« The Joe Rogan Experience

#1007 - Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura

2017-09-04 | 🔗
Joe is joined by Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura to discuss a new challenge.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hey everybody whatever is going on a lot of stand up comedy dates coming up and the best way to find out about it is joerogan dot net slash tour thank you to everybody coming out soon we've been having a great time two weekends ago in the tabernacle in atlanta and then we were the warner theater in dc we've been having so much fun and the next one that i have coming up that's for sale is at them arrage that's october sixth in las vegas nv and then in san francisco on the 28th of october we're doing the masonic theater i'm pretty sure the first shows almost sold out as some tickets available for the second show
rogan dot net forward slash tour is the best way to find out about all this stuff this episode podcast brought to you by squarespace now first of all this is a long podcast jamie how long this podcast four hours only we start we started a little late so so for hours okay it was super silly uhm this episode podcast is brought to you by square space ladies am i but in general man square space is your solution if you need a website it is an amazing product that just did not exist in the past it's so good that i think you young whipper is today you don't understand but we had to go through i was lucky my friend andrew is really good at making websites and he started making me a website and like ninety eight or something like that nine thousand seven hundred and ninety eight but
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thanks to the mail have to go to the god damn post office and get their packages weighed and wait in line and you don't enjoy your time there but there's a solution and that solution is stamps dot com stamps dot com is convenient it's easy as reliable and it's really flexible meaning it's open twenty four slash seven you can buy and print official us postage for any letter any package any class of mail using your own computer and printer and stamped out com makes it super easy they send you a digital scale which automatically calculates the exact postage stamps dot com even helps you decide the best class of mail for your package based on your needs no need to lease an expensive post meter and stamps dot com is used by a ton of my friends tom segura and christina posit ski you stamps dot com
brian red band uses stamps dot com for all of his original artwork at death squad tv bill burr he's a stamp talk a lot of people used to duncan trussell is used it it's it's an amazing service stands all the work on the phone so now for a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without long term commitments all you have to do is go stamps dot com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage anti been j r e that stamps dot com and enter j e r e stamps dot com never go to the post office again and less like you really love is at the post office and you just want to say hi i think that's reasonable right jamie specially if you live in a small town he all this stuff is just based on urbanization man a small town did like to go see the post office guy and say hi jesusstamp dot com have a car
it's the best solution all right my guest today this uh this podcast is essentia lee emerged out of the weight loss challenge that tom sugar and bert kreischer competed in which tom segura one and now they've in some time we thought some things through and we decided to try one more contest since arisha fear was a big fat welcher in the first contest and doesn't want to admit it he spent a significant amount of this podcast was that word obfuscate ing distracting us screaming at the top of his lungs which is almost always an indication that someone is guilty of welshing they started just screaming about a if you're screaming about it but i mean you wouldn't even if you didn't know that he sounds like that when he screams which i do you wouldn't even be able to recognize it his voice like if somebody paid you a clip of the podcast for when already screaming because the fuck is that guy
dreaming you wouldn't even know it was so side to try to figure out what with the next challenge be and i don't think we quite got there i do not think we did i mean we we have a rough outline but i don't know if we're totally there yet ladies and gentlemen tom cigar bird cry sure in the great are we should fear
the joe rogan experience everybody a lot of people don't know get mad when they close we received a move in the millions this is been talking he might be going crazy but i know that guys who yeah i know both of them the different do comes on my podcast as wheeler like he's different when it came on the podcast as the other fella he's been doing these promos where he does voice over like a famous per so it's like garth brooks talking
he talks over he's like hey it's me gardening my private jet i hate regular people like this i love my instagram tommy you showed me the video here let's see this brooks here wanna talk about my new favorite record holder by wheeler walker junior i love blacks in here on my private jet i don't fly commercial anymore there's always a bunch of dumb crackers who won definitely single plays with them
you know in ghana dick to go around and look at my dick so i'll see you guys later i'm garth brooks i'm flat broke something at the bottom it says it's been retweeted by garth brooks no delay photo shop at all that's him retweeting from garcia it's fake what is my cell motion with his face like is it called to garth brooks this is a call to find out how cool you are you should retweet you should select every tweet that sherry post that on instagram card that's hilarious an album garth brooks fan i don't give a fuck everybody says i'm not but that we are friends in low places that comes on you don't get excited no man it's alright it's fine
barge am i listening to country boy can survive i'll get fired up for that yeah i get fired up for that complete with scott brooks now i make it a point to go get excited about that song that's a killer song fuck yeah it is good right i want to fucking be in a pick up that i want to drink beer i want to have a dip in yeah i wanna shoot somebody hank williams junior mother fucker that song is fantastic that's the that was mad walk out song yeah that's right that's right yeah a fight for the country for cancer yeah yeah great song that's a great walk out song to that might be the best walk out sound song ever now it's raining men give me if i ever fight but you know what's making golf friends mickey gall's might be the best when he comes out to uh oh mickey you're so fine you're so that might be the best
that's funny because that was not taken seriously at all legitimately hilarious that he comes out to that's and he's a beautiful man did you where did he wear weird shit like different cut like pink as of making a point someone did write comedy guy yeah but i what i want to fight ones would like the x and two came out like in a in a two to some and and yes some say he was wearing like something girly and everybody was like he better should do something like i don't know like surprise it doesn't it just little peep and they walked down the aisle whatever well there was one dude who fought in k1 who was a famous cross dresser in japan and it was a bad the fokker he wasn't like necessarily a constant crossdresser but occasionally he would dress up like a schoolgirl yeah it was cool yeah what is this this dude beat the fuck out of some people who like under estimated him dressed up like a schoolgirl
we find that story i really well i remember who people remember music without brother ballsiest republic like i was like japan they they go crazy he did some weird shyt were dressed up like a female anime character or something i can't really remember entirely how the story went down but i remember he could fight
it's like super confusing for people 'cause he's knocking dudes dead and you know in the part time he dresses up like a schoolgirl waterbury's most psycho movie could do you guys ufc fight in a girl outfit just do that like come out with pigtails and shitfuck somebody's world up and then lick your lollipop on the way out that's like that would be like spend the fucking bird is the barber beefcake that would be some next level mindgames shaped like your playstyle the aggression that's nonsense i'm getting a girl i'm going to funk you up but i'm going to pretend i'm a girl up into the moment i funk you up yeah yeah that's that's the other go for it if you could pull that off you'd be so relaxed in a fight yeah you could
how to act like a girl in front of a dude is ready to beat the fuck out of the closet queenie gay in the ufc but was super well trained the bass and i will be the best it's totally potholes later used to be amazing amazing yeah this only leaves why is there that it's completely possible yeah you put a call out to the universe right on trading koreans just a you can still get a super clean yeah you know some like queen is built like check congo yeah now people up to smash people and get a massage this is the japanese guy yeah i'm brela you have seen anything oh no no this is a business owner this when you saw some now yeah it's going to yeah yeah this is
the ufc fight where he came in dressed like a girl yeah did choreographed existing that's great just the one you're thinking of are you thinking about the japanese japanese one but this one i remember now he did a coin i forgot about this jamie a strong pull string select how to blame is good right dude i don't remember this at all he win this fight i hope so you know it's funded yet i don't remember who go no fought why we'll just go further ahead and family gono he was like a and i think he was in xodo he was definitely japanese star a lot of guys by the time they came to the united states they already had been in so many wars they just the same anymore yeah like go me go me was the same any more soccer i was in the same anymore heels on yeah
wow oh good move man a good to good move i'd like to be one of the side dishes yeah i think that well about trying to yeah probably is yeah or something probably that's what i was saying i guess the time of that fight ago now that's going on i can hear you now you know i like this to help you to relax hell yeah over here over what it's probably seriously a good idea i mean you gotta take your dress off ok in areas like your heels off too but he thought john fitch i do not think he want i think he got beat down
one three right around then yep i think that was before john violence gsp for the title yeah he tied the record for most wins and they had given a title shot mike we got that's ridiculous is that who is fight on the card is a jon fitch i came across this other and the and again i wonder what year this was kinda remember another one the ufc brought back to hundred and fifty five pound title 'cause for long time one seventy was the lightest weight you could fly you gotta give this to credit for his entrances and a lot of thought put into this yeah he obviously does a lot of work for mayhem miller had a great one once he had like a bunch of message behind dementia tannehill choreographed entrance when he fought in pride yeah i like yeah me too i thought mayweather discovered he always had ridiculous entrances i don't know what's up with his ski mask is that anybody stealing money anybody whoever questions whether not may him was a good fighter because you know may have had some hard times and
get a little nutty lately yeah but if you go back to mayhem fought ham not sakurai sakuraba in pride dude he smashed sakuraba smashed it went right through him and submit it really yeah pull it up jamie see if you can find it what are you lawrence's classification ma'am yeah you have seen or product and pride did he lose one by disqualification boy i don't remember that did he i don't know i didn't see it it was like this is his dream and so this was dream this wasn't pride wow that's great schoolgirl outfits inside logo come on how do you not love this hilarious awesome you know ma'am said some tough times but he's always cool domain i like that guy i see him he comes out to my shows when i do irvine is a good man is a great guy means got some problems and you know he was always
he's always a extraordinarily ninety dude yeah you can see the show for awhile yeah by the way i ended a binge watching that one day and watching due to fall go guys you don't know how to fight yeah do you know what i remember one time when we were in australia for fights years ago rampage was there and i guess those two are good friends so i was going from like different areas in like this mini group with rampage and every time some i want to picture with him they put their arm around his like around there older anytime he would throw their arm off get your fucking arm off now and then they'd be like scared for their picture like like that so we're going like fucking horrible
by the way let people pinch my nipples and pictures with main page doesn't plan so i'm sitting like so i witnessed that like ten times and then we moved to like some bar somewhere and it's you know there's like i don't know it's like roped off people over here is a lot of people in the place but it's like a small group like this and rampages here and mayhem is up and i don't know that they know each i don't know the relationship and he immediately grabbed him by the throat like me because like if i kill you but that for the for a split second assault like all of this just spoke like violence come into randles eyes like he was about to fucking murder someone and then i saw it disappear he saw me like crazy's wife so like for quick second he turned like just to break them in half and i was more terrifying than any fight i'd seen men web page is a beast
yeah that's super block on his shoulders too yeah head isn't so quick to yeah so hard rampage had some epic fights in pride to before you ever even came to the ufc he has the all time greatest slam knockout over all time greatest in the triangle yeah in a triangle fascism down to the ground and what the fuck was that guys name but he fought very good rampages in a triangle around ricardo really stood up on the fa cup i still had his legs around me just picked him up and then yeah this is like this here yeah this is not free the dude went for the triangle but he was elevated and like watch go didn't find the video so the in the video he and for the triangle and rampage elevated like he lifted him up in the due to held on to the trying to would you just can't do you guys got to let it go at this point see what he's
like that you got to let go the land raider slammed tail ever in the history of sport and he had a look at this it's like a pillow i am to demonstrate his head too yeah it looks like he headbutted his face he did he actually got his eyebrow cut mean this dude was just so he had buttons on the way down watch let go right there right yeah i mean he just got fuckin' ko did did did did did did did this is the worst slam i've ever seen in my life are all my years watching fights
never say never seen anything more brutal man i would love to see him do that to bert like just my part i'm just to see it just to say it yeah i can't take that kind of impact man know who mower was never the same no more tickets man brought up was never the same after really never was like a serious contender before that fights let me once in the gym that was downtown they had a little octagon with the t shirt companies that app out please note the one that anderson manager so yeah black house yeah yeah shortest land looks like it will do a light one there was out for a long time you were not knocked out i mean like i couldn't like move right oh really thank you up he just left like is a light like yeah you learn how to fall before you do that well i like not him not to yeah it's yet to kinda as you go on back to kinda like relaxing kind of slap the mat to dissipate some of the energy for relax their watch judo guys the role and as a
going back they slap the mat so i can pick yeah that is literally helps relieve some of the energy of you hitting the ground is also like relaxing knowing how to roll did save my ass when i crashed a bike i was doing the scene this kevin james movie i haven't ridden a bike since i was a kid i don't have a ride bikes anymore and in this scene means kevin james chasing each other and laughed i'm whipping him with this this antennas on my truck flag and as i'm hitting hitting this for stick with the flag brakes i hit the front brake is my left hand i go over the top did i did it like three times there's a dick ulous yeah i'm such a dick movie and kevin and i have known each other since really super early twenty so it was like fun silly like like that like we slept like you don't get good but anyway crashed hard core there's like there's like a loop real if you could see me flying
the bike really it was supposed to have a it was a scene where a crack in the front brake hey if you press front brake is supposed to break with the rear yeah not a break in the front but i'm holding the handlebar with my love right and i'm hitting on like this and i just had to forget that go over the top but then you brace yourself for the fall yeah but because i'm you know used to grappling and rolling around allows fine this i just wiped out one time we went all the way over and i had to catch myself on my hands i went over the top as i this one my brakes and so you kept following yeah yeah hello fellow like full time sucking times man yeah i've felt like three times oh my god oh my goodness goes into it yeah you come right up if yeah a couple of them that was only one
i went and i flew off to the left and rolled in this like grass hillside i like white hard that wasn't what they want abuse in in the movie the because they were gonna yeah instead of having a stunt guy they had a stunt guy yeah she and he's gonna fly over the handlebars but i just up yeah sources on what is one thing you know about how much of a top that stuck out was bad actually did this scene with we took willow's by checking out a ride any chomped an entire flight of stairs like it that leads down to the boston tom and they set up a ramp and this dude comes whipping around the core what is crazy you up there you crazy shit yeah like you're going to breakthrough break share regularly man their whole bodies are just crushed it got broke some shit i was going three miles an hour if you're flying there is another one
oh you really doing that with really beating them but that's i didn't hello this nothing yeah nothing happened would happen but yeah man fuck all that those guys are crazy yeah now i don't want any part of that those mountains do the do those you ever see those videos they put on a gopro on their helmet and already the fuck out there on the tip of a mountain i like that show and there's death to the right depth last horrible oh yeah how did you get your throat from that what the fuck just watching it i get excited i'm gonna help him do that yeah like bombing his skateboard ever done that going straight down when i was on the bed i've done it recently and there is one moment where you're like out of control this is why not all stop its call thrill hill right by my house so i have a i have a a stick up paddleboard my and nobody's
thrill hill it would be in the global how do you slow yourself down on a skateboard you jump off it and run long board no this is on my short during our regular skateboard 'cause if i like the wheels better so i had my stick and i'm with the girls were riding from a party and i go hey let's bomb through hill and they're like ok it's an open st yeah it's right by their school and so do this but look back it's like it's like you know what if not going this fast yeah this is the only doing alright how do you pull down bert you set up to this judge how do you slow one of these things you can put these guys do it sideways they go sideways when you do i jump start running or this case going too fast that's happen to me yes i did you eat i will i went full life i was dragging my sticks i don't realize how big the house it was because it's not this the might still sleeves is still steep enough where we hold on one second you know they do this on open roads like when cars are driving on the road
this kid is a wizard right here this kid is a wizard gloves love people listening or watching this guy with down this hill like masterful on a skateboard what's his name got blocks in his was it say so it shows trucks so cal downhill longboarding fuckin' aid kaiser a wizard yeah that looks awesome but one of the reasons why workshop will name sean woolery powerful sean woolery one of the reasons why it's so awesome is because the consequences of fucking up is so large a split second where you're going and by the way this hill is nothing but your girls did this on their bikes totally doable totally fine except for a skateboard just assumed i do it on the bike all the time and it's not that aggressive and i we're going down this hill and i start picking up speed and i realized oh i just in the contract that i can't renegotiate i'm going to and i my stick with me sir start dragging my stick i am i don't i'm reading this stick and i'm and i'm like oh my god i've got a fucking by the way
i do what i usually go ahead of them and check the the cross street to make sure there's no cars but i'm like oh i did think this through so i jumped off and ran blew out a flip flop ran out flip flops on flip flops no shirt fellow eats great this talking with myself up i gotta flip flop busted one i bought not to be flip flop but lately i've six pairs of flip flops i love him so much and they just ran out of it i ran out of my blue out yeah then i was like oh and by the way the rest is obviously the rest of the trip home one flip flop sticks read it is obviously all uphill so i'm just like fucking why did i think they know when your kid you do that i did much steeper as a kid but just they get through man new problem is that the risk is so
fucking monumental the risk is like end of viscosity bottles that was nasty you do when you get out of like the wobbles two she got wiped the only thing worse than super head bumping worship speed wobbles is whiskey throttle like when it the speed limit whiskey throttle is no whiskey throttles when you punch it and you get scared and your natural reaction is to hold it punched yeah yeah i did that i do that all the time yeah budget and break but usually wait what am i pressing on and just going faster you're like why am i stopping not stopping i'm going like we have this we did this we took snowmobiles into a lake one time and with this guy nacho and he was the first guy to do it now there saying is
can you turn me in a certain way and then you'll go the other way and so okay we've done this they like but you got to keep it fast and he punch is it on the lake whiskey throttles it all the way across lake into a fucking tree dislocates his shoulder this is guy showing you think i'm taking on a trip of a lifetime guntrip dislocated his shoulder with our first activity and he was like i couldn't let go i don't like it's a whiskey bottle mental panic panic panic and you go down that with cars too they think they're hitting the gas or the brake rather than sure gas like daddy griffin that ferrari he just didn't know how to drive yeah there a million yeah it was like a like a la ferrari or enzo windows and enzo took a right out and smash it into a wall in a private car closed did not know how to drive it at all and they got it was like fuck man yeah it wasn't good now that speed wobbles in east timor
going on a highway and like being a really bad road for a while so i got good road i was like oh yeah hi crank this and soon we are one like a a mopeds eighty kilometres an hour oh that's pretty fast yeah yeah and then hitting a bump another one and yeah and then i was like i don't know how i'm i'm just save up but it was like that lady when you start the the heavy water so you're out of control your your your you overcompensate every shift in until you're done yep i'm i'm so the i think it was think motorcycle riding motorcycles is so much fucking fun because it really allows you feel truly vulnerable like i going seventy miles per hour on interstate in a fucking motorcycle the sensation i mean there's no comparable sensation like you if you had a window but it's nothing compared to like
car flies you thunderstorm home we're staying a thunderstorm so we get there lightning star strike in like ten miles away muscle in there like we should probably go this is coming on quick and so were full trying trying to race a thunderstorm home through through crota nation and i think in montana dude flying donkey open it up there man it was pretty i wish i could ride a motorcycle i'd like that i would love to do that sunday mornings i think yeah like a harley yeah i away mountain road somewhere people drive slow not here but don't want to hear man alonzo boden rides motorcycle everywhere he's bad hacker yes he's weaving between cars this guy knows how to ride he has a right he said a few of them yeah yeah he several of those honda vtech things i think that's what it was going he has
that bmw like all world all terrain bike now like the ones that you see people yeah like a crazy bmw motorcycle they do like the the they have a competition like the whatever that top competition is for those guys off road i think he has a bike he used to have this bike alonzo's garage barefoot lanza boden it's got a bunch of motorcycles no kids ball in keeps it all he legit tracks yeah well he at this size got a bunch of triumphs and shit but he had thing that might be a few years back there was a yamaha i think it was called the v max cody and it was this one big giant cruiser thing see if you can for find that kids is crazy motorcycle that he had it's like this stupid powerful really big zit honda vino not honda yamaha vmax i think i know you're talking about think doc from the day
funny bone had one i might be i might be even saying the name wrong so that's the right name bowden yeah it's on a boat but i mean no i don't know about motorcycle you will be able to remember is it a is it is it the y'all something like that it's some japanese bike but it was a giant cruiser this enormous engine is fucking thing was huge it was really wide and alonso had one and i was whoa dude riding some tron machine that's a scary which muscle in your brain to allow like i know what's your car tommy that porch thing yeah like like we just got a bmw the other day just to find
one five four thousand five hundred and forty just like it sounds like i'm not like a seven series not like a tricked out one not a sport edition just like a sedan but it's fast as fucking shit dude regular bmw so regular three series bmw is a better handling sports car than anything of like thirty years ago though for sure to regular one without any modifications stock dude i find myself putting it in sport mode and fucking flying and going and you told me you were like you have no idea i got from oxnard to delay in thirty minutes not really fly man that's it that's it that's it what is that thing called low that thing is so big it's hard to say you got to find out what the fuck that thing is called because there a there's an overhead of them that's even more preposterous women over her the overhead view the thing is like all this wide like i'm not exaggerating you go it's like literally wider than my body the side of this
this motorcycle its enormous that looks nuts it's just amazing essentially like this enormous engine on the super wide heavy cruising motorcycle that just has stupendous power dude i drove one of those indian those indian judges and not judge indian chiefs the big fucking bad bags and the steering wheels out here yeah i was flying through the talladaga national forest just the beginning autumn listen to lynyrd skynyrd on my headset just going man where's the whiskey little bit of a bug you doing that would be perfect if you could trust everybody to keep their shit together it would be awesome ride a motorcycle but you can is that it let's look at the same bike you see the pipes are different that's it trs is massive pipes see that thing that thing is gigantic huge three cylinder engin by the way those things get fucking hot as shit
an engine in between your legs your time i drive on it burns first time i wrote when i was like i think it's on i think i'm don't have something unlocked because it's hot it's funny that's the bike rocket three is that it yeah eight hundred plus super heavyweight to triumph rocket three so that it so that's not the same one as the other one or is it no that's different that's different that's the honda or yamaha if it says child does it aside top right here right it does alright i'm wrong other want to see if you can google honda v max two attacks yeah because now i'm alone it looks yet tech salons hey look this is all looks different is that it then give it give me an inch image on that thing well who for senate yamaha v max i think that's it that's pretty well wild man i'm so bad i can just at real quick
and we can find out right now i think yeah please do com 'cause this is getting boring for people just listening to try to figure out what the odds of lonzo stays the same from when i got it sounds like there you go with that thanks lonzo the worst voice message i've ever heard in my life along with bird jojo as a question about the bike you have hello i'm so used to have some crazy with the yamaha vmax am i correct is that the crazy bite you yet some crazy large touring super powerful japanese i made my memory ship from all the years of marijuana call us back and might have his dick in my shop here in the bathroom like that's a big motorcycle big motorcycles roundup spirit and fire
the sports car should motorcycles i could yeah i can get into these things for sure i read a bicycle around a no i think i'm wrong within i think i'm conflating this with another bike i think the other bike was was wasn't even crazier bike than this i think this town is terra find riders in the it was something yes touring bike i think i'm everybody drives right on here is like it's just crazy of people especially with his wings smoking cars people like it'll just cut you awful and all they see when they drive eyes people doing this yeah i constantly see that because we see people stare at the phone when you're on a bike you see it more you have no idea you see like three things ahead of you going like this mother fuckers not looking not looking goddamnit they're going to pull out it is and i think and i'll say this i'm a very amid motorcycle driver rider obviously the like i think that's what makes it enjoyable because you're truly in the moment you are forced to live in the moment you don't think about bills or more likely yeah
in percentage deals your life a king and that's why i want when i want to take it up canyons out to malibu malibu to the nate tunes nest and then take it home like a sunday morning when everyone's asleep except the drugs that are just coming home yet on adderall coked up you know what else yet decisions are going to be so phone you're going to feel that clarity ninety days sober which we've got coming up let's well let's talk about those guys shibari please cat crack that trying to crack so can we make you a cocktail yeah sure most certainly i would like to hear what you fellas have been thinking well we've had i have a lot of big ideas i think some of us were speaking big one that you will that's a quote easy easy what is the longest you've ever gone without drinking in hours well i did i did i i did the the ten years one time what was that
what your thermometer comedy the longest i've ever done six months with my land what monument liane why did you go six months from cuz i want to see if i could do it and i did months and then we were in italy and it was snowing in venice we're having dinner and i said this is stupid i want i want have a cocktail i want to i want to i want to be impulsive right now and so look to me she's like you don a drinking problem just have some wine and let's go walk around how much red hat back moment he wants his got used to it so what i'll of scotch there you go here to tell this one right oh nice do you drink it with ice or not look at you you fucking selfish russell peters what are you going to travel that's it looked like scott i said for a second it looked like it might be making up a fucking crazy motorcycle in my head i don't think i am now
i think there was some weird cruising motorcycle that alonso had some damn it strongly fuckin' nuts but yeah i i did six months and then i started drinking again it's i think it's good to reset your clock the last six months yeah let me set your clock yeah it's like a reset button so that time you did six have you ever done anything comparable since yeah i've done but i do i can do like a seven hundred and seventeen day chunk within the road starts back up you that looks most like about throat it's a visual on the road on the road i got to be dead honest with you like i remember tom like i want to be totally honest i think that might be in eventually no no so i can remember tom one time i was like yeah i went with the staff and he's like if you drink every night on the road and i was like yeah what do you do and he's like i go to bed not that i was like wait how do you do that but it's really it is difficult for me to go back to the hotel
on the road and just sit there and be like it's done i'm done thinking yeah you know what man got we had like these i right after i write on stage i feel like you guys are all doing much bigger venues than me so i'm doing more shows i do not wanna hear myself a king talk or think of anything that's a perfect time of sharing your wife as i said exactly time for it if you do that you don't get points like you could just go over some ideas in your head and it seems like once you get into it it's fun that's the thing about writing this is weird thing we're writing anna tries to it it's like your brain starts it is horrible task like you have to clean will it rain or something you brain look i like all my god i can't we have to do this but if you could just get past that once you're actually writing it's really fun but there's some weird psychological shape going on with resistance to writing but hold on how much this argument i've written argue no no i mean just this idea i've written my next hour what
working on now is finding out so my majority of writing i do now is how i connect things that are good that don't have action and how do i like how do i close story i'm obsessing with how you end a good story and so like i'm working i'm not writing new material for the stauer i'm right within this hour you don't have to write anything but if you want to write you should just write like one of the things about writing is that if you don't have a guideline can you just have an idea and you just let that idea start spilling out of your head shet will come out that you did correct and that should can become more but if you don't sit down and do that then it doesn't happen you have some things that will happen sometimes you have some things that will and with friends there's some things that will happen onstage there's some things that happened with the things that won't happen to things that happen when you're sitting in front of a computer 'cause that is individual time focused on
we on the idea not thinking about killing with the crowd not thinking about you know making sure that the you know the the you know the show closes well into all the bullshit that goes on your head when you're actually doing it bit or when actually performing a set we sit there alone with a pad or a computer or whatever the funk you do to write or even if you just like what you like to do in a tape recorder you're thinking about all these ideas in a way that you're not going to do any other way so if you don't do it i mean you definitely get by i'm not doing it i went by i'm not doing it for a long time but there's a big difference in my acct between when i do it and when i don't do it but i mean obviously i write some of the new our than taping in february so i do right by you right like to sort out i i do not what i wrote a book like that it was taxing on the look out when i wrote my book sitting down every day at the computer and just typing on idea i
why do i get on the treadmill i have a pad on there an i will think through a story or i think through a joke and then i'll handwriting and then i'll it's horrible to read and then i'll take those beats and i'll move him over to my book and then i will in any way you're doing it is great i mean you don't have to do it in a way that you have to sit in front of a computer have to sit in front of a pad i said if you want to record it you could just record it by talking into it i'll never let it is just so really anything you're doing the idea is just working and thinking about whatever you're doing and recording it the best way possible for me the best way possible used to be a combination of having my phone right there with the notes feature on with the voice voice activated voice whatever it is detecting translating i have that near i just in case a real quick one because in my head i gotta get it down because my typing is not the best it's pretty good yeah but i don't want to miss a beat of our i'm saying something so if i say something into a text or maybe if it's like really
important to say it with a certain tone i'll say it to the the memo the voice memo thing to write that saddam with samuel when you're done this in the right back in there and it's pretty trying to work it into a trunk that you do on stage bob what i do in terms of like getting the the segways whatever is a try to do the bits in different orders as much as i can and then you know it's of clover with the same thing switch open with round and then you'll like move to a different bit and then also start bits halfway through and then just i just got a crew to shoot two shows in denver and so on sunday night so i recorded different hours in denver for fruit i'm working on and then i'll go through those and i'll chunk the bits out and then chunk about my head i mean i think we all think probably very differently i think i think more in my head i think i'm a little more obsessive compulsive and i chew on ideas constantly and then i'll find a way to link them like today on the treadmill i thought i figured out a way to link this joke about my
yeah with this dream i had i never like telling jokes the dream i had these so such a really did it really happen that thing but it's a funny it is only dream and and i was like and then on and i figuring out now hop off treadmill and i write it down on paper that this writing man you know i mean at the time you're spending where you're just thinking about something is some people do it by walking i hear a i can help they have some of the best ideas they walk with did not to say that yeah i'm talking about like in the neighborhood you know i do i just would like a more i do like a four for like at least thirty minutes and just with that no bad my just write it down walking for some i learned it in new york it would trigger the way i feel changes are sites where you look at different things like hardware storage like you should make sure mine wanted or something yeah that's why i think they tried to get you to go outside and do it going to hike when you're doing it yeah i was done that along time hopping yeah walking is great for clarity it makes you think
a lot of people though right physically and then they'll think about what they wrote when they go on a walk right you know walk to i had a really good writing session walking can a target like just look up and down the aisles or things that much but you get to see people interact high were you and you're allowed to miss her things when i miss things that those are sometimes the funniest fucking things in the world let's talk about what your current drinking statuses but like because the get getting the approach can you recap like what an average week yeah yeah yeah yeah okay first of all this isn't an intervention more friends all right getting which of your friends i was very nervous about doing this for that very reason i was thinking okay did i suggest no booze for ninety days because i didn't think you could possibly do it you yes yes it was but by the way i'll read the chat throat text because it it's funny and i will say are is the was the best just
yeah i want to say this without how did it go down did i said i said ninety days no booze america as a result of the marathon claim by the way back into a marathon though yeah well like you thought you're going to be able to do a marathon at the time it took here so funny you're getting the treadmill once in awhile you fucking idiots he thought he could do marathon in the same time it took us to do a podcast we look at three one slash two hour pia and he thought he was going to americans run that's it yes exactly when you super skinny dudes who are just ripped to the fucking bone who've been running everyday flops get off a skateboard
such a bad idea it's just so if it's a delusional perspective on physical fitness here we go if you run a five hour marathon i'd be super impressed because i can do that easy so you know you you can't run a male uneasy you can't run a marathon easy but i can't can i tell you the one thing that lesson you might be able to run a marathon you can't run a marathon easy i wanted fifty five pounds five hours is easy i would have a scale let's put it back right now how much i weigh scale yes yes yes yes thank you i know i weigh two hundred and twenty two pounds this is just numbers here's my point but not as bad as he looked before ok good you know they complement no no but you've never run a marathon i've never run a marathon right so you can someone run a marathon easy 'cause preposterous i've ever run when you're not looking at a tv like off a treadmill
i haven't done a street run in a really long time so different that a lot of them so different talking fake running your fake running on a machine that does have to work for you the machine comes towards you just have to you know he said i could tell you exactly what would happen in a marathon you would hit mile what do you think what do you think well here's the thing before he says president bracelet be right about mine and write about the halfway point no way no no i think right around there he would go you're right it is a bad idea i know another way let's let's do it let's let's double up on this double let's let's figure out of drinking better wine in let's say you're an american but i've i i by the way i will complete i'd just text with a guy the other day my body from college so he's like if you going twelve miles you can definitely run a marathon by the way it's way longer by the way all started because you guys did this because you can you can do it the question is is it easy there's not a fucking chance it's in the world you saying i could run america
easy is an accurate statement i can tell you what you want it's not a five hour america's no way it's bird is not and this is what state but it's hard to do when you two are in eighty five pounds and you're out there but i leading okay okay you heard that it got so excited this all started seeing what's hard to kill mandrake do that's what's going see that it's hard to do it's definitely hard to do so
you could do it you mean easy to give me like why why can certainly want to marathon that's embarrassing for sure why why do you think you can definitely run everyday tire uh no we don't think there's no way to run your treadmill on the treadmill moves toward you get off your legs up you get off of this stuff to write stuff without running your lifting your legs up and it's moving towards the treadmill keeps going while you're off making a fuckin' titos and soda bottles back in time how many volts you do what you do a couple miles an you run walk i do run that's why i walk a mile i run three slash four of a mile quarter mile jesus i like to get my heart rate up and down looking marathon you walk a quart give her a little walk run walk run new sprint run three slash four of a mile walk water five feet deep on this breaks and the drinks box wine
so this is one of the new aluminum and blocks wide adding a set up on his treadmill so the whole drinking like a box of wind walkways with your with your approach to the marathon right now be just wing it good move no plan seems to be a good idea bring only god can do something online you need for your treadmill you need above you like a gerbil feeder so you can drink while you're running something with the rubber do it this all started because the guy you guys are planning that is not a runner had a profile written in them about him on runner's world photos it doesn't matter how many are you two are you would write a profile about how he hates running yeah brother he messes account you're you're better than him all right a whole story about how you are definitely better than him but i'm a still out running in terms of the average marathon times a median average
marathon was four hundred and twenty i can't do four hundred and twenty that's the finishing time and its medium i couldn't do four hundred and twenty but do these are fucking people that are in really good shape that's talking about the boston marathon which is super hard one second you heard me you know people that are really good but i'm saying people were marathon running shame really do she's people don't wait till seventy any pause here this shouldn't be pause here and then confusion as to whether or not you're in really good shape we should get psychiatric help you no way in the world history this but hold on you can't say you're in really good shape you are attempting to say you're in really good shape because i'll get super listening to get my feelings hurt if you say you're in really good shape though i am in good shape you no way i'm in good let's just let's just put the parameters down and then put just pretend you think i'm not lying right now you have very i run i run five miles a day on the thing that's
moving towards you and you lift your feet up every time that i agree on that i agree on that every day and i'll tell you what i'll go out and run five in the road and i notice that prince i will say heaven by the way all week hey listen bro not familiar not in really good shape i'm not good five miles i'm in decent shape and i work a lot like crazy hard ruthless schitt and i to wouldn't say i'm you know why because i know actual people that are in
good shape yeah ok then i'm not in really good shape ok so now it's listening to everything she moves like jagger might important thing when you're discussing all these like possibilities maybe it's just like the easy iran i relative 5k drunk one time and being half half of the fucking field doesn't bother me understand hope and chili in my full tron we thought it was a cool cool that's right you told him what i beat half of the fucking field now just so you know those are the same people but the problem is people drink team there for a radio station to pub crawl whenever actually elite athlete wasn't a pub crawl it was an actual 5k that i thought was a pub crawl so i drank five beers before it thinking would be drinking but i mean it was a fucking 5k and i beat half the fucking people can i say something that is three miles
over three miles i mean come around one hundred when you said you're in good shape yes literally the shape of you is bad bad should take away organize different versions of what we think good shape is you can have a low bar when you're talking about reality do not allowed a little bar when you talk about things like shape i cannot run i could by the way i could run but i just got off the treadmill this morning i was like maybe i should take a video and show them what i'm running you passed out drunk there an ingrate the treadmills nine trailer which you run this news no ran a red three miles this morning because i was a we had to drain our pool is no benefit whatsoever to exaggerating fitness levels i'm not i'm i'm you know what i would but there's an ego issue when people do it and you just can't do it we can't
i am in great shape there's no fucking way here in great shape almost literally not possible but you are in good shape for like somebody that's in terrible shape with that algorithm yeah i agree with that and the other thing is you know like you do stuff you know you're active you definitely do stuff ok yeah we can get you to do those things and not drink you would be an immeasurably healthier person would be crazy to you think that that would be something that you want to do that guy wins at burton shape no this still no i mean that's a very fit their weight but i think two hundred and seventeen that you look pretty fit there i'm at two hundred and twenty two to that smells like fade or in his prime yeah for real no he looks very fit there he strong too i was two seventeen two hundred and fifteen pounds a
there's two hundred and sixty five times the roundness of the valley four pounds so it's not really two three at least i look at your hair that forms integrated power ranger belly come clean son did you were you in denial housing niles flop out yourself in the doctor or do they bring other scales in order to go badly looking at this picture top of your pants into your pubic hair she's a surprise japan staying up pull up a picture of tom why don't we do that too so i never got that big i got bigger joe we gotta belly look like you he got bigger 'cause he's fifty nine and so yes he's under six footer means that cirrhosis of the liver for sure right no no it's only affecting the gut god is there over under on you right now 'cause i say fifty four wow there great
it does not look at their beer it's not good it's not look good better than it looks better there no no look better in the other one you don't think so it's there maybe it's bad but i do think we had a beard there's head would be twice as large that's unhealthy sweaty yeah but here how about this look at him now oh yeah slim one hundred and eighty pounds i guess like one hundred and ninety five this is making me regret ever texting you guys had ordered you're so proud of runners world bowling could run a marathon you said you'd be accomplished that's obviously one bit wait wait but we have to we have to do is obviously one but let's set up one thing because here's the deal i do run every single day and every single day i probably run a5 four times a week ok i'm running i'm running no less than five miles on a day like today is a little bit of a different let me ask you something shoot when are you proposing that the marathon take place
but i think it's an important short shorts on it though that's an important thing to decide how many proposal tuesday a year i'm sweating first of all you need i need you to back me up a tablet we used to run every i've already conceded i've always conceded that you are a great natural the june payment that guy your use of the two and a half men of human shape good endurance running you do you have a natural stride no natural advantage in this by first of all is everybody jumping on this is everybody going to know this is all pile on bert bert gotta prove he's not a liar 'cause you said you could do this in there things you start with that would be willing to be tom i cannot be sure i will do something i do not know if it would be a marathon i don't know exactly know i would have to put a lot of time into running i put
can you would you consider another resources to that right now yeah so another idea i had that i pitch to you a little while ago was what if we did a one day decathlon style event where it's multiple like you have like seven different thing i yes i will tell you that one night to a larger i bike around a lot noon okay so the cast decathlon thing then no you would have no chance of still finishing still even finishing in
i mean roughly this some sort of like putt putt was one of the events that we have something heavy there so you couldn't do that and then i don't know maybe though you dominate we had some sort of eating contests i dominate dominate and do this and then i dominated you guys had to do what i did the night before so we all have to drink dancing on the chance that you guys were mocking him being fifty nine i wish i was fifty nine will have to take it on the chin this reality here mutherfuckers three hundred and twenty six pounds there's two aspects to the bet though the bet is
we're coming up with something physical some type of physical competition and then how long we're going to go totally sober for you were saying ninety days which is not totally allowing marijuana let's let's be real if i'm going to be real about everything if you guys gonna be really happy with gabriel i can't i cannot do ninety days i don't want to thank you thank you for quitting before we started coming off these ridiculous statements and whatever we whenever we think everyone is going to be whatever we agreed to you're definitely going to be wearing a scram cam what's the score
liquid continuous continuous alcohol monitoring bracelet and everybody else is an honor code but bert has to wear a scram cam it's four high risk offenders multiple dui's could you get one of course yeah yeah i already said cops and listen that would hookah so yeah sweating profusely and here's the thing if you fail the alcohol part is over there's no more competition otherwise it has no stakes yeah so it has to be see you know i'd be down to do something but the problem with running a marathon is i think to do a marathon right without really fucking your body up you should build towards it you could probably run america that idea logic and common sense why would you do that here's the thing i'm not averse to a challenge but i'm not interested in destroying my body catalog over many days if you're going to do marathon i feel like you should give yourself some time and right click going training you could do i have five carat today so what's the 5k
in vegas in january i've never yeah i didn't run at all did well preparation and i mean none i completely but it was way tougher than i thought oh my gosh oh that's about three miles to my fuckin' thanksgiving a couple years ago in cincinnati an agreed to a 10k with no training yeah that was odd unbelief will paint like how it only take you i don't i have no idea i have no idea but it was i was in real pain so i started looking at it right now after they did it i was like ok this is not good it's not good that i can't run three miles and not be like how much are you running now in a well one hills yeah i'm not see that's my are going to is that i think that what people are worried about is two things one is traditional running shoe we have the big fat he'll bottom you land on your heel that was all invented by nike
really yeah you're not supposed to run and land on your heels you're supposed to run and land on the ball your your foot your your foot in the you know the strength of your foot in your calf and all that the cell it's your stride that's how people are designed to run right that's how everybody supposed to run but somewhere along the line nike came up with this fat heel and they changed the way people run now they run like he'll first right heel you just not supposed to do that man supposed to run your tongue and everything is going to be held down the ball your feet sometimes i wonder what i wear is like things like these these things have like zero soul there's just like this thin rubber that would protect you from stepping on hard sticks which it that's it you know like by walking and stuff you're supposed to walk in your feet get strong by running apps that you continuously run like when you're on those hills like just just keep going keep going vibram five finger trail shoes and it's like they're so thin that the other day it was so hot out that my feet got hot i could feel that
heat of the material coming through the solar super thin right or nail runs runs barefoot they like griffith park and ship them and then i i bought a pair of those when i saw you had i bought a pair is i thought that would help and then like the very next week goes on the beach and i was like you want to run barefoot man i woke up my feet were so fucking sore places i didn't even know i had muscles yeah that's the thing is we don't usually use our feet correctly because our feet are in these hard sneakers and the hard sneakers act as like a cast so your muscles in your feet atrophy they gotta this action lawsuit against him but for anybody who know know vibram five finger shoes did because they created these in toe shoes there's a bunch of people got injured they said they would protect you from injury but not repair
of stress injury not like you not being condition for them injury there's a bunch of injuries that you absolutely can get some people are suing them yeah and it's a you know what their claims were ruled to be either they settled or they're they they there was a knock off ambiguity in what they were claiming enough like lou but you know what they're it says that they help you somehow or another from injuries they could overall in in the long run but you gotta condition yourself to wear those fucking things sure and if you don't you get like neal brennan blew out his planter fasciitis release his feet for fuckedup for a year wearing those from running a treadmill with those he just wasn't fit for it like you have to do a lot of schitt barefoot to love all those muscles i your feet per share what around there all the time yeah yeah with my heels would hurt on the summit summit stretches to like how do you treat it remember you just you sent me to roll for oyo
remember i want to are off limits so bad at it when i started gaining my weight was i saying having a neil having me up among their fasciitis and and at the time i was probably like exactly what i weigh right now maybe even more but i got to two hundred and sixty five because i could not i couldn't walk 'cause then he'll hurt when two are offer and mail for this is guy his name's a ricky the role for a show is it i have a hollywood these are legit rich are all for i think and he goes home with his knuckle into the into the muscle or to the attendant and breaks up the fatia an i started it and he goes just so you know you can yell and i was screaming at the end screaming there's a sign on the on the feeling that you're looking at that says don't we go to the light and i was locking screen i called you the second i got done 'cause i walked out of that place in flip flops and went i can fucking walk then i call joe on nor canyon i was like
things was aching you to drop my date in portland i didn't read the raw for sounds like a name and a carrot for character to tim and eric show it's don the role for dollar offer he's either she i this man was no joke dominick cruz god that when he came back after his surgery really yeah try to go to hard to quick elise feeder all taped up now on every fights that's why i walk i walk the first fifteen minutes or one mile can to loosen up it's going to happen in my butt you earlier to the beginning of the day too when you're lying in bed with your foot you just do this in terms that way then ten times that way foot one hundred pushups how many channels can you do maybe three get the fuck outta here i can't do chinups jumps man how come he already i when i was going to boot camp or
no i'm not a chin up guy that's a lot of weight to lift up guys how much can you dance with three is pretty impressive man one thousand five hundred and eighteen we buy into the propaganda of buns but we're honest i feel like donald trump right now i don't know if you do any rock obama and i'm drunk trump totally do any i could do four are you opposing though that what do you propose in with the no alcohol yeah we had that was you guys started that i will i i am personally personally i thought my i think it's a good one of the things i liked about the child to tile i did was that people got into it as well i could do it with us and this shame each other and that's the one thing that the feedback that i've gotten from it is from people dude me and my body fat shaming each other that's that's cool that's a lot of that do you feel like the booze option of taking booze off the table for nine months or
did you just have a stroke which we're going to do a little eight year break that was like you on the pch in a motorcycle and she got texting for you doing that for ninety days just two i kept in ninety days so is it but is it because you appreciate the feeling that being drunk gives is it because you enjoy going on stage drunk no i don't i don't drink on stage i will bring a cocktail served me but i never performed drunk rail ever ever i mean i have but i don't ask anyone that's ever seen form he and show on stage with me and i
delete all our act like there's definition tweets coming in like i saw you hammered shots dangerous things one thing that i've absolutely promise i've never done and never will do i will never drink a fake shot oh yeah i've never been a paper check that's the word never drink picture that should do that should be like so this sounds like no i'm going to take a picture just don't bring up my job or some people so some dude did that to me and like i don't remember where it was and he just looked at me drag her what the was that i looked at him and i go what was that and he goes what did you see give me a fake shot i go do not do that sir i go you go back down you get yourself some jack daniels get me a real damn shot what kind of amateur night shift is this some people don't know they would request that they would like we're partying here or uh oh my rule is don't show me shatta stage because i can't not do them oh yeah of course yeah
you cannot do it i mean i mean let's now and it's like people when they when i go on the road at that for them that might be the party for the month and so the i i i i get offered so many shots i think it would blow you away like how many fireball how many just vodka shots conservative party what would happen if you left the club just like right after the show i went back to your room i don't know i don't know i tried to do it one time i don't get lost no one in the manager was like hey man i hope that we told everyone that you're going to this bar it's it's packed there waiting for you and i got there twenty towsen sent me a snowboard and it was like get my my meeting greets are a little different so i don't mind hanging i mean you know we all don't mind but like i don't know i would much rather not do a meet and greet just go to a bar at the end of the night just if you want tell me that you like the podcast you love tommy and or you think
where is funnier than tom whatever i don't mind that it is part of what i do and and kind of question sure do you think it's weird that alcohol companies are sending you things just gifts and no do you say a snowboard yeah tito sent me snowboard you should snowboard why you drinking that shit should they like real clearly given to the drug don't use what we're sending you yeah if you use what we make that should be on the note we should be sure super clear otherwise you to show sends me usually the local reps will send me like a gift basket in my room every week or i get there yeah it's been a real make like some sort of a deal with them they don't they don't do that but i don't know but you don't think because of it because i lost that weight when i was drinking titos and i was like well fuck you do switch to yeah move strong glue for house
and somewhere overseas and i was like i don't know i've gained weight when i'm so much more active and i'm eating less processed foods like chang wasbeer wait yeah i switched to fuckin' gin and tonic or something take care yourself wait wait we've also it's all week we set up that you said definitely not ninety days i'm going to thirty days sober yeah when you gotta i feel like i'm negotiating a hostage hold on let me talk to him yeah um do it i'm going to australia or singapore was there's no way you're doing that in australia though they'll name it should be so why can't you do it we just started before you go on the trip come on man when is that trip how do you talk how do you get on the python telling you don't know me you could do thirty days you're always going to excuse why not doing it so why not just do it starting tomorrow i talked i talked to
no that can okay well i lose i thought stan who about it because then hopes that when he i told him about our conversation and he's i'll do thirty days stanhopea guardian standards any good you got you got to give me a heads up to get a car without isn't that the way from like risk stanhope takes and he's like i can't and actually he was like really excited about it well i i can't because some in singapore on the ninth person the eleventh sitting on the thirteenth member on the forty and three is not on the eighteenth guys find me in australia pleasence melbourne those tickets are moving slower than tom's you could do a night in singapore tonight to singapore on your way to from australia also you gonna be at but you couldn't do what night without getting drunk and it seems like the lights and then it's the flights by the way i can do it you can do right lights right to fly how are you going to do how you guys doing for i'm willing i'm willing i'm willing to do thirty days and uh october first to the end of october thanks not thanksgiving
hello halloween in by that i have i have because i have a couple road dates and i'm i and i i will be very candid with you okay i do need to learn how to fly sober yeah but i can't do it to australia so the point that's pretty much where i would never leave you pretty much always fly liquored up man hold on now play this always you fly a long wait a minute i don't do the flight to san francisco we flew to san fran that's an hour flight that's an hour flight let's let's recap start you start when you have on that flight what a cocktail to your house way to go was a party that was a part of the show that night that's a different thing can you describe the cup
it was i think is is thirty two of thirty two ounce us our phone call he's not a guy twelve dot and then in the airport and the flight together it was eight by the way hold on i gotta tell you this you know for a fact that when we sat down in the thing and the guy recognized me he didn't even ask what i wanted he brought with him and i said one for tommy and ok now listen those every also like what's up bert at the airport bar like three more tender came by to say hi 'cause i tip well and by the way i don't like flying i had a period of time with a prescribed me on xanax and that got away from me did 'cause i you get on a plane so you always i was going to take one take one like a slippery fish headed downstream i take one in the morning before the flight had get will take on the plane and then yeah so i was like i'm no xanax it's not healthy i was like booze
she lose it up on flights home as well as fights there oh yeah more so on those jesus yeah being honest please no no no this is going to be a tough challenge we're still we're down to sixty days what you're saying right now i can do i can do october i think what's what's the travel schedule like just always being watched so you can't fucking see it so we just keep going pee in his cambuci joyce too much of an animal just go to the bathroom i don't want to miss any of this you know it there's nothing to miss man we're talking to him he's already agreed to fifty five days will recap you don't worry man will just let him know that you're paying now we have to deal with this jug opis you nasty the thing about the difference between a box glass of kombucha and a glass of ppis is that the pest smell slightly better if you didn't enjoy like the taste of kombu and you just smelled it for the first time it's like struck kimchi jeff first time like
and there's the wages in the computer you're holding your deck like in the middle of ipkiss you like a larger container yeah which just so you know that we're drinking the water you got to switch died damn animal the bathroom when robbie on my floor for shorten gun and you're plugging your dick into the whole rating like constriction of us are on the move of did piss hole because i never thought about that i know is there is there is time you pissed in the bottle here the ball the last time you're here he's an animal that doesn't sound like me at all burn where where you find october this this is what makes it tricky but i'm totally totally i mean i loved it sculpt it so it didn't make it tricky but i'm a dc on the 30th of september so yeah cross country flight cross country running the first would first of the of
personal little while i have done recently but that'll be my first one on the first offended on this these are flying on his work that's what you fail right there and that was a second failure come i have a chicago on the nineteenth to the twenty first or twenty second i can be right you can get through at that final flight situation that's hang out in chicago i'll go without drinking yeah he's a good it's a good place to drink though yes exactly so many good ball that is why it's a good challenge yeah i could i could do it in college the night before and i'm sure that the reason i got hired as hell when i hang out with me to bar afterwards that's fine i'll just get in the car now this is people get hired 'cause you're a funny camille yeah i you they can drink with corporate for a lot of money and i was like that doesn't seem right and i got up there and i started doing the guy who's tell the machine and let's go to a bar and i was like right so the machine went to a bar in asp in and i was like fuck it if that's what you guys wanted for
i'll do it wow that's so weird bunch of millionaires from new york who gesture like we want that fucking guy we want that story let's welcome party with it and then this it and then that i think sometimes it does great on you or your like and i do want to go to bed do you ever hear kenison talk about when he became famous he would go to parties and they to go it's him it's him he goes and they play out of fucking line like layouts and like easy lara press saying and it would it would snort it and forget the how the bit wet but you talk about like his heart was pounding out of his chest you barely alive we didn't want to like let them down now this is a crazy thing that i get is that you know people as one of the shots i don't like shots and then book when i go to take a have a drink like i will drink mileage it first drink when i do stand up when i tell the machine story on the second show on the second when i start that i go this cruise cruise control
my cock is starting i'm going to try to catch a buzz in the middle of the story and i saw murder a tt soda so never desoto but here's the tricky part of this challenge already is that we're doing the impractical jokers cruise on the in sao when we started doing this he went online reached out to both of us and was like hey please don't do this for our cruise whi because there are guys get healthy there the boy get together party with us yeah singapore is like no more no more tripping you know sorry i can't this time so wait the first i see what you're saying october yeah that's but i would have to fly
i one more time i last october my last day the town to be on the phone you're probably gonna spend i don't know maybe you can celebrate on the cruise first but i would be landing on halloween in new orleans hello we were already that's what makes a tough a tough challenge grant cam you cannot cheated khalkhal to you this grass grand canyon this episode brought to a screen timeout com scram criminal farkas yes i'm only five which is be like calling andy dick in the middle the night how do you fudge those grand cameras also on halloween whenever was lit up and you're going to the airport to go to new orleans into the fucking harder darkness you're going to be able to survive you're not going to say it's close enough it's not that's crammed let me tell you something about me i promise this long mickey mantle dna yeah remember oh god i still got it dude he's in great shape
i want to look the way you right now why can't we wait you right now just pick me up and pick up buns and seized up here look overhead the tv show hoarders look here shortly i can tell you is not happy what does that mean i'm tuning respond to what he said you like talking about something completely different who is heavier you say he's heavier than you now you know i think it's probably the same way we're going to your house after this yeah will get on your scale beginning scale please put that in paris with love to see her scope the fuck out of that i will probably see him live too much gotta do go in scrambly perhaps yeah yeah
now this of people right now right now super uncomfortable with their own personal weight yes you're aiming at the three of us you guys are fat shaming you know that the our jamie castor says any change my low we're just for the better the back i say that with the greatest thing about this weight loss yeah in the in the running yeah it's just putting on my shoes one of my shoes knows hello
what it is time you don't have always thought though for real and then lose all the weight they must have incredible leg muscles to do what's what's up it's done dale tosses best friend and the gosselin guy gosling when we did a voiceover cartoon together something and we're in the sound booth together and tosh is in the other room i go you got fucking big calves there's a guy i know i know like really big cats and he's like no i get that a lot i don't know any like you got it see tosh is in the sound booth and he's laughing hysterically like what is it he goes he used to make their own
the balance that's why it's got big jobs and i was like it's good taj oppression by the way three so okay so what we so you must have similar calf muscles on now it's not that big beautiful breasts seventy five gram gram continuous alcohol monitoring one if you could like i think people play like role playing games with their spouses if i catch you drink it's a great one i'm not sure i don't drink it urgently scenes the machines reading is always correct you're a liar wait that doesn't that suck that dick yeah that doesn't play role playing games yeah exactly it's so hot you know what's up girls where those pantyhose with elastic band around the well that's why they're not as it hot
the way your pantyhose are connected why is it hot yeah i don't know but it is it doesn't make sense why is it hot a girl wearing garter belt is extra dirty i like i like when you find something that you didn't know was dirty and then see if any of that new my new minister i got you know it's really sexy there are classes turn some kind of know how to check can't see that good what with hello the i want to go smoothly would you like me shower and hate shower no nothing come on no i i i that's the what i the the what's the last one i was like the last one i saw that really kind of like register me in a way that was like i was like this is the
call the dancing bear so what it is is what on we got to hear the whole story don't start tearing it apart ok it's a foe bachelorette party so they come in with dancing bears dancing around and then he goes back and he comes out he's got a big dick and he's just and so does it get caught by accident no no no so this is what me on though is it comes out it comes out and it's a bachelor party so but there's like thirty girl so clearly it's like really big right so third clearly like clearly like a couple of more porn stars that he's going to talk 'cause it's a porn right do you think you will rest do you think his dick was taller than tom probably his but the rest of them are hired just actresses and up or something to pay that much would turn me on was when he would join in with underpaid the paid regulars and he just like these in this girl this girl is like trying to like act and he put this finger in her mouth look on her face when she went
i guess i'm in this i was like dad i want something real you will terrify somewhere so this was a girl that wasn't supposed to get fuckd they got fucked she just was like two sectors finger yeah but but it was a regular girl she was a regular access was an apology and so all the sun but the look on her face and she starts out on close finger and you're going this is our real girl does it yes you'd like to add i am nervous like ours harsh and you know there's cars right now driving down to burn the man is that old thing i like about down below nothing i told you about downloading pull down those videos were hilarious they pants people too down blessing was is is videos of girls cleaning toilets it's in a loose fitting shirt with no bra and then talking to the camera about same bullshit like your wife would
all you're doing a little bit of never your wife will she's like i hate we should probably get a trash cans and you're like you're seeing it in in the video i'm watching and i'm not going yeah what yeah owners to hand of titty today today we had to drain are above ground pool and uh sounds like we got a real pool and so leanne and i were joke around about talking about this dream i had then she 'cause i mean it let's do this now 'cause before it gets hot and she was braun i lego or don't and i'll do the whole thing by myself just that little fucking side boob action you see so what you do she kept abroad in the pool i look at you and ran three miles came here three miles six three miles three miles treadmills will you actually do run there's a trade surplus
it's not like that would work or something like that that's what he's saying non motorized treadmills that has really is now the user men like legit strength and conditioning take off my trail like but this is resistance and it's built like a banana so you're running on like a like sit on it yeah so it's all entirely on the actual motion of you pushing your body yeah that's it the bat out so it's very interesting because the faster you run like physically run the faster it goes you push it you know as a you know pushed out yes i keeping up with it you're actually pushing it out so it's like a teleprompter no no no no like when you read a teleprompter it goes at your pace so if you read faster it goes faster furious
go slow it's a mechanical thing thank you though the physical action of you running and pushing it because you're on the slope that's what makes it go fast yeah so you you don't you don't have to worry about like keeping up with it he keeps up with you it's all a much more natural stride than keeping up with something that's on a mechanism that's having a the belt feed towards you so this is what it looks like when you're running on these things see how as would with one assist step higher to increase your pace like you're you're actually pushing it step higher degree yeah i will say i will say in all honesty i know that we joke i will i've been worried about the idea that running on a treadmill is not it's just it's making my legs move at that rate well this is opposed to making my leg steak medium well you're sweating it's good it is good but you see how this guys running how is the ball of his feed his landing it's because he's running on a slight uphill slant and that's like how your post to land on your feet the body
is designed to like almost lean forward and you catch yourself on the ball of your feet how much running i don't know when you're running on an uphill slant you're more likely to do that that's why i like are you serious no i think it's not cheap but the name of it that's the wood way running hills is the ship and if you live in a place where you can't run hills i get it but if you do live in a place that has hills the hills is the man it is fucking amazing for a so if you run do like put a heart rate monitor on let yourself get jacked up to a certain heart rate when you get in and take your time when you get down to one hundred and forty beats per minute start running again jack that fun up again at one hundred and ninety go as far as you can let it get down to one and if you just keep doing that over and over and over again you ups only you just feel better your legs move better your feet stronger the difference between
like running like if you have the opportunity we live in a place that has canyons everywhere there and there's fuckin' trails everywhere all steep is schitt yeah like runyon is steep is schitt yeah if you need to run in and run up that fucking thing that's a phenomenal workout man and saying i will say this though and by the way and i have to say this i have to give a huge shout out cameron hanes because when i really started doing all i think was when you met him and i like they're trying to get in shape and i hear his models and and i'm sure he's probably said to himself you know i should or whatever i yours models no one cares work harder like like i live that when i run sometimes it's inspiration now but i will say that like i sometimes i will say that people like myself who are not as karen hands cameron hanes a could be no one cares but don't get injured 'cause that is uh big problem with with running is that you are so tough if you get he got him he doesn't realize he got injured not him
he's going not him but i mean like people who listen was inspiration because our cars sometimes i've been like i should not really try to kill myself because i actually might can't measure yourself against that guy he runs a marathon a day do you think you'll be disappointed that you could not to american you readily admitted it i think came and i think if cameron hands on our brand every day i think he does so you can do math away do you know him i don't i i've tested thank you would only we're running with you for the first thirty or forty meters i don't i wouldn't keep up with it would be this preposterous conversation did you talk to a man who's far this is the great ship great we're in great shape cameron's i bet on live anywhere like a good his with him can we add that to the bad luck yeah the study that minus two hundred and five miles what's
could not exactly one hundred miles or office are they fall off or they first hundred ok this is a different one he's got a bunch of these testing feet photographs online love it of him isn't toenails and shared bucking love it so his last last year he ran two hundred and five miles and this year he's prepping for something in october that's the first time they're doing it two hundred thirty eight miles have you ever asked about the h that he went from being let's say just a guy in shape running to do in the hundred like how do you did he going like i will start doing marathons and then tack on to in a day yeah the first marathon he did was very difficult for sure but then he started running a more than one time he beat lance armstrong in the boston marathon beat lance armstrong's lifetime of run lance is running the boss man let's i'm sorry actually started out as a rock this is this is it's a good question just before after lance got in trouble one i got a real
i thought that sort of that so fast like wow i notice a lot of hills but he's one of the avengers growing up reflex but like this is the blue because lance armstrong is really good at biking so it's crazy or am i wrong please all you guys all of our you statements that got killed me today that is worth mentioning that should be debated super important idea brother and then you they're doing crazy ones that he did a bunch of one hundreds then watch last year did the bigfoot two hundred which is actually two hundred and five miles what the fuck man several one thousand feet of elevation to you're going up running through the mountains just take it is is real skinny
point i'm sorry kind of like a lime i guess yeah that's him many moons ago this thing is i one under like which incarnation of lance armstrong with one thousand and eight so it would have been right in the middle of that's what music you saw that's right so that's but he we got you listed but he was due to the gills a one it was going well that's going to write it up lance armstrong wow i wonder i wonder if maybe he's in his offseason he was cycling cycling off and get it i wonder what i wonder what kind of inspiration it was for cameron to realize your friend with the camera is a corner and i see lance armstrong my sites and i in the picture i'm passing it to affect the fuckin' reservoir and you like pantera walk
his dreams he runs out so people understand that you were talking about running to reservoir like the fat chick at the reservoir but i thought i thought you meant having sex with a girl high school but wouldn't you think that like the people at home that don't live near reservoirs don't know that people run around reservoirs in ella i didn't know i didn't think that into it ella has so little wildlife well let's just run around and fucking big cool yeah so we made a giant cement pool they called the reservoir we're all running around like assholes nature it's a perfect dab in the l a river are the perfect example la anybody would think it's a real fuckin' member i've heard of it but you see it like it's an underpass and what are you talking about have you seen this dna river like watt now you seen it in a big rainstorm though and will pass it going uphill and stop here like wow that's our river beautiful best colorado appreciate your water salt water runoff you know so
did you ever see look at i saw a river full blast it does get full blast sometimes when we do need that but last year last year got fuckin' crazy with the amount of water along to do so its water it rained so hard for so many ways they lifted that drought finally yesterday with the side of the drought yeah i wanna know what l election was that early this year yeah early this year the son seems a place that they created by opening up the colorado river literally made of giant inland sea and it was good for a little while it was good for a little while until the runoff from all these farms from all this like giant scale agriculture all the chemicals and all the pesticide would get in the run off and then it got into the water and ways and everything in this mass fish die off so to the point where before this
calling it the inland riviera like california's inland riviera and sonny bono used to go there and all these people used to party there and it was like big resort location now there are beaches that there's so many dead fish bones that the white of the beach sand is at fish skillets yes millions and millions of fish but some still fish there and there's still people there 'cause it's an enormous piece of water look at those are all dead fish from this one place so they have these mass die offs with is like no oxygen in the water or pollutants in the water they have giant dead zones these fish just flowed up the surface but they're still people that fit in that water and there's still people to eat those fish and then these unities around survivor fish do this is amazing documentary on i wish i could remember what it's called
val kilmer movie called salty but i saw that but the documentaries what's fascinating is they interviewed the people that live in the surrounding communities which are the remnants of what they thought was going to be like this people around the resorts dude it's crazy plagues and pressures us on see who produce that somebody important produce that to john waters that's right yes this is it narrated by joe waters yeah that's the one thing photos in this thing it's amazing sonny bono before he died wanted to to develop some sort of d salinization like filtration to get it back to the salton sea to bring it back yeah because he remembers what it was like when he was a kid i look how beautiful that is john waters movie when they net when john waters narrow areas movies you get to see the despair that's in the community now it's really sad come back on screen
to call again uh well played you could totally look like that guy probably better than it was with some of them by the way i'm going to give a shot of the tommy that will that bug in mayor thing you did i don't know why that's not a tv show of things that is so funny you ever see that tom's guide mayor cincinnati the true there is the troit when is it just youtube is you just did it short film where he's just is fucking hilarious but this is that barn who's is this with tom but i didn't i didn't pay for it no no it was a well i don't want to get pulled no no no i i i can you can put you can play it sure yeah we we we does this little back up commissioner gordon's on its way over nine and then and then and then a bad man tell me that's not the reason you picked him up when there's five can
and it's for police commissioner and one of them is named gordon your decisions suddenly becomes very easy coming gordon is a video of you smoking crack okay out okay correct and what's a hundred thousand dollars we crack the mandatory in school listening to would crack in a few more so you're like that guy from toronto oh yeah yeah yeah and then they actually we made this little while ago and then they actually did it like a feature about it like where they straight up just did it on him like very much like this
yeah yeah it was a character in one slash two man that he was wild you ever see when he got coked up he's talking about fighting people that he was like mike tyson they would jump on him because we left a lot of his videos did you see the one where he did it like at town hall and he's like and it's like a midday press announce wonderful and they're like just i didn't ask him about this game by the way please not tell that lady i'm going to eat her pussy ok he goes i get plenty of that back at home because i got plenty eat at home and then i get home and then turn to camera and reporters like oh shit it's unfortunate how to take the legal action of i don't appreciate people cone atlanta a prostitute and never had a prostitute here i'm very happily married at home that this is very disturbing against my wife unfortunately have to take
a george costopoulos do we have to take legal action against the waiter that said i was doing lines at the beer market that is outright lies that is not true life on the corner friend of mine a prostitute or land it is not a prostitute which is a friend and it makes me sick how people are saying unfortunately i have no other choice on the last one to take legal action i can't up with anymore so in the mean time litigation starting shortly i've had enough i thought i warned you guys yesterday be careful what you wrote ok so that's all i have to say for now and then next thing i want to call america tanya in hamilton and tell him that we're gonna have to spank their little tiger cats the last thing was olivia gone back did it says that if i want to eat her pussy
like that in my life i would never do that actually married i've got more than enough to get home mic drop might drop greatest fuckin' metal medical center room on time he died and there was no like like there was no coverage of that and he died you know i got sad you don't think so now there was there was there was always a really i got sad yeah he came to the store once per week with everybody yeah it was great drinking i wish i met him this one here is the mayor of toronto man biggest city in canada super recently yeah super easy was doing wild shit oh i think that guy was that an brexit were to like if you look at history if you go back and look at like the rain of trump like when trump became president and you look at that an brexit like those two things happening
that opens the door yeah well anything almost can happen given the right set of circumstances given people getting cocky someone making their way more appealing than they actually are looking at an altar and if someone's charismatic they jump in and they can be crazy yeah let's take a chance with them take a chance with a small town politicians getting big you know run shut own way the best thing about our current chaos politically i think people need i understand like that this can happen do you think about how like i know some of it is just pr stuff like how twenty so we might shape up at least with it could possibly be celebrities mean like i gonna do this too he could easily kill rock look don't trump obviously he's got a long history of being successful at you know being a television host so whose yeah i a great interview on a talk show so long history of no
we had a kind of work the crowd in a certain way it only makes sense that some like that eventually get into what i said the way i described it i a popularity contest and an actual popular person entered yeah that's the difference right like most of these guys are popular for politicians and here is this guy who's popular period and he's way better talking to them and weber arguing way better at under the gun like when those like little hot moments with him and you know all the all the different candidates he comes up with nicknames for him with the whole thing was kind of genius like chop them all down and made it through but now you realize like hey probably nobody should be doing that job it's probably big of a job for anyone human being you know this guy doing it and he's doing it because you want a popularity contest that's crazy
because then you're going to have the rock he's going to do it just hurts and why don't you not talking about the most qualified people buy stretch the imagination he talked about the people that people like the most it's willing to be the crowd could lou brock now win so many and so many non regular like people who can vote that don't will be like i'm going the roster although former know exactly that window oprah would win because think she together no one thinks she's smart it's all over in together agent get on that introduction ship as well with gary coleman was so long ago presidents money how would stop this truck in president vice president how 'bout you have two co presidents we have a new system the rock and oprah yeah taken over to solar system will realign the interesting it's not a bad idea why people be furious
yeah no i don't think i will be able to our lease all right and the rock is the lack is why it rocks white nice wian man not bad lag he's not a my wife people would ask why people would have white people why do people claim the rock is the rock yeah remember when the rock accurate watt number in the rock give me a shout out yeah well stores like super fat he said he was team that does not make it although i do that that was great because burt brought up two days he was like like two days book in high school
i go to do you never did two days to learn more please call choose wisely chamber mmhm this for the bat yeah this is back on track how they turn out tom one tom beeper where'd listening came up that mickey mantle your close though you were close were very interesting i did much better than anyone expected both you did i actually expect to win odd no i do not expect to win at some point when i think we were taught on the phone one night and you realize and i was having a hard time drop to wait yeah and i were working out use eating like crazy and because you're drinking a lot yeah so factor ever whatever whatever yeah so i pain as well plus food up the emotions and everything a couple extra miles was your damn take
around that google and what is the calories of one wendy's double double wait so when we try multiply the amount of calories in wendy's double double by four one double cheeseburger and run for two hours it's a total burn thought he just pulled one out of his brain on top of this thing that i had pot roast the night before that's crazy bro but i still was i still did good yeah you did good but when did you think when did you not think you were actually was sitting in my bathroom and i was talking on the phone and you were say saying something like you were talking about your diet and i was like my day just not eat over one thousand calories like i'm not thinking what i'm putting my mouth you declare per day you eight lester thousand calories and now no nice sense in grid no way no way ok ok ok i'm not a bucking doctor whatever i had since whatever happens ok but obviously ilost fuqing forty pounds so time whatever no way out in thirty days i lost forty pounds correct yes
so crazy i did not need a lot of calories i don't know what it was super healthy by the way it's not definitely doing that you did it man you got under obese and that was great yeah exactly it's just i was just trying to fucking show my mickey mantle gene and win and i did cut my calories i just i didn't drink a bunch how much weight did you cut like two days before that time like how much do not drink at all while we both got what the same days did the day he was drinking the night before needing pot recipe for salty foods i didn't water technically i started to do a watercolor version of yeah twenty four hours before it's great and then we had to go in the second day that was way harder man he didn't have a drop of water with the entire next day and then went to a fucking song that morning and i
i was saying is that what the really unhealthy thing that we're now we're making it a weight loss thing yeah instead of making a body fat that is true we could do is tomorrow if we were smart will be done as a dunk tank have a place that does a dunk tank where they they check your body composition because the they did that electrical one we hold these cables you press your your hands on them and it is pretty good they read through your feet to body fat yeah there's a bunch of different kinds of these things this is this way out that way weight loss products weight loss is both these guys came into this thing like with the fake weight loss because the dehydrated themselves or didn't he tells us all he didn't drink a lot now he did have a the i definitely had a last day i when i came to the r c as yeah i had a really hard time not drinking water before i got i think tommy drank nine bottles of water surgery dire podcast during the us no do we kept giving him bottles were thrown in like a fighter you were with the number was i've never we cac it was over a gallon
our crazy a water back and i didn't pay enough of those true can i just say i don't you may not obese yeah five point one five of h that's because it was that's great yeah that's that's my boy that day where you gotta keep going for it this wing how tall you are versus how much you weigh but yeah that's just bmi which they had once modified once and they want to actually do away simulation modified us and condoms yeah he pulled me first that is the whatever craig people listen if you're listening to this google that image search parker fat comedian bar chrysler keeping it low and after his lawsuit the wayans against undisputed water champion tommy bun
let's say you're surrounded by john with a genius photoshopped fried chicken donuts took that big shaped like faces from his spike spike video games award and i shaved clean and i saw the photos from the red carpet and i was like that's not good luck that's got to nicotine patches on funny and no one has seen all the booze around that is a genius bar shows a great photo shop she looks so happy with those donuts you know that's the thing but like the internet that could be some do do as a some regular job somewhere yeah board downtown a downtime on this computer you just creates that throws it up yeah and these people out there that like that's it's a scene but it's not a secret about guys like us like what we do there's a lot of guys who could have done what we did how about how good are some of these guys making posters and like
drawing my guy my guys posters is fuckin' brett block he is probably an he is legit like a very nice to demand those posters some earlier does braque that guy and i was amazing man he's really great mazing just a lot of the guys right hey lawrence sherman michael and calling a sermon pagani says that this is awesome he's made a major mazing work the one by one podcast guy yeah he's good he's amazing yeah great hole areas to some of them are really for and some of the showers shops just for that cat yeah dick and less that guy from drastic effects you just awesome did you see the run d mc one for one thousand that will expand task manager is great yeah that was so great those guys don't go get it so fun that show what ds made me laugh harder than any human being has ever made me laugh anyway we had to look down i looked up until he was looking at the floor too we're both looking at the floor
he was sucking all the oxygen out of the room he was killing so i lost track was i way to breathe i lost track of what he was saying well points i'd stop listening to me so he's on fire right now really excited for that podcast you're an american shut up is easy just over three hours on the timer to turn around and start over wait wait great so can we go back to this what is this best so you think you can do so what do you do now that you're sober park in ten minutes what do you think you could do your october we're setting up right yeah two thirty days thirty days ten thirty one thirty thirty one days all are you yeah yeah yeah october october the mark of a resemblance work through this from midnight at
first let's costar everyone what do you cast a spell on to it's a new with the moon is full fifty nine of course he is he did he give me passed out drunk in love the night when the wolves call through the valley yes yeah all of us are disappointed children oh hang on how can i make this so that i'm going to challenge where i don't feel like everyone is against you know what it's like it's like the ultimate hold their breath doing more likable known for you to lose people immediately don't like you when they meet you who's ready to break the world record and holding your breath you know you're going to breathe again but it's going to be a long time yeah it's going to be a long time i think of how much fun that will be on november but you're not thinking you're not thinking hey man maybe i should just stop drinking thinking think about it over first at one thousand two hundred and thirty am when you like different i thought that give me another drink menu fail instantly
think about that day that into no no that's not even that's a one day thirty minute thirty minute my city yes they have them i still hear people out of the party for five or six days for things start getting really weird scram camp do do do do do do do i think your marijuana intake would uptick ok sure ask can i say you can get high for months i could say it's a little bump bump it's a little bullshit that you go to marijuana because all that's doing normally i'd say that's way healthier but i'm saying here that's all that's doing is writing you the gap you can drink again by the outgoing number would like to face sobriety how its interest look look look i don't that's interesting problem not doing marijuana hurt on the road with you and have him bomb so you look like a hero so you don't if i'm sober i can totally do much better than if i was hammered into some next level 3d chess for it i think you're hilarious when you're drunk
from you should be so bridge you've never seen that we've never seen it even every single stage wait no you're right you have you have you have you saw me on stage the first time i was high on stage manage drunk is fucking at the ice house i don't forget about that i don't drink at the store black out about the sense we have on stage which is a drink so much last time we did that by the way who's in town wednesday wednesday you guys wanna do this house i'm leaving for singapore no no no to a good god damn time i would love to have a that's how i booked i house super super organized so thirty one days eighty days no often no eighteen days and then you said eighty yep yep and your card number so that's a little over four days of dealing with the idea forty days of yoga in that time
you can't do that just to go she ate like an agent right now hold on hold on one second i will tell you why i can't do that 'cause i don't want to lose who the fuck i am which is like i like to i like which is obesity so you don't need to know the truth bro you said you're saying you don't want to lose the party man image i will not go to that impractical jokers cruise with big jre all those comics that i love you and not not not drink that's just silly i'm a grown up i also make a lot of money by the way i don't need to do the bed but i want to do that because i like the idea of the bet okay but i think thirty days okay offer start the forty one days in october to start a model sobriety and total surprise group totals right what seven i don't think i guess arthritis in the seventy no no no this it's a world police when they you know get extra folk scene yeah to check on the girls chastain jacket on him a pest on yeah yeah they did that so they can cut other things yeah i say this you can get there with you can get all those chalk pills that help you deal with withdrawal chalk
no i don't need you will when you not tell us what you want when you got a six drawing thrills our call they have no these guys guys this chalk pills chalk yeah what is i don't need whole charcoal charcoal charcoal charcoal i don't throw up yeah that's allowed 'cause you're not going to have that that's going to save your life 'cause you will die otherwise 'cause you're unequip to do this yeah for sure yeah i remember the article i sent you sure well beforehand and that was like part of your day before the article we read about you said that it's really not recommended to just quit cold you should start now and get ready or or you know what i'm going to write my eulogy with you in mind ahead of time so that way he's in great shape and it can run america that usually any quitting time is once wait why won't you withdrawals if you just quit like that because about it all the time because i'm looking at for like a moment
no no not like you feel like you feel uncomfortable for a day where you're like that guy once you get i'm talking over a day stretch how long ago because because a couple weeks ago no we you define reasonable idea by within our household unassisted sleeps that's when you go to sleep without drug drug call no no weed no xanax no yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dosages yeah the thing called unassisted sleeps doesn't do i think that's a great idea i really do think more people need to learn how to relax meditate go to bed but you can did your kids come out and say i don't know if you can get a hold of your own thoughts we get a hold of me on the it's a good it's a good practice to do that and if you just give your own thoughts to pills i mean it'll work it made
maybe it won't work for everybody in the works for some people but there's other ways to do it you could do it with your own mind you can relax yourself not meditate yeah i guess you can do it without that mean you can do it with that but there's other pathways that a lot of people to try the pills don't try and i wonder how many would be successful some people know some people have like real issues but with some people i think they'd probably be just as if not more successful with meditate being relaxing just trying to figure out a way to like consciously dip yourself down into the place where you go to sleep i would like that what are you going to try that no i did five and the forces this leaves this is what i'm thinking i'm thinking thirty days ago fifteen days you want that yellow bloctober nine thousand and ninety minute hot yoga classes that's what i'm thinking no booze and then half the day so if you have one day on you have one day off you owe if you miss some then you have
make him up in a row but you have to do fifteen days of hot yoga in a thirty day time period with no booze i can do that why do you want to hot yoga because i think be super beneficial for him i think you should do that mean out and it's fuckin' decently difficult to do but he's got he's going to fail on that and still detox no he said he said thirty days until october october two artist cut half the days half of those thirty you have do yoga class hot yoga the hot yoga nine into the i went once i've been i went once and i quit like forty minutes into an hour for them in class i came back in i took five minute breather i took apart because i think it was because it was hot out of it out of it yeah but you also like couldn't run a marathon i could stop it every time oceanside has no we don't know know would do that
so anyway you would do it so wait yeah there's no way you one thousand five hundred and ninety minute yoga classes in a month so i don't do them all the time marathon know what i'm saying is i like the turkish yeah the thing about the yoga classes first of all you could like a real set beginning in a set end there's no fudge in this class yeah you have to be there to get it in an it's super different to do and i think it's one of the most beneficial mentally what if you find it a breather not good they tell you they instructor say yes go out and practice breathing come back here that's where the same people that they see those little packets they leaving the shoes they do not eat
fucking retards it's very strange should meet we should know that you're not going to eat some shake you found in your shoe just so you should know that if you're going to die you should get out of fucking yoga class so i'm saying you should be able to get out of there it's for morons an pussies i'm sorry can you look up hot yoga deaths rapes when they die they die this is nothing dude you bring the cooler bring one of those flasks they have these like giant drinking sixty four out yet or chain postures like you do at the other two sets you're allowed to have some what i bring water to get five in a breather over that monthly three five in a brief but i definitely had a yeah i could take a breather and stand the room you're supposed to breathe they tell you to breed yes you can bring in the room his stay in the room it's a mental thing you can goodbye i left five minute break up you can't go back in nope stay in the room
take a left i did i left you i want to say but this is no you don't have to this is not the truth i've stayed before too yeah i stay all the time you're not allowed leave at the place that i got you all day in the class are doing it hi this is odd it was a really nice cream cones melting liquid i could do without me or i could do it this is super measurable thing okay so it's not like something you could just like not train for and then have to do at the very end yeah this is going to go so you can run a marathon it kind of like fucking half acid up to that i'm going to run it this is like a sheer discipline issue because this is what what's good about this is it's going to cause you to absolute be in a certain place for fifteen days out of thirty you have to make those up
if you like say could you off for the first ten days i mean you have to a lot of days in a row where i would be safe to do it how you over for five days in a row under percent you are here the right way that's how i plan on doing any pain again brought to please just go to the god damn barren now nothing you know you say we're three can you start asking i'm gonna talk nonsense go to the bathroom in the bathroom please and bring that guide them to boot you with you that judge lopez you always danced with your are you looking ripped right now for me that's a look bad at all looking good like a good athlete do you rate shape in the bird christ your tax money email jeans are that now that looks like are you you ours get
budget six pack he does he does he does when you get back from yoga he earned asiasi chinese never understand i never wanted to wait till he can do this challenge you can't listen i like this idea of fifteen days of hot yoga it's hard to do men ninety minute classes and then and he's going marathons now i have to america this would be a different thing it's really about this he thinks he could run all the time he runs all the time but if you have to do this this is going to be hard running is easy for me because it's in my backyard this is going to be super good for your body and here's the other thing too like if you get in the middle of this and you feel like can't do it anymore you could relax you can just sit down lie down and just in your class yeah in your class people do it all the time like advanced people do it all the time if you feel like you overwhelm yourself maybe try too hard it's fucking hot in there it's one hundred and four degrees and you doing like these really difficult
body weight exercises when you stand on one leg you got one leg kick back and you got your both arms leaning forward it's fucking difficult to do sure you know and when you're holding yourself in like weird positions that's a really actually interesting challenge it's a pretty easy not easy it's pretty not hard pace i should say to do a five our marathon so it's eleven minutes and twenty three seconds per mile yeah it's walking it like a talking like a four point five is an interesting though that that's five minutes but eleven it's in thirty seconds per mile you get it in six hours or five hours fifty k fifty that's right see that i mean i i know that we're all making fun of this but uh five hour marathon is is literally walking in a four five on a treadmill continuously anyone can get a lot of it is is it yeah eleven miles an hour isn't walking on a tread it's walking it's not running really
way but it's not eleven three minutes prosodic casual no it's a brisk walk it's a brisk walk but i will tell you i saw my father eleven speed walk the marine core marathon and he did great for about twenty miles and then it bottoms out i did i did when the thousands episode i love these kind of eleven like i watch the florida state game yesterday yeah only one but in battle the trouble what you watch boxing matches or fights when you work out yeah i like to throw i like a big event thing like the ending of game of thrones we're doing that three hour podcasts and i literally said i'm going to be running a marathon today i did i did not do it i did not do it only because seven added one thousand two hundred and twelve only person half a marathon but i was walking up 'cause joe is so fucking funny i would start laughing like me
changing colors compared to slightly right actually i would funnies human being that's ever lived here but i i started laughing so hard that i was like i can't run this i want to listen to it i want to be in the moment just giggle good excuse start run in our area and so and so i i ended up doing twelve miles and in the three hours to do the math on i hope that the height grew behind you go just quit burt just the way here what last time tv with the rental stuff the gold a challenging time you think you could still do it in a marathon a ten minute miles top ten miles tommy burnham's been planning he's been plotting something this minute miles which is how long till my what do you do if i could make you smile ten minute mile that would be really fucking challenge twenty six dollars by the way i will say that the one that we just pulled up is still challenging for twenty two what's
you're in no way i mean i hundred percent agree this guy is in great shape there's not a chance you won't finish the marathon and less you take about forty it was a macho king taking long breaks for meals you could do it in under fourteen hours but i think the over under should be like third high one thousand three hundred and thirty do you think you think actually resting seeing a movie in there i also want to know this really roughing you think you could do this time with no preparate no training just do it tomorrow the ten minutes not tomorrow but i but like next week like how much distance you think could run tomorrow the 18th tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow how far is this is how much could you oh my god this is how much this is the reason i the reason i'll never quit drinking 'cause i love this feeling tomorrow what nerves
hello anxiety more i'll say this i'll say i'll say it thing i'll say a number and you guys tell me if what do you potter noam bartering borders okay easily easily how far okay easy run five k of yeah we've all over over thinking about obviously yeah i could run technical problems for sure that pre problems no no problem i could run i could run hard and we're talking about no walking right is a straight up run to straight bron system ok ok what's your system i like winning well no i like to turn up your birthday
to run and then just walk so that's all i've been doing because it's fun for me yeah it helps run for awhile walk for awhile you should get it done i don't know i don't like that i'm sweating again i don't okay like do you think it is do you think you could do twenty miles more that's a six four two miles short of them as we can no no if i was to have been yeah i know we know now with this journal absolutely not knowing do you so anticlimactic so up to sundown friday twenty minutes or twenty miles twelve hours yeah well ours but you could one running period that's a pace for a thirteen one slash two hour marathon exactly what he was talking about just done over that way ladies and gentlemen feinberg finds a way of making it easier to plan on partying at your house so i like ok let's go back to joes challenge i like health i like thirty days or thirty one
i want it all of october shoes made all october midnight to midnight midnight but now out there what happens what happens no booze and less and less to this end blessing less would like a might be cheesy but let's let's make this communal so i can challenge i can challenge people go nate bargatze see i've got i don't know but uh for him let everyone and some commit to the ankle bracelet that's on happening did that the challenge i don't handle doing research and but did he i don't think if we're gonna do is a stanhope on we should find out within not you're gonna die we should really these are with me i believe it but are you doing we should are you do all of us the full thing or do they want to join in they can join now does you know yoga and they keep bringing about we should be careful though yeah this is this is one thing that we have to be careful about are dying the reality the server the sheer reality like what is the volume of alcohol that you consume on a daily basis
the question by that so can i ask you a question are you worried about the alcohol business going on i'm worried that's what i was thinking yeah we're going to tommy's house in speedos after this show anything else my quantity then i'll be very candid about this but once again it's like where i want to be truth when i hit this you made a joke last time about ankle bracelet and i'm fucking finally got that feeling out of my throat interesting so it's anyway
how much did bruce you consume in a day what's your average day let's be real about the it is a flight number for tended to fight the good fight there's enough light it was not as of a regular day let's let let's pretend for some strange reason your home for a month and you're not so the most only flight mode so i'm not in the mood for a month i'm not drinking not drinking if i'm home for a month i would not drink no drinking oh yeah only shows
the show's comic storyline okay you're right you're right the store and you were like hey let's have a drink on me i would be the starter i was i was touching one night as will weigh wheels that you would come up to me and maybe i would say right right your jacket altered rejected sure okay project boys we're doing it we're talking about yeah yeah as you humans id from the only dragon sound so familiar okay from so i'm going to be really hard to see my kids what's the actual you'll be fine what is the actual consumption yeah yeah what's your average around him i see thursday i wouldn't start drinking till you woke up no no no i don't i don't my average day right now is on the road i haven't drank a brush my teeth yeah and i will drink i'll have my first
sip of a drink the second step onstage i'll take a sip right uhm i do not drink that cold drink and there's a lot of people to see me live recently and they probably all test they're bummed out that i don't murder the drink on the first show you never drink fake drinks never drink for exchanges need to know that uh i remember a hotel called i called him out on my podcast who hotel but i i worked with him in my why a whole lot my area where you miami i'm really really high it's like i was in a news mayor ian gillan hey he my this is my do you confuse those two what do you think you didn't have a stroke so you might have l didn't do real i was like i could use my hero yeah
and on this ruin it and i was like yeah just hours like falk but he doesn't drink except this isn't nut for future reference to hear these top five years ago ish yeah no it's actually in marin started his podcast olympia another government him on and he was drinking and eating skittles that's more than that then that's like eight years it's been a while price eva telling his moving to go now but i think i think i don't know what i was talking i heard mary is much excellent in that new wrestling show on next to a bunch of yeah he kills it yeah i heard it there's this this female grow wrestling grow yeah and he's not crazy manager character and he's great he kills it really so yeah it's like the perfect role for him dude have you
is our site to go out that i'm terrified now might episode three i'm freaking the fuck did you see the end of the game of thrones yes my balls right there's too much good shitan he said when i was a kid we had starsky and hutch ok we had uh he made us dumber it was like eating cardboard yeah it was horrible difference between like what people have today on tv it's insane it's containment thrones and ozark those two look this is really good too it's so amazing you watch that first five minutes first ten minutes of ozarks you watch and hold it is a good digestion basement in that he's a nominal i think the casting of his wife yeah really phenomenal brilliant by the way your name again but it's laura linney she's amazing she's amazing fuckin' show is so good you get so locked in like jesus
it's just one of those shows we like whoa best comedy on streaming no questions asked angie tribeca what's that it is a it is this true because was that our name mall i hate the drive back leading changing from tribeca what is less well i see jones quincy ng joe jones you jones johnson asked jamie he's a prolific usually does do young coal black twitter back i andre vermilion what is this it is the naked gun but in a csi miami type show naked gun so it's
like imagine if you saw a brand new naked gun or or airplane it is so fucking funny oh really yeah i watched it with my kids and we just and they've never seen airplane so it's that introduction of airplane or naked gun to them so big jokes like the whole time yeah everything just joke joke joke joke joke joke that's it's really a great show that's cool how do we get to that but probably less no i said have you seen ozarks yeah like ok game of thrones those are ozark this new season narcos it's out to you know yeah see that's great because you know there's more good television i was billions right now to feel like it's hard for a movie to even work now but we had a
mu most movies are done they'll have signs are really going to go for but you see the same show netflix's theme show h b o the level of like what is the school parking gorgeous well they have this opportunity to stretch out the story line really see it with their own with this season was a seven hour movie amazing movie yeah i've never watched i don't twenty because i want to watch a pilot episode game of thrones the other day just on a lark i was i was like what's this club so the finale and i was so into it so i waited you started with a finale hold on one hello miss
this is no no it's listening this is all the fat and i watched i want to hold my god watch the whole series beginning then yeah with everyone else i watched the finale and i was so wrapped up in what was going on that i want my own material go and i clicked the pilot episode dude watch pilot episode and you'll save yourself oh shit i get it like all these things that were little plots that how they got their dire whoops i don't know how they got their direwolves i didn't know they did they found they found a big elk that had murdered and it figure out what was murdered and then they went and they saw that the elks horn gone through a dire wolf and dire wolf shouldn't be south of the wall where when it's so as jon snow picked up for dire wolves and he cubs and he said she said you should all have your cubs should go to ned stark's children because he's not they should get the starks therefore starts gives all dire wolf and then and then the guy got his dick
off he goes he shouldn't get one you're a bastard disappeared watching story yeah this is like the machine you watching you watching him do this and then long enough and then as they leave they ca they see a fuckin' run one yeah and they go you should have this one your you're the bastard you should have this one dude the book on tape that was pretty good actually that was pretty good size reflecting murdering me that was pretty good my universal get stopping at your house at my lowest myself so these guys are so you had me enthralled man i was right there with me let's discovery i hate it so much i hated the last few minutes you been alive and talking so much
a good age you never feature for me last bombs so hard i wish you if there is a tape of this bombing in my line of it so bass so by the one where you live on it so hard you broke it down your podcast what was that one that was when it hit by the way this one's worse this one actually is worse yeah because was rude because no one spoke yeah it's true but i was just listening to someone monologue in a room of people where everyone's like whom tommy back at the time you stop his hair a little longer need feather it back right and so but it was still all the new delhi in as the hiding ability i bring me to the club i drive up with them i drive up to them to sacramento i say i vouch for him this guys functional areas you love him the manager leslie is
we had a future book i go this guy is ten times funnier trust me she was he better be he goes out in his first so flies out and nobody and everyone in this leslie walked right up to me she goes he said he's going to funny and i see sweat forming on his brow boat bubbling up and then i see it collapse to the side and start getting wet no no no he is worse than he was driving yeah it's worse it was a member of two thousand and five open donna raped it was about hurricane katrina hurricane katrina rape joke yeah it was it was right after katrina and they said that people were getting rape yeah so i did what is it that you got it yeah the metronomes with sits on a piano i made like some type of joke like like
like hey they say there's something like they say people are getting raped in the aftermath like nothing would turn me on like seeing a dead body flow by blood like some some or things like that where i'm like making fun of it but like it wasn't a written just gives you some that i said and then i insisted on doing a second time and that's when the that's when they're falls to the side and kinda like i did it on like i bombed on the th i i opened with it and i bomb for twenty five straight minutes actually twenty two because when i got off why didn't you do twenty five and i was like 'cause i was dying and i thought she was like i pay you for twenty five oh my god in the second show on the same joke yeah and i ate for twenty five minutes and do it again i should say it was sold out so it was wall to wall packed peppered three hundred three hundred people and i was just soaking wet i remembered what was the emcee tommy
tom all stockham so to goddammit all tom mcclain time and you know and you know you ain't when you're the feature act and you walk in the green when the mcs like how many funds he was like he was like i've never seen anyone eat shit like this in my life is so crazy by the way this is a test it is a testament to tom is that usually if you brought a common company bomb that hard you be like i'll never talk to this guy again like maybe you shouldn't be doing comedy tom talking to me in the green room about his bombing or at the bar after it was made a member we drove home on that ride and i was all this my new best friend yeah that was great yeah i do i also remember that when we got back to la you go talk much 'cause you were talking
remember the time you were like you like talk about two different memories of an event ok no actually he said i think i told you this before but you said he said my ex 'cause i bombed so hard and think about think about a straight up twenty five minute bomb and then on the lake you're doing it has the same again i know you guys are wrong i'll i'll show you yeah why did you do it i think i what i what i was convinced that i could make that that stupid very very things like i was like i want to i want to get it right so i'm going to do it i'll show them i can do that right by the public is thinking this similar thing is hurricane harvey now people are coming together and you're making a fucking paper dead body i was encourage ing it wouldn't you adjust who did you adjust
late show i just going to be seventy again they get it i didn't sit down with it and go i was like they were done yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah two thousand five over the years you've been doing comedy was my third year to him that's a slippery time right well and then in the hotel i'm not going i was like man this is this fucking is this what it's going to be i really was fucked up over those two bombings and then i got some time so i mean it was it was pretty rough i got the next day was saturday that was friday night to affect bombings and in saturday first shows about to start and i could see these guys are like i bought me like yo man this is like i'm a make a wish kid or something like like this may not mean well i know but then you came up when you can give you one piece of advice any drank and then you realize go you go just open with
different everything else you want to sing open with a different joke and i go okay okay okay and then it went it amazing but here's how shitty it was like manager was the night before was like this is like you really a dog show oh wait it's like i don't think i mean that is terrified she was like reminding outside and then next so saturday was also full anet fuckin' it was like an epic show it was like exactly what you'd want after a bombing like that and they had a curtain like this separating the showroom from the bar not even a wall just the curtain so after like after my set he's on site i just open the curtain and i go well like nice right what happened i was back here you heard that shit here at last at least until after she did the same shipped to me the first time i featured there she criticize me and then i i did a good feature
she was like i said what do you think she's like didn't hear it and i was like oh fuck you you boys sound salty yeah it's club to do that yeah that's a check let me tell you really need to shut up to steve groves also his name i bobbed once in south carolina wanna golf and share with my college friends my high school friends whose main we went out there and i did a guest spot at the coconut something in charleston and then driving like a day later and some girls were like you know 'cause the vacation town there were like would like screaming at us in some ways like what are they saying things like oh there's that guy who last night i mention it when i get off stage was like let's go you wanna good bombing story yeah the many corner in atlanta i just understand one time and i signed for the comedy coordinate linix my girlfriend live there so it might night open my night sign up yeah i show up to all black club
but i'm unaware of the way open mike night worse so i buy tickets for me and her and they set us up front who again to watch white people the only two people in the whole room first comes on stage and starts making on me and says uh what's your name i said it's bert and they go nuts are going to call you bird will give you a hood name is bertie bert i was like yeah yeah yeah birds great they make every black comet comes on makes fun of me for fucking ever then he gets the end of the show is like we got one more comment come up last good evening ladies and gentlemen putting them together greg creature creature alright alright slur and then he goes wait should and the place goes fuckin' nuts this is the guy that had fun with the whole night and i get you guys ever
company cheese burger and the guy they liked and we're rooting for yeah started sucking on an day let me up on stage like i've never to this day been lit up and i had no car back side note i was like dude i went from love to hate in an inch that with one joke how long cool was it with the girlfriend after the show yeah dude we sit down buckhead we be lined out of that mother fucker and put guide the guys next door were like oh you suck you suck oh no she telling you like hey you do suck man she was she was girlfriend except for all this stuff the like because she was on but it got me the comedy which he said will which is i was so you're fine or would you like knows the news journal about like how good had to be to do it guy you're great that was great you handled it well you're in a bad situation chris shadows kristen meddock she's she's pretty
right that's your second time ever on stage shut down at the comedy confidence but they know because invite somebody when they said oh shit is bertie burn the what nuts are you had yeah i was them talk with all might they love this guy like if he's you today you would just murder that crowd we think about that like in a time machine letting these mother fuckers know what's up boom freddie prinze pack from schitt's barely burp three hundred and eighty three seventy nine keys on nichols he got fat feet his fat feet he's a size thirteen but not really fast well with fat feet can run a your feet so fat
so we're going to do this you think you can do we got a rational sense we gotta go do decathlon if you can do this ridiculous thing that you probably can't do ok what anyway i'm going to regret this my life why because i don't mind the i don't i like i think i would like to challenge myself to the yoga and the and the not drinking but i do want to incorporate it into us like i to be liked having people talk should too on text right now like i know that you guys will be like are you doing it or whatever but like and we can on the outside but i don't know i think it should be i like the did the cap on idea yeah i don't i don't have a problem trying to run a marathon but i do think tom like the idea to me personally 'cause he was like there's no pay off like it's like these know offshore quit well for sure quit no so then what's the point it's signs that come attic maybe it was the weight loss challenge or the drinking drinking challenge you can keep up with yeah i don't think you can do that
normal people could i'll do it people without problems doing ninety days no one three thousand and ninety one day three thousand two hundred and eighty two seventy five days thirty two days three thousand and thirty days rang de thirty days days can i say you can't drink or be drunk during all of us over he's like get into his veins would call are you going to be talking drunk the whole first night couldn't drink with six hours ago so we asked you this though seriously for our own peace of mind like all jokes aside yes we don't have to worry about withdrawal symptoms with you i'm serious eventually how do you think that we would breast easy i say they don't do this easy i said we don't do this unless you get the charcoal pills and have met your house well i don't think that's good enough i mean if you really going through the shakes
i can't believe what can we have your doctor sign off on it yes and a hundred sent okay guys you can run a marathon easy and he's in great shape yeah this video problem you got a hold of a two dollars no i'm i'm should be fine you're fine doctor not like fuckin' like what what is the last day you didn't drink how long ago well we never even got to how much you drink normally how much do you still didn't say that let's just do this let's just do it for the regular day like what is your date will do travel there i'll just tell you a little story tom said the best in the game of thrones one okay but how much do you normally drink the for let's just do it yeah let's just do estado stories schemes and i'm not about to can one day we had a half a handle of tito's and we're going over to a friend's house yeah and lowers their course and i said we get a full bottle of titos thinking that there will be more people there that would want titos and she said i'm being
dead serious if you go through a half a handle of you have a legit problem who said this still had an entity does when i came home last night so like i that that's after the problem that's a lot but that's a lot of booze could so and after you create another handled like this is a no no no no no what i did handle it's a it's the big thing it's it's i think this happened at the party now it's more than that handle more than that with the actual handle handle yeah last time you didn't do that days ago please so few days you what happened do you drink it all no i didn't drink at all fifty nine oz just sleep for days and it's thirty ounces so so you you play is it on that one should order a drink a quarter of a handle to one shot of on his one and a half ounces so you're basically deregulate fifty ounces what you're watching me drink right now that i think it was thirty and barely anything by the way yep but i'm still supposed what do you mean
so that's the same amount of booze you're talking about that much if that's no no it's fine it's not talking about no no don't pull shut him down i'm sorry i'm talking to bush meat that jug of tito so if he can drink a half of one of those guys i said one slash four but either way i can turn on one second i can also drink a good point i think it's going to notice also sketch you also give that one over this much less than or fifteen shots thirty five shots in a handle there's thirty five shots in the hand so half of that fifteen shots i'm going to seven shots seven shots a lot looser right so what i mean seven shots i or if i have several shots of right now is that i think it's three hours sixty shots our third this shot is sort of like one one slash two ounces i'm saying i think that much i for sure bark yeah right right yeah you know i feel like i don't just to get away for anyone what about on a flying day okay yeah what's going
let's let's appoint him being dead serious yeah you guys are my friends we leave it yeah i'll be honest but let's not go fucking over yeah but we're going to make jokes though you can't raise enough bridgewater new listening remember i like you got yeah we like you too because like ok here we go it's funny that how great ok go ahead so we'll just do average flight is at seven hundred am yeah bars are open i bring is a tito a little baby bottles in my bag but you drink on the way in your bag let me just tell you guys okay i come inside you allowed to travel with up to eight i'll bring years bag that you check with the bag in my bring on eight little lamb bottles labels yep i'll bring need to singapore so you bring that cyber couldn't bring liquid on a plane only small doses yeah totally liquid like liquid drinks like
which is a little tiny baby shots the size your letter i'm saying i trust the action on the yeah i'm glad you yeah i just i'm stunned you think i'm not couldn't grand like a drink i think is it like if you walk through with this and a little bit the same way there's no way sealed it's that it's that he has a son small bottle with a small amount of that volume but also problem right so when i look at him go get okay sure yeah you need eight of those little bottles us crazy holder number so but this you put those in your bag yeah we've also made a drink before he left the house no no we're not i i'm old we're talking my worst travel day yeah this is on the rag yeah on a sunday when i fly home no i want an average day list back so you get to the airport yeah don't eat anything anything the up because it's because it's not what you need in their rate but i'm still
concerned with my food intake i won't have like an exam with all right which run on that first scene okay i guess better than eating it i guess yeah as a layman so you you're you get to the airport yeah you get through security then what do you do go find a place a scout the food court for have styrofoam cups if you have paper cups the vad i will cut the seam in your drink and collapse on your lap sometimes so if i scatter place for star from cups or plastic cups mcdonald's salads mcdonald's go over say a guy in orange juice and a big thirty two ounce cup of ice and then i go into the bathroom and take a crack four like a proud guy or mimic up porn orange juice in pants off while you're doing this for you got it so he poured the orange juice i do i do think it dump all your doing this i take some time to work there
sometimes yes sometimes if you're in the position to take a dump sadness well i i get so excited the warm toilet how long does it take you to get through that drink well i drinking at supermall in before four four in ok n o g o j street road and then go to their plan just wait and them and i i couldn't now for me personally that is cut in half so i know i have a cocktail if i need one god dam and then i get on the plane i sip it can i pass out was lost in general and you generally don't check those other four he drank well maybe maybe i do maybe i look so old looking at eight i thought oh no no i just drink for because i because i want four for the flight safety for the flight home rituals are like i'm sure i mean so that's gonna be really tough part was last time definitely so one year ago war phoenix not a big fight but i talk to your wife about it would would i'd
noticed as if i did the row of unassisted sleeps and then the night before the flight took a xanax yeah i like five then when i woke up the xanax effectively still in my system and there was no panic and i flew i flew the minnesota sober and back so your nose like wu and then i did phoenix and then i did the hot wings thing out with challenge and the next night i was like my stomach sparked i was an panic and ranks the panic from i think just to tell my it works what do you mean like when you send a text from doing next in college but do you center on what do you what do you is it a fright valid is it a fright or just overall panic more dressings it right alright so big in the air dress of of the fact that i can't get out and that it might explode at any second i can't stop that and then i just like right now right right now blow up right now you're going to have that thought if i'm doberman on a flight ice cry sometimes like legit cry so i have to wear
bring sunglasses on dude i'm so ritualistic on airplanes you have no fucking idea i i have to drink i have a cocktail when i get on the plane because if i don't have it then i start panicking i can't take a xanax because sometimes you get and then you just fucking how much will you drink on that flight to singapore you think god suppose they give you free booze those flights are super bad they're not as bad let me let me ask you this you should think about if you ever thought trying to manage the way your mind yeah thank you instead of thinking about medicating it now just try to put yourself in a position where you try to manage your paranoia or your thoughts you guys are coming in so to reject them and you some meditations work needs to relax but what have you ever done cyclic meditation why haven't i haven't done tm and everyone suggested tm however the weird one right a lot of people think that's like very cultish you know there was a lot of
criticism of that but i know a lot of like super successful people like that how weird articles on meditation people get like they get weird about other people trying to be enlightened it's really interesting like people start shedding on people like mine this is bullshit yeah okay never sure sure it's it is it seems like if you're writing mindfulness is bull like for you it's probably bullshit because you're writing a fuckin' article on people trying to look at things objectively with clarity yeah like and be in the moment instead of like be scattered in cast about by the momentum of their past and all these things happening around them where it takes him out of control the idea is to try to like be in the moment like sure how could that be bullshit they can't be it's like it literally can't be bullshit 'cause you're trying to just be like an easier person to deal with get through smoother smoother it makes me like people of faith i would love to faith
this stage of your loved up fifth great benefits to religious beliefs as long as they're positive religious police if you could have a perfect religion like a religion it didn't have all the contradictions in a pocket seeing crazy about like killing people the are two different types of cloth or any of the weird that is in any ancient text that gets translated into modern times if you could create something that do you like a hour like a rock solid sensible ethic that was based on like science and the reality is what we know and how vulnerable we really are and how big the universe really is going to drag rewrite something where they weren't control b with it they weren't asking for donations they would just try like set out a way to look at the world in a clear framework that's open to all possibilities but uh cause you to move through this time and space the most harmonious manner with our fellow brothers and sisters that's what we all missing 'cause we're too smart for the old stupid shit about people walking on water and coming back from the dead
so i click it makes an allegory maybe it's a parable maybe it's to make based on some ancient story that means something different but we lost it all in the translation we need something else because what you open ended and people get subaru concerned with it not meaning anything ultimately at the end but what a it is for sure something is right now if you have a good friend you enjoy your life then it means i think for sure for right now there's no denying that in the moment it means we could be a nihilist you could be you have this fatalistic view of the future but if you look at the moment right now it always means something it always means something to be in yourself that's all you have you definitely said some things that align with buddhism though yeah for sure staying there now yeah it's all that was all connected together people have had all these ideas for one thousand years with a result realize like moments in life where they got it right
those moments in your life we like ever near death experience almost get run over by a buffalo or something like that and you just stand there looking at each other and it all makes sense yeah but what matters is love and friendship and the moment the life that you're experiencing right now i know this is cool right now right now like member that time you didn't drink for five days long time ago in it's probably the way i remember riding a bike for the first time the distance by the way you're not hey can i tell you something once again we're secret time here the last time i didn't drink for long stretch i had this mode clarity where i went i haven't made a lot of decisions as an adult sober like then pick to get into stand up sober i was number one party on the country i moved to new york we do believe those rankings
you think there's no one out there that was all i can do it up the university detroit but a party animal does is these mother it will call my there's definitely some maniac that on top there were guys in my the guy named colin who little bowl one time it was so i passed out in the bowl and on the cheek and it burned a what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done we fell asleep
i can tell you one when i did it a week sober i give you ever gone down to grow and fell asleep aren't posted no way no no you have how did jesus christ oh my gosh give narcolepsy pussey fantastic was wonderful but i was like it was gone with the wind newspapers in the morning understanding midnight so he's getting up every morning like five hundred o'clock in the morning and i was working every night and then during the day would work too i do a bunch of different during the day just trying to like just pay my bills always tired this way for private investigator there was like a lot of what i did is drive around this private investigator when people not only out of the a lot of it is insurance cases like that meanwhile i was always tired like so tired yeah and at one time was going down i was contel what is it what you do she got so mad she
get so mad and mighty figure why didn't do that like i'm not i'm not happy to be that tired it's like you're boring like i'm breaking this broke down i was i'm breaking myself working now i was still kickboxing i was doing stand up comedy i was getting up in the morning i was delivering newspapers somebody falling asleep on your dick i was working all day then i will get into the gym that i'm aspiring until you see that i was going out and doing stand up and after was doing stand up then i go over house and eat pussyy sometimes it's black it's like she was like halfway to comment you could feel the horizon coming out almost nothing wait well come on we got so mad at me i was only twenty one or whatever it was i went down a girl woman once well yeah that's good movie come in there sometimes it happens kaiser plus trying to get our peanut butter fell asleep like you know like when i
college like after making out but like you're still like cuddling and i i start snoring and she was like fuck like this well we felt like you know yeah i've had them snore how much time you have left what is this and what is bad yeah we got to do the best we gotta do this man and you gonna tell me come over his devilish over sober for october yeah i know and i'm not drinking designs i killed or die cast is that's i wish you sold or forever i'm told her of how perfect either so i just said i came up with it all right yeah it really sounds like a teacher yeah so we're not too i'm sure they already bought no you guys didn't make a teacher so we're not over obrecht over
sell your mom's house dot com i would never wear that yes he's the one to describe what it okay guys time better and you have so over the outline of a like a soup that that picture burt with like the obese letters that outline of right over to bird bird bird what is this well there's something so there's sober for october lyrics jesus christ work sober how 'bout sober him it seems like that's good let's just add to them whatever raise money for cancer support no fuck that or get drunk and party talks wrong with you how what we do birds birth so born october no one said that birth sober not you can have a t shirt that says so before october i'm sure they'll turn out like a copyright on that frank available right now that's something people website it's not going to do that she might getacigarette dot com you can get those horse that's why they get websites they know that's what i did by i you by a bunch of stuff
do you know that somebody made like not at our something made burnt chrysler dot com no well yeah yeah yeah once we decided is already out there not good either someone really give the guy a little slack no no he'd means not conducted regard for for that i have to hold a job first and they're all fatter than me i know you meet them right yeah i meet them hold on joe that's our fatter than me and you see their moms and their moms are fucking obese like four hundred pounds and i got your fat and you were like at the time you would like i'm the same categories you medically medically i yeah medically i was did you ever so consider the possibility of those people are like tests given to you by the universe see if you can navigate the waters of stupidity without barely getting we can't get that back this skirt around them with like a key to like an old steven segal demonstration video i wish
i i just had i don't like conversation so i just go yeah i'm a fat fox glide past so you're better now i think it's i think if we wait you and we will at toms will be less than you were during the way in challenge i drink a lot of titos and soda you gotta you gotta pick a few times over in october bert sobon october will get that site team we buy that real quick birch sober october it's over someone got it so wait wait whoever just bought it send it to me and tom show before october no pills or anything step charcoal pills if you need them which will these are serious and your doctors note just now you need to know a real number like how many drinks you drink a day we never got wait wait what's the physical on top of this dead four shots of four shots of of of vodka how many should know when you land you get more how many drinks do you have in a normal day today's watt monday well normal monday is not normal right now i'll tell you right now it's labor day right you're going to get you i know that
i smoke weed my alcohol intake disappears entirely and i start slowing down hence a three hour i've only had that that's not that's ok if you set your scac but like it so i went back to this i don't like scac it did remind me madison so fucking rude and so i know that if i go to tommy's i'm going to loosen up and i'm going to work i want speedos the pool yeah and then i wouldn't be shocked if killed this whole bottle today in one day i don't think i will be shocked at what else shop is not a thing that came up in the company so and so what i'll do is well we must i will weed myself from boost but we never give us a number yeah how many a day oh yeah how many drinks a day how many drinks is that how many drinks in drink you know how many how many double to double tito's and soda and how many if
number of drinks no problem if you're hanging out at a bar let's say you're at a bar tt two drinks playing were playing dumb i'm afraid of youngsters beyond open honesty honest be honest we were not funny probably get like six would definitely be like a very common number twenty one even because it's double as a low drawl double six double twelve drinks and the bartenders poor comfortable number you mean like that's the that doesn't mean outline and are you hammered at the end of that yeah do it now if i did if i drink so hold on slow down if i drink let's say a really just have weed however i just have weed in some denver i would have to yeah smoke weed yeah and then i have two more to i go to bed spoke with force well a lot a lot of i am parting tonight early stanhope it
i mean i'll i'm here's the point to be as honest with you guys listen stanhope no is under the bus super honest with you guys i'm being honest but when talking to stanhope i do this do we do this in a podcast yeah and it stayed open i was super honest about her alcohol intake i wouldn't say i don't remember we forgot immediately stanhope well tell you what one of the most beautiful things that standing up and i said is like people go yeah i could drinking so i i like getting a good night's sleep and out i was told stand up is again that ridiculous i go yeah i'm going to quit drinking so i can use chopsticks in the morning like doing a note eating sushi sashimi in the morning like at like one thousand one hundred am after you've had partied hard it's not doable yeah it's a little bit of a struggle definitely doable what you doing on your hands trying to keep
shake it yeah i've been shakes just questionnaire problem what's that that's going to be let's listen atomic upon moving forward that's a true statement is not a true statement yeah legit right now right now i'm we've talked about this bunch but like pushing myself way too hard then i have the capability okay this is this is what i think we should do what i think we should do in all earnestness it's like we haven't even will where in september way yet isn't worth worth today okay why don't we give ourselves a week and we can do this again and sit down and see what you think about not you could wean yourself off slowly or whether you even want to do it i i do i do you know whether this is but i'm i really want you i really want you to think about it because i think that i think you could either
decide to not and just live your life the way you live in very successful people love to see you party with them i love you i mean it's it's a big part of the fun that you're you're having you're enjoying with your stand up comedy career but legitimately like as friends when you see some who's taken in that much alcohol you start getting nervous and you start going ok how long can you do that like that's that's tricky that's super day it's not it's not dangerous it really isn't bird that it's dangerous to have twelve drinks a day now i did man this is why i don't want to be honest i know now i gotta listen i'm sorry no i'm not taking the fun out of it but i'm saying that if you do this is turning into an intervention this is turning into this and she talking about just being honest i'm being honest about that no but one thing that you have to admit is uh your favorite thing is like you do see like let's say if you're if you're examining let's say your last week you realize it that that pays could not continue
hundred percent also noticed why do people shop with you no one can keep up with you i tried once yeah no well that's our two naps i can't come close to keeping up with you we talk about it all the time like how the fuck does he do it like this the opposite of what i wanted out of this yeah i think i think i think this is where the light turns into like people go should he's really got a problem no no no no that's what it turned out i just don't think this is me joe i can't you're overreacting what i'm saying is you could live your life the way you're living at right now you obviously enjoying yourself or i don't know if you think you have a problem if you feel like have a problem and i don't want to make any judgment whatsoever i live we want you to act the way you feel because you could hunter s thompson this thing right into the grave and a lot of people have done it and they probably had a better life than people that have lived sober and regretful and and deepen
well in cali states of mind until you know their fucking body shuts down i don't know what's better i don't know if a short life filled with parting is better than a long life of meditating wearing an orange robe i mean there's a real good argument there's not there's a real good argument that the party is a better life but what i think about any type of situation like this is i don't want to changed the way you think i want you to fuck you want to do that's why i said to rei in the car i was like i can't do ninety days it's not really my brain up there it's not the way my brain operates because i would think so but i'm sorry to interrupt you but this is really important do you think that it's possible that once you've got into it and once you were in twenty days deep and you realize like you can feel better everyday yeah i bet you keep going at that point right you could if you want to part burton is going to get out of the first ten to fit i'm not a fucking doctor i don't know what it's like when people have withdrawal
alcohol but your one hundred percent right the hardest partying days or so records probably sunday morning in the dc airport yeah that'll be the hardest part and by the by the way i've definite on this like i've definitely not drank for five days i think it's totally doable and i'm not gonna die that is the other thing that well we were a little worried about it that is free you have to admit that the concern for that like if i don't think you're going to die but but having the thought like hey my friend who drinks like eighty drinks a day he's going to stop drinking yeah have to it as a friend you go like the safe no no no i can't i don't i honestly i don't see that the sex i think it just rang again because there's no way to define i think i think that if he can get past a certain number of hours the longer you can get past this there's like six hours no i mean this is really looks like listen man this is it's like it's like gravity it's like when you're closer to the planet earth is that there's a lot more gravity you got to
further and further further once you do you can blithely saying i see right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the gravity of alcoholism you are right nearly wrapped up in it i'm it's i wouldn't i wouldn't say alcoholism because i don't live but only because when you really call it call it you gotta get out away from mama june babu and figure out a way to not need alcohol every day i don't know i think you want to call i think you can do this i think you have to do it but i think it's a it's a good challenge we're we're down to see sixty days from thirty days thirty three thousand and thirty one days three thousand one hundred and thirty one days or bust here's the deal just keep it rockin in the free world bert ok if you can do to we're going to do it so herbert sober october november auburn so are you
participating like are you doing at the same time i don't have a problem i enjoy drinking 'cause that's what alcoholic said go ahead keep spinning wheel but i like getting drunk is that we make it is how you make it you know or is it it'll be an enjoyable for maine shaky listen i'll do it is super easy they all do it i could easily dirt do you feel do you feel like we're picking on you 'cause that's what i really wanted to make sure we avoided it got serious personally got serious bro second most the strongest amount of locking of you possible without hurting your feelings that's where we're going first of all here's my look he's everybody loves these women here i understand that i understand that but it does we both you know older chronic abilities are on and we both know that when we did this faction in the ship yeah it got out of control like this
you got anything like that there was a and we were like hey i know i like you right yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what joe just sending them and i'd i'd me that i've had i've had real moments with every single one of you and i know you're my friends i know that you're not you don't talk on my back all the back friends do i know that shut up but lakeshore like there is a part of me that goes like do something stupid we keep our mouths shut i have talked about no never talks about you don't know what you're talking about falling man if it gets to the point where we can't mock each other i just don't want to be here yeah
does it does sometimes you guys and you're like hey everyone likes me right guys on we love you but i i i i i see you're the best he sat well yeah hi if you subject you could lose one thousand five hundred and twenty more than the other thing if you really do this man you will really trim that it's going to be first month actually it will ruin your brand will be like this until win marathons but does he weigh one hundred and forty eight pounds you will have your shirt to stage and how the shivers from being so fucking cold and then it's going to be weird they're not going to be happy we take your shirt off and get a six pack now he shred it you got lots and do this oh oh i gotta stretch my back
so my dad lives in florida which is the only forty five this sounds like though it's just a bird challenges that when i'm done we should all get in on something what i have that's one of the why i was saying like it's already three hundred and thirty maybe we should like now it works ok but we have to figure this out today or was it your resume is happening is the challenge you can do this and then you have to fuckin' fake this in shape challenge against us about if i do this yeah i get to pick the next challenge you're not it was so grossly said and i know yeah did i thought my book and he said like garth brooks and his his social media friends in low yeah is it is it out of is it out of the
brand so we don't know for me it is for me to get like napalm like get people to help me back me and during this challenge or they'll fail that will make you feel better or something no like getting like standby panels that you do it oh ok and stand up is like come if you're in i'll do it okay that be great for everybody yeah we can get stanhope in at two hundred and i would do if you want to get some balls want to try to get ron white i'll spit in your face shower today i thought i will get what the fuck did you just say to me is coming yeah i'm from texas we just run away from sober sober october november also some parts that were supposed to be sober october it's of october and then whoever can then can join in if they want to like it would be cool to run into guys what do you think your percentages are you fail or succeed course is going to say this shape he can run
sign az let's reduce a sentence up pattern what's the number a hundred percent as ridiculous as no way almost nothing is that day your put your for your principal high school dies and he says in his will i want you to drink one more drink for maine today to question your big dick ulous let me ask you a question or what is the odds that you can run one mile i can run my ok ok you said like berkeley right what is that ninety eight percent like a good number that's pretty reasonable number one mile it's so easy 90s were taking a partial disasters out of the equation like no productive that's why ninety eight percent earthquakes lawson family animals in my dad passed away you gotta drink talking about injuries one mile you can do one mile for most most likely not one hundred percent you could twist your ankle you could twenty steps in and then you can do all that you could not miss ninety eight percent for me that's a strong number so what happened i can do it ninety that's a good number
good number for like running flat now when you run and hills like are that that the trail that you and i went down and we do that podcast together that's not a nice they were so i think about that sometimes like if i broke my ankle or something down on how do i get out of that he will be called home was that's an option there's no phone service down there yeah your crawl out of there so i i so i mean we go to crawl but i think i'm crawl out of there pretty easy for broken ankle i think you get it change your percentage again i think crowd pretty hard i'm get now okay what's your percentage that they're legit percentage you can do thirty oct sober for october surprise about truck over what what liberty percentage really think about it okay right died so i got it i got it what's going on here bert so if you want to flip a coin it's a desicion away by the way i think it rob i think is way more realistic than any of the other two numbers you give it learn about what about kundalini yoga ever hear kundalini yoga kundalini yogi supposedly could do a psychedelic experience with
oh yeah no no if i'm so little bitty told her 'cause if i do this when i'm saying doing cund alini yoga exhibit trip gives you a true yeah ok i'll try it and you know danny one of eddie bravo yeah publical spencer the greeks great mother fucker but he does it all the time i am really yeah yeah he's like legit like he's like a yogi and he says the kundalini gives you a complete total psychedelic state i've never tried it why we should all try it together that will count as one of those yeah but if we do this if we get someone to you right now is are you going to stick around here are you gonna just not going to go we know we know you want to in asia for a month cellphone you can't hang around here for sober friends over kundalini yoga there will be october see if we can get let's see if we can do it let's see if we can meet the aliens
okay so what i have heard from people that do it if you do it long enough and correctly you have intense full blown sen janick psychedelic experiences that arrive will mushrooms and dmt and all that long enough you mean enough times in a row or long enough in one time that's a good question i have zero experience in it this is purely anecdotal we all think too many people that i trust that have done that had a good that have had psychedelic experience are we all going to do sober and yoga or is it i'm down i'll do it i'm down hot yoga we had one hold on one of him was a sober we talking we'd ortiz i can get into that place i can get into the no we'd place from i don't know do you want to be there i said i'm working it's weird i can do that i can i don't mind on the cruise i could do no we don't sorry ill over iraq's over intense cardio intense cardio produces
the same sort of weird euphoric feelings it's like we're not to start in your fat you burn it off a little bit of that it's cardio does is gives you that after we'd feeling you know the after we'd feel the super high in the end with the tail end of it you just feel great yeah i wanna just put with the box yet another will do we just in case i think we should think about this ok we should think about we should definitely do anything rash we should realize that are you guys loving this much as he loves going to vietnam well people it doesn't even know fifteen days yoga aren't you don't have any date scheduled going on fifteen days of yoga thirty one days sober all about the whole october where you going out what else you doing to thailand again i'm like no i don't make my own rice i live off a backpack i sleep with weirdos text him no no it's just the fam who text him issues yeah girls problems ahead overman riders on the storm yes three hundred and thirty three this means
about now we got it we got it we got there a little more fun we gotta keep going ok i'm trying to think what this means this means no no weed on one hand i don't want to on the her hand i think if he does sober but also smokes weed is going to be a stopgap to getting right back to drinking heavily again so again say it again that if you're allowed to smoke weed you compose propel you into drinking more as soon as we talk later there's no weed around but i can get drunk tonight ok that'll last me tomorrow i'll tell you that in wanna see once again i have a have a problem with teetotaling so if i rank i actually won't do anything because i get a little obsessive compulsive but permitting we might change only when you mean by that time i have a i have no t totaling means i don't do anything right like i i become really strict about it like have also because it means it happens if i
yeah i had a little bit if i smoke weed out probably in one the beer well it's not a makes presently we me like a problem with tito and i will probably tito is obsessive compulsive the couples of miss i get like a seven days or i don't drink and i go fuck dude i don't want to drink at all even a problem even you like nope but you can just go higher on i'm not no problem because the problem comes the first day of drinking again i get obsess about it and i can't have a drink because i go man you do it so good don't can drink it's all the way you know yeah so like if i so i just more smoke weed that's real but i don't care if you guys do you smoke weed and do yoga there you go that's what you should do there go but you'll see you'll smoke weed and drink milk drinks if i see those at the store and you guys have joint i'd want to smoke we should get together and do what the young kids would say hella bong rips and then go take some fun yoga class i would do that i do that helmet which i did i meant let's do it we should do it will give ice to get in on this i do that
but teen yoga classes in thirty days in you take on the road now you gotta do to get the rope on the road to the road runner road fifteen yoga classes in hot yoga classes yeah but you can get high as you want chemo sabi and they'll follow the road whoever device or whoever does it i do whatever ankle bracelets wise were there any grand canyon grand funk metal me accountable we would move into a weird area if we don't trust each other by the way we need is all but i don't i disagree with you but i don't just part are you serious on i know i know at there's no way it be too crazy to say just trust me i know you as your you know him saying he's in great shape and he commanded by american easy i've held for the be a hundred percent unbiased incomplete or clean i've never tried it but ideas when they keep their body cams on i had a glass of red wine with dinner with the big okay so
i'll get a scram cam yeah i don't want to waste grandpa i do and i feel i would need to be a wonderful opportunity for bart to come clean just just come clean with us i don't i need go gross can can look at the size of the you're not coming clean but that like you don't like that you're just eat there's not even a part bill i don't think there's a possibility with life i don't know if i can do right right right right us two unless right no no no that's this is a binary things a one and zero thing this isn't like would be birds talking about before so like fine exaggerations but when you're talking like one or zero did you yes or no drink yeah i trust you in my drink i just start drinking again let you guys know i don't mind losing that he did not step script the mission i don't need it i don't need it
i just purchased for me and some of the fans and friends here i would appreciate it if you acquiesce if you i'll tell you what i'll tell you what here's my deal coming up you guys yeah if you if i do good cop bad cop in chicago there somewhere but on the road i'm on anyone's graham cammy for a weekend this is graham camp so i would say about you slip on and he said coming back us one left lying left side sober october october october bye bye bye also birlik tober that's a great one thousand two hundred and ninety nine so mazing mazing the government gets over october october october october october s dot com so do the fuckin' thirty one days scram of course
yeah you're doing script i'll describe him if you need me to i will i do i do i like to play caesar shying away from the yoga part yeah classes hot yoga classes you can tag on that or i don't know how i do that i don't have a lot to catch up on what happened ok he's doing scram camper he should this grand cameo just saying nobody should joe says no you're the deciding vote scram camera knows cramps cramps thank you thank you thank you thank you i was playing good cop bad cop targets crying some men sucking district attorney just came in scram camp scram cam we gotta set up notifications for the three of us will all get a message yeah oh yeah beyond this cramp like hello hello hello marijuana is acceptable during this like i said this is some shit they like men women do when they have role playing games like one plays the detective and the
wife plays the lonely housewife domestically than i can help drinking martinis loser dick he should wear it like before we start and just if i can get hammer and let's see what the yeah we should we should right now this guys powerful jamie coming up with sober october someone sent that to me i want to take full credit how can we get the website sober october that's kobart october no so much sober up so you can see the fuckin' everybody bro fish still go through townsquare dot com for the shirts though it's going to go through it talks about his work this time is going to do with it brett dot com is sober october unless you looking to buy tickets for all birds us grave damage has as greater protection on screen september thirty first where are you what what the dc improv and does show you will want to be
go for my first my diabetes is a number three i you can't drunk that night first september the today the day when the day that starts starts when he's already in dc no no i'm saying but we're getting the october 31st is the last day i said september amber okay already first okay to october for what but what happened september thirty first you gotta stop drinking by yahoo dot obliga says drinking you don't want to see what i wrote is going into sold by okay october okay all right yeah but so if he starts at midnight drunk so i went over okay glory is a hundred percent right yes and stop the thirty first of september is regular stop the thirtieth the evening of the thirtieth i stopped drinking the tech to have a for full day of sobriety now wait wait wait no no no there's only thirty days in september september sorry what i'm saying is i need to stop a full day before or october starts yeah
yeah twenty nine okay okay yeah so i start you want me no booze so that's why that's why i'm stop by noon someone in a i'm not drinking the day great then you know problem should be held back in the day with my brain instead they aren't we do we start at one thousand two hundred and forty five pm to bert story it's the day for drinking you say you don't drink in today's episode brought you ice cram cam brought to you by day drink him high risk offenders it said this is the craziest thing you've ever said well two red plastic cups with i don't drink during the day while you drink people love the hyperbole of me speak in hyperbole doing that's beautiful i speak like like whereby even find a way where you always win and that's a really important thing if you want to get by this drowning world of prosperity
all right so it is thirty days thirty one days october your october end so i will enter october sobers what you're saying yes okay yeah right okay and then what's the physical part the fifteen yoga session fifteen thousand yoga sessions yeah ninety minutes not even the bulls in fifteen right by the way he talks and both you and i don't mind for the first week hey you guys up find one that we can all do together like again okay go together let me let me already let me ask a question of this this hot yoga yeah so you're saying if it does get too hot into the danger zone i can just sit on the side drink a lot what are the side you sit on your mac on your break a little water drink a lot of water but you don't have to leave safely you don't have to leave till people see come on man are we adding that like if you leave
yeah you should we leave it three minutes you're a loser yeah if you leave you look at even give me three times we leave for four minutes each day here's the other thing so that's decided no you can't be a loser not even a few times fifteen you can't leave three times and start doing yoga very seriously two one slash two years ago i have left class zero times what are you what else that's the that's the only other thing we about talked about they also say how much water have to bring in there to do that safely will talk to you today about a gallon of water flush before you honestly i have like one of those flasks i think they're called hydro flask and its giant just sitting there it's really fat and wide like an elephant dick not fill it up with ice to the top of like small ice cubes and then i fill it up with water so that like you know the has lot of room for water gets there and then when i'm in class for that ninety minutes i'm drinking my devices
take a break now and by the end you have no water left pretty close usually just have like a little bit of ice i've drank a whole sixty four ounce thing in a ninety minute class it's hard to do man but i think that's one of the things that's done in ninety minutes that's what i think i think it's a real different standard of sixty minutes henry yoga said the standard sixty minutes at pussey when you can get through it if you can get through fifteen of those in thirty days
engine get through a lot of but so you surprise yourself i think you're totally right and the amount of discipline it'll you'll need on two fronts is great but here's the thing you're such a violent no no here's the last one i'm real stakes what i mean well the risks thanks man yeah you get you lose your beard listen you had somebody yeah well tell that you have also i bet my life well ask you for what happened what's its pmr is it is a measurement of the height and weight yeah i said okay you want he's cool so just
i'm six four was doing man now for enforcing negative stereotypes you sold out so well sandwiches as a measurement of height and when they got the nationality was going like no we're talking orders right that's with him how many tweets did you get calling you will find a lot of them i don't know
i've done everything i got my nipples pierced i wanted timer for days it's true you don't like that well your voice breaking like kevin mcallister with you know as i said these boys have basketball game of nothing to do with that i was gonna fucking play the guitar with you guys are funny pizza i was never gonna well you went to asia for four months to get out of bed sorry went on a walkabout across asia are you cannot reach him with no fucking two members got remembered i met a guy in fuqing something somewhere it was like she can play with that really i was surprised five times is probably for my skin is out duty
oh god that's how many people had some people shame you like to meet more day enjoyable to get man and also on the road after shows about going to pick show i be on the road and do it when i say something i emailed you it's saying i was going to pay off with my test before i even left it with the last text i said oh my god you barely passed final letter point seven point eighty five and you got it but it was fun to pile on yeah it was until you for real now the first fifteen to twenty days out there i was talking angry at you guys for telling me i was a well sharks like his mother fuckers i gotta fucking calm down tamil welsh i just want to talk about measurement i don't feel like i said you were i tried to stay i really don't i tried to have it too but the fans wouldn't have it like that like the one they did i loved it being somewhere in boo yeah we're good
i will remember you somewhere and then i was like someone like you look skinny and some of those thomas fat and i go yeah i go well i go so there's you don't know that we had a bet going then someone yelled ariza due to get paper towels maybe i told the story what always injure sorry sorry use this in boys really five it was a drop the game of thrones that bother you at all no i bet you should you did you stop thinking of that it be blocked it out how bad it was now did with that now really for real time if you told her like center stage and told that story was was laugh lounge how would you feel the let
it would be my new worst story ever that would be that would lower the standard would you feel like about yourself would you be like did i have a seizure i'll be like i drink too much i'm super fat stories size fits in your class yeah ninety minutes long each what are the stakes what okay there we go then we got to get to it started with you say you can put in a marathon what if we do all these in my new studio yep we can get in there month we can get him but you have to pay you get here you are paid to tv money tom pam you make stick around a lot of money
you have the road we have to do i can see my family we got a okay neighborhood with all those and talk to her take a walk on saturday you five one with thick yarn hand off the belt you'll be it can just a year the ways people when you need them us they're always there and on site all of us i don't know if i can stay here how much will be what the you want the new york it was october hello this is she best time of year the heart does with their right listen this you don't have access to me i will write you a house you
go on airbnb i'll pay for your house rental i'll pay for rental car i'll pay for a rental car the entire month of the money toba who uses percent free for you i will pay i will we have food allowance a daily food allowance home on men are you doing this arguing about that i have a life a story that's why i'm not going to throw the money for every podcast you do with me in that time period this time brother have some have some fun do it this is now this is a challenge i'm taking i want you to be but interesting you feel like you're not seeing your family for among all of us we're going to do yoga together fifteen times thirty days no sorry that's can't skimp my old life there lights for a fucking month a chick you haven't fought yet is your whole life are y all you got it supposed to be on the e village wow you just called him out at all
like hanging big j lewis i get it sal come on man come on you're over you with us and all that's taking care of the engineer louis is talking about bj kristin is a big j lewis j and lose go it was a different person another big j lewis i'd say their names and repetition you just were off pace it's like if someone asks you for your phone number is three million two hundred and twenty four thousand five hundred and sixty seven two thousand four spots uh there's quarters on the ground here there's a lot to do man he will stay here become a timer listen yeah make shoot would think about anyway i'm tired of being on the other side of the planet it's annoying stay over here dude for october will all be sober will all go to the glasses classes get closer and will get healthier and will run american something ten in the comic stores greatest place on the face of the earth
operating i'm saying i want to be three thousand miles away from that that's what i'm saying why doing something is not the right place yeah you got to hear from all of october executive sort of financial arrangement i'll you a corvette no it was a walk in right around the corner black one a sleek new one well the civic with gps listen that would help you drive a corvette like you got i know you gave me i don't want to drive it you've never driven one the tacky ever get on the highway to do that would be nice but not every day so gross no way no way i'm not trying or that's a separate bed about to begin how about this what about like give me a sixty seven mustang drive around in her bucket moderates are terrible you'd want to resto mod it's a lot of complications what about
like if you're talking about a new car a new code i'm gonna be w and we had to go to london for a week so yeah so it's it's here and that's how life works and you're not here it doesn't drive itself it's not like her right but i'm saying what if i go to london for a week for press but i think i do what are you doing come back he's fine we going to london for press yeah i gotta go to chicago i'm doing here for three days it would probably be what are you doing for press in london what's going on in london i could do netflix brought up restaurant in london now and your shed like what do you do radio over there so japan chosen radio and podcasts do this you gotta do that that's why you gotta be so petty like you have stories you're going to arrive with stories and you can do sets out there as well or just say that for sure thing scheduled yet or no no no urine urine urine urine so so how many days is this you talking about
over and they go from here to the street from here to the jokers cruise menu early this summer i got to meet in new orleans a couple days early i don't know when i buy right now the next five hour flight the two days before no yeah we're not before because i can miss halloween all maybe i can the kids are used to having you around her looks like it's a bad father let's do it i i remember flying okay okay okay got to stop this you know i don't know it's off for hours finish off that we're not going to charge him okay we were not so bright over his overall finish it off so what i can actually finished off and corrected okay i think we should talk about this and i announcer on future part future our this is the one that is one ready okay so brought over over okay sorry october what's our over cesar is here all right towards doing if we can figure it out like the core of it
black i i'd love not that's personal pain to me yeah yeah yeah yeah yellow corvette all together already come on bro welcome okay all right zero so if you kill bill should we hold hands while we do this so if we do that if we do that if someone doesn't do it then what happens twice in four hours if someone doesn't do it yes and i have to fly home to me my family for three days and come back and go to london or whatever their face it here what was the six stakes ism is this some money right no i have a sobriety related how about the loser has to throw a party for the for people in their honor and you have to do like ice sculptures make it crazy i fucking hate you that's a great idea when we do quite well she's all decks right all day all day all pointed at first mouse
yeah that's right yeah yeah the i cultures art like half limp dicks of dripping down the little guys yes six longer for them to like break off and they all going to burst if you yeah you yeah if you're driving it because if you come out of this is good enough to show how many dicks what's really in your face what's the measurable variable for like if everybody gets to it like how you would you drown in istic know know how do you how do you know what so if we all do it they would do the decathlon then the loser though ok so it carries over that's what i said before belong which he said before wasn't as a set of marathon what he said before thompson before was that he couldn't do ninety days but if he did do ninety days then you could get the challenging us to a marathon which would never know the winner the winner announces the events for the decathlon for who's
best thing shape that's good that's good so in the loser the decathlon pays the winner of the decathlon the party yeah yeah so so here's what we're doing ok thirty days sober october fifteen one thousand five hundred and thirty one days sober october are in october yes i can look in the loser also have to shower the winner in good words and praise i would love for a period of at least four minutes interesting maybe we should do the opposite be a winner should shower loses the river itself to re build their self esteem hello this is terrific defeat them yeah i think it
things will burn up it's going to be hard that's alternately what were made for black people acquired up at that point because for sure but it's getting die off round thirteen yoga classes in six or seven days no boots so once you fail can we all just stop at the stop talking to me directly to the competition we're all doing who do you think this table would have the hardest time quitting booze i think probably for sure police say who's undecided probably ari no way that's why there is such an ally or mari drink for the first like fifteen years i know i trick at new york because it's a new york thing to do yeah he barely drank in la i give me a drink it is amazing i shot you go no yeah you may if if that man during during those discussed it what's wrong with you hi this is a very sober from alcohol on october know who's they have a hard time starts on ok that's nice that's beautiful moment with the hot yoga yoga have the easiest time
i joyo of what a hard time saying it doesn't want to vote i never do it that much i never do it fifteen days he does it with our two days i never do it at the most i've ever done it ever is i think i did three times a week once i've done twice a week multiple times most of time i do one time a week okay let me ask you a question if i pass souten one people have dragged out and they dragged out this is going to lose you lose you lose you lose you look sweet taste in your mouth and then you don't have a partner you lose against your will they take you out of there ok great i'm getting people to take you out backwards in getting people getting will cops i'll tell new black listen all you have to do is when you get to like you gotta it's really on scouts honor when you get do an unmanageable state of heat exhaustion just lay down it's called sevas and i'll lay down flat and just chill out and then when you feel like you covered a little bit then you get back on a regular yoga
he's going to be a little bit is pretty aggressive few minutes yeah ninety minutes is better because it shows between sixty and ninety that's rates the girls from the women i'm saying okay i'll be the women are the really girl here i'm not even i'm dying to go the whole time yoga it's a power lifter he's not even like three times in a five minute break three of the females hearings no break i'm no issue challenge no breaks posies bullet that would be a little challenging for you guys as well health wise i think that super challenging yeah yeah i will quit drinking and do the yoga all you guys have to do is not drink which is the challenge is not an option and then do the yoga which is a huge i think what we might all fail on that then what happens not even at one time we gotta break fence that i could do it and i'm the one who does it all the time so we should be able to do it two three five minute breaks through
break arguing as much as this i didn't like i could point other challenges me not drinking no brakes pitch know you'll feel sure failing that i'm thinking myself and then the person who wins at challenge pics the and guess the main that account falling bent we do the capital one dating app for me like some sort of a physical event like what kind of should be level one day of my crazy capture like getting ready school track meet basically the benefit be scrapped when we set up the bed choosing an olympia you let's say you know you're like well the best sprinter whatever so we have to do that this sprint i'm i'm the best at this whatever pull ups you be like to pull a you name the events how you know the way if you win all the the winner needs all the events which is named all your favorite yeah yeah i was a hold on that makes sense burnett suck do
fix my bed dominating million fuckin' nachos be like no no no no it's not visible but it's a physical events we don't have to have some say you have more more say what would you choose if you had the opportunity to create a gantlet gauntlet of different difficult exercises i got it for four hundred and forty uh as of one hundred yard dash but three or four more so sprinting a4 is one quarter mile quarter mile and then huh r dash ok there's two two run it break in here and say that's a long distance from a marathon you fucking know know but that's why i think that's right they got excel that's where i think that excel you asshole
it's closed so funny i do an eight hundred and eight hundred in a sprint i definitely do a mile running stuff nobody no swimming no flocking hold on i get to pick the fuckin' marathon that's why i picked up wait a minute you so you think that you could win one of these things i could win a number of these things do you think you could win i should warn you do you get when you know the way we think only it's today you think ok i definitely got tommy in this right now oh he just said right now there's no way with one hundred no way no we could be in a mile for sure only you would have my oh i definitely be you in a mile i did i beat you in an eight hundred you know that where do you went on a sprint off the blocks yeah i beat me to sprint undone now things said by the way this is why the decathlon is going to be interesting 'cause we all bigger events what we do is everyone who doesn't come in first place i had after
come in first place because i didn't drink for a whole month and i did the yoga right he could beat him a sprint question here is actually somewhat summary list of course of course there's no problem we're obviously if you win you should get to pick two events and let's have a listen listen listen listen listen listen listening out here about get me wrong in their mouth let's see let's say it's five events in the cavalry i'm just making it to cap on we have to call duty contact decathlon has to be four track i can six field events a total of ten of them not to stick on the meter sprint one hundred and ten meter hurdles four hundred meter event one thousand five hundred meter event long jump high jump ship tracking with swimming pool volcano don't want those were not doing swimming biking running we met we met in the camp on in their life
we're saying vote for track for track work track no i said i wanted to give tom advantage let me draw a man stuff kettlebell over a over a hard cheeses can i involved in this or you know you are definitely involved in some of our job so i want out of this is for me not to drink a lot we don't need to do yoga with you we'll hang out we have a good time all throughout october hold on hold you guys are nuts or to have them and then we all beat me in a hundred yard dash well it seems unlikely it's hold on special bonus points if you beat rogan in any event is it i just i'm a lot lighter than you man and shabu yeah i mean you're both in great shape but he's got justifying her confidence i wouldn't be confident to say that i would beat you if you aren't so confident to say you'd beat everybody in my kids horse
the kind you know what i'll become a japanese guy walking out and pride in addressing but you're not coming across your computer chrysler an i'm faded seventy eight pounds lighter than you at least two hundred and fifty i'm not being nice your three hundred and fifty how much do right now to studio twenty two thousand two hundred and twenty two when i get up i take i think in the morning and then i weigh myself i'm about one hundred and ninety five they might do but that's an advantage let's definitely hi everybody that i do have like welcome to the muscle twitch i got that long straight you do that run i do with we want okay what's it like yeah yeah but i it tell me when tell me so i would love to do it i'd love to do it man because i will listen listen that on your on the hike i miss our plane i loved it and i was like i know you guys
join for the up hill no over there yeah you get down to the basin and i was like i would never i would never be able to do that because i would have would be open internet up hill no honestly man it it actually dilates your lungs i do cardio after i smoke weed all the time i can't do this go longer because you lose your lawyer doing literally can go longer yeah really yeah but you know i think no jim rise as liar thunder in is that yeah blaze but those michael for their on the cool my and all this is it would be nice if we all did something just like your weight loss challenge did but i think the weight loss we might have missed the mark quite honestly with the idea that you guys could dehydrate hydrate stuff we didn't miss them because i said that's why they were in three straight days no but i'm saying yeah but because they wouldn't listen are you wrong because it's super bad for your body only bad for your body to be that dehydrated three days in a row not drinking is not bad
not nearly as bad as dehydrating yourself like that drinking is normal your body is normally processing alcohol if you drink in a normal basis your liver processes when you dehydrate yourself like fifteen pounds of water or like a yoga class your body is not firing right before oz while you're in class you're going to do great again if you can have a gallon in the middle of the class i do think wait for the people are going to be hold on what if they hold on it before you go and you do that way i just gotta stop hold on the three of us i think twice this is mark i don't wanna be again you gotta give me a chance to pee ridiculous i'll never make it almost never make it this is all mental why would you not be able to do it if i can do it of course you can do it there's different sizes that's one reason you can do it man hold on you gotta let me pay if i run it out will come back in another sixty seconds until you get ninety seconds ok here's better better we're going to put plastic down i'm going to let you pee your pants you gotta hang in there
you give me a bottle in a corner where no one can see it i can do that the corner like somewhere like a wet like if they had that the function room we have the sheet in this is his escape clause no come on you can limit the pings particulare you can't do an hour and a half of the mpi might not sometimes i can sometimes i really have to do is hedging his death is p before you go into class and you'll be so dehydrated while she was going on we will be drinking water you won't even have to pay if i don't have to be able to bring it out so bad if we want to be alone i can say i'll take somebody with me to show look he's actually paying or you could just hold it in remove it you couldn't hold for sure i've tried life depend on you holding something times until half can you will use you male repeat let's there i'm a jew we have a lot of weight
set a new stereotype that is god i'm a jew ep i'm just saying i'll try not to pee but like come on guys i really have to pee but he's going to do it in my pants i'll tell you what there's not a chance in the world there's a way that i could have to pee so bad that i could called in for an hour and a half i tell you what five p because my pants are batman superman my pants in the fear that's interesting i'm saying you can leave will you vow to pa before every class of other people for a because i listen if you have to get a lot of water before hand this let me not having to pee now when i think about it all crazy do they have like you know much water in the first five classes no more peeing there you go can you get a class flareon in the class
if you find me a safe class now i'm here if you gave me safety state space where i could kiss in public and not to fucking dribble torment say no asparagus motherfucker can we please all get together to pick the car for him and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we get it in there to look at what was still very you like to have no terrorists on that yellow corvette you can do anything you want can't you know let's get the new ones get the new ones new ones are beautiful hungry if you could pick a car that you can drive like if i owe money came free yeah like what kind of car would you like a new camera i don't know why would you do that four runner mariana log into that thing in your bag you that thing and it fills up that bag job security double solution has been reached
now pick up his car that we're gonna be all right so what kind of car man the yellow i get the car i never got into like no you don't need gaudy what about like a b m w i wouldn't have a four runner okay well for running this simple it's very nice enough but like so we compromise can we come up with a good deal with somebody who wants to go to joshua tree or something like that i could take away from maine yeah they're really good off road cars and toyotas are like bulletproof yeah they're bad ask those are great okay all of our hid them elsewhere if it's like a really nice night were like i can go out there with her drink yeah well the truck yeah yeah yeah for sure for sure okay can we
but one look we don't no no no no yeah but this is not the enough that's not going to talk get it right maybe we should get it wrapped with that was that one one he mushrooms t shirt that you came out with the crazy cartoon fame mushrooms i'd have more of an issue saying noted that i see the valken value in that we do this what am i doing this research is on the ranking no no no that's good what about i rent you a car and i put that all over the car is that ok no not myself sober october but i can hear no how about yourself
he has a pretty great on the hood of free trade that one can only got one moment of this hello are you know i don't have gloves and a no name about no name look it turns you left look to a for over here about would you like that what about what about what about have to be what you look like it's still riddled poses sideways naked on each side of the computer now i thought dangerous enough no that's the one that's on your hood there without the art of great ok it's ari without the great where's olive garden one big one each side side or just download one how about one on the roof of the car the roof
like about lyrebird thunderbird to do it that way and then branding on the side already okay dot com how bout yeah yeah i have like booking info about you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we instead of instead of how about instead of corvette get you one of these new camaro z l one that's our last the front yes yep do you know what zero one is one of the stupidest cars in america have ever made it's amazing this thing is it's so preposterous they did this like insane record nurburgring title a time and this thing is it gonna be cold he's a fucking dick
fifty dollars american yeah he's of a vehicle i am but they're they're letting me borrow one of these i'm gonna get a six speed one of these folks thanks for your prompt just come out press cars will review it carmen to that thing is how monster login think that yeah on the front hood scoop i know it's good with stores yeah are you down with this please say yes please one of these i swear to god i will read i don't care for it but i yeah i like it if you drive it you realize it's a god dam two thousand and seventeen spaceship wow i think the zero to sixty in like three seconds i think it's too cool and to bring it down a notch no the fact on the tail a car has to say
i'm a comedian exclamation point look at come on come on an image and look at the hood scoop make sure you get the hood scoop hood scoop that thing on the hood that thing in the painting on that that's going to be where the fucking stinks market yeah that's where the rap gets put down you like this sign off re2 sign in sign off and so it says i'm a funny guy generally in american men hot blooded american males are fury is that you're even bulk ok you gotta let me pee i'll do that if you let me suck it up now i'm saying this song hot yoga class yesterday again done of course i do i had to fifteen minutes ago pie will green light you bring in yoga class screen lock haven kopi kopi we're going to hang out with this thing should be able to pee
not believe he's concerned about this while you're out there i don't think we got as far as i thought we were going to i know shut right i mean we're four one slash two hours in because my father would barely have barely have a handle on how the fund this is going to go down i heard handle thought about tito's so does the zero one see you put put up up pull up to the seventeen camaro zl1 nurburgring time i think they just got some insane nurburgring time i think it was faster than the corvette z six that's across the car man america is doing some study ship now man did we developing these vehicles there just off the now this one is the most exciting new american car in in years yeah for sure east and it's a it's an affordable kerr comparatively compared to that kind of performance of the other cars like seven minutes and twenty three seconds the nurburgring that's fast for the nine slash eleven gt2 rs that's just uh
a mclaren f one which is like well how much is that like a million times more than a million and just under the c six corvette zero six and the dodge viper acr so it's like one second one second point seven under the dodge viper zr1 is like seven hundred and nineteen so it's a crazy crazy fast car is the point i mean the is it rain like one second here there is just a lot of that times it's like understanding the corps course conditions driver error when you talk about the really close margins so it would have it's it's super car an absolute supercar i said and i i never got into cars but i think that's i so much fun sure but i'll probably drive it on the open road and if i die this is on your heads sure on it do you feel like you can't let me php on the a bunch of water before hand and during that it's like you just tell me i'm gonna lose the tale the car has to say got jokes but the as
compromise i can cut myself i'm funny guy or comedian comedian funny guy with this big let's how about do you think i'm funny no way i let's see website yes no no okay i need a laugh like laugh like it and then you go number suck dick for chuckles but that's good let's do that we got through a lot on this podcast i'm super glad we did it ok so then we choose the decathlon it's three events three events the winner gets four what is the cheapest gas line like physical events yeah like runs to find out if anyone is really in fitness so everyone complete sit in here still here so not like it's like a problem that you're writing like you're talking like this near certainty is so hilarious you have thought about my mother reaching up arm
sounds like my mom after jazzercise i love your level of delusion though it is so not delusion that wasn't reality ok let's get reality like where is the sky so how fast yellow this week you like the hardest core trump banners like we're still doing a great job by your problems at all in great shape i'm not in great shape why i didn't set alarm for one time to reach in number of sandy one time i go i said something about being famous ago bro you're not famous and i was like no i definitely am and you're like no i'm not famous you're definitely not you may also you joe yeah joe and joe and i was like oh that was good it was good leveler of what fame it sounds like you get wrecked a couple of times it's like a day or a day if you get recognized at all in a week you like that's crazy but i think the fitness thing i think
i don't drink i feel like i feel much better i feel like going back in time you do another game of thrones thing free download pilot song the second episode now thank god raven took over the boys body's eyes rollback deep into his head hold or protection so various penises acyls in your face problem oh yeah okay if everyone does the thirty day challenge yes then we do a decathlon when are they why do you want to do like a physical copy i don't care you pick it how about the fucking parties after the thirty days and if we all do it then what
now what i'll check okay yeah we should make this too complicated because he does keep doing them after our realizes that ellie is way better than new york inside stay stay deep in the november india make it legal that because i'm the best month into new york out best all my god the bagels thrown stoppable about and now dogs are very the goal you go and no i'm not kidding the back of your card then i was gonna say not not hitting yeah we're just i'm not can i'm not kidding but then we got a lot of exclamation i don't think that i'm not talking about that all the little thing that i'd like to i'd like it can you believe that okay i'm not too i like not can i am being hardly have a lake party at the end all right way way right but as soon as we looked at outcomes that paid for it and we're leaving a couple days before ok so my god they did it they just leave it just like that that's perfectly just wait hold up aesthetically all the side should also be you mouth it's a perfect car the colors of the the looks
dude it looks great red and pink it's not pink it's beautiful it's white with pink it's all pink blue with thank i mean honestly i think should be bright blue perfect however we do whatever we have we give you a full pink rap and then that's the cover probably i'll do the bright blue light go back no no no no no you've already been bought you been removed so that's that's intentional we get you a hot pink glitter or break a month what hot pink camaro
no no no come on sims already done that i'm packing up all my god bring up the amazing racist stuff on the car to a website where people could enjoy your previous wildest i've been amazing grace is on the website you know it's gonna google it was a different age now says i'm the amazing racist it's a hot pink camaro in the back says i'm not angelina jolie now i'm not doing that in the car is a blue black or white as a rap or we can go right after that but i just think it doesn't go as well no wait actually no way i can see that well i do that i will not i will get laid for a month you will though i bet you won't either you start wearing like an artificial fur coat and just go deep how about those hello glasses that hunter s thompson used to wear all the time like aviators with yellow lenses i love how about that because i was saying i'm saying let's go deep ari let's take this to next level how about you where
like a little further on you have to wear wardrobe that ever yoga class can't wait for yoga i can't wait to kiss your face sucking hard to wipe your pants definitely wearing yoga pants press your cock right up against your side your legs everybody would say like jesus are you oh yeah i'll take five pills beforehand would you that might actually help your performance stuff the sorts of performance enhancing drugs yeah some sort of performance yeah it does it's like it works to enhance your performance certain athletic events banned certain events so some things are partying ok like i feel like i said that but somebody told me it was wrong and i forgot make sure that that's true like do they is via for a band in the olympics i think i'm going to say this is it really think about justin is no johns in bagger vance warmer seen a bunch of other shit in it i don't think that's true i think i think actually jeff
give you the you the guy might have explained it to me that's not true takes the stage show ok mistakes were the states for doing it or not doing explain viagra is not currently listed as a banned drug in usada sports or not i'm going to be sad ok ok so if everyone does it if we do it if we don't do this takes what's going on here everyone who doesn't complete the whole challenge has to throw like what do we do five grand love not everyone's no no no money money money party party someone's gotta pay for it yeah obviously the person doing it before but i make it nice
the money yes but what you decide to do with it okay you got a lens in a dj are just kind of the party you can have a party that would be super annoying to go to no no i don't want to make it fun for everybody else yeah what kind of party with that being one i went over there one stand over there connection yeah you can give me the best they'll come are you can invite them if you wanted to bill he's got a kid men's busy young bill go dot will go yes okay and i quote i do not like burke pressure from you know you're such a liar so dot raise hello there this podcast took a day okay aren't so we gotta go yeah yeah yeah eight hours in this business okay okay okay so so no longer answer that's straight so our server to over yeah and you and
bracelet in days of high eleven days a hot you know where bracelet we'll figure out this party thing we should throw like a really cool party that we'd wanna be at yeah yeah like the m class there's somebody that does class clearly when there's obvious like some spin that its main you gotta win one hundred percent 'cause i got high ninety eight percent and scratching and robin you'll see well what are you going in going to be only how do you win if we all do it i think our is going to tap out with the yoga probably true but this is the thing this is the thing just a thought process that would allow you to jump ahead and say i'm going to win we don't even know what winning is that's why this is so ridiculous like if winning if we both do it how you going to be meeting me they think you're going to write so tell me now we both do it hurts how do you win i am a mickey mess
i can send some human deaths door like we all do it it's going i can't go in is going i'm gonna fail we don't have the option that will help you said that you're going to win and how could you win why would you be so quick to jump to the idea that you would with way i'm groomed carefully considering liability either out of even winning i believe in winning wow bro you like american you should be a bald eagle i'm a little competitive and it went once this challenge starts committed either don't we have a right to let me to lose a yeah i will not lose i will not who's gonna mazing i don't know for yes what happened he lost the lost weird over one we should believe him he says he only sense his record stores believes i mean i hear what he's saying and i want to just believe him what's wrong but i mean you tell me what am i scalable my goal balloon go run twenty miles scream and i feel like he
marathon easy easy but i'm like really great you know i go one step further i think you didn't say what we're on yeah and i feel like he's quit drinking for many days numerous times less uh and i feel like other alcohol is going to be full cues to grow and rogen and she feared you fucking assholes ganging up on her friend when he needs you most what he needs you to do is validate all of his exaggerations bulshit stories hyperbole what if they all do it what if we all do it don't do it where the stakes
do we split word or if none of us do it we can continue that as long as i continue to be a trip should be a trip a trip trip 'cause that's what we did last time i think the party though is like it's different and it has to do with i mean it's at the size it is not all are friends taken up comedy fun just do a real party have open bar music guest list music music just full band that was paid for it that sounds fun cigars joints alcohol full time so we're all great the entire month of october it's on it's on sober fifteen hot yoga october you can pee twice no i pee when i have to pay i'll come right back in and you have 2p sessions for the home no no no you're making me look to pee i will try not to pay bills one out p and come right back in or provide me a safe scenario by compete in the in the room will figure it out on the curtain hot yoga no booze sober october is our website we got it sobre bert bert tober
so we don't have to go back to but he lost in so many grabbed it while we're doing it was trying to check out on another website please so could solicitor do one for that fact no they're not going to a still give it to a minor on it might be some suppression is like industrious no no no no no no but you know we were buying it thank the good side obviously if you listen to podcasts you know what i will buy the but if they need to make sure that no one else got it could be that maybe they realize that unlike all yeah my mom about here to give us to give me the twelve dollars for to be it doesn't need to do it oh yeah do it all through social media we could do it another place that we have to we will documented social media fifteen days of hot yoga thirty days of sobriety
fabric dot com right by in a phone call that bert dot com sorry some of the other jamie go to finish good to fingers type quickly they got on the web fat albert so i'm fat burner dot org get that note says participate in order to fund drug fat bird please say it's not already bought it after it's over drunk fatbird dot net but don't work would be way better drunk fatbird dot org would be the best fat bird dot tv if we get option for serial drunk fat bert dot us to show photo chism and show that he could be a kid rock tattoo drunk fat bert dot isis if you just want to be whatever isis if you just want to combat terrorism from within the little simple is a check what's going on jamie got podcast can yeah dude away
i'll be in los angeles september 13th during a storytelling show in the main room the store it's going to be great and then tickets go on sale on friday new whatever pre sale on wednesday for boston and providence and what are you doing in boston doing the wilbur for the first time that's all in like january and i got a storytelling show in denver at the comedy works also in january austin sale now the whole tour will be there wilbers wilbur's on my short list for film on my new netflix special really wish i said netflix clear netflix netflix this was really yeah yeah the wilbur is on a drunk fatbird dot com do we have it we have it we have it we got yahoo dot com wow we're going to build that ship has a short list for where to do my netflix special it's going to be my short list is austin at cap city comedy club
boston the wilbur and i'm thinking a couple other places a couple of small place but those are the two places i think i'm leaning more towards comedy club but the wilbur is like three comedy club stacked on top of each other the wilbur is like deep are very shallow rather it's only three hundred seat three floors of 300cc yeah it's great you never done it i just on my resume for all its five when are you doing the wilbur into german or i might go with you i might go with you just to see what it's like to watch set their feeling again 'cause i have to make a decision somewhere around january when i wanted to make the decision where i want to be i will say if you do it at a club keep in mind i'm doing my special at the trocadero trocadero philadelphia all the chocolate here with you the place is awesome it's got a lot of like like is tom and i had a like every conversation when you did the truck people said tom
consult ticket and then he sold was can't fix now i did i think four hundred and forty five something that but i think i five shows the truck now phillies in at the what remains an epic comecei too because it's five shows the trouble think of the four five and remember him on those five trust me i know your store is better than you know while impressive man they have helium swung by the end of the country that's that a great class on the spot i'm thinking of going and maybe that's another spot you do a special special helium there could be real helium's hard with i'm doing a fair amount we are ex the cameras those see you have to lose in such a tight space do you though i thought it was today with what they can do today with cameras you know if you could really like put a lot small cameras up on the wall i'm on the wall get all your footage and then decide what you pick in the only reason why you would move from the center shot is if someone gets in front
it can really strongly yeah this is what gives budget rihanna problem you could spend let's say four or five hundred thousand dollars hold on just a letter to me bounce this is my feeling on on stand up on television now as it stands i feel like one you're watching someone in the audience is sitting there in your watch them you're seeing them like from the waist up right or close to it at the store some of that it's like perfect environment the icehouse same deal perfect environment that's how you should watch it home yes watch it flat on with no edits the only time i think you should ever so side to side as if you have to edit something or if someone is doing something that's uh i think it's you want from a i think it's a little when i watch tower boring when i want to really watch them up your i automatically on his own shifts back and forth you get to choose what you're saying you look over the piano guy you're not looking straight on at this stage full time as long as what they're saying is funny and it's good and there
into a how they can throw as well i don't think that's the best way to do it because in your conscious of the fact that changing angles why does that enhance the bit i don't think it does i think we thought that it does because they do with everything else like music videos rock and roll concerts anything that people do they go at it from different because it it'll sort of stimulate your mind but i don't think if you want to see a stand up comic joey diaz in the oh are you so his head on and it's perfect sometimes you're looking at his waist something well you know what you want right in his eyes you can do that when you watched him from the waist up you can do that if you're watching for where the hell are you arguing that you should have i think you should have different angles someone lost different angles songs i'm i this myself and i tried to call using sets from me going like i've been on tv so for a while i know what i'm doing yeah i still got a letter of cameras including a jigsaw was even for something that you don't ship i bought it already
it's my replies rally at drone comedy works i couldn't do it drone bro the manager on pilot but you're good i'm super sears so no you a super serious how i'll be in does your does special special two nights before the fox theatre in oakland and when i go to that are on to the sony centre at the end of the month i have a bunch of dates up go to tom skerritt combo only tickets available for toms late show in denver there just a few and i know that because i was just in denver and i was saying that every show 'cause i got nothing but love in my heart tide in thank you denver might be the best place to do comedy in the world it's awesome might be it's right
there's a certain there's that they're in the mountains there they're kind of freaks the survive those are the people that travel from the old west and there's a bunch people that move there 'cause weed legal yeah and the money's flowing like water it's cool there but it's a weird spot so weird spot i'm doing the belko i think i'm there in november or something like that that belco theater that's awesome to denver is the shit i say dates eugenol singapore sambar night still have a solid having room to move to singapore going to walk up market yeah yeah or that on how many people live in your points are expensive speaking with all of the yeah i don't think this is it thank you that's all in this so no no no no eleven live sydney on the 13th melbourne on the 14th sydney again on the 16th and it's been on the 19th like it from there i said well worn wrong his moment even madeleine yeah all right
jesus was access water qadam podcast october no booze lots of yoga yeah drunk fat birds come down strong fabric fabric dot birthday to get squarespace that up yet everybody alright see you soon already great dot com boo what a podcast that was a hell of a run wasn't it it was right that's right this episode the podcast has been brought to you by square space for thesquarespace dot com for free and when you're ready to launch use the offer code joe to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or a domain thank you also to legalzoom have some legal shape you have to deal with well listen go to legalzoom dot com use a promo code
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any package any class of mail using your own computer and your own printer stamps dot com click on the mic phone and type in jay we did it folks right we did do it like that was a lot there's a lot going on that podcast that was fun though i told burt stay offline for couple days probably didn't get it this is going to be interesting i've never done that many yoga classes in thirty days and i've never taken an entire month of drinking consciously i might have done it before because i wasn't drinking but i've never said you're not allowed to drink for a month and then wonder if i freaked out 'cause i think that's what happens with people you tell him they can't do it and they freak sorta like how catholic school girls always super horny capitellum stamp
stay away deborah anyway that's it for today conference we will be back quiet soon in fact will be back tomorrow with ufc bantamweight champion of the mother fucking world cody garbrandt i should be good time we have james damore the google memo guy is going to be here on wednesday we gotta lot shitta workout going to do it together all of us alright bye
Transcript generated on 2019-11-16.