« The Joe Rogan Experience

#525 - Bert Kreischer

2014-07-21 | 🔗
Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comedian, actor and reality television host. Check out his new book "Life of the Party" on Amazon now!
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
oh good lord ladies and gentlemen were back round two that's right we don't fuck around booyah this episode is brought to you by nature box what's nature box would be hungry at work he that mouth noise it you know what that is so we're kissing no pressure that sweet blueberry almonds that's nature box product fucking god damn delicious you want to try something we have some of those it's not as good as the she rock cashews but i almost fucking lost him today 'cause young jamie tried stealing that shit hiding it hiding the sure roger cashews you are those trucks guys use because i want to get too many of my with a son which take them all he's got too many i'm obsessed with sir roger this roger caches of the ship i put roger in coleslaw charatcer cashews are one of the delicious snacks that nature box has hundreds of different delicious snacks guilt free delicious snack
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onnit ok that's it let's go bert crusher is here why fuck around wennberg crusher experience trying my day joe rogan podcast by night all day my man very chrysler world traveler internationally known locally respected trip flip how many how many have you done so far three thousand and forty forty forty we got another the team were doing starting this weekend too that's a lot of fucking trips there's a lot of lectra international trips and how many years is a spin there's going to be one slash four year fourth year so ten international trips a year for four years holy shit too that's uh fuckin ambiance a lot you know i just started flying sober well well fuck about because i just i think i like party and i'm not getting down but it's just like by myself plane me drinking ad nauseum
not healthy if you got more comfortable with flying that you're able to achieve this started i took a flight to hawaii with the girls and the was like let's try it and i went want to get hammered on the plane with the girls waiting normally do on a flight to hawaii so i didn't drink and i just i got there and i was like i took his hand to his antics yeah we talked about this last podcast and then i've been working on it and so like i like i fly i'll be with red band thursday night in uh in san diego and then i fly friday morning to phoenix i can do that sober that's a quick flight and then i fly back to san diego i can do that sober and then so short flights i'm good at moments from miami i have a hard time six hours six start getting my head because i don't like what happened one time of the appointment from new york to la and i like halfway through we are really bad turbulence and you can there's no wait there's no instant gratification i can't put his antics in my mouth and it just kick in so like so there's no instant i know i have like half a xanax in my body so i'm like fuck it i'll drink and i know that's bad but i was like i'm gonna have a beer and then it'll heighten the xanax but then i felt like i was having a heart attack so i was like mother
so on those flights i gotta roll the dice and pick xanax so i go through like a weather map and i look to see what the web is on the flight la and if it's bad i'm just like this is drinking flight and i get that so this is uh thinking flight and i get that there's no way around it there's no way around it and it starts in miami airport and it's like yeah i do i like to drink on brains but brains i don't like to drink on planes but i have an i have achieved so excellent moma like i've had some real fun on planes being drunk and also real good writing got done on planes i'd like to drink budweiser for some reason which i don't normally drink but i like aluminum cans of budweiser
like aluminum cans of heineken can i figure out where and i don't want you to pour it on hand i said i'm very specific room what can't do you want to be one of the best feeling to write as much like my this is my moment by zone is if i can not drink for for any of that part of like the any the pre board any of that and then i get one beer before take off and then i take off the beer my system i start fucking firing 'cause i've the fear of death of the life it's going on like hey this could all end right now but i'm like it's not i know it's not gonna but then i just started jamming out material and i just write like panicked like i at one point i wrote well i was like first time i did it was on napkins and on that everything was right now every it was for a roast i did for cow headset payment it out that's a really good feeling
there is some about being in a plane that give you that heightened state of vulnerability that makes your your creativity sort of fire up a little bit i wrote my for my book i wrote my book on a plane really a rose on planes of flights to australia to switzerland to italy to schottland and i just get on and i did or drinking and bang it out right drunk edit sober so i get in my hotel room that next day and be like take a look at what i wrote i could not read it at time i was like i know this story this chick in it do you write longhand you write typing i write better typing but for jokes i love the art i'm a little i don't have it on me like you see like like i love to like like this past week and i increase the size of my my road book 'cause i want to big 'cause i want to really like focus i feel like i'm wasting my 40s by just fucking around on stage want to really right and know what i'm writing and work on that material and make it better what do you mean by wasting like one where
i get this i love the live sword die by the sword moment on stage i love taking chances and i love experimenting the problem is i'm not paying any of that off so it's not like that it's like uh imagine if i loved fighting but all is doing is doing bar room barfly st file it fights you know like we didn't take jujitsu classes and put it to some sort of use so that's why i feel like i'm doing on stage is i'm having a good time and they're amazing shows and they or one of a kind but if i do we have a moment of really good writing i'm not then taking it and doing the real work of sitting in the green room and writing what worked taping my set so i just started taking my sets and going all right but those little tiny notebooks i have a hard time like they're good for pocket by have a hard time getting inspired to write in it but those big ones i do so like i'll write a big letter and then really right around the letter like almost like it's an old school book from like the like the 1800s and so that's what i've been doing
so what you i use those little books to go in the pockets i use those for just the right before i go onstage notes like i i write out like set list and stuff like that you knew i is that i can't let go i write him down on that but i'm with you i write most my stuff on a computer but uh dictate write longhand for memory yeah i just started my uh it's impossible to write a book obviously shorthand so but i found the clinton did his are you serious is long and they call it you know it's not short in shorthand is that weird you know that weird you ever seen shorthand like call greg gregg shorthand like that they used to you news when they were to not rivers yeah x court stenographers and and i don't think store the use of the typing apps that yeah you're right they have some weird typing method but reporters would use it and yeah there was an article about it recently because i
always knew about it i never understood it but i am i was reading this article about this new product that i just picked up i still haven't implemented it yet but what it is is a pen that is an mp three recorder and it also takes photographs of your notes so say if we were doing this podcast and i had the piece of paper i would do is you would say something i would say oh shit xanax on a plane and i would write it down like i an idea or there was something that both said that i knew that i need to revisit or whatever and then if i i wanted to go over my notes afterwards i go to the pen and i can put the and over the note and it would play the recording that going on as i wrote the note fuck yeah isn't that crazy that's fucking ah that's per
wizard dude and we tell you exactly what you know that's good for us good for a lot of i was trying to think i'm trying to i try to remember my dreams like except really insane dreams and i think that you can find out some some sort of your sub conscious creativity throughout your dreams yeah yeah i think that would be horrible this see the thing about this is that it records you know the idea is that you're recording an mp it's really for like people doing interviews like that's one of the best things for it so if we were doing an interview i'd have a pen i'd be able to write down what you're saying or write notes down on what you're saying but i would have the entire recording it's like if you can't find your pen you just write the tail end and you hurt injured and that's how i cured aids you experiment i should have written the beginning of this yeah let me find this just so everybody knows we're here it's called it's called the livescribe sky wi fi pen it's very very interesting
i just signed up for fucking nature box while you're doing your ads i just bought six months those suraci things and the blue birthing sold me so tell me this one i'll buy this one it's called the livescribe uh and it's it works on wi fi this one the one that i got is eight gigabytes and it's incredible man it's really an amazing invention i say this having not is it even once but it has reviews on online from reporters and from folks who use that my idea is that i'm going to start using it for podcasts because i have all these now it's like you know they're all scribbled in and i go over i'm at the end of the week and try to find it 'cause every now and then one of these will become a bit you know one of these things that i say is worth like here vampires colonizing mars preppers i don't know what the fuck
but if i had the pen i could go over that it would tell me the exact thing we were talking about what vampires are colonizing mars like you could get a pen or with the dave attell degree get a parrot it was the i it goes i go to by the way i'm gonna pass here's i'm done doing i'm done idolizing the guys that i'd like i'm out loud i think jim norton is one of my favorite comics in the world but then he came over to my podcast i should have just so his dick for an hour because little really i sat there and i was like i just posted it today and it's getting like tons of hits but everyone is like one hour there were like you really were blowing this it'll be an anthony right and i listen to the show all the time i love tough tough crowd right and i listen to him on your podcast which was amazing and then he came over to my house and i'm like can you tell the story that you told with a child well he's you know i
i know each time it's hard when you have genuine admiration or you want to express it are you trying to figure out how to not be like so fanboyish and just get over it but it's also part of the enthusiasm of being not just a comic but a fan of comedy you know you're a fan of it huge fan i'm more i would say sometimes i'm more a fan than a comedian because i'd love i love laughing i love la bing i go online and i'll watch videos fucking all night long i watch patrice is elephant in the room i might watch it out once a month nola you know my favorite joke on that asthma and one of my favorite bits i think it's from elephant in the room where he talks about what position is open or girl get mad you know that you know i want more out of this relationship i want this and i guess that that position is not open and is like when you go for a you don't say i want to be a ceo of a company with that position is not open the position that's open is i come over
clock in the morning you suck my dick i drink your last snapple that positions open fucking such a good bit your favorite martian 'cause it's so it's so like defines especially when you're single and you know every man and woman who has been single has those moments where you're with someone where you like is there this could go away and i'll be alright you know like girls need sex just like guys do don't play games i did the girl who admitted to me that you use me for sex i go i am cool with that knows this it we we got it all out on the table this issues like that but you know there's people let's get into situations where you feel that way but they want marriage they i want you to be the number one and they'll make you feel bad like you're doing something wrong like you're a piece of shit because you don't want what they want and then patrice the way we like label it out there like no that position is not available here's what positions available
you tell me if you want it makes that joke genius in my opinion i love this this is what i loved about patrice was the the truth of it the fact that that is and you know it's true because you know he drink or less snap that's the best part of that joke you come up because a lot of comics would just leave it as the pistons opens where you suck my dick because you think it would end big that's a big hard word but the web page trees patrice great was and i drink your last step that adds the flavor you know it's like the extra spice in the stew it's like the way he said my favorite joke on the whole special is he's like i i i didn't know how important things are going to be like i never learned how to type and he was like i didn't i was too busy campi gay were gonna steal lunch me bitch and he's like a now i can't type so i can't talk to anybody 'cause you don't realize home i remember taking typing classes and going and actually what he said i'm not going to be a secretary 'cause that's why
your kids if you took typing and you're good at it you look great would be a secretary that that's how the world was set up you didn't everyone would need to learn how to type i do not think it's that hard to learn how to type i had no problem when it had type i didn't take typing in school i don't take it i learned how to type i learn how to type 'cause i got a computer in college and then worked but it was hot word why was peckenpaugh can feel like the first couple of years then i got one of those mavis baking typing typing programs you ever done that that's awesome i don't even know if they still make it but what it was was essentially a program you would run you'd run it on a cd rom and it was a game and it would be like it would tell you to press the r press are like it was like you're racing and like the r would come up and you have to press the tv come up you press at and you supposed to do it all without looking and it shows you on the keyboard where your finger should go and so you just do it and then eventually you kind of know where the are is where the tea is your
on the jay in the f and you know you figure it out and you just learn how to type and it didn't take long what i mean and i type now really clearly i i type fast i don't look at the keyboard i have a good brian to this day he's like to believe without looking at the keyboard it's bullshit like you've been typing as long as may you lazy fuck just learn how to type like you're saying it like i wish i could breathe underwater it's not like hard stuff to do i mean i did it was not an effort it wasn't like like all my god i can't believe i'm still doing this i can't type i can type without looking but then i have to go back to make sure that the right letters really because i i start type i can do it i can totally do it but then i got look didn't go see it you're looking at typing without looking you're looking at the words no i meant i meant like looking away like i can type a look at the page yeah but like i can't i can't like to even look away and then type like i have to i have to be seeing that i'm writing the right letters yeah well i definitely think i don't have typed like
in a conversation with someone and it be okay but yeah you want to look like at the actual screen as you type in what i mean is like looking down at the keyboard hunting and packing and took took third i had a disastrous situation once with this guy i got paired up with had a development during the pair me up with this guy to to write a script and there's a lot of things around to do he was going to full blown panic attack so we have meetings i mean full blown panic attacks where you couldn't talk he have these crazy anxiety attacks and the other thing was he couldn't type and i couldn't believe it i'm like you're a professional writer and you type he's like well you know writing is about creativity i go it's about put be able to put it down on paper what you still thinking about it it's going to write it yeah like you couldn't i mean it was the war it was like he just started typing today wasn't just like he was battered packing a poking his hunter s thompson pectin poke the day died but he would you know he had this thing
where he would do it and you know he figured out how to write books by packing and poking it's funny if you were seeing video of hunter s thompson typing know by feel like have jamie thanks see if you can find a video of hunter s thompson typing 'cause it was kind of funny he would just get these two index fingers are just and he had this kind of spastic thing you would do his arms up in the air and it was really interesting i could lose three fingers and still type so i think only use like this one my two thumbs my two pointers and like one up here i think i use all things i don't use pinkies i use all of 'em if yeah you start typing program man you should do it you know help me a lot it will definitely make you type quicker i know they have some typing programs i don't know if they still have the mavis bacon but that's what i got i need to learn how to read out loud but this mother fucker was pack and poke and and he also would would have the i mean out from fear and loathing are there okay
well this is sort of an imitation of it by johnny depp this is sort of like how he would type this is johnny depp doing it five years six it's here i'm playing with interest thompson he probably pull this down or they were going to get fucking pulled off of youtube anyway probably already told enough we want money from you you've referenced something in pop culture but this dude was a professional writer couldn't right and would go his pitch meeting guy supposed to pitch mean in full panic attack i mean panic attack hustle well the the the pool to plot the part part with further you know joe is our guy who's are working in s1 place and then i'd be looking at him like og
listen i didn't want to interrupt and break in 'cause he's also it's very awkward when you're there and someone's talking about you like your qualities like what's good about you but i'm like this is so pointless this is awake this meeting is done so yeah over as soon as you start stammering they're not going to give you a show to run you fucking stammering fuck taking shit together take a meditation class or something to breathe he also used to do warm up when he was a comic quick comment couldn't couldn't handle the common anymore but i have like this weird bitterness towards other comedians it was very odd but he told me that he was in the middle of a warm once for a let's just not say the name of the guy he was warming up for because we might already told the story and giving up the information but just in case i don't want his name to get out there yeah he would work for this up big name guy a psicom guy who just happen to be black and as he was warming up the
he had this panic attack where he got his head yep they tell you this nope i heard on the podcast and i hope i listen to your podcast walking through new york and you told us to yeah and i'm walking to a presentation corporate presentation where i am the host and i literally went you mother fucker and all my brain said was giggling yeah this is what the guy said he got this idea in his head say nigger a for no reason but like when x have anxiety issues or when folks have mental issues that that that that can happen your you can get a hitch like a what for whatever it is a good news it just gets stuck in your head and for him couldn't talk and he was doing this warm up and he was just when it was over he was just a shaking sweating mass and it was just a a wrestling match to not say nigger while he was warm up a sitcom com cripple
that i think that will work for anyone you get that in your head when you you are no i wouldn't let it in you don't let it in god damn it got about it thank god but i'm walking in and i've heard you say that now went mother i worry that we can get you yeah well iris yeah it's it's it's a brain thing i'm i can think myself into an anxiety attack can you really gel i thought i thought myself into big ones so what is an exact idea tack exactly what is the feeling like the first time or when i was a kid i was like probably when we say well i was definitely ten years old was probably twelve and i was watching johnny carson and all i could feel like was in he was shouting at me and his head was real tiny like like from beetlejuice his head was tiny and he was shouting by you yeah and i was like i was like freaking out and i went in my dad's room was like i can't i think i'm gonna die and he was my dad let go back to bed and i was like ok great i'll just white knuckle this night
and then and so then i and i but i know it was and then the next time i had one more i realized i realize one day i will die and i went what that like you got real heavy everything she real clear and then let you start spiraling you get like blinders on as physically you've got blinders on and everything with tunnel vision and you lose kind of like everything feels like uneasy and you can feel your heart race i mean it happens differently for every person i've kind of struggled with them a little bit and i would get them on planes that's why i started drinking on planes but i can think of mice into a panic attack like last time i was here i was going through one remember i was like i have a pay on my side that was a panic attack no no but it was one that had been building throughout the time and i was like mother fucker where you just start thing about it and then you lay in bed at night and your head you have no control over your thoughts how much exercise do you do a lot now yeah a lot right cardio lot i'm running i'm doing i told you i had got battle ropes should've googled you before i tried using them but i just tried to
fucking number or without them attached anything and i just basically bullet myself in the head with a fucking forty pound road i held on to both like like i was running a stagecoach ok to and just went he broke just came and my daughter is watching and the rope came back and i just turned it last minute hit me in the side and i hit the ground and you were just like are you ok laying on the ground and mike motherfucker in georgia goes i don't think that's how you're supposed to use the other thing yeah i know is my texted you and you like put him onto a kettle bells should've texted you before i saw a dumbbell or you could wrapped around a tree even i put him on i put him on a kettle bell and then i put him in my grass it might loosen up have a bad back and it helps loosen up my back i had an anxiety attack one weekend i was in syracuse and i listen to boss rutin one by his arm and i started i started figuring 'cause i've had this back problem from riding roller
i was like what if i get that sound you know you got a fucked up job dude your job is mean you've taken so many people on roller coasters you have a bad back put your hands on that's so crazy it doesn't even make sense then you won't be the only guy ever probably has a fuck back from riding roller coasters start spiraling there like get tendonitis in your elbow and like mother fucker i was like and then i ran into that like next week i would like to talk to me about back issues were like but like some people are prone to anxiety i think i have to do a lot with your diet has to do a lot with your exercise like when i'm not exercising i'm fucking gone the theory that the body is in some ways like a magnet for energy stores up energy and if you don't push that energy out it starts freaking out it doesn't know it's at least my body i mean my only theory is based on my personal experiences and the way
my body works is if i don't exert energy in a very powerful way like like a hard cardio like hard lifting running hills or something like that where i would go we blow it out if i don't do that several days a week i get these mo that's where i i know that like my body wants to do something and it wants to like overreacted things you know and i feel like that's what a lot of people say lie all the guys got a bad temper again into a lot of what people have is just we call it a bad number but a lot of his poor management of your enerji resources and that you haven't but phone out that enerji in sort of this way where your body is at an even it's not 'cause otherwise your body kind overflows with this excess anxiety or stress or energy and if i force myself just like i forced myself to brush my i enjoy it i enjoy working out but it said it it's i'm not getting away from it i have to do it
i don't necessarily i don't like it so that i don't like me when i'm not exercising but i don't like me as much and i create more problems i create more problems in my personal life i create more problems with how i relate to people i create more problems when i'm when i'm stressed and i've always had this thing where i would go long periods of time like i'll go a week without working out just going to fucking busy i can't do it but i don't accept that anymore i've over the last few years especially this last year i completely that's now no longer an option because i'm not at my best i'm not at my just as a human being i'm not at my best as dad i'm not at my best as a either or as a husband rather i'm not at my best as a podcaster i'm not at my best as a comedian and it can be fixed it's like something that can be it's not like i wish i could fly like no i can work out i can just use do it you know so i for
myself now i get a hundred percent absolutely there's not a week goes by that i don't work out i make sure i get it in i just read a really interesting article about sleep and they were doing was a sleep study they were saying that they put a bunch of people that they've done a test group of but overlook four weeks they did a group id at six hour a group of seven four hours and a group at eight hours and they found that like if you slept hours you were x eventually more active and then they saying that's why lebron james sleeps like eleven hours at night 'cause 'cause i have planter fasciitis with the feet so i had to like slow down my running and i notice that is getting like i was drinking more because i was depressed 'cause it was like this my room and then one night i just i just didn't drink and i slept solid like stuff like nine hours and my feet felt in the morning and i went oh i wonder if it and then i read this article and says that your body can't repair itself if it doesn't get into the smp sleep or something
not the rem but the deep like lower your blood pressure lower your body temperature like get yourself like out that's when the body starts repairing itself and like you get sicker easily and i was like so one the road i'm doing these like quick turnaround you do it late show thursday night then you got or two shows thursday friday night and you got press or whatever and you're getting six hours sleep you're not letting your body repair itself so that's where plantar fasciitis comes in all these elements of people have now it's like they are almost was like nerve diseases where everyone's just like like just pain with our free what's called us all commercial on it and as i was like i guarantee with a low a lot of it has to do with sleep you totally right absolutely i notice a big difference between also sleeping all those hours in a row like sometimes i'll have to to do something early in the morning and i'll get like four hours sleep i'll take a nap in the afternoon but it's not the same there's still backed up it's not the same and you can't you can't re catch that deficit that's the other thing there saying is that you can't like makeup sleep so once you get it you
missed it you just don't it's gone forever like i was losing well you can get it but you have to do you know like they say it's like half time so it gives you know you've missed four hours sleep the night before you need an extra to the next nine or something like that yeah but the sleep is a huge very tito ortiz when he was a champion used twelve hours a day a day is it raining so much he would go to bed and go to bed at like midnight and wake up at noon just sleep yeah we need it you need to record my kids sleep twelve hours aday my kids sleep late my kids are like stoners now wake up at like one thousand one hundred and thirty in there like what the fuck what do we let summer right now you know summer time for kids is fucking awesome how to send me the night and put i lose my like little loose cannon shot put into bed she goes i talk to you for a second is like eighty eight this one in eight year old girls could i talk to you for a second it's such a weird moment i go yeah she was getting bad so i get in bed next to her like she like post stuff on her elbow and she goes
i believe in time travel whoa like that i'm like it's fucking real she came back from the future and talk to herself and now she's going to clear it with me that's where my brains that i'm like this is a great beginning to a great movie and so i was like i do and she goes do you think i could come back to this time right now and i was like what do you mean she's like if i go into the future and make a time travel machine could i come back to here i go yeah what be this age i you be older she that's it and i was like the fuck i wanted to get more in your head but you don't want to like start picking the parts i go go to bed and i'm going to hit him like i'm going out to the fucking man cave on a cocktail fucking i was like that's cuz i'm upset time travel so that gives you an excuse to pour cocktail start anything you need to start treatment cocktails we need is our dream os start when i when i have a cocktail the first drink figure it's like a like it gets it's gets the juices going you're like whom this is that ernest hemingway moment
the earnest hemming will you do you really believe in time travel i do in what way i believe that i believe in a couple things i believe that there are parallel universes all over the planet and that you can jump back and forth for those parallel universes based on like i said i read read this thing again i'm doing a poor example of explaining it but i believe they're universes that i have died in but this is the that i'm living in right now and i think there will be times right dying in the universe but i'll hop over other ones that makes we just live a joint right yeah i think we might have to what what makes you think this like what where is this coming from like is one thing to have like a theory that that could be possible it certainly could be i mean just the universe itself it's so bizarre yes there are hundreds of billions of planets in this galaxy this is one of hundreds of billions of galaxies in the known universe that this universe might be a part of an infinite number of universes because each black hole has one half of one percent of
mass of the galaxy it's a super massive black hole and they believe that inside that black holes another universe where you time travel in those black holes i just saw something online about it but i have i'd like have you seen time travelers wife no if i tell you about it i'll start crying is the greatest movie ever is it like old yeller i want to see oh yeller it's better it's better as a comic is best i talked to dunkin about it one time and he cried nobody bucket with duncans so dunkin like you can't bring half a subjective right 'cause he knows the rest of it and filled up with satan greatest movie ever rape he goes you you know diane father movie i go yeah he goes does he suck his own dick i already goes then it's open the book but still feel a bloody read the book because yeah he goes back in time it teaches himself to jack off he does like are you serious and duncan yeah so it goes
back in time and talks to himself about jerking off teaches himself had i haven't read the boulders just saw the movie i don't know we gotta call dunkin god so he goes back in time and sucks his own dick i guess duncans won the game in this information that's not necessary i mean jesus cried all the shit you can do if you had a time machine i'm gonna go back in time and suck my own dick really about yeah how about see a dinosaur that's what everybody would do right when you say like that you believe in time travel do you think that time travel is happening right now that you believe that there's it's possible that someone could come here right now and they could be from the future i hope so i hope so i believe that when you die you time travel for everyone else like i think you keep living i don't believe in death i believe you keep living why do you think that because i don't want to die
i'm so obsessed with not dying but why do you see my thought is always that this life that we've looked at from the we were born the breathing in the breathing out the water in the ocean the trees that we just come to accept this is the only reality and that it's very possible that whatever happens when you die is just a spectacular but completely different in some in the unimaginable way and i get this from psychedelic variances that i've had that seems so real but they're so different from anything that you see in this life that it made me we consider this idea of what it is like the material life that we what is this material world and is the material world the only possibility for an existence i don't think it is i think this is just one possibility out of an infinite number of potential possibilities of
a life could be i think this is just the life that we're in right now this is what life is but the idea of live this kind of life over and over again uh i wouldn't say it's not appealing because i love life i have i'm having a great time i real enjoy it look at annoyed at you when you say that because they haven't fig life out or they don't i'm not not that i'm some sort of a master in life but i figured it out i'm better than you but what i'm saying is i figure a way to live a life that is very enjoyable for me i enjoy it and i am because of a lot of things i enjoy it because i have great friends i enjoy it because i love what i do for a living i enjoy it be 'cause i love my family i enjoy it because i love just just have a passion for learning things and i have a passion for just six sperian sing things there's so much to live and experience in this life i'm enjoying the fuck out of it and the idea of this like
the most terrifying things for people is the idea of reincarnation not just the idea of death but the idea that you live the same life over and over again i take it i this again i like this life this life is great i wouldn't like age why one through fifteen was rough really yeah from fifteen on things started getting a lot better but still a distill still like anxiety filled fucking crazy disaster well i mean i probably was deep into my 30s before i realize how to calm down and actually enjoy life and not just below running on ice like hoping i don't fall now just well like barely in control but moving somehow that's how i always felt and now i feel like i'm on solid ground and i'm moving forward it still completely unpredictable so it's still largely out of your control but the things you can control you kind of understand those things but for a lot of people the idea
living this whole life over and over and over again is terrifying that it's it's pointless i told my dad the other day i went through some drama back home with friends where friend passed and it was really fucking hard and my dad was talking about death and i was i got real surreal and i was like you know i don't think i mean like i think people would be sad at my funeral by guarantee you a lot of people would be like he did a lot more than we expected with the minimum amount of tools that god gave him he really milk the fuck out of whatever bullshit he had that's funny that's funny 'cause i want people the sad but i want people to also go i get you know who said it i just heard it so god damn it was fucking hixon gracie and he said you feel like you're absorbing his energy from that seat dude i saw the documentary choke he's a bad mother fucker that bad ass fucking documentary his
i and in what really got me into hixson was cron 'cause i listen to the podcast ron he seemed very grounded you seem very real going back to the valley tudo ann like i'm gonna do it and you just like and i i didn't even know what that was at the time i was he does a really fascinating family i'd like to see a movie made about the father oh yeah yeah this guy aleah on my t shirt his stories like he jump in an ocean rescue people from sharks the kids are well i don't know why i tell you what you know i hung out with cory in that day and hoary and talked about as great as father lunch he challenged he got sent to jail man came out of the steps in rio de janeiro out of the courthouse and challenge the guide the guys brother to a fight at the court steps like this is like one thousand nine hundred and thirty just fucking rio de janeiro was insane and i've been to rio so now you have like the real scope of it and
meet brazilians and all his stories are so much better with the way he says them with a brazilian accent and i put you in the grave i put you in the beach that's how it goes if you don't like it 'cause this i don't know jujitsu i mean it's also fucking it was a great party we had a philosophy on life elio did very specific philosophy he believed that you live this life and if you do anything wrong if you do any in the wrong way you live the life over again you have to come back and do it again that was his thought he did he say that albert brooks movie groundhog day don't know though heaven where brooks goes to heaven and every time they show mall's mistakes in life you know that none of the u to it's a that's okay yeah it's a fun one example of double a double to its own bull don't jesus christ but the idea behind that is scary to a lot of people you know that you have to like when life
presents you scenario you have to pick the correct answer you have to do the correct thing have the correct behavior that is thought i this one of the one of the first times ever actively considered that possibility was reading an interview with him what he was talking about let him the way he says it he was on older man dog a jujitsu and he was saying it in portuguese and they were translating it in english but he was saying that this is he wasn't saying it like i think maybe it could be possible now he was just stating it as a fact that you will live this life over and over again until you get it right what a tough place to grow up in brazil he was just unbelievable
stud i'm just an incredible bad motherfucker an not like a physically imposing man he was one hundred and thirty five thousand one hundred and forty pounds small guy like maybe one hundred and forty seven like at his heaviest he wasn't big by any stretch of the imagination wasn't physically strong wasn't some kind of freak athlete wasn't particularly flexible just smartest fuck tough shit just figured out first of all never had sex and less it was for procreation came in every girl he ever had sex with he had like nineteen kids and i'm not bullshitting he had a ton of kids and all of 'em killers he mean he raised the greatest fighters the martial arts world has ever if you want to talk about a family there's never a family that can fuck with the gracie cinematic close second it's like what's the greatest martial arts family of all time the gracies everybody would say that the crisis is direct only the shamrocks tried to do that right well
they try to name all the kids it off the shamrock yeah but that's you know that's that's the take on it first of all it's that bob shamrock was a this great guy who took in a lot of kids that had troubled pasts and he would take a lot of memory in one thousand nine hundred and eighteen twenty and adopt them you know we take them as it older they were already troubled kids like frank shamrock went into great depth about it like you know who's really troubled and had all sorts of legal problems and everything when bob took him in and he changed his name to shamrock and then ken shamrock of course same thing you know so bob unlock the guy who did that was just a really great guy who taught those young men how to be a man that's important oh without a doubt hugely important but it's very different than what a leo did a leo just made an army with his dick he liked
created an army like all these people that were born out of his his procreation they became these killers he's killer fighters he's basically starting a franchise from his dna he started a jujitsu franchise like robert hartman did within profits in a way that's almost impossible replicate today unless you're a fucking sociopath you can only do this in nineteen forties is shoot loads and checks he was the only honorable seed of you just to buy just sweet now does hallways and horry on and hicks and have the same moms that's a good question some of them do not have the same mom's i do not believe that voice and hicks and have the same mom i think they have different moms there's a bunch of mom's in the picture and he i would love to fuck married not married i don't know what you're talking about i'm fuck it and i'm making babies and his thing is like you know he would talk about every time i would have sex is for procreation ikea
he wasn't having recreational sex he was trying to make babies blow jobs on the other end the story i don't know maybe but he was such a gangster man he's so interesting i had steve maxwell in the podcast before and steve maxwell and he was before he was even black but i believe he's a brown belt he was training with hoisin he went to stay stayed for a couple months at ilios farm in brazil and ill deal with you know he had cows and goats and he would milk the goats and they would make cheese with goat milk was all raw unpasteurized cheese would grow his own vegetables he had like a way of living that was like really like close to nature like he didn't believe in preservatives he didn't believe in antibiotics for animals and like everything that he ate was like stuff that he grew and did everything like in a very natural way faster before it makes you feel like a bitch and here but
i like that i just cooked the guy just i mean i'm still jack think about all the times you pulled out your life how about him never just fucking roaring into the abyss with this come more babies bring them to me i will raise them and turn them into an army compressed by the challenging people like the hixson does like they challenged people who fight and they go out challenge you do if i haven't challenged anybody shit well that's probably good in this day and age doesn't it's like you know challenge someone to a race and all that's invented invented's bicycles yeah today they have a thing called car is going to lose the fucking race value over the bike i'm going to race you think i blows by owner car like you challenge people to fight today i'm going to fucking stab you so i'm going to shoot you it's a different world that we live in it was a different world in hixson's time you heard the stories that he was telling about people showing up to kids with guns and knives and shit but i think what i was doing it was such a wild time like living
in brazil at that time completely different era you know completely different time as far as martial arts to was almost known like the the the the reality of martial arts at that time was essentially asian was all asian influenced it was japanese karate and it was calm food and then there was india had some wrestling and then there's iran had wrestling there's some different cultures at grappling arts but essentially all of it was coming from asia there was nothing in south america there was nothing in the mail in north america it was boxing you know people at the hand techniques and some wrestling but the what they had started what his family started was to a revolution change martial arts from that seed to see this that was planted by my ada by this this guy that come to to japan to teach he came from our from japan to brazil to teach he he planted seeds in these brazilian people that speak
across the entire world within one hundred years mean less than one hundred years later martial arts have evolved more substantially than we have in the last one thousand it's really the last twenty years from the time americans found out about it from ninety three on from ninety three on is that when you just to shut up that's when did you to shut up in the form of the ultimate fighting championship that's weak sauce so funny horse gracie because only taken a long time for it to take root michael rose was like grew one of my friends is from saudi arabia thank you but he grew grew up as either a but is that any work for coke or something or you know be a job over there any came back to the states in the as an eighth grade i met him in like seven grade eight grade and he would learn jujitsu in saudi arabia and he was talking about jujitsu and i remember the first time i ever heard about it i love you arabia wow i wish i could get in touch with him callan grew up overseas like that my cousin hung out with you the other night who's your cousin big kid like with you hung out with you and county friends of talent
where is andrew hobson where was this the imp like you guys are all hanging out and my cousins i go i met joe and i said oh really did you tell me my cousin he's like why the fuck would you do that he's like i don't know i said what did you say goes what like you after you left it was kevin callan and he said yeah my i think my cousin is friends with joe and callen goes who's your cousin he goes bert kreischer analogous cousins birthday haven't even brought that up that's a weird thing now bring up at a comedy club and especially he's been hanging out with calendar like weeks he's never mentioned that is my cousin how do you hang out why is he hanging out with caroline what's going on i have no idea he's like a screen he's a writer and he's trying to put something together for caroline so it's a big i don't you know count your good guys he's like eight come hang out with a beer watched the fight or whatever i think i was like oh come now we're doing how many juice and then you and him are hanging out i go andy and andrew urine moment we could just simply make things very casual say hey my cousins bert kreischer annual and you
just been like how cool and that's it you would have never leveraged it by go fucking bring not because well then maybe next time maybe like i'm tired of being broke russia's cousin i want to be myself i wanna be me man this is fucking bullshit bert living in your fucking shadow is just a interesting the way people carry themselves i'm the first person like that it's like think about eddie bravo on the street i was first of all is like i it's bert 'cause i never think anyone remembers my name bible expert on friends with joe like i would connect this issue right away yeah that's probably the best way but then if you've done not ever heard someone do that and then you bring it up to the person they don't know that fucking dude that's weird when someone like become really friendly with you under false pretenses it finds that you find out they don't really know that person yeah that's awkward really all i was afraid that i was afraid when i was met hickson that saying that i'd work i'd roll i'd whirled around with his brother i don't know if they were friends or not they have issues
i was nervous and i'm an idiot now it's on the non indian at all no big deal just because they have issues doesn't mean you have to have issues with them well i can't i just be confident of to go hi my name's burt is very nice to meet you because you want to tell stories and you know you'd be you know i've had so experiences with jujitsu as an untrained guy that was unhurt bert right yeah that was the craziest fucking show i couldn't believe what you did on that show i'm glad you didn't get totally hurt other would god did i broke my ribs and broke my foot but you're alive yeah i'm glad i'm alive totally hurt is dead just a lot of fucking shows where you could easily get totally hurt i i'd i could have really gotten up but thank god i didn't i will i will i mean i the other thing i was told him about the other day the thing was crazy but to the shows that like we technically shot a porn one day really yeah like
no questions asked they sent me to a dominatrix camp and they sent me to a dominatrix and then i was the gimp so like i was tortured for like not even like not even like thirty minutes for like five hours but they bring me in for folks only listening he said dude and then he scooted his chair back put his hands on the rest and adjusted here we go i they show the whole premise was i didn't know what i was going to do but i was walking in the mountain of the men shoes so i show up to this place is on it's like downtown by the ralphs downtown if you take say all the way down it's in a mansion down there right but right in that area a downtown mansion yep was a huge fucking house i don't even know they had mansions downtown old school that's where la started yeah yeah if you ally fifteen times it downtown was where everything started so the further you go is the expanse of expensive la and then make a leap to the beach so the connective tissue from the beach to downtown hey hey brian shut the door
and so um so anyway so they take me to this mansion i'm in the van and then this dude comes out turn it switch to turn out later this dude comes out with a blindfold and he's like you put this on so i put it on and then two girls grab me by both arms and like walk me through a mansion and i'm walking through this like downstairs upstairs up these there's and then i can feel the lights of a room on like i can feel the energy change so i go and sit in a in a gynecological exam table but it's steel as i sit they start taking my pants off to take my turn off my don't wear underwear in there like don't worry you won't need it totally naked totally don't worry you won't need it totally naked tie me up my arms first then my legs then they take the blindfold often is this chick mistress isabella and she is in straight up latex outfit with their tits but
without a zipper on her vagina and she has a cattle prod she's like today you're going to be a gimp and just prods me in the balls and so probably electrical like electric prod my knowledge of not not a cap did i'm i'm using large terms to express the at the event but like not like a letter that not but like electric shock like dick and shocks my balls like i i'm like a new producers allowed all this to take place my producers are sitting on apple boxes in front of me we're all sitting on apple boxes with cameramen that are sitting on tripods they've got lights live around morning hawk the executive at the time for fox is city here too and for like three hours they put five pounds it's on my balls lots they fucking five pounds nipple clamps with weights on the nipple clamps candle wax and it won't go ahead five pounds they work up to that they put a one pounder and then they put they put this thing around your balls that looks like a bracelet it looked just like this
put it on your balls like this and then got two sides like hasidic jewish is ringlets that are chains and then they put a weight on it just hold him down it didn't actually hurt that bad but the lady said alright are you ready would you rather the speculum and i was like next she's like or the sounds and also i would the sounds so she thank you i mean open your i'm expect any speculation i'm guessing yeah so she puts opens the this leather briefcase and there's different like steel rods the look look look like this been there like this and there's some are different shaped sounds like i want to sound i don't even know what that is but it looks like harman tuning forks that you hit and go and put my balls and i'd be like is she goes all right he wants to sounds lubim up i go look him up or do you you put them because we put them in your urethra and i was like i go why the fuck do you call them the sounds then and not dick sticks or something else she goes 'cause
one makes you make a different sound i was oh that's not sounds and i was done it's not sounds if you have to make them yourself that's like going to a hamburger place they go alright did you bring your own beef like what the hambre replace the fuck you don't sell hamburgers the sounds you make you sounds she's going to play me like instrument so you do this for how long first and then we went downstairs she was actually pretty cool and she was pretty hot pretty hot six i must say i must say hard seven low eight part seven part seven like like she like a definite so it's hard to judge 'cause she was in latex so anyone in latex automatically is like a six but but she had a really pretty face but she had like the you know the kind of face where you're like i'm attracted to it but it's not like my ideal like that she's a librarian fucker but if
what is a hooters waitress you like you know i mean you can google or google or miss john know know know know you can see what she looks like i'm sure i don't want to give her any press he's out there needle and people and put in fucking sounds in their dick yeah she was like this one dude came out and like look like he got done in the gym had like a bag on and he was like look like you get cleaned up and you just got outta gym if that's the only way i can express it became out of this door from downstairs i go who is he she was so i'll see you later he's like bye thank you so he's been down there for the weekend i was like what she's like you have some pay to stay down there and i torture them throughout the weekend oh god i was like really in the whole right pull up picture this bitch up mistress isabella and i say bitch with
all love and respect she's i'm sure she'd want the press of people buying her videos one if she still doing it i'll never forget that name though mister and she had her assistant was this asian chick who is hot as fuck this is the best part of the whole thing is at the very beginning they look at my dick and it's so small and she looks yells back to the asian shake she goes we're working with the blood cock i go what like she was working with a blood agreed on any issues yeah your view the blood what does that mean i go yeah exactly like what it would as opposed to and only because type of near disease like something going on she was no no no there's meat cox and there's blood cox you have a blood cock it means that when blood shows up to your cock it ben looks good but until that blood there it doesn't look any good when you meet cock you have a lot of meat on your cock and then very little room for blood so guys that have big dicks oft or meet cox she saw his fucked yep that's her that looks like her yeah that really looks like her miss you isabella is she in la yeah she's beautiful
she's a she's a seven but my balls were getting tortured i don't fucking remember perfectly maybe this is just like a really good picture but that yes yeah that does look like her 'cause she's like yeah she's pretty hot that's pretty hot i wouldn't say that i'd say that's like at least that picture the picture that i'm looking at go back to the other thing she gave like video online videos of what who is better now that i mean have a blank screen the vcr give me a bunch of vc rs of dominatrix stuff man some of the shit was so hot vcr tapes of dominatrix stuff yeah this before you could like get online and have quick internet to watch whatever the fuck you want so like like you always have fast internet but like but like there was a very big period of time up until like i want to say like two thousand and four that like downloading porn just took forever unless you have like dsl and this is before then this is like two thousand and one and so two thousand and two and so she gave me a bunch of vcr she's like she the one thing that really turned me on and i was like what the fuck was
and then and then i regressed in the middle of all this torturing and i remember the first thing i ever saw sexually was at a new stand and it was damn it was a girls tide up when i was like first grade so first thing i ever saw and i went woo she will check these videos out see if you like him and like i wish i still one of the videos so she did something to you while you were in the middle of being tortured to like well you just fucking hit it whatever it is like that was it but and i said marshmallow safe word marshmallow give me the fuck outta here i want to blow a load in front everybody wow is that good it was with latex and she had been bound like like you were sending a package to somebody and she was i was like and i you see what or if i was going to talk to a woman like that i would want to know what she does in her personal life like this is like your job like you like super normal you know like like they're usually submissive when their mistress
in their personal life at least all the people that i know a lot of those guys because of my ex girlfriend and all of 'em like spank beat i know this one girl that would go up to san francisco get her ass kicked by a guy would pay her money just to get her ass kicked and just come like thousands of dollars but usually in real life stop her money to get her asking yeah i mean there's a that the whole communities really up like there's there's that there's mistresses and there's there's guys that do it also the guys are creepy as the guys a creepy would you saying though the guy would beat her up the guy would pretty much beater up like what would what we would think is beating up to her it was called a fetish it would be like spanking beating you would have electrical prods that you would like electrocute the person she would come back black and blue
so every time he would pay her and then she could show up and he got off on beating her yes i wouldn't trust to do that i would think that that guy is going to take it too far get his credit card number first that's not enough you gotta fucking use it on amazon dot com fuck you i'm a ghost i'm ordering shit online major balls yeah this i don't know why but for me is one thing like if a dude like to get tide up and beat up by a check that's not as disturbing as a guy who wants to be to check up the ugh i wanted to be the check up is fucking that's dangerous to me that's scary don't you in front of microphone but that's just weird i can't help it man you got me on the fucking just push the microphone aside or don't eat while the podcast is on it's only a couple hours buddy you can get through it i know you can do it you're strong stromberg pressure yeah i don't know i don't build this summer of really bums me out about a guy that wants a beat up a check yeah well this is i mean well paying our lease is going
the right way is it i mean really i mean i don't know man it makes me think of like was it was it seven was at the movie seven american psycho that's what it was yeah american psycho where he would do fucked up shit to them and then pay them and then he ran into the girl on the street and she's like no get away like i would love for you to get a high end prostitute in here like a girl just to hear her stories of like i guarantee she's got some fucked up stories looking at about that when you get a high end prostitute you don't hear stories just fuck them jesus christ we me and my buddy eddie so this i mean the hottest chick i've ever seen in my life in vegas where we're just walking around and this girl comes up and she's like if you guys wanna party and i remember thinking not knowing she's a prostitute the hottest girl i've ever seen in my life and i was like one thousand and ten no questions asked ten after a car accident ten in a softball uniform and i was like fuck yeah and she was like one thousand five hundred bucks
there were like fifteen like i remember going how good is that but it's going to be amazing for fifteen stupid rich billionaire dude who fifteen i mean if you have a billion dollars with one thousand five hundred dollars it's like fifty dollars to you probably not even five bucks five dollars to you what do you think the market price the fair market trade price for pussy is when he went out i think that if you're getting like a street walker you one thing and i can get up to like several thousand dollars there was a woman who used to there a website and it brought up on my message board in bunch of dudes got so mean with her it's just i felt real bad 'cause they were they were like going back and forth with her and i think she even signed
from my message board but it was some insane amount of money is like six thousand dollars an hour or something like that hello maybe six thousand dollars a day three thousand dollars an hour or you could do the whole evening for six grand or some like that but it's a lot of money and a lot of them have websites and they you know they will like talk about themselves in these very flattering in glowing terms and talk about their interest only and you like yeah but you're a prostitute like if if all these things were awesome about you while would you be a prostitute that's the weird thing about prostitutes like this guy had a real interesting point i was watching this ted video the other day we talked about bus yeah i was talking about prostitutes and he was also talking about pornography and like what's negative about pornography and one of the things you it was like the social exile aspect of it that like say if ok like here's a perfect example
i would invite you over to my house anytime you want to come over and have dinner you been over my house before my kids parties and shit you're a good friend but if you told me that you had been to a prostitute wouldn't affect me at all like i wouldn't i wouldn't go fucking birds never coming over my house again that sick fuck course i'd have you over but if you had been a prostitute i would never you are and what he was saying is we will sit down with people that have been brothels i have no reservations like people have been a brothel sometimes times will laugh it off but you don't sit down with prostitutes when you person actually pays for sex that's one thing but when a person gets paid for sex especially a woman like we put them in this like very undesirable social outcast category yeah so i mean you know molly crabapple she's a artist who was on the podcast once very talented art it's a very interesting thing or two
smart woman and she she has friends that are sex workers she's she's a see anything wrong with it you know her attitude is what's the big deal it's just sex you know that's what they do and they have they have a good time and they like to clients and you know she has friends who do it and you could see it that way i could in she obviously did she's very intelligent but i think for most of us that's not how we see it we put people in a category and that's like a forbidden thing to do right now
you agree there's there's definitely different kinds of prostitutes like i i back in the day before i need a new one i would i would think that also but nowadays with these porn prostitutes that there's a website that don't i won't say bye it's all the high end prostitutes that are important and you can sit there and and pick which one you want and then you have to send you have to get the doctor you have to get tested you send your reports to them you have to get your driver's license your credit card you have there they'll do it they're going to do a full background check once all this happens then you get like a proof but every time you want a new prostitute if it's after thirty days just like a porn star you have to get retested again send the sim and information but these are high in people these are presidents of companies these girls are likes anywhere from two to six thousand dollars but it that come to me it's like okay this is just like porn you're just doing
for now this is the the person's been tested background check by the block you're doing it maybe once a month to get an x or six thousand dollars i can see that a little bit more than like somebody that's like hey i have a room at the motel six i'm it you know i'm gonna be here all day and then out that to me that's discussing that's like that's like a horrible that's like what i think prostitute is well a lot of it was just like when they're that it's just drug addicts that are making poor decisions because they have to take chances 'cause they need to get their fix what you're talking about is like a slick escort situation which yeah for the girl probably definitely better and for the guy probably better too and it's way better than porn if you think about it 'cause i mean like these people presidents of companies have been tested everything no one knows about it where like play pay no about it they have a database you know about it reddit car and they told you right well what i mean like it's not on everybody's doctor they get tested for stds right but but what i'm saying is it's not advertised for the whole
would be like oh look at this person's butt hole and pussy and they're getting fucked by this guy you know it's like you don't get to see it so i see what you're saying is different it's weird well look my my stance on it of course is that everything should be legal i mean i think if you want to get your balls cat prodded and you know you want to get beat up by some dominatrix of course it should be legal obviously more of a problem like i said with a woman getting beat up it is it's it is my my core my dna hears that i just go like that that i don't know because i feel like a guy they would want to be the should have a woman like like the actor something deep seated there's some dirty inside that not just thirty like i i think they're dangerous like they they will want physically weaker than a man like did the like it makes more sense to maine that a man would want to get beat up by a woman cuz it's it's not you have to give in to her to do that like you could just feel like she could hit you too hard you'd like that's what the fuck
you know like yeah it would change the whole thing but these guys a lot of them that are these dominatrix clients there there like really powerful people who are in like you know these positions where they run companies and they have all these people that listen to them and they have to be buttoned down all day and they weren't eyes and shit and never speak and they get there yes mistress yes mistress and uh you kiss my foot you piece of shit yes mistress like they like that it's like a free release to them and the chick beat some up and some of the balls and like it doesn't bother maybe it's hypocritical maybe i'm narrow minded in my thinking but i've got a real problem with a guy wants to beat the shit out of chicks i think i think a lot of us do it's really fucked up to the guy that i'm talking about supposedly i mean i know a couple of people that used to do this and it would be like dennis chair in in a room like dark like dexter tide up and just like different things you pull out his like little tools and the whole time just like fucking
where the heart is with her no one that's that's a bunch of pad like to see how many of those girls wind up getting killed it must happen yeah must it must how many girls get killed every year by johns i mean it must happen remember that guy in vancouver not bad coopers outside vancouver somewhere bc who is a serial killer who is killing prostitutes and feed them to his pigs i heard pigs leave fucking anything i delete anything yeah that was that movie snatch that brad pitt movie yeah that's where i learned yeah damn it say something like i learned it and then i'm like oh you learn that on the real world i can say is a real deep philosophical it turns out pockets said it hey where we could be funny so over enough funds over
that yeah i've uh i don't know what i was saying but yeah that i'm fucking idiot pigs pigs and pray well yeah yeah pigs yeah yeah pigs fucking voracious eaters when their ruthless they they just run through bodies nobody in there of anything you know any kind of an animal they just eat delete everything delete everything the only thing you're supposed to do if you try to get rid of a body and you throw it in a pig pen is he supposed to smash the teeth 'cause they won't they won't eat the teeth totaly really come out i'm down yeah teeth will come out whole and then you have dental records and shit like that motherfucking so we need like a hardcore coffee grinder and you throw it make it shut up vita mix oh yeah you can run tech ever seen a blendtec blender iphone you should try teeth next time no i want to talk to you about bulletproof coffee so i'm sitting on my dad in tampa he buddy i'm going to give you the best coffee i've ever had i was like what
being bored a little of him this is like best friend i got he goes bulletproof coffee you're going to fucking love it but he's not doing he's not getting bulletproof coffee he's just using organic coffee that's fine and then doing the mix well you know that's fine right yeah but i feel bad 'cause there's a bullet proof of steve asprey or dave asprey listen don't feel bad 'cause let me explain to you all the fall out i don't know if you've paid attention to what happen now the original idea of mixing up in bulletproof executive is dave asprey's company and he has bulletproof this in bullet proof that and it's like sort of a marketing labeling thing so he called we'll prove croft is actually invented by a guy named rob wolfe and rob wolf came up with that a long time ago and wrote about it about mixing and c t oil and daughter in coffee no real quick and see to oil is medium chain triglycerides oil and what it is is they take the most nutritious aspects of coconut oil some different kinds of oil they spin a centrifuge and they take out this and i'm just
can coconut oil coconut oil is fine coconut oil is very good version or reversion you want raw you want raw coconut yeah it's very good for you anyway so do ask free was telling us was that his coffee was uniquely free of mycotoxins and that mycotoxins where we give people headaches mycotoxins will cause you to crash all these all these different things use attributing to mycotoxins in use even saying that point being here's the point he had no tests he wasn't showing us anything like like it was saying that all these different coffees of mycotoxins it's a real issue no one talks about it but when you start reading about it online i found out that this wasn't an issue at all like it wasn't something that people were talking about that were involved in the coffee world like there had been micro talks and issues in the past but they figured out a bunch of different weight cold process wet processing a bunch of different ways to deal with coffee see all coffee this is i found
this because i had peter giuliani on the podcast who is a coffee expert relation to rudy fascinating i know i think that's his name make sure this is right name peter giuliani i want i don't want to peter i've been to many conversations with todd carmichaels on travel channel he does he's a coffee expert he does like dangerous grounds in the name of the show peter giuliano that's his name very very good guy anyway so all coffee comes from ethiopia all of it all of it every car that's ever been made outside of ethiopia was originally in ethiopia and then they took it somewhere else and group coffee there so so i'm on the other i thought all coffee came from columbia yeah me too i thought i was like south american because you always hear about climbing coffee in and juan manuel what's his name one one you know one valdez one does yeah right was donkey well no it's a black guy picking coffee in either the
it's an ethiopian this thousands of different strains in ethiopia and maybe some i think you said for three to five elsewhere crazy wow all coffee comes from ethiopia okay okay may is more in three to five but what it does i'm a minuscule percentage i don't remember the exact numbers so be caught with ethiopia is a very dry climate it's a very very unique in that respect when they were taking coffee other places in growing it they were dealing with moisture they're dealing with mold that was growing and it took them while to figure out that this is bad they still have coffee rust still an issue but what he was saying would ask you were saying with no evidence whatsoever was that there was all these micro talks infected coffee everywhere you look the starbucks and com it was all bad for you so
we wound up doing tests first tate did caveman coffee tested their coffee and aspirin coffee their coffee which is single estate blend from colombia turned out to have no micro toxins in it whatsoever it was all done with wet processing ask coffee according to tate had below threshold levels which means it's not significant of two different types of mycotoxins so that meant that his process whatever is prof this was didn't wasn't completely eliminate ing it but it was nothing we had to consider what it's such a miniscule amount there's not not dangerous to your body so that gave us a red flags were like what the fuck so we started because we had been parroting what he been saying about michael i had been actually so and we wound up spending a lot of money on these tests we tested four different types of coffee for a broad spectrum of mycotoxins none of them had any in it so he was saying like seventy five percent of all coffee michael toxins in it but his coffee
it's not true it's just simply not true so he was benefiting from this it left me with a real moral dilemma as one of the owners of on it should we still sell this coffee ultimately i decided i still drink it so there's nothing wrong with the coffee but if you go into on its website you don't see any of that bullshit about michael toxins anymore what it is is good good single source coffee and that's it any unique fucking method that we have eliminating mycotoxins is not only not necessary it's you know only to him and not to the entire rest of the fucking multi billion dollar coffee world like they know how to take care of that shit it's hooey that's what it is yeah so if your dad's using organic coffee good coffee i'm sure it's fine and if it wasn't fine would know and not only that doctor rhonda patrick said that
small levels of mycotoxins actually they elicit a compensatory response from your body that can even be beneficial yes its member when he was saying like like i the thing that made me kind of go with that doesn't seem right when will i kept on going like when are you gonna test starbucks and he's like all it's really expensive enough and it's not you simply thousand bucks across this like you know four thousand bucks to test but that would be a good test to have if you had a company like i may spend the two thousand dollars i can say starbucks had a if you don't think starbucks right tester for coffee you know it's just it's it's really up look he is i said in the past that he had aspergers then he cured it with his bulletproof diet i suspect he has not i suspect we're dealing with a bit of a social issue here it's not just and he got famous from doing this stuff and being on a podcast introduced him to millions literally millions of people
an i feel really responsible in that way 'cause a lot of people like you were bout to parrot that your dad was doing it all wrong because your dad was getting this car for that wasn't michael toxin free guess wat all coffee essentially is fucking my coat oxen free mycotoxins real but this mycotoxins and everything is mike toxins in human breast milk there's michael toxins in porn are brits you have let's not talk about that weekend again but it's not the issue that he made it out to be not only that he also said something that we also should have fucking chase down on him he said his coffees you gives you an unique cognitive benefits home no mechanism in your coffee that uniquely makes you smarter it doesn't exist it's just coffee you it's not there's nothing special it's now genetically modified being from mars that makes your fucking brain grow when you drink a cup of java it's just fucking coffee does caffeine have cognitive benefits yes it does yes it
yes it doesn't has been proven these things are proven caffeine does coffee have antioxidant effects yes it does there's nothing bad with it i mean there's a lot of good aspects to coffee it's bad for you as long as you drink it in moderation but this idea that you know we got i thought we got hoodwinked i like the i like the recipe though with i do tabled by about a tablespoon and a half of coconut oil i do a teaspoon of that bothered that grass fed butter and it coffee games are very good collector of ideas he's an excellent collective ideas but he he doesn't have an any degree in nutritional science and in fact he got things wrong completely opposite that rhonda patrick was very upset about and she had a correct on the the cast really one of the things he got wrong was it is talking about diet and the effect that famine has on jeans and he got the total opposite way
there are urban studies that have shown that there's something about the bodies come pensa tori reaction to famine that actually can the children of people have gone through famine live longer he got it the opposite he was saying that it made the children who had parents that had nutritional deficits that they lived shorter lives it's just he doesn't understand it he's just parroting things and that's the problem with this more thing with what is essentially done with the bulletproof coffee thing was take idea from the paleo community paleo commune is all about healthy fats it's all about avocados they're all about like their diet term paleo has kind of been debunked in a sense because the paleolithic people you know they didn't necessarily eat i don't like the word palaeo for that reason 'cause scientifically it doesn't make sense but here's why it's good the
natural foods vegetables meats fish is those things are easy for your body to digest your bodies it's normal you give your body a salad and a good lean piece of chicken and your body has one hundred percent it knows exactly what to do with that there's no confusing you give your body a bowl of pasta and it's like what the fuck is this genetically modified grain that you've turned into a pasta that you boiled and then you've got you've got sauce that's got corn syrup in it so there's there's fucking hype but those corn syrup in the sauce and all this your body just go oh 'cause it doesn't know what the fuck to do with it that's the difference between eating paleo and eating processed foods that are heavy in nitrates and antibiotics and preservatives all the bullshit that's in the common you know modern diet that
is where the paleo people have it right and that there are benefits to having healthy fats in your diet it's it's good for your skin it's good for your brain you know all the different a essential fatty acids that you get from fish that you get from different foods like i said avocados and there's a lot of benefits to eating healthy natural foods so is that is that is the m c t oil and the and the grass fed butter is that just isn't as good fat for your body or does that get the causes what i'd say this people that are asking i don't know if this is accurate but it has oops the same way xanax gets into your fat molecules it helps getting caffeine into your fat molecules so it stays longer well this is idea behind it the idea behind it is that you blend the butter and you blend the mct oil and those healthy fats combine with the coffee and that it gives you more of a slow release aspect of caffeine because your body has to absorb slower now some people dispute that allen
on eragon who i'm going to eventually get on the podcasts very very bright guy and very interesting guy says there's no proof that it burns it slower that way but for me personally i find at least anecdotal evidence based on personal experiences that when i drink that bulletproof coffee style of coffee called the robb wolf blend called whatever you want last longer the buzz last longer and there's no crash because it feels my body is slowly digesting all the fats and it i don't just i don't know i don't but i'm not a scientist i'm not a doctor i don't think it's a placebo effect 'cause when i drink black coffee which we do all the time here is well sometimes jane will just make the black coffee i feel like i crash it goes up and it goes down and i think it just gets in your bloodstream quicker it's not attached to fats i love it i love the buttery top lip when you can get like if they taste good taste always good i like it for breakfast well i will i mean
we can make sure that i get a lot of nutrients or make sure i get a lot of healthy leafy green vegetables i a lot of spinach and kale and broccoli and all kinds of i think that's one of most important things to get his get healthy plant based nutrients i think it's one of the things that's missing from a lot of people's diets don't get in a fresh vegetables but you know sometimes i won't eat until you know two or three in the afternoon and the whole day all have you haven't eaten since noon today yeah i have a head bulletproof coffee and i had a protein i worked out to i worked out and then ropes fuck yeah i do yeah like like your ride an elephant yeah yeah genghis khan bomb alexander the greats
big is kind of watched the three hundred the new three hundred you know that john wayne played gangus khan in the movie oh yes i did we played it we played it on the podcast before it is diggity diggity dog shit so sorry to interrupt no it's ok it's so bad it's worth talking about it's amazing maybe we could pull it up again pull it up john wayne is genghis khan 'cause it's so fucking stupid there a lot of asians around how is that new three hundred terrible so hunger shit how 'bout snowpiercer that's amazing i've heard it so that's the one that jamie was telling me about yeah no i haven't seen it to me so they it is the first product that is now proving the video on demand is going to be better than movie theaters because i mean think about how imp you make in your place to watch movies
it is i i blocked our man cave surround sound i got both screens going so i can go like this it's kinda like a like you know i feel like i'm getting talk upon picture you is like a two by four that you slap on the door like one of those can you know how they really block up like a castle door clung with a big bolt i love it i put my i get i but i i'm it's my favorite you should have a red light that goes off when your wife needs to get a hold of you this or once you get ahold of we have walkie talkies and then they call you papa bear goldilocks for papa bear goldilocks for probably no you're such a maniac in solarium daughters talking walkie talkie language copy that that's funny gopher gopher goldilocks so ridiculous about that lucy movie that looks awesome looks like dogs yeah it's the same thing over and over again how many movies you could take where don't take something and they become superhuman
you know it's fucking limitless it's lucy it's this is that you know what's going to happen she's going to win and then it'll probably like wear off at the end should become a normal chicken she'll get knocked up and live in the suburbs and the cia will drive by our house real slow just to make sure that she's not fucking flipping cars through the air with their brain anymore place would be writing a blog yeah i remember how like the bradley cooper movie limitless fascinating to the end they wrapped it up with a fucking bow of shit like the way they ended it was so dumb that he liked figured out of fix it all on his own so it doesn't i can now how do you how do you solve the one major problem with this stuff that it wore off and you up after it was over here for the greatest movie ever okay with your kids have you the lego movie yes amazing took creators fucking very good everything is awesome everything is awesome that is the greatest movie could move for adults moving kids
yeah let's see genghis khan john wayne as long as randall they made a preview of the degree of the re cut version they try to make a an ancient civilization as in the sacred richard of our ancestors that might dying be without touching the cole bear the set looks heavens my spirit may forever council and protect the great kind of fat and shit even had just slaves have their sport with her head bowed quite hard listen to me there are moments for wisdom jim ogre then i listen to heal their moments for action then i listen to my blood i feel this charter woman is for maine backhander i have taken you for a whiteboard time and i take your dowry tomorrow onarga i'm a gift of it to wank on cs and bleed my strength in siege of wang khan city
i keep a ballman goals and henceforth rumor over the positions of wine con making allman present in a bar of those who oppose me shopping this driving do not disturb me in this paper flower not treachery her savar how bad actor with john wayne you had to be is white back then yeah that's set up for terrible i mean he did remotely sound mongolian talk among going listen to but isn't it also weird that that was like this sali like you talking about like was probably like the sixties right man made that process of how to be closer to the genghis khan days then today right it's two thousand and four obviously that was closer mean not a lot closer but turn off words measurable so far off of what the mongols were really like but whereas today
you could never make that movie like that could you imagine like let's say of ryan gosling wanted to play gangus khan and he was just fucking sleep walking through it just like that john wayne click you'd be like what the fuck in pieces shit is this but for whatever reason we're p who's dumber than when they are definitely one no one no one had any reference from who gangus kong one was but how would they dumber then if they had already invented the atomic bomb we couldn't invent the atomic bomb so someone in the 1940s oppenheimer was way fun smarter than anyone in this room i'm sure oppenheimer did not want to see them if you like what you ever use asian thanks we think about how many geniuses there were tests slows the beginning of the twentieth century you know that your tell you talking about super so your genius is incredibly brilliant people but yet the general population would accept a hunk of shit like that i mean that is uh really bad movie this is a theory that duncan i got into and i had
i had an idea and i asked dunkin about it in duncan took his i took the idea of the next level but the it was i was trying to google what christ's iq was let's see if what he got on the test is zero it would they never had accused back then now he didn't exist how about that oh i said it so but i was like i wonder if like jesus was smarter than the average person or the average person and dunking brought about pharmacy had where that everyone was basically like mentally challenged except for jesus who is the first per so it was like something about mary like he was basically this is a baseball behind your ear and they're like years morgan beans but i think that was duncans theory i'm fucking ruin conversations i have no you don't don't get hard in yourself to it you always do these sabotage right there exactly we're doing great but but i think that i think that i would guess that based on the internet or the information that we have our level of basic intelligence has increased exponentially from nineteen sixty
well i don't know if our intelligence has but our knowledge has that's right yeah i mean the capacity to hold information seems to be the same that's why we run into issues like there's a issue with that you know the dunbar one hundred and fifty people you keep one hundred and fifty people in your in your mind that's what your memories capable holding in their one hundred and fifty people that you have intimate relationships with that your friends with anything more than one hundred and fifty she gets really weird you run out of hard drive space and so this is a scientific number and it's based on the capacity to recognize how many people are in a tribe the average tribe when human being we're coming up was like fifty to one hundred one hundred and fifty people maximum that's all you needed to have now live your guy like bert kreischer travel all over the world doing stand up comedy how many fucking people have you met god damn it dude you've met thous and thousands of people and if you
i run into some dude you might do a show in australia you run into that duty like hey man we talk last year you like no i have the it does not freak you out when someone says oh yeah we hung out like we worked on a tv show together for a year and you're like flat line like you know what really freaks me out when i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember it all and then oh yeah and then it starts appearing in my memory and then i'm like where was that where was that i'm just pulling it out now and like i totally forgot about that i've met people again like after having met them before and then all the sudden the whole evening where i met them like oh yeah we were talking to dog and he told you that thing oh yeah oh yeah but before they like a stranger there were a total stranger until whatever it was started reappearing in the back of my retrieving your data back from the cloud yeah i don't get it then that's that
lucy movie what if they didn't make her smarter they just increased our hard drive so she can remember everyone that's why she print them that the base is the movie as he's using more of our brain cell chemical let's see that's one of the reasons why that movie is going to suck because that premise is already been disproven by science it's not that you only use a certain percentage of your brain that's not true this idea humans only use ten percent of their brain they said then in the preview was like not only don't they're just starting to understand what parts of the brain are responsible for what functions and one of the what they're doing is this is really interesting shit i think it's called trans cranial ttc td something or another they are pudding electrical stimulation on various aspects or various points of this your skull they're putting electrodes on your skull and there inducing like this state by
emitting electricity and it feels like mosquitoes are biting you there's a great episode of this podcast that i listen to all the time radio lab erice i think the most recent one in fact is about this and this woman through this they're learning that it can increase your capacity to learn like dramatically dramatically and provable so there woman went through this thing where she went through sniper training so in the sniper training scenario they first you do it sober they they take you through this saying there's you're at a check point like in iraq you know it's also video simulation a bomb blows up the suicide bombers are running at you with those bomb that's on the shooting guns at you and you got a to figure out who's who and pick them off while the first time she did it it was
super frustrating she got like three out of twenty and she just kept getting fucked up it was driving me crazy he was driving me nuts then they put the electrodes on the juice to break they put a lectured on her brain under that the side of her head and on her left arm somehow or another like her right brain the right side of her head and her left arm and then she's like this isn't going to do anything she didn't feel any different she said she felt like a metallic taste in there like she had just licked an aluminum can or something like that then went through the thing and she said every moved in slow motion she said twenty min went by in three minutes when it was over she couldn't believe it was over she's like how is it over she's like it's been three minutes and they're like no look at the clock she looked at the clock twenty minutes is gone by she was one hundred percent accurate so from three at twenty she got twenty out of twenty the second time and she thought it only took three minutes she just went through this thing like she was an expert and they will actually became
an assassin yeah hi state actually just had a guy that was paralyzed in a bin they found how to control the brain for him to actually move for the first time or some like yeah that's different yeah i mean we're talking different we're talking that's that's still fascinating but this is to the average person this is not people that are paralyzed the average person they can increase your capacity to learn by using this trends normal stimulation transcranial direct stimulation i think it's called i got i got a serious head injury in college i got knocked unconscious what happened gotta fight well due to kind of me up i i wrote a song a comic song he didn't find it very funny c b you up and knocked on because my good friend too it was my idea he's older than i was he was he was over he was like three two years old three years older than i was what was it about was a song about of took about a thirty a song about eternity like a light hearted song making fun of all the brothers and that were older than me obviously and he didn't find it funny
and so it was those friends i was like we're not going to fight but then i was i was wrong and he grabbed me in like suplexed me and like like like the like you would like if you're going to throw someone like for you know what i mean like over your shoulder backwards on your head then i'm a little of my head i was i was out and i came to i was really confused and then and i and by yeah i came to when he was on top of me try because i think i would swallow my tongue or something i'm not certain but then i then i at last i walked around campus and i got lost i was really confused you just let you go it was a maternity it was a fight and then i just walked away just walked away it was during exams and so i just walk doubt so your fraternity brothers didn't take you to a fucking doctor after you got knocked unconscious he was the only one there it was he didn't take it to a doctor will you just beat me up i don't think it was concerned fraternity fucking piece of shit did you stay friends with this guy now
do you should call the cops yeah well there was a lot i mean it long story short fucking asshole yeah so from he so i went to the hospital and i had some head i had b minor amnesia like meaning i had a hard time remembering some shit they asked me where i went to school and i was like judge what was my first answer that was my high school and my made at the time was there and he was like oh fuck and so then i did a bunch of testing and the doctor so like i think everything is going to be fine i think it be fine i think you just got your bell rung and is back the 50s when was this going on this is nineteen now and the two do they not understand how fucking dangerous concussions are not at all that drives me crazy man people that have a lack of understanding about head injuries it drives me fucking nuts so you could go to a doctor they should have put you under it was tallahassee fl probably hoping you die and just get rid of him so many but my my dad's really really
nervous kind of guy and so when i went to tampa i got like the thing where they put you in the thing and cat scan or whatever and then they did this thing where they put electrodes all over my head to all over my head and then they put this light in front of my face and it flashed like it was like the rainbow color but it was just it was just going like different like pulses and like different things we had just sit there with your eyes closed but you could see it clear as fuck with your eyes closed and then they did a test in your brain they did read comprehension there like i think going to be fine you just had a you know got a concussion and you were out and you will come back that guys a piece of shit now suplex junior but you know that is so fucking dangerous to that to someone on the street does the number one way to people die in street fights you know they fall and hit their head on the street yeah there was a guy in college that punched a guy
in noctem unconscious and the guy landed on a on a parking curb parking thing and died that happened to a guy that kevin james used to work with kevin james was a bouncer he work with his other bouncer in the bouncer punched a guy in the head the guy got knocked unconscious fell back his head on a curb dead fuck its course i mean think about what it would be like if you hit someone in the head with a curbstone you know going thirty miles an hour just smash him in the head well that's what it's like when you fall backwards and you hit the curb you're basically getting your fucking brain bashed in with all your body weight it's super dangerous so that this dick head fuck it whatever okay so so what happened from then on no not that i i got i recovered they were like don't the doctor was like should you stay away from booze and and like pot or anything of that last couple hours not even i think that first night
drawing cars like i think yeah job i'm way more drones like this fucking handle concussions rule but but yeah i was fine yeah was fine this episode of radio lab if anybody wants to listen to it's called nine volt nirvana and if you've never heard radio radio lab before is my favorite podcast right now i really enjoy it really good it's so so well made and they each one of 'em takes a long time to make one so they only put one out like every few weeks or so but it's really good stuff really good stuff but it's all about the trans cranial it's called trans cranial electrical stimulation and if you just look up transcranial direct current stimulation
there are many many articles about it online many many different studies that have been done really fucking fascinating stuff but if you're learning something apparently there's a bunch of dudes have done like do it yourself versions of it too with a apparently you could build your own transcranial electrical stimulation device with some shit that you buy from radioshack i just fucked up and make myself gay warm you mean get it right like ghostbusters at the beginning when he has all those things i said there was a video or there was an article might be bullshit but a guy rugby player who got knocked out and got a concussion turn gay i don't believe that we talk but i remember this pit the before pictures he's like hi guys i'm playing rugby look like he looked totally straight i'm not
i don't know what totally straight looks like is whatever it is rock hudson looked like it did so many dudes were tricked into sucking his dick i as king of the mongols tell you now rock yeah how many days were tricked and well that's the travel to move right is not the idea i've heard stories about guys never mind hey keep going i stop now what do you say i've heard this i've heard stories of like of like famous people moon that scientologists no okay but famous people who have gotten dudes that are like young comics to suck their dicks oh yeah and then they're like i don't know what happened i was hammered yeah that's totally true yeah this thing that straight guys get a kick out of doing that or gay guys rather get a kick getting straight guys to suck their dick yeah i was a friend that used to work at he was on fear factor and a couple other shows that i did was a good guy he was a wardrobe
and he was good there's long gay gay gay big fat mexican gay guy awesome dude but anyway he would tell me all the time that like guys would get drunk like straight guys who get drunk and wind up blowing him and i was like really go celia or have me blow them like really angles and they would always say i've never done this before i go yeah you know like i don't so then the question is were they really straight all along or where they you know where they just the alcohol brought out the gangnam there really gay and they just didn't want to admit it i have a joke about that i'm not homophobic i'm a homo condrey act like i'm comfortable if your games free one that you get me drunk and me into it i like it i'll be like golf this is my jam thompson i went out with a dude one night our trainer was gay once you guys come out with us in time and i was like like newsweek will go to gay clubs toms like you want to go i was like
fuck yeah why don't you guys come out with us we're going to go to gay clubs and tom and i went and like tom dress you did he really companies like womans can be jeans he wore a skinny jeans and a collared shirt shoes fucking his wolf shoot whatever those big bear paws fit into and so with tom and i had so much fucking fun airport at least at it we set together drinking like the gayest drinks that taste awesome by the way what's the game is drinks like like cosmopolitan pina coladas delicious they are tom and i were like no beers were not enough to do shots it's like like a sex on the beach we had the best fucking time remember scott kennedy is like the students trade is gay guy of all time yeah yeah he's gay as fuck but you'd think he's like this straight beer drinking football fan always had a football jersey on he died died
years ago i remember why i think he died in his sleep thank you had sleep apnea or something like that it's a big guys stroke i think i did justin martindale party what's up you know just martin does gay for like the first six months i know how is that even possible i never some drunk i think you get everybody not when he's sober he i would just watch him walk sons scott kelly there oregon we're going wrong scott can in our drink in one night kind of wish i could remember how the story exactly when we were sitting drinking in sacramento and and i saw this dude what by that was just a mess of a god and i'm but i wasn't thinking i was like can you imagine being him like having to have his life and internet goes that doesn't turn you on i go turn me on and scott goes one man's trash another man's treasure one man's tree always wear fubu jerseys yeah or football jerseys one of the other yeah my gaydar doesn't really work well with comedians though 'cause if
hang out the comedy store would say half the people are gay but they're not supposedly you know there large groups of people that come and they all know each other they all kind of act gayer than normal water talking about i never experience i would think benches gay benji i would think benji is gay but not and tony perfect example i would think tony yet but he's not you would think twenty inches gay watched the small i mean that i could you could hold on fox no no i think it's just like little things that's how he carries himself you know like a lot of people think like you said like he has a joke about it he has a gay face you know it was very small but i wouldn't think he was gay no no cardigans maybe well how he dresses he's persnickety that cardigan thing is a very funny thing thing like cardigan cardigan phase yes he was given hard time about fanny packs like bitch i never said a word during your cardigan phase what worries like bozo the clown phase where you just shaved like like a bald spot but
after the hair around the side of his head and we do that one day though was that one day i would while no i remember he grew a hitler mustache yeah that was weird he shaved his jewish i think of anyways allowed to rocket hitler mustache yeah remember we had where is hot on the side of his head during that time he had like a hit mustache and then he had a small hair like a beanie like it'll be worse sideways yeah he's being silly bars have interesting and i ok i get a real kick out of that guy he was the first one that proved he he we we kind of changed the way i hang out with people and me and him talked about this a lot and people heard me say this but already was the first person that i saw i saw the amazing racist and i really liked it and i went up to him at a comedy club and i was like in tripoli did the same thing to and i said hey man i saw your amazing racist i really liked it i think you're really funny and it was like the tension
between two hundred comics we didn't know each other just was no longer there and then we became friends and it was like all you have to do is really just be nice to people and people are nice right back what do you mean like confusing yeah like saying that you saying that like i know find water you rub stick on a rock and it makes it water no but like sometimes with comics it's like there is this unsplit if you don't know a comic then you're like kind country about it and so like your yeah there's a lot of common like think of like the different scenes that go on and everyone's like oh yeah like just uh that finish it but i saw aryan sam tripoli did the same thing that came to mind is really like that joke here so i was like oh my god we're friends now i like you you like me i like me yeah some comics definitely have a stand off ish thing but other comics but you know tony clifton now we're talking about the difference between the 90s when i started out at the comedy store like in the ninety four there was no camaraderie there it was it was all for it was like this weird
everybody was out for themselves there wasn't like a lot of palate around together it wasn't that same sort of an environment i mean it was a lot of good comics and people go up and they would do so and stuff like that and it was always kind of a an interesting place to perform but it was there was no like camaraderie amongst comedians like there is now especially like our group that very this is a very unusual group all of us like diaz and ari and duncan everyone together being pals and kalin and that shit just didn't exist we i'd never known like a group that was like that tightly knit that work together all the time that constant on the road together and brought each uh there around and then support each other and then the podcast thing came along and everybody started doing each others podcasts and supporting each other and having each other on their podcast to promote things and that just doesn't didn't exist before it wasn't like that there was people comics were way more standoffish it was way less of
powling around thing and one of the things that i think that i attributed to changing it it changed a little bit in new york first tough crowd changed it kind of started to see that these guys were buddies and their pallet around together and then they did you know in a together like they changed it a lot and then guys were hanging around at the seller a lot and it became like there was more camaraderie you know he start to see that that more come romanet made a big impact they made a big in back because everybody that went on on ina became kind of pals i mean there's always little disputes here in there between guys that would go on it but it was like opie and anthony became like a place where buddy you know everybody who did it you were like a part of like a club it's i was i i told this to jim but i've been a huge on a fan for a long time and those moments when like like the other the other day when they were had pete rose on
and did you hear the one with rich vos and pete rose rich vos was on fucking fire he was he was on fire and i could not stop laughing you think and like i know all those guys from start in new york and it is i do include how they'd hang out with each other the best i've ever wanted my favorite moments in stand up was when patrice used to heckle voss so they'd go to the boston comedy club in boston get onstage and it was almost like watching it was almost like wow in eddie in hixson you know like like they were roll together but patrice would heckle him now no one knew patrice was a comic he was just a big black guy in the back and fall you can stay at things like manual teeth look like tombstones and fall it would come out and they go back and forth and it was so much fun that i was like this is gotta do something they're going to be something there you later but it was it was amazing and boss was so fucking quick buy used to sit in the back and just watch it like watching two masters go at it
yeah voice is very quick and then let all those guys became friends from opie and anthony that i don't know that merati between comedians is so important it's huge beak is comedians on their own like like no this is this something that no matic sort of thing that com used to traveling the road being on your own all the time the guys who like really depressed and sad do you like never would power around with other comedians they would they would never go the road with other comedians or there takes on the role that they didn't know just like that was just a job like you open for me and we're not really friends yeah that that seems to me to be the worst way to do it you know it's fun to be going through some shit and call one of you guys and just be like oh fuck this is this is how i'm feeling like joeys joeys might go to phone call always if i'm depressed i'll call joey 'cause it's you know the conversation can be no longer than three minutes and it's going next week
perfect example secure segura had a terrible show think in winnipeg and the they heard about yeah he came on the podcast and talked about it and because we're all we're all comics together you know we're laughing and having fun you just you know completely got through this terrible to magic memory and it became hilarious it became like fun i love when he bombs it's so rare he's really fucking funny it's like when it's like when you shoot a bear with a bow and arrow but they don't know they've been injured yet how many beers have you shot with a boner i watched a lot of hunting i watched a lot of hunting videos like so i used to if i if i ever got too up with in i'd watch hunting in florida very easy to get really again bear bear hunting from in my opinion you've done it i've never done it before all the videos are they do they put a box out full of food and it's in a tent and then the bear would come out and they shoot with a bow and arrow and the bear would get hit but would almost feel
it would seem like the big out the fuck was that and then you see the look in the bears i swear they be like i don't feel good i'm going to rest for a little bit that's how so look many bombs is like is like he's like like he looks at you like i get hit and your and you and you know he's been hit by a narrow my favorite one was in indiana in pearl harbor me pearl harbor hawaii me tom segura and russell peters an go up and i do ok but maybe i was dirtier than i should have been but it's totally fine is the only rule thing at were don't make fun of the hawaiians that was it don't make fun of hawaiians and don't bring up pearl harbor why toms opening joke he's like man's a lot of fat people he's like i heard island life was slope i know they were talking about their metabolisms but it says i got law walking around luckily a japanese guy pointed out the directions men those japanese know this place like the back of their hand i mean he bombed so hard that when he got
if he was like that early sweats like where and he's like he's like who are pretty and you feel like you might wanna go back to your nest in rock note i'm going to lose his shit that video of where i'm shaving tom that's that week yeah how many more after the show before how many shows you guys do one just just one i went up there was a little dirty i think tomlin up had a rough that he keeps in fact we know tom is not right for a corporate gig in that opinion there's a corporate game what is the further it was like maybe i want to say three thousand people on at pearl harbor sitting in lawn chairs with their families what was the gang like who is it for for the for the us that's a military corporate that same same so and so then tom sits next to me this is my
apart thompson text to me and russell peters comes on stage and you can hear there's a murmuring now mind you were at war with iraq and russell peters is a little brown for their taste and tom goes i never realized he looks the enemy and russell peters is by the way didn't acknowledge it had a great set but you could hear that kind of like they brought up one of and tom and i are in the back like this is bad the next day yeah yeah you thought it was bad because he was brown it was only because we had gone to rifle training the day before and russell had randomly chose not to go randomly and the first words at rifle train was there is one rule here if it's brown and it moves you kill it and brought and tom was like this guy he didn't bring ruffle let the fuck imagine if you're mexican and you're in the fucking army and they tell you that shit if it's brown then it moves we kill it wow
i said that and we brought our wives to it we gotta rise to rifle we shot every gun they had we bought our wives and the girls were like right before we stepped in they go can we go to bathroom or like you go to the bathroom so we walk in and the guys like i thought they were going to be six and he's like a real military guy and we're like yeah the girls went to the bathroom is ok and then tom goes hey do me a favor when they get in act a little like aggressive to them and misogynistic and let's just see the on their faces so the girls walk into the well typical ladies got lossed don't know what time it is of their man's not next to him and christina and my wife started bubbling like what the he's like ladies follow them and don't know what to do thank you gentlemen and heat
the character so good that tom stepped in these like it's a joke everybody it's a joke he's doing it 'cause we asked him to this guy was good what's funny yeah that's hilarious yeah it's funny that you can get a trained killer to just crack jokes that i was it was it was a really fun trip with brown kill it if it's brown it moves you kill it do you enjoy those uso shows joe have you ever done those i don't enjoy him now i do them i do them but i would just i would be doing it to bomb 'cause you can't really be dirty you can't really curse there's bunch of rules you can't talk about number i pry break all of them in the those corporate things i've learned i'm just not good at yeah and is also the thing of like gotta go to military bases and just the whole thing about it is i am a hundred percent in support of the actual people but the idea behind it is i'm not going to afghanistan i'm not i'm not going to iraq and telling jokes you know the i just liked
i get that they need a break and they need entertainment and i get it's a great service but fuck all that that's just that that is not a place i want to go i think everything about it is fucking like imagine going to gaza right now crackin jokes imagine if you had a fucking uso tour gig in gaza like what is going on with gaza the fuck is going on with israel and palestine at what started all of this if you paid attention to this very suddenly trying not to but i have to i mean everybody i get all these tweets you're not commenting on closer look man right when i see about death and destruction i don't gravitate towards it i don't like try to study it and try to figure out exactly what's going on so i could pick a side and have a viewpoint i just get sad that there's more of his bullshit in the world i don't i don't like feel like i'm going to mix it with my opinion i don't i don't keep hearing all these people of these ideas one
side will say it's definitely israel's fault one side will say hamas is like like bill maher said something about hamas is like a crazy ex girlfriend you know you're crazy girl like she should eventually have to smack or something like that like i don't what the fuck he said it was some weird like hacky thing that he was saying in regards to a war that's going on between this really troubled part world and you know my number one thing about war the number one thing is on and in visual basis regardless of you know take out the context of the civilization they live in the culture they live in that the language they speak these people don't know each other why are they fighting to the death they don't even know each other there you're launching missiles at people you've never met their shooting back at you it's crazy the fact that we still do it in two thousand and fourteen i don't give
fuck who side you should be on or what it represents it represents the fact we're still retarded it represents the fact that we still can't figure out how to overcome our differences with any other way other than shooting missiles at each other or dropping bombs or set yep ie ds or shooting people at checkpoints or whatever it is whatever method that they choose to show that we're still in some way barbarians and that's what it were barbarians with way better weapons it's fucking crazy i understand that sometimes there is of aggression and need to protect people from people more barbaric than us but it makes me sad that's the only other way the only way i know to describe my feelings about anything that happens with war in the news anytime via breaks out any like this gaza palestine thing i just get just depressed at my core i can't read about it i'm not
pick a side i'm not my side is the human side i'm on the human bayside and the human race is not benefiting from this fucking shit i do so what it would take to cause palestine and israel to be cool with each other i don't understand it i don't i don't know how you could hate each for so long how you could have so many different points of view how do you get a guy like prager who says palestine will not be happy unless israel is dead there is no negotiating their fucking people there people i don't know how they're communicating i don't know if they understand each other's language i don't know how much of this is just deep seated ancient shit that these people have just carried with them forever but my position on it not taking any sides might mission is the whole thing is completely fucked the whole thing fucked it's fucked that people still do this it's fucked and until we read
now that is fucked and maybe if i lived in israel i have a totally different state of mind maybe if i lived a place that was regularly attacked and at war i would be more harsh and more closed off to it i don't know i don't know but you know for people who want my take on it to keep tweeting me about it that's my take my take is it i'm tired of living my life i mean look i'm forty six i'll be forty seven in august at what point in time as a as a person i've grown and matured and i understand myself and how i interface with other people and society and culture much better much better at it but when i look at human beings in general i don't necessarily know if i see that much growth when it comes to national relations when it comes to war when it comes to the way we react to each other i keep seeing these same fucking patterns repeating themselves over and over again whether it's in iraq whether it's in the side
they were supposed to invade syria when you get fucking dick cheney who goes in the news the other day and they did an interview with them he said is number one regret but he didn't invade iran at the same time they invaded iraq you know i just i'm disappointed in human beings i think there's going to come a certain time we have to get to the root of the problem why did these things always have to end in unfathomable violence like what is it about human beings and is it the way we're being lead is they were being governed or is it so think about us some fundamental aspect of what we are as a as a being i don't have the answer to that i know that me as a person who hopes for the best wishes for for the best in human beings i see this and it just makes me sad is no other way to describe it i know that a very limited way of describing things and it leaves a lot open to interpretation that's how i feel about it
i look at the news every day i mean look we can go to cnn right now i'll go to cnn dot com and i guarantee you it's fucking death and destruction this weekend forty seven people shot five dead and just chicago while chicago is going through some serious fucking gang violence really shearers gang violence and i was talking to a guy last time i was there was a former cop and he take on it was that what happened was there was some major players in the drug game that were arrested and they left a vacuum 'cause there's these gang members who got arrested and there was a power vacuum that's being filled now with violence so you have it's probably more people dead right in there than it is in gaza more people been killed by cops then died in the iraq war so funny if you said to me though would you rather go to gaza or chicago i'd be like oh chicago yeah most of chicago safe as fuck
it's the south side chicago you go to the ghetto that's where you might as well be in gaza i used to do a great club down there riddles the south side chicago low blood when did you do the south side chicago but when i first started getting brand i was talking about it's not in brant used to run it you get two grand for that and all you have to do is friday and saturday two shows each night really nice and it was an all black all blacks take your shirt off and then fucking single fucking issue songs i would do it i did have whatever i would remember my first joke the first time i worked there was about duran duran and some black chicks like who the fucks he was like it's a band and she but i don't know know britain you better talk about black people mother fucker and i was like done so i spent the rest of the week doing an all black jokes and i fucking love
i had so much it was like getting away with everything i remember like a dude stood up proposed to his check in the middle of my shows i was like fuck yeah it was chaos is pretty crazy at forty seven people were shot in chicago so it isn't it weird how it like most cities it's always like the south side is the bad sides not in tampa really good in south tampa is the best area to live in really n tampa is where all the rednecks live that's where i grew up north tampa n tampa then all elevated trucks you got it fireworks homemade fireworks fireworks potent gators heightened gators when you're a kid when i when i will leave i'll never forget when we went to look at our land my dad bought like a piece of land in north and north florida tampa we're going to build on it we went out as a family to go look at it and there are these two redneck
it takes this other redneck in his underwear up on a mound in the middle of the lake and they were shooting bbs adam and this is your land this is our land in mind and this is our lake in that land that little mound i wish i had a picture 'cause it's still there i mean it's still there and they had chased a boy up there and is anyone in his underwear and my dad was like hey everybody cut it out that's enough then they looked at i had to go we called him fair and square and i was like oh oh my god this is private land is like your land there was like it was like they were they were to the lake and the island that was like maybe ten feet off the shore of where our house though so it's a big legs so pretty big lake so yeah it's not all yours there's a whole it is not our large but and then the other side of lake was like n tampa it was lutes called lutes we got in the car that day and the radio stations james and i remember the song was down intown loot this is their intro to the song down flute kickoff who's give oleron who's he hole and that was our new neighborhood jesus
rice one in your research a little before you bought land there now comes of cheap property it's like so what childhood know probably hunt gators i think the whole state of florida is considered the south side of the united states that's a good point or the south side of tampa done matter matter sorted the dick of the country florida weird fucking place begin to going there next month to tampa jacksonville and orlando death squad yeah oh well triple yeah yeah let me set you guys up my buddy cowherd alright cool callan just got back callum was just in west palm we were just talking they should have to eat it you should have fucking passport to get there 'cause you don't realize like they live like it's a tropical country like people were just drinking and partying bar stay open till five hundred o'clock in the morning is a different world and if you
go to anywhere else in the country and then go to florida you feel like you're in some crazy tropical vacation place parrots drinking is the weirdest thing how much everyone drinks and everyone just gets drunk all the time there that's all i remember going to florida every bar just packs take the edge off that math it was crazy is our friends in florida you who have been to rehab and stuff one of the most talked on the phone doesn't make sense but it's so funny they consider marijuana like bad in florida course but i've told my buddy i was like dude why don't you just moved to colorado and then no one will think you have a problem yes we wouldn't be able to fit in if you live your whole life in florida and you go to colorado they're going to go you gotta go so you gotta get outta here man we're fucking place florida in colorado or like opposite ends of the earth they like polar spec like fuck and your watch won't work there your compass will be backwards nssn they're trying to get you out of there
cala rado is perfect for weed florida is perfect for offense the next what are the next states that are going to legalize marijuana it's good question not really going to medically but i don't know bout legal legal weekly legal is important it's the gateway to legal eagle but happens is they start feeling the imp but the revenue impact colorado making more than one hundred million dollars this year and way more meant money then they thought they were going to an the tax rate is crazy high thirty nine percent so if you buy weed their thirty nine if it goes to the government so the government is essentially a drug dealer and you know the people buying it or all tourists a lot of people are buying our tours well we we just in uh i just did a wise guys in salt lake city ever do that no after hearing you talk about it i want to do it fuck it was awesome just fucking great first for the clubs perfect it's the perfect so everybody told me about a deer that told me about it duncan told me about a bird told me about i was just there so that's it i'm gone so i book
but i go there and it was fucking magic people could a bit cooler it's like youth like you going to salt lake city bunch of god damn mormons no those aren't comedy show mormons only like twenty percent of the population the rest is cool as fuck mormons are always cool is fucking nice i dig mormons the nicest car members ever they are the nicest there that's creepy than scientologists scientologist second nicest as far as cult members scientologist almost switch me one time what happened dinner party i was like i was got a little tipsy and i was so i show sober i think i was like that's where you lost me i'm not believing this anymore i was like believe in aliens and they're like well you could you could sit down to that and i was like is that weird was this in tampa in la or water no but you know like i used to represent l ron hubbard will be dead new but i knew the mother well dad when they're gonna die i don't know long time ago i wish i
more information i wish i listen better my dad my dad used to come out here 'cause a port town of l ron lived on a boat you come into it yeah yeah we were house in clearwater they used to come in a clear water have a huge scientology center there yeah it's a huge my parents used to live in clearwater really so i was driving around there was like all these scientology shit and i was like what's going on there like towns filled with scientologists yeah my represented someone ok now remember my dad represented in the church tried to kidnap once dad i'm sorry if i'm fucking this up word i'm not supposed to tell these stories because he's a lawyer in over seven years it's been awhile so he he represented someone the church tried to kid captain and hold because they were trying to get out of the church and then you're saying they want it back in and my dad did such a good job that the church and came to him and said would you represent like cover all like whatever it is where they pay you money to not to represent every case they have it so my dad did
for like ten years and they made a ton of money then the church left him and then didn't pay for like two years he died in eighty six probably and he died in california interesting so you don't die when the volcano blew up now that's not real bryant that's a dinette exh commercial i don't even know what you were saying eighty six one of my dad or what i never asked my dad would l ron hubbard like seventy five years old and died is probably a douche bag come on is terrible rise of sci fi writers he's probably cool he's probably dork wonder if i could do that he started a cult bro try i mean if you guys starts a religion and your religion is based on some of the worst science fiction writing of all time so here's how their most switched me so they're like dinner and i said you believe in aliens and they're like well yeah you can whittle it down to that and then go it's kind of fucked up and they're like well what's your thing and you are going to mark this by go i'm catholic and there
do you believe in jesus oh yeah and then i do believe that jesus really like got nailed to the cross and then put in cave and then actually move the rock and rose again i go now well i mean it's fig it's figure either you believe that moses actually parted the sea so that no actually put all the animals on ark i don't know there stories and and then like so you are admitting there's some holes in your in your religion like oh yeah it's you know and then i do believe in aliens and i go oh definitely and the next day actually believe in this shit that we believe in you actually believe there's life out in the universe believe that and i was like oh yeah and then i can you admit that thing that use your faith you have questions about the like wow and you listen to what we have to say i was like mother fucker this is how they get you 'cause i believe in aliens so when they said that did you like open yourself up a little relax and go tell me more down shut down just like yep just like i'm in camp and the kid next to me touch my dick and it felt good and look up that's a boy nope shut it down
or like i'm watching naked in afraid and i see the asshole like that's hot and it's a dude and i'm like fuck i just shut it ok so you shut it down and you just didn't let him keep going right where they trying now selling what's the soft say you should mine put on some fucking hold these campbell soup cans that are attached to strings and so they read your mind they knew my wife through an acting group there's a thing called the actors camp or actors group actors kalama know exactly what it is it's a scientology acting group scientology asking group and what they do is they'll the audit you halfway through the semester the audit you and tell what's wrong with you what you need to work when you say audit what you mean is a scientology version of audit for people think we're going to check your taxes yeah oh yeah scientology audit audit you and say this is what's wrong with you as a person in this is what's holding you back is an actress and so wife was in it my wife's best friend was in it and they came and two people were in it and they came back and my wife site fuck that place i was like why was wrong with it
they said that this this this this is all really accurate i was like what you say about your friend and it was i mean it was like exactly what i would have said i was like lee scientologist seem to have a fucking they can find your weakness or what the thing is that fucks you up and then once you identify that it's real and you're like i gotta listen to what you say well they have a lot of stuff in scientology in dia netex itself like they call it dia netex that's what the book is based on that's a lot of it can be beneficial you know if you need a structure in your life and you need some sort of like a framework on which to think and how to behave they get you with a lot but they also in la they run a lot of acting classes i'd be the scientologists is like when we get famous i was dating this chick i don't ever sell the story of the podcast is great this is back in the early days before i had my no headshots policy back in the day yeah i only dated a few actions before i was like alright that's enough this is fucking
and then i dated a regular girl and she was so nice i was like i'm done with actresses which begs the question how did your wife never act 'cause she's very attractive whatever anyway here's my story the the class that she was in was run by the scientology and this scientologist guy was like soft shell the whole way but he would occasionally bring it up like one of the reasons why he can get into these roles and is 'cause he's so comfortable with who he is and he so he understands who is as a person so because of that he can abandon that in no it's always going to be there when he comes back and that he can get into is is good and i i watch this guy teaching this class like sheep to check was so it was so brutal she would white want you to watch her acting class to come watch my acting class at sit she just needed to be watched all times need massive amounts of tension and one of things that they would do in the
class was a private moment and that's what it was so you wouldn't be acting out a scene you'd be doing a private moment so would a private moment is you get on your fucking stage an use start going through like pretending you're reading your email this is like pre email so be like reading a book or so like that pretending you're washing dishes and so you know she would like be walking around like doing anything and people would just be staring at her and she was doing her shit understand it's like learning how the idea was learning how to be completely natural in front of people and you know and i go and i saw i was marking it of course unlock everything and i go yeah go that's going to fucking really help you when you have to actually talk and act yeah it's all oh my god it's not at all that what they're doing is just play kading your need for attention by giving you attention in this weird way yeah you know like now it's your turn to be the one that everybody looks at because that's what the it is yeah it was it was
nonsense but this this guy would give this like scientology soft sell that because of my religion and my my deep seated understanding of who i am i am i am able to let it all go meanwhile he was at terrible lack of terrible terrible they're all terrible almost all acting teachers so yeah i they forced me to get an acting coach when i got my development deal with disney so i had to take like three or four classes with this lady and i've talked about this before she was in new york she she would fucking because i had to a development to a sitcom she would keep saying that if is part to play my mom on the show that i was going to get her in front of studio and she's going to play my mom she just fucking bitch was crazy but i would do i would read with her you know like we have to read and she was fucking tearable fucking parable and then i realize like if she was really good should be an acting like she wouldn't be teach
god damn acting class tonight when you like the only people teaching acting classes or people that are fucking terrible at acting and then i went on to do stand up i mean obviously i was doing stand up at the top but went on to be more successful stand up and then i realized that the people that were teaching these classes or all these dog shit comedians like once the last time you saw a stand up comedy class that was taught by anyone who's ever funny at all they don't do it ever arisha fear did a seminar thing for comics it was fucking great he did it in fee in a recording of it i think you release it as a podcast but it was perfect it was like the only have ever seen like are real solid stand up give it i see young comics did it for free totally free no classes and i think it sort of his way of saying like these fucking classes aren't what you need this which you need this is how you write this we get a manager this is what you should do this is how you should develop material this is you get work and you know spent
you're a couple hours doing it and it was beautiful because it's all you need it's all you need the only thing nelson acting class does or rather comedy class does let you go on stage but really the best way to do is just go to fucking open mic night right i think so watch kill tony well that's it kill tony is a fascinating podcasts from also don't know what it is we just did it recently me and dom ira and brian of course and and tony is cliff was hilarious we did wise guys together a weekend you to but tony's show is all about guys go up they do a minute and then professional comics talk to them about their bits and some it's like you get it's a grab some of them are really funny like that one bricks and bullets kid the kid was in first of all it's from yeah i wanna bring stability on the i think is that ever he did on the kill tony that we were on really funny kid goodies if he keeps going he's gonna be a real comic for sure and then took the two checks that you do
with kim kimberly conman and sarah weinshank who write 'em and it's worth of new material every fucking week then i do it with them yeah there looking good i know exactly how amazing is that writing a minutes worth of new shit every week and their whole careers have been spent doing that from the moment they first onstage till now like over a year's worth they've been doing sets every week amid a fresh new men that killed tony was a blast i did it with they do with the girl girl yeah sugar and i did one it was so much fun so fun it's a real show and you know when i was telling telling me i was like this should be on comedy central and i thought about right now but shouldn't you know what it is weird thing i found anything that we wouldn't be able to do that we wouldn't be able to have the iron patriot guy we be able to the back now what we have is eight one so we we yeah which is and we will
we have like fake sponsors on each one we have like we play music in between when people come up 'cause it's supposed to sound like a real comedy club when you get up you know there's like cherry pies playing when you're getting on stage i really like doing that i think with pockets i really like to first of all dan marlon if you're listening i'm still waiting patiently for hardcore history i'm waiting forever it's uh i know i know i'm waiting patiently i'm just letting him know people are waiting that fucking guy puts in some work like those things are many it's like books on tape i fucking love them i sleep to them i listen to why sleeping i dream that i'm in that scene yeah what they do an radio lab does is so different than what we do you know i've done two of these today it's easy lifting it's not fucking it's not the same thing this is the the that this is a live thing the first one was that was like a you you you were trust me when i say you were involved like you were listening hard you had questions that were very technical and like i watching the u stream that was not easy lift
but you were also these lifting so i think you're you your you think he's a great guy oh guy the greatest ever hickson gracie's he's the like number one when you think about like greatest martial artists in a specific style for jujitsu jitsu everybody says hickson gracie it's universal it's not like one person says it is also his full asefi in everything so it was still was easy lifting because i'm i really admire the guy and i had real questions and you know i knew i knew him for a while i've known for a while the dinner with them you know gone over just to positions with them and then watching you walk in right when eddie bravo and him were discussing positions it going over him on the ground that was cool as fuck now it's still easy in comparison to what radio lab does or in comparison to what dan carlin does especially 'cause he's gotta be historically correct on all these things as well think about all the different time periods he discusses he's got a read on them do the research on a make sure he's got all it's fucking
i started at ease processed you know what i want to do i want to do at an addition to my podcast i've been talking about kind of i haven't really told you one be honest be honest i'm very well so my book did really well but the your book did much better than the book course people want to hear me do audiobooks so instead of doing another book i'm just going to release an audio book for my second book which will be fiction with me as the character and just do write a book about fiction book when audio fiction book about what about the machine a machine goes takes a cruise and accidentally let's somali pirates the under the cruise ship and he's then got to solve the mystery just you're the machine now so it will be based on my own reality it will be i have my own realities rock with you when you came up with this idea very drunk but i love it xanax two nope just drunk that's my idea well listen man just because i'm scared
tickle doesn't mean it can't be amazing i'll do i'll do it just like i'll write it like a book fiction book can do another memoir type books like i don't i i'm done stories we can do your thoughts on things you think a lot about i can but i but i i think would be more fun to like to a potential shortly member the book fletch in like that character yeah or like us on the move it and i don't remember the book but like i want to do but i wanted to do books like that where the machine is a character who's gonna solve mysteries listen if you are passionate about if you actually think it's fine you can definitely make it funny yeah sure you could make a great it's just a matter of you know any idea if you leaving it and you're creative and you're good and you chase it down it'll either live or it'll die you know die mean you could try it in uh trying to dog shit then you abandoned after a few weeks and laugh about it on the podcast or it becomes awesome that's possible too some solo podcasts where it's just me talking an and i was listening into one like to see if it was ok to post in my wife's like this is horseshit
like it's me she was with a song about like i was like it because you're getting weird in your man cave at like five and i was like if i was a part of this song i'd sing so far and so i started thing in this pirate song find me fucking obviously getting weird emma but it's like we are pirates toll fee scary 'cause we're her read like so funny who is this this is awful is your wife your podcast know she walked into that she was like 'cause i'm listening to it she would never expect that i'm listening to my own shit she was like oh this is horseshit who is this i go being serious right now it's like yeah it's really bad i go with me what did she say after that she's like who's coupon cast who's podcast we won she goes bensons 'cause she thought i must i write and i was like this is my podcast she's like this
but you probably sounds like i don't know this is when i did by myself i haven't really don't release don't release it mean well people like on twitter relation now you have to fuck her man release it one of my buddies from the book i was you're honest i use everyone's names i should not have done that so i know i got a lot of fucking flak but one of the guys whose name i who's in the book maybe first and last first atlanta called in the middle of that podcast he called and go with the but he was cool he's like the book he was like yeah i heard it was fuck it seems like everyone's been pissed originally but then there are like and then i guess i was little slutty in highschool jenny power so it was like was really upset did lucy snorebush get in touch with joey diaz 'cause the way you remember history especially when you write in a bucket you do very honest like i was i didn't think anyone would read it well
no problem also when it comes to people's memories is that they're tearable don't mine are fucking nobody really remembers what i mean you will talk to someone who has a totally different memory of something i've had conversations with people that have totally different memories of shit that did not it just did not go down that way it's not possible that it went down that way and i'll explain to them why it's not possible like physical hard for reasons and they'll keep going find about it like it's a real thing with god damn it dude it didn't happen bobby was dead eighty six like you'll tell it he died in one thousand nine hundred and eighty three he was in a car accident talking about something that happened three years after his death it didn't happen that happened three years after his death no no i mean he was there man he's fucking dead he was dead and they don't they won't let it go they just in their mind they have concocted this scenario they put these events in a in a box and then it no longer becomes their memory it becomes then repeat
in the stories over and over again and then there's the memory of the repeated story your memory is fucking terror pull up to a certain point there's like certain very the dramatic moments that i have reserved in my mind that are like flashes and then i whatever membered is my record mission of those ideas and what i've said about those ideas but those uh is themselves like here's a perfect example my entire taekwondo career from nineteen in eighty one two one thousand nine hundred and eighty eight fighting more than one hundred times i don't i think i remember more than two or three flashes of things happening really you from head injuries no maybe for sure i have some of those but as more just i don't know i just just i know why
happened i know i won this tournament in that tournament and a knock that guy out i know this happen i know that was scary and i know this is scary i know my friend got knocked out but my actual memories of those like i the video of the guy sent me of me knocking this guy out with his turning sidekick and i remember that i knocked the guy out with the turning sidekick i remember that tournament i would want to a bunch of fights leading up to the finals one of them was that knockout but i don't remember it actually happening i don't remember it i know it did happen but like if i pulled in my mind do i remember the guys coming at me and i turn and the impact of the kick and the guy goes flying nope nope don't remember at all that was a pretty big it a u s cup was a huge na turn it was a big event nope barely remember it so crazy life though when i tell store like if i talk like i like it done some things demonstrate kicks on kicks on like how the fuck can you do this and i'm like
well i used to be a taekwondo champion i was the one the u s open i'll start tulsa and i feel like i'm lying because it's not me you know it the meat today is a totally different person than the me of then but for whatever reason the meet today has retained all these skills that i developed when i was unger i mean i never let them go but the fact that they exist at all in a way in a way that's impressive to professionals is very strange so i could demonstrate kick you know and show somebody and they'll like what can you do this i guess i've always done it but i feel like i'm lying i feel like i don't really do that yeah i got i can't really do the but i know i can you know i'm saying i know exactly how shitty my memory is i had some today at a meeting and they were like tell them how your career got started and so i said well in one thousand nine hundred and ninety seven rolling stone magazine found me and called me the number of party in the country and you're saying as i'm saying it i go i'm like honestly i said i thought they said the day this is fucking insane how could anyone prove that
well you wrote a story they can research the story and you guys haven't read it like not no ones read it somebody must have read it as anyone in this room no but i'm telling you this is by the way this i'm laying in bed thinking this and then i'm like i'm in this telling everyone that rolling stone magazine no one yeah i mean i have copies of it at home and it's you can find it online you can read it online people haven't read it they just take my word as me going and i started thinking what if what if i they are going to panic like what if i'm lying but i'm not i know i'm not but like it's that same you said where you go where you go i don't really remember remember small details and stories i can remember i can remember sitting down the day i got that magazine and i remember dust from our cow just came up and the sun was coming through our top window at her townhouse and i've never seen dust particles flying up going one of my life's about to change and i remember small details of stories when i met igor and igor sasha igor was at the door when i met him iram
number that i was wearing a purple kelty fan pack that had lemon sugar and a knife in it 'cause i was going to do lemon drops i remember that dissed exactly what is a lemon drop it like dip sugar and lemon and then you shoot five can affect the sugar and lemon it's really good thing about a lemon drop candy it's like i remember i remember what i was wearing i remember what i was wearing i had told my wife times what i was wearing tonight we ride the train and i 'cause i remember i distinctly remember and somebody showed me a picture of it totally wrong totally wrong yeah i was running away colored shirt i was like no no no i was wearing a blue obermeyer ski jacket i wear that every single day in russia is it will travel isn't it weird when someone has fake memories of you have you ever had that happen when someone starts telling fake stories like fake memories of you
why did i just say yes i do you yeah because i don't remember like member the time you're in what some call it and you were to shut up you brought me on stage i was in a diaper i should have been that might have been the labor mike malone have you seen on stage in a diaper and you an alcohol in your mind someone told me that no yeah you brought mike blown up in a diaper and you were and i was like how you hold doesn't sound like me it does a little bit by just go only sounds like you know me i go sure was crazy when you see a picture of something you did or like i have no wreck election to that yeah no totaly yeah yeah that's weird we got some old school pictures from our days at the comedy store that i totally forgot about it i'll see it all go whoa that's crazy or some of the he is at brian took from back in the day you know over the video of the hooker that we talked to that crazy hooker found a couple of months ago you found in
you know what i'd like i'd like to go back to my memories with like with some sort of facebook tagging method and remember who imax i used to work i used to workout at the comedy store with louie anderson on sunday nights together try to fuck you no never once but he still has my maid tape from john fabbro and vince vaughn made if it like it's really good watch it and then you just made known made was a tv movie with febrile invincible oops i was like what you're doing you do you are you know you went with a dominatrix one time you were amazed us something really funny is luis i absolutely love you if you are listening he's great he's a great guy in the world but he had a heart attack during that time and he was at cedar cyanide and so i went to want to go visit him and those are coming here to see louie anderson it was like they were like another one
up to the top like a buck barely a bunch of boys were just come in and that but like i buy all my i would this even they were like three dudes in the room yet get yours yeah why not what was i gonna say before that i would like good un and go 'cause i remember sitting in the back with a bunch of guys that worked the comedy store now i know that those guys are all the people i'm friends with right duncan and like all those guys probably work there and they were telling how funny i was and then i should start working the comedy store but i didn't know the hierarchy that these were all comics i just thought they worked at the club so i gave them like the passing of like oh thank you very much man appreciate it guys and no man you should work here like this is your club be good here i think i really appreciate that thank you guys i would love to go back and find out who i was talking to that's wild who that was i drove around louie anderson's boy toy once when i was driving limos when i just started
in stand up comedy this is fella louis had some sort of a thing he was a young guy and like i would just have to drive sky anywhere you wanted to go and we're both around the same age mean this fella i won't say his name but do i know him now i don't think so he was a comic sort of in actually wind up writing a book and went to jail for something some fraud bing or something like that 'cause i remember i loosely paid attention to him and then when you could find people in the news like google people it was before google was like some fucking netgear search or something like that fuck used what was the early searches prodigy searches the web crawler yeah maybe result of anyway this this guy i remember reading about something that he did he had some sort of a thing that was getting attention like a book or something like that and then you end up going to jail
but i was driving around like i would have to take him to the mall anyway just tell me you know how he's opening for louie anderson louie anderson is this friend and i had no idea louie anderson with gay but halfway through driving this kid around more like this kid is gay as fuck something going on is that he was it was like i was driving around a bimbo it was like you know if you were like some rich oleg ark and you had some little piece of ass on the side that you were you know ok honey you know you want to fucking drive this guy take you to store you know you do it you want it was that sort of a scenario where you know he was like real hockey and and tell
the given me advice on on comedy like well louie anderson doesn't like this and this is what louis does this is louise dots on when i opened for louis anolik while them daily you know ben bailey yes you just can't he did those catcher but he's a kid he's comic it means like a legit comic as long as i've known him in new york comic he gave he bought louie anderson he saw louie anderson and then it was like father's day the next day and so he bought his book and then said lee will you sign this and make this out to my dad i'm going to give it to him for father's day so he signed it just give it to his dad and bang gave it to his dad for father's day and then like the next day bens dad is like i'm flipping through the book you want talk ben's like no he's like ok are you sure 'cause i'll talk to you i love you and ben's like no i'm sure it's all about coming out to your father
bethlehem ok i think i'm good who was it was it on the podcast that someone told us a story about louis corner room in their hotel room who the fuck was it i don't think was on the podcast i know what you're talking about is not segura no no i think no alright let's just let it go this were just talking we just got done talking about how bad our memories are and then we're about to shame someone it was stan hope i see his picture right there are you serious no definitely not stupid stanhope has turned stanhope has turned spit takes's into a game in our kitchen and our limit for dinner what do you mean stanhope we then i did a podcast was like fucking
check for our podcasts k tell me phone number the i fell in love that i love so quickly i had and but he came and sat had dinner with my family right and they were like my when we play games at the table and does that dogs like i got a game let's play spit takes and the like have you place but take the lead in it's not like my wife like pretty regular mom and he's like well i'll tell a joke and when you think the punch lines hit you spit out what you're drinking an island george were like fuck yet go douglas college sell a joke you know a penis i said twelve inch penis and they both spit their drinks a good job and so everyone tell a joke and everyone do spit takes and the best is they got to doug and i let sold dug a joke i had it on go to but i lost my phone and dug and dug does the drinking mrs crossroad and doug do a spit take his dog he didn't know spit take and he goes you don't spit out vodka honey
and then i'll played mustard hands with him she won't play mustard hands he's like how do you play she's like you take mustard and you put squirt in your hands under the table and you have budget buster in your hands or you don't and that's the game and dogs like i'm fucking in atlanta like no i get mustard out of clothes no indulge like dope you bitch come on i don't know he said that but you know but you know doug he told he leanne step don't want to eyeless punch lines and i started crying and doug defended isla he's like that's what it feels like to get heckled that i'll adult it was the coolest fucking night ever had i'm not your wife your wife to get shot down a bit statler give us get you don't get upset if it logs to your pocket you know when you get you know get upset we gotta go we're going to wrap this up i got to get out here only because it was all just the superbowl this year good luck yeah i'm gonna get mauled by a bunch of he is fucking address out to everyone in the world yeah hundreds of people show up i want hang out with them again i missed him a good idea the super
call party it's going to be back in la in august grace and brian and i'll be down in san diego this week thursday everyone go to bertbertbert dot com and get my book life of the party i bought you guys copies i bought you each copy brian can't read too bad i got the ipad good luck with that though what getting brian reed when we come on my podcast and read a chapter of my new book fuck yeah ok seriously i do gotta go i'm actually late it's already six hundred and thirty five here so let's rap this bitch up this weekend san jose friday night at the san jose center for the performing arts with tony hinchcliffe uh and then wednesday night wednesday night at the ice house in pasadena it is bill burr bert kreischer tom segura ian edwards i think that's it and me and a hell of a fucking child fifteen dollars
one thousand and thirty pm and that's it thanks to sponsor thanks to what do we have today jamie plug something i'm in in august i'm in new york at comics i'm in atlanta at the punchline i'm at the richmond virginia funny bone and we are starting up trip flip if you see me with a film crew i am look for travelers to go all around the world this year alright bert bert bert dot com for more details go to legalzoom dot com use the code word rogan nature box save yourself some money yes an nature box as well that is our response their naturebox dot com slash rogan that's it alright fucker thank you back tomorrow much love god bless big kiss hug the kids love yourself love you
Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.