David Harbour of Netflix's "Stranger Things" is featured in this week's excerpt from the New York City production Modern Love Live. He reads the essay, "Out From Under the Influence."
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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The from the New York Times and the W b- U R, Boston! This is modern love stories of love, loss and redemption. I'm your host make the Chakrabarti this week we're going to share some moments from our live performance at Town Hall in New York City on October, twentieth, you'll, hear a reading by David Harbour. The Tony nominated actor, who plays police chief, Jim Hopper in the Netflix, hit series, stranger things and music by Lucius, who arranged their own version of our theme song
the Fear eyes and bird comedian, writer and host of MP are and w and waste. These ask me. Another m c deviant: hamper Lucius everybody, starting us off with the theme song for the morrow. The podcast welcome everybody to modern love. Live,
very excited to be here? My name is fear Eisenberg thank you for the And fun so yeah sure thanks, I welcome go to one of the venues. I love the very most too. In New York. It is a absolute pleasure to have everyone here for this great show in Town Hall, My name's affair, if you never heard of that name before that, is fine, It is not a made up name. I was asked that today did I make up that name: yeah, that's how it works in my family. We all got to make up our own names, no, it is actually you've heard it because it's just a it's a really really old hebrew name that didn't catch on.
So we have a wonderful show for you, as you can tell from the the programs that have shown you, the amazing people that are going to come out here and read some incredible pieces about modern love. I myself I'm originally canadian. We walk amongst you undetected, few of you, if you other Canadians, Fantastic and I moved to New York as a single person for reasons you know. Obviously, career ended whenever, but also thinking I would find love here. and I moved here fifteen fifteen years ago, and I remember at the time when I lived in in Toronto, I would watch. Was I loved sex sex in the city? And I thought it was this very over the top ridiculous representation of dating in New York and then dear in realising the documentary. And it was
was it was hard. It was hard on me I yet I data on line and offline, not was called real life. Pretty you know, yeah there's an interesting thing when he does I'll tell you how dating works in Canada. It works very differently here, and this is how dating works in Canada. You sit at a bar and someone buys you someone, buys you a drink and you date them for ten years. That's how it works. Yeah like you want to break it off around the seventh year, but you're like too polite to deal with it. So you just let it go on to what it be moves. But here I felt like people approach much more like a buffet where they would be like. I don't want bad or maybe just one of those or you know, I'm gonna have the eggs and the cup case because I can have at all. You know and it bothered me
that was really nice guys. I went out with some as it turned out, not the greatest choices, I think one of my favorites was I went home. I was living in Manhattan and a guy asked me a question that I had been really avoiding the entire time I'd live in in Manhattan, which was, would you like to come back to my place in queens Seem so far I didn't know that trains. and you know I was like. Of course I was going. That was the whole point of us hanging out, so we went to his place. And I'll never forget this, he put you, you know we were making out a little, but he put the hand his hand on the doorknob to his bedroom and he said, would you like to see something special yeah? The answer. Yet the answer to that is no and you button up your coat and you get out of there, but
this very no fun positive phase and Canadian. I didn't want to be impolite so I was like I'm so excited something special banned at stake, but then, as he was, started to real life. Well, actually, what am I dealing with like? Is it going to be another man or a dead body or bunk bed? So you don't like what am I so you do like what am I up against and it was none of those things. What it was is that this headache his room was filled with, like three hundred or so Garfield's. Yeah the stuff tat. He was a Garfield collector. See that coming.
You know there and there was a big one on its dresser. It was. It was very alarming. This sort of sure to Jim Davis. honestly didn't understand what you know if this was supposed to how this was supposed to make me feel like I was ice I this or like you know, if I did well, would I I did well. Would I get them like so that one didn't laugh, but then suit actually soon. After that, you always remember the one right before the one. I guess I did meet my husband, a very, very sweet guy. He he's a you, the only thing. Actually I didn't like about what the time is that he was very nerdy already a comic book nerd, but it, but he is very looking, and that is the great combination rice
Low self esteem but attractive, get em. And yeah we sort of made our way through New York and actually, even though. I'm a little old to be saying this. You don't have a new love in my life, which is why we had a baby. Almost a year ago, we have a little yet thank you very very weird identity, that's a new identity thing for me, and I am older when I was pregnant, I was considered both high risk and inspiration, I I. It's it's I mean, of course I love this little baby. He I have a boy and he's a he's, a boy for now,
For now and. I eat away these everything that everyone of said it would be. Of course the one thing it has very much impact it though I would say, is yeah. It's just changes relate my Just because I now I've been with my husband for ten years, but this is the first time we have spent this much time together, because of the baby, and it turns out that he is just okay. If I had a little bit more, it's a little more intense, we ve had some super state stereotypical fight. He said to me since I've been married to you, I've been married to you. I have never been right. I like well, I just that. Well that's one.
yeah, it's it's a pretty incredibly odd thing to have all of this, especially in this town. I live in park, Slope Brooklyn, which is the natural is to raise a child in New York. I guess I mean actually when we got our least that's what I got pregnant. It was something to do with the paper and but it's very people- people do judge you. child rearing a choices. We are doing something very controversial. I believe in Brooklyn it's called sleep training, that's yet some people are into that is where you People are into that. That's where you close the door and you let the baby cry himself to sleep, because I figured he should learn how I do it and And it also they're really competitive. I have a neighbor next door, we've it's a fun, because we have we've never become friends with our neighbors like we have now, because all of our names
no, because all of our neighbors also have little kids. I mean the younger me when I was dating would have hated. This scenario would have thought that is death to me, but now that I'm in it I I love putting a Little babies together and looking at them and we all cool and they look at us and they probably think we're ridiculous, like we turned into little babies. Somehow and but my There is also competitive, because this is Brooklyn, and this is New York and people here. a lot of ambition that is, I found at all my dating life that people had a lot of ambition, and now I'm fine, just my neighbor and she's competing with me with our babies the same age and the little boy They don't have much, they don't have accomplishments. Yet a matter of fact, but she's worried like she's at three so she was like Bernadette- is holding up her head House Lucas doing that's my kid. I'm like Lucas is holding up his head high.
And now she's, like Bernadette, is trying to walk unlike Lucas's teaching prospect. Ok, just back. During Y, our child's name is Lucas. It is because of star wars, because my husband is a huge star is a huge star wars. Nerd I like the name too, for my own reasons. I only like the name honestly, because I have dated a lot of guys, so it was hard to find a So it was hard to find a name that didn't have like a memory attached to it. You know and you know it's bad when you're like nope exceed the earth is also out- you know like you, but Lucas worked just fine. Welcome once again, I want to before I begin and start bringing out our illustrious readers. I would like to think W B: U R Boston's NPR station.
in empty our station now produce. This modern love the pod cast and specifically Emory. Sivertson, Jessica, Alpert, to Adler, and also, of course, the New York Times. It also, of course, the New York Times and Daniel Jones, who is the editor of the modern love column? So, let's get things started. is. It is out from under the influence by Kevin Kaylin, Actor and star of the Netflix series- stranger things', David Harbour. Please welcome David. David harbour, please welcome David Harbour.
In my first date,. My first date with did not begin well, begin well, and for starters. I didn't show for starters, I didn't show. it was, it was Saturday evening stay we get. I was drinking gin and tonics watching hoops in the telephone bar on Second avenue whiling away the time before I supposed to meet her or John's pizzeria just down the block. Next thing I know One was waking me up from my slumber in my apartment on east twelfth street, I stumbled out of the building. I ran into John. I stumbled over the building. Iran's Johns or Julia ended up crying defiantly on the sidewalk. Her words lost to me, but their meaning clear. Never again,
She left in a cab for the upper West side. It could've just been one of those first dates from Hell, in one of those first dates from hell that eventually becomes funny in the retelling, but it wasn't that simple. We work together at an advertising agency She is a human resources coordinator and I, as one of the human resources she coordinated. She was the first person I met at work had only passed the does because she had added an extra five minutes. The egg timer with that and a smile she's hooked mean. I started spending my knights constructing a lab and clever iii, mail messages to her that I would pass office spontaneous the next day
she began to drop by my desk with a frequency that I attributed more to her need for my ragged charm than my need for the memo she was distributing. now, all that groundwork appeared lost and on Tuesday I'd have to face her again. I continue to drink. All weekend wallowing in regret on Sunday hundred her One hundred dollars worth of with I didn't have with a note of apology Fortunately, I also At consisted of hootie message that blowfish who d in the blow fishes hold my hand in its entirety.
when Tuesday rolled around. I stayed home. Wednesday same. I knew that this kind of denial was not a practical, long term strategy. So on Thursday I got dressed and I tried to return to work, but nerves were shattered. My head cloudy. I had crossed the line, as I sometimes did from funk. Garlic to clearly not. Finally, I call Julie you get the roses I asked, she had and they were lovely, but she felt rather grotesque, gesture, all the same you're, an alcoholic, she said, not unkindly, you need help. I had this conclusion.
this conclusion myself at age. Sixteen but no one had ever set it directly to me jewish suggested. I make it up. the next morning with a doctor I did I was love, struck and free falling and if she'd asked me to jump off a bridge and might have done that too But again I stumbled out of bed disoriented and arrived at the doctors half an hour, late rain, so was west and QUIET street office was lush and quiet. He was bearded and kindly point now the point now. What brings you here I drink? How often daily. Have you been drinking this morning, affirmative,
what about your arm, I have a cat. My must be some cat. I don't actually have a cat. I think you'll, See the physical manifestation of your psychic Paine, who doesn't. It was and recommended that I seek treatment pronto at an inpatient rehabilitation clinic if it's ok with Blue Cross, I told them Zoe gay with me okay, with Blue Cross, I told him is okay with me. I was twenty. Four years old, rent in some time and waited for a call from the benefits people at work. I had been with the agency for only six months and only as a favor to my aunt is he barely six months and only as a favour to my aunt to work there for several years from my Shangri wardrobe to my computer illiteracy, it was pretty clear that I was not Madison Avenue material, but she is I mean interview anyway, Julie
unlikely advocate, called and told me that my benefits were shipshape and then I was good to go so I went, but not before draining several forties to steal myself of the fund to make the family friends who sure that I wasn't reported a when the van I have to pick me up. The grizzled driver told me that most people were drunkard than I was so this made me feel worse as if I could, even self destruct correctly, as the Van sailed north on the of drive, a thought: the bright lights, the big city never looked quite so intoxicating as when you were leaving. Julie's cubicle in my only suit. She hugged me and told me in my only two. She hugged me and told me. I looked grave at all this. She did too. She found some anvil ups for me to stuff and papers to photocopy tests. I completed with unpressed
and the zeal she looked amused. Every time I reported on my progress and requested more work. At the end of the day I took off my jacket. I sat in a cubicle and I told her about rehab. Nobody thought you'd come back. She said as I got up to go. I briefly touched her knee as if I were some repressed character in a merchant ivory movie and then I walked on through the streets of Manhattan. we met that weekend in central park and talked ass. We walked Julius from can't know: Heil Daughter of a school teacher and football coach use a fiber. Something or other and her best friend was her sister, a graphic designer in Chicago. shows the I was over the guy because it felt more humane me, I was just a guy from New Jersey, whose path of least resistance had led through the HOLLAND Tunnel
The recovery literature warned of the dangers of starting a romance day literature warned of the dangers of starting a romance days or even weeks, sometimes years after coming out of the drink, but I wanted company on my lifeboat and We seem ready to grab and or if wearily at our next day, cleared me too raw to date me too raw to date. I think we should just be friends. She said I didn't begrudge her this we walked across the sheep meadow and to a clearing with a skyscraper tells Us Central South Park, south looked luminous and is the light disappeared behind the Palisades and a full moon shone. She turned to me and said: if we weren't just friends, this has become a romantic.
During our hermetically sealed days and nights that followed, I made her a promise that I would stay sober. Two months later, though, I was back with my friends into my old self, attended, a wedding in Jersey Shore, where unbeknownst to her I not back drink after drink. I simply could not see anything pass. The king ice cubes in lines and seemingly every person's glass. I danced with the grooms. You're whispered in my ear, to give her a call if I ever decided to lose the blonde one The looked at me quizzically as I poured a few drinks back during our conversation and said: You a little thirsty. on the return to the city. Became checkpoint snarled. I traffic awaiting a drunk driving checkpoint, terrified. I kept up the good by telling quit drinking was I.
A good thing I quit drinking when I did such as the bottomless cup of the that we drunks drink from When the officer simply waved me through, I felt such joy and relief that I just I'd five, my last drink, and it nearly was The straight troopers we were married on a steamy June day in a tiny church, an industrial corner of Canton Ohio. The night before the wedding. A group of the hopeful and faithless had gathered for the rehearsal dinner in a restaurant in old downtown Canton either for the rehearsal dinner in a restaurant in old, downtown Canton? There was still the requisite mix of drinks and well wishes, and I saw the sense but my mouth and arm could conspire against my brain to raise a little hell when it came to my turn, to toast I did the speech I have outlined on a cocktail napkin at the Indians game. The night before I have four,
every word of it now, except for the last line which I borrowed from a bruise Springsteen song? I promise richer better or worse for richer or likely poor. I would. Love, her with all the Madness In my soul, it was one part, vow, one part pose and one part role of the dice And I put it back down: it's been ten years since my last drink and it's not like rolling a boulder up a mountain every day. In fact, it's no effort. No effort at all, I don't attend, meetings, speak in jargon or mouth the serenity prayer when flummoxed jargon or mal the serenity prayer when flummoxed accumulation. Thousands of days that alcohol is simply made it and not a reflexive non habit Julia, I have ordinary jobs, a home
Upwards and a minivan for our two and a half children who genetically speaking could have hoped for better enough. They will surely tell me so. But I don't know, the thing is. with your mother and I have ever gotten together if I hadn't been before the work messages begin to pour in. Let's give ourselves Individually and not cheating, as a moment to pause and ease into the day. It's a moan It's on your own. I feel a little better. I feel a little betrayed. Sorry, as a moment to be present to find clarity, and be grounded for the day had good days stir with good mornings and good mornings start then I always get nervous that I sent it to my parents or something do more than just taste good
I love fallin, my boyfriend and I often play following me together by together I mean sitting next to each other of playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes when I open up scowling d- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own, I feel a little betrayed fairy. We may have happened again. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was getting nervous at assented to my parents or something like that. My dad. It would like space time you together and how we gotta see a J. A she came, p o t Jack Jack. I'm same is asking the digital puzzles, editor for the New York Times. You can try spelling bee and all our games at annoying times dot com, flash games, drowning uncle,
in need of her out sometimes like living proof. Products make life easier, just ask Aaron, who works at Modcloth in L a I work in fashion, so am I David Harbour. I have a feeling this. Karen who works at laughter was
fashion. So my hair is an important part of my outfit completion and my go to product that I use every single time I wash my hair is the prime style extender? I love that I love the way it smells. I love what it does for my hair. I feel like it just like polishes it up and makes it last longer without washing use the very peaceful free travel, size, prime style extender with your twenty dollars order trains, the actually the ac line, is is very poignant and beautiful, and it's ok. If you cry here, I just want to say that right now, it's ok! If you feel, I have to say: New York is one of the best places to public cry. Fire and it's occurred to me over like I have water. I did a lot of crying over a lot of many actually mostly relationships. I believe some health stuff around New York and.
Around New York and no one's ever said, are you okay where'd? You need something, no one ever at best. They look at you and just give you the nod, and I think that's what it really is because they go you right now. But it's going to be me in a second, so. But it's it's good to, because when you cry on the subway, quite efficient rakers, you are going on in motion Produce Lucius to our stage as they are from Brooklyn New York. If you did not know me over there like I have walked, or I've done a lot of crying over a lot of Minnie Baxley, mostly relationships, I believe some hell stuff around New York and no one's ever said. Are you okay or do Something no one ever at best, they look at you, the.
I would like to reintroduce solutions to our stage as they are from Brooklyn New York. If you did not know this and they're about to go on a north american tour starting next week with a stye on late night was set Myers so make sure you tune in to that, but you can experience them right now. Please welcome Ilusha again Weaving toys versus do and is a good song to take.
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dogs. You have completed a few words on your own. I feel a little betrayed in sorry. It may have happened again. You did it again. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words that I always get nervous. Dad we liked the first time together and I wish
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I love fallin, my boyfriend and I often play following me together by together, I've been sitting next to each other playing individually and not cheating. Sometimes, when I open up scowling d- and I see that you have completed a few words on your own- I feel a little betrayed fairy may have happened again. I have one friend who I will send screenshots from spelling bee of inappropriate words. Then I was getting nervous assented to my parents or something like that. It would like space time you together and how we gotta see a j. She came out to Jack Jack. I'm same is asking the digital puzzles editor for the New York Times. You can try, spelling bee and all our games at annoying times dot com. Flash games
Not all ingredients are created, equal blue apron sources, fresh high Blue apron sources, fresh high quality ingredients and sends them right to your home and pre measured packages. You get easy to follow recipes, so you can have a meal ready in forty minutes or less there's no weekly commitment. So you only get deliveries when you want check out this week's menu and get three meals free with free shipping. By going to blue apron dot com, slash, modern new recipes are created each week. That's blue apron, dot com, slash modern blue apron, a better way to cook. Welcome back, it's modern love, the podcast, a magnetic roberti. You just heard a piece of our live performance at Town Hall in New York City, featuring a Fiera Eisenberg Lucius and David Harbour, David read the.
the influence and the essays actual author was in the audience. We talked to Kevin K Helene after the show I love David's, reading of a piece, I'm so glad he was able to find the humor in it. The funny thing was when my wife heard her name in the very first sentence. I am in the very first sentence she burst into tears and she cried for the entire high quality ingredients and sons and write to her home and pre measured packages. You get it gather with two of my three kids, my mom, and having our story. commitment, so you only get deliveries when you want to go. This week's menu and get three meals free with free shipping. By going to blue apron dot com, slash, modern new recipes are created each week. That's blue apron dot com, slash modern blue apron and works again in human resources. Kevin said his youngest child, who was, Welcome back its modern love, the podcast, I'm Meghna Chakrabarti.
when the essay was published eleven years ago has yet to read this piece, but will and David Harbour the peace out from under the influence and the ESA actual author was in the audience we talked to Kevin Cahillane after the show. I love David's reading in the peace and that he was able to find the EU more in it. C will. But I couldn't touch him. I could summon him up when I wanted his hog, but I never knew him in any light other than the one. From The reading. There was a real sense of poignancy in Together with too much recurs my mom and having our story- perform for us and hearing the positive feedback from the audience. It was pretty emotional and it's it's a night. I don't think either of us will soon forget Kevin added. He lives in New Jersey and works as a freelance writer and journalist, his wife
since received her degree in teaching a lifelong goal and works again in human resources. Kevin, said his youngest child, who wasn't bored when the essay was published eleven years ago. Has to read this peace pretty good friends. Iris Adler is our executive producer. Daniel Jones is the editor of modern love for the New York Times and adviser to the show music for the podcast courtesy, a p m. I Meghna Chakrabarti, we'll see you next week. The This phenomenon worked in my favour as well, and I could call him after a few drinks when I felt sufficiently talkative and social. I could avoid him if I had videos to editor blog posts right.
I can say whatever I wanted in risk awkward name, because at the end of a conversation, one click of a mouse would shut amount of my room. Modern love is a production of the New York Times and W B you are Boston. Npr station is produced did and edited by Jessica, Albert John Parity and Emory secrets in The idea for the modern love POD cast was conceived by LISA Tobin. modern love, LIVE was produced by pretty good friends. Iris Adler is our executive. Pretty Sir Daniel Jones is the editor of modern love for the New York Times, an adviser to the show music for Pod cast courtesy of a p m. I may chuck regarding the sea enact weak.
Transcript generated on 2022-04-17.