hey what's goin on its billboard is time for the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast and just checking in on you you negatively what the what i just did you probably will having you listen to this thing enough to know that i'm a fucking moron you're not gonna believe what i just did you do well i just record the thursday afternoon podcast right then i forgot my card that are usually i have a routine second i do right by uploaded not done but i forgot the cord the u c b cord whatever the fuck it is u s bc fuckin public bank cord so it took me out of my routine i just wanted to like robot mode and i fuckin a race to podcast i just did why would i do that i was so site that was done

i just came back from boston dude i came in i woke up early still these costs time by beautiful daughter lovely wife a sleeping i paid all the fuckin bills i got everything ready to go out to do is not got my part cares it's a quarter eight in the morning i'm done my kids just gettin up i'm ready to make everybody breakfast i'm crushed it what do i do i just a race and i generation wants you to raise she can't stop it from a racing and also going i got but but i just i just got over so now the big thing is is i can't compete with myself from a half an hour ago awry can't be looking in past and thinking about what i talked about i need to go into the bargain

hope you guys all had a merry christmas ok have you noticed mary only goes with christmas dinners its happy hanukkah its happy kwanzaa its goal fuck yourself and its merry christmas weird mary hanukkah mary coins mary mohammed what is their christmas tat mary mary muhammad it's the best time off you boot due to do i know there won't be snow because we're in the middle east there many mountains out there do people have i ever started dumber in my life well up considering

i just recorded a podcast and then promptly fucking erased it promptly like within fuck two minutes that's all i'm on a german a benchmark complain it wine about what i just did rather than move on with my life right setting the tone for twenty eighteen once again we're gonna look back rather than being in the moment that's one of my goals for twenty eighty is to tell somebody who tells me to be in the moment to shut the fuck up and when they say that while i am in the moment you're annoying me in this moment now that moments gone i'm still talking about it did i take your advice you can't can use stop acting is right you so what about spiritual people have the most fucked up lives are you join it did you take it ended you take a moment to fucking job

mary guides the fuck out of my face anyway sorry tat whatever what what is four minutes my four minutes i just i just got it back guess what i got some big news for you after a hundred thirty one days of bad sober j age billy red face fell off the fuckin word i put up a good fight right through the holidays i made it to december twenty six what kind of a fuckin asshole falls off on the twenty six i could see new year's eve like it i'm a christmas eve i could see christmas day i could see new you see but the twenty sixth in the history of people fallen off the falcon wagon

who falls off the twenty six what are you what are you crying about the fact you didn't get a fire engine the day before christmas yeah fell off i'm one hundred thirty one days proud of myself i yeah i can definitely be chiefly in the moment this is what happened first i had i best christmas i've had since i was a little kid and i still believed that some stranger came down the chimney it was also and i was actually like i had a lot of stress about it because i was flying back my lady and my lovely daughter and i was thinking like all my all i've ever heard is people talking about flying back with an infant it's a nightmare everyone now yeah you know by the end you really get a divorce and all this type of shit i gotta take up that it was fucking

christmas i've had since i was eight years old when finally there was jake and the fetnah was bullshit wonder they find that up first grade first great does my older brother fund on third great he quickly told me and i remember i wasn't mad either i actually fell like an adult like out while men men men on the secret right so anyways come back with a kid ended up being the greatest thing ever it just it takes all the pressure off for you in your relationship you just come back like harry we reproduced more questions of when when well that's over and then

best thing to do is you come home with a toddler and al everybody wants to do is interact with the kids who nobody's asking you about your life nobody's given you the third reading i got i wager nags what you think about this i assure you that i do there was that the right move next thing you know you're fuckin bows ended up in your pocket depressed or getting it arguments are talking politics a girl a what that was god and i was just great i came in areas like how you do it all by god look at your daughter than that was it there was no i got a lot of social anxiety gonna go to like parties and their type a shit i was always the guy up on the wall you know it's a bunch of guys around watching again then i made my element but won't wants it becomes like this social thing there's no game on

i don't know there's all this fuckin weirdness going adults are so fucking weird europe is all this like it's just like the playground when you were a kid but it becomes like adults shit like you know competing you know i don't know how much you make in dreams to get married whatever the fuck you going through just becomes is all this is all these story lines there are going on maybe it's when my wife is always watching those those reality shows i guess because all that shit that she's going on you know me of just watch people so caught up in bullshit that you know your neighbor gets better spatula than you and it like a factual fuckin mood so anyway so we would they're just watching people

meeting my daughter and her like you know her big thing now she just waves that everybody ah she could say hi now although she she had to say it she looks at a mirror and says me and then she also says high and i have yet to see her do either either or although this video offers saying hi anyways everybody was you know philip here she cheap she killed it she killed the little starlet everybody absolutely loved her and now her personalities really come out and i get table was really fucking crazy is the more her personality develops the more i lover crazy like every time you think he hit the seem like i could not love this kid anymore this another level dad

i always hated when i didn't have a kid and people will go and like you don't get it it i'll get as i do it i hate to say this but they were right there but having said that i will never tell somebody they don't get it who does have a kid that's it she thing to see that you don't get it get ok yeah needed to do it sounds like you're smart there's ten minutes twenty more managed to go so just so many great thanks i got together jammed with a couple my brother's wish to play you still put your hair metal tunes back in the eighties into the early nineties we had not got together and try attempted to play music and almost twenty four years they want my brother's rendered this place i gotta get a shot out its somerville somerville

which was noticed somerville when i was a kid now it's all history would like cupcakes pocket burger joints and shit upscale thing right this place is called the jam spot somerville somerville lumber it's all i remember from other was the gems published a beautiful clean place rooms were awesome all the equipment was the shit and the guy work there was just just a great guy family man actually kick out of the fact that we were all brothers gonna go down there and play we had been playing together that fuckin long we went in there we butchered subsides sounded all right though he had a cup mama relatives came down like to carry oki at the end and they sang and we actually had the place from twelve to for the afternoon i think i'd like to two hours is gonna be more than enough we know like six songs from

was still a decade and a half ago play for about twenty minutes and we're just gonna be staring at each other and now that's actually now what happened it flew by and are you trying to work on a couple songs a cdc walk all over you touch too much i wonder how we always had that went down and then one of my brothers always play stevens report of much of that stuff and a few more relative showed up maxine only planes zepplin the ocean it was just it was fuckin awesome and then after that debts we went out and get a stake and when we all relatives had been drinkin since june but drink it since august what we're gonna do this is like a let's do it fuck it so you're is johnny walk a blackened my command

we're going off the wagon after six in four months we gave us get the bluff so we order the blue but it was a steakhouses around the holidays and they were out of it so i forget if we get the golden platinum but it was really good my body stopped at one i had one more and and then that was it we called them a night and then like two hours later is back in the hotel romagnoli austria's you do i feel like shit and i was asleep while i do not miss feeling like this i don't think i like drinking anymore and then yesterday i went to the airport of course they are an american airlines terminal at logan they have the cisco brewery and i love nantucket and i love cisco breweries michael i gotta go in there and get a fuckin beer so i had the whales tail pale ale at that nurse that thing that was delicious and then i get on the plane unlike what don't give a fuck and drink

no don't do it don't do it don't write fortunate i avoided deaf and dumb i think what i'm gonna do is basically i think i'm you can take a few days off as far as not drinking and they just go back on the wagon on january second i'm gonna rosewood i gotta have a couple of cocktails when i'm there but i'm not to drink today after drink up until the rosebud and i think that just i'm gonna booze rather than trying to go like a whole fuckin year and you know so many days or whatever i just think i'm just gonna pick by spot so being at the bull it's a play off game that's a good time to have a couple of drinks and then i really don't see excuse to have one for the rest of january so or february or march i really don't see any event come maybe a super bowl party i don't know but i think that's why i'm gonna booze and i'll keep the weight off

there will be a drunk dad or whatever i think that basically the way i'm gonna do it but my daughter actually got a cold you know so for picking up whole scenarios that time you use it i guess it was inevitable so we fly back ass i got got six hours on the plane with an infant but the cold this is gonna be a nightmare and actually she was a troop of she fell asleep like the first like forty minutes and then washes up for the rest of the flight and she was a little bit or whatever but any time she would wine i just take for a walk up and down the aisle you know when a bug other people on the plane with my crying kid i never resented people of their baby was crying yo atomic bug me as if they just warrant making any sort of effort to try to entertain the kid so i was just walk in a rapid healthy the isle

cause she went over the stewardesses and then they will hold in for a minute so it all worked out and dumb funny fuckin dead moment changing a diaper you know on the plane in the bathroom there i don't even notice to get a little thing that fucking comes down i sterilised the whole thing with one of the wipes the best i could that's a big thing make sure you kid doesn't touch anything in any other wiped down their hands and feet and everything when they come back out but changing a fucking yet diaper during turbulence on a plane i was like i this is it officially a dead i knocked out locked up and yeah i gotta tell you some too like all the things that i loved about my lovely wife you never seen one of sea

an incredible mother she is is that's all at a level too to hold the level so i don't know what to tell you this is weird i'm actually really happy so i don't know how know how funny this fuckin podcast it's gonna be but i had an awesome christmas and i was really at all this stress thinking like almost all i've ever heard is put on my guard go back to holidays bringing you kids in every thing it's like as apparent you don't get to rest global blood all that i had a great fucking time i was thinking that we just gonna fly back this time and then said stable should christmases out here by such a good time with like today's left even seventy years like if you wanna do is again next year older workers you don't snowed was out there was this shit there in my kid is awesome

even though she wears me i shall italy where me out of your finally go to sleep and then i closed the door and i get this two year two laid out for second like i like five minutes i'll just sit there laugh and five minutes later i just start thinking like i miss her how is that possible was it possible but that's that's our work so i'm not complaining so any ways oh you know when i could drink again after the new year's maybe the knight of the patrice o neill benefit to get that plugin there there you go the pre sonia comedy benefit entering its let's see the sixth and seventh one think the seventh one right thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen sixty one and i want to thank everybody who spent by tickets were almost sold out again this year which is really is

truly amazing and i have to think more intelligent and everybody else who gives their time every year jim norton calling quinn david tell bobby kelly day cook all of his friends stead of taken time under their lives in niger is fun do you know it's like a high school reunion and then also to see like you know we have a couple of the young people i call them kids doubt but it just see do you know they were teenagers when when patrice stuff stand up first started coming on tv any actually influence them to be convenient so get me here though stores and get to see the young the young guys the michael chase the hannibal viruses and see them come now finally our knowledge is just a great thing

so while i would once again tweet the link i'll keep waiting until we sell the whole thing out by once again thanking everybody who has been over the years been i happened to support that wonderful cause and as always after we pay for the theatre all the money goes to patrice is loved ones that he was supporting wildly still alive taken care of so with that what are we can do now having a duck little sports here package sport oh shit you know and i watched what documentary watch there was only like an hour in twenty minutes long but it took me six hours to watch because my lovely daughter would not go to sleep i watched this documentary called newman right so i was initially attracted to the title cause i thought i was gonna be about parliament whose course guys ever saw mike i gotta watch this

see what they're talking about right anna you know what's it going to be about to be abolished racing career is act career or resume his charity i always wondered how involved he was with that i can see the great paul newman sitting there listen to people talking about their balsamic than a greater spaghetti sauce i've been the beginning you just want to have a businesses and i don't give a shit just i just fuckin runnin give the money the poor by the way you see some fuckin jerk off bought his watch is actual watch for seventeen point eight million dollars what kind of a fuckin asshole then what do you do within any put it on my own i feel is life force maybe i can act now maybe i'm cool i just don't i dont understand like their type a ship

i guess i do a little but maybe like musical instruments i think would be called to see a couple really famous instruments but i wouldn't want to on them you don't like me idiots somebody's like famous persons guitar they pass away and you have the guitar and then you're playing their music on that with your skill levels you know i know the guitar is alive but if it was wounded start crying anyways so i run a this documentary called newman and it was about this guy who came up with electromagnetic device that produced energy and the big thing about it was not only was it clean energy was the device itself somehow

it created more energy than it was using to run and i didn't know that that was a problem because i've up horrible science background so just just watch it see what you think right basically i wasn't where this any engine any sort of turbine anything whatever i guess what the even its use to create energy maybe they all our i guess you know some sort of turning force i don't know what i'm gonna win way over my head they had always they always like you're always in a deficit because it it i guess it uses more energy than it actually fuckin produces world this thing that this guy created allegedly like it use ten percent of the energy that it actually created which was fucking unheard of so when he went down to get a patent

they were like what you doing is impossible sir that sounds like witchcraft is basically defied the laws of physics as we know them right now so they were all say what you probably get some transformer hid the somewhere on your property they tried to find that they couldn't find they just refuse to believe that sky what he was doing was true which then goes they wouldn't get a patent and then it goes in all this conspiracy theory you know there are big oil company politics and all of this shit standing in the way this guy cause he was basically going to put them out of business and i gotta be honest with you i believed everything that i saw in it in spoiler alert cause i'm gonna continue talking about this you should definitely wants i believe that is device worked that the patent company probable

with pressure from the oil companies wouldn't give him a patent i believe he got death threats and then i also believe that he was out of his fucking mind i believe that he had a god complex and they certainly at a temper just check this disguised almost fascinating people ever there's no way to watch this for me any way for me to watch this and i'm not talking about the genius side of this guy i'm talking about his flaws the newman dude his though is flawed personality i couldn't help but watch that guy you know one investors would come around maybe like out you why do you are still firmly upon you right you're fucking face right i couldn't in a moment exaggerate i couldn't help when i was watching that do not see myself

going that looks like me when i try to rent a car or when i try to get customer service that's what i end up doing and even though i'm right i become wrong because of the way to behave ma am it's really fascinating it is one of those things we ve just you just wanted to be true it will be so great if there was just a way to seamlessly that thing developed give the guy newman is credit makes a ton of fuckin money you let the fuckin oil companies run the god damn thing and they keep make i don't give a fuck okey pay when i pay for oil all right let's quit can pollute less have to liberate less people around the world because of our fuckin dependency on this shit

i really believe you know i actually i know you guys there was a you get your tinfoil had our arrive in a way that reference comes from but there seem to be this incredible progression far is like in energy and incurring diseases and then all of a sudden it just came to a screeching fucking halt it's my belief that it's because the amount of money that being made and how entrenched entities are and how many people's livelihoods are attached to them they don't want that its there's just too much conflict of interest to have it progress like you i am one of those people that believes that they can cure way more diseases then

they lead on and i doktor told me one time a long time ago he said look there's no money in the cure the money is in the treatment and i know this depressing thought that human beings would actually fuckin do that blood the way cooperation works kind of like the way back in the day the war games away they would shoot off the warheads words like it took two people everybody's fuckin gotta turn a key and everywhere or where they would gas somebody or shoot somebody you know the firing squad somebody like a fuckin rubber bullets earn an anti gun so everybody would forget do it i don't know you know something ass by the end of that that they need it makes sense to me but i just don't believe in people when it comes doing the right fucking thing while i support whatever watch the fuckin thing when decide for yourself blinded so much better

are now living in the past in the podcast i already did anyways being back in boston certain i really fuckin missed was the herald sports page in the globe sports page i was fuck in heaven getting that sports page one day i sat down and they had all the brewing stats for this season all the celtic stats all the patriots stats these giant articles above all three teams there was still breaking down the patriots buffalo bill skin and rating the quarterback money back the receivers the offensive like the defence of light the lion backers to secondary the special teams the coaching grading them spock phenomena at table wasn't phenomena was watching those fuckin assholes trying to stir up some bullshit writers we're going into the playoffs

tom brady this fuckin personal trainer who gives a fuck what his personal trade is doing it's obviously work the guy's ran out of digits on one hand was superbowl rigs now he's moved on to the other one i swear to god the local media what would they be i tweeted that what the fuck would they be done if they were trying to sabotage the local teeth and are you fucking cuts out there who then pile on stock commenting in calling into these sport shows return is shit and on the fuckin team like that michael its deserved its deserve but if they just trying to stir up shit you stopped i will just stop listening to channel let's let me that's what i do by the way you always funny is i saw again another guy and he has been talking about bilbil checks press conferences gonna like others do so intimidating it's like what is intimidating by

stop acting like you don't know exactly what the fuck the guys do what he knows what you are doing you're trying to get him to give you a quote so you build your story around that and then you can exaggerate and take all this shit out of context and give the other team bulletin board material that's why he doesn't talk to you guys jesus fucking christ did you see that coach for auburn after they be georgia the first time they play we beat dog shit out of and whatever the fuck he said i bet that was all over the locker room fuck it on the ceilings above the bed until they played him again and what happened eligible dogs they came back and beta mine of pork and ass my they came back and beat it that's why bilbil check doesn't do that shit there's nothing i liked about newman was this guy was it was a good ol boy from fuckin mississippi

speed out here and there lay in watching all these fuckin actors and actresses just openly shitting on anybody lives in the middle of this country because they had the audacity to vote for somebody different than they do you know evidently because they don't live next to an ocean that makes them a fuckin more on just watching what this guy did allegedly johnny carson was like the brass guy i just don't understand i just i dont get people out here and i'm nuts i shouldn't act like its everybody but he's just really fucking ignorant anyways is applaud cast and that is the last podcast for this year twenty seventy was the greatest sheer my life becoming a dead i don't just so many great things you know happen to me the sheer sombre thank all you guys every came out to shows in all types of a really want to take time i never do this i will call you guys counts

i like to think it's doing but thank you guys for the best year my life i hope twenty eighteen jardines dig in these we better just match this want just being looked at cruising altitude job you have to be the breadth and shut up you can't but anyways i'm not doing shit i basically all of fourteen january off

i'm gonna put together another twenty minutes at all the bullshit that i have that sort of my go before i went to a lot too she put it that way and the proportion of these majorities music and then throwback episode thirty i just before five monday morning podcast have a great weekends happy new year and i'll talk to you twenty eighty eight what's going on it's built monday morning podcast from monday

for twenty eighth the final the morning podcast for two thousand now can you believe it another decade has flown by through this was like the most stealth gate of all time and i'm gonna tell you why in case you were worried i would make such a bald fucking statement about goddamn calendar and then ever give you an explanation i will tell you why because every decade that i've lived in the least i can remember that i lived in the seventies everybody would do does the seventies one of the seventies like and then the eightys the brig eighty right and then new people too and about the you know the nineties we would make references on sitcoms you know the coming nine these right it out a fuckin name every day gave that i've been in has had a name

seventys the sixties the eightys and ninetys but this decade had no fuckin name of the arts the two thousands we have we never decided on a fuckin name therefore you know i wasn't really paying attention pay attention is this decade whip by because it's kind of like the odometer went back to zero right after this getting shaky here i just realized i'm really get into some shaky territories cairo you went back to two two zero ride accept it didn't it was it was at two thousand which actually comes back after eighteen ninety nine i'm just saying you know remain so what the fuck what happened to this decade you know pathetic i really sounded like i had something to say there were absolutely fuckin nowhere which is the theme of his podcast every damn week every fuckin weak

you know for the last few weeks have been me what the gratuitous fox why am i saying facts watch this fucking week you know why i have not stage since i take my latest special i've been on vacation vacation i haven't been doing shit happens stuff in my face with holidays sheer and i don't want you guys have a good christmas you have a merry christmas just put a song in your heart to say that the somebody merry christmas are what the fuck was calling me now shit do my part yes let me call you back in about forty minutes ok now anyways merrick to one and all yeah i gotta get onstage yorkers now that i've basked in the glory

not fucking up my special everything when great now i can t vacation now you know this is little voice from the back of my head gonna do you know you don't have an act right now technically you really so why don't you go do some shit hopefully some funny shuttle happen speaking of which some of my girlfriends family came out we took him out to vanish speech out here in california and as you know been out there a bunch of freaks out there but there's enough regular people sorted torres did it waters it down but big too the fact that it was the christmas week there wasn't a lot of tourist out there there wasn't even a lotta regulars out there soon we showed up it was pretty much wall the wall freaks and just tariff

fucking great time out there this guy was standing in front of some sort of funhouse shit that i had never seen before and he was classic you know you know deborah step right up there you go and see the rubber man see the electric boy then he goes and look look which came in from the space station any reached into a bucket of water any paul two headed turtle those are the greatest fuckin interest or something look what they just look what just came in from the space station right first why like the fact that this fuckin shit advantage standing next to a crackhead has some sort of direct link space station right i asked like to turn the space station is there space station i haven't seen report on space for a long time can time considering nasa really fell off they re

these fuckin fell off you know when i was a kid you know they were going to the god damn the bend of the moon our right there was their godfather moment or at least they pretend did you go to the moon i don't know what they did but i bought it and they were literally feeding us tang at school and for all eu youngsters out there this was it was this powdered orange drink that day what the astronauts drink you know what they're up there and you know outer space and they don't have they don't have i don't know what i'm trying to say they they they kick it to any decent fuckin food or liquids would you to see what it's like to drink a poor excuse for raw orange juice to be like an astronaut a cautious did course you did there is actually a dream of many kids one apple would you like to be i'd like to be a hockey player would you like to be i think could be a he'll keep what would you like to be i'd like to be a fucking astronaut for that

nice to me could you say it again without the curse words you little cunt why do you have a fuckin ball cut because it's the seventy sweetheart it might grow up with malaria and curly member of the seventies member that shit we still oak it was still a acceptable for your parents to cut your fuckin hair even though they had no beautiful skills whatsoever my dad cut my fuckin here right now until six grade its grey just laying a template for no pussy right through fuckin right through high school what are my trying to say so i was this guy goes like look what just came in from the space station now obviously there's no rubber man there's no electric boy i know it's all bullshit but you figured you gonna make a reference to space you gonna pull out something that looks like a came for fuckin space some sort of rock that you found on the

beach claim as part of an asteroid maybe part the bigger asteroid that's headed right towards us whatever you gotta do this fuckin guy there are two headed turtle local adjust came in from the space station they were up in the fuckin space station and look came floating by a deformed fuckin amphibian that needs to be within this atmosphere fucking what i'm trying to say here i just thought it was fuckin hilarious and me my girlfriend of family laughed like fuckin ten minutes you know that when someone just does some stupid out public and then that this becomes like the catchphrase you know what i mean the keep on truck and moment of your afternoon any time then the conversation would die down some i would just say hey look at just came in from the space station when we would laugh and we had a great fuckin time bunch of freaks out there i saw a black eyed a yellow falling walking on broken glass knowing

never thought the other guy it was an american flag song and the other guy was dressed in a city in tight fucking yellow i don't know what it was he's patiently walking therefore on trash but i gotta maybe pulled a crowd i was impressed very impressed the best one i saw was i saw this dude who was wearing a derby which type of had offered a bowler had our derby any one of those one of those that charlie chaplin hats and his stick to get money was he would walk backwards in front of tourists with his hat on any at an empty like paper cottage have cocaine and he was just sort of hitting it up in the air and before with land he'd headed on the other hand it would it would go no higher than just the top of his hat and he had to say and his face i am i doing something and then there was another dude out there this drug attic who had aside kick me in the us for a buck

die he started yelling at me to do it i just was laugh and cause i'm sorry i can't i can't do that amount for well i'm not gonna kick it as for a book i don't you know it's humiliating i don't do that to you and then to mention the second you bend over i'm gonna fuckin do there you know you know you have check your frighteningly ass you kicked him so you want kick him so hard that you judge it and you actually hit his ball back from from the other side that's what i i have visited myself doing at that point i would think that enough then i gotta fight a fuckin drug attic gonna get hit hepatitis gloomy act like you know that's what i was gonna do now you weren't till you weren't going to do that that's what you wanted to do but you may have the balls to do at sea laughing a little girl and he continued all down the boardwalk that's what the fuck did you know you know speaking of a new hour of comedy that's somethin i always wanted to talk about onstage and i always thought it would be funny but i never can i was able to make it funny was those fuck

people always yet tell tale something that happened something bad to you and then second i done listening to what they always go do you know what i would have done do you know what i wanted to let me guess you would have done something that worked now your basically in the future and saw what the fuck happened asshole for my part my car and i gotta get out of an oversized are rolling down the fuckin street add on what happened i had a thing in gear do you know what i would have done i would it had it emerges she put emergency brake on where to turn to the fucking tyres towards the curb that's what i would have done in it separation that the one fuckin time you didn't put the emergency brake on that your car that never slipped out of here before was then going to slip out of i can give shut up you asshole you know fear that sort of intelligence he wouldn't be friends with me hanging out this shithole fuckin bar right all right then

all right now that i got myself worked up into a lad look at me where my christmas patriots jersey what fuckin nerd how old are you we stand with a book bag wait for a bus it's not cured anymore all right let's go what the podcast of your new to the part cas welcome welcome i got some news this week everybody i know i keep threatening the joint facebook and i'm gonna have to do it i'm not to do it because it's just nobody left here on myspace fuckin i'm givin up upon the flag down and put up the white flag i surrender you went facebook you win god damn it it was for those meddling kids are right get on with the podcast if you knew the podcast i try to hide my shit this is what i got going on i'm on vacation ok i just the new special called let it go and it'll be

two thousand ten at some point if you can't wait that long why don't you go on itunes are going on my website billboard dot com and go by my fuckin dvd wider i do this right so i get a little back and get my little fucking three dollars whatever the fuck i make on those snakes anyways my next gig is in seattle january fifteenth and i'm doing the marty rumour funny fast my room is greater i greatly your guy up there in seattle he's got this is becoming show that i have been trying to do for years and i wanna be up with a bunch of other big shots like gas jeff garland and a bunch of people i came fuckin remember was mapped with christian finnegan ever i hope that the other i do it on the ship s shop arguably one chapelle show will you on the year the mad real world no i wasn't that was the other guy and people try to argue with me not i wish you d i wish you would

like why would i why would i wear when i try to knock down my pathetic entertainment resume about patting it all right let's get out podcast here what are we gonna start off with douche bag of the week and my nominee for douche bag the week is the nfl network for showing fucking game on christmas that was only on their goddamn network you know a dude fuck the fao banana fell network are right have any you guys out there actually looked in to what it takes to get a goddamned dish first of all if you're renting somewhere right your landlords gonna be a cunt if used drilling in the side of the building right you know a repair the robbing it caused him eighty dollars but somehow will take the entire twelve to fifteen hundred dollars are you fucking deposit

you know and then also in utter about you guys but when i actually first moved out here i was getting a flat screen out like fucking china light up the card like would you like to get directv i'm thinking it fuck it i'll get the nfl network i can watch the paths games every one of you to sign up for like two or three years get say yeah like a cell phone company i don't have to do with cable cable right now i could call them you know what your shit goes your self maybe raftery sharing you fail our monetary policy i think he sat round which like you you fuckin they work and cable cunt right they were just shut it off and then it would be it and then i could back on monday we like yeah listen i was i was drinking highways lost someone on the games and i took it out all night we were never samantha i don't know where she was stationed in your states but is

the way you can turn a backlash along with absolutely they'll be i eighty dollar raw go fuck yourself we start up phase the ninety dollar cancellation free out that's the way they get you ok but i got mobility i got freedom i have a feeling of control can assign a fuck through your contract of all the level of of douche bag by the nfl network to show a game jesus his birthday god son he sit near tried doing jesus has spoken directv i don't think he does you no fuckin hippy think he's gonna be involved in some sort of corporate contract me and i don't you know i mean look i don't mind if we can show the random thursday game i get it you trying to get me you know you trying to get me a right and have you

match ups ok you got a local j on the falcon tv licking his lips tell me about the fucking games that are missing fuckin tubes chopsticks zack i go through a year does not make your lips chat if your own saliva we keep him collapsed with your own saliva that's one of those those evidently urban sexy moves that makes a white people in the suburbs just cringe like really they do that they like we're lips and that's like a good thing anyways i just made all white people in the suburbs feel the way i feel about l l cool j licking his lips anyway douche bag the weak and it fell network right you can assholes if you want to show a rain of thursday game in your into trying to get me to turn to buy it i get it your business but don't do not christmas you asshole you don't you did you just made me morven nba fanned ok cause at the celtics magic and they did it that's guys out there they leubronn coolby shack right the biggest

yup in boston and dwight howard was gonna buy ship the size of my entire body and has absolutely zero fuckin baseline moves jesus what is one movie dunks you know attack i would just steal one move from working kevin mikhail via a came a large one he would be unstoppable but he doesn't he's got nothing is there no turnaround jumpers get nothing he's just got a bicep the size of a fuckin credenza got two of us anyways sure cigarettes biggest fuckin human being i've ever seen so douche bag of the weakest the fuckin nfl network and can cause i don't know i really want to write them a letter i just take all the fox and comes out of it i think that there really gonna give a shit but i'm gonna go biblical on you don't owe me because everybody pays attention what sounds dutch saying that you offended me religiously and speaking of which

introducing a new segment here on the i guess since the other religious segment where you can ask questions about other religions you can bid about your own religion or you can say why it's great and why you like it the name of this segment is oh jesus beak this unless we gotta you know what the fuck i set about oh i remember that guy was saying how you were wrong how he thinks you're right you you make a choice to be gay let me start you know make some courts with the bible and just like al you fuckin people you know with the bible right so this guy right certainly goes trash in the bible at christmas what have you starck raving mad or something this guy sounds like a board again this is obviously not gonna cursor having on stark raving mad i mean jiminey cricket spill anyways did you hit your head or somethin lately

ok let's see you do believe in god right but you went hu a catholic church where they filled your skull with guilt horror and hypocrisy what's in parentheses the little boy thing always have you call children getting molested grown men fucking children you call that the little boy thing whatever they did to turn you off ok i understand understandable but crying out loud this this right this email is why i dont work clean as a comedian because you have to use expressions like crying out loud have you gone starck raving mad it was for crying out loud what makes you think god is like that he's not excrement in point i never city was his father people don't even listen to me i'm saying the bible was written by people that's what i feel ok here's my

people a long fuckin time ago they thought the earth was flat ok of its metaphors lot of shit i know a lot of stuff you know makes sense whatever but it's written by people are right and i hope eve tat jesus was the son of god ok i don't believe you rob buddhist stomach and believe any that stuff ok all those stories are the bridge between right now and back we used to drug here on the inside of caves i'm not saying there's not a fuckin higher power i'm not saying i don't believe in and after life all i know is that you i know what the fuck is going on until you die right so you can make your gases your gases are you know qualify you know i'm not saying you can't make your guess if that's what the fuck you want to go for but you know i must say in uk believe what you want to believe i just don't believe in that stuff i just don't

do you really believe that you really believe jesus was the son of god any any just he had a wicker basket any just was poland fish out of it and fed eight hundred fuckin people out of this a basket that you usually throw a fuckin hot stephen washcloth into you know walked on water and then he rose from the dead you really believe all of that where's my voice goin up so how are you funny jailer unbelieving jesus christ i'm envious of their i'm envious i am now i just i don't i don't believe that get out believe no i dont believe many those stories none of those stories are believable them they just not i can see earth flooding and everybody drowning ike see that i can see i can't even see guy making a fuckin boat or maybe people who already on about you know

why did those people survive with noah see i can't even falcone it's i don't know why then you gotta but up with all those animal shit all over the place capture all the animals issues is not its not fucking believable on any level on any level credibility i liked the ten commandments alone the seven deadly sins like the under the world shit but i take it that seriously and this is not me slap in anybody in the face i just you know are they gonna change because you have an open your shield flop jays is when you open you share for new ship here is your warning only savior what can i do that what can i just do that what do i then have to go to church and fuck and pay for somebody else's lifestyle who wants the dress like james browns and the fuckin blues brothers her guys out they're gonna mega church because he knows things down the south doubts down the south down south be seen out i

fuck i'm talking about look the same way that guy stand out there going you know look what they is brought in from the space station that's what preach don't unless they did they're giving you like life advice but when they just start talking about that you now and then on the third day god created a swing shed joy was written get children need something to play on that which weighing them back and forth the actual flackered video death protest just fuckin brought this is really just gonna caused the shitstorm and i hope it does i write all this are not disrespecting your religion or what you believe i just don't fucking believe it i don't believe you believe it that's how unbelievable it is to me right now i believe and i am in something you know you know that shit where you like you you walk the phone and before you say hello you just know who it is

a kind of weird shit deja vu that there's a lot of weird shit after you now you forget to look any change seven lanes and you don't die the statement that i just looked like i can't remember you're in this fuckin zone of leaving goes i don't get what can go studio wake you up and middle of the night i guess i can do that go beyond what can i do that's how i got all my fear the dark when i was a kid when i was imagine that there was a monster in there i get so mad at the fear one night i started given the monster the finger and it didn't kill me and i was like respectable monsters not can put up with that shit and would come oh yeah fuck you there's no monster there's no more stupid this is actually just natures way of telling me it's time to go to sleep and there making it easy for not having the sun there did i ever tell

that time one of my friends was was on this i can't say was on a date shit when you were like high school in your basically drinking outside and need to start talking to some bra and you try hook up with their guide so let's get the dusk and there was this moment ok right around dusk the sun's going down and the moon was sounds like a fuckin site isn't it the sun was going down in the moon we like let's go down the west the moon was gonna like i don't know i guess it like two o clock or whatever and this girl was go so as to allow the sun and the moon around the same time while you know and this was like waited in healthcare a vacuum sadly the movie i haven't said back attacker first they thought she didn't believe we could see the moon until the sun completely went down which i guess we'll be understandable but

quickly realized tat she thought that the sun and the moon were the same thing ever ever definitely at night i guess god or jesus buddha would i don't know necessarily blow this i guess she thought the sun was on a dimmer and they would just sort of gradually bring it down and i don't fucking now and there's just one of those moments where they always a kid you to say that first moment is this thing too dumb to try and fuck you know i would add that i can never fuck somebody were i really thought was stupid it's just like it was a form of rape you know remain if you just saw blake ice animal smart guy but you know what someone's just like borderline like wow

high school to really college college wow ok anyways only read the rest it is oh jesus here of other of the kid thing he's not a that he doesn't others is bright light to he said god is not mad at this one of my favorite sentences of all time dressing the view of homosexuality he says god doesn't it fags either let's go let's go to doesn't hate that he doesn't cox suckers god loves the faggots he loves everybody that is written in the big letters people that hold up traffic guy or not he died for everyone everybody since so they except that free get to see that's that's right there that i find it knowing about jesus is the whole

the old he died for you too i didn't ask you to do worse areas you're fuckin walk on water you know float off the cross i'm really care is really getting back to understand is no commons fuck incense like one watch karate movie in brussels do in all the shooting i just get a gun why did you shoot him i know if i was the son of god i will not sitting getting crucified is that she did a little bit you know i'd sort of semi levitate so looks like the nails are really fuckin rip yeah me and i have for you wouldn't you wouldn't everybody caves under under torture they all do by any this shit it'll be fun is if all of the stuff that i'm saying is true is true like i die and then they play my my damnation is this podcast and in out just playing this podcast and god is just sitting across me with his hands up

you know that shit where you were ok you don't have your hands together you just have the tipsy your fingers together in a kind of spread apart and you just sort of bouncing them you know the club sick what am i gonna do with you i'm in position of authority over you are what is your sent it's gonna be danny witwer fuck but see how far the hell i can dig myself what else is this guy said i don't agree with now we know jesus didn't sit down was stationary and write the bible at some desk but it is his words you know why i would love to know why i would love to know your proof ok i'll tell you why jesus he anticipated my answer because is it because i know you don't know it was in spired by god jesus through the certain chosen people there physically wrote it

i hear you saying bull crap can't you curse if you believe in jesus i don't understand that you know think when they were nail in his fuckin limb to that piece of wood he wasn't gonna fuck you fucker do you know my dad is your mother fuckers come out right jesus christ i'm really fuckin enough this is stupid to do this here we go let's go let's keep going but you know some they never really fucked with his balls i was that was amazing you know this smashing like reads over his back you know input and thorns and it was there when just kick him in the nuts his holier than thou nuts his ball baghdad died state i did it for you carter said annoying

it's really annoying i swear to god oh jesus at the mall signing autographs i'd i walk right by i'd rather me charles bronze if we were still alive you know tat about being in poland that mine anyways i hear you saying bull crap but you are wrong if you're saying that i did say bull crap i said bull shit that means you don't understand spiritual and supernatural things t that's nothing about these really religious people is if you don't agree with them the king you like i analyse what the fuck you think you know i must what this guy seems wrong hokosa coming off i don't just asking questions you know how committed the kicked him in the balls you think in curse when they were fuck with it they were plainly upright base with his juggler whatever fuckin horrific thing they did to him i actually understand spiritual things i don't understand supernatural thanks no i don't i don't believe in goes to neither do you ok just cause you read a fuckin book

i mean you understand it right you don't right so like so many other people you feel the need to stop on something just because you don't understand it fully makes you mad ok well how about instead of get mad you'd you asked jesus himself to explain it to ok i will hang on a second jesus explain the bible to me i don't get it so now what do i do this is really getting creepy this is and what a fuckin we d board right now i can read the rest of us as private funds do i really should not do this package i should just fuckin here race you now let's talk about movies show let's get out of this i saw the movie sherlock holmes this week

me and half of the did the american population went out this jesus get me back yeah i saw sherlock holmes and this is i move your review this is the best way that i can put it it was one drink sherlock holmes it was like tat so i said to my friend what friend of mine who actually have who are also does not believe in jesus i said was like sherlock holmes was light it was like the first time you ate a fat free cookie but that confusion you just look at it cookie unlike in out how can this not be good it is it's a fucking cookie yellow how can a cook bet that's literally what i felt like i was watching me i was watching sherlock holmes you know i'm like ours private down a jury is given a great performance can now what's his face jus law was great guy richard

loved always movies how is this not fuckin good and don't even though i can't explain it i dont know why it wasn't good you just wasn't bad you just was it's i don't know it just what it wasn't good i like how they dumb down sherlock holmes or rather than having to be just an egghead they'd made him like this guy like they turn it into like fight club for two hours about the movie was that day they had elements of jujitsu in went in the eighteen hundreds which i thought was hilarious goes as far as i knew it came from the fuckin gracie family right and they get credit a very these brazilian jujitsu we came up with it the twenties of authorities right what happened i don't off they did that they are a bit zeit gazed in their little bit a fight

and then after he beat the shit out of people then he would do all that sherlock holmes shed any would sail the sherlock holmes as fast as i can auctioneer probably wondering how i knew that because that thread indicates that you were in the middle east and bob hollywood fuckin fly through the whole thing in that it wasn't i'm thinking about seeing avatar though you know but even that movie annoys me unaware that the whole you know i wrote this and i had to wait till technology caught up with it god you're such a fuckin visionary jesus christ haven't you want enough words you don't have to fuckin rub your own balls and public i think i'm going to book a movie again if anybody ever wishes this fuckin podcast alright let's plough ahead speaking which date night i actually saw preview for now is like i'm in this motherfucker and i was so afraid of and see my big fuckin head that i actually stared down at my yeah the fuckers a junior meets

julia amidst a classic candy that you would never by if you actually had a choice but you just do at the movie theater off and there's so much pepper whatever's spare me whatever the mint fuckin idiot it actually had the answer in the name there's so much meant in that area likes rhythm you're fucking throat starts to her to take your eaten vic's paper rob vernon chocolate anyways praying to pay for that oh jesus fucking segment maybe that'll just be a one time only and i hope the fuckin people wrote that shit don't be account about it what we jesus do he just look down shape his gregg arm and hair and be like i e g what are we gonna do what this guy are at last week i talked about men who abandoned their families and i mention obviously that i don't agree with that and i'm sure jesus doesn't either forget about buddha

our borders to fret believers famish what's he gonna do you know he'd have to hit the lottery yet the fact is a man you need some sort of far you need some power you know to pull the hot broad's you now little bit of via graph liquid via brothers did you see that commercial yet can i really shown late at night liquid viagra report in your hand in you literally start robin one out there comes up i was watching it was a fuckin unbelievable commercial and if you believe that you believe in jeez is alright i'm really mean it s all right now and i don't mean to be a writer respect all religions and i'm actually jealous that you tibet every night thinking that there is a real life santa claus waiting to caress you of your forehead in your brow

all right so anyway i talked about guys who abandoned their families and i would say in how i wish i'd i dont condone it but i'm jealous of i want to feel that level of euphoria because in order for you was a man to do something like that to leave somebody you actually greed legally to dedicate your life too and then you there had children with i don't have any kids but i see the look on people's faces when they talk about their kids you know if it's a pain in the ass they really go back they they wouldn't have kids look they have on their face said that unconditional love the falcon walk away from that all right like level of misery that you have to can i just you know animals have been like like how mandela felt when he finally got out of which was a big but you know enemy

so i was talking about it and i was thinking like you know last week like what music would you listen to what is the soundtrack too i can leave and that you guys all like weight in somebody said highway to hell another person said you listen to wish you were here i don't know what i would listen to i would just it would be just i what with just some any sign that just maybe go you like i will just add up it's on we'll but anyways beyond these walking songs saudi actually had a story about it this is of great care provision by the way to the park yes as was the stuff about wage and even though i was a jerk about but you're gonna stand i gotta keep the ship funding that's my out

anyways bill during your last podcast you mentioned about father decides suddenly abandon their family while about eleven years ago when i stationed in south dakota a guy that i work with did exactly that he left his wife if these kids and hopes to start a new life the story goes something like this settlement everybody you still wearing your course your christmas sweaters was back nineteen ninety seven are what a great year her clear was getting nobody knew about it boy bands were popular right how innocent what a great fuckin time before i got ugly in our people start lightner nuts on fire i can take a plain down anyways michael this guy mike was assigned remote duty for six months in panama at this point mike's life he had about fourteen years in the air force

that is being tasked with room remote duty playing bull shit war exercises are being restricted to the terry lifestyle so one day when i showed up to work my squadrons first shirt and what that means years ago in charge few officers had a patent apps laid out on the table what was going on and one of the sergeant replied we breathing in fifteen minutes in formation during briefing i believe it was the bay officer who mentioned that mike has been missing since the day before the fbi had some other military branch and some other military branch was involved to find might by searching south dakota by feet bill and air with helicopters so mike workers and i we're task to drive about fifty miles to some remote location in south dakota to post in posters of mike see attachment and he actually has the attachment here so anyway he says we thought it

in danger and we were concerned for him he was a good guy helping people out when one help is needed evidently there was no sign that this guy was can do this shit and he plays bones which i guess his domino stirring during lunch with us while listening the classic rocky never came across this being disturbed but then again was much younger so i might have i might have missed some size after the story of searching for a few days after the search someone reported they found supposedly his lunchbox with his literary idea it was several miles north of where we were stationed close to north dakota south dakota border then they found his car in a parking lot the canadian airport shortly after finding his car they detained him in panama where he found mike left his family in exchange with some panamanian woman he met during his duty there

we always wondered what the hell he was thinking when he did this supposedly he left his lunchbox nearer road with his idea this idea in it as a decoy and when we drove to the king when he drove to the canadian air to flight then flew to panama and the big joke was that he was listening to the song by van helen called panama when he left so they arrested him discharged and his wife forgave evidently i guess you do you know about that story that is the perfect pocket song my god just drive and away from your family is there reach down a steep

fuck you don't i beg you normally think though that the feeling of euphoria you guys ever watch ferrers bueller's day off sure we all have do you know when those two guys the parking attendants you not take the car out for the day and they show that's slow motion thing of when they go up and over the hill and they get that of absolute joy with the wind blowing through their hair that's what it feels like to abandon a family if you're that fuckin miserable so god bless that woman for taken aback that's there are deep kind of love i just know options whatsoever so there you go i think that's gonna be the package for this week let's do some classic stuff here some overrated underrated real quick bill overrated skinny girls understood the appeal of super skinny girls they look more like little boys than women plus there are usually snobby and expect you to do all the work and bed they like kobe bryant there

jaded and sex is more like a job for them do what you hook up with cope they don't understand the magic game anymore or cash you would you say no we don't a cobra did you see cobia yes on christmas day down by like when he points and still draws offensive file that guy i myself expanded i admit that's a fuckin best player in a league are right but they complain about kobe bryant is jesus christ i fuckin alarm anyway my my big complain of kobe bryant i just want a laker fancies you guys watch him every night i'm not being a jerk but what was the last time you saw him take a shot miss them shot and not look over the reference file it's almost like you say ref it didn't go when they must have found me that's how far good i am it's annoying but i told you spectre guy love his game in asia team dryden on his fuckin cocktails underrated subjects

projects are the real deal do everything they can to please you in bed they are the only ones who can give you a decent hump they are the guy take taking have court shot for ten grand the matter but the outcome they still have a smile and effects in there just happy to be there too i'm telling you something you fuckin listeners really oughta do stand up dear me communities provide some good probably a few of them but it's really impressive got to do the life advice doktor bill i get a blow through this and speaking speaking of becoming a comedian somebody wants some life advice and is a rough one says i got some shit go out of my life is really starting to make we reflect our where i'm going now what i wanna be okay so i need some answers first my grandfather arrays before the age of two almost died recently had a quadruple bypass on his heart no idea i'll always gonna make it but it's deftly given me a new perspective on life about now is what were the thing

that he didn't do and always wanted to we're getting things you did i wonder about the things he regrets not doing i'm twenty nine years old work is a senior manager for a major company that builds airplanes i make over a hundred grand a year and a fuckin hated this part of the world and i'm not going to mention i do stand a comedy almost every other weekend at one of the calmly clubs there my question is this can i ever could trance transit from work to stand up performing outside of delay or new york or do you think i will have to quit everything and move to one of those locations also do you think it's worth it i know it's funny i norma good to me and i feel i make like i feel like making a living as a comic would be similar to winning the lottery even on funny it's still one in a million shot that i would ever be able to make it a career thank you

thanks for the any advice to that's those are tough questions because i've never seen you around and those are really questions that only you can answer my training cop out here right i do know that if you do a job in your miserable you know i mean we want if you make it a million dollars a year on a grass on it second sneezer i don't know dude all i can do is tell you how i looked at it when i wanted to be a comedian i was not make an hundred randy here so was very simple for me to make that choice to go there and i never really thought about not making it other than a couple of times if i was going to college gig in the middle of nowhere and it meant a separate and i bought that night than i become unlike what the fuck am i doing this is crazy you know being able to make a living as a comedian is not a one in a million chance

and believe it or not making it as a comedian is not a one in a million chance because i'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's not a million stand up comedians out there your odds of better than that it might be seven hundred fifty thousand now do you gotta you gotta look do you get out of the club and like you just you go in there and you feel like this is home you know like where i'm supposed to be if that's what you feel i would do it and you dont have to live in new york or delay to to get a career going jesus i'm gonna give you an example me that this does every every stand up town has the local guys who never left who make a living out of you is just one of those things where you want to expand your horizons after while where you know you want to start making better money or whatever but i don't i'll do you like

if it your dream in life that's what you want to do then i would dare we do it especially because if you are at work and you fuckin miserable then i would do it making a living at it is not as faculties it seems you know college aging you start looking college gigs grand he got a fly over the fucking country but you if you want to go fuck and see sherlock holmes in the middle of a tuesday kiddo like a shit had not take a shower till seven o clock at night that's one of the great things about being a comedian but do that's a huge decision you gotta make that on your own but i would make the happy choice don't use money because you can end up like one of those step four wives in autonomy we got all this shit any of your fuckin you got all this stuff but you miserable oh amanda that's that's stupid it's too big a question for me to ask you to answer for you are without knowing you so i ll buy up job cleaning up yet at all but what is it

believe me do it's not it's hard to think it is not fuck uneasy but it's really not it's hard to take it to make a living as a community arrival get your question bill hi my question is when you are a cup in a couple situation situations but with a see what is the problem all four who or how you decorate your christmas tree do you do it together or separately are in stages you know one puts it stan one puts the lights etc or do you put not put one up or not christmas you question questions relate this week my thing is if i buy you decorated if you decorated you buy it you decorated cause i'm not doing it i don't i don't decorate christmas trees that's how i do it around here i go out and buy i stick understand and then my girl she goes that's she decorated guess does not look nice

what are you talking about you in theory they now biggest i know said i thought i'd tell you just gotta come whenever you it dear father christmas tree fuck with theo van gogh you gonna do that really what would do if i did that speak of the devil me no hey i'm doing my podcast i'm doing right now you're on it all right all right all right i'll get autonomy clay by two minutes i'm almost done he's crust i'm such a space shot like half forgot that i was doing a park yesterday calling to let you know that i'm not harm yet

and i'm gonna be home still i just want to start talking to you already know people cup of people have been email me saying i mean my girlfriend i'm not i'm not me my girlfriend i give a shit it's my way of protecting what i have in this relationship right i keep it light i fucking break balls oh by the way i'm doing this on a sunday because i'm going to the celtic spoken clippers tonight and actually work way from the tv last i saw was like fifteen fourteen colts over the jets innovations and i can say this you aren't you guys remind me next week to tell you my prediction of actually my prediction earlier this year of wrecks ryan was that he was gonna break his tailbone an affair the attempt to hang on self at something i've never seen i have not seen such a desperate

to be liked the i'm telling you that guy is emotionally on the edge horizon fuckin bizarre christmas wish lists thing that he did like i know i'm hosting personnel but i'm actually fuck in a coach journeys to that guy is out of his father mine is broken down crying a couple times and i've made predictions this year dad i'm telling you i can't tell you who's gonna wanna fuck and gain but shit like that i'm tonia what that patchy our fight and i fucking