Owen Smith is a comedian, writer, actor and television producer. https://owensmithisfunny.com/
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey! What's up everybody, I got a bunch of comedy dates coming up in one of the big ones: New Year's Eve, New Year's eve, I'm in LOS Angeles at the ' will turn with in Motherfuking Edwards and there's two shows on sale. The first show is the one tickets available and is pretty much sold out. I think, but- that's December 31st at the will, turn in LOS Angeles bring in the new year. On before that the 29th I'm at the Mirage in LAS Vegas, and all the tickets of for all the new gigs. I got comin I'm coming to New Orleans, Miami Orlando Houston, Austin Dorm
North Carolina, bigger, sealed, Fresno's Santa Barbara. All that is, that Joe Rogan DOT net forward, Slash tour, all Kern, okay, this up so the pod fast is brought to you by stitch, fix lot of people out there don't want to suck in shop for clothes. I'm one of 'em you don't want to. I don't like I definitely don't like going somewhere and parking, the fuckin' crowd them all in the endless browsing and I don't have good taste either. So let me tell you guys about stitch fix, and what they've done is they've re imagined how to find and buy clothes, and you never have to even leave the house- it's very easy. Just go to stitch fix dot com. That's s t I t c H. F. I x dot com Tell them your size. Is your favorite types
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Is a hilarious, stand up comedian, one of my favorite guys working today, like legitimately. I said this before. I think he's going to top twenty comics alive hilarious, great guy too for human being and- and we had a good time, give it up for owns me, the Joe Rogan experience and we're live in Austin never been. Let you love, that's what they say. Man I get a lot of Australians come the the store. Yeah, I'm going to perform at the seller. A lot of australian, so I can fly over here to see comedy is crazy. Yeah, it's great! They take comedy vacations. It's super common. You have a seat like a hot dog spot in this is like old, famous feel like when I
tell us a- and I can say I'm world famous, but I've never been over there. Well, I think a lot of them come over here. Just so I gotta it. Might it's going to Australia and did you have I can fly over there LOS Angeles and see this like over. There they've got more people in their state than we have in our entire country. There's more people in the greater la area than in the entire. The entire t must that feel. Like you know in there as big as the United States. Yes, yeah it's huge, so the it's the size of, can the take contiguous, United States. I think the forty and and think the, but it has. People in LOS Angeles. I learned that lower forty eight term when I was in Alaska, I don't even know that yeah they they barely or may yeah yeah. It was crazy. The
you look at it. You like what yeah? How is this up here yeah? This? Is America too yeah uh, huh, yeah I'll get in lower forty eight yeah. I used to have a joke about Sarah Palin, I'm like that's a frozen Puerto Rico. That's a Dallas is so not America. That's barely Airgas Laree those people are cool. As fuck, though yeah man, I loved it, everything was rustic. That was the word for, like is a bug on my spoon man. Let's rustic, banging on things. I became a nerd to us. I, like the Aurora Borealis night, was beautiful, yeah Moussa closed in Wales like breaching yeah Resurrection Bay, I think, is where I went it's real, I loved it. I went in April, so it wasn't too cold, but it was still cold dish. It yeah it's it's weird up:
because the people are just there so accustomed to like the trials and tribulations of nature, they feel like they're hard here folks, yeah. Definitely man definitely they're not consumed with like the stuff that we about it, but and everybody has a plane, like every other person, had a plane in their backyard Bush plane, yeah kinda cool, to display is going crazy. We, is Garrison Keeler, an Matt Lauer today, both of whom went down, but that's what they get crazy. Healers akila number you can, let him know talking dude still slow, talking, welcome to Lake Mobile God, yeah yeah whispering do live public broadcast radio user donations. We we love bringing you quality content, but it comes at a price the first guy to go down. Was a John Ghomeshi guy who's at his a I r pretended to own the CBC guy. That was choking all who is the most
there's a dude. He must like trio who he was like: Mister calm and quiet and progressive and I'm a feminist trusted. I call myself a feminist ladies you, then you can match Russ, I'm not the best human being in the world. I swear to God. What you see is what you get yeah all right you gotta be careful with these fucking male feminists. That is just that is a sneaky ploy to get pushy. What was that one? Who was it was it work Weinstein. That was telling us about a particular type of cuttlefish that pretend be a female so that he can get in close with the males and in because the males don't recognize him as being a fee of up a threat. Was it thanks sneaker mail like a sneaker mail yeah, and this is the mail for operate like underneath the large cuttlefish right and with all the females yeah bangs and get on the sneak tip s s like I understand you. Yes, I do see
Speaker, male cuttlefish of Thailand, it is yeah, so it literally is like a Trans gender cuttlefish that tends to be a woman, but really it's just trying to get some pussy and its strategy is not to be the big you know ever isn't dominant male, but instead just slip around just the girls. Just like girls, that's like the one straight dude in a ballet join yeah. He's like the women complain to me about the other guys and dinner end up smashing the mall or like the one straight dude in church, choir, yeah. I know when you see those guys who they really are when the ballerinas boyfriends show up yeah three dudes,
Did she to him yeah yeah. Do you you been trying you've got this whole thing, cultivated your watering, it all and it put in fertilize you set it all up. Should move sketched bills get calendar, get your fake books. You pretend to read that you leave out yeah, I wanna sit there. We do Everybody has a move. It was Garrison Keeler's. He was. He was probably the you know. Just the intellect man. He was a professor. He was the historial crush right. Like bow began created this whole world yeah it was prince. Garrison, Keillor yeah, so look in look at that DIA dude was slinging dick
Terror should get the other one was like in Acura's Asians. I don't know and here's the thing, though man all check has to do with hate. You that's what's scary, yeah and you're guilty yeah, it's in the bucket is so. Why is life line scene of it all and then it's I don't know you know an hour of it all. I don't know amended yeah, I don't know what he did either, but then there's like the Louis CK angle, where he doesn't even touch it. We just jerks off in front in LA. I got a boy Saito he's I you'll notice like they have a bit because you think about it like who were like who would put everything in peril is, is turned off. Like you know, this is going to come back on yes, so it has to be something which a dick
it makes you go. I have to do this. I think it's I've been saying this for awhile. I think it's one of the things that like makes people funny too, is that ridiculous way of viewing the world you just chaotic, impulsively, nutty shed and the next thing you know you like Kendrick off in front of you like what you push the limits she stopped pretty. Let me see how ridiculous I can be just a few peoples lines are probably work. It might have worked for somebody yeah that whip it out, like the whipping your dick out thing like I know do that that would people trying to get me to do that in college. They, like YO, you should just pull your dick out. I'm like that works yeah and I was like I've had the courage to jizz yeah, my dick out in front of a girl, because cats were doing all the time, but when it does work like Holy sh, I gotta figure out what the rhythm is. He right was the beats. Is it a movie purses in case there's, sometimes where it can work and you're like what? How does that? How is that possible? But then
other times we would pull your dick out girl be like what the fuck right, like I'm sorry, Jesus you can't bat baseball averages which did not allow game not only that it's a low Arizona average is a low average. You know if you know and hit that one out of a hundred it was one of the it was worth it until the day he ran on often ninety nine to come in yes, and if you have like a dove freak girl, friend like when you're in high school or something like that and then just ruins your perceptions. You know what else sucks it out to do is the Strip club they hang out there. So they have this false reality of what you know. Oh yeah woman is and then when they go out and just try to talk to a regular woman like well, you gotta get to know me first book there's a little bit of that, but there's also you just getting used to dealing with freaks yeah you're dealing with freaks all the time. They have a different different parameters. The lady in the office that handles accounting
And you can pull your dick out on her know. That is nice when you meet a woman who has you can see over her body and knows what she likes. I could funk you up when you go and you didn't deal with somebody, that's not their free yeah that could be that's a problem where girls, just they're, not the right word right now work relaxed enough well enough in their own skin or not know what they like and just can tell you know like yeah yeah and that's when you have to decide if you really like her, because if you do like focus on or and bring that out over and we don't like her is going to be hard to just cut it out of that yeah. That's a problem! Yeah little girl wants a long time ago. Like way back in the day, I was in my twenties and I love having actually, but I hated hanging out with us yeah no man is that is that she would just did you try to? Like ghost are, when you got mad at me, That's what they always did. They always want him getting mad at me.
Matthew you're, not doing what they want you to do, you're, not marrying them. Not this. You know that you're not Oh man, crazy, don't think about that that what you wanted and then you had to sit through that moment of her being get with. You knew it was coming, but you already I what you want it examples of the part of her behavior was like a game to try to get me in yeah. You know, like part of her freak schitt. It was just like she knew that. That's what I wanted from her. You know she is act like the freakiest like suck your dick right here yeah. They are in the movie theater sucking dick right, oh Jesus, I don't know I was on the menu, but I'll take it and then, when you go alright, I'm good yeah watch. How could you let your picking up the exactly exactly yeah, like some part of like that? Behavior is like. They know that other girls don't behave like that, so they just turn this shit up to nine, like woe is dope I think about all the time and it gets exciting.
To seize magnitude, and that's when I would date her know. Dick suck cinematic angry angry at him like moving out right, move for how come you don't like who doesn't like movies, yeah friend of mine was talking about this about, like a girl has been been like real open about all the different guys, you've in old and now he is going to settle down, but I was promiscuous in the past and I'm not doing that anymore in the color hey. What is that you like? We need a minute. We I missed it. I missed give it a whirl Bori Alice. The worst yeah could have been here in a call with us on the license is so let yeah. I hate born again virgin. I get at the I'm doing it. No more till I get married, it's like yeah. I got two kids like you have used to fly, is my turn, it's my had to do to get Missy just let people be who they are man. When you see that the thing is like this,
what men do and was also women. Do we try to change? The person with like just do doesn't dress good, but if I just get him the right clothes and we just teach him how to grow his hair, you know get him to wear more stylish things. Yeah, yeah they'll just start to change. This is the star. Looking better you confidence. Is that right? Well, I'm a which you want to get with her. Now I had a buddy of mine who get girls and get him to go on a diet. He would take two girls that were like a little chubby and they would take him to the gym added value, and I was like what are you doing added that he's like no, this way like they really like you, you get him and then you can make him hot, but it's a lot of work. It's chaos, you can't mean it might work, but it's like the whip. The Dick out thing one out of one hundred: it's going to work, it yeah, the other girls going to be hiding candy we cannot lose it anyway. I don't know doing everything we roll right or the dude. You know a girl takes a chubby dude and bring it to gym on time. You can't make a chubby dude like
a fitness freak. It's like people are, they are they are they are. They are man. But I am I'm trying to get loose some weight. Are you doing I'm tryin intermittent fasting? I do yeah, I do that every night, where yeah looks up on vacation again, five pounds even are worked out. Every day on vacation to workout everyday, but I drank and ate everything you gain five pounds in a week. It's crazy! It's crazy as crazy, wow, yeah, I don't know how many hours do you go? What are you waiting? One thousand four hundred and fourteen yeah? That's probably what I'm doing I think I do one thousand pm at night. You know I'll do one thousand pm at night and then um or eight hundred pm at night, rather an antenna him in the morning. Oh so it's not so I'm done eating everything. No more ' after eight hundred pm at night and then one thousand and ten am in the morning and started eating all that still seizing right yeah. Just you know what man it's like that feeling when you come home from the store, though I'm like damn, I like to eat something: yes, but you just gotta
is that up that's not going to pass up having something to drink at night like glass of water, something that 'cause it's only like four in the morning. Yes, we goddamnit yeah they're, not doing that good sleep, yeah get up, you gotta pass! You go back to bed again, but in a couple nights I've been good discipline or after Tom, no liquids and yes Lee, but a baby. All through the night mind you like you deserve. Yeah another thing I do now that will work out in the morning. Yes, I've been doing work on the I think I figured it out, though I think I figured out how to do it. I can do it, I try to burn I started with a heart rate monitor. Finally, oh I try to burn a thousand calories in my workout out as well. Try to get to that's a lot. Yes, a lot and so but if I can get to the thousand, then if I try to if I eat one thousand eight hundred calories that all day then eight hundred for sure you don't say anything, that's why I'm that's what I'm trying I'm one day, three hundred and thirty three. Do you got
do you follow Pacific type of diet? Are you eating specific food? So I mean I I'd try to be more on a plant based tip but I'm not! I'm not a vegan because leather and all that stuff from that, and I think Vegan is like I love what it represents, but I think they're marketing, that's not the best where people are running from that term. So I just like when people comments. This is a lot of people that are vegan. I just concept. I I had sent him a letter on yesterday and you know he has no the famous power lifter, very motivational god, but I do like to yeah yeah. He was saying that he he he doesn't even say, vegan anymore right or so God Damn militant, I'm not doing this for the animals, I'm doing the for my health right. If you say that people get mad at him, so I just say: I eat vegan most the time yeah most of the time yeah Sensory says edit, but the vegans that are. Good people that are just doing it because they care in their kind they get a bum rap because of all the psychos and those
Michaels, almost always have like vegan in their name like vegan warrior like yeah vegan earth, Goddess vegan. First, but you know it's funny it vegan his last. They tend to be cooler like this is like? Is I'm this person and then vegan, like my man, happy vegan heat loves your show that Bb Gun BB here I'm doing do a segment when he comes to town and uh. Ok, I like that cat he's a cool. I like a lot of vegans yeah myself, I'm locked myself out of her not going to occupy prison Vegan, not try it again, but she'll eat stuff that I'm making to placate me. I did. I took a huge loss on Thanksgiving. I made two pies I like to cook and stuff, so I made to sweet potato yeah one with bone with milk and butter and all the stuff that you had growing up boom, and I did that and then I made one vegan one just to see what would what people would like
and man. It was just one slice signal at the vegan was said: slice very bad was like man come on it, but they told the other yeah, of course, but it took the whole gunpowder and I had to wrap it up take it back home in the vegan one. So, instead of eggs, you make flaxseed eggs Z, you suck yep I got freckles in it. I know that one no freckles I might get damp out, but but then it's everything else is the same. It's the same, set of using half and half use like on use a it'll, be like almond, milk, mixed with, like coconut milk, that's alright, and then you do and then, but the same all sugar flour on us the same and then exit no existe does but eggs, I can taste eggs. We eat him is just eggs. Is a binding agent just hold it together?
when I was in Hawaii last week we made no key, so we took a class, it's up say to pasta. They were talking about that at the store. I've never had that much delicious. Is that good yeah? It's good makes good Nochi, though, because everyone's I contacted the very like. I was only is good, no good man. I don't use out. It's all I want. I wanna tasted like what is this. This is that it's an italian food just got to go to a good italian restaurant and they make in the yeah yeah yeah just find a good italian place that has pasta and keep most likely yeah and is not spell in okay. Is it gee this? Is there I've? Always you open the menu and you know as I am you know, I'm talking with them. I mean even if it's just yeah like Lamb chops, you know killing sucked and then my meals to track right is probably sitting there my whole life going to italian, restaurants and just never,
trysting pasta, 'cause, it's a pasta made with like they make it with potatoes. They boil potatoes and they smash them down and then they get it to certain consistency, to cool it off, and then they add certain amount of flour like we did the whole thing we chopped it up. We have pressed it into you, roll it, roll the flower out, it's like a little tube and then you cut little sections of it. You make your Nokia with the sections and do you to then be baked that or do you yeah, they boil it boil it over the boy. I think I didn't watch him. Do it, I'm pretty sure they boil it, though making dill sauce and anything else. We had a bunch of different sauces. The chef cooked it different sauces and it with bowling, easy sauce, he cooked it with a it was like a cheese sauce with with walnuts right like a wall, not feel countries, and then there was another one. One of the soft, a pesto I love, I make fresh pesto, yeah It was good. Man is really good. Yeah man, I just
I think if you just cut out bread and cut out pasta, those are the two big ones just because that's nine okey, pasta, yeah, but that's potato pasta. So that's different to yeah, it's not as good for you as like some things, but I don't think it's nearly as bad for you as green. I think grain is just the terrible. Have you gotten through. I haven't candidate that dude's book wheat belly, no, I haven't, but I watched a documentary on the plane. Go back from Hawaii, but we see the full name of it is, but it was. It was a trip It was all talking about the roundup chemicals that they spray there. It is, and they were talking about how people say. Well, it only affects bacteria. And they were saying yeah, but you have bacteria in your fucking gut right, yeah. What's what's with wheat, John, that's the the name of the documentary and it it's it's not good. I tried watching it and do was talking- and I was this. I couldn't
Those are a man. Does phones, drone on yeah, that's a problem and all those academics yeah like to be the type of person. I could sit down to that kind of research. Right, painstaking, united, assuming you're boring us yeah, but it's just for you need those people, man right those people, the only ones that are going to do it, you're not going to do it, I'm not going to do it now. I know we need those people, yeah tests, yeah and then just explain, do the dangers of complex glutens, yeah man, so yeah, that's my goal so I'll check back in with you in like six weeks, see if Emily I need three Zen Phil and strong, though right I'm talking about it publicly, I'm usually really private about what I'm doing now, and yes, I think talking about it publicly, is important. He may have lunch you want it out there yeah once you get over forty, I feel I feel like you can eat whatever you want until you're forty. 'cause. You only get one intestine. So then, you have to start your body, loses enzymes that will break it down as vigorously 'cause. I have a son now I watch my son, my anything right and he's
his energies high and all of that, but when you get older, you lose some enzymes. I feel, like enzymes are like government workers like you need to stick that who don't get that I'm getting that chair for forty years every night somebody is going to get there, and so then it's it's in it's. It's plus your sons. Muscles will burn a small furnace for calories. Just turn them off. So go those time. Then, east on this speak sign language. Now, like just little things, you know you those was more. We give him some food and we taught him more and he just looked at us like we was silly and then like couple hours. Ladies, like
bring it. You told me this is not working, I'm doing it well. In the beginning, they say sign. Language is a really good thing to teach kids 'cause. They can't really formulate the words yet the mouth, that's when they get frustrated, they start crying because they can't tell you what they want, but they know what they want. It's amazing, they don't know a language yet yeah. It's interesting and he's a huge prince fan. You know about love playing records, and so my wife got me a dope record player for Christmas and we play princes purple rain on there and, if I play anything else, He just wants prince right, really and I'll and I'll go you want you want. His music would deny who run to the regular play and his thoughts on how old is he he's fourteen months, while Gasol He understands things like I'm going to get the ball and he'll, get it and then we'll play. But I can see him wanting to say it occasionally. He'll sit in just mocking me how say get the boy, but I, like I, China,
so yeah just while I'm talking them, I'm talking to them about what we're talking about, but most of my brain is like. I can't believe you can talk yeah. I know I can't believe a person and he we're we're of it you're a seven year old person exploring the world together, we have talking about stuff again. My kids are way too aggressive with. Physically, though most my littlest one only girl, all girls, men, my seven year old, Shih Fuckin', tackles me all the time just full on charge, like I'm indestructible slight, she takes MA. So she will slam into me, grab a single leg thrower folder into Maine. If I plopped down the bed, she gets on top of Maine, she drops on top man amount just start punching. My
I make it's a Larry, I'm like a toy. She feels like she which is beat on me, so I could just carry her pick her up all the time. I put it on my shoulder. She's like this mother. Fucker get this carry me. I can't even can't even hurt him wail on him. That's so funny so Larry yes, so aggressive man, So I don't know how to do all that stuff yeah get him involved early. Then it'll be it'll, be I'm a part of life so that way big bullies conflict won't bother them 'cause. I know how to fight he had to make bullies. Laugh you're a big dude big do yeah, but I got a short torso so like five, eight sitting down so when I used to, I grew up in Maryland, so I used to you know we had public transit and stuff, so whenever I would be- public transit. I will always see the dues that you know we got one and then I will have to stand up there. We go never yeah my height, save me a lot and there's a funny help me a lot to being funny
I was like. Oh this guy is not trying to be dominant. You must be the silly dude. Ok, we, like you, you know what I used to do too, though only I only told Colin Quinn is story when I grew up in these apartments. Pembroke apartments in Prince Georges County Maryland. There was this one bully who would steal peoples, bikes and shit, and he will start fights right, so I had I played sports on you know, so one of my trophies broke in my mom took me to some place to fix it, and I did not know that there was a place that existed when I just thought trophies appeared. I mean as a kid you just get it right. So when I saw this was to spot when I used to do that. I save my allowance and I will go to the trophy spot and buy like a karate trophy
just walk around the neighborhood just long enough for this one dude to see me who I knew would be like the town crying right and I would always act embarrassed about it like I understand yeah and that's how we talk with a young stuff. I'm in my mother got me taken karate, or should I filter. All you want to buy you nice, like that, don't don't see anybody man, I will say shouldn't dinner, please a and then like a couple of months ago by go by and by a little bigger, do never mess with me. He never met. Thank God, thank God. No one was like, oh, my God fight, but I'm saying, but it was like the word God enough, because Nobody knew ready, I'm saying give you heard it did a do, do karate. That was enough, like you do want to get him. There is so right, the game you like free passage to, Do that Solarius BB, my corny self be out. You know,
very clever way of handling it. When I saw it, they were like five beat box and I'll go put it on and then solve it packed into the early age. There's all that shit like this planning. I know where he's going to be soon as he saw me, I go back and I didn't want like a big. You know, I mean that's very clever, like cycle new, the right guy that couldn't keep his mouth shut, yeah, yeah yeah. It was always that guy, I don't know who that guy is yeah. He was so funny too 'cause everybody works for TMZ. Now, probably if he got out if he got out if found brain, because that in our neighborhood, it was people were afraid to dream. Thinking out loud, I want to be a comedian, as I was nine, but I entail the body because I saw somebody else say I want to be yeah, you are going, you can't. You know right. So
that's funny how people want to squash dreams yeah, because they theory, but you don't realize that to your older right is their fear. Did they are pushing on you, and so in their own way they think they're helping right give you a dose of reality yeah. And you could you in Boston, so you had this to a lot of people yell at you, helpful, like you, I mean like there is like a yelling community. I don't do that. Does it you know yeah. It's always had like people always yeah they lost the street. You know like they would be like really emotionally charged like John Street, You know as opposed to a man. It was never, com. Everything was you always yell. That was like yeah a lot of yelling. You know where I found it. The weirdest, as I worked as a limo driver once
and then there's this guy that worked in the dispatch in this guy was just like a real bitter dude and he would not much older than me. I was twenty one and he was probably twenty six to twenty seven he had given up when he was a dispatch die, and I worked all day. I had an eight hour shift and then after I did. The eight hour shift might mean I gotta go. I gotta show tonight yeah and he's like lot of you work twelve hours a day ago. That's great yeah! I go, but I did eight hours, I'm going not going need some airport pickups MIKE. I did eight So I'm not working more than eight hours a day for you guys like this is like a part time job. I work eight hours a day, I'm gone this mother Fucker called the place I was supposed to be performing to find out if I was there- and something happened and I got switched to another place like the sing, instead, hey want to this place instead and so I went in north, like yeah, he you seems like fucking place. You said you were last night I'm done working right. I'm done
I got second of all, they switched me. The book pages call this other place I will call you otherwise I'll wait. Yeah, we just Each other like this. Guy just doesn't want dreams, yes, he's doing comedy you make me a real money here. Real money, yeah, how dare you not see? This is the thing they were point this one dude there, his old do to work there, and I remember he was his fat guy had a cadillac, and that was the thing they're saying you know, John over here which doesn't bust his ass. He works sixty hours a week and he's got a beautiful cadillac and in this Cadillac he's just sitting. There was a Papa John's. Could a Cadillac means was like probably in his late forties, fat dude, just to tell you where the best Veal, Skalla Peni! Is it just with the food is? Is he just sat in his car all day driving around and then I remember thinking like this poor folk, like John, makes about sixty thousand dollars a year. He'll have to bust his ass yeah, it's a good living '
They point to him. Look at his Cadillac neuron is like what his prison guys working sixteen hours a day of What is going on here. Man can't live like that. Yeah damage you got to you got to dream big in that. I'm one of my boys: he he's doing what really well he he could always sing swapping. We used to always have the singing groups in a and we have. This is the local music call go: go music, okay, yeah. It's like a lot of percussion and horns and, like so cold as to where is it is really local. In the d Maryland Virginia area, but you've heard Gogo like it's it splashed is, has a national hits like doing the, but is ago about doing that, but now yeah yeah on that loan yeah that so in. 70s
the user b, music programs in all the schools. So all these will coming out learning like instrumentation composition like all this stuff, but like in our area. They cut that. So but but go go bands they still played like live music, so we would all try to form well groups. We couldn't read music, so we would like your party, is Boob a kabocha boo boo, What did you want to horn you play, but we didn't know notes or anything we would always like try to do that. Will be in the singing group or something like that and one cactus. Sing and I just remember when my mom we moved away. When I was thirteen, I remember hoping that he would keep years later. I'm asleep on my couch man and I love music video. So I had it playing and I heard a familiar voice and I wake up. It was him wow, not a cry it all. My can easily yeah. He made an Audi a fantastic and he's he got nominee for Grammy two years ago.
Oh wow, yeah. What's his name, his name is Abu black Boo. His name is Alfred Antonio Duncan he went. He called black blue and that's what he calls himself. He and he calls himself black, who professional and we would not be where he was like my brother growing up like I'm only child, but he his real name is alpha, but he so. This is how we met like I don't know how old I was when was knocking my door Saturday morning, cartoons. That's him. Yeah. So then mumble his name go go band. He was in in they I hit welcome called welcome to DC that I saw on the video channel plays all the time like in the in the rest, You know we have games play in with the Washington wizards play he's dealt so any just went viral for marrying his wife? I keep post to his girl.
And then married the same day. I would say: do it so they know such as happened. Went viral, Oh now, and so this is how we get like. I remember he knocked him on door. And I'm a mom answered, and he was how you doing my name is boo. He said: my mother, one know: if you got a cup of milk, we could borrow an my mom. Is ok yeah. We gotta couple milk moment to get some So this is my son. I wanna go hey! I go why they call you boo, he said 'cause, they say when I was born. I was so black like the sound goes makes ghost makes his name, but so then my don't give them a couple mill and then he talked back carefully with it. Fifteen minutes later, how you doing? on level. One know if you got a half a cup of sugar, she could borrow, came at how you doing miss my mom fifteen minutes later I don't miss Smith long will know. If you got one egg, she could borrow
You showing YO need to not just one example. I gave him. I'm gonna, give you two just in case. So in any left came back how you doing Miss Smith number one if you got one slash four cup of oils, you can buy Jesus real talk. My mom gives a couple of comes back. Fifteen minutes later know how you doing one of one know. If you wanna come over for pancakes, he was my friend he was became. My best friend like just like that my mom was like there. She needs therapy and you get his mom go. I had that. You know that's fine, that's how we met and that was kind of like indicative of the apartment complex like looking I it it was like. Basically, all single moms in that uh so on raising young boys and we would all go outside and play and give each other bad information and
not a finger pop girls or whatever, whatever they try to do back flip, whatever it was in the home, is that I was a it was it is a great time in my life because I was born in the Bahamas and then my mom left my dad at nine months. She moved to DC for like a year and then the Pembroke Apartments I was in Pembroke. Apart from there into like thirteen or fourteen. So we start doing comedy. I started doing comedy in Maryland. Man at where the Green Belt comedy connection outside was a huge picture of Martin Lawrence and Dave. Chappelle was just bubbling starting to like pop. And I actually saw Chappelle bomb in there, Anna isn't all this is a negative story. It was fantastic how it happened. He went up and he was doing this stuff and it was black crowd at the time you know
was young man with the same age. So at the time we were both nineteen and he was like just trying to figure it out, and I thought he was great, but somebody was like boom. They just started it's a collective, because I thought yeah I'ma be famous, I'm going to be famous like it literally was saying it. Then he walked off days sat right next to where I was. You know that just energee. He was just like him. Looking nobody and I was just like man- ever seen. Anything like that happening Guy named Tony woods. I know and so in in woodsy goes up and with because man that was great, standing ovation right. Then they walk off they. Got together, getting the same, calling job losses like all my god. How was incredible like just seeing that happen, yeah and in Van and that and that's why I started in that environment, where I learned how to put form. First right. I had no substance. I just knew how to I was trying not to get boots.
So. I wasn't talking about it. I was just mad. It's just a very entertaining entertaining performer but Everyone in that environment was so nurturing like when you got off stage. So you would ask funny first slowdown say it is you know, and it was like it was like a weird I don't know that I never had like other like black men, be that like excited now something that wasn't sports or women. You know what I mean like right right and be that encourage ing like YO man, you funny and so I was I'm home. This is you know, and it was a guy. I went to eighth grade with CAT named MIKE, Brooks he's like the mayor of DC comedy wise. He had been doing it a year longer than me took me around all the spots, so my goal that summer was to just get paid, because I believe you got paid a professional
right. So at the end of the summer is gardening. Pops gave me a crumpled up twenty five dollars to perform in front of like six people in this big place in the Greenbelt, the comedy connection of laurel, and after that you can see. I mean nothing because we had performed in as a lot of spots called cabarets where the audience is not facing you so you're on stays near at long tables, eating crabs and stuff, and they have to Karina next battle yeah, and if I would like a laugh or something. Okay, I'm doing it and we we would do crazy stuff like a headliner would like, go short and we would go up after a headliner in eat it because he just had him. He was the headliner, but for some reason he had issue. We will go up next. I heard a headliner do that Bert Kreischer was telling me about that where he would go on
after the headliner is the headline I didn't want to do. The drop check spot so he would, he would go up some wood do like ten. Headline would go up to an hour and then Bert would go up and close. The show my name is and I what kind of is that I know yeah, we did one time this one does when I took another sweet ale. It was that same summer we were at one spot. And they might they may uh. Let's go to let's go to comedy connection in law. Chris Thomas coming down earlier, something we going close it out like right. I didn't know if you were supposed to do that and I'll get up there. Chris Thomas is killing. He was He was the mayor of RAP City used to do this movie does like a lot of impressions, and he was he was. The crowd is literally like crying still I'm a damn thing: I'm a killer I don't know what's about to happen in might
and I had to go first. That was the other. He set me up like you, you grew up in a model, so our I basically had to take like what was coming so Chris leaves There was no will and then he literally had to go. Do something and they introduce me. I come out dated and I used to wear slacks and shirt was tucked in I just smell like a college. Kid like in, I think, what's up yo. What's that I was like in a check to drop it. I didn't understand what that was. People are looking at their bill me Power rangers are crazy. Like I ate, like I'm talking bout sweat, you know to fly all terrible terrible. I raise off stage and then I don't think I got but it was just silence. It was just no laughs and then uh my keys to do this trick where he would pad his intro with said he never did you see,
zoom on the Martin Lawrence. Show you see him opening for Sinbad. You seen him on def jam. You seem like you and all that, and he was like you, gotta figure, making sure Then he went out. He did okay and then This learned a lot of lessons in that error. You know, like kind of keep going they give to Shane working. You know just keep going. And I really had a so much confidence because I feel like that area with some of the some of the toughest environments to get labs. So when I went then I went to the Midwest I went to school to Notre Dame. I was like ship like that. People are friendly yeah. This is gonna, be so easy to make. You know to be, and so I started a company a funny bone opened up in South Bend, my became like the house and see there and I will watch the national headlines come through how that helps right tremendously in us now learn substance like okay, okay, I got it. I got to have something to say
interesting to when you would, if you would work at a place like that. I remember that out. So how was in Boston when I was first are now if I was looking to get like a hosting gig, and I would go to get you this see the quality of something. Material versus others, as you would see by coming in as a headliner in oh yeah. This is a headliner. It was just like barely adequate yearly, watch him all weekend, and you like this is a lack show and then next week could be bill. Hicks is not many go out far yeah a n next line. Jesus yeah. We can realize, like it's the quality of your thinking. Yes, the p like people, people are I'm in their their their their tune in to what you're saying in some sort of a weird way that hasn't totally been defined. Yet again, yeah you know, and when someone is up there and they just got some great materials, the a great ship is like it's a smile in your face. You get your brain lights up like I like, where he's going with them. Yes, I love that I love, so I didn't know you could do that will come and do that with our form. It is like such a person.
Thing for me like when I see somebody abusing it. I do get a light, but not on the old I just go out. It doesn't affect me like a used yeah. I know what you mean. Yeah when I first heard our get offended you in Greek now yeah my the and whatever yeah, I think it's just you do realize like what's a waste of energy like it's good, to use that on yourself like to look at your own material? Go why the fuck am I doing this? I fix this. That's going to benefit you, but doing it to other people, it's just a waste to such a waste, but yeah. I spent some of my early 20s doing it like oh yeah, like I was telling before we started meeting Australia, Franklin Ajai, was grazed, so he lived there for a while. He lived in. I asked him otherwise move to Australia. He said no guns, no gangs. No god! That's what it is. Oh wow, but he said the money wasn't on part of what could be making back in the states. So that's why he came back. How long did you live there for got seven, years, but I don't unlike what year was this, that he was.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. I remember I saw him, but after I made in America yeah then he just went over there and dumb I remember the first come the album I heard of his is a picture and like I can't think of what the name of it is, but I'm listening to it because I used to I was like Oklahoma. I can remember: com goes with an eye at the time I used to go to flea markets to buy out and we listen to it. I his bond, we smokes and we and we were listening to it and I was like he's high, like you can tell he's high on this album. I didn't know you could do that like he is not a median seriously. Air is doing what he was. He was the first comedian, the one that long up there with the shirt off. That's the I mean we listen to yeah that album right there yeah don't listen to fry your hair, yeah,
but it's funny. Man smoke dope fryer here. What a strange name is made yeah, but you could tell he was high. Here's a funny dude when I remember that big did about the Olympics He was on like one of those was a young comedian. Special, I think, is what it was yeah he did that goes watching Olympics watching, who comes in last and then reality start set it man. I don't even have a fucking job, How could I Not train still came in last astic to his. He was the first actor comedian- I heard who didn't grow up is. Is stick was, and I grew up poor right. He was lying, may middle class. He went to law school and he's just talked about. I go to talk about and has a lot of when I first started a lot of comedians taking the stage they all felt like they had to fit into his. It was a thing that just happened, but then I talked with all state is like way more interest and all state what you talk about the
right. Do you think it was because they felt like they had to fit the mold of the popular comedians, what they sell. People wanted a certain kind of comedian and they felt like all. I got to talk about the ship, the people on here. I think, that's how you make it. I think so and then, if you, if you stay in it long enough, you start the disco because out for a time I had asked for black room in an act for White Room and it just got exhausted. I used to be physical, and I was like these men, I mean staying here and talk to these people, like you just kind of become what you you know already were that's why those people that work, those alt rooms, getting real trouble when it comes to real comedy club, you see that fantastic I've seen some people in all rooms to go to the store, yeah Joey Dheas and it is hold rendus. It's horrendous 'cause they're, just used to like witty references and, like you know, clever, subject matter is yes and comedy
people are so supportive, very supportive in which is nice is nice to have that, but there also like timid audiences, to write like yeah, we went there. They like what yeah. Why you bringing the outside world yeah, we like our little bubble, but I they're all seeing man. I like the fact that they were like. I can't any heat over here so ago. Create this create this over here, but once it started like taking off, I did I didn't like that they were. It became with it was yeah yeah. Well, we are yeah, there's a lot of the shooting on people that try to hard yeah. I was like why he's acting out things and moving around you mean he's been telling a joke right in front of you like you, don't want that. I get it. That's what people like yeah yeah people get weird about like what they're doing like you, should only do what I'm doing. That's a much more livable talking to waste of energy is a waste of energy. I don't why why? Why do you care
Did you talking about tonewoods Tony so I have met Tony way back in New York in Like ninety two or He was fucking funny. Man still is, I'm sure, but there's a few dudes like him and even Franklin Ajai, like most people, don't know who Franklin Jai is like: how does that comma? yeah, but how that guy not like like who takes off and who doesn't how's that work I'm trying to figure out brother yeah, I don't know I don't know his whole story. Man, I know for a lot of comedians who a man funny, usually marriage or divorce, is with a is it some gets only the boy usually like it's high time to get away. One hundred and eighty someone who's fucking, some other You got to keep sending checks every month, zero, your ex wife and you you pick up your kid. Kids like mom, says you're a loser. Well, yeah yeah the
Mom says you ruined everything, You can't pay your bills. What mom said we need to get a regular job and stop chasing your dream. What yeah- Oh, that's it right there, the voice of like you up. I think, if you married the right person you could it could make you better. Like yeah, that's what's happening with me, my wife, I, like my wife, that's a nice thing. It's important yeah yeah! I like mine, too yeah. I think that helps you get did it definitely can make you like more stable, more comfortable, and you can learn more about yourself when you like totally intimate with a person, yeah man own side, really knows you yeah. I want to thank you for the compliment you gave me somebody I have. My wife is into a first because someone sent out to to mention me and I'm always nervous when a I don't know what Joe said it. So my wife said baby Listen to it?
Any baby in my wife builds. You knew that already yeah. If you are, I said I think you guys the world really do. That makes me feel good. That makes it he is so funny man, some so many I'm doing I'm going to be doing. Blake might be some things that have he wanted to do years ago, but I didn't know to ask for it. That was the thing. I always thought that people who see you work right. But what happened with you? I think, as you started, working as a writer yeah, that's when they get here. They give you a job and then you think is what I do now, but that job there's there's a there's no free ride like to get that money. For that job is nice and it gives you stability, but it takes away from the potential earning of your stand up and then the dude that you started out with their ball
to control their selling out places and people don't know you aren't that to me is crazy. When I see you on stage MIKE this guy is a world class headline like everybody should known Smith yeah, you know, and so it it just drives me nuts and I am, and I'm not working on yeah and I'm trying with Ian Edwards to the exact stories you same exact story. Yeah, I remember when he had. Loans are Yes, I remember that I love his to what I was just describing his doctor Google, camera Ian used, yell at the audience. You know I used to be mad at Att I do like you and then I'm not falling for like he was like yeah, oh and then, when he cut his dreads, he was like more centered, more Zen, just standing there talking I was like well, then he became
vegan and how he falls. Asleep constantly says no energies when I get on the plane with him eyes. Take pictures of him. I like ten pictures on my phone of Ian out cold. It gets us plane as soon as he sits. Like instantly. I'm like I got this mother fucker as of late, is face and take pictures of a salarian. Then I sent him to him with a bunch of these on it. That's funny, because I do that too, though man, I trained myself to sleep on the plane, yeah yeah, it's just kind of a thing like when I'm on the plane. I just I just make myself go to sleep. I don't know why. Good move, good move devil make flying easier. If you can get really comfortable, just fall among like special, six hour across the country, fights PMS Conch out way up, you feel refreshed yeah, but the thing the first hi, my son, that it he can walk now. So I'm I won't be able to sleep. I know he's going to be that kid oh yeah he's for sure, yeah ' run up and down the aisles getting
I have tried to hold onto him forward to it, though, but I'm like yeah, it's sad when they get ear aches and they start crying, and then you can't do anything about him. I mean you can't help him. You can't like it's nothing. You could tell him give him like. Sometimes things to chew helps so that's good to know sometimes like gummy bears some they have to choose to help pop their ears open. I got my kid these vitamin gummy, bears the gummy bears, but there they're made out of a sense fatty acids. Vitamins in them think to into it. I said, don't use it right now. He everything looks like you got to it. Man come on one of the time month old man, they don't know anything. Yet it's fascinating! It's it's like this yeah. You know you learn a lot about yourself. Man tell you that you learn that your enough yeah, it's the biggest lesson. It's like I'm enough. We're going to do is hey. You know, yeah. I don't have to put on
show, like my wife says when his love, we see lights up like a cold and you awesome so yeah just like talking to sometime when out first Adam is, I didn't know what to say to him. So I would just do oh, like hip, hop lyrics, just rap. Is that who the hell is this page me apart? Forty six in the morning in fact, the morning now, I'm yawning and he'll be like I don't say that man, and then I just thought I would talk to him about my day. Sometimes and it's cool man, very weird feeling the see a little tiny human being is dependent upon you. It changes your perception of the world everything and is also, all of us- would at eight. So it's kind of weird. When I look at adults, I'm like man, you are fourteen months yeah. Well, I talk about that. All time that I look at peoples grown up babies. Now I used to look at people in the static state. Like I see in a year old dude, that's an eighty year old dude, that's how he is. How he's always been no, he was a baby, yes and he became
God. Yeah had dreams and he charged it and did it work yeah. I'm fascinated by people stories like Shattered dreams in people with failed expectations of some of the saddest people you ever going to the disk they just have reason it didn't work, they didn't figure it out, whatever mental block. Whatever the problem was they just never figured it out yeah. When those charlatans sneak in that pretend to be able to sell them all you gotta do is what you gotta do. Is I push harder? You got dream big and you gotta set your goals within easy workshop, so we're going to have down at one thousand three hundred dollars and we're going to have a workshop and talk about it, I'm going to get out there and clap. Going to join along clock together, going to walk on coals hot cold. Barefoot. Yes, that's how they get you
Yeah, the motivational speaking marketplace is saturated cesspool of most people in it having accomplished Jackshit yeah, most of 'em most of 'em. Their accomplishment is that their motivational speakers, I know a comedian who is a terrable commando who you're thinking about doing it. Now? Yes, I'll, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, yes, hello. This is Jim mother and when you meet him me see him out, he's always fluency a little bit. You know he's fancy like like could do with a sad for him Side, family self, Leoncio. We had a side family. Ok, I get it. Oh man, that's a lot of pressure, has a lot of pressure. You know that can't good luck, man hope it works out. It's a lot of those guys out there. Listen to this crowd would like to say I'm have to be responsible,
a little bit- and this is very this- is I'm literally. This may not be true So we did a show together along time ago, and it was a college gig in the college. ' 'cause. They make you both do an hour right. They don't know how to just go. Hey man, you do have right, and so he was hotter as far as credits 'cause. He had you know, comedy central love, this guy and they were like um, so he they were like when you go first and I could see in his eyes no dad. I was like it was like one of those quiet things where I go. You know how you go, I'm going to do, I'm going to yeah, because sometimes some you like you'll, do our and then they come. As I recall he insists. So it is the right this could really be. When I'm telling you will look good, Glad Glad PDA Menifee number. Thank you. Goodnight just left, you know game game. A great intro whenever yeah '
like. I saw him reevaluate and I think I feel like at that moment he was like yeah, it's gotta be another. Yeah. He probably had like another two year run like you know, but that Is it a vegan restaurant that I eat out occasionally this dude was in there with all of these people that he works with they meet together in this restaurant. I know I'm raw food spot before he came up to me. When I was with my daughter once and he's like, I just love to talk to you about a transformative experience that I've had a really love to get on your podcast MIKE keep fucking around so funny make it transformative experience, ok, I believe you hammer, hey man, you know good luck to people, people doing things, people are doing things, but there's a real problem with people that are just motivators yeah. That's all they're doing All your doing is motivating and there's a lot of 'em and there's a lot of them.
I getting these fucking memes from people, my who's, this guy and then go to page itself. Filled with memes, and then you know, if you look at it, he's a motivational speaker. Oh you're, a motivational speaker. What have you done? It's weird to be a motivational speaker. Who's never done a thing, but you have to start, a company or weird comma, something or life coaches, that kind of thing yeah, but weird thing: is some of them like there trainers, they've, never had professional fights in their great trainers, okay, but they have study the game like so deeply. They understand all the various aspects of the game and then they become just really good at it. The gym really coaching cuz. I like real legitimate analyst. Is that possible? to do with life a person who never really accomplished much in terms not creatively. Nothing, nothing like you're, not world champion dude you're, not some guy who's gone out there and accomplish great
things you're not like Sebastian younger war, journalist you're, not right you're, just some guy who's like what you got to do is realize you face fear in the eyes. You tell fear, the true nature of your soul, yeah, it's the approach. Man is like they have. You can't people what they have to do yeah, but I feel like you like, so I feel like you're, a bigger motivator van, a motivational speaker, because you motivated by sample, but you just motivate. By doing you use an exam like that's my motivational Van people tell you how I do what I do is I don't want it. I just oh Joe did that all that stuff? then you know I mean so you go. Okay, Joe comes from oh okay, all alright! If you do, I I'm not doing that's more motivational, then now I feel so much more fluid or yeah man. You know what I mean
You know what people always looking for some sort. Of course shortcut. You know like someone is going to end. Sometimes people can give you like. I have like the players. I had yesterday podcast, but he's a time world, champion power live here and when talks about hard work and dedication, and you know like fuck your excuses like you, like, ok, fuck, my excuses right. It makes sense right now, like you believe him, but I think there's are people out there that want to be that guy, but they don't want to do that kind of work. They don't want to accomplish some great task before they go. Do this- all this motivational stuff right right. They wanna, you know personal, want and hippie Post that's. What that's? What I think that's a good one! That's what a lot of it is what those girls are trying to prove themselves. I'm just trying to be more spiritual. Me too vulnerable, yeah, Vonage, it's not! which is vulnerable. It's seeking seeking seeking, like yoga girls, Dude yoga girl
there are so many freaks in the yoga community. Never you know so honey, I'm so I'm so above board. Like I've gone, I go to yogurt and I do my thing then I'll look, but I'm like. I don't even know how to make. Mass. But you know I mean like some guys: let's go to yoga like they 'cause. I heard one of my yoga teacher hit on a stool and he was so lame He said I feel, like I've practiced did he? What was what what you was trying to reach something yoga whatever? That's it? I feel like I've practiced something something something with you before yeah. It does feel like that it was. It was just a bit. Love like it was so terrible day started talking. He had his hair instead now is like there is. I could never that's, not my
man but yeah yoga is when people talk about the practice again, and they say it doesn't amazing practice. I can't talk to you. Yes, yes, I feel like I've practiced. I forget what he said I just wanted to, but I'm not going back to his ship. There was something like that, something on a MAC before and this Tanyas assigns a sensor that oh yeah, what is it? Is it? What's the word I just take some class. I don't know yeah man, you know yeah is it is the thing how long how much the often do you go? Was it a once a week thing of when you're trying to keep it? No more then well no less than once a week but I've I've up. Since I did sober October, we had fifty classes that we had to do in a month. Did I tell you about this me? Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer. In our we made an agreement, no pot. No booze fifteen, yoga classes. Ninety minute, hot yoga classes in a month
It was rough, but it broke me. It broke me in terms of my enthusiasm for yoga like enough because really broke. We was not just a fifteen classes. I did on that, but I did nine in a row to end it wow. I just said I had some days after that. To that I could, but, as I know, I'm gonna burn the out is going to bang out. Nine arose gone Saturday, Sunday, Monday Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday, Friday Saturday Sunday, but when site when it was over. It felt good again feel good right. I did it when Russell Simmons gave me a month free at his dentures yoga spa when when he does Pantry Gilbert Hand trys to interest, that was a different architecture, because we hold to come back right six, not as long do the do that all day at the John knows grease their their dick muscle. That's like the way,
weakest muscle I have in my body. You know, if you think about, if you think squeeze the old to come back muscle. I could use that right now to try to slow down right now right now, ready to go spongy like if I I have to squeeze my arms. Like my choke muscles, like yeah, you could do that killer took the puck out of somebody right now yeah, but like choke my own dick with my inner muscles like. This is nothing it's like, I'm so tired and so those muscles have zero conditioning. I remember somebody told me You know how you do. Don't sit like out, you ever did this, but somebody told me if you press on yeah areas like really hard right for couple seconds that it won't do it right? Then you won't come. And I tried that before it didn't work.
They've got a family gardner. Basically choking out your dick you choking it out. You gotta just get a gable grip and go down there and just mash the base. Your dick, like you I do I just come and apologize hey. I got what I wanted. I'm give me twenty. Well, we were reading about male kegels once like male kegels and I'm like. Listen though I don't care what anybody says. This is the tighten up your butt hole, but sex, but they're not talking about that. They, like dancing around that like the benefits of male kegels, like you? Can control your bowels better. We control your downstairs right. We mean better. Like me better, oh, I mean one thing you get diarrhea, but regular control of the bowels is pretty much one hundred percent. It's out it's coming out. I know what I'm doing fantastic. Oh man it's crazy. So this fight is
as the but some owners right so growing up like see what happen to me and I would just be lightly with what the is that so when I take like really good seats like cry. So this is when it worked. My is my son, he was doing something to me and my wife couldn't figure it out and then it won't 'cause. I always taking a shit. He gets there for me, I was accurate. He had to sit in for something was going on and so on, and we help them and just in the act, my wife, if you want to watch this, to find out about see, does not know that about me just now. Now she knows that. That's how I was able to crack that, MR because everything is a minute ago was you. Don't you just sitting there, but he had this look on his face like once it came out of nowhere. He should I just passed that onto my seat. So that's so crazy, yeah
random random thing. Man like it's so crazy yeah, I don't know, that's so strange, yeah, so crazy man, it's weird how the body works like sometimes I'll, just be driving down the street in a tear rolled down. My cheek, I'm like I'm, not even sad yeah, I'm not happy. I'm not saying why am I crying just come back? Sometimes just leaking right is amazing. May you know what else my body if I'm in a room and I'm supposed to be awake, you ever get like sleepy, sometimes yeah. If I get sleepy, my dick will get hard. It's like it's like my dick is so lookout. Things like I got it he's not parenting. That's running around right. You think of many area, looks out I'll, be invited rooms that are good sleeping in my dick is not getting her own Fuchs or not I'll try to go to the bathroom to billboard on my face, but now I'm slightly like erect getting up so make sure nobody's. Looking at me right, like some free yeah yeah some. Like always, there always pull my shirt down, but it's not fun.
Everybody knows you get in a wreck yeah. We know the correction then right, but if you interaction near them like what the focus over here like whoops? I know I had a owner. Sorry, sorry, it's human nature yeah, but you can especially in mixed company yeah yeah, especially today, today happened just think about all the sexual harassment that people just sort of like that. Was there the way they behave. Yeah yeah off, as that was their thing. And now you now you can't do anymore why they went to the office. They couldn't wait to get to work to chase whomever. Was there in the Secretary Online I mean is you know my mom had a thing like that. When I was a kid I don't understand it. Somebody was, you know she needed the job so what I will say to you know:
women watching my mom did. Is he just kept elaborate notes so that way, because she knew was gonna, be his word against hers right and you know, put it is. Don't keep notes, it'll keep notes. So mom was like October eighth. That. I know that they, you know she was protected and so well don't try to go off. Memory like that If this is even the even if you keep notes man still you against them yeah it's still is the back of the end, boss them low, but still want to. Because that's how who I think who had somebody else and not what the Weinstein thing somebody kept like notes. That's why I mean because you, when you have a lot of money, you can definitely litigate it like. It is almost two and other right in some way. No, nothing all his legal team looked at it there, like you, better, go to Europe for some deep counseling, because deep, however they you know
Europe counseling in different level. That's the believe. This continent right right, my head on straight on this day over here, yeah that be able to do that is crazy, like if you look at like the Kevin spacey thing like that, that's how he would run a apparently he'd be on the set and he just be grabbing dicks, I'm serious yeah! That's what they're all saying I mean. I don't know if that's the truth, but all the people in the House of cards set. This is what all the complaints are coming out was that he would like grab guys dicks taken places and you have like a PA. Take him somewhere reaching his pants and grab his dick, who is just a dick dick grab. He grabbed um who's, Dick, wasn't that he grabbed like some famous dude, Richard Dreyfuss grabbed his son's Dick and with him in the room. Ah, just a crazy dick grabber, Mania is crazy, long, dick grabbing. Hi reservation. If- and I think
This is their social environment as well as their working environment. Honestly around all these people and they are in this king roll yeah, if you're a star of the show to you the executive producer of it, it's a giant hit for Netflix and you're the king, I'm frank, Underwood, yeah, the king of House of Cards, yeah. All the people rely on you for their jobs. This is things. They saying about House of cards. Is that two thousand people out of a job, exactly which is crazy. So this guy was like at the epicenter accuse the was the king of two thousand people. Yes, he would show up at work in the legal is eager to secure credit check the king. You know- and I think that is like natural male predator, behavior as when I'm I think when a man gets in the position. Where he's the king and all these people Saya, maybe get you something sire like if you're on a set in your like the big star and all these people are
tumbling around sire. Maybe maybe we get you something sire, like you start thinking like a king like if you're Harvey Weinstein, like think about all the people that covered up he had written in this class was crazy. I mean, but also just think it work ethic and lay it on the light like with work that hard and then the part that trips me out people would show up to the victim's ago. Tell me everything, yeah we're going to we're going to take him and those people were investigating yeah didn't work for Weinstein Beach like yeah, you better, not. You know how fuckedup it has to have you walking around in the world, but the predators, man and they look for, like you You know it's this weird shit, but it's like. If you you know they had like a parent or something going baby. Do you think is safe to no meet with him at three hundred in the morning and then, like Momma is cool. Why it's going to be fine! Trust me. Why don't you trust me, you know and then, when something happens they feel like. They can't say anything.
'cause. They don't want. The I told you so, but I don't want to whatever it is, and then at that moment can turn into two weeks, not saying yes, Then you live in. You know I mean yeah, and so that's how it can happen with you so embarrassed. You know what I mean you you don't want to embarrass or hurt other people times. Sometimes people don't say anything 'cause they don't want to make their parents feel right, let's type away yeah, there's a lot of lot of women that have been raped, victims that the stigma of being a rape victim. Excuse me publicly is, is so hard. It's so terrifying momentarily. They don't even deal with the like. I just let it slide is in. This is lying man, it's horrible! Yes, I mean some arm personally, I'm happy that people are funny speaking. You know coming out,
is is is is a lot of jobs open and I love what I'm really happy that people are finding that courage to do this. You know speak the truth we'll see what happens on the other side of it will be a healthier society. Well. I've been saying this for awhile that I think that eventually we're going to get to a point, we could read each others minds. The thing that's on the on the horizon. I think it's just a matter of time before no one can ever do anything like that. Ever again, I think that's what you're seeing now with like this Harvey wants to, In that case you should know this other stuff. I mean you see very, degrees of it. Some of them seem pretty innocuous like Al Franken just likes to grab us. We take pictures like not the best practice, but not the worst thing in the world, but I think we're going to get to a point where All of this is look back on like wearing powdered, wigs or slavery, or any crazy old ship that we just don't tolerate anymore and just nutty behavior that you just can't do anymore. I think we're going to get to a point where,
you're going to be able to talk to someone you're going to be able to see what's going on in their head, and you would have to be a real piece of shit to victimize. I think, you're going to get to see what their exact feeling I'll use need. This job you're not really attracted to Maine. You don't like me at all. You see this job, but you might let me jerking off on you. If you keep this job, because this is gross, I gotta stop, it interesting too. I think this is a direct reaction to us, not communicating with one another beyond mean yesterday, like today, like everything is text like my boys and singley. You know they getting girls to text like we have talk to me at night, but she sent me be like all the the number so every year and everything can be taken out of context. What have you been doing but yeah just getting to the place where you're going to have to be really clear what your intentions. I'm going to be able to see it you're going to be able to see the tensions on people allow. You know another thing. I think that is ridiculous, and I'm not pro constitution, but I think it should be legal and I think if it was legal, you would have way less of this going. Oh yeah well yeah
that's what it is right. It's just that release and people need to craziness. It's forbidden ship. There's a lot, there's a lot of factors going on, but I think one of the things that would change is a people that want like ugly dudes Harvey Weinstein it just want sex and you can just go get it and I think for him it's like a power thing to definitely he was banging all those really hot, like famous yeah this drug dealer told me along time ago was two things: do some men that says two things men understand ask whipping or secret an if you came with that she better get a secret so in, as you know, I feel like Harvey doing that shit to a lot of people 'cause. They became huge stars there, no reason for them to ever have to respect him again. You know I mean, but he was like yeah, but you know what this is you know whatever, whatever his mother
apparently she would negotiate it into deals yeah. He would say if you me, you'll get more lines. You get part to get this, you get that, and so it's like I mean, but that is like my main was like. So what When do you know your worth right and we know? Well, if you you know, I mean I'm good. I don't need this here yeah over here or I've already the work. I've already done, like my my last paid for all this. Is you get your money? You can hear money from something I did. I mean like instead of You can give me more money, sitting on this new got this sweet from my performance. You know the main library. This do wrote, you didn't do shit right, yeah usually came up with my road it this guy shot it yeah, yeah yeah, that's what's interesting is like he's, not the create. No
The money guy, the fox the women here we hear is weird man and it's weird how long you got away with it for for a decade after decade, after decade is, is, is crazy. Man is almost like deflating, like every person that you look at oh man that person didn't know it shocked me the most about Matt Lauer DOT. Motherfuck was making twenty million dollars. We have twenty five. I heard it was two thousand five hundred twenty twenty eight. One key is two thousand eight hundred and thirty and had to pay him. They had to pay it pay him out after this contract they said I was just reading. They don't know if it's going to be finished for his two thousand and eighteen contract, but he also was getting flown by helicopter rides to his Hamptons House daily. So we could spend more time with his family or something in between dam at little rings. Nas do well what happened all in all this. Get paid out, though most Charlie rose get when he had to step out. Did he get paid out, but he was on PBS. Probably getting paid for Riley got a lot extra money right
well Riley paid three thousand and thirty five million dollars in a sexual harassment settlement like what the fuck could you have possibly done just think about exactly like. Ok, ok, if I give you thirty five million, you shut the fuc up, like five million, is I Jlo House hold up to it, so this is fuckedup, but that victim should be a motivational speaker, that victory would motivate him talk to other victims, but I did was amazing. I did was I limped around him, and I couldn't walk Gooden. I was getting nervous. I have to sit down. Thirty five appeared vulnerable. It worked out, I mean, I wonder what he did. I mean it was just one I mean another one. I think he pay at twelve. There was like
several different ones that he had to pay off like this. Guy was on a rampage for years and years he's a trick. Man he's an on the streets, he's a trick. That pays well he's a house money. Thirty, five million thirty five. Oh man and everybody already knows your freak. So it's like you wasted. Thirty. Five million, like everybody, knows, you're a freak yeah so who do we start like? Is it the platform who gave him a platform, and I got it well. You know, I think it's a bunch of things. But one of the things that I think it is, is that that world is so sexually charged. All the men are like these powerful, wealthy men and all the women are hot as fuck and they off short skirts on and they're all talking about, like like american value added tax service value. That's all super sub, Rasta right behind closed doors as button popping in Fuckin', and it's crazy snowing right here. I see lips, yeah woo,
being hypocrisy. That's the the home it is was so puritanical to no man you they don't seeds, but they don't see sex education like the younger kids, is never cool to talk about this, so there's yeah, but it's also the suppression, the ones I like super religious super suppressed like those the ones that have this day have a need for an outlet of course. Yes, yeah and I feel like it's, it's equal rights, so the amount that put out. You have to rent, like data who's, that guy the senator or congressman who the was just got. Busted like haven't said he was a anti gays, so yeah and it turns out he was. He got busted have sex with a dude in his office, but yeah. Well, you know inappropriate behavior, we call it yeah. They had is very convenient gimmicks. He is anti
Lgbtq lawmaker resigns over Gay sex scandal republican state. Ohio State Representative Leslie Wesley Wesley good, I have also previously assaulted an eighteen year old May assaulted. Is it like in space. You type a solid dick grab, a note. The word assault, skin we're strongly. Words are violent. Your words are filing to use. No, no, no! You! words are violence, what it yeah, I feel uncomfortable I know there's certain there's certain taboos now that it is breaching them onstage see, people argue about which we know yeah. I wish they did that, like all with comic tickets, like I understand when you buy a baseball to get the back is like green at that. If you get hit with the ball, you will soon realize that when it is yeah like you, you agree that if it's, if some debris hits you hey man, this is a part of the space right
and they Cinderella comedy clubs like your feelings, get hurt like you've already agreed to experience. You know performance, you know it's going to affect you. I don't know how it's going to land when, but what I think is really more it or you got a people that interrupt like especially add. Hecklers interrupted interrupt this hecklers. Sometimes man can we give setting up like for a so you getting ready, they can suck up the little bit for weeks all ways and it seems like it seems like they always come out when you're setting up for something, of course. Perfect. I had ever a ladies down for here they come you and the moral arbiters of what your love
to say: I'm not saying it's like you, don't even understand where this is going like you're, not even allowing this bit to take its full at the end. It will be vindicated just let it let it play out and play out. Trust me at the end, I'm the piece of ship. You trust me trust me. Everyone wins yeah but that's the weird thing about live performance. That's what makes it so exciting that you are there to catch debris. Occasionally you know it will be a tire, will fall off of the NASCAR things and launch the crowd right right, yeah, but it's uh. I don't know man, you gotta, keep swinging that bat, though you gotta, keep pushing yeah. Well, they also the real terrifying thing for me is the throwing the material and then redoing your whole act. Every two years and that's the real terrifying thing. It's really about it. For me, it's about a year and a half years like lately. That's my schedule. Okay, and that a year and a half it's like yeah like right now, I'm super nervous, because I'm like a couple months out and once I filmed on Fox
of anything. I just figured out how to make these bits all work good. I know, and it's exciting right. It's like I could practice for five years now, but I think it's healthier though, but it is like, but what you're talking about two is something that I've gone through is like the older. You get the less. You bless you the faith is in a strong like when you're young you some will happen. I think my faith is better now that we're here for okay, that's I work harder at it now. Yeah, it's like to me, is the direct. It's directly proportional like how much time actually spend writing yet working on new and trying out new yeah verses like whether or not a thing I could do it again. Yeah you know like if, if so long as you're paying attention is always I feel like subjects two are essential scaffolding, yes, and once you have the scaffolding, then you gotta fill it up with jokes and build on the phone like and then yeah. I like, the work man is so like I'm at a place
I love it even more now than when I first started. You know yeah. He was just a blind love for just how it made me feel, but now I've really like- in there in China, like yeah, take it places and is so exciting to me. Man in this, like I'm, I'm so I feel so present in a week. You know I, when I'm on stage- and I just a mix about it. But it is true, though, like if, if I wish that this was all I could focus on. You know what I mean write this in my family is all I want to do is stand up in I am in the reasons why it is so exciting because just slightly out of your reach yeah, it's obviously within your reach, talent, wise, but just like you still have this, John you're still in the air, yes is there, but do and the reason why I I never intended to be a a tv writer bomb. I don't even know I was be on me. Like I went one day on the set.
Of a friend of mine came. He was a comic and then became. So owner of everybody hates Chris, and he called me. The blue and say: hey man, you wanna come read lines with Chris and I was right yeah. So I went on set in the job bus to be his voice. 'cause. It was a voice over show everybody's, so I was his voice for the actors for the pacing so I'll be my mother always said like I would be reading and then I was like. Oh, this is cool. This is I was like this is. The best acting class 'cause I'm seeing is at the time I was also like acting classes and doing all that yeah Oh shoot, I'm seeing what is like on set out of it 'cause I will watch co stars come in and just crumbled because it's not act is not a safe, acting class like when you're acting onset, there's a is a bun guy, don't give a fuck this guy yeah yeah you have to. Let me know how to find it in the
there are various I used to watch that in, but because I'm a comedian, when they would run lines. I would hear stuff that could be funny or not just write it on my script, but I wouldn't say anything I knew better than them, say something and then one day showrunners names alley. He goes on a man seen a working, you got anything like do a yeah just say it is. It was just just wanted to make it better and then he laughed and then he threw the line in and she laughed and then they did it in the whole crew lab and then they recorded it, and I was like oh that's cool, It didn't even think like. Oh, that was great I'll, just like yeah, that's what it should've been like right and then Chris Rock came up and he was like fuck that you say and change it and they laugh. Then I got another one and that's the first time I've ever seen Chris, like in person.
Today I got another one. I gave it to him. He threw it in. They laugh louder. Christmas light, you say this gave him: they laugh and not as loud. Didn't know a policy to set up. I had another one because like if I, if crystal like me, this would be great. You know like right right right so like this, when they laugh, they do it. They laugh loud Chris 'cause. I got nothing. I'm like yeah, you know, then at the end, everyone's in last week and Chris his hand when I shake his hand, he puts his uh like does the elbow thing goes. What's up Nikka like Chris Rock called me, I was so happy. I'm done playing and be like a college gig or whatever and came back and so then that grew into me doing what they call of writing, but I didn't I didn't know anything about it. I just I enjoyed helping make the show funnier Dallas. That's like my like. If I hear something I lost, though go for it, you,
kind of always been my nature, and I had this old one time. This older black dude was at the store. He said, stop helping other people get better, keep that ship for yourself and hunting right. Who said that I can't remember, but he just it's like he came out the shadows and just said it to me. 'cause. I have to get off stage I plan on. You should do that. I will do my like I'm not doing that so, but whatever you're doing, I can hear it. I go on man, maybe go here to be dope, some people will listen and some people have amazing careers and some people like and then I started figuring out. So they don't want me to say Now you say nothing and then I did eventually just stop saying stuff like that: just kind of just kind of falls away, but I used to be. I was like I used to just love hearing what people were trying to do and then go a man who wasn't someone on the outside can see it better than you can. I wasn't annoying like I wasn't like, but I would like oh man that thing maybe this and if they laugh, school and I literally didn't think but again, like I wouldn't even remember, right right then so that evolved into me like really
let me be rice. Scenes said because I was just the way this particular so run a work. His whole philosophy was funniest wins and you know, if you got it, you got it and then so he would bring stuff in from the right is from which I was really in, because I wasn't a writer at a time and then we when they would put it on its feet. We could hear how certain people couldn't say they. They would not funny you're seeing a different word or maybe I should just take a different turn and we were kind of on the same. So he would let me rewrite an that grew into then I found out about writing and like there's a writers guild, and you know all this stuff and I think yeah I'll do it. I'd like to see what it's about one, but I didn't get it right his job until years later, but I had I had went through a bad breakup here
I wanted to go to New York, you know what I'm breaking up with. You want to change zip code so trying to I was so naive. I go home right on Conan, so I started like sending this is when he was in New York. I didn't hear anything I ended up having to be here for like another two years and then after I gave up that dream of one in just get a writing job in New York. So I can live in New York. I end up getting a writing job in Stamford CT and took. It was my first writers guild job, but I moved to Harlem, and so I will work on set all day and then raise down to the cellar and perform at the sellers. Oh wow, I was living a life that I always wanted to do at twenty, but I was afraid to move to New York at twenty 'cause. I don't think I could afford it for some reason. I'm sorry, I Chicago, and then I moved to LA for some reason I felt like I could do those towns but
So I was living in Harlem and I was a comedian and I would write during the day it didn't. I didn't even like think of it as a thing and then that grew into. Oh, I'm pretty good at this. I know what this should. Look, like. I don't know how to tell a story. I know you know what I mean and when you start coming around the store I came around the store on everybody hates Chris I came out, though first time in the 90s, spring break, one thousand nine hundred and ninety four me a sunny, a canker last name but she's on the view. Now the the she's, one of the ladies on the view summary We were all in a we all went to Notre Dame. She went to Notre Dame LAW school me
boy Floyd he pretended to be my manager. We were all in this. We ought to display raisin in the sun and then for spring break. We all came out together an I went to all the comedy clubs because I was doing comedy at Notre Dame and he pretended to be my manager, and I got up on like some some black rooms. I got to do stand there and we went to all the comedy clubs and everybody was nice to us. Like I'm comedian visiting from the Midwest. Can I just check out the room? Yeah come on into the laugh factory? Oh, this is shiny, Asfuck. Ok, this is cool. Nice went to the improv in. Let me in ok cool, come to the comedy you're a and I go hey man and some people He was so intimidating. He made me lose the base in my voice. Was hey? Man wouldn't just go in and he was like, you know, hey motherfuck, say a comedian and he chewed me out, and it scared me from the store- and I was I was
like YO, like everybody else, was showing such that I was not expecting it right now. Just like who is this dude? I won't get Nick at damn, so I stayed away Do you want scared? You're scared me off. This scared me off, like so listen to my guy once you get to know him yeah, but so much so like almost like a vendetta in my head against this dude like little area student traffic, that you're not strong, you are closer on the street like. I was really like angry and I just walked away- and I was like this guy for this place and then I didn't move out into two thousand write an uh. I was doing a lot of commercials in Chicago right and I booked ten national commercials for block. Western music or something it was me in his new name, J T jacket. I think his name is He is one of the sonics guys, though sonics beat of sonics commercials. Okay, he's with those guys and we did ten of 'em, I was going to be
right 'cause they were using my hands to is like a video game spot, so I was a hand model getting paid and then my face was imposed on one of my thumbs in his own. Another family did, and so I thought I was going to make a lot of. It was during the super bowl, two thousand super bowl and then book and then I did radio to promote a show and they offered me the guide. The program that I could like my voice And offer me a radio gate, he was a you know. You want to do the morning radio here and I t I did a test run for like a couple of weeks and it did really well not a no way. I get a call from Don Buchwald how stone of the steel house and say to me he was like when Don Buchwald. We know let me negotiate your deal and I was doing what I was like
right so you're going to be a big time morning, Dj Dj guy and I did not want to be a local celebrity at all like I had no I'm not going to bed at eight hundred o'clock. Gig too. I know I wake up at four hundred and I did that for two weeks in my body felt paralyzed, but my numbers were really good. Apparently, just to name Jabo something he was like. Oh in your numbers are great just don't say this word so much and I don't think I was already like so then this guy calls me. And I go alright man. I said I want two hundred and fifty thousand and he was like this is right when I being clear channel. Somebody was buying up all the radio stations so base salary was maybe sixty something like that, and I was hanging so I just see it outside 'cause. I had these commercials coming so going with two hundred and fifty thousand he's like alright, let me see what I can do so I was supposed to come out here for awhile to Kaspersky my head before the ball dropped. One thousand nine hundred and ninety nine right, but I had to stay an extra like six weeks
four weeks while they negotiate so every like every Friday down would call me only. We got it up to one hundred and twenty nope who's, arrogant, two thousand six hundred and eight. I love it when we get it up to one hundred and eighty nope, I've never met this man. I assume I wouldn't know him if he passed me in the street wow when we gathered up to two hundred and twenty with The remote should make your two hundred and fifty, where you just take the gig. No one, no one's ever gotten this before it's amazing. Now going on with them for the phone at the time and never raise our phone yeah, some dumb, flip some stupid, and that I hung it up and uh he was like alright, I think it may be like alright, you good luck at in a hung up like that anybody. I.
Absolute away from a two hundred and twenty thousand dollars american radio plus remote, you would have made a quarter million dollars in there in nineteen. Ninety one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine Jesus Man way, and it was always already new year 'cause. I drove out here in my one thousand nine hundred and ninety one Gray Honda Accord drove through. The southern route from Chicago in stopped at Grand Canyon Yeldon I will be famous famous I'ma, make it all that shit and then throw show how poor then in the copywriters from 'cause it was a Viacom spot from the ten national commercials that I did called me and said: hey man, we got some bad news. There was in House legal dispute in Viacom between your spots and he spots called thumb wars and so we're not this ad so we're not going to be spots but in your spots, but Oh I had like. I just had to session fee
so the commercial money I was banking on and nothing be so I went from thinking I was going on these. Have you know super? ten national spots and in a super at that time, with commercials actually paid right. I was counting pre, counting money, and I thought I was going to make a quarter of a million a year lease and then nothing so then I ended up sleeping my boys, air, mattress, preacher, MOSS shout out to preach do you ever think about calling them back for the radio gig. No, no wow Well good for you. Never I never yeah. It was like. I was like I didn't want to be a local I'm. My my reason was: if you offer me a rate of you, get twenty six, I can get a radio get fifty six like is a voice. You know, meanwhile, that was my thinking at the time, my twenty six year old thinking and then. So now 'cause, I didn't want to go back. I felt like I had done everything I could do in
Chicago right because, like when shows were coming, I would get like a coaster on it. So I was like well there's a few dudes that tried to make it out of, like those local mark, remember Mancow yeah in the morning right now in the morning he was in Chicago guy. Wasn't it yeah yeah him and Howard Stern, of the crazy beef in turn, went after him yeah, but It was like a guy who is like a uh Chicago guy, that was sort of bleeding out into other markets, and then it all went away, yep, yep yep. So when I came out, I will air mattress got some pussy on it sex on an air mattress realizes that miles pretty good yeah. It's like almost like futon sucks, fantastic you in but yeah it was. I told I was I was funny. I was that is like a poor man's would be a crazy. You know right, you know whatever, but I was the for eighteen months, man and I would drive up. Then go to acting class and acting class and or need some crazy fucking people in Acting class yeah- oh my god,
was, it was great, was a great time right. It just really like learn the art form at a different level and just see who was out here, but I didn't, with the store I was. I would drive passing that I was doing improv me know once every two months and like just like coffee houses and stuff and then. It wasn't until I was on everybody hates Chris, and Chris Rock was doing that special way he performed in South Africa, and he was working on that. He just see going to the store tonight, and I was I you know I want to come see it I discount on a cool. So I sat in the o r and I watched Chris go up at that time. I was. I wasn't and I still had an affect me, but I did the improv and I would do the
in fact, even like chocolate, Sundays or whatever, but the improv it felt like you had to have your set already worked out like you couldn't fuckaround couldn't fuckaround Lior and you couldn't really go outside the box of what a comedian is So when I was at the store, I saw a few comments go before Chris and I could be artists here, like that was my first instinct like you can do whatever you Thank you thing here and then I saw Chris go up and I have to get in here like it was. I would say I got whatever I gotta. I gotta do it, I gotta do it wasn't around then she wasn't around in John. I saw it so then check this out so there, I started coming down on Sunday and Monday in time. Was doing it at the time and I would listen to Tommy talk and stuff in what me Lumia way about Tommy was, I never met a person who ran a comedy club who knew that much about comedians. Who was that passion?
about comedy. I got I didn't know him from anything. I just I just never all the funny bone that I had word noble, he gave a flock about the line. Some kind of like this process, so I didn't mind him talking to me as a this guy likes to talk, and I was like. Oh a lot of people. Probably don't talk soon, and so then, when he would talk to me about comedy, I was blown away by the his that he knew. I had a specific case we have it in? You didn't get a chance to see him emerged as a crazy became no, no, no! So then, so he would give me two minutes. The two minute spot you know to address, and I would do too many things and then he he was like. Let me give you ten minutes and then he goes let me give you a showcase for Mitzi Indiana. He would call me it's going down now and I would drive get all which is not happening. I'll go back home. 'cause admits he was you still sexy with real sick very often come in
will do in auditions, then what years is? I don't know, I'm bad with that, but the class that I was in with visible was Glickman, Steve, Glickman men, Steve we're past the same here. So maybe two well. The Chris Rock thing was two thousand and seven so then maybe something else is that after I had left side left or two thousand and seven yeah yeah, it was alright right on the heels of that right on the user and then so, maybe I got passed in two thousand maybe and what you work do you work ' I calmly magic club, yeah worked out yeah, that's great! I love a man going and it is. We can hope. Are you really saying yeah? I hope one of your clients, all the the National Improv's and stuff? No! No! No. I used when I was rolled calm me. I used to like Dave Stroup used to book me in Columbus and Columbus and used to pay me for a feature. I keep me well and then he would co feature me. Cold, honey,
just stop bugging me. I tell you, I can tell you a story, I don't care, he was his waitress that work there. And I and they're all week yeah, but I didn't approach it like she came on to me right and a bad. You know it's, I don't know which I don't know, but I would say when they've paid me, he goes out of bluing. Those did you also, and I will I was like not and and then okay, but I don't know if I would have gotten in trouble what kind of weird questions that was random and again do this comes from like maybe not not with it dad. I wouldn't know how to handle that better but like if my my dad
some knowledge from that, but I just was like I'm not going to get her if I'm leaving like right, so I'm not going to be like yeah, I felt like I was like. No, I didn't know some of his fucking business. I didn't know what to do with came out in no way. I guess he he's the boss. Is he the boss, or are you a private contractor? You kind of a private contractor contractor you come in it's not like you get in health and dental from him, but the whole thing which is really your boss, but his club yeah, I used to work, I don't know. I was never told you couldn't right, I mean, but it's always been the case. Guys have always done it only one club, they said, don't do it well, it was a Milwaukee to Comedy CAFE. I used to do that room and how they would see it was gross with comedians hitting on the waitresses all time yeah. I would always do my. You know my nrg man, I will perform and I would sit down and they came over and I would talk you know I mean, but I was never like. I'm not grope. I'm not Come wasn't came on to you came on to me and it was it was it was red like me,
Lotus hopeful about this. I mean other. Do we know like you, you like we if you throw in a pussyhat as we won't pick it up like you, have to literally be like bill. You ok, yeah. You know they like yeah, I'm when I'm there to do comedy, I'm not complete. This is where you know I mean, so I'm not do I mean see, I'm I'm definitely good, but I'm not going to gonna going to change know I mean they throw I don't I'll know how it happened. It was like. I think she asked me if you want to get something to eat, eat afterwards and we got something to eat and we were just talking- and I think this is for certain less, but we were away the club and then she made I need to come back to the card. It was like a weird. I was so goofy like play. Indian ocean we plug in and then put it was literally no. I was no gain
S pick me up. I won the lotto that we can live right, whoever she was mad at before she was lying on this. Do I want that in this really had I went down, is it was in a me thinking, about it. You know I mean, like that's a funny thing. 'cause it's your kind of working together. Yeah Little bars they always wind up hooking up like that's like the thing in bars, bartenders and waitresses, that people was doing that sort of average ambient. Like I mean I say in my twenties. I was more like Xenon knew how to like. I could change my act to get an audience member or whatever, like alright she's cute. Let me talk about this. Topic should come up that would suck you know, and then I would know how to do all last we'll go to the mall and invite somebody. You know that right, alright, but then, as how old are you
or prostrating your comedy yeah I was like this state sign was so valuable to me, and I was just like really I just wanted to just in there I was trying to figure out 'cause. It was at that time later on, it was about dvd sales like right now we had comedians. I sell out every time, I'm like I sell two dvd's up so then I saw what am I him I'm not doing so, then I would fix that, It would be like lines waiting for my dvd, but I'm a horrible salesman. So in the conversation for a long time. I want to be nice right and then the my line like you talking like, so I had to learn how to like keep it moving. You know what I mean and then I did not didn't really like talking to the audience that much afterward, something if I'm doing like racial stuff, because it would always come back to do this joke about how uh
busta rhyme with Busta Rhymes concert, and he said it was all white and he had all my real niggaz make some noise and everybody was like God, so the punchline is like white people than it is now like I always say in the only hum dinger they're, paying eighty five dollars for the privilege to be called near Brighton right. So then my job like white people, I'll call you knigge, are for in dollars say on the good clearance cash only because I know how you on, like that was like a joke. I would do in a row and then I'll be out some some of my d v D. Always you know I a drug white person will come up and give me twenty dollars ago. Nega, like I call you in LA that's a problem when you get forbidden words forbidden words, man now can't wait to blur him out, can't at least that we used to joke like what. If that was my thing like well, what about didn't, sell product, and I was like yeah
just call me niggard the back for twenty dollars in like to shake up the T dvd selling things like who is this guy. Let me why people call me you know, but it it if get gas, so you know is that growth process every comedian, every I think minority comedian wants to figure out race like in their 20s and early 30s. They want to fix it. I have some clever angle and no ones there for but the reaction to that is you do like if you work, Kentucky right. The late show riding he you come talking about? You know a black man invented the golf tee because he's tired of holding the ball. Like the light look, you know I mean it's like a different for you, gotta these you figure it out. You know so now it's funny when I hear like younger comics, you know, attack in raisin in that familiar place is like yeah, that's cool, but what's like. What's
beyond that right. But it's also like you dealing with talking to the audience and the problem with talking to the audience is you I run into seven people that are really cool and a great to talk to you like man, I'm glad I met you, yes and then you run a due to drunk morons that ruin your entire night yeah like. I can't believe I have to talk to you and I'm stuck talking you in your. You know your the problem. Is you think you can make fun of white people and white people can't say the n word. Do you like? Do you think you think that's okay, you could say it does. We can cheese ten of his conversation with jet stream. I can't do this yeah, it's like when you do. You can't pick your meeting after the show rises, especially if you trying to sell something yeah. I just don't want to have to sell something I just It's too much work, yeah and then I'll talk to you afterwards, because I I I did what you pay for this I used to march with me. I did a few times on the road. It is grueling scrolling. I can't do it Kim campy you get on a plane with so much from
I see all these poor. I know due to ship ahead. Would ship boxes ahead tape everything down yeah? I need here about game, yeah, Gabriel, Is he selling it million dollar? The teacher of the I know how what you doing yes kind of warehouse filled with t shirts what yeah yeah I'm not fat, I'm fluffy, but he's killing it. Yeah, it's interesting world the world of like trying to figure out what you're saying is yeah yeah yeah, we just gotta, let people punkin know this come see me yeah. You know you just gotta be head. On the road man. I gotta put out special anybody approached him about a special know of the two that I've done. I've done out of pocket. I got stories about that. I did one in two thousand seven. I made you a lot of money, doing colleges um 'cause. I really I was like. I cannot make some money and quick hits
in figured out what my act was with the college market and I finally, my agents would never put me in NACA nationals. They would always do Knacker regionals in Naches the National Association of Campus activities, where you know you, you gets submitted in in colleges. You know yeah. I did all that yeah yeah, so but I knew I never or rarely or never got selected to regional, because my humor works best if people, if everybody can see it at that time like when I was talking about so if I did something someone from the south to be like that but someone from a man shut up, that's dope. You know I mean so I said nationals would be my spot. He finally put me in I get picked. I get to do it, and this is right when Kobe got accused of stuff an I had this Kobe joke that I did in my agents was like keep it clean. I think I'm doing this my way, in the all these years and so and I and I knew what the kids want it like. I knew right with the students vh1 it once I get once you get
today at school. The act that people think they have to do to get the job so I did my at my duties is Kobe jokes in the middle and it it changed. Chemistry at a room. You know what I mean 'cause, everyone was coming out, you know doing the safe stuff and then the Kobe joke that I told was Kobe. I paid thirty million dollars to drink sprite. Thirty in dollars just to drink sprite, I go for thirty minutes 'cause I would drink my own come. I say it is on an active thing right. Women aren't. They have done it for far less that's the joke. Right right place goes crazy. I get all staged my agent. Is but there's a line around the corner. At my booth 'cause, I was the only guy that talked about something that was happening like right, then, and I had a thing on it get over like one hundred and twenty schools, and I and I did that burn every you know that is so. You saying you made a bunch of money and then you put together a special made, a bunch of money put together
so called anonymous. South Bend in 'cause. I was in these writers rooms where people going to Midwest doesn't get it. The midwest doesn't get it nothing. I want to show him at the Midwest gets hired everybody right director I want it. Couldn't do it refer to another director. I had already which is the place in air time and all that stuff, and I have from everybody hates Chris. They were going to do favors for me, so my budget was at say it was at like forty thousand dollars right. Then I had to hire this other guy and he said I don't like when people don't know you gotta hire all my people doubles. My budget we took a scouting trip, met his dp. They had my act, they knew all my moves like I had this down: Cold Terry Crew Cruise flew in an introduced me and when we get on a plane to fly, the director says the dp is not going to make
I found out later he took another gig. So now I'm performing my special, then I'm spending now one hundred thousand dollars on in front of four camera, guys who have never seen my at oh no, an I do the special and it went great, did two shows I'm still hype about it, get back the footage, this guy, that whatever you could this is the medium, shot, Saul focus both shows no blurry, so no, my personal as over. My left showed, which is now so I couldn't resell it so I had to put it on Youtube and my boy calls it the most expensive demo tape on Youtube. All my god. It's called OMA Smith Anonymous, and I was so I was stressed man last patch of hair. It was, it was contacted dp and go with the fuck. I never did wow, I never did
it's crazy. How did you not like I fucked you, I just I didn't pay the director to this PAM I paid his crew. I paid everybody else biggest check ever road at that time and Would you say to him? I said I'm not paying you I go. You know, ' not paying you- and I said you two shows to see if I could have done my whole act over with not an like. I knew it that well well. Just to you know this in my whole purpose was to be sold. As you didn't. Listen to me, It was this thing 'cause he had only done music. He had done comedy very special and oh and the reason in that year every directed I came and directed everybody hates Chris Episodes. I would take them to lunch. 'cause I found out. They did comedy specials and I would pick their brain on it right now yeah. So I was very confident in what I needed an this didn't work. And so that put me like, I was scared to spend my own money on anything else, going to do anything for ten years and then uh
I sort of special on iphones I bought ten iphones. We lit the place right, a sad economy special and then I return the iphones videotape myself returning iphones and got my money back, and I released that special we sent out to Netflix and at the time they the not the people who are there now, but the people who were there before I heard they just I wasn't famous enough to have a netflix, does a lot of people that aren't very famous of Netflix special stuff yeah. It could be argued that could yeah the argument so that that was in the other. You know, so I just put that up on you to do is call good luck, everybody! Those are the two also. These are available now yeah, you still watching the one that you shot with iphones, good luck, everybody I just how much that costs associated with iphones it cost me. I paid an editor. So if I didn't pay him, it would have cost me less than,
one thousand dollars. That's a great deal yeah with the editor. It cost me to bargain. Maybe eight and even when Dave Attell did something where you get the audience: jammers yeah, let them film them yeah! It's great! That's a smart yeah. If you got something to say it, don't matter how you had a moment is captured, I feel like it just saying just doing something like that. I'm especially Dave like Dave, is on his best. If you seen David, tell he's out of best in these small crowds, small audiences yeah, he was at the improv last week, whole areas he went on dead last year. Audience is half gone, everybody's tired. He still hilarious, he's fantastic man. I used to go up after him a lot at the seller and it was like it was beautiful ' and the way he would yellow watching him work. These are real like a real master of his craft. Yes, you know- and there is a real veteran yeah yeah yeah- not this. He's got so much material. He's. Always writing a constantly writing. You know change
smoking in writing. I know I know yeah way, so those are the two that I've done, but not not yet. Hopefully somebody approached me to because I have some stuff that I really would love yeah man. We gotta get out there. We gotta get out there yeah. Store right now is so crazy. How many towns and people are there and the of on the top place on fire. Last night, though, I wanna tell any was bits, but God damn he had me crying it's like so my and people right now that are so good? It's weird! It's like the level at places like never before Never before I mean I started there in ninety four in the levels: terrable there's a bunch of Bodachs bunch of guys from the road that, like they, they had started out there in the 70s and they were still around. They had the same act. I mean there was some literally some people that start out there in like seventy eight years floating around in ninety four and they were just fucking terrible. It was death and then, somewhere around, two thousand and maybe like
four five started picking back up yeah and it was pretty good for a couple years. Then I bolted in two thousand and seven after that Mencia thing and I didn't come back until two thousand and fourteen and now it's just is, is never seen it like this. Never seen the this. Level. This is so many funny nines around the corner. To is so inspiring like now is amazing and the store help me to Mendis Lee, specially the or 'cause uh, You can't charm your way through a bit. You know, like you, have to know what you came to say and I love that I love that it sounds. It challenges you as an artist to really alright yeah. Okay, like you, can giggling delight in the right right. You see people try to it's a glowing steroids, it's our audience filled with comedy nerds yeah. You know it's a lot, it's a different where it's a different place. Now yeah, he used to be like you get away with way more there. It's now to
level so high, it's just the the the expectations are so high. It's great man, yeah the best place to build a muscle was that when you go anywhere else is like. I know that it's it's running with weeks on yeah, but listen man, I'm glad we got you in here and I'm going to see it and we're going to be on that. The benefit that we're doing my friend Justin rent, that's December sixth, at sold out. Folks, that's for the fight for the forgotten. They build wells in the Congo and that's going to be at the comedy store to be you and me, and Tom a girl Tom pop Tony Hinchcliffe get it and with the with the coming days, powerful ROC guys soon cool. Thank you all once methylation german here. What's your twitter, some people want to for real number for real Instagram same thing same thing, all thanks brother! Thank you thanks. Everybody, for into the podcast, and thank you to our sponsors thanks to stitch Fitch, what stitch Fix St Itchfix go to stitchfix dot com.
Forward, Slash Rogan to get started to day and you can get twenty five. Off, when you keep all five items in your box, that stitchfix dot com, Slash Rogan to get started today, and thank you to zip recruiter, go to ziprecruiter dot com, Slash Rogan, that's Ziprecruiter, dot com, four slash Rogan go there and you can try Ziprecruiter for free, that's right, you can post jobs on zip for no money do go to ziprecruiter dot com forward, Slash Rogan. They will let you try that shit out. Ok, ok, it we did it. Thanks everybody for tune into the podcast, appreciate you much and see you soon, bye bye?
Transcript generated on 2019-11-16.