Todd Glass is a stand-up comedian and also hosts his own podcast called “The Todd Glass Show”. His latest special "Act Happy" is available now on Netflix.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey everybody how's it going this. Audience Saturday, I'm on the road Friday night we're in Nashville at the Ryman as we do, the grand Ole Opry and then the next night at ovens Auditorium in Charlotte, First show sold out, but there still some tickets available for the tenth PM show if you come any of the shows, including king's in Brooklyn the, weather in Boston. Any of these shows you got how to bring a paper ticket. If you have your ticket on your phone, it's going to be a problem, using those yonder bags where they put your cell phone in the back. We actually talked about it on the podcast today with Todd Glass, I know it's paying the ask for some people. It makes you show one hundred times better Don one hundred, but you get it. You get what I'm saying I get it if you're not into it, I get it Joe dot. Com is the website and that's the only stuff that we have for sale right now. There will be more dates that all men,
going to announce after April, but it's going to be once I get this special out of the way today show is brought to you by the cash app the cash app. Has this amazing thing that they're doing now there answering fight for the forgotten, so, every time you use the cash app and you use the promo, Joe Rogan. You will get five dollars and, more importantly, five dollars will go to fight for the forgotten, which is my good friend, Justin wrens charity that builds well holes in the Congo Rainforest since two thousand and fourteen water for an fight for the forgotten have combined forces to free uh. Even pygmy communities in the Congo from slavery and provide safe water to seven for communities giving life, saving and rare, clean water, nearly forty five thousand people and they're just getting started if you never heard of this before, and
interested in listening about it. Listen to Justin Wren talk about on the pod cast he's been on several times. There's a documentary. That's been done about him, he he's an amazing guy and what he's done has been nothing short of life saving to these people since partnering with the cash app and the action of the jre community. We have raised enough money to provide to communities, Congo, rainforest with clean water, along with sanitation and hygiene education to learn more visit water in the number for water, for Org, slash fight for the forgotten Remember that when you download the cash app into the code where Joe Rogan, you will receive five dollars and for more importantly, five dollars will go to this great cause, very, very cool, very, very cool that a company would do that, and it's been amazing offered for water for for five for the forgotten for Justin's.
Quest to provide these people with water that God is Real ST. It goes down there several times a year. It's got malaria on three different occasions. I mean it's just it makes you feel like a piece of shell when you're around him, my god it could be. A person, is that good, we're also brought to you by zoom video conferencing. Video conferencing has changed the way we do business lays and people, don't you don't have to be somewhere physically anymore. Sometimes you do any sign shit or something, but you can get away with a lot more stuff with something like zoom video conferencing, fewer long distance. Trips and more facetime time the click of a mouse in twenty eighteen clear winner when it came to these sort of applications is zoom zoom, flawless, video pin drop
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Business month is over at the end of the month, legals dot com. Slash start up. No obligation just free business resources, Legalzoom dot com, slash start up, hi You thought this fucking ads will never end. Did you didn't you? The ads are done and the podcast has begun. Dun Dun Dun, please welcome great powerful Todd glass. The Joe Rogan experience think of any other way to start off what I thought you, wow soon, so you do have new Netflix special. I do. I don't want this to be like in a you know, but but I but I, but I I like
I'm actually proud of it. You know it's like I'm still proud of it. You know, you're, only a certain amount of time will go by where I'm like all the time. Even now, I've gotten it better on the road, because you know I've zeroed, day of the shoot at you go out on the road in your murder and you have a little fun with it yeah and that's when you go and then you go, I, but I'm still proud of it and was my favorite thing. I've it did. The guy did Jeff row is the guy who and Scott Moran, but just everything I wanted they did it perfect. That's awesome to look the do it. I did. It did Lyric but in the lyric is great, but there's no doubt is the lyric is play. If I get Melrose and MEL is Labrea pretty, but but they sort of It is a shell and it's already a pretty cool club, but you know the biggest. Woman I got someone said you know. What's weird about your special, I want to go there and it doesn't exist
What it looked like like, where is that they had good set people date? It just looked like a cool jazz club in New York City. That was maybe, but not it wasn't small 'cause. It was in after you know, sometimes it's small, but it's shity. It's That's the look and it's cool, it's sort of a key. What's the word Kichir yeah, I don't know what that word is really sure I mean that's the look they want. I didn't want that. Not that I think that's bad, because some people have done really well and it's a cool way to see a comedian just in a cool little raw space. But I wanted small but like like it's a joke s club in New York City, but it's like a hundred and fifty bucks to get in and holds a hundred people to get that type of thing run, like a theater, Will you help design one of my all time, favorite clubs, helium and Philly. You helped design that place. Didn't you well when Mark Mark, he acme? A loosely? You know, touch in Philly, probably love to give you advice right so when it was just a warehouse like cement
I met him down there and he's fear of open up a club? And you know I told a lot of stuff. I wrote I I I made like we'll email. You know, like six pages of you know, here's the very detailed things and you know what he lists. Into a lot of it. I gotta give him credit. You know, that's awesome. It's great fucking club is it like. There's something about those intimate spaces like one things. I've known as well I'll, take people on the road with Maine. Is it I have never worked at theater like it takes a few tries to get they go. Ok. This is a whole different thing. There's so many people here you got to kind of project out to them. It's like a different thing: it's not you, don't feel them, The way you feel I'm at in the are right. Unlike a Wednesday night right, or comedy works in Denver Weather. On top of you, like you, feel the people there more
yeah, and then you learn it pretty quick, though yeah you know you ever do the belly room at the store. I've done it a few times and of course it's love little room yeah, like I love like to Tempe. You always did that side room on purpose. They would you try everything to the big place with the side place. You know not to get too you get it yet for this other listeners I was jealous, I remember I came over. I was in the other, the regular one, which is great. I was having. So it is with one Joey. I went next door and watched. You like this room is better with around well even in DC, which I think is a good example Dc? Has a sixty seat room an whenever I'm in there I go like I give it ahead of a two piece band playing with the black tablecloth on all the tables, the light sure Jell Blue. So now people are turning the corner into this,
blue room with two guys, with black suits playing jazz as they're being seated and eating. So now I don't feel like it's an after. What you just said I'll take it as a compliment. The uh meeting, that's in the main room there, which is awesome, room yeah, but you look into the little room in your like it. Just looks like something is going on and that's how I wanted to look no makes sense yeah. I know it does make sense. It's it's more of a hang right. The big show and your style, so loose on stage like lends itself to intimacy when itself to those nice compact spot Do you ever do the ice house that the annex room I mean not for ever but yeah? I know what you mean. I think that was that the crazies, the ice house is about as deep as this room. This, it goes sideways side a little bit. I think the whole room that annex only gets what is it like? Seventy people, maybe seventy people, All the chairs are like facing the audience that says oh, no! No! No! No! No!
you're sitting there you're going to say goodbye to your friend for a little while this yeah right, like some of the improvs like there's like, and then the people watching this show like this, and they have to kind of turn look past the person next to him, they're trying to feed you food too, like you're working in one slash. Two restaurant, the thing about I will say this about a good club most of the foods been served. I couldn't do what I'm about to tell you that I've done so if the club has to at least good to go. Now we get the food that we have we can get out, but I'm time the show started we try to have the room service so in the event and like helium, does that, but so I started making this announcement and I would tell people 'cause. I do my own preshow announcement has to do with what you said about when they're sitting sideways right and I would just go real com rely, go other than that. Folks, now is a good time to bring your chair around you're, always going to have to annoy someone to the right or left you but now's the time to do it in once, all the Here's your face, the this will get. This thing started play little house and then you know, they. Wouldn't do it, but I'd another thirty seconds. I'd go so we're just
and for all those chairs you get turned around and then we'll get started. So it looks like we're close to Showtime and the in time boom boom boom boom boom boom. Every chair in the room they're like oh they're, not, but you know, get it it's a pain in the S, and if I was in the audience, I wouldn't want to turn my chair around, but guess what once so made me do it, you didn't. The show better than they do. We got it. You know this, the if you ever do those used over yonder bags. You know those back These are the makes you put their cell phone in about Denver has them. Denver using for all the shows. Now I start using them for all my shows just or a company comes in and just does it for you, you hire them. They come in and then, when they put the bag the phone in the bag they still hold onto their phone. You can leave the room if they get a phone call off. Like you have a kid or something that someone's watching the kid you can always get out of the room make call, but you can't call but when you're in the room- and I was having people calling people and talking on the phone, you could see them talking on the phone while the shows going on and people around him would be getting Pist off
and not someone on, twitter comments on it and you just everyone's got their phones up and look. I know I've done it too. I'm totally hypocrite when I honey honey with Gary Clark, given form in this little tiny room and downtown allows a midnight showing look at Tuesday and I filmed it and I put it on my instagram. So I know I'm a hypocrite, but that was uh. Occasion, it wasn't a comedy show what it's like a common. So you have to pay attention to what the going on, if you, if you're filming it you're, not definitely not paying full ten right it's it's not you're, going to miss some stuff. It's just not the same thing. When you filming shift like everybody is just even if you're not you're, checking this and checking texts and boy we've got a real. Shin problem in this country. This. These are new things. What's your new objects, I I realize, because I'm not delusion all that the amount of it I can put most of it to breast, with a pre show announcement where I'm at in my career, but again as you get to different levels.
There's different intensity. So I don't I get it, but the. I, I changed my pre show announcement when I went to see Brian Regan the person next to me, hi they were texting. I couldn't hear them matter of fact. Even had there the light down, so you think well what could buy other make and it did and it didn't matter if it was right or wrong. I know what it was. I wanted the person next to me to be loving him as much as I was giving him and the fact that I saw on their phone all night. Even they weren't, making a peep. It started to bother the fuck outta me getting angry. And then I went well, that's uh! I'm going to do same thing at my show. I don't turn your thing all the way down. I I know you think you pull it out your knee because seriously, if you put your phone out after this announcement, you you look like it. There I go and other than that, we're glad you're here and you know what it you just have to take it out and it's been a little longer. But it works about people are really are. This is a really new thing, the more I'm thinking
The more, like looking at your phone constantly is really only ten years old right like I was in a dish, the not the I've phone came around two thousand and nine right before that people were a little texty people. People more texty than others, they really got into text messages, but once that Iphone came out and once people started doing a bunch, Stop an apps and stuff on your phone. It changed the whole game you know I don't know with this topic. If I'm like I could be way off, for it could be off kilter the way I come to my conclusion about, like you know you know, It is a weird thing and even me I could acknowledge it. Otherwise I don't acknowledge it and then you're never going to tell some of the opposing side. If they don't think you get what you see it, but it just seems like in the past now. This could be different with no notion organist at all. This could be a different thing: every time they think. There's one of these things like tv radio to seems like we get past. I think
it passed it. I don't. You know what I mean that in the think the world is going to explode. No, I'm worried about certain, I'm not worried about this. You human race, but I'm more but the lives of certain people. If that makes sense, It's like saying like. Are you worried that cracks can destroy the human race? No, I'm not worried that crack is going to destroy, but I do think you can destroy the lives of some people and I feel the same way about this right, like the texting like a hot not just that. It's it's like being plugged into electronic to the point where that's, where you're getting most of your stimuli from you getting artificial stimuli. My concern This is a real concern. Is that we, we're getting really into that and then let it take the next step, which is some sort of an implant I feel like this is, like it were in a movie. We're going to move about a person that becomes a machine and we're watching this rationalization process, as we slowly get more and more ingrained and interconnected with technology will definitely in our lifetime
have somebody hundred percent. I try. You were just a dressing like we said before, like I I catch myself, and I It's really try like if I had to give myself a grade on how much I've improved and like turning the phone off like loving it for what's great about it. I give my so maybe a c minus, but it means I've made some strides in like joining it off you're, not enough not enough not to import matter. Fact. I remember a week ago I was to the grove and I went, meeting. Anybody and I left my phone in the car, strong move strong room, though it sucked, as far as like roof hi to ideas, and I was high and I did want to write him down. I, when I that's the thing about leaving your phone in the car the ticket, picture show someone a picture or it doesn't have to always B, but anyway I try to go, and you know never never walking through ever walking through a line down actually could encourage you to write you hate. Writing but saying
You can only use your phone when you have a note or an idea. That's the only time you could use it well It's like a loophole like I'm pretending that I don't even have this phone and less. I need to make a note know what I put it on airplane mode. You could put it on airplane mode they still have the other stuff, although it weighs my pants down. Oddly enough, that's true good conversation right. It does do that, no problem since it that's why I like Fanny packs people just mock me relentlessly. Can I tell you I think, there's no way. I say it all the time when I go. If I had my Altoid's and then I have a pipe yeah, and then I go what the fuck you're a pipe guy. I still you for some reason: old school soul to what what else like? What do you, like jazz clubs like high? What do you do like? What is your typical way of mostly joints ends? You know it's the rolling of the joint that I am. I have a question for you, okay, and I think you I know the answer I smoke, I'm not going like you know, pressure, blame you
If something happens, I know I can switch conversation complete, but you might have the answers. I have two things I want to ask you a question: did I interrupt, okay, I smoke. Now seven nights a week, wow so I'll have a good joint I would say if I had to put it in joint size, maybe a joint per night. So it's not that tremendous amount, not just not that I'm saying I don't want prize for that. Just for me it works better at night, but I say I quit smoking, and I did I quit smoking. I used look around a pack and a half a month. Is this is bad packing alpha month is pretty. It wasn't horrendous. I quit, because I had a couple yeah yeah. Is this smoking seven nights with just a joint is bad as when I smoke cigarettes. No, it's not it's not the same thing. It's not even close know know designing There's no evidence that marijuana smoke causes cancer we can do is get respiratory irritation. You can like it can fuck with you
voice input about Charlie, but you can avoid all that stuff was gonna say with a vaporizer. Vaporizer is the way to go, but it is a different high. Oddly enough riser seems like a little bit more clean in some weird way like it when I get high with a vaporizer, I'm always like. Well, this is like a it's almost as if can sound, so crazy. There's something that's there's a something that has to do with the fire, interacting with the plant that can shoot in nature. This is like something about a little point just take it in and you just I feel natural. When I vaporize, I feel alien when I vaporize, I feel this. What this is is like. Let's extract all,
but it is to be a living thing and get to the molecules. What's the molecule, what temperature to heat those pitches up? I can shove him right in your bloodstream that sort of a privacy vaporized like hang on hand up like woo, like it's just it's not connected the same way. It's connected to different weights bought they're. Both amazing I'm, it's not. As much as me call probably agree, I agree with you most people. Do I think they'll be like yeah. I know it's a different thing, even a joint, I don't roll joints because I'm lazy, but when ever someone has a joy and they put a I go. This is when I, this disc, just and so yeah. I get I get a little higher I'd like to smoke joints the. If it's a good. It feels like it's real, clear. What's happening. You know it. A lot of these vape pens get oppressive five times then hold on you continue, don't know. What's in that oil man who's making that stuff and get yelled at yell at you, when you can't do it, Is it twice? I did go. Easy is safe rice with the press. It twice. I got one more thing
around with spray gene spray, it reflect around hello, do you know jumbo? Is he put it in the water? She notes Superorganic, really high end edibles and spray, and this fucking spray will put you on the moon. Wow. Do you have any wow, but I have to drive. I have some some hang with me today. John Brown Wagner there a shout out. Ok, this is this. This is the thousand milligram like if you drank the whole bottle, it's thousand milligrams too much, Oh yeah, I wouldn't have a half of spray so think, I'm safe to do it right now. It's always fun to experiment spray spread specially 'cause you're saying to do it. You know why you know why it's more comfortable, because if something happens to me, and I can't blame me a little delay in a I want to do it now, I'm like the worst crack dealer. However, you do now. Well I mean
do everybody wants to do it taste. You may have a little half one and then I want to I do have a question. You know you might have an answer. What did you have one slash, two, his break. I had one spray good enough. Ok, alright, we're in. Who other question you think why am asking you this, but I think you might have an answer so but I'm being totally honest, I am exhausted. Dealing with like it's not like it's a big deal, but the first time you whether you can emit major things in your life. Like, oh, I have a drinking problem. Let me stupid little things. Yeah mine is eating I am exhausted from doing it the wrong way, and everything comes back to me for self control. So when, I want to tell me about it. I know it's not portions. I know a portions. Are I just want to eat more, so it's all down to how do I get self control. I have zero, I mean I'm not going call zero self control. Then I don't know what the hell
going to college and, as you are out for me, I know you're, not a very hard yourself. I think you have self Control Todd. I think you're, wonderful man, but your your whole areas and, one of the reasons why you're hilarious is because you're so you're free, you're, impulsive and that sort of that it's very difficult for that to lend itself to dietary discipline. It's like how would I eat it, fuck it. So you just need it right. That's you, but it's also part of. Makes you such a hilarious comic? It's like you, have these impulses Well, you don't feel better that you don't want to come in for at least with what you're saying you don't want discomfort and you want to have fun. It's like it's right there, their money. I want to eat that food. It right is that it. The thought of me like picture me that that the can shoving cheese, cake in my mouth and my friends are like looking at me like Todd. I go Joe Rogan said that, because some creative that I should eat whatever I want. He said it and you can go listen to his podcasts. He said that I should.
He told Joe Rogan and you can go listen. He said clear out the mini bar before you get in your hotel beds, even if even if you're not really hungry, 'cause, I'm creative. Ok, so I don't have control over this. There's also problem not problem with discipline is a problem. Discipline. I think that hit me already yeah for sure. Now, that's probably just a weed here. It takes a little while for this prayer game, usually few more minutes than that uhm. I forget my point. Note that point at out. The self control that when you, if you really disciplined people and comedy they don't go well the weather that much either because you're too driven into disciplining, that's almost always dickey You know I mean, like you know, I'm saying like if two disciplined too rigid
who determined and and like two he asking about success? You get Dickey. Let me ask you this yeah and I'm not This thought could be wrong, like I'm, okay with thinking something and then maybe finding out. But whenever comedian and I bet, there's funny ones out there because over the years I remember my can't think which ones, but they definitely exist. They are funny. You know they are funny they've never smoked drank. Can you be a good comedian? If you haven't done? I think I think you'd be a good comedian. If you're a man, you could be a good comedian. If you're a woman, you could be a good comedian if you're, gay or trans, you just you're a good comedian if you're a good comedian. Is that is. Why do I ask that? Because I'm not sure bear stance that takes a lot of people that are really good, that don't do on and never yeah they don't. They don't have a desire to you, No, it's just everybody's brain works different and some people like the idea
of losing control with a substance is not not fun right. They don't like that feeling, but they can we push it together. You know, I know a lot of people that don't drink, they don't do anything, but they keep their shit together, an maybe that's better for them. I feel like it is. I don't know I know as I ask that you gave, the answer that you know to go. Right, you're right, but, like I s c, it means that I had a question about that and I th and and that I I think I've talked about so it's in the past, and once I was like somebody was saying. Well, he may be what, if you're not experimenting it, but no there's. A billion ways to to do Those things you use pot to do without the pod off. Well, I think I use that out. I use yoga for that too man, go into hot yoga class hard and it's like a drug thank you get a lot of thinking done in there, man when you're just holding these poses and is no, no music. No, nothing! Just everybody in the class breeding is a ninety minute class.
There's some sort of psychedelic effect. There is some sort. Cleansing of the mind. I think that's one of the is that we overlook when it comes to mental health, that your brain to be cleaned out. You can't just like it's stagnating, think on thoughts. Your brain needs to to your physical body, clean your brain out a little bit can get rid of some of the stress and tension. You can see things clearer like those terms, breast reduction, tension relief? What does that mean? That means away? You think okay, you're doing something to your body that Rat really alters the way you're going to think about things and everybody supposed to do it. And one of the problems in societies that you don't do it, but you have these instincts that are built into your body from thousands of years, of what the what people asked if their bodies, two thousand and thirty generations ago, were all those same people. So if we deal with what our body, just some physical activity, getting he's, get the blood flowing. If you don't your
you like now you're looking over overflowing battery or something I as far as the stopping thing think I have a great idea for people to do to get a smidget of what it's like to stop. If you go ok, I won't meditator. I won't do this, I get it. I get it, but this. If you do it, I promise. Whoever does it that's listening will go you'll, get a little taste of it and it all happens naturally, but it started by accident. But then I we started realizing it's about stopping, so we want only is about we probably ten is ago. After dinner or before dinner, I had some hot washcloths and I was like just so get a chinese restaurant joking around, but we all did it. And then we realize well that really stopped us the heat, putting it on your face. Yes right so now I make it. I have a ritual that I do I do I have it all figured out I get like is the less people, the better, because the hot washcloth has a short shelf life. It is to be so scorching hot. When you hand the people, so by the time the
it their face. Your right arm so use the tea kettle poured over like six of them and here's the rule. The radio goes off? Sometimes you think I leave it on. I don't feel like walking over and turning off note, even if it's jazz off- and I ask Everybody- check the pulse of the room if one. If you take yours off when you're ready to start talking to you see all three people still have it on their face each and I go all break it, but just once the hot, once you get the hot washcloth in your hands, a good gonna be but you're gonna wanna go how it's hot it's way too hot hotter than you think it is so just get ready. I give everybody one they put on the face. No one even has to tell the take a deep breath. You naturally do after like a second 'cause, you need to see you go, then you let it out, and then I go and then you literally spiritually you shut down, and then you wipe your hands literally. Take some of the dirt off your answer in the day and we always think leash it resetting yourself, that's a simple way to get a taste of, and we always
that joke we're like well, we just going to eat and then we're going to go throughout the whole day and then open our food. Ok! Well, yeah. You know, of course, stop you got us and that hot washcloth it's like fuck yeah. I think your brain has requirements for those things, those kind of things I think so. Those kind of moments are really good for your just, your outlook, a reset, I think that's like the same feeling of a maybe a primitive man would get what he would like walk up to the edge of a cliff and see like some crazy view and see nature and birds flying around the sun Wow. You know hey, this is yeah, I'm getting chased by leopards, everyday, but look. This is fucking amazing, renewed enthusiasm about life. About life itself and the simplest things. Obviously I have a fear I'll give myself any credit. When I have these talks when things are going well, like it's good health you know like, but if I can,
can be in a tense moment and get out of it right where I would have, then I then I'll be proud of myself yeah. That's the thing not all that motivational speaking stuff right like yeah. It's like the guy. Who's doing all the motivational. Speaking if he's pulling up rolls Royce. He lives in a big mansion, so I your enthusia stick. Look. Everything is going great. How are you If someone takes all the stuff away, then it becomes right. I can Can you be stoic? Can you be at peace when you're broke and you're by yourself and some one bedroom apartment somewhere? Can you can you do it all over again. That's that's a not You know, could you imagine if someone told you Dane Cook was the first one ever heard talk about this, so give him credit for that he said I would never want to try to do stand up again.
I think I could do it like that it is so hard to do that. I would never want to start and do it again. Do you ever think what it would be like if start again like right now, you don't you Zero jokes you've never heard stand up, but somehow I know that you have this vague memory of the grind that it takes to become an actual professional. I think I do it a heart, I think definitely definitely right. Definitely deaf but that's because you already know right your d or you could do it. It would be a toll, different things right now. You stupid question now that I think about it. Fuck Dane Cook Cook, just kidding, don't get upset, but I'm saying if you Think about it like that, doesn't even make any sense, because of course, you would know that you could make it. It would be way easier, even if started all can't believe him twenty one again to in up this is ridiculous.
Are you twenty one again again just are you? Are you have to start from scratch? I just do it to go back to get younger, but then, once you made the decision you would in and less you live in some bizarro world. We're allowed to live two lives, you wouldn't never even have memory right, twenty twenty one. That's what I thought you would you have to do is just say: yes, yes, twenty one again, this stupid, fucking question. Yeah, maybe having a little LOS, maybe he'd be like no. I said this and then I don't think he thought it through. You said something a minute ago, dice, that's what I should wait, shut down. Was it about the food thing? No, no! No! What were you just talking about before the we're talking about this unlike hard and then um. Then we got to like how difficult it would be to start over doing. I think anything like if you said that to a brain surgeon. You want to start from scratch. Start from. You know right right after graduate high school. I want to take it from day one freshman year college building just takes about getting through.
Oh no fuck, that did you. Think of, like I know two things I would have done like this before. So when did you start stand up? Eight skews may help. I was twenty one: did you is there job you when you were high school, did you think you thought you knew what you wanted to do? Maybe for a living now really my number one option was teaching Taekwondo, which already was doing that. Doing close, you already yeah, but I didn't I didn't want to fight anymore, and I didn't think that I didn't think to do build a real future in me teaching I didn't really like teaching everybody. I only like teaching people that were super enthusiastic aspic. I was young at the time like when I was started teaching. On my own, I was nineteen. I teaching a boss university.
I have my own school for your twenty one of nineteen wow yeah in Boston, yeah, Boston, yeah. I taught I taught a pass fail, a class like they can get credit or it, and I would say all you have to do- is just show up and you get an a just: try just trying to get it. It. Has nothing to do with your physical performance 'cause? The idea that everybody starting on the same page is ridiculous. Some of these people have like serious athletic backgrounds. Some of these people never Saturday in their life, and they thought it be fun to try something new, so the idea of like grading them against each other. I said I'll give you guys all in a man are you are you their age? Are you allowed to do that that's a teacher like they they will be. The the worst thing to do is fire Mana didn't care because it only paid like twenty bucks a month or something, but it was expensive, wasn't a valuable thing, but it was a prestigious thanks like a teaching at a university and I'm nineteen did most people get the AA everybody on a no I mean the one or two people show up for all the times. I taught I taught for a couple years, one or two people just didn't show up. You know you're always going to have that yeah,
two people just say they funk off, but I just made it fun and I was their age, and so we just did. Cool shouldn't kick pads and I talked about it. Hip and the stuff? And you know how to get things you can see them, there's something very enthusiastic about someone, regardless of what their physical ability is getting a little bit better and seeing it. Even if they start from nothing, and then you see just yes, yes, you're getting it you're getting, and then you see them being like that. That to me was what I was into, but I wasn't into is people that needed to be motivated? They just didn't they couldn't. They would just. How fast things they weren't enthusiastic. They were distracted. Maybe they were talking too much like that. You could do all that another time. But if you want to get good at this there's only one way you have to be really intra I'm getting good at it. You got to be really focused on all the things going right or wrong whenever
see a comedian. Like you go back a year to a club, you saw comedian he's a newer comedian if he has been going up at least twice a week and it's fifty two weeks later right, fun, to see that type of improved yeah and you're like wow. I like to yeah, maybe have gone up what three hundred times since you've been here yeah, but you can tell if they haven't. Do you have any friend is that you knew when you are professional and they were open. My car's, oh, you mean like there. Sessionals. Now, oh yeah, you are a full blown professional. You met them when they were an open, mic. Yeah matter of fact, it's me to a little plug. It does look like you set me up for it, but Blake Wexler is a comedian. He's a professional comedian. Now an he met me he was like fifteen or sixteen at helium an he was wearing connais, toga, sure that's where I went to high school. So of course you're, like you know, he said, he's a new comedian, so right away right when you're, high school and he's doing stand up comedy his with his dad we talked or like yeah, if you want to come back with your friends Saturday, I say
here's my number I'll put you on the guest list and then you know years goes by was in Philly. The my I said, hey Blake, you know, thanks for If it was, it would be a message, as even hey got your friends on the guest list for Thursday and then there's these messages. Then we became good friends so he told me. I saved everyone of your messages about a year ago and I've had people say that four, but then they go. They go to race through in a you know how it got my computer and I lost them. He came for about a year ago, with like fifty messages and so we put him on a cd and put him on them, and it's and twelve The messages from toddlers to break Wexler simple that, but the reason I think it's really pure is in a way which is a weird way to maybe see, say it, but it's just for- me to him like right now. There was probably three or four at the end, where I knew they'd probably end up on there, but I mentioned it. I go now. This whole thing is fucking ruined 'cause. I know you're making that CD, so now, I'm aware of it, but most of them never thought in the policy. So it's just
you talking to Blake and it sort of tells our friendship. You see the friendship grow, but it's their their their for their cell very funny, to hear them years later? That's a that's a cool thing to watch. Someone like that become a pro right, just see the on the first start now and that first year or so, who knows what's going to happen? you decide, I want to try, stand up and then we're gonna, open mic nights the first year. Who knows what's going to happen? I mean you might eat it a couple of times and I'd be like all right. This is is too painful this and one of the jobs that painful he. When you up. I know I could even I can't even think about getting a weekend like because you did the Mc Diane was on Wednesday and then sometimes you would host. That was a good thing to host the open mic night and then do Thursday best of Philly, but getting and I remember one sitting around with my friend he used you think, do you think you'll get a weekend ever I don't know like
I don't know why I didn't think I get weekend. I mean I was home, but that's what you think when you first starting out right, I don't know some our guide told me I'd get he was going to get a weekend. You know what I thought he doesn't know what the funk he's talking about. I thought 'cause, I'm not going to be so stupid to think. Oh Tony knows I'm going to get a weekend, but he probably didn't know he was he was. Comedy? Allied probably knew something you know: yeah he's going to be for you'll, be you'll, get a I got a weekend alright,. Yeah man, when you, when you talk when you talk, don't open my car, it's like you're talking to someone who is going to make a journey that like, if you had a hundred open Microsoft, what are the odds that they become professional? They Make it to you know working stand up, I'm guessing. I want to guess it's one out of a hundred well. It's when you say it that way. It is a bigger number, but if you take an isolated area like Philadelphia or whatever city- and you have any of these- you know when you go into town
Sometimes I don't know like some of the newer comedians they they hang out a lot. Sometimes they work at the club. Is there, but there's like a group of them and out of that group, whatever city it is, I always think somebody's going to maybe two, even maybe three different level, one or two at each level, but there's always one hundred guys right like started out with baby, I'm eating the cream of the crop, definitely are if it's in LA right, no, no thought about like when you're on the road, Lee or New York they come in. You mean, like Bloomington, has a scene and you think a lot of those people you two years later, like wow, look how good they are doing in there in New York now and there yeah. So in a small group but yeah uh, probably on the all, comedians in every city that are doing it right now. I guess it's a lot lower yeah. If what I'm saying is from the person who makes it on stage the first time every week at the comedy you're dealing with how many? What are the I it out.
Teen people in probably more twenty people under open, mic night 'cause. They do three minutes each. Let's just say they get up the people night, how many people are going to become professionals, it's might be one out of a hundred. It might be. Yeah that on that because yeah and then how many people some people go up once you know some mikes crazy. I I urge anyone if you're, not even in doing stand up just to go, watch an open mic night. And see the mania in the madness and what some of it is just someone who you are seeing is potential right, or no potential you've seen Those two things here you see someone where you go, that person is never going to be a stand up. Comedian, there's no way, there's just no way. You know like there's no way and then you're seeing huh maybe be yeah,
She was funny, oh yeah, sometimes when you say the first one where you go no way. It's not even needed uh, it's never based on we're, basing it on something. It's still a guess but we're going to something pretty fair telling their joke didn't go over and we're going. Oh, no. It's sometimes the vin. Now, when this of the personality might not lend itself to be, you know it's just like times their brains broken too some people, just their brains, not working right and they can kind of get by in regular life kinda, but you did you see them like, express himself like I'm, going to prepare something and bring it to the stage. And then people go. What in the is going on your head, sir. Those people and you just not. This is not going to may I mean maybe might be perfect for music. They might be perfect for being the front of a punk band or something. But it's just you know certain people, like? I think it might be one out of one hundred like if you bought?
I'm on stage with the song is got to be pretty bad too right, but you have like the others, obviously the people that have just so nobody thinks we're being babies here at the people that have physical risks. That's way worse thing right, first, responders, police officers, things along even in sports, I will say I can never do it because the comedy, show and often it happens Everybody can win in one night like if you're on the road and you're with two other comedians or three or whatever There's so many nights where everybody wins yeah great, but in the sports, as you know, I'm always saying I could I could I can't the pressure and I'm not even into sports. I don't give a shit about sports, but when I watch again Can I get a stomach ache for the other team? I'm like? Oh, I can't take a look at some of comedy is a sport. You know why it's 'cause, like you're attacking things, aren't there right, like you're, going after stupid laws and dumb that happened, like you, you're literally by you
in your words, in the way you're describing things literally having a little battle with something. That's not even there. I called verbal, I hope I say right verbal ship. What's it went in and they what do they do she lives right, personal, XIV's or so white sank, shank a verbal shouldn't you ship them shift. With your shank be back so you you should okay, sometimes when a comedian like has just a turn of phrase that would I always go out she of them with his words of physical shape, of I think there was crying it's fun to watch Mmhm yeah, and then somebody knows how to do it. Good, yeah! It's that's what roast battles? about rose battles, essentially a sport. They they would fucking mark each other mock each others lives in jokes and be really mean and some of it was like oh jeez. They would talk about their looks like all my god. Some of them were it's painful, and I I I will
I enjoyed it. I saw it up because it's almost a parody of a roast battle, think I sold at the comedy store in the little room and it was crazy, but so I'm I'm watching I'm like I'm too sensitive. I would it would crush me it would just fucking crush me. I don't want to know the jokes that they would make and of course, yeah. Some people don't care but to watch other people it was it was was exhilarating, great joke writing exercise. It is, unfortunately, some people are really good at that and then, but when it comes to their act, they don't they don't explore as much so think about if you're writing about someone like there's some people. My point is that there's Some people have seen that are really good at that row. Battle. I see a lot of people do it, but then you see their set, their actual stand up, setting like it's missing a spark right? There was a spark that you had when you were in combat with this other person 'cause. You knew they were going to be firing at you, so you are firing at them and it was all in fun, but there's also a chance to flex your comedic writing. Skills
Then, when you're on stage- and it's just you, then what it, what is? Is there any? juice right right, you upset a you'll excited. Are you Like what are you just like pretending? It's not a big deal you're on stage with the microphone in front of you 'cause, that's a real problem, too. Are you pretending not weird that your voice is amplified. This thing should motivate someone to it's just a great way to say that, like. Why are you you don't have to yeah, but come on what's going on here. Where are you? Why are you pretending, you're not fully aware that people are stand in front of you hanging on your every word? the comedian like that in the I don't, even the the city, but they had a, they had a roast. A battle arose battle, but the they were so late people from his like in the Polly and and it was it was crazy. That sounds awesome because you, it was also a great week. That's why I said it was a writing sample, because you know if you're
getting Doug. You could also make statements, political statements and go back and no one gets hurt because you're making fun of Hitler, but you still have to write great jokes the guy that did it. He was amazing like what the and I just thought. Oh, he should know that he should be. Writing. Because his standup is exactly what you just said and it wasn't it was, but the house like, this. I hope he knows like that. That's your strong point, the thing Is the stand up like when you're doing something like that? You have a little bit more freedom. It's more open, ended but stand. Upright people are paying to see you and you you're supposed to be getting laughs right, not getting laughs is feeling it disappointment the audience and when you're doing new stuff man- this is uh, distinct. Possibility there's going to be no fuckin' laughs in the spot where you wanted there to be laughing like yikes. I thought that was a way funnier idea, or maybe I just Stop the way I said, or maybe I just have to stretch it out-
and figure out where the good spots are and then start hacking it up and editing it. You know, but this is going to be a real problem with bombing you get that you have going to be at have to be comfortable. Saying joke. That's just not that good and some people just aren't so they get to that spot and they thought that let's do some tried and true boom. Let's him with some proven stuff. Boom. I know you got me nervous one night at the comedy stuff I just yeah. We were like just everybody. You were right. You were like ok, all new stuff, everybody knew how this yeah and then I was like oh shit, oh because we're supposed to that was the show or something where and I was like I was up on stage and maybe he's never seen this one. This is well We have that wasn't a stand up on the spot. Show that was Nick use of show right his new stuff show. I think it was that I forget It was but that show you're supposed to only work on New Shitt, when we're, only has like a weird rule where we wouldn't use of- and I came up with that- we're like that. It can't be any older than six weeks old any bit that you have those self police
but any bit older than six weeks old. You got, remember exactly 'cause, I would have thought that that's a good move right six weeks. Six weeks is like you got some time. Let's, let's make sure you're saying it's fresh enough- it's yeah it's new enough, but it's also like you, should have worked it out a little bit. Yeah. That's right! That's more than fair! More than fair right, more than fair might even be for weeks. Four weeks might be the real, pull back a little bit hold back a little three three weeks, maybe wow three was dangerous to remove things. You've said it five six times. What more do you want? Sometimes there's a bit that works real good and then doesn't ever see those bits they just I think this one is going to be a quarterback and then sometimes I never know either. If I video tape, so maybe I'd learn. Do you record yourself? I don't. I don't, and I and I'm so embarrassed, because I know how good it is to do it. When did it five or six times in my whole career, and it was it did so much good that you would think they want, because I'm lazy, you know,
so what you're just saying that you go to a joke and it just dead, which you know it's just like. I started This thing- and it really helps me, get out of those moments so I'll just I'll hit the punchline nothing whatever it was blue. No, but then I realized instantly so here's what I just did sometimes in comedy. Ladies and gentlemen, you get to an end of a joke and it's not the crowds fault 'cause you're great, but it just doesn't land. It's comfortable for them, they feel bad for you. So what I did when I hit that period about thirty seconds ago, I just been talking nonstop ever since, and now we're here and everybody's happy that's perfect. That's perfect, for, like fifteen, seconds, and then they figure out how we say we're going to figure. I go so about fifteen seconds ago. I hit a punch and it wasn't your fault. And now here everybody is great. A Hawaii and then the whole like a whole new premise: whole new premise launches those like that's like Jesus Christ. It's like building a house out of your plantings,
seed when you're watering the ground and then the tree, comes out in your way for it to grow, then cut it. You're talking about a whole, not not start. Whole new premise, like weird out their premises or premises, you've never discussed before things you never thought of before you go into a whole new way of thinking about stuff is so much fun. Isn't it fuqing it's awesome. It really is. I still read like it really is: just an and you know the recorder, like on the phone. Let's change that too, because I don't like writing stuff down. I could say that changed my life do do do do the text speech to text We just talk into it and write your notes for you. That's amazing that everyone- I can just put jokes on there, but if I, if I you know the recorder that recorder man that just clean my head up, yeah recorders giant to pick deal yeah man, anything where you can catch those slippery thoughts, like, I think, Neal Brennan said it best. I think he called his notebook he's like this is like a net where I catch ideas.
And I was like- oh that is a great way of looking at it. That is a great way of looking at it, because some ideas just go away like they are so profound they're. So profound but then a couple hours later like what the fuck was. I thinking that always used to get well. I have this amazing idea. What I thought was an amazing idea and then I go at such a good idea I'll remember in the morning and I go to I know I still pull that shit. I've never remembered it. No! Never! I still pull that. I go. What are you doing if my phone? If I didn't, have my charger now? I finally got accordance next to the bed, so I always have a cord to plug in my phone, but why do I not not half the time? Never, and I still I go out. No because that's a good idea never had had a job. About that too lazy yeah it without being too lazy to get up to get a pen to write something down. So I just convince myself: it wasn't that funny.
First. What's great, is that sounds a bit he did on stage and it would kill yeah I mean I, I didn't do it well, I don't remember the well. You get the raising, you get the gist. We, you know the you Two we were. The HK are used do drugs. I still do, but I used to too yes, so last we were saying I used to do Mitch. I used to drugs- I still do, but I used to to I mean I still do but I used to to okay. I know I I let me back up for second, so I do Mitch doing Rodney Dangerfield. You know I do rod and if he did Mitch I'll be like I'll. Tell you the other day, guys I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too. You know- and I said yes, you do any Mitch. Hedberg joke is Rodney and it's and it's killed it supported the other day. I guess if I wanted a banana, I said no, I want to regular one later. So alright, you don't you don't need to do so.
I do too. I hope this go somewhere, so I used I I I did the I'll tell you. I used to do drugs as to what my friend asked me. If I still do that, he got to go. I used do the Mitch Hedberg. I still do bugs, but I used to too. I still do, but I used to to do something in there. It's amazing that you kept it all together, so I did for somebody used to to use to sense. It makes sense, but you nailed it. You dismounted, I shouldn't try feet flat on the ground, so solid, dismount, there's, no, no stumble! No It's good. It's very good! Thank you. That's very good! Thank you. Mitch He's like to me one of the more amazing comedians ever because what he would do was complete non sequiturs who from one non sequitur to another non sequitur. Nothing connected together, other than here's some other. Should I thought up. You know here Should I wrote down, even know, not through probably a good. I for everyone to know that does one liners that there's still has
in essence of you in them like, even though he's jokes didn't say together, like they seem You knew who he was my jokes. Obviously like the yellow he had. You know he definitely had there, not just individual jokes, just glued all together now they were all so silly to close right. Exactly that's the thing about me, but I've always had like the best way to describe. It is like one of my favorite silly comedians. I know it's funny. A lot of people- you don't hear you always complimentary course about that silly and now it's what I realized later after he died like how silly he was silly so silly, so that was who he was very silly. So that's what you know about him. You know he was a type of comedian he would get into his rhythm, like. I would listen to him a lot of times on the way to the airport, because I was you know that traffic on the way to the airport annoying just wanted to chill out and giggle. So I put on some Mitch: Hedberg just be fucking England, like in the end when you're just smiling when you're, not when he's you know in between points, was just a big smile on your face because he he would
put on this silly vibe and you would get caught up because it was really fun and then he had such a writing to play full oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah is daddy. Oh, I think in Rodney have a lot of that too. You know what Rodney's seriously seriously underrated comedian, and he style. What does a great article about it recently? Did we talk about this on the podcast that rod there was a article that was written recently about Rodney. I forget who wrote Esquire one of those things, but they were talking. Out how long it took him to become a good comedian? going to lose like in his 50s the he figured it out and it's like talking about boiling down his act and talking about how much cutting all the fat out of his act. If you go back and listen to his early performances- and you could see his more the enduring, and then it was more stand up. Eii, really a few years ago ago. You listen to the old ones and he would like
Joe could be was still Roddy, but it would be like this is more of a a joke. A comedian would tell not really one might be like right. You know, like you, know, you're getting old when you have, you know family tells you you know when the when the family to in front of you, you know maybe my pops in the garage we got people coming over. You know pop just sits there and rules, you know, but that it's more like a piece yeah. I forgot about that Rodney and then there's a lot of you know. Just isn't there stirred short little stories but they're not and then all of a sudden, the what I I eat, saw him it might of bought member Bob Nelson, yes, but does it open for him, and I got to yeah Roddy backstage to Bob and you notice, when you think you know something, it lies with everything sexism, you think you know what it is, but you really don't there's still a lot more to learn. Of course, I knew what time it was before I saw you riding. I could tell you I the comedian for ten years at that point, right, but I know timing is but then, when you so right now, when all fuct, that's timing
It was like I do. I you know what it was and what I just got a doctor and what it was I just sold delivered like did the best to the best of the Senate and I go now the I like I would I mean it was just crazy with every turn in every and then just just when you think how can take you anywhere and then the band kicks in and then he starts, like you know, doing betting music. You know this the other day and my wife is she doing in the bed pump. They got bigger and bigger. Then he started singing this song. 'cause everybody sang them, but Rodney did it in his own way. He starts going. You know something about dream. Whatever this song isn't any, he does about ten seconds of it, and then it goes. What the fuck am I singing for I'm watching him, I'm going. Oh, my god, to you they're, just a bad, but he goes, I noted this bad to you. They're, just a band but to Maine there bunch of fucking idiots and then the band has talk cuz they're, all you know
musicians from that city? Obviously, they're taught you know. So if they hear he was not I'll, tell you what they are they're not, and then they all stand up and they go what fun. I go add to see Rodney when I was nineteen when I was working as a security guard at great woods. Great, Quizzes concert place in Mansfield Massachusetts and Rodney. Was there in the bathrobe era? Did you see bathrobe RA, Rodney. Oh, he went out on stage in a bathrobe naked through the bathrobe on, yeah? I know you be improv, you would show up, and now he was doing this in arenas this. This is big Great woods, like twelve thousand people, isn't that great in a way that he was a fucking maniac, he was a fucking maniac. He was amazing, he was so free. He was hanging backstage but apparently it's cock is enormous. Cock and balls were just hanging out. He didn't give a fuck. He just got this bathrobe on
get his legs crossed. His fuckin' sack is hanging down and the security guards would be like what the fuck did. I didn't, see that I only saw him it's like a bigfoot sighting and I met him later in life, but to me like- the night I hadn't even thought about doing stand up yet, but I was such a huge fan of it. He walked from. You know I like you, looking down the hallway to his dressing room as he walked from room to another was like a bigfoot sighting, like always home for a second, I thought Ronnie, it's like no, I said seen. Rodney was like it's not like seeing the so Paul Mccartney, you'd freak out, but seeing Rodney was like to see. If you saw Fred Flintstone, you can't see Flintstone he's a cartoon Rodney, so right, all life that it was over. Overwhelming you weren't, just going taking in someone that was a celebrity and seen on tv right there. He is there. He is like three feet from you and you'd, be like fuck, Rodney
is there between his legs, no shut up Paul scoping covered by something? Is that real yeah? Oh that's his boss, that's a sack or his dick, or both these animal Bob would have found someone of great stories about like and they were so specific and you knew Rodney said there was just so. A couple came up to him after their wedding and uh You go. Do you know this one? No, and they go route I was trying to gamble. You know Rodney, we just got married. What do you think and he goes up your both- could have done better thank you both kids are better. That's a well disguised insult. I'm telling you it's a beautiful Joe goes. People won't know. That was an insult, so they get in their car. Wait a second that means he says we're both were both ugly. It's canceling outlets playing ping pong in their head
but you both here is who's that insult to their wife. Goes it's an insult to you. I think it's both of us, you moron yeah, that's when you find out who the boss in a relationship is choke like that who who to take it. It's me who's taking the head yeah, who feels bad about this one Maybe both be honest and just to make your both. Maybe that's a great thing when someone feels like they're too good looking for the other person in the relationship and that you could be wrong yeah, there could be wrong. I mean there are. There are people that, like different things, you know, there's people like different looks some guys like big girls, you know who knows people like different yet, but if you think they don't like you as much as you'd like them, can I tell you what you do to prevent that? What do you do.
I hope I'm answer open. Is there big? Because you know people tell stories would be like, and everything was great. I think this is addressing you say everything was great and then He he or he or she or she or she, whatever the relationship is somebody else's and then one of them that everything was great. Well look. What do you want him to do? Wait, I'm not saying there's not rules and feelings and how you present it, but I think most of the time everything is great and then you realize one day you wake up, and I've had to me it must have been on the other end of this, and they just don't want to be in it, but they stay because that doesn't mean they don't not care about you, so they stay in it. Bad you see it coming, but so I always say I He's. Let someone know. Let him know you're, not crazy, that, like they learn that by what tell about past stories like right, and I once
just to someone it was fairly early on, but I said I have a feeling I practiced it in my head and I was glad I did it and I was like twenty three or four at the time. I said I have a feeling that I, like you more than you like me and I said, bye It's okay! I go. Let me say this because I don't want this to be the day where I threw you off. If I'm wrong, I really like you. So if you're, if I just read it wrong, that's great right, but but but that's the, but I don't think that's right. No! I won't For some he said, but I won't he you, I won't be I what I'm I'll be. Okay, so did and then and then he was like you, your and because I said in a way that I could that he be comfortable to seeing you know what I put a little bit of choke a little bit of lakes, but I was ok and and I want to know that. So that's what you're going to want to be delusion. I don't want to be delusional. I felt it and I escalate as the practice. The fact that I put that preface in there look I need to let you know this not to make you feel bad, but
I do like you 'cause. I don't wanna find out. Ten years later, I thought you were giving me walking papers, so I had to be clear. My feelings, but mainly that person know and that way I didn't end up in a relationship for another year where I knew the other person might. How could that go bad? What I did there's no way that could go bad, no, especially if you're hanging out with adults right. You know when I was a kid. I think one of the things that took me a long time to get past was. It was always thought that if you talked about your feelings in your emotions, if that was weak, that was a week This is not something you did with your friends and it's not something you want to do with a girl. You didn't you just didn't want to talk about your emotions. You didn't want to talk about how you actually felt about things you want to play. Stoic. You want to Charles Bronson your way through life. You know it's a lot of guys tried to do and that not understand like we don't one of the big problems.
People, because you don't really know who you like until you're around for awhile, you really don't and then sometimes like, like not I'm not into this person. This is sold so I can't have anymore of these conversations. I can't do this. I can't do it, I'm panicking I gotta get out and then but everything perfect everything was going amazing, know know, know you thought everything was going amazing. It doesn't, everything is going amazing. I you need to check in right or the other way, but no don't be bored as fuck with dudes it's one hundred and four. So it's the same thing. That's why I always say that, like I'm comfortable having the only reason I get nervous having relationship discussions when somebody so in two on women are crazy. I'm like if there was any truth to that you that same sex couples, if if, if it was straight by there's a lot of women, think men are crazy. Yes, if, if that was true, if there's any truth to that, it's people, there's people that are involved and there's people that are, you know, have a
level head on their shoulders, because if there was any truth that one sex was crazier, there's a science to disproving that then in less relationships that you go. Hey, how's, your relationship and they'd go well. Of course we argue a teeny bit here and there, but no no we're both women so we're getting along great now what we got rid of the bloom and in male male relationships the it the same. Problems. It's only you go! Oh yeah. We don't have the crazy women so when it's two guys date and everything is great- no same exact problem, so it's not the sex. It's people does that you're one hundred percent correct. You could not be more correct and there's a real problem. We got a really avoid this shit. There's people that say: things like women are all dumb, Bitchez or men are all schitt and that's not sense. These gender these generalizations, are so stupid. There's no! people that are women whose nice people that are man, it's just there's plenty of them. You can't have
a few bad relationships and turn on other people. Every person has the same gender and also like take a good look at yourself, because if you really you know, there's there's some people out there that do generalize like that. Like look at who look at your ship thinking that you diarrhea sprang out into the world, that's really what it is with your a sexist against women or sexist against men. He if you've, just such a piss poor way of looking at things everybody knows you're wrong. Everybody knows you're wrong. You think that, I mean whatever it is any generalization, whether it's a racist, generalization, sexist homophobic. It's all this everybody who's listening knows what it is. You know what it when someone makes a generalization like not look, no you're, not looking at right you don't know nice people that are black. You don't know any nice people that are black. That's ridiculous, like who the fuck are you like? How can you this judgment when I've met so many but you're not meet enough people
They meet you when I go all this guy's, a fucking asshole, so they avoid you. So everybody's got this thing that they're spreading about you yeah! That's why younger people tend to you know, by being around. I wish there was a place you could go if you couldn't afford college, because I don't think it's the education at college that you probably learn the most from it's the being forced to be around and the more you go I'd rather hang out with that group that I hated, because we have the same taste in music and you learn a because you're forced to live together right, but we still want to be So if there is a where can you go if you like? I want for college, but I want to put my kids around all. Well, some parents wouldn't want to do it with kids. I just want to be around every type of purse, and but you don't know to do that college. That's the thing about college letting go to college. I didn't even graduate high school, but isn't that true, That's where a lot of growing does with young kids, when there are four so far and other people, some kids they're living with really suppressive parents and the only way they even know who the fuck they are as if they could sleep in their own bed with open their own door with their own.
The key go into their own room, lie down and then just be alone, be away from these other fucking people that are It's only giving you these rules that you have to follow and have these lofty expectations for your success and like fucking Christ? know what you want to do and they want you to do something. It's going to pay a lot of money. We're spending a lot of money, send you to school Todd. We want to make sure that your productive, productive Todd, don't drinking. No Galavant tango in their work, work work. And meanwhile you know you just We get a chance to listen to some music that you never heard before and hang out with some people from some part of the country. You never been. Maybe smoke weed with them. Now here you know you're one thousand, eight hundred and nineteen years old and you just figuring out the worker get a lot of stuff, yeah and you're free of the fuckin' parents. That's a big part of it. Man free the parents to in every generation, generation is more aware of how fucking stupid the previous generation was like. There was some a gram
happy days back on the fucking farm, when they would no? They would talk about their grandparents and their grandparents were wiser than them. You know It's not the case anymore. The people today are more informed at any human beings that have ever lived ever by the way you might have just said the only thing that I agree with comes because I always say look of course. There's things we should go back and get the mostly to Mars the better day, but I go when they're something in the past that oh, that struggle We should go back to that and learn that I'm not just saying very rarely. Does someone get me mostly always go now and I look at it from another, but that is something, but it explains Everything that's going on right now that yeah kids, why we see kids are getting smarter than their their parent way, smarter and the, and- and I I makes me want to be like above progressive bully like I try to say, I called you, I called, and he said that about you on some mark Meron, not that word, but I go. I need people that are like. I think I might have said.
Bully but on the right side of history. So as a compliment. Thank you. What I meant is a big god. It's like yeah in, but that's what I said. So but you still you still when I say it like as a character like you still, you know you look you still you have we thought send you any and you change your views on things. But when I a like I want to be so mean like I want to be so mean the other way like Joe. I know which means like dice clay, but with just anybody you you don't want gay marriage dot. I already know all men. Why do people live with you? They don't drop dead. I hope your baby just the most vicious things, but all about people that won't like the court. You know all about this great yeah. I know there's that play some merit in that. Just people realize how fucking stew, just because you're mocking it's over Leslie and everybody's cheering along and then someone who might be entertained, Start is going to listen to it, there's a guy. On SAM Harris Podcast this week, waking up with SAM Harris. His name is Christian Piccolini and
He used to be a white male supremacist, an you get recruited when he was like fourteen years old and was in it for, like, I think he said eight years or something like that and just was talking to SAM Harris, but these horrific decisions that he had made in his group that he, got connected to and they were committing via crimes against black people and like all this the crazy ship that he was talking about, and then you listen to him now, as his guy in his 40s is like super rational and variant. Elgin well read and it's like saying, look. I just got caught up in this ideology. I went down this road and I just other people are doing the thinking for me and we were all doing it for each other. If you can this, this horrific group think that he got swept up in. I think that's happening with progressive people too. I think there's a this is it does need to be right and to shout down each other and and ruthlessly mock each other like that, has
be used like nuclear weapons, like only in the case of like severe issues where, like you've got a country another other countries about to develop a nuclear weapon. They're go after you first or they've. Already done you have to disarm their nukes gotta, be these are to each other when it comes to talking about these ideas. Every time, someone from the left attacks relentless Ian ruthlessly and viciously someone from the right because of their ideas. You just start a back and forth. Now, you're, not looking at it in a way A like there's got to be some way to communicate, ideas in a friendly way. You know what I do now and believe me, I'm guilty Listen! I when I even from when I did my Netflix special to now the way I do four jokes or like I changed it 'cause that whole thing looked uh. Do you want to take people with you order, because someone said I don't want to be Tucker Carlson to the other side, so flip it and so fucking snarky that
so you, okay, that's maybe what I am. I don't see it when I agree with the person. So if I see someone that snarky- but it says everything I agree, but I go so I do want to sometimes people change the way you say go in a little softer, maybe you're trying to bring somebody with you and bring them over. But but sometimes I want to split the difference and it could be wrong. Because sometimes I think when I'm screaming at the top of my lungs- and I literally have to take a break on the podcast. You know about something. Maybe that gives about a Trans gender issue, something not going through, but I'm able to scream it. So someone that's going through. It goes goddamnit how's, he so close, or when I can I have about a women's issue, so the Goddamnit scream at the top of my lungs 'cause. They say scream about what you're not 'cause. You can get angry, or maybe I give someone their dignity back maybe sometimes screaming into the canyon. Is ok, but not to another person's face right right. The gang of God. Yes, they are yeah yeah yeah, but when it comes to, but then you have to decide because a project it's always a canyon, I think
so you have the ability. So someone is going to attack. You may be the only way they have the abilities to do it. In you know twitter, post or a blog post. There are people with their own opinions too. Right. Yeah, yeah at I got a look at the a you always yeah. That's why I said I you know then That's that's why I'm very aware that now trying there's just way too much stupid, fighting, there's, there's debate issues about real things like right now? What's going on with this? What do they call a walk for our lives March for our lives? Yeah go ahead, just real quick I prefer I have a few times and there's only one post. I want to take down because it's a woman exactly mean it turned into a sexist, birds flying back and forth, and I want to take it down if I could post why I'm taking it down, because I think when These are even your fans are defending you. I like when someone corrects their fans know now that don't depend me with those words right. You know. Don't a so we talk
about before about when the verb- just you know so always I go in eyes. I think you're responsible, if you're, if you're, if they're flying things back and forth in your in a twitter, will if somebody saying something, go in and say no, you know the word you have to thrown around these words- has nothing to do with the topic. There's just the way they expressed some. So like the way people disagree about things, can change like the way they communicate. Their disagreement can change how it gets resolved. You know, and but what always happens. If you go hard, they go hard back and I think we're you would deal with that, and for this country and was going to say, is about this walk for a march for our lives March for our lives is. At what I'm seeing this very confusing to Maine is from people who are gun supporters, like the NRA supporters who and some of them have even mocked these kids for getting attention. By going to these marches and stuff like that and they're saying that nobody would have heard of you Nobody know who you are like. This is a ridiculous way to look at it. It's it's very defensive 'cause their fee.
Like someone's coming after their guns, so they're they're going on the attack in some ways. That's just really not recommend like the way they're doing they basically mark their they're, mocking what the what the reason would be for these kids to on tv that got shot at these kids, that got shot at and they're fun Sixteen years old and they're going to be on tv and someone's market. Now would know who you were if it wasn't for this thing or yeah, of course, but they went through that fucking thing there, the few kids that have gone through this thing in the country that standing on the public stage Saying, look at us! You got to do something can't have the same shit happen over and over and over again, and maybe they
have the most complicated solution, but there right there they're forcing people to talk, and if anybody should be forcing people to talk, it's the kids. The world and the friends that got shot who realized their parents are working. All day and they come home tired and no one is going to fix nothing. No one The time will come stations are all in bed the NRA and all these different organizations if there on the left and everybody is beholden to their special interest groups. So these kids are seeing all this shit and they know not, he's going to happen nothing's going, but more kids going to get shot. More kids are going to get shot and then what are the NRA people? Do they mock these kids? That's crazy! the point. Doesn't someone pull you aside and goes? I picture I don't believe in violence, obviously in relationships, but in the old movies, when somebody would have to stop back like right That's your jobst full disdain for any written.
Haitian. You said some of the best part is you know you had. Some of the back. Your hand is to back is generally more sensitive. It's like it's hurts like if you hit someone the bag and you can hurt your hand I don't know a lot of guys who broke in their hands in a fight because they hit. With a spinning backfist with the back of their hand? It's not protected. So that's just letting someone know oh and by the way I love you you're, just saying how to be more peaceful, I'm And what I'm saying is when somebody, it doesn't even mean we're. Not I'm not saying don't conversation, don't disagree. Of course I must were saying: the person that wants to shake you and stop. You is once you start making fun of these kids, someone even that agrees with you, that there shouldn't be any. Isn't there, someone on that side, they can go, stop and I guess there are, but when when they say you know, you should learn, see Rick Rick Rick, what's his name Rick the? the guy who said if the kids should, instead of looking for someone else to solve their problems.
They should learn. Cpr Rick, Centaurium, yeah. It makes you not like that doesn't even make sense. You may actually said that makes sense. Doctors were tweeting, it brilliantly, like you know like that's, so you're saying John Lennon be alive if you're going to New CPR is that exact same way, just gotta do CPR to repair that blown out liver and they explain that to him. But then you know What about combatting kids? I thought that was a great way. Just some really clean tweets from doctors. Breaking it very clearly. This would not, as you would, your doesn't make any sense farm is a republican aha, so they got it so yes, but what, if I just stopped, loses it? One thing I really feel like is really important. This I think both the people on the right and the people on the left have way in common, then they then they have a part, and I think that a lot of the battle, the people left halves. They've chosen to be on the left, the same people on the right they have.
And to be on the right. So anything that happens in the left. They completely disagree with that the immediately go all that's a left wing, liberal idea and we just have these little back and forth with each other that are completely unnecessary. I think the majority of people just want every I did get along, not have crime, you think Bernie Sanders, maybe could have done that not could have one what would happen if we got the problem with Bernie is the same reason why he let those black lives people take his. My concert screaming into the thing like hey Buddy, can't do that you're running for fucking Is it your showing right here that people just storm the stage and take the microphone from you like I should say I would love to have a dialogue with you. Let's do it publicly. Let's schedule it now, we'll come back, we'll get a large group people and I'll speak with you on this stage. If you represent this very important political movement, but here's what you can't do you can't disrespect this
pain speech, because you're literally stopping people from ever voting for me. If I let you do it because that's the fact, What if he says him do that and they go you can't let kids just take over your show. You can't you're the guy who supposed to running the country. You can't even run this fucking thing. You've got this one thing. Standing on a stage in front of three hundred people. Three of am put your mic. Congratulations, you don't have leadership. What about what about other than that? That's a big part. That's big! That's that's! Not good! That's not good, but you know what in the moment he made an error. That doesn't mean that's who he is part of the problem is with people are judging by these moments that you have right- and this to find him. He might have done that and go well yeah. I was just trying to be nice and I didn't expect that I thought security was going to get them out of there, but they didn't. You know they didn't did what they. Round up on the stage with him screaming. I thought. Maybe he thought I didn't
I seen him do what he did. Those type of things a few times see the video I want to see it is fantastic. I thought it was his way of saying. Look I get it we want. It must feel like to knock, able to be heard, and it's not my fault that no one's ever listen to you so far. But what do we have to do and then maybe feels they go up in the just? a sane person would lead. It would leave sane person when you're, not that long, it just grab a mic. Maybe he goes. I have to be part of letting this person spill out a little yeah, but the problem is who doesn't spill out? Everybody can spill out everybody. Jump up for their own cause, whether it's white power or fucking Jews lives matter whatever it is you decide. You have a group now and your group may very well be valid, but you can just decide now you're just going to yell out whenever there's some sort of a political speech and then I'll be your chance to talk just going to take the mic and make it all about
yeah this got a chance of a. There are a lot of things we need to be concerned with. We need to be concerned with war. We need to do. We need to be concerned. Poverty, education, healthcare, all these different things, but you can't just represent each one of these very, very important group, and jump on stage everywhere and start yelling. You know what I thought so make sense. Yes, I should be. I should be just done with this. Why guy kisses subject is like it gets so exhaust I know. Let me add one more thing: no, I by the way. You know you have these theories in your head and then sometimes somebody will respond and blow it out of you know just on your. Oh, my god. I never thought about that. But I had this theory, weird way that I thought about it will two things one kids do hi, I'm stealing from the actually teeny bit, but just because it's a if you notice that I use in Iraq, kids do if there was a yelp review. Young adults have an amazing yelp review for me, on the right side who they who they
or who they, I think, music you're dealing with some left wing democratic out here, kids, like you ever talked to some kids smell bad I'm done talking about on the masses of kids that March, although MAR ones the more you want to get involved. If you go back and look at like we, you know ten state or you know, I'm sorry Alabama, I'm sure we can. We can pull up fifty, but so with that's said, I'm not saying we shouldn't doubt them if I, had a gun to my head, and someone said if we had a crystal ball. I they making the right choice about Bernie Sanders, these kids and I go I'll. Let me ask you: I got to talk with the provider to watch a campaign. I got to watch a debate. I get how's your hair into public policy housing. I can't just I get to go. We're gonna shoot you in your head. I go with. It's overwhelmingly. Kids, like him, yeah he's going to do the right thing and I think if there was a crystal ball, here's my theory- but I don't know I've- never said this. I think out loud that may be fifth years from now, just like we're learning about history, they would-
talk about him in the way that you know this. Guy came into office, picture kids and they're telling him why maybe two thousand and twenty two started to be these good times, and and they're they're talking about history, and they will look. I came in the office and he really didn't know anything about the that he didn't really know about. He was, he was you know he did know about war, he didn't know about and no and no one thought he could really do it. But we was one thing that you want to think what ads are economical problems. You can be a nice hearted person, but that's not gonna answer your economical problems, but it ended up doing that because he he did truly treat everybody kind and it ended up that when people started to be treated fairly of the world worked better with less depressed I'm not saying everybody but people what your people with someone in power that was overwhelmingly kind right and people felt the wrath of that all those very quickly right maybe we go, and then you know what no one ever thought this. Some of the economical problems worked out the work themselves out now that is based on no science
yeah well yeah, I'm yeah that, but was in my head, see that the economy is apparently a very complicated thing that can be interpreted many ways like their for many people right now. That would tell you. The economy has never been better stock markets, booming black people or more Floyd today than ever in history, and these like the magna people right, they'll, they'll, jump on that and other people tell you know we're we're sitting on a bunch of huge bubbles, a commercial real estate bubble and credit bubble and different ship that could go down at any moment is all sorts of problems. We get automated car. Soon it's going to put thousands of people lot of jobs, if not millions, it's hard to figure out who the flux right. It's hard! It's when you, talk about like a dummy like you or myself, and trying to prognosticate like what would make people successful and what would make people not what I don't know bye. The economic part, but
I do know is as long as have a person who's behind kind, but also firm, like a person is kind, but you also you're not worried about them. If something happens with China or Russia like we live in a car crazy world. We live in a world There is really basically three superpowers, but one mother, fucker of a superpower, and that's us. Were run by a guy who used to host celebrity apprentice. Okay, like it's gotten, Super squirrelly. It's super squirrelly and there's all these other people that are other superpowers that are going what's going on over there I placed on, looks so fucking healthy. That place looks a little fuckedup right now, like they're, expelling russian diplomats and all this crazy Shitz going down and and Putin just one another election and we're watching this? go down between the top three superpowers in, and one of them is one by a maniac. Maybe two of
but one of 'em is run by God. We knows a maniac and we put him in there and a lot of people still going along with it and they like it. So I I I got a question for you: okay, with with with no not not like snarky or anything object, as I was trying to think like you like there's more things. You said we have in common, then there's got to be some commonality's free what freedoms number one would be one that you could like. 'cause, I always think like anything, I could get defend trombone. Even if it's stupid, Go out of my way to defend it, one time someone it doesn't matter what it was. There were two times an. I did. I went now that he didn't do anything or what something positive. Well here is that you or what they want a bill they want to pass or something they want to. Do that. You think I'm ok with that, like what are some of those things. Are there any as far as bills? It's like something you could be positive, being meet in the middle and you said seeing anything that, like made me very excited I've seen more. Things made me very nervous. The offshore drilling
that makes me very nervous, obviously those things break. Sometimes we've had a few of 'em in our life. The Lasca one. That was a big one. I remember that it happened right when I was in high school or no. I was right when I was starting to do stand up. That's what it was, literally right around then the Valdez it crashed and leaked all that oil intend just destroyed this delicate ecosystem with millions of gallons of oil or whatever it was hung, one thousand gallons or whatever that was, but that they're going to they're going to have more offshore drilling. That scares the shit out of me. They there getting rid of certain public parks and shrinking them and opening up these drilling these these area. For drilling in natural resources that make people very nervous that in doing this, could be damaging rivers and that these delicate go systems where people go and hike and camp through and they're going to close down. That's the real concern. The real concern is that going to that people are going to
somehow another we're going to suffer because so some companies can profit incredibly off of land of natural resources that are on public land. That's a big fear because that's some shit that is really unusual about this country and some some that Teddy belts are way way in advance. He saw the benefit of doing this. Of having these we have national parks, yeah sure those what about positive. I was so you're saying that commonality, that's the number all negative social stuff. I mean I mean I feel like the Hilarious thing is that Kim Jong Moon actually wants to talk to him. It's like this guys. So crazy, maybe maybe I'll just talk to him. I mean like we want to know what it nobody else wanted to have meetings back on the right. One he's wanted to talk to the president for the longest time and support they would talk to him right, because I want to give him that I would photo opportunity at the very
least that's hilarious they're worried about their facebook page. We witnessed that if they talked Phuc yeah, we would witness it and Trump would tower over. Him would be so creepy Trump's a pig god and she would happens when you ever seen. Pictures of him with a dance robin. Different pictures of Kim Jong Moon, I'm good dude, Kim Jong moon- is a huge basketball fan apparently and loves Dennis Rodman Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea. Parties always right right, Dennis Rodman, like trump is smart. I know Trump hired. Omarosa Trump should definite are Dennis Rodman, sucking one hundred percent one hundred percent and please would you be my emissary look at that look. How big Dennis Rodman is has a large fellow and not even big compared to like a really big guy right, like Lebron. What if he had big, What's his name, King King John? What
Kim Jong Hoon, they still can't say, see it get get a picture of Kim Jong Kim Jong with Dennis Rodman. What if you were like a you'll, be bad if you will like foot high platforms, the other the night denied it yeah, I probably and he had long pants trying to cover them while he's Korean, while he's north Korean there's some korean folks. That are pretty big. I'm remember when I was a kid. The kid who won the heavyweight national titles named Jimmy Kim who's, a big korean kid big heavyweight it kid was really good. Six foot five. Yes, I don't know how big Kim Jong Moon's, but I bet he looks tiny compared to Dennis Rodman two foot three. I just looked it up on my phone wow. That was quick. I think it'll be a weird meeting, but it might actually be. Okay might be good. This people, God something's gotta, break over there, like what they're doing is just saying the way they keep those people essentially hostage. There's no food that people a
Gabe had horrible fuckin' parasites in their body and, like I feel bad, I I don't know or so has escaped and got shot at on the border, fascinating footage for saying they keep them hostage. Who you're talking about the people of North Korea. There essentially held hostage. I mean they're they're trapped by dear leader. You know what they have to do like if, when the dad died, these people were all weeping in the street and had a weep like outwardly loudly as long as they could do it. And if you stop weeping early, you be punished and people who they felt. Weren't weeping enough got six months in jail. It's a crazy place and everyone turns on everyone. Everyone rats, everyone else out on everything they do you're supposed to meet together. You go in front of. These people knew rat each other out for all the different things you do. Michael malice has a great book about it. Is it called dear reader? Is that the name of his book? Do you.
Dear leader or dear reader. Why don't I feel dear reader is a funny guy, Michael but yes but zero North Korea over here. Something like I should know that I should know it too. That's one of the good things about this. Podcast is just being able to talk to smoke. It is dear reader being able to talk to people in this podcast and get like quick, three hours or so, of course, in what the fox going on in North Korea. So Michael amazing. For that, and you know we did. Henry Rollins was Henry is one over there as a fucking, a tourist wandered around over there that guy, an animal that goes everywhere. Just went over to what was the president. Was their purpose picks a spot on the map? You should into his podcast he did with. Are you fear? That's the one that really
got me. I mean I changed my the way I look at Henry always. I was like this music. This music like to spoken, word stuff, stuff, and's stuff in and his attitude, just no bulshit sort of a guy he's got a little saying that he put on the back all of one of the clubs that I worked, one of the theaters that I worked about the people that work there. You know the you know. How you're the lucky one. So you should. You should be very thankful that these p, who work way harder than you make way less money than you. I'm like. That's a guy. That's like looking at the right way, so he takes. He takes a fuckin' spot, pointed down on the map and he's like. Ok, let's try Bach rain and you just fucking trash. Rules to Bahrain. You know go to the Middle Africa, go to Cameroon, he just travels there. He doesn't know anybody there. He buys water when he gets. There brings his fucking camera and some Lowe's in a laptop and he takes pictures and then he
It doesn't do any shows or any so fuckin' animal dude, he's crazy, no shows shows anymore, doesn't do shows anymore. He does spoken word performances. He doesn't do any music anymore. He says I've done. I don't want to do it anymore and just write books and just writes. A lot of articles writes articles for like a bunch of different locations, but I mean he's super prolific- and I really enjoy his writing. His writing is, is it's like it's crisp, it's energetic! It's like. He writes like the way he talks in the way behaves like he appreciates your attention span. You know, he's a enthused ask about what he's talking about he's got some shit to say. Bam was as a I'm not a good reader, but I could get it on books on tape. 'cause just hearing it directly because I get I like being someone's To me very specifically, yeah yeah, LOS, very easilly me too. What do I have to say about Rollins said he went to North Korea to
is an animal which I went everywhere. There's how long will he go somewhere like a couple weeks, whatever the he wants he's? three rounds and his money, so you can stay in a nicer to do whatever you want. There's no nice hotels, this places where there is no nice. Where there's no nice hold you not living in the lap of luxury in Cameroon, it's like you take The guy. You know you just hang with the people be like the locals. You know meets of cool people hang out with them. That's that's the reality. The guy was just you know, feel His travel, oats and we got into it and now it's like a recreation is such as recreation. You know it's it's a record but it's also like a life perspective, altering burst that you give yourself
you know you move pakistani Pakistani through to streets of Karachi in Pakistan like what. How did I do this like this is crazy and he's gotta actually survive. He's got to get out of those places I don't I if I so much. If I mean I know who he who he after you go through, something like that, your your spirit your spirituality or via, and I that part I had my but then doing it just yeah, I'm just I don't want to be in place. You have to be uncomfortable and hot and oh yeah. Oh yeah, you know what I mean. That would be a comfortable you for sure I mean he's gone everywhere, but yeah I'll, just watch the documentary there's something about going to those places, though right. Of course, even if you places I've gone, do you go camping, uh was last time. Um was too maybe know know about a year ago this year ago
would you guys go went to oh, I shot a pilot and this so called camping with Oh really, we went to. We we shot it up. It was me Zach, Galifianakis, John, doing Eddie Pepitone. And bananas sounds also close to letting it happen. It happened. You know it's weird that we didn't end up. We shot the pilot, even a bad pilot, but that's the premise. I really did think and I Don't ever think this, but once in awhile I do probably just be honest with my thought I'll be late. I think this is going to sell just camping with Todd. It's like you're going to fire. People are comfortable, they talk, have a musical performance who's playing the guitar that is that was John Door, but he was just being silly so long as he's only being silly, and I will not tolerate some real live singing by a fire and then and we did. We had someone come out with like a trumpet and a guitar and they did a real song Coom by ya, so public domain annum and then we
We tried to sell it in yeah. No one was really interested, so it's okay. You know the you know what what is that thing that people do where they like hire someone to play acoustic, guitar and sing songs in a restaurant? They walk walk over to a table of your scene at all like a merry out you're, not even a man, so just a guy with a guitar. I was at a restaurant in the day and this woman she had an amazing voice. She was saying that Dolly Parton song Jolene and she just out of no, where, like I went to the bathroom, came back this lady sing, a song like I mean. What have this would happen here? Magicians used to do that all those the worst do. That's the worst sleet, who did that would interrupt conversation you'd, be in the middle of a conversation. I'd like you to pick a card for the will of man come on. I'm not interested. Thank you. But if you say thank you you're the deck, I don't just came here to order food, I don't want to do tricks even though I love close up magic really do to me: it's not the only magic there is but yeah if you're in the
live conversation yeah, I miss you really do feel horrible can meet. If that's the name of your place, it's magic in me, but he knows that you get an immediate rejection. Then the the magician is going to come over and come to the table and do stuff in front of you. That is to really cool, not against that like knowing, but if you're in the middle of conversation and a magician comes over and all of a sudden wants you to pick a card like come on. Man We have some. Should we have to talk about just because we're in The place is me: you can join in a Christmas. We sit more pain of here and then you can either be a magician or some people would say, conversation stopper. Yes, you gotta go what's not to love. You heard on your card yeah in in in it's not even his fault, Is this the job that's his job. Is going to do like that's what they hired for hey you to get work for us sure. I need a job. Okay, you going magician you're going to walk around the tables do magic in front of people. Ok, it's not his fault right! That's why. I say restaurants fault
That's why I always air on, even though it was interrupting. The conversation I just I get it so I'm pretty polite and I and try to enjoy it and it's usually pretty short but yeah. I'm always wishing you were just into this intense conversation. Yeah It depends on how high you are right. If you're high you let the guy talk, but if you had a cup of coffee like hey dude, I can't will it even five hundred unique if you own or manage a restaurant, you need a close up. Magician said: it's all capitals, listen to something happened to Maine twice ever and it wasn't the worst thing in the world. It's I just feel like you wanted Unless it's in the name of your restaurant, you probably shouldn't do that. It's not like something that happens, but you know there's a magician which is about I like magicians. I love the comedy magic club I used to back in the day before I used to book my own show there when I would do a show. I would work with a magician always always like one comic,
a magician and then maybe one other comic. I think that's how they did it. They do it oh yeah in amosa Beach, yeah Beach place is amazing. That place is amazing. That place is also like a museum comedy inside, while the Popeyes outfit that Robin Williams, war, it's framed in the wall and those which is in that one in the green room. It's just it's a crazy this array of signatures on the wall from the last thirty five years or forty main yeah crazy. It's that's a long time to be some and he's such a nice guy to it's some, I think, that's the second oldest comedy club in the world right the ice house is number one and comedy magic is like just slightly younger in terms of a club and then we're where to go after that, comedy works in Denver, pretty close for olders the. How old is the comedy works in Denver can only be like twenty three years old or something I thought it was a thirty is it you might be right, yeah, he didn't Roseanne start there. Maybe Roseanne started there
in Detroit the it's. The his name is in the but still we're in the 80s right I mean they used to be some places. The ice houses from the 60s. The icehouse stone! Oh, no, I'm sorry! I did mean older. I just met with next on the list. Where do you go to yeah? These places are yeah, but I mean there's like there's a few of the old old old places that are still around doesn't like historical places like the comedy store is the most historical, but there's a lot of historical places he limps historical. Now, because Helen Celia been around for thirteen years. Yeah, that's a spot were universally people. Talk about that place. Act I feel like act. Me is the act me in the Minneapolis is laughing skull at Lana that
places off. I have a charts, intimate ninety people may be viewed on it, yeah yeah Focha curtain. That goes amazing. You know that's a good example of a room you're going hallway to restaurant picture everybody. Everyone has to go to a club for the first time, go it's in the back of a restaurant. You go hallway a little of a sudden, even though it's simple room is there's a sound booth, there's lights, that curtain shuts lights, go down, and then I think every you're in a club like that where they have production you're like this is something like the audience? It might not know what to expect now. They know it's going to be good, sometimes even before the show starts just the way the base conduct itself in the house lights go out. It's like a big deal so uh that room is great spot. A lot of. In that room, there's another one of those really intimate places. I don't even think it's one hundred people write eight thousand five hundred and eighty people is that what it is amazing, yeah those spots manly count
I have a clicker 'cause, I'm going to do it, you want those guys. No, no! I don't know those guys that happened. One someone did that like onstage made, everybody call out a number at a club somewhere- oh because probably they see like if there was more than they say exactly. Who's working on some sort of a door deal and he thought there was more people in the room. Then the club owner told him so he had. Audience individually, count out the number. What like start from this table over here. I want to move to the left. Is your number one ready, Sir go number one hundred and twenty three power and people would just look. Wait to turn my number. They just be sitting there, twenty six that proves that people some people only allowed that was fun for the no one yeah. How many people are going all we don't need to do they do, but I think it was like a three hundred fifty seat room yeah. So if didn't have the materials maybe stylus stretch totally possible, but whatever it is, that's how we found out
Went through the whole room and he got past the. This guy said there were, and then there was like still fifty more fucking people, wonder if that's true No, I think it's true. I think it's true, I think that's the wait. Staff is what told me about it, and I think they were very enthusiastic with their descriptions. So you think he caught them. Like a club owner trying to hide how many could be the good clubs Around forever overwhelmingly. I've had almost perfect experiences like the clubs that they're all pretty so I forget sometimes what some of the show's dear ones, yeah, because you hear stories about people on the road like manipulating the money and stuff, but you do yeah, that that can happen with some clubs. I think some club owners develop of Ariana Mastick animosity, what is that word? Anama? Stick! That's not even a word. It isn't. I know what you're going to say
right when it came out of my mouth right as it was going out, I was like: is that a real word animosity animosity? No, you can't exactly towards comedy. The developed this animosity between each other, the club owners don't want to book. You you get mad at the club owners, then when you make it like fuck that guy want more money, tell him you know and there's this weird thing that it's like, they knew you when you sucked- and then you know as you're coming up there's you They don't want to pay you more if you like, but I make more now, I'm a headliner and you getting to this weird sort of thing with each other. You know. I think that that that poisons the well for a lot of like comedian club relationships, but we need them. So bad, like you and I are not opening up a comedy club- is now going to happen right. We need the improv. We need these club, You need the haha in North Hollywood. We need them like they like. We all have to work together like
should be. We start figure out a way to be nice to each other like we need each other yeah we're not going to do that. That's why I try and I I don't know it. I try to do it to as much as I complain about when they do wrong. I always spend twice as much time giving clubs do it great if you're out out to do and throw love their way. There's a lot. Do alright yeah Morton, there's no one. When I go to, I thought the money was coming at me when I go to a place like springtime hit. Will see me. How dare you when I go to a place? First, like like Portland even Portland Philadelphia, but where there's a manager or and they run the place. Look I know they're stressed out, but they're good at hiding it yeah the professional always, and I thought I couldn't do that I'd be frantic, but always hey sorry now how you- and I think you know, I try to go, go wow that you give a club like that. You know when that exist yeah, I don't even know how they do it like it.
So good. I don't know if I could do, and this As I do remember Tom Sawyer from San Francisco. I know I know of him, yet he never worked for him. I don't think so. Really never worked at the old cops, no a little comms I'd once did you work at big No, I I opened up for I did some shows there like through you know, like a festival. Never through the club yeah? I just I don't want to be on it too much we're just so fucking lucky that we have places to do it. Just a weird relationship that comics and when it gets wet, yeah just because both part both party, have some work to do it's really. If they were in therapy, you both got something things you can fix. And uh, as long as because it is true, it's like I'm, not unaware of what you're saying, because it's just comedians forever club owner that? Maybe rip somebody off which of course, they exist. There's also the comedian that thinks everybody is ripping him off and nobody is right. There's bowl, so cool yeah! Well, it's just that when you're not getting booked it
to develop that sort of animosity between you and club there's. Just if you're, not you can't work and you that other guys are are not as good as you and they're getting work and you get fresh, we did an you're young and dumb already. You know you can have sort of weird complicated relationship just one of those weird things club owners in This of always there's always been disputes right. I think we're back in the day when they do that do jumped off the roof. For the hotel next to the comedy store yeah. That was, that was a protest between the comedians. Protesting at the club right, they walked out. There was a strike tell a comedy strike. 'cause, no one was getting any money and these clubs were smashing it and we weren't getting any of the money like this always been that way that still goes on today, like Ucb Ucb doesn't pay people and they don't have to you're doing great It's just some forces them. They could keep doing whatever the They want to do
There's. Also the there there's, there's some good blood out there to shore, but yeah that there you know with does a lot good little communities to our guys, put together a comedy night somewhere yeah, so in some do a great job that I'm always always in all that one. So when you go to a comedy night in someone did he, like God, took a one bar and made it. You know every little thing is right. Sure we'll get some oh, really know how to produce a show yeah for sure it's always fun to walk into that, and they just found good spot to. There was a good sponsor, work that only once and it was in Encino. It was really weird I'm telling you I mean it was a five minute walk from my house. It's when I I didn't Encino, I lived off a white Oak and I could just walk down there and go to this weird comedy club. I never worked there, the entire time I lived there. I never worked there when I did one set there and I was like what is this place. This place is well club
I remember the name of it. It was a bar in the front and you go past the bar to this back room and it was like all people that I'd. Never seen you stand up, but never seen him at the store and were some of the laugh factory know something improper. It seemed like they had either started or they were crazy. It was maybe was the night that I was there, but I was like this place is nuts and how long goes this more than twenty years yeah? This is like ninety five. I think yeah It was weird so weird little comedy like there's this whole another world, this world out there man dislike and if you go look into Orange County in San Diego San Diego's got its own scene right right. You know a Santa Barbara had oh yeah yeah Santa Barbara all these different place, Santa Barbara, I don't think, has that comedy club anymore. I heard that comma is it if Santa Barbara
com that the once a month they they do. I I use that word out. I might have been like six months ago. San Francisco has a scene. They have seen Seattle I've seen you know, there's some scenes out there there's some comedy scenes just like how many of them are like really thriving. It takes a lot of club owners. Man, that's the thing is what I'm saying to these people that don't get along so good with club owners, if they're not doing it, we're not going to comedy hideaway and Santa Barbara says closed right now. Ours is it. Does it mean closed forever ok. Well, then he'll do random shows like one hundred pm in different. He still does. He still have shows it's just always under comedy hideaway and that's where he found it always doing it. There he's doing it there. Ok, oh no I get it. So it's a hideaway. So it's like a gig like he goes to different spots.
Ok so sometimes will be in the same spot for the weekend. Sometimes it's bounces around. Ok, I know I'm his manager, I'm telling the kids gotta be more specific, with social media marketing come on yeah, I don't know man, it's like. But what makes a scene is a club owner like Wendy Wendy from comedy works in Denver. She makes the scene. That's the club owner she's, the one who it's her finances at risk, she's, the one who manages it. She runs to clubs and in those two club, she ran. She runs. Currently she created the Denver scene. Mitzi created the LA scene at the store, Mean Mitzi's guidance, her like her, what She tolerated what she enforced and what she preferred and with who she gave him He hasn't to she, she really shaped. She shapes how many comics man, you know there's, a few of those club owners are like super super special special, really really important people. They they just they create an environment where ship pops out of I know I
it's. The closest thing like presenting knowing how to present something, especially when it's comedy I'm an off. Whenever somebody you know, I think you would do that mean you've designed them. Do you ever think you would think club, because I'm getting two I get be a can be hard to deal with some of just crazy yeah. Let me just you just can't you just can't can't do it. I get it or buy Well, you know the other reason I I was closed once, maybe, but because let's say, there's somebody I'd like is a comedian, but maybe the trash hotel. I don't need to know that and then be mad at them. What about do? We don't talk to blah blah blah anymore, because I make my club in Philadelphia, real nice and then he went in and he you know they. It was a curtain down in there. I don't want to not like him for that. So let me not only club and deal with anybody. I talk on a business level. That's a good point: that's very good people. Do it and it's hard, but data empathy, What I'm saying more than anything, so it also 'cause we're not delusional. When we complain about clubs, because it says yeah, we get it there.
Right there's some when they, when they do ' right. There's some comedians that Shitan. It grew in a condo that they're trying to make sure I get it but overwhelmingly. It's probably know it split trying to be no, you are trying to be fair. There's just certain amount of people that are nuts are going to flock places up going through or a club or whatever they do in the relationship with the club has with some other business. You know it's just you know. Comedians are crazy. Ok, here's me on the phone, what he sheep well for what let's not even normal, it's not even normal is a good one. Yeah I mean, I know, he's crazy and then somebody that I well you you know he said he wanted to pay for the steam cleaning. Well, I don't know we'll get new carpet. The ups man. Seaspray diarrhea. Before I love it. You know why? Because that's too if you're saying the wrong thing, so it sounds like just
shouldn't diarrhea all over just the individual, the any that's, not even your fault, with a lot of people, a lot of people, it's like they don't probably We realize what they're doing they're doing it and they think they're right, but they're just looking at it from their own personal, selfish perspective, because they're excited about what they're, saying and because they're engaged in a contest. It's not just that they're talking about stuff. They are engaged in a contest they're trying to win. Where the diarrhea comes out, they just throw it out you get in your face this is this: a contest will suck you in suck you into it see that's what I think. One of the big things is wrong. With people today- and it's been wrong of me in the past he get into these conflicts for no fucking reason. It's not worth. It is no fun in that it's stupid, if you want to get in conflicts, should be doing difficult ship with your life. There's a lot of different difficult things that don't
get in arguments that people have you done in the past ever arguments, people, nothing yeah for sure you who's in the car window. You know know folk you've hope you feel like such a loser after you get out there like what did I even say? Oh yeah, we've all done that somebody cuts you off I was on the phone they almost slammed into and you freak out and if they give you the burden like fuck, you yeah for sure and now almost zero, almost zero, almost zero. Most of the time I'm pretty cool. I just put up it's a matter of always thing think about it. It's a matter of always recognizing like these are just stupid impulses, don't just follow any childish impulse like some thirteen year old he's, got his first boner use your fucking brain, don't yell just use your brain. I always thought I just more than anything, because it's usually not even involving me when I still witnessed the finger out the window for I always go from accomplishing. Who are you
so what I've seen it a civil person that probably is about to sit down at a restaurant and it probably uh really nice guy, but that's is if you're forty years old or twenty or whatever age, the younger, the more understandable, but when you Let's go with a forty year old. Put this finger out the fog, who are you where you going? How can you be at those value to your children's lives. If that's the way you express yourself don't tell me, I'll, do that, but I'm good now that's got a leak in everything! You do you're putting your hand out the window. Forty four you? My brother, who are you who are you, you should treat, every buddy in the other car, as if there giant friendly linebacker, like don't ever sell, Fuck you up, don't ever say I your treat with like we have a little bit of fear of them one of the mad at you lay back, that's how you should treat everybody. If we all just did that we'd all get
Great, you know you don't look some giant I acid I go to this gym. These nfl players go there. It's hilarious man, I'm excuse me. Pardon me who I like duck: another dudes, elbows and ship trying to get to the weight stacks there in most people I mean these guys, like six foot, four three hundred plus pounds just enormous enormous fuckin' people show little have a little respect, those guys wearing, cars all around you. You wouldn't be yelling for u pull over, pull over Quincy Pullover. You wouldn't do that because these guys will smash you they're, not even the same thing as you that the reason that makes me laugh at behaviors, because it's not always a maniac in real life, but they should see their behaviors maniac like because it is. It's like you from what do you know where it comes from it? Just not being able to express yourself. No, no, when you're in a car, you're worried your senses are ramped up like if you're. If ten is like full,
or awareness you're like six or seven wear in normal. I feel like one did you already like kind of wrapped up 'cause everything is moving fast around you and try and stay calm and someone's do something to try to get your language like fucking, piece of shit, your ramped up already, right! That's why, when you're late, you know late for something even me and I'm a pretty civil place civil person and I try to stop it. But if I'm super late and nervous. I will say to the person doing the most mundane thing. What the fuck are you doing, exact exact call E. They never pussey go. I will say this going to traffic zero out the window. Zero I'm talking about this is in the kit, but even in the contents of your own car you have to be. You should be proud of your behavior, but- just I know well enough when I'm doing that, that's gotta be for me an I should work on that too. I had a dude scream at me. Take a shirt off to show me his tattoos
and then and then he called me a rich piece of shit I was not rich at the time. She's a but I did have a white, suburban and I guess white Suburban made. You think I mean I wasn't famous at the time he you the fuck. I was, but I don't remember what it was about, but remember do took his shirt off to show his tattoos point out? I'm laughing! Oh, my god! I could. You take your shirt off. To show me your tattoos, to show that I think you're, a tough guy is that we just did I'm like that. That is hilarious, and so I'm yelling this at him and he's getting more and more red in the face, and I go that's hilarious. You took yourself a kick. Your fucking ask you fukking fagot, you rich piece of shit like rich piece of shit. Wow by I just this troubles at least
thing at least I'm driving this big astruc. If, like he slams into me, he's going to get fuckd up this huge. Nobody thinks too, as ever ready for like to be called out 'cause. He knows why it took her she's so stupid. He thought I'd, be scared of him. 'cause he's got tattoos everywhere. Meanwhile, as soon as he took his shirt off, I was convinced I could fuck him up. I was like this dude workout there's no way. He knows anything. There's no way, I mean he's just like a guy, you know wasn't like a scary guy, but he had tattoos everywhere like all of his neck and chit, and they weren't even good. I, like tattoos, such a stupid thing, but I mean I bet if I knew that guy in real life and we were just together in a an office building in like he worked, office network to not like what's up man going on everything, cool we've been friendly ish. It is just this sure thing when you're on a highway and everybody's ramped up everybody's nervous, You don't even realize you're nervous, even if you're, calm and you're good you're going to do this, you always
somebody who might not but she's hit the brakes. Oh look at. That is a fucking thing in the world. Not yet you're. Always right! you know why you ready for that. That's why, when I go my house to Silver Lake, people want to get on the highway and I go. I don't know get on the highway. First always ends up being about the same time if it's five minutes longer on surface streets on a highway, I'm I feel like I'm two out there in this highway world. I just want to go somewhere where I'm not on the highway. You know what I mean not on on a side road I can handle it, but on the the highway. I just get stressed out a little more, so I'm like I'll see if it's ten minutes longer. I don't care yeah, there's! No! the bad idea. It's not a bad idea. It's more! It's more relaxed, chill Keep going slow down, no ones driving that fast it take go from center city to my house yeah. I, like have an I like going over canyon: when you go into Hollywood, so it's more chill it's kind of cool get that cool dry.
I've down that winding road down there whining drawdown. Is excellent man remind you, you're in la just thinking like these bad mutherfuckers that live right there on the road like well, who do you have to be to be so confident in people that you buy? right there on Laurel Canyon around one of those corners we so we easily miscalculated slam right into your car and slamming your house. You know the streets like in like there's a lot of Like the jockeying for position on Laurel, I saw a guy the other day. Take a chance move and uh. Into the left lane to oncoming traffic to pass a guy on Laurel, and I was like whoa. That is a that is a like. You meeting to be a sucker like you're, going down this. This The way you know someone's coming, you don't have enough time and they're coming up the hill. Like you're coming down the hill, the same kind of asshole ishness? We got a real problem here, look you're going to the left lane, that's, but that it's right next year house. What These people, their houses, are right there, man, like you, could like
reach out smack their mailman. The ass was drive by it's crazy I always think that, like on the highway, when there's an apartment, building so close to the highway that you could forget, something and guiding I'm pulling around in the overpass come over to the window and throw me my shoes like an episode of the honeymooners or some shit right, yeah cat yeah. They have a string, maybe they run from the. I don't know whenever I look at it science fiction movie about, like the future, like district, nine, remember, district, nine, great fuckin' movie man, but one of the things about these. Like super uber congested cities. Well, you look at them and you go ok Is that common? Is that going to be everywhere? Are we going to be living in this sort of weird dystopian future New York City is in the perfect spot right 'cause, it's not quite dystopian, but it's definitely exceptional, like those views that you get. Like a buddy of mine had an apartment in Brooklyn on the water face
in the city, which I think is even I don't know if it's other than being in the city, but it's pretty fucking stunning and I just was in his living room going. Holy shit man. This is crazy. Like this view is crates, beauty like stunning, but if that keeps going right, Comes this monolithic, huge favela, like you know, some crazy, like completely stuff with people chickens and dogs running around, and I mean like these future dystopia movies. They all everything is all it's not like. Everything's amazing, the future. We have these huge super populated cities and everything everything's perfect. Now it's all like, our crime way more craziness, oh god, well, it's just thinking. I think people are improving. You think people improving yeah both. Do we think life simply coming here, you're kidding? No, no, no it could be, but I'm saying there is.
Problem with the numbers. The actual or raw numbers of us like? If you go back just a few decades, the amount of people was like five billion less, and it's not that long I mean, if you, I think you go back to like the 80s. What is weed this before and I know I've always forget- and I probably should remember it was world population in nineteen. Eighty five, that's when I got out of high school! I want to say it was less than three billion. That's what I want to say. No, I'm wrong five billion little less than five billion. Ok, I feel a little bit. Anyway during that time, from nineteen, eighty five to twenty eighteen, it's now seven billion or has it hit eight, because world population was real close to eighty seven fok
that's a lot of people. You know what's gaining more than two billion people in just a few decades, so you keep doing that. You do that decades. More. Does it accelerate? You must because there's two more people having people. So it's got to accelerate exponential. Every problem. You list, I feel like. I connect it right back to old people like the population, we just live in a society that we have. Kids have kids, no one goes. They will learn about yourself and when you really know what your patients are right, then, if you start you'll see it a certain time, you might be no. No it's just that type of you have to have kids. Ok, that's older people. You know the put that thought out there. The energycap problem The kids were. If we were just leaving kids lead we'd have electric cars already. You know like they He had that information back then, and we just the real problem with electric the batteries
I mean it's like they're they're, all that's true, but what about now? What about just dumb? I doubt it I mean a lot must is pretty much the top of the heap when it comes to figuring out electric car technology. I don't think there's anybody! That's ever had in nailed down like him before I mean there's a few different car companies that make really good electric cars. Fisker makes a really good one, but it's the the technology isn't it all. I mean even on those batteries like this is like this is not something we could have had thirty years ago, and what about solar power? Solar power is absolutely viable, especially in California, where it's never raining. It's been raining out here, a few days- and it was like it's amazing- it's like we live in Seattle and everything green and shed, but it's uh most of the time, and we could just be collecting energy for that. This is this political issues with. There's like you know, you have to get the infrastructure ready. You have to You could sell back to the grid. There's that you know people do that, there's a lot of like difficulty. So apparently Bryan Callen went through that when he got his house, solar powered and he said,
is really a lot of red tape and he goes and it seems like they're trying to discourage you from doing it and make it difficult for you to do it. If you, switch over to electric they because he had his installed and hooked up for months before it got switched on with the grid is like real issue, and and then even more. So I think if you want to go off grid, so you can use solar power and have no connection to the grid, that's that's slippery slope. And in some places I don't know if you can do that, I think some places might actually prevent you from doing that which is really weird. They can prevent you. You will only you all logs. No one else is log should be in. This is That's what they're saying well, yeah! That's just what they're saying is: that's not the tone they say when he gets there words. I know your power anymore, but thanks no, you would be an awkward. How do you think they would well that, like just pulled just guessing like how a they make that make sense, they would have to say Regulations like we don't know shit about your solar. We
we don't know if it's dangerous, we don't know what you're up to so I mean They can sell it in any way they want if they're doing it in order to save their constituents. Or to do the bidding of A special interest group is lobbying for them to do it the date. That's why they do those things. They don't do those things that make sense. You know little to do those things to the logical, hey, don't don't get that free power, let me make it confusing to get that free power, make it real hard. If you turn on, I just got stretch it out a few months. You gotta keep paying me for a few months. If they can just do that with a million customers, you have three million more months of billable hours if they wanted to do it that way, if they just made it a policy, tax lower. I don't know how it works. Man, but
I know how money works. I bet there's truth to what you're saying has to be there's so much money involved and they don't make power companies because they're altruistic, beautiful people want everybody to watch tv they do because they, but that cash baby. You know, that's why they're going to drill holes right next to the river come on! It's one of the good stuff. Is beef up the salmon they're just going to get in there? It's just start drilling. They don't give a fuck man. People were just who just want money, don't give a fuck. This is what's the problem with guys, like Trump is what the problem with the guys like he brings in there. So like the number one thing is not making money. The number one thing sustainability! That's the number one thing living off the earth. That's the number one thing: can we live off this earth? Okay, good! two thing. We got to be safe. Okay, how can we be safe, first of all, we need need to be able to talk so. Freedom Speech is hugely fuqing important when it comes to being safe. You need to be able to say things without fear of repercussion. You need to be able to communicate.
One hundred percent, honestly amongst each other, and so we could figure out how you really feel me how you really feel about this, then I can understand you. I don't I understand you yet because you're hiding how you really feel about partial about life or parts of life, that's where freedom of speech is so God. Import just one aspect of it being important being able to protest about stuff all that shit give to pee, so much No no! We just did that So did you see that the other day and handed me a note, have to be? How long have we gone but was Pat Miletich yeah it's one hundred and thirty would be started like one thousand one hundred and fifteen, so you do the math, I'm too stupid for He has already made to allow us to that's. Why we're talking about and that's why you eat the food that you should be same reason, the foot you get the it gene it. I have midnight? It's yeah, it's I do it. Sometimes I came home today from the ice house
Saturday night I cooked steak at one in the morning. I got the cast let's kill it out, and I put some butter Alex. I had steak in Kim Chee. While I watch tv at one o'clock in the morning we have the phone, it was delicious, very amazing. It was a male guinea. Can I'm lucky that I, the reason I want to stop is not because I even get I really, I really have an iron stomach if there's such good, but it's just you know, it still makes me feel Little bit like I don't get sick, but I feel little heavy in the morning dude. I took two whole days yesterday and the day before or eight bulshit yesterday, I ate egg rolls the day before had a big ball of and I had a cupcake. I just decided it it's Sunday or Monday.
Or whatever it was Sunday and Monday. Let's just have some fun so for two days I was eight whatever the funk I wanted. I just decided I want to do that. I had the worst farts of Mycareer. I mean my career over of farting. He swear that these were the bombs to end all bombs, my body, is not designed to do that anymore. It just doesn't want to do that anymore. 'cause, I've been eating so clean regularly that just a couple of days of pot It's done, bullshitin egg rolls and my body was like fuck you I felt lethargic. I was I I just want to sit down all the time. My workout sucked was hard to push myself as I, wow like this is not good like eating bulshit. Just this is what most people are doing. Most people are doing all day, they're eating candy bars, an bulshit may not get any nutrients, you I mean, candy bars,
maybe I'll eat very bad. Why you should eat good pioneer, smart guy. Why don't you? Why don't you approach it like you're, taking in the artwork of these people, who cook food for you or learn how to cook yourself? I cares the problem. Oh is that during the day I eat great, buy juice everyday, like Kale. Carrots, celery ginger, beats every single day, so you don't eat healthy. Well, no! That's just because my only thing I could do to say: ok! Well, I have the shity diet. I can at least say to my body think So is my body going? Thank you for giving us some good stuff. We wish you would need that other thanks for something that's every day, I'd use, but then now it it's bad late at night I mean it rights, but that's good, so you're, not all bad. You have alot good habits like you're, very aware that you need nutrients when you do do that stuff and juice, one of the things that they say. We should probably look this up right now: 'cause, I'm obviously not nutrition expert, but I'm pretty
sure they say that vitamins are absorbed better when you have them with some healthy fat, so I think they recommend coconut oil. If you have some coconut oil with vegetables when you drink vegetable juice, it actually can enhance the absorption of some of the violence. That's good to know yeah, so some people mix it in or makes m c t oil medium chain, triglyceride oil, fat, soluble items. You won't get enough vitamin d from drinking vegetable juice found mainly in fatty, cheese, fatty fish. These mushrooms, egg, yolks, beef, liver and fortified foods? You need vitamin d. That's a yeah hi! That's different they're, saying this! That's they're! Just saying that, while vitamin d is very difficult to get, if you're vegan it's our land, I I do eat food too, but I like some of the thing is like I, I it nine I'm so hungry. So I think I'll go to the vault I'll, be like well, listen, I'm going to want candy, no matter what right and I had dinner like five hundred and thirty. This is like now at nine.
So I don't really need dinner. I eat dinner, so I go I'm going to get dinner, I'm going to second dinner, whatever you want to call second nine hundred o'clock street, so. I go. I know this is bad, but the last few weeks I'll be there and I'll be like you know what I'm going to eat, I'm going candy I'll, just get candy. I'm proud of myself because he didn't need food and candy get food or candy. When I get candy Let's see what happens you get like a jumbo snickers bar. What are you doing? I told someone that helps out at the podcast when they're at Vons. They get me a candy bar. They brought me back again, A little I'm like. Are you Reese's cups. I said I could get some Reese's cups. They brought back to Reese's cups in a pack a little ones, Yeah I go when I say Reese's cups, I mean a bag. The guy had this fantasy now, fantasy that I had a reading RES Cubs nonstop for five ten minutes now, you'll get a villain, love, love, Reese's, cups, delighted that the double the big ones they did. The other two did the action yeah big thick once and I like to have
ice cream. It's I've done that many times all kinds of ice cream, chocolate, ice cream Fuckdog. However, with strawberry, I don't give a shit I know, but what would we say nodes in it bro? I know what I would rather have, but you take a double Reese's cup put in the microwave for literally ten seconds and then get the, he's given just smash it on top? It's absurd absurd, there's something ice cream and some cakes, like a warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Holy sh. Chocolate cake with vanilla, ice cream. Oh my goodness, I could warm chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. Oh apple pie, though, with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream, Holyshit, Todd, glass, holyshit, holyshit, that's good! The french french apple pie with vanilla, ice cream, could you get? The apple pie? Is american mother fucker. I don't know where you get this friendship from
do they even have apples in France, speaking of apple pie. Mcdonald's should do this. Take plastic, clear glass- you can see right right picture there, little shoot it right then put the Apple pie in their apple pie and glass. Fill it with vanilla, ice cream and put some caramel sauce and go you call it their apple pie, ALA mode and it The spoon and you get the apple pie, the vanilla ice cream, a little bit little bit of sauce at the top two, Why is it helping them this on the show you should go to them with a Propos, the Todd glass Apple pie to create and they have all the stuff there to need it already there spokesperson the commercial. This is my I will Just do it that way. Book book book we get the public on the side, there's the apple pie in the ice cream. It's impossible so sometimes dig in apple pie, ALA mode, it's a great idea, I'm not especially if you can figure out how to nuke only the apple pie. Well, they could
So we have to put it together that, because it's already hot it's in there drop it in the drop it drop the ice cream on drop dash cam on top. That's genius takes a couple seconds to make right you don't just grab it. You drop one in there, it's very easy to bang. Bang there yeah right, that's a great idea! That's a really! that's the best idea. I've ever heard on this podcast, all they have it. This isn't Mcdonald you know the restaurant that made this exact desert the way you're describing it in a glass. Well, I'm not saying the ideas that, but I'm saying it's, that they have all the ingredients to do it. They have those glasses. They have apple pie with just serve it 'cause. I bet it would be a big seller. 'cause it does apple. Pies are not bad either Donna when you want one. Those are not bad. No, what's that two is that what they are wow? That's pretty good! Here's! My bad! John, it's Joe if it's valid for those junk yeah, but not candy, junk food right. So I like to get the big Mcdonald's hamburger! There is like whatever
is that I can get in the menu. I look. Ok. Can I get that with nothing on it? Just a plain burger, no cheese, no, nothing! Ok! Then I get it, Mick Muffin! You can either do two things one you could We all the ingredients off the egg. Mcmuffin and put it in the hamburger. So you hamburger with an egg, a piece of ham knees and it's so good or take the hamburger. Put it and let the egg Mcmuffin be the bread, but it's pretty good. That sounds pretty good. Damn good. That sounds like you doing you're doing gods work you freaking out some stuff. They can't figure out. They figured out some impressive things. They figured out how to make a ffucking juicy Delicious pancake, that's the top of Mick Muffin, those mcgriddle. That is my one of my all time: favorite chief foods, a goddamn mcgriddle the last. Delicious. You wanna talk about like the. Feeling in your mouth for a buck like how much like how much bang you get for your buck. If you're hungry with the cheese and the egg holyshit. Here's my point: how much I agree with you,
not saying the ingredients or anything. If you took that Mcgriddle yeah, I see with a lot of food, so I'm just using this as an example 'cause. You just said this that actual item, but I say with a lot of things. Put it on it! You take that my put it on the chopping block. At a french restaurant in what and then all you do is put that acquittal on the chopping block and then maybe put some syrup all over it delivered to a table there. No one's going to go it's good, but it's not like it's for we're gonna go shut, the shut the it's up, nice. You know they say that about Papa John's cinnamon. Do you know where they take the bread they put the it's not over, they put butter on it, but then the vanilla glaze all over it. They put it in the oven. If you were anywhere they go on about six hundred in the morning it that they put fresh cinnamon, tarts out, you know, and then you took Papa John's put it on. No one would eat it and go. I know it's good, it's sugary! It's doing the job they'd go what what you had a mcgriddle with ice cream on it. Wow ice cream in between
like in between the layers you put. The Mcgriddle down with the sausage, be absurd to be functional missing. Oh, I didn't think of the sausage So it's really just thought the bread in the syrup and stuff on the whole shuts off. I mean that. Would let's say no, Let's say you could definitely do it. I've always loved Hawaiian, pizza pineapple and ham together it so people some people. You know what argue? Social issues in for differ 'cause, I think there's a good side of it. But some people, I'm ok, to let go and people. I believe someone would like pineapple on pizza, okay, right, I can't believe you, like the Pixies Jesus, I you know what I really I'm a pineapple pineapple and anchovy. I know it sounds disgusting. It tastes amazing as one of my all time, favorite pizzas, it might be my all time
men's pineapple and sliced sausage when you watch jamming. This is a a Now the problem take it being rolled into those rolled ice cream things, that's popular right now, it's almost what you just described but not quite and it looks- so there are frozen and then turned it into those things. Yeah you're seeing those stuff and they chopped it up and flattened it out. It's like barely food, it's barely food so weird what so? It's the not the inside the Mcgriddle, no yeah, it's just the Alice starts over here again and they turned it into this thing like Donald's. Do it yeah? Well that makes, sense. If it's the inside the because it's all I mean the outside, rather 'cause, it's all just that we should anyway, as they pour the batter. And then show it is everything it's the meat. Twenty, that's crazy! How weird might be good, but I don't know it might be good it's probably an interesting way to eat. I mean it's no different
what you're doing when you're masticating it right do and you know making that out of it's just making that already israeli. I want to see it. I found out this past week in the ground. Beef was invented by the Mongols ground meat. I want to see the Gangus Khan exhibit at the Reagan, library, Fuq living back then dude, You think it be hard to start over as an open mic. Comic I started off in a Mongol camp. Why was ground beef invented? They invented ground. Beef, apparently Mongols invented the Empire, is either indirectly responsible. Irresponsible or they invented like a shitload, and some will be what year would have been. I think that was like the twelve hundreds that they would that they existed, that their first came to be, but
before that they just eight state. Now before I mean look, they all whatever you, I think they probably just yeah. They just probably look cooked meat in just eight to meet that someone figured out. We can take tough cuts because they would eat you know whatever the they could take tough cut and grind it up. You can cook it needed easier to figure that out. You don't eat meat right. A lot of me for you to yeah. Why just and would need me? I don't know this. You know may made me proud fire you one of those guys will no, no, no, I I I would say for a free. I would just say I I I I listen to all always him open to listen to new things, to sway my opinion, but I like the stance of someone talking about at least free free range ranch now you know the opposing view on that too, but I just thought you know if you're, so, if, if, if you're thinking, I get it that there is a food chain. This is what I heard this person speaking, I'm not I'm not saying it, but I'd made. It's made sense to me. No There is a food chain and we don't have to torture animals, of course. But there is this, but you know
tortured animals that then I would be like I would, if I was, I wish I could. If I was going to eat me, I do eat meat yeah, but I wish I did it that way. I'd be proud of myself. If I committed when I hear some of the does that, it will I'm like. Oh, I admiration for that. Would you ever consider killing an animal that you were going to eat. Would you ever like raising a cow and clearing it, I couldn't, but I don't what about hunting? Do you think you can hunt? No, no now Could you you you do now yeah, but I don't I'm not I'm not. I just couldn't hunt I'm not. I don't want it. Yes, not something you're interested in which is not here. Listen, it's not wrong with that idea. It's a like I shot a guy in the face once a camp who shot a man in Reno, I should have had a member. You know when he's singing that song he was in prison which I'd like and he went back and perform their that they they can they're, not they're, not to be lost yeah. They they and then he
and he goes. I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die and they'll go woo. Well, let's not glorify the yeah, That's right! Now that I think I said that right, listen! I'm here! I'm not guys guys don't have to! I did some doubt about it. Yeah, I'm Bob I'm sitting in it. It's not good. Did someone just do a stand special inside a prison Jeff, Ross Jeff! Another comic, a black comic. You know the Ali is that it yeah. How do you say it's how you say his name, ground. You have behind you more than the back room I go to. What's called. I think you need to have to go to bed ours, it's bigger than these bars
nice yetis, Bathroom God, don't say you're, not going to say anything right now. We could wrap this up to move her down and ask about this or you go to bathroom. If that's, ok, that's ok! Mongo leading meeting! I just pulled up this article from the New York Times. It said that horse meat being ten Verizon another saddle is a myth. I don't know if this is so yeah. I don't tend under their saddles. Yeah said that steak tart are was horse. Meat dish that originated from the horse eat models of Central Asia who swept across the eastern central Europe. Eight hundred years ago, the most common tales, the tartar tater tater. How would you say that toddler. Daycare horsemen would put a slice of horse Peter sat their saddle in the morning and retrieve it tenderized by the pounding raw for dinner. They supposedly left their raw meat eating habit behind in the two one version of the story: it was carried
the german sailors to Hamburg, where the taste for ground beef began big at both hamburgers and steak. Tart are that's interesting is that, where Neil Hamburger is that, where a hamburger came from that guy, that goes hamburger, I'm just kidding, God gives the bathroom it's cool ok cool. I wanted to ask about that that's interesting. I wonder if the Reagan library has old information in their exhibit says, it's been passed around as a message. Like nineteen twenty, the chance to say that if you're running a museum, you should probably know that. That's not true, unless they they figured out chopped meat in this is not the same same thing maybe it's maybe originally was, but I don't feel like if someone wanted to do that.
That would be a way to tenderize meat. Now I mean I, with the the same restaurant I was describing that I worked at before with the Mongol and barbecue grill. We we cook with swords literal of metal swords on a flat top when it was supposed to be representing the shields at the Mongols of Cook, on back in the hunt whatever, and they were just shredding meat. That's the only way you could do it so right. They were shred. Can be photographers ground, but like definitely shredded so yeah when we cooked in the field with Renella, for the first time when we shot a deer, he pounded it flat like he took like a chunk of the back, strap and then put it in between Africa. What he put in between but pound it flat before it cooked it like to tenderize it and break it down a little bit. I just watched a video of a guy pounding in aluminum foil roll I'm making a knife out of it. Going bad as like a knife like a ship or a shank watching you like, you, will watch it and I like to watch knife making things yeah it's just like it's ten minute, video of him literally taking.
The whole roll. I pull it up. I want to see that that's crazy. Some dude made knife out of aluminum: foil roll. That's when you really want to folks somebody up, but you trapped in a restaurant and hey. I have a question go ahead and we probably should where I'd go for the clothes. Look at this. Look at this guy he's going to hammer down this aluminum foil until he could turn into a digital like in the kitchen too. Uses the regular old of a stove gas stove to heat up. He just hammer it down then fold. It is what he did. He leaves it here, I'll just kind of skip ahead. It is a good idea. He eats it for bad, I'm not sure trying to use that to build your kids afford. Then you're a nice person, you bake a hammer wow, turned into metal. This is crazy. Home, I'm more mentally runtime sharpening. This is crazy. Wow. This is nuts, so he turned it into a real piece of aluminum, oh yeah, wow. That is
can bananas and sharpened it. That is crazy, but I gave it a handle, oh my god, at the end, put a package and shows like good stuff, but then you must be so weak, though I mean it's aluminum, Oh, he sells it probably Why would you want to buy it? Why would you want to write just because I'm an asshole? I want to buy aluminum foil knife, I need it, I need it. You know every time people come over. The house you this. Life is made out of aluminum foil have a video. Are we want you to watch? He made a knife out of pasta just showing how he makes it now. I've had enough at anything about the story that Chris Ryan told about the guy who made a knife out of shit, those frozen order, frozen ship knife to kill one of his dogs 'cause. He was we got a sled dog are and he was starving to death. Wow yeah was that true, or did he carve his way out of an ice hole with a ship shovel
frozen shovel. Do you know what I only I wrote. Can I plug some yeah for sure? Definitely, okay, so I'll get through this about your special first. What what where it is that I was our special Netflix right now act happy! I wanted to call it suck my pigeon dick but I was the only one that was braising my hand. I wish I was there. I would have backed you up. It was a juggling act right and who the hell would it not forgotten? I know why ain't right suck my pigeon dick so Larry S? Can I tell you something the last time I wanted to time's up, and I know tell any stories like you know all this person? No, no! This is two things I think, and I I go to learn my lesson 'cause my book. I wanted to call that I wanted to call my book. All I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with a terminal disease and then
another stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut. I would add that as a subtitle, even though I hated the word closet, that's how he tried to sell it to him, 'cause they closet and anything to do with any words. You know that I've tried this in Alvin. So I go ok. If I can call it all. I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl. It was the first title was with cancer all over to do is meet a nice girl with cancer and other seeing other stupid things. I said they keep the closet door shut because the story in there about me literally me and my friend you know so it does make sense, and it's not mean it's not insulting cancer. I think that still should have been the title of the book. The problem is people going to see it and go all he's just a mean guy that once girls to die, that's the boil down, don't version of look into it in body
He didn't even consider you consider that so there right well you're wishing about terminal disease now you're right. It brings up a dumb guy. Writing a book he's really suck my dick in the diet, cancer. You know what yeah! So you know what I'm stubborn in certain ways, but in other ways all you they do is cleanly explain something to Maine, oh yeah, there right. I don't want to call it that I never thought about that. To go for the wrong audience to a seat on a shelf somewhere, even yeah. I think we should all be to change our opinions about things. I try hard to work on the I do too. I think it's a big thing about being a person be able to look at things and and not think the You are those ideas, you're a person you're, not those ideas like you just you don't just because you thought of it do you subscribe to it. You believed in at one point in time: it don't let it define you it's just an idea and if it's wrong honest about it and say this is why I thought it was real and people will respect
that 'cause they'll, know that when you're talking you're saying what's really on your mind, whether you're right or whether you're wrong, you might be incorrect, but if you correct going to let them know you're incorrect, and you know the way to look at that. I think and I try remind myself every time. I talk about this stuff to say how many of the thing do you doing, because they're right or just in time equals validity, because there probably are some things that should be. You should have been doing for the last forty years, but so, let's not go by issue by issue. Here's a wider scope for some of the put themselves under age, fair judgment. If you're forty Five years old and you haven't had I'm just throwing out numbers, I'm ok with proper down the number, but you'll get the gist of what I'm saying. If you're forty five years old, and we're? we talking about. I got high, but if you remind me I'll go right back, I'm not exactly sure Are you going with it? Oh shit, man, so God marijuana. I don't even fogger nothing. Jimmy what what was he talking about
noon. We'll figure it out I want to do so, and then I have to plug the states, and I don't remember that. Well, we were talking about people being nicer to each other. Weird talking about the able to change your comedy special being able to change your opinions on things, and I think it's very important to be able to change your opinion and that you are not your ideas. Yes, because you believe so thing doesn't mean you should be locked into it, because I know I remember a good way to judge yourself is to go if forty five years old and you haven't- maybe in the last so many years- changed your view on something how about we start with that. We won't even take issue at hand, then what is say: there's no way that you shouldn't be changing sort should right. So if it's It doesn't have to be everything, but I would say in a ten year period we're there to things that you were adamant about. Maybe in two There is not everything, sometimes you're right, you're right, but if you can honestly not
Our lead to be right in argument. Go yeah. I change my opinion, but go in with no one's around be honest with yourself and then you might be able to go in the dark of your own. Asking yourself go fuck. I guess I really have it. Yeah then be aware of it and then there starts your change will be back right after this Joe Rogan's, our guest he'll be at the So we just for sure get these folks. Let me just say to you: if you're, in a place where Todd Glass is performing so in the best standup comics working in America today very funny guy, and I do it right. I got the two piece, even when you're being set there's a two piece: that's alright! The minute you get in there. Ok, jazz Texas! I want to go to a jazz club, it's not even comedy club. They reached out in a April, 22nd 23rd, twenty third, that it's it's in San Antonio Jazz is ma'am. I like the ones if crazy, you're, real close to Mexico. Brays make a man
and run across the border you're right there. How far is it from San Antonio TX? I don't know, I think they could shoot each other uh did I say that Texas, I meant Mexico yeah but I'd like to access. When I was telling him to first time. You said it right. Ok, if you're, that close to Mexico, like what's the closest city we have is Laredo El Paso, El Paso is the closest. I've been El Paso diehard El Paso, like bullets, have hit buildings like the buildings in El Paso. Bullets from like the drug war have hit is that Juarez is Juarez right now, tell pass out war as a particular dangerous place. I don't need to go there, but hey don't go there. You see Todd Glass top great performing. Next, ok, that's why I'm trying, the fast. I you ever, I always feel guilty about. No, I don't but which website, let's talk less account, Todd less comedy
you know it is. I think it's that probably Comedy Todd Glass, don't Todd glass? No, not your Email address your website address caught Because I'm not paying very clearly no worries, talk, glass, dot, com or something tacos dot com should say: ok, that's, ok, then I'll be at the blue room is, I'm is blue room and I hate reading blue room in Springfield Missouri and that the seventh through the ninth of June, two more that's right, blue room. I like the L'Oreal Comedy Theater in Hopkins, Missouri, it's hot, it's the royal comedy theater this place is one. I love it and then it's in Hopkins. My saying that right, Missouri Minnesota Minnesota is going to punch me in the face June 21st through the 24th.
And then you have to stir crazy comedy club in Arizona. Glendale AZ come on down the Blvd in Glendale, Thank you stir crazy in Arizona. I need that. Now. What I just did yes, no lie. My heart beat exhausting, exhausted, yeah because you're funny you don't want to do that No, did I don't it so difficult so hard? How do people do it? Oh, you were reading pretty good off the tv. Doesn't trance alright brother? Well, that was very fun. That was great. That was so much fun very fun. Um, Toddglass, dot com go see him an Netflix special. Out right now suck my pigeon deck right. Yes, yes, fact, Happy ACT, happy, don't look my pigeon that maybe in the liver the nestlings give in the cave by. Thank you. Everybody for tuning into the podcast, and thank you to zoom video conferencing setup. Your free account today ok at DOT, USA
Thank you also, to Legalzoom, take advantage of national small business month at Legalzoom and get your free business start up kit. Legalzoom dot com, slash start up, last but not least, thank you so much to the cash app an what We have done with donating five. Every time you sign up and use the promo code, Joe Rogan, you get five dollars and they will donate five dollars to fight for the forgotten. We have used that to help provide. What Four two communities in the Congo Rainforest so far thousands of dollars been raised. Clean water, along with sanitation and hygiene education, it's a fucking, beautiful thing, powerful, positive, Karma, an again. I can't say enough positive things about Justin Wren he's just an amazing person. Alright, you Fuchs, that's did for today tonight, where the improv SAM Tripoli showed the comedy store looking forward to it and then
tomorrow, the entire crew of the legion of skanks is going to be here. What I don't know how the fuck that's going to work, we're going to try it going to be four dudes, probably baked out of their mind, talking a lot. It'll be fun, so that'll be tomorrow. Alright, thanks, Even you guys, love you and bye
Transcript generated on 2019-11-14.