, so Google clusters for everyone, or they look good. I like the packaging, but remember you can't eat it. Till three hundred am as you're about to fall. Asleep shove, the Google cluster into your mouth. Don't you dreams really really late. I have I have horrible dreams when I eat right before. If I, if I don't let food the food digest it, you know it just just so I I I tried as much as I do do that. Sometimes I try not I don't. Do it seven days a week, but yes, it's not it's not the best sleep. It's not! It's not the best sleep in and you wake up feeling a little bit stuff. Then you, you know but what, when I'm going to do it, maybe two or three nights a week, sort sort of works
is where I, when I used to drink all the time- and I would I mean I would this stuff that I would eat at two three o'clock in the morning like right before bed and then wake up at like say under eight in the morning. 'cause you just all full of stuff, so you don't sleep well and just feel like a and then look and see an empty there was a place on in Westwood or at new bracelet called Tommys and Tommy's is basically like chili, burgers and what goes into them, and I don't want- I didn't want to know, but it was good, especially when you were drunk it was really good and so like five, it's like the skinny fries in this chili burger and I would eat a chili cheese, burger and fries at like two o'clock in the morning and then pass out yeah. I remember one time drive and journey back home from into us, the birth of a bar near you're like you're like I want to go to any of us, I was I was I I don't know. If that's anything because like I want, I gotta go to general, then you took me that took it like it's like a and like it was really out of the way
and yep and like you got some food? I thought it was both of us I know you wrote about and I think it was like a like a like a joke in a comedy, and so you order this morning. What do you want yeah and years later, yeah? We would do apart because together yeah, that's right! Oh wow, that's right! M bar opened the year that that stopped. So, was some crossover that you there, but I don't know Joe wrapped it up here, yeah no more M bar and it was a great I feel. Like you know, I don't have to wait years to come like you know how, like I think we might have talked about this before You know how like, when we hear about scenes from the 50s and 60s like when we see you hear those scenes and you thought was it like, and then you go, I think genuine. You know we've been lucky enough to be apart,
have some really cool scenes in LOS Angeles that will be talked about for a long time, original une cabaret at Luna Park in the 90s and then Largo and then Gypsy CAFE was a little I've seen but Largo an then Largo kind of lead into embargo. That's when I showed you, the M bar was magical already death ray, which is what it was called then, Jim. It's even have a name for like the first two years was first years it was a big deal once got gotten named yeah and Bj named it, but it was it. But then, when I went to like the show is still great, but the energycap just changed but, like you know, Fuckin' M bar, like a supper club, but you know I was wearing suits, but it was like that it was so social red, the red, bull or boots, and Red Dade was kind of like the stage always kind of moved 'cause. There wasn't really a good place for it and they did never good place, never good place for it and yeah, and then the food and the sing the hanging out afterwards, because you can't you can't hang out afterwards you video and it wasn't like it was lavish, but it was come,
people to hang. It was right when it was right on the like. We did joke machines there. It was like right on the cusp of everyone about to like pop. You know it was like, like that was the period where Louis was just sort of finding that material about his kids. I remember like yeah when he stands during that stuff and Zack Zack Zack just did late world with Zach again was miserably bored snow back in the back wheel, back was just put through the office and towards it was just about to start right, all those movies and it's uh really really. I I I was just about to lose forty pounds lose. Did you lose forty? yeah. It was forty was forty pounds when you drink everyday and beer to. He would drink beer everyday. I mean any alcohol is basically sugar in your body. Has metabolise it'll store it as fat? You know. Obviously beer is the, I think, the worst worse, but it and I was drinking a lot like fifteen fifteen beers a day. Or something I was fucking crazy, so crazy. You know, starting at like
six at night, uh. The first floor are always in the fast lane, and then would you say like you're like a shower beer guy, sometimes like yeah, I gotta get ready, get going yeah I remember you know some people when they stop drinking that you're like okay, needed to know. You know you needed to, but you were never publicly like you were never. Angry or anything I wasn't, but I think people start. I think people figured it out and- and I think part of the reason why the reason why I don't ever I mean I don't know I just I back to the power that it has over me, and so that kind of you know, sort of like respecting your foe. Respecting your enemy is just sort of a good thing is a good rule Thumb is by the way, I'm not telling you. Oh you should drink. You were fine in public. I get it besides health reasons along with just get sleepy sleepy, it's like you, get food hanging out a party and you get like a spot and you kind of like yeah, but when you but cut that out, like all the sudden, all that just and then
really eating really late at night either so that you know like with all the beer, so it yeah it just you. You drop weight like that when you, if you drink a lot, then you quit yeah you can also eat more. You get bloat too, like you get booze blow to by holding on all that precious water, yeah yeah, be hydrated and, if so, yeah, so there's a lot of reasons. Why? But I immediately lost a bunch of weight very quickly. It feels good, it does feel nice does I was just going to add to the you know finding out about the the the meltdown you know Alex, I think everybody get out was, would tell me he goes, you gotta go you gotta go and I'm always the hanging out thing and, like you just said, you see be, although just you know very, very special point in in and my career also in that scene and there was no place to really hang out right and then I get there.
The first night I went there, you had a food. There is a food truck out back at that point, yeah they were so doing they like either for Carter truck in the back, and I went you know I'll get stories, three. It is a compliment because I think you deserve it like a lot of one nighters or they have comedy. You always think You know me like why don't you do this? Why did you do that for cheap and I went in there? I'm like these fucking guys get it. No money obviously be still hung up, some clamp lights from, like even home depot. You made lighting on the stage you introduce. The show from the back ladies and gentleman and every week you went, you did little things in like you made it perfect for comedy and I'm the first night I went and then I go out back I'm like. Are you fucking shitting me like there's a hang out and I think I out there. Everybody left till
two thirty, the more yeah I remember walking out back because I'm like I'm not leaving as long as he wants her for years used to be able to do that amount down, but then there's an apartment building right behind there, the kind they start calling the cops yes and, and so it just like it did so now, there's a very strict like yeah yeah, it's you know when the show's over you know like you, you can hang out for a little bit, but not a parking and sexy because and then it like it's, like you know it's I hate don't, allowed here just go with the pizza place and then the pizza place close in there just like everyone's like, where is everyone going right, yeah, home home or a bar on the eastside every once in awhile? If over here see? What's that does their like cadre or something welcome pod right now just gets too but it's not really good and hang out place. The pikey is too small. Please right across the street. It's like you go inside she orange. Let's very orange light in a restaurant. I've been enjoying that once in a while he was good toys, good, take toys, pretty good too yeah yeah, but like it's, it's that's was the thing I come come out like it's a, is. It has to be a place that has beer and booze, because it's like it out, you know people don't want to drink beer right. It's really we're just like the negotiation:
every week of where's the best place to go and hang out after the show 'cause it shows. Good ever gets jazz. You know, I remember stand out when I was a kid because I was just like jazz about everything, but there's a you know. After a good, calm ' show you kind of have all that adrenaline just so. You know it's hard. It's hard to go home and just like get into bed and stare at the ceiling and just have your brain spending. One million miles an hour yeah that sounded scars. It's like you know they don't really drink for their shows, but they'll have like they always have a couple beers after a set to kind of come back down. Yeah and then go home and like dads again ever. I have a serious kind of at question, but it just popped into my head. So I'm going to ask it I'm seeing somebody right isn't on this job. I think it's funny still edit that out after you, everyone, when you came out of the garage, did your life
Did you find that you were less stressed or anxious in general? Did that make you feel calmer? You know, I didn't think at the time that, What I thought I got comfortable with my own circle of friends and and but we just out of my own paranoia. Let me say this: I one of the big things about coming out was that I was afraid it would become my day, the d some when I'm talking about it like this but yeah, I'm promoting look so now I talk about it. Yeah, mostly my life from back to the way it was, and I'm like. Okay. This is what I wanted to be a what now when it comes up. I can talk about it and love talking about it because of how many years could nine yeah but, and you know, and this one of those situations where I can, but I thought I got comfortable circle of friends, and I thought I was. I was okay and I know, but it's it is so much better. You don't realize how much plate spinning it is, and it's just a ton of plate, spinning and you you're you're, just always trying to think like who knows who doesn't know, and I think that happens a lot with people and again another parent. Not some of
I thought I know that this is out there. People have told me that some people have the attitude of who cares. Like you know. When you come in, you made it or do. Who cares? What? No it's good? You don't care, but that shouldn't, if you really don't care part of it, is going yes, I get it. I don't care, but those some people have to come out because they hid it's not that you care, but some people in the world do, and I always go for the people that go wide, We know it's affectionately like nobody gives a. We all know. I want to say to him on, like a public address system, that anybody ever thought that I wish I could go. I get this. This is really clean it up for you, okay. I just didn't start in this community. I started hiding it. When I was thirteen right and I got comfortable hiding it, I knew everyone knew it. I who's pitching. This show, which I still am trying to picture, show called that oglas situation. I was saying in the meeting like everyone hears the word like staying in the closet, but what's that mean Is it mean there's so many levels? There's people that don't know Chris parents didn't know
parents did when they got together- I mean it was. It was and also stressful, because, like leave the room without him. You know, because no. We could leave the room, then the room together. All I wanted to talk to my mom. Do I said mom, don't mention it. You know and then one day his niece called me uncle. It was so heartwarming 'cause. She knew at that point. Chris is nice. She went well my uncle Todd and I'm like I start sweating profusely and I'm like, but yet I felt good, and so now it's like it's over it's. Over. You know, even though I still have to make air quotes. When I say my well now it's my ex friend, but you know my and right right, you know, but sometimes you know, I think people are. Like Todd say the word, but I'm like at least they make air quotes. You know yeah yeah, yeah and everybody knows what I mean so I'll get there get there and be more comfortable, the other other words, but it's I I sweat less it was always sweating 'cause. I was so nervous and who knew didn't know, and then I you know people know the worst is Chris
would know- we know they know- which page and Rick They know we know they know because our friend Andrea too, because I told them okay, but then we were doing How to say hey. We know you know so we just were for two years. They knew we knew they knew, but nobody talked about it and then what if you were like? Hey page and Rick? Yes, so you know where we're together and then your other friend was like. I kidding. I didn't tell him. I was just trying to freak you out, but you know, but you know it's interesting. Is how you can come. Have a situation that you don't realize is toxic or bad for you and then you sort of see like for this period. Time. I was living in a certain way and I didn't because when you use your just used to it from thirteen up until you know, you're late forties, you're used to that but then, when you look back to go, how did I keep that? You know and- and you probably you probably able to 'cause I find like you know again, it's sometimes it's hard.
We really should be a fish doesn't know it's in water. You know, I mean, like you, don't know You don't realize sometimes that you're in this kind of situation, when you get out of it, you uh you choke I know you when you get out of it, you can breathe and you don't realize that like if you were stressed you're, like the whole time and then, when that's gone, you can really like you, can really just kind Let it go and be comfortable. Do you think that contributed to the heart attack? No, I don't think that did, but three hundred am you know. People are like. I think we figured out what of what hearing you just said, like calms me, 'cause you're right, I got called like I said comfortable in that. Like I didn't know, I thought about your parents know brothers knows weird how we can get comfortable in chaos like it's so strange to me that you would think that that it's more it's more compact.
Sing for a human being to seek comfort than it is to seek healthy, Decisiones, healthy choices like things that will actually bring term comfort because it's so easy to in the short term, just placate placate placate. No, I don't have so I don't have to deal with the deal and then but in the long term you know it's like making these types of healthy decisions like being comfortable with who you are letting you know like not get that they can get put extracting yourself from that type of. You know like a situation maybe toxic for you. Is you really feel? This is how you're supposed to be on the other way. Wow. I can't believe I mean I you know, especially with drinking I look back and how the can survive yeah. There was so many like you know there was some so many like. Sometimes if you saw some of this stuff that happened like When you see a show and you go, that didn't happen in real life and then you find out that would be play. Don't worry be like I don't know if I want to put this, if I had a show cause people think it's fake, but there
the moment where there was something that went on our street, where the police had to knock on everybody's door- and you know Chris into the other room that was our spare bedroom which, by the way, a friend of ours. New knew there'd always be luggage and a lot of stuff on that bed, and he would be like God that much he knew about us, but every day every time he came over, he would make the same joke. You go God that must suck like every night before you go to bed, you gotta, all that stuff? So the police knocked on the door first round of the other woman made up made a made the bed we're coming in, like we don't know like really and that's when we would look at each other we're not dumb. We would look at each other when the situation calmed or when do we tell the you know the the the the how the housekeeper like when do. We tell her like we're, still messing up the other bed right. Every time she came, and we're not doomed, we're not done when the situations would calm like that. We look at each other, we be like laugh,
also go. What are we doing, but we weren't stupid. We knew like that. This has got to end laugh at it. We were. The cops, are going to quit and go hey. We're looking for a fugitive the hell's going on in here. No these two men, but only one messed up bad. Now that going to It's like. I don't know why. That was exactly the thing that we would do all the time there was something that was a by the way. There was somebody that they thought there was a bomb on the street. That's what caused him to knock on the door, but that would go way to sit in here which way? Do you go sleep? It yeah we got some bigger, yes, I'm bigger than that bigger here we gotta buy. Oh yeah, certain legal and is your actual address yeah. I believe that it addresses and you're right, you know, do not dead just days. People didn't get that what's your number,
I give you credit, parameter casual show, you know just bleep it out, yeah just leave it just leave on time. Just sleep now. You got two places to bleep it you can throw so much work Katie's way right now, but I glass of friends that I just have to believe that out now too, so we do it before she got mad. I'm not blaming yeah god, Dammit Todd there's a bomb scare. There you had weird foreign neighbors. There was all sorts of gation happening. I mean was the epicenter of all the crazy things that happened in places that were not
wait. Sorry, I was tuning now, which is what we're doing now. I used to leave it my address out now Katie's gotta edit it every time we say it so she's getting a little bit frustrated over there. How did you make a note of that? Could you read it back to main yeah? Ok you know just a business up 'cause. I won't listen right when she pose issues is not going to believe anything. You going to be back, Katie Headache, that's when you make someone believe themselves, that's power. I read for the loss of power that number forty seven. That's an addendum yeah. Add that in there and make someone believe themselves that sell like in, like ego guy, just like here's some extra ones. He just starts writing his own laws of power, update this Katie just so defeated the tag tag last situation came from because I would tell a friend that he would go to his his pair,
it be like no. No, they don't know about my situation and my friend Daniel goes I would you call the situation, that's a hell of a situation. You got yourself into really funny and those with the show came yeah the talk last situation. Are you still pay? Your pitching? I you know we were in. We were in works with somebody about the show with comedy central? And and I'm not just saying this to say it like. I still really get along with them. We just had a different vision and I'm I know what I would just bring it up and off. I didn't like I genuinely from a party, and I see a lot of those people in the corner, I'll go, find them and hang with them yeah and I genuinely like them, but I I don't want to make it, and it's not that I didn't think it could work, because it could work. You well, then why? Wouldn't you do it because it wasn't my life I didn't want, every story, the a plot being about the dysfunction of the plate? Spinning I did 'cause it wasn't. I wanted to be the b plot. Sometimes the sea like it wasn't my life and maybe some shows it would be the a plot, because some days it was but rarely- and I just wanted it to be like life went on, but that
is an element of the show that there were days when we didn't talk not at all. I fantasized about an episode where it wasn't brought up at all till may be the last two minutes, one of those. As we just talked about were Chris goes to a friend yeah. My parents are coming to town you, Chris, your friend big nose right and I go. No. No, he doesn't know we lived together, doesn't even know where no relationship that was it, I would have a real life and then we go back to our regular life and we do we live. You know we lived in it. Do we we it's it's. This is either one of those things. That sounds like really. We lived in a duplex and For a long time, supposedly Chris lived Upstairs Landry and then he would come down the back door and you know you know what can you added that you won't edit? That will you I hate that I hate anything that has a double entendre because it's like, but he Good, so you would
begin to the house, and that was our living situation for awhile. While that I forgot the question even but anyway oh, the pitching out of the show, that's what I was asking yeah. I just wanted it to be where I was a bar owner and the is an element of the show, but the TA glass situation, which I, We want to 'cause. You know there have been a lot of shows about people that have been out of the closet, but there's never really show about someone in the closet, and I think it would be funny Also, I think it would be interesting people be like. I never thought about that. I never thought about. You know what they had to do. That situation or the the fake girlfriend, or I mean I would do so much stuff. I would literally get like
Andrea, like some her clothes and then put him like you know like her shoes would be like oh yeah, Andrea stuff. She leaves some of her stuff here when I was faking that had a girlfriend was going on. When did you find time to write comedy? It's not. Let me tell you something: it is exhausting that is like so much enerji devoted to and then something in your mind that was so important like we have to keep, but but no one's really looking that close did anyone out not so yeah great observation. Most people either they knew when they didn't give a shit or if they didn't know exactly they're, not looking that close, you know there would be moments. Me and Chris. You know, even though we're not together anymore. We still laugh about like There were moments where literally like we be, friends come over and although I think my house is listen. I care about aesthetics, it's a very it's very manly house. It's you know it's not like a very feminine house, so there would be like a candle stick and Chris would be like had friends come over he's like put that away.
And then to be like, and when my parents come over 'cause. I wish there was a twelve year. Gap in us so when Chris is parents would come over his friends, but don't talk about like redoing the bathroom, it's embarrass and I'm like sh, and then we will get into a battle of like really I go. You don't think it's more buyers in the if you're worried about what they think they look at us. We live together. I think that's a sign that we might be you know, and if I ever said anything that was received his family and he would always look at me and go. You guys don Rickles each other yeah it was. It was the the the the belt they can. The whistle like I'll be or I'd say what would it would be any Think I'm like you know, maybe we should just anything that was to do with Maybe it was you know perceived them in it. You know it would be like it out so did at it. But you don't talk about this on stage a lot, though you know I sometimes it go ahead. I was gonna say and I I know you go head because I I've item when I want to tell you what I don't wanna tell you why? I think you don't do it on stage and let me hear give
Yes, because you don't want that to be your identity, exact eggs, exotic identity, don't want, because you don't want to be that you. Hey, look at me, I'm tired and I'm a gay comic- and this is all my jokes about that exactly in for comic that maybe that's been a bigger part of his life, then that's right for him. I'm not writing a rule like any other comedian. That might talk about it. More! That's great! I think James, I don't don't mean. Does it really great? It's a part of his life, but I always say it about anybody. You know if you're, a black comic, should you talk about. You know issues about growing up like of course, but the good black comics talk. They talk about that. They talk about other stuff, it's not all one thing you know like that's going to be anything- and I didn't want it to be my thing but also I realized you know, maybe never to it first released. Line now, I'm talking about you know my girlfriend. Although the stories were true, I just changed the sex while proving how relationships are all the same. If that doesn't prove it, I don't know what the hell the
so your boyfriend had a baby exactly the stuff. That would be that's funny, because that was a joke. We would say like every time. I told stories a girl from my girlfriend. No one ever smelled it because they're the same now granted, if I said like we were the airport, my girl, from his pain next to me, yeah, and they wait a second but yeah, the the I op. I I'll talk about it in different ways, but There are comedians that are straight that don't talk about relationship right that much but starting to in my acct slowly. You know I told Lou. CK that I was uncomfortable talking about it. He actually gave me some pretty good. Clean advisor goes well. If you want to talk about being uncomfortable talking about it right and I go ok and that sort of did some. The terms like you know. Do you say
a friend is a partner. I don't know why they all just a heat. Those terms you know and not that other people should stop. You know, but if you, if you don't like those terms like those terms, but I do love that kind of you know, you think the honesty isn't about talking. It is in the talking about it as that as a concept for you, but the, but the real honesty is like, but this is how I feel about it like not just talking about the situation, but all right talking about right. How you feel about it is where that seed of honesty is in it, and that's a really and it's a really interesting yeah instead of instead of casually, maybe so because I'm not there yet. My boyfriend of my partner did this. I talk about the word partner right, that's where I'm at, and I and I I that the job, It's actually someone emailed this to me a listener and I'd love that he goes hey. Why don't you call him sound like a little more manly you're, calling your partner in crime and like hey, I can I like that, if my partner in crime, we say, and we you know our our crime, is we disobey a a, maybe a fake god? Did you ever think about? I just
on the old balls in chains Yeah. You should leave, Oh wait going to close the show, the old Falls and Shane damn it. I wish I was taking a sip of water door, then that would have felt good to choke on it. That was that was pretty fantastic thinking, test jump there we go. So the book is a book out now book is out. Now it's called that oglas situation and uh. You know the origin, title no, never mind the book. Is that now the talk less situation will do me what anyone it's over the results I doctors were were wrapping up, but it's not that important. All right, but if you want to now, I want to know what the I feel like actually to read what I thought like the original title, and I
Simon and Schuster might have known the right reason. I don't do this to negate them. I really don't even know at this point they're going to be like. Why is it keep bringing this up? I really don't, but I still think I wish it could have been called it, but they know marketing and they know, could have thrown a lot of confusion with people and explains it in the book. But I thought the subtitle I'm over prefacing a little bit will be done in thirty seconds. I thought if the title confused anybody, the subtitle would go so I think I know I think I get it. I wanted to call it all. I ever wanted to me. It was a nice girl to terminal disease and other stupid things. I said to keep the closet door shut. All right, ok and I hated the word closet so much, but I thought, if I get the the book that I'll let him use, closet and subtitle, but I think most people knew that. That's not that's. If I could meet a girl and then she would die, I could go I'll, let you know later when I'm seventy years ago he had Todd. Never got over, then you would never have another. You have another woman, never have to date. Another woman, it's not about making fun of some.
The term of disease and also about the twenty one year old kid with his plight. That wasn't thought out. Of course, that would just You know. I'd hang out, maybe near like the hospital. You know and act like I didn't know. Meanwhile, I'm looking at the chart, you know which one is definitely going to die here: yeah you're, trying you're trying to the terminal beard and my friend right good, but at terminal one and my friend, rich. I remember because these are two he was the first friend I ever met that we could talk about it, 'cause think about all the all that ship bottles up inside of you dating, is hard enough. But can you imagine being attracted to somebody- and you can't tell anybody when I look back on like how did my head not load. So I met this friend of mine. We just were friends actually, but we talk. We would sit in diners till three hundred in the morning at six hundred in the morning. Just talking and talking the sun would come out because, like this was somebody and then I told him that idea. He was keep in mind we're like oh we're a lot alike. He goes that's that was. I had I'm like. Oh this guy definitely going.
My friend for a long time. We both have great ideas. Yes, I am yes, I am I would actually die, don't want to press anybody, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to. He died of cancer about three years ago, but the sun and I keep in touch with his son Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, that's nice, but yeah, but that but that. But I think the data. No, no, I know what you mean. I am. Why do they say that? Because I thought well, I don't know if that maybe his wife listens of the show you like really doesn't talk. No, you know no, but it's not if he was married by the way. That's, why said wife, because he was married for a little while? Okay, that's that's what happened he I thought he just. He just got married and I thought oh, I guess he's not. I didn't know I thought, and then we didn't talk about it for a long time and then one day he is tied up and now I can't do this and Wife was awesome about it, but anyway that was a both of our twenty one years over like yeah. That's a good idea. If we can only meet a girl with the with that to disease. Well, do you want to wrap up the show by going
absolutely by the way I had so much fun. I mean you been on twice you gotta come back again. There was a lot of fun because we never get to hang out and What you want me to go. You're gonna go you're you're, my number okay, let's say there's something like I forgot to talk about and then you're just gonna hang up on me: yeah, okay, okay! Well, no! It's it's you're! Gonna, start you're! Gonna start telling us that it, like I'm gonna, say how's it going Then you're going to launch into like a really like sad and then just start droning on and then, whenever I feel like I've had enough. I'm going to hang up on you not like. I left the podcast. This is just a minute. Let me call you your house on a Saturday over you're gonna go call. I know I know yeah yeah yeah. Exactly exactly I mean, is it so we'll go? You'll call me to go, hey Todd how's it going and then it will be like oh, not so good and then you'll start talking and whenever I feel like you know a funny I'll. Just hang up, but.
It's guys, let's Todd the phone cool on speakerphone, hello,. Hey Todd, hey how's it going I'm doing. Alright, I talk to sleep this morning will come down. I don't know what it is doing great now leaving Nerdist dot com enjoy your burrito.
Transcript generated on 2019-11-05.