« The Joe Rogan Experience

PODCAST #98 - Daryl Wright, Brian Whitaker

2011-04-14 | 🔗
Date: 04-14-2011 The uncensored podcast of Joe Rogan. With Daryl Wright, Brian Whitaker and Brian Redban.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
the joe rogan experience podcast is first of all hello hi my friends the joe rogan experience podcast is brought to you by the fleshlight these guys are not just a sponsors we've actually hung out with them we're friends with them they're nice people and they make a solid product from masturbation the number one sex toy for men in the world if you go to joerogan dot net and entering the code name rogan under the fleshlight link you get fifteen percent off and with that said here we go buckle up bitches just about to get free the joe rogan experience you know people complain about drum thing the beginning that don't don't smashed
plane in man that fucks in my hearing dude i don't like it it makes me blows my speakers it's there to let you know you're alive wake up yeah it's like that it's uncomfortable yeah it doesn't feel right it doesn't sound good it's over that would be better than than you just talking like high here maybe maybe that's better no better just know better better brian whitaker and darrell writer in the house ladies and gentlemen listen to mad savages attacking the comedy scene in los angelus out there fucking making shit happen kaiser in the grind right there bite and the video on and scratching me first of all thank you for having me on it should be on my friend god i appreciate it i'm glad you both here and it's funny well it's accidental death
i is there like shows like who the is that and i know that my all down my brought some crazy friend not always not lucky when i pull my right to see your face manner online is like but a last time we had someone here picho hanson brought his wife and she just started talking were in conversation we had to give her a microphone nice as it was but it was squarely yeah it's like he's attached bro there's nothing that do that are attached allies in some ways you never see that mother without her it's like this is the unit the good they come as a unit they don't get caught don't come individually it is what it is that i'm trying to talk that's like roughly lana now yes yes that's like roughly in line and yeah yeah yeah they're like the test at the hip yeah the the sweet are but you don't the brightness is microphone on or something yeah it's on it's just i just has that no big darrell's darrell's doesn't sound right
but now i'm thinking it now it does now does ok folks at home with the fuck at all this time over a year trying to get our technical fucking shit work with ban work i got i had technical envy when i went to adam corollas place i went to attleboro house to do the podcast down got got his wired i'm i'm an amateur he's got stacks of compare service i mean stacks of audio compressors not just one but we don't even have one when it gets out it hurts your ear sorry i can someone like with joy jessup here you fuck oh that's different easily when he starts going off i have bra has to dive on the microphone thing it's like a staff of what how many weeks he's got a lot of peop worked well he still like adam adam adam bill is twelve jobs right now yeah add value not adam does is totally different set up first unimpressed he's got people to get over this ghetto is fun the he's got people working like the cameras he's got like
digital cameras on each individual person is someone manning a switch inside so there's a person who does that then there's a person who loo some stuff on the web and pulls it out as you're talking about it so i have to google shit myself he's got dude to pull shit up on some giant big screen yeah and then he's gonna sound effects board which is the that was the one thing that i would cut you like in the middle conversation and it hits buttons and it sounds like a jail cell close in another one sounds like a dark man he does his podcast atlases club and it's like a hour and a half set up but it's tight like if people go to see it live it and why karolak ran ranch like the wild of that mother fucker can go off on anything he went off on the public school system in la by the time she's done i was ready to vote for mayor register you're the mayor now you're the mayor of la when is the last time that you voted i voted for obama ok i didn't didn't
not happy about it now now i just feel like i got you into a feel good tomasso he'd feel like it's all the same as like i i did i went against my own thinking on all always stuff i've always said take so like pro wrestling now like pro wrestling you feel like you're you know doing in your routing on pro wrestling you might feel like you're participating but i don't really think it counts you know i think you got to kind of give him a break and you know like for those at yard that never that don't know me joe knows me race is not a issue with me like i'm i'm a nascar fan i'm a country music fan so it ain't one of those things but i think in this particular case it's he's the first black president and he doesn't want to overstep his bounds that's what i'm hoping that it is well that's silly you fucking shred it really lightly doctors because the president he's like he's like really treading really lightly 'cause when he should said when he first got in and people started business calm the the down i'm clean
i have some other nigger shit alright give me some time yeah it's more he hasn't even done that man he hadn't even fucking he hasn't really he hasn't really stepped on nothing man he en route walking around real light like yeah he's making calls now i mean you know we're going to we're going to live yeah i mean like he's got this whole well now honestly i'm offended i'm offended that we've been talking about this like we're even attending we have a fucking clue oh i can't vote bad it's mad speculation i don't really care because i can't vote so either way it don't matter to me darryl did some bad things you know that i wonder why my full joey diaz is that let's talk about what we know about him is his act is what listen i can't vote motherfucker all right i got felonies whatever i don't know whether obama is real or not i don't know i don't know what it is but uh all this wall street shit watching inside job and reading all you know matt
a b is full is a writer for rolling stone ringtones bright some independence of two but he's a he brought his brilliant articles for rolling stone where he sort of like details the the depths of the corruption that's involved in the financial institution and it's like wait a minute first of all this is true how the fuck is this the only guy talking about this man how is this the only guys screaming in the streets how was mont matt taibbi the only bad mother is writing these articles that's exposing everything i mean there's there's the guys made it inside job movie there's matty b and then where the fuck are the politicians where all these got why they getting paid like that it since money is money is about money first example of corruption we've ever seen it sure all about money and the whole funny part is just like you would tell somebody to put a weed dealer in jail the first wall street do that has to do hard time it's over with today will stop
you're crazy no they want to get a killing people not to the start doing this to killing people to put people in jail health cops will come up missing the duty these are we talking about long live look ins of dollars you are talking about money that's beyond our comprehension you you're getting into like we're guys are getting fired because their bank failed and they're getting hyundai as of millions of dollars in bonuses what i don't get my it's just okay now sent out now see all are on some deeper thinking than i am when is it that people are going to just grab the pitch forks and start shopping he loses i like so long as they're comfortable man as long as there's enough comfort where people can sleep and they can watch cable and they can get fucking wendy's you get double cheese burger and as long as that's all there for them people are going to freak out when shit gets bad is when people don't have food when people don't have gas when peep
and then writes in the streets happen as long as they can keep the infrastructure up and keep supermarket stopped and keep a reasonable amount of jobs available they can just keep flocking us just as noting the the the the entries lately and in these bombs to drive up with a car like asking you for spare change at the gestation you got a guy pull up in a car asking for chan no they fucking they want money from you to make their cargo further there begging you at the gas station now from a car have you had a lot of a road trip just disturbed especially imagine happens real bad now let no no he said what he's saying is the only place that that's a lie yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well yeah i'm stranded blow of all right from home go to backgrounds and was put on talking about those guys who want money to make their cargo further that's nice that's it they just going to a gas station in the state and they take a pump and they just want fucking money they just asking i've never seen us never seen this once
no maybe i live in the right near there so you guys were getting asked at the gas station all the time this is a lot more lately more where the fuck do you live on top of a mountain around yeah yeah around franklin like by the by the capitol records building okay so you're you're in the hood you're i mean in hollywood the would i should say not the hood he's indoor i didn't mean the hood you're right in the heart of things tranny blvd trendy whatever you get picked up on whatever you're white it's one of the things that comes in a white guys with that bro never happened to me man i was ever hit you up for money not like that dog like they might hit me up for like change to fucking get something to drink but just drive your car up for gas station asking buddy else for gas take up the damn and they stay there until they get something somebody would have been slapped by something hit me up for money at disneyland
what's going on in my kids yeah i'm in disneyland and our comes comes up to me and he's in disneyland too yeah yeah he's in disneyland to tell our story about his parents are good to get the out of here that's fact is some young kid is like one thousand nine hundred and twenty years old and eat came up to me and just with this fucking stupid story about his parents and he needs to get them somewhere and then just shortly i don't even hear it did you know it was i have no idea what he knew i didn't want to hear it i was like this is retarded you know you need to get a fuckin job or shut the fuck up which one of the other either you're ripping people off 'cause you're we can all this story or you need to get your shit together and that's part of life you don't always have your shit together from the get go and when you're short on money sometimes you have to have peanut butter sandwiches or rolled pennies to make you forget dinner assholes at the gas stations that you guys have apparently never had to deal with i don't know in case anybody else who's listen it's like if you can afford a fucking car just get a bigger car called the fucking bus
people are out there on the ground just really really weird but like for my car too i mean like one of the things that i think that i go through and i've been blessed in that type of concept is just what you're saying and ask personal responsibility it's no secret i fucked up earlier in will this tell people with what you did tell you did i shot a crack head what's the store what happened ok hold on let me tell the story you want to do you want to really start i want to both give me the job first ruin it well anyway tell the real story then tell me the the job won't be as good right know what the joke is real story what happened was i was selling dope back in dc and this guy i fronted him some front of some dope actually it was cracked and it was it was a crack head and like he was across the street me and my boys and we were drunk on this patio is shit he was across the street
i was like getting my money motherfucker drunkenly away haha in this in this jackass is going to save fuck you i'm paying you shit i i think you like ten dollars so all of my boys we're like oh she's going to let that crackhead talk to you like that and i'm drunk with a fucking gun so i shot across the street to scare this mother fucker but i hit him don't get the rest is history wow how old are you then i was i see i was twenty five and that god damn did you realize after you pulled the trigger we like what the fuck am i doing no kind and kill him i just shot his ass you still didn't think like what the fuck am i doing i just shot a guy it didn't freak you out how drunk did you get how long will you selling crack for how many years correct like a year and a half but i selling drugs like all types of like just exclusively cracked like a year and a half what got you into that i don't know i'd like did you like listening to ice t song now it had it had nothing to do with fucking
rap music in nothing it was just like this is the thing that pisses me off and the the culture that you come from it's no well not me i mean not you but me the culture tries to dictate that you can't do nothing but certain things and successful now i'm not a dumb mother fucker as you all know 'cause you 'cause you've heard my company and stuff like that but that's a pretty bold of you like you know what when you're a certain age just talk about shooting a crack head and didn't really bother you that much and then like i'm a
see very intelligent you guys know this hi well i don't know if you get a good you get a look at yourself ready for market only did two years for the ships arrived in are the only people that are high right now as long as you know the folks at home go on this two different frequencies going on here hey out there all i got their high once and i was half of four days like i'm used to smoke and dirt we and joe got the good him around we had a good shit we put him on pluto i was i think i was seeing shit like i was talking to people that was dead and having a conversation with him just chilling up now that some superman shit that he smokes man i don't i'm not used to that shit i can't fuck with that it's the real we'd grown up that's the real weird that other stuff is fake that other stuff is just to you to find the real weed so you found it mother fucker good the other stuff is like wow this feels kind of good wow hungry paul things are so funny i'm giggly he
i was like well what is this with no it's not a kind of weed this weeds called train wreck no it was funny i wasn't laughing as everything was cool every everything was serious because i was having conversations that was you're having conversation people who weren't there yet why why deny your car well what nascar i watch nascar so we don't try to shoot you don't run nascar as a series is that a nascar cap you're wearing right now what is the number that asked that question i don't know he's just as like number i feel bad i don't know about any sports dale earnhardt okay i heard he's dead yes that i got done yes he the sun still racist you know a lot of money in nascar i just thought you like free it's a lot of money in that shit wow you really didn't know that this was the owner for real how the fuck am i you know that a number is some particular man's number how would i know that is a very good question because you because you seen and have numbers on there no i don't i don't literally i don't even know the rules to basket
i don't know when someone gets mad at someone like what if someone does i'm like you wait a minute your man that he touched you you fucking pushing whack ass sport is this fighting mostly i mean like every other sport at least i don't know about you but i would like to me it's like every the sport is just kind of like a delusion you know like i don't know it's just i like other sports watered down fighting and like we talked about yeah so i guess noah fighting again well i'm interested do like do you like like your do like your friends know how much you really fucking follow fighting yes yeah they they pretty much know because it's like the the thing about sports is that's what sports don't have with but fighting doesn't have the sports do have a team sport is in the the the joy of seeing all these people work together this something beautiful about a basketball game well one do
makes a call on the other dude fake surpass runs in passes it off and the other dude hits the three and everything falls in line like they practiced in like look at that man look at that and everybody gets crazy now high five each other you don't get that in fighting it doesn't exist so there's something team teamwork there's something beautiful about you know watching a soccer team pull off some crazy past that they've rehearsed you many times in the guy shoots the goal in there's something about that when everybody gets together and hugs and cheers you don't quite ever get that in in fighting and fighting it's very much me it's individual still love the competition of like i think even in comedy certain certain comedians that competitive nature some more than others a lot of people aliza slash in german say she was talking about how is heard number one thing that so competitive
no problem would like god i think it makes for great comedy 'cause you can be friends off stage but dog when it's you and that microphone is that gets your juices going like so you get real competitive too you can cut it not other friends and not competitive in a negative way like i don't dogs other people's comedy because i'm not the comedy police but what i do do is if you just kill not not dying dog letting happening because it's that competition like i'm not going to be the one that brings the showdown you not only is funny yeah i think i used to think about it like that i used to feel like that i used to feel like not only one bomber to go up there and kick ass but now i don't think about it like that at all now i i only always think about like what's the best thing to think about the best thing to think about regardless of the circumstances fact is what i'm going to say where is where's my head at what am i talking about that's the best thing to think about soon start thinking about weird peripheral shit like like the heat killed and what have they
him more than me i want to make sure they don't i want to see the competition that i'm thinking of but probably because of the fact list you know i'm just getting to the point where i'm starting to even people started even think about me headlining once you know that you are the show it doesn't matter no more you know i'm saying like and just like you said i'm still scrapping out here i'm saying as far as getting to the point where i'm headlining so i got kind of think that a little bit but once i know that i'm the show it doesn't matter whether the opener pulls a monkey out of his ass it really doesn't matter how long you been doing comedy now it'll be nine years this year nine years william brown that only count three three years three years i mean i was just pretty much that was the march march the eight percent of working at the improv i was i was a bouncer i came to this phone total access i was a bouncer like rental skid row in downtown la like for two years like in the middle of those bars are
not there to move the hipsters in and make it safe and everything and you know just make the area but i'm not familiar with that what are they doing alright well basically they've been slowly slowly slowly pushing skid row in downtown la a little bit for their light just towards the fucking river for if you never seen this by the way we filmed fear factor down there we do use to do down tonelli should all the time nice to drive up skin well it some fear factor crazy for the folks that don't know there's areas of downtown la that are like a fucking george romero zombie movies at a feature in cycling there's just like i'm talking block after block of just raised out homeless people who are sleeping right there on the ground with shopping cards you know one shoe on and tattered and everyone's cracked out and they why we go after awhile go ahead
made it illegal after a while for them to put the tents up during the day but they were always up in the night no no no no leave you have to take your tent down there's another spoke in thunderdome it's the whole goddamn thunderdome of just homeless pure shooting politicians and we made a long you've got to take those tents down during the day and suddenly and i was just walking out there is a bouncer for a while and it got depressing after a fucking bitch so i was looking for a positive environment to go to to offer my service is so i went to there's actually a comic steve simone he t told me hey go try at the comedy club you know be a security guy there a t improv want to the emperor of and then you started going on stage yeah because we'll really yeah i just got a little bit pissed cause i was stuck in the showroom watching at first i was so stoked because i was working around all this laughter and everything like that and then i go into the showroom and i had to be making sure that everybody was behaving during a show and so many of these comics just such a much a heartless hokey crap and you can tell they're just looking toe
not up there for the audience are not out there to make people laugh it up there to get their fucking little you know sitcom career going and all that and i got pissed and it was anger that drove me towards the stage so you went up because of bad comedy yeah that's interest made me and that i had to darrell met me please actually he's actually weird because you're hilarious saying you've come to fuck down do you know how wired you are fucking homeless people in the fucking fucking what my fucking money fuck you man you can have my fucking money i saw these fucking comics not heartless and darrell knows i've calmed down down those you calm down and darryl also knows that everybody knows he's smart this is a strange group i am a little do away way need to get a new fairly brothers scripture on you two fucks it is like i usually do some comedy shows like three times a year down there it's a big ass homeless shelter down there and i'll do comedy shows there like three times a year really i'm telling you it's fucking it's a zoom and but there is
it is a zoo it's human zoo but doing comedy in there is fun as shit because really i can't imagine not once people who have made gigantic mistakes exact almost every step of the way it's been a mistake that's a lot of human beings manage that point where they don't consider themselves human anymore they're not indefinite mean at the end of the day and assume away for a living for a long time just like shit being human is just like uh some program that you run over the animal system that runs the body you know being human is just so fucking fast so what do you think that uh so when do you think that the the humanity please i'm as soon as shit gets ugly on as soon as the power goes out as soon as there's no food soon as your babies crying as soon as this guys got it you don't as soon as she gets ugly i look at new orleans man nolan
we saw how ugly that got there was so many murders in new orleans during the katrina they didn't even they can't even though i don't even know what to do with their niggas was murdering people in new orleans when the lights was on they were but it got worse it got way way way way way worse got worse with the cops to the cops went of zombie vigilante ism there were cops were drive around and pick up trucks picking people off with guns there's a lot of crazy it went down in new orleans and a lot of people were killed you know and that's just look yeah one is bad as it is but so's la man look what happened when rodney king with the rodney king verdict you know people forget about how crazy it got down that is what i love the place i mean our country the different rights in different cities all that that was all on you guys can't talk and sing on my hands are okay this is the whole of the thank you this is the whole theory with that though that went crazy until it got to about beverly and then that's when they were like y'all got to go back to where you came from y'all can y'all can burn that true
burned down inglewood and you could burn down compton but once it got toe like beverly ish that's when the national guard was like y'all been coming up here is that what happened yeah you're right i was living here i was living in palace verdes at the time i was thirteen years old and i can say that house version i was very little down by is basically like south bay area it's the peninsula where on so where is in relationship to like because i get i mean like basically it's because of you this is me secondly it's technically it's about ten minutes away from ten minutes away so you're you're close so you gotta be nervous i mean like really is great freeway so it's not like march down the freeway
it's ugly but i remember i mean like i think it could be kind of like a physical barrier this more than just cops when it comes to these i'm in la is kind of like this it's like this big circle and on the inside of the circle is like this is the pit of shit and all that and on the outside like you're kind of like the beach and then the hills and in like that it's like this physical barrier news and that's a level one situation you're talking about a level two and three situations everything's off limits there's chaos in the streets the cops abandon their positions but we were talking slowly roberts just stop were like when you come to a head like this you stop because you're thinking if i get caught up here i'm fucking i'm not getting out right but listen to what i'm saying this is only level one stuff you're talking about no chaos you're talking about no los of civility you're talking about the society is running and it's just a few fuckups that are going crazy earning well when the shit hits the fan if this shit ever hits the fan it's not going to be like that it's not going to be like that is not going to be civility of course not i mean 'cause like just in jail like doug
it's a whole nother world and it's like a i think a lot of times that i'm still kinda institutionalized with like just little shit like i can't sleep in my house without a door or like a window open like door why i don't know it's just something that you know if someone could sneak in your house in the middle the night if they wanted to is that we've telling people you don't want people to come in and kiss you come on it what your ass ain't leaving to come on in please let me come in but you ain't leaving you're scared of kisses oh fuck that well your honor i stand with this is is a freedom thing yeah it's like it's like it's like being able to know even sub connelly wrapped that i'm not sure that it that is like yeah many years ranger for two to it it is like even with what you were saying like i hate when people use term subtle to anything is like is just terminal easy nowadays it is pissing me off because it's like dog i'm a firm
believer that it ain't no such thing as racism no more are you talking about crazy whatever those nascar mother get you brainwashed is true our system of racism and not black people hate light brown people it's not it's not it's not that is that is some that people make up so that they can make money off of that how much is jesse jackson has does the jackson had to go you too man no i'm i'm not youtube need we need to pause this thing you both voltage you need to get high this is ridiculous because listen jojo listen to okay listen okay my theory is this when you give yourself an excuse to fail then you have that excuse whereas there was there was a time that my race could stop me from accomplishing certain things those days are over with now
so as far as the racism as we think it is i don't think it's that anymore there is my race can't stop me from doing anything that i want to do it's certainly less intense but it doesn't just because it can't stop you from accomplishing your goals doesn't mean it's not there no matter what you it is human nature it is a genetic imperative that we judge we look at genetic look at the shape of a woman's body your your body you this is sexually attractive 'cause this is a woman's going to have good babies it's our entire society is set up you look at people that are bigger than you come intimidated it's natural that can dominate you physically all this shit is in place you look at people that aren't you there black and i'm white maybe they'll side with themselves and maybe they're on their own team and i should be afraid of them because is a different team it's almost completely natural now as an intelligent person you're supposed to be able to recognize this is just a human being that was born chinese and this is a
being there was born african in this in in the and it's all just some crazy lottery we're all in this together and you should judge people in our actions that is that's that's the intelligent evolved approach but how many flights and people are intelligent involved it is na that racism is going to exist this can exist just like being stupid always going to test it is it is when it's a human install maybe well well now if i wanted to you could be yeah i wanted to if i'm not going to exist in this room that could exist but to me it's still insanity you're saying you're saying two totally different things on on one hand i totally agree with you that you can accomplish and you want to do and often times you put limitations on yourself saying you know hey i was
black man i'm never going to get past this hey as a guy who was born up here i'm never going to be on television i'm never going to do that you can impose limitations on you and those are self fulfilling prophecies man you can really decide your life is going to be a shitty life you're absolutely correct about that no one can stop you from doing what you want to do but they i don't think they will try to see things don't think racism is i didn't know it's not fair but don't you can't say racism dot is a real easy it's yes real but it doesn't mean that it has to stop you and it does i mean we have to tolerate it but it means it slowly we're moving away from the animal but how long we've been a human mean when you go back at what point time is it being a human is it australia pithecus and what the fuck which which which monkey is it where you say that's not a human anymore so everything from that is trying to get away from being an animal the animal still here though it takes some time
to get all that shit outta your system will you also have to you also have to be i think forward thinking in that type of concept because you know what for instance i'll give you a great example of this you know i'm saying just the fact and this is going to sound weird just the fact that i'm on this podcast for instance it's it's plenty of of comics that i respect and i love but they would not let me into their home so what is that you know is that racism or is that what you say that though looks like every time we've hung out you liked man i'm so happy hanging out with me and what the fuck you talking about we're all hanging out together but you said that to me when i've got you on stage before yeah you said you know this guy but i don't i don't we all go on stage but i don't and then shit on yourself no but you don't understand the stage that i normally get up i do though 'cause i seen you at the end problem you get at the improv bro it's not like you only get on stage these shitty places but i was saying
to say this is not a matter of what race i am as far as that's concerned is just comfort level you know i'm saying and where where you were saying that people see stuff a certain way i think that i programmed myself to put racism what is the picture in just handle myself a certain way understand so that i can't understand that done that with your mind i understand that you doing that so so so maybe making that blanket statement was a little bit too much but in my mind i can't see racism as an option for me to blame something or something extra for me not doing what i guarantee you we could have an awesome tv show where it take you and put you in a fucking bow tie and bring you round white neighborhoods in the south and you will see some fucking racism like you wouldn't believe add to what you're saying i mean like ben to self i know you have i love you
because my only thing i do when i'm saying you buy yourself a clipboard going to white neighborhoods now see it now all right down every time someone calls you a i i wouldn't say paper that either i think that's always a bold statement is making but i mean like honestly like we're at a point now where it's like like all right when when when people wickers for instance okay wickers peep will say all right wingers are very dangerous words letter right now they wish they were black they were still bad saying wigger wigger i feel when i say wigger to somebody i feel like i kind of sort of said nigger yeah but you pulled up mother fucking trigger i don't want to be black you gotta remember i'm trying to tell you like anymore just trying to be black people like this like an old you're taking this way too serious this'll motherfucker ain't laughing with us he's got his wigger point that he wants to get through
the more powerful is a with her too i mean no no but not all right they don't wanna be black there we go all right they're not we're not talking about they want to be able african americans they want to be there wickers you know i mean like they're not looking to take obama's place one day but i'm going to be these thug ass retards like the lowest of what you know the black race could possibly have to offer and i mean like basically this is just something that is getting generalize in the old school thought where is nowadays we can see right now and he blocked are you talking about man nonsense bro you just talk to jazz frozen doll at whole fucking don't like go ahead let him make his point so i can get higher funds yeah i'm fire shows like go ahead you talking nonsense i know it's like going to talk 'cause i'm getting pushed in this very important to get called on nonsense talk as you can go your whole life talking nonsense and get away with that shit i'm starting to have heart palpitations right now about this show from from being so high right
coffee but i could always get hired joe i had the most crazy thing happened me last night i found out about a whole new sex fetish that i had no idea existed and it's the most disturbing fucking thing it's for kids when you're a kid in your mom yells at you and you liked it you know like you know when your mom used to yell at you you hated it but there are people out there that when you're there mom yelled at them they loved it and so when they grew up they likes at these things called gigantic women and so that you know would look you'll scifi videos of like you know that tack of the this like r crumb crumb type women yeah or a giant attack of the fifty foot women and stuff like that so there's now fetish websites where it's like little gi joe characters and like naked girls and it's fucking so creepy the life
now that that there is a there's also this this the finishes women with dolls of women with small dolls that they kind of ten that it's a person yeah in like they're back there like you they like command them to do things they lock them up in cages when they have one movie cinema the women command the dolls to do things or they're they're they're yelling at the dolls like you know kind of like as a mom like i i was talking to one of the girls that was in one of these movies and they're like yeah it's really weird because like you're yelling at these dolls and then like one would knock over and then you have to can i set it back up while you're in scene and stuff like that so i went to this website and this is a beautiful website at first i was shocked but now i think i love this shit and i think it's the coolest shit ever it's called giantess dot net i n t e s energy i a n g i a n t s dot net a giant giant and they have forms the chat rooms they have everything like that but the crazy thing is that they sell clips well i like like girl
oh what the fuck girl god smoke like this shit judges just look at this dog with little penises that there's i sucking on the dolls yeah and there's like parts were like they're putting dolls in him each other and they'll fill yelling at the dolls when they put him in each other but why is it dull so why i don't get it it's because it's the little n big it's all metal gi battles all yeah but pretend that that's them or something yeah people sit there okay you know what that's a little green dominick dawes neumann look humanize stupid looking at a big flat bottom where it has to stand up you know like it's surfing you know that it was bugged me out about those dolls like you you can't even make a doll army men right can it can even make one that stands on its own you have to have a surfboard under it everywhere that's great because i can remember my my my favorite emily parker once if you look at search that website for the emily parker toss on size fetishes own dot com and you'll just become addicted to this
i'm looking at the at it to summer scientists and small men oh my god this form is stuffed yeah and it's just so strange it's all these girls and their sucking these dicks of these little tiny men have like little bit they they put on this is so strange this is awesome and it's super popular in its like when you see these sci fi movies with the attack of the fifty foot woman most guys just go wow that's kind of cool a big woman but there's people addicted to that shit like that's what that get some off wow so i spent all night watch people with a lot of time on a check is a is it a time thing manner to in that that's a fine thing developing a human being from child to adult is very very complicated and all sorts of things are set up in place you know to make sure that you become a successful person or to encourage you and when those things get hijacked and weird shit happens like abuse weird little little fucking fetishes develop in the mind
look at this check this out this is this this is a trailer if you go on youtube and type in giant is trailer two thousand and nine this is give you a sample where it shows a really oh my god woman and little people love and it's it's she's standing around in the middle of the street oh my god crush the fanciest custom yeah and look at this just giant women and small men all women and then made in their underwear women are stomping on them they're swallowing and stuff for them and their yeah and this only came for their moms yelling out of it that's what supposedly will like the people are into this thing it's has a mom a little small these ones are yeah that's bitch how you filled men can put any kid through anything i guess just how you're built that is insane
okay you know what that means that's the same in i'm addicted to it now and now have that fetish and it's not the owner really see where that's going i had told to that's gonna get it that's strange yeah and i i i've always thought about that because you know like the indian in the cupboard i was always thinking like wow you know with the you this is a book for kids about a naked half dressed man that is put in each cabin in his pocket his name is like big bear or something like that and there was something weird in sexual about that naked indian guy guy your your if your kid kid if your kid came up to you naked indian man in your pocket you'll be pissed was he a naked one or was he one of those indians with all the feathers and shit you know he had i think he just had like that little loincloth loincloth with little feather fall hanging out on one side were little naked man hiding in your fucking plates and the kid was like never tell your parents about our secret con that's like it's a fucking indian in the cupboard man they don't make like they did stories like that
but who was in that movie somebody romantic no no fucking little girl down here oh no was in it the guy from the oh my god well let's just find out wedding the guy from the the movie with hugh grant no the guy from from the movie where they keep going to weddings and fucking bitches oh writing yeah the wedding crashers the one guy from the wedding crashers within it because he a movie from nineteen ninety five you played a cowboy in howell scardino lightfoot and lindsey crowe are listed as the actors so i don't know who know he was in he was in the smithsonian never mind tell
yeah we're going to have a new rule no more sober people when they come over here they don't smoke will ok look here's what the deal was alright let's let's be perfectly i am a drinker so you're about to say perfectly blunt but you know say that word do you have now is that i am i am a drinker but i wasn't going to come to joes house up with you just need to get on some common steroids that's what's going on this swede i'm playing around playing games you playing games with future you're risking your risking in future talking nonsense can could save you can save you from this we can save you from this no no i'm still tripping out had a feeling is important that is whatever that is we need to find out about that we need to investigate ok it's time for that shit right now it's not a time thing man it's like that's what they like best if they had all the time in the world they would do that if they had an hour a day now how do that how do you find out that you like that shit that's a good question
no it's more than your mom yells at you should be like your mom spank you in any field she felt bad about it so she jerked you off you know i'm saying it's like something like that has to happen early on but in that man that some shit where is though you have to discover that you like that shit man yeah you have to discover that and then the crazy thing about the internet is if you like something there's got to be a website out there where there's a gang other people that love it too you know it's not like the old days what you mentioned show zoo yeah oh my god that's crazy right yeah 'cause i mean they were talking about how like they thought they were alone and then the internet came out and then there are other people who fuck horses too and it's ok and you know i can be part of a club now and i mean it just yeah zoo is one of the weirdest documentaries ever and it's weird how they did because it was like a reenactment they didn't really have footage
they had it re enactments of everything i thought they were just cutting away real quick the editors in the reenactment of fucking up model that they had like the actual video of getting fucked to death by the horse and then like the noises were fucking disturbing i mean i'm sure you can imagine that much but i mean i got rock hard did you get hard which part you hard during a fucking other the i'd hit that stop playing around some other the god damn fucking small going small garnishes us get some of that darrell stop daryl stop playing the wrapping around every fucking around daryl daryl just have a little it's better for you i'm telling you you'll see the world in a better light i see it it's fucking good life well right it don't be scared we bro yes i took a little pussy like nick diaz says don't be scared homie the reason i quit the wheat germ and really it's not it's not because you know it's a fair thing i think that i just the last time i think it was it was my old boxing trainer who
the gym and i was like okay you know wanted to smoke smoke it's like it's like a little bonding session that we have and so we smoked out and then after we're done smoking out i mean he's a stoner and i forget he's totally used to it so it so like i get out of my truck you can leave me alone i'm just high as shit i end up going home eating all my food and i watched america's got talent for an hour and a half and then i woke up going that was most useless fucking night in my life i mean i just say no day i'm still dressed in the gun and tried to do something that dad ruined you this one time was coming can we draw said well i don't know i'd stop years before but then i went back i was like well i was dumb bases like for real it's not for everybody but a lot of people they give it up to questions i think that what i was just telling him this be before we went on unlike some day i probably will go back smoking weed cause i don't find nothing wrong with it is just at the time where i'm at right now i'm on grind mode so it
no i don't have time to just be high you know what i'm saying so it's well it depends on what you're trying to do you know some people are trying to get high because they just get fucked up now i just want to kick back and they just want to just chill out and get fucked up and just sort of skate their life away and just like but we'd make more ambitious i mean i don't know about you but we'd makes me realize like damn i gotta get some shit done our now scared to be more ambitious is the you you really ambitious yeah is like but not not in a hollywood type away just like a life type of way like yeah is so much like it's so much stuff that i'm using comedy for in my life you know what i mean more than just more than just like tv or some shit like that is just you know i look at comedy sometimes as penance i look at it as as penance
we may come to us and we will ship though so you think comedy is somehow or another your your punishment for doing this you know like penance as far as pay back forty we should've done making people laugh yes left was like a or it like is that right we're not quite uh maybe i see what you're saying though it doesn't look whatever the word is i know exactly what you're saying yes i have pending yes you were right about yes you were right about me saying that i was smart 'cause i'm using wrong well you're not a dumb guy man you know imagine relation probably she said that in a black voice races fuck no but it's like you don't want brian like like a like for instance um i was lucky enough to get with the managers that i got you already know
yeah but it's no i don't who's your manager you don't pay attention to shit you know anybody that matters but by george carlin's manager man j hams it okay wow yeah and i like god would do that's pretty huge yeah and it's like so as far as me being what kind of ice that yeah it sucks from stop being so black try to grow so that ponytail out it is lighten your skin and no can you do a clean set no is actually just the opposite really no not to get a tan no not it up a little i've actually had people tell me writing them down when they tell you i've had it you tell me right there was a manager that told me 'cause i do shit based on the news and shit and he was like you know what you really should stop reading the newspaper 'cause black people don't read news and i'm like what well who told you this is a fucking agent that toby
i've heard some of the worst advice ever from agents and managers here's my favorite that kevin james old manager said kevin when you lose weight you're losing rules he told him not lose weight because if you lose weight you're going to lose parts you won't be able to go out for roles you won't be the fat guy you fuck being healthy no you're not capable of doing it on your own you're here and you're going to get lucky we're not going to find some special talent he also said that he would never be the lead in anything you're going to understand just because of your body type never the lead meanwhile the fuck dude i can't queens or seven years is in movies and make hundreds of millions i just shut the fuck up it's always bad advice is always the mother fuckers they can't do it that tell you what you can well they make you see there's the reason being is they make money from you and they want figure out what is the weather they can make the most money from you what is the way you're gonna be the most successful and they think that they can kind of mold you and get you to become something that you're not in that thing will be more successful but then
then you'll never achieve greatness that way not that we ever will but you know i mean you need never hit the zone instead of achieve greatness sounds very grandiose and i never think about myself that way honestly but i do think of hitting the zone and i think you can hit the zone if you're trying to tend to be something that you're not you're putting on some sort of an act i think hit the zone when you have like the purest expression of of of your thoughts on stage in an entertaining for it's it's your your real thoughts it's not like you did try to get someone like you more or you know you're not dressed i've done that before dressed the way to get people to like me you as you touch people and more of a author type away if it's you yes you know yeah for sure what you did honestly it's the only way you touch them it's the only way you really touch them in and just the opposite with my manager is he has so much money from carlin right that he's not really in a hurry to make money which sucks for me but in
well he because he doesn't like this is this probably list right now it's slow this is one of his favorite saying because i was like you know it was some stuff happened and then i and it was some stuff that i went to trial for and he was no that's not good for your career in the long haul and i'm like well i need the money and he's like when you stop thinking like a like a broke and think like a few said that for you yeah cast yes well because he what candidate yes you okay well maybe he just took the one just so use those words i welcome his fetish it's his giant woman giant black because it's like and and he's right okay well then what was it that he told you not to dio i wanted out to try to do def jam there unlike def comedy jam on like comedy central and he was like no you aren't going to do that shit you are yeah he's you are going to come down your your comedy to be on this bullshit here's here's a deal dude you don't have to dumb it down you just have to do your best
just to do some shit this tight some shit anti you don't he's that silly but what but what so happening is i wound up getting the special on showtime instead that's uncensored that's basically me doing a spot that's me it's everything that i do which is what is what is that for what is on next saturday april 23rd on showtime it's actually with jon lovitz ok is it a jump what is the john love recalled is john leverage presents and it's a bunch of comics gwendalyn back ok now yeah it's going to be fun and it's like uncensored is all of us doing fifteen with giant each and shit and here's the about def jam to just to counter your managers but he said dave chappelle did def jam yeah but that mean
then it was necessary to she did right didn't everybody do def jam down that martin lawrence def jam those guys that was when it was necessary yeah but bro it doesn't matter if it's necessary unnecessary it matters is there a stage is there a microphone do you want to do it do you want to do it then go do it really yeah don't stand up man look is a fuck if it's on dev damage you when that when they say ladies and gentlemen dow right and you take that microphone it doesn't fucking matter if it's on def jam or if it's anything it's just you it's you with a microphone in a stage in the camera on you ship else done it few times even did poetry jam he's done like multiple the poetry yeah with some ridiculous shit when we talk about some self does it if you want to write all that slap you better give me some fucking laps in there i am a strong woman grow up in the projects by the time i was sick strong like would by the time i was eight iron instead i am
an rise from the fire flames inside of me wanting to burst out not wanting to accept my lower class guns i just made that up up i can you go up there and you can write those easy and their stupid stop it why is it shut up why is it always the light switch always the the lifescan black people that right but fucking because they're confused so white mom and the black dad and the white mom is really into yoga and tofu black dad didn't stick around a lot of issues that you can't really quite rock bread dreadlocks she tries but you can uh with the nose ring and spit out that fucking poetry jam partly that's bullshit this i should clarify i'm bullshitting mostly playing around because there's something i went to a poetry jam breeding once in venice and it was kind of interesting there was a few people that were legit it's like they have that sort of legit thoughts you know it's like most poetry you say well what is it it's this horse
it's a bunch of self of you indulgent wishy washy nonsense but then you read like bukowski like bukowski had poetry that you like whoa like he had a great fucking story about taking a shit having a beer shit in his wallet falling into the shit and it was really fucking funny but it was basically poetry and his poetry in these little short stories did you ever write poetry to like women or ex girlfriends or anything like that 'cause i would die i would pay money to read one of your fucking phone that probably so i must have i can't remember specific i know i left some weak ass voice mails out right well you wear your kid first of all you get dumped and you don't accept it and you want to figure out there's gotta be a way to get this checked bag and so you start trying to pretend trying to manipulate you know situation and pretend you have feelings other than the one that you do because you think you will be leaving it's not even that you want some pussy i think it's like yourself steam doesn't want except this person doesn't like you anymore so just stop pretending to be somebody who you're not see
natural you know be at one point time it becomes a game it's like you know when you teach a champ that if he puts a bunch of little pegs order than a piece of fruit comes out well that ships gonna fee that's that's his were ward thing you know it in for a for a dude like you start getting and you start getting love and then also then this person breaks up the like temp went little buttons do i have to press to get my apple back you know it's like song once for experian i play any fucking interest in song i don't know when i because it was so one like me like non tough to talk about it on stage god i have to start as a middle aged that i never had to sing you guys are swear to god i have sworn at the time i was thinking like well if she sees this come out of me i'll just sing it to her without any fucking instruments oh my god i cannot remember i'm so fucking thankful i never got around to sing in that i cannot remember whether ever is there anyone thing in life that's more embarrassing
a song that you sing to a check that tells you that science sucks you write a song and you go listen if you don't talk to me after today and for the rest your life i just want you know that i wrote this for you just sit down please listen to this and then at the end she's like that was fucking terrible i'm so glad dumped you you are sad pathetic fuck ok john for me joe you awesome like you awesome like man shit now announcer mantia you won't want to put that on my wikipedia somebody i know it like i do by the way i've never edited my wikipedia i don't touch it and everyone read it i don't correct bad thing so if you want to just make some up if you want to like put it please feel free but i want that on there is that
jody rosen mention i'm on some okay now that's it was my only request you know i read in the credits and i don't really have like a teacher that says i i'm i'm on to me and i don't have crohn's disease either so please stop in hello yes you fellow cronies sufferers i your illness but i just feel bad at all these people think have you ever cruise with ricky pedia they just make sure that we keep the offices of bright house my brother yes i i don't change it he's my brother as far as i'm concerned i i've had like i can we can ideas in it they automatically you could just get deleted because it's the most retarded like even one second that was ever real and it is a lot worse the absolute worse is when you know what dude wrote his own wikipedia is there anything creepier and life than reading some dudes thing like you know and and honored and cherished member of the comedy community he's been fuck yeah they do fuck yeah they do yeah i've read sports cast
years that i've known like kyle like fight comma haters that i know they wrote their own shit i've read it for comedians rhino they wrote their own shit you really like what the fuck is this nonsense so the breath of fresh air in a stagnant comedy community ok like we don't work in half dude when we're talking about what am i doing wrong where i would never do no shit like i don't know what are you doing right of course you that's insane listen man you got to spend as little time as possible like projecting who you want people to think you are do that through through your work if got got bud i want to write a bio for you or you if you write a bio of your own it better be silly ok well when yourself up third time on stage i let the present or no this was going to be the next big star of comedy i held myself up to that standard i've had it ever since that would be hilarious actually what i'm going through right now is like this management team they want me to help write a bio and i'm like what the fuck am i
supposed to say right well you know i mean you should help write it because it's careful what is like what am i supposed to say i don't know whatever load just be funny band just be funny about it if you're going to write a biome and this is why i say if you didn't write my bio my bio is written by someone else and it's embarrassing and i don't like thai kwando stuff in there and i was shit that i would never put in there if i was going to rewrite my bio i would definitely have to make it funny have to make it silly as silly as possible he will make up some shit make up some shit about unicorn wrestling whatever the gonna do but you know can you read someone's like really self congratulatory bios and how they really view themselves like it's disgusting you can't even enjoy them on stage because you think all this guy's doing is just want you to think he's jacking itself like i can't jack
one of the most unpleasant things is someone take themselves way too seriously bonuses that saving up there you know trying to make you laugh and like there everything's a joke accept them how about comics that try out on you hey man how about this bit i'm thinking about doing a hostage hey if have you ever known that that when you know in trying it on you you know what what what i suffer from is i hate then you're off stage and you can tell it's coming yeah i'm saying is like this isn't a conversation this is a setup right now you for their fees faking a conversation and it is it just gets his job exactly like what the you practice the material on me yeah at least if like your comic can you say hey dude i got a problem with this bit tongues acting exactly i don't know how to get out of this you know i mean we all have this right do you have a bit i mean i i've heard of a few bits were like damn how do i get out of this mother i got all these laughs but how do i get out of this is no way to get out of it it's like it's it's a
hey where is it just ends on a cliff and then sometimes that's good like i see that's why that's why i really don't hang out as much like you see me at comedy clubs but i really don't hang out with like a whole bunch of comics 'cause it's like i like real conversations like i like going to bars and just hanging out and stuff like talking to people you can have real conversations with comics is just not on find the go to find the right comic let's see this is this is this is what happened to me like when i moved out to los angeles like you you and some other comics and guys where we're we're lucky because you have comics in your class per se is like dues that you came up to the right right well i moved out to la and i was in a weird circumstance 'cause i was like kind of by myself moving out here by myself i really didn't in an open mic circuit but i wasn't a headliner so i was right in the middle because i had spent so much time in new york kind of getting seasoned so i wasn't quite a open mic are as far as my skin but as far as my notoriety but i want
jetliner 'cause i didn't have that type of pool so i was really stuck in the middle of some shit and then you have classes of comics that all grow up together so it can't bounce shit off of i know what you're saying you know so it's hard if you don't have someone that's with you in that same exact one thing that's the one thing that i wish that i had come to la earlier or maybe later not when i did is because if i come early here i would have that group of people you know i say you have group man should never think like that you came at the exact right time for you you can ever think like that you know there's a self defeating thoughts like that don't get you anywhere like man if i had just come this you know it's good to be around a group of people but it's also good to be around some people that are way ahead of you and your your you forced to pick up the pace
stop batman celebrate to their frequency has been lucky i've been lucky as hell on that level because and that goes back to the competition aspect of me is like just as far as matt working with you i've done shows with bill burr just thought just well you can fire ass comics in this like dog is just these dudes are so tight that is just like it makes you look at your own shit and say i gotta tighten this shit up that's what that's what i'm supposed to be doing not the jokes but that's how it's supposed to be and this is what i'm doing so i'm doing something wrong you know i mean right i know what you mean is like that type of shit yeah that's that's one of the best things about being around high level comedians like in la you get to see like real high level stuff and be inspired by it and it it it makes your own like you recognize what you like about that you know like what is the old man he's got like very little time in between its punchline would hit you hard with it and they're like oh you know you see that you like what am i enjoying and how come i'm not my pace i need to pick my pace up
do this may have too many words in these jokes maybe you know maybe it's a you know so that it's a it's a fun in in in in the whole well one thing that really trips me out about you is i'll tell him that dog is so cool to know joe because the funny part is he doesn't have to be funny but he works at being funny like like like looking at all the stars they want comedy nowadays like you you could go out just as the ufc do and make money i mean that's not you but you could do that but like for you to even bother so work at this craft and actually be and work at it though that's there's something about your personality does because you really know how to do it yeah well sort of but i do because it's it's what makes me better at everything i do it makes me it makes me a better commentator you know being doing stand up i think makes me better as a human being it makes me it forces me to think about things on a whole nother level it forces me to consider
every single angle of every single subject whether it's something that's going to nuclear problem china financial bullshit where the fuck is when i'm when you're comic you you start probing things not just because you're curious about it but also because like joking here in which the angle of this fucking thing like it's what's how could this have been avoided what the fuck how come they didn't that there's a joke you know i mean like that's that's a lot of expanded my is really expanded love you on life and just allow annual do it just like me you'll do it forever no matter whatever else comes that's one thing that you realize is that comedy is the most fun is the most rewarding and like even a fucking hundred p or eighty tomorrow night or tonight rather do in south common hall will be eighty people there tonight are you coming are you going to do it it's awesome place sounds mean the shit if you never been were there tonight where there almost every wednesday i won't be there next week but
every wednesday it's on melrose street that's as fun little tight club and we go and then we moved around and it is a new one point with the holes are talking about for the as far as expanding your your mind as far as how you think in in doing comedy for ever and that's the most fun that you had yeah it's the most fun is either point was yeah it doesn't matter it's eighty people or if it's fucking you know toronto april 29th i'm doing that's two thousand five hundred people you know it's almost sold out to two thousand five hundred fucking people i did eighteen huh dude in seattle it's you know you do these giant fucking shows there fun is shit but guess what it's also fun to do fifty fucking people it's fun it's fun to do well late night show you stop in on a wednesday night at the improv and you go on last and it's the ten p dot m show and there's one hundred people in that audience and they're tired and still find a shit it doesn't matter if it's on television it doesn't when you stay getting good at comedy you will realize that that is the number one fun thing to do as an entertainer
so all my other shit that i do i kind of do like also but if i had to choose one it would be cause i was thinking like in for sure like if like if somebody took everything away is said all you can do is one thing it wouldn't even be close there's i wouldn't say there's no way i would just do commentating for the ufc 'cause i'm a fucking fan of king of mma i would be a fan just as big if i never worked with ufc a day in my life tomorrow do you have she called me up and said go yourself we're hiring mario lopez we get an old dude they did that and i would be like all right i guess i'm just watching on tv i would watch the same amount of fights i wouldn't be there for the prelims the ones who the live shows but you i probably watch the same amount televise fight song that's that's that's like to and that's one of the theories that i will his head is like dog i want to do this for the rest of my life
so that's why i guess you're an artist you know i'm i guess that's why i'm not really in a hurry for a lot of things like this is going to be my first tv credit of any kind ever so your comedy will make you better at everything else you try to do too so if you want to try to do something else like say if you try to do you want to host a talk show or when do you want to do is some other kind of a a television show you're going to get better at it because your comic it makes you it's the whole it's the most rewarding but it's also the most difficult form in my opinion of talking so how do you like feel about these these used edges run out here because they and put together a comedy but just 'cause i think as i've gotten older one thing that i've gotten really good at is finding who to get mad at and who it's a waste of time to get mad at and one of the things that's a waste of time to get mad some person just trying to make it what it gives a fuck what they're doing whether they're doing some stupid fucking game show on television like i did whether they're doing you know there
trying to do stand up comedy when they're thirty seven years old and they're just coming off a sitcom and they never did stand up ever but just fucking look at charlie murphy who is who's a good friend of mine man charlie murphy i admire the fuck out of what he did to dollywood charlie trie charlie murphy jumped right in as a headliner right right when he and i went on the road we did twenty two gigs together okay and this guy it only been doing comedy for like a couple of years right this is like two years doing thousands of cedars you know two thousand two thousand five hundred seeders giant fucking places and charlie's going on after me and i'm doing an hour i'm doing an hour were co headlining we did this we went back and forth and back and forth that mother fuckers got balls he just jumped into the fire so i mean these people go these fucking guys are these photos i think your comic you know not a comic get yeah that dies trying to be a comic and so is steve o and so is you know other people that they get into it matt it's fun there's room for more
for everybody can be a comic know i could be a eighty year old doctor and one day you decide you know what i want to do some fucking stand up and i'll tell you what if you go on and you kick some ass comics take you right in right don't you see that like you and right when we met well here's the language that we understood your funny funny i'm a comic you're gonna like this kid's a comic he's fucking funny boom you're in you know that's how it is with you comics don't ever like say guys a headliner but this guy's an opener we can't talk to him and would real see you're in when you're in funny is funny but that's that's that's the thing that i think helped me out a lot is when
stop getting mad at everybody yeah at the end of the day i'm still a comedy fan man i love a good laugh even if they saw a good level of the sock just don't listen just get out of the room when they're on stage right there's guys that sock man i can't watch them onstage because it hurts my head you know i'm saying like it or it hurts what what they're doing is so out of whack and it's not funny and so on a where it almost like screws up my sense of comedy and i i get confused i don't want to go on stage and when you're stage man if your person on stage and there really rocking it you get in to their mind man who are on their frequency whether it's you know cody's or louis ck louis ck is a great example that he's a great comic but one of the things he does it's really great is he pulls you into the way he's thinking you know pulls you into how he's looking things and you start thinking the way he thinks as he's doing it and it's hilarious and that's one but when someone's got some wack ass thought they're their unedited in their sloppy and their stupid and that there saying makes no fucking sense
no shut up that's going to leave the room but you can't be mad at the guy was trying to do his thing he just can't do it no doubt that i used to get mad at them i used to get mad at people that sucked i used to get mad especially if there are more successful than me i would get mad i'm so glad i'm past that because i got a problem with it i'm on stage and i'm bitter i suck as long as i'm i'm fine i'm good yeah like yeah we're not as silly fun but as long as i don't have i had to take the bitterness out out of my head because it was funny but it wasn't it was like people were like that might be too much so once i got that bitterness out where you know what to each his own and just like you would say is room for all of us but i just wish that you know like for instance one of my big pet peeves is thought i wish that white comics could say whatever they want to because that would free black comics up
in a way and i know it sounds crazy but white comics do pretty much say whatever they want to do y'all don't y'all can't say the n word you can say like well you get away with the one i can get away with saying faggot a lot easier in your average white comic could just 'cause i'm a black guy i disagree when jim norton says faggot it comes out like poetry it's like music well i mean but that's but that's one of the bad is comics going i'm talking about because he's a real comic any real comma can say with but even but even sorry black comics can say faggot and not have a pt and they'd getting any type of trouble or it's not the type of trouble but they do do is the audience loses a little bit of respect for him especially if it doesn't belong but it doesn't belong what they're saying they just don't ever shop over there doing it it's an ignorant thing that they're saying it's really think they're saying you value with the audience you lose they don't respect the connection that you've made they'll let you keep going but they lost to lost a piece of respect
that's really what's going on man if you if you go up there with your thoughts thoughts are you know you you you have to hone them down to the to the the the best of your abilities to get them into these peoples mind with the most the last the least eagle possible the most amount of respect for the person's attention span and the most amount of of focus on the material like the most about so that you can hit pope points and notes and ideas that they didn't come up with like they didn't even allow i never looked at at it that way know that's one of the best things about comedy man when someone makes you laugh about some shit and then they point out one thing and you like that so drew bad that is so ridiculous that why are doing that you know what the fuck why aren't they why are they doing this just like just like what happens with me a lot of times is like you i'll talk about jail but i also yeah how do you bring that up i'm going to set a crackhead whatever it actually comes after me talking about science mean well it
talks about me paying paying taxes now which is which is a concept that is fascinating to me like i just started paying taxes like three years ago in this whole taxpaying concept fascinates me and people find it weird but you gotta understand is you don't pay taxes on dope so it's like worried though that they're going to come after you for now that you talk about it on stage and shit and one day the ios ago listen you owe us money from selling coke get it because i don't know how much i i i i made and they don't really what if they go bring crack heads and bring in the court room they would never be i'll talk a look it does say i was just bought off yeah start i just don't get i bought a million dollars off crack off this mother really still waiting right where did you rob a bank and this motherfucker saw me a one million dollars with a friend that's a beaut comedy to news in june not a speech is a joke it's like it but that's where the hole that's where the whole
about going to jail comes in is after i talk about playing texas now can you only go to jail for two years for shooting somebody what's that all about because it was an intent it was so yeah it was well i mean you weren't trying to kill the guy i can't really talk about this ok what group that you put it like that word put it like this they never found a gun it was one of those things where the guy knew that i shot him put they never found the gun and everybody is you say i didn't shoot them which that was that me making a deal like i wouldn't going to fight this shit to two fucking years for shooting somebody is pretty fucking good so i just took the deal and i'm like fuck that uh i can do to i'm not what is it like doing two years in the poking its fucking did you see a lot of rape yes really yeah what would you say the smell just fucking smell great rape input well not well car well well giant women not like not like race to wrestles not like not like rape but just motherfuckers giving up that ass like just
really it's just it was just accepted like for some mother fuckers like a lot of it is i was just thinking coming up here i remember playing a game of spades right of days game hard cars face please let him win at the end of this game and no don't know and then and then there was a dude sitting to my left like joe is another do walked up behind him tapped him on the shoulder gotta got up pulled his pants down and it went to his that could that time you time you know it's just time for you to give well well well so the guy comes over taps dude you're playing cards this dude what is it those who are going to look like he doesn't know what upon nothing none of that so taps him and the guy just pulled his pants down before we start walking so let everybody now this is what's going on like he's not even that i guess it's just the way we do it i guess the that i guess that was his choice but he just goes in their posts and the guy starts fucking in front everybody well he he went into the cell like he had a he had to sell over there but he
got done so the sells a lot of times the cells were opening everybody's wandering around what the fuck so it's like prison how much time you wandering around um okay you got count like three times that well the jail's i was in we had count four times a day so unless you had somebody do something stupid on what they call it a tear you be out for the rest of that day it was either time to go to lunch dinner so you get to hang out all day so basically jail is you got a cell in the cells open most the time does it and you got to wander around playing checkers and do whatever the you want hearing you talk index i was always curious about this and then you know family members and i'm gonna let asking exactly like as far as a prison rules was the socially acceptable allotment of time that you got to be in there before us just socially acceptable to start other do well if you go in there for life well yours at a rate everything went over the last like a well i can't speak for every jail where all of
but all i do know it where did you go to jail uh i was in jail in d c and then ah maryland and then i was in baltimore city they moved you around yeah yeah wow and i can't speak for every jail why they move you did you do some gangster shit well i actually went to solitary for forty five days for what for tickling no not particular player 'cause it's not the first time you've ever said that that particular player yeah that's a rare utsa we're setting strange combination of this popular player very particular player yeah that's a very rare statement that's a hard course thing right there it would play now but why did i love you ok i went in and i had some shoes tennis shoes and he was one of them and i had to fight him every day to keep my fucking shoes and then i got sick of fighting these guys so
have bright idea that instead of fighting them i'll just hit the ceo so niggers would think that i'm crazy right well i did that and what happened was they got these people called they got these cops called storm troopers like they'll run into the tear in riot gear if anything break out like full riot gear fucking all that shit i hit the ceo and these do's role in and when i woke up i was in the infirmary i broke here's like they fucked me up damn so when i got out of the infirmary they sent me to solitary e for forty five you should ask somebody about that plan like taylor trying to take my stoneleigh at first thinking about going crazy and fucking up a cop i didn't have a chance to fuck him up i hit that cop one time just a body shot just something dog before i think i drew my fish
back i had like ten mother fuckers here i've decided to take your shoes after that yeah so much it out no alright the cops fuck me up but people thought i was nuts and it's like but the whole the whole so they leave you alone and you kept sneakers yeah yeah and then once once you've accomplished the same thing by kicking the shit out of guys who took your sneakers at every day no nobody would just poop on my shoes and then no one would want it doesn't work doesn't work thank in advance i like you know doesn't work work your own own shit people wider people off them just clean urine well you aren't here though is like the mentality is a whole different up they'll just clean them off big deal yeah the clean that shit fucking put into the inside of the shoe could have cut my balls on the outside well and well yeah know what no would always kills me is whenever somebody saying how they how they would survive in jail is always wrong
call ryan has a whole way to get away from rape some guys trying to make me suck his dick i just grab his balls and run as fast as i can in the opposite direction called the bulk of the boxing balls he feels like he can i can i call my nails and they are quite grab a glass or two at twice the where are you going to go when you run away i'm going to be ripping his walls and wearing it as a melts down the fucking whatever it's called the fairway and but there's tomorrow huh yeah i don't have that mask on my head still and no one will fuck with me cause i'll rip your balls off but there's tomorrow and guess what does this guy starts front me i'll tickle there's no happy end of this congress for our listeners right now are hemorrhaging there in the car shut him the fuck shut him up a swear to god i'll unsubscribe this fucking stupid podcast this ridiculous by hurting here this ridiculous idea nobody podcasts ago right this is still just
i think his idea it's look it's what he's gonna do it's his plan god bless you but you know man you might have a killer grip i did some dudes of a grip that's very shocking every now and then like you do ju jitsu with guy grabs your resting oh god damn this motherfucker's got a grip you know it can get yeah i don't die some guys can hold on to your men brandy may bronze get that kind of grip i hope so because that idea tell you that so i will listen to you she's got a plans i do have a plan like watch people have planned no one no one no one much better plan is don't fucking go to like the absence he is this japanese nuclear our plan is that the worst plan that human beings have ever made as far as like plans that didn't work out plans that were huge disaster is there is there a single worst plan than building a nuclear reactor on a fucking a monkey making aids i don't think that's how it's happened yeah
i don't think i'm a actually shock actually know yes it was on a phone line and for sure yeah so the monthly bill to to last to to take up to an eight point two i thought that was pretty generous in others extravagant earthquake out on the same so they gotta fucking nine after yesterday's podcast like people are saying that it's not as bad in japan as everyone is saying nonsense that's not true all they just didn't updated to chernobyl status they're just it's bad the other day here's the thing about it being bad it's not getting better it's getting better maybe in one hundred thousand years and getting more and more up in more and more nuclear materials really is leaking the reason why the it keeps getting worse and now it's at level seven chernobyl levels is because it's getting worse it's not like the well gonna get to a certain point then it's just gonna stop this is a bad situation it's bad and japan is not big man it's not big it's
not like this shit is happening in nebraska and you're living in alaska and it never really hits you no this is japan is fuck tiny man it's a soul in place so let me take a wild guess they built it on a fault line to the land was cheap whatever so they decide to build well all of japan japan is an island you know and it's now that big so there's a lot of spots in japan with the fucking ground moves like what are you going to do you just going to hope that you've got it figured out where it doesn't go bad if the ground moves but they never knew the ground was going to go to a nine and nine for five minutes i mean it just broke everything and the soon comic came in and killed the generators and they couldn't cool the the rods down and cut a break there did they jesus only that but they didn't plan it out wells like one of the worst plans ever we're going to create some some sort of a reactor that harnesses the power of the fucking son we don't know how to shut it off we don't know yeah we don't know what happens if the power goes out the power good good for about eight hours the power out out had
battery backup for eight hours so in those eight as you got a fucking okay how how fucking greedy are these fuckers like nobody nobody thought like hey it's not possible for acceptable risks they were willing to take what they felt were acceptable risks and the acceptable risk is really aren't that planned out human beings have such a narrow we have such a narrow window of reference because our lives are only thirty forty thousand and fifty years by the time we're making these choices you don't learn that much in those fifty years you just don't and then when you add those fifty years to all the fucking the previous people that have lived to be fifty six is old in human history and all they figured out and you're at the forefront of any you've created this new thing called nuclear power and you're the guy who's like you know people who listen to me like how do we do this when we have this thing when it cools the rods what happens when it goes off will don't worry we have failsafes everything's going to be fine ok this guy says it's good let's go with him well he's a clueless fuck just like we're all clueless fucks
in around what one human life human life so we don't have enough fucking nuclear power is clean safe energy sometimes yes sometimes and sometimes it eats a hole through the earth and kills everything within one hundred miles sometimes it's fucked i hate to sound like a dick it but like how does that affect us it's very badly first of all there's there's power there's nuclear reactors in orange county and their own fault lines and anything over an eight dot two shit gets very tricky and you don't know what the fuck happens if they have big eight dot two down and fucking d o c and that nuclear power plant gets fucked and the power can't come back on that can't cool the rods and it just it goes into a meltdown whoa we're fucked mexico those fox san diego's fucked everyone's fucked you know these these guys that are doing this in japan they don't know how to shut this off and they've got engineers that are willing to risk their lives
going in there trying to shut things down there's over fifty guys have gone in there knowing for sure that it's a death sentence knowing for sure that they're going to get cancer they're going to die horrible terrible deaths because of radiation exposure and they still doing it they're still doing it they took chances they went there i couldn't take it any more than they went to the hospital for radiation poisoning and they're fucked and it's gonna get one hundred percent definite guess what they wouldn't do that in america no one's gonna do that i can't take that honda robot and make him do whatever they have to be done on the robots a retard bro can't do shit he's good at like he plays by well that's odds and pull rod and reel but did a honda estable inch of robots will they don't really play bass will have different things they do like one of them to get a double ball i think the dance like i think i can do everything yeah they could armature with obviously it's programmed into okay okay glow like if like if that can i can send him down there's boogie
they make it more positive eventually that's no doubt that's going to happen eventually there's going to be a robot that can do every single thing any movement in articulation that a human being can because what we know how human work we know how scared of that type of shit hopefully like that type of shit scares me terminator but not now miss ellie robots is just getting to the point where i'm not dependent on a robot you know i'm saying because i know i know that i'm lazy so if i had a robot to do that shit i would do it fuck you know like do that and do that and do that and then it turns out i'm not doing shit no more like basically and i'm i have a what makes you think you would do that you know because i don't because i'm lazy joe yeah but believe me my robots are expensive it's going to be hard to get that robot it's not going to be easy in your lifetime robots are never going to be cheap but time a robot cheap you'll be dead or you'll be downloaded into a robot it'll be like that movie molly that's possible too
downloaded into robot there's a movie that's out right now trends trends and dent note transcendent man yeah transcendent man the ray kurtz oil documentary and it's out right now on itunes yeah transcendent man i i watched half of it today before the podcast i'm gonna watch the rest of it later it's fascinating shit and ray kurtz will is this super genius who's and he's made a bunch of different inventions and he's like you know at the forefront of the idea off the exponential growth of technology eventually coming to a point where there's some sort of a singularity and artificial intelligence and ah potential like potential download of the human consciousness into computers when you will live forever as long as the power stays on as long as you know you can figure out how to have a power source that is well that is that is a bit much for me it's a bit much but it's fast
because it's all about first of all it's about nano technology in the idea of these little tiny computers that are gonna be the size of a cell of blood a blood cell and they're gonna be in your blood stream repairing things and fixing cancer and doing all kinds of crazy that's the that's the awesome chef this kerry doesn't site we ship that i will say like only a comedy horror comedy but i've ever heard about this shit 'cause i'm telling you as far as building my mind and expanding that shit you know here about this shit when you're on the corner in dc fucking slinging crack yeah isn't a cubicle is fucked nanotechnology and shit like that like a lot of people don't hear about this stuff until they hear about it on twitter or here but on facebook weather here but on this podcast and i hear about of this shit a lot of the things that i hear about like i found out trance men was out i knew it was coming out in dvd yet but i thought it was like in a few months but it came out on itunes first the reason i found out if somebody put it up on twitter me and i find out
so much on twitter so many different weird interesting stories well because i like a lot like follow you on twitter and you'll be posting some and i'll go to it and i'm like what it's like you're you're getting like your post stories that ain't nobody like would even think of and i'm just like what the just just from the always check it out but it's like dog that's a bit much far as as nanotechnology is shit like what it is is that computers or eventually gonna get stronger and stronger and smaller and smaller i mean that's that's the trend they've always done i'm going to be able to do more and more and more and eventually what they're going to be able to do is going to be able to figure out what are the compe opponents of a human being and how can we reproduce that because they can make artificial flesh already they already figured out a way to make artificial ham you figured out a way to make artificial but they've grown ears on rats ever seen that we grow a human ear on a mouse's body but they haven't done a human they know how to do so much that eventually it's going to get
better ones better it's going to be an artificial human being well if they can do all those things they did that was a goat or lamb or something in japan they had clown of dolly the sheep now they cloned it but that's not an artificial duplicate well if they can do all of that then why the fuck is there still a skid row well here's the thing you can do all that can't can't you can't fix a humans development once it's developed that's when it's a real like fixing a dog that's already and crazy you know you got a dog thirty attack and babies and will fucking bite scars and shit man try fixing that dog so to keep that dog from becoming that dog that you can do if you treat the dog with love and respect you train them in the trend that is your body and you know then you get a happy dog when he meets people associate people with being happy right you know to be like a positive experience you have to worry about re training it's retraining people it's hard so do you get to see the road they're already so then would you consider some
body like me an exception to that rule that you just made me i'm exception to it too i wasn't a perfect human being when i was a is fucking crazy i was crazy through most of my young 20s you know like legitimately crazy right if you if you know you look at who you are now and who you used to be and then there's evolution but it has to from yourself you have to decide to do it on your own it's very difficult you be objective you're going to have to probably do drugs going to you can find yourself for real you need much that's what know what then you won't really get there on your own that's what well i beg to differ a little bit i think that's what me being in isolation did for me when i was in jail makes sense because it's not like dogs like you have to think you have to i mean after you after you blame the lawyers and god in your parents you still got forty three days left
so you can blame lies yourself here's the deal man here's the deal with your life you can blame everybody for your problems in life then you might be right but you can't change that but you can change is what you think and how you react and what power you give other people's actions and thought over you right now you could keep from getting pissed off with them by using that the g for yourself using that energy for positive using an energy to try to accomplish like that could be the that could be the drive you crazy or it could make you a better others are right and that's why you know i know it out that i brought it this shit on myself but i'm glad that i was able to use the time that i was in jail to say dog you can't keep doing this dumb shit man you have to try to do something be it be it comma and the reason that i even bothered to think that i could
the comic is 'cause that was one of my survivals while i was in jail i've always been this size so i was the guy that if somebody did something or said something i had something quick to say that kept brother smiling 'cause dog that's a long time to be anywhere so just a small for that one day or like a laugh especially in jail it means a whole lot more than just us talking and laughing here because dog it's a miserable existence it really is no not to say that i didn't deserve to be there but dog it's fuck it fucking sucks it's like don't let rappers fool you that shit sucks man is nothing is nothing hard about doing something stupid and winding up in jail is fucking dump is really stupid to do something to you
up in jail and just fucking awful so jody s has the same story that when he was in jail making people laugh in jails but it got him into being a stand up comedian he would have they would have like show movies on the movie would suck they would say coco get out there get up there and tell stories and even get up there i need to start making everybody laugh and that's like started him off on the road to being a comic well see i but then the other part of it i also also so what what what is is like if i said something that was slick people would laugh and sometimes i would try to talk and stutter stuttering people would laugh so either way i'm cool because there so but with that we just that laughter man like laughter is something that i think that we as comic shouldn't take for granted is a powerful thing like if we if we can help somebody get to jail like let just laughing once a day just like those are very powerful is a very private thing and i we don't think about it because it's it seems frivolous it seems like all you just laughing you silly ural silly person
it's important for your health it really mental health also is like dogs some some shit just fucking let it ride man all right let it right in even with even with some what i'm doing as far as comedy man is like doug is really cool to make people laugh like i have i've gotten to that point i've been angry do but now is really cool to make people laugh a is really cool well you push in positive instead of negative you know that's what it is i mean you you have to find some shitty things in your life to figure out what you don't want to be doing learn from your mistakes and then you move on yeah and just like just like a first in and something else with being in solitary confinement is um not is concerned with what goes on around me as faras which which was that first statement i was making us far as racism but we had to clear that up
i don't care i am a country music fan why do you like country music no i love paul because i'm a drinker first but i like i like country we i don't even know what would you like i like dwight yoakum i like a lot mostly all of it land like other than that country pop where you where you got pop stars they couldn't make it is pop so they try to do country now i think that's a little bit much but over in that like straight country i love it well i'm a big johnny cash fan but i never even think of johnny johnny being country johnny country johnny cash is like some weird white rap i wouldn't say i'm a country music i like a key named sue that song man that it's not really a country music song man my how do you do with your yeah what do you get away with cut off a piece of mine here we say there's a it was a fight a
on about a knife fight with his dad would add cuts off a piece of his ear it was written by one name shell silverstein a poet really emanated right that it's like his song he made his but he it was the moment on the now i have to a special service today i'm just done but i've noticed that you say the word dog allies that's something you've been doing your whole life because i mean brownies mark i know but i i i've never i don't have a word like that i guess you need to get one son look is that my work i need to get a word phone book at your cat is a cat thank no i guess there's a dc thing too and we like that stevens is a d set that like that like player player yeah player that might have been one of the funniest things ever said on the podcast not particular player
in light of the modem with the top line please don't make a t shirt out of that 'cause i would die laughing has not particular player primer if there's if there's a demand we might have to start doing podcast quote t shirt so that's a pretty good one particular player for the one with you that on the wikipedia to that i'm on my man already ten entries in the wikipedia where put people put that in course he wants man man does that's how i like c u s because you know the only what comics is basically like dealing with females for them than strippers yes sir yeah i need the strippers so like so like talking to joe is cool 'cause that's what i call it like joe is awesome man she is so we can just talk as two men without me worry about hurting his feelings or saying something that now you in a corner of fucking crying or some shit like that so it's like that's why i say it's a man shit is like dogs just two men fucking conversation you know saying i love that word
listening at home and i hear that crackling in the background what the fuck is that that is the volcano the s was the faint that's the compressor the crackling the crackling is the plastic bag that contains the purity h c mess are there people actually wrote that on his weakness on his phone records that's the excel people wrote that we can fix yeah people wrote it like ten times men so how do you his watch the man shit with this player all right good don't be good come on man this is the home stretch okay fuck it you know talking about all the talk about the o push it in and take a deep breath it's his merrill life is to take a deep breath deep breath and then blow it out i'm talking about dawg you probably good with one
keep you at one we don't want to get going crazy here and trying to be oh that that is what a plaque as right there all right you want anybody trying to claw the the walls up so you know tony woods because you're dc i'm at tony woods he did a twenty so funny guy he is incredible have you out there holler at me if you ever in la i'd love to have you on the podcast sony is one of the funniest comics that i've ever like i was at i was in new york one night and tony was doing the old boston right it was four people in the audience right tony is crushing some lady has to go to the bathroom she's like could you wait a stick he waits for her to come back twenty more minutes he's the only guy i've ever seen get a standing o from four people that's hilarious yeah there's something about doing those fucking sets we should talk about that at the comedy store to those sets that you would get when there's only like ten people in the audience or less so much fun i did two at dangerfields wants me
he and a bunch of other dudes who was three three other comics that also did sets in front of to people there was one of those gigs where danger feels is a weird place you know it was like it was run the danger for was it still down the street from from the comic strip now it is i just remembered i don't even what street it was on i know is someone the i did a lot of gigs there though it was but when i lived in new york that was like one of my main spots 'cause they give you what they call prom shows that what prom shows were and i did these with al lubel and i did these with auto and george and a couple other guys i can't remember their names but what we did was we were forced to do they never took the audience out there would stuff 'em in with kids they were like seventeen and drunk and throwing up and falling out of their chairs and then violent like one big football player got on stage and blue
fucking cigar smoke and allah bell's face and took the microphone from no one did shit about it man it was a big ass kid it was a big kid and you know they would do is these kids would be they would do their problem they would have their problem then it would come to a cop show and they never took the audience out they just kept pumping more people in so they wanted you to come up again you do five or six who's in a night so they don't have a rotation they would have a host and then they have like an opener and the second guy in the third guy and then you would go back up again and same people would be there they would be there would say you have to do the same act because we want to get rid of them but you
going to do the same activity that you're not going to want to eat it man you're not going to want to bomb so they would tell you to do the same act and i was a boy young man you hired me to do comedy you can't tell me what comedy to do once you're going to throw me out five times a night that's all good but you can't tell me what comma do i'm not going to die up there so the kids were still there yeah kids are still there and you would do half hour sets and you would get it depends sometimes we're twenty minutes depending on how many people on the show but the kids were there and you would do your sat and they wanted you to go and do the exact same set which for the exact same kids in an hour and a half because they wanted to get rid of the kids that's insanity and you know they would just people would just pull up in limos and then the guy would come in every now and then if you seen the show with this guy bobby have you seen the show if you see the show if you've seen it please leave if you
please leave and these kids are just running around like fucking animals so i did that place so dangerfield was a weird club man it was really weird it was real dark and nobody went there and it was a small crowds all the time and not the best comics i have to be honest it wasn't the highest level guys the highest level guys were the strip in catch a rising star back then so anyway this fucking couple comes in we're all sitting around it my spot was at like eight o'clock and i got there and everybody was just sitting in the in the bar area and the show was already supposed to start it i'm like what the fucks going on and they're like there's no one here i go there's no one here no one zero and then right when we're saying that two people showed up right now hey ladies and gentlemen reckless way and they lead him into the showroom in these people have no idea were here to see the show and they pay their money and they get their tickets they think there's a fucking show golf course they walk in there it's dead empty and they sit down by themselves and ladies gentlemen please welcome your mc for this evening and he bring
the mc and the mc was some dude had like you like a little a little keyboard onstage used to this kind of a musical thing so he goes up front to people and then another comma goes up he does his set and i went up i did my send i another guy went out and we do we did a real full shelf for two people sweet cool it was but as we when you do those man it's like you get a weird connection with people that you don't get you know you don't you don't get in a in a big crowd i've done something very similar a couple times but i don't do my regular then i ended up i ended up just around in being real like sarcastic like yeah so i went to the store you know like like i would i i i do it completely different just because i i don't want to bother to
well my thing is you know i went to the store you you actually could do the opposite it would help your act and the opposite being in you know realize like how much of your axe seems fake and you can get away with it because there's two hundred people as opposed to when you're telling it just one person you can really trim the fat off your material that way you know for me i find small crowds really make you trim the fat because you you you're not put on a show anymore you're talking to people and so conversation yeah and when you're doing that you know you really get to the real meat of the topic better instead of like some bullshit show stuff where you're saying things so first i'm not really well i thought about plus the plus the fact that me personally i think that if you paid your money it doesn't matter if it's two or like one hundred dog y'all y'all pay just as much as the rest of these people
when i give you all something other than me fucking around like i that's one thing i personally hate coming from new york is when people are like oh it's a full house tonight who gives a fuck it is five p dot m here in all of them are paying eight dollars of fucking drink let's have some fun you know that's how i look at it from the cousins like the dog too there is no disappointment specially with maine at this stage that i met at i know that y'all didn't come to see me anyway so for me to be arrogant that's even more of me being a jacket yeah it's just you feel like more pressure and that's what it feels like doesn't feel more pressure for you and like only a couple couple of people i i don't even try so why not why don't you try because it's just to me that just i don't know not even when it clearly you started through this motherfucker needs coffee more than any human being i've done it three times and but oftentimes i just just provide for two people here i don't give a shit but then
but why wouldn't you give a shit that wouldn't you treat those two people like it's a real show it seems like so much energy to to a sensitive okay but all right so if there's two people there like didn't knows what makes i don't know like are they still special here's the thing with me hi i started kami completely different i i i you know i i think of it as i could jump on you stream and talk to two people you're out by i jump on you stream and i talking like a hundred people immediately you know to me that's that's way worth it than going to a comedy club and doing the same thing front of two people that they're like who's this guy on stage you know thank
not never going to follow me the person's not if i eat do get those two people are just going to most likely just gonna go away and not even remember that night well that's a weird way of looking at it that's when i had like a lot but you're absolutely right and that's basically hold on to us we can't talk over each other okay you're absolutely right and because when you say that you started comedy differently that's true because like i've had to do those shows right like i've had to do a show for two people and you haven't had to do that so i i guess well i didn't know i mean i do i do i do open mike almost every day and i do in front of two people i don't believe what's even worse is five people have seen your act a million to because they're all comics which i've heard audience but you also might that you're doing that so like doesn't he work with you a lot joke sometimes so then if you're doing that you already know that is practice for you to think it
it's too easy for you to get on stage you don't appreciate it enough if you were really not online doing if you were really no i like to try to really be a comic no i'm talking about the situations i'm in which is open mikes yeah it's it's it's like most the time i want is to people in the audience man you gotta treat those two people if that's a crowd you know like you do it take it's hard to do but you're not doing real showing open mikes you're just around so let i go on stage i'm not going to of full bacterial but you do a material right let's just sit there with a thumb up my ass saying i don't do my normal shit i fuckin just sit there like so you know i do like a completely different act well it's like hey i'm not going to what i'm saying is that you don't have to do that you you can you can do a version of your act that's that's better you know trim it down and trim it down for two people it's sometimes it feels the known in in you realize what jokes that stand out in your acting like artificial exact you know when you're you when you're talking to two people man you can really you feel like the jokes aren't good you know
look man this one needs work this is ash it's clunky feels weird to talk people but what i'm saying is you can benefit if you really want to truly keep doing stand up you can benefit from that just by in your real set if you get a laugh from two people yeah you know that joke is gone that one the in the face i guess i guess the biggest reason why i think this is why i think of it there's been so many times doing open mike where you do a new bet that you're you you you you believe in and you like it and it not no one no response at all he tried again same exact thing no response at all then you get a real show and then you try that same bit it kills in your like god damn i almost lost that bit because that bit failed is that you're in this horrible atmosphere of did like two people right but more like other that makes sense like that it's all a part of the vibe you get if you get a tune it all in it's all part of the process of being a stand up comic you know you can't really develop only in front of large audiences once you
your shit together then you can pretty much do any kind of audience you're thinking i think you're thinking i'm saying something completely different making the same way you don't like to perform when there's two people you liked it did not see how this thing was saying what i'm saying that when there's two people in the audience i'm not going to fucking do a whole like hey so i went down the street but it just kind of fuck around i'm not going to do my regular materia i'm going to just not going to give them that i understand what you're saying so let's break that down because it's kind of interesting no it's not being pretty basic it's kind of interesting let's break that down because what what you're saying is that you're not going to give them this like hey animated right i'm not saying that i like how i considered like that the act that i do is takes a lot of like timing and and like like it's a whole process it's not just sitting out there going blah blah blah blah it's kind of like it's more work than than just saying you know i'm just just going around fuck do some some bits you know
just try some stuff for it or do you know just around so i would so if there's two people in the audience i'm not going to like bothered trying to like change my whole act to go around to people you know what i'm saying is why does it have to be changed because it's funnier if you say certain things when there's an audience it's funny if you say the same thing in front of people's you should say it different you agree if there's a group of people sometimes it depends on what you're talking about i could time it is completely different in front of four hundred people than two people yeah alright but why even fuck around trying to even do the math of how it would work best wouldn't you just one a decade i'm just not for grounds in the well no i you know i i think i think you have to address the fact obviously there's only two people you have to make some in light of that but then once you do that you can pretty much if your act is tight you could pretty much your act you could or you could just fuck around you know why even try to change things
the man i wish is what i'm saying is it for me when i do small crowds it makes me well aware of the space i have in my acct i need to trim out like i'm talking too much this is too disingenuous are this is so this seems a little fake yeah you can tell us a line yeah this is like my segway this segways like ham handed you know this this punchline like a little like sticky i feel the difference feel the difference when i do it because i mean like me per only i wish that i knew when i did the shows for four people that i would be playing for two hundred sometime in future so that's why i was more like whenever i get on stage no matter how many people it is i got to make the most of this being onstage even even in new york where where you get on stage a lot more even there is like dog i used to always just be like i'm so grateful
to be on stage at all first of all second of all maybe maybe just just appreciate that these people would even listen to my bullshit who in the fuck am i yeah that i'm looking at you all like it should be more you know if you really want to do it you have to think about it like that you know you you have to be almost obsessed with it you know all all i'm saying about this doing doing shows and not not appreciating as much or not thinking about as much brian has one point that's the important is that when you're starting out and you start anytime you eat it it chips away a big chunk of your confidence and when you can look at something and go well this is just not even set up for comedy why are my fucking running uphill with sandbags you know exactly this is gonna give me a not feeling i'm going to go up there and do some jokes that i have some you know some hope for and they're going to die because it's not an easy crowd so is that point too i see that point too but there's both
it's not either or there's bowls it's in it's it's it's a completely personal preference like last time i was on stage was right after we got our portland i i decided to do an open mike at south and i decided you know what just as it at an idea if they had just done five shows in a row a certain way i'm going to do the exact same way at souths nine there was about eight people in the audience i did the exact like almost a recorded version of what i just did the whole right just to see what it was the most awkward munching fucking thing ever i will let you listen to the it's so weird i started like i have a part of my act where i just started doing this where i have a really uncomfortable pause you know and then mostly like there would be a couple people that start get it like okay i get it now this is creepy at leg and then a bunch of people start laughing i did that there in front of a people no one there was never that one person that just started giggling to get it
to make the other people laugh and so it was just like complete silence so we do blame the audience or do you blame the way you perform no no i think the whole idea of that bit at one particular bit is that there's going to be a few people that get it and start giggling and then any other i don't know what you're talking about so you really can't can't really comment on the mob mentality of everyone that one person is hardly it's where i said you're a fucking porn star right and just sit there just sit there and still make a couple of people giggle and then suddenly everyone starts fucking it's like this new thing i started in portland so i did that at south is not that one little gigs sometimes people are given just because they want to laugh sometimes people give them is there a comedy show and drinks and they want to laugh and if you give pause and there laughing at some stuff before they start laughing right right but it's not what in this case this case this case is the whole bit is
give away my bit but you know they know what you're saying so so that people put together was like comparing that with wait you're a fucking pornstar so one person starts giggling not making enough sense without saying the bit to explain this anyway but i know what you heard a bit though but i know what he's saying it's like it's something if you had also with you gotta do because you got to just when there's a small crowd thought so i know you're saying i just so you just want to try it as an experiment to not a joke yeah trying to you know not a jazz did you do exactly i mean it worked on some bits some real employer it worked fine did you feel like bailing out halfway into it i don't know because it's eight people and most of these people were just other comics so i was just like my my experiment with this that's one good thing about doing every day is this experimenting like that's just an experiment so what happens is like a video game like i might try jumping over this platform once i would recommend whatever you do don't try to bomb i don't right bomb and it's not like and it's not like
thank you tell someone and i try to think about going up there bombing on over to us and i don't know what that is open mike that's what that's what mike that's one of those things where is though because you lived in new york for awhile right joe yeah that's one of the things that being out here and being in new york i think when you are in new york doing comedy stage time is like yes you get onstage more but it's kind of hard because when i was there i had to pay to go up on open mikes i had to either pay five dollars or buy a couple drinks or do something to get an open mic was that was like six years ago so if it's changed since then but you have to spend money to get on that stage so no matter what or who was there you just spent some money to talk and now you go fuck around so i think that at my level we didn't have time to play because i just paid to get on this stage so i'm going to try to get better how much to pay when i was
yeah the the buy two drinks which for comics was like six dollars will she had to pay five dollars is dog hair from mostly every open mike at a comedy club you have to pay to go onstage at five dollars yeah wow how cafe or most most places most places make you buy drink it sounds that make you buy drink what comics have to buy a drink now yeah now you have to spend five dollars in you get a ticket and then i like to go on stage but but actually sell common cell yeah tom it's common it's come it's not common but it's in la it's common it's like the most important thing is that there is some sort of an open mic system fortunately on of my system makes you pay them i don't mind it because i'm going to buy a beer but still some guys don't have five bucks and a great week i told i told boone you guys know boone he he's a homeless guy that i think is on this but he he i is an open he's a mike or any i i think it's hilarious in
he was like i'm like why aren't you going to you know sounds anymore and he goes well because i can't afford that you know five bucks and i'm like look i have one or two beer i have two or three beers at least every time i go to south do you just let me know i'll buy you a beer get you a ticket you know so you can mooch off beers yeah it's fucking is that really crazy yes like it is really crazy 'cause in new york like i remember talking to sell whether he was gonna start charging he's like yeah might as well 'cause it's like nobody that's not common from what i've seen here when i first got here but now is is coming young people don't have to kick out and i think a lot less of that plan we'll be going on as far as well i commitment and just play around because dog you just kicked out and won't if you're gonna do it if you gonna have a place to go up five bucks is not bad and if you know if that's the day
since between having an open mic night and not having an open mic night then it's worth five dollars because it's the most important thing man stage time getting getting good spots getting a bunch of people around you there's no substitute in the beginning right now not at all yeah you got a nice also you're not at all even the stuff that sucks jump up there's do let's see what the with the two people cross we're talking about i mean like you know you got to be up there you got to be practiced in the matter what i mean like i know i'm pretty much that you know we're same level almost a man like this i'm right above the open mike phase of my point but when two people show up that means it was either them or nobody were and they're doing you a favor just by being there you know i mean the least you do is give him your fucking all and adjust yourself to the room and all that yeah the most appreciative you are in every situation the better the most that you appreciate every opportunity to better and that's there's negative it to it but it's also you can do turn that around one person can go up in front of that same crowd and kill you know i mean i've seen that before i didn't like something i didn't the room was not to my liking or whatever and i went up
shitty attitude going to do to go on after you and kill and they're like okay is an idiot you know now i know you know i was young and stupid and here now i made a mistake and now i learned from that show some inner because it's like i guess to be honest i'm just appreciative of the fact that the up is legal first of all this is legal and second of all people let me talk some shit to him and like if you were told me when i was in jail that i'd ever be doing this or like anything of this nature i told you he was crazy how much you getting worked now you getting road work and shit given on tv that just came out to right it's coming out they actually pushed the date back but it's come about is coming out on august the first now itunes yeah but it's actually it's actually the first a cd that's coming out on george car
label other than his other than his work as your manager situation sky keeps giving you shit advice the fucker got lucky with george carlin didn't take work jerry i'm just relating whoever you are fella now jerry jerry jerry is good but jr is is the only is the only cd other than george's work never come out on on which are gone it's call wildly into inappropriate while not gonna get a free air and yes your mom's gonna get out a very common but it's like some it's like that and i i'd like to think kelly kelly is great kelly kelly collins awesome she's awesome whose kelly and george george our daughter kelly carlin she she was the producer for a poll shows evans show yes one produces right right she's awesome
is she hurt my cd and she's like i cool like 'cause you have to clear it with all of these people 'cause it's their father so what you are you doing stand up on the road now i still don't have a tv credit cording to according to allow comedy club owners i don't have a tv credits you can't even get like metal work nobody is going to let me middle form wet dog you know let me middle for well who says that why what he said it's happened too many times i've gotten complaints from middles and what's the complaint first is to first is that i'm too dirty and then eddie and then the second show i'll do my whole lack clink and in the third show i'll take out certain jokes that they don't want done and by the fourth show is normally just fucking is just like we can't stop this do from doing what does and say you meet you're so you're saying they don't want you middle and because you're too good so you're saying that's what i would think but that's kind of arrogant so i'm just like been there for some of these shows where who
just because there is there is there to fall yeah calling out for the law isn't one of them has done well this was all yeah that one was good it was funny i'm not who it when i'm not in a position to call out more for ok well why don't you tell me their name and i'll call him out doing that either well you had taken with some subtle chess ship to move ahead i didn't go three i want to make i to go three i mean right now got to go through mr but isn't dues like i have some up stories right now in this like so guys take you on the road with them no date on it i'm just talking about just from hollywood people have seen my act in there like there's no way in hell take them on and this is because two thirty when what is a code i don't know i mean maybe know what i'll just say because i'm too dirty even though i consider my take dirty stood on the world with me did you know about human being dirty than joey that's ever existed i would expect to see his balls in the green i don't want us i don't want to say it's because i'm too funny 'cause who knows funny is funny is
well if you're following shit comics there are comics that want only scrubs to go on before it's a real common thing like there's a lot of people that get surprised when they come to see some of my shells on my two you got already should fear and we d is going on in front of you like those guys are bold headline which is which is which is because i think because you're like you're like a comic i mean you're a comedian you aren't somebody that's just hear thio just say a couple of jokes and dumb sitcom like you really take this as an art and as part the art of comedy you don't want scrubs up in front of it i don't want anybody to syfy suffer through any bad kind exactly i understand why you would even think like that to me i think it's like riding waves when she went to bed limited stuff to do it if you have a guy who goes on in front of you and barely gets by for twenty min so whatever and the krogers and comfortable in the comic the main event guy comes out and just comes out guns below
isn't it crushes it makes you look like a fucking superhero any other guy bombed and you just destroyed in there some guys like that and they need it and the last thing they want to do is be in the green room ready to go on and hear some guy out there killing you fucks with them they're taking away from my crowd there was a common wouldn't wouldn't even allow black black comic he let let our buddy who's a black dude open forum because it was in his claws with his manager that no other black we're going before me because i want a black it up well there was a really funny really got used to always talk about that in the end the east coast it was funny how if you were on the road and there's a two white guys and one black eyed the black eye is always like yeah i was supposed to headline i suppose a headline but if there's the black guy shows up and there's two other black guys like yeah i gotta go first i gotta go out first cousin
same material i don't care 'cause like i haven't heard no black guy say some of the shit that i say so i don't care like an even even with some of the comments like you were talking about road work like i'm in vegas next gig that i got booked this for vague iss like the first week of june dog i don't i get no work cause i i'm in that nexus of he's not funny enough to headline by itself i'm going to be honest with you set yourself up you got like some give little roadblocks in your head around them and you like people i'm going to let me and this is going to have and i got because people want to fuck with me you have this you have this little thing in your head you automatically are in conflict with people like people to heavenly people don't want to middle meet people they just gotta do your show hitman don't worry about that the people that are going to people that intimidated by you don't dwell on them don't even think well i'm not and that's why i think that things are getting better for me as far as career wise an mental
don't even bring that stuff up in conversation just abandon those thoughts and shit that i was talking about just 'cause you asked that question nobody you back menace i'm telling you nobody's trying to hold you back i know that because the whole thing is i don't care if they were it's it's my job to be the that i can be on that on that all and that's all that i can control like i can't control who wants to take me on the road i can control who wants to make how many times you been on the road by myself or period did you go on the road a lot no i i just work like bird books his improvs his vegas and he still he still improv we still i thought he was retired i thought that was but saw me one night i guess talking about but free but free the legendary guy from the improv with the monocle remember those evening the improv s o so i play temperatures in like birds
rise in in our own play vegas on but that's about it man as soon far as far as me and traveling that's about it i really haven't gotten on the road with any like i've never worked with anybody on the road on the road and told you now that you get the showtime special you to get some gigs right hopefully it with george carlin's manager in the showtime special bro hopefully you put it all together hopefully so if people want to get ahold of you they get you on twitter yes darryl underscore right and brian is brian whitaker and of course red band very web bends very upset
follower yeah i don't have it hello this is so low i don't get a lot yeah yeah i got a dog collar today joe i i don't know it was an excel no if for the girlfriend but it has like ten levels in like the first level you know it's very mild and then if it keeps on parking it gets higher and higher goes up to these ten levels right right we had ma'am miller on today's skeptic tank with are you should fear and we decided like hey my pekingese is wearing this is not going to be that bad so man puts around is uh neck barks and fucking he's just like this is awful this is awful and i'm like all right are you have to try didn't think that that it went up another level because of that because he parked every time we do it get up and it had already because my dog had made it go up to like level two or three or something like that so it was already on like level three then already puts on right on this throat like on his neck embarks shots the fuck out i'm like alright it's not that bad but i wasn't going to do it
of course yeah so i was holding i want to hold it and they were laughing so hard and i started laughing that it vibrated and it made the noise and shocked me in hand by hand still feels numb it's pretty shot doesn't doesn't fucking what the this is name jason ellis doesn't need to like fights were dancewear dog shocked them shocked i'm remotely that's why we decide to do it the man was talking he just did it with next nick and where they had fights and then they had him like wrap around the legs and stuff in which is dropping that dude i am not down with that those guys are crazy thing that played today jason ellis show those yeah he's electrocuting themselves that's ridiculous you get ellis on here map i will do i'm supposed to do his show to where we have it in planning the electric units because it's heitman lazy so next week will be on a monday and tuesday next week and
and gas and all that shit to follow this weekend joey and ari and i are at field helium in philadelphia i almost said feeling philadelphia that's what happens at the end of the show folks is done so if you're in philly come on down it's all sold out i think there was only a couple tickets left for thursday night late show that was all that was left we added late show thursday that's how we roll were like gabriel iglesias but white gabriel do five shows on a monday hello yeah the mother rakes it so if people want to get a hold you best way to order yeah just where to order yeah that's fine facebook whatever facebook facebook and bryant please follow brian we get so sad i get sad what are you up to now huh what do you have
i think over time eighteen thousand still ten thousand away from my house on them for you came and joe i got i got to and i got a stalker before i got any fans i got somebody who made a fake page me on facebook and i checked yesterday and i was thinking all maybe i got some of the fans that in here about as one follower on this fake pays wow this is so depressing i was like damn somebody made a fake page out of me and i got one fake fan at check out desk all day for that the but that's quite podcast and subscribe to that please do whatever the fuck you want to do folks don't listen anybody including him please see you guys in philly see you next week monday and tuesday for the podcast and ok let's play some real quick just for all of oliver podcast guys that hung hung around through all this craziness thank you all for watching guys this was fun thank you joe for thanks for being honest thank you mouthful see bitches love you yeah flashlight our sponsor is if you go to joe rogan dot net and click on the link the
flashlight lincoln entering the code name rogan you get fifteen percent off so you get a discount on your masturbation it's a quality product made by nice people white and blue only unfortunately it clear what's that white blue and clear only though unfortunately no black in black johns think so a little white and clear my you know joe gonna put it to work sure we plug in smiling die comedy on we're going with rich zero up north there if for a few days coming up this saturday and started the purple onion and then off i think somewhere else in san francisco on of the that you can follow that shit on twitter too just smiling dot com it smile and i comedy that's what is on twitter powerful flashlight bitches love you see ya bye bye
Transcript generated on 2019-10-04.