« Jocko Podcast

123: A Fight Through Darkness with Marine Corporal, Jake Schick

2018-04-18 | 🔗

0:00:00 - Opening

0:04:19 - Jake Schick. Early Days.

1:15:20 - Deployment.

1:45:26 - Jake gets wounded.

2:14:36 - Recovery.

3:12:27 - Giving back.

3:44:58 - Final Thoughts and take-aways.

3:52:19 - Support: JockoStore stuff, Super Krill Oil and Joint Warfare and Discipline Pre-Mission, THE MUSTER 005 in DCOrigin Brand Apparel and Jocko Gi, with Jocko White Tea,  Onnit Fitness stuff, and Psychological Warfare (on iTunes)Extreme Ownership (book), Way of The Warrior Kid 2: Marc's MissionThe Discipline Equals Freedom Field Manual, and Jocko Soap.

4:15:19 - Closing Gratitude.


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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This is Jocko podcast number one, twenty three, with ECHO Charles in me, Jack, unwilling good evening, ECHO believe me now this podcast is the third Series of pod casts that I have done and if you haven't listen to broadcasts number one, twenty one and one twenty two They go back and listen to those episodes before you. Listen to this one, the first of those podcast number one. Twenty one tells the story of choice the polar the icon, Make in heroic marine corps legend that foreign Five wars was awarded fight, Navy crosses the most, of any servicemen ever rewritten, as a three step,
General, after rising through the ranks from private podcast, one, twenty two. Tell the much different story tells the story of Chester Pullers son, Louis Polar Junior, who also join the Marine Corps, who fought Vietnam, who is horrific, wounded and continued to fight against pain and against loss and against oppression and addiction when he returned home from war.
Then, in the end he lost that battle. After falling back into the downward spiral of alcohol and prescription pain killers, he became another statistic of the most dreadful kind. He turned the gun on himself and took his own life. And, as I said at the beginning of this series, I was seriously questioning whether or not I could do this podcast. If I had the wherewithal to got through the pain of that story and more important if it were
the right thing to do for the right thing to bring this story to light, because clearly the story does not have a happy ending and I wondered if there was any good at all to be found in it. But I also know that darkness left, unchecked and ignored is darkness. It grows and if we do not learn from the past than we know, we are condemned to repeat it.
There was one more compelling thing that allowed me to go forward in producing this series of pod cast about a year ago. I think I was in Texas now speaking at the Chris Kyle Memorial Benefit, then I met someone there. He was a man in his uncle was a marine. His grandfather was marine than he had been severely wounded in Iraq. Then, as I learn more about him, I came to understand, The hell he had been through was much more than just physical. Like many veterans, psychological wounds were also severe, but he had fought against. The pain
Fought against the loss for the fight that so many other veterans fight and he had come out the other side stronger and better and had dedicated his life to helping other veterans win that fight. His name is Jacob Chick and is not honor to have him on the podcast with us here tonight. Jake welcoming, show brother, they only real common old man, but your help What do you have a lot of people and I wanna hopefully get you out there and more people, You you you, would you, whenever no use talking. You aren't. I spent couple hours at some random bar in a hotel somewhere in Texas learn stock. The other man
I told you that I speak. I can't get on my part gas, but when I was like I said when I was doing was reading these I was saying to myself. I gotta have I got to show the other side man. I gotta show that that you can get out of this new get through it, and there is no better example that did you in and fight that you ve been through. So, let's get into a man. The start must start at the beginning. Let's start with young Jake Lord blocked up- where's my child. When we talk about Louisiana Bossy, a city that I say in the day but now that was that, was we to you what twelve year tat, boat, Bowser City City, you're sitting. Here I could, depending on what part illusion from pronounced the other way around way now they're, both right size, Louisiana, will tell you that the nice, but I want the taxes laws about twelve. And
move in my mom, so I went from like a structured. Disappoint home to the active that which ought to be very clear it's a witty eat. Now your grandfather's ring was an illegal Your grandfather served war to follow. You will and hence arrived there was. Obviously, the the driving factor. My address of being a marine and because I really close to my grandmother grown up emigrants, Weiler passed away. Failure in fifties and others while questions about how he passed away no, but will never know. Rightly so, but my grandma, who talk about my grandfather and addresses a swell with pride. He asked the boy the family and so on.
I would see that I just thought myself when she talks about me. I want her to do the same. Looks like I need the marine for that to happen. Because every time she would talk about him, something, from his time the service in the Marines would be very, close to that summit, and I knew, I want whatever that is. That is all I made my mind up that I'm getting that, no matter what it takes, I'm gonna get that we are, the only alter was death, Thank you. I think I was gonna. Stop me from getting and immigrant where my my uncle served in. Was the second generation Marine, who still very much alive. And it is pretty is pre salty
and it was falling advocates for I went to boot- talked on the subject, but go what I need to know. This is always he said be loud. Be first, though volunteer for anything I on the phone and light waiting for the follow up what he loved me. First, Walter Reed I gotta go. I mean What's funny, man is he's right That's really! You know how many young birds of told that writer. What do I need to know I'll bet, you have said that three dozen time in front of Paris is almost complete opposite of what would the mass chief of seal team one till we were not there when he said, keep him. Keep your mouth shut? Keep your ears open! Don't forget! the thing and don't be late. That's what you told me in it. You ve I volunteered for everything as dumb but fired up. I was fired up. Kid
well now I not want to large it's actually interest because in the end, other juniors book here? about us. As there are there in the basic school get ready to select for what they want to do and they start getting graffiti on the desks and people. I got odor tee and out and three who gives a fuck drive a truck in there just being there like, not ovum alarmed sorted. Look at organ, hey man, you know, I don't want to do that, and very you were. They held out to be enough to bloom Commander and that's what a lot of God where they wanted it, Maria me. A lot of them got war readily wanted were like, I was just tell you he was he was Oh, she s basic school. It is leave in Vietnam. Spook manner welcome to the core of Europe. Just when you think the dream. We can't get. Any order can,
there is no limit I mean it's just like with? No with me. It was never, Never question became a decent football player and I got taxes which is basically our gradual high school. Not basically, that's where I was lucky enough to be selected as a captain, my senior year in your plate for five it Walter languages is the real deal. Gases, man and it's not just just under the NFL answered only lurching would get together whom we be like. We would like style. All the college teams were totally sure we could be just the and slew, but about me in It's crazy gives. You see the the athleticism difference between
especially when you go to your big schools in them and the NFL. It's the speed, crazy in the streets. I mean all over the agility, it's nice, indeed its night and day, and it just goes to show you young, kids you. Don't know shit. You think you know a lot. You don't know shit out. That way up, I mean We really are still to be thirty. Six and I've seen anyone who comes to mean that ok, I gotta figure in order as a perfect, you no longer need to be my circle because I'll never learn anything from let's formula I normally dies through the life but meant I was I loved football. That was that's what I thought I school for, and so it was or cliche thing is where in small city where in Texas, where you couple couples he'll be Vila look outwards
and you know. Had it not been for the four like me counselor and the Prince Ball and all those people like I wouldn't graduated- is ours, is that from the political crap By the time, no monsieur your role around, as did of along with it. I didn't If only the deal that anymore, if only the two, play the game that comes with it in the game, and it just got to where it was like you how this is it's kind of bullshit? Is this a grown up rights autonomy is Anna where you going to church everyone's there every Sunday morning, can you put on your Sunday best and you go to church and you act a certain way you're out in public and you act certain way, because you get home the dwarf clause. That's all bullshit I mean we're. Being condition, is little kids. I cages disfigured to make it an.
I'm alright sailor that now do you got So when you in high school, you kind of got tired playing the game you're just thinkin, not now didn't. You join the Marine corps beginning my senior has already it in an entirely bodies of all those below the one over famously mother, because one I thought I was gonna. Go play ball small school because it because I'm this more days, my senior than actually went to their because Football Cecil's overlooks rhythm done I got no need to do the school shit anywhere, that's overrated, but I knew it was not a man than they were. You think it did. You join. Were you planning to go active duty? Were you in the reserve snow, so I'd signed up and recruiter on there again.
These legitimate, unilaterally horror stories barriers. I really, I literally have a question here is like how is your recruiter could be good repute or stories one way or the other big, either scrutiny homely took care of, so my recruiter. First of all, he got me out of a lot of stuff. Was. I did we're now. There's no way just wouldn't flyer an asset, How did you do that? Don't worry about? It better be enough to relax. Am I We can drive if you are, but he heads so most recruiting stations are like inside a shopping centre or ever so. They were right next to the grocery store chain and why, one day. Some some do goes and snow staff in and He chases them down. Whips his ass in the parking lot. So the fire fighter in the core. The resolution and I ve Oh dear furniture,
gonna, be on the wrong track. Talk me out of it for months the Jake, you really don't as ignores. What I want to do, and but each is the dude down, and I was like see that was for me. That was formation from God that I'm doing the right thing in my people read out what it was men, I my second, I think the second week of football season in our my name, I feel more right, knee in and when I went and sign the paperwork I was on crutches in a breeze. I opened the door like hobble in egos. What are you doing Sir, I'm sure sign up legal, not like that you're not with us. Give me two weeks. We're playing who airplane some are beyond the field. Gimme two weeks, music, there's no way a silk, be here
in two weeks, then he showed up when I play the hurt like hell they threw my trainers, led filters, Luongo good good. You know is the young dumb. I kill power before I Q rights power through you can just power, through. You know really need the IKEA and that's why you to be stupid. You gotta be tough. That's that's man and there's a lot of truth to that which we can all its us to that right person. I don't care look here. If you ever Perker, not even addressed if you're gonna be stupid, you'd, better, better, be tough for sure her and slowly, but I ended a plan and a signed up then tell any body when it was actually I graduated by the grace of God and because of high school for porn taxes, and it was.
It was amazing mare, because my dad actually met my recruiter at the high school, graduation and users. Rest blues, which is here the Bush. The former is no one can argue, and if you do, but he walked up and our solidarity. I, like you, To me my my router, I looked at me our cruder whole his hand out the shriek s, hand and my dad looked at me, and he said dad it was this your dad finding out yeah. Why would you do that? looks at Margaret looked back at me like waiting for me to answer I set out there, cheek his hand near banker out shake his head. Pressure continues. He use Pierce man he's Pierce disease, I didn't understand why the time really but
later on? This is two thousand right is presented two thousand one actually Ozma, graduation may may or June. Two thousand more cases is prenatal, Renate Weber, Marty's signed up I mean I'm gone, and here are your dad's thoughts were more around like a well. You should go to college. You should get a job at all. I'm a banker, it's a good life that everything you don't need to go into this other stuff. Exactly so, and so my thing was no war going on right now, I'm right here, no news loose cannon, cool peacetime, the swallows but whatever- in a word. Rainbows rules allow above people all have in their safety bubble, but we are we. I knew that that was that's. What What does I knew? I felt it as much as I know that, like my leg, never gonna grow back like I knew that much that this is what I'm supposed to do. I was,
help me on it Hell bit. And so my dad was pistols, a question it because maybe I didn't tell him, I kept it for a moment in a myriad of things right eminence. Never just one thing anything is never just one thing like I love people like you are not the problem is when might well. What do you wanna bet there's more than one because its? it's just the way it is, but he I didn't realize- and I didn't think about the time. I'm ninety at this point- and I didn't think about he- had seen what war does too not only a person, but someone that is his blood is flesh and blood he's seen the after effects will use. So he saw him with his dad, and you owe was that he had was out of arms, that I will do my dad's that and a year and his brother, his older brother, and so he had seen the after effects of seeing you my grandfather was a hard man, and the way the,
he was a man when it was ok, be man and you the judge for being a man whereas now that's a lot of you, I thought you know. The whole dogma because like, They even use either whether it's ok, it's a man, is Yeah. I'm looking at you, the blanks Dirk, is I'm like detached from all that. Like me, applause. I dont even it's weird man. My life is weird that I don't I just kind only river evolving or revolved my own little world. So when I, when I hear like when I do When that kind of stuff entered my world and his colleagues that really happening it. It doesn't really compute and move on. I will see, but when you, but when you're in my world, it's almost you asked no one saw me, unfortunately, with what we're trying to do. It's a big ass mountain were drawn and its but anyway I buy goaded, I go to boot. And actually Nine eleven happens,
I'm in my room the night before and the whole thing minor reserves was so I thought God knows like ok. Are you graduate may of two thousand and one you screw and for the summer, in a Texas kid graduated my school, this golden Marine corps. That was a real p d. Its situation, a hundred percent, then then September eleventh have when you're boo camp. When you forget golly for book at the month after nine eleven jerk swords on and so it was an idle. It happens and so I looked at. It was like a you know, my my grandfather, corporal shook my uncle's corporal shook I'm gonna he's the bar for whoever the four duration is Meigs. That's what we're supposed to do right for those who come after us and South Africa join reserves still infantry. Was gonna stay. Everyone be career for treatment,
I'll pick a bee five. By that time, already of my degree and I'll get but I'll get. My commission there'll be a must thanks The fourth generation is like that the boar set like so that was my mindset right. Silly georgiades different plans We but nine eleven happens in it was It became very rule, very quick that ok, what this is the males Gung HO about it, but my in my body we wake up, and my mother who walks in my room like opens the door and beer cans. I get pushed everywhere. So first like what eternal tv were under attack, tv my body. We want the we did the body system the coroner fell at that. As a brewery, more jerk, when it was wanted.
I do no good You have a sense of Rock n roll, but then the smart little little smart person that lives in the back of your head was like this may suck but this may such bad. Her body It didn't obviously didn't determine when motivation in doing that, and so we Yemen, left the moth after nine eleven, which was all right down the street from here he's a good man. Any authority, someone as if Record rose early day, more motivation to be marine cordial instructors where they had a September haven't they were ready to get some. They had it It was gnarly. But no matter from the time that we landed the time that we on the other us, which this was otherwise crack me up does your land, you can see the deeper from the runway.
For whatever reason the bus ride takes like an hour earlier. That's welcome to the military in general. It didn't take long for me to completely understand why that is the way it is, and so it was, but from the time. The first time I still on the olive branch, up to now. But to this point right today? I wouldn't question: I don't question any of it, a nor I wouldn't take any of it back I wouldn't trade any of it I have no doubt that everything has happened exactly the way it was to happen on believing coincidences, and now a wooden take anything back. Just because something that I have learned the ripe old age of soon. He thirty six is that you can have triumph without trial tribulation tragedy, those kissing dozens you cannot have one without the other, and where you go with it is up to you
in my life was one hell role across ride and started the first farmers, the Mozilla footprints, undistorted way before that man sorted if we had from before the trauma. Nothing majority of us do because we live in a very small first rural society, and we forget that were mere mortals John Dispersal about us, we're all the same We were all just living, breathing sacks of skin jack. That's inside one. Like a sort of boot it was it was. Those deals where the mindset started of minority had some leadership skills thinks the football team sport and had I learn that grown up and then in high school are really at home. Those whose leadership skills, which really help me and boot I really believe in team athletics, because it's it's like everything no matter what you're doing with that.
Greater good, is always gonna be bigger than you always you have to hang onto that humility in that I'm just encounters the dude Dude Viana do but to do play an ado travelling another do, but you know them. You know me, it's you, you realize often if you really trying to do something, it's worth doing You reminded often how human you're in I used to tell my guys we're doing something for the right reasons: you're gonna win in the end like and that means, if you're doing something, that's gonna help the Tina win. You can win in the Algerian. Get. What you want. The things go the way you want. If you're doing so, and for your selfish reasons or for the wrong reasons, you lose me and you might both those that Personal data for right regions might lose some battles along the way, a person that's doing it for the wrong reasons. My win some battles along the way, but the end game person
you're doing the right thing for the right reasons. If you're looking out for the team, if you're doing it for the good of the team you're going to win, and if you do opposite eventually, you're gonna lose that's the way it works we are on the right to know what the history books, they'll get right did they do it loses out every time the undertakes sometimes takes years, sometimes take ten years takes decades, but people are doing the right thing by reasons they went and actually get its. I got little girls all time, which I still the the human alley in me still has through our after remount every time I talk to a guy cigar me, man or woman than matter better it's all, I talked to him. I usually start the conversation out with no matter. What comes on her out of this whole underneath my nose? I need you, I'm talkin myself to every time nurture, and I said It's I say you know it's none of our business, what the hell other people think of us. There is none of my business. What anyone else thinks me it should
Very little impact on any decision. I make every day all day? None America should have no impact the others that there is an interesting dichotomy that I've talked about that on this part gas before because for me right, I'm a guy that On the one hand, I exact same thing I don't care what people think at the On the other hand, the spectrum I am do we care when it whenever thinks and YE, draw you into this. When you were doing something. I mean when I was your someone's. Your teams I'd be taken, always like pay. This is the right thing. What what's this gonna do to my reputation? What am I got was. What is your my buddy gonna? Think me if I cut the coroner here, if I don't do the right thing, so my reputation away, I was looked at I did feel that pressure all the time. At the same time, if someone was like, oh, I don't like your clothes or whatever I dont care at all, but things I cared about and from
people that I cared about respected always had the Do that, like yeah, you know what I do care. What I think I do care o my you know I'll say man when the hardest things I had to do with what I wrote a book and, like here? You are you're gonna write a book you know. You can write a book about yourself, it's it's! It's air again conceded thing to do. No matter what you say in the book, it doesn't matter It's your writing a book about you and and in a labour, wrote the book with me same thing, the price, Mary concern for me was like water. My brows in the teams gonna think me right. So. It's hard figures. So there's a balance between those two, your right. Let me when we simplify. The people that you never gonna me yeah, above all Barney style for her
we also need a dumb two things down for this guy over here. The stable. What is behind you the people, you're never gonna meet to love, little to no impact on your life. Any rule being henceforth it doesn't matter think them out and that's ok, I don't think they want a fake. But it doesn't matter now. That's a hundred percent right for sure. Because it's really easy, especially in the or when we do that. We you dated their points of view. It's really easy for people. To sit on herself loathing asses by their computer screen and pass judgement when we continue to draw on word in the face of tremendous loss. There's something he said for I mean that's that that right there is a test of billing character all at all.
In the face of tremendous lost to say, ok, we had to step back, we have to reassess, Will redress or re engage with suggestions that's right, Thou limits, but but They're still grounded, take and demons to slay. We have to move forward and burner painters. Fuel because that's what we do. Because, if not us who. Then so that all that started I'll stand in those your because you have this in southern Europe. People that no their stuff about the military agrees with thou thing that can be said about the marine corps. No other branch, regardless of the vision, adheres to tradition as much as the Marines in the EU.
Ass, we were not just in my girl. We told him good night every night for the remarks marine corps is absolutely absolutely correct here. The marine corps does not play around where concentration, and I think that there's a the proof of the pudding right. I mean sincerity. Seventy five. We ve shown that we'd. Here too that? That's what makes us who we are? its wives. I think that. We have the success rate. Do we have godless of being the basher children, the military, her not really known her is being poor, I we make it work. We we have set, they want been able to really the fine. What improvise adapting overcome means been able to live that improve situations where else I look at an that's gonna bits did the total loss and come out with a w come out.
Victory because of that very tradition. There makes us who we are, because when all our skills. All you have, as your gut. Now, when you go you brute boot camp, those theirs was there. Any combat veterans there. Only we want the limited, that's it that's a testament. What you're talking about right now is that, even though no one billion combat in while depriving, if you guys it went Gulf WAR, maybe a couple of guys want small you, maybe a couple guys into grenade or something or or Panama, maybe yeah, those are like ones, ease and Tutsi right and theirs. Dance that none of your d eyes had any combat experience. It's a great poignant, and yet the less Get passed on your old old Vietnam seal on here and he was talking about when he came back from Vietnam and he instituted this certain type retraining at out in the desert and
I was like I went through that training and he's ok, I put that together, like the same its appointment course really, but we'd be traps output targets to download us other yeah he's a guy made that up and also always still do it. We still do it and so that tradition in the marine corps to her? good years there of things He passed out, wrote solid. I mean it's something that. I'm listening even now makes me swore fried. You know like. I understand why my grandmother reacted too. We should truly now You and I have been able to live that I've been blessed enough, To live This journey that I mean comes with a lot of pain in a lot of hard lessons Panes is inevitable suffering optional. Something I've learned two minutes. No one's gonna be harder on you than you every day you wake up. You should do be thinking yourself died today it's me verses me.
No one wakes up Ngos, I'm gonna go out of my way to be average today. I give you wake up and do that you need have a good check so So you get you don't Give me your Pendleton through for infant you. So I went up to a penalty, the odes was fun and your socks and boot I was. I was for Squaw squad leader up until now, a week before graduation because the cereal shorter than like me, I don't like him either those whose mutual well, and there's one, the I added I swear if I saw military today like I'd, go far right now, not getting it all. There is one, do the guy. Pdf from that guy, I guess he was going out of his way to try and mentally break me in a just, never happen, and he would you would you what are you? Why was I use just
it became this personal thing to him because he saw how recruits we gravitate. Three might have been like jealous of you're. My download I shall be yours. Are I dont nodded at all? Costs is ugly. He was not handsome like yourselves and obviously I make money maker whether he was but he use you could tell the underneath it all like. You is a great Murray and me he. The air. We lacked a lot for their health. The other day eyes, but You know it was just. I will stay for our Brookhaven throughout the last name, like shake God's last name, was shutter. So for three months. They should go. Get your brochure, three, man the only time I ever got emotional and candles on parade DEC. Duration. There the errors that one
the as yet looked at me and he said I gotta tell you she and the Like I gotta motion I did. I got my name back, but little We were told me in My dad was are actually in walks by on the prairie deck and tosses mechanical vermilion longer than you look at me and said: good job, let's go, we like keeps Walkin says a case to get there. Their blooded yeah did, but it was you know. Like I said for years, I didn't get it and then You got a so I Norton. I love there. Remember that too. His ears were made an awesome for me somethin the lot of there were several relate to. Is that no matter how normally got imbues or how are gotten us ally I or how tired or Hungary orgies
down. You were mentally physically emotionally there, all you do is look to your left or right because guesswork sore there. There. But you go to fall down. The writer pick you up, no matter. What are your? Who doesn't want that you can't buying? You can't buy, you have to pay, for that was swept blood and tears period, and I learned also early on Finally agree: loot leaders by following the bilateral, literally and figuratively. It's not hard to find, take off first blinders you'll find em fuck the bottle. Your final. And I knew the ones that were, and I knew the ones that work. And now so does everyone else. Without the wash right, we are so I was also mean. I remember the first the first week in
We have labour? What's the first thing, we think it'll ass young. Stupid Marines so I tell them or you get your first liberty, the one place not dj the one place, Where do you think I got Van full of Oscar Dj Marine Corps Van. No, but we should out an impressive. I care I still to this day he really Friday evening to this day, I can't believe you let me back in the states like I was. I was throwed hard, and at the time a brother. All of us who drove her. The Thai ruse expert shoes for some reason enough choose a k come here see me. I saw somewhere the border whatever I'm sure, not amazing,
The look on her face was like her. You breathing right now, because you're. My idea was when they said turned to a liberty. Like that's Zack I was I was seeking. Liberty no matter, and I wanted to find what Liberty look like. I told this story before I was at we pulled into port one time. I want to ship a Lucille between we pull into port and what we, You there's be aligned to get off the ship like chicken Liberty, cars, so win win the shipbuilding pulled. We work out. Had taken our that we take a shower and then the delighted begun we go out. So we do that. Work we didn't port for like an hour and fifteen minutes, we go up to leave if they're carrying a marine backup on this ship. He's completely covered up, you passed out drunk. He did that in like forty eight minutes bro, that's impressive, there's getting after it just you, love that listen. How do you not respect them? back in the day. I would it be like
I want to hang out with that, but it's a mean just what you know What we do! That's that's what that is what that is. Is eighteen year old human being, that's been in Blue camp Ass, a why hasn't? has let loose at all in it. Become a man by the way, or at least has been told in some way this become a man is hidden hats that still has the bootstrap librarian, I did it, though I get it man, because if you get there, In its aggregated boot did that I was here way more mental and physical There are good at what they do their for Euro, whether the armor my grandmother Johnny just remember. They have a job to do. We're doing their job now One thing you go through, as will be personal.
She was wrong route that won. The grandma was wrong about listening to, say, more issues choose a hard woman man, shoes, issues, one of those you you saw. I say I suffer from what comes up comes out syndrome because there is no filled. The fire. I love that matter because it was, it was I guess she didn't like you, you knew her well and she would always say. As far as I am concerned, I have one grand baby talking about. Right in front of my surroundings her give enough tank was boundary. Give none the same only first time she sees me in hospital or more being done up and she says well baby. I guess garden watching the double allows new I'll take it me me me all war to marine offline. Vegas fur so event or somethin materials, Gunnar wherever he said. Just from a real man, bad breath by them,
Oh Brad surrender. That's on, but and it was your booze- Was one of those things were your part of the club, but not. I can hear You sure you're too, so I have they figure out what position of being able to see sl. I it's it's more than numbers thing- such a school trainers through London, riflemen written so go through all the author alone, rifle training in. You get to get to fear most of weapons throughout the, if the tree and then it was I never understood the harms man. I never liked them was hailed him It's ok, let's go put on the man away. Let's go
warm up, walkin around motor two, three or four times, and look at all the views, the all the vehicles that we're never gonna use Agusta like we're strewn the taxpayer. No! Actually I can. I can honestly say I have never ever in my life done what you just said, which is warm up for a Hotchpotch Neffer time that I was always this like a while warm up for the first eight hours, Agnes you're gonna summer inquiry or your warm water up motor d, like that they did it to the next level, is dinner. Mormon games known Bradley brought, but it was. It was the harms that were like They can also why don't we utilise all the same? put motors rotors like that you're walking around, but the motor train, a stolen vehicles are that carry you know it is not enough, but that was the you know that you are. We Sl I and we did you a lot of the training was
There are so many times where you hear the guys. We did this ten thousand times of sugar. Another gentleman counselor because, as you well know, we're all really good, no matter child were worried that the monitoring you have We are all class, a bitters, a hundred percent rising pointed out everything everything everything. And then we go up to these warm places and he's not a situation. Do we get home and we're like? I want to go back to the house I know why. That is the way it is now. I know now notches because is crazies. It is it's easier. Oh yeah, what Europe's fun with it that will you come back here and it's like this frickin jury sphere. The card actions like just When can we
just utilizing outcome set in a dish. Please for the love of God and all we just call a dog eat dog and cat a cat. And a man be a man and a woman be a woman and not worry. About everything in between, and all the judgment was gonna follow. Being what God made you, but could we focus on, toughening up and teach our children who will one day lead this country that believe it or not the when it doesn't give a shit about your feelings, you're, not always gonna win. Then mommy and daddy are not always gonna, be there deafening you with the road or watch from the helicopter parenting, like that's gonna go were here Jack this is where all the countries in the mouth and then What are we teach work is My son knows because
Tell him it is my job as your parent. To make sure you are prepared to take said porch and punch back because at some point it's gonna happen, and I would rather you lose rather, here in an enemy, competition or baseball or whatever it is? I would rather you lose doing Everything properly at a hundred percent. Then win. Doing the fundamentals of the wish was doing to going fifty percent then he looked at me like that believe it or not. It's not always about winning, because you're gonna lose a lot of life, the minutes, it's something that just start young. Start young, let them know that It's not all evils roses lollipops, If there is no such thing as waking up on your unicorn ranch and picking which, in a corner ride on what rainbow to wherever you go, the term exists.
Can you do me a favor? Do you just the last part? no eurobonds. Can you not tell my daughter, that's my a year old daughter. She like she thinks that these words agenda setting traps. Lastly, a so you done with us away yeah. Now and now, where do you go? You are you in the reserves. At this point I saw at the I get dollar. So I and I go check in and I was late good call Jack, no, yes, I didn't use medication breakdown right. So I didn't what my four lessons here. Just don't answer, well, it was a situation. The God checked it was was where were you checking what what what recheck an into two million is in Bosnia We can also knows Bowser, soldier so I was supposed to check in with a do that I wasn't boot arrests. Oh I with a camera with food together, not but he
Jackson of abuse of Friday, and so he kills Jackson fro first and then they cause me Jake, first where the hell you're, not as I do. I thought you you is it RO. You you'll see like now. Some on their Monday morning, poor thing books. Music were wholly dodo. Browser sorry for certain new sources. Didn't you say as you keeper? how's, like there's no easy way out of this year. I look around us his office and all of the words in the act leads in on this lake. Ask them. Why do you do just go the germ when you beat us all these were where we knew tat ass, you like
and you won't be grounded for a month you What the bell, ten times out of tune, unlike get them out, for you that's easier for Russia's, let's just get through the temporary ban and then move forward. Without the same first or which I think in the beginning. You like a little beginning- yeah, because it was a devolved, better repetition over time, but it was again liberty, liberty- but he was a little did. I know that I was check in with now sergeant major the Marine corps, damn and I didn't have of course here you can't you a future shall answer was use the one who are the guys who is he's just a Murray's marine man he's like you, you know it's like you've piece off a poster and there he was like three
red fright, big MAC, black Bell into a mean, drool master, all you name it. He did it and so here we go a pretty tight in this funny when do, but it was most things were at the time I unit when I checked in, was actually get mom and they are dubious security in an all out stuff and then a failure. He tells me hastily close your phone. You're gonna go meet up with your unit. My irregular four sided with very early in two thousand and two. Yet this is yet so this is Wasn't boot therein Rico birthday and Christmas There then so this was their set to have been in blue camphor, link or birthday at Christmas. Rico birthday. They still do it surely,
but they give you stay confirmed and like cake in the jar. The sword, back to the barracks and that one day I was telling you about who I pray to God. Here's this cuz homo, exactly confinement and but we line up. We get online in the squad where any makes us were just finishes epic now, We had more than like a minute and a half to eat. Let's sit there for five or six minutes which is an internally at the time, echo. My sort pounding canteens hold him. Purer heard, run back to the report get back online found the canteens all the more reason for them to do, Again and again and again he said doing this until every one of you pukes up that mill that you don't deserve and so on, and we did and then the first times yet
chain reaction, the first source like with me I would rather seriously be have like cruel and unusual punishment done them even puke. Some fighting like like a move like I'm fighting it hard. And then the company CEO walks in the back door. And it was hilarious. Booker hosted, said the eye like those white like LA exercising nuts. When daddy walks and seize it, Y, all of US adversities like he had to go back behind this. The racks is he didn't. Wanna get pew com is a cigarette. Dispute on the deck right in the middle of Gaza. There is all eggs we're just gonna decked out after the fact but then that was that was weaker boot. That was I'm sorry. I recall Bertha
So the Christmas roles round same die. In the Christmas Eve. You're lights out Niger Jesse, where your he opens the door to save. As I grew author, it no stranger Everyone knows, songwriter say opens the door, the data and all years raw read em the door slam. You know, that's all you get pitches so. You hear a lot of these one liners that again I stayed in trouble in the marine corps for laughing when you're not supposed to laugh at the last. I can't hold it I immediately lose it, but one of the guys who was already in the targets of the d I started laughing and it was a thing he was gone like a man after they like it was yeah, but it's just some. These one line is man. It's like you hear him say whether you do come up with but then you see me on trees on the on the base and I ll go with you. Read it on yelling at a true who waste
like Alan, do the one one me, but I just, again the deeds were gizmo alarm a state. My phone phone ever ring. So I was a locked out what we do in the civilian where you live in a society and in so doing drill one week a month or whatever Tsarskoye yeah mean, and I was training get rigs. I knew we were gonna go, my record gases did no, Taunton knows being one unit. You knew where do, and so it was the guy's got home and we sort of training school which went about like high school one? minus the football and then on or student so you really is. It was funny because I realize early on, like I can do this, I can do the schools the only down father that was,
is it was I gave of of then after this for a year I cover approved myself. I can do this need to see it through its I'm just wasting my time. The others, a lotta bigger to drink in typical minds, but the but my unit, you Tom and I go and meet the guys. Is like every other. You showed to the first time it's gonna, geographers but you're mealy being sized up and it's like but I also goes like I was not just- wouldn't take a shit and so Well well, for me, because I was able to use, dumb treason humored, we get in with the wood guys worry me, but they also move it out. I love that alone. I did so the guys get back this one, guy who's of frequent motormen go figure.
Ok, sure your big did. You should be Gunnar rubbing Are we think Bobby Gunnar? What the matter to be a goner, societal or thirty one Gobio Gunnar! and the than we did our first sampled a system like that be that as life, because I knew I could show that son of a bitch should not tell me. That is the case with like a tripod like socked, but it was you mean earning a shrubs but it was was things were we where it is waitin, but we were tight unit. Tightening group coming. Think they're probably had a lot to do those knowing that its maritime right and most of us want park, beggars. We were young unit. And
It was interesting man because it was a goose group group. A girl from all walks of life. Something that always really admired about military, regardless of a branch or special whatever. Is that you are forced to communicate and to adapt with other people, because if you know you you rude there and that's something that I always appreciated and its You ve done for me that allowed, because there are some guy. You know authors of some guys that you're just like you, never saw her again and be too said, and it's usually just because new roads, I always have to explain to working with costs. A lot of people have the impression of civilians that up you know this Have the impression that everyone, the military's, just like a machine that just Google do there told and if you're the sorry
listen units. I am. I really doesn't work like that, like in a work like that for a little while and work for you a little while, but over time does does young guys or the junior people if you're not leaving them correctly, you're, not gonna get things done. I in turn should show real coral reefs. Because Europe also dealing with a bunch dude. They feel like it or of the mindset? I can take on this world with one hand tied behind my back by myself you doing with that You know exactly when talking about those there are four personalities are abundant and then you view mix and allowed testify. Stupidity and you have a very dangerous situation, like you hide t count, will basically what it is, it is now. Did you guys? Did you guys do like you dont one week a month, a drill than you do
summer time, but then in two thousand and three guys. You called up two thousand fork I think we got. We got the call and three, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, I've been blown up since then. It meant a lot. So I think we got to call on all three say in that we were going to be law a certain time and leave you like a warning order like ok, it's common, very much and then they set of gay you going to do work up in turn on palms cover, and so we will. We gets to twenty palms, and I remember man, turn off burn out. Just like this place I thought you were gonna, have suddenly profound to say you set it to what my palms. This place, it was. I was like why,
Why do? Of course the Marines would have this based, of course, it may total sense. It was like the bitching began was abundant row was bandit, because unless you had money to go to pause, brings us you're on stops gets them. You will inevitably gonna be fine. This is the amazing thing is amazing, thing is ass. I get asked all the parties you had a bad. Why you, MIKE the new battalion nor I think the Gaza manner them arouse now good. How do we get them? Roguish like do hard things you want improve morale, do hard things and want to things like what do you do it? Twenty on stops? We can do their well, you gonna hang out with each other. That's what you're gonna do it's gonna document will to feel sweat can be hot and you knew are things and you're gonna become titles unit. That's what happens now. Imagine that I imagine that weird weird we're how that works out. Who is
the training the training cadre out there so we and where it was or you guys, training yourselves easier. Is Europe officer leading to drown. We had already sergeant the army, we had gunny, there's kind of both We had so you go downtown wherever we would have. Some mountain truckers are there, but it one because we did The guys were for deployed there, we were gone, but we we literally we trained we trained hard. I mean it was you talk about Training for the sake of muscle memory, we was gnarly what we did and it was a said with a lot of hard things too. Then Tighter insider entitles, union
but we, it was the first time we were not to do- are our first train evolution out an american mines and we'd. We hopped out there, of course, because not only vehicle and stage, Tuesdays your gear, their mother tongue, dropped his back and there's a girl. The global rules they din by were dropped us back in go move and Ngos put back on the movers waxwork rumours pack and I was like, This is also uses. And then we have a ton of bees that were go after the the low water Buffalo, the trailer, the water trailers, and it was like we can't it says yeah its inevitable marine corps. Shit like the suck factors gonna be pegged the entire time there and it was,
it's it's like this gouges looking down at me like a hit. But their wonderment have this. Guy body on line on motto rattlesnakes, nor is from the desert, because rattled, Eggs are very amusing, no one you start catching omen, putting when people's vehicles and put them in their their backed Asher, just stuff like that. Like here, that's cool, I'll. Tell you right now that, after a market, No it's initiative. We ought to see someone jump though it does, but You know they will know that the fangs been removed. The thanks of leather bill asked me how much I care you completely missing the point. It's the principle Ec season gets up Do it was that some of the best, the
Our dreams did do not like the little creatures in the creepy crawleys, and seeing some of the reactions of some of the darker is was what the dark, there there to be polluted drugs are African American. We got our green means, good conduct, Billina and eight council its accepted. Don't bother him. The green fiddle That's your congressman it's unbelievable the way that works of other it's yours, got to see why just spoke, the serb duel couple days ago, those yesterday and one reads: a servile, sir. His birthday, And the males are obvious. Brian Cinnamon a decade did Miss Phoebe. It was like Susie. There must be no, my man I was catch. Imagine,
imagine if mankind it ever tasted who's the taste It would be imagine how much better this way More chaos would be budgets. It was also movies is good, too soon, and to see the way that he changed. You just see the maturity overtime of of how life can it alters your call and alters you're mine said because the things you experience and go through in the How many times you taught how human you're you know who I was, cool. It was good for us all just call to see him and be over embrace. I didn t mean out that's my family, that is Well, you shit. What color is that deeds? My blood In that sense, the waiters sway and always will be. But we. Any use to be used to annoy the shit out of me a guys.
Thought the figure is his mouth never get a shot. I got one of these days, man, one of these days, and, I believe, also epic, as it was like a small girl, and it was, It was just ass, a man just goes to show you like we get his own reminders in life if it Did you shut your mouth and listen. You get these little reminders of how worth it. Everything's Ben, and what purpose everything is served, It was cool, see that there got one of those. It gives me is little fuel for the soul to keep going. A bottom I remember this hour first loss. Was in March AIR Force Base who do How sad swearing in a housing unit marcher for space? and it was Those training laws is weaker than they were,
practicing g turns Humvee the theirs. Kid I wouldn't our companies are different company same time. In the The humvee flipped then use is the inertia of the Humvee flippin. He couldn't get out the tour. It is up and sole flips. It obviously kills Gunnar there's no way is gonna get out, and so there three twenty four hour. Sit down their phones at all that stuff on your way to write on Nepal on this is gonna buy, but also That was your thou. A woman like that in an eye opening the man that was, I can keep this is the real deal like this or not? I live in the game, were player And I ll never forget we got back. Swam balls was,
the first couple days later, three letter daylight or wherever. But we wake up and legal formation and we want gotta go. The formation and men everywhere. You look, he saw a piece of computer paper, a A piece of paper. Turn wars Ali than they taped all over the place, everywhere! You look, and all his surroundings, complacency kills everywhere you look. You saw that complacency kills Gunny age. Printed out all these papers and that to this day that's sticks with me. And I think about it not we all the time, because we all get complacent buddy did not be more true. Rather's, liberal Europe, her figuratively speaking in, of course, in most of our lives now days, you can recent near you might not die, but so and can be a reverse, we damaged.
Well yeah. I talk about that old timers justly complacent. Even complacency on the little things in life. That's just put you down the wrong path, will not just the way. It is that's reality: men and women, so you could be referred to his gun, Complacently comes the I'll, be there first to tell you that much more centred and say. I always say God gave is always on the suffering down across his. Neither is gonna be guys, like me We differences are more pneumatic among on my flawless. Then I say all the time and I stood with everything from leaders of mankind, the president's to the most savage individuals will ever meet and everything in between the. One common denominator, everyone on legally fundamentally flawed, every single one and about about their. They have different laws up.
That's what I'm saying that if we could stop, if we could just stop with this political correctness in this, false manufactured protection, we could do I always say if we, if you took out of interests and solve gain in the fight for the greater good. Imagine where we would be right now. Imagine where we would be We would be leaps and bounds ahead aware we are we build eight years ahead of where we are there. It's nothing to be gained. Help someone that you ve never met that can never repay you, you just do it because we ve been so condition to be selfish. Fortunate, because it's what I love about this guy get brought it approves the godfather the Marine corps. People get say our
He may have been arrogant, her papa, Sir, whatever but I guess you use less want to eat. A review is definitely last one evening ass. She got books a great Balkan, theirs. It there's a there's, a deaf big difference between his reputation of what people What about him that never worked with him, people that work rhythm, the soul, though. The Marines that work with him that served with him that he would go around their foxholes at night in negative twenty five degree weather, and ass guys we're ok and give. Get a shot of whisky I'll meet you there, they loved, because he cared about those be cared about. That's the image as manufacture, he had his driver. That was with him for a long time. Jones was last name and Jones. It will come up and say: how did you stay with just de polar for so long didn't to you out. Demote you and you know that the guy never yelled at me ever. That's that's. The different sets the difference between That's the dichotomy between what
this image was and what he was really like. That people who he would the reason he had a reputation for. Being you don't super. I guess I guess direct with people. Was William, went up the chain of command when he would tell admiral out on a ship, like you better put those bombs where we need him right now. Our real heat up. Jane a commander. He come back to American, say: hey the vote, occupiers that your building stock, and they and they steam up. We can't see anything what's wrong with you, so that's where he reputation but damage in command. He was not like that. There's another great story there that cover on the pod gas, where he catches a guy. Sleep in a watch, their training and he wakes the guy guy up unease the battalion commander. You makes a guy says: hey, would you don't see them? What, if your cap motor car you he would have, you had me, come to court martial. You have been disastrous, they wake old man, that's a nickname. River was old man, but that's the difference is,
he cared. He cared so much about his men and any. No, that's that's the incredibly hard part. That we were talking about earlier, is like one reason when his son comes home from Vietnam Lawyer and You know he's like his heart is broken, it's broken and he can't even speak he can't you just convulsing with tears because you love the sun, but his son was representative of every marine. He said that you know him at that time that closing them Mercury tells his wife his wife's as well What to do now? That's all please I want to see the face of every marine I ever serve with. Do you know mean that that right there for anyone who is listening to this and questioning. Where's. My purpose, why I'm on Y, a mile? Why am I here? What's the point? Two things
in its the same for every individual, no matter what country, no matter, what little bill? It doesn't matter. We all have our here to do two things: love and beloved. That's it! Everything else is filler love and beloved. That's it it's hard to shit because we make it harder shit. That's it When he saw his son, then king crashing down. That's the way was reality there It was one of those again rather was Louis situation were one who drew severely wounded or you lose some lonely. You love tremendously only with reckless abandonment. You, you love all the way.
In view of the right warrior, mindset are first response law enforcement, you ve been around that your the real deal. You're, probably just like me or you, re you're, incapable of loving halfway there incapable of. Because if we did that we're Taking away from that, In which we are supposed to be true, The other than that's that's the point. It's you get You don't get a piece, a humble by you and held the factory all at once. That is what it is. And some guys don't come out of that. You if I wouldn't surrounded by people that were better than me, that refused to love me to death, I would be lost.
And far be it from me to sit here and look at you and say non option, snarl option Because one thing I've learned in this fight This fight of mental health. Of this, floating noodle them between our ears. Is that no one gets a pass, nobody gets a pass. I don't care who you are what you ve been through. What you know who you know you don't get a pass, And I have learned that the hard way from having to friends over and over and over and over. In the talk myself out of your not worth it. It would be easier for them. You were here letting the demons get the better of it gets a constant debts. Like when people say. Oh, you know Jegu property law pressure
just work on your review of your work and in life balance because it's you just got to find your balance were ok. Here's news there. No about the cost of that you suddenly trying to figure it out. Issues like our enemies and arrogant. Like it. We change our too since they change their. We change hours, they change their. We change our it's a constant debt. It's never finite right. Nothing is that one of the things that makes life worth living? I dont want away tomorrow and know what tomorrow has in store for me. What's the point. I spent a week of love and beloved all the way not half way be hotter, be called for Luke get the hell out of my foxhole. I don't want. If I was you.
Let's talk about when you went on deployment now, so it's two thousand war is when you deploy like the summer of two thousand four year, and where you guys the porter, so we primary, oh, was the any triangle, were beautiful, beautiful place here, We lay didn't away we're going away. I think they call the they dream only a camera than our lives before the pizza in some ways now that I know that, for fact, what we, go. We we learn away Roy, therefore a couple days and we get on the burden. We were on the tarmac in Kuwait, getting ready to flower outside and I think, a bully. If I'm not mistaken, it was, I think, we're we're off the first
Three c one thirty's we got on we have to get off. They weren't mechanically some or whatever we're just gonna, just volleys, who knows what we are doing a minute one going somewhere or the fourth on we're all sweating. Our asses August, its miserable mood miserable In our view, the fourth one of those the crew of the load master. Whoever, but gunny took some someone somewhere and I'm pretty sure there was the conversation pretty much like. If this burden take off you're, not gonna go home alive anyway. It is the soft we were all in We have everything on new from Hungary, and so we were geared out and stuff will never use never, but it was on.
You gotta have here so we but we'll have landed in our side and Armor Roy Jonathan Burge analysis thought to myself Also, if you would never Amazon. Do that through your message, already and So we get often we gotta were our tent. Where were sleeping with our bog birds, and we saw the the briefing stay- and I remember wheels was out where you guys to be worked out of reach, actually can be camp at stationed at Al Assad primarily mean rarely get see, that's why you're here quarters, were the but dialogue. We start to the fore. Need. Our brief
we're in the middle of that kind. And walks in We are more the hairs. Look, I says that someone good obviously, and it was because then the lovely rice e of the universe Replace and got hit and they lost. No one is curable wanna geysers worth is fast weaken was their home unit we replaced to seven. And it was the last like a like an actual first I use bad they guessed from one. Let was an idea strike. I yells idea, without reaction, It was just a bad situation after action
so they took fire. It was not like it wouldn't isolated of that they had idea egos and then, when they find you didn't hit with our Fiji's gotcha theirs was losing gnarly situation. They should have been in because it happened and am pleased that was your friendly. And uh let the time actually when we were over there, I think we still call em roadside bomb everything we call them idea Ponzi realise that terminology. If I'm not mistaken again, I could be wrong happened before we see here this in it. It's a psychological, that's not good! That's that's not supposed to happen. And dumb, There was another bigger weakening moment written, but we get ready to leave. And this time machine gun, team leader,
little or no become leader, reacting seems cure of quick reaction force on sweet like the sixteen vehicle cowboy sovereign. Which would be a huge, no, no nowadays and I remember the service by his eye, a shake. We need me, someone amend that big on lead vehicle, divided euphoria, only vehicle, who's gonna jump on a beat. Then we're just and breathe by God: wires they'd put God, whereas Cross road drown. Decapitate gunners, I left my first deployment in. I want to say April or may of detail. For so is Rummy right, but they also- and I was I think if we were using the term idea of almost positive, we work, as I remember,
I remember now that you guys are special yeah. No, I know what I was trying to think. I remember let our I'm actually envisioning slide. We caught and I d maker, and and we had all this like what why is he had liked clocks like multiple clocks, Roma, from like timers like kitchen time, and we had wires kitchen timers, all the stuff, and there, like. This guy you caught he's an innocent guy knows like will know, and they, they will know is innocent. What evidence you haven't. I brought these pictures not like look at the stuff that we took off this target is all ideas. Often they were like. Oh ok, but it was the first this kind of first turning to assemble the idea that people were building these improvised explosive devices. I think we were used it, but you're right might not spread the marine corps. Yet at this point, work ass, low, ass about we're dudley- I mean it. I don't
we might have is out at the because roadside bombs, which one good enough there This call- and I well with knives you don't ever don't really old church it up, but we so will we but were out there we ever come with end. Ass, the Gaza goose Noblemen PIG is crickets very war. I got those are disregarded, Amanda and then, of course, I know you're not like no, a few, a few have you as you, sir. When I die you remember what you let her know say: because you were of a judge. The woozy along more colorful goods were budget. Up there? Man and it was the look Parker factor pegged
pegged my hearty see. God. Where can you see the God wondered? Is the sun had to be heard in a certain way? What am I looking for you Do you have armoured on these No most of them were, the Andella did the most somewhere Tudor saw thought he gets unless we had. The turret was the turret These women are fixed a circle, that's better comfortable. I mean I'd rather be a napkin humvee. If I'm in Libya, I'd rather be in Harrier, but it was, but we That's why you signed up river gets. Can we hated, you know the pilots and recycle buttered pie? does it. We had seen come in land air, conditioned cans and then were like another stake in shroud they're all comfortable in there in their squandered.
Number burn you make all this stuff up in their day. What you made that up new had we are we in a world where two pilot on here, Jim conquer he was literally say and like a though The war in Europe for me use of poverty pilot he's my mission. It like forty five minutes is ignored. I cannot back at base now, of course, those forty five minutes reproduce gets. You ended up, get shot down but of allow? Mrs attitude is exactly what you said that that's the reality of beauty. Violet, that's reality of its own in but until you need them, oh god. Yet Well, yeah. Of course, in the first time that happened, oh, we need those guys ever sir, you over this issue, because it is a language grunt, train from day one, every other job than the union. States military is to support you, you train that which
a meal, not save. I agree with his view that now, because I think it tell civilians, I could think of them the military is a giant will with a lot of spokes combat geyser leg like us super small portion of one spoke It takes a lot of moving parts to make this machine turn. That's true and soldiers rather than support Ike, listen, I'm over there. I don't need me that anymore. I understand why guys think that. I understand the mindset, there's that there, a great house, listen some hack worth talking: Colonel David Hack, we're and want to things that he said he's trying to splain, how many people were in combat Vietnam in combat, and it was like ten percent of the troops. So at the peak of Vietnam there was five hundred sixty thousand people in country in Vietnam and, like fifty thousand of more actually engaged combat about at any one time and at no problem we appreciate figure,
lot of world war, one world to world war, two the six zero to ten to one there's ten support people for every one person, that's gonna buy close clause with its for the enemy. It is an ominous I would never look at a supply guy or, of course, when I was in the water, would you pulled just tell you buy whatever the stupid shit you, sir. Like I see a mountain sake, Amy procedures like all while I couldn't I didn't do anything. I can make a first of all. There is no Richter scale on pain, suffering What makes it unique is its unique to the individual. You can't great it So I hear you they dangle when you or me role your ankle play basketball, their launch our. How do you Oh, that in her is bad, is my feet
until you come an animal of work it might have. You're wasting a little bit on that one by the people. The other hand. We can talk about this and that of poor people military, they do a great job. Then we wouldn't the frontline troops would be to do anything without so say, and vice versa. If, therefore, like you to order the this poor people have no job, that's it attitude. I always had we were a teen, adding cover move together and if the until people than supply the Intel and if the Asia CVS didn't build the bases and keep the generators runnin and combat engineers work out clear, and I mean it's like that- takes a try exactly when so. My point: psych listen. You're still and you're in a non combat rule, be proud of what you down there brought out of guys. It I mean now, MR while I was in for Amino eighty four or to ninety, and I never did anything. Although hey you do your country asked you to do ya, do no ice
that mindset man, you ve been condition Justin, call it what it is. My guys like I used to be I too believe you didn't do anything cable. The more mature me pretty dumb, but the more mature me is here to tell you thank you for carrying the flag before I did that's another point, is like who is going to train you hooter who's, the desire to put you through boot, camp who's, the guy, the train them they're in nineteen. Eighty four right in only means I care, launching its give keeps on giving a hundred, but you, Sir, You do more than most. Do more than most be proud of. That fact and so. But our european, we, we leave the wire for the first time, an Al Assad and so we had guys drive in the six tonnes that there were. What guys that warrant our gas,
so I didn't know it was like a he's like a lance coolly and then there's like its staff, sergeant major our sea, numb upon the true right and some decide, but whatever So how come we come out of the gate? we being a left, The two are first checkpoint. Which, by the way, the irregular garnering, please new food trip. It's where, when we're leaving we're we're gonna get their hopes and outsourcing because you other some really really smart people in D C thought. That was a good idea None. Yeah. I saw that obviously that that said, robbery procedure didn't last year along because we ve we knew about idea and but you
we're gonna get back to them like hey bombs and stuff want just follow us everywhere. We owe swearer, it's almost like. They know we're gonna, be there Maginot, and saw remember like it took some time typical, that right and one the vehicle The dude in the dry, the driver, stops. In the middle of a bridge The single remember and training do not stop on a bridge And sometimes do like you off the bridge and he's looking at the staff sergeant Germans were these elderly and saw a star Chicken in his humble get off the bridge effort than those that was it, you just got off the breakers sounds like a good idea, and so it was near I captured
Corporal Joliffe we got over the bridge like hey genius, How do you know that? wasn't gonna blow, don't top on a bridge ever community abuse doktor, someone didn't tell you don't stop on a bridge You're sitting duck then cycle That was my leg. Welcome, tired! moment when There was and maybe just started. Everything after that pre pretty much as blurs together. On the day that we are told that we're gonna go to do love, which was for for the purposes of enamelled up was pretty much. What who was not were we These concerns were going to get Icefoot ordinance and thanks. Thousands and thousands of refugees case some boys.
Through rounds. Mortars need thousands. Maria comment, there's. Other all day, every day, blow and stuff, it just couldn't boy quick enough, Why so? Many of these weapon? Cash is everywhere, it was insane and soon but we go through we get to the point of notice it's a little out of there were there. No, we get. The order that we're gonna go to do. I was for me services like ok, we can breathe, kick back time, relax. I'll bet you're about it. Right My god assume they told us, I heard do our job, and I knew it was our turn to go the screw. The primitive do about. I haven't got a bathroom. I got to know what it was. My rule was when I left well of the state. It's all my fair way was and is the bill
Don't send me anything don't write me, I'm not I'm right. You know watch the news and no news is good news, I'll see on in seven March, because my mind had a job to do about it, he'd them in my head with their first world bullshit and because my family, puts the jury and sphere I find it need that. And so that was my mindset like we get were told were gone. I do love ass. I get this we're sure. Am I got my dad. What that is Is the night before we had out and get it shower hot shall walk back to our two from the shower trailer, by Gunny and go it uses you gonna many menus like a twenty three year going he and I love them every by love them useful as return good morning, and you didn't tell you I give you sit,
if either, if you don't hear something back like If your mom You like good morning, back Ghali's pierce, the and it's gonna be along their flags go out from on excise duties in a good mood. He's isn't use that guy? and everybody loved him. Everybody respect because he demanded it any commanded. Because you would be the first guy if it pops off he's gonna be right. There he's not he's done dark and find anything he's the dude walk. Up and down the line smoking a cigar. That's that gully! he's that guy, banana matters, but he added Even if you, even if you hit me, love the halo, Oh, but I love the dude because it was for me he was what them Queen Cor met
Has one individual and I'd dog that about him feels like that I need to be around him all the time allowed. More of what's in his head in mine I can learn a tremendous amount from this guy. And saw no walking back into the ten he's a further ten so get even guy while Byron Saving grabs like the back of my Skippy shirt and pulls me back towards them Any hug me, you still love you shake and I was like do my hands? what'll I do I set back. Is it's a trap? What do I do? this also screw it man, I mean I've been dirty before, for we, too guns. I'll. Never really! Just let me right facing. You said you're gonna, be all right. Surrender. So the nose like ok
Something's, not right, at this point, I'm all for second worst something's, not right I don't know what it was, but a new one right so broke. My cardinal rule and went to the phone tat call my family last Can I call my mother, the other two through second delay, in a news about ten thirty at night Port Louisiana and new use home alone. Because my stepmom and my little brother worth a branch San Antonio, any answers the phone paper, Any news me examine what chemicals and pop first words hours milder. Why am I talking to you, almost like he knew that I knew something one right. And I said I will tell you I love you and why Few being my father means to me: is your soul, is at this point in our life,
in our journey is far son was that's. Pretty much word ended, use my dad. I was asleep the elder older brother. He was born, and God just touched his forehead and said athlete and mud that is why I hope, where my browsers popular, always aid, that is a source for not a man, can it's like watching paint, dry and any, and so on. I always the grown up. Like? I was always chase and my brothers she's in this. This unbelievable athlete that I was never gonna be better than when it came two athleticism, no matter what sport I was chasing that and then I was I don't wanna go play baseball. The try and appease my dad Sean like hey. I can do this through the inner circles arose in a really good at your football knowing now baseball's an art almost it's a calculated or word with football
If you can run into another human with hundred percent, Focus and a hundred percent will of breeding that man's will. Why? making your body collide with his heart is you can you can play football. To certain extent, you can play football. Why did I love because for me it was an outline of the inner aggression that I had ass a kid drawn up under the the antithesis. Cookie got her childhood. This point that I'm leaving you know my father and I was. We weren't where I felt like we should be as follows: on mergers, This conversation that web of her mother, since we enjoy it. When I told them like. I just want you to know it's important- that you know. How much I love and respect you and how much I owe you
for being there. When you were don't a shitty hand than you ass kids, on your own. And you leaned in you Then you both up- and I owe you till I die all, owe you And I need you to another. And so he said how long is this version is nine days. He knew not ask where you go on. What are you doing because People that listen dear every phone call with your call called me over, and he said I bet I want to hear from you in that days. He said I better hear from you nine days until you will pop. I love you, man, said. I love you too and ended with you'd. Better Ok,. It was all those moments where I was like. As I see it, the time twenty one
twenty one years old and I realize I have I have no control over anything nothin. I feel like I think I can. I think I have control and protecting. My team and weaken through multi seems: ok, I've known control or anything. It was one of those human moments. Or I realized. Andrews as horrible as everyone else there's nothing special about. I can be the biggest frogs toughest. It doesn't matter that does not matter. Because when it your time it's your time. Let's no matter what you know that matter, how well trained you're I've got pulls regard you're done. This was a very, very.
Sobering in humbling moment for me, and we left out the next morning to go to all star to do lob. How do we start patrol parameter in four reactors call call me in the reacting would mean nine Marines would go to where the reactors in But I always heard that have we feel and am I got that In effect, my job, in effect our day to day operations and what we were doing, but I knew it was something was coming. And then one idea they were too come in the main gate And they were like a White Opel, pulled in the main game for pretty much has laid down on both sides of the car, They not more labour law. These guys were Piper while targets that once
we find out who they are and radio battalion relegate? Don't let him out of sight, We ended up having in full thirteen we are too Tudor sought up on these will we, the operate in the gas we had one guy in the back of one vehicle. Another guy in the back a second vehicle we both had empty Amari bosses, duct tape on earth is we're out a hoods and so on that overcome And how about that they were grown anywhere. Warsaw. The Iraqi National Guard, also got to be on the same net frequencies. Radio free so they're here all the transmissions, next thing you know they show up. There's a lot of em. A boy and circle ass so he sure forth and say here these guys, saving you throw above idea
Montenegro is near these guys, the real threat these guys are good in Colombia. Now I remember one of the guys was like the Colonel Iraqi National Goarly said. We need new. The term may interpret reserve I remember him saying something along the lines of we need to take a director from a spear half CERN, relocate bro. Some of you, but where do the army, or whatever we don't give a shit? Who you are? because we know that you're, probably a bad guy, saw no they're, not heaving and dumb that situation, got supernaturally super quick, I was thinking to myself like I remember telling one of the guys that I had a nine toilet, the said night, I told him if he so much sneezes.
His brains, the side of his head, and I could hear That burden I'm ill, I can hear it rattling. Can it was unsure. Was one private now yeah. I can hear but I like hear. The slide rattling as the barrel- and I was like do that d shaken harm But I knew if that need so much sneezed. I knew it would happen. And so we were but grace of God, we had a we're. We're part of weapons Potu, but weapons company it is dont dune. Called knock wherever they were doing. There listen, others transmission. Over than that were taught But the time session, I gave this is escalating and bustle five of them and television so they were heavily outnumbered. Obviously, Wendell but we need
sincere shit is gonna go down, and so weapons cop. Apples in, I don't remember if it's an hour later three hours, it seemed like a friggin eternity people in and make a circle around. I and II good times, bro. And, of course, weapons carbon here, the ones with near the mark ideas. Fifty gals, eighty four reared eighty four to believe me. There are all the big You know when they pull. You know, like get those guys have big stuff. Obviously goes bang a lot in These guys pull then, and it was almost in unison, paragraph four gargoyles drop in their egg is hands in the air no Measter Louisa outside Europe. Our homes, thoughts and saw those guys they taken and take him back to our sodden and they re popcorn far disappear.
Gone. Only I'm sure some supersede see surely this, he and got him or wherever we follow go to bed down a norm what the command person dies, was up at the Campos has turned to sit in the vehicle them the powers the commission proposed in MRS Herndon Charter flares long? You freeze and when was it shot, what color wasn't no returned until and then they try and cracked code cipher could, and so we fuckin a dark and told him like. Now I remember is nice. Others will do us crazy. Sob, I can barely keep my eyes opened at this point. Ruins often is you know, Sousa Heizer lowers Loegria. That's what being run, is being a war fighters inside Doc. I got it, but now smoke cigarettes.
A downwards men, and so I go and take me boots off lumps I'm so tired, Fatima boots off allow my car there. I mean our acts whistling, oh for now, Even twenty minutes later, my dogs, the new start to breathe, reacts. Am. I came your dick. It was like, if the way Murphy Work suit and not a fan. Not a fan of of that Murphy and so now wake up until now, I gotta go wake up team rub problem action was virtually nothin's. Inner ear results. How we do it and we these they're all pissed like this- is a bunch of bullshit like a man. Isn't it since the paycheck that's why we do it, but I'm going to call the came in what they
who is going down. It was I think it was someone and someone got in the supposed ones whose meaning threat type threat typing. Get up and I'm of carrion, a slide. My my boots, I in time- and I walk the term. Susie I walk out of the tent feel and I had my got went right, my throat Rules right into my throat- and I knew were about to get it- I knew issues I was that the sun was gonna come up. I knew we were gonna get it I don't know how bad it was. Gonna, be added no by what I didn't know to the extent, but who it was gonna happen and so on, but the look measures in the things are otherwise was the dawn and boom. Caught. My grandfather talk to me from beyond the grieving call a garden called everyone. Good news is that
I give my beliefs and even of yours and laws are right. You gotta go off as we live in a free society and so on. My committee also lose out there. To do report on what it went down the night before he sleeps and but I knew how to bombard it, It took the bomb we get out of the past your seat of the one, although only up armoured on these, we had at the time, no one the lead vehicle for the driver, scrawled, led vehicles to this day of great friend of mine. But the bomb weighted down at all the guys, but not the gave it to Protection but put it on now which I usually wasn't rule our core about. Just because once A hundred and twenty suddenly reason you, you have all that you're on more gear is not off them but to the whole being comfortable thing. And I am sure the guy's knew something was up there
the radio from the RO and. Everything's button up flag, Gulf war. Wily axes shudder prove that they should as a kind of shudder proof. And then its growth, after they gave it, we had it on and saw a girl the horn and my right arm driver my love. I guess and your drive and I'm driving dry. Enough. Just because you put the bomb blanket under the under the driver's seat. And saw I don't know it was reaction, amused doktor was guiding me to do all these things are not Tell you what the larger numbers are like, I can't I don't have your fee Another important or somethin was guiding me to do these things and you just put them
only get under their justice eat. It did just because someone told me put it Driver c and get in the driver's seat, take the radio I did all these things are punch it months later, we'll triple that pressure. Put ignited saw three three one five might like. The serve their means is the biggest mom here about what seventy five pounds of explosives. It's a lot big blue directly beneath me blooming about thirty. Please! It's oblong talk to anyone. My head was again Marines doing good form. And I like to take his god. The comedian I never lost consciousness and everyone into shock and come over the whole thing could be Blackhawk. Forty two minutes come get me so I love to look at people. Wonder like such a long day at work Really, hold on. Let me throw some perspective. Your way
that some and I'm in a bad mood. The it was. I knew matter it was bad. I knew was bad. I knew this was not good at all and when I had the deck I couldn't, breathe. Does the? is you notice the series of events, an explosion, a million things happen in a narrow. Second, especially when it's that big of an explosion in soil was when the day were disengaged steer, will help me my chest and we make we'll Norma mags, hit me my chest and temporary collapsible. I was before I was born out. The whole series of things happened before during this process of causing injuries and and I had to do, How can I from her bad. I can't breathe, can hear we think this is ringing and.
First thing I do is talk to God. First thing, I did or even that self assessment the talk to Gaza Casey, I'm a writer makes the shutter proof, but because I shattered both among others, something called a triple stacked idea. I don't know what glass with that once in eight listen man, false advertising, got it but we are There is a great company. I wish now they'll find lightning, the situation, but we we'll talk to God. Right away is exactly what I said. A big man, I know this is bad, All I'm asking that you don't take me for my family farm, asking, don't don't my brother's watch me die. So this gives me the deck lawyers. Just please don't let my brother, I care about
There are self assessment which starts with checking the jug. Noise in the work of our everything else shattered broken, Go to find out are broken cuz. I didn't anything and so ago, move mob. Drawing flap, check my job, that's their everything else has been available like were too will work. Through, we will survive, and but then I looked at my more right. Leg look normal, but my right, all right, Foot Nagel her really bad seasick occurs broad broken No, I didn't know knows crushed the firewall, normally folded up, trust, my right foot before all born out my left my left arm. And I remember seeing a deal. Through. My left arm. Parliament details hanging down by my elbow.
Sounds like you get. It might not might not keep beloved arm, look down on my left leg, which was turned outward if you're sitting down with both legs, like you're gonna touch her toes my love. What was termed outward to the left? My foot was inverted like with my toes pointing at me, and my boy It was blown off, but my but everything was there whose all over the place, but it was there so sir, what Syria Materia saw. But there is is dont, my left leg and whose want my carries shredded trot for two things or solar. First thing I thought was that's not supposed to be like the second, I thought was that was confirmation that that was a very big explosion to be when a blow at least help combat blew off your leg and not taken leg with it. Is a mass of explosion cruising in, at this point on thinking, how was the
the guy in the guy, the gas blown eardrums The other worse injury so literally blew up straight. Directly beneath me straight and straight up. They must have buried a little bit enough that it just projected right up in and it was so that stand off. We had the night before Swimming Beard, So all that was a diversion. As everyone knows glued to the radio. Those I was, and it was in a fix spot. Is the one spot around the entire area of operation. That you couldn't have eyes directly on the one spot. It's all this Would the guy's finally make it up to me in there really there's a lot of freak out. Did the humvee move?
his bonds or dig blown up yeah, but it was I'll tell you this inferior up armoured omby everyone was, would be dead from over pressure, dabs, absolutely urban or afforded Wanna die It would have been, but it was blown up in over to the right and uh. Can we will want affected? but the guys are up to this point. I'm back to doing God like image. Remember our deal, to remember our girl, and does the gas We got your brow got, you know we got you. Ain't often How to nowhere else? It will take a breath in the first place. Was developed. Thrifty, kosher, yeah yeah.
No shit what common next year, how do we know we're not, but for taking far, which probably was was unlikely, deserves no cover and that every nerve and nowhere formed hide it, and it would have been a suicide mission on their part because we had one still very functional two forty and He knew how to employ that weapon, but they do we back on the second vehicle which was like us. The zoo operational and give me I got to the command posten? men who in little did. I know that that's that Damn That's one might battle. Am I personal war started right, then that day, and I get up there alone doc same doctoral started to lose on the ground, the flares workin on me and ask ourselves
yeah I was passed. I was not happy and those Yelena Dark Doc. You gotta help me tell me please I gotta, did and saw my dear you're stingy, bastard because you know I was hit me to sticks of morphine. I knew you had more and all I know is ours and lot of pain. He had rimmed. Anyone give it to me, and I was like That'S- that's gonna bullshit, I didn't understand the muscle run along the relax. So much less of gay added no didn't care. And a lot of pain he had drugs and he was not giving them to me. Little did. I know a guy was the Tipp of the spirits save him alive. And down While this whole situation was really gnarly and very painful, and very, very humbling. I wouldn't treated at all, because I got to tell every one of those guys
every single one of them huh Is this like talking to my dad, but our stock and my brothers, got to tell everyone them how much I love them. How much they met me, how much our respectable and that this is really what we're doing is rule look at me. Look at me and remember this and go fight. Your balls off because this is what they want to do to every one of us. Don't let it happen again. Just just learn from this. You have to fight for me. No, that was He a situation were, and they kept town in Catalonia, Croatia is your bird on bird on. Would piss me off every time they said it cuz I wanna go home shut up. I don't wanna go, she could get goosey family, you are my family I'll see them honest. I see them,
who's that so. There is a whole series of thoughts, emotions and minute was everything from laughing and try and everything in between the last again their scram when they give the matter back there in the problem was that we did not have any fighter escorts and took forever because they were all this back so for their morale scramble. Those values, a Texas Army, NASH, International national pilot. They heard the transmission that new this marine taxes, cattle wherefore rapidly approaching category five sky. Going forward surgery cut of category five, the unexpected and he follow goes through and said. Scrooge rules we're gonna get. This worry blood of the UK and got me and dumb
armor and the guy's reload me on the black HAWK mob to sort it the last one on and not now thousand thousand emotional experience. Gaza was anyway, two swords on kisses, Numa forehead any says will cease and Jack London Call me Jack London, because my first Nourish Marines Jack London she secondaries Jack, London should junior. So he always called me Jack. London goes against Jake, wouldn't good enough. But when he said that he is try not to cry Tarzan use line which- kind of motivated me I'll show you going to prove you wrong, and you are going to see me again, even though what my choice right and solid the bird takes off man and
out of everything I've been through from They wonder now that was the hardest moment hands down. No questions asked was leaving those guys hands down. That was the hardest moment, because that's when I was taught just how human I am then just how relevant and it was a very, very hard experience to leave my family. In harm's way and one a damn thing I can do about it. You talk about being humbled, thou will also you. And we get up in the air and enable enabling yet the attention, while the litter crews, a young, do get on twenty one, he's eighteen nineteen, but three years. It's yawns
and he comes up and he gets right. We put us you're right from my face, and I you as long as a good decision on backwards, birds you're, that's ironic, inertia. And I yells wears a good. How long do I remember I do I felt life leave my body. I knew I was dying. Tourniquet, you already the doktor idea over and over her globules we'd everywhere, since you have, you have shrapnel wounds yet. So it was not just your leg Moving on to tremble mutton, my chin side, my face my my neck Everyone right arm left arm left leg is, but and that another savvy bleeding my flat out have been the losers. Big apiece there's a piece taken out bigger than this Kabir sticking. Right on the Senate, and my took pictures of my dear shown guys I,
no matter how careful you are. This is why you don't cut corners but this you don't let her true radios in front of the cap, and he comes back in a yells and my right ear. Twelve MIKE's lousy can for twelve minutes and so's. I merely talked got again railway, like a big I'm gonna have to renege on their original verbal agreement pretty sure I can do twelve or minutes and, though do Obviously he gave me that some talk to but we go. We landed in blood, just a makeshift fills hospital with the time she remembered enough warbles then they put, the off the burden immediately, a meeting we saw workin on me was. I was not happy about this,
Situation because they give say name rank social murmuring, social name Rank Social, they want me alert. There were now, and I knew renewing and outside it give you flamer finger in the door right, in your buddies right. There is a karaoke, relocate or yoga in every time they say. The pain goes up a cow. The golden, if you would you shut your gaffer The site is the old finally and pointed with my right arm soya, or is it a star to write down my ribs, I'm done talking. Like I'm gonna, show them right and I didn't inside him to organs. We get me with tat and They they loaded me a person. Some legal chicks are felt. It definitely help the paymaster massive amounts pan on their forget was of the up my face and he said oops Alex Housing Stock,
the case or Marina Dick to punish this is start again? Yesterday duff this via the sheet of my neck, This has set a dark. I don't know if you seen seen my body from the neck down fairly certain scratches, on my face with the least of our worries and nothing. Deal It's not me out at that moment because that's the last thing I remember that's all woken up. My nurse Jack's, she told me truly open, coming out of the war that saw the and she says: hey, I'm sorry to tell you this. Where they take. Your right foot was dead. When you got here, no blood flow crushed- and I remember thinking to myself like shit, it's the wrong foot gives it was my love. No So then I think, like you know, four legs could not forgotten or whatever
an unjust, its blades under psyche known a long day. Just answer you have completely contorted twisted backwards and left for it was, was the one that made it in there we have looked pretty normal. Do you completely normal with my boot on looking more but and she described to me she she said when we. When you got here imagine like us, Rico glove, but in the ship of a food, as opposed to had been filled with sand? That was your rightful she's everything it was everything in it was completely crushed. Their lives to the point where there was cut off the blood supply. And saw somehow none of my major arteries of my left arm or left leg hit there is still hope, my left leg in my left arm. From bottom punitive we
Blown up on the or to go to Germany in she flew with me to Germany examples. I was not out of the woods by any stretch, it was gonna, be here. This is be a long and arduous recovery process, and I remember getting to Germany I know I'm sorry before we left this is Four days after I talk to my mind that so my dad from the cell phone They give me my dad entered the phone and, on Sunday pop. Why am I talking to you got me? So what do you mean they got me so they got me. Denmark and how better you her. So they take my right foot. There's a pause and then he said, Are you gonna make it? I said I don't know.
He's a route for further green and your work. Meet you in Germany, this point, Madam but for all kid again the Disney, is that an armful last year at almost all of them. But right then I said: please hurry, listen! You're! I love you. I love you too. That was the hardest thing. I've ever made my life because you see him So, graduation sale, why would you do that and, I might add dammit you may add something there like. And I still think him like a young, immature kid but I knew one thing I wanted wonder Do I get to Germany and. One of my best friends, my school oh brother, whose I'd Milo Road grown up. Zan army he's.
Doubt and use in Germany was able to get word that I was on my way and he was right there. Maybe on storage, open. And he put his hand on my chest. He lost it, throw balling mushroom Thomas HI, Josh, it's alright man You just kept saying not you not you not you and he wouldn't leave my side, but he cell phone. I got to call people on even there. Try take me the or watch me out in recent months, left leg, laughter, redo the external fixators use like he's, walking right next to like is going in the o r with, and I remember them sailor exhort you can't colonies, the hell? I can't worry, you can't do it. I just come on man. They don't have no drugs from both sides. But is it was just goes to show you man like it's. There were so many experiences through
This process the she's reassured me of how very real that something bigger than us out. There is the other there It was a believer grown up man, but this was there things that happen, that no one could explain that had to be from our power. And that was one on one of those moments where I was That was a part of me living with Josh me in there I mean not having to be alone in that situation, so you're leaving. Germany, and also although there for no one in their full day before they sent me to Bethesda. And I'll I'll because my family's fills me in Germany, but the turnaround so fast Now the Marines right now we're just gonna, send you Bethesda got to prefer the men, those flying. Both flights from our
Germany, Germany, the. Every little like bit of turbulence every little bump, every little movement was like being blown up all over again. It was gnarly because magazine. Your body. Was honoured? Wasn't so much. Pain. It was just the repute some because a pain in my life. And it was walls, themes rose again, Every little jar, every movement was just like here soon as they come like there's nothing special about you. This is not. Get easier, and I remember the given their in their wheaten over by the emergency entrance and the doors open and, of course, the other liaison Tom. I feel like a Jake's on the runway just such down in my head, is there and I'm sure I'll, look amazing. My It was probably size of a watermelon and as black and blue and purple one man, I'm sure
old amazing do therefore put his hand on my chest said, but that you and I could get out. Demand off my chest: Zol Marilla, broken in her life and he looks my feeling is that chick Jake and so they alone their role. The journey in this this young sailor. Pushing me in I remember every little like in the ground. The separates tiles like every little bump, was I get in up again and it would may even take my pain from six to as much as you could think. Snapples I mean it was not, and so I remember his collar push me on elevator to take me down. I see you. And you know the big gap that separates the floor and elsewhere. We whose across that and when big elevator really take the girl, take the patient, cigars and someone families and their Wilson. He goes
russia. Bob students- so young and just use the epitome of a bit and so it goes across the gap in a night. I live Hannah with my right hand, look up, and I say if you do that again, take you out that last legs available he's gonna, be ok, no like dude, meaning that hit gaps right The problem was, as I was, never trained, abuse of really want a marine and one in the handbook not know what the hell do and. Listen get this out of the way. I was never a good patient ever not one time it was. Something that I just didn't have any All I need to do was to be a dick and fight like hell when I feel like hell, it's done usually a dick down.
My survival mega. Were you just like angry were where you angry with her and pistol the Euro was gone in your like just pissed and so every nurses, your pistol, a moment, Listen up money. My legs gone, I'm not angry, I'm John, but at that time that their time and money, let him alone among Adrian ever did the. Why me I never not what to this day not nor have. I don't believe in that I'm angry because my family is back and I got second LAN fighting in there, and here I am second up action in a hospital bed. That's why I'm angry I'm pissed off at God! It's I gave you had a perfectly but it perfectly good chance, then what the hell, what the hell That's me: what am I supposed to do right from here right now? What am I doing,
doing. No good, none that's why I was easier. It was easy because I could not contribute. To what I was trying to contribute to. With with my brother's, like that, they were there and I was back home. Their decision room with lots of people way not hand and foot upon totally intended. Like that, You know, that's why I was pursed Norton They could not understand. And I don't blame them for that to this day, I don't blame them for that. But it was no forward. We had a lot of guys, get her LA guys, get wounded and Hospitals, fool of I was no different. I wasn't special, I wasn't any better or worse or just a guy that about their work. So what are they doing? What are you going through this point?
obviously you belong in surgery. Surgery was gnarly Minos every four, the first. Two and a half ago smart! I was almost and or refereed seventy two hours. And some of those operations were like eighteen, nineteen, twenty our operations and their peace new back together. Man robber for Peter, give the Paul to try and save my left lay him around us and do that and stuff. He was crazy tree Decrees surgeries. You have stated forty six, twenty. Blood transfusions, I've had it couple surgeries at next surgery. Had a hernia surgery. So when you get there I got those surgeries right leg, You just feel like complete crap is. Are you just go through that every like almost on a permanent level, They address the blood loss, all that stuff that just adjusting its wake up.
Go to bed repeat: there was nuthin there's nothing phone about any of it. And I mean it was so bad that it was Like the nurses at an early stage, the nightmares was on the rugged happen every night they they would do paper boxes Versu had to take my turn. It was at that God forbid a psychologist warmer God forbid it was because I was I had nothing to say: to those. So I'm LAO cattle- and I just realized- I laughed at this right and were you no one is in a funny way because you're, like hey, I was bad patient, but the point I was getting out before like why you're angry be like where laugh about right now, but you're, not kid like this, like you're, pissed right yeah.
And when someone comment you'd be like you, don't get that off me and all of you know what you ve got like just agro with people. This is the rule as a patient. You're not allow my room. Unless we share DNA United States worrying. That goes for the president on down. I don't give a shit or your title is or who those rules. If you have the same dna is me, and I ask that you really don't come alarm? cause. I'm gonna. Let you know you're not allowed That was because island survival mode. Roma, not note that look like I was made. And others I got is aware mean it was, Didn't matter what surgeon was talking to me, what professional, with a bunch of letters after his or her name, I didn't care, I did not care because my myself was like I'm trying to figure out how to get to the next breath.
In the least painful ways possible. And it was something that it was like. I said. I went from Being one of the most a poor woman, mostly filing forces known to mankind being able to use the bathroom on my own now, hospital bed from Mars overnight. I mean in the drop of a hat, that's Homo pilots and Helen factor. No one, my guys, I knew foolish we're already drawn the warpath or plan for pollution, and suchlike here I am Not broken, I hate the terminology, but here I am completely fractured and. These guys are broken in German, ask me: will cover what color jello I want that's like
I don't need only to eat to get through the next minute. And then the minute after that, finance matters, nothing. I just need to survive. Second by second minute by minute breath Barbara in continue to believe I'm worth this thing called life, I need to keep fighting. In a byproduct of that is that I was a giant dick, but I kept fighting it wasn't pretty. But I can't fighting and how long were you in Bethesda for so more even says a few months. Then they move me, Furthermore, mud, my dad, was to Walter Reed. He comes back and he says This is your deal and let me back up a bit
Madame a brother, both pre squeamish like us to blood and stuff like that. Don't do well the my dad, whose was an executive rangers retire last and executive baker. Started as a window teller debate. It worked his way up. Did not leave my bedside for sixty today's didn't leave. My side no matter how hard I was on em or if they did not leave my side. And I like to say that, if have had it not been for this explosion, I would not be newly caused man. You can't, I don't think I could possibly be closer to my that, as I am now or my brother same thing, same relationship that, before this didn. Would you didn't have to think it was because there was always that off a struggle where's It had to take one of the authors.
Furthermore, the grim reaper. For everyone to see what the hell are we doing and why are we doing it. Yes, why he's one of the reasons I wouldn't really does that that's beauty man and I got to explain something that a lot of people don't get to experience That they die wondering did us, Everything I need to say tat. Love is hard, as I needed to love we have to wonder about that now and neither do they. Wasn't beloved urging us filler. Thats why I would not treated by river. My dad told me: With my left arm one night there We'll get you here. We have, as we have to reassure tool of Darwin, The bottom graph took the first time, but the tiger didn't take this in time they tried doing it. I remember they awoke above they were cutting the graft off.
And that was an early experience, but also for light Lily point five seconds for they not Rebecca and did you hit anybody buddy that point five seconds I try to hear. People all the time. It is stupid. May I messed up stitches and stables list of all the time, and I took I took my own out all the time they are of how drugged upper you turn the star did. Our solemn of drugs till I kill a herd of elephants because everybody's body react differently and drugs Friday to here there german, you didn't take a lot, will mind, fights everything Which is not surprising, but my takes if it takes, you were you one t it's gonna. Take me five. And so every operation I had, because these were major meter, intrusive operations. These words. Ok, we're gonna go and take staples out of it,
Now these were were going in cutting you bacco of an organ of power wash this part, Your body out not mean they were intrusive operations or we're gonna go and take skin from this. Are your body and put it on this other party, your body and soul, or we're gonna take this bone out here. We're gonna, try and grafted over there, and so it was one of those things where I knew like. Ok,. These are some serious things were for six, months to a year like I don't know. If I'm gonna keep my left leg and after they were, I was going through all these operations to save these do appendages that were in force its purpose is always a guinea pig for a lot of stuff which, Ok with was better me than my brother, I'm all that small price to pay before the world finest. And so they remember the night before
I had this major operational. My love arm and this was when the graph didn't take them. I one in there, Bon Grafton now ABC tomorrow like again to take some of the tv from our right leg, the trying grafted amount of time, because five answers, my all our form of borne out. And my dad asked the dark on their forget. It. I said I dug out you sleep next morning. He said I didn't that's all I honestly Because I did Jake's operation about a thing Sometimes admired models. I think from whatever and then. Our Murmansk and made a ship. Do you mean If we have you take your fourth digit on your left hand, because I don't think it's going to be of any use to you. And because I met a corporal was blown out from our I said. If I wake up and there's anything else cut off my body dont beyond,
right side. My birth is, I will take you out in front of everybody He D been knowing me all too often, the times that are right. I'm gonna that is a no and we want to get a good laugh. They not now again, but I M so they grow didn't, take an back out in the car in specialists So what they had to do was for me induced coma and come an open put my left arm in my admin and then sold my open and shot. We'll skin over my left arm, There, S, LU, LU, Polar Junior had the same cause. He had severely got his hands jacket. Up and they did the same thing multiple times too near and it's you who knew the thought. That's a thing in our daily lives
My dad- and I have this thing where I would wake up every morning, because he was always there during the day, then someone else come at night. The so sea, I doubt its new, the Monday April. Sixteen wherever and just to make sure I saw head somewhat reliable functions functions gone Johnny, the exercise? My follows much again making sure these executive functions are still working the winner, because I already told you ve got postmaster S. Try rendering hotels, like whatever that's made up stuff by people like killed too much time on their hands, but it will not affect me Mamma no and dumb I'm, coming out of this, this homer the first time the RUB
brother came in for the first time, Marie. He came in and I get seekers but such was his early on in the induce como like I could be alert, but I couldn't obviously- savings as innovated Started machine breathing for formulas completely peril, from the nightgown could move anything it only lasted further than we did it for a day or so because it was so gnarly that my my bp and everything freak out my blood pressure group analyses one of my feelings I felt like I was Up to now and the somebody give me the, how will these como you can't move, can can't talk nothin in, yet your conscious isn't per so being induced Como three cards rife, so they there this is just prior to them. Using the coma, ok, and so it was just before it, but my little brother came in and it was
first time in my brother Bill C News and colleges the time playing ball my brother came in a set down in the chair result would firstly goes the walk and I see him come the door? They I see you and leave the EU. I took a half stop any turn around and bolted. The queasiness factor no think this is no. I think for him. It was an emotion I didn't want to be Also on me, no use emotional. China do exactly why. I believe this is like softly, muzzled, Malawi and a note and silver than he comes back in please sit down in the chair. The horizontal averting grabbed. My right hand puts his That is why I know my enemies start. Crying ages repeating over and over again. Thank you for that. I thank you for not dying. And ass, I did anytime
you wanna, shut up about the life would be awesome. It was given a meal was given to the somebody. Peace are gone up and you girly ass they in her. So then they realize like ok, we got him, we gonna knock em out, because they tried taping the window. So I couldn't see, but then it just was too much sleep. That's when they completely come on It allows for his white thirty days or something I remember coming out of it until my delegate to induce Comoros for thirty days. It's a girl that around my arm, they cut it out and then they took safely did that was last resort? Well, after that, and take them one hour my dad weeks away Oh come on our Lumumba, my dad's money pursues. I well know it all open, was
am sure that no one one around this by music. No, they figured you'd be against it. Sir supporter. This parliament like but armor they had gone over water eases time. I told them like hey, listen, I can afford Bob here's my son every week most. Sammy, some still, not all the world's most Family can afford a kind of Maryland from who is in her taxes to come and see him. Often, and so it goes. The water edens came back and he told me said Bob. This is your. Do but no son of Mine going to go to the hospital, and obviously I'm going to take your word for it's not like. I can skip over there. And they said. Okay, we had a friend the words of the Pentagon.
Who's, I once thorn, dad must allow contacted amended, said: listen, we are you Jake closer to home, so action to a similar bessie, town and I like to say that the counts for fifty percent of my portion- I trust Zalzal Marine, an army of solar cells. I'm not sorry about that, but it was agreed, hospital that nearly did just good work, as prefers the robot when they ship me. Movie way too soon manage my body, one ready for it, and we have to stop and believes what Scott AIR Force Base in Illinois. Three fly, the members so we stopped and Scott and I guess we didn't know the we're. Stop him. And I don't we had enough. Of medications and my nerve blockers.
Were set amount of time to get San Antonio. Well, that's that they won't do little lay over here. So I'm pissed I wake up, there is gonna walk. So too is a key. Equal opportunity can welcome Scott AIR Force, I'm gonna walk Attali and I was where the hell scholar, fourth basin, who the hell are you because my my tax at this, What is your way out? The window did not matter. Your rake did not matter cuz, I'm at the point where I might go to they're going to do, shave my head and send me in Iraq, please you'd be doing me a favor, but on personal comment. I am I who fuck this up, but I need you, don't forget right now and he got
First, the house person him sums under his control on use a J hope you'll find go back to go back to the I don't care what it was I was out that and a lot more and so They gave me an aspirin over him, a body just or shut down. I am actually in the hospital in scottish opalescent like a major somebody like a legit, let they stopped start later. So then it's a delay for meat even go sand because they are to recover gonna hear so, series of events happens there, which was crazy, sob go into this shock effects were I'm unconscious. There's another one of those moments were the higher our thing I'm coming out of it and a Mamma. Other matters turned my love the door to my room opens.
I knew whoever was about to walk in the door. I just felt like a spiritual per I just thought I knew whoever that was was a person of face, like personally, God knew it knew no doubt about it, felt on the door open the de goes round. The corner introduce himself in its debates base chaplain and okay. That's that's that and he said I am javelins on us and I knew anew before. Even for us all, This is the door open. Like I felt I felt the presence of a higher ring. I felt it. I knew it Can I give you this really like you you could tell he was moved by it. And I would say the bull smoke- a bizarre such as new the deed was a man of God and it will again can explain it.
Will the whole thing the word faith comes in looking up sometime, you know you, But dear so then he walks in our target to me. So we have this log, our station, of which I can remember most of this Ex days when I'm leaving, he brings his whole family had like it for five, kids and, as we brought his wife. And all the nurses and immune, airmen in the reserve, Marines and army guys like made this line on either side of the back towards the bird and it was like. Don't read what you guys doing but appreciate it? I can dig it right, but I didn't. I was just thinking like it's a little much, but thank you now and then
but it was I who the hell am I to take away from their right to honour their brother, like him, whom I that thirty shown love all the way, not halfway Of course me been me at the time. I didn't look at it. That way, I was just like: I'm negative if everyone TAT, Philip understood off all right now and so the blow me up and we fly from mom, Scott wanna bouncy. We stop over Ours is a passer and on the way I can see them the load mass, your mouth to one of the other, Truman were the fly around a tornado. I read it works like a god come on man throw do Bone, I grew up,
I'm not survive all the stuff I survived, and if you let me get taken out by a tornado, we're gonna be fine. Bullshit firmness thinking like Murphy back opera back a half off, but it's just these little moments where you fine lie in these heavy situations. I didn't know the worst of all Paso we stop and pass on. I'm pissed. Why restarting? Why aren't we in San Antonio Workers yet a drop of someone whose guy return, the body mouselike? Ok, I'm a major dick, it was like shit, you told me that they tell me, but I'm on so many drugs- a mirror? Member about point two seconds of our conversation I had with you, we get the San Antonio again mobile. It was bad. We were good. Does the same thing to the Scott
next thing. I know I'm in the I see you again and now the war. And I end up doing fifteen months, an embassy, and men The operation is used, more drugs, more growth, more growth, more drugs, the series of events happens above sea, I'm the only marine there, which I stated it was bad because mean you can only call on marine soldiers so many times before I'm gonna, let you know that that bothers me and if I were how it be a soldier I to join the frigate Army staff colonies, order the system- let's just thing marine thing- absolutely african pricing. If you don't like it would you would you call Jesse people report, because if you would, we regret that my thing was like jeez utilise intact
put in the each hey them recourse still on my door. Just people more heads up same rules, though Sherman DNA, this is really no common mirror still. So I didn't me missed. I missed out on meeting alone, could conclude famous people and politicians that I'm sure there, because they care and the bunch Other people is because of that rule and then secretary, the army or the the surgeon general sorcerer desire was coming and there I called we really are. We need you, wake up and shave and you're gonna come see, sir. General and I was like okay yeah, I'm going to do that.
Obviously, then, and so I have come now to my room and they're shackles journals downstairs useless to be we'll cheered on their meaning almond. Unlike what part of my face, as I give a shit that they're here I moved a man or woman, and I don't care If they want to see me You know where my rumors, do I go to his or her office and say: hey, I'm gonna need you downstairs because on common now why dont their persons like me, except a problem, those are the pay levels. Prominent were minors. Runner No, I'm not gonna shave either so use. Eat a whole Baghdad. Excuse I don't care, again very patient, really reputation so you're the drugs, this
point that there were new mass, all kind of pain, killers and do you even the? Is there any point where you were not realising like? Oh I'm, not gonna, be ok. Without these things I want to EL does not once so at this point. So you're just think it s the way it is he a halo, common unbearably wounded, knee painkillers, part of the game. You read the part of the game and so on. This point fate. I have this, RO, the operational thirty, five, thirty six and it's so bad that they have made Now I'm having recover in, I see you after every operation because they have no monitor breathing in my heart rate, because I'm on so many drugs, and so at this point they ve. Given me what the like ok, we cannot give a more of any. We can't you what a lot of them are. Often more exertion so they give me. This is the first
time that I had experience. After all, these operations, Ketamine in as such. It is a bad because the guy comes in a sword, military academy. And I ll never this goes. He started measure through my one of my have you come into. My pick line, this is a thought you might know to keep pushing fill. You know I saw for secondary, asked rather nope psycho, I feel you know. Nothing this time I definitely Philip, online, because again, if one feels good, I bet you tens awesome mindset right before He asked me Am I oh yeah are fulfilled news like ok Gazette is only ever given anyone that much, but they say you're dollars is really what I saw
is why me, I saw it mean the door didn't even shut all the way, and I saw hallucinating my balls off my mind so much ketamine in Austria, but barely three terminology for special Kay and I didn't even know like that- was a thing in it was it was gnarly. Our seeing things there was bad and I came out of that and a tall- My least physician came, I said, don't ever on a want that stuff anymore like that was not. Was not cool high because bad and I like it, there are no rights. Would you back and I shall say I do not care I'll live, and I see you right now, like I'm in the Ritz. Ok if a man, I see you in this room before other, do I could doesnt matter wherever right? in the obviously I develop
develop a bit of a reputation, Mamsie and dumb, I'm attached. The fourth regard observed the time. That's right out right by Bessie and there's one marine there that the day I got there, he was right there. What steps are on time, he told me when I gather there's your brother, I'm going you every day in this with you. Also did the River views. First hours are major said the same Well, there's a lot of carers there, New, CNN and Fox and trapped Zalm. Nearly all marine or solely got some attention. So that guy says the same thing. Well, I didn't see him again, but the first guy This there, sir, everyday man. Every day then he started must like he would walk analytical, where my right foot should be innovative ills.
Graefe Zu Turkle and it looks like the camera and it would you just laughed aloud. He saw the best thing It was just those little moments, though little nuances of time. They wouldn't lighten. Me forget that I was who I was and I was in the situation. I wasn't there made me realize you know if, if I think it's that bad I would get when I was ever get mobile, armourer, actually thousand isolation when shut up who's, the second marine it Bessie and. They told me: hey, there's another marine on deck, just he's gettin, he just got here, but they don't think he's gonna make it Myself, I need to see only to go, see him right now. You're nice I do not give a shit,
we'll see right now. We're gonna kill me somewhere, not sail. So there were, and they get the little human train and train me up and put me on my black Electric wheelchair called a black hair like things better from a poor one too many holes in them in the walls, don't drive your electric wheelchair in heavily We medicated a kid. See tat, do you, I write all of tat, believe it or not but do seats. I mind you this time. At this point I served gun like emotional one time, kids. Since I left do up I haven't, gotten a motion from a family or otherwise still pretty squared away with them whole motions
I do see tie Gordon's room is completely rap. Meme front have whose cranium blown money in it was used. Blind in one severe, burn me bad. We look like a monument I saw. No ears were burned off, eyelids those lives. And I remember I had a yell at his nurse was a giant black, do black Armenia and I had a yell at him who had then leaned down and yell at the sight of ties head, so he could know what was going on and- I just told them. That's all the nurse while others are your brother come see my family, because another Marines on deck right on now we can take over this hospital and
so I leaned dies eight another marine tie. My purpose is not like her Marines Ty whispered with emergency was knowing warrior injuries told me told him my injuries in the starting, of course, with All right leg, the loser noise and are aware, but. It all started with than useless view stolen ties, I'm told the injuries, As soon as the philosopher, I, like TAT, holds up right leg likes to mine? Was it down? left leg up Benda above holds up his love and there was I do this typical. Typical Marine, better right there, considering the conditions were in yeah we're just gonna smokin joke, because that's what family does to get through the arts? You got a fine line.
And regardless of how dark the situation is, because if you don't, I will kill you. Remember having this interaction with time left the room. I'm face and the nurse station were come on the door shut. I just completely. An utterly broke down to the point of anger, allows I'll, sobbing and angry so angry, seen him that way and think- and I just I just feel like those poor bastard. I would you would why What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we gonna do about that? Piss me off all, not only because here I see my brothers never ever ever, gonna be remotely the same as he ever was before.
Within a reminded me. In a fairy, abrupt manner Who the hell are you too be act in the way you're acting because. They're telling his family. You better call anyone. To tell him goodbye cause he's, probably not gonna, make it through the next forty eight hours. And here I was actually the complete asset. Very much alive, They were not calling my failure in my friends as I was gonna, make it this point. I'm gonna make it. In that reminded me of value. He just started about you, son about you. And then that that one interaction taught me right, then: ok,
need to go, see every wounded person in this hospital, as often as I can guess. That's where I found Healy. So that's what I did. I saw every wounded person talk to all their families, That is when I realise that gather really something of the service above self, because not only is a feed, my saw it feeds. There's it's mutually beneficial than I learn If you're not willing. To use whatever platform you find yourself in the make yourself. One hundred percent formal. For whatever may come. You will never make a difference.
Your waking up in choosing to be status quo and choosing to be average. And I learned right, then the great the great ones, The ones the history books are gonna rave about and that derive about working distantly uncomfortable inconsistently, portable. That was a great lesson for me to learn. It didn't make me any better than anyone else. Is made me more susceptible to judgment. Which already had a ton of sudden care. Remember being in thinking about this pride of being a United States Marine even representing- What that means in thinking about Gunny sought a guy back in Iraq and thinking.
How would he may about? Would you react Howard? What You do the same thing about first order No, I'm actually backup I too, am I'm gonna, give an example of what being tried. Will truly means that you can't buy some back. Firstly, my dad tells me he Jake, first greens you'll come see, you rush mistaken shit. He's please I'm sure he's purse is. I got it like his pride just gonna finish. The job and south Terrified right on terrified his eye are now into our respective man to the degree well loved this man. And I was like that I don't want to experience from about to experience a relative take way out. Sars, I'm sure, glad camp and passed out when he walks in a monologue drugs that work.
So you're knock on the door like you're the door open. Well, that's good EU, first or first or walks in summer Passed up, Susie Boss, the hat and walks african heart martyrdoms now does it go, This will make the slow study be too. The boost to the rapid beeper MIKE saw that. Obviously this is gonna work and there is no plan me, I'm awake and he looks at my family? I, my dad's in Burma, Emma my stepmom aunt, my cousins were brother and sister. Unlike any says,. They were sure guy. Don't he's, got the rascal voice, imagine being drove his eyes was the knelt. And he said I M not, would hang in there for far he s a good girl gotta go
seven minute with my brother and my dad was a sure you don't go head first shorter, like he was going to turn her Talk to you later bye in the room. He looks right at my father and says: yeah I'll get the hell out, and I was just thinking he's about to kill me if right now any comes up to the side of my burden. Remember the only worse. My right arm, first leans down We put his right arm too. Like pick me up, and so I grab a guy, I class hands with him as if he's gonna pick me up right and he puts the back of his hand on my heart, in the back? of my hand on his means down further puts his forehead on. My forehead sits there for about three minutes. He stands up it. That's no, my face he walks out,
to this day, it is one of the most powerful governesses summer. Add my life and not one word was spoken, that's being tribal, that's tribal! That goes much deeper than team. You can't Kramer and he walks out of the room, and obviously its emotionally walks out my dad walks in, and I get emotional Susie walks up because got for drive from one another one. Another had walks and sees me emotion only when he first, he looks at me and like it with The look on his face: they just girls. You, Marines, african weird. I also like get out banker you're a baker. And it was one of those moments. Man. Only people who bear the burden of a purpose much greater than themselves.
Willingly and openly knowing what the odds could be. What the odds are, what the outcomes could be. Only the people The ruling the love all the way. Regardless of the amount of pain. I understand and appreciate that moment I mean and I'm proud to say that that man's now the sort of major the United States Marine Corps- there's not a more deserving individual? I can think of Giza Guy that guy on the Gaza found fallen, the blood? True they taught me, you're gonna love, dual all the way. Don't waste any more time doing halfway. That was an amazing moment that I will take to my grave cherishing
knowing that that guy just told me without telling me it's ok, to not be ok. It's ok. At what point. Did you realise that the drugs world? jet problem the day, how's Leven San Antonio, the arm, The commission's general ass follows another, getting pretty close to me my time, they're. My time there said came out and You walking out well he's walking on rolling stone. I walk about this point and he says going to check out over, Fourth, regarding he says you Jake,
like we should name a holler shop in Africa for all the shit you put it sounds like a sir. Let me do the ask me thing all I can just let me handle. I got it all my lonesome. I don't need your help and. Yes, I can you is sad to see you go it's nice and web. I'm scared to death to leave I remember I basically got a giant bag of drugs. Before I went over the fourth regarded last thing I did with sight of page eleven and looking up higher up the told me one of your everyday at all? The more I thought about the one would have thought about him, and so he showed me Can you sign a page eleven and also I Deliver slap on the earth pretty much
she can't be promoted for twelve months with appraisal? and so I was just like he wasn t see at the time when I checked out. And the Gunny their Zurich, so. You want to talk to your arguments. We or false thought. And, I said I'd, told him all about losing appropriate amnesty. give him a bourgeois gunners contest. This is Pulmotor broke away our man, this bag drugs and my brother men up there with me my brothers of DR meter. For the world's gone the chicken That's a and I knew right then, because At this point I already started like like evaluate and one for a family member Frank, give me a final pop out my bag, a good
Zack. I would shoot a bite off. The statue. Swollen lay on this Hey who's gonna, grab, method of r J Laden. You thought you did which then I knew like because I was like hey listen. If I just can't feel nothing matters. The fund completely non. Nothing matters. And then when they gave it a giant Burgos like shit. I knew I was gonna end well this should have this? Is I don't? They told me like a three month supply nothing. Now this is like three weeks. And the men asserted that how I integrated back in the. Civilian society was highs, a kite no in that, if I don't have to fill in
Can do go through this thing? Nothing matters, because if you can fill it, who cares? Who cares about something that really was. It has got worse and worse, essentially what I did for a year and a half was chase. My first I did- and I was finally For about a year there. I slept with. An over and under twelve gauge, shotguns condition, one next to my every day. I taught myself out of the utilizing the in my own life to the web. I was almost to the point where I had decided why it was ok to do and I are justified
in my head and why it would be better. For everyone, in my life. And around my circle, if I was gone and so on, but then I was told by family that you'd, Jake the difference between this point until you about fifty five, all three times a day of internet tool for harm rode off in all parts of the Amazon enough medication to kill a village in Africa is largely in. The fact that, on a road deed, I mean there's no medical information for that answer. Where were the drugs common from its you make a phone call get all the answers. That was the least some hours on how to get the drugs makers.
But to be fair, because I was on so much as I came out of the hospital. It took a lot to keep me where I was me, if I've found even ten minutes late was mostly it on one dose, I'm starting to withdraw. It was bad So finally, I put it I get told though the difference between you living the way living and eaten a bullet is its time, but the outcomes to say you're, just slowly killings, You're too, arose didn't come home and those that didn't love and respect you tonight we live but live well, That's the only way you can truly honour them his by living. Well,. I mean that hit me hard, paralyzed, I'm being selfish bastard, so swollen all I'm doing.
I'm curious every day like a victim and I'm not a victim of it. I need to start acting like it So I called Miley physician the next one is a good news, I'm getting off all the drugs. Should I going to do that, so I'm just not taking the first dose, I'm stopping sit on highly advise against that. So. The casual probably have a massive heart attack and die, Roger? The planet is no go what's plans, you look like like what you're going to have to come back to bed, so you know where you have to wean you off the drugs, Not what I wanted to hear like when I loved him securities any ago. No need ever come back here. Do you in done right now. Back there and started that process men, and let me tell you something,
I consider until you with conviction. I know why attics they Alex, because that slow withdraw process of getting clean. I mean this whole heartedly, I dont know what was harder being blown up or getting clean. Obviously, no Oh, I was harder because mean hell common after drugs they gave you drugs, they become off the drugs psych were I just you know what frick Is there shot or something you can give me, and I get the hell out of here, but there's not how long was proud Two hundred six Mars two and one slash hours clean because I'm lucky. I can't continue to be that hard core about face, though I mean that
That common about look which upset on this part gas many times like look. We gotta live to honour our brothers at dinner. Come on now always live well and you get you gotta live the best possible life you can they don't have that opportunity that fought right? There is, what did it No, because again it was a myriad of things. Manic is again you that was, the tipping point, but again and people come over this say not problems there either of more than one so that tipping point one or some other contributing factors. In the reason I'm asking you this Zaldivar. Listen! This right now and there feel in the way you were feeling phone call about our first loss from our unit buys all in, and I was like
That song, more than I thought that would sting, and I can't do that to the tribe. On top of that there's no, I can't I need to get my shit together and it's going to be I was gonna, be sloppy and it's not gonna, be it's gonna, be. The antithesis of what it should look like, but I owe that to them. I owe that to him. That is why I decided that What I'm gonna do owing to. Try really hard to do this life thing. The way that it I'm supposed to do it.
Me, I'm gonna go out of my way to be To where one my brother's here, my name, they can smile on their just and swallow proud, and they can save us my brother, that right there's nothing that I was talking about earlier, like I don't care what anybody thinks, but it comes to my brothers and what they think you have. That means a lot man, Europe should turn away. That's the stuff. It's still the trees world, so you. So you go through the two and a half Once and you get clean What's the temptation like once you're going, are you You feel like. I mean. Is it always there? What is it for a while bro. For a while. It's all day every day,
every time I leave my room or Talk to someone, rather I'm related to him or not to go to the mall or some shit out for a while was managed to be so much easier. If I was all right now, all the time, so I thought about for a while. Whose yeah right that's easy. That's her. That's a pre. That's a pretty pretty good safety net. Go from one bad habits or another near my family, the need, help a matter arena either. So how's, like hey, listen, I mean a model of drugs to. Killer elephants anymore. So why can I reproach start right now
So little that I realise how awesome food was when I go off all the drugs rousing. Oh, my god, food is amazing, Zaza mediated. About when I once I rat I usually wait out prior to earn points, past solid thousands of membership or other random alive. While I fancy I away two hundred sixty two. That is all I did was no shit drink, generating cappuccino Lenny, you feel like you're, starting to really hungry That's why you, the single you'll, never need a fat drug Eric, that's true, because you, your minds gonna tell you I got my God absorbing when you he won by the submarine- and it's like you ate an entire cow buyers off just four and so on, Are you immediately because we need to remember to there
a myriad of forms of self medicating, notches drugs and alcohol. We can go on and on and on. That's something we need remember, because There's only some people out here this like oh, I now aren't. We successfully run on drugs. Well, there's a lot of other avenues: what else feed Amin Porn. The exercise of me this a million things, you could do in excess. Don't you think? He's gonna, save you from your own heard yet like an escape rate like an escape and brings like that pleasure. For their exact anything, you get the same.
You get the same, endorphins really the same, let's say Do you mean get that same feeling of OZ gives a horizon because in all it is all it is Is the protection that mechanism keep you from having to look Edward and go deep. And the thing underneath the thing underneath the thing thought is sawdust. And it s very, very easy to do. Because just being humans along we're all addictive by nature, and they were all begin to whatever could be. And so we have to be cognisant the fact that the others We have to consistently remember that We are all. Always gonna be human, always
I'd be uncomfortable change. Most most people like regimented schedules, I'd like to get up Third time, like drink survey, eat asserting work out. In time will launch a certain time. By nature all of us hate change. Anyone who is in a boat in a company they go through a big transfer, big change in it. You know what I'm talking about. But we always have to remember that. Second, the Marines we also supper Gummy, the more careful you get being uncomfortable the happier gonna be So at what point in this you get clean. What point you decide gonna do something significant to try to help other people and you start to want to kill grace,
person. Why didn't decided it was my grandma You told me I want you to come, speak tomorrow to club you being a man from south. You dont told her grandmother sounds like a good luck We do this and hated the entire time, and I did- and I share open as easily for years by at least forty years, the junior in the room. So sorts over my story and sweating. Grenades sore overall, I think about how to love to just crush like ten percent or perhaps right now And it was is horrific, It was afraid, train, an abortion is bad. But so be it was all those things like, but you can't look away type thing. Those are those walk another and I walked out of the building.
Forgive asylum, building, let's a deep breath like you made it. The limits of the deep breath also ha lighter physically, but my soul for lighter, and I was I oh then click that's what she was doing stack of therapy. I get it Freaking broad scare me because I was our refused to talk to talk I can just once I got the last little than the one I left. I was getting out of the marine corps for the VA process that was at two hundred and thirty three time, because I had nothing to blood Pts and tv, I think it's that whatever sorrowfully
when I got clean and sorted drinkin outside oh shit. This Petersen TV, I think, are very real I rural and a move came back Will that taxes and has introduced couple guys who serve foundation down down there and their couple souls this day, grew friends of mine, mentor, mine, the brothers for sure And a council of Rwandan Flipper too and When I was gonna introduced to the non profit world in working with. Warriors and families and first responders LA force and offers no families.
He always Ike declared with me. I got a guy. I like this I'm never gonna get richer wealthy doing this. That's not the point. There was that gave me more than put more, my soul. Take then any pill, learning bottle Everett then it made me realize I call, or I. This is the same reason I visited all the wounded. I could even we lost gas in the house. Like this is why I am doing this. This is greater than me reminds me daily how insignificant I am the unjust and another yeah the just using do stuff How are the norm it's hard stuff.
We anything we're doing should be, should be hard. Ass, thou do alone,. And when I was working with us- resist us surrounded by people better than me by default, I was better. Consistently pushed harder and harder because I wanted to be held. Do different standards, Again, Zealand, then I wouldn't waken up like I'm a good way to be averaged now, because I had Two frickin navy fills the you were worried that ever the tens and there had to be great how does one type of really cool sunglasses in house was like. What I'm gonna do is just going to these days. The idea is a weapon anymore, I'm not gonna run on God knows about and I'll swollen
approaching I'll shoot, em wise