« The Joe Rogan Experience

#592 - Bert Kreischer

2014-12-23 | 🔗
Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comedian, actor and reality television host. Check out his new book "Life of the Party" on Amazon and his podcast "The Bertcast" on Stitcher & iTunes.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hello my friends this episode podcast is brought to you by bert bert bert dot com bert bert bert is here bert bert bert motherfucking crusher bert bert bert go there by shit i saw the guy at disneyland the other day with the god damn the machine t shirt on i said respect we exchange knuckles we moved on about our way now weird i'm with my kids this episode the park is bracci by higher primate com higher primate is the ultimate in psychedelic monkey t shirts 'cause i don't think anybody else carrying that shit i won't want so bad we have some kind of jamie showed me and i wanted to go back and steal the one the red one i tried to buy it and i got fucked up and you don't have to buy it you know i know but i want to respect the arch that's ridiculous weren't you want a plane with some dude going japan what a podcast t shirt on who is the best experiences run jret shirt and i said hey man i'm bert and all the sudden he went
oh shit the machine but i saw his shirt so i knew he was a fan that's funny and it was the greatest and the whole flight he kept coming back on hey man you gotta told joe that and i was like how far jerk you off thirty minutes different in japan samurai higherprimate dot com we have mugs we have t shirts we have stickers for your laptop if you want to disrespect that apple logo in a very br and the way we have run g r a c a r it's still about you don't steal the you can have them into yours for free i've made jamie go get them for me and go ahead hotel joe anyway it's all it's one hundred percent my company another another thing that is mostly not mostly mostly operates right there but partially i should say my company is on it and on it is a company that
i've been a part of since the beginning and i believe in it with every fiber of my being that sounds gay no not gay gay it could be positive that sounds do she do she could every positive like he's happy and gay that's fine what it sounds like is every fiber of my being sounds insincere it's a it's a over used expression what on it is though ladies and gentlemen is the call nation of what aubrey and i and all the people that we've been working with have tried to put together online whether it is with on university which is also different on academy rather which is all sorts of different motivational videos workout videos diet tips all different
functional exercises different things for various sports martial arts lot of martial arts techniques we put online a lot of use of the various strength and conditioning equipment videos like mace videos or kettlebell videos and all this stuff available for free weather use on it products or not i mean you can go to most sports chalet or whatever and get a fucking kettle bell and get your party started well we're trying to do we're trying to inspire is the more you move your body the more you use your body the healthier the nutrients you put in your body healthy foods fresh vegetables good supplements enhance the way your mind works the way your body works all those things are beneficial what we try to promote at on it is total human optimizations we found the best shit for literally your mood the best shit for cognitive function the best shit for strength and conditioning whether it's kettle bells or bad
ropes or five vision pmr suffices to be listened to and i can't say this enough and i've talked to joe about this ad nauseum already and dog and i deal with anxiety i deal with obsessive compulsive nis one my anxiety kicks in i swear to you on my children looking join the eyes five htp does help yeah and the only reason i heard of it is i don't even know if all it was working on it but we were talking about before we even yet new mood yeah we had a thing called roll over that was based on like the idea of like a lot of when people role yeah when they do mdma it to eat your serotonin and for longest time like ecstasy people have known that if you take five htp after it mitigates the symptoms it really does men i was going through a hard core like obsessive compulsive period i took one in a lab
stitch effort and it does dial it back and i only know that because kevin brandon not kevin brennan neal neal brennan was saying that he didn't take that with his i have not heard this on your podcast but he didn't take that with his mood ssr eyes right because it was too dangerous because it yeah because the serotonin syndrome if you have too much serotonin sorry once i heard that i was like i'm in yeah it definitely without a doubt can can enhance your mood it it it it it it there's a bunch of stuff this one of the things about all the things that we saw it on it if you're like wow that sounds like total horseshit i agree with you a lot of you here when it comes to anything that's claiming benefits that seem outlandish like improving your mood or improving your ma but the reality is we all know that kathy gets excited right we all know that certain supplements are good for building muscle tissue enhancing your body's ability to produce testosterone like this new tree
to have their their molecules that have a reaction in your body and some of them have actually been measured by science we whenever we sell something we have a research page click that research page and almost every question you could have her have answered on that so moment is up there including all the relative studies all the relevant rather studies with with research links and if you have anymore questions just google it there's a ton of information on nutro pics and on it is not the only ones on it there's a a product that i really enjoy that we don't have any part of its called neural one whose by bill romanowski was a football player and i've talked to a bunch of people about it's great stuff that's how i got into neutral picks erin no name from alice the radio station in san francisco they turned me on to this neural one because no name was take it and that's that's what got me on this idea of the tropics as to
back then it was a long time ago i don't even know if google existed this fucking commercials long as shit ignore what i'm saying use your brain on it dot com onn it use the code word rogan save ten percent off any and all supplements bert kreischer's here strap in you fucking filthy animals this new year's eve i'm at the improv in hollywood with tony hinchcliffe an ian edwards to the funny as fuck up and coming dudes ends the ends of the best comics in the plans to improve this this this week actually this thursday i'm in irvine a bird sure new year's new year's i don't find him prong or if you can and no pressure january second i'm at the mirage in vegas with duncan trussell are you should fear and joe we do as did you come
your pants you should have and then january 30th i'm back with hinchcliffe indian edwards yes to who sees in a month two shows at the mirage in vegas anything else burr burr burr dot com call in sick to work show in tampa bird the fucking crusher is or just cute amuser podcast checking out experience trying my day joe rogan podcast by night all day good good remotely bert kreischer hello everybody this is our fifth year anniversary happy anniversary 2us to it crashes here so yes we will be imbibing indiana libations as soon as jamie gets us the fucking whiskey doing jamie we didn't make it sure he knows what he's doing now i'm doing basically shit not really
bird crush or i'm fine how are you my friend so that we're doing this today i haven't slept in like three days excellent malaret meryl area pills or you with my head man do dave he was on malaria pills and i had to keep him from attacking a reporter that's where i fucking heard about it 'cause i heard about malaria pills before i started taking them and i was like these are bad is right now yeah some people have adverse reactions have who drank alcohol while you been on them oh yeah well you're not supposed to do that i don't think oh well how my supposed to go to sleep with hallucinations i think that was the issue with dave i don't think you're supposed to drink when you're on that stuff explain a lot yeah i think it has some pretty negative impacts what's the name of the malaria madison will google it google med i don't want to say it's laree i don't know i don't know the name malaria madison malaria the yeah it's fucking the dreams are insane i mean i'm already a really active dream
but dreaming on malaria medication that's one of the first googles malaria madison an alcohol laria drugs an avoidance of alcohol yeah well it just shows you what a fucking friendly drunk i am yeah even on malaria pills i didn't get in trouble yeah this is funny people are complaining that i i was just reading that anyone taking drugs to actually get malaria should not drink alcohol what a vacation would it be i can't drink you guys like i'm in the fucking sudan how am i going to sleep at night what are the vacation that would be if i can't drink exactly how i felt like a stephanie are doctors told you this i don't think i will take it would rather have a little fun and take the risk than be miserable this mother fucker is more interested in getting drunk than he is catching malaria which has ready for it killed half the people that have ever died
never in the history of the human race are you having the people who have ever died ever have died from malaria that's weird is that on the i heard it on the internet no no i heard it from the radio lab from radio lab podcast yeah it was a woman on who is talking about malaria's mosquitoes radio lab does their work now they don't they've they've talked about quicksand porn and i cannot find one really yeah the talk about quicksand porn the guys are in it called sinkers and i was like i've now i've seen it all i thought and i was like i'm gonna find quick sanborn i can't find it anywhere you're not looking hard enough so i mean there's got your number horn that you're fucking in quicksand is i think i'm not certain how it works 'cause i can't find it this is true listen to this one another
every two people have ever died have died of malaria this is from national geographic holy shit what was the here's the question though what's the what's the percentage of people that die they get malaria listening this about three dot two billion people almost half the world's population are at risk of malaria oh it's it's anywhere it's all over the fucking place i'm getting back on the medication in two weeks this is insane this is this is one of those really weird things that kills a shit load of people and we're kind of immune to it we don't get it much over here so we don't give a fuck malaria like no ones everyone is so terrified about ebola 'cause it came over here
oh my god they brought their dirty disease to america oh my god but nobody talks about fucking malaria malaria is terrifying quicksand porn shut up he found it will you pass me that link wow this is crazy yeah you want you want another scary ones rabies once you get rabies your listen to these numbers ready for this shit two thousand and thirteen there were one hundred and nine eight million malaria cases with an a certainty range of one hundred and twenty four million to two hundred and eighty three months so that means that when they say ninety eight and maybe as low as one hundred and twenty four it might be as high as two hundred and eighty three so like this is the kind of infrastructure you're dealing with i mean you'd really like insanely
harvest areas ok it says an estimated five hundred and eighty four thousand malaria deaths with an uncertainty ranger between three hundred and sixty seven and seven hundred and fifty five so it might be as low as three hundred 'cause they're uncertain about the numbers of with a five hundred million five hundred and eighty four million is accurate so it could be as low as three hundred and sixty seven million three hundred and sixty seven thousand rather or as high as seven hundred and fifty five thousand so as many as seven hundred and fifty five so just let's go with the lowest number three hundred and sixty six or three hundred and sixty seven thousand that's the low number of their uncertainty range imagine that many people dying of a fucking disease in a year three hundred and sixty seven thousand that's amazing that's like thirteen football stadiums sunday packed
oh yes only you would think that way how many is a is it one hundred thousand that gets into the football game so the big ones like florida state was i think like thirty five thousand thirty five thousand football stadium full of people to get bigger like was so yes what was that like dallas stadium valley like sixty or something right once he does valley is really big i know how states like iowa sales i was a tech on a thousand there's gotta be some that are like one hundred thousand right well how much one hundred and five ohio state shirt fucking so proud when i bought it that like this should be you should be honored but that so that's a big fucking number of people three hundred one thousand people dead of a disease and not even talks about it 'cause we don't get it here it was in calabasas imagine fucking malaria made its way to bellaire how much people would be freaking out why people would be lou in their shit every will be on medication
what's amazing is you write the callousness i mean we'd go to the farmstead where we're talking about and i had people on my crew just hop off the malaria medicine and then like i can't deal with it and i was like my directory paul was like you know 'cause if you skip a day or fucked you gotta take it every day two days before you're in the area while you're in the area and then seven days after their it would fuck all that fuck all that i'm in valley still take a malaria pills goddamnit malaria it sounds like something you did with breakfast malaria would it be a drink would be like a jam with something from the south it's a malaria on the side i get similarity with my grits it does you're right malaria fucked up disease man that is a crazy statistic one out of two people that have ever died ever died of malaria we wanted the real shit one is dengue a fever
how can it be shittier than that because you getting at half covered they got half the deaths covered is going to be worse no no no i think the disease getting the disease you get it you're like you're like sick as fuck for like three weeks then it goes away for a month and it comes back ten times worse and so you no that shits around the corner you feel better and you're like fuck it's just going to get bad why it's so it gets good and then it gets bad whatever with everyone yeah well i shouldn't say things but but yeah my might care man got it and he got in africa and then and i got i got the dengue fever shot i got the japanese encephalitis have day have be i got all of them we had the we had a guy that does our podcast justin ran and he was supposed to be here he he does a lot of work in africa and he was in africa
doing the stuff with pygmies he sets up wells for them manages i used to find you have see went to went to the congo found love these pygmies just the like the nicest people you like feels dedicated to helping them so is this like this foundation called fight for the forgot puts all this money towards building wells and what we even donate some money and we we had a bit coin people they don't need money to my big point and i match whatever they donated and we sent him some money to help them wells and shit anyway point being we supposed to be on last week but he was sick and i was like no you stay home for a little bit he's like well i've been home for two weeks so whatever it can't be bowl i'm like just the fact that you have to tell me that stay the fuck home for a little bit fella it was i tell you
last night we were at the hospital with kayla until like six in the morning i was telling these guys and they tested her for the flu issue there like she's got the flu this second they came back with that they shut the doors they put signs on the door and anyone that entered her exit wore a mask and i will
man the de humanization of that moment and then when she went to leave they put a mask on her and she looked at me she was like don't like really out about like what they doing this to me almost like i've i've been affected i might i might getting separated from the pack not kneeling and i looked and i was like paparazzi baby is she would laughed and then my wife tucker and i stayed in gotten over well do you know the done that's cool the arm the number of people that die from the flu is pretty staggering you look at that the number of people to die from the flu i was i was really shocked i was like wow you know we don't think about it because it's something that everybody gets you know it's like once every couple years you have the flu i get the flu like every other year seems like i don't think i get it now no because i don't get a
shot yeah i did you get flu shots but i also get like i don't i don't know really what the flu is technically like is it a chest cold is it throwing up to where you're sweating like just buckets of sweat and you're just beavers chills fevers chills go i'm gonna plug on the flute i've never got a flue once take a guess as to how many people think die all right we're talking about three america seventy million i think it's three interesting three hundred and fifty thousand for three hundred and fifty oh yeah three loan number is area from layers three hundred and thirty seven thousand three hundred and thirty seven i want to say one hundred and twenty five hundred in america oh shit nuts in america 25th fifty thousand fifty thousand do you think brian one hundred and fifty thousand three thousand six hundred and thirty six thousand just thirty six it's like thirty one more than have died from ebola i mean how many fucking people have died from bola from america a few people got it
there came back but i as i'm pretty sure they've all been treated right one died one died i think so now now let's find out that family people died i don't think anybody died how many people died from the bowl in america by the way if this is a statistic on skydiving i can jump right in with the actual odds of i did a google at every time for i just got the skydiving thing is scary i think it's forty three this year it was forty eight two years ago by dad's friend died so that alone is just too close you know like i know somebody who's know somebody that died so yeah how did he die malaria around we got miller it's got i think it was a woman and against her she's got a ten day out there was one death in the usa last year four people got it in one person died from the flu from ebola
so i'm assuming that means that they were there when they got it but that might not be the case they might have been dealing with somebody who had it when they came back i'm assuming that it had to be there come home with it and i think i i think was the first patient new patient zero to the next one was a doctorate lana if i'm not mistaken and i only say that because i remember hearing the news say something about if you contracted early like the all the nurses the call in texas they got it they were on top of it they're like oh i'm not feeling good i got the bola right the the jumped on and got tree what it what is the treatment you know man with a just they must give you a lot of liquids and keep your i imagine is keeping the keep in i'm sure what is the killer is the fever as you know that was the best the big fears of phoebe gets over one of four we're talking brain damage and death and start cooking yeah yeah and so i'd madge and that's what it is and you can't lower the fever we
it's amazing that people can live in phoenix you know or vegas really fucking fascinating vegas is fucking insane in the summer like you walk around the sun one hundred and twenty degrees out like what the fuck this what is one hundred wait who stopped here while stop it you stopped here going to pump all your water from colorado you get this crazy fucking system where you have this god damn ecmo and left in the in the middle of the desert that has neon that's lit twenty four hours a day you have extreme enerji demands you father soccer is built like this is a crazy spot to build you know the only reason why it was built there at all because it was built by mobsters gambling right yeah but the india was like they will just make mean not crazy they were when they made vegas we're going to take a wild fucking place with very few laws just make it so four hours drive to get out there from la like you're not really going to drive especially back those days those
rickety ass cars you imagine when it commitment it was to go to vegas in nineteen fifty and fifty five bel air on the roads the roads back then domination how shitty the fucking right i guarantee you part of that was was still dirt dog shit roads dog shit bars no radio no if they had a radio air conditioning is suspect what radio stations make it all the way the fuck out the middle of desert they probably a weak ass signals back then they probably won't work for a few miles when phone yeah you got lucky you went out to a place that i a dial phone you know you better pack your fucking water there's at least a two hour stretch that there is no one not only right you're most likely you're going to need extra water for your fucking car anyways that bitch is going to overheat the radiator sucked in those old pieces of shit everybody knew how to fix one though that was the difference like if you pulled into a gas station back then and you know you had a nineteen fifty five chevy
go i'll look here your your spark plugs bad the alternator is not working and you got this is i could see right here your your brake fluid low now you open up like in two thousand fifteen cadillac you open the hood you like what am i look i have no idea what any of this is this is all just a big computer grid what's that black box in the corner fuck is all this what's the thing that says nsa that's on the hood what is this black things this is following me i tried to change my daughters back tire then attached to the chain yesterday and i was like sitting there going how to fuck did i do this i was like i know that this should be something it's in my skill set but it's just not here anymore i remember put one back on member we chain would pop often used to have to get your fingers up in there and figure out how to put that fucker back on kids today then i have to worry about this shit car brown wrote the tip of his finger off that way corey brown kidding
i would not have a baseball with all of my money the only black to their school but the tip of his finger was gone i wish you well and is it from put the chain back on and he did that thing and finger got caught sliced on when you are around a bunch of hard men like lumberjack type characters you're always going to find missing fingers there's always a dude who's missing a digit or a piece or some something got chopped off in a wood saw or something that's look under a rock and end up fucking break it off do you know how that would make me if i lost my finger like 'cause you just think that that's me forever now i no longer that little piece of way better than losing a lot of shit i'll take a finger all day i lost i lost all my teeth all of 'em yeah every single one of them except for eight that are my mouth off here i'll show you my eight that are still my mouth and you'll be like what happened fuck by bad teeth to begin with like i had you know math hereditary my mom mom
my mom was on math and smoking and nobody had bad teeth to begin with men on my 11th birthday i got him out of the baseball oh jeez with my teeth and it not broke all the ones in the front and chipped all the ones in the back will you just in the wrong place at the wrong time the kid was swinging or no i was captured passed ball i stopped it throw my mask off throw the guy out at third and the guy the batter trying to break the play up thought he'd hit me with a bat we're fucking eleven i don't know where the competition in this kids house was but oh my god so i will hit you in the head with a bad to stop the fuck can play i guess and a little psycho it was my birthday too emanuel in or something fucking crazy my dad kept me in the game until the ending was over you move me over to shortstop 'cause we were short players and he couldn't sub someone out in the fourth inning he was your dad the coach that was the fucking coach and i was like and i went to the blocker into the dugout my dad's like buddy i need the shortstop and i was like and that's not my dad
yeah i guess it is my dad but it's not my how many teeth you missing twenty i like twenty six or something all fell out two thousand and sixteen fell out right there no twenty six were damaged and so there are fell out right there after he got hit in the face of the bat a u news you're up so we'll definitely all the ones up front not thank you john yeah they're out or they were on home plate your dad made you still button yeah i saw yeah if you bring up my dad he's like well i mean we're going to lose game you know wow yeah that's a good way to fuck up a kid no shit turn him into a comedian yeah well that's how you fuck up a person yeah you can't be normal and become a comedian but so all my teeth are are veneers or bonded or crowns or posts and crowns wow yeah that's harsh dude that's why i look at that guys in the ufc
you fight and no one ever loses teeth i'm always shocked at that so my teeth are super vulnerable like if i got hit in the mouth with a piece of plastic fruit in high school and it shattered a tooth wow my friends are fake also really yeah i was in a car accident as a kid really getting hit in the mouth with a bat and then your dad throws you into the fucking game keeps me in the game now throws you back at the game sorry that kid that hit in the face with a bat did you stay for i don't know dude i never understood another team if the other team wow did you say sorry no i didn't why don't i would maybe i'm sure his mom made him say something but i wasn't in a place to hear it wow on my birthday with good dot dentistry like for the emergency like did you ever see that kid again after that i have no idea who he was i don't even know the kid while home that's quite better that way you don't have like this one person in your mind that you have to seek out destroy your you know your face booking i'm saying that he's happy
fuck i have fake teeth you just want to get back at him some shit that happen when you were eleven people are like that man people fucking fester on things where would be way better she didn't know you know in that case you're going to go back and fuck this eleven year old up who's now forty three yeah i don't even have attachment to the i don't have attachment to the incident in a weird way i'm kind of emotionally detached thinks i've set it so much i got the 16th knocked out baseball bat baseball and then everyone knows how that happened and you just almost like that event becomes a bit a little bit a little bit like you something like i'm sure when you tell people about being world judo champ world what you need alcohol what were you you were like the one bunch of taekwondo tournaments yeah but like i'm sure that somehow you definitely kind of like you here have flip
you just said that yeah i'm sure it was so long ago man it doesn't feel like me when i when i about it quite honestly it's so long ago feels like a lie yeah i know it's real 'cause i can do that stuff still and i'll show people not go holy shit i go yeah it's kind of weird right but i could just do that so i know it was real but it's feels so long ago it feels like a lie yeah so i let my brother you want some ice brian this is going downhill all up hill what are some crazy man yeah did you hear about the mall of america he would happen there was a black lives matter protest they shut down the mall of america during the busiest time of the year you know thousands of people chanting in protesting well they're getting suit the people organize a protestor getting sued may seek reparations for the mall of america protest the mall
all is soon and for los business which is significant you know like this is very interesting man it's like these guys that are like protesting by going in the middle the freeway here in los angeles that pisses me off but we taught yeah we talked about the other day because i think that you can't you got to be real to you weren't here the ana kasparian one you got to be careful because you could some and i like there could be someone who's on the way to the hospital and you block off the ambulance and because the has we'll get some there an hour later than they should have the guy dies and that could be someone's loved ones that's fucked up that's just that's not cool it's an people like well you know it's a protest in protests are not supposed to be convenient there's one thing for this convenient is another thing where it's public safety you know you could everyone who's involved in that essentially could be charged with murder like if you in some way cause someone's death because of negligence or because of malicious activity where they could decide malicious activity
i bet it there could be an argument made i mean if you was one person physically if you knew that there was an ambulance you blocked it off 'cause you say no the ambulance can't get through because black lives matter or whatever your causes if you stopped an ambulance from going somewhere you personally they would charge you for sure with something whether it would be murder or some negligent homicide or something i mean they would figure out so i don't know what the cause would be so the question becomes when you have a whole group of people that are blocking off the highway how many of those people responsible 'cause there's this weird thing that happens fusion of responsibility when you get large numbers so one of the reasons why a mob mentalities are so scary because no one feels responsible when everything's going crazy and people just run around smashing windows and like you gotta be really careful about people and that kind of shit happens 'cause when no one feels like there's any order and everyone feels like this chaos people just start doing shit they start looting mean that's where you get like these crazy mass
apes where everybody is like how is this possible like here but i'm in india or one hundred guys rape a woman and woman dies like how the fuck is this happened well i think that people have a weird follow mentality some weird ancient primate shit it's in us where we follow other people even when things get crazy and when things get completely off the rails fucking crazy like a riot i think it's almost like for whatever reason people a certain amount of them at least glues themselves in those moments and they can they can stop people to death too they could like things on fire to where they would never do that individually on their own and i think you have to under when you have a situation where a whole group of people do it but that's not i mean they block off traffic but their intent when is not to stop ambulances or to stop police their intention is just for good you know their intention is to try to put the the message out there in is
big letters as possible to let everybody know we're going to inconvenience the fuck outta you know more highways like until there's some action until someone does something the problem is we need those god damn roads yeah that that's something that you can't take that away that i mean you're right i never thought about what is something just on the way to the hospital that's the first thing i thought of 'cause i did take my daughter to hospital recently broke her arm fell off the monkey bars and broke her arm so when when that kind of shit happens and you realize like time is of the essence and you know my daughter's case it's broken arm they know how to fix that stuff but then some people cases it's like you know you have organ malfunction there's all sorts of things that happened to people's bodies that they can catch they can catch him time you can stay alive but imagine how upset you would be if you never got to talk to your dad again because some fucking hipsters are blocking off the highway
because they want to show how down they were sort of blocking off the highway that's when i became a single shooter mark walberg wealthy yeah it's i know that what they're trying to do is good i know what they're trying to is good but there there's or there's a reality to pro testing where you gotta go you okay but at what cost at the cost of your fellow citizens like these aren't cops you're talking about the your inconvenience saying more or possibly put in their lives in danger this is your neighbors this is your friends imagine if you lose your next door neighbor major fewer protest or you next door neighbors husband had a heart attack they're trying to get into the hospital they couldn't get into in time they were like if you just got here half an hour earlier we've been fine is ninety minutes it took to get into the hospital so the guy died and she's crying and crying and you're out there trying to say hey you know black lives matter it's important that you know we make it inconvenient and she's like you fuck my instead dead now everybody's lives matter that's the only the only other
inconvenience saying all the other fellow citizens which don't have anything to do with police brutality it's like it seems like there should be there should be a way to do it where it doesn't put other people in jeopardy i don't know what that way is you know i would imagine that way is blocking off the front door the police station or blocking off even better the fly front front door to town hall that would be the best one like if they were gonna protest something and be heard and be you know be seen as are getting arrested like some block off where the laws are being made don't block off the fucking highway's be smart about it find your angle but i don't know man it's it's part of me likes that this is going on though no prop part of me is excited that there's all this talk of all this i people realize there's some in balance there's some issues you know and they're being addressed in like a really big way so i feel like it's ultimately a lot of good is coming out of all this stuff a lot of good you know a lot of p
or being forced to have these conversations and i've i've seen people adjust their their opinions orange conversations country sting i think i might i've just adjusted my opinions throughout the entire thing to that you know i the only thing that this thought that that drug i guess argued be arguably fox news and cnn don't do is they don't offer a like a real fair and balanced kind of conversation with two intelligent people they they bought load it we get like they get on the get they did this thing with charles barkley being in tv as long as i have are there certain things i know don't happen the bring charles bar
only the one guy that maybe can give a really interesting point of view and he starts sweating in the interview did you see it anywhere else in an interview on tv they would stop down and say you look a little shiny let's dry you off anywhere else but they allowed it to go in like this nixon kennedy debate kind of way and he had sweat on top of his lip it was porn off side of his head as he was talking about something that is maybe not the higher or not heiro but like what the status quo is but cnn or i think it was cnn wanted the drama of it they wanted his statements to have weight with this this sweaty persona like i'm fucking scared and any in any interview and i'm sure this is happened to you they will stop you down and go stop no matter what he's a little shinier i'm off but if you start writing in in like a unlike a interview about the ufc and it was just you were just talking right it definitely stop you donna goes give a little power they don't i don't want to do that
but if you started sweating we think they'd let you drive off from the ufc dude we're gonna music and i had to i feel like such a if i let them powder my forehead it was a bad example girls are getting their ears broken off you know i'm going to see that this girl got here was destroyed jessica i and i get the ladies name i'll find it here it is a load it was insane did you see brian lara whole let's do all it was fucking crazy shit i've ever seen in all my years of watching what one of the leslie smith she fought leslie smith who's tough shit and she her ear swoll up and she had you know cauliflower ear and what both of our here is the reason why your gets hard is your when you have bleed under the skin the blood pools under the skin and then it calcifies it hardens up it become is like a little piece of hard like i have some of my knuckle and i have a little bit of my ear its way
weird i wear ear guards i don't get it on my ear but some people like the way it looks so they don't weary regards then let it it fucks with your hearing to make sure that the bad ass i guess but it it fucks with the way you hear things like your ears design and so that sound hits that shape and like that's why women can hear shit dude their ears are covered with her they don't know what's going on i don't hear you when you talk that's what's happening i can't hear i don't mean this these are jokes but this woman anyway leslie smith had she had some serious qualifier iran must have had some actual bleeding in the ear while the fight was going on and then she got hit with this punch and it fucking exploded like jelly donut that got hit with a rifle i thought it richer your off that's what it looked it looked like a river the node almost at that but the it exploded first and as the you you can see it pulled up pull pull up leslie smith exploding here gf because
it's crazy to say i've never seen anything like it she got jessica hit with this pun and as her knuckle connects with the ear the ear just explodes in a cartoonish spray of blood like if it was in like there were those sin city those movies you know everything is very cartoonish and yeah i like that it didn't look real like if it was in a movie yeah it was in a movie i go get the fuck outta here i've never seen it you're below up like that watch this man it's so crazy watch this low resolution unfortunately you got to see it not on these goofy screens we have a new system that's in in order right now the new system will be a tricaster we're going to use a track out you can't really can you see that i can see it it's hard to see with this low resolution but in high resolution it looks fucking insane it's interesting that wrestlers and fighters they want the
define what flower or not all of them but they want the cauliflower ear i think i talked to matt brown about it i think my parents got it and i said isn't that something you guys wanted when you're younger and he was like fuck now but i guess some guys do some guys do well i know people who have actually given it to themselves they've taken a belt and they fucked their erupt if you bend your ear and you just take a belt and fuck with it now people like the way it looks makes it look like a badass i've met guys who are fucking white belts have this horrible college power all over their ears and you like come on man i've been doing jujitsu for twenty years i don't have that shit how do you have that shit so early like how did you get it so early and you know you find out that they get a lot of wrestling or they did a lot of horsing around with their friends and if you have the genetic predisposition to getting cauliflower apparently it happens super some people even though they've been doing you just for a long time like john drug machado has so little of it but he's been doing ju jitsu is whole life and he doesn't wear rash guards isn't there a way to is there a way to
but it by draining it or something when you get the you could drain it yeah my friend brian had his fixed he had he had his ear fill aid open and they scrape it all out and then stitch it back together again he had it fixed and it looks weird his ear looks like a little callie flowery but not much but apparently it was pretty bad it was like some of the wrestlers like randy couture has like mice own and yet it's a randi's is so bad that i would i got to look at it like for and it was like a pin hole that this though is your whole yeah it's really tiny like you can get those apple your buds yeah not just not getting he can't why would why wouldn't he if this is a bad is randy kotori once let everybody know and headlock since i was a baby what is going to fall sleep on planes also well they're hard he uses them in wrestling here's yeah he he ho
is onto you like if he's got you and he's driving forward towards your face he'll like shove that fucking here in your eyeball it's hard to it as an honor isn't hurt him if it hurts him he doesn't care if it hurts you that's what he what he's worried about if hurts him slightly less and it hurts you slightly more he's going to do it that's what well that's what it's like you can't i can't i mean the travel exact opposite exactly if it hurts you more less than it hurts i don't want i'm fucking i could never be that guy that is the thing about wrestlers that a lot of people don't understand it's not just the fact that wrestling is a good day nice from martial arts for mixed martial arts i think it's the best because you could decide whether the fight goes to the ground fight stands up an when you're really good grappler like jujitsu techniques you can learn all those you can learn all those pretty quickly it's like the real
deal is learning how to manipulate bodies and balance and understanding positioning understanding like leverage in positioning and wrestlers get that but the real intense thing about wrestlers with separates them from other athletes is the toughness like that you have to be so far can tough to survive in a wrestling room this the drills are so brutal the sport itself like going at it like full clip with another guy who's also the same weight as you also just as strong as he was one of the most difficult things in all sports you could do to physics be strong wrestlers with technique or just fucking hammering and try to take each other giant sprawling trying to twist under each other trying to throw each other and you just constantly poo sing each other to the limit and if you can just get one mile an hour faster this mother fucker you could break him just make
even go one mile an hour faster than is comfortable with and keep pushing and pushing and pushing so all the best wrestlers have this insane mental toughness in eight or trained trained one hundred percent all of it is trained and people have a certain amount of termination but when one of the things you see when you see children's how children react to their environment stimulation and when it's something extreme and unusual as the ability to indoor pain and the ability to push themselves and it's prevalent all throughout this one group of athletes you gotta go but that's the practice it but they're doing like what are they doing there making men out of these fucking guys their turn and animals there turning into people of extreme character like they can do things doesn't mean other people can't do it there's guys that never wrestled who became mixed martial arts grates that also have that same at george saint pierre is perfect example became a great
wrestler after he was already ufc fighter became of the best wrestlers in mma just by being a great martial arts but he had that mentality on his own he didn't have to go to a wrestling room his whole life to develop that he developed that from martial arts itself but get a lot more of those in wrestling wrestling your you get a lot of 'em you get like one in every town every fucking wrestling team in my high school there was a skidmark calling and he was he was a little bit lighter than me he's really skinny guy he's a smoke cigarettes in between breaks while we were wrestling real wrestling in the winter's girlfriend would meet him at the fucking side door the wrestling room and give him a cigarette it would take drag a cigarette and coming to rest
beat everybody's ass any smell like cigarettes is an animal whose an animal and he was he was a couple years older than me and he had been wrestling for a good chunk of his life and i'll never forget this one day the coach like as this guy was just smashing everybody the coach said pay attention to him because there's a guy like him in every fucking wrestling room there's a guy like him on every wrestling team he wasn't the biggest guy by any stretch of the imagination but everybody is scared of him everybody scared of them even the heavier wrestlers like he was like the captain the team and he get mad at them for being a pussy you know yell at them they just fucking bow their head down didn't have nothing to do with this little fucking tasmanian devil he was just a whirlwind just so aggressive and those guys there's like and he got beat he went to the fucking the states and he got beat
i watched him lose to guys were even better than animals like this is crazy this point like you're going deep deep deep in the savage chain you're getting these fucking barbarians that are like their dna is so fucking good like their genetics are so good and on top of that they're being trained in this really insane way where they're overtraining am everyday everyday they're tired everyday you're making exhausted kids run up hills and carry other kids on their back and run fireman carriage drills and you're doing fucking stairs with them you're carrying your friends or you climbing upstairs doing all kinds of crazy shit you're walking on your hands back and forth across the fucking wrestling room you doing all these insane drills and you're going out for hours a day in a room that most likely has asbestos in it is just fucking pipes are covered in this i mean this is one thousand nine hundred and eighty one when i was wrestling in nineteen eighty two and these pipes are all covered in this fucking it's pretty serious foamy shit that's dropping out of the restroom we gotta kick it off to the side like this stuff safe
i have cancer when we're old but first blowjob ever got was in a wrestling room can you make to do take off is here guards at your coach with your guys help do they help while dude sucking your dick we had a good handle on what you say that if you took your check and you will like you put these on i want to put their guards on why 'cause i just need them any of the money let me rip this thing little yeah put this thing on make your chick were saying that put your titties outside this thing like want to be here i want to be there all crazy style i'm well past
play what are you in the leg lumberjacks shit no listen i'm i'm walking down the woods i'm a hiker and you're a lumberjack are and she just gets crazy he only female lumberjack are the uconn you guys left you behind and just instruction for that right guy today's the day you just decided you woke up this morning fucking i'm tired of being a virgin and then along comes bert kreischer the world traveler's roles in just a few minutes ahead of the trip flip team so he's like i'm totally willing to fuck you but i'm doing this tv show for the channel channel and there's a bunch of people behind me and there on vacation there taking pictures that's why i'm ahead i'm supposed to scout ahead but we can fuck but we gotta fuck really quick girls first sexual experience to get to that deep level of fantasy it was so fucking funny that's an area i've done not with wanting to fuck a chick but
with that to a lumberjack for the female with the triplets it really did happen holy yes waiting at all two how should yeah it's so crazy that you even made that moved in my head i was like because i i person i thought was a lumberjack hand job from a check be insane why the can just rough hands and then i was thought i'd like that would be confusing i definitely close my eyes but you keep lying you definitely a chick right right hey you know true not
even not one i both eyes burn looking right at them very very intense trusting someone holding on your balls and dick like that their rough hands would ships in their fingernails and stuff the scent of pine all over their clothes when we were up in canada we pass by these they have these cut breaks where this like these areas that they cut all the trees down it's really weird man it's like as you go and you're driving down the road you see like just beautiful trees and it's amazing and then you'll hit this area many foot
fields large just enormous area where it's all trees chopped down everything's chop down and some of it is piled up and then they have a few posts that they leave like out there in the middle like trees that are like cut in half and they leave out there in the middle and they do that for the birds they do that for the bird population because in order to it actually enhances the bird's ability to be a predator but like for rap jurors hawks shit like that eagles they have eagles up there for those animals they want they need perch is in order to be able to look down and see all the different rabbits and rats and all the different shit they're going to eat so if you make this huge cut break you cut down a bunch of trees and leave nowhere where they can sit up there only all the things that are around the edges
not going to see like a lot of the shit that's out there in the middle so they placed these like posts to make it easier for these birds really weird it's very weird it's crazy that someone figured that i think biologists get involved every step of the way when it comes to where you're allowed to cut what how much you to cut what animal is going to be affected like do you member when they that owl thing there was a thing about that there was an owl problem for that and they had they shut down lumber it was somewhere in the pacific nw spotted owl yeah there was a spotted owl issue where they were going extinct and so people were freaking the fuck out because they couldn't make it make money while this this thing was going on here i'll put it down lumber lumber shut down but that's like one of the things that p
you are terrified of when they're making money off the environment they're terrified of well we found a frog a very rare frog that's in this one pawn so you gotta top drilling oil what are you fucking crazy it's frog wrist billion dollars to get this fucking machinery here we need that oil and they start greasing politicians yeah spotted owl they shut down the pacific nw they shut down timber production really fucking fascinating store it is is a ring that's everyone's livelihood up they're not everyone but of a vast majority of some people's livelihood yeah can consider the the part of the popular the the was the guy that gets hired politician who is like green let that musta known he was gonna storm coming his way i'm sure they probably get death threats like if you come out and say you don't want them to make mill
pins and millions of dollars every week because of a fucking bird to do two aren't really given a fuck about birds not they don't give a fuck about birds if they gave a fuck about birds there wouldn't be chopping down trees and find your job really would if you were in that because you were like super into birds that's the wrong but rather wrong wrong jobs you can not think about what don't you like as your high school guidance counselor well i this guy is writing this guys riding a steuer story william dietrich saying that he was trying to talk to the seattle times about this in nineteen eighty eight and they thought he was crazy they were laughing at him they were like this is
this is like this is a ridiculous notion you're telling us that a bird and obscur bird apparently it's not a very common bird that no none of these people had ever seen would be enough to shut down the pacific nw biggest industry and that's really what happened it's really interesting how that works man really interesting how that works because i think there's there's a lot of get really upset about logging in the first place let's do this let's take that same subject and do what you did with the black lives matter with the protests 'cause arguably for this one bird says dad is going to lose his job and he's not going to have the means to support his family the way he had and may lose his house over a bird is that worth it well i don't think we should wantonly cause the extinction of an animal
old one animal is a part of the ecosystem do i think that ecosystem will survive yes you know why because i think that ecosystems are way more flexible than we want to think they are i think they do it just to survive but if we can prevent this animal from dying then we should definitely prevent this animal from going extinct i mean it just seems like if we're gonna be you know what humans like to be thought of as the caretakers of the earth or the curators of the earth let's start that with americans not humans yeah americans we always you know when you look at our concern with global pandemics and glue a warming climate change all the different issues that people very concerned about our role in protecting the earth but if we're open that and then we have some crazy fucking bird that's dying off because we like to chop down trees like it seems like they should figure out a way to save that bird seems like this should be a way to get that burden put him in an awesome bird play
just let him fuck like crazy go look do we got all the fucking mice you ever want we're going to like let mike's out every day you fuck like crazy make a bunch of other owls and will get your populations healthy and let you go it seems like that would be like a good move right why not charge those lumber industries instead of shutting down everything because they're going to go extinct i think there were that these things are going to stay oh so so it's not just about money it's about this actual area is the only place is bird still around it's like a really that makes sense to me yeah it's a really really obscure bird apparently they're not allowed places but there's a lot of that area up there that's protected we went up there dunkin and i did to look for bigfoot do that sci fi show that stupid so silly but what wasn't sillies how beautiful that area is
when you're up in mount ranier to it it's crazy the first wall rains everyday so the woods are just like the way i described it was like a box of q tips like this that's how many trees are there just trees upon trees upon trees and everything is so green and it always looks kinda cool but it's always raining but then every now and then for like an hour or so the sun will break through the clouds when we were there we were there in like may and it was still pretty remark march march one of those one m month were there during an animal and one time during the day the sun broke free for like a couple hours and i was like this is the most beautiful place on earth is mostly son was like beams of son were cutting through the trees and everything was soaked and do and we were standing next to a river which had like empty beer cans and shotgun shell all over the fucking shore like popular can't out but other than that the view is magnificent like your look
it's such lush lush greenery the something about that man that like it does something to your brain like it puts you on a frequency like quiet calm down bitch it just some click it locks into there's something about visual like your visual field you take in this insane beautiful natural imagery of nature and that it has an effect on the mind and you sit down like whoa that that is i've been obsessed with this theory i went to this place called slow burn in new zealand and glacier who shot in the hobby is the waterfall that photo walks behind and we went into the waterfall swim the waffle it's it's drip off from the glacier to it's it was thirty two degrees eight seconds ago and then i got there at all i was obsessing you know that we talk about this on the phone like a
want to go about when you're in comedy brain you're almost like less happy 'cause you can't you're obsessing about like when you're writing you're just kind of your brains fucking on it won't shut down i was obsessed with the fact that like visually when i was a kid and i saw a vagina for the first time in my king darius house i got turned on and i couldn't stop that feeling i got got sexually turned on and i couldn't shut that down and i couldn't get my brain to shut off but that look at this place earnslaw burn i kept looking at it going it's as inspiring as the vagina never saw but what is what what why is it that this has this reaction on me right i tear and i go this is beautiful as opposed to get turned on sexually do you know do you know what i mean right yeah it's visual see exact same medium yeah i never it brings the opposite almost like the all the shit that sexuality does wear
i should bring down the use when a dick it's art it does the opposite we're goes on one of which my kids rear which my wife was here i'm i hope i hope my parents proud like all these weird things but i just i was a bit obsessed with that because there are there are those things in life and i feel like i've i've been really lucky to experience them in the past six months in in in spades but like those moments we take visual snapshots and you're like oh like when you buy that stream in and everything's as stops raining in the sun peeks through and it hits that right moment you're like oh shit i'll never forget this moment you know i mean yeah yeah yeah i think there's a reason why people go to art gallery's you know like we go to our gallery you go there to see what people are cable creating like this aspiring like even like those tattoos that were looking at yesterday like wow somebody did that who won the cheshire cat in that chicks ribs like wow that's crazy right like i like
knowing that someone made a cool sandcastle right there's something to that send is also something about just beauty there's something about beauty and beauty i think specially in our culture today it gets co opted by sexual attraction you know like like beautiful woman's body like even if for whatever reason you decide did you were never going to have sex for the rest of your life and you were never attracted to a woman again you were fine with that for whatever reason like you get hit by lightning and you stop working you really didn't care anymore you were fine with it is like a john travolta movie out of that if you saw like a perfect beautiful female body with curves and legs and breasts and bone structure and just femininity it's beautiful woman's body of a woman who is exercising as a healthy vibrant body
is an amazing thing to behold it so it's a work of beauty and there's some think about it not just a sexual attraction to it but just the actual shape of it the curves like you know like stupid kim kardashian breaks the internet thing like when you looked at that you wow that's great her ass is ridiculous but what doesn't work is the she look at me look i'm going to oil up my ass so you look is robber in my ass don't tell shit like why is your ass so big it wasn't that big at one point in time do you do a lot of squads please harder sort it looks like she has a fucking diaper on right sort of like she's got a rubber ass this is rubber in there some sort of foreign but what doing is by seeing it in this beautiful form and shape it's like a sculpture there's like something to it you know like you're seeing is
exaggerated and it's in her case that's not the best case but there's been some like insane only beautiful black and white photos of like like models on the beach you know where you look at these photos you like just the shape of the woman's body is like something and then you see like the shape of a mountain like a snow cab mountain with beautiful green trees around the sun is like passing through the cheese you like fuck that's amazing to look at there's something that had since to us when we see beauty and when nature compliments like you said and i believe this when the sun peak through nature nature kind of just boo cocky yeah it's put copies as i take this all over your face nature woman it's like squirting squirting all over the universe that she created it's one of those moments like i woke up in this cave in vietnam and the sun came how many people going to say that shined into the cave and you say living people
i know i know eleven but it's like those it's when nature and beauty and and all show up at the same time and you're like oh it's like they're talking to me you know yeah yeah it's like it's giving you a message it's giving you a message like be hold all that i have inside of me behold the the the clear water in the bird the chirping my trees that sit on my mountain and then and then when you get in your couple music into yeah and mushrooms right and if you've got now well you got to run to him he grants to nature beauty music on like i have some real airplanes when you just when you're the only one awake be open up and the suns rising over tokyo in your like ha yeah and you got fucking something shitty song but it doesn't matter 'cause it just means the right thing to you and you're like fuck it fuck it hey now you're an all
get your game on and you like that's my fucking tokyo song exactly exactly exactly katy perry's not katy perry fucking uh the girl with the it feels like a perfect night to dress up like hitler fucking hitler jesus christ bert kreischer come on is the girl that won the fuck me and won the grammy and then it's the one where everyone's telling me like i hate to admit it i love this new album katy perry now hailer swift taylor swift fucking awesome dude you want to get especially hold on no let me tell you something i swear to god i swear to god think about what you're saying your daughters your daughters in in two years will change your playlist
because you'll hear songs that remind you of them you sure it happens so don't know main just so wrong go let it go let it go down hold me back anymore i have videos my daughter singing that i think it's awesome but when i'm in my fucking manly american car and listen to that horse shit what about well you got hold on i wanna hear point deadlifts and i'm listening to zeppelin fuck off i'm on an airplane i'm having a few cocktails it's along an unusual day song do i be honest you listen to that song alone to listen it's almost it's on my on my phone for girl took my phone me dead honest with two daughters you know younger as well and that song do you build a snowman because you just think like one of my
younger daughter and i start bawling yeah well on a plane i'm just sabi i definitely get when i see things that they like and i'm not around them but that's why don't i don't stay away for long like you go away for like these big long stretches i don't go away very long so long as i go away when i go hunting like ufc trips in comic strips is a couple of days at most so i don't like going away man i don't like it i don't like that feeling it's like when i was a kid i we didn't have a lot of stability in my life and i think almost none of my friends did which is weird because it's like it makes interesting people i don't want my kids to be interesting i want to be fucking boring as shit and happy and content but that selfish right i mean it's like i think i will expose them to difficult scenarios in life but i want to build a base of love and support firm
because i recognize there's there's a bunch there's a bunch of variables involved in making human being and i think you probably thought about this as well when you think about raising a kid you don't don't just feed them and you know just sort of read books to them before you go to bed with them you have to explain to them life you're teaching them about things and you're setting examples and in a lot of ways it's a huge fucking responsibility like that a lot of people don't really consider you sort of think that your kids are going to figure it out on their own and they will if you don't help them but you really supposed to be there to fucking help just like every other animal like cats they like hold onto a mouse not drop it near the kitten so the kitten will chase them johnson hold on what they teach this kitten had a hunt amounts by bringing them one slash two dead mouse like cats go and jack a mouse will just picking barely jack
just hold on and they drop him off in front of kids i've seen him do it it's weird it's weird to watch but they're teaching their teaching him some people don't teach their kids jack shit you know and i think the best teacher in life is adversity the thing is how much adversity you want to give you given too much it fucks him up if you give him not enough they become spoiled it's like you have to figure out they they need to learn to overcome obstacles and it's just like everything else in life we start with a little obstacle then how do you get to become a really good comic bert kreischer you start off at open mic nights that's the first obstacle and you need to be shit on by other car and you need your heart broken and your ego stomped on and you do realize how bad you are you need to be objective need to come to terms with that when you're back in taxes with your sister and she came up see you perform in new york and you're sitting there like and all your things my sister was so embarrassed to be with me she pulled off that new york taxi cab mask to now
look at me oh no you want to get worse she put it on my good tar that's how bad i did i did it right the first time i tried to do music and what year is this we're talking one thousand nine hundred and ninety eight and i and she put it on my guitar is still a guitar case every time i look at that map i think my
could not make eye contact with me because you need that and and now here's a question how much do you how much do you swing that pull because all the old old alternately you want your daughters to have some of the same brilliant experiences you've had in your life where you sit there and and not just you know kate side at the ufc their equivalent of that but like you want them to also feel like they've earned it right you know that's the one thing that i'm so grateful about is that you know i earned stand up comedy you know like i i didn't know was gifted to me i earned i had to work for it and and that was at my place in life i was in the kid that got that earned anything i never read books i was just to keep you floated by in telling on the comedy in a song and i remember seeing guys like jim norton going oh like he's aren't like he's working for this member and bobby kelly pecorelli these guys were all guys i was looking at working for it and i'm and i did i wanted a short cut so bad
'cause that was what life had been but i looked at them and i was like fuck i gotta work it i didn't understand that until i work the door to get on stage and you were like ten steps below what they had ever seen 'cause no one did that in new york did you work the door boston comedy club and so what year was ninety eight nine i was already gone i was i didn't get him back there while you were working now no no but but even still like you know i had you know jim i see jim i see jim in new york us had a moment just it's nice to know i think he's a genius comic but we're peters in the same business and tell him about all that but to a bucket earn it like i want my kids to earn shit yeah i don't know how to do that 'cause you can't listen you can only lead by example in certain respects
what you're saying is true like one of the things that's weird about being a fuck up in life or being a funny person is what you the skill that you develop that people don't think of as marketable or do think of is valuable is you became a very socially viable person you even though you didn't do well in school you are concentrating on things and one of those other things you were concentrating on is in a big way being amusing to people getting people to like you being what your book is called the life of the fucking party i mean that's what you were but people don't think of that as being a skill but of course it's a skill you figured out through a lot of trial and error through years of adjustment years of life interacting with people and realizing what people like and then once you find it tapping into it and running with it and then using alcohol to fuel it to take away your ambitions and run with it your develop being a martial art the martial art of comedy i mean it's real
in a way there are analogies to developing a martial becoming like martial artist because one of the things about be martial artist is you find the tools that work got it more than you are with comedy comedy everybody is different like with martial arts you have your basic have your striking basics you have your grappling basics someone which is it and then you expressed yourself and you figure out how what you're doing what works what doesn't work and get coached along the way comedy have to coach yourself but in a the ways in or in that at a meeting in a macho sense i'm symbol it's similar in almost like this is the objective and now the sway where you're looking at comedy like a puzzle where is martial arts is kind of like a puzzle to like when you when you're competing with the person even when you're doing just you know judo or something like that we just trying to throw them to the ground there a puzzle how what do i need to do to get this person on their back what do i need to do to get these
to laugh what do i need to do i need to do fucking other days do i need a fucking drink more do i need to be the guy who always takes his shirt off do i need to be the guy was in his underwear were going in the water fuck i don't care if it's winter we're going to the fucking water parts in the water he's a maniac we love him and people love you because of that and then you run with that and then also neuron stage you got three hundred people laugh and their fucking dicks and tits off and they go this guy is awesome we can't let this wait to see you again and then your parents like hold on so all that shit you were doing where i thought you were a fuck up you were actually developing a skill this kill the bert kreischer developed everybody thought it was fucking up with everybody loves bert fuck raymond everybody loves it i love ray to ray romano's a great guy i'm just saying people love you like if you had everybody loves burt even ray romano prodi go yeah i guess you're going to use it he wouldn't freak out if you try to do a sitcom called everybody loves bert everybody does
or it doesn't take away from everybody loves raymond it should be a god damn franchise some people love red band that would be the next one douche that's the next one and it would be be going me going sorry one hundred one hundred that's what you were doing when you are becoming this very social creature i was i was very unsocial person i had to figure out common i'm a different angle you know and uh i sort of got better and slowly better in comedy also relaxed as a person and as i lax is a person i got better as a comedian as i became a friendlier person i get better as a comedian like all those things like played a part in each other like in the big i think a lot of what i was doing i was like battling against myself i was the opposite of you instead of being like a very gregarious like outgoing really fun to be around guy i was kind of crazy
i was like dealing with the fact that i you know had a weird childhood and it was spent a large percentage of my young teenage years in terror competing in martial arts tournaments always being scared so maya approach it was like i had to develop the other learn how to relax took me awhile learn how to relax and one of the best did you learn how to relax is see other people's reaction to you you know when you bomb or you know you just come off obnoxious i realize as you're coming off of noxious god i'm obnoxious like what is wrong with you the words come out of your mouth you know and as i've become a father especially as i've gotten older as well but after becoming a father 'cause i to see it from the source of the really unique things about becoming a father and i'm sure you'll probably agree with this is to see a child from the source like right out of the box and you get to see them grow and develop and it is so fascinating like when my daughter makes me laugh there is a weird
mister that laughter that i can't describe you know like my six year olds really funny and she gives me a hard time like she's always mocking me and making fun of me constantly mocking me constantly and it's so funny it's a larious it's really like she like this like almost like painful grin on her face like she loves fucking with me and she loves it also because i can't stop laughing when she does it 'cause this is weird thing is this little human that i've watched learn how to talk and then start fucking with me i figure you out the bigger you out in that short time quick but i also tell her what i do wrong you tell her where i screw up and one of the things that i do with my kids it's a it's a big one man i think everybody should do it whenever i correct my kid about anything if she doesn't tell the truth about something or she gets upset about something i say honey i did the exact same thing i was way way
send you though i was way worse than you and i was told that i was not as smart as you you're smarter than me and i icsp ok now i go this is where you're going to learn along the way so you already give them a victory like ok dad is worse than me i'm smarter than dad ok keep talking what else listen in and i also keep drilling in their head is a big one on a drill in their head the only you and me is it i've been alive longer i'm not better than you ok i'm not better than you i'm just a person who's lived more years but i can shave years off of your learning process if you just listen to me 'cause i'll never lie to you i'm like if i'm telling you something said for santa claus if i'm telling you some i'm going to pick issue i gotta whole bit about it i got a whole bit about it the wife doesn't know about you lying in these little in kids shoes in we're in the car the day she's asking about the tooth fair she doesn't believe the tooth fairy she's like that seems like bullshit
that's trickle down los of faith economics but the problem is the four year old man the four year old believes in everything and she's going to miss out on a couple of years of being lied to you all like ten year olds still believe no ten years old ten years old he need to bring that kid dude i've taken shit to the next level my uncle pete ayawaska note my uncle pete i saved in my phone santa claus cat he here joe santa claus calling you get not i'm take i like i i look hang on take a look at this i stayed with type in santa i saved his fucking picture so when he
the phone rings and uc santa's face and it's uncle pete and he's got a few budweisers them at midnight on christmas eve and he just like ho ho ho yeah the problem is that's trickle down economics when you tell your kid to make sure her boyfriend wears a condom five years from now ok honey look i know mike is your boyfriend and know you love each other and are going to be together forever where you don't make him wear a condom mega more condom no dude wants to wear condom i wore a condom at least five times in my life really five times maybe ten i got
can follow me what he's trying to say what shut this podcast down when you were britney strawberry we're talking about fucking somebody fucking hard to put me in the side i made me fuck my way out i've never those fight companions i don't even need to see anything is right there this is how good the internet is bam he says that and it's right there in my computer is the hardest person people so i thought the flight fight companion i was probably going to get as into it as i do the podcast so because i lossed it on the podcast i can't listen to it in bed anymore you're going to sleep so i was like i'll put in the fight companion i don't in like three weeks ago oh you mean the one where i talked to him about his fight no no no so the what the fuck my way out of that was that was actually a little bit more than that you are so loose with eddie in him and it was such a fucking funny
fear that i sat up in bed and i was like it that was ian edwards or you a call as well was here right yeah was he the one it was the i'm i'm small brain is i knows any your brand 'cause fuck my way out of a sauna was my funniest thing i've heard it like i wrote it my head and i was like i gotta bring that up it was about a guy eddie and i used to work out of twenty four hour fitness and there was a guy who's the manager there was really friendly guy that was also before he was a man are there in the west hills cation he was a man manager of the one in west hollywood and the west hollywood one was just basically like a pit stop for dudes just get their dicks drain i worked out at west hollywood crunch that was a buck and meet law that's a crazy spot twos would just be sitting there shaving their balls i worked out it i had a whole bit i did never made it onto a dvd or cd or anything it was a whole bit about working out at golds gym on coal st
is hollywood because news radio was in this one area and golds gym was right down the street i was like oh that's convenient i'll just work out there i worked out twice i spent spent whatever it was like i think you have to get like three months i was like yeah i don't i'm not comfortable man and that i understood what it's like to be a woman i really did i underst i would like to be a woman just like a woman with skirt on an office full of fucking savages just walking past that water cooler while there are quiet holding onto the little paper cup just so the problem is i like it like you like what was the one in the world today and a little boy like be in the do know that by the water cooler being a sexual harasser i never had a problem with dudes like hitting on me i was always like that's what that's what that's what i got guess what that's a new meme i never had a problem with dudes hitting on me 'cause i was like guess what guess what i got
lucky now just to make a point i can't get the visual of guys who hate out out of my head and that was the viking greatest analogy and all i can pay as you know the people to sit outside gilson and try to get you to find forms about the like catch him like hey do you understand for gays and here like with your kid you like i do but right now i got groceries and a child and i can make a political statement i don't know how much that helps a guy put his finger in front of my face and said do you have two minutes for gay rights and on my come on man would you would you wouldn't but this is not you this is not the way to get people to like you can't trap them when on the way to doing other stuff and like make them sign pieces of paper which this is the way we get yeah this is the way we get you know signatures for titian you know another way make a website ok yet you'll get more than just standing in front of a fucking doorway one of the numbers like as far as like annoying people for
people slash you know get get people to sign your you're going to annoy way more people if you get people do a website through social media he looked weak me all retweeted yeah retrieval had at one point four million people that's way better than annoying me when i'm coming obviously i'm an unusual case but most people what are the numbers of people that come out of whole foods is it one hundred an hour is it even one hundred the attrition factor of like you just bothering people and put flipping along other side of it as opposed to really fucking i know a dude who won't go to a fucking super he'll pull a new supermarket and if he sees the people that have like the stand there and the open bin for homeless people like what's up with that open fucking plastic thing with like this really easy to unscrew top you could reach it and take that money how do i know what the fuck this is money is going you have a laminated sign that says it's going to homeless people have those people are actually are fake
ignore him i don't even talk to him they say something act like they don't exist well i try to be readable except when forced whenever i'm for or cornered to be charitable i'm not terrible i'm very charitable if it's my choice i like to give money but i don't like to be asked to give money i think i think that's obnoxious i think making some where of your your charity is cool but you got to leave it at that like getting in front of someone's putting a finger do you have three minutes for gay rights but that's not how it works man this is what i have gay rights all the love in the world ok i got all the love in the world you're not you have to worry about me because it comes time to voting and it comes time to talking about it i'm i'm not your enemy at all i'm a hundred percent for you so don't worry about me in car glass for the reason i don't say the f word i say faggot i loved i know what you're talking about so the kind of taking it from us no no no i can tell you what i believe dave what they've done is they've let it age like a fine wine
so now when you do hear it adams out like it comes out like a bomb and it's even ten times funnier than it ever was when we were kids while monks friend among my friend brian if you said if you brian just goes shut up faggot we would start right if we just nailed it if you just had that one moment like a mary lou retton conch where you were talking about how you're scared to get your feet wet or something like that if he said something like that but if there was a good but justin martindale was sitting right beside you justin martindale who we love dearly it was sitting right beside you would be like luck i gotta say this i gotta say this i'm never going to fucking remember this in the whole time you're saying this i felt bad there was one guy at the gelson's on riverside in little canyon for gay rights and as i walked out and went the machine and i went and he goes gay rights and i just went now and he's like got it and just
i can give you twenty dollars you need stop talking immediately i'm in can i just give you twenty dollars and we end this i'll talk to you about the weather just don't ask me i just find it obnoxious when i don't it's like anything like handing out flyers for a show to people that are coming out of the bathroom no you don't do that they don't that's not what they're looking for you know i i i believe that you can get results from knowing people but you so going to annoy people and when so you can not annoy people that's the way to go like if there's a way to do it like i always feel like i don't i don't like advertising shit like i don't like advertising sponsors i don't like surprising shows but the only way to let people know about those shows is to advertise them that's the only way but there's like a fine line between too much and too little and not enough and what's your intention while you going into it and i always feel like if who's on my twitter you know i'm going to talk about shows you know i'm going to talk about ufc's ufc is coming up
i'll let you know i mean but it's also because i'm fucking actually legitimately excited about it i'm doing a show in new year's eve i'm excited about that show if i'm going to a ufc it i'm telling you hoe shit jon jones is fighting daniel cormier i'm not yet i'm not letting you know you should order and on paper view but i'm not trying to do it for like job security i'm trying to do it because i fucking love it and i want everybody know about it so as long as my heart is pure i'm willing to go forward with these id speaking of which new year's eve i'll be there about improv we all love i'm at the improv in hollywood in the l rose in hollywood yeah with ian edwards and tony had click jesus christ in other words the funny mother be in edwards is the most underrated comedian in america today i'm telling you folks if you have a chance to see this guy i don't say it enough there are some great great great comedians out there enn words is up there with all of 'em he's up there with bill burr he's up there with dave chappelle he up there with louis ck who is amazing
there brian redban he's up there with art kreischer tom segura he's fucking fantastic this is good is joey diaz i don't like saying that 'cause joey makes me laugh harder than anybody that's ever lived in edwards is a mother fucker dude i work with him in philly and dc and it was a pleasure it was a pleasure i was like how did more he's like one of those dudes where you feel like shut down people need to know about him he's so good he's so good and he's got this rhythm where he barely's putting out any enerji just people with falling down crying laughing but it's not like it's a force rhythm like not say that mitch hedberg was but it so genuine the tall yeah we was talking about you i think is on the show he's talking about he's gonna move out he had moved out of his house put stuff into a into a storage unit and then the place to go in escrow yes and i'm not and but the way he talked
tragedy was the same way he did comedy here but i'm not going to do it 'cause it's not going to sound right but i thought to myself and he used to work at the box comedy club he was one of the regulars there when i work the door and you just sit in the back with a long ass dreadlocks already joke about him because his hair was falling out but he didn't need to know i wrote it but i said when you have a draw your hair is falling out do you just lose just one dreadlock at the time just to you wake up with a snake in your pillow and it's like hanging like the rope that's been halfway severed an action movie where you see those strands breaking this spiraling bump this camera brian don't worry about it but yeah in edwards is fucking he's amazing no i think what i would do to man he's a really really really good to catch up because i you would if i could talk to him what i'd want to talk about their gay sex there was a time no there's
time that everyone global warming new york talked about like patrice everyone that were heavy chappelle went to edinburgh together and apparently they they had this epic i mean it could have been just one of those folklore things that one joke turns into ten turns into twenty turns into make believe but man apparently they like him and chappelle and jason steinberg and berry cats all went to edinburgh together like back in like fucking ninety two or ninety five i would love to if anyone ever gets the most podcasts bring them up because i'm dying to hear their stories and what happened i don't know it was his story of legend blood and head in borrow and scott manila hazelet braveheart started was getting on animal skins on a snowy marsh someone with a feather dipped it into ink though is made from coal screw these words of legend ian edwards and dave ship
i don't know what happened with shit went down or something maybe berry taxes involved it's very apparently was hilarious it was like two dudes who are different people and they would just like it was like the odd couple i don't know i mean it was in dave chapelle there are the odd couple very different people i guess well ian is of a he's a vegan yeah yeah he's very healthy i couldn't do the very healthy yep what's clearly this are we done with it or we got it right in front of your bullshit makers mark the metal thing that looks like a tongues that's for gentleman sir this is a gentleman's podcast we are in fact on itunes i don't know if you know this with your dainty gold watch what's up with that watch to win that shit with one of those little cranes at the fucking carnaval almost didn't wear it ok because i was like joe fucking notices parking lots of strange watch but it's also you have a club
disband oh no it's a 70s no it's a it's from the hospital i tell you something i was scared to fuck it he was scared to what now then nothing to show so i need to edit myself sometimes laps around you as i get so fucking open that i enjoy bad if i get scared you have one bring your hammered you drink that whole bottle of champagne first
oh i didn't see that champagne before he got to celebrate way that's how you know someone in alcohol is not a word not a word of what anybody like some champagne literally open up a bottle of champagne and didn't offer anything anyone no one has had any of the champagne bert open that twisted thing pop the cork oh so come out first grade you don't know that we have a lot of liquor here you don't need to bring your own this mother fucker was so panicked and he was going to do this show sober he pop the cork and didn't tell anyone you didn't bring it up you didn't even talk just like you shot up in front of us he like you fucking tide off with a rubber band put in your teeth when you just and you just try to pretend not even happening i'm coming in hot i told you that
that's not hot you came in yet to open it you get the fucking cork in front of you this is coming in rude coming in selfish he had coming in rude dude i gotta tell you i watch one of your videos of your podcasts and i'm jealous of your man cave you know what i'm jealous i'm ready for this the wood on your walls what's that it's it's reclaimed lumber from one hundred and fifty year old barn in indiana i know it you fuck smell so good you walked in game and it smells history i've been it does so his son of a bitch
yes i love old would do this fucking shit right here this is one hundred year old wood from a farmhouse i went way out of my way to get this would like reclaimed lumber i just had this idea that if i got old would it would make me feel different when i was holding on to it when i was touching it it might be total horseshit but this would right here the man cave let me see your ranking to josie this you know the difference between you and me what i make my own antlers motherfucker just see this see this map right here it close up and there's an lcd screen behind it so it's like a secret tv most bert kreischer
you want to lose me what are you doing after get outta here he wants to move but absolutely loves him my uncle like right before the rolling stone magazine came out like it was spring break it came out april first and i had spring break my uncle i don't know what i'm going to do with my life model sent me up to his house and dc he wasn't there to interview for jobs that publicity firms public relations and he said he left a note and he said when you get to my house mount was fairly wealthy when you get to my house go down to the wine cellar have dinner sit at that table in right at your goals women that that table is making you have dinner on your own my uncle is a little different does he have a cook that could be this dinner chef and he's got his very well to do so he all you to sit down and they serve you dinner and he tells you to write out your goals two dollars one two hours read one of my dad i'm and and this room is in the wind solar oncle
it's it's a one so i need to become that uncle and then he tells me my nephews to your sorry that table is from one of the of the round table from one of the under tables from the hobbit the boats that land here first the santa maria elena okay into the modem via but it's that whole wood tables only this in roanoke like we're yeah one of the old boats came over hold captains table a captains table holy shit it's literally from like a one thousand four hundred and ninety two columbus sailed the ocean blue that kind of shit no no no probably seventeen or one thousand eight hundred since that's when they put somebody has a one thousand four hundred and ninety two he should get that there i don't think that's around anymore come up with that cash but it was pull out that paper you gotta be number one bro you can't beat three i'm one of the top three billionaires they can shut up bitch but yeah those old wood at old what i think of vokes it did the you're right well i i was trying to agree with you and i'm way too up to explain my theory and i just ended up
to brag about some dinner had this is my idea no it's a good that's a fascinating story your fucking uncle told you to sit down at a three hundred year old table and he was going to bring his slaves to have a meal prepared for you asked you drink two bottles of wine there probably made people were put to death after it was over so they didn't know the recipe this fucking secret grape stomp procedure and then you're supposed to scroll down your goals just doing that just doing that just offering that environment where you could sit at the table and someone would come over dressed like fucking ask jeeves with like little real feathers behind them mister crusher would you like horseradish with filet mignon like and he's bringing over bottles of wine and he's telling you to write down your goals just that alone prob
very intimidating is probably not good for you at all it's probably the opposite of beneficial i'm thinking it probably really good thing for you but i'm proud i'm thinking maybe i make you go to burning man and stay there for a couple of years just to gather your thoughts one of those old tables all day i got no table okay like for the seat let's play a game who get the old table do i have an old table from five years ago that we started the podcast on that i'm trying to figure out what to do with what 'cause mrs rogan wants it out of the house that round black table that we started the podcast with with the stems with the mike's yes lots of great great table you know what i should do with that table i should sell that table and i should take the proceeds and give it to my friend justin wren and help pygmies right that would make me 'cause i'm sentimental but shit and less i could figure out a way to make it beneficial so we'll see table will you handle this cuz i don't have time tell you what can i can i tell you a pain in the ass
the way i look at light off on jamie i would just look at it like that table inspired so much creativity i would want it to inspire more creativity as opposed to sell it to auction you know i mean i want to put it back into the creative universe and go let's see goes live i give it to creative due to kill himself okay hi i know about that company store yeah right where where at times what office that's good move you know what i should do i see pretend somebody bought it for five grand just send them fight gonna justin the most that he was going to pay for that stupid table to a fifty dollar table now but it's a nice thing is probably hiding remember it now a couple inbox i can't remember there was a lazy susan on it yeah i think it was a lazy season on it or something i think someone gave it i don't even know where it came from i don't know i'd allow that i put that back in the creative universe i've had some good times on that table i did too
sh whoa what we what your order in again what's up with that stain if you got a lot of that statement half and half yeah yeah those are great table fucking motherfucker of a table son i don't know we'll figure out a way we'll figure out something to do with it but i but that has five years day this table has a two years of cows being trapped in france it's like this horror in this table it doesn't exist in other tables as a farm table i kind of have a farm you do real life you do i kind of have a farm i mean i don't have any i don't have any animals that i eat but i have an so i eat their eggs animals that i eat or all animals that are wild in a sense it's like the best farm like right now i want
the some moves me and one reason only gives moose means i have like four hundred pounds of it i really do i get obsessed when i hear it when i i'm and i'd like i you you get in do things there's appear to be anyone who talk about psychedelic adventuring i got really into because i felt like i was testing the boundaries of anxiety with like fearful activities and i was like why am i so scared of psychedelics like why am i terrified of it and there's a period any time you talked in all of us like adults again in that now all these hundred do you got the i can't i'm so bad at names but the guy that you talk to three dudes ranelagh then the one dude who me warren and then another they're ignoring hands ignore cameron hanes that god there's one guy that says i did what's his name again and kept doing the jonas timber now he just being silly i know but like that through the three you could do two oh yeah yeah but i got really into this fucking hunting thing and i was like do you want to go hunting i'd love to ok let's do it most
likely i'm going to do a tv show were working it out right now with steve rinella's company where i take first timers brian gave in american for booze is just getting slices coffee why have some coffee without some makers just a little bit of the little dash dash but it's a fucking fifth anniversary kid brian what's the matter are you scared now i just have a lot of shows tonight oh really how many shows you have how many shows you got three tell me about these shows irvine improv then this other show that's near the irvine don't know where it's called and then and well little something no no don't give him that because he's not gonna be able to drink that on the way home get him an actual glass like a gentleman the glass is she now i don't last no gentleman like a little general listen this is in peer pressure this celebration do do do do do do do too easy burble
we get him arrested that doesn't help it's the same amount of alcohol you like a child you look cat that hides under the fucking couch but your tail is poking out because something something salute my brother happy five years hey bert kreischer powerful bert kreischer in the house by his book orbit torn it but when you can afford then bye that's the future i enjoy whatever the fuck i put out that's the that's the future this is not people folks you know things cost five dollars there's enough people you know people keep asking me how you feel your shows or folk and being bit torrented it really is ok if that's the only way you can get it get it and here's the other thing if you get it through bit torrent you don't like it i'm happy didn't pay for it i'm way happier
but somebody get something for free and doesn't like it then pace or something and likes it that sounds like i'm bullshitting you but i'm telling you the truth if you can slide find through life with the least amount of conflicts possible that's why you shouldn't but fuck without lube why be rude why be rude okay what is it so hard to get lube is it's not fucking a nab man tanium like some shit from avatar unobtanium it's not the shit will greens bones are made out of ok you can get it everywhere every fucking you look if you have a phone okay will you to do is you need a yelp pharmacy okay look for pharmacy twenty at cvs ten miles go take a left on vanowen there you are cvs get you lube blood fuck someone with sweat
that's true you look back you see elvis was stupid sunglasses on his like i agree never china eight hook song sweat jimmy hill but ever since then i've been taking pills try to recover go down the line what would rosa parks i think was this table with three people on the wall behind me only one of 'em never but fuck someone with sweat guarantee a rosa parks was never involved in that activity ugly shirt to just the three picture how many fucking but you know it's really crazy how few people know to one on jamie tumor on rosa parks very few people know rosa parks looks like when i do this podcast will come in the studio i have
three mugshots behind me one of them is from jimi hendrix in toronto he got bus with heroin and something else one of 'em is the infamous rosa parks arrest where she got arrested because she refused to go to the back of the bus which african americans were forced to go to the back of the bus when you look at her i don't know if it's the lighting or whatever it is but a lot of people think she looks asian and this six filipino are yeah someone along those lines and then the other one behind me is elvis who i don't believe it was ever really arrested no that's a mock yeah this is a this is a mug shot from when he met nixon you know that famous photo you're going to go on that plane pull that photo up just to make sure we're telling the truth like it's the same clothes these where and elvis meets nixon there's a famous one that i have because i have um the jesco the dancing outlaw from the wild and wonderful whites of west virginia it's his
the devil meeting nixon and but nixon is jesco and the devil is the dance outlaw the dancing out or the devil is do you like ever listen to hank three fuck yeah hank three best you go on your podcast i would love to get him on my ipod can everyone reach out to hang three and get him on joes pod can i just tell you this sturgell simpson sent me a fucking text message today he's number fuck in one in country on itunes i've intel everybody about sturgell simpson i went for period of like i'm not bullsh and this is the amazon thing that's sturgis sent me download it he's number one number two is the fucking definitive collect patsy cline all food that is fucking amazing you can't see it's too bright right that sturgell sturgills number one on amazon right now by the way no big record support he's done all this shit in dependently that sturgell right here this is his
problem this shit is number one right now on amazon i swear to god if you like good music forget about country 'cause i know there's a lot of people to go joe rogan you go fucking get a pretty good podcast you're ok is uac commentator kind of biased but god damn you fucking taste in music sucks listen to me just if you like any the country if you like johnny cash if you don't like johnny cash you need to kill yourself or but you need to go to the woods and then think about things then listen to it again and if you still don't like it then kill yourself but if you if you like johnny cash please listen to sturgill simpson 'cause what sturgills doing is with johnny's doing is what joe cocker did is what all these mother fuckers did they sing from the heart and everybody's heart is different okay all sh there's a reason why sir mclaughlin makes you feel bad when you watch that god damn commercial with the puppies okay because of her voice it's almost like a dirty trick
voice is so powerful in the only av angel and you lost and sad little puppy like fuck like i need to adopt another dog already have two dogs and three fucking cats but you want one you want to help out right almost adopted one in vietnam was by a campfire and it was in the cage by campfire and i just take it out at night and we let it sleep with this in bed it was in a cage in the cage at nine who put it in a cage that people didn't fucking vietnam they also eat them so so you have this just in a cage it's very lucky to be in a cage in a stomach i just bought surgery i just bought sturgill simpson's album had both of 'em by the first one to the first one is pretty fucking dope but everyone go online also and rate and review that album because that helps him keep him on top helps keep people noticing him and do that with my podcasts i love you guys yes or no
death hi top mountain yeah hi top mountains this first one which is really good you know my wife my wife my i got a i'm i'm big widespread panic fan and so i have got a widespread panic and my wife in the the loop of it garland honey honey band ayeah honey honey is in cleveland for new year's eve i just tweeted it go to my twitter feed and find it if you're in town you're in cleveland that's where suzanne's from and she wants to do little hometown show go get that my wife's obsessed they're really good it's like this is good music for the nicest fucking people ever right how nice is been he's the nicest guy of all time he just so nice he just so fucking nice and talented and so suzanne it just so nice and so talented there did we been so lucky man we've been so lucky and meeting so many cool people i like when you have bans on
fuck yeah everlast however last you'd fuck that damn everlast is talented natural playing open immortal technique immortal technique is ever last cd not up in that fucking hand anymore put it back over last did it fall down the earthquake that album paris was amazing his the all studio or all acoustic of the life acoustic instead he did a play on it aquatic an even made his cd cover look like a life aquatic like with his face he's just a cool mother fucker you got me into a box cutter passi oh dude yeah i talked to him when i go to philly vinny pass yeah i talked to vinny pads every time i go to philly i go hey we want tickets just like all flip schedules yeah
i've had that issue with him as well he's a good dude though and i like a shit man he's a good rapper he's a big boxing conoces or as well he knows a lot of shit about boxing yeah man that's the beautiful thing about the times we live in times you live in a connect you know so many cool people you know we're we're living in strange times man this is this is the time where the boundaries between people are slowly dissolving you know where that one radio station on the way to vegas with podcasting we are that one radio station yeah it's like that it's like the people that are cool picking it up and they're like and i love when you run into people that are like i told you about this a million times but like i met these two dudes under banyan tree in hawaii and the like the machine off walk and we just end up catching up about your latest bobcat goldthwait episode i just bull right you know like those those things it's cool to be a part of this community i don't i don't feel like you know like podcasting
general with radio lab and with with what's going on with the serial like i haven't paid attention cereal you into that it's really good keep parents shit about being amazing like really really good for six most pitchers one point it's like the yuen duncan going hunting for sasquatch is like i would've heard it the guy got out so like i guess he doesn't but i guess there's i guess i know the ending of this yeah that's the problem right that's every fucking ufo show bitchy and finally you have owned by the way by the way i'm telling you your joke is that when you and uncle and hunger site yeah you said is your joke is like if they had found i would have heard about it yeah and when you and i think i called dunkin and i was like just did you find it he was like bird it would be on the news we had a good time talking in our high as fuck if you want
that show if you pay attention and understand and you just watch those episodes were me and talking or wander through the woods we're barbecued and we're barely conscious i love that guy so much he's my fate well there's no my favorite but it is my favorite there's all my favorite joe is my favorite your my favorite with is a lot of favors brian's my favorite i even love jamie a call doc is my go to pay think is like if you want to freak out i'm going through shit like real shit that i think what you need to really think about is the fact that man we might not even be here we might in some sort of simulation and some alternative dimension there might be people looking over his right now decide whether or not to delete you i'll give you my example how dunk is a genius we he comes on my pocket i assume do my podcast and you have sure we find a time and at the time i was going through the book stuff and i had a panic attack in the middle the podcast like five minutes in i start spiraling out and this is what i love about duncans brain he goes
his man any you know david letterman's ever grown as an individual is playing the same character there's no rules to the ship let's do a guided meditation any get leads me to a got imitation for twenty minutes on a podcast he just leave it here it there's a tiger coming out of the written you're just in your into it and i can you pop out on the other side you like mother fucker i was like i met with this zen buddhist monks in japan zambidis monk in japan there we did a meditation and i told him i said we do me a favor check out don't control of gas he told the monks about download done because i chose my views of right it was a it was westernized a tad bit he spoke english but check out document tell me what you think about this guy because i really do he's got a he's got a special thing about the way he he processes and i don't know if it's him having gone through you know cancer in and having to deal with that and be us you know right but like he's i've can't say enough about that guy he's my go to panic anxiety
he knows it's we answered the call no he's a good dude man he's a good dude you know you can live with me for like four months duncan i live together i mean my little more than four months forget how many months it was but he he called me up is dude i'm in a motel right now my girlfriend kicked me out i don't know what i'm gonna do i go come with me let's have fun come on dude i go i gotta isolation tank there's a gym i go come on come have fun so this is like in the height of fear factor duncan came and live with me oh you live with me for awhile you know i live with tate for awhile and live a dante's fascinated to have i don't know about i follow on instagram caveman coffee c o dot com he seems like he's he seems like he's he's he's he gives me it looks like he didn't drink on smoke he doesn't he's super straight actually lives like a fuckin very rewarding early morning cup of coffee life
well you know what date is tate is robust and enthusiastic individual he's very happy like tate loves to give people hugs and gets love to get excited about that's why i love coffee they need to do we need to show him on travel channel called baby monster regis goes into bill ability to the monster he's a big to please and it seems like the nicest guy in the world and he just goes in places where you know when you draw a a a prediction about a person the way they the based on the way they look but then he just connects everyone every picture i see him it's like him a war you're paying this beard what does a lot of movies management like that denzel washington movies he's done a ton movies like over the last like two years especially he's even really successful yeah super good bad guy in movies he said a big giant duty scary well he's a sweetie he's a really nice guy there was that you and him i just re told this story to somebody was that you and him with the
hi that was drunk in the elevator and the hard rock hotel knock on the door he pounded on tape before take got to his hotel this dude was telling him that you know who's like that's my room and tate is like opening the door and he's like this is my room he's like i told you it's my fucking room i think is really big do she frat looking kid an you know it takes a big guy he's like six hundred and forty two one hundred god knows whatever the fuck he weighs two hundred and twenty eight blackbeard yeah he's a big dude so this guy is bigger than tate like he's such a bully that he's bullying obvious giant people you know like wow you crazy so take tate give this guy a free pass goes into his hotel room and i'm in the room adjoining him and eddie bravo and i are in the room i only wear baked as fuck so so this seems seems real right we're in this hotel room and we hear pounding on the door
you know we have adjoining rooms so i opened our door and tates door was cracked and i pushed eight store out we go imitates room and then we go out into the hallway and so we're exiting out of tate's room you know i don't know sign of solidarity or some shit and then we did that but this dude is standing over tate he's bigger than tate and you see i told you is my fucking room pitch and it's like i don't know what you're talking about man because obviously i have the key how do i get to key to your room you know that kind of shit trying to egos you know the guy keeps talking to him and take those why don't you just swing on me man come on don't you swing on me and the dude like moves forward tate leg kick some and then pulls guard which is a lot and then pulls him down onto him and then also throws his do denoma plot and and from the oma plata right he's got this guy on the ground that guys baffled has no idea what the fuck just happened somehow or another through with the shittiest luck of all time is six foot 6g
giant man who's been pushing people around this whole twenty two years on this planet has run into the wrong mother fucker in a hotel lobby while he's drunk at the hard cafe in vegas so tape pulls normal plot off on this guy and he's got this guy face down all is way donham hipped out and these fucking security guards show up out of nowhere and they go wow wow wow slow down slow down i go dude i go don't worry it's fine and the guy goes through the fear doctor guy and i go yeah what's up man i go listen it's fine he's just going to choke him to sleep but i love that my parent part of this area so he went eight says he's just going to when i say he's i say just going to sleep tape says ok so take jace
transitions from the omoplata through the rear naked choke choke this guy completely unconscious thump head down his friends who had been with him the entire time apologizing forum were happy note who's beating them up pick this guy up he's like what happen have they push him into an elevator and he disappears they push him into this elevator and the doors close this guy vanish is and we never see this guy again this is the end take never heard him he never punched him he all we did we even when he kicked him he only kicked him to get got to react and then pull them like you kicked him light he just hit him with a light inside leg kick and tate was so confident about it was just coming off the ultimate fighter fighting the fessional fighters a couple of weeks ago leg kicks this guy drag it to the ground bass okay i'm obsessed with small details of stories they make a story for me my favorite parts of the store okay is that you guys are sharing joining rooms any problems there i love that i love that because what you have is a code to that store
i love that you say a subtle leg kick and then he throws him into an oma plata like the fact that that makes a story so fucking good and then when there's a credit card comes up you go my friends professional fighter he's just going to put him to fly didn't say that i didn't say is a professional for whatever you say is not going to get her she's going to put him to sleep and so when i say just going to put him in it also did because the dude said something and then tate said something like relax dude and the guy backed away and then eddie bravo vibrava goes you're the one talking shit and then back it up oh and when he said that because eddie kinda instigated it a little bit the guy got what's coming don't get me wrong because the i was to told tate that was his room the guy was going to bang on the door but when he came out of the room with zero fear in his eyes and uh right smirk i think that dude even through his drunken haze is going i might have
stuck my fucking hand in the wrong bees nest i've done that you you know if i was going that he smiles lucy's adult braces you only gone fuck fuck niggers make you vulnerable why would adult braces be assigned that's a sign of vanity you don't treat people the way i do i'd be confident if i saw feisar chrome with adult braces i'd be like what about your nose what do you do about your ears once you fix you teeth so weird headline son i'm gonna fuck you up i read it as a guy who's kids didn't care about his dad and mom didn't care about a smile so they didn't care about slapping around so he's tougher than me like i got an appliance when i was like eight so like i look at it the opposite way i looked like i remember the kid that didn't get appliances and braces and they were the kids who parents let him smoke correct and i was like fuck that i'm not fucking with that guy that's interesting yeah i read it opposite hey can you do ok
i know you i know you're not gonna like this idea but it sometimes i keep talking sometimes sometimes i teach sometimes i feel like i say i read you when i shouldn't read you but then i ok what it just me or everybody you specifically you the most you're like a fucking world i could never figure out where you're going like i go i go they were like joe will think this is funny and i say and then you go why would you say that and then i go fuck but ok here's my thought what if you did like entourage show popular stop right now no shows mother fucker hold on stop back up back it up back it up back it up let me just look at bitch it please it's going to outlet stores what about what about like ten years ago but ten years ago yeah like i don't want to now but like a ten years ago where you cast that you write it but about your life all fear factor with hanging out with mixed martial artists
in the wild like pot times early beginnings of fame much like entourage which i was a fan of maybe not everyone was nothing this one as well as the time i pitched the snake tamer to russell simmons taint but would that be i'd like to see that these old people have to take stain they only have a tank just align how to snakes fuck on top of each other i think i think they've been internal dick yeah it goes into their body but it comes out i'm sure you guys are so technical you guys should probably teach science courses work right there brian redban like you wouldn't for my friend would do is college show be drinking maker's mark now i'm done do i'm done no just produce it not no star it's over it's over what
because anytime i'm spending producing a television show his time that i'm not playing freeze tag with my kids i'm not doing it i got enough time in this world i'm doing podcast yes i'm doing ufc commentary i'm doing stand up comedy and sleeping i just love those old stories don't be scared callme dot com it is nice yeah i have no desire to be involved in anything scripted ever again i'm doing a you know i'm doing an episode of mark meron show coming up psyched about that i'll do like little episodes of shit but there's a lot of things i want to do man i want to be a pilot i want to fucking go to the moon i'm gonna fucking wrestle bears have i would love to learn how to fly planes i just don't have the time it's a lot i
obsessed with shit very easily so my problem is never not having things to do my problem is never being bored my problem is the total my problem is got amazon enough time to do everything is not enough time to do everything it does i like that i wanted to learn how to fly helicopters after being new zealand have you seen bill burr's new special for everybody know it hasn't had gas please i am apologetic to the extreme right now and i know i've been repetitive about this i love when someone does a special that is legit funny and bill burr's new special is legit funny and he's got a bit about fucking helicopters one of the funniest silly is goofy as bits i love it it's a crew room rate release the day i went to tokyo and and and i was gone i bought yours is the last one i bought a guitar on this room super simple going kali central dot com
i got yours so you can actually download mine right netflix doesn't let you download it you have to stream it so you can like loaded no i got my ipad mini i got it on my ipad mini thanks netflix let's you do that central it was the lync online yeah yeah but i'm saying bill burrs on netflix on netflix i think they just said recently they're not going to allow you to ever watch things off line right is that yes of case that's unfortunate is non fortunate well yeah beyond offering but planes what about fucking planes to watch every day can you load it up can you load bills podcast up and then buffer it up on a plane do you load you can't do it you can do you can't download it but you can't download it 'cause you can't watch online you have to stream it if you're flying australia you couldn't watch something on netflix i can see yours i i i had yours all my i have you to download my you pay five bucks you own it it's yeah it's yours and it and it i that right now unless you unless they have it also on itunes it there will be a
available later probably on yes yeah but i got a year later i would look up to him wait now the the the the wave to find out how the to do an hour these days so i don't know it's like i'm we'd be everyone's like put it online for five bucks like louis c k now it's like everyone does not flicks so you can watch it online do not coming i like the i like the fact the years the way here's was done for me personally as a user was a lot more user friendly well the reason why did this latest one with both is because i knew my last one i did it was is good to release it online yeah it's good to release it online do the five dollars thing and it made all its money back but then it made some money but then i sold it to comedy central so it made more money but the comedy central model the way they're doing it now allows you to do both they put it on regular television and then they have an uncensored eighteen minutes longer on
internet that's what i want i don't want the one i don't never so it's it's a perfect it's bull but you might i mean you you look it's good to like someone's flipping through the channels and they catch your special and you're killing they go holy shit bert kreischer's fucking hilarious and then the sementa scout go i saw his special two nights ago i couldn't sleep a man cave and it was on and i said you know i don't think i've ever seen in my life i did the same thing i have seen him lab but i did the same thing i was watching on showtime in my hotel room and i was like holy shit there's a really good special fuck attached to them i text tonight we text him you son of a bitch text him now bitch millions is in a simplicity i let's go keep going keep more forward yeah well he's a funny dude he's a good dude too but point and that i know him already and i already know he's funny and i enjoyed it watching it on tv
randomly flipping through the dials boom look at sebastian ok let's see what sebastians up too and i watch a special really good uh yeah i don't know i do my next hour special is going to be at the dc improv at one thousand one hundred am in the morning but a good idea to my call in sick to work tour that's the appropriate response which is just shit idea for people that actually work that's been sold out i bet it has what you want to generate some fucking people on welfare in your own and your audience no so people on i into an appointment and i and i drink it radio sometimes and i go right this all times sometimes a lot of us but yeah but most also to work shows miss on other how you been doing one thousand one hundred am shows all the potential shows all over the country you serious i'm being dead serious i thought you would joke no personal reasons dc sold out in twenty min
what's that we're doing comedy during the day though i mean public identical to the night the only thing i'm afraid is i'm not giving them something different enough so like in pitts burg came like thirty tickets away from selling out mitch fatel came in and did a set all dressed in matching i wish maybe i'm overthinking it but i feel like there should be something more for one thousand one hundred am show but it's like st patties day it's like why can't say patties okay i'm taking this to the next level i need to find a spot to do a five am show for it for how many a note five amps for twenty as per i say do it i'm taylor st jojo i want i don't want you to be able to stay awake to i want you to have to get up so you don't have a diagram shows you're taking away the brilliance of that idea what you just said is genius i want to set my alarm to wake up to have something look forward to yeah really bizarre like everybody there knows they fucked up
everybody knows that he got there at five hundred am no or did they share five hundred am with joe rogan in edmonton i'm not doing was it let's just say let's say dairy hauger most people have jobs we do not be in canada where it's cold denver fi damn show you do it it's gotta be somewhere weird like albuquerque ok but there's no comedy club in albuquerque albuquerque we're going have to do some anywhere some more weirder like nashville south to guess national national five am show exam which is coughing prozac but but the best examines your hat in national and in my most is now the best exam which is you've ever had come from the rogue in residence because i have chickens that wander around they pick grass and they have yet they have these bags and have the
dark orange yoke the taste delicious you don't even know what eggs taste like here's what i want can i borrow some city slicker aa eggs busing although you'll pay you'll blonde jokes best thing a vietnam was their exam which is we're like krispy vietnamese breads with two over easy eggs don't inside it with this hot sauce it was amazing dozens of ever had i've eight out i'm gonna bring the vietnamese woman your house to make examples guess what you're not going to my house yes i do not know in a check where i live good when he wears the camera right now trying to school you can you move it another way well i try to do some when one of
you wanna you wanna smoke a joint to travel down to let you know i don't know your slave masters to prohibit you from using certain on authorized medicine lance plant medicines even when the federal government is the fed our government has recently relaxed all of its legislation when it comes to medical marijuana which by the way we all have prescriptions and you do i think by proxy i will self diagnose you internet physics and believed in need marijuana i feel it's important for almost everything you do and everything you do without marijuana is to the detriment of the human race hey i just keep thinking of this fucking owl thing and the guy standing outside gelson
and people are coming up a bird feeder and stopping out of their hands would you doing there like in a guy pulled beside him and there's another way we can cut down trees i love those two handed saws like a fucking pioneer i love this fucking life pilgrim with shitty saw have you seen these new there's these new fucking these new machines that that they cut the tree strip all of the branches off the tree all the bark off the tree they saw it in this sections and drop it have you seen these things pull pull these things up there these new machines that they use in it's almost unfair it's like i've been talking about this lately we have a weird hierarchy when it comes to animals and this fish we don't think of necessarily a fish's animals the way we think of as like lamb
or cowboy patrice o'neal so they weren't they don't have eyebrows he said you can't see them look at you like what the fuck do you that's insurance but it's really true well they're not you know they don't live in our world the thing about fish they live in that we're in a world that weird wet world i mean if i'm going to eat anybody i'm going to eat some dude from another planet right eat a person becomes a tree and some guy lives out of st for me or even some guy lives and have a timely i mean it's average what is this is one of the machine there's a few to there's no no no no no no no no no no are you trying to treat grabs a tree pulls out of the ground cuts in half st i mean all all on the spot it's the most i see that we're just yeah yeah easy it's it's almost unfair it's almost unfair how it does it but anyway the way he we treat fish is so different than the way we treat any animal if we had if there was a video
of people taking cows in a net and just pooping 'em up with like tanks they roll tanks across the field drag these nets scoop these cows the hoist him up in the air lamps with their suffocate am to suffocate him kill the fish they don't even care altoona they just and i they don't kill him they pull him out of water and go yeah i guess that's it we could maybe have a bullet in the brain hamann bullets are expensive and you just gotta you gotta suffocate hey in a couple minutes you'll be dead as fuck so don't sweat it we just pulling out of the water can you imagine if we just every time someone killed i killed it with a pillow do you know how much people would freak out the visual of just dumping visually dumping cows onto the flat just like a like a big boat dude outrage oh my god people would freak out
you had a boat but it was on tractor wheels and it was in the middle of a cornfield and their scoop and cows up and drop it on their fucking heads people would freak out but the same people would say only meat and he animals pretty cage that has and see if she if my blood feels thin i love some sushi 'cause they don't we don't think of fish as being the same as a deer a beautiful dear i've definitely i just think you're talking about first time hunters out i've definitely call fish and kill fish and flayed them and scale them you don't feel bad at all right now i have no remorse however i was around someone when they killed a buffalo and it was weird dark but i was like i don't know if i don't know where we watching whatever happened to the trees that were two guys one fish have you seen don't wanna watch it i want to see this come on man don't take matters into your own hands
fucking video i love the way brians nonce ecuador brain works he was two guys one vision of using that yeah it's nothing to do we were talking about you know it's so funny and had it with fish in it there are things we're trying to find like a really profound video on the like the efficiency these machines that are chopping down long as it's like it's almost like you sing was too fast it must be an axe supposed to take time this is a life form you don't respect it if you're feeling thousands of am yeah yeah that's the machine and i find that shit in a video it's a gift watch this dude is fucking crazy look it that's the machine or the machine cuts the log look this it strips it and just starts on into fucking sections it's crazy it cuts it in literally two seconds lives is jai country in the air this tractor armed strips these logs of bran and then saws it into like twenty four or twelve foot sections whatever the fuck
whatever the name of that machine is i've had that blowjob well just tithi just crank needed complained before it cut your dick off you need to complain like as it starts its process of i'm not good realizing my needs if we did what we do to fish to any other animal people would freak out we have a weird hierarchy we could probably do to hamsters no people lie of mammals there's something weird but why can't we do it to dolphins in is it 'cause they make noises that smart no no but is a really smart known but everybody's in the same like like a shark dies on the deck of a boat no when they go what we know now we had to catch a big shark that was killing people right fish died but dolphins make noises are well and wales due to a wonderful that's why those the two animals that society is a verse to
killing better in the water you know what i mean there there mammals were reversed to killing all the mammals burst killing whales or cozen seals and sea lions it's a mammal that breeze air we have an affinity to things that breathe the same shit that we breathe were really we like things that could breathe underwater like you bitches you not even us look you got freshman i mean if what is the difference between fucking see a lot of tuna did someone tell maine or seal smarter than they used tools they have language that we use emojis they fucking a facebook page is there dirt conte animals with goofy teeth ok what's the diff three of them and some anger fish or a tune or how it but nothing okay just life forms that aren't people but when you beat them they cry that's what it is the seals cry when you
i think a walruses no b as far as his are inherently more country than seals because we can't see a privilege they have the teeth privilege it's white privilege and it's long and it's hard it's both its teeth white white teeth per which is worse than even regular white privilege i wish see life could like breathing bangs you can't feel bad for things with things can you imagine like all like all things like all fish and i'll see life could breathe in space and then you could just have like fish swimming imagine if fish could just pop by the ocean just shoot right you got it high enough it just went to the moon you're like for sure you had it all night if you had a slingshot that was sufficiently powerful enough we could launch a fucking big mouth bass to the moon is what it was only like when it was only thirty five feet and you just sit with your present how do i know we sort of take it for granted that the earth's atmosphere is what you know like three hundred miles or something like that of air
three hundred miles up it's just fucking space right like that's where the space station is it's like two hundred plus miles up but imagine if it wasn't two hundred miles just a mile ugly if you get that fish a mile this fucking super slingshot that shoots fucking northern pike a mile into the sky and once you do they just swim around the earth and then they just swimming space like there were travelers i can see dolphins you can put in the hours of best part of that is like after you sing it up that thirteen seconds later we like is going to hit the ground next you can have an app that would trace the fish that you put the little badge on rakim on your fish ah you could track your fish you can check your fucking stupid slingshot fishing flies around the earth and imagining things don't starve to death they just live off space air why not why do you have to eat things who said said so how come fucking plants i mean shit they just so
things out of the dirt how 'bout you learn to suck shit outta space stupid you get a big your mouth stretches out and you become just like a big micrometeor suction cup just suck any fucking space do and radiation you live radiation would like a caterpillar we need to start a kickstarter for this you would change you morph once you go into space imagine if we found that out that people go into space so that we can live but we become a totally different thing we become some weird micro media or micro media rather suction cup were just up there floating like a jellyfish in the universe so be sucking particles and radiation out of sky pitch it to me though like this is what it is you think it caterpillar when a caterpillar's living it's funky ass caterpillar alive chewing on leaves and shit do you think those are the fuck is no one day there be flying if they did they build
email fly now what about now what about now no you don't ever get to talk to them to stupid caterpillar just keep eating your leaves like your your jeans dictate and one day you set it up in a little kuna pop out a magnificent flow being literally a fairy i mean what difference between a fairy in a butterfly fairies are stupid that's the difference but so you could see what happens fairies don't even make sense do we die why they die their magic can you figure out a way to make them live forever how did the fairies fuck where do fairies come from fairies come with too many problems ok but butterflies even in the gestation process in the process of becoming a butterfly from being caterpillar it's and beautiful nature is nothing but cocoons and breaking free in the moment the first the first wings flutter and then
launching itself instinctively into the air and just flying around the butterfly knowing what does it have like four five days until it dies of old age if it's lucky who dolls what does a butterfly live to be a month but differences make four days twenty days is not a year they don't live that long they die quick as fuck they don't even care they just just follow through with that process then reward is literally being able negotiate till through 3d space and this exuberant sort of or gas orgasmic way that you'll never experience is a fucking loli human being with bones and flesh they just fly fly from plant to plant sucking nectar out would you trade it nope nope hold on here the pitch at all i'll tell you right now what about you get forty years your life in the last thirty you are technically the human version of the butterfly you can fly you feel
sir perfect you can dive in the water and dug through the diva your magical for thirty years i keep waiting for but you got to do some geisha so that's where like whenever yeah we have to be a very we have said dicks like the whole time no but like would you trade you can only breathe through dick three quarters four you like you could only breathe you'll necessarily if true dicks are you in terra through west hollywood well you tearing through space you gotta find dicks in space spit contain oxygen that's where it just big giant juicy dicks their attack the clouds good lord
oh someone make a gif of that it cloud big giant takes a test of clouds and you're sucking on the fucking station to station as you float through heaven i'm sure there's people out there offended right now i don't i think they're people log on you i'm with you whatever it happened on the show burden i didn't plan it nope not happy about it it's not we expected stories about vietnam i called bert up the other day this is how rare bird crushers what do you doing man riding motorcycles of vietnam there's not a single person i know where i can call them up in the middle of the day what's up dude what are you doing an orion motorcycles in vietnam with the fuck says that bert kreischer every call bert i'm on a roller coaster in angola
have amount on a zip line woo i'm talking on bluetooth this is crazy like mister bill do you need to go mister bird old that is a real conversation is it not i called you up you said you're riding motorcycles in vietnam was very real it was very there's not yeah that was i i'd i'd i'd listed off like nine different things i don't know last week and you're like what the but you could go in i use you forget the word using bye love that you were like you're a madman you're you're a madman you're mad man you are you living the life of a madman you're out there fucking going to diff countries almost every month experiencing some wild crazy shit dude fucking planes and there's animals involved in your behavior there's a lot of it going down do it you're doing a lot of crazy trips it's been is scuba diving scuba diving was one that fucking
how did you go for crusher eighty feet what the fuck bert kreischer that's a big space there was a wreck down there a boat very similar to the one that i got off on there was a fucking boat that's a fucking daunting thought you getting off about looking at a boat that failed going thinking the last time do this all this it was all panic votes last moment this is i'm going to a fucking wreck i'm going to place of terror like visiting a crime scene where was this again fiji fiji and they bring us out horrible weather what year the boat crash 40s i think everything in round feed you cry one thousand six hundred and forty something fierce everything has to do with world war two so yeah we dates stormy weather six foot seas and we get in the water an i would say like if you
do you think you'd love scuba diving you love scuba diving but if you think you may not enjoy it you'll hate it like it is not one of those for the faint of heart yeah but you are a guy this is a with this fastening thing about you man your hi who's had your anxiety issues you've talked about at this bird crusher lean and mean looking sexy as fuck came out of her las but yet you do a lot of like really crazy shit you do a lot of like wild trips with these people to show trip flip brings you all over the world like you doing some things that you would think that someone who would have anxiety or or or who would think about all the variables in life and kind of panic a little bit you wouldn't be drawn to this but you you excel at this so you're you're in a lot of ways your your contradiction men your contradiction yeah i don't know i can't figure it out
i can i can figure you out in a way ok i'm going to tell you something about you ok you this like really happy go lucky guy but you're also very competitive i saw you play pool when you play pool you wanted to win you wanted to win right i'm not no no no no no no no no and then the little bit of bird is bullshit a little bit of birds bullshit you're you're being kind your being kind you're a sweetheart of a guy but you like who cares who wins you wanna fucking win dude right am i right i noticed it there is a fire in your eyes as i wou perhaps i have to think the same thing you have where i go i don't know i don't know this is a horrible topic no no no no no no no this is a good topic to listen
i'll give you i'll give you way better i'll give you way better i had a really hard time liking people if i lost them in anything so it was almost thirty i i i really had a ha i couldn't i didn't like people if i lost them i didn't like them like i could be your friend like if we play chess and you beat me in chess i want to kill you it's retarded it's so like it's so dopey it's like such a really bad way of managing thoughts well so i can i can it with that all i'm saying is you want to win a game of pool in a weird way because i can tell you what i by the way this is way this is in a way not about what i wanna win that game bir krishna i afraid that i afraid of your father but what about the time he pissed on the table the father in laws table he's pissing you
cards with my man you wanted to win that game dude i know when do you want to win who smoke hot in here i do this is a horrible conversation no chasing drop it no no no no no i well listen you're beautiful human being i'm not calling you out no what i'm what i'm saying is when i see a lot the birds bullshit is like this the reason why you're such a funny guy is a reason why you're such a good comic and one of the reasons why is 'cause you're sold likable you look so ingratiating such a good guy but you're not a pushover like there's a reason why you're successful too is like you know when to be nice and went to be not nice an when you engage you in a little game that's when you get to see all there's a fire under the hood of bert kreischer
one game up we know that's what's so exciting about it i have empathized with like i'm going to say this i'm about there so i'm just be honest i empathize with guys like tiglas where i feel like sometimes i hear my podcasts and he is the butt of every joke and i always constantly know that todd isn't that he's a super talented dude who's amazing all on and off with the nice guys in the world i think my fear in college was i wasn't this dude who but i'm not that guy that's like two girls one check fuck yeah that's not me but also for
that took something away girls one check his three girls yeah one of my one of check this two guys and a check right but that's not me i can't do that i'm in i've never been there of my dna but i've i've always felt like like i do there's if you're not competitive not mail and and i i never want people to think that i'm a really nice guy and i never want to think i'm a pushover you could steal from yes but sadly and way too up to have this conversation i feel like that i am the guy that i've been so nice to have been taken advantage of well you have and i know you have because we've we've talked about people that you are friends with you've had bad experiences with and you know i i i i don't think anything wrong being competitive i think not only that i think being competitive is good for everybody around you because i think that especially if your competitive like with a game or i know you're trying to get better at a game in another guys trying to get better at the game when you
doing that it if there's a pure intensity level like it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing why we chose it is really nice thing yeah if you fall short if you fall short you soon you want to blame it on the other persons are blaming on yourself but it's like we play pool i miss that shot and you run eight balls and you sync the nine ball and you win that is not at all it was fuck up you did amazing shit i should be psyched like you should be psyched you should be wow man i gotta step it up but some guys like this mother fucker you feel it and it's it's really did you know that if i i know some people who look at life that way it is is this like dig a little bit of a shot back and start barking and they think they're bark is important and my this is a we both been guilty everyone in this room you'll get that right right one percent that's so that's that's a natural human behavior
actually you young and some guys even ten years is not as much time as you think it is everybody wants to think it's a long time i mean it can be if you're in jail if you're in a bad job or a shit relationship ten years can take a long time but it also can be incredibly quick and what you learn in a ten year span is like you know it's not so much sometimes some people especially when you're busy you don't really don't really grow that much in ten fucking years so true the capacity you have not to grow in a three year period is shocking specially if you're busy if you're busy especially if you're busy doing some shit you don't necessarily want to do but there's not
point being there's nothing wrong with being competitive with the with the real problem is getting upset at people who are better than you and you should be happy that's me i celebrate everyone but there is a competitive bonum about like yeah i just wanna say bill burr told a joke on conan about cancer who's really out there was a turning lance armstrong rant we don't often don't know is i'm john haven't ball cancer no it was it was i'm her and bill i'm sure i'm talking this out but i appreciate the joke is that the fact that the nfl's now go take over cancer in the mobile game they shut it down and then they stop for mon sounds for cancer right now they start the game back up not supposed to be there and he goes i would never do that in a file can living with my buddy like stop moving go hey my dad died of pancreatic and started back up again now i'll tell you this is true it's a great fucking it's something that i've seen a ton of and thought a ton of but haven't thought of now my competitiveness is not with bill burr
spectral burr beyond a doubt i would ever wish you had thought you'd already thought of the idea you just never did anything with it and that doesn't go look i know there's gonna sell plenty but it doesn't go away the more a man you are i will always respect my friends and and and and i say some guys that i don't talk to that much but daniel tosh i will always respect the way he writes jokes i'm also in my head i'm concerned that my joke writing it is isn't apart with his or that my work ethic and that's where i fill in my work ethic isn't to part with his uncle stand up his work ethic is is all beyond mine but our party levels at par and so i definitely look at dogs like an inspiration i go i go how do i get to wear dogs at to where i'm partying like really hard but writing it but still writing i feel like i feel like i'm going to sabbatical with this trip flip and you said this to me the other day and now i'm hammered
this made the day go i said yeah i drink a bottle of champagne you said if you just grab yes it wasn't there you said are you writing this shit that you're doing so like three things i did and you were like i was like you gotta write it you should be talking about on stage onstage your act would be so unique eyes who the fuck going to talk about riding motorcycle student vietnam or jimmy show him the the any to show him the rope swing i did in utah and moab i mean like are we saying this in air quotes or is it a real rush feeling the lava lamp i was feeling the lava lamp but if you go on the rope swing no will you hang on to it can i tell you what i thought i thought i have superhuman powers and i could feel the lava lamp from away and i was like probably do it turns out it's hot well that superhuman powers back in it's it's not that strong
i love the slightly super human this part of your life every part this is what we did this whoa whoa you said what is this is kind of bring some of that young go back decades you what are you doing is there we not supposed to show this for something this is what we did with this will this get us pull from youtube is that why you guys doing this maybe so what are you doing you ran like a rope it's canyon swing oh my god or if you're swinging off of like a bungee cord or some to rope is climbing up to one hour of smokestack christ download for christ why i scare people like this i don't you know breaks you fly into the air if if if
you know they tell you not to wear helmets or like you don't want what happened to your right you just want to die just die god start devin supertramp really is fantastic fast you gone at least eighty miles an hour i mean she's is christ dude oh my god but yeah this this this whole season has been really insane shit like this where you just are like fuck that yeah you're skydiving you doing all kinds of nutty shit man but you get in touch with the your inner paranoia hold you get in touch with the i wish i didn't feminize this but the little bitch in your heart that goes that goes hey man what are we doing and you're like fucking the little bitch in your heart like that should be the title of the next special cloud
you should just you should do your next special all on these crazy vacations and then call your next special the little bitch in your heart and just talk about that error that you experience on a semi weekly basis but it's what's going on here bert kreischer oh this is we did this is called the chair death it was on it aired last week the chair of death it's four hundred and twenty foot freefall rope swing in new zealand rope swings are the best man if i could open up a rope swing company and if you're out there in any you guys are listening i know how great the reach of the show works i want to get into rope swings like they're fucking next level there's so much more fun than bungie so much more safer than unattached to worry about them breaking you know know know know know know trust equipment nope i don't worry i don't worry if you start wearing gel you're up at two hundred am and fucking new zealand spiraling out in the shower thinking i got bigger things
yeah it is it is so what happens here that you're under slayback explain this to the people are just audio which is like so it's a percent of the people it is really a diving board four hundred okay so you're sitting this woman is sitting in a chair with her back to the edge of this platform that is a hundred feet over the ground to measure sitting on the back of a diving board at at five hundred feet over the ground right i know you are pushing your own chair backwards like you're in your own yeah and you're casually relaxing until you go over too far and then what these guys are doing on the ledge is that stopper they stopped for about nine times so she feels like she may fall in the stopper and then they bring her back and go hey what are you doing and then do it so how far is she fall stats are on there i think it's four twenty four hundred and twenty feet
what the fuck do i one hundred and twenty feet of free i'll be real honest free fallout four hundred and twenty is a moment when you're done you're like i mean they're dead and in heaven or that was the greatest thing ever fucking did in my life my god let me with you i did your show we shot clay pigeons with no worry whatsoever about the repercussions i'll tell you shots some shotguns it some pellets or some discs really fun was man shotgun think like shooting shotguns at disks is really fun it's really hard to judge i give you never shot shot can before like i might have shot a shot gun like maybe once or twice ever before i did that in so doing it was really is interesting it's like that thank you think about those people that like the the the
the people that like we're shooting guns like way back in the day there's sites were so like archaic the idea was just like a point that you had a line up with this thing at the end and that's how you like worked and you try to figure out who had shoot a lot of shots now you give these god damn super powerful optics just get that cross he ran along as you don't flinch just pull and squeeze the trigger boom most of them are pretty god damn accurate but like shotguns shotguns is just down the barrel things are flying things are moving in the not done doesn't shoot as fast as a bullet it's not like you can just hold it in place and like it has like a slightly slower projectile you gotta shoot it up in front yeah you kind of kind of
anticipate where the bird is gonna be or the clay pigeon is going to be when the shells or when the pellets rather in the air you have to almost lead it it's a really interesting it's fun it's our it's it's what i respect in bow hunting my buddy russell matthews when we grew up was a big time bow hunter compound bows them is dad went every weekend and that's the only person i ever shot compound bows with but but the the the our artistry of bowhunting that you you need one area and it's to hit it in and it's it's fucking heat at the moment is very different than pulling up and pull the trigger it's it's definitely but the target cell phone out your wallet your keys it's like getting your shit together going against it though is that if you don't know what you're doing you're more likely to wound an animal actually agree with that it is i mean it's it's legit like i think you have a bigger responsibility if you wanna try bow hunting then you do if you want
rifle hunting because if you hit an animal in the body with a rifle most likely it's dead if you have a real high powered rifle it's going to hit the body like even if you're not perfectly where the heart is or perfectly where the lungs are is going to blow through everything that things going down most likely but with uh arrowman you get like launch an arrow into an animal shoulder blade and they get dig into the bone and stick there then anil runs away with three legs you got to be super careful usually really diligent is what my what my wife is a red neck the all hundreds and family and is she calls a cave time when an animal gets stuck by narrow and it doesn't know how to help her help itself you go to the cave and tries to its were most animals like that die is a go to the cave to try to like like i need to nest book like when i get hurt emotionally no
go over you need some cave tom i like your elk got bigger anak anak i'm babbling and this is in the normal yeah you do we really sure there's a crazy animated gif file from one of the most recent podcast threads or this moose this guy shoots arrow at the moose and it's hard to tell because it's a gift it's on high so it's hard to tell where the arrow goes but it looks like the arrow might actually just rocket off the fuckin antlers of the moose it either rockets antlers are sticks into his shoulders but he charges up this dude like this instead right yes you might not violent he might not be because they might have been more than one person there because there was a guy was filming it he wasn't fit but most likely he was shooting and less it was a gopro that was on his bow or you could be dead eight agent in pigeon no but
pigeons were brought over to north america for food brought over by people from europe regularly eight ms food we consider them to be pasts and rats with wings like if you go to cities and pigeons are shitting all over peoples cars and shit all over people in manhattan people think of them as pets but they were literally brought to north america as an invasive species specifically to harvest them for food down the tests in alot of them got yeah a lot of them got loose and a lot of them became ferrell and now they are what they are now which is like you go to new york city youth flocks of these essentially there wild pigs it just fly through the sky i mean there's weird sort of creature that people brought up we just assume that their natural they're not at all they were brought over here for food wow not native to north america at all good really yeah
squab if you ever had squab uva squab squab is pigeon i found all the s with steve rinella brought over here as food i'm going to put them on a google is stephen ella i'll tell you one thing about him he reads insane fucking books about animals and wildlife and subculture well he's had a lifetime of being immersed it is but a small piece i literally just fucking sit there like how the fuck the new york city pigeon rescue central that's a place to meet girls that cry if you like man i don't have enough crying chicks in my life i'm kidding and i don't mean that if you're working there and you're angry and you thinking about blogging on tumblr please don't i don't mean it i'm glad you helping these pigeons they're cute i think pins are adorable
i do i've never eaten a pigeon i think there cute a lot of people did man pigeons but pigeons were brought over here for food they were brought over here along some time ago italians yeah there brought over in the 1600s from europe in the in europe in canada as well it's amazing you know pigeons can fly fifty miles an hour wow yeah some dude on wikipedia fox is like who are you when their lack of data in is in the yard is talking to me about to give a person a pigeon ticket in burbank there's why old parrots gang of wild parrots are you i've seen them it's the loudest thing ever out of nowhere it sounds like murder outside of your house wow that's weird yeah and and if you look online there's like websites devoted to him and stuff and they look just like normal parents but they just go around in this
huge gangs that's pretty dumb i mean i remember we worked at the west palm beach improv the old one way back in the day and the put you up at this condo is me and mattie kirsch and we looked out the window and this fucking like parrots like actual parrots on this power line map my dude there's like real parrots out here like this is the weirdest shit ever like their parakeets and parents and my season like tropical birds like miami is the tropics it is the tropics it is a tropics barely america right let's be realistic it's too awesome to be america is she crazy and too many cubans got in major tropical tropic we're going to cuba cuba cuba trip flip in cuba dude i don't you open up relations as one of the best thing about this show right now yeah yeah i would love to
parakeets or parents one of these the burbank these are actual actual parents come from down because of you too what i know these are just still pictures did they come from people that were that had a miss pat's or would they come from the you know they there's no there's just rumors because disney's there said a lot of people think that walt disney's it was well disease parents need to send out there for a and they're not parents walt disney such a mother fucker he got fake parents out there flying around shitting on people yeah i had a bird bird feeders out i bought recently and they found out about it they won't leave my house alone there there like everyday looking amazing there's cool dude that's pretty dope they're loud too loud that their annoying as fuck no put let them into your spiritual yeah bring them into your center
it's like an amazing thing to have in your neighborhood man it's cool it's cool and it's really cool because it's uh i live in a quest rehan place so there's horses and parents must smell awesome horse shit bird shit all stood up together in the burbank son how is it that it's illegal if you don't clean up after your dog but you're allowed to just have your fucking whore shit everywhere just empty its giant asshole one thousand two hundred pound body of stewed grass is shipman i'm sorry this cobblestone is this a dirt road you farmer fuck pick up after that donkey donkey just shit all of my prius the dog is not that green this is shipping to global warming documents dirty asshole brian said he didn't like paris and his name he's in bed with
take me like the bear self bag like i never said this to anybody i know i've done this before bring the fucking parrots into the courthouse we would now like to call heather prostitution a witness to burbank paris
yes is fine i take two hits all the time and i draw all you need to do is you would like tells everything hello all how about the the defense attorney ghost and the judges badgering wrong badgering the witness in the objection and then brush here goes probably wanna gregor too far judge rosenthaul would like to ask the bird a few questions about its owners use of anti semitic language is going to stay in ff word could you mad fucking dirty fucking bird what is the bird just combine a bunch of sentences and trying to kill it
facts like hey hey hey did you guys forget this bird can't fucking talk i see a lot of shit i'm repetitive you know enough you know if i say look i hate assholes but jews are awesome and then this pericos i hate awesome asshole jews wright patt fucked up the meaning behind everything i stand for this sure it's got me on a god damn state can't even cross examine this fucking shitty parent bats is parrot this fucking doing me in could you imagine the parent is what you'd be like i can i believe believe we live in a world i get convicted from the ramblings of a thing that can't even talk back how is that a parrot ferret what's one plus one ok if i asked retard what one plus one is he couldn't answer me i'm not going to let him prosecute some
i'm not gonna let him cross examine people and when i when i say retard mean anybody with disease just something really fucking stupid no diseases regular regular regular genetics and no no no no crumbs on all issues right i think it's the flip side of like some happens and yours lynn said about her cousin today and was it's it's actually mentally backward slow retarded you but not growing quick enough yeah we were for whatever until six hundred in the morning about the fever and that's what happened with cousin and that's how the conversation started i hope that one day retards like smallpox there's some shit that we look back on we go wow back in the day like people idiots and when i say retards again i do now
not mean a person with the disease i mean people with down syndrome i mean just idiots just morons like those god hates fags people on the corner waving their flags those are retards it'll be beautiful if one day we cracked the code to what makes it worth being around there's no more retards but you obviously don't go online that much no i think those people don't know but i think the people that really matter the people that are going to stop saying please don't use that word have realized that that word is a tablet out dated in that whatever their child is is categorised into another shade of gray which i wasn't talking about this right now i know what you're talking about but i think i think the parents who go my son's not retarded and i know what they used to call that as but that doesn't apply to me i get what you're saying i think they're showing up soon
so it makes sense well no yeah i i i see were saying i think that the idea of calling somebody a derogatory term that's eventually going to get phased out so just like we've abandoned a host of other words over the last two thousand and thirty years there was words that were used on television on a regular basis during like the fred sanford de san fran son that you could never put on network tv today but i think ultimately that's what the word retard i mean if i'm going to be really honest that's what it feels like feels like a word with the shelf life and it gives the force of course we're going to get your licks in now while it's barely acceptable and justify them as you can then just like cast aside and then hope to paint a similar picture in a different way but it's like all of these mean words whether they're derogatory terms for homosexuals or
different ethnicities or whatever the fuck it is all those mean terms it's like that's kind of what's being filtered out if you really look at it objectively we stand back and try to take the whole thing in i think what we're trying to do is somehow or another through a backdoor get people to be now sir and one of the ways is to get him to stop saying things that aren't nice to hear whether it's you know ethnic slurs or derogatory term for gay people or derogatory terms for you to fill in the blank and when it whatever minority or whatever marginalized group you are like that we're trying to prevent that so ultimately that's what it is like even if it gets out of hand or people get too politically correct about it like what is it the root of it all the root of it all seems pretty
positive 'cause the root of it all is like trying to eliminate hate trying to eliminate pain or trying to eliminate discomfort it seems to be that's what the root of it all is which is it's hard to argue against right yeah i wish i was listening just go back later what is that i don't know probably guys i mean i know i know i got it so the so the minimum welcome to the world the internet i still enjoy words words words words stock carmen is still up i think i'm sure it is i get people is shows going birds chords though is he is trying to score is the most charming toon unique way i love it i love that unique touch where you get a got rock and i live who are we
does the wrapping this up i think we probably should sober you up we have five more minutes ago we were talking about joe cocker do you talk to a rocky mountain high that's not joe cocker get is i'm thinking to joe awesome sir wall joe walsh rocky mountain high yeah best drinking over denver infrastructure in song with a cocktail looking out over the mountains bass on that it's rocky mountain way but yeah hi
it's great god damn song right can you play the design of the legal are you fucking serious i wish you were smaller we live in a strange world bird chrysler or the beginning of of us with the eagle song about cocaine on the malibu highs which help nope got damn it cocaine on malibu what cocaine oh malibu is one of my favorite quotes ever the lead singer of i gotta find the name of the song while i do this the lead singer of the eagle glenn frye i am yeah what was that that's his name there's two there to them though there was a guy this is glenn from joe walsh who are the other people the huge starts find out who's the guy like yeah there that one guy that did miami vice yeah who's that that guy yahoo
is that man ok who's in this band ok to hate the people already know the did don henley desperado why don't you come to your senses memo dude i got it worked over remember the dude from that fucking movie i have a sentence in my head and i'm never again what's the bowling movie what's the bowling movie no no no no no no the one with bulletin jesus is big lebowski big lebowski thank you very much
he hates the eagles number i have in my head remember he hate the dude hated the eagles oh man fucking hate the eagles that's right to carry the cowboys playing the eagles hitting up matt damn it he's a hater band you can't fucking hate on the eagles don henley is in a car this isn't that documentary that's on agency so math and he's driving three miles per hour with a cloud dip he's only got forty more yards before he needs a sucker clown dick cloud dick keep moving yeah someone's going to make an animated gif file air stations just giant big black dicks dudes have to suck they're wearing spacesuits i don't even know where don henley parado no stop stop that stuff let me fucking please get this out of my mouth no just swallow it
stop it don't be scared i could get in comedically assaulted so don henley stanley on hell is in a car with it's in the fucking documentary don henley's in a car with the drug dealers holding a lot of weight yeah and they're flying that goal they say wait this is a quote is this from coding i'm quoting him he said in that time you got to see the documentary is really going on hbo and he says to the drug dealer he goes he goes hey man slow down and the judge who looked over and like real quick and goods hey man life in the fast lane and then he heard that that's a good title i want those moments in life where you go thing like just like you said well it's the best job for killing owls right those perfect fucking moments i am way too fucked up we should wrap this up now it's a good point
how is a guy i worked in the fucking logging industry i'd probably be at owl assassin motherfucking alice taken just kill 'em all and maybe like now we're going to do this and there's no owls let's get it over with which is fucking start chopping trees is no more owls now assassin has been here you can't can't assassinate owls but tuna you can suffocate those bitches in rope nets pull them out of the fucking world in which they live and build them in the air and all other and crush the ones at the bottom who literally get suffocated first by the weight of the thousands of others on top of them everybody in their own way howling for that switch in ocean water till the moon oxygen massive tune of just felt like crying little girl
galidor gilze capable of pulling oxygen out of the regular atmosphere it needs water stay alive and it knows the waters right there and it can't chew through the net another popular saying he's trying to get you to drink so he's trying to do i am so fucking hammered it really is weird that we treat tuna that way that's kind of fucked up yeah everybody agrees just treat to an elect shit i like the way you look at life if you flip it on this here just like the owl problems or the thing with the pygmies in africa let's come up with a vocal mechanism that we can feed tuner that make them vocalized the what hurts help please home i'm trying to find all two hundred of my baby please help no one
killed soon if they talk to you when you kill them yeah what if they were assholes move to another like fuck yeah i'm not drinking tonight and what a shit what shit taking over the ocean nuts fuck him i'm suffocating pull him out of the sky with crying in pain to your asshole man as your pulling them out of the water they like you fucking queer quiz i fight you afraid are you fucking homo's sarcastic suck my asshole sodina fart out of my tuna asshole good night everybody to add what if there's a two that was good
hey hey i'm talking to you i'm talking to you look at me look at me i know you're looking to me there you are suck this dick please turn a dick you fucking queer now you understand main i myself hey but i'm up here suffocating like a man like a man you're gonna love to you guys when fish i know you're not going to watch it's great that your whole hungry for it i love this product i love what we do this is so much fucking very fun i love it thank you so much for being apartness thank you let him all of you're correct you're correct that's true you need to not drive right now how you doing boo berber the shit out of it huber the shit out of it all right there did for this week because this is a holiday week ladies and gentlemen christmas is here so celebrate by
trying to get high off a aminata masskara mushrooms i never heard anybody who's been successful it might be bullshit or it might be like you gotta get in it's bar at the right time of the year but good luck anyway merry christmas see you next week you fox we got a lot of really exciting guests thank you five years brian redban anything to say five fucking years five years and a lot of fun lots of fun never anticipated it lasted this long can't believe what is become must stay plugged in half to help to get it all out otherwise be stuck with thoughts
and head and no no other recourse can i just say i wish you were drunk every episode that would do that way it's not it's not special that way then it becomes an alcoholic our layer i love this world this world are we harming we're humming in the alcohol makes three hour shore thank you everybody no bullshit aside from the bottom of my heart my heart everybody that's ever been a part of this q everybody who's ever done any of the episodes or people that lists in there all of it so these were all you know brian and i maybe the ones that are like somehow another at the front of this this connective chain but we're all in this weird thing together by some strange way and you know and bert kreischer you're part of it you fuck anything said these people for you thank you for letting me be a part of it i didn't let you do shit no
yeah i find i like you i i did great i this is been a blast of this life can rock this lifelock and run we hope iraq to you too thank you for five awesome years and will keep this party role where it when i stop into the boat hits the rocks hollow we don't need an end to this podcast so this is the end the end is we don't need an end you know looking you know to sponsor right now thank you everybody for five daily fucking fun and did oregon what's the best word we didn't see that coming i expected it would do i didn't see this coming by any stretch of the imagination i never saw this coming we just try to have some fun and that we appreciate all the response and we appreciate all the people out there that tell us that this podcast has been inspirational to them that's the moment the most important thing in anything that we've ever done is the the the sentiments from
really honest people that are saying that this podcast has a positive effect on their life that's all we can ever hope to do for each other you know fire each other in positive ways whether it's inspired each uh get off our ass or to be more kind or to be more generous whatever it is i think we all need inspiration no one's perfect none of us not do not me not any of us that have ever and we feed off the best qualities of each other there's anything i've learned from this five years doing this podcast it's it's undoubtedly that i've learned a lot from the good responses and the negative responses all of it together so we're all in this together you fucking dirty freaks so keep it together will see you hey will see it next year not quite will see you next week
next week we're going to say we'll see next year so that was one it's covered with cheese i love you see you soon
Transcript generated on 2019-10-05.