Matt Braunger is an actor, writer, and stand-up comedian. His new special "Finally Live in Portland" will be released everywhere on February 5, 2019.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey friends how's it going out there support for this podcast brought to you by Diamond Dallas, page positively, unstoppable challenge, if you don't know who diamond step. First of all, if you don't know who Diamond Dallas page is how fucking? Dare you he's a to an all time? Great pro wrestler, a fantastic guy he's been on the podcast before and um one of things that, ah he talked about before, is his yoga. He all the years of doing professional wrestling just wrecked havoc on this guy's body and he essentially healed himself with yoga and he created his own program. Ddp yoga diamond Dallas, page yoga and his diamond Dallas page positively. Unstoppable challenge came about because of one of the times we did one sober October shows there was a gentleman out there named Vance Hines is a district attorney in Texas. He heard our show
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came from here, zip recruiter, dot, com, Slash Rogan again, you could try it for free, zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire my guest today is hilarious stand up comedian. He as a new special that is he's releasing it across all platforms. This is something that Jim Gaffigan just decided to research. In some comics are following in his footsteps. So it's going to be a mobile on Itunes, it'll be available on Amazon Bunch, different platforms, hilarious stand up comedian, great guy. Please give it up for Matt Braunger, the Joe Rogan experience trying my day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day back to the first ever bring homemade cold brew. Yes, sir, to the studio, I think we should enjoy something. Ok, let's have some sort. It's it's it's pretty much kerosene, so you want to sip it be careful yeah. I usually
I lose a little bit of water, wow yeah. I think I got this off on about this. Guy company called could to steer over to guy, and he just roasts all these beans from all over the world and drop some all but this one bicycle cafe and Venice or something no, no. I live in Dallas close close enough here. Thanks for having my pleasure I had a coffee expert on the podcast before just I mean, I don't know anything about coffee just out on a whim. This guy Peter Giuliano, that's his name Giuliano for Giuliani, I'm avoiding the word Giuliani like Cs Civic, I'm sure he is too actually I know yeah yeah yeah, but he's a like a legit coffee expert motor claimed does that all coffee comes from Ethiopia, really yeah. All of it came out of there. That's why it's like they're, the they're originated at all, okay yeah, and then they started growing in latin american countries all over the other place. Yeah hello, I'm being you know, we're always lets a kid colombian coffee was the horse saying like
on Valegro this yeah yeah. He still we. I went to Columbia over the summer, and now you can. You still see pictures and drawings of him everywhere because really yeah, because he brought kind of fame to Columbia and and differentiated it from out the the other south american countries yeah. Well, this guy it was. It was really for. This is actually very good, cold, vocal, very tasty. Thanks interesting to different flavor yeah, I mean it cold, brew coffee. You take at least seventy percent of the bitterness out and it makes it smoother and it is no aesthetic and you get that that's the stomach sourness you get when you drink a big pot of hot coffee. I usually don't get that I'm okay with coffee, but I do like the flavor of this. This is really good. Okay, this is ethiopian, yeah Yes, I'm no expert! I just go: what's the best one to make cold brew and they pointed a bag and I buy it and that's all you know: smart, just defer to experts yeah, that's kind of the key to life, I thank, but he was X, Giuliani, Giuliano, actually sorry Peter. He was explaining to,
us that um, the reason why they all have these different, complex flavors and how they, how they would take care of that beans, because Ethiopia is a very dry climate where South America is very hot, so they developed all these problems with coffee rest. Have you ever had a coffee, yeah yeah they developed like weird, molds and stuff? That's why they had to figure out different ways of processing and wet process. Sing, is Virsta just leaving a mountain drying them. Oh yeah did you talk about the illegality of coffee and it's kind of earlier stages when it would go out into different regions and cultures and religious areas? Well, Bor Dane actually was the first person to tell me that they were outlawing coffee shops and coffee houses back in the day, see there's a clue somewhere online of Bourdain explaining to us okay, how Coffee shops were being outlawed because at the time everyone basically was drunk all day, because people just they all they did was drink booze, because you know a lot of times
had water sitting around that water would probably have some funky, Neda, still water. You get sick drinking it, but you could be right. You know of a boy with water, the alcohol in it, you wouldn't get so it's a preservative, yeah you'd, like monks, would only drink beer and yeah and like crazy, it's no. I can't imagine if you've ever had like belgian ale yeah. I have three young just like for a okay. She says you think those guys just pay themselves, all day to stay somewhat hydrated and I think they just got used to it, but it must have been terrible for their body yeah. That's I I it it's like like. I was just thinking about like life expectancy and how now I feel like we're going to see people living well into their hundreds and stuff and like our generation and younger, but back then you just like you're thirty. Alright, you should make a well man because it's well, it's just anything went wrong. You were done. Where is like. I have a lot of friends you had. There
appendix taken out right or they broke a leg hiking as they managed to get okay yeah like back, then that was the wolves at you. That is at least leave. You have the wolves? Don't come after the rest of us and just take one for the team if your appendix went possessed by demons. Now we know what the fuck happened. Yeah he just struck like just fall down. This is what it out from the inside yeah, one knew why it and the amount of the amount of I heard the statistic that, like something like eighty percent of medieval land land battles were, were fought drunk there's some insane ratio. Of course it would have to be yeah. I, would have to shock on a bottle of jack to pick up like a battle. Just run just run into a crowd of guys and just know, swinging away. The vikings were famous for waging war while they were on mushrooms each psilocybin, mushrooms and just fucking. Go back!
and um am Anita. Mask area too, I think was the other mushroom that they ate and they would just go fucking crazy with axis while they who knows what they were seeing, you would say that delay into the berserker yeah, where we have the term berserk from your own easy familiarity, you're a warrior philosopher, so you know that is but like yeah, that's that's probably what you just go into a trance, yeah and you're, just killing everything in sight in you're, basically like an insect on cocaine. This just chopping everything down around you remember, we were talking about that New Viking show that's on Netflix. We missed it. Wasn't the comedy one there's another one, there's another one! That's ah serious Viking show on Netflix that's supposed to be like the show vikings, but way better, which I kind like this feel yeah. It was good. It was good. It's funny, though, how you told me, the last kingdom last game. That's amazing said where I'm so you know we we we we focus on one thing and where it's like you look, you watch vikings, you like, where the hats
where the right, how much would not want to suck well? What's that all these parades, everyone s yeah, I don't. These are normal titles they'll they they should all be monsters, but Vikings were all sizes right. Well, they were all big like this. The problem is like there's not that many giant actors, unless you want to recruit football players. It's so true, you know yeah, but if you go HOLLAND or something like that. One of things you walk right, you'll have everyone's big, that's a good point. Yeah in in Norway, norwegian countries they're very tall. The median height is like six feet, which is the well. Iceland has a disk number of strongman competition winners, those guys who, in the strongest man in the world, do this throw Barry our top of all. I love yeah yeah yeah, these guys a lot of those guys come from Iceland, well, the guy who plays the mountain. Yes, he took the structure in the world. Yeah title yeah he's from Iceland key for sure is he is fucking used.
I give you saw that guy coming over a hill on a horse swing a sword like fuck over a the day. We stop existing we're done since day my clan gets, wiped out or or that thing where they to save to save lives. They'd be like our champion, fights your champion and then that person wins and then that guy comes out and you're like fuck. I was so good back in the in the in the knife? Jim that we train is with this guy. Well, that was the saddest part about game of thrones. Is the the the the cocky bisexual guy yeah, the Red Viper he was ahead. I dude I was broken up with my now wife and just was just back from a weekend on the road and was tongue over and was just like I'll watch game of thrones, and I just tweeted like AG. I watched dive still. Have it don't tell me what happens you know blah blah blah just just to have some connection with the outside world
in my one bedroom apartment and I want people like don't watch it alone. I was like what and I watch it and it just ruined minute 'cause. It's so fucked up. He screaming value raped his sister he's crushing his head and I'm just like yeah man. The way he did it too. He just grabbed his head and killed him like you would kill a chipmunk. It's like the worst death I've, probably seen on screen and not seeing a lot of bad horrible screaming death. Yeah, you know like it was worse than like the guy and saving private Ryan. Where he's like wait, wait No! No in the guys are sticking the knife in areas right here. Oh brutal yeah it's also looks. I think it's it's it's something right in a fantasy novel like I don't know how someone could have hands that strong. He has hands out. Thank you right when I say is strongest man in the world. If anyone has hands that strong,
You mean he's going through the eyeball. He could ever read for sure. Eyeballs first grab your head like, don't you think you could do that to a baby thought I mean you couldn't, but you could physically right. Yes, you could moral demon took over my page or meth wait. What did I say? I was talking to a friend of mine and she was telling me that her dad had been hospitalized and while dad was hospitalized he was in like this, a care home for older and a guy who is schizophrenic, will freaked out and tried to eat him, oh god, while he was there, yeah, and then he said fuck. This get me out of here. Anyone of dying at home. You want of dying at home rather than die in the hospital, because a guy tried to eat him like your last.
Days days of life are escaping a schizophrenic guy who got out of his room and tried to eat. This is why I work so hard all my life and raised a family, and now I'm here I mean that's our worst fears to be to die away from your loved ones strangers to be back at the first day of high school, basically but you're old and everyone's old. But then someone kill you yeah and don't we don't get rid of people like that? Quick enough, like you, you get rid of bad dogs, dogs, bite people. You, like your dog, put him down. Yeah yeah, it works. I should I got to tell my mother that, because she works with this group called the village which creates a a network in any given neighborhood, where, if you're, young or you're old you registered on cost anything, and basically this person can live out there there
years in their home because they have a network of neighbors who check on couple hours or call me here's my cell, that's like I have a map in a chest: pain, okay, cool! That's just gives you a hospital because it's like at the Greek I think people deserve to you know as long as you're, not eating people yeah killing on that yeah die in their homes and yeah. That's a that's a concern that you really don't ever want to dress until it's too late yeah, the the the concern of when and how do I go yeah you know You have to accept that you're going to go and some people just have a really hard time with that sure and even deep into their old age when they're just decrepit they they can't make it anymore. They just can't handle the fact that it's all end now end. I mean I mean that's why you have to live your life to the fullest and not bite your tongue and just be yourself, because I guess or just chill the fuck out.
Wait for the end. What do you do? One of the I don't know what is the life to the fullest right yeah? If, if it's all temporary share your day, absolutely I mean there there is that point where just like well? Is there any point to life? I don't know I've gone back and forth the trussell on this yeah, I'm just like the yeah will fucking send you down a rabbit so with that man, I don't know man yeah the code, Bhagavad Gita, they save it and will make some sense out of it It will is the cosmic trickster. Without a doubt. I were speaking of ordain. He was that he was staying there like. How would you like to go anyway? Just like I just want just one bullet in the back of my skull. I don't see a comment yeah, but meanwhile he did it himself and it with a rope yeah, it's just as friends with them. I don't fuck me up fuck me up. I wasn't and I was a fan of his since the first article came out in the new Yorker that he wrote it fucks you up because you just go. I wish you called me
yeah, I wish I mean I would have flown to France. Now I wouldn't have noticed, said suck it up. Pussy, don't kill yourself in France back to America where she would have checked in yeah, because I mean I I do it's all about perspective. There are times where we've all come close to not actually put in a gun in our mouths, were opening next, but where you just feel like there's no point you, but someone can just come in. I say like coming up in the crew that I came up with in Chicago. You know, canadian Hannibal and people like we. Never let each other get away with shit or it's just like yeah you're saying that but fuck you like you, need those people in your life. I never get. I went through a horrible breakup and I went. I was in my apartment for like a week. Even to wait tables and bar ten, and then I finally came to a show and contains like hey, look who pushed aside all the clumps. A used kleenex be with us, welcome back
fucking pussy and I were laughing so hard and it all went away. It all went away this great 'cause, you take yourself so seriously and you were going to get better and yeah. I mean I just think about Despair. Is this demon that latches on your back and it's your job, suck it off you. You know what your thing destroyed: the bitch in you conquer your inner bitch, bitch, yeah yeah, your bitches only when I'm referring to your I mean the inner doesn't want bitch to work out? Yes. Well, that's that's! That's the one I relate to the most, where I feel that every time I'm in a class every time, I'm in something like that, it's just like something, and just like like just want to sandbag it. Just this time, well I mean everybody has that yeah. I still have it, but I've got that motherfucker on lock down good now on him good he's in there, though he's weak
you never scenario he's always trying to tell you. You could take the day off, maybe your ankles sore. Maybe maybe you feel a little sick little rundown, you know. Take it. Take a you day. The dog tired is anyone around you know it's not about. You should take care of that dog dog does not want to run. My my dad says something brilliant on the for my dad lately, like he's always been like a guy. In a word, you mentioned how like hospice, living and stuff my dad used to do hospice any he would just use like do. I have to talk the guys. I know you can days mostly one of someone. A lesson is like I can do that and he would sit by dying people and just not as head and stuff, and one but he never he never talk about. It would be like down what you doing today. Is it gonna. Go hang out with bill like dad who the fuck is bill's. This guy is dying, like you gotta, tell me more than this so now, we're kind of he's, opening up more, but long story long. He was like you know, when you're waking up in the middle the night there's that voice in your head, that is telling you you're useless useless. You haven't done enough with your life and things like that. He said I don't know if there is a devil, but if there is that's him
and I'm like fuck and it just blew my mind. It's like dad you're right that voice. That tells you to give up that voice. That tells you like not toe, not Thio, to hate yourself and you know, don't think you're worthy well. This such a weird pattern right, because it doesn't have any real evolutionary benefit yeah. What is the in a fit of self loathing and a ha and just sitting around feeling pity yeah yeah. There are plenty people and situations that going to kick the shit out of you in life anyway. Why do it to yourself but yeah, but there's some thing good about feeling very disappointing yourself, because then it makes you work harder and like recognize, or at least try to allies, your potential better. You get more done. You feel better about yourself, yeah, absolutely yet it that there there's definitely something there. So you know, especially if you're, if you're in competitive sports or something like that, were you just you there's nothing. You hate more than losing right get because
otherwise, you won't work as hard have. Jamie was talking about Kobe Bryant, but what a psycho he was when he was training and they always say that about Michael Jordan and of course, MIKE Tyson was like that Kobe said. He learned it from Michael, that's like uh interesting and pass it on Lebron yeah. I went on the olympic team. I heard Lebron spends one point five million dollars a year on recovery, just recovery, just recovery, just like cryotherapy massage a million and a half every year, yeah, what a fucking stuff He is h date. She's cried like I, so bad Assamese, like maximizing everything. The house like a perfect example. Some was Maxima, yeah, freak G, medics powerful will intelligence. But then, on top of that maximizing everything yeah built a school, good sense of humor about himself himself actor. You know he was so funny in
act, the Amy Schumer train wreck. It was as half right yeah. Did. You ever see that HBO show where they're sitting around with them. Yes, he's fucking right in that and you get that insight is like. Oh that's why you're so good you're fucking crazy, like he was talking about a son playing and he's talking to his mom and like it's just that his drive, and you know he didn't because let anything go is fascinating. To me. Yeah people like that, like extreme winners, are there such a rare person yeah, and it's and it's rare that you could probably stand to be around that yeah? That's you know, especially like you're kind of your. Your tech billionaire hers or someone bad. It's like after a while you'd be like you know, I'm I'm gonna go to the comedy store and we're gonna break each other's balls for a while cause. This is weird man like steel, jobs like known by everyone's extreme cunt right. He was just a cunt there's no way around it. Yeah brutal do remember that video
there's, a video, it's a he's demonstrating a nap product- and you can't give this camera to work and he's pressing on these buttons. It doesn't work and he throws it at the engineer with this, like purse lip ha ha he's like sure you fix it, how fit see if you can get a work yeah latest once you're. The lows are I'm in front of a million paper yeah and he came his mind because it's it's like that japanese ethic of the person who lose their temper first loses Ryan Matter who's right or I'm sure he loses Temple privately without that guy yeah there. It is what's this, so you can't get it to work like what cameras not turn it on. What's that, I could slide like go angry, not sure not to slip. Okay
Please, like this yeah fucking he's your fucking tired, he's this close to wrote the roman emperor like throw him in the boiling pit. You kind of think Jeff. Bezos is like that too right, yeah has to be just to be the richest man in all of the world's not real he's not really the richest man in all the world, he's the richest man who has a publicly declared income. Ah, there's a big: she him really good, Garlic's, yeah yeah, all yeah, the only arcs, probably a drug cartel, a hundred percent will not dress. I tells I don't think they have that kind of money, but I think for sure saudi arabian. Yes, princes and Middle eastern yeah right. They have trillions, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, that's different you. Don't talk about that knows guys. Don't talk about the that is good. Aha still at Bill gates take the rap sure. Meanwhile, they own like a whole countries. It's almost like how people people that have that the people that I went to college with
it was around that their family. They came from money, they never showed it, of course, for Bunny close, you know, but like someone, who's acting like they had money to have like a Dunhill lighter something relax, your fancy, but like something, that's that's! That's those countries yeah if kid with the scuffed up gym shoes that you're, like man, I know Michael Milken's and your dad dude. I know he's your dad right. I play with this kid and I was really yeah. I really, I think he he was kind like like it's for him, yeah unnerving, for him he's a good guy. I don't know how much contact with his dad, but it was just like your dad's, the junk bond king right now is your dad. The junk bond, your dad. The whole reason why you're getting by so smoothly and the walls are so greased for you in this life is your dad? Was a human scumbag full on with with well there's always a displacement someone's rich, because other people are poor on some level, but
was the most direct examination. Always the case like this. How about this like Beyonce, is Beyonce a rich because someone's poor or is Beyonce a rich because she talented she worked or not. Listen, don't get me wrong. I don't think it's it's it's across the board like that, but I just think in turn a lot of work, a lot of ways yeah. I do not have no way not every time right. The people love to say that yeah, of course, yeah, like you sure, okay, the Jennifer Lawrence FUCK, a bunch of people over or she just we get it acts yes, she's amazing. Are you sure that disparity of wealth is because someone's out there being evil? Or is she just really good right? What and the thing that gets me is that what they always dump on those people, the public figures appear export especially big example are like the like. Sports figures were, like I mean sure you get that much for a fight. It's like our. Do. People want to watch you fight you get that much. Do you want to fight fight, Nello, Alvarez off item doctor for one million dollars? That's my face
people say that all I'd you get punched by MIKE Tyson for a million million dollars. First of all, you have to get enough people that want to pay to see you getting not just our diet worth a million to see you lose your life. Quite frankly, Richard Lewis had that joke about his uncle everyone. As a kid I watch watching tv and like laugh until I cry where he said or yeah it was Tyson actually is like I'd fight him for a million is like yeah, like anyone who paid three hundred dollars a seat at masses where garden see an old jewish guy, get punch once in the face and cry. I because it was so specifically wouldn't even be crying drooling you and be half your intelligence see straight anymore. Your fucking skull would be broken, they'd have to bolt it back together again, to have everyone. I love hostage in like a warehouse to let him punch me wants to die. When he was here the other day- and I was just I've met him before I wants four took picture with him, but meet every time you meet him. You like yeah, ok, okay! This is really MIKE Tyson, he's really here and I'm shaking hands, and he gives me a hug he's like
in a tree he's like oak tree, just like funk. Aha, he just is beast of a man. Well, I remember watching those first fights it was like watching you put a dog in a ring with a wolf yeah every time it was just like they would just run right through everybody to the point oh he's not from here. You know kind of like those those those those comic books were aliens like they're on a plan that is way more gravity or something so just punch their fish right through your chair man, yeah yeah. That was two men right now, but if that happened, what's up about that, like scientists must get crazy about that, because of that happened, you'd be like really sick, like the like, when people go to space in there in space for six months or their body breaks down you like years from your life, yeah, really fucked up. It's not good command. Chris Hadfield on the podcast about cool, and he said that he came back, he literally couldn't stand his
liberal was so fucked up because he had been in space for six months. Then he came back like it was horrible horribly throwing up like he like. He couldn't see straight like when it's stand. The world all wobbly and shit equilibrium is was completely gone. I mean, I think you know. Superhero movies kind of fundamentally ridiculous and silly. I love comics. I grew up on him and stuff, but they never. They never take physics into account or really it's Like you get hit with a gamma ray, you get powers right. It's like, why would you choose to give you powers? It would just melt you like that's not how forces in the new universe work. They don't. You know, generally speaking, mystic the you know no never gets enhanced in real life by like nuclear radiation. No, I don't think that one person ever happened. I've had the boat, the best theory, probably like Godzilla flick. Some monster was born of it. They came out of the ocean. Well, there was a time where vice went to Chernobyl
and this is back when vice was really vice when Shane Smith was going all these journeys and shit that was nuts yeah before vice is sort of vice. Vice still does some great stuff, but vice it's just a huge multi media corporation now and back then and Shane went to Chernobyl and they were hunting like these radioactive wolves radioactive wolves in Chernobyl, and, like you know there, taping this fish in the water that are enormous, they're, weird yeah and you can never eat. I'm there like a fish near the plant and now since since, like with three eyes right, exactly yeah but the, but it's real like- they really do have these animals that live in this highly radiated area and they've managed to survive right. Yes, yeah I mean that that the level of the levels that we that we have taken to get asked energy yeah
affected are our environment. You ever drive San Diego. You know that ride we drive down and you look to the right hand. Side. Oh look: nuclear power plant right could throw a rock and get it from the highway like what in the fuck is that doing there yeah so most of the water. Well, I think it needs to be close to the water for cooling, oh yeah, that's how they cool the reactor core. Okay, I think you said that, like I know what I'm talking about, makes that yeah there's a there's, a nuclear physicist right now, nope. Well, that was the Fukushima thing. You know, that's that's it's happening over there yeah. They still don't have that thing under wraps well in debt that volunteer army of japanese people older than seventy that were like I don't have long ago, were there I'll go clean it up they're all going back in time. There are thirty nine go there you go, Stephen King movie, two thousand and thirty years old. They don't tell anybody has commissioned. I didn't know that what do you want one is San. Diego yeah probably broke everybody around it's dead because everywhere throwing rocks son Joe wishes. Maybe they woke up?
in like one thousand nine hundred and eighty and they go hey guys. Maybe this isn't a good place for a fucking nuclear power plant steam generators failed in 23rd Jesus Christ, generators there go Oh there, it is the fuck outta here with that it's over. Meanwhile, that's still there like the core. Still there, they can't move it. It's currently in preparation to be commission Jesus along that. Take what even jeez over the even that means go fishing around that fucking thing. Good luck, you'll catch a big fish, though not weird laugh human hands. So talk to you don't mean what they talk with thoughts, yeah right, they just stare at you, enter your mind Fukushima. They were doing something where they dug this job swimming pool and all around this giant swimming pool. They dug they put like ice cores. They put like some sort of cooling element, so they could freeze
all the the nuclear waste to an insanely cold temperature didn't work. This is like a strategy that they were developing but apparently fell apart. I don't know what the to do. It's just you just don't you can't do anything. I mean I'd like to do something to keep trying to shoot it in a space. I don't own the other aliens in the amount of us yeah. Well, they're already do you know like I, I I had a friend who I I used to live with, who is kinda new AG, but also conspiracy, theory action. He was. He was convinced that our planet was the more the off limits zone for the entire universe. Where every other plan it was much more advanced they're, just like don't go down there. All they do is fight and and blow things up and there and they don't share with each other and stuff. And just don't that's right away and
has come so that when people do stuff like that, I always feel like they're anthropomorphizing, like the idea that their life would be anything like our life. Oh yeah, there's a bunch of characters. I agree with you more yeah, there's a bunch of care, there's a bunch of things that have to be in place for us to get to the point we're going to war with each other that are people that are over there and there's no or in the ocean ever notice that exactly as ocean wars yeah they don't, they don't have and and there you know, that is each other yeah and it's normal there's parts of the ocean. We can't reach and there's who knows if there's a there's, a there's a whole other civil, station down there, that's why we like really bond with mammals only because fish don't do a God, damn thing for their kids. Those dirty fight, because they don't really have a like it's a trick. It's like nature's trick them did not being attached for the kids. They blast some eggs down
on the bottom of the floor and then the males come along hinges on the egg shark. I'm done here only get out of there and they jet. That's it and I believe, like millions of kids yeah, the only ones that take care of them and there's a few female fish that keep the babies in their mouth. You ever seen those yeah and then they let him go like when the babies are in trouble. They hold them in their mouth and I already got good and they open up the babies get to swim around yeah. It's it just fit. Mom's mouth you're fucked, which there's a bumper sticker for you, but things that live in the ocean that we do. Love like dolphins, take care of their young yep killer whales, take care of the young. Well, all right! It's really weird! You don't take care of your young. You go fuck yourself. It's kind of um O'Malley in Trade, yeah, yeah yeah, but like you're saying you can't, we always try to create like on other planets, is how this is. It is this yet what you found that right away? That is a
he's. The one is on the outside mom Jesus yeah last door. That's crazy! What kind of fish is that doesn't say? Wow! That's amazing! It's like it's smoking, fish right, yeah, like it's a hookah yeah like it still does a blank house leaders to it, looks like a group or something looks a something in the Bass family yeah. It's gorgeous fish. You mention that thing with the and I was watching blue planet to the other day and there is it's not a fish. Apparently it's called like a toad of some kind, but it's it hangs on the bottom and it has feet. It's looks like a fish that grew feet that walks around yeah. That's not a fish, I don't believe so. It's actually a some sort of toad, I think technically whoa but yeah it'll and they look like human feet. Almost a lot like has toes that's amazing one of the weirdest things ever saw ever the about the ocean was. There was a theory that was going around a few years ago that I don't know if this is legit or not Google, that they think that it's entirely possible that Octopus, Oct pie may have come
from eggs that were frozen and landed here from an asteroid. There was speculation that there was something about the way, really yeah, that the way that they probably you know the day. Dna and RNA of Octopus are so different. Every other animal in the fossil record that it's almost there. There was a consideration that they might have actually been an alien species, because you know the term. You know what panspermia means panspermia is a theory that is pretty widely accepted in the scientific community that some life is transferred through asteroid collisions. So like that say if to chew, inc of Rock slams into our planet and knocks a chunk of rock loose, and that chunk has dna on it and uh I mean acids and all the building blocks for life act whatever. It is things that some things you know little things can survive in space like tardigrades little little forms forms to survive in space that they
a slam into a planet eventually and then, when they do that that life is transferred onto that new planet science, news was. This came to earth from space as frozen eggs millions of years ago, okay, but this is like the the express I was sent that I read a little bit yeah, but that's that's the most free double version of aliens coming here. Yes, we tend to think of it as it lands in a like a space man who looks like George Clooney steps out, but we as like and ten I or something is like hi. I'm I'm here to share with our our plan at all all too sooner or whatever, and it speaks English and all this shit like it's on a biological level that we almost can't comprehend. Yes, you could go back to that Jane. Please look at. It says that the extreme claims made in a report entitled the case of Cambrian explosion, terrestrial or cosmic, which costed by a group of thirty three scientists and published in the progress in biophysics and molecular biology journal in the paper suggests that the explanation for the so
flourishing of life during the cambrian error, often referred to as the Cambrian explosion lies in the stars as the result of earth being bombarded by clouds of organic molecules. Wow. I think that's also the theory of how water got on earth. They came from think you came from comments because when you see comments comments are all water and I think, like millions of years of us, getting hammered by comments huh. But you know when you see trails of comments, that's literally ice and debris coming off of that comment. I didn't know that literally the more you know the more you know, and then a common, but they think that about mushrooms as well. They think that spores can survive in a vacuum. So if something like say If some spores were attached to a rover- and we saw it off to move to the moon or something like that- and it got there somehow or another if there was the right conditions for that thing to grow, that they could actually survive the trip
and then grow on the moon or on Mars or anywhere, where there be water and sunlight and atmosphere like invasion of the body. Snatchers, yeah, well, sports or even weirder. Right, because spores create mushrooms and mushrooms, actually breathe oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide. They say they're closer to an animal than the art of. Vegetables, yeah. That's that's! I've thought about that when I've, when I've eaten magic, mushrooms, yeah a lot, it's like, I basically just ate an animal. Well, you also feel like it's king. Like it's alive inside of you, communicating with you right, don't don't feel feel like that, like it's not as simple as I'm getting high smoke with, I feeling of getting high. Yes, when I eat when I eat mushrooms, I feel like I'm entering into the thought process of an alien creature. Oh yeah, you put on like a space suit on the inside in a way and you're evolving a certain way, if only for like seven or eight hours or eight yeah dear microdot,
Now I have a friend to do down RON White's big into that. Is it every day you are fine miles? Will the good kind of medicine I white kills me man, I cut you just you just pick the most random name you could of, but I'm just like that makes perfect sense. He's beautiful, yeah, yeah he's he's a real comedian in that he's always a mess. His beautiful is always hilarious relationships are always full chaos, forecast he's always drunk he's, always peach, yes is the nicest guy. Nice is just never had any attitude with any comedian ever and always just he's. He's he's like he's like America's wise cracking drunk uncle yeah, but not racist. Now, you know now he's beautiful yeah. I love that guy me too. Me too. I I I I it was almost like. You know there are certain, mystical gateways and signs you see that are like. Oh hey things for me, okay, where there's I saw the magic monkey in the tree. I land
in LAS Vegas with my wife and she LAS Vegas, and we went to the cab line and just standing. There is RON White Smoking, a cigar as if the city put him there, but he's waiting for a limo, but it was just the right people which they should. They should just make a RON white Hologram, as you drive into the city, where he's there all the time he's all time during the rodeo, if you're in yeah, you're you're in town for the Rodeo RON White's at the more that's usually mats are my my wife's birthday is in in early December. That's always in the rodeo is yeah with that clubs awesome different. Do you work tomorrow? Much go there! I've! I I opened for Tosh there yeah as a Terry Fator Theater. Yes, that's a bad play early is now does take up a perfect, perfect size theater for comedy yeah. It's like a thousand seats, not too big wins all like right in front of you yep. I used to work the place, so they do the coffee,
where they do the Cirque de Soleil yeah, but it's too cavernous yeah, but he actually cost me money to work at the Mirage. I'd rather do that, because it's fun yeah Darlene was just too big. That's a people don't think about. In terms of, I think that we only think about that. Comedians are promoters like the the architecture of a good comedy yeah and now, like judge generous being comedy clubs, lower ceilings yeah like the o, r, o r, the comedy store or uh. Do you ever do comedy works in Denver, yeah love, sh, lawless, flawless thought they nailed it yeah play comedy comedy store flawless flawless in Minneapolis. He's got a few pillars that are a little annoying. That's true, that's true. It's a huge building, but the ceiling height is just right. Yeah, wide ass pillars like what, if I'm sitting right here, I gotta do this to watch the show I gotta lean left. You worry about who's behind it. It's like doing comedy in the round. I'm always like, I feel like I have to keep spinning
yeah. I've only done that a couple times and it always feels weird. I hate it. Yeah e need people in front of me yeah, it's awkward, huh yeah, there's a good theatre in Phoenix, though the Hollywood theater they do that in the round Louis did one of his specials there, one of his HBO, so right, yeah yeah. I remember that one yeah, that's crazy, 'cause! That's huge theater in around some that big really think it two thousand nine hundred okay. I don't even think it's that big. It might not even be twenty nine hundred, maybe two thousand seven hundred fund out young Jamie. Maybe I'm wrong, but I know Sebastian. I think he did theater in the round in massive square garden. God bless that eighteen thousand and four those both so good bone bone, he's one of those guys that, like back when no one knew where he was who he was you know three years ago or so like hi. I would make a point to stick around and watch them at the store. Please
fun he's a great guy to is another guy like no one begrudges. If you begrudge grab Sebastian his success, you're, probably a shit head. Well, you probably don't like fun yeah. You know I mean I I have such a blast watching him, because it's just it's like he's like a silly ballet dancer yeah like making up all these. All these stories into his his facial expressions and his his physical comedy is just park plants. I love it yeah and he's always annoyed everything is annoying to hit like that yeah yeah! That's it everything around him, just pisses them off yeah. If you ever achieved, peace like piece of mine would be tear awful for what would you do? You know I used to legit think about that when I was starting out when I was starting to comedy like I would wanted to meditate and to try to do these different things. But I thought that's gotta be bad for your act. I should probably not that's crazy yeah. I, like murder, guys saying like. Oh, don't don't be healthy,
right bad for your act. You want to feel like shit yeah. The only time you feel good is when you're drunk right said. You wanted to be depressed it would be angry and lonely smoke. Cigarettes desperately need their attention on stage anywhere. It's only you live we're all fucked anyway. Who cares for some of my favorite acts were like really dip, the Richard General one of my all time. Favorite axe was super depressed when up killing himself. You know, and just like God, damn it was. It was maddening when I first when I heard the news, because he's one of those huge where those go to's that I could just you know, I I get fed up with comedians that our fans anymore, to a guy in Chicago who ever those people you start out around and you're like you just look at him and you never say if you like. I never want to be you man number and he would be the back and just go with go hi funny Is it 'cause? You didn't laugh. You made a noise like laughter, but you see everything is a competition does like I. I love. I love watching good comics, whoever they are
Richard Jenny, was anyone this guys. Just like this guy's, an ace you like Brian Regan, I'm never not going to laugh. Yeah he's such a sweetheart, too. We've talked about this in the podcast that I think what that came from. Was. There was a famine mentality that existed in like the 80s and the 90s, because the only way you could become successful as if you got on the tonight show so there was only one slot at night and there's only five nights a week and then they don't know comics on either and then the only other way you get successful is if you got a sit com right or you got an HBO special, which were the only famous people got right, yeah yeah. That was that that was the highest yeah that you have to be signed. Felder tennis center someone big to get an h b, O special. So for a regular small like you are I back, then it was like. What do you do? How do you make, and so everybody was dog, eat dog yeah? It was all- and I think somewhere along the like the early, be to mid 2000s that shifted and shifted because the the internet, that's true,
it is. It is the internet. I kind of thought of it as an organic thing from you know: 'cause the comedy boom happened because disco died and you could basically fill a huge room with just a spotlight in a MIKE and one dude, and these guys fill that space and they were just raking in hand over fist, because people just didn't want to disco dance anymore and it did. It just died: a horrible death. There was too much clicking everyone, cocaine and everyone did disco like Kenny Rogers, did a disco song, which is like everybody. Yes, in a disco song yeah I know, and- and so I thought it was because that kind of faded out we kind of Just- came to our senses as audience, members and committees, but you're right it. Is the internet yeah, that's what changed with the internet came along and comics started promoting themselves and someone really deserves. A lot of credit is Dane Cook for sure. Dane Cook was the first guy to really become famous through the internet, and then Everyone, including me, started paying attention going. Oh like this is
another way, even though there is the regular way of television shows and movies and all that stuff. There's this way too in this way just made at the time he was the big selling comedian of all time, yeah. He spent like twenty grand on a website, which I mean at the time I was like. Who has that kind of money that and why buy a car? But yeah he was the smart one and he also spent all day responding. Yes, people online everybody and then you know built up this reputation for doing that and then motive the shit out of himself through Myspace and all these different ways that he promoted. You know the shows instead and that became gigantic, and then everyone else around. Two thousand and three or four: that's when we all started jump in right and comics, had my space account in comics at Facebook pages and hung, and I you know I had a website in the nineties. I had a website way back and I, but I basically just wrote blogs on it. Yeah I had a message board and around the message board, but what he did was use it as a business vehicle right again away to actively for
mode himself. So then, somewhere in the mid thousands comics started doing internet things like little internet shows like crackle, was a thing and they were doing little online sayings and then people are working with each other more yeah. So, instead of comics being like competition, they were, it was camaraderie sure we were doing each other stuff and then podcasting took it over the top. Yes, once that happened, then every you realize you could really help each other yeah and you don't have to use. I feel like in between there. One thing you one thing you left out was the amount of the rise of what you call the internet comedian, which, where they just kind of, would make blogs and they had peep
that would edit them so that they would be funny yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, you and I have come up over. You know twenty odd years doing stand up. Where you learn timing, you learn how to read an audience. The album the flow, your brain waves and how to pick when to say something and how you know, because timing is everything yeah with with internet video. You can have an editor just cope nope here here here here right at that faster and it it's this thing that kind of vaunted these kids into you know due to millionaires if they were lucky, but sometimes they go on the road and people are like, sometimes going on every single time. The e plates of, like you can't, is, do that's like learning karate in your basement, practicing in the mirror, yeah and then going to fight a tournament. It's like those guys. I saw that that that that you put up on line of those those those Tutoriales horrible to Tory
fake Marshall are come at me, yeah such love. You know it's like that's exactly like that guy entering right. No, this is a real survival. With a someone who knows what he's doing, are they still doing that style, video with the edit constantly and make those you two videos, or it's constant edit, edit edit edit edit, with the cut out all the pauses? That's still a thing, I mean this service at all sorts of styles on you tube. She acted find you on yeah ideas of that yeah yeah. I've been a member when that was like the primary way. These people are doing these blogs everybody had it was like, then you have of up Bubba. Everything was edited to yeah and, cut to it's almost like watching, watching family guy, you know would be like that's our time. I was into disco to cuts to him. Yes, like jacking off on a just come back. You know it was like that, because yeah I do that yeah, we have to say it on stage. We have to have a segway bible blah. We just hit a click. Any do you cut to me beating off and then back to me in the audience yeah I've I've watched a couple. People recently tried to transfer that doing
stuff in front of a microphone in front of a video camera to going on stage. For the first time, I've watched that it's terrifying, it's terrifying and it kind of breaks the covenant of an audience because anytime like I have a, I have a an opener who's like they're like I'm, I'm actually nervous about apply, you know. Do you still get nervous, I'm like yeah, of course. Of course, I'd be a sociopath. If I didn't get nervous almost every time, but you know you just you fight through it. It's fine, but I always tell him. Look man, audiences rooting for you, yeah like they want you to do good yeah. You know it. You that's the thing that people forget, they think you're. They think. Every time you're on the road,
it's an away game unless you're, a hot girl, yeah, that's a long road for Stannis is a hot girl as ta hot girl, with like shown some cleavage with a skirt good luck. Yeah, because guys just don't take him seriously that guy's going to be like what you're funny too long for you, then you and I can hold on yeah voted for you made a good judge. That's it yeah! It's a tech, perfect male privilege, like that's, not what I want from you. I want sex. Well, there's! No! That's a weird look to like a girl with ah like long legs and a mini skirt and high heels on stage tone jokes. It is strange that doesn't work well, you're, you're, overly attractive comedian, male or female has always been a little weird. Yes, there are people that are undeniable when I'm like all right cool, you know, but it's like part of me kind of a little too handsome there fella
well to third. There was a guy who, when Kyle and I moved to LA we're, roommates, there's a guy that had a show when he was a comedian and a and a physical trainer, and he sent he emailed both of us like we're like hey. Can we get booked on your show? Any email both of us just you- must take in every email in his in his in his book and just sent it out a blast of he is, if you need you need to get fit and the picture was a picture of him shirtless under a waterfall like him like someone's coming out, and I was like fuck this guy and, as I say, fuck this guy Kyle all caps goes. Take me off your list. Just sends it, that's all they said is as a waterfall. This is looking a waterfall, so in touch with nature, sometimes I go backpacking by myself my favorite or probably one of my top five onion headlines was the trucker guide is like, while those homosexuals keep sucking my cock,
If you read the article one of 'em, the second paragraph was I'm just hanging out with the bro under a waterfall were enjoying the day. All of a sudden, he sucking my cock like what the hell hey, Bro under a waterfall, not cooling at every time and then under waterfalls with their head back like especially if they have long hair flowing through their locks and they tighten up their apps. You can see their apps real good yeah. It's like did you take it? Did you take it? I'm still, I'm flexing my core as hard as I can. Let me know when you're done, super spiritual gut comes out basically plant based super spiritual, out here there wasn't there. Is that guys? Taking in the mouth. So that's like a kid. That's like a kid in Thailand. That's like a elephant! Coming! You want your like the muscular white dude, you anymore, like it Oman Saman feeling good I'll, get it girl, but it doesn't bother me at all when the girls doing it get that girl back
where go girl, so strange live your best life. The fourth doesn't Me at all, I see a girl under a waterfall with her hair back like that, not even a tinge of disgust. I don't see. I don't even mind the guy under the what, like that, guy, just having fun yeah, guys he's not going wait. We don't look at me right on back he's not being a huge amount like the one below it, with his arms down yeah right below there Jamie on the bottom bottom row, yeah. That guy looks he's a good time. That's a funny. Fucking party super high why the world needs happy men, that's the what kind of fucking articles that I mean, who wrote that some depressed dude right about to shoot himself he's got a gun sitting on the desk right next to the laptops like why the world needs Harpy man, try to think right would like yeah like correct. Well,
dude's right, yeah fat- that's oh wishes. He was that is that a dangerous amount of belly bird fucking loses all this weight every year. We do this weight loss thing. I final long, you're crazy with the hot yoga any gains at all. Back every year, yeah every year I every year soul cycle with his rise, far yeah, and he just I mean that's unbelievable. He keeps telling me he sent not a master text test. The other day that we have there's a group of my phone called the sober October group is one of the best text message threads ever it's Ruth. Yeah, it's a girl, ARI me and and in it look it up sometimes burn with Burke pressure. That burn is not calories, as was not burned now, but he sent out this message of the day. Like I miss the heart rate, monitors
RON, yeah watch in saving private Ryan soldier. Was it a flock of my doing and to do it? Do you guys use talking with me? Would you do yeah? It's yeah! That's! What's going on? Okay, because I love bird man. He goes out, he'll do a comedy club and then go out and tell everyone where he's going to and then he meets them at the bar takes the shirt off in Ottawa. It's like one hundred and fifty degrees below zero. He drinks with the mall and then leaves look like love you. I love you. I love you that he gets in his tour bus right. I mean I don't I don't go to the second location You know I'll, hang out of the club a little bit and take pictures of stuff to people and they have a beer, but like many people like hey, you should who are bar nope yeah I have done in the past I used to in the past, but after a while becomes untenable, yeah and burger, you can ensure it you're playing like five thousand and ten thousand seeds.
Announced two yeah. That's a lot of pictures. You you can't hear it. I watch I five by Watch Joe Cole, a hanging out with and we're like they're going to, kill him like they're gonna tear tear his off, like Elvis, used to almost get shredded shredded female nails yeah. You know like there's so many people trying to get a selfie with him and he just played a stadium stadium and just outside outside, just like, like just Joe just careful security, yeah he's got he's got some people with him for sure, but tasers and whips and ship yeah different, different, yes, uh! There's like a lady taser. It's not a strong there's like do Taseer over the various kinds of fans yeah, you gotta be careful, it's God bless them. I mean that's kind of of we got that big. The thing about birds fans, though, is at birth fans.
World drunk two right, so they're, probably not even going to know what to do or don't remember, and if they were going to kidnap am they give it up when they meet him yet the next day they check their phone like that selfies all blurry and shit like yeah. Well, your hand was shaking from the dts while you try to take it. So come back to town Square, give yourself yourself and come up trying to dress up my facebook, my wife's not shot going to burden your jokes, the only thing keeping me going and the hearts two strong these days and the doc doesn't say I've long so pleasant come around right in this article for VOX about why the world needs a happy man. I have three boats in the trade spend once every six hours, no NOS Russian. Let's one ball in boats now not Verne's, not Verne's, roulette mind with three bullets. I was thinking that the other day about marriage that marriage is essentially rush relate with three bullets because because one's gonna die first, fifty percent of
marriages in a divorce and then there's the Chris Rock line. That's just he goes. That's just the people that had the courage to get out yeah like how many cowards to stay and suffer yeah. So true, true catholic, so true, yeah, this coming from a guy was happily married. But that's when I said when I see people who are about to get married, I go off good luck. Yeah Well, you're married yeah, let's just say this is coming from a guy. I was happily married, yeah yeah. It works your time. Chris Rock divorced he's divorced. No, I mean, but me I see people get married, I'm like usual. I always assumed I was tell people like yeah, I'm married, I'm happy, I love it. Don't do it yeah don't do is to really do that's why I gotta have you on advice from a dip, because Amanda will call through and she'll get like marriage advice. We have a lot every single month of people,
Collins and say: hey man should I should not be a you can give people advice is first of all, there is no way. I know how you actually are together when you're alone. I don't know that so it is a vice from a dip right. So basically I just I go by myself and just make sure you're doing this this this and this and then you're on your own yeah. Yeah. Do not quote me as a doctor Laura on your show ever be mean amazing. I don't care she's so mean brutal. Is the meanest advice yeah that well, I mean is that I I need to have more those tough love people on the show. I was at these comics that you know who it sand Tino. Was the meanest once course, because of guys and second love that great big leprechaun I had someone called in and was like you know we usually curb these, but like we get a lot of like how do I make it or make it the right time to move to LA or New York, never or what but late yeah, but it the eighty it's like it's like. I don't
No man, it's it's kind of to you and and this guy is like I've been doing it like twelve years or something and Andrew is just like as if, if she goes, I would give up, and I would want to give up This business will will live you alive, and that is something I don't have the heart, I'm a sensitive guy. I don't the hard to say that to anyone to just say back it up and get move on you're getting for you. You know, but Andrew was saying that it was kinda like yeah we're. I appreciate his honesty, you know well like I. I just think that it requires an obsession Yes, I give you not like fully obsessed you're, probably not going to put the thought process in the effort to do and you're not going to survive the bombings. No bombings like they test, your soul. Nothing worse than feeling that amount of hate where, where, where are being in New York in dead silence and hearing a guy in the back, be like you, fucking
Didn't me, can we fucking go home now and then Jesus Christ like audibly audibly in the silence? Oh my god, that's the world just and I hear that guy in my dreams it was bombing on stage once on this guy goes your fucking terrible and uh, Like he's right, it's not hard to say I respond. What none I can say due to do. I can pull myself out of this. Yeah got nothing yeah Dave State ever Pat and I will be on stage at the the first best live. It was Chicago calmly fast. When I found I found the booklet from it recently like clean out my house what year and two thousand one and it was Doug Stanhope in Tosh Kyle, who else bill, Dwyre bunch of random, like awesome people, but patents on stage and in back on merit still drank
I think that was the last time you drank that Marion wasn't drinking back, then man wasn't drinking way by. Back in the eighties? No, start drinking again. Yes, oh was like they're in the relapse period. So I remember because he talks about leaving the hotel and a friend who was at the hotel was like yeah man when you left your luggage was sweating. Like said it was so hungover, but Patton was like you doing doing him and marijuana's drop in in places, and this chick was so mad. She got she's like you and suck and in fact, I agree with you. I agree with. She was mad at him because she got bumped, aha, and so she was saying he sucks yeah. She just screaming at him from the audience and like she said you get up hunting yeah. Well, I mean I was kind of like this is a free form, room yeah. I got bumped but I guess a lot matin, so she's at a comic cackling yeah. Well, I know she never made. It did, show no ha ha yeah I mean, and and
but it was that thing that was like, if you say I could be killing had been one guy would be like This'Ll, this guy fucking blows and I'm like. I believe that guy damn it I don't want. No that's the worst is when you're killing. You see one person the front row like this yeah like old. Ladies scowling, like what yeah I had an old lady like that store the other day older lady like she was like halfway in, my act. She still had this look on her face. Like I don't know, I hit it with this one bit in this one bid. She throws her head back and then she's howling, like I got, yeah wow, I got ice. She didn't want to give a heads up. That's a good one! So to corral, when you, when she was like all the sudden like feeling he gave in the news the blues, the blues kicked in yeah, how many without booze boy that would be a struggle that would suck. I mean our whole. I was entertaining drinkers. I wonder what it would be like if we had liquor free comedy nights, have you played? You have to have played like those we'd rooms? Yes, yes, those don't too crazy or insane
we did. The Toronto won the underground room yep there. Is no air for the candles on the table. The candles were running on a promissory note. Just was no did in the room. It was all just weed smoke. I I was on stage midway through jokes and having second thoughts like every linear, thought was a tree branch that was growing like which one would follow. Well, not only that what did I already talked about? Yes, if one of my what I covered all right, I have no fucking idea do you guys know what I was doing? I was doing it with Tripoli and Tripoli was sober at the time. Okay, but we walk in this room. In the second hand, smoke is ah fucking. Riel thing, that's what I mean I hadn't hit a joint, so you have to wait till after my set, I don't like doing comedy high and I felt I felt high on stage it's that thing where it's like. Well, you just gotta run with it. You can't you can't fight the tide, don't come upstream you're, not getting any better. Now you just gotta, keep going. I did
to show that Guy Andy Haynes had called midnight run where you'd smoke right before you got to stage an you just hit this big joint and I was doing great and then I had this huge set up and then my brain, just the bottom fell out. Everything fell out all ideas, all thoughts, my name and I just went it was like, and then the girl turns to me. I gotta go I want in the middle of it, was a crushed because people 'cause you're, so fucked 'cause, I just pulled the ripcord. I literally was like. I had a parachute that came out. My back fact that pulled me out of the room? Sometimes marijuana is your friend yeah and sometimes it will fuck up your whole set Sometimes it'll go why? Why is that
and then people go yeah. Why is that and then you're off on this tangent yeah probably never been on a high and that tension might be the best part of that set yeah, but I mean I think, about people that were like from very regimented backgrounds and went to the military. You know in the sixties and had their first joint and went. This is Don yeah. I hate this where they could set to take, but I found about marijuana. Is it introduced truths about myself that I found hard to face They were Manute my new truth. There weren't anything big that I that I was afraid of or something you know that like I really want to kill someone or something stupid, but it was just little things that would like bubble up yeah and I I think that's that's what that's the craziest thing about that plan to me. Well, the idea that it makes you paranoid right. That's it! Aha, it's the paranoia right? Oh, I don't like pot. It makes me paranoid. I really think it makes you hyper aware of all sorts things you've been suppressing. That's it 'cause when I'm feeling good when I'm
happy like I've been a good person. I've been nice to people have done the things I'm supposed to do. I can get high and I enjoy. Shit out of it. But when I got loose ends I have things that are fucking with me. You know maybe like something that went wrong in my life or whatever, and then I smoked pot and it just gets weird yeah, and I I tend to no. I don't smoke anymore and think about myself and get worried about me. I think about the world, and I think it's way too big of issues now. I think about maybe we're all fucked and you know everything and you have children. No, once you have children, then you start thinking about the future, yeah like what is it going to be like for my children's children or might their children like a like a what? What kind of toxic world we're gonna be living in yeah yeah, this progress that we are exhibiting right now if it keeps going in the same direction, I think we're living at a level level of anxiety as a human race. That probably probably, five years ago ago, I like we can't handle that, but we're somehow handling it. You know
we are adaptable, yeah. We definitely learned that, but it's the amount of times I I'm so happy for comedy. I'm so thankful that I'm a comedian am around comedians. Canada should just let the air out of me any time. What did you do before you do comedy? I was I when I was. I was an actor as I was a kid when I was a kid, then I went to school for acting and then I went to Chicago and I got an improv and stand up, and that was it where I was like I'll still. Do acting but like this is. This is where my heart is. You know, with so much more fun somebody could do it and it's so honest and it's so in the moment. I've said this a lot on here and there, but there is, you know when you're on stage and you're going through a bit you've done fifty times and you just drop it and go. You know what How can I add the worst diarrhea together today or whatever you know like something that you just share and the crowd goes? Oh 'cause, a defense attorney wrote this book and one line, and it was the truth, just sounds different in court. It just sounds different and it's the same thing for a comedian when a person just goes
I'll. Take my wife loves me and you'll get a lot, but it's like fuck. He really believes that, and now the crowds like, oh yeah, could now this is the meat took the Cheetos off the table. Now you put the roast down now good. Now we have something to chew on and that's that the immediacy of that can't really be matched improv, maybe live theater sure, but stand up comedy is the moment like Buddhism likes to say in the moment when an in comedy, if you're out, if you stay out of the moment, you're no longer the pole position, your car's gonna drive off the off the off the road K. Yeah, the ultimate bullshit detectors, a crowd yeah. They know far more than they know they know I've been reading. These articles, written by these angry women about Louis case come back and some of them have been going to his shows and writing up
about show, and one of them that I read today was from this woman in Pittsburgh. What I thought was fascinating. She said that he has. Ah, he doesn't allow people to bring cell phones. You know they have those yonder pouches we put the the woman's her rationalization of this was and should be included me and Dave Chappelle in this that we use those, because we know that words offend, but we don't want the cons quinces, which is not what it is at all now. It's you don't want people sharing your if your material online, because you're developing it out and you're touring yeah it just like we, we in jokes are surprises. Isshin, don't want you recording them just noodling around before they finish this song right, but it musicians song the differences you can hear it over and over and over again, and it doesn't lose any of the thing you're deploy it more and more to the point. But if you have a bit about diapers right and there's like a very specific punchline about a diaper and then
they already know it. They know that punch line and you're working out how to get to that punch and how to set up the bit. But someone leak, the audio already yeah like that lake, Louise Touring, right now with that leaks, set yeah, which is weird right like what all that stuff about the parkland, kids- and I don't know- if he's still doing those bits, but he was doing some of those bits. Yeah guess a bit about, losing all the money and about how he bought a gold watch like those bits like this woman referenced those bits in the article which means that she- went to the show and he's doing the material from Delete which is kind of to do yeah because he's only if you broaden an hour over the last ten months. Right he's been hiatus. What what does he do like you can't ' is touring runs you gonna tour with a whole new, our get the out here. Yeah I mean yeah. I feel like I feel, like he's, he's quite obviously a special case because of his his behavior yeah. You know yeah, but it's it's almost like.
I will say that aside, you know like I, I have my problems with Louis and and what he's done and everything, but overall I'm on the side of of free speech and in terms of being comedians. I we can't allow you to come in and film are shit or two recording, no matter who it is because it's it's the largest thing is like everyone, one thing with comedies everyone, everyone, everyone thinks they're, an expert, there's, no other art form or someone's like at the best. Shit is, or I got a friend funnier than you right, but in all fairness, if I go to see a movie, I'm not a movie maker. But if I go to see a movie, I think it sucks. I should be able to say other movie, blue true, but you're not how to go on set and film it yourself, while they're filming right well, you're also not allowed to bootleg it and put it online. You go to jail, yeah, yeah,
really well yeah and people that, for that record, our stuff like Stanhope was was tweeting about that yeah. I like. How is this legal right after Louis thing, yeah and- and you know which a pal has that thing that, like the comedy works, has where you come in with your cell phone? They put it in a locked, pouch yeah, you get the combo you get when you leave. I was doing that before I do my netflix special, but I was only doing it to really because I was tightening up my set and I didn't want any of it getting leaked right before the Netflix special, but once I filmed it, then I stopped doing it sure, because was like it's too hard too complicated, and it's just like the internet is going to be. The internet is just it did make the show better, though you know where did make it better, Miami Relays in Miami people are there such chimps, that they just kept bring up and walking out to check their phone so that get up that go out to get their phone. They come back
and so they were all just like popping up and down hi everybody's, just trying to do Coke in Miami manager- and this is a party to it. Miami will always be more insane in any given an american city, it's just on another level, America, it's forever young, yeah rapper, it's ten or twenty one yeah. It really is like that. Like the name of that data comes in your city, it is a cocaine. City means created by cocaine is more banks per capita. In my and I know in anywhere else because of cocaine laundering yeah and and you you go there and they're like. Are you gonna? You gonna go out to right and you're like I'm out there like nine minutes, one hundred am yeah we're not going out till five. What do you? We have? Sixteen years old, you're like what the fuck fuck, I cannot do that you guys are crazy. I have a wife, they're, all high yeah, exactly fucked up on fucking pills, yeah running around rampant, you mentioned Chappelle, and we were talking about bordain before an I will not say what the joke is, but
That guy is such an alchemist like he can just make gold out of lead in terms of in terms of material. He had a bordain, Dane joke that made me double over laughing who about the suicide. It wasn't talking about bordain per say, but about his own family member. I I don't wanna blow the job, but it was it was that thing where apologies to people were listening to this. I know you want me to say what it is, but he's probably doing a special. So I want to do that, but it was it's testament to how, with comedy there's always there's always a mission impossible. There's always a topic like you cannot make fun of this and someone found a way and it wasn't disrespect ' full and it was just like God, damn it yeah he'll just say these setups that you're like who, where you going with this one Jesus car, yeah. The I do. The you can't make fun of something is crazy. It is not, and you just you might do it wrong, but someone can do it right, yeah yeah I mean it might. Might not.
Be your style, but someone can do it. You everybody's got there's so many weird styles One of the beautiful things about comedy is the fact that styles are so personal. Yes, you know, like Dave. Attell might be able to do a bit that you know Sebastian could not do it's just not in his will House David tell as prop probably the funniest man on earth is, one of them fell short. Do just just kills me yeah, like every time. Yeah he's another magician he just pull shit out of the air and he's so prolific yeah. Just always writing always always tuning things. It will call you up and go here, hurts I'm like this. Before 'cause like it will come to easy. He just wants to make sure yeah yeah yeah yeah. The comedy is- so beautiful in that is really is an art form that you can't learn anywhere like you have to learn it yourself, yeah, it's not like you can learn how to play the clarinet. You go and take classes and practice music. We don't have ever created anything and you could play beautiful. Clarinet music
I mean you have to ever have invented a single song and you could just go out there and make a living in the clarinet well, and you don't learn to play a clarinet in an audience right. You don't bring it to the clarinet, open mic and two blue tube. Oh fuck, you you have to learn in front of people. Yeah you're not going to get up there and play flight of the bumblebee right away. Is there anything else we have learn in front of people like that? I mean even basketball. You practice in the gym. Yeah. There might be a couple friends hanging out: yeah yeah, there's it's a yeah, it is the only only are from. I can think of that you get. You can only you better in front of a crowd. It's fucking crazy! It's really great and there's no classes all classes that you take are useless, really they're all taught by fools. They're, almost sorry folks, comedy class yeah. I more friends who have been John Roy right stuff online that I think
is really illuminating that teach you what the business is really like and and what the best comedy is from a comedian's perspective, but he's not. He just put some up there for free yeah he's not sitting in a room. Someone you coat like a good comic. Can coach you yeah do you say you know that bit if you just came out this way, maybe that would be easier. Your way like Neal Brennan. It's that way, yeah- and I I did that for for a show where a guy who is he was more of like he detaining but his his his delivery. Stuff was kind like a TED talk and he was doing like a he's. Gonna do a show you to pilot. Where was just him kind of talking about the news and stuff, and and basically I they brought me in to kind of just loosen them up to make it. You know like get the best comedians. It gets like the funniest person at a party or a hat. You you're you're is natural in front of your friends after a couple beers, as you are on stage right, you know, so I just had to
and it was just like, like untie tinning muscles on this guy, I'm just like nope nope you're you're, you're, leaning into the and you're trying that you're getting loud. You think! That's fine! No, no just you know said it was fun. It was fun. Just coaching. Someone it's hard for people to see how other people are seeing yeah that's one of the reasons why people like to avoid recordings are films and want to watch them. Selves 'cause. You watch yourself, yeah worst, you watch an edit of you're, special, the kind that you already know. The jokes are not funny. Do you they don't hit. You hi. I have a special coming out February. Fifth called find a lot. Finer live in Portland and what's coming out on it's come. It's give me like Africans everywhere, Amazon Prime example that sounds good playing Itunes, all right, yes, yeah and I'm sorry. It seems to be the trend yeah
A lot of people are doing that. I was just tired of waiting where I had. I had Netflix in comedy central. They both have good relationships with him, but they're, like our rosters full for this year, will try for next year and I'm like man, it's the first part of the year. Now you can, I'm going do it and hence cliff is going to something smart, yeah yeah it's in the to to just did to the same thing like you get to a point where, like look, I gotta go, I get it that you guys have five five Gatsby specials on the back burner, ready to rock and roll not about to wait people up, but I gotta make my thing yeah, but to the point. Besides my he is sneaking in a plug there. I like watching the cut of it with it with an editor. I'm off death, death, death people like what's your favorite joke on it, none of them hey tomorrow, all those Joe, but that's because you're good anything who suck they love everything. They do. I'm gonna shit on Bobby Lee real quick, even though
please do I love him, but it's not even shitting on him. I admired him police when we're we're on we're on mad tv together Eric Price, and I were both on there. We got hired the last season and then they cancelled it make of that what you will, but we worked with Bobby. When he didn't have his dick and balls out eating a salad. He would watch playback and we just watch himself to be like to the point where Keegan Michael key me and Eric would just point pointed at him and go like me: You may see me he would literally laugh at his own shit, and I admired that about him. I'm just like. I could never it's a mental delusion he's got something wrong with brain. He uh he needs to put out a special I've, been telling him forever. Mom dude, you are one of the best stand up comedians alive and you don't have a special and he still goes to clubs like. Can I just do twenty minutes known is like fuck? No, what we're paying you doing were in yeah. He asked
twenty minutes twenty minutes hour, but he's always, but just so down on himself down like. I don't think I got it. Can I just do like twenty? Can you let this guy do forty? I really says that when he goes to a club and lastly, there to see last, I checked yeah because he's just go down and get up and just crush he's so funny. To about it. I was like why don't you say I I'm going to I'm going to I'm like you're, not going to know even can tell me you're going to for years, I've known Bobby Lee for twenty plus years he's never put out a comedy special. That's insane! Yeah Bobby Lee almost got me killed a Strip club San Diego first time. I met him. I believe it it hurting. We were in our twenties and, and I met Bobby Lee down there at the La Hoya Comedy Store, and then we went out after the show this probably ninety late. Ninety somewhere and we went out afterwards went out to the Strip Club and there was this mexican gentleman with the tattoo on his face in the nineties, which is rare
and he had long straight black hair, and, and he had a look in his eyes like he's, killed people. Well, I'm a good I'm good at without danger, my dad's real danger and Bobby was hitting on his is trying to get a lap dance from his girlfriend. I mean in Bobby's defense, it's at a Strip club, but this girl was apparently his girlfriend at a Strip club and the guy stood up. You know and he stood up, and he said something to Bobby and Bobby comes over he's like fuck that guy that looked, the guy looked at Bobby, I'm getting out here right now and he's like. You two come with me or you you're gonna, walk home like fuck, you yeah, I'm not getting killed! For you know. We all ran out into the car and I had a Toyota super at the time and I got in my car and I was like that. Guy of do. Should I get in the fucking car
Do you don't understand, danger, you're, you're gonna, get everyone killed, it's guys, like you yeah, but a Bobby lease with those guys. It has no spidey sense. None! None! Do you know I. I have very strong words tangling one like on back to get jumped yeah. I need to just abandon my pride to run down. The street was a was a real one. I was like oh this guy's like a gang banger like this guy. He had tattoo tears. He was legitimately scary, look and yeah, even if he was bluffing I'm on work. What is this the video like? What would happen is bigger here he just for he gets pissed off and he basically knocks everyone out here in the bar and like not, nobody can do anything about it, oh god, one guy one guys stop lock this guy out that guy out starts beating up a guy leading people for no reason. Yes, some of them off. He was dancing at the beginning of the video nine. Oh he's not doing anything. This guy, and I don't even for right. That's the thing. Is he just telegraphing every punch, I'm not even a fighter everybody's, letting him punch him he's so they're all drunk as shit, so they're bumping into him. Man
these guys nudge for in the morning or something Dick yeah. That's that's what could happen in that situation you to send this to to me. It looks like my friend Vince Avril. Can be from the Midwest He'S- got that same kind of balding same size, so he's like punching little kids yeah with a giant punching little kids, one of my favorite videos of a bar is a girl and a guy. The guy got in his girls face and she grabs his collar. Head but some unconscious, she grabs it goes. Swam drops it's fucking hilarious like that. Bitch must have grown up in a hard. Family, because this guy's way bigger than her and there's a dangerous thing to try and she just grabs his collar and fuck it slams for it right into his nose. I think you can can get away with that. If you're a lady, you don't I mean I can, because it's not not that it's excusable, don't do it, but, like you given bad advice, I'm not saying do it is it
I'm saying think this is it yeah watch this like. Us look. This Bam Kayode go to sleep, bitch holy! Look just strolling away that girls done that before and that guys like Sheila you killed again and whatever I get you help whatever who's going to rest me, you, don't you don't have he's move and he's like we, we didn't give you by chronic limbs to let you do this you're, just a place in which was six yeah, say like a great. What's your hands your chest that God had to be like what you gonna really like, you can't come in touch you yeah touch, you never touch and a whole. Even if it's a girl, girl grabbing like that very careful, that's a red flag if someone does that you, you tension, feel tension like feel like they're, about to do something if you're a dumb dude and you think you're, invulnerable, yeah and then wake up with a shattered nose, get head butted into oblivion
since a real scary things falling out, did the thing about getting hit? Is the out fall in your head? Bounces off That's the most dangerous thing. Yeah I mean I'm so tall. I would probably would have permanent brain damage right although falling because you could've just you're, just a sack is the sack of jelly. Maybe that's. Why Bobby so cocky 'cause he's not falling very far. That's it. You couple like tuckson roles. He's like I was talking that guy and I must've bumped my head in or something because I woke up in the alley way, but I'm fine, I'm fine, yeah yeah, have you ever done his podcast now is good too. I love I love hanging out. I hope he really does do a comedy special this year. I really do 'cause he's so funny. I mean years, she's a no brainer for NAFTA yeah, no brainer right now. Diversity has a collar city yeah and he's a nut. Yes great stories, yeah yeah yeah. He told me a story once about a he's. He's
that mad tv they had a table read and ah he hadn't slept in a couple of days. He just got back from Mexico. He had a giant Bowie knife like tucked into his shirt and he was fucked up, on pills and just sweating tape. It up for days at the table. Region exists, and that was before he decided to clean his act up yeah. I was lucky enough to come across like well after those days on and they wrote they wrote a script to fuck with him that gave him the wrong script, with like extra lines with a monologue that took up like the whole page so that he would have to remember it? No, no. He should have read it and everyone's out like like cheap, tell everybody like don't worry about that part where he thinks he's a bird and somebody's eye, comma bird I'm supposed to and like the writer was coaching him just like do the wackiest bird void and he's like cock are supposed to fly car and I'm a burden. He looks up and we're crying laughing and he sees some encrypted fuck. You got any through the script,
the room and everyday taking action. Yeah I just a the date is dead. I like on his birthday or something messed, those like the best prank wasn't mad tv, like the longest running sketch, show ever outside of sent why it was yeah, that's crazy! Nobody watched it it ten people watched it, so it costs too much. I what it was yeah because they do a lot of like song parodies and things like that and it just I mean I wish you kept going. There was one, of course you were working on it yet, but it was one of those things where it was like. He was still on, like wow, that shows still on oh yeah 'cause. I was on it with Bryan Callen in one thousand nine hundred and ninety four Bryan Callen Artie Lange Like ninety four, nine thousand five hundred and ninety five, that's crazy long fucking time ago, and then all those years later, like what it still on dude. When I got the call to audition what year was still on television. This was two thousand and eight that is or shocking crazy, two thousand and nine did ended
one thousand nine hundred and ninety five to two thousand and nine. That's insane we shot the last. They cancelled it. I want to say January of two thousand and nine, and it was cancelled on my told everyone my day on my day off also as a regional network, he was on Fox in was it said, the C w to the outside of the ring it back yeah I tried to bring it back yeah. I would like what Ray was on it and a couple people I don't know. But what is the c w? Is that real? Oh look there. I am set up like drug dealers, money laundering operation the Cw Network, what is that? Is it like those? yeah I live s of Glendale and there's a there's, a banquet hall, every two blocks, I'm like that some laundering come on. That's got to be some some easy laundering right, then quit hall they're just trying to figure out a way to get rid of yeah you gotta move around as to further say there isn't a wedding at two weddings, a day, Cumple wedding here there here. You will well that you you, you got to think that if you're a person in this day and age,
they selling drugs and he try to launder money. You have to be super sophisticated about that's a hard. Part of you making millions of dollars selling drugs. How do you and you have to own like laundromats or something like you can't be like Pablo Escobar, moving the money from the bottom of the topics it will rot like fruit like there's many rats in there. I was at a the best way to yourself giving anybody up. I was at a. Luxury automobile place and this one gentleman came in who is in the rap game sure, and they had a large bag of money. They were looking at Lamborghini, I wasn't looking at lamborghinis when you do every g? No, but they seldom at this place, and this I I had a button. They were bringing out the money counter a money, counting machine
yeah so get in scarface. Scarface like this is how they were going to buy a car. That's fantastic! I guess! If you're in the rap game, that's how they like to buy a car sure did like to just like throw a duffel bag full of cash when you're done you're done it's like now, done away money wire to come through. Now, here you go, I I might my my I used to work with a business manager who used to work with high end sports. Us high and athletes and she's like oh yeah, like I was like, can we set this up or some transfer she's like not listen, you'll, never make my job as hard as trying to get a Lamborghini deal. To open at midnight in LAS Vegas, where the client wants to buy one right like so many wins: yeah, I want to buy a lambo right now, coked out of her fucking mind you have to get married, I want to buy a who is that picture says future user rappers to him hold a million dollar future is future is very
very popular. There is future and looks like he's got some stray hundreds in that ring finger, slipping through his fingers. Do you think? How are they not a fuck hole cut in the money is fucking really was pants are down very low, as you notice good point Yeah, it might be, might have a fleshlight impaled into that stack of cash, so you get a million dollars in cash. How much have that didn't MIKE Mike Tyson back in the height of his is of his his heavy weight rain? He used to carry like something like twenty thousand dollars on him at all times or something insane. That's normal is not well it's for a rapper. It won. The grand is that's less money, but if I'm talking eighties but like right, I remember reading that article as a kid to be like Christ, and I went through two thoughts- isn't afraid of getting up, of course, not right course not around around MIKE Tyson. Eventually, you won't, if you, unless you kill him
find, is gonna sit on you and punch your head until it's jelly was, it says, broke yeah that was up to fifty cent filed for bankruptcy right because, like women were coming after for child support, so he said he was back wrapped up. Olly also made hundreds of millions of dollars of vitamin water yeah. He made a killing with that vitamin deal. He's got some weird bankruptcy thing it was it was child support is that we got him in the end and vodka vodka. I don't think it got I think she was avoiding it. She never should a rap to have a baby by me. Baby be a millionaire. I write the check for the baby comes, who the cares. So he said that says I mean you set yourself up there. I guess he cares yeah! Well, the thing: is after a while, when you don't have a hit record out in like a decade right, you like hey, this shit could dry up yeah like maybe I need to go bankrupt and stop paying these. Ladies,
it's it's a cash only business, he has it all hidden. I don't know what he did like people, the vitamin water thing isn't cash only I don't know how I don't know how that kinds of dollars don't say bankrupt. I don't think he really is. I think I think your theory probably sound just like yeah. I think it was literally because of that, like someone was trying to hit him up either for alimony or child support. It was like. I got an idea. I was gonna hire some financial wizards work. The sore saree yeah dig a hole bury in the ground. It is weird that people give people money like like you break up and you go okay well now you got to give them money like I get it. If you have a child support totally makes sense but like if you dated someone for a couple of years, and then you marry them and while you're married you made a million dollars, they didn't make anything okay, I want half that money.
What we're not together anymore, huh yeah. But ah I want money yeah, I want money from you. Take sorry, are you gonna do half my set on the road for now on? No, no, but I want you to support my lifestyle. Oh I'm used to a certain lifestyle. That's another thing that gets me that people used to a certain lifestyle, the guy, the guy who, Joan Collins, I don't know, know husband or something. I remember that was his thing in court, like Your honor, my client, is grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle and it was all over the news, and I was just like come on dude a customer. You can't change. You cannot change right, there's no way. You could live a middle class life anymore, that those days are done
Okay it's weird, it's only a portal. You probably can't see you, you can't fly anything less than first class now. Can you probably not flow yeah? Sometimes I do good for yeah yeah, just a plane, yeah, that's good yeah, but I I know people that if they have to sit in front like everyone when I, during the whatever recession or something up there, some video of puff daddy get on a plane and he's like he's. Like your boy is a flying private. We got to fix these problems, man. I got to fly first class and he's like. Why would I give a your boy? Is and flying private yeah. God yeah. I was amazing. Thank you. Thank you for tweeting about this. I was worried about the government shutdown willing, yelling. It yelling at it- and this was like ten years ago but like yelling at a at that whoever Stillman on TMZ and and I think about the person- that's in like group D for that plane what they call you and it it's just like you and a stray dog that leads lead on the plane. Was he saying he wasn't flying private because the money wasn't flowing because the economy was low yeah? That was all right, yeah, yeah, there's someone! That's like I use my let
check to get on this plane to see about a job offer in Tulsa Jesus he one of those guys like he had some fucking billboard on sunset. There's like can't. Stop won't stop! Writing like I thought you stopped. No, you didn't line. I thought I told you that we don't stop. Can't stop, won't stop it's like. I told you that we don't know you. You told us we, but I thought you stopped you. I haven't seen you in a while. You didn't stop yeah well, been doing well, he wasn't around. He didn't stop was he do? It was two thousand and eight because the gas prices are too high. So it's not flying private, that's what it was. Thank you. Gas prices wasn't Oka economy. I gotta fix this problem for puff, daddy or p Diddy or whatever
if I was playing stadiums or something like that in two thousand eight and I got on the plane and yelled at it like a TMZ thing and someone just creased, my brow with a brick like just hit me in the face right earned completely. Aren't I don't think you know like this summer? I don't think violence is the answer. That's true! I'm I'm, I'm I'm by speaking dramatically but yeah. You know it's almost like that guy you ever been in line waiting a plane. Someone just starts playing music. You like come on man yeah this rolling speakers too, unlike a degenerate, Jim SAM. This is the that guys do to the gym they bring their own small speaker and overpower the music, that's playing over the no. What the fuck is that what happened to Tony and I in Toronto were like what the fuck is this this This playing is shitty music like really loud, like techno, brutal
yeah brings his own music and you have to listen to him because you're right next to last them machine. You, man, what your buds yeah just to get by severe buds are weird man there with their weird with their lack of appreciation for other people, yeah. Well, the people that like watch their ipads and are like a phone, a watch, something with the the volume and I've twice, I'm not a very confrontational person to just like cake. Can you put some about ten and, like I don't have any like, can turn the sound off and the like? They give me a look like I would like I said something like you know, take pants off, makes you feel more calm. If you would take your pants off, you know, like I said something that insane, but they they just look at me like I got You making people, listen you're, stupid shit, it's just it's! It's distracting! It's grading! What's weird is you go to a restaurant and you'll, see two kids sitting opposite of each other with ipads. They basically bring a portable television and they're both watching it
thing, and it's like this sound just conflicting sound of two child program. Yeah, going back and forth with the opposite side of the table and the loud I was in a red. The other day and there was two children and two pair and no one was talking to each other. That dad was looking at his phone. The wife was looking at her phone and two kids were looking at ipads and no one was communicating they just sitting there like everyone looked to press their off at they don't have game rooms anymore, though, when I was growing up, we would go to a restaurant, get a dollar game room for an hour until the food came yeah a dollar for whatever our what kind of fucking time order, but you live in a quarterback, then you can play four games in an hour. Largely he was amazing. Could you could kill it asteroid you get free game, donkey Kong? Are you a pinball, wizard pinball little too old? For me, Several ball yeah, it's coming back for sure, the like leagues and all sorts, that's like made of retro pinball
hard I know a dude who goes yeah. He plays in pinball leagues, so impressive, yeah, got pinball machines at his restaurant as a to be good at something like that. It's just it's fruitless is known. It is fruitless. What's impressive, you know, like someone is really good at like like lawn darts yeah. When we get bro there was a guy there is. I got king of Lord king of Long Darts, bro yeah like hey. This is the world strongest man, that's great and all, but I'm the king of lawn darts, I fucking rules, given my life Long does remember used to be these big ass, weaponized lawn dart or you could kill someone with a long. It's used to be like a small football with a other dagger. Just come straight. Yeah like hatchet, throwing like acts during places have made like a little bit of not resurgence, but I've
well they're becoming popular now there in all the major cities. You know why, because girls in their underwear on Instagram are throwing hatchets yeah like Aubrey and his girlfriend Whitney throwing hatchets a target. It's! Well, it's an in their underwear and men killed and meat and made a new way to be violent during drinking. You know like this just throwing an axe or it's also very retro, yeah right yeah. It's very biking, yeah, yeah actors. Does axes, always land the right way. That's what always Fripp freaks me out. I like it my handle would bounce off the wall and it would just fly somewhere weird in a movie. The guy grabs the knife by the blade like this, and it always lands with the blade in the body management. Someone threw it in for you in the handle hit like this, like gave me a free life. Now,
follow me this knife, not gonna, hold service after death grip and slide into your rib cage. You mentioned this yesterday someone tools that were involved tools. I heard stat. I didn't never knew about it. That Andrew Jackson was in something like one hundred tools, but he only killed person. I thought he what killed a lot of you usually get shot in the arm, but, like you know like a musket ball would go like your leg or the one where he killed the guy. He actually it was. I forget the actual guy's name, but he was known as being a really good tool. He killed a lot to be like twenty six people or something like that. Three challenge this guy and he thought the only way to win would be to let him take the first shot. So he let him take the first shot got hit in the chest, was bleeding covered the whole and then shot the guy and he died. What a shot in the head a city, fell immediately and then died like a couple hours later. I think I don't know if he was the president at the time, but the the doctor said, like I, don't know how.
You stood and took that shot. He said I will, if you shop in the brain, I was going to stay and take that shot to kill this guy. I don't know if you saw that mother whatever, but like any Jackson Ray. I is a crazy deal like the where his, where is where the statue of hit him is in in Jackson, Square in New Orleans, there's that church this behind it and that this is why New Orleans is suppose the most haunted city is because it had the most tools, because once Andrew Jackson contacted John the feet and was like, I need an army and John if it was basically a gangster which is basically someone that can get you anything like that's what a connected guy does, and so he got him freed slaves. Native Americans rials, Cajuns and just you know, angry men and they repel the british, but then they stayed and they just lived in the bars and they were dual happy because their eagles were so big and I've looked for these. I can't find him what they had was dueling cards where, if you had one, it would say Joe Rogan have your face. You know probably that image and it would say you know dueling card and someone bumped into you and you were like.
Just give me your card to be like see in the morning mother, and that means we're we're shooting it out whoa, you would do over nothing and the guy I went to school. This goes to. Are the guy taught me this? The told me the story and he said imagine the amount of guys who were hung over woke up like what I do. I gotta do Well now and you'd go behind that cemetery, that's where they have their duel and imagine laying there with a bullet or a piece around in your liver and going like I'm dead over the okay, I stepped on my foot. They keep cards like do their darts. No, this is just like a bigger one. They also said that a lot of times the the door would actually happen like they might not actually shoot. It was more of a test of will of like yeah? Will you will get a unit run through with that yeah yeah? I was all on internet after bring a second guy, to make to like verify that the dole actually went down and got a book or whatever Sirius he's like the judge of that book. That he's laying odds,
I think, there's certain states were duels or legal. I think they're still legal in Arizona or they used to be because there was a cop who shot not someone in a duel like years back really yeah it was. It was a weird thing like a cop was off duty and he shot someone in a duel. Man. I want to say this is more than ten years ago, so maybe they change the law, but Reading that going what you can do, Texas, Texas, well yeah, nine hundred am fucking. But what is that? Well, how do you take ten paces, more than Washington State as mutual combat law? because I know I watched a video of this dude, who was a M M, a fighter he's to dress up like a superhero on fuck people up in. Ah, he would like stop people from committing crimes and then fight them, and then one video Carlos photo photo or I think his name was he
fighting someone in Seattle in front of cops like some guy agreed to fight him and then you be right away? What a terrible idea is any leg. Kick the guy and the guys, got this look on his face. Like oh, my god, you actually know how to fight. It beats the shit out of Phoenix Jones yeah. That's what he's calling S phoenix! Look, how we dressed but watch this is a video of it. You could see on that one too, yeah yeah yeah. So the guy said folk you'll kick your, and this is in front of the cops like folk. You he's, like you know you, you think you're gonna forget and he's wearing this super hero costume on and these they give us via. It's still a backup you guys walking towards on university way so you see him wearing that outfit! Yes and you think, oh, I could kick this guy's ass for sure this guy's, a clown fucking cause dork, but wash that skip ahead is like okay.
So the guy wouldn't stop badgering him and then finally, in front of the cops they agreed to let these dudes Duke it out holy shit. That's it right there. Let it go there! Watch this! Oh that's! When you know you made a mistake: yep it's like moving around and again you, list any started getting to that into the body you fucked up, wow God, this guy's life. Third, that, third, on that third leg kicks real problem. That guy is basically now around on one leg. That's it that's wrapped up! That's.
Mutual combat right yeah. It's a mutual that lot and cops Ending by watching this guy get brained yeah. What's crazy is like it's very responsible for the cops, because that's not a good fighting surface yeah a padded area set aside, there's a there's, a great line from ah Bukowski novel, where these guys are all gathering after like a night out or something in this guy's hung over and he's just like he's. Like I heard you got in a fight and he's just like a man That guy had to be a pro, beat me so bad. I shit myself like can't. I always get three that thing where it's like: what fight? Someone is whatever what okay it's a fight but like when you fight a pro. It's just done. Well, it's like playing basketball. If you don't know how to play basketball, yes, what a terrible thing: you give your play some one on one and you don't even know how to dribble in this guys dunking on him like shit, that's what it's like! Why did I agree to this is there a state where it's legal to duel? There's no firearms! Do
when what how long ago was it still legal, the late eighteen hundreds? I believe so? Maybe this guy did it. He was a cop. He he had a door with a guy. Was his wife whoa yeah? That's what's up You just killed the guy. I don't know of the story entirely and he definitely killed somebody Jesus that he was a cop. I remember the whole story being that it was very controversial, but but it was legal, maybe I'm remembering all fucked up my place. Five places where it's okay, to shoot. Someone you get like a cruise ship how's work among them carnival cruises and some guy insults. Your name throws jello at you. The laws of the historic right even think it acts like a. I know about the international waters, but like a cruise ship would be out, and that's not you know what I worry about crucial.
That I would be on the deck when some guy throws his wife off off the side of the boat right and you got to do something because, like that does happen, you husband and wife went on the crew is the wife went missing. I don't know how I went to bed early and Patricia kept partying yeah. We had an argument, but we are deeply in love and we had a couple of People saw sauce screaming and I might have slapped her a couple times, but uh boy. I love her and her disappearing and what's fucked up, I learned from a buddy of mine who was on. He was with the second city, tour current turned company or Turco, and they were on a cruise ship and he was telling me that they found out that All the food you don't eat, they grind it all up and just shoot it out in the water so that attracts game fish in the game, fish attract sharks, so anytime cruise ship there's just sharks all the time, all the really yeah. So so, if you went overboard, that's not there's not a lot of hope. Oh good Christ
yeah. Did you see that video of that woman in Hawaii swimming around with the largest known great white shark? No, it's amazing! It's more than twenty foot long great white shark not like guess where she's just swimming around women, with it yeah in the water swimming with it. Yeah he's got a an instagram page is filled with photos of her and the shark fuck off Oahu. It's so big, it's so big! It doesn't even look bill and she just swimming. Alongside this thing, female sharks like two thousand and twenty feet long at least so she just saw it in this warm up. I think she's, like uh an expert, oh ok, see if you can find that I got stuck in another article about the dual sorry to go back with us or us. Oregon has a law that they were.
Trying to get rid of two years ago. I don't know I'm trying to find out where there's guy got his gun. Where's. Dick is that's a that's a static, sir Tadpole stressor, but it's still that here Republicans have opposed to scrap one hundred and seven two year old ban on tools for public officials I think their attempt to highlight how many arcane laws still upheld by the state constitution. That's where I'm from I never knew. I could have been dueling this trouble official. Well now there trying to scrap the band, they're trying to reinstate band. So let people know how stupid these old laws are there still on the books they decide. It would not be very civil of two members of the legislature, this legislature, agreed and then shot each other on the front. Steps of the provisional capital to bad luck, so bad yeah. It kinda be cool, though, to see like TED Cruz and Paul Ryan standing on back to back. They have to use the money. Yeah yeah,
one shot it. I like in the upper right hand, Corner Maga hat boy, refuses to apologize infuriating interview that kid looked drugged and coached like he was probably both yeah. It probably put him on some Prozac get out there. Little fella family that native american guy, though they did an interview with him. It was a disaster because he said a bunch of things that just absolutely weren't true and are questioning whether or not he actually was in Vietnam. He serve in Vietnam, but he wasn't in combat, but you know he had some conflicting stories: okay, These people were prepared for this kind of attention. It's like I was offended as hell by those kids and I'm a fucking, big old, bleeding heart lefty for sure I hate those those fucking hats but, like I say at the same time, every teenage boy's, a fuck
idiot everyone, you know and like it's, but those boys were standing there doing their school chance. While these there's a long, video in the video is two hours long. I haven't watched it yeah, but I watch segments of it and in the segments of it you see those native american guys walk up to those boys and chants with their drums. So they're all there for different reasons. Yeah So the boys were there for the march for life, which is a pro life march there from a catholic school and they were in their stupid. Red hats, and then the native american Guy was there for a different reason: up there. There. It was a native native american celebration, their yearly, and you think that coordinate these things, but there's all these so sort of March is going on and that's all that's our right rightist citizens, but it's just that they're all the Lincoln Memorial together. Well, not only that these boys did not have like a good chaperone like this boys were wild. They they yelled. They said something like it's not
If you enjoy enjoy one kid yelled and again by the way. There's forty kids want. If you have one asshole, kid doesn't mean everybody should be beat up, because one of your stupid fucking classmates something really dumb, because he thinks he's funny. Fifteen. I sat in an in an assembly once where a friend of mine was in like in Chicago to from, I was doing a play and they were doing like a scene from the play on stage and a woman will come on stage and they would take this kid. The boys I'm behind and they're saying the worst hi I can imagine yeah and it's just like Jesus Christ, yeah and it it's that it's that it's the race to the bottom again, who can say the worst thing I can right? I can the n word. You know yeah this staying. Where shows you too yeah trying to make a lot of, and it's all because what's the worst thing rape, so this it's gonna yell, something about right, their children, yeah yeah. I do feel they need better supervision, but
here's the thing they do for sure, but it shouldn't be judged publicly on a global scale like this job, fair yeah. I disagree with pretty much everything them and their parents stand for and stuff, but it's their right to demonstrate, you know remains so not I mean they look better too young to know what the fuck they're even demonstrating about. To really have a good argument about it like to bring kids too do a pro life demonstration, have them chant and the elder scrolls songs and and put One mega hats, like the whole thing, is so fucked up. It's really well, I mean back to what I said. Anxiety, it's just we're at each other's fucking throats. Like I mean I have my act about how, like I I feel like the internet was built for us to tear each other apart, because we're just going darts and running away and and if you put us in a room together and talk it out, we I think we, I think we would model model into yeah yeah because of the people. We all want the same thing yeah down inside. We all want to take care of our kids, we
I have fun. We all want of bountiful life. I also say like I'm also like I love people, but I fucking hate people like you know like if you go through a whole day without speaking to another human being, you ever have one of those days, yeah fuck, that was awesome isolation that was delicious. It's only If you have too much, though right, if you get get around people too much, then those gap days where you just you could just recharge yeah, and then you appreciate people, you see him. Yeah, Do you get that where you, where you go, that you're on the way the comedy store you're like I want a fucking go like? I don't want to go up right now, I'm like something's messed with me, but it's like that with therapy comedy sometimes and the gym. Sometimes it's like I want to fucking go, but every time I'm glad I did. I know what you're saying I could. I could have a set where I eat shit and I'll drive home laughing, and I'm just like well that didn't work, the thing that
bothers me most about this- is that they want the docks. These kids and paella address out their favor of that ever it's just so foolish ever they're. Treating them like they're, rational adults that are you, fucking fifty years old. They really know what they're doing now and it's not going to solve anything, convert these kids hearts and minds by ruining their lives. No, you know I do understand the double standard we have had with like black youth, though, where it's kind of like you know this kid gets strangled to death for selling cigarettes is a criminal like God, damn it. You know as these kids finals, because they're white or chance after chance after chance, but I don't think their lives should be ruined. It's like I feel, like we've. We've talked enough about it, these kids did what they did. Let's move on yeah there. Well then, you know who knows what they're getting chance after chance, but during this situation like that is the sequences of social media. The fact you could take a video of I'm doing something incredibly stupid when they're sixteen years old yeah and what they do. Was not even that stupid. All you did to stand there and smirk people
is being he's being a shithead, but, like I, I see, if he's just standing there, and someone comes up to him beating a drum. How are you supposed to react? I feel like that. How do you think you would react? I feel like the kid walked up to the native Americans. Don't correct incorrect kid was standing there. The native American walked up to him. Beating the drum okay walked, got rid of the terrorists. What happened? What you mean? The guy was state that kid wasn't in the video. The native american gentleman was standing there pounding his drum when there are kids around him, but that kid that the main kid wasn't there he walked into a wall hang up to him, okay, but with the video that I saw, the kid was standing there and that guy walked up to him. Here's the thing just two hours. There's there's video of these people. That's two hours long! and the video that I saw, those kids were staying there chanting and that guy walked to those kids and was beating his drum. If that one specific kid walked down, but still that guy. Instead,
gated it by walking to them beating the drum, not only that that guy got in that kids face and that drum inches away from his face, but I thought this also also talking about that kid. I thought that kid walked up to the to the Navy MIRA, I'm not sure the native American. I walked up to the whole group. Okay, talk! that I haven't seen all that all of that video american Guy said that they were saying build that wall build that wall, but there's no evidence of that. Okay, the guide, the the problem is the guy's, a human date of american guys, human right, yeah he's, probably not prepared, offer this kind of scrutiny. No, when no one is there's a lot, there was an interview that he did with C n and that is just full on crack and it doesn't match up to the video doesn't match up to what happened is like this is all you could pull pull the video, a pull that article, the but you try to find that article. The CNN article
there was a an article about the article that I read either way I yeah I'm just I'm just inundated at this point with with all of it. I will say, like you know, I've I've said for years, probably fifteen twenty years now, I'm so glad you Two did not exist when I was in high school, my god 'cause you're, just Facebook, Twitter. As you would say, on twitter, chat or any of those things yeah, and I mean I I did not grow up like you know my parents generation being mildly racist, you're white. You know I grew up pretty woke as the kids say in Portland, so well. You're in Chicago Chicago's, pretty left wing will Chicago. I wasn't. I wasn't there until I was born in Chicago, but I grew up in Portland.
I was more yeah, but it was also it's funny we had we had. We had right wing groups moving in when I was in high school gangs from LA and then from Central Oregon and and further toward Idaho. You had you had this, this skinny Metzger, who had like a little little camp. You could calm party and, if you've seen American History ACT was just like that meaning free beer and they played punk rock music and the thing that everyone misses when they look at those groups, be it a gang or a white, supremacist, skinhead group or whatever it's it's. It's a community first for people and that's with a look at it first and then they they they form community. Sadly, over focusing hate, but I just feel like the kids back here, that the I mean which kit so they're all they walked up to him being in there banging the drums any standing there. Okay, yeah there's a cable going up now right, but he's just standing there. The guy walked right up
him. You showing me in the video, the guy walking up to the kid and there's Zach what I said Jamie. He walked right up to the kid. My point here was: this is the video I mean? Aren't these kids all market data, the traditional native American. You can read them, but okay me that native american guy just walked up to that kid and gotten his face his eyes clear as day. This is why I was just bring up this like this this angle. Here he stand here it is, but group tickets are autumn. Thank you, Michael managing this thing doesn't make any sense. This is that we are sorry for your fill up to the kids. He walked up to the kids. Any walked up to that kid specifically got in his for case there was a certain amount of separation between them. He walked to the kid and got in his face, always beating the drum okay play it again, a budget right now, yeah so he's walking, he's walking and the kid standing there and when the kids stand, that he walks up to the kid so and they're doing, the tomahawk chop chop. They think it's funny
understand that people are filming, they don't so here goes. But the whole thing is so strange so strange, because what are you what to do when someone walks up to you beating a drum so there's the kid, the kid standing there and the native american Guy now walks up to completely violating a space now imagine if this is a man, this to a woman, you'd say: okay is violating her space, one hundred percent. This is fucked up and aggressive, and that's what this guy's doing you singing in this kid's face it's a little kid and what is the kids? to do. I don't know. Should walk away? Where should he say, I'm sorry that someone in the past stole your ancestor's land? What it's supposed to yeah? I mean it's, I'm not I'm not saying yes do that in the I'm saying. What is that, like the question is, was a kid do, but I mean it's just he's. I get why these guys approaching, because it's just a it's a river of people mocking him right and its culture. I get up a why this
one kid and why why get right in this guy's face you're beating a drum inches from this kid's face? That is a question, and but look it's the fucking hat man that damn polarizing stupid hat that had so much look he's given closer to him. He's put the drum off to the side, so you can get closer to this. Kid's face means expecting the kid to walk away. I don't know, but the kid doesn't do anything but silly he's blinking, because the the beating of the drum is so close to his eyes. It's weird yeah. The whole thing's very we're so weird staring naked down that what I mean the I. Why would you walk away just a device? Well, I don't know everyone else walked away. But what does he have to doesn't mean he's standing there and the guy decides to get in his face? I think you would walk away, probably basin, I walked up on me? I would, I would definitely move. I think I would probably move to because of the scared that guy got my face. I don't, I think the guy's gonna hit me,
Something is going to go wrong like this is is just too weird too weird Kids he's sixteen yeah, I I, the other grown ups fault for getting in a sixteen year old kids face beating a drum yeah. I I I I its says that that hat man yeah, what's also the The the native american man brightly felt like he was being mocked yeah and that his traditions in his is his heritage is being mocked at these little kids yeah I mean, I don't think you have the right to walk up on the kid like that, but it's like where, where is your breaking point? Well, wait a minute. I don't think he doesn't have the right, but this is where confrontation comes from. Do you have the right to make confrontation get? Maybe perhaps a Perhaps, but that's not really the best way to communicate your singing a song, a native american song, and he doesn't know what the fuck you're singing and you're doing it inches from his face, and everyone
It's really a sign of the times that people took clips of that and they made it out. Like this little kids that Kant and even raise Oz Lan head on his, have you ever seen a more punch able face like then you're you're calling for. Violence on a kid? Is that we're doing it's? It's the same! you know level of and again you know those kids like. Even when you were pulling that clip up. I could feel my stomach make a fist from like this. Just don't want to see this, but you know ah like it's- it's like that, dude that his that that kid at the cub game, who had the game in his in his earphones and he caught the ball, which the outfielder was definitely not gonna catch anyway, and they blamed him for the cubs loss of the seriousness of this court that kid out yeah and I thought the kid reached forward though he did. But if you look at the tape, I don't think that outfielder had it now:
Peter was pointing like you fucked up kid like you ruined it, and it was kind of this. I understand when you're playing major league ball. One mistake could mean the end of your career and your families, a man when I saw, I think, that's different. When I saw that I thought that kid fucked up the game, it could be argued Yes, you know what I'm talking about yeah yeah, but that's like you're saying they were blaming one tiny play on the entire gay man, and you can't do that and the fact the fact that, back to what your point of punch, the kid in the face that kid had to be escorted out of Wrigley Field, because people were going to kill him right over drunk people that were going to throw. That kid in the traffic. Can we see that video of the guy
all that us. I think that kid actually did up the game. I think the difference is that kid Lou reached into the playing field. What he did was definitely wrong: yeah and and legal and let's see and everything yeah, let's check it out. Tell the tape, Steve, there's a low. It's going, it's going! It's going, wait a minute losing momentum back to number of bids back it up. These guys always slow I mean I had a. I think that one more, I think I time oh yeah, they stole it. They stole it from a fucking, go back. He had the ball. I take it all back that kid fucked it up yeah. They literally did he took it. He literally took it from him in the playing field you little cunt. Oh
he's got a spray on on people really threw beers on him. Probably. But but what is? The other thing is the thing of like threatening a kid's life. That's crazy, but also looks like if you're a kid on the balls right there. There gonna reach for you're, not going to be thinking this guys going to catch or not going to catch it like you have the chance to catch the ball. It's right! There yeah you're to catch it yeah. Did you see that clip from Letterman like from, like I don't know thirty years ago, or something and he just it was. It was like the line up. Was this famous person, this favorite person than just a rando like a name you like who- and he brought this guy out- and it was like a middle aged guy in a ball. Cap and he's like. Let him like you know. I just I think, you're the greatest living American and the guy's like well he's like roll the tape, and they show just like that home run
it's going. It's going it's going, and this guy's just has a beard he's not looking, and if you're the announcer go. Oh, my god, and the ball hits the beer and the guys like file. I get hit music ship off and it was kinda laughing at it was like a home run. There goes my beer and Innings later same line, same run same guy and goes you have got to be kidding and the ball just hits the same guy like again like twice Game Letterman had him on on it was. It was like you know, minor league or something like that, like you'd, never it would it would. It would be. I like the leg, nightly news, but it was just like what are the high how many people have been hit in the head by a line drive now? What for q? That would hurt like you'd, be so you'd, never be the same again, because when I was a kid, Tony Conigliaro in Boston during the the Red Sox. It was actually like. I was very young at the time might actually have happened,
for I lived there, but it was like the store that everybody was told he got hit in the head with a pitch. I was never the same again and it was one of the reasons why they started wearing batting helmets. There was a kid who got hit in the chest in his heart stopped: oh uh, yeah, because that that doesn't happen that often but it just it just makes your heart just go. What just knocks it out? Oh geez Rach, it's a rock covered with leather, You know I mean you feel a hardball that fucking thing is dense. Huh yeah, I mean soccer was originally kicking ahead around, but that's what it asked that culture they really like. It was after like a battle. They just take ahead and kick it around and that was like, where the game is soccer team. From from what I've read yeah, I knew they had. Some weird mayan game where they football and Mayen and that something okay and I think that they decided they used to think that they played. And then the winner sacrificed the losing team,
and now there was also some speculation that it could have been the opposite that the winning team was sacrificed was like in the fucking slow game ever work: Loop, whoops woke. You know you scored again, but the idea was that you would play with such courage, no thing that you were going to win and then you're going to get killed, but you still wanted to win it's the level of honor that it was had it's like so high you're, like my my family, will never want for anything ever again, so I'm just gonna to the level of drugs you're taking the political lean that way. It's like a you know, as assassin come from her. She Shin. You know where this guy would just really yeah. Is this guy in in what we call the Middle EAST? Basically, he was like how do you kill a king? You gotta get a set
Asin resin care if he dies and so what, in a month high on hash, he built of a found, a garden of delights, Riyadh, naked women, just hanging around like prostitute and like flowing water falls, and he would just get a peasant and smoke come up so much and we like do you want to see happen. Maybe like yeah, you take him in the room and be like check it out and he's like I of the door to have it and if you kill the Sultan in the town square tomorrow, you're here and so a guy would just run up and stab this guy to death in the guard would murder him. But that was how you get a guy you, a person, so it's kind of like it's the same thing with that level of drugs where you're like. If I win, they cut my head off but I go to Valhalla or whatever their version of Heaven is human sacrifices. Always such a strange thing yeah idea again face but GA living living life to the gods. This was a such a common thing. Yeah
kill people common. It's like going to the game are, you know, go watch, that guy get his heart torn out. Yeah, I'm my kid get some popcorn couple bud lights, um. I was reading that book. Uh uh, not primate. What is it called Simeon, Sapien Sapiens Sapiens and there there's um, there's a story about certain cultures that were would kill like the older people. They would kill like uh in this guy He would killed a few of his aunts and all the old women were terrified of him because he would sneak up behind them when they got too old 'cause they were don't they're gases are no people any hit him with an axe and they're talking to these people and I'm like is Christ managing to kill your aunt with an ax? Well, imagine getting to a certain like your birthday party, I bought the can
You just spin around it fuck off get away. Me me just expect everything yeah one of the crazy stories that I ever heard was during the Temple. You say teal to con the one of the large aztec temples when they completed the Temple. They sacrificed something like eighty thousand people over the course of two days ago, yeah, but we'll pull that up temple of to Akane. I think it's um outside of Mexico City and when the text constructed this when it was finally completed. They essentially sacrificed all the slaves that were used to build, oh, my god, so they just covered this fucking gigantic temple with blood of eighty thousand people. That they butchered on the spot yeah. Oh God, over days, took days to kill everybody. It's a lot of that's a lot of butchering. That's a lot of murder. That's that's! That's! That's! Exhausting levels
It's so much so that I, I told a friend this story and he's like that's not true. Telling her. What is life is, are those that is doing the math I had the right to. We had to get to a place with a service and Google, it yeah it's it's just daunting yeah, he got thousand people, and these are the very people to build the thing with us. What I mean that was the way they do. We're done alright gillam. Well, that was one of the with the weird things about going to Chichen. Itza was there's this one platform that was just designed for sacrifice. Lao could kill people on this platform and it's like it was set up like a bench Lex Luther's, let eggs in the head. Like some was holding this bench in place. They would just chop a head off and it rolled down the fucking stairs had that, probably like a little a little head slide kind of thing. What do you think the fascination with that is like this idea of killing someone to appease the gods, and it was it because
I was afraid to die so that when you get for someone to do it in front of everyone for someone to die in front of everyone and sacrifice them to just It would long as it was like there was enough distance yeah, actually you and them they would be charge of excitement and very machiavellian for it's it's. You know power perceived as power achieved. You see anyone. And I can fall in line real fast and I think it's uh. So the the incorrect unpredictability of life itself. Yes, I cake look, we're gonna, kill eighty people, but we're gonna have no one, no storms for the next couple months running like if you know what I know yes welcome, especially if you have some like elder who, like some shaman, who tells you that this is the only way we're gonna stop the storm. Yeah yeah, yeah people believe anything you get to Temple to finally found it says somewhere between there's a recorded article in two thousand eleven posts were today.
Eighty four thousand people, but it says this is a disputed number, could be a dumb four thousand. Maybe the number is disputed. However, some says fuse four thousand were sacrificed and was active You re consecration of the Templo may or in one thousand four hundred and eighty seven, never the last scores were killed, cheese so, one thought is one thousand four hundred and eighty seven, the Aztecs recorded that eighty four thousand people were slaughtered in four days. Self sacrifice was common and individual would pierce their ears tongues and generals to nourish the floors of the temples with their blood unsurprising. There is evidence. That Mexico was already suffering from a demographic crisis before the Spanish arrived yeah. The spanish public came in. Perfect time. This is how you say it. The great pyramid of T note Tino Chitlin there is That seems, that seems, I've seen that radically different
LEO Chillan to know to know shit lan to know chip line. Does it tell you? How is it me whoa cool, how do you say didn't know what's right to know, I'm not sure whether to noted blonde yeah, I think that's right. Yeah come up with better names, bro yeah anyway, lot of people Jesus. It also said those games that they were playing word. The people ready to decapitated the might of been rigged, they weren't sure if their rig. But they might have how to raise it Victor games to the current loop so lost. I mean it's as good a time people like better they're, they're, more fun, those guys yeah. You know he live yeah yeah. These guys you want around got a Celtic. I mean We kill those guys we blow. You know we got no one to stadium screw up the whole game. It is weird that all cultures agree that one
the best ways to appease the masses, to have these large sporting events where people gather round to watch this mark warfare take place, yeah yeah like how the the when, when Shaka Zulu came, and they were just fighting like mock wars, and they were just like with fake. You know, swords and and then spear and he just ran out sort of stabbing me like what you're doing is I'm trying to win yeah. It doesn't work that way: Bro traffic, it's just yeah. We can do it if, if we escalated past like football and football like something way, more violent came along yeah, but not quite war. Like tools, Jesus hello, it's like I'm, I'm I'm glad we're not there as much as I have my problems with like concussions in football and stuff, and it's just this yeah.
I guess that's a group like what what's what be the next thing you can kind of get away with playing football if you get out early enough yeah, but even though they said they're saying that even kids in high school of c t yeah yeah with brutal. Do you see what they do in Russia, where they have those? Ah five on five mm, a fights have gang fights they meet on football fields. Yes, Russians are always taken into the night so that one you put up in uh like somewhere in Eastern Europe, and it's just one big like bald bull. Looking guy fighting like five guys so yeah yeah, yeah yeah. I think it's russian to could lower yeah. This couple guys decide to try to take on a giant yeah.
That guy was a giant that I was like a dude that, like breaks, rocks and like fee fi, fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman fee, FI fo, fum yeah. That's kids even learned that story anymore, the fee fi fo fum. Don't they write some new ones while we're telling his old ass story yeah. I love that movie about the about the troll Hunter where that guy like goes out and the like, the the in the Scandinavia and he's hot. He hunts, trolls, there's actual giant monster. Troll yeah. Remember that movie. That was a fun. Stupid movie was fun and I one thing I loved about it was is like are any of you? A Christian. Tell me right now, right now and they're, like no news, one guy like secretly was troll could smell his blood lot of an blood. I'd like it's such an awesome angle. Oh wow, it's just like
it's because yeah he's, like he's like a scientist, is like. I know what these guys are after they, they want to chew up christian people receiving Gte, find find the clip for the trailer for Troll Hunter, because it's so stupid. So now it's a good movie to get high and watch yeah. Well, I love stuff. It's like there's a giant thing in the distance like coming, because I guess a big thing of five higher end just like what. If King Kong just came from behind that building right now, yeah he was a volume, sometimes you get to see unique, unique film that really were trolls. Just just go zero, something, but yeah. This is like a foreign film yeah, it's it's somewhere in in, like I think Norway,
Well, that's a lot of people think it says: do you think Michael Moore gave up after the first trial documentary like yeah, exactly doing like a Blair witch project thing. What with trolls yeah yeah, give me a little distance in this I'm tired of seeing this buildup see the foot control, just they showing the trailer out for sure they don't see. I'm christian, I love and so dumb looking he just mush. That guy? how many trolls That is a little more hello monster. If there was something that big we were never gotten to where we are, we don't hold up in caves right now, yeah. Well, they probably like the the the the
Their tech millionaires are like the guys who, like control, one of those like you just sitting on his head and he's like kill those people. You know crush that house it on. That we think would be tech millionaires. It would do that, but, like super progressivism, richer richest person, no, it would not be attacked person. You I think you were a girl. You've been sitting on a troll yeah. You were an opinion Zuckerberg. He would have a troll. He would he would pay someone toe like train a troll or something he might like a troll trainer. And then let me ask you this: are you worried at all about a I? Yes, are you yeah what what I I just wonder when it's going to get out of our control, because it's dead technologies escalating beyond our comprehension, comprehension, but yet you drive a test yeah, my daily contributing to it a little
a little bit yeah, I mean it's, I look, we all are it's. You know I am. I am a dipshit in a lot of ways, I'm an idiot in a lot of ways and I was like I know you can hack a Tesla. I know you can uh yeah, but they're awesome yeah. No, I mean if you got to drive a car. I love it there are apparently not doing so well. It was some article that I read today where, ah they were, they were talking about the letter that Ellen Mosque sent to all the people that worked for him, saying that you're gonna have to work harder, but our goal is to try to save the world yeah. Like you know, we want to hear that shit and they work for a company. I mean, and and really that's now,
if you're going for before. Well, I think his goal is ultimately to reduce our attachment to fossil fuels, which you know can help save yes, our environment, mmhm. I'm definitely with that yeah. You know the cut way down on factory farming with me now yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm all in favor with all this all that stuff and and making way more things electrics like when we have solar panels on literally everything was fresh in California yeah I mean I we have this. One everywhere everywhere and we have a an amazing source of light. But apparently you know there's a lot of money involved. I know this sounds crazy. There's a lot of money involved. Staying with the grid as it is share, they got to keep those nuclear power plants right.
We love him so much driving to San Diego sightseeing with the old ones. They didn't even have a way to shut down like old power plants when they would make him yeah. You can't stop him. They probably figured we'll figure it out. Eventually, let's put it off, yeah one day. One day, we'll figure someone smarter than also come along they'll fix it when you really hear about natural disasters and solar, flares and asteroid impacts. He just realize how fucking fragile this weird system that we have The power grid and satellites to distribute information in the internet is actually much of fires on the ocean floor that connect us to Europe like what his wires that are
four thousand miles long, really yeah yeah yeah that it's it's it's kind of like the human body like it's remarkably resilient, but it's so fragile, yeah super fragile yeah one infection, that's a wrap, yeah uhhuh era get if someone's drunk enough. They can fall off a building, hit everything going down and land like something made a nurse and get up, and sometimes right. I watched a video of a guy who is in a high speed chase, with the cops near the corvette, any flip, the corvette and literally went flying out of it like he was young doll, so their head over heels head over heels, guys, fine, yeah landed on his back, the desert floor volume playing in the background jamming, you could hear that too those things it does. It's been pop up every now and then interference. I've been here, and sometimes I can't tell if you guys are here at all really I've I've heard a couple times yeah mention ever heard a songs in your feelings. Some people have recorded that
they hear radio sounds in there filling like they. They pick up wavelengths like you're filling will somehow or another some radio sound play it in your hi with so awful here, like Mexicans radio station playing out of yeah. Whatever amount of my number fucking pliers Mouth, the middle of the night, so you could sleep listen, dude special when it comes out will be available in February yeah. I have great faith and available be a billable everywhere. Yes, you'll be able to get on. To tell tell me all the Amazon Amazon Itunes, Google play, I think it's going on steam weirdly enough, the video game platform, it's going to be all over the place you can stream
you can buy it. It's going to come out and vinyl eventually, but I know yeah finally put a couple like a private one thousand out in vinyl. If people really yeah, I mean it's called finally. Finally, live in Portland and all the whole idol is like fake tattoos like dummies, that we're doing well we're development at the Paris a former porn theater downtown. For now they had a porn theater and I was a kid there were always like you know and bought some stuff like that on on on make on the marquee, and then it was saying so that'll be that'll, be the cover the vinyl that helium in Portland is amazing. I love that That's fucking great. I told him where, to put it later, they were like. Where would you put a comedy club is like SE, Portland close the water, so people live on the West side can come across the bridge, really easy. You have a lot more space that way. Yeah they've kept it running strong and it's awesome is a great place to perform. Yeah yeah, that's another one designed with
low ceiling yeah, you know it's. It's well set up and you gonna come on advice from a dip. Okay, because it's you do, you would kill it. Okay, I can see I'm gonna give. It should be advised. Yes, all right, yeah man, perfect yeah. Well! Thank you brother. This is joy. How to get a hold you it's just Pronger on Instagram and Twitter, just be, are a? U n g e r and then map pronger dot com from my shows, that's me, but everybody thanks Joe. Thank you. Thank you, everyone for tuning in to the show, and thank you to zip recruiter. If you need to hire someone, you need to know about zip code, you can post over a hundred plus job sites with just a single click. Any use their fantastic matching technology to scan thousands of resumes toe, identify the right people for the job, and you can try it for free. At this exclusive web, address zip, recruited, dot, com, Slash Rogan, so go there, show support and
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Transcript generated on 2019-09-27.