« Jocko Podcast

160: Live in NYC. Humbled and Mystified.

2019-01-16 | 🔗

0:00:00 - Opening: A Letter to Seth Stone.

0:42:31 - Rough transition to Q and A.

1:34:51 - Q and A from the Audience.

2:19:08 - Closing.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This is joggled podcast number one sixty with Uncle Charles and me Jocker willing grieving echo good evening, October, I'm gonna head you away. Are you today Though, sometimes I wonder why should. Sometimes you don't seem to care That makes me mad broader. And then, when I see you
It doesn't really made me feel any better shoot. It. Is that what this is for. It doesn't seem to be. It actually just makes me remember the way things used to be. Better times. It makes me wonder why things turned out this way. What did I do wrong. Should I have done Something different, What could I have said. You never let me down ever.
But now you won't even talk to me. I was looking at some of the things you wrote to me in the past. I opened up any email in it. You wrote, I feel it again washing over me the descent into degeneration and disintegration, the smell of filth, black water, mixed with blood and gun powder and shit. The american soldier covered in filth eleven months into a sixteen months deployment. The insurgents. Grown men hiding behind children.
Women wailing over the dead explosions and screams and fragments of concrete flying through the air. And frogmen enter the scene to take the hand of the american soldier and pull him from the whirlpool. To set his feedback on the rock and speak words of hope. We are the prophets of doom and destruction, we enter an area and take The lost pride of America. We read in the stripes, blew the field and make the stars of our tattered and humiliated battlements and shine once again. We hold it high. We carry a nation on our shoulders and we bring the enemy to its knees.
We do not live in fear of death or wounding or even worse, rejection by the country. We love. I feel my mind coming apart and the old sleeping animal coming out. Tried to keep it inside, but it I cannot help but. Tend the call to battle. When you, Originally wrote that to me, I thought to myself the up he's there again, where we should be. I knew it wouldn't last forever.
But where are you now. Now you seem distant. In my head, I can see you smile. I can hear you laugh. But it's only in my head. I was surfing the other day- it was one of those days of good day. Solid swell no wind tide was low in the sky was clear in bright. I kept looking out toward the outside. Where you used to sit and wait for the big set waves. I thought I saw you a couple times, but it wasn't you.
I heard someone paddling behind me must be you. I thought no, nothing, no one's there, from all alone out here. Everything is the same, but nothing Is the same. Everything has changed, but nothing has changed. Does anything ever change. Look at the waves as they Broached the shore.
Each wave formed through random combinations of wind and see and pressure and each one completely unique and when they break they're gone forever. But then another one comes behind it and another one. They are all different. But they're all the same. And I see some of the past and the future, and I see some of the future in the past and I begin to wonder which is which. How did I get here.
Where am I going to end up? Where are you. I look at some more your writing. You are telling us in writing a story about a man about God. About life about death- and this is what you wrote. I am ready to go. He thought to himself. But for you I wait for the appointed time. Thy will he said. Whom in closed his eyes and placed his hands on the pages as if there was some strike there and he prayed.
While he prayed, he also fought of past Times he breathed Deep and exhaled. Deliver us from the evil one he muttered Thought of all the reasons he had no right to say this prayer at that. He steadied himself. Opened his eyes and looked out, and First light in the morning. He saw a face not his own, looking back at him from the window and disappear But he was not startled. This kind of thing was normal. I'm ready for you, he thought to himself. While he ran that morning, he did not
Think about anything. Mind retreated deep into itself, or perhaps it shut down altogether and he wore no expression. He looked out of the sea and why, As the sea birds glided above the undulating plain of water, moving close above its surface but managing somehow not to touch it. At home he heaved wait around on a small, concrete slab, his routine effortlessly recited and, at the same time painfully undertaken again without fought or care. Every morning the same king off time until one up. Waited end.
His final rendezvous, that's what you wrote. Is that what we are doing here. Marking off time until an appointed end. My memory place tricks on me. How many days do I remember How many days do I actually. Member and what good is it gay that I can't remember did happen. Did it exists.
I want to remember every day, but I can't I led some of them go and I hate that. I want to remember- and we remember the times we had together. We played songs on the guitar. But I can't hear them anymore: they are gone. I can we create them, I'm not good enough. Can we.
Play again, one more song. Here is some more of your writing. I am gods, messenger. I am a chieftain of Michael the angel. He has granted my request to help you, for it is you who are doing the bidding of the king. We have heard your many prayers, the Before US day and night, yes, Heaven is full of the fragrance of your prayers and eyebrow. Glad tidings from the Lord of lords. He is preparing his mouth to right here.
But there is still more to be done on earth before he wields is Skype and sword upon it. I bring a message. The Lord of Lords wants to help you reap this rights against whom you are warring. Indeed, Satan has asked to have you, but we will not let that happen. Of course, You always have a choice. Come a long way, though, I came when we heard your last prayer, you will not be turned
read that it seems obvious. Even God was on your side. But if God was on your side, how did you end up like this then. How could you do this to me. What about me Yeah, I know I'm being selfish, but what about me. You know what I'm not going to see you today. You can wait. After everything I did for you
everything we went through together? You can wait December. Ok calm down a little bit. I pride myself in keeping control of my emotions, But I gotta admit you had me down a little bit for awhile, see that you're, probably laughing at me. So I'm gonna come up and see you today is a cool.
I mean it's supposed to be cool. If nothing else. Just to say goodbye, I bring your beer too. I remain drink anymore, but you know what, if you crack one open with me I'll have on with you like old times. What happened to those times we were brothers and when we came home we knew. We made it, we ve made him.
As crazy, it seems I was actually Never thought worried about you. Maybe you are blessed me, you were lucky, maybe was both, but whatever was it worked. You even wrote to me during your next appointment. All I interjected my part. All I interjected my part, the firing and yelling part The bullets do not hit me, they never hit me. They pass through me like a miracle. Two days ago, we drove through a village and knocked all the power lines down And it was night and the sparks we're like incoming or p
I wish they were embraced, but they were. An idea won't come either. They won't hit me Like I'm being protected. You capitalize, the p in protected. You believed it was a higher power. I can. Right the argue with you on that. But if that so true, how did this happen.
Why did this happen? Where did that protection go? Did it abandoned? You, like you, abandon me. What am I supposed to do now? You know what I'm not going to see you today. You can wait. February. It's a new year. Let's try this again.
Time heals all wounds, they say so we should be good now right. I should be. Over all by now,. I'll, come see. You. And not a minimum say goodbye just. Just say goodbye. Just tell you that's it. No hard feelings, don't take it personally. I've decided I'm gonna go ahead. Proceed on down the path. Without you alone,. I'm used to being alone no big deal, I kind of like it. But even I have to admit it was nice nice to have some The talk to nice to have someone to talk to, without even
Ok, look a nod, smile. No one is smiling back anymore, no one. Sometimes I look up at the night sky. That can approximate a smile. I see a smile and the sunset. I don't know why. I tried a milk one I can out of every day. I should be cursing the sunset.
At sunset means another day is gone. I should be cursing it, but I don't. I take a few minutes when I can and I watch it. Good night out, Huey good night chastity, goodnight stoner. Maybe there's some relief the day is gone, is added that that part of the race is over and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. When my oldest daughter was little, we would.
Watch the sunset over the ocean when we get the chance. And she was at that age. When she was only just starting to talk, you could just say a handful of words. When she wanted a drink of milk, she would say, no. When you wanted to go on the swing she would say being when I would. Throw up her up in the air and catch her. She would laugh and she would giggle She would say that word again,. And she and I were sitting on the sea wall- it was And the sun was leaning towards the south and we were watched And she watched the cat.
In the sky, red and yet low and orange like by Europe and the world. Ignited. Then Black and the sun disappeared. Into the ocean and she looked up at me. And she said again. She wanted it back. But I couldn't do anything for her. I was powerless. I still am.
I can't stop the clock and I can't bring back a day, not one single day, not one single minute. You get what you get. And that sunset will keep a man's ego in Czech, especially when you're complete lack of control disappoints the little angel sitting on your me. Can I can't control the situation either. And that stings.
And I don't want to face that. I don't want to say goodbye that can wait. You can wait may spring time. Rebirth so I'm told the winter swell fades, but the water warms up the day get longer again. I like tat. I look at more of your words. They read, he found a sleeping spot
being excited with anticipation, he thought of, glory which was to come and he slept tranquilly and did not dream. The blue midnight sky held no trace of trouble. Almost no clouds. Only a wisp of silver Grey near the moon that seem to be something beautiful for the humans below to look at as an omen that something What might happen Some kind of sign that Heaven awaited the good thing, the good thing you wrote, What am I supposed to do with that? you set me up. You know with,
Thoughts of the good thing Because there we were, you know, We were headed in the right direction towards The good things. When you listen to me, things worked out always right, you know it. When you listen to me- and you put your damn heart in Czech, things, worked out. Your problem, you listen to your heart too much. You know this. Let your emotions get a hold you, you know it's true. I told. Thousand times ten thousand times. And you tried to us.
And you did listen sometimes. But your heart couldn't be completely subdue It was too strong. Too strong for its own good. And yeah, I know. I know that But you should fine. But you should listen to me. You Should have listened
Now I am here and you are there and there's nothing I can do about it- can powerless July full fledged summer now. Camp fires and guitar on the regular, where you out. Let me ask you something: if you aren't gonna come around, then can you just let me be. I don't want you in my head right now.
I don't get dragged back every. I struck a chord. I remember. We were traveling up the coast. You me. Lazy days. Surfing by day plain on, Yet boxes at night. We were looking for bigger waves the waves and get the blood flowing we found so. But what we really looking for.
You know as well as I we were looking for that thing that moment That moment, when nothing else, matters That moment, that is sourced directly from the battlefield. Hard to find anywhere else, so we trying to close to it. Jujitsu surfing. Whatever, but it's hard to replace. Maybe it can't be replaced. Maybe it just is what it is. I think I understood that. I'm not sure you did. I was able to rationalize it figure out detached from it.
See it from the outside. Before that trip up the coast you had written, These words. Send us. We are thirsty for screams and Gore and Hell and Dirk and Shit, we will have our way through scores of bodies, form them up in a pile and burn them, so we can kill by the pyre lights. Somebody spread the Good NEWS that the killers teeth are sharp and their guns are clean and their souls are dead. So no one needs anything but victory sacred, deaf When this is done You see that was your heart talking again.
The same heart that wrapped around a girl, you met the same heart that brought my kids birthday, presents the same heart that was. Broken by the loss of our friends, heart capable of both devotion and destruction. I told you to let it I'll go. I told you.
But I can't control everything, I'm still powerless September. A year has passed. Or was it yesterday. Time seems like a trick, but the trick is on me because it's no trick it all time does not waver. It does not relinquish it. Isn t it just is. And it is moving on without judgment and without mercy, and it will keep moving.
I am coming up to see you today. I have to. I have to say goodbye, do it like this any more carrying you around in my head. Back the past so often that its interfering with the present and the future- that's not right. That wasn't part of the deal I arrive you're still there, where I live I brought you a beer,
Wax for your board and a guitar pick, No, you play better without one. I already went, saw Mikey and Mark. I saved you for last. That's the way it is you. Last: go. And this is the way it always ends here. It always ends like this. And I will end up here too.
But I didn't know you did appear so soon. Here's your beer. A port in the grass for you. I'll put this bar of surf wax Your gravestone, the guitar pig next to it. I read the words.
Catch than that white granite rock- Surf a stone commander. The? U S Navy, Afghanistan, Iraq. September, seventeenth. Keen seventy six for thirty, two thousand Seventeen. Silver STAR, with oak leaf cluster.
Braun STAR metal with valor, faithful, warrior, faithful, warrior. I always tell everyone to carry on. To mourn but not Well,. But now- dwelling myself. And I know I shouldn't.
You know, I should. I've thought long and hard about it. When I was going to say goodbye, but I'm not gonna, say. There's no need. You're still with me. You're in the ocean.
Sky and then the earth beneath my feet, you're still with me and I'm good with that. Here's one more thing: you wrote. I thought the enemy is good, as I could. I lost myself, but in doing so
found myself: it is a path. You have to work your own one out. It, is a struggle. I have listened to the truth. I am humbled And mystified by life. We live! That's what you said. And I will tell you this. My brother.
I am humbled and mystified by this life too. And I am going to keep on living it, can't stop the sun sets and I can't bring them back, but I can make them count and that Is what I am going to do? I am going to keep on living.
And I am going to make it count, so here we are and speaking of living life and trying to make a count.
We're doing this gig here tonight, so we are life. We are yeah yeah. We generally call this a rough transition, yeah yeah, so everyone
That's here, our first live podcast thanks for everyone for thanks to everyone for coming down, I thought about what Who talk about tonight? I went down into a pretty heavy subject, and you know part of what this whole thing is. All the people that reached out to me over the last few years. You know that were. But to all become some tough situation, because of the pot gassed.
And the same with me the same lessons that. We ve learned from the podcast from books from. Having people on, it's the same we get the benefit of do I get the benefit that too, and here we are here- we are so Thanks for coming echo, Charles thanks for Pressing record, and stop by the way you get it. It's it's a whole thing, and one of the main things and when the main reasons I wanted to do a life
Gas is to actually see everyone, and- give a chance for you to see us and For you to see what we do and what it looks like this is pretty much what it looks like we, I mean we're sitting in a small room and we press record, and this is what we do and Great to have everyone here and to see your face is in, and I've talked about this before me when I'm recording I'm I'm I'm talking to you talking to the people that I have heard from over the past few years, I know your listening and even from day one I will the two went put on their heads its. I wanted you to think like okay. This is. We're going to have this, is it like it on And I want to waste your time. I don't want to run away. I don't want to waste your time so. That's why we're doing us tonight. I thank you all for common out wanna. Take advantage of the fact that you are here to do some lie.
Q and a witch is very fun for me to do. I enjoy doing it and we did solicit questions from the ticket sales. I just escalator Little did that for ticket sales and so we ve got some of those questions here. And we'll start off with a couple of those and then we've got, you can bring the the QA lights on and then we're going to go. We got some folks out there, volunteers with microphones and then once we will open it up and we're going to we're going to Rockton. Answer some questions and I know some of you were waiting to get a picture which get some stuff signed before this started. I will finish this will wrap up that for everybody here. So its awesome that you all Are sitting here appreciate? you coming down and dumb,
Stewart look, you would I That's interesting cause usually we just disorder, see the cameras. You know their another set of they cameras, but you just see them, and now it's like all you actually see the peat is different. First question observation we seem say like now. I look in the camera. Like all seem thing. Saying you see the people also well, let's not blow it anymore. Leaving in the more first question, we can't added out your stuff Jacko. What impresses you the most? you're considering to work with someone or hire them to be party. Eighty. This is of course, and I get asked all the time
everybody wants to know who to hire and what I look for and obviously I look for someone. That's humble and I look for someone- that's balanced and really your one of those things where As much as you can before you hire someone get to know them and the device we give people echelon from all the time when they look at IRA. Someone, as we say, look if you can. Higher them temporarily bring amount of the contract for ninety days. You have to see them in the environment that there are actually going into going to be working in before you know what they're really can be like, because just like going through. The screen people like crazy, going to seal training and it takes, and tell who's gonna make it who's, not gonna make it they just can't help and They. U you work with people in the seal teams and you, think you know what I'm gonna be like when you going to combat, but. You just can't tell you, can have a decent idea, but you just can't tell
and so, if you get opportunity or the best way to do, it is trying to bring people on board in a temporary manner to get to know him better and then once you know them, you can eat Hiram or you can get rid of them easily. Next question makes sense, Jackal for a new entrepreneurs. Or someone new to a leadership position who is meeting with their employees or direct report or direct reports for the first time. What are some key things to address during that initial conversation? As soon as you meet someone, that's going to be working for you. You're immediately make an impression. So we want to make a good impression. We also don't wanna, go ok, it's It's a dichotomy because you're immediately building relationship with them, but you can't
go overboard at the all buddy buddy one. That's why I followed the hack worth model, and I should like that to the next level hackers wouldn't like laughin joke around with the troops for six weeks. I up that too weeks I'm a little bit more hard, so you but but one thing, let's good out of the gate, is put out some brief general guidelines, like some some of the most broad guidance that you can possibly give, which is hey. Look. Here's what's important me what to do a great job, we're gonna work hard and this is our mission and the is working to focus on and that's it, you need to come out of the gate, trying to show every woman you're. The murderer, You don't need to do that. Guess what you're the boss, you actually define. Though, are the man, so run around and try to prove yourself out of the gate, get to know him Let that relationship built over time and that's where, up in the best situation makes sense,
you sorted did that to me, even as friends like this, I hear hear good to me: Here's you we to meet you eight weeks, just like the next question Well, it's wanted you just now when I meet people like tonight I'm all nice, everyone yea change giant, but if I was gonna be like getting in in the game with them, and somehow we probationary Jacko period Who are some of the well known leaders today will you believe, Bess exemplify extreme ownership, be it in politics, military or business. Military, obviously like I like matters a lot like manifesto like matters
I general Kelly same thing. Mcmasters same thing. All those guys are awesome. Mcfarland or General Macfarlane, who just retired my work before the body. Who is awesome. So about there's a lot of really good military examples. The business examples theirs Molly who turned around Ford there's a great book called american icon and It's a great leadership book. I actually was gonna cover it, but I never did because it's hard to cover books about business, compared to books about combat, but it's really good book american icon great ownership, great attitude politics This was a super hard won, but then I just thought I'd Gang Crenshaw really. Just the way dances?
taken position like he's doing a great job, it's very, very cold, to see so yeah. What else Gotta for high Jacko, I recently read the book Marine Life of Chester Puller and in the book justly references in the unnecessary loads of administrative paperwork, that was required to be prepared for the military. I also recently member on it on a recent podcast. You recalling the situation in Romania, where you're the two leaders were. Thrilled to fill out required paperwork. I must go out sergeant in a prominent American. These department and I'm experiencing the same dilemma. Echo. Managing an oversight is extreme and up to in its taken at all on the morale of the officers citywide the tv. Paperwork and constant micromanaging is preventing good cops from being proactive. I feel it
the job Code on unquote. Changed beyond recognition, appreciate your advice on how to approach the bull shit paperwork. And increase the morale of my cops. Thank you for your time. Ok What would I do in this situation? first of all, I am going to be awesome at the paperwork. I'm gonna. Do it so well that because, if you blow off the paperwork, then You got your boss and say the paperwork socks, and it's not good. The guy looks at you and says you know what you mean. You can not do the people. How do you know? How do you know it's hard or not? So what I want to do something to do. I miss are building a case. That's what am I to do So I'm gonna do the people on a actually long down how many hours I put into the paperwork eminent, follow that paperwork and see where it goes and see. If anyone actually reads it
right cuz! If I can go to my boss and say: hey ice men, twenty eight hours a week filing this paperwork and no not one single person reading and then you take the manpower in the apartment and then what you do. Is you actually build a case when you going to talk to the boss? You should have a full magazine of ammunition to combat this paper work they are being forced to do. You have to be able to explain it to them in a rational, logical manner, and you can't. You can't make any headway, against your boss. If you are trying to fight from the low ground, The low ground is at war really turning the paperwork, and I don't really do the paperwork and I think the paperwork is crap, then there looking down on you. What are you talking about? How are you? Dare you say that you don't even do it? You don't even know what you're doing You gotta get on the high ground, How'd you get on the high ground, you get all
stuff done to the best your ability you log down the hours it takes. You get your whole little team. Do it and you tell your dream, hey look. I know this is painful right now. Everyone in this squat, everyone in this petition, is going to do all this work in a log down what it takes, because I'm gonna bring a solid case up the chain of command of where we need to limit this paperwork. This is a long war situation To build up all the paperwork it took years, it took twenty years thirty years for that to happen, I use a joke about them, the Navy seal teams. The range arrange procedures are super loose. We go out there, you like crazy and do all kinds of really dynamic things, and we sometimes go to a marine corps ranged with everything was super type and I would tell my guys it's they look, that's because that happened over years.
One mistake happens. How do you stop that mistake happening again, put a rule in place that stops it? Another mistakes happened. Not a mistake happens. Put another rule in place. Another mistake happens, put a p a piece of paper to stop it from happening again and eventually you end up with a range, its barely even usable. So that's what happened in this department. There was little things that happen over time and they built and they build upon themselves and the next thing you know you can't even recognize what your actual job loss so we have to it's so back to twenty years to happen. You're not gonna. Do it overnight and you're, definitely knocking at all undo it from the low ground you have to the high ground you have to be a performer. If you're, not a performer, you have no say Do your job do it well fight along war?
I'm always sudden. Thinking like. Maybe we need one of those little applause. Try. You know when I answer is Goodman good. Next question what book has had the biggest impact on you and is a must read. nowadays backwards. Thanks for coming. Welcome to the club good on next good morning,
Was it like a rock band just lets the crowd sing, the chorus, Lu Lu? If you did not join the military, why? What do you think you'd be doing arena. I think I would have ended up either in the department or a firefighter, that's what I think I would have done it. Could have gotten into the military? That's probably what I would end up doing. Why just because I had the urge to serve and do something physical and do something where I'm helping protect people and the debts so, I know there's a lot of carbon Fighters you're so Thanks for what you do
Do you want to get a number seven or you want to keep on that? What is the relationship between humility and vulnerability. The relationship between humility and vulnerability ok, interesting and there's an interesting dynamic that you get going on when you. When your humble okay, so, let's think about what happens when your humble, when you're home, you exposure, vulnerabilities. But what's cool, is when you expose your vulnerabilities. They become less vulnerable? So that's why being humbles win, because
if I'm taking over position- and I dont know how to do one of the jobs If I did its wanting me. And it's a weakness because as soon as it gets expose, I'm gonna look like you know a week and a loser. But if I have a vulnerability and I'm humble enough to expose my vulnerability and say hey, you know what guys I haven't actually done this before my old unit. We d never did this not only have to do it. Can I get some help here? There are being humble, I'm posing my vulnerability and all of a sudden, it's not a vulnerability anymore, because the because my team actually knows it and guess what then I get you practice and learn about the thing that would make me vulnerable, so VON making you're so vulnerable is fine, and if you wanna kill your vulnerabilities, you have to. Be humble enough to expose them
voluntarily voluntarily. Exposing your vulnerabilities is infinitely better than hiding them. And letting them be uncovered by them You know your deeds that that's what it is. It's it's animals like everyone else here platoon. If you have a vulnerability and you hide it and then they get it like they're coming, we daggers with knives they're going to do so, if you say, hey The situation suppose those vulnerability, be humble enough to do that. You'll be in a much better position, yet. It seems like the leader like you the boss in you're, trying to make like. Oh you know everything and then, like you said they they find it. You look way more stupid like
in the beginning, it feels like he looks more stupid in the beginning. I would think anyway, like the bar supposed to know all this I think the key point of that is way more stupid You don't look like tat thing sooner, go back to this. Otherwise, three dinner guests living. Or did, and why. Three dinner guess: living or dead Mark MIKE months or brine job How did you get the nickname Jacko? I answered this on Facebook live now fully, though I did not fully
But he was before I was born. My dad wanted me to be a jock. My dad's name is John. My dad's nickname is John know. My dad wanted me to be a jock. My mom calls my dad GINO My dad said, I hope, is a jog. My mom said a jack o out of the Arab League, you said the whole thing you know that's the deal and then actually, when I said that my mom said actually, My dad was nickname- John, oh, not by her but by his family because he was named after his uncle, whose name was John Oglethorpe or something Yemen goes deep. Here we go.
Question for jock, or do you teach your wife about being strategic and how open Asian really easy there having her husband? Be her teacher? That's a good on this. That's that's! That's a good one for whom for her ruining my life, it is a good one for me. Ok, ok first of all, let's assess this! How many people people and I'm talking- spouses, how many people are just super open to being taught
like about women teachable! Some! You mean like that's that artists starts off in a bad footing, because it implies that I know something you don't know can help. You use your ears inferior to me. You lack this pray mounted that I have clearly. I must instruct you strategic. We fully. Ok, if that's not offensive to someone, it is offensive to my wife. So do I sit around and you know trying to teach my yoke. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. When we deal with our kids. I absolutely do this now when I think about it. I'll say to my wife: hey, listen, Oh the boys do in this. And you're trying to do this, don't do that all you're doing is its.
Oh, he won't you. What's good, all crazy cool. Do this! We are trying to combat back how us spell when the kids will really small cuz she's super nice, and concerned, and wants to make things right, and wants to win arguments. Which, when you're trying to win it logical argument with a four year old doesnt work, doesnt work as they look you're, arguing logic. For Euro Zone, I think it is appropriate time to do it. You have to be careful that you're not trying to be the superior human. Oh mister strategy want to teach me something about cats, take it easy and all that being said, I do have strategic conversations with my wife, a bow. The family tee right like where a business like your fear house in your family, is a business you,
income. You have expenditures, you have long term strategic goals, so those kind of things we talk about and You're, the one that sort of is usually say, hey what about the strategic goal? What are you doing over here when you wonder that, so we have those conversations, but not so much me saying how but me Real us figured out where we're going together. Did she ever like teach you how to be strategic in any way like be more sensitive or anything like that? road users, not actually my golfing about my wife is she knows me: oh, really well and X. Caps? Those appalled
You see, accepts the shortfalls. She knows that she got what you got. Giralda dies historic, wish. Can you share how someone that is introverted in has social anxiety can become a leader Let me first of all, if you ve, got social anxiety you need to go through that exposure therapy, which is what I wrote about in waiting where your kid that I didn't know I was writing about. I didn't know, is an actual psychological methodology until Jordan Petersen was explained to me that well what you do with some one in the situations you give small exposing. Oh that's what happens in way the way or get smarter than I thought. So you can do the same thing with the social inside. You know you start talking for small groups, you grow, you get up, hang out with people and you you continue that until you get more comparable, so you can. You can sort of overcome that.
And it's the same thing with being introverted now there there are leaders that are or introverted, bought what you have to do? Is you have to bring people onto your team to compliment that area? where you're a little bit week. So if if you're, a leaner guess it you have to do yet communicate other human beings. Sometimes you have to communicate, communicates other human beings in large groups. That's what happens. That's what a leader does sure. Sometimes you can be on the foreign supplies community email. Sometimes it can be an radio over the radio, but there are times when you're gonna have to communicate to the people that your leading. So if you're super introverted and uncomfortable with that, and it's a challenge. You're gonna have to overcome that challenge. Yes, you can get better at it through practice, but
Some people are not going to ever get a really comfortable. Some people never get really comfortable talking in front of a group and so what what you do in that situation? Is you bring someone in your team really good at it. And then, when it's time to address, the troops use. You know you, as the leader stand up and say here: The two things I'm worried about on this operation here's where we're heading and now bills get a brief. You on the details of the plan. And that's fine dust bills? Allow the building to get up there and communicate really clearly and that's gonna be great, and you still gave enough as the figurehead and as the leader of the organization that people got ok, yet we heard from Jacko. You know he put out the word. He didn't say much doesnt seem like he has two. We we here we come from sage have to build a team. That's gonna compliment your weaknesses and
you don't generally, if your introverted, what that means- you're good at some other thing that that loud mouth isn't good, right, allow mouth the goose Poland to kick it down. Doesn't have any sort of. Tactical sense of how to run an operations moving so come up with a good plan and then you briefly bill loud mouth bill and then you say bill working to brief the troops and then you make it happen. So You have to do a little bit about you have to improve your personal skills, which you can do through exposure and practice. Don't get up and talk about things that you don't know. And talk about things that you do know that you're our comfortable with practice, and While your proxy, why you're getting a better that you also build a team? We, u compliment your own weaknesses and we all have leadership weaknesses and you gotta. Teams that can complement that agree
next question: how can one died or lead a leader above you especially one year? Many links away on the chain of command or many links what down the chain of command, Oh so You wanna guide a leader that's. Far away from you in the chain of command, yeah yeah. You gonna build a relationship of that person. That's what you gonna do. In fact,. Leadership is about building trust in building relationships upon trust is leadership and leadership is trust. And relationships are trusting relationship for leadership. These are like the the trial factor of becoming a good leader. You build trust. The people you build relationships and in a situation like this I am no. If you and I don't know each other very well,.
And I thought you'd say here that you should do this, what you reaction! Where have you just approach, someone that you don't have a relationship with a new start telling them how to run things? That's offensive. That's offensive to like most human beings. I have to I have to get to know you. I have to see what kind of approach is gonna work tree. Could you might be the kind of person? If I know you little, but we, like you, know, I'm really working on my leadership what do you think I could do better? That's great than we opened the door we can move forward. You might be the kind of person after flank you might be the kind of person that You won't listen to me, but I say: oh, you should share of this book that I read or whatever there's ways to do it, but to look at our target. No, are you going to attack the target without knowing anything about it without having any intelligence on it? That's not nothing, be effective
So we have to actually gather some intelligence about the target we have two and the way we do that is by building relationship with by getting to know that person wants. You know the person, then you can start to infuse and shift and mould and sculpt and influence the way that they read you have to build our relationship to get things off, next question: I'm not in the military, nor am I a fire fighter or law enforcement. I'm an air traffic controller here in the New York area. And I found myself in several leadership positions without within our union. Since I read extreme ownership, I've tried to implement this and in the ideals that come with it. Overall, I believe it's been a success and, of course, still a work in progress. Specifically, The communication aspect of ensuring our people know: why are we doing
why we are doing something and how it affects them, has been the biggest influence and game changer. In my opinion, you, is typically come hand in hand with what about me attitudes. And we definitely have, that, within our ranks This is something I have been trying to tackle with both new air controllers, new controls, then older ones, and I think I'm making headway slowly. But surely thanks to you in life, my question is this: have you ever had direct experience, dealing with unions and this for regular mindset. Is there any advice you can have the you have specific to labour unions that could make this more
efficient yeah, we well. We work with businesses all the time and we certainly work with businesses that are involved with or that that either or unionized or partially unionized and yeah. This is something that can be very, very common and the reason it can become very very common is because the union, This is an organization right and the com any the the corporate? The headquarters is a separate organization. And so what happens is as we let these two elements grow, they they tend to grow apart and they tend to start looking out for themselves and that becomes problematic it becomes problematic in any organisation. Will you ve got the union on one side and what the union starts looking out for is what's good for them, and corporate is looking out for what headquarters looking outwards. What's good for them.
And what happens if we stop talking to each other and we and what we failed to realise is that both those entities have a common goal They have a common goal and the the more we work together. To achieve that common goal. The better off. Both entities will be so what this boils down to end the where I would focus step number one in this. This is a long fight. This is a long war is trying to make sure that The union side, You're you're talk about from your position in the union. The union side understands how. Working with corporate headquarters? How working with them will benefit the individuals in the union in the long run.
So in a great book to read about this. Is that book I mentioned earlier with Molly American icon, and what do you know what he told the union's was hey, listen, I get it, you want, You're hourly ways to be seventy six dollars an hour. You wanna, take care of the union. That's awesome! let me tell you: what's gonna happen in eighteen months, if we keep paying that. We're not gonna have a company anymore Here's the numbers, here's how it's going to work They lower down there our we rate to fifty five dollars. Now, that's it cut and you can imagine The union cannot, that's, we lost we lost. But Malawi, did a great job of saying no we lose if we don't come together, we lose if we don't try to achieve our actual mission. The mission that we're all focused on, which is making great cars and being a profitable company.
So same thing here: make sure that the areas that overlap the common mission make sure that everyone understands how achieving the common mission benefits both parties to express I've been a police officer gives wrote some long questions for ECHO Charles Varied turn, he's been studying for four hours. I've been a police officer for about four years. I consider myself to be pro active and try to get after it every day. Much like many of my brother and sister law enforcement officers. Recently which to a bigger agency with with a bit of a different mission. I still try to be as pro active and is thorough, as I can.
In everything that I do, but I've noticed that many of the frontline supervisors in this agency want offices to be reactive rather than pro active. The supervisor, in particular, has told me to stop working so hard in get salty. Suggesting that a lower my morale. The question is: how do I build a relationship with these supervises, while still being proactive and working hard, so This is what I did. When I got to seal team one. I was this guy rare I will fired, I was paid? Oh we're doing an obstacle course. Today, cool, I'm, going to wear my rucksack with a forty lb sandbag in it and all the guys that were older. Will you don't look at me like dude? and you know,
Of course, what did I think, those Carter part or those guys are weak that's what I was thinking and then you know, I thought to myself. Ok, how can I How can I have influence over them?. How can I have influence over the platoon element Can I have influence over the petition that I'm in if every one, that's in my pull tune, doesn't like me? in fact I have no influence over marble too, and that's it. That's a horrible thing. So what. When are they going, steer at all in my direction. The answer is no the answer is no, in fact, They're gonna isolate me. In fact, I would have no influence over Michael too. And that's it, that's a horrible thing. So,
What did I do? Did I just go get what it looks like doughnuts is the deal now I didn't do that at all, but I couldn't. But I can form and people think. That week, you're sure conform. Look you not the priority. You as an individual or not the priority in a suitable to you, not the priority is or to the priority is the mission If we're going to execute a mission, we need to be very tight as a team so, if I put my personality above the unity of the team, I'm hurting or capability of accomplishing the mission.
Especially if I realise that guy's need to train a little bit harder and instead of actually doing something, that's gonna move them in that direction. They reject me I now outside the the brother of the circle and now I have a move in the right direction, although not as one got. It's really good shape me. And everyone else is, go on in the other direction. And I have no influence over them. That's just terror. The mission is the most important thing. In order to most effectively execute commission, we have to have the best possible team in order the best possible team. We have to have trust in relationships inside the team. If I violate that. I'm taken away from the team, taken away from our mission capability now of
If there's someone, that's Rosalie out of shape or out of standards, yeah I'm to try and tighten up personal, but again If someone's completely out of standards- and all I do is attacking what's their reaction, it's it's too to step away from me to reject me, but if ice, if I saw a man, you know I know you got a lot of experience in Yeah I'm on nineteen, and I just gotta bud some pretty good shape, but like. Thinking. Can you teach me some of the tactics that you know and others I'm building relationship with them. And then I say: hey did you want to go for a little a little John with me after work, you know that guy donate deployments, unease, tired and he's old, but he wants to be back in shape because we all want to be in shape and he goes. Ok short, one and we're moving in the right direction. So
That's what you mean you have to: u have to back off a little bit: You have to find a balance. And you have to focus on the team better to have the whole team, it's better to have twenty people that move a little bit in the right direction. We have one person by himself that go in the right direction in every let's wrong direction. So That's it, you need to do Take the sandbag out here rucksack and I ran with jungle boots. I did all this stuff and didn't take me very long to realize. I was not doing the right thing, not making my team stronger. I was like to myself and stop them. So this guy, he should lakes were start acting just a little bit salty were you know Lower his morale appear
a little bit like the kind of feed in so to speak. Yeah. Do you want Part of the tea Yeah, if you're, not part of the team, you don't have any influence. If you don't have any influence, you can't move the team in the right direction. If you can't move the team in the right direction, the team is last mission, capable that's what you were there for is to make the team more mission capable every moment that you don't do that you're you're doing something wrong. So. Yes, you don't have to show up. I mean just imagine a new guides. He'll came on peoples. We shot to run their course. The courses. The obstacle course is a really hard obstacle course, and I show up with a rucksack on with forty pounds. Handbag as a new guy? you know, of course, got people I got fired up, but people like ok,
oh you're, oh you're, you're, nineteen years old and you just gotta buds and whatever we don't like you so That's good like steering like a big van right. You can't district, big turns with a big, otherwise things from the table very little seems even though you gotta, like you, get if you get go. Slow is one thing,
You guys understand anyway, next question here, apparently, apparently the Van thing was a guy. It was correct that somebody that little understanding that we value is correct. Yes, exactly thinking out stand anyway, my wife and I have four young boys ages between ages. Three and seven were both running successful busy careers. My question is: are you forge a meaningful connected relationship that still discipline and leadership with your kids, while balancing today's demanding twenty four seven! Britain, environment. There's a couple things make time you to make time. You have to make time where you're not looking at your phone, but looking at your emails, you have to set a good example and- and I think the most important thing here for
kids aged three to seven. You have to make sure that they understand that's what you do, what you're doing and why you're doing it. They have to understand? Look. You know this house we live in. We have to pay money for this house that we live in. You know the food that we have to pay money for that and in order for us to have a secure future. We can still at the house and we can still have food. We need to make sure that we have money for the future. That's why mom and dad work so hard. Doesn't mean that we would love to sit around and play with you guys all day. We would love to do that in every chance. We get we're gonna do it, but We have to be able to pay for the things we have and we have to be. The pay for our future. That's why we're working so hard right now, so we can have more freedom and more time with you in the future, so they have to understand why you're doing what you're doing and at this. So do you.
So do you. You have to assess why you are working So much that you're taking time away from your family if you're working so much in taking time away from your family solution, You can get the Mercedes S class in Stead of thee- Lexus ask yourself is that why you're doing in what has more value, The S class. Or the dance recital. Keep yourself in check yeah makes sense to any kind of gotta. Tell the truth. To yourself casino, like you, could answer the email later or at another time, not dinner time or whatever you know The lieutenant gonna be truthful. That's right
And anywhere else, that's why you don't return my emails on time next question. Was there a time during your service in the teams that stood out above the rest? In would you mind sharing the breeze story, not before heard on your podcast. Well obviously the time in the teams was beaten task in a browser been the battle money. That's pretty straightforward, something that I I dont think I ve talked about on the podcast, but it. It definitely is something that I remember very clearly. And that is when when seal team five came in to take over for us, and so this was in October, of two thousand and six and she'll team, five task from seal team five came in the take over for us. And we're doing the turn over with their meaning work.
Waiting to them the battle space and It takes a couple days for all of them to arrive, they arrive in bits and pieces, and so we're doing the turnover but once they were all there. I did a turnover brief with them. The whole group, and as a matter of fact, Marcus Latro was in this group, and this was After. He had gone through what he'd gone through. Saw market the other day we were talking about this. I couldn't believe he was in reply. After what he went through. This was not long after. Very was in remedy as Two leading petty officer and. It was his group a guys and I remember one thing I just I just remember- was looking at them
was telling them. You are going to take casualties. And that sort of like thing, you see in the movies or I've talked about it, read books about Vietnam, where you had guys that we're coming in country they got new camouflage uniforms on in there all clean cut and theirs The guys that are getting ready to go home and those guys At that time seals deploying into a situation seals the pointer situation, they're kind of unknown. At least up until this point it was like okay. Well we're going we're going to do missions. We don't know how bad it's going to be. It might be bad. It might not be that sort of was the standard. Those guys it we're coming to remedy that relieved Us Romani. They knew and the senior unlisted guys want my very good friends.
Those guys Nirvana percent, they went to my mom source fuel, And then got on came over, they knew a hundred per cent and so. For me. I won't forget, looking at this group of guys that we're about to start a six month, deployment and You are going to take casualties, and that was just a blow honest truth and. They did take out, so they didn't lose anyone that had no one killed, but they took some very, very severe casualties and did a great job great group of guys, but that was harsh reality to walk into for sure. So two thousand and three I deployed to the question is: will go live people? What was your first combat mission in what was your role, so
Two thousand and three I deployed to Baghdad as a sea opportune commander and the senior enlisted guy. Of my task was already in Baghdad waiting for us and disguise incredible guy, just as well, fact his wife tells him and me that were soul, meets she jealous But here is this guy, just incredible guy, but he had been on the ground for a while and he done the poor shop in into Baghdad with. The Marines and indeed come home and then he was back over and so he was waiting for us and he was it was my turn, we show up. And I've never hit the ground wheat. I don't even know how long we've been there for it, but it wasn't long was, might have been like the night we got there. And then
mortar teams that were more green our base, And they had been for a few days and so this guy A couple mortars when I think anyways whatever happened, he comes in like you're, taking your guys out right now. You have to you guys out and go and see if you can find where these things launch from and I was. I was sort of not ready for that. You know we ve been or hours, but you did you guys out you know what I said: Roger that and you know, I talk to him later like later that night, because he has just trying to get you outside the wire. Haven't you give me adds up next time.
So that was it. I was just run in that little vehicle thing and we went out look for bad guys. We didn't find anything came home, but that was the first kind of exposure outside the wire in back not a very exciting story. Sorry, They really are So we got some folks running around with microphones. And does anyone ever Does anyone have any questions? Ok to couple hands anyway, take this thing off. So I can sort of move around and see you and our might people all point to. You will find something let's go, you write their blacks watcher I was just trying to get him to con me, but he wouldn't wait until he took your order so you're getting a team here: so you were talking about child rearing before So not me personally, but no you had to your cornered.
Any thoughts about having a child rearing book come out like team, child rearing book. You ve been how to raise kids while yet China, very dear I mean maybe my baby. This is a bad idea, though not all day work there. I wrote a couple: bucks once called way the work it and one once called martlet Marks mission. I read them. Ok, yeah. I mean the amount of people that have come back to me and said bike, as a dad as a mom saint you for writing this book, because every time I read it, I work now. That means that I am basically saying hey. You need to learn that you need to pull parts the lessons out of here, so Perhaps I could be making more straightforward and also
as on the perfect parent, by any stretch, but one thing that's good about putting ideas on paper is I would start to clarify things myself and you start looking at. I would try to look at mistakes that I made and say: okay, here's a clear mistake. I didn't really recognize before, but now that I'm detached I'm looking back at it. So yeah not a bad idea, yet finances everything just how to discuss with your kids, like all these things are really important topics, and I think that, stream ownership perspective could be agreed. Addition also thank you. Question over here you, even leaving it. I like to come to bed, good evening juggle dreaming What lesson do you wish you'd have learned earlier in life? to now no
it is this one equals freedom. I mean that is the thing that that person. The thing that I try to tell that. The fact that that applies to absolutely everything That's the biggest lesson that I wish I would have learned earlier in life, And if I were to figure that out then I would have been doing a lot better and I would have done a lot better. I would have been a lot better of a person The thing that I try to tell kids are trying to combat for sure. The other thing I think, kids miss is it's, and this is something that I completely miss. Does a kid the actions that you take now. Affect your future. That sounds so obvious, but when you're fourteen you just think no, nothing. My life is only another twenty minutes, So what I M doing right now doesn't really matter. So when I
talk to kids, I try and explain to him the Disciplinable freedom, and then I tried to explain to them that what you're doing right now, really will have an impact to where you are in the future, and I love you listen to that. Podcast that I do the work in progress and it had never. Nineteen. About my friend Jeff and I talked about it on the adult podcast as well, but you know it's a classic story. I had a best friend when I was little and we separated friendship, not we're still friends, but we we drift. Part he started getting into party and getting into drugs, nor that and I did- and His trajectory in life just went down, I join the Navy, which was great and it put me on a good path or almost involuntarily, but He ended up. He ended up killing himself and
You know it was drugs, it was alcohol and it was just bad, but while I was going through budget killed himself and when I tried to explain to the kids on a warrior, could progress is like the decisions that the little decisions that you make. They matter they add up, And you have to connect those dots, otherwise, you don't know where you're gonna end up and it might be bad. Put got your hand up. Quick brought. Good job I don't. I don't go so far. As someone who say thank you for being here and continuing to inspire us all appreciating I'm so little backstory, I'm curly detective in a police department in New Jersey and our sitting number one on this are useless locally, a promoter about March or April. So my question is I'm gonna, be the youngest sergeant department and not with of experience. Now I've never had an issue in a department to a pretty well
as soon as that list came out, and I was number one attention just rose, this kid less than five years on the job. You know in is twenties and ready want to see me fail before even got the position. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself in that role when I really know that its common against their. So what's your best advice with someone, one that is going to be in this position of sea ice look at our position as a leadership position, but now, structurally, I'm gonna, be there supervisor. So, what's your best advice to to me, going into that situation. Yet this is the same exact situation that military officers get put into military officers. In a sealed teams in the marine corps in the army and the Navy, Europe kid that comes out of college. You have zero experience and you get put in charge of a department ownership or you put in charge of a to an
all the sudden you're, a guy with zero experience. Are you gonna put to cheap, that's been in for sixteen years? That's that's the way it works and so I've had to have this conversation over and over again, What we're gonna do is number one we're not gonna like. We know everything even if you do no more, even if you have things more figured often these guys, if you go in there and act like it, gets what we're gonna do. Not only judge you, who is this young whipper snapper young boxing? She knows everything you don't know about this. You don't know what that they'll sabotaging to make. You look back. But if you go in there in your humble I'm not talk about being a pushover, I'm not talking about being weak, but I'm gonna lean towards being humble, I'm gonna lean towards listening to what they have to set. I'm in a lean towards saying, hey, you'll, never handle a case like this before you have any prospective. You can help me out with this instead of this case mind, let me show you how it's going to be
that right there you're taken relationship in a negative direction, we want we want to. We want to build a team and we want them to. We want to get their respect. How do you, how do we get the respect we get? We actually get. Respect is crazy. We get respect by by being humble, so this is, if echo, They ve echoes working for me. I'll show up he's more experienced and been me, and I sure can I say I here's what we're doing here's, what we're doing this mission, here's, how it's going to be my way and I he knows. What's up now, you know this is on the boss What's he actually think it. Who is this idiot? That's had the job for three days. Many things can he's gonna tell me what to do and he's gonna
he's gonna resisted, he's gonna sabotage, he's got up and have woken up about relationships. What if I come in and say, hey ECHO, really great media, you don't just checking in here. I was looking at you. I was a check it out here, you're record you ve been here for a long time. Man are you drilling nailed for big cases. That's awesome! I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm looking forward to learn a lot from you and boom. What's his attitude towards me. Now, hey this scheme, very humble again on our common insane, I don't know anything, you please, you know, show me the way o master. Now, I'm not talking about that, but the nice respectful, humble way of treating people study show up earlier than they do? No, the nomenclature that you're supposed to know ass, good questions, listen the feed back in I've talked about this. Will progress if he comes up with a plan I think I have a better plan, but he's got a planet pretty solid, whose planet we gotta pick. I'm gonna pick his play.
Knock it off force my plan down his throat. It makes, relationship go backwards. It makes him think that he needs to compete with me. I want gothic echoed this. Is your point. You come up with a new you make it happen. Echo always jokes music. Do you do this stuff to me? any like and it still works, and I do you know I do it's like a if he can come up with a plan. I would rather we execute his plan because then he cares more about it. It is so stay. Humble, listen, work, hard, innovation, service, brother, thank you Fr, although shouted up quick right here, you got the thing up. Quick, a game First ball, jogger think is really funny. You're scared to fancy alive. I saw your respective your elaborated some on.
Communicating as a family. He sitting members were content out regarding stifled. I second broke. My hearing's, not great slowdown, hit it with me again all right, quick and simple top three rules on raising kids from ages, three to nine, really getting that sort of attitude instilled while they're still young, so not about the family like Dynamic, got about man she just that's it yeah it's with kids. First of all, you gotta remember, and this is the hardest thing for parents to deal with it. Your kid is not going to be, who you want them to be they're just now, their humans and they have their. If that was the truth, all of my kids would be the same type of kid and they would all you know you could just here's what they all do. They're, not there not! Your kids are gonna, be different. And your kids can be different from you. They might be a little bit better than you something's. They might be worse than you do other things so
what you have to do is first will get that idea out of her head. That being said, you can definitely provide guidance, and you can definitely put. Them in guide them in the right direction, but What you don't want to do is make every decision for them, What you don't want to do is only let them do what you tell them to do. They ve got to to make decisions, otherwise they can't go to the world and fend for themselves. They ve gotta suffer consequences of their bad decisions, otherwise they can send within themselves in the world. So you have to say this before you have to: u have to like, let them brush up against the ground rules of failure. You have to let them talk, don't you yet to let them spill the milk and The more you make or allow them to do for themselves. The better Human beings, they're gonna, be.
The more than you do for them and force on them and impose on them. The less they're gonna know for themselves and the more they're gonna rebel. Instead, the values that you're putting forth again, it's a dichotomy and I'm not saying they let you kids do whatever you of whatever they want when they go outside the box. Is Gemini Feed box when they go outside. Of that, you got to bring them back in and you got to explain to them why you're, bringing them back in big! I understand that there is The reasons are not allowed to play in this area is because there is bad people there were. There is danger, there is not just cause, I said so so You develop these relationships with kid you guide them what you don't direct them and you let them be as much of a leader as they can be. That's the best thing you can do for. Thank you can add one more thing to do.
That which actually Jacko opened my eyes. To this end, it like. Your kids are always watching you, I've always liked. So if you get Lena MA am or yelling their people on the phone or not doing stuff you're doing that you don't want them to do. You can say hey, don't do so be like cool, but one the kind of get opportune there like. I guess this is kind of how, because that does it especially with the yelling thing in losing like that. How do you deal with stress and stop that Brazil jump right on that? That's That's really noticed when actually, when he opened my eyes to it s like here, you know one You know, sometimes you get kids in or your kids communicator. Oh ok, all right planning ahead. Ok there. You will keep this in mind, then, because a lot of the time you're like all your three year older, he believed tat. We did. They did pick that I didn't teach him that in the things you probably will have taught him that just
by doing it on your own. You know he had so there. He's watching you make help me? I think. Type: two kids: by taking your game up a little bit around the kids, Let's see really tall hand back there, you thank you so a very specific example, then my son he's three of love for him to get the brazilian Jujitsu just like me, which I also got into thanks to you two gentlemen. Thank you very much. So how do I encourage him without pushing him without You know just getting. Into a reality. You have to make it fun. You have to make it fun and it is much better for it to be fun once a week. Then, for them behave three times a week. The kid that age it three times a week and you think I'm doing you a favor. Onto her favorite. I got in there whether she likes it or not.
Three years old bro The best possible thing you can do is not make them trains. You jitsu right now it's them enjoy Jujitsu right now. I did not do this well with my kids I didn't it's horrible, Might we might especially my daughters, my daughter will they were very young. It was jitsu jitsu judges we were doing. They were doing Jujitsu six days a week, They were like fix, and that was that was that part of it. Let me tell you what I did that's worse. What's worse is. I was like ok, you're, also going to compete. Chris completing makes you better. And it gets worse. Because there was a when I take you to compete since I'm the coach.
I'm gonna put you in a higher wait class I'm gonna put you against, older, kids you know what, if you lose, If you lose it doesnt matter cause you're gonna be tougher, so so Go out there do your best. If you lose, don't worry about it, you're going to make you tougher, so my daughter's go to competing jujitsu tournaments, Jitsu tournament, Jiu, Jitsu tournament Jiu. What happens to him? They get be. They could beat by someone that's older. They get paid by someone. That's heavier. Is that fund. That sucks what do? I think, what does Idiot think you're getting tougher and By the time they were ten, it was like. I don't want do any this crap anymore and. It got report, ok, look. This is ridiculous, I realized the mistake that I made and I just had to back off and
Luckily my son made it from that time here. Where he he kept training all the time and became very good at your jets and ran rustling, but with the girls I I didn't do it right so find a good school where the judge, who is fun, don't force it down their throats. Let me take one more really quick story. I make my son had a friend who is: like. You know, he's running me and when he was six years old. I said he I won't will bring your son, you did you, let him try. He trotted at six years old. He didn't want you try to one's I'm like a child in the crime. He tried it at each seven home tried again didn't like it hated it. Try to re Jake didn't like it hated it age. Nine, his dad trained is that it started training. Is he kind of got to look like all, that's pretty cool by the time he was nine any tried it. He liked it and he liked it because he liked it and
He was then old enough to make decisions, want to train and started training ard, and he got good really quick. It wasn't like. Oh, he missed those four years of training. They didn't make. A big difference is my point: they don't make a big difference so much The important thing you can do as apparent is me: it fun for your kids make working out fun. Jujitsu Fawn makes Who form? May these things enjoyable make let him when you don't put him in positions where they're gonna win, and I'm not saying every time because you do, after all, not to lose learn to the lose when they occasionally let alone to lose when you get older, but. Make it fun for the key. I'm gonna eventually get balcony up there, but I guess you in the back, go Oh my questions. On the other end of the spectrum for police officer,
a battalion chief in the fire department. Twenty years on the department How do I relate to the eighteen year old. Can you real story that you worked with an eighteen year old, Lucille, and you're trying to get what to happen when develop their relationship with them. You talked about the relief and ship above me as a leader. How do I do that relationship for the newer people below me the the best way? Ok, when we are talking about relationships- and I mentioned earlier- what our relationship is relationship is trust. And that's what a team is. A team is a bunch people, the relationship in all trusty job. How do I develop trust with someone that's below me in the chain of command? What I did this is what I did to make this happen. Drink manner as a task in the commander, as I was in charge of training, is those young guys that are common in I gave them responsibility. I
let them in leadership positions. Among the first time I took over opportune whether between commander got fired and we had a training operation. That night and I said I said opportunity for said: hey whose I got squared away just really junior guiding game. You name it. I said: ok, he's gonna run this mission tonight. And the producer or wait: what are you talking about This kid's gonna run the mission and all of a sudden. What's the kid thinking, while this I trust me to do this: They do a good job for him and He trusts me I'm starving trust him the more you do that the more you pushed down that responsibility and you let people lead and you put trusting to them the more they're going to trust you as long as when something does go wrong. Udall. Chop, their head off when something does go wrong, you say: hey, look, let's go But look at unless you can learn from it and you know,
Probably my folks, I didn't give you very good guidance. So Jack, o echo. Thank you for everything that you have given us. I know you can do this, that's though, that trust up natural ability. Hand came up quick right. There. It's amazing that you can tell one pointing out. Jack o echo, thank you for everything that you have given us acknowledging that we all have secrets Jacko. What would you need to see happen? would change your mind about a run it public office What let me finish, what would me that trigger event to make you say: ok, public office standby.
Yet? Some of British would say. Quite frankly, you have a nation of troopers, both foreign and domestic, that believe and know that your qualified to lead and ready to lending, supports. What would it There is a line somewhere. There is a line somewhere where. Where I would feel like. Ok, the the country needs me, It's it's a pretty distant lie. It's. That world. Is so
I dont want to use. The word corrupts. But But it because that's not what I'm talking, I'm not talking about like that kind of corruption in theirs corruption for sure. But you know you compare the corruption that we have to the world and its very nice, but there's a different word that I can't quite capture. There. There's there's dishonesty theirs. I don't mind the chaos, some selfishness. Here's what it is. I think. In order, I like I like when things go wrong. I don't know that sounds crazy.
But one of my biggest problems is that I get when things are going good. I get really bored reprieve quickly, and I just like all yeah- that's cool a we hate businesses do in this. Like my business, like hey we're doing this now. My comments are some we're gonna, Turkey call what we're gonna look at next, like I did. I get kind of board when things are going well And when things are going bad, I love it. I really like when things are going back, and so in the government. Don't get that bad and, For me to put my time and effort towards something all to you, really focus? I would get bored very quickly because not a bit o, you know what we're not going to back. So until there's something bad that, I feel like ok, it's time,
that's kind of? What would wouldn't would make me role in that direction seems like a miserable life to me. It seems like a miserable life It seems like a life where your constantly putting up a facade and I don't have the desired do that. You never got interested in going into the CIA or anything like that. Because I never wanted to live that kind of life, and it does not say that's bad guys worked with them in their awesome. But it's not me and I don't like to live that way and it seems like there's a lot of that exist. The fact that if we got into a position as a nation where things were really bad and we needed some. We needed to take action, then I feel like I would step into it, but man? I hope we don't get their limited, our hope we don't get there, I think we will, but The support
and I'm sorry red jacket. Our first off, thank you for everything you do and then my my question is: who your role models grown up, unlike what qualities do have I will make my first legitimate role models that I looked at in said. Ok, that's a person than I can emulate. That was when I got the facilities up to that point. I was looking. I was confused kid that was looking at this person that person, but I didn't really but even though even I wasn't confuse not to be like all would be like that person and follow what they're doing I would look at people got. That seems pretty cool. That seems pretty cool. Wasn't till I got monsieur teams and there some people that you instantly when I check- and this will be more like that guy's awesome- I've got it. Got that person where there is awesome. I will do my best emulate that person. I know
probably five or seven people, it's your team one. When I got there that I stole as much as I could in terms of how to behave and- and that was it you know guiding mastery faculty whose four ultra professional and everything- and I was a key so professional, no one can say anything to he's a professional like I'm going to be like that There was a couple other there's other guys didn't. I unfortunately bashing faculty died on using his name, but other guys that I just looked at it. That guy's awesome I didn't really have like those kind of role models until I got to the teams. Ok balconies anyone on the balcony microphones stop right. There.
Up in the cheap seats Jacko ago. I think every partner stock, I think reservists Nick. I thank you for the work that you, you work with Jocko and do the podcast also thank you to the men and women the service present future and past. I come from a corporate environment. Working do an it support now. My recent role was where I was response. Sporting forty, eight people, pretty much solo and with them I had a manager, remote, Yahoo, good working relationship he's former military, so he would. I may do certain things with environment which I would do, but then His manager would come down and visit. And give me contradicting situations or orders, so what do you do when you have your boss to any one thing? His boss, your boss, threaten respond report trained you some contradictory The pretty straightforward
If my boss is boss comes to me and told me to do some online, Hey, I just want to make sure that you know that this is what I've been told to do and then they say yeah, I don't care what that guy says. You go. Ok, Roger that and then he leaves you go, hey Direct Voss. Here's what's goin on boss came down and told me to do this. I'm here. I work for you you're my boss, and I want to tell you what's goin on do you want me to proceed or do you want me to stop, I want to keep you informed here's. Why I want to I want to do the right thing in this. What's going on so just Take the information from the boss. The bosses boss, got it Have you told you know my boss, that no dont care, Ok, you don't care fine, hey boss, Boss tell me to do this. I want to let you know: what's goin on. It's obviously a. A tenuous situation, because In this guy up above that, I regard the genetic all this union. Do I told you, do
well come on just try to major everyone's informed and that's the way that's the way things run smoothest if everyone's informed, I'm here support. Can you guys talk to each other? So I know I'm supposed to be doing down here you. You got a kind of be the person that that next the daughter to the best of your ability, no problem. I would say you're in an organization, and you really want to see it succeed, but its being led by someone who is Not only during the wrong direction there doing it deliberately and you're, not really sure if you can negotiate with them. What would your course. My course of action. If there's someone above me in the chain of command, that staring us in the wrong direction. I'm gonna do my best to influence and persuade them. If I I do not want to do the best to mitigate the risk down the chain of command and the strategic risk. I will do my best to mitigate, and
while I'm doing that, I'm going to try and inform the other people around that person, of the situation has gone out, I'm gonna I'm gonna build relationships with the c o o with the sea Ethel with with the efficiency yo you're talkin about or if it's the battalion, whoever it is to build some relationships with other people, so we can get that person under control, the other thing we have to remember is sometimes at the bottom, we don't understand what the real story strategy is, and so My first things like hey boss. Can you explain to me why we're doing this? because I it doesn't seem right to me for the following reasons. I want to be able to support what you're saying. Can you tell me what we're doing this work? So from whence they say, oh yeah, because of this I should explain that sometimes they say wait. A second we mean my strategy is not working down on the front lines, They don't know no one's telling them so
You have to communicate with them to make sure that that they understand, but to make sure that you understand what the rupture sports betting and to make sure that they understand why it's problematic on the floor once if all of that fails and they're just lookin telling you to be quiet and they're moving forward in something that's going to really be detrimental to the organization we got us. Are trying to figure out how to link that person and and link, building alliances with people that can try and get us going the right way sir and of course there's you know, there are situations where you know that, especially in the business environment like if you're on a ship, chip is sinking in? You sounded the alarm and you ve tried. Do you ve tried to plug the holes and you ve told everyone and there still just staying on board the sinking ship without making any corrections. There are times we gotta go. You want. This ship is sinking and I'm not gonna stay on it. That can happen we can't you can't save every sinking ship. You can
and you gotta know when it's time to go okay, the lessons, learnt number to go somewhere else. Thank you yes. First, thank you because I am a. Stage, four cancer survivor and and in my darkest hours that a lot of people can't comprehend you were there with me your voice, your everything. Still to this day I mean this point: equals freedom is a common phrase in my family over the most monumental to the most ridiculous things like letting the dog out. At the same time, I want to thank you for that with being said, I have at one point plan my own funeral think I was going to be her for my kids. You know the worst part of anybody's dreams,
Mars and then to be at the place where I am right now Knowing obviously m young- and you know what the future holds- nobody's naive, how you in those similar positions, just not help lies, but you know facing death and everything else. How do you switch from that mindset of light? I said when things are going really bad. I'm freaking also like I kick ass, Like I really do and then one These are kind of common, like what do I do now? How am I gonna? You know you don't we're just sing like your last line. Sometimes I think, like you just speaks made so creepy, that, like my last chemo is Friday. I shouldn't be well today, but I am because I knew I had to be here.
Yeah. So it's like stuff like that and then, when you said that you know at the end of your podcast, that you know I'm going to live life, I'm going to live my days. How did you get from that transition? You know, possibly I don't know if I'm gonna come out of this battle. I dont know if, When you come home to. Ok, I'm here last week, gray, let's party, when an image tween, like did you have any like her you do it. How did you get from the darkest places to the brightest places than that bring everything. My problem is that I want to bring I learned my lesson, I gave a learned what I had to have learned now and now to bring forward with me, but not to let it defined me if that makes sense from
I actually gave this answer to SAM Harris, because SAM Harris said to me. You know Jacko, you you you talk about, combat as your fondest memories, and it is the best that happened in your life. It's the hype when your life, which is all true, and he said, but then you talk about war being awful so which one is it. And I said to him, I said: have you ever known anyone that has had cancer terminal cancer And made it through: ever known. Anyone that that's happened and he's like yes When you talk to them. Many thoughts. They say I had that this happened to me.
Number one because approved, I could take it number two It's better meet in one of my kids. And number three now that I know how dark you can get. I fully appreciate the light in the world. That's what combat is and was for me, that's what it was. It was Dark and horrible, and I wouldn't wished on anyone just like you- would wish. Cancer on anyone, but. If I can give him a little knowledge a little bit. Of a glimpse into What it is just like when you stand up here, people clap when you said that people are clapping, because get to see a little bit of it.
Go home tonight and they think about that girl. What about that girl, she's fighting she's living and I'm gonna live to cancer. That's how I look at things I don't pretend. Of the cognitive capacity to comprehend, mysteries of the world, but maybe you're right. And maybe you're here to let us know that it can get dark, but it will get light again.
And thank you. Yes, A lot thanks for being here, I've been in the army for three years now and further, Past year I've been thinking about putting in a package for special forces election so I guess I just wanted to ask you to talk a little bit about when you who joined the seal teams, and what did you do to physically and mentally prepare yourself and engender Why did you? Why did you do join. Man. I wanted to do that since I was a little kid when I heard that this I heard that the seals, when the toughest training and that's not
the necessarily true they all the training is hard theirs. The special forces, more Saki, the raiders, the air force PJ's and species. Is it everyone's got their awesome special operations units in the training is all hard novel retired to misuse the top string us it. Ok, that's what I want to do. What do you do to get ready for you know what you're gonna do to get ready for. Eugene or me? Guess what you going to be home in a rock be doing forced marches? You got to be able to run. You got a built in nav. You got to be able to do push ups and pull ups and dips and rope climbs. You got a train heart. You got a train as hard as you possibly can and then you have to tell yourself that Europe I'm going quit, no matter what happens. No matter what happens? You're, not gonna, quit. No matter what happens zero point or psychological games on you,
like, let's all using good shape he's here? We can't really touch him physically, he's really good shape. So now, you're gonna do they're. Gonna say You know you fail this academic test. You're, not smart you're, not really smart enough. For me, you seem like a good guy, but you're not really smart enough you're the kind of Europe first, that will get someone killed gonna make a mistake, Its attack attacking you psychologically Or if your psychologically strong but you're physically, we regularly like hey you're the kind of person I won't be able to carry me our combat. We don't want you they're, just saying, don't quit, that's it. Don't quit go get some or I think one more year were looking out.
Have some time to hang out sidewalks we're gonna be out here by Levin, so we'll get close, go at the front row Jack, Odin Vera. Thank you for speaking night, just a quick question. I work in a corporation here in New York and when the toughest things with being analysed years is the fact of like when you actually escalate or you know which, which kind of feels like defeat but also At the same time, you want to make sure you live in somebody else. You know what's going on, so it's one, Sorry about that. For me I it a problem if I think I think, contained the problem, then, I'm try and contained the problem. I recognise and I weighed the risk of it This is wrong. What's gonna happen, can I manage that? Can I control cannot absorb the impact of that
If I can absorb the impact of it, then I know it's ok, this I need to bring this up. I need to send this opportunity if it's something that I know I can absorb the impact of, and I can explain myself and it will be sent and it will have been a strategic loss or a major error, Then I'm gonna try and hang onto an In the beginning, I'm gonna be I'm an air towards setting it up. There Map as I trust myself and I get better at my job, I'm going to hang onto more, Again, I'm always going away. Is this something that I pain or I can absorb if it goes wrong. And if it's something that I can pay run it by somebody so bigots, got away that out and once you way that out make a decision in live with it
I got one more here microphone. Anyone there, my brother. As somebody who's recently up for recently, for used to somebody would like spend the rest of my life. Somebody who's married and has, from my knowledge, gone away for extensive periods of time from the partner? What is your tip to building? mortar proof, marriage, that's gonna! Last a long time The first thing I'll say is you know you want to develop. The? U want you! You want to make sure encourage your wife to be involved,
emotionally independent imposed! the independent cause. There's going to be times when you're not around, and if dependent on you emotionally you're, not they're, they're, gonna, they're gonna be hurt. And you're not going to handle it. So you want to help them build that resiliency. Where when you're not around the not a handle things independently, like the broken water heater in the flat tire that they can do that and you go through those. Thank you. You build that competence with them. And then also. The emotional Independence where what they have its trust in you, but you're gone but you're coming back and you're gonna, be there for them always that's number one number two is Straight up extreme ownership, that's what it
when something is going wrong in your marriage. It's your fault. It's your fault. The minute. You turn your wife, and you say you should have done this you're wrong and you're you're taken that relationship in Russia. When you say hey, look I'm trying to figure out how I made you, What you did? I don't want to let that happen so taking ownership when things go wrong, what you gonna do that? gotta do awesome. Horses and with that once again can't. Thank you all enough. Four
common tonight, and I know that you're just not here tonight. I note a few here tonight. You're here, all the time you're with us, your supporting us, your support and everything and we're doing your support and your representing, represent representing with the store with the job, was done with the with the origin. You're, you guys are in the game. You get the books and and most important you're you're listening and you're with us and the podcast It's a lot of work is gonna work lot of work goes into it I get more out of it than anyone I get more out of doing this than anyone, and the thing that drives me to keep doing this, is not just what I get out of it.
But also that you or there- and that you all are listening and that you all our sitting there with us. That you guys are here in the same thing that I'm hearing and you're learning the same things that I'm learning And I know that we're together, and I know that that sounds kind of weird. That sounds kind of crazy, but we were together were hanging out we're moving forward and together were stronger.
And even though we aren't strong enough to bring back days and even though we are strong enough, to bring back the sunset At least we can sit here together and we can be humbled and mystified by this life and together we can go out and we can live in, Think that's all we ve got for tonight thanks for coming down, and until next time,
this is ECHO and Jacques. Thank do.
Transcript generated on 2020-04-10.