« The Joe Rogan Experience

#364 - Tom Rhodes

2013-06-05 | 🔗
Tom Rhodes is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and TV host. Currently he hosts his own podcast available on iTunes called "Tom Rhodes Radio"
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
we're up we're live we're taking god dammit you good tom rhodes everything groovy over there indeed sir this episode is brought to you by noting i don't need a audible yes audible subsets brought to you by audible dot com if you goto audible dot com ford slash joe you will get free thirty days use of audible dot com and free audiobook audible dot com is one of the best resources online i would say like the best as far as like audio content commuting for going to the gym for you know whatever you have to do where you're sitting there it's normally just wasted time you can have a good time with an audio book and you know badass audiobook when you park your car you're sitting in there 'cause you don't want it to end and that's the difference between a regular commute i commute when you're listening to something cool
in some people say like that's what we use your podcast for well thank you i'm glad if that's the case thank you very much i'm glad you enjoy it but sometimes you'd probably want to listen to me anymore and i feel the same i don't want to listen to me anymore i'm listen to this fucking pod when sometimes going to mix it up you want some joe rogan they want some steinbeck mixing it up is important in this fucking life don't make me up it's time back though i just i just don't feel it's a fair comparison is not the same heart pet steinbeck have a boring fucking podcasts about that have abundant i fucking said tom rose i don't give a fuck dude on the gangster when i'm talking about dead dudes book but anyway if you go to audible dot com slash so you get a free audiobook hundreds of thousands of titles there you can also get podcasts including the brilliant dan carlin hardcore history just like one of my favorite podcast all time i've learned more about history from dan carlin than i ever did in my three years of bear
intention college and all the time that i was in high school this one dude in his crazy podcast and you can get all of his back order his episodes they're brilliant they're like they're like it's not just like a podcast it's like a show like he puts on a his oracle show it's so dramatic is fucking fantastic i literally can't recommend it enough that's also available on audible dot com were also brought to you by hover hover is the same company or it's rather is owned by the same people that own ting and hover is a really easy intuitive website to purchase web domains and they make it super easy i've purchased domains from them personally they they have free things that other people make you pay for like who who is domain name privacy which is like a real pain in the ass if you if you're a freak and you got some weird shit
out there online and you know people know about it would have something back in the day there was a time tom rhodes where if you had dick party in your dot com and you put that up online people would go after you dick party in your mouth system just saying stuff that if that was you think somebody's just snatching up that donate domain right now already been we did it we already have if you go to harvard dot com slash rogan you get ten percent off your domain name registrations again it's super into it is very easy i am not tech savvy by any stretch of the imagination so i can go there and do it without a hitch you can to go to hover dot com slash rogan get ten percent off domain name registrations we also have ari fears legs dot com yes that's right is a bunch of different silly so i brian has registered while it shows been going on including dick party in yourmouth dot com
and what was the other one we had really gay one that you said sorry squirt like tom squirts or something i don't even remember what it just squirt bert dot com it just took you to death squad i can take a desk or do you have it take you squirt bert has a special surprise that i can't show on yeah on the u stream filled cake is so bad we're also bra on it dot com if you've heard about on it before you probably heard about supplements but there's other things besides like protein things we sell including fitness equipment all like the in my opinion the best stuff for developing functional strength and staying fit and just making sure that just put in the work and make sure that your body functions it's not saying you have to be a bodybuilder or super athlete but i swear to you have you put in some work couple days away two three days a week just exert yourself you don't necessarily have to have a trainer you can do it yourself i think you should learn
good form whenever you lifting weights or doing anything with kettlebells or anything where it's like you know you could hurt yourself but as long as you learn good form and use discipline you could just follow dvds we have two available on on att dot com from keith webber these extreme about cardio workout dvds you don't need fucking anything else than those dvd's for the rest of your life they will crush you those dvds are amazing and you can do it with like a single thirty five pound kettlebell including the primate bells that we sell it on it that looked like angry chimpanzees their fucking badass besides that there's protein supplements cognitive enhancing supplements endurance supplements all kinds of cool shit you probably heard this all before you tired of me talking of it but there's nothing i can do gentleman i must continue talking about it in the same boring manner as before however we're almost there i see the light at the end of the tunnel go buy some buffalo jerky son get your freak on get some hemp force
mean powder and if you use the code name rogan you save ten percent off any and all supplements are right that's it goddamnit anything brian any cakes come out death squad friday icehouse yes quite friday ice house you won't do it yeah you may joey diaz tom rhodes until you in town friday yeah i'd love to do the show this is how we roll days and generally put together shows on the air so that's it friday night and a deathsquad dot tv is bryant website if you want to get any of those cool t shirts that you see those kitty cat t shirts he has all those up for sale on deathsquad dot tv including tour dates and all that shit for all well like basically all the dudes we hang out with her it's tony hinchcliffe for thompson girl like anything that comes up we have it there all right god damn it to the music all right logan
train by day joe rogan podcast my name all day well you threw in some new shit powerful there we go powerful world traveler tom rhodes here fucking man dude you're you are in my opinion if you want to like talk about like the you know had a romantic poetic version of the life of the stand up comedian would be like an intelligent world traveler who literally lives out of a suitcase man is just happy going from city city just making people laugh but but smart well read you know your you're very poetic dude you're like the like no one could criticize your road game this now nothing they can say like no oh man i did three hundred dates eight here well it was fine tom was it three hundred and sixty five okay and they were all in another country you fucking out there dude
i you know i'm i'm living the life i dreamed of men and i just i just fell in love with the new country i was in line and i i should start out saying death squad joe rogan listeners man i was in london in january loads of people in my show in australia new zealand i always meet cool people you know heard me on on your show and uh i was just in new zealand for a month and had the greatest trip of my life i i did the auckland new zealand comedy festival in auckland for two weeks and then i did this like best of the fest tour that went all over the country i'd never been in new zealand before was it like it's epic it's a hobbit like i went i went to hobbiton it's there there's a town there called hamilton and everybody all the committee made fun of hamilton hamilton was like the shit hole it's the cleveland or whatever i actually loved it i had some the best meals in the food in all
restaurants in new zealand where it's really expensive but very good i had great meals there's a street in hamilton called victoria street and there it is a little tiny park and there's a statue to riff raff member rocky horror picture show let's do the time warp again that guy richard o'brien that played riff raff he wrote that song and so this is statue of him like gay dude with pumps and like a space suit space gun in his hand and it's very appropriate that all the people who do drugs it's like this drug park and the people are slipping in it real st urgent drug addict slipping in and out of the place but i thought it was brilliant that they had this section at the entrance of the park or people do drugs so the the tour manager i told her
because you know new zealand is the land of extreme sports i wouldn't jump off this fucking chair and i said the only thing i want to do while in in new zealand is go to the hobbit house so she contacted the dude that ran the place and got him tickets because all those tour others festival shows were sold out and this we got a private tour of barberton it's still there what does it look like does it look it up on the hill it's again one that's just perfect there was when peter jackson was looking around new zealand he had be the finest big tree it's the party tree of hobbiton and so it's this perfect spot the guy found so was a real tree that was there another still there yeah i asked of beautiful tree and there's these hills all around it and they built the little hobbit houses into the side of the the thing in it the people go are them like how they keep you know they they do tours it's like seventy dollars you go on a tour but we got a private tour from the dude that runs the place i don't want
and so normally on the tour you can't like go up to the doors and stuff you got to stay behind the little tiny fences but this dude let us we stick our heads out of the door taking pictures and it was raining that wasn't very many people there but um it was to be a trip it was incredible and then there's a little tavern at the what are the insides of those things looks like nothing 'cause they had the sets built in wellington so they just would film people going in and out that was a stupid defense bill bell baggins jumps over the instead the beginning i'm going on a great adventure and that dude let me jump over it that's fucking awesome wow yeah i've been in new zealand but it looks insane looks so beautiful it looks like incredible at mountains in the n island which they is the lesser spectacular i thought looked like california like n california and then the south island is like that's where all the majestic
of the rings shots are and that's really stunning down there wow wow and why do you say that there like the kings of of extreme sports like what they invented bungee jumping anyway yeah that was invented in new zealand all these like crazy there fall into this crazy you know anything extreme why is that you think there's just way your people so this it goes back to the memories and their manliness and that's the key the cool thing of of new zealand to they at that that mainly yeah now are thing i saw a dude very tall handsome mallory guy by twenty five walking down the street now and he had that tattoo on his face oh and there was a couple of mallory comedians and people that worked at the club where i was playing in i should point out that you're covering your mouth like a like a gas mask that's what it was like is again like a ink task mass like over the exactly precisely and
and i asked about in there oh yeah that dudes very important in his tribe he's like a you know but he was a young young gish dude he's very important so tattoos tattoos mouth i you know it's just an ancient ancient tradition ancient yeah i saw women with facial so little tiny things which must be back use of honor somehow that's that's a crazy culture that they take it to the next level the like we will have a we all tend to our face right yeah about that yeah i i wanted to find out if you know how they felt about the mike tyson copy this like if he's like they think he's a punk and there's a body builder did it to that has the mallory thing he had very mike tyson like gigantic dude he's got it on here to do the dance if you're going to get the facial tattoo you know like the haka yeah
cool yeah they've they dance before their opponent near runs at them yeah my friend steph and talk to me either that he sent it to me the first time he sent to me is like it's a the beginning of a rugby match and these yeah the all blacks home my god it's it's so intense it's it's it's like the manly of shit that humans have ever done other than like fight with swords it's like the manliest shit you could do is that dance have you seen it pride pull it pulling up the haka dance yeah let me see if i could find like a good version of it because there's a black and white i think it's an adidas ad for like adidas rugby equipment yeah it's just says the haka war dance rugby it's the first one if you just ok and you know the memories you know they were never colonized daylight constantly fought the br when the british came like i read history of australia there's a great book by robert hughes called the fatal shore and it's all about the epic
king of australia here these guys are doing was there a beginning open yeah you miss the investor day at stabley dated shuttle owns oh no oh there you go oh the dance keeps going yeah yeah yeah there's something terrifying about that kind of energy so imagine you know like that originals in australia what i was going to say from the book they were friendly when the british in the convicts came in there like you know rushed out to the boats and bringing him fruit and stuff the mallory's did nothing but attacked his mother fuck imagine you're coming from england and you get off and these these negative people are dance you and they like we're bashing their heads with rocks and is hiding in caves and gorilla
more fair to the end i mean imagine you like some white door keys do it from england and your ship arrives in new zealand these mother fuckers come out of the cave and do that grunt dancer tattooed face would get back on the mother fucking boat you imagine if that's your fuck up 'cause that's what it was back then to mean when they floor new countries there's a lot of it was just like you're gonna pull into this harbor unless it was set up right yeah yeah yeah yeah we really never seen a white guy before you've never seen one of them before i like captain cook the guy he did was is graded english explorer i think you know he found australia and the the cook islands they killed him in hawaii the natives there fuck you but he and i had a good career leading up he did well he just you know he was like you know it's hot like you never know what you're going to get on certain island he knocked up some bring you fruit some want to bash your head with a fucking someone teach you and turn you into shrunken head i finally figure with the shrunken head was i watched a show on shrunken heads like the tradition of doing it
only you would do that you're lying around your house why couldn't tell me what will i entertain my it was wasn't it it was a total channel flipper not shrunk it was a total channel flipper that shit's creepy i landed on yeah it's creepy as fuck man i was i was under the impression that the skull is in there it's not they take the skull out and they're basically shrinking the skin down to this leather is smallish thing and then they pull it in to make it like a little purse out of it it's gangster fuck too i mean the shrunken head move is one of the most gangster things ever they're not just going to take your head and cut it off they're going to make a little ornament with it a little leather orders yeah it's a little leather ornament wow what the fuck
you know that's that people who just never bothered like blaming like books a book okay we're gonna make a shrunken head what was it like you know like you know television and the internet you think because like back in the old days in england and the way they tortured people you look at like torture instruments was it because they didn't have television yeah we have we well that's funny because you know biden is imposing or well in encouraging endorsing proposing a tax on the producers of violent movies well violent movies violent media violent video games and they're considered there considering imposing attacks especially tax on that i think the opposite i've really believe this and this is not an indictment on the human race i think actually we're just a little fucked up and chimpanzee like but i think that seeing things violent movies and violent video games are probably like the most arctic ways to avoid doing
things in real life like there's something that gets satisfied without us having to actually go and kill someone in a war it's one of the reasons why the most passive people in the world are fucking comic book nerds i mean who the hell wants to see damage and destruction more that a comic book we're going to watch a hulk movie you go watch the okay smashing destroying share will ring stabbing do their clause as you all those guys will hurt a fly right right right that's a really good point the average dudes really really into like heavy duty sci fi and heavy duty action you know action sci fi films those kind of dudes like they don't they're not harming people its size is a cathartic release in being attached to extreme things without having have to actually participate in them good point i mean and they should be concentrating on making society better place and like certain you know man you know that the some of the in
quality and you know class i think once you're up ready of violent something another any kind of violent media can influence you and can excite you but the reality is you have to be that you have to be fucked up for it to work and the idea concentrating on that as a cause it's not 'cause that's cause you got a mental health issue right i think it should be we should be it should be more concerned about people's mental health that guy andreas brevik the lunatic in norway that shot died you know he desensitize himself for a year he sat in his mom's basement and i would follow that i was obsessed with that trial and that dude is so fucking sinister but he he thought about shooting people while he was doing it and that he would desensitize himself that it wouldn't you know his he could work past that consciousness telling him not to do it so i mean that guy was just a sick fuck yeah
and not everybody that plays that millions have you ever played that uh you know world of war craft or whatever the fuck he was into but you know only you can't blame that just doesn't work that way it's like blaming cars for crashing into people and killing them it's not the video game does make people nuts you got nuts that are reacting to video and the way to solve that is not take away the video games or pataxo video games the way to let's find out what the fuck is wrong with people that makes him do that what is it is it that makes a person ableto commit horrific acts against look at the dude in cleveland he kept those girls you know he's torturing them he's raping them for like ten years here what what media was he into what magazines was he reading you know what um you know boys life yeah yeah well i don't think it had anything to do with that i think someone dehumanized him probably a long time ago someone
raised him in some horrific environment they created a monster somehow or another through circumstance nerd nature whatever you got a monster no more scared of ex military than i am of people that play too much hardcore video games and you should be yeah you should be you should be scared of anybody who's taken life once you once you've taken someone's life and done it you know and to a poor where it's sanctioned yeah it's it's problem at not everybody has a discipline to handle something like that you know a lot that's it's admirable how many guys can be disciplined to come back from that and be okay but for a lot of people know a lot of people it's just that ptsd man is just for a lot of those guys they say that one of the best things for ptsd is mdma
is ecstasy and they're having headway in um doing that in therapeutic uh with therapeutic applications of m d m a and they're helping people that have ah all sorts of ptsd post traumatic stress disorder for people don't like acronyms the even an acronym is it is an acronym like nasa when you say it that's an acronym right i don't know what is it when it's just like cia you know you're not calling a chia i can't spell restaurant don't ask maine yeah restaurant i rely on my iphone for that i get to res to yeah man remember when you used to have to fuckin right out of paper and turn into school you have to at least have to write it out and know how to spell each number one of those words now i just get close and it gives me a real word sprinkler line and do a little right quick i'm like yep that's what i was looking for and that's all you need to it's not like you need to know that it's kind of funny a little you do know though it's
funny how little you know like my eyes are going when i look at things like this far is like the reach of my hand i'm fine but when i get close for what a reason like reading things close just blurry it's fucked now and um when i when i see things like um i have to like find like the place where it works you need a hipster glasses dude i don't know why you don't do i think glasses are cool if i could wear glasses or reason i would wear glasses every day i don't remember what my point was what we talk before wednesday's glass of video games torture people his soldiers seeing seeing combat and have an xc treatments the shark that was found off the coast of huntington beach might be a road record watch record shark did you see the doctor was found yeah check this out it was caught oh jeez it's eleven foot shark was caught monday morning outside of huntington beach and catalina i
look at the size of that fucking thing one thousand three hundred and twenty three pounds what the fuck oh god damn it this guys beard it is world things could fucking fly okay if sharks instead of swimming around wow in there three d if they could fly if they were on our world and they could just fly around and eat people the way they move through the ocean god damn would it be scary the ocean is so much more fucked up that's why nothing ever gets done that's shows but it's there's a benefit like as far as progress to having one intellectually superior species that get to control the food chain that gets to put a halt all the bullshit and then figure out things like ru moves in the internet and cars because if you can't keep the
things from eating you you wind up with the ocean or no one ever builds a fucking house your best ocean is like fucking one of those crabs those hermit crabs they just scoot to the next little shell and climb under it but that's shall only exist 'cause somebody ate whoever was living in it somebody found in create it now you're going to hide in there going gonna hide inside of his body cavity that's the ocean that's why there's no one is phones in is nothing gets done in there it's a constant move it's three d can control things the thing that made us able to rise above all the other animals so we have the control and lock down areas and put up fences we can keep things out can't keep anything out in the bitch the ocean is just the ocean it's just a wild grab bag and there's no way to solve that so all the dolphins in the world are they are supposed to be smart as us they never figured out a fucking house
they never figured out how to build some shelter where they could just like i'm tired of getting eaten by sharks how you guys want to do this let's make a house or something like something with a shark can get through barb wire they can't do it is not enough time keep moving keep moving get more fish kokoko who's japanese boats fucking run you should turn that into a bit that's brilliant thanks yeah try and make a note of that one that's brilliant that's a great fit what did i say if in the future we had to live underneath the ocean because you know the air pollution or the either or something like that forces us to have to build how i think we would do that before outer space i think so yeah because it was either i mean you could be like you could say hey we need to build this house underground here instead of having to space for you forgot the range have to come back well would get lonely yeah
that be pretty bad ass though it's like we all are walls were just like looking inside the underneath it how much shit eat things with its face in the ocean just think how crazy the ocean is it's just one big mother fucker trying to eat a smaller motherfucker while an even bigger motherfucker tried to eat him like that's one of the coolest things about catching a fish and having an attack by a shark while you're real and if you ever had that happen no reeling it in while shark is by no means either it looks like that's something i'd like to experience but i've seen guys do that in like deep sea fishing like they catch a big tuna or something like that and as they bring in a fucking shark attacks in tears it in half you ever seen like the pictures and images online yeah thing is fucking fascinating because that's what that's the ocean it's just just a fucking easy gangster fight with your face all day the biggest shit trying to eat the biggest shit i mean a tuna is a bad mother fucker just running around jacking smaller fish but not small enough
shark comes along boom jacks to tune it the wild race we pull the sharks out or the top of the food chain i love when i lived in holland the sim all of the lottery in holland is a big fish eating a little fish oh my god yeah that's that's true life you got money they fish for a little well till your photo frazer comes you crazy ass loses it i bet if you win the lottery i bet you're just immediately assaulted by con people have a con artist just look for someone who won the lottery and like this mother fucker thanks when it comes easy i just talk him into investment i gotta wonder investment opportunity right i don't go on television don't don't hold don't take pictures of you holding the big check wonderful wonder opportunity holding this money that you think you deserve the whole eye lottery is fucking ridiculous the money was originally supposed to go to edge patient in this country and then all yeah none of it you know what they realized the more educa
people are less less likely they play the fucking lottery would be cut their own right that's how they sold the united states that the lottery thing remember that is that way yeah and as it went state by state and gambling it's allowed always sell it to the public saying that the biggest portion of this money will go to education and the schools and everything we've been broke for plus one thousand and twenty years and you know where's that where's that promise nobody remembers the well it certainly should go to something good could you just stealing money from crazy people that's what you don't you give people a chance to throw money away in the very unlikely possibility that my win and it's like i grew up in orlando and there's the east west expressway and the toll road and they said when they built it in the early eighties that once it was paid for that take the tools down but then over did it just but now they raise the prices and it's like that lottery casino thing it's like you can sell it to the people and then they'll fucking forget ten years from now
into her established that money is coming in and it's very difficult to stop that the no one ever land in the fridge i want to make things free now would you ever has enough especially when it's like nine bucks a pop with you go over the gw i think in new york now it's like i i'm good correct me if i'm wrong it's i think it's like nine dollars or at least might even be more but you every you're going there you're getting hit when i was living there i think it was like seven hundred and fifty or something like that and i like this is insane like every person that comes over this bridge has to pay seven dollars it's just to get into the city that's like some gangster shit you know because i lived in boston in boston you could take like toll roads but you can also get to it like there's ways to get where you didn't have to pay anything if you didn't go on the mass turnpike like there's ways you go where you didn't have a toll but there's no way of getting a new york city less you pay in somebody you want to take those bridges from staten island you could pay me bitch you're coming in from you pay me you gotta pay to get in here dog we can use them it doesn't cost anything to leave
i've lived in new york twice and deleted all of my funds and both times when i moved out of new york as i crossed the free bridge i thought it doesn't cost anything to leave is that listening is it is it to calculate how many people come in is it to mitigate traffic and make it like problematic is it cost so much money maybe a carpool today is story sure a big one it is a big story actually and i was reminded but you're talking about the george washington bridge and when was twenty years old i lived in washington heights for a year were share my life why just to worship no i wasn't ready as a comedian how old me twenty oh yeah you know it only been on it like three years you know i didn't have been doing it three years by the time you're trying i started seventeen base would you start orlando powerful and lando produce a couple of good thing and anyway so yeah
i always swore if i ever had any money i would live in new york with style so when my sitcom was finished nine thousand eight hundred and ninety nine i new york city and i got a got a rockstar apartment in the wall street area did not considered one of the first skyscrapers ever built twenty stories tall it's at the entrance of where wall street the entrance of wall street is trinity which is right there only on the 18th floor where there marble balconies i had three marble balconies i was on this corner unit just pimp spot three blocks in the world trade center oh my goodness sixteen foot tall g xilinx i could lie in my bed look up at the world trade center it was fantastic but it was a time in my life you know that is it ended tended i fell i was angry i was angry and i was i was i was searching for meaning and what was important in life and
what was making you angry i just you know that i had the sitcom and it didn't workout and then i just you know i wanted to just go focus on being a comedian and live in new york so the dalai lama was going to give a speech for free in central park on happiness for six months i had the flyer on my refrigerator nothing in the world was gonna make me miss the dalai lama speech on happiness so the night before i'm headlining at caroline's on broadway and there were these two puerto rican lesbian strippers and he loved me and they stuck around after the show and they wanted to talk to me and we're we're talking and then they invited me out with them and you know what there was the queen bee and the other girl other girl was off limits 'cause she had a boyfriend i don't give a fuck about the other girl it was all about the queen bee and the other girl was in love with the queen bee because she's making all the
all the decisions and making everything happen so she the queen had a car we're driving down to the village somewhere they said they ecstasy do i wanna do ecstasy and i'm like hell yeah we go to some lounge and we're drinking pino greasy on ice and i had never had pino grigio my mind i'd to this day i love you know grease yo because remind any of this evening it's a perfect you like red wine is you uh autumn winter thing but a dry white wine like pinot gregio is great in summer so we're you know we're drinking and have a great time and you know after about an hour you know this ecstasy starts thumping and this girl the queen bee wanted to go to some dance club we go to some dance club in soho it's packed i didn't want to be packed dance club i want to be with these girls she knew the dj we get up these steps were in this price
area behind the dj no one can see us the deejays like one thousand and fifteen feet in front was just like jammin and the place is packed downstairs but you can't see it and we got this horse shoe leather couch and we're just tracking and she's got more bottles of pinot gregio on ice and we're just fucking dancing and grinding on each other and we go back to my apartment and about five o'clock in the morning something like that and you know we dance on my furniture and playing music and stuff and got in my bed and honestly there's no sex uh we we had our bottoms underwear on and it was so tender and just caressing and kissing and tasting a flesh and and touching of private areas and the at one point that queen bee got up on her knees and she starts kid french kissing this other girl and she's rubbing her mound what she's just kissing her and i got behind this the behind the queen
can be and i just start kissing this big beautiful brown bulbous acid i got my hands up on the top curvature of it and i pulled her panties aside stuck my nose in our honeypot just tasting these delicious flesh rose petals and uh i overslept and i missed the dalai lama speech that sounds better now you win you win why would you why would you even think that that would be a bad thing the dalai lama with the documentary story but it's not a joke that's actually a true story story the download represents an interesting point of view and that's it you know the idea that guys really don't need this guy for to find out what happiness is the idea of a1a one figurehead like that is kind of postures to the idea of enlightenment the idea especially if you're dealing with the guys
this is like a wizard and doesn't fuck he doesn't get to have sex he's never had sex i mean he could if he wanted to but he thinks it complicates that i feel bad for the dalai lama because richard gere always wants to hang out with you can see the dalai lama like pulling richard gere aside one day going hey richard have you ever considered scientology could you imagine the conversations the dalai lama must have like sharon stone or he's like yeah uh huh yeah i can't believe they chose her either yeah i mean yeah i mean look yes i don't watch a lot of movies but you're amazing in basic instinct i thought you amaze and they didn't if you pull it off and the second one you pulled it off in the second one did you see this basic instinct two it's a horror movie it changed from a change from an erotic film and sharon stone was young too like like a panic moment if it yeah
yeah i did son i'm a diligent worker when it comes watching stupid shit that i might be able to make fun of she's in it right yeah but she was like fifty and i'm now joke is she show anything like this you get the whole leg thing but there's feeling that you get when a fifty year old woman who's trying like really hard to be sexy like i don't know if she was to did in that way but when you're fifty you realize set timer fifty you realize it's mostly all bullshit ok what do we do in half you know if we're going to we're going to find but all this like sold three share that you might get away with when you're twenty that's because you're you're you're up a spell when you twenty when a woman is in her young twenties she so the reason why they have this idea of themself it so inflated like really beautiful girls is because there like match pick like you around them india leg you move who changes you draw twords them you soften your personality or pick it up or whatever you need to get me to like you a little bit more it's like a drug it's like a
fascinating erotic draw but then when they get fifty and they're still doing the same thing then it's like oh shit what's wrong with her oh fuck so when you see your cross your legs is like the real moment of panic where i would think about me in my younger days of uh in that scenario i would i would say ok i gotta get the fuck outta here who is that moment for fifty year old lady shows you her gaper and then closes the legs over and you like nope i gotta go right now i am going that is not the way like a healthy sexually confident year old woman would fuck you i can't believe they did better do it again that's so lame it's like coming over two lanes so unnecessary it was uh so unnecessary you know i mean we're not hollywood writers i going unnecessary ideas she she well i think it's like someone is never done stand up trying to craft a joke on this is going to work you know you don't really have a chance of that it you just have to put out the
there is a movie and hope that people get it in the first basic jeans to instinct was really fucking it was well received it wasn't the best movie in the world but it's kind of fun you know took your your interest and she's sexy as fuck man old chance sexy as that fuck who is structurally perfect beautiful beautiful woman and a powerful actress but when you're fifty kiki gabber shut what else did she do she didn't she didn't start anything lately i don't know she did liver she did that ever ever that was quite a ago i think she did that one thing they were interviewing her about the earthquake in china and she said that she believed you know she said well maybe it's karma for what they do to tibet i'm friends with the dalai lama's my friend and just like she had apologize for it i think it faster like one over perfume things or something but that's just such a crazy way of
sing a bunch of random strangers that didn't which market sentiment that's a huge market you go over there and it's funny you go to europe you go to china and you see like huge actors that are when commercials but they would never do in the states japan japan also but china anne what dinero like on some coffee thing in italy robert dinero easily like symbol of this so some little espresso that's hilarious wow that's so weird yeah well i think it's just it seems like leonardo dicaprio does commercials in like japan and i think i don't believe that you should take anybody's getting away if they fuck up and say something stupid because i think people can be ultimately save back the truck up and grab the money baby why not just because they said something stupid i mean she said a stupid thing she probably didn't mean it probably didn't realize she has her head so far up in her ass yeah she would want to her little buddy the dalai lama
be impressed that exactly means china china is awesome which is stupid thing this is a really cool place man well i'm sure china is awesome i haven't been but these are just people this would be able to diet in earth it's not harm because right right but if we listened to it's like saying you know they mean that the united states is a massive place like we know something happened somewhere it's just you know we're big land mass yeah well it's it and and the people who died didn't have anything to do with anything that happened to tibet so how the fuck is it karma others are you say is that in your vision that the emperor is the overlord and he really does have all the p under his spell and they're responsible for his actions as well 'cause these are just regular folks i was just in new zealand and the dalai lama is coming there he i think he's there right now he's doing a little toy he does he's doing a little tour but he wears red lace lingerie underneath it he's
he's doing like auckland christchurch and dunedin and it's the happiness thing so i mean that was that was like ninety nine when my story happened so that guys still the same act still pushing that happiness young work nobody's happy he's the way to be happy is a dress like a wizard and don't fuck my head i guess it just seems like you're wasting unless i get a light saber from not wearing the rope it seems like you would want someone to make love to whether it's a man or a woman would want someone gets cold nights but it's so fun it's a part of life it's a part of life is expressing affection through your body feels good you know it's recreational as well you know even exercise it's great people say will recreational sex isn't healthy and we could have recreational sex you can depend it can be done people have done it forever shut up just 'cause you can't handle it people have it's not
just touching bodies together does it get better when you get older though like do the girls finally go yeah we could just have casual sex you know i'm through nice in some in some women women in different countries have different attitudes completely different answers and it's shocking it's shocking you go to you know you've been european countries they're sold likable lake much more like a man like a marriage yeah i like men like they want to do it all the time too is i get a lot of american women say i'm gonna break me off a piece every once in awhile like like their dog treats or something ok here's you did good you know you've watched the cars and take out the trash and cut the grass alright here's his little dog treat euro truck so weak i just think that it's probably because the people that came over here like the very first wave period there yeah and i think that that that initial run that initial thing that started off this country somehow or another of fiber of it
little fucking sticks and there's a lot of slut shaming and there's a lot of like week angry people that are like pointing fingers and shaming someone for enjoying something they enjoy as well slut shaming that's the that is all douchebags any guy that like you like rails on a girl because she never had sex slut shaming yeah man that's what it is it's like a guys a stud if he goes out and we went out to cancun we had sex with two different girls different goes every day was crazy wild like dustin nuttiest weekend ever but if a girl because you fucked two different guys for a week you look any fucking whore you're probably going to get aids you're going to this is my brother i kill you bitch you know what i mean it's like it's ridiculous people should be able to do whatever the fuck they want to do but for some women they know that that backlash and not just from men but that backlash from women too because if women are out there giving it up you know like this fucking horse will just fuck anybody
is there going to fucking marry 'cause she just fucks everybody those kind of women had to make the world go round they do you need a mama they keep a lot of guys happy well you not so you need to be a lot of savage killers and in a fucking lunatics in this country if you know with more fucking more dudes that would help a large is still just a little more you know legal aspects to cheryl prostitution would help a lot i think legalized you managed legalized prostitution i think it's probably lower the crime rate i really do i mean it's theoretical don't go like fucking sighting the study could island does in the the the women have to be tested every like six months and it's they pay taxes as well it's you know did you see those two women that were retiring that and for like fifty years ago when was that do you see that no god put put on yeah yeah i don't yeah i don't i don't want to i don't want to shame them so it's not sure there for their images but then when they went in to sign
it was so depressing they just anybody came to the door for like fifty the answer them girls third there when sisters just retired they just sat in the window for like the last fifty years of our oldest prostitutes unanswered wowza wow is a wowza yeah it's a different years we i think we have to recognize that we have a version of how society is but the rest of the world which is also exactly like us as far as like tech ology civilization laws money exactly i mean basically you're you're in europe their systems are different you know the the languages are different but everything is modern you know if you're if you're in call canada or if you're in berlin everything is super modern everything is like we live a time where that like there's never been like more equality as far as
like access to information right we all we all of this same tools i mean if you have if you can afford some certain basic things you know computer as far as like in information but as far as money it's probably like the widest gap ever isn't that weird it's as far as money like there's like a small core group like the more than one percenters who have most of the money and then everybody else that's kind of fascinating you would think that maybe eventually that trend will even out you know i don't know 'cause it's it's like the only way if you looked at and this is obviously not not looking at the system logically or even educated with an educated opinion of this financial system but if you looked at it logically and you you step back and you saw well ok this way one percent has all this money but how much access to information is there oh it's not totally transparent yet when it becomes transparent
these ninety nine percent are going to realize how these one percent got so much fucking money and i'm going to go wow you can't do that and then every going to agree yeah they can't do that right now they can't do that jesus fucking christ who let them do that that's when there's one hundred percent accountability when you're going to be able to be you absolutely sure what someone hasn't hasn't done that's common you think so i don't i don't think they'll ever be the transparency where you can see that i think that's the workings of the one percent i think it's gonna i i think i think they've got they've mastered the game they got you know the houses in switzerland or wherever the fuck they live and but i think technology is the the the biggest fear that the biggest rival in the building on a helicopter pad you don't have to you know even be in an elevator with the under classes but what i'm saying is i don't think they're going to be able to maintain it anymore because like where is your money where is it zero box so you can go to now it's all ones and zeros on
pewters now your money is essentially just a confidence game it's like what do you have to have the things that you bought with money but that money is just like so sitting somewhere like is either in stacked in bills which is equally breard you give a bunch of notes and that's that's your money what happens at burns need have nothing what it what we're is the value like what is this you can't replace some say have burnt my one million notes can you give me new notes you don't have a number to off like a fucking hotel key that you lose so you don't you don't have a scrooge duck room where roller if you're going through stuff i was just perfect name in the room just along with just a couple of grand you can go over all around make it rain on yourself i think the more information comes out the more access the more control the average person has over their own domain the less
likely you're going to have one percent of the people with most of the wealth doesn't make any sense does it seems like that's not tell the people would let it be they would figure out a way around that like that seems like that's obviously someone exploited the sis then they made it an unfair competition gee this isn't like an even exchange anymore you're getting this insane amount of revenue as oppose to the rest of the population if you look at it like this massive group of people bank here's industrials like this is an insane amount of money there's only fifty you fuck heads like hold on annual party together and wife swap and you have fucking key parties and shit they're like air force pilots there out there flying until they run out of gas going full gangster making billions like that bernie made off cock sucker when
within the snack thank you i do fighter pilot there they like full game runs out they know that as soon as like this and wikileaks for the whole world it was soon as i everything and like it's full one hundred percent transparency and then ultimately voting on the internet that's gonna kill them all one world voting on the internet no government voting on the internet is going to be where it's at because it's going to get to a point where people are going to realize that like there in order to keep everybody from being crazy there has to be a balance and until you balance it out people going to be crazy because there's going to be an echo it is going to be people that are eaten dirt sandwiches and the people are throwing half the food away because they're lazy and fat and they did just take for granted that the food at the store in the morning when they get up and i think that that into into yet that balances out there's always going to be some chaos there's always that has to be the only way that's going to balance out is if everybody has free access to resources it's like a non capitalist idea it's a stoop
idea because the reason why capitalism works is 'cause it rewards effort and effort is what creates things you know the harder you work the reward you get the more you become a baller but the problem and it's a lot of those ballers they go i like were again but i don't like working this hard how is rigged this thing so just continues to make me money even though it doesn't make any sense and no ones say anything is on the rich guy where you go and that's basically what the fuck happened it has to be rectified that has to be we have to put in a situation where are the way we conduct our lives whether it's finance or government or just behavior the way we communicate with each other it makes sense for the information that we have in front of us in twenty thirteen and fucking the stock market does not make sense with the info that we have in front of us in two thousand and thirteen it looks like a cray easy chaotic ride people screaming at each other on the floor and it's going up and down in a buzzer win rings off you gotta stop the trades in a certain time like what the
fuck are you doing what do you do and hollering and writing shit down throwing paper at each other and scream what is the system what are you manipulating it or you're calling it as it happens what's it based on is it based on using tangibles just confidences it just can you get a bad room are out there and crash your stock and then everybody loses what the fuck did you lose what was out there that's a crazy right in our whole system is tight to it these guys have a bad day and we all go in the toilet and his people like joe rogan you don't understand the financial system and that's their ignorance that you show on this show is disgusting i'm so fucking tired of pseudoscience right you're right you're right on all accounts wall street always reminds me of the middle east it's always a bunch of unshaven assholes yelling at the top of their lungs i had some friends from back in boston that went into stock markets they went into doing that and so there were there a sad chisme and they were like crazy adrenaline junkie savages and they wound up being stock market guys there
being being do on the floor screaming and yelling what is it called an agent what is it called what do they call them floor do to work traders no traders trader trader the guys on the floor with the pads so it's crazy system i don't under but i lived around wall street those a lot of little late night dive bars all around there all these days are all down there what is there a system that could be created where money made sense where like the fine this made sense where like i guess like as soon as a company goes public but just that alone the ability to buy stock in a company and bank that the company does well and if it does well your profit if it doesn't go well isn't that gambling is that it seems like gambling to me right today i know i am willing to kind of this is right yeah how come is it legal from the stock market's legal i didn't okay like here about bernie made off obviously what he did was illegal right
the like why isn't that like you think he's we do think right now every day he's gobbling balls with his god willing ball yes somebody can certainly paid the war on off to give you know steak to the guys who do you think he gets fucked oh i think he's just getting path you fucked a lot of people who looked a lot of people a lot of really wealthy people it's amazing like children some like some like children's cancer oh yeah fund or something some a few really important chair oh yeah yeah he had a few somebody in yeah it's connected in that jail then oh yeah oh i'm sure he was a real associate tell that guy apparently when they arrested him he didn't fucking cracker sweat nothing looks like yet let's go like he knew it was coming and then when they talk order business they realize it would have done it showed no remorse he's like i'm hungry i need something to eat you know like it was
like a while he was not he slept well never worried this p wound in the in the in the kind of in tents in tents funk in pain that he caused who all those people who stole money from noon to well he was just so sweet path just done by this system it's amazing the pull that off that's what's amazing what's amazing is that the system is so wonky but a guy can just pretend to have money right now really and just do this weird thing where you move sit around hard monty with you are really into dollars with their money and look your which now you making more money this is incredible and making more money more money keep in them when when you make a study that right now okay even the and push it all in and so all the sudden this disappears on you or or winds up on cnn and you like for no i we were gonna wait then is on thursday you know they have to be at least one dude who is suspicious like man i think this do the crux
they had to be one do but he was just getting those those monthly checks and he's like it looks good it looks good here looks good fuck just looking at those numbers like like i'm making money here as long as i keep my money and play i'm making money i'm just going to honey listen if we push all of our life savings together we go in for two years is two out of twenty five percent return rate which is what i've been getting and all sudden cnn that ugly cunt walking across the floor of the courthouse and you like no he stole it all how can that guy get away with that how is it obviously didn't get away with it but how did he do it for so long what kind of system do you have system is crazy need a new gundam system i agree what to do
what to do tom rhodes as a world traveler what to do 'cause you're the guy would you be more places you know my thoughts are childish man i think you know the invention of pockets ruined everything i think we're happy we just naked run around on the beach just eating fruit and fucking you know what i found then when somebody invented pockets and i'm going to look at the shiny shell and then look at pretty rock and then you start getting all these objects in your pocket and then you for trading with other people and then like somebody invents paper money in it oh my god then it you know i think you're right fucking pocket i think you're right when everything man i think you but i also think it's just a stage we just have to get used to this this this level of existence you just have to used to it pockets are still used to material you have to get used to managing your obsession with material objects but it could be managed it's still better to have am
way better habits way better that's what i like about traveling and not living anywhere as i accumulate a lot less shit oh yeah i just don't buy i mean i have my essentials you know and the things i have there the best you know you don't ever you don't have a home base so you literally you don't have a place we re charge for a week year and you know and yeah i get my mail sent to somewhere it said somewhere yeah so you're just hotel in it everywhere you go people well it depends where i met you know sister yeah i was going to cancer treatment said you know brought her family closer together went to florida more often the you know last summer i two months all over europe and then i had a week off and rented an apartment so and then last november i finish a month in asia and my wife went to bali for like two weeks so depends where it where they go into new orleans alot like going to austin a lot you know
do you just do you book yourself do you have yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you do everything yourself now everything so you don't use an age in or anything that's so smart at this point why will they didn't forge the relationships with the international people i mean i went to those places so we know why he let some guy send an email and get ten percent you know right so do you and then i've been doing my own stuff in the states for like the last five years and you do things of the stand up you just contract because you know i was trying to you know to i'm you know i've i've got i got a podcast i've i'm try am shooting videos all the time i you know i was trying to sell this comedy travel show idea now i've heard some kind of similar to that are being made the stuff so i don't know why men using the i'm just i'm just trying to make as much art right as i can while i'm alive you know just jokes videos podcasts on i've been writing for the huffington just like travel stuff but i want to get my second
great stories i mean you know the puerto rican honeypot it's a good story baby so i'm going to get a book together you know i'm just i'm just a one man comedy art machine and just trying to fucking are going to store your book in the cloud i'm going to have it on you at all times are going to store it in the cloud what do you mean on your computer you know any send things up to the cloud 'cause i mean that's more appropriate your your ideas to be out there sir over somewhere where you're roman across where everybody can the countryside and no it's not everybody can their password protected need to actually have a hard cut like some laptops i don't have much storage on them like a lot of things people are storing they actually pulling down from the cloud which the problem with that is that you have to have internet can no and that's the thing i got i got me and my old she's a photographer we both have extra hard drives we got you know right i got like three hard drives a travel within just whip stuff on it and you know they were filming and recording and everything beef
before the big asteroid hit everyone probably had their on the cloud and that's why i wouldn't i wouldn't trust put in some hard liners that's a recipe for disaster yeah that would mean look papers a pretty good recipe for disaster yeah i mean even the the oldest versions of the bible that the dead sea scrolls there were actually written an animal skins like they they that's like they have like little pieces of shit they try to piece to weather because it doesn't last and that's that's only like four or five thousand years old or four thousand something wrong there i think maybe even a little older but think about how long how long would a book last probably wouldn't even last as long as a piece of leather you know a piece of that you're writing on probably last longer than a book does so i mean how many you know how many years were book last we gotta go back to rock and what the fuck you going to do with little tiny sd cards you get an s
the card and that's where you're storing all your shit you know like what is who's going to future they're going to find out what the fuck is this whenever that is now for us like arrow heads were like what did you imagine if it was like some avatar shit like not only was it in arrowhead it was also like you put it on the right stone it would glow and you tuning the mother gaia most arrowheads just had porn on it terror attack i was getting fucked by chicks movie avatar was so that movie avatar was so fascinating to me not just because i love the movie but because all those people that got avatar depression oh yeah living up in the thing no the people the people who watched it they got an avatar fresh ink as they wish their life was as noble and real as the navi well yeah was really fascinating because it was like a condition that was like getting repeatedly diagnosed they were client avatar depression half tongue in cheek but in half not i think that just
brilliant marketing move for the blu ray release of avatar you might be right yeah that's why did brian thinks so well as far as like a overcoming like obvious fakes on the internet he's like the master at spotting bullshit on the internet i've never met anybody who's got we were ever write any of us river right all the time but you are like a sort of like videos or pictures you're like ninety nine percent right well you know we have been finding out a lot lately is a new one and i don't know if this is mostly probably based in los angeles but there's these guys that go to parties that act like normal people but they have to do something like like i know somebody that got fired game yeah i know they got hired to go your meth head and you need to go to the bathroom like every five minutes and just make it be obvious at the party and you just kind of be normal but just kind of like the big beast
ready and stuff like they just invite like situations to parties like this whole area so it's like a gig for actors it's giving reactors could you have a party and some asshole hires a comic actor to come over and pretend it is meth head and it keeps like slamming your bathroom door and putting on a show and he's actually getting paid to do that but you know the guy and he's done a really good actor yeah he half wait a minute and look what are you doing man did you sell the scene as a you know believe it you got to believe in the men's guide you not doing enough right now do not crazy no no you're not there is also got he a guy that does like overly gay at party where he's just super super day in he's a real gay guy but he does overly yeah and the right amount of iran american our server gay friends just to spice up parties because you know like some parties are just like adam roaches and that's what people who don't have comedy in the
things like they do they need to hire colorful characters in this life it's hard to find good conversation out there in america it's hard you could look up on the wrong fucking little corner of the world and be stuck on this little circular what are those things called at the end of driveways the end of a road cul de sac you can be but it called a sack with two boring mother fuckers and they just i was caught in a call the sack with two these two dummies in one really nice guy who is strange but two just straight dummies i just got outta dog ok and his dog was like this creepy dog was always out he didn't really have a fence he had a sort of little fence but there's a hill so the dog could go up the hill and around the fence there's no fence was bullshit you know and his dog was creepy like you go out the dog with groucho and shit any bit somebody was over the guys house is painting and so oh i love dogs i mean i fucking love so that dogs my whole life so when i think of dog is creepy
because i know it's a radic you know it's not i i have a deep love for dogs so i i went to this dude's house in like hey i go the dog i go he's he's not just getting out man i go he's like really being aggressive unease ground maybe what what what want to look into this and see was it your your dog got out attack me it just makes up a story about my dog getting out attacking mike yeah you okay it would have then my dogs nine he was ninety dot zero ninety pound dog that wants to attack us pitbull that wants to attack you that you're not going to you're not going survive that and if you do survive that you're going to be horribly torn apart mean you might be able to get to a fence and shut it will i don't think he's going to let go i think is going to tear you apart i really don't see you surviving that so when you're fat guy who smoke cigarettes and you're telling me dog attacked you and you held him down by his neck sky was telling me i held him down by his naturally calm down we calm down would that take a year
going to hold a pitbull down by the neck and they're going to calm down do you know anything about dogs you got your fucking mind like this is the dow the story ever but i got sad 'cause i was like this guy is this is his reality his reality is instead of dealing with his problems and like going hey you know we gotta put this crazy dog down this dog is going to bite somebody dogs creepy sounds wrong with our dog instead of that he just put blinders on and making up stories now you could you could be that guy you can be put on blinders on and making up stories anybody could be that guy make make up your reality is it's going on so that was my fault neighbor and i could see that fucking dummy everyday and you'd ask me stupid questions about stupid shit that's why you talk to your neighbors man i do not follow those rules i live next to these nuts golf fence guys that go to like renaissance festival's and like they seem like nice people but
to go in that world i don't want them to it now like knock on my door went and just like hey would you doing brian i don't want any of that i don't want any conversations with anyway yeah i moved into my house ten years ago on my neighbor the moment i moved in they started sending these notices that they wanted me to cut my trees down they wanted to cut my tree so that they could see like some lights in the distance from behind where i guess if you see through my trees you can see some lights they wanted me to chop the trees down like like just right when i move in not not here's a cupcake that my wife baked welcome to the neighborhood you know hey we're going to be sharing space together on this planet i'd like to your hand and say you know you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar ha ha i'm right over here that would be nice right now instead of his dick head wants to bring me in front of some homeowners associate of a reason why i'm the reason why i bought the house is the beautiful trees i love trees
i want to chop him down so he can see the lights and then when i do finally find where i want to live there going to be no homeowners association yeah all their homeowners associations are always it's always assholes they try to tell my friend that he couldn't put solar up in his yard and he was like why can i put solar up in my yard and they say like oh it's unsightly and this that but there's a california state law homeowners associations cannot stop you from putting up solar power if you you're a smart person you have the shackles which i'm not smart cuz i haven't done it but you're goofy you're not be like having your house hooked up solar in california there's the greatest resource we have were so low on resources here except for sunlight sunlight we have a massive abundance oven you could power your whole fucking house easy peasy with with solar in this country are in this state rather it's so easy here in seattle it's going to be a bitch but you know what i found
when you're in seattle we were in the fucking woods man and this dude had solar panels on the roof of his car and is raining and it's gloomy and the solar panel still pull solar power even when it's gloomy i'm in seattle there's still pulling charging his batteries and he was watching tv is fucking crazy awesome i mean that we've been hoodwinked just thinking that that's not a good way to get your enerji especially around here it's the best way to get your enerji i had a a pot growing friends who used to live in you kaya kaya you guys amazing it's like an hour north of san francisco mendocino county switzerland up and this guy loved weed so much he had his own pot farm but he you know the dea would they look for big patches he he would plan 'em in little inches along treelines and he loved weed so
she got out there with a shovel and put in a sprinkler system where it was timed and you know and he was totally living off the grid had you know big these are caught rainwater or you know whatever and then he had solar panels on his roof guy would completely lived off the grid and everything wow and he had a heart attack and died like two years ago out there yeah good that's a good to go well yeah i mean i missed it yeah i mean it was good we got all the guys living off the grid living like a man collecting rainwater and you know what i mean if you're going to go out there in the wilderness where it's beautiful and you're with nature and you pass on to the next dimension that's that's a good way to do it that's good ok i would selfishly missed my friend and when i would visit him he'd give me like a pound of weed and i would drive back los angeles with my
who's control set on fifty four everybody everybody compelling i'm going fifty four right here so terrifying we've got weed in your car in your driving to terrifying feeling and we're so it's so lax here in california i have friends that you know live in california but then they do gigs other places and they'll forget like if you get busted with weed texas right the arrested willie nelson you know willie fucking nelson their state icon yeah got my your grand father going to rest your grand father 'cause he likes to get high wow that's the dumbest shit i've ever heard that's the dumbest use of serve and protect ever that he's fucking crazy that willie now dare smoothie right he might write some more great songs might be out there playing that guitar that was fucking happy but willis anti all other drugs the people that work for him there's the saying among people to work for willie if you're wired you're fired well that's weird doesn't tolerate any chemicals and shit well
most kaiser is a weed guy but those type of like speed dudes are nightmare speed people are a nightmare right b spell because their their sense of judgment gets whacked out that's one of the reasons why they get caught like they caught this guy who was a lawyer it was in esquire orgy one of those manly men magazines where it's okay to read it and this dude a lawyer and then he did something with meth and maybe it was like based on the a client that he was working with taught how to make math and then the guy just was making buckets of it as basement basement just just like he was nuts you know the cops eventually came over his house in fenton smith in his basement like why was he he's acting so crazy like everybody knew something had to be going on like the guy had zero his ability to make judgment calls was gone so you would never want to cut the grass for in the mornings things like that if you're an old hippie willing nelson with your gray ponytail and use it
now they're trying to write a song and you got this dude working for me and he's bouncing off the fucking walls climbing trees and shit you know it's a nightmare that would be at some zombie shit math math is scary you know anybody in my mind i was the the older people that had kicked it and told me that they had done it no i know it's yeah that's i know a few people really seems that seems nasty and then it is for everybody when you travel around american the rural areas on the side of barnes there's advertise you know like yeah math destroys families and lives in like in even like above gas pumps like you drive the middle america there's these so apparently middle america is just meth crazy yeah there's a real problem with rural areas where there's nothing to do yeah let's stay up all i think it's one of those might learn a language play chess i think it's
things you could be doing it's really hard to let go i think once it gets yet it's got mike you need need something like real physical detoxification are going to give you an iv make sure you not dehydrated like you you could get your body gets wrecked because just redlining change so when you when you get off your body just like oh my god you just burnt it cooked it you have anybody that used to do like wasn't into math and then started math yeah i've met a couple people and they lose like a good percentage of their ability to like be a normal person the chunk and they're always going to be a little wacky just a little wacky some do is get through a font was a few mma fighters that had math problems and then had like real issues with it and then like almost died and then became incredibly disa
because they would like been to the edge and pulling themselves out of that and then recognizing that they have a problem and the v turn right around be the drying completely so now they resolved in like never be defeated again six my toughest guys in in and then mail like that is a few guys and had like court mcgee who is who won the ultimate fighter he had a like real substance abuse problem is actually brought back he was resuscitated well yeah it's fun when was last time you heard about that from weed due date of pot brownie and i'd write you know now but we just accept that a certain amount of people guy had a pot brownie and really enjoyed spiderman three the best sex ever if you haven't fucked on pot cookies or pot edibles you really don't even know what sex feels like this is like the same thing between eating and i sunday high and eating an ice cream
so over such a completely different experience i completely totally different but but sacks and pot cookies just the trick cranks the whole thing up the wall every every sense just fire and crackle crackle and you freaking out can you believe you're alive you're weirded out by sex in the first place we make it up baby what's going on here well you were a talk show host in amsterdam when everything was illegal here but everything is legal there what the fuck was that like i cried myself to sleep every night well it was terrible joe you know tom and i've been friends for a long time we we first i knew about
but i didn't meet you until we did a thing in new york when we were both on tv the same time you had the time roadshow and i had news radio thing but it was like right away i could tell you were like a real comic right we had a like a few we have a few words back and forth and back and forth like this month this is a real comic and after the show you know a couple years later hey here tom rose is doing a fucking talk show over in holland in amsterdam and he not even doing it as tom rhodes he's like playing a character and were like that sounds like tom rose that sounds like something tom rhodes would do just fucking out there doing it just out thanks to style it was awesome and i was like one of the best experiences of my life what was it called again because then it well it was there that you haven't masters show at the first and nobody they didn't any magazine newspaper interview i did they would say well i who
why is it kevin masters who is kevin masters and i would always say i don't know then stay came up the idea we're going to get an american we're going to do this american late night talk show i'm sensors so did they ask you to with that name no well no because and i never went along with it i would never have whenever anybody would say kevin i would say my name's tom i never i yeah it's i spent my life trying to establish my name and i can if i can right so that's like so it was silly so then seasons two and three it was kevin masters starring tom rhodes although that's nice so at least they gave me the this to start there but it was it was you know the once in a lifetime experience that would be like i wanna move here for this girl this love story and i was playing in europe allow primarily london i was flying back and forth to london every other weekend and all the gigs all over europe and it didn't work out with this girl but i had fallen in love with holland and europe
and i got this amazing television do you want to stay and post your own show and i grew up watching carson and letterman and you know to be that guy coming out from behind the curtain three thousand dollars suit and we stand on the x and you get the dear little the minute monologue then you walked to the desk and you banter with your musical host which i had one little hip hop guy name life and then you do a skit using the iphone app it could be you know you do a skit and then first guest and then my favorite part of the show every episode i would get to make a five minute film where i would experience something of dutch culture one day i spent on a dutch farm with a farmer and i walked into a patrick fence he said look out for the electric fence in dutch but i don't speak dutch so somebody get electrocuted this alert how bad is it it was it's it's it's not that bad can cook your dick off no but it did make
jump like a mo fo articulate literally cook your deck off some of the things i got it i got a tour of the you know the red light district in the the sex laws were explain to me the is given a tour of gay amsterdam by the guy that does the gay parade i got to cover the prime minister debates that by strikers incredible and i was on the floor with a press badge a microphone and i'm talking to their most powerful at their most important political leaders that's where like i couldn't even meet the governor of my state in in in in the united states yeah unless you were lucky you were standing there and they were really cool moments you know tenacious d came over and i've the great one of the that five minute film i gave them a tour to amsterdam that's on youtube we show in tenacious d around you know what else on youtube there's a video i think it's on liveleak actually brian tell me if this is real these two dudes they piss on electric fence and we both get electrocute
the same time oh yeah have you seen it yeah that's totally true pull that up could you think it's funny watching a dude walk into an electric fence check out what it looks like when two dude piss on electric fence at the same time that shit hurts so bad touching it is ridiculous it's hilarious i didn't know what would happen i wonder i wonder if the are okay probably right imagine the amount of force that goes through your cock i wouldn't chance that what if it makes your dick numb forever you shouldn't do things that like tamper with the performance clean up that i'm talking about don't piss on electric fan tattoos no piercings no dick pills yeah those dudes it split their dick that's and it looks like one of those hotdogs you put on a weber microwave microwave my dog just explode it's when you split you split like first people like hot dogs sandwiches like there was more like a back e sort of a thing you know you get here is watch this stupid folks they both get on home
i gotta piss on something do you have to go somewhere and piss here knows that when they piss they don't just they don't just like pull their pants down and piss on the ground they have to find some things away is a male thing totally yeah this is a military fence too so i'm sure it like this pop oh god damn it hurt oh my god oh my god that's only one guy there's another one would see right when his stream hits the electoral that's a faint he felt like another invite fell like a tree hey man what the fuck makes people faint was having this conversation the other day with a friend what it what is it that makes people faint yeah any idea the beatles what is the mechanism that uses force protecting from something like what do you what what is what people think wild goats did the fainting goats i don't have you know about those yes go three i i think is used as a as what you just said
sense mechanism defense mechanism but humans i think it's something to like maybe blood running too fat do you know your hard or something like you know what i mean like might be so like that it seems like if something was trying to eat you and you just fall down and play dead that's a terrible strategy but what the fuck do i know nature you know why i really want to make the platypus nature or i had to get what they you talking to about fainting with what you was he making this i can't a girl that i dated a long time ago had a real problem with needles so it's either needle in a movie and she would just pass on my god and i was like i was like trying to figure i go to something happened to you like what what was it well not she apparently when she is young she had some sort of a really bad infection and they had to give her a bunch of shots like a bunch of shot and apparently it it just hurt like hell and it just traumatized her but then she told me that her dad was a doctor
and her dad would faint her dad had like a service like that he was dentist actually but he was he would faint he would see his son his son had like blisters on his face because he he was out in the sun sunburn sunburn so badly starting with little blisters in his face the father saw it just falls down passes out like wow that would be hard to be a dentist and not be able to give a shot but i guess it has to do with it being his son and he couldn't take it because is his kid and you know the love that he has for his boy and he sees them hurt and damage the freaks out and just like this is too much and just completely checks out i want to give a shout out to my dentist dr pellerin the man just retired he's been our little family dentist in our in florida for years so that's great this guy could give a shot oh my god slaying artist just an artist the way it didn't hurt and now this person who's replaced him ruthless
not as good to jabl building right yeah gabby with that fucking needle already did you see this shit about these storm chasers the cotton that hurricane or the tornado weather i think it's all some for flash second there those dudes that were on that show storm chasers no there are killed on the got killed by a tornado well yeah the the let's kind of steve irwin isn't a little bit but no because what these guys were doing was measuring the the a city in the wind and how far it takes like they were they were recording data that we have machines yes and no i mean i think you have to go there i on it with this litmus to register with the speed of the wind and like that i think like it varies in you know like where are where you are from close to far and i think they make those calculations based on a lot of data that they take in the feet as far as i know there's a great benefit to the doing it like that well
that oklahoma city should i was amazing i was in new zealand when that happened and just like you know story was unfolding you know news goes round north instantly but you need a mile wide path rip into the city just the devastation it's insane do member joplin missouri yeah i've got that we got wiped out it's like literally do exist anymore right it's it's and if you look in those older town yeah i'd pass do die houston when i did the road i drove the job on a few times and it was like a brush like a mile wide brush just just like a big horse hair brushes just scrubbed it right off the face of the world it's just it's incredible thing that the wind under certain conditions can reach that kind of a frenzy it's it's it's really so shocking like our com world that we live in for the most part is
it's so different than what happens with a fucking tornado comes it's just so hard for us to rap our heads around it fuck tornadoes do did you ever see that it you ever see the one from dallas or it's throwing semis in the are semis spinning around in a circle like leaves for awhile it's insane they're just flying through the air eighteen wheelers just flying through the air it's throwing around trucks and even more it doesn't even drop was just spinning around mr got them moving like tempted twister moving mister twister what's your name a head set of wet t shirt on the scene helen hunt that was that was it that's the thing about new zealand that i really enjoy they are really there's a nice filter of move the brightness of negative negative news they don't they don't get in new zealand they don't
although like the middle east doesn't even exist within their news you don't hear any stories about syria or israel you know in the united states it's always shootings and bombings and disaster no shit in new zealand the newspaper is like a sheep got in the road you interviewed kim dot com will you there when you interviewed him so interview in person yes i want to meet that guy so he's a fascinating you would love the guy and you but you should listen to the conversation i did with him he's really articulate really and the guys really funny too he sees he's got a great sense of humor it was remarkable i did the npr of new zealand radio new zealand and the woman asked me you know what would you like to do while you're in new zealand and i said i'd like to meet kim and a few hours later he followed me back on twitter and i looked at his twitter thing and you get an email and i sent him a nice email and said i'd like to do
well i think he's really fascinating yeah and he's really trade in the american media is so i kinda you know bon the villain you know you know bad person but i think the guy manipulated the strengths of the tools he was working with when the internet came one and he's the reason a lot of rules were put into place he you know what he totally straightened me out because i the misconception that i thought the website they upload that he made all the money from i thought oh that's like the knappster of movies or something you know i never use it i didn't know what it was and he corrected me said no they never had a search engine thing you couldn't type in avatar and find avatar whereas the knappster you could search in metallica zeppelin and then get all this stuff so they never had that it was people sharing files like kind of drop box or something you know and he didn't know what was uh
people were trading or sharing and he's a fascinating guy man i send an email he invites me to his mansion and it was on the last day i was there so you know i was from from his house to the airport i only got to talk to him for an hour but just wonderful man invites me into his home and just you know the guy is i think is kind of like an internet visionary he's got a lot of great thoughts about where the inter it's going and and then in the united states is trying to extradite him are they really yeah what is the charge piracy i guess it have
s dvr ever like hey you wanna watch like all these homemade porn from every single person has ever up loaded this one meg upload which is what i was only there are no i didn't i didn't get easy layups their bills are going to be good at the gonna be fat dude with their tongue out in their car right in front of the lens that's we're going to see if you tune in the people's he's got you guys got a beautiful wife he's got like five kids he's a game man the guy loves games and he has rate movies i was a fan his way back in the day he had a really cool website he was like one of the first guys that had like this really like high let personal website and it was all like you an animated feature where i think was milosevic who is the evil god milosevic yeah i think it was him that he was he was killing in his in his are cartoon that he had on his website like it was like all flash animated like really bad what was it called
forget strong back him is kim dot com and find it i don't even know if he was calling himself kim dot com back then i think it was just called himself kim but his website was like genius it was like really high level shit my friend andrew turned me on to it he was like you got look at this guys website like this guys website is on another level went to this like woo right he was on top of the internet game from the beginning this is like late 90s i think maybe yeah maybe two thousand at the most so it was a fascinating fucking website back then so this guys like ben at the frontline the internet for a long time that was when he was doing like he was a hacker and then he went into security and he was doing like security for big companies that's what he said he got busted and then he got hired by like eighteen his fist stories fast net right now something right the only thing i didn't get to ask him is who do you want to put you in the movie the ease
he was a hacker first and then he got good call and then he got hired by eighteen t and all these companies to for him to explain you know the workings of their system and how someone get in i mean yeah i would imagine you need that if you're a fucking bank right yeah little it's amazing that they allow you to bank online but you can't vote online that's that's hilarious will see it's too dangerous can ensure the veracity of this transmission two dangerous voting online folding is to import bunch of money this is more convenient i can try thing about his early cartoon stuff anyway i had a great conversation with him for an hour and he's very generous for him to do that and the guy loves comedy pull up versus miloshevic i don't know how to spell that and i you know i i i i guess i have found a very humorous and a good do i yeah i was looking at him in his eyes and and
asking him whatever i felt like what do you think the argument is do you think the argument is that people should be able to share files and then if you buy something you should be able to put it online other people should be able to pull it down if they want it and nail upload something that they bought but as long as someone is buying the original thing and uploading it then it's not theft that's what a lot of people feel a lot of people feel like it long as i'm not actually taking some of those paid for once you share it yeah i don't know i think they're going to limit it as much as they possibly can but i don't think they'll ever to you know with drop box and all these days technology is it it would be impossible to totally stop yeah but what i'm asking is like what is his argument like you know when guys in the i give you you my i leave you my i pod with my mess of music collection you know i'm not supposed to take i'm supposed to like say no i'm gonna give this back to the rca roads pay for all these songs and well i didn't know you liked yeah fancy cline whatever you get my hat man fucking rock that patsy cline but yeah who's to say right it was to say
happens to it after you know they'll never be able to control that everything being paid for what's kim dotcom's argument like this he thing that things should be that way that you should be no you know when this is me speaking i think he did is the reason a lot of rules were put into place so you know now he's his website you know he's complying with businesses i know like in new zealand they feel like the guys kind of being persecuted by the american government he thinks like the hollywood studios that backed obama's campaign they're the ones that wanted you know perpetuate this and have him dated in face charges and he's you know and if he is made an example of than other internet hacker whatever people right it sends a message to those people you know yeah that makes sense i mean they'd
definitely do that with entertainers that get caught will not paying their taxes like like blade they put him in jail well they put wesley snipes in jail for three fucking years have to pay it back there like yeah no i mean you couldn't even did and say hey you owe us money and since you lost in court now you have to pay it plus a fine they're like no we're going to take your freedom publicly for three years and lock you in a cage as your knee the early 50s it's not going to be so fun and then when you get out we'd like all that money back please then we get out call your way back and then he a little aged as an actor you know with it without you so unless he's putting on plays in the jail he might lose his jobs a little bit staying sharp all that but you should listen to my podcast with him down to how do i get it itunes tom rhodes radio tom rhodes radio why'd you choose that name because i thought i could play whatever i wanted and i
take like sound clips from movies and like when i talked with comedians i'll put little snippets of their stand up in there and stuff you're going to run into problems doing that i know and i've tried i i don't have any commercials it's free okay so free so so that our ladder in you know that's what i did at the beginning and that's why i called it tom rhodes radio but now i don't do movie clips or anything i'll just i'll take some stand up you know somebody didn't know like hedberg or something he comes up in conversation perfect example you noted a little sliver of couple of his looks so it's just i kind of approach it like if i was a university professor teaching a master class in comedy you know it's it's there's a lot of comedians but a lot also interesting people do people i admire you know like i he admired kim dot com i sent him a message i got in touch with do you edit it all yourself
uh my wife helps me ok so what do you use to put everything together what's the pro tools what do you use just garage band that's it stop it altogether is concrete anybody can do you can be your own internet mogul now you've got technology you don't have that's the video this is i mean i want to say like good work right it can't be any later than 2000c used to call self kim there was just kim expert kim i don't know what his actual real now kim schmidt but this is him he was like a character he makes he makes rap songs and dance songs does the mega car how do you would i remember he had a whole thing yeah like the guy gets out he gets on a speedboat he just letting you know he's a bad mother fucker he takes his fast car to diva faster boat now run bitch was peugeot mike james bond up in this motherfucker so he's
flying around on the water in his boat any press is the eject button so this was i guess is obsession with all things mega yeah look any lands on the bottom of this helicopter lands on a building microsoft is having sex with the building is sliding down the building belize bill gates he's going to shoot bill gates what a great idea oh my god my god oh my god it guns down bill gates bill gates that's brutal look how many times you shoot no damn it this is this is for windows maine so bill gates is peeing on the ground it turns out he didn't actually shoot him but he shot around him the word lennox healing and that's so funny wow
that's not the one that i saw i saw i'm glad he didn't kill bill gates yeah i thought he was killing those like that was really twisted yeah he's though these were all long time ago this is like a there was nothing like that on the internet and people were doing on their own website is really strange anyway yeah do you do you do your you just edit it all yourself and put live or put up a nineties be don't do like a lot you stream version or in sounds loud and let me you stream version like under a video video i do i will i'll take little snippets of video put it on you too bye my youtube channel as king of how king of haha and it sounds like a middle like that business stanhope ones and i didn't i didn't film kim dot com i felt so privileged to be in the guys house when i got there i was enjoying just me even the guys so much i i actually said we don't need to do this right
i'm just happy to meet you right and i actually you know i was just so glad to be sitting there talking to the guy and then he no no no you know you know please you know if you want to if you want to record the act of doing a podcast makes conversations happen that might not necessarily have like like you and i we might go have dinner somewhere but i might take a phone call you might go to take a leak you know we're not going to sit down for three hours and just drink coffee and smoke a little weed and just talk like this like it's almost like you need this vehicle pudding on a show to get it out there you know yeah it's cool but my my wife also she she she films a lot i've filmed a lot so we have great stuff with stand open it's the one we want to win for you yeah i'm they're coming out a little faster now i've got a lot of back episodes was it man it's that's the beautiful thing about podcasts all you really need if you want to do an audio podcast especially you just need an iphone and you can we've done ones where brian what kind of
editing did you have to do when i did those podcasts on the plans you have to do anything to it now i just cut off the the the beginning in and then just so amazing and if a commercial this sound of the plane wasn't yeah it's kinda cool yeah it's kinda cool it's in the background and then the i go what would i do is i hold the iphone which will like me and joey are me and duncan me in our your call brian and we fifty one branch never do podcast on the plan we should have that lego regular episode we do gigs do podcasts on a plane absolutely yeah i did it i did the austin moon tower festival is the common yeah it's great it's in austin right there's a second year and i love ari he's awesome oh my god his face makes me happy enjoy guys i enjoy his company so much and i did i sat down and i was having a great conversation with him for my podcast and then marin walks out because we're on these balconies at the hotel and the marin sits down and then
you know comes all about mary about marriage but i've got great video didn't really that is really what happened was yeah but is great in the thing because i was having this great i didn't know or he had been like orthodox and that he had lived in israel and that's amazing story i'm asking him all these things that like i just you know what's the quigley sideburns mean does the tassel on the pants thing mean what's with the big fuzzy hat so far is like art is totally knocking him down is totally school in me and on all these these questions that i had and then merrin comes out there it is did marin he was supposed to be there or they just come in here and do we were recording the first like twenty minutes so just the conversation in front of a laptop and then he's probably in the groove now he's a funny cat and he's become a different dude it's interesting it's cool watch the guy finally dropped some of the anger like getting success yeah it's great when somebody is still still getting into people he
michael ian black in him going back and forth on twitter or they will michael ian black dominating marin on twitter over a little i don't believe that's real i don't i don't i don't i don't think that was here for i've done it before yeah slap downs when comedian get all bitchy with each other it seems to be any word on the or the lowest rung on the showbusiness ladder man conflict okay let's you know hello hello hello now we brotherhood fell he could have easily been around it just didn't seem like it was sold real man told a great story that i'd asked him about it it's it's a little different the way he tells but the way i remembered it you know marinid he'd only be no comedy for a couple years he moved to la he's a doorman at the comedy store is and at the comedy store house right and kim this in this massive at the time we can assume like to come by and party and everything and may things like you know only been a comedy for a couple years
and he went to pick up a college friend of his at the airport and he comes back to the house and he cum is in an kenison is standing on his bed pissing and marin turn who is buddy and he goes i told you i know him oh god they aren't real piece of shit he was a bad dude by the way yum i gotta remember this to say this arisha fear's new comedy central show the online version of it he has a new thing that comedy central studios is doing online it's called this is not happening and he just released the first one today it's tj miller has a seizure i watched it it's it's brilliant especially the opening part of it there's like this he has this animated thing pull it up brian it's it's on the comedy central page on youtube which is just comedy central and
it's this is not happening tj miller has a seizure this is not happening just see the begin in the opening animated video whoever did it is a bad mother fucker 'cause it looks really cool and they decided to do it it looks like they did it in a strip club looks like they do like one of those yeah it's a it's a cheetahs i was a cheater where i no no there's like a here that's where like and there's a lot of comedy shows that really yeah that's brilliant how with shows those fun look great look at this opening in the least amount of words
check this out this is the opening animation for those are your top three dimensional flow in the air this is really cool welcome to this is not happy with that one crazy night fedex authority yeah and we're so this is an idea that already had that he came up with a long ass time ago i think is like a writing exercise i mean i think that was his idea just have a different kind of show where you instead of just do like hardcore like set up you know created bits he bits he wanted people just tell wacky stories like the one time that kreischer has a fucking right but getting so drunk that he's over his girlfriend's father's house and he's the guy walks down into the living room while he's pissing on the dining room table
standing there with his dick out on the dining room table pissing we've i had a little too much to drink yeah that's some next level shit sorry storyteller nights at the austin moon tower festival he did drug story night i told that dalai lama tail that's a great story yeah those are these things that already does there they're really fun i love that they're really interesting but sometimes people cheat i talk to are you guys doing is real and doing shows and and i just talked to moshe kasher he'd played this club that i wanted to look into and he said you have to be squeaky clean what would be the barf what kind of what kind of world do you live in nc people again handled you know religious tension and fucking suicide bomb but again in a little dick joke yeah what the fuck that's absolutely preposterous that actually hurts my feelings it does do you want to be clean why
why what do you do you gonna live forever if you don't say fuck what are you doing you join us more everything's fucking sanitized all do respect what keeps a guy like seinfeld on standard do you know anything about him no i don't i know what kind of silly like some like porsches open o'neal exports so you've got like one hundred cars some crazy portia fetish drives a lot of old ones and shit you like superman but i know he's great comic you know is a great joke writer who's got great delivery but he's got that one observation ull one layer style like there's no when i have children i won't allow them to watch him i would never is that really the kind of common but you know he's one of you get a look at online kids whatever you want you watch all carlin tapes no seinfeld in this house another song where is it
i had to grocery store i'm just picking up a couple of things jerry goes grocery store jokes who cheese is right next to the milk today know each other we were both milk grown up your cheese you know how we all built starts off cheese starts off his milk when she sees milks is remembered told friends look at you you moved i she clarify he met him once and i didn't care for him so i thought he was you know what would happen it is the comedy cellar and it was nine thousand eight hundred and ninety nine i was living there and i you know at this tell her everybody goes to the seller you know at the end of the night and
to sit there and i get you know it's you know it's a small club there's a table in the back where comedians go on sit before they go on and i get there and every all the comedians are in the hallway nobody's at the table and jerry's here and so i go back on next i said i give him a little head nod hey like the guy up to that right time i could see him while i was on i did twenty minutes and i had a great set i know that and then the next night he's at the they had the mediterranean restaurant upstairs and i get there early to do my set and i see colin quinn at the bar he's a buddy of mine and i go over to take colin how are you and he goes hey you know jerry and jerry sitting there hunkerin over a plate of chicken wings and he's holding a chicken wing looks me up and down and goes isn't that the same sport coat you had on yesterday and i go
i only had one season on nbc jerry you might be able to afford a different jacket every night of the week but i only at once any just like shrug then he went back to his chicken wings and it's like you know why would that much money to like you seriously look someone up and down and like criticize their clothing there was guys in my high school that you know thought they were funny and that's all they did it criticize peoples you know something we don't have money saving some people having a tough time hey i'm sorry you know we didn't get the fucking wash the clothes or whatever but i always thought it was really cheap when people like just pick apart someone's appearance that's not comedy that's like being a bully yeah and it it only works if you're not aware of the impact that it has on another person 'cause as soon as you are aware of the impact that has some other person and you do it anyway you like non instigated you star stuff like picking on a guys wardrobe you're a douche bag like there's no but in his defense
that is a style of comedy interaction in new york everybody criticize everybody and they do it all the time and maybe he just wanted you to know that you were like welcome wow and i took it the wrong way sorry jerry is is possible let me get some chicken never heard of the guy being a dick no no no i mean you see him interviewed one thousand times you get an idea like i bet alec baldwin have to start watching that show i could see alec baldwin yelling at you for something you know what i'm saying like alec baldwin seems like he's a fucking hot head tightly wound but jerry seinfeld could you ever see jerry seinfeld screaming at a flight attendant no no i just don't think he's a dick i don't think he's got it it might make a snide comment here in again but so you go back that's a few often now that my kids watching i love seinfeld i like the show like it i think he's his book is good i don't i don't get the end up i mean it it is just as act
i think you transfer thing how many is like always you know when i when i i talk to stand up and stand up did my thing who was it somebody like david cross was we're doing once those stories like you you can always remember you always remember like who was indictee in common when you were coming up yeah forgot that cross story that he tells that so fucking rough story is rough story and we see you know you know like it's guys can get to assure you guys get do she but that's the thing you walk there's a comedian anything oh we're all like you know brothers know not everybody looks at it that way most of us do they the and the ones that do are the ones that you enjoy hanging out with a really self obsessed crazy ones that aren't about the camaraderie of stand up those are the ones that wind up kicking themselves in the decor stepping on their own foot you know there's there's silly ones that did dummies like you wouldn't be any less funny if you just weren't an asshole to you
hello comics would make any less funny didn't want to open letter to larry the cable guy okay would make you less funny it's not like you know you're going gangster by calling out larry the cable hi dan whitney is a very nice guy he's a very nice guy invited out weather in florida great guy there's a lot of other fucked up shit out there in the world that you should probably be concentrating on before you concentrate on larry the cable guy right larry is a nice fucking guy any has delicious potato chips really brian tell has even more now i heard that he is not only does he have like delicious potato chips have like delicious food like hamburg helper type show really is coming with those food products yeah that cable guy there guy has a cheeseburger potato chip it taste like cheeseburgers exactly like cheeseburgers like with mustard on a relish it's fucking delicious
why you're eating you like i'm going to eat one more and that's it because i think i don't know what the fuck is is i don't know what kind of voodoo there doing army that a potato chip taste like i just hated in and out it's very strange not in and out but definitely wendy it's it's wish minutes it's really good it's like you're you're eating a potato chip the taste just like eating a cheese burger it's a weird but it's cattle calf can't be a smart move can be a smart move and one eight hundred now gotcha with the larry cable guy potato chips but i think david crosses to he's just a volatile artist they were the same thing that makes some great in the same thing right i know david he's always been nice to me i mean it's always see it depends on you know who who snapette full of personal experience with personal people to eat meat and deal with dave's never been anything but only more dixon i've met him they were the nicest people in the world and vice versa
it's cool to me even after i did fear factor which you know if anybody was like taking the highbrow approach that would be the time to think i was a loser serving people animal dicks this show is a classic it was classic i told you the last time i was on the shot that that the get industry in this country collapse to show that it went down minutes well one of the few people on earth i could say i lost a job because people had a drink come it's not a lot of people that you know not a lot of people can say that why did you lose your last job we make people drink com america was minus check this out larry the cable guy lasagna dinner no way
you get it done you wanna body like mine look at the reviews the worst carbs ever bought i ever bought and back it up the first one star what is the first would start says does anybody remember larry's previous lasagna recipe i can't recommend anyone buying this product after seeing his comedy return a comedy routine on poop lasagna maybe they just with david cross fans he's got a lot of things got mac and cheese got chicken batter how many stars is that have this got five stars on some of those stars start feeling good about yourself in my business thinking you you know yeah this guys got
this guy he's got a private jet because you sound lasagna fish batter fish batter jesus christ what's crazy is they think he's like that guy it's like you know and your dice clay who i'm a huge fan of when he the dice man was one of his many characters and he would do but it was so good these like all these other characters and just stick with the sole dice man thing and then he became the dice and now he's always the dice man he's but if they more it's not like he's pretending to be the dice meant that literally is who he is now so when he shows up with giant sunglasses on there like you know what literally six inches high and he's got a fanny pack made a leather which by the way i've got a great fanny pack because of him the people out there looking for a good fanny pack a solid one the leather roots fanny pack that's the one that andrew dice clay wears but he's not he's a nice man pack money canada what's up money
is it can in india well if americans just had the balls to produce a quality of any back and not be those weird the vendors that you know fun and stuff on amazon you like man i send them people in england are giggling now you know fanny's like what they call yeah this story regina they're still does drive in the left hand side they can't be you ill all your credibility when you're trying to lose all credibility positioning your cars so that you could use a sword or not i heard that the reason they do that is because napoleon the conquering armies getting back to paris they chose right side so the left it is the loser side of the road i think it's actually and i don't know if that's it might just be some way that made us both got a little loose on me at a bar that would make any sense because then both guys be losers of all from the left pane which direction you're heading in but back to paris back to paris hears it
the thing the one that makes sense to me is that if you're on the left hand side you can defend yourself with your right which is your your strong arm most people are dominant right handed and they would be holding the sword so that's why they would pass on the left hand side and since these are all i came cultures are talking about like england ingenious i mean that the really ancient i mean you think about how long i mean you get to go to a bar in england that's nine hundred years old i love that it's made there's a bar in not and am it's underneath the so it's on the the backside and it's where people drink before they went off on the to fight in the crusades to mays is insane my god yeah that kind of like that kind of history it's a new no make sense of the still that left side of the road thing that's what they did for fucking hundreds of years that makes sense then you could use you're right you're right ok well then i guess that's the better side of your jousting i think you know that's how you do it only you would think of something like that it's not that only i asked you know it didn't make any sense
this seems like american be i asked somebody and they told me that bullshit napoleon suffer you know well we've made the first cars so it would makes sense that since we decided driving the right everybody would just honor that they like yeah not feeling it lad put the steering wheel on the other side i feel a little more comfortable i can sword swipe out the window so they decide but even though they would have to import are automobile because we're the ones smart enough to figure it out first they still had to put it on the left side that's you know that's also just not want to bow down to american dominance knowing boy one of them your pants still got a lot of the today is a friend of mine and this guy kevin healy who runs the russian dub to school rock club in galway ireland and they do comedy there something major one
will do what's the name of this it's called the russian dub it's it's like fucking celtic for black rose i need to get a t shirt can i buy one online particular course totally so but he's funny man and he's a really funny dude and his talking gps in his car is a british woman's voice and so i was driving around with him one day and the like is it take the third into the round about and take the third left and then like he drive you pass it and they did go a different way and you just look at me go are you doing that it english but still could brian brian had a girl he was dating at one point in time who did not like that his navigation system had a girls voice yeah just off 'cause i would like choose like the british chick voice is that i thought that was the sexiest one up ahead you know whatever and she was will you please change this why do we have to listen to her like every time mode
my car's you'd like have changed there is a real jackson's and that's what's called a healthy relationship all right ads on that i don't try to bring that up to psychologists i you know he tries to make me jealous with the navigation system okay it's a girls voice and the girls are whore ok remember a there was like it was from tom tom i forget there who it was there was some kind of like sexy person that that that they ended up like having these voice packs you can buy like darth theater and what happened to that there was like it was like a bob dylan moran in different right and there was a sexy one that i buy it just blew the lid
the way to make sure you tune yeah that's how it was do you want to really make some money make a plugin with joey diaz joey diaz telling you what it goes left with the fuck did i just say what the fuck did i just say left her a dog left turn talked talking that would be the greatest navigation system of all time we gotta find investors how can no one's done it my friend david hurwitz did come up with an idea once but it was an idea of joey giving advice on a toilet like little little shop blurbs had to film it yeah but he called it a fat and on the toilet which is disrespectful you gotta call joey coco diaz on a toilet that's what you want fat male it's not just 'cause he's you know joey on the spot
we see a tall man on a toilet you know just describe him as a low point in my life job being in that small ass bathroom and hide summer day with a joey diaz naked right in front with his balls hanging over the toilet seat somehow i don't know how that's possible did you smell in all oh yeah it smelled like a big joey diaz like i mean it's more like balls in there yeah and then like his wife the person's house is like the wife would come in with lemonade and just like eliminate anyone like real nice and i'm like don't you see this guys balls and break it like this is so creepy i felt like i was in gay porn i thought that i thought that was a hidden camera joke on me at the time joe 'cause i was like how am i right now this is a joke funny i mean it was joeys funny in anything he does man joeys just always funny hey did you see this trans gender navy seal kind came out yeah i used to be dude is burley lookin evan tanner looking dude with a big full beard and uh
sex change and became a woman and now calls herself warrior princess and dislike went for a full sex change mean she was at one point times twenty years as a navy seal fought some of the most dangerous battlefields in the world after she left service she realized she wasn't living the life she wanted decide to become a woman to go from like that keno ferocious fighting this is off sensitivity that you that you gotta plug that person yeah if that's what you want to do for sure it's you know and i put it online and like some people like still think there was there was an issue with a transgender mma fighter there was a man who became a woman and started fighting as a woman in mma fights and like just brutally knocking these women out do remember
that the end in the in the thai boxing in the nineties there was the opposite there was a guy and then it with his money's concerning as he got the operations further as he went along so he was really good and you still had a sex change and then he didn't mean testosterone anymore sir getting beaten up by girls can't alright well this trans gender you formal email woman can and she's not out three girls and she choked out another girl like recently but there's search in mechanical advantages to the human body when it's mail
it's born with the y chromosome the testosterone thirty years of his life before he became a woman and i think that like there's that's undeniable there's also an advantage in reaction time like what it's ten percent across the board advantage reaction time for men over women and and like several tests it's not like a one time thing with a you know got a bunch of slow checks like there's something about them the just the mail constitution that makes it more better adapted to certain physical things and fighting is one of and it there's some people be it became like this gender issue and one of things i found out this is it's really fast and there's a rift in the feminist community and there's feminists that hate transgenders or should i say don't approve of transgenders being considered a woman they think a woman is a woman
and when a man and starts off life as a man he stays a man and you know they think the of the idea that that one that man is now woman and can compete with women in athletics is ridiculous and so one of the things they cite is this mma saying where this check is like i'm not particular counted but she says man man need him in the face and knocked him unconscious and put him on the ground put her her knee on peoples necks and choking them out quick and so she's not fighting like the elite of the elite competition but the way she's winning is quite convincing and that sort of stirs the debate up but i've never been in any way shape or form against anyone who wants to be a transgender my position is only as a martial arts expert i've been doing martial art since i was a child and i know that there are certain things that make someone physically more dangerous an one of 'em is bone structure it doesn't
change when you have big giant man hands big giant man hands are dangerous as fuck and little tiny hands no matter how good you get it hitting things they never really that dangerous little tiny hands in your face like a womans hand they're not they're not built for punching shit you gotta rapm up good and put him in pack ads otherwise i'll just shatter on your forehead there's a lot of things to to to being a man like the way the ships are built the there's a mechanical advantage to using the hips that way but it doesn't mean i'm against people being in trans gender i think you should be able to what the you want and i think that there's going to be a lot of people when they do some sort of a chromosomal switch when they'd be really get into high level genetic manipulation they literally can turn you into a woman i think every man should be forced to be a woman for at least a couple of months of his life just so you could feel what it feels like to be vulnerable feels that it feels like to be douched on by guys i mean maybe if like you know how you have to like in you
you live in israel and you have to like do like a couple of years in the service i think every man should have to be forced to live a couple of years the woman really as a real woman like you are a two hundred and fifty pound man no you're a ninety pound chinese girl now and this is how you're going to live your life for the next two years two years as a woman so you have like real empathy what it feels like to be overpowered or threatened by the opposite sex or the people who are like sexually attracted to you also being the most likely want to take your life you know i think when that happens it would be a very strange world when you it's a time what do you this week do you know my black guy an mount everest oh my god brian would be good put together a funk band immediately if you could brian could be anything he would be wonder woman superwoman superwoman or wonder woman superwoman wonder woman more cool shit though she had a chat and shed but i get super
we can fly in her own right yeah fly cool cool places and masturbate but yet she never achieved the fame that wonder woman had it's like what separates whitney cummings from aliza sless injure what is it that makes whitney cummings so much more successful that's wonder woman over superwoman i mean maybe super girl or whatever the fuck she was maybe she was really bad ass but she we got nearly the props that wonder what my gun wonder woman with their jet do you ever the dave chappelle joke he used to do about that jet invisible jet you know what do you say what that prostitute doing what it looked like she was wearing the most ridiculous outfit if you could be if i
be any super no no no will if between super woman one which i would rather not harder member lynda carter's super woman with blonde hair so she wouldn't have to shave as much like her legs like now brown here you have to shave more so i think it was less maze maintenance to be another woman i think you're right and i think that wonder woman can't even flying around she's a playwright and that's just stupid plus he's got her magic lasso of truth and she right and then the bulletproof risks and she's fucking changing if you can move that fast to hit bullets with your wrists please remember like happy moving so slow all the other times he didn't fly either yet like a yeah he was
just had a sort of like you do is so sore tissue captain america was like the ultimate royd man like they created him with like a roid it's like a super royd like they shot off he's a little skinny guy in the movie is the movie the same as the comic book i never even bothered to watch that piece it wasn't really a captain where they've got even though it's a marvel comic i mean that was in my wheelhouse but i was never really a captain america guy but the movies not bad well i remember captain america in when i was a kid and 70s eighties looking through he would be getting his ass beat and then he is black brenda falcon would show up it was always captain america is getting his ass beat and then his black friend and there was like you know like the mid 70s were like you're trying to like integrate like a black superhero but they didn't want to give him his own magazine so then the falcon would come in and save the day and kick everybody's ass
i do now that you brought it up i remember very much that's hilarious so the dude who played him didn't have the falcons do to play captain it was perfect so you see the avengers that dude looks like captain america is the perfect guy is perfect i just don't like the character at all so i don't even bother you know the movies pretty good to give it a shot i've seen the first one of captain america really i hate captain america is it just because you hate patriotism and you hate america america i think that's it no is it really like you hate like roar old the old the old captain america with his little flat eggs and stuff like that was like kid outta here why do you why do you hate the country that you've built such a nice success off now i don't hate the country i just his costume was dumb i know talking about you don't want it you know this so the rah rah rah bullshit right we don't just give him some better super powers when they conceived that
he was crazy so when they met fifties yeah there are more were to order that was supposed to be fighting it's like it's okay to be like super patriot guy when you're fighting against a legitimate evil army you know i mean that was like a legitimate evil army but then once the united states army becomes legitimately evil then captain america becomes a goofy character and that's the problem it's like it's really hard to when you look at foreign policy and drone attacks and it's really hard to think that those fucking people that are pulling off with their pulling off wherever the fuck we are whether it's the invasion of iraq or any of the crazy shit they're doing they affect the idea that a noble man like captain america would be russia yeah very to save the day and making sure the rest of the world has oil for centuries to come can just dodgin bullets and fly in the kick ass not the best one he's not the best the hawks the clearly
there's a lot of comics i tried to get into like daredevil i tried so hard to get in the daredevil but having a blind guy just not that sexy yeah and that's all he is right you just blinded because he's blind you like to move good head over like better since the company and i don't know i think there are many more than that to get me to buy a comic book down the silver surfer eyes the want the biggest one i always wanted to look like with love i i did that it never really did it for me i tried so much that such a cool idea for super hero like i can't even get into writing get i try i mean a bottom and i just never got into right right right man was really hard for it like i thought the store is regret all the spiderman peter parker oregon web all the you'll see me in the movie silver surfer but did you by the common old comic books sometimes i feel the same way like when i got silver surfer comic books i would be all the new silver servers out check it out and i'd be like damn blah blah sucks this sucks where is like the spider man was always legit yes my
men always at x men always with the admin had similar to that story lines ever when they had some epic story lines with phoenix you know i mean there was there was a great great comic book error that was the real shit man how to dorks door thanks how many people listening right more like dorks that was one of the saddest things i had to do when i was starving to death would sell my comic book collection needed the money man had nothing and that's all i had left some comic books that accumulated over ten years of life out there world i've been re downloading a lot lately i'm using like the marvel app you can just sit there and like i want episode of halt download comic books like physic cogworks a badass but the best is an ipad get that marvel app yeah i plan they go frame to frame yeah it's the best way then you don't see what's next and then you know you never see a comic book we see you always see every page you see it right in front of you as you change
the page you see the left page to the right page see what's coming with these apps he just goes it goes frame it seems in real quick kind of like a movie did you ever think that would be like pushing fuckin forty and still talking about comic books yeah you never appear anticipated a period of golfing now posted a i had a test the other day i don't know if you saw this this is a friend of mine told me to take it and it's something that i guess a lot of people take in college and it's like fifty qua options and i ended up taking it and wow how crazy like horoscope wise like how crazy accurate is a really and if you just read what sue it's called if i can find it real quick if you if you do it i'm really wondering what it is but i asked what everybody else was and they were all the same like they almost single person grow back like i took the test i a i n t spear whatever it was and
it's like the smallest percentage of people in the world is this group of people all are following me on twitter so it was really weird here so you can go you know what it what is the the distinguishing factor that makes them like a really small group i don't know it's just like you see see growth i'm i esfp and i guess the test is based on some kind of old school won't let me try to find it it's called jong titan elaborate way free to plug your twitter that jung typology did you ever take girl yeah yeah carl jung and so i took this and you can go to likehumanmetrics dot com in its around there but i took this test and just look at this description of me it's extroverted sensing what does it say was is extroverted sensing feeling perceiving and see what it does it tells you like here's all the different ones that you can be and it tells go down like yes
peace love to talk to people about people some of the most colorful story to tell tellers are yes a piece like like you go through this thing and then eat these you can get more act right and they have like these horoscopes that are really like whoa that's intense that's fascinating you know what the problem with these things is though the problem with these tests is that you know you're taking a test oh here's another thing that famous esu it gives the answer the simple bob hope well it's just you know what it is you when you know taking a test you might not necessarily revealed the way you would respond to something a regular basis had not being measuring it yeah but the questions are pretty basic quest like if you go like that guy you know how to put every minute of your time to good purpose now i definitely did not know how to do that you know so it's good no are you are a person somewhat reserved in distance and communication i would say yeah besides podcast
yes and no it's not your actions are frequently influenced by emotions yes definitely usually and your actions and events yeah but see those are now there was those are things you can decide what is our time better with a group of people attending party shop yes you can just they seem pretty like non judgmental which is i think important if you really have something like that and have it be accurate but i would imagine that would be very hard to get a sense of someone's personality try it out i would really try interested 'cause i read it and it blew my mind i was like no fucking way 'cause i've been getting into you know what drives me nuts man when someone tells when they talk to a psychic in the new everything about me man it's amazing i'm telling you man the psychic dude he knew he knew by my gramma ok oh yeah yeah we the name that begins with other great light was she a woman they were from boston she
yeah actually from the east coast how did you know i just know since your grandmother was in the east coast was your father live no he wasn't i didn't think he was no no yes he was alive yes that's right he was alive your father was i want to see that it's amazing you see some yeah we have give the site and these cards help me these cards is random cards with drawings on them they help me to help me see with hilarious is that no one ever finds out any new shit they just tell you shit already know you fuck like you know dude he knew all about grandmother don't you know all about your grandmother jesus christ son why'd you go someone to tell you the green is green see that color there's there's no better there's no better forecast for the future than chinese fortune cookies i based my life of that i had one couple months ago it said you were going
i'm into a lot of money since i took it to the bank of the coming in advance but why why don't that's a catskills joke cover the people to take and the really good ones they save in their wallet show you guys you'll fall can doubt me trust me this is what it's like modern or there's different yeah why would they make new ones keep the fucking dumb just like the lottery through there but it's like the horoscope you know who cares people are always going to chinese food delicious throw that stupid shit in there some of them they're not you know fortune cookies were printed in san francisco in like one thousand nine hundred and two makes sense i went to china i was like man where's my fortune cookie you don't you don't get fortune cookies they never carried over well lets you know chinese aren't really innovators you know they are the the copy i would think that they would make a better chinese fortune cookie the book look you know you guys you had a down but hologram doesn't yet sons gain dead father or should it should make and
toys but they always make the cheap shit like the cheap knockoff versions like they're never making like the iphone they're always making like the iphone are well then to make iphones there yeah i mean china's did massive industry they make a lot of shit in china i guess that the iphone factory they got the nets around it 'cause all these people were committing suicide their answer was hey goodbye work based on apple specs i'm talking about like all the other company out companies out there you know it's definitely a lot of the there's a lot of cheap they what you mean made in china yeah always like a statement right where where are you gonna get refrigerator magnets and yes no do when i looked and it said maine and shine a black man point bump
yeah yeah yeah yeah but they also make some pretty dope what's really funny is that that that company the there were people jumping off the roof was it called again foxconn foxconn foxconn the the argument was this i actually saw a guy saying this he was saying well you have to realize that this is an enormous company and the percentage of people that are committing suicide is commensurate with the percentage of people in a normal population of that many you're talking about a cup it employs a half a million people yeah but they kill themselves at work at work at work the live at work they're killing me is it are you really can you really say that they're like a regular population one of the next repeat break and they just get nothing they get very little money and they claw and scratch
just the fact that we still allow that so much kind of come up with something called the fair phone if you heard that pull it up yeah it's a phone they're trying to do it's you sonofabitch michael it's it's an android phone and i think the idea is that they can trace the origins of all the resources that are in the phone minerals and such and show you that it's all been acquire fair trade has been a slave labor used and you know it sounds like a boring well they can't it's not even going to have 4g which is and it looks like a regular android phone what is their their spiel
thank you choose a product made by starting with a single phone together were opening up the supply chain and redefining economy one step at a time i love the idea i think the idea is amazing you know but you don't have four g stupid how dare you how dare you put out a phone in two thousand thirteen zero four l t e was problematic then you're phone is probably
because i would jump on everybody would jump on do it man just make it four g silly get the funding gap get a kickstarter like graham hancock yes alex are now express sorry siggraph aus grace kickstarter hit two and fifty thousand dollars so that in the on thing that is you know alex what do you make it no i all screens with the visionary artists who really psychedelic crazy tryptamine art you never seen a staffer was amazing here's this this since visions but that's all alex kirk cool you're seeing that stuff before yeah yeah yeah i'm sorry but he's creating that like the cover of this
visions book he's creating something that's that's beautiful that cover is creating something really similar to this like this style of art like this style thing as a building he's going to have a religious building called the entheon that's like this non denominational spiritual sort of building that he's putting together and it's kinda how's it inside this building that's created essentially out of psychedelic art and he did a k starter and offered a lot of really cool shit including painting peoples personal or drawing peoples personal pictures drawing drawing uh an alex grey version of them and cool shit i need to do a kickstarter to get a condo somewhere nice and like malibu or something like that like how you do go i'll make it spiritual if you want me to go smoke weed there if you want well one thousand so if you get this crash on the couch once that's right that's not how kickstarter works on they have to get something out of it too well film it and you
going to download me and my new condo in malibu sucking dick why did you say suck it suck brian just think about what you're saying and then count to three and then stay stay with the thought and goes this worth saying you can you can't just have a kickstarter to get yourself a condo son now you can what you can do is you could say hey i'm making a documentary about me getting a super sick condo in malibu and i need three hundred one hundred thousand dollars to tell you what brian nobody would see that coming that is basically bulletproof and no one would ever call scam they would say hey you just doing this so that you could get this super dope condo or buddy john has
nice kicks start on this one yeah i recent releases liz while you are as well it's to for him to become super rich that's the whole kickstarter i'm john was what you may recognize me from my popular youtube videos televisions the league or simply as someone you admire and envy because i'm awesome and famous my fans come up to me all the time in aspen john when i got to make a movie my answer is always the same its body guards beat the out of this gross poor person who's not addressing me as sir luce wa a second most common question i get for my fans stop right there if i was his friend i'd say edit that was that part i didn't get that part work that out parts called not funny latest swing didn't work he's a funny guy you know we all fucking throw turds up there she was trying to do didn't work
great the last time i saw you at the laugh factory was like six months ago thanks man thank you that that big bit about the horse fuck video god damn it i was just there was like a ten minute bit of straight i was just there and it's called enumclaw overly i was just there and they're all very embarrassed about it's really interesting like proud p brass plaques up marking well it's a real rural area to the base of a mountain i think it's mount rainier it's uh it's one of those mountain communities and they were really bummed out that there their town is known for that now like you ask him about it there's a few like really nice this place called charlie's shout out to charlie's the best fucking pancakes you'll ever meet in your life man in edam claw pretty fucking dynamite like a real like home cooking place we were up there looking for bigfoot firstly shalom doing isn't that definition of looking there has to be
we actually see brian you're not the expert of every doesn't exist you're not looking so you say it doesn't exist but how do you know it's like looking for ghosts you can't really look for items that don't exist but you can you can go look for ghosts it doesn't mean you're going goes but if there are ghosts occasionally and you're not looking you're never going to find a man if you're living your whole life never seen a ghost you like i just don't fucking goes and then one day you see ago most you shit yourself and you don't have a picture of it you can never explain it you try to tell people and they like yeah you saw ghost 'cause now one is going to ever believe anything that they haven't seen them selves and less you can show me a picture of it unless you can show me i don't even buy in quantum theory you know why 'cause you can't show it to me i don't know what you're doing i shall see all those lines and squiggles i believe you're correct i would never doubt but i don't i have no idea if that's real have no idea that's real but bigfoot i think israel no you do not
tell you what man hey man real you're entitled real i think eddie murphy is a better actor than denzel washington are you serious you just being silly i think we have we're all entitled to our opinions seriously been solely because anymore african actors dick tough he just doesn't do it very well i think he acted it already i bet he did his bed at best acting when the cops asked him why that training was in his car little character judy into research i was taking him home officer that is a most tranny explain yourself i guarantee that i mean look at how good he was in the nick nolte forty eight hours is fucking great in that movie great as an actor as well like not just great bad guy and you know what else we know america was he like four different characters or something that and i'm not
doors in this movie in any way shape or form but that ben stiller movie about the robbery the fucking those on the top floor penthouse something like that was like a tailback with quite busy or what the hell is that called the high tower heights tower heist not a bad movie really wasn't god took a lot of shit is pretty funny the premise is ridiculous but eddie murphy's a bad it's fucking actor like you forget how subtly is like how we could pull shit off you don't you know it's really sad that all that tranny shit went down 'cause it went down eddie murphy stop doing stand up he did draw and then you know we kind of like just went to movies and maybe he would have went back before then like ten years since after raw and then the tranny thing was it yeah there's along my timelines wrong but i just feel like maybe he would have gone back to it if
wasn't i wish she would have that's why i was excited when he was going to host the oscars that like just give us a hint of it at e just a couple of minutes this is the truth when raw came out and i was i don't know how old i was i guess i was probably eighteen or something like that i don't remember somewhere around that somewhere around the teenage years and i remember seeing raw on tv and me and my friends were fucking crying we're crying and it doesn't totally hold up today 'cause a lot of the premises have been like beating down since then the lot right right but i remember there was an event when it came out in the theaters but you coming up adele various delirious was so strong you know why you're the moment and then it was like he had gotten money and then he stories about bodyguards i'm mentally ozzie actually meant to deliver the said that because yeah i do this was the tv one that was the h b o what is in the red suit brought the movie at got the blue hat
actually man okay so you and your friends are really no rod to see rob was not that good does it so it was like it was like when i rap guys get too much money yeah when the rap guys come out there great the first three albums are from the street they got the message and then like the third fourth album who's going to clean my pool is late uh this sum of money that takes the sting out of a lot of people and then will show that he would die if you live changes radically yeah you know the life you live is a comedian there's got to be some folly in it now and when everyone is just lining up to suck your dick and pay you in diamonds this is not allow yeah did you see that that eddie murphy thing was on comedy central they they did some like no honor him evening and who was it told this great story it's but it i think it was arsenio hall or something and some woman comes over there like some black club and some
a woman comes over to eddie murphy has any any i love you i never i never kissed the of of a black man before can i kiss you and he goes no you know you get because you don't start at the top you guys start one of these poor yeah that's fine you can't start at the top baby delirious you know before delirious he had a cd i don't mean the things that get set but like i said that was really good i think may even better than delirious 'cause it was really like low pressure still give delirious as a gift i guess i'll get a little nephew men and he likes comedy and then like little like teenage kids and stuff they wanted like you know they asked me you know who should who should i study years delirious let's start star here you know if you're like a teenager and you're not really the radical shit yet you just send a solid funny it's too bad that he stopped you know
it's inside the you know there was also it's just a i mean i'm sure when you're probably the number one comedy movie star in the world like it's probably really hard to get up a desire to go right create new jokes and they're probably just constantly shoving movies down his face back then you know he went for forty eight hours and i mean he was gigantic gigantic he was i like that sorry you're that high no it's my girl wants to she paid ahead son dance song it was a hit song about his girl likes to party all the time that is a drag man if you dating the girl and she just wants to go out all the time and dance and party i don't like the financing ship and have any friends pick up girls 'cause they just want to party all the time feel like listen you're of escaping something here we can't do coke seven
zero alright you need to take a nap you need to get help wanted pick up that find an occupation you can just be out there partying or you can forget it if you got an act you know traveler country road style skill gangster setelah road road you clarify that you really can't party also of the pond is really the time do you ever think that you're going to settle down in a city yeah i'm considering a few places where you consider a i i'd like to move back to san francisco and just you know just i mean just creating joke that's the you know that's the main mission yeah and i like that you know the tech industry is based out of there and i think you know
things are moving i think that the future i mean like you can be your own movie mogul yeah studio now and you know i don't know i think you know it's a lot of entertainment yeah no there certainly is i think the answer turns a great place to do stand up it's also a lot of smart people there it's a good audience when i come to la like staying in nice hotels you know about living here and paying rent i don't know maybe i haven't lived in the right neighborhood can i crash at your place for a couple months sorry i'll sweep the helicopter pad every once in awhile he won't get along with the family said like this kinda just he's going to draw each of the dark side don't worry my will is strong i'm kidding i getting i don't know and then also you know the new orleans is a place that i would
this is a little town that's a while he's down yeah that's a that's a free town there the so it's like almost like just of passport to go to new orleans seems like some sort of caribbean islands drop off into acted to the rest of the kind and then again i wouldn't mind moving back to to amsterdam or europe maybe you know get a place and what about for stand up what do you think would be the best place do you like to have a home club to war no but you know i love the stanhope model you know worked his off for like two or three months and then it took a month off you know go home to take several months of yes yeah and i i like that i like that he does that we're i'm i'll only take a week or two off your i like that notion stanhopes doing it the perfect way he's so i mean it shows up with that in mind you could live anywhere you know do you know why not have a place in greece or in
the south of france or in you know more travel time that's that's the pain the deck and some people like to have a club that's close that they can around a practice at like when i lived in boulder i was doing the calmly works in denver it's only an hour and a half from where i live is free easy drive down their bone do a set get right back to the wilderness you know it's right that way you get the sort of the best of both worlds type situation going on you know i think that at home clubs nice it's nice to have a spot so we're stanhope is an bisbee there's no fucking club so that crazy ass we'll just do a show in his backyard right set up speakers plug the mic he did a show in vegas and some dudes backyard there was a guy in vegas some kid who is hiring comedians do shows in his yard and have his friends come over
and it it really should be a great gig center about right it was it was awesome hey look like get shut down by like city ordinances or something yeah you know the proper permits what a bummer what the is that one with the proper permits are well then you could shut down lemonade stands you know as you know you have a permit can right but you don't want anybody thrown like crazy late night parties in the in the backyard next year that would suck like one of their planned by rap music like you're cool with it of its stand up and it's funny like it's stanhope do right now right right when it was some talk terrible we'll we'll we'll did you see and we're two door we're when you try get some fucking sleep and you're like god damn it this is def maybe that's how they feel about stanhope talking about eight when i when i turned sixteen my parents made the tactical error of going out of town that weekend ann
i threw one of the biggest parties oviedo high school had ever seen an there were just cars parked all down the block and just massive party and people just you know drinking on i i was talking to like three of the hottest girls in my school in our living room and this guy it's on the on our living room carpet you know get my hands and knees you know in the middle of this party these girls that i care about you know watch me clean some vomit haha so would you do spring up some dog food
the dog in now no did you really all you thou human being why would you want a dog to be threatened by this discussed it was the cleanest car i hope that dog haunted you with dog farts the from hell toward dog died there what it was machine jets in the come on and rip it horrible farts bile for its that's the worst me see here your dog fart when you look over at me like come on man for real that's when a dog is comfortable with you there always comfortable with them and they never hold in farts let's just about dogs they never figured out you yelling when they fart they never bothered to him together like what the fuck you yelling at man i'm just uh we're doing my thing being made i didn't even move fucking stinky bitch you ever have a dog wake you up with a fart my dogs used to fart so bad i'd be in bed i'm
oh god what the fuck it was like i was eating shit in bed you know especially if you feed him wet food that's the key dogs love that wet food with that wet food we just just all gels together and stomach and ferment asian process and when it comes out just so you just feel it you feel it before even smell it oh how we got this object let dog farts if you like dogs going to deal with that it's a weird thing that we have certain animals that we cherish in certain animals that we just we slaughter a regular basis and there clearly defined and when we step outside of those lines people get really upset i was watch this thing on see where they was in the one of the british papers they were showing this the latest trend is canned lion hunt
oh i just saw that on the guardian the guardian as well i love the guardian yeah it's really crazy if you haven't seen it the raise these ends did you see that it was on today's in today's guardian on their website us and it was this beautiful lion yeah this massive line in the guy standing there were like oh this bright baltic underneath it yeah what's really crazy is this is this not even a wild lion that's inside of a these are hand raised lions so what they do they take them from their mother like right away and all they see is people they see lion cubs and people and the people provide them food and the people pet them so that's how you train these lines to be more docile so that's how when people are wandering around shoot these losses these lions aren't stalking them and killing them 'cause these lions associate people with being like their parents so this is like one of the weirdest strangest sort of canned hunts ever because
it's like shooting big dogs it's really similar should what is the sport in that you know if you see how these lions are with the people that are in this this park before they send him to this park there's another company that's a farm that grows these lions and they take him away from their mom and then they feed bottles in there cuddling with him and shit and then when they get full grown then they let him loose in this park and it's just this big giant fenced in play and the lions are walking around and then they let loose the white people in the white people come in with these runs and they set up and there's like four five guys shooting at the lions because the lion makes it charge when you shoot him if you heard him they'll fuck in charge at you they know what happened and so you got to like have like four five dudes at the same time shoot so watch this like the
just sitting there chilling oh yeah they do oh look soon he shot at him and missed the line doesn't know what the fucks going on the line doesn't recognize a threat at all then now we hit him so now the lions running adam and then they dropped the camera 'cause the lion hit with a bullet it's dying but it running at them so they just started firing at it as it's running fat white man well this is so crazy because this is this is not even something that you would eat for food and there pretending this is the dangerous game they pretending that this is the great white hunter and they're out there taking down a lion and then they have it in their home look this is a lion i shot while i was in africa but really they've done they've taken the balls out of line hunting right see like four guys with rifles i remember i went to i was in sevia spain and i went to the bull fights i've seen it once in mexico and it was one dude versus a bowl you know i had read hemingway's death in the
mainly it was like the minor leagues of bull fighting it was four guys against one bull one guy goes out there with the red cape and then another dude sneaks up behind it with the prongs and sticks in it and i got upset it was like the most cowardly chickenshit stuff i had ever seen in my and that's what that lion thing reminds me i was like really more guys with rifles isn't those things they jab in the bowl aren't they poison as well i don't know i didn't so i thought it's always in brandon what sent those things they jabbing a boulder in a bull fighting it are they don't admit poison i don't know i don't know i'm here that's they do but either the weather stabbing him and you know amount he's hurt bad that deadline thing is disturbing is really deserving which is shows are weak people are it's just such a weird thing i shows show you everything is for sale you can have any experience you want if you're blushing dave appealed to the weakest of people you know the people that would want to
we're just a shoot something and say they shot in so you're shooting a pet mean a sense little pat that's been let loose in the set the fact that they're trying to look at but will hot dog is licking a lion you know less durable will see something good that's adorable you know i like that line clearly is not walking dead i mean if we went beautiful page man if you wanted his cage would probably fuck your world if you want it and you know the man lion is pretty lazy it's just lay around and fuck all the time the woman line does all the hunting right if he's well fed the male lion is there to defend to make sure that he protects the other females in the cubs against other males that will come in and try to rough everybody up and eat all the babies that's when an mail comes in the big male has to be able keep that mail out because of that mail gets in it's very likely he's going to kill all the cubs if they're not his
is dominate takeover start fucking all these checks again and kill their babies so that's what the male supposed to do the male supposed to just take care of everything and fight off hyenas they got lions when i want to sad man says it's it's edutainment it's sad that people would want to do that they would actually want to go and shoot some something that's a basically a pat and if this fenced in area insult you know we've gee we talked about ted nugent on the show before ted nugent as a show called the spirit of the wild it's kind of as nick and he has these ranches two of them one up in minnesota and one in texas with is a fenced in ranch with always deer running around on it because sits up in a tree hey puts food out in the deer walk of the food and drink sticks and when the
bow and arrows bow again but he eats all the meat i mean that's all eats and he enjoys doing it and you know it's all his property it makes you very flatulence so he's a thousand users which you're not have you ever had venison via have lights the bottle up maybe that's a personal thing i revealed too much about what makes me flatulence milk ice cream ice cream have horrible farts i did a what was it politically incorrect when it was on comedy central years ago yeah when bill maher was first you know this first version of his show with ted nugent so nobody got in an edge word word wise 'cause he's just he just dominated the ball yeah an afterwards were in the green room and he comes up to me can you his arm around me is tom like you man and i want you to have my magazine and he
he's got the magazine is left hand he's got his right arm around me and it's called it's ted nugents bow hunting magazine he goes no tom this magazine is more than about bowl and this is about you and who you are as a man and getting in touch with your inner being i read the fucking magazine so cover to cover his opponent well to him that's a bowl and is about bow hunting is about some spiritual quest the ten up into the essence of the the wilderness even it does it was an arrow that's kind of old school what is he's really good at what is that song oh that's right why must leave the animals that's right this is a real video by the way this is a white guy and this is a vegan reggae song and if this doesn't make you both laugh and
they get violent leave us the beams of this way and then you get to see the video to look at how her larry this is what i want to eat the animals when i was when i was in new zealand it was a billboard for something if it was a restaurant or something but it said if it didn't have a mother it doesn't go on our grow
they won't even being in the they won't even grilled zucchini get the out of here with this this guy's whole areas yeah but in the ceiling like things in this video that people don't eat like big yeah i agree certainly whales japanese you would do honey the wells and he's like at the cow here you know here's the real problem with this philosophy if you really did that do you know how many people would get sick from poor nutrition first of all they already are right so that's a bad argument but the real issue is what are you going to do with all these animals now 'cause if you're not killing him you better introduce some predators into the food chain because otherwise you're going to have deer everywhere you want to be able to drive you're not going to eat cows are going to be with you going to keep him from fucking going to castrate them you know what are you going to do how you going to neuter them having to manage
population are going to kill a few what do you do then no need to meet that seems pretty ridiculous and people are starving in the world and your ships and shipping boxes of fresh vegetables that are rotting my favorite sandwiches the blt it's great sam how you going to how you get sandwich can take away bacon dude i've been eating the fuck out of bacon lately big is good for you i went back to bacon funky i i had had like bacon failing his stories like starting in turkey bacon and i was this tastes good enough man fuck that good fat bacon like like freshly sliced bacon not like that oscar mayer packs that you can buy it you know it's like this you know you're hardcore year yeah you're the boards head at the deli the canadian you get that big have you ever done glass case you ever get the bacon they have at the at whole foods
yeah you can at baker you gotta go rob will style though do you get to cook it slow gonna get a big frying pan and cook it slow he doesn't like some electrical jammy but he cooks is bacon for like three hours well yeah but when you do it that way like if you ever go to like a four seasons and you eat at the buffet and you get that bacon you cannot fuck are they doing this 'cause my bacon is always fucked up and twisted black there bacon is like insist in peru rich brown and it's so perfect because they're slow cooking that bitch slow cooking that bitch go get some bacon right now podcast is over tom rhodes you're a bad mother fucker love you glad we're friends i love you too bud spect respect and please let's do this more often it's ridiculous i totally i love your show men and then then you know it's coming on again alright you fuck i love you i love you too man alright thank you everybody for tuning into the podcast we appreciate the shit out of you thanks to audit dot com for sponsoring the podcast go to audible dot com slash joe and get yourself free
thirty days of service and one free audio audiobook the premier audio resource on the internet i love audible dot com there are fucking fantastic company go go check them out we're also bro to you by hover if you go to hover dot com slash rogan you will save temp set off any of your domain name registrations or also brought to you by uh o i t use the code rogan save ten percent off any and all supplements we they're gone until thursday night and thursday night going to be sing a special after i get off work guy with kelly starrett and kelly is a eight to be very popular on the internet with some excellent ideas about maintain your body take care of injuries and shit so we're going to talk to about about the human and add to me we're going to get down dirty about muscles and tendons and ligaments and shit and discs
and then monday will be back with bobcat goldthwait and we got some other cool cool guests next week alright box we love the out of you friday friday ice house friday icehouse tom rhodes joe d as me brian redban and maybe leaving your brian calendar drive down after does it show in calabasas asses we love you thank you everybody thank you
Transcript generated on 2019-10-04.