Hey, what's going on its bill burn it's the Monday morning, podcast from Monday December, twenty third, two thousand ten and thirteen have anyhow. It's the holiday season. Do we Toby do at school. Early Bob pay by Tab at Opel, go fuck yourself at the mall. Two days before Christmas, have you finished your shopping years. You know what I haven't: I've been traveling so much she drove to em off the other day. Don't do it and I locked inside, while, while by while I've literally pulled up to this fuckin thing, and there were so many Can you say you can't just so many fuckin people who were in the same situation? I am that they just had to go on, go by shit, that they there. She had. People

reacting traffic. You know like there was some sort of flood those same sorted jackets on like I can see you from Mars, Canna official, please don't run me over. I know The supplies are jackets to direct people in to the fuckin baby gap, and I Was trying to make the light and I could make if I were you not coming to go make the light than I would have blocked the rogues I wasn't getting. So I just had to wait. And I was sitting there was the first car I just looked at the guys in a cold. I looked at him that moving in line, and I just said I am not fucking go in there and I drove away. I felt good. I felt good like the way when you use just you know when you did skipped school. Indeed all the way to school. You don't want to go fuck it

Fascinated died, it I don't want to do it right. I don't to be taught beyond six great right, and I knew it when I was a kid. I know what we're around six seven. Graham, like I got a guy. This is this. Is This is all going to need life. I'm not gonna design. Abridge, I'm gonna make a rocket ship. I'm not gonna manage finance, my brain, walking around red Size, it figuring out how much a packet gum and a it only costs are right, only algae. To win trigonometry, I don't need that shit when you just go fuck this, I'm not going to school and you leave and it's fucking great. It's great initially and others. Coming dread of You know what I'm gonna go back tomorrow. I have twice as much fuckin work than it did today. Why did I just do that and that's why

felt like one night when I drove away from the more there. I felt just like on aids to drive driving school, my piece of shit car and I look at my high school and I would be fighting my fuckin hand. My whole arm ass, it was trying to turn into the school. I was literally guess I would be fighting it tonight, just hold it straightened, keep Goin, that's exactly. I felt that more and I, way. I drove away from that son of a bitch. And here I am Monday two days we're Christmas. By large, if you don't fuckin went to their fuckin damn straight pool and I can gifts, and I are what you say, get up, you're sure. Why don't you because I can't see it- I can't touch. It is just a fucking picture doing that and how much shit on areas is born.

On the internet. My podcast is bullshit aright. This makes sense at all to me on. The fuck is going on virtual shopping. Your dog El Salvador, an old man, so now the fuckin asshole. I am. I have to go to the mall today this Number twenty! Third, when I Would be sitting around with a nice sweater on drink some spike, ignored. You know we are up against a counter: I'm not getting choked up just smoke the cigar yesterday, leaning up Hence the car or I don't know, fucking just lay there. You know people coming over talking to me, love music in the back, fire on the talk me and I'm not listening, but I'm smile and I'm not. Smiles. We don't show your teeth it up

same smile was one kid draws a smiley face on a stick figure even said that smile on your face. It is not your head there, you're talking and I'm listening and I'm a green. I'm agree give a shit. What you're saying cause, I'm not fucking. Listen, it is I'm happy right now is of drinking ignored. I've got a little glow, go on little fuck Glow go and I don't have to go to the mall everything's wrapped. It's under the tree go fuck yourself, I don't have any state, Who gives a shit to do until New year's? You keep talking about money. He's sitting here with my little pinky, stuck out as I drink out of these fancy little fucking teacups that as my spike Degen argument, that my friends is what I should be but no less, Freckled face freckled face has to go back. Fuck em all today, hoping that there's enough port sons of bitches out there with such evil boss is that they actually have to go to work on December. Twenty third, they gotta show up with it

you, because in maybe with a little bit of luck, I can go down there, between their half a second day. Run in there and biased Shit that I then have to take home and wrap You know one of your political prisoner right now and you listening to this issue. Rach another day on the wall. Lose your mind. I know what you think you re, probably thinking you know. I would love to have some problems like that. Yeah, you know what I say to you. I said you, you know walk a day in my fucking. Shoes are right. There you stuck in a prison cell, haven't seen loved ones in twelve years. Ok, you prison cell, so bad, how the fuck did you get a fuckin divide download this podcast? She had listened to. It once explained that one political pressure

they give you a keyboard already. Some questions here to make me feel fucking bad. I just did that before someone first world problem, you don't, I hate, than anything? I hate fucking expressions that expression like a stitch in time, saves nine, which actually makes sense, which I can kind of equate to. By the pact of present today, soon after fuckin now wait nine hours in line on Monday. I just hate, Well, I don't know like a boss shaking my head, I just fine I don't mind them. I just pack. I hate how they're just continually used to the point, the people still expect our laugh. It's coming contains you heard that Hamid? Have you heard that come out of your own fuckin mouth? I, oh, my god.

I'm a fucking mood today and you know why it is it's because I have to go Christmas shopping and also because I bought a new mixer and about a more compact one. That would be better for travel, and the guy goes to have all the wires. Secondly, that my gag at all that shit, I'm good. Thank you very much, and I come here and there a little bit of a different set up and I pressed every Barton I plug the and every play second fuckin plug it. Like the figure it up? I feel tat people out there. I have the Mackey four or two these and picture Ellison Lucy Isn t breath for, and I can't figure out how to fucking use itself whatever, and I'm all this up the microphone certainly does to be honest with you anyways for those of you who were you know, we're out their shopping, doing what you should be doing. Buildings fortune, what not? I did a very special podcast this week with one of my favorite people

Not only in this business, but also in the World Dave Kepler, David Kepler. Hilarious new sought last night anchor man to the legend of run. Burgundy contain use. I interviewed him this past. I was Friday, I think you're Friday uploaded it just in case you were didn't check to see check your twitter account the fuck you find out that is a new part castle. I interviewed him, we talked like a and all the other stuff hanging out, get drunk other and sing it already songs and all that we had a great time, and I was accorded. It was where did live at the new. All things harmony, podcast, studios help with that. Eventually, hopefully occasionally have a guest and they'll just be bonus. Part right

am I can be re nanny falcon advertisements at all it should it she's gonna, be if I say that now, who knows what? If I throw my funnybone whenever I get to my stand, it anymore Maybe I'll have to do as well as of right now I plan to do it in a pure fashion. I'm not reading any shit about chocolate covered through In that region, any shit about fucking added- I have your own damn lemonade, Stani bedroom, I'm not the one that I'm just gonna Individual people- So David Character is the first one dodge a more is gonna, be my seventy second guest now in between him. Character and J. More, I don't know what I'm gonna have, but that's all That's just given you guys the heads up. Ok, there we go. That's what he was allotted to talk about this week for the simple fact that I'm off the fuckin road and other than the fact that I have to do more Christmas shopping, I am excited than the other.

Is over, but I have to keep ya gotta keep the act. I gotta go to the local clubs. Gotta! Do my little song and dance desire, big new year's gig, New year's gig New Year's Guy Guy new year's eve, everybody. If your phone, in both talks, ass, is in the Angeles area. I am playing mighty will turn Theatre a theatre. Drove by four years and I told my lovely wife I said some day, I'm gonna play that fuckin place. I'm going to sell it out and afterwards we're going to get drunk and I'm going to kiss you on the forehead. I have booked the gig there, but there's a few tickets left to make today come true, and you like we're, wait, a minute. Why I just want to go and see you can use

the plot a little bit nothing else did you can add, it is a new year's show something else that you can add to the pot. To make me say: now: I'm not going to stay on jerk off internet porn. With this he had on blowing that fuckin trumpet ok, I'm gonna come down the Walter Data. What else do you have for me? It's a buyers market everybody's trying to get me out to go fuck twinkle tolls around the goddamn, fucking tiles, well, I'm gonna be down there with the entire crew of nuts Add that I go to the rosebud with every year throughout Europe ten minutes before me? We have rosebud Rosebud tailgate Legend, the main Joe Grey, the Jack Lambert, the MIKE Wagner. Fuckin tailgate, Mr Jo Bardic, right With this new comedy city salute, but we

right here in the park. Yes, he's gonna, be there Joe. A keg Joe, a k, a! U need if you need to lose fifty pounds before you talk to me, bitch partner, we'll be there. We have master sheriff. And I thought extraordinary. Jason law had is gonna, be there J Law had fan of, Cleveland Sports. You cannot, the judge lie at about sport anytime? You can play the budgeting he immediately. Just as I have no sympathy for you, you wanna championship, nineteen. Seventy two big he's never seen, he's never seen any of his professional teams. What a championship, therefore,. Therefore he doesn't want to hear from you and last but not least, we got in families down there and with them was who brings other spirits that will not be mentioned to the tailgate

He is also the one that has to sift through all your fuckin emails every week to this part cast, any you do me. He wants to do it a little more efficiently, right. So here's how we could do it if you Send an email to their size, broadcasting low technology Monday morning podcast this Why you censure emails to you, send it to build that Bravo, illness Lupus Lupus Bill. Bill at the M M; podcast dot com, all right and the M M p m m. Podcast are all capitalized bill at the immense podcast, our camp right, an would please is asking you nicely. Did you say please make the subject b revel relevant to your email? I just don't write like a country, so whatever many could do that, but much of it you know right now, can't faces than yourself. Do you want?

shit red help us out. Please make the subject Be relevant to the email. Ah says I really emails that a great, but they have shitty subjects and vice versa out. Another word don't give a great subject to a shit. Email, email number So please keep them less than ten thousand words. Some people right great stories, but they are too long for the podcast. In other words I suck at reading out loud and Last but not least, I know a lot of people ordered some tee shirts. Dvds we're doing a bang up. Job Andrew is getting everything out there, Unfortunately, this is it: where's your time here, occasionally merchandise Has gotten lost Ninety nine percent of it has not get lost, stolen in the male? Who knows what the fuck are doing out there out of the two applause or is that we ve had we ve had like what are you up to. I don't know honey. I think we ve had maybe like ten or eleven that had a problem are two thousand

so and now. This ok it for some reason. Whatever you ordered, doesn't get there in time for Christmas, and I think just let us know in a nice generally lady like way- and I said a guy I'll, send you some extra shit, I'll, autograph it or whatever. Ok there, you go anyways. So back to the podcast here speaking of it. Loud. I only have are willing to reach this week, so you don't have to worry about me annoying the shit. Are you. With my reading out loud, my lack by they are of of ready that landscapes. Something new year's eve- And I was, I should think you the other day and a body might pose, was gone out to go to New York. Give figure is coming up there and we were talking about how funny it is when they give out the noise makers before the show starts. And just who was the fuckin asshole who came up with those fuckin trumpets those things.

Just hit that no just good I was somebody just hated New year's or never got your party is a guy, you gotta go out. Your party aims can make this fuckin worn. That's gonna annoy the shit out of everybody. Which reminds me to tell. Every comedian out. There would have a gig do make sure they don't hand out the fuckin noise makers before you go and stage, because there is no comeback to arrive. There we go the advertising for this week, man, great everybody This is the holiday season, do be, goby, do think the falcon migrate. What is it great, you ask. They are one two percent made in America cast Iron- really great that are revolutionizing the way people grill named one of two and twelve best grilling accessories by men's help magazine man. Great migrates, are the perfect gifted holiday season, click on the man great banner at billboard, Doc.

For their nineteen. Ninety nine holiday special remember each Monday morning play just order comes with a heavy duty. Grilling brush again, that's the men. Great grill enhancement system order today at billboard, dot com and, lastly, but not legally Hulu plus everybody, you ve, probably try Hulu dot com now Hulu plus you can watch your favorite shows anytime, anywhere Hulu plus. Let you watch thousands of hit. This shows that the selection of acclaimed movies on you, revision or on the go with your smartphone are tablet. And it all streams in hd for the best doing experience with Hulu plus you can watch your favorite current tv shows like Saturday Night LIVE community family guy. You can also check out exclusive content, including Hulu originals, like the arsons starring personnel set Myers who's got his own talk, show coming out soon, and moon boy starring crystal down from bridesmaids

hulu plus also offers a great selection of acclaimed film strongly seven. Ninety nine a month you can see Ms many tv shows and movies as you want. Wherever you want right now, you can try Hulu, plus for free for weeks when you gotta, Hulu plus Dotcom, Slash bill, it's a special offer from my listeners. Sure you use Hulu, plus dot com, slash bill, so you get it ended free trial and that they know that we said you gotta, Hulu, plus calm, slash bill, gotta went right now, or click on the Hulu plus banner on the pod cas page at billboard. Dot, com. While those with those are two very nice reads. If I do say so myself, I Are we gonna talk about this weekend? I, like I said I don't have a lot to talk about and I did watch some american football for the first time and said, sir. I guess my story which she sat down and watch some. I had had no idea that the courts were in it that the courts will like beating every

Team in a league and the ship, the betting, it's bad ones, and they were all gonna, be about eight name They're gonna make the playoffs players, I still like the Seattle Seahawks, despite the fact that they lost to the Arizona cardinals. I still think it is theirs to lose. We I watched the Patriots Ravens Game yesterday, and I was embarrassed by that officiating Jesus Christ? What the fuck did? The ravens do that wasn't watching and envy again. And said to save a lot of the cause. It's not even the reps vault, those who, like the new rules, I think for Us where's touchdown. What happened was one of the Ravens corner backs? had the nerve to look a receiver in the eye ass. He escorted down the field. Thanks to jammer say that,

that is a legal now. Ok, after five yards you not put your hands on the receiver and in no way shape or form after seven yards. Are you allowed to look at the receiver. Look I'm in the eye. He can't look a minute in its general facilities was to keep me a peripheral vision without touching up. Ok, maybe if you sense that he is walking back ball. You then also have to look back at the ball, but not in the direction of the receivers head. You have to turn your hand. The same way, the receiver turned his head, you what they should do at this point, They should just put give like multi flags to the wide receiver they just have they any time Receiver gets touched, you can just region falcon. RO the flag, because that's whatever fuckin receive does now when ball sales over his head as their falling to the ground, giving notice the receivers, our mining throwing a flag- they throw fuckin hand up

It's annoying is help, so I was actually surprised. I thought we were gonna lose to the ravens I open It is. I don't like women like that. We, like twenty km, We all go and you say I mean I she saw what's his. How about one point? It's like what I agreed with them. I laughed I so bad for the guy and I'm Reuben against his pocket tape. I don't know this is just up it's all this fall out of. I think that concussions and I also think it's the fall out of wind Peyton Manning Dimmer say: had their fuckin crybaby fast when they lost to the pay. Reach yet again and they made the tape and he went to the inner and I felt was gone. That's legal, that's legal! They bitched again They did during the fuckin probable they bitch at the problem, all they reached during the week of the Super bowl bitch right up to the fuckin draft.

Jim our say, was sits on the rules committee, spearheaded all these new fucking rules of coverage- and I don't know Yes, they had couple bodies over get the fire going. Unfortunately, you didn't get to watch the Packers Steelers, what the snow on the ground. I was white and now what I want Unfortunately, it did get to watch the Packers Steelers what the snow on the ground. I was watching now what I Just watch patriots ravens and then I watched somebody egos late night game as the airplane real. Well, I don't know a lot of shit. It's gonna get caught up in hockey. I watch a couple brewing. Savers, games, you know one one. We lost one, I don't know it's funny like water. I saw what shortened did you know against doping Penguins friends, a fuckin hilarious, I think they actually have a lot of guilt was the absolute animals that they have had on the team, because

there really trying to compare Goin like act like shot. What Sean Thornton did and everything that mad cow like that's a wash like penalty, is offset like one. Sk gusting horrible piece of shit move by Thornton. Why Is our cooks entire three year terror run before he turned his game around, which I do given credit. For now he played the game alot of cleaner or whatever, I can really listen to it from any other anybody else, other than penguins fence. I made you guys have off Samuelson in your ring of honor. I really think you're making a statement when you do something like that when you put a guy like that up their next to fuckin Maria all you I mean it's unbelievable, and I was actually talking to somebody about some of the most dirtiest players. I've ever seen since I've watched the game all the way back to the clogging, platinum use. The deal hunters and all those you know

Top ten list, like two of them, are our Pittsburgh penguins and I think, to make that list You have to have that reptilian sort of brain where you can end the guy's career and like in between. Periods just at their eaten. A sandwich you not noxious at all is don't give a fuck. That's scary! That's scary, fucking they were people on the ice have their head on a swivel like. Where is he? Where is he. There's a very special few, that of data that have done- just brought that vibe to it, but anyway, I'm site to get back into watch unhappy, that type of stuff and are there to be a happy medium medium with this Yet another record paint manning. Congratulations you just through for fifty one fuckin touchdowns, but does it eve I mean in its these phenomenal, but with

the care cover receivers anymore, so I think that they have to have they should just since these new rules almost like. Steroids like you, have to have a new wing. As far as our record scale, because I feel it actually couldn't cover a fucking receiver. Past five yards are right. Dan Marino all day long. I don't want to I can hear what that guy would have ie that sixty touchdown seventy touchdown ether office, thousand fucking yards he played when it still. Mugger receive earnest hope that all these recording at these are all Damn Marinos records its bugging me that they made game easier. Maybe it's hard or another there. I don't know I'm just a grumpy old fuck, it so anyway. I don't have shit to talk about this week in summer I've managed to still talk for twenty five minutes to some goddamn windbag at While I was doing my usual shit, I was gone on the internet when I dont have shit to talk about

I was trying to find out get caught up in some stories. I guess everybody from the green peas. Thirty have been. Let go ahead. To the pussy right members go free in Russia. Russia. You know. I swear to God, if you're hippies or your second in a bad, they sticky and present really old school new prison. Amnesty seemed by criticism, jump to ward off criticism of human rights record ahead. Of winter Olympics Ire, they spend a lot of money on the winter Olympics like they bought a bunch of fake snow, Vladimir Putin, nobody, fuck his name is he bought a bunch of fakes now, just in case there reason snuff in the push, here that they want to have the Olympics. So you know it. You can put anonymous people in prison at that. Nobody really pays attention, but after bunch hippies attached Greenpeace, everybody pays attention and live there in a bed

call pussy right. People give a fuck. So while one of the pussy too, with a pussy writers, its neighbour, the bad just got out of jail, member of the russian Punk Ban pussy right only she do two and a half years. From custody following an amnesty law passed by parliament that they start talking to hobble of cover. Really started to a lasting Toller corner cover taller corner, Grover, taller, Concolor, nice dish, NASH, Niger. Now not these death toll of corn cover left prison left the prison colony in Eastern Siberia? They put him in a fucking bear an apartment in on Monday hours after another band member Maria, normal name I'll? Keep? I don't know. I say it was released in another region, the Must do that enable their release this scene,

Kremlin's attempt to soothe criticism of russian human rights record ahead of the winter Olympics in such Sochi. In February. For saying in this right, one: ok, What of almost twenty? Five? Twenty four were convicted of hooliganism for peace. Forming a crude punk prayer and a cathedral against Putin's ties. Russian Orthodox Church, the two women have Ado have Ado At least in March, how much time do they do? Was that even remotely exciting, while she thought that was boring, here's another one. Is another russian Guy College Kalisz the Cough College enough questioning what the fuck is, what the twelve continents and Kay, em, away ass age, and I care we I'm go, but the Kalash others. Wishing to cough assault rifle designer dead at ninety four

like bill. Why don't give a fuck about this guy? Who is this guy, all the red? Next, no one, this guy was closure of the eighteen. Forty seven the assault rifle designer ok, forty, seven assault rifle that killed more people than any other firearm has died, the design of the salt rifle they killed more people than any other. He died at ninety four, was. It is twenties when he created the eighteen forty seven years ago, getter just after World war two. He died in his home city of our boy something that I feel bad from. After what the fuck and Germans did come into their goddamn country a real patriotic guy you so what we gotta be more down these crouch next time they come over the border and he may be Kay forty seven? So my hat off to Last but not least, this is what's going on in the world. According to my fuckin skimming

thousands rally against racism in Sweden, I was just there. I didn't realize that they had the NEO Nazis in Sweden. Let's discuss thousands of swedes demonstrating against racism in Nazi ISM have gathered in stock of Stockholm suburb a week. After of smaller rally in the same district was attacked by NEO Nazis, what kind of a jerk off It's a fucking NEO Nazi group. What is it about learned that you're looking at go at all year, is the guy that makes sense. They have nothing else going Armand Life rather than the fact that their white, your wife you're, a white male heterosexual. How much further down the track? Do you need to start the race and you're still lose so they need blame somebody else who starts nine miles in the other fuckin direction and they catch up with you. My kids grow case.

Outsmart stunts over. Evidently they had an anti racism march. And these NEO Nazis attacked Europe. Is is there ever an uglier look on somebody's face when their pro racism when they are attacking somebody? It's the fuckin, most hateful look, look at that son of a bitch so crowds marched on Sunday towards the spot in car tarp, it's the south of the. Capital, where music performances in speeches were held, organizers of the events said. Sixteen thousand people attended the rally welfare, God for those sixteen thousand about it, uniform police were deployed at the event, please spokesman, that's good one person for every six, sixteen hundred people, what could go wrong and was it right or a hundred sixty. Oh Jesus bill: don't we don't mouth in your head? I've been them demonstrations in my life, and this is one of the biggest that's great. That's great said so fuck in person and again it

What's your name, it shows how we many many. We are fighting for the equal value of all human rights and that we are many in comparison to the extremists. I think many people are about the rise of the far right in Europe and want to show that in Sweden you're taking another route. How about you taking a new route? Did you the Nazis used to train systems to go into Fuckin Norway. Jesus. I actually think just always gonna be around its justice, he's gonna be around and I guess

I don T think he combat that. Should they have to fight with violence. How are you doing you guys? I don't understand. Why are you not eating every day? Do not have a roof over your head. What is the fucking problem as depressing muttered? I regret that you put me in a bad mood. Suddenly worse, the Falcon NEO Nazis, the sons of NEO Nazis anyway, splits, let's, let's read some shit here. Christmas shopping. I talked about my new mixer. I talked about penguins fans who talked about her and I felt football. I don't want to tell you in all cases we people I just have one. Leave a blank society they have to go out and shop,

It was funny when actually went out browsing the other day. I actually saw bunches shit for me and if that is the ultimate side of what a selfish can't you are I can't find anything for anybody. Oh, I would like that I will enjoy vows aright Ackerman too bill broadcasters saw Ackerman too. It was brilliant. The whole cast his great yeah, just sort of fuckin loved and whenever the law had in the last night, we had a great time They said the whole cast his great, but there is a level of trust when it comes to welfare. Here make the right decisions. Love listening to you, talk to David Kirchner, either We have to have J more answer it sometime the running Joe. J more. He gave me shit for not. He was on his podcast and I haven't had a back on my pocket.

All right when there is a method to my madness. I don't think you should go when somebody's podcast and then fucking. Two weeks later, you ve just to forget them our about comedy and every other thing. Under the sun you gotta listen to go buy? You know let it marinate you gotta, let it we gotta get some shit. Some want to go into the bridge before you haven't back was never have guessed to this podcast. I just stopped we have a studio, so I will do it so Kepler was first J was seventy second, so I gotta have another fuckin. Was it so guess Maybe she said you definitely have to have j more on some time, but don't let the whole gets thing get out of control. You're, the master of the monologue go fuck yourself, in other words, keep to what you do need and ETA fell team pay. William I've really got. Two at the ETA fell diseases, but still don't have a team? really follow. Being Irish, with no allegiance to any state. I have the choice, many team in the leg so can either be

a glory, hunting fuck and go with the Seahawks say even this guy in Ireland knows that the sea after the favour or the Broncos, I'll be a long suffering country to go with the writer. The jets, any yourself. would definitely not be a judgment. Because there is there's one sip of glory. And there and their entire victory chest there, but the raiders they won three superboss. They do have a great logo. Although their fan base is kind of Meda left turned with the dressed up in all that type of shit. The same way we can have these sweet, Caroline stuff, I trained blocker, I, like the rate, the rate is also, if you gotta, listen to him on the radio, I think have one of the best announcers and all sports. I don't just pick a team and have a good time. I don't give a shit you pylon with. I mean I wouldn't picketing itself

I was trying to get into the sport you wanna do. Take a team? That's just don't need the favorites. Like I don't know, I'm trying to think of the Premier League who the fuck I would pick out on a. Why would pick, but I definitely think, like a man united, I would more go man city. I guess I don't fucking Norman over my goddamn had, but I would definitely do not pick the jets. Ok, you don't wanna picked a judge at the jet, I'm a forty five year old man. The jets have not wanted to propose. Since I was one years old walking around with my big pasty, hairless head. President shut myself. Okay, so that's that's that option. The raiders have not wanted title censure. My voice just started, cracking as I was hitting puberty.

I didn't think we're gonna, be correct. Scared, that's the last time that they want to run. Reagan was in its first term as president You know what you sign up for go around the league a little bit: the Miami Dolphins, the Miami doll I have not wanted Superbowl. Ah, I gotta go oh boy outfit, I got a hat. Some guns, sub cap guns for my birthday, and then the big kids I was staying. There came Walker by took both guns out of my pulse holster, I just smashed among on the falcon driveway continued walking away, walking up the street. They just gave walking up there. They saw me standing there dressed like Billy the kid that's not Billy the kid! That's not even the way, the team. That is really the toddler and they walked up to me. They took my guns out of my holster and they smashed

the crowd laughed and continued walking. I pick them up I walked into the house, and I hear my mother and she said who did this, and I said I said big kids and that you made me a sandwich. Aright Peanut butter and jelly and she left the crusts on. Because you didn't raise any fucking finicky pussies when it came to food right away, you the sandwich, sir. Didn't you you remember that when you were a kid you're going to sit there and say you finish, that was that a dime thing is considered abuse now and you just sit there. You fuckin legs fallen asleep It was her way just keep your stationary was she went around a clean, the Fuckin house, What agenda drawn up taken? most of the food and feed through it binds stereo

the giant wouldn't thing that they had only just threw back there. Did you Yes, I did it all. That was it, but you are too stupid to does she walked away. I went to the store and just grab the sandwich and throw it away. He just left it there till all the answer came and then she figured it out Tibet anyways, possibly beaten with paternity panel that your dad kept our. Don't you know what I'm gonna felt dot com, I'm gonna go by all the fuckin teams right now, I'll give you a little as for the holidays, I'll give you little childhood story. During the holiday season Scooby go, I do and silvery bells get on the Falcon Slayer Pagoda, Grandma Senile house. I went to the image dot, com, sorry force of habit and if our dot com here we go

Loading loading loading get those teams are go when I write the Buffalo bill, I have never won a championship, So there's no story for you. That's one team right. The Baltimore Ravens have not won the Superbowl that's January. I don't have any childhood stories because I was an adult: That's a man's team right there, this Cincinnati Bangles never won is Superbowl. No story for you so far that Fellow bills and in Cincinnati, Bangles, zero titles, and you want Add to that no fuckin childhood story. The clean browse all three of them you stick a menace, burlap sack like a bunch of kittens. She can't raise your problem over the bridging the Fuckin river. Pittsburgh steelers have not wanna fuck

title said, Sir, what two thousand nine? That's a good team to jump on They had totally fucked stick with them. They use the Texan. French wait a minute. Before you throw those kittens over the bridge, we got another one to stick and burlap sack the was colts used to be the ball. More cold day of not won the Superbowl sense? just stop peasant myself. I just love. And how to sit on that little plastic, toilet euro urinate or death stand up. Excitedly screamin, my mother and point out, and I got a bucket check right, the jack, was never won one. The titans acres, The Houston Oilers, never one want Jesus, is a lotta teams ever want to supervise the Denver. Bro Those have not won the Superbowl.

Since I didn't realize I was gonna, go bald at the start, all that. I still have some left in the late nineties. If not won, the Superbowl tell somebody said for the time aviator, this guy Eminem way, because sort is new, album Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ A fucking inspiring. Is that fewer in any sort of entertainment, the Kansas, the chiefs of not won the Superbowl. Nineteen, seventy nine in seventy six Nixon was dogs. It is a fact of. The raiders already did the charges have never won one. They wanna FUCK Nfl title the Dallas Cowboys have not one one said People want and z cover, reaching fuckin pads on all they want to wanted, like ninety five right has grown was dying for some reason, people thought that that

guys who said sank. Listerine was a good banned, the job Is it that one once they broke my fucking for the second time? I am. I really Go through the whole week, I think I am the Philadelphia Eagles have never won the Superbowl, throw them in that Berlin fuck and sat with the kids, the Redskins have not want a Superbowl. Said, sir? Z Cavalry to pass the scandal, there's not won the Superbowl since nineteen eighty five? What was going on that Cindy locker was actually relevant. That's right, Is it not even want to fuck championships? I think Blackfeet We have to play in the plane. They felt they were since nineteen fifty five Bobby Lane Green Bay packages. Team to jump onto the Minnesota Vikings. Isn't it captain acts like a kitten loser for super balls. Stick them that burlap sack the

can atlantic falsehoods? Why do you have a team? I don't give a fuck that you change uniforms, the black. Nobody gives a shit. You get the Berlin sack the Panthers. Your ex such a franchise. You get but you're on the top of the sack, will give you a chance to crawl out this one one and two thousand TED. I think the It is one one in my two thousand to the cardinal have never won one get net. Burlap SEC shut. You I spoke to set. The rams. Everyone wants. Ninety nine, this emphasis. The forty nine is great franchise. That's a great team! The file, the forty nine is. Seattle Seahawks, despite how wildly scream on purpose Never one of fuckin super They can also get into the fuckin burlap Zack, but there are also at the top of it because I think that they may fly when one this year so that those he attains. I hope it makes sense.

Right back to the fuckin questions here: new Christmas tradition, Dear Billy, stove, top How about instead of mistletoe, which encourage you to which encourages? Let us I wrote this guy righteous how about instead of mistletoe, which Courage you to another person while standing hundred under it, which encourage you to. Kids another person while standing under it. There is we'll bury a shrub? Combination that suggest you go fuck yourself. What very shrubs about would you suggest is appropriate thanks and have a jolly the jolly go fuck yourself, cheese, Christ. Do I actually like Christmas? either you say: have a fuckin. Combination like burying shrub than me

that someone, you know some female as to drop and blow. You are a feller. If you're into that Europe. Of your lesbian, maybe just put the shrub deputies, have a bush hanging from the sea with equal opportunities. Have you wanted a birthday. We get the berries on the side. The shrub will you just sort of cut it like a dick sort out shape and then there's your unit. I don't know what to do with it. Lesbian you to several shrub. Why don't you like the missile closer and he's gonna fuckin perverted by some creepy guy, hang around it near keeps telling me to hang up the mistletoe sequential come over. Give me kiss me out of them

glad to do it. The tutor should fuck. I gotta go to them all, so I'm the Scots them all. I'm just gonna buy shit and can see shit, I'm gonna grab a buyer and then I'm just gonna hurt like you didn't like it. At the time of the item you get some fucking ignored I'm going to have one glass of it, but they don't sell just a glass you gotta by the whole court of it, and we get some bourbon. Stick it in their I'm gonna get fuckin drunk. That's I'm gonna do leaning against the mantle with fire guy. I rubbed his partner sacrosanct to go shopping shopping people either.

Big eyes, do how do you do the internet thing? Where do you go for next year? Can you help out other older fellows like myself, that don't understand the internet? Unless you talking about porn or trying to find out who won the game? Did you do that? For me, I did or a couple of things off the internet by Africa. I gotTa Mitchell unnecessary by myself, a jersey like him. Some make a wish kid other than that. I know what the fuck am. I right here we go another creepy email, yet another creepy email interested in younger girl of legal age. Ok dear Billy, blue balls. In your last part, asked and many others. You talked about what you think is an acceptable age gap between people in a relationship, oh by the way that divide by two and add seven back that that guy was taking credit for only to do this. You fuckin hack, the French, came up with that those stinky, smelly, sons of bitches came up with that one

The younger french people don't smell. It's the older ones there just not giving in to the Lord. The smell a menagerie twice. Is that your make? A moral dilemma that relates to the topic in which, as twenty year old, I'm thinking about pursuing a relationship with the girl whose sixty to win what, where fuckin world. Is she legal she me out recently and I'm toiling what the decision as to whether or not I should take her up on her offer. I'd like to know what your thoughts are about this before you jump to conclusions start Haiti, my guts, let me give you a little back story where I live the age consent is sixteen. So this is a hundred percent illegal. You know what I would do a search to try to figure out where that is cause. You conveniently didn't tell you, but if I did I

upon some list because I would be searching. Where is sixteen legal to fuck somebody you go with the french device during the two and a half. It's ten. You add seven seventeen year comedy. Under the falcon. Why A very young working twenty year old, So what Ralph macho ought to be able to focus sixteen year or what the fuck am. I wanted when did this become the the to catch? A predator podcast Very young looking twenty year old can ease passed off as a high school student, you fuckin creep. Really look at my idea. You think me in this girl of the same age, she's highly intelligent and very mature It is mature in your world. The rock pictures in your book.

I know pedophiles like to use this phrase a lot to justify their actions, but I can have better conversations with this girl than most girls, my age and older age. A minute. This is a weighty. I just turned twenty. And for much of the time we are three years of park, ok wait a minute. The other. You exposed me for being a sexist individual here. I'll show you both women. I need a new Bush municipal sleep I needed can females advice here you know. Because the way set up physically Zog dummy. Ok, you don't judge me here help me

Because of the way you set up physically, for some reason, it doesn't seem is bad. You know that you cannot. Are you not gonna fuck, you know you just get a kiss him in Panama, lap atom creepy. Our weight is more excuses here, I'm sorry I just turned twenty four months time we're only three years apart, she's, probably much experience sexually than me as sheep, had previously been in a serious relationship for quite some time. Jesus Christ, one of those girls, don't fuck it. I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a month or two, never in my entire life, including grade school, have I ever had a relationship or gone on a date with someone younger than me. This is entirely new territory, and I guess you can see why I'd be apprehensive. You keep painting self is the victim. I really like This girl- and she

like me, but know what my next step should be? There's no one. I can really talk to about this without them. Jumping. To conclude, so any advice you can give me would be health helpful thanks bill go fuck yourself, PS, please, the Saskatchewan. Ok, there we go. Sometime during your travels, you got fans up here and were aching for some high quality stand up right. Well, what's we're about this? now is where I live. Sixteen is not the age of consent. I write so this creep in me out when we make sure you are a female. I didn't read that rock she's highly intelligent and help her fathers his phrase, Bulgaria, because it is clear: where did I think that she was a woman. I'm a very young looking twenty year old can easily pass off as a high school student. Everyday Look at my idea. You think me in this girl are the same age. Where did I

think that this was a woman of my fucking mind. Now I don't know what the fuck did think. Look if you're a guy and you're gonna make this fuckin move. I can get out of the fact that his fucking illegal in my world- and I use the french thing cut now. Plus seven what everyone man, woman hermaphrodite just below look talk to me and eleven months. When you turn seventeen. And I guess that's illegal up, even more legal- and I don't have a fucking Know- go make us. Man with my her guy, I don't fucking Adam. I want to read these anyway.

I want to be like him to exert. Word. Is a year old down the street of a young fourteen year. All that I was you know I don't like We want to stop people my age. Do I still like playing with matchbox cars, fuckin creepy, right, Canada He won't be racist and are trying to have sex with somebody. Who's potentially are not under age. Yeah a bill. What's the point Said I enjoy your work well, thank you very much person the man or a woman. All I know is that they're just gonna be talking about be racist and not trying to have sex with somebody. Who's potentially are not under age the guy that wrote in the last week about the accidental racist thing was probably foolish shit I read that same subject and that action. The exact same story on read it over four months ago now, If it is the exact same guy that started the red thread than cool, if not then fuck him

anyways have you ever dealt with someone stealing your material onstage thanks Ah, yes, yes, I bet on that happen not that much you like a half dozen times, and I just walk up to the person. I just say egg, that's my stuff and I've seen you see me. Do it. And then they never make eye contact. Google, big big, do yes, yes, I am, and then they stop. But I think people who work in this business. Still shit all the time. You know, if you look like a regular people can be happy just because there is no less than theirs nobody's, judging their work, so there's a freedom to what they do. But passing off Louis. He created a great deal about that. Anybody ever tell you really funny story and then, like two weeks later,

you're telling the story like it happened to you and then you get half way through. During you realize that you're telling the story back to the guy who told you originally, the youngest people do shit like that Africa, while as disappoint, that's it voice, but I stole from that. You know. I got this little theory that I hear I like to do whatever I wanted it. Mediating, and he said you know, I have a saying that to say in its free your mind and your ass will follow and it was like our parliament a funk, a delicate George, cleaner, something for the sky ass? She was selling this on bumper sticker. I have a saying there. He knew tat the hands was one of the hand is worth two in the bush. When I put him on his teacher, I like to sell it all right Dear MR country, there are conflicts, sorry, the news

secretary in my office is a black woman and big cookies for the office. I sarcastically said I hope slaved over these all night she's, dared at me, and I saw pure evil in her eyes, question now is: do I eat one or is it unspoken that there now limits for me. What. Yeah you made a joke anyway, it wasn't funny Work has said, I hope you slaved over these all night All these all night ease has like three Elles Jesus Christ, it I like them in your question, should by joke Book is what you should do. Maybe watch some stand up and learn how to deliver.

Nowhere you that would could ever be funny if you knew that person really well and that was relationship you guys had like you, ve joked around about should like that to say that for all the people at the office I don't know what to tell you but you're, so sure selfish. Can't you don't give a shit. You don't give a fuck about people, because all you care about now is she. Can I eat one of the cookies or can I not you know and you probably gonna, be a terrible father and have awful unexamined children. That's what I get of all of that You analyse people that kind of like certain people. Maybe wrong of judging you or the paragraph, but like the person that picturing fucking anyway number three a bay, their Billy, goats, gruff, all the accidental racist shit here that wasn't accidently racist. That was on purpose, racist. Because I think it was funny it would have been funny and I dont know

I don't give a shit on any level that you might have heard that person's feelings. All you want is to know if you can have the cookies. Yes, your account. That does not was nothing accidental about it. Number three, a billygoat gruff, My wife friend used to go to topple university in fifty years back at you probably know it's a highly populated black area now how the fuck, what I know that. I guess I cause I've done chosen Philly, I don't know which areas are. What anyways He was at our House Party with this chick and more likely a wee bit tipsy they were heading out to leave. One is gal realise she forgot her black hand, bag in the other room of life and told her to sit tight and he'll go get it stand back into the Roman yelled, the hay. You're a black person air, the room fell, silent.

As he found himself staring an entire room filled with black people, Where do you realize what he said he quickly, staff the purse. On the couch and held it up and said, no, no a purse, it's a black purse, Yeah, I understand what is that How did you find people. You said everybody figured out what he meant and they all laughed. He slipped and told all is white friends did. Get it bill. Is there a black person here all what like pussy person, their black person. Here, oh person, their black person here, That's Swell Larry, I didn't get it. Eggs and kisses. That's fucking I'll! Let you know I love is that you realized onto stupid from reading out loud trying them The fact that I won't be able to fuck it now. You know what that seems to fucking convene. It is an old fuckin story. Did you

deal that want to raise their black persevere. Jesus. Jesus Christ. People do not have enough funny stories in your life. You gotta start making them up. Number for a group of people from work, including myself. This is all accidentally raises- raises group of four people from working putting myself were sitting at the front of the light rail parentheses above? version of the subway in North Carolina and drinking all day at a pop brought a pub crop. A group of black people came up to sit behind us. And our drunk ditzy blonde coworkers says well To the front of the boss,. I gotta tell you something: that's actually fucking funny. I think that that I don't know, I think, that's funny.

She didn't me I'll. She didn't need it in a bad way. You guys were just parting and she just said welcome to the front of the bus. I gotta take those fucking whole Larry's. That one is fuckin hilarious, oh my god I wonder what was funny I like it, we go and what are we gonna hear our and won the pot ass? This talk it over with the wrap up here, another to show is over don't forget to sign of fear free trial of Hulu plus once again, Lou plus lets you, Benjamin thousands of hit, shows anytime anywhere on your team, pc. Smart phone or tablet support the pot. This part yes and get extended. Free trial on Hulu plus when you go to the park, has page a billboard, dot, com and click the Hulu plus Banner Bill gotta, Hulu, plus dot com, slash bill, that's who Luke Hulu duck. Plus dot com, slash bill sorrows looking at

What to see? If I had enough time to tell you this quick story, I ever pet teeth, as I was walking through them all the other day, and I was hate my life. With other mother going to that was more like it wasn't a mall. It was this. But stores on a street, so you want to stop there and there was this Christmas tree and I am the new protocol? We all. You got please oh baby, I, like my dog, baby. I like my dog somebody what's up actually got this dog. To like one of my friends, I got a new thing. I do. I just take a for a walk with all my friends with one of my friends and after three walks through

She starts to accept them, and then I have a give her some water that I have little treats and she starts looking at them like they're, a food source. You do that for another five hikes and then you gradually taper off with the food. You know and it's more just go to petting the dog and then I gradually but the person with my dog in the front yard. We hang there for a couple of hikes right at the end of a couple ice like a fifteen day process. You know, I'm sorry, somebody beat you you, don't trust anybody clear, but we're going to turn this. Apple card around our we smell we have. Mr J law had become friends, will work on it right, ok, Fatima stuck anyways, so people is now taking pictures for this Christmas tree. It's such a damn thing to be annoyed with, but I hate people who take pictures with their Fuckin Ipad. You know.

It's just look stupid. Like you Sidney I hold of through trade up in front of your face. I really wish somebody would just step in and give your hot like a fucking left, her right around your tablet, right to your face and knock you got them. Dangerous readily mouth, so your partial something it just is just annoying that big, stupid good thing. Why you walking around with that thing, you know don't have a cell phone. What are you doing with the thing I just wanna fuck and break it over my God, damn knee Sorry, maybe it's a new segment. We can get away from the fuckin. You know semi pedophile questions, what what is something that just a noise you and you, which stupid and it shouldn't falcon annoy you. There's me up My had the right people who takes pictures with their Fuckin Ipad, a tablet I don't like it it bothers me- didn't bother me. People are free to do it,

and I don't fucking like a right there. You go hey everybody. Merry Christmas. Just hear those lay bells wriggling, Tink, Tink Tingling, to merry Christmas to we're christian and Muslim or a Jew. I don't care, I don't care, its offensive to you it's by holiday. I like say merry Christmas to you I'll, take some rouge and put it on your fuckin cheeks make a scene. I a happy to stop being a fuckin car. Get over by the Christmas tree, stopping it out They get all about a Christmas tree will buy you a gift, I'm sorry Spock yes to this week, thank you, everybody! You came out to my shows this year. This was the greatest talking here. I've ever had as a god, comedian got to all these wonderful venues next year next year, I'm gonna do another special, oh boy, oh boy,

probably in the April, may tiring my year tape. It recorded fuckin, put it out there then I'll, work on my next hour. Then I'll do another fuckin tour. Don't go even more fuckin cities, because I don't know what else to do with myself. That's it go fuck yourself. Merry Christmas, happy, the happy Hanukkah, I'll see out at the mall.