what's goin on its bill bernstein for the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast it just check it it on you checking to see how you weeks going this isn't enough this never is nor is it ever meant to be an official podcast aright just fuckin just just pop any real quick little fuck and half hour yale see now you work out go and see how you drive home stoned are you listening to work you son of a bitch god bless you god bless you can get away with it i woke up today buedir looted and i've i've had this fuckin song in my head and i might want a fast for i forget other lyrics goes something like to give you a kiss

the lover but do do bob bp bob back who sang that sought to that's where those fuckin guys who's probably you know when he recorded it is younger than i am but when i look him up he's going to look like he's a hundred and sixth and c after the lovin rex because one of them oh angle bird hamper dink angle bird onboard dink where the fuck is it the millennium collection the millennium collection can we have a very the thongs that are safe for everybody could there be ok so i get my surely recorder upon the road here just for the millennium goals

also i sing you to sleep after the love and with the song argius road yesterday and i hope you can hear what the worlds and abuse again while arrests of fuckin sancho that's what lessons are you know is after the loved you just sit there mumble along after eleven right fuck my god that just reminded me of a fucking joke i wanna do wait a second i'm going to write this do we care o lying fuck you can't read sucks i get us one more stressful gigs this is the last stressful gig i have all year i got past all the fuckin press you know me

saw the press i had to do for that fuckin thing you sit down you like houses gonna go out this one guy that one gonna go get all through it right a bunch of fuckin you know i did that gig for the cops the motorcycle cops california got somehow got through that one i wasn't sure that was going to go that would end up going great i got one last fuckin thing and once i get past this gig i have nothing but comfort zone gigs for the rest of my ear today i'm on a roast the retiring david ortiz is number he wanted to have a roast for his for charity and what's hilarious is i don't think he's gonna stay most the shit like you one of the committee's he was talking to cindy and i went out i laugh when other people laughing but you talk real fast i don't understand what a lot of it is it's fucking which i understand and i went to the dominican republic and they start rose to me i'd be like

i just keep waiting forums roll off that's the word i we wait for the talking about me kobay so raw whatever the fuck they gonna say can base how the fuck you say that are not so i got some good words i got some good ones have you rose david ilities you a fucking grants there for joy is gonna be there and you know these are all athletes that play for boston team so all of them have one championships that's just how it is around here people this isn't like your towns where roasting one in your local athletes three out of the four sports maybe you on one year budget it be a fucking joke so what are the city would be hard new york he can fuck and destroy people fucking destroy people's soundings anyway left on the yankees

and the gunners football teams turn or we could really fun i mean eli databases make fun i we looks let me get trash the next trash the mets trash the rangers those brooklyn fuckin teams that had to be like a two part fuckin roast fourthly a hard place there be a hard place i married you trust trash the pirates but my fucking penguins back to back anyone they want three with crosbie big bends want too and you know much of his shit would be taken off the tears hours they take it off the table dogma gay yea could you not so anyways i just have to get through this so i figure i'm going to sit there and get called a cancer patient for fucking an hour don't make fun of my black wife and then i just fall i got to do is just go up there for ten minutes

it trash david or tease me it's gonna be fun i so want to tell you some of the jokes but i know you can still get a tweet him and then people will read them before i get there and i need every last i can get him i literally was fucking writing this shit i can't sit down and right can't do it you know think of how i read out loud okay now imagine me trying to put those words down onto a piece of paper ok how i do it is i put my daughter in the stroller and i walked around the block big huge walk around the block and i'm just talking to myself and everybody thinks all look at their daddy so engaged with this child and i'm really coming up with rose jokes and then i sat down and i smoked a cigar by myself porch and i just video myself and i just say shit in my fuckin

they will have like forty videos or legs nine ten seconds long and then i just transcribed him on the plane most of us now trying to put him into an order where they flower i'm actually writing them down but i'm too late for the seller yeah so i'm enough to go the old school the fucking pieces of paper up there i know people to be the google you just will do you forget beach they look over your shoulder dose however it is the teleprompter see that the rabbits already in the hat i never do these roads things either i never do i thought a lot of those comedy central ones after a while they just went off the rails you know what i mean they just everything was like the fuckin everything was the goddamn same same stupid joke you know i am not saying this guy deep indubitable when you walk the walk walk a woggle aids nine eleven you know whatever the fuck you could say that would you enough

be the most indoor air quality edgy fuckin thing even though it was totally fuckin predictable so yeah i never got into those things and you know i wouldn't forgive motherwit dodge data be fuckin scurvy because i don't get roasting somebody you don't know like the most jokes i have for the people on this is for lenny clark as i know lenny and i love lenny so i got stories i know is done i got all this stuff i can shed autumn i have more shit about letting clock then i do you know grant caskeys a tough one took is everyone's gonna god he's fucking stupid so i'm trying to think of another angle so really is something spike in a baby i have no idea himself

about a laptop for distinctly nervous leaped up my kit fuck await all i know is this is one of these deals which just like just fuckin bring me up bring me up so i can do this thing and then i can relax then i can relax john i need to do i just gotta get through tonight get through tonight to night to night then it's easy then there it's fuckin easy i go back to my regular scheduled stand up dates you know god willing will get a third season of f is for family i've already been through that shit twice i'm right back into my comfort zone you're up so i got here last night an arm may i cabot over the fucking liar boston driscoll what he's going over to run their rose shit and i want to do that idea i just wanted to do stand up scope there be funny

warm up loosen up a little bed net tonight i'll just fuckin do jokes is the game plan i printed out nice and fucking big the fonts going to be nice and big so there's no way for me to fuck these things up and i'm just going to go right down the dais i figure i just like fucking well you're gonna get adam ray we forget susie soliloquy we get mikey monologue vittoria bub but there are eight or nine fuck impedimenta on everybody i'm done but i gotta do david the fuckin longest so i guess i got here he's actually surprisingly not that hard roast even all this shit that he did you know you can even get that guy pretty good for dry is difficult months you just get past you know it's just a little feller you know then this will now what do i do now for crisis whose text to me now anyways

guess what i get through that the rest of the year is downhill you no doubt fuckin hill you know i've already worked it out thinking if i get if we get a third season right get up early in the morning right spend some time with my daughter then i'll go over the little fatima hersel place you know i'll do my little drum drum drummond there and then i go over i fuckin right the shit that i'm home the game plan then i get object the daughter of walk around the block in point me my wife pass each other in the halls where they who you again oh that's right we're married and then there will be my ear so why give you kiss the london illegal bernhard predict who oh no oh no don't do that that was gonna be my fuckin head today i had no idea

so anyway is one of my new arby's when i'm on the road i watch fox news and i want to see and then and i just slipped back and forth between it is fuckin fascinating like i don't even know what those channels have become i don't know what they ever work but it is not news their basically just yelling at each other now that's the foot it's like it's like you watch and said come you know is this the idea is a pitch for the show this does to new channels ones conservative and this one's liberal i was watching that sean hannity guy one of his stories was a story about somebody on cnn you know those check what the mary lou written hair cut whenever fuck a name is the want of cried when trump card fuckin elected

which really was a low point in journalism hilary lost shooting at assassinated jesus christ even fuckin what's his face held it together when he said j f k got killed fuck donald trump gets elected you fuckin sit there blubbering for god's sakes warm and get a hold of yourself so many ways a fuckin was say he's cares her picture up there and its conspiracy theory because it whatever the fuck she set out our i don't even know i'm just sit there going like this fuckin guy is doing a new story about a news person on another channel this is news when i was growing up like ghetto aids tom broke out was not doing stories about sam donald

you know when only white men gave the news not kidding i have no idea i don't even i just don't know what the fuck it is anymore but i got to tell you it's really entertaining you got to do it people you got to step out of this fucking liberal conservative then you got to just step back and just enjoy it for what it is it is just a bunch of people whose just disappeared are there they all need like a fuck they all every one of them needs to take like two years off you don't owe me i think they should send them all it first two separate places and then you gradually get em re acclimated is human being's beings right any discarding take seventy like a camp maybe they start playing a soft ball game but you know it's not fox news foreseen and you get a mix up the players you know

i made it a ruin the rivalry like you know when the age i went to russia to play the russians and all those fuckin you know the ranges were hanging out with the bruins and the flyers were hanging out just people started getting drunk together there you are you all right you know gonna ruins it but fox news was going off you know that our warm me a story that fuckin horrific fuckin story you know everybody like judging the guy go away or what the fuck you take a fucking paused before it's like any time this posters it my shows people always take em it's the end of the show gives a fuck something you do you grab a little souvenir whatever me technically it's stealing but who gives a fuck me isn't that enough warranted to give guy fifteen years hard labor he was there because of our foreign policy you know

that's why they don't like that that where this and there that we're fucking economic sanctions and all that shit then all like us like i just said the two guys like that's actual knew so fox news was doing this thing where they were like they were going back and looking at shit that like some chick set on having imposed post larry wilmore what the fuck he said when he first steady did a bit about like you know you know com the fred boy that basically they didn't have any sympathy for the guy but now it plays outweigh weirder because the fucking decay i killed over they're so this name you know the whole fuckin thing which is fascinating to watch and my fox news issues like these people a terrible blow you know and in just taking it kind of like at face value not taking into

how was written why it was written i think everybody's fucked up in it to be honest with you but up to do that white privilege thing i stand it the the idea that all thing will look what he deals with we deal within this country something you can understand i am that which i get that point i i don't know when you take it to the point of having a little bit of joy about it which i probably would if i was on the other side because i am not a a mature human being in i am anger issues i know that i would probably coming at it like that too but it takes a lot they have empathy that's what i have learned make us as much as that chick on the that affected posters make it some good points it's like i dont see empathy on your side them and i'm not talking about

towards white people it's like look at your fuckin close is your saying i'm complicit in your suffering what about the people that make you fuckin close i'll let sweatshop fuckin labour do you think about the five year old that so you fuckin skirt together you don't give a fuck it to youtube is focused on that's what you would be that we focus on our shit that's what i learned watch and see and in what i want to tell these fuckin white guys avenant fuckin say this about this otherwise they are all up and fuckin arms the same fucking people the same kind of white people that would somebody black at chicago largest cereals just don't play say you'll be fine i'll stop where in greece italy disseminators fuck and get on with their lives now all of a sudden there fuck it up in arms this fucking do you know

but that's what people do that so i just kind of subjecting you don't you do it you insert yourself into this situation and if you see a white person in your why you go oh my god that's terrible that could have been me i think we know maybe white people black people also we sent away you know separated first and we all justino kind of mixed up and play softball to go right but that doesn't work as it could not guarantee eagles you of that country's fuckin car certainties ducks drop in the edward you don't think these robots come on it's gonna be a bad thing you know be weird if that maybe they'll be like improved human beings you know be fucking weird is if they actually they they made them so fucking life like that to be like fucking racist robot you know just walk in it tat day people don't want to work

a jury of your not peers as fucking convicted you now actually just kind of living with stories kind of like losing momentum but if you just watch it then you just listen to people did they just see the world out their own fuckin head and they just talk are they talking just fuck it sit there and enjoyment like the people that fucking why duty on fox news are the widest they look like you know when they make those coming of age movies in the eighties and they'll be those fuckin preppy fred boy guys like you look it i'm going like do you do seriously dress like that men i guess this is sort of fuckin

judging them too but like this one guy on their just like do you look like the date rapers slash your girlfriend died during air quote rough sex she was into it added got carried away that this is what that guy looks like i don't know the whole fuckin thing is just it's a weird thing but what i have learned is people the suffering they see their own suffering and very hard to look at other people suffering and too try to eat out take time all your data understand regardless of what color you are kind of what i learned from that and then people who actually do a way beyond me and then beyond that people who then fuckin try to do something about it you know

like somebody would actually trying to do something about sweatshop labour gonna guy i'm willing to buy clothes there are in this country i tried to do there for a second and i did that like fuckin fifteen years ago when the options were ridiculous sounds like i'm not wearing that out to a common cause i'm gonna get destroyed so i said to her what these fuckin kids who so together my shirts i was protecting myself when i was going down to the seller because i don't want to get trashed cell i guess some say and i'm a selfish piece of shit i think that's what i learned watching fox and see it and i think i saw a lot of myself like these guys are just fucking into their own dealer chicken that happened imposed completely one or two percent into our own fucking deal you know the whole fucking world

the same way with those fox news guys the entire world is the way she sees it and those guys the entire world is the way that they see it and they just kid not fucking on any other level fathom any others any other reality out there i will at times i listened a feminist i just listen to what they say and i just switch around a couple pronouns from from men will heed her it is just like you literally a five fucking took what you just said and i took out all the men and replaced it with women in her and i swear to god you would sound like a trump supporting our right love my fuckin so box all right i was up there four minute now i'm off it but i'm really trying to say you're gonna fuckin watch fox had seen and pull yourself out of it you don't owe me it's like your team got knocked out at the playoffs and you sit there and you just watch it

and just watching these fuckin people it's it's not none of it is knows anymore it's it's just like i don't know what it is it suits their fucking opinions it's like to opt in channels it's like everybody's andy really accept there's no humorous anymore they just fuckin i guess i'm doing that now my part guessing its effective make where's westwards too silly jobs you know what maybe about jobs there are many fuckin jokes left i still want to read you guys some of these fuckin jokes i'm not blame david ortiz for childhood obesity there is one for you all the red sox area i good shit for them just a general

i don't have a lot of for drawing stuff grunt cows he's hard to cause i'm going on last and i know everybody is going to be saying this guy's dumb but we'll go work network a worker and i'm gonna go fuck i can't do that joke now what do i do i'll figure it out in a worst case scenario i bomb and it's over in ten minutes and then when i do i just slowly walk out of the fuckin room and thereby i can't drink myself into the stupid you know why cause all billy no fun billy no fun that's right on it is what i really am since i decided to be billy no fun i've drink saturday and sunday both weekends and i have not drank monday through friday so i'm not drinking tonight that four days in a row i want tomorrow

and then i'll fly back saturday and like a drink that day i think we got a pretty good too weak fuckin run together maybe not there's a far we gonna working with version who knows but i gotta get it bowed down oh i get it back under control i like to think you know cause i said so i'm going to believe or i'm gonna give myself a chip every five days i get a chip and then i get a drink that's how my a works you know that's the problem with attic sister so all or nothing the fuckin miserable so i guess i just have a glass of wine and just fuckin relax yeah gluttonous psychopath i'm not a fan of attics

i'm really not most some of them are cool but in general this some of the most selfish fucking people ever going to meet and on the face of the fucking earth and they that built in fuckin excuse it's not me it's the addiction so i love south park then i got all right but you did that you it's not me it's the disease bulgaria every time is disease it's never you never you i think i said enough staff to offend people here then i get some fucking emails alright right let's let's re a little bit of advertising if five fold club

looking good doesn't need to cost a fortune could five fold club is revolutionizing the way men shop fat they found a way to make great looking clothes affordable for everyone can they say the name of their fuckin entity one more time why wasted at the mall or wandering around in the stores each month they send you a curated box over used fuckin words ever curated box like disease fuckin geniuses staring at shirts give a couple of strikes in a fucking poker diversion guys want to get some lunch two to three items that are handpicked matched the current season and your style bob folklore partners cutting edge designs and brands seo get the same quality is top designers they ve been helping men with fashion for over fifteen years fifteen years i don't fuck unheard of these guys we're here we ve been doing it but a covert operation

and is shipped over a hundred thousand men every month chris paul in my wall burg use five fold club in fact foe is featured in g q vice and install among other publications they know what they do and so if you don't get so go cake us fivefold club how many times can they say this is gonna be a record help you build your wardrobe holy fuck at times they said the name indicate this title one two three due to the two four five six seven eight nine mrs read has nine fuckin

five for clubs and now i just said that there will be ten and as a member of bad club you'll also receive up to fifty percent of items in their online shop and access to exclusive members own members only items like the jack it's free shipping and sizes size exchanges go to five below club dot com now and into the promo code for and i'll give you fifty percent off your first month package plus a free pair of sunglasses that's fifty percent off your first package at five four club spelled f i v e oh you are foe club calm promo code bird five fold club dotcom promo code bird jesus christ oh my goodness siri go lift everybody lives the cnn of ride shares that's how i look at the other one that rhymes with mover they like

fox news they don't give a fuck right if your white gettin a fuckin car we don't give a shit what you're priors are lifted like wait a minute have you done anything bad because you did something bad i would really be add if you are driving people around you don't move or doesn't give a shit right they don't give a fuck all they need is white skin a little bit of freckles in your fuckin hard that's a guy that's the truth i think there are actually not see hundreds of looking into see who runs the fucking company i'm just saying i but lived lift these are the nice people live knows did their drivers are what keeps them moving so they do everything they can to make sure that drivers are happy on every trip did you write sharing copied it believes in cheating keep its people better believes that being a ride sharing drivers should be

do you have a good time so that passengers so do you i should we weren't sandals when i read this saying fuck it in the lotus position lived was was the first to offer an app tipping when you drive for lippy lived you keep a hundred percent of the tipps drivers have been paid over two hundred million in tips since the feature was introduced and a hundred and seventy million of that was spent on yoga classes there stone tofu express pay let's drivers get paid almost instantly instead of waiting weeks lived has even taken the guesswork out of pick ups the new amp device uses color coded

coding to help passengers find their drivers you can earn hundreds of dollars a week plus tips wanna earn more money drive more it's never been easier to give yourself a race it's a simple formula happy drivers means happy passengers maybe that's why nine out of ten live rides get a perfect five star rating go to live dot com slash bertie again and you get a five hundred dollars brought new driver bonus that's lift l why f tee we may yankee fox dark foxtrots tank dot com slash bert dot com slash per limited time only turn supply bobo due to beyond these me andy i can't do that i was why was going to say that i can't do that one i thought about the kitten fuck inquiry i can't do that we see this as the dangers of this you gotta have worked up

start over again what something a lot more safer we need me unease land here a dirty socks doo doo doo doo me on these monday's velvet up against my cock i love when report those two fuckin draws on mine's bill it isn't one i don't know our elevate your underwear game to the next time to the next level with me undies you ve perfected your wardrobe but what about this stuff not everybody gets to see we're talking about your balls here and you dick or you clamp what have we got down there may be a hermaphrodite maybe have all three what would be nice if there was something nice in soft up against it of your choosing i'm not i'm not taking the subway don't rush hour either if you been settling for store bought underwear five packs i have something that will change your life for the better me on these areas they why you're settling for store bought underwear like that's a difficult thing to fucking do

i guess going to the market separate special black friday was the first thing you put on the last thing you take off it's your underwear when she met them economy make your most important piece of clothing the best it can be with me on these what is me and these are just seriously thought feel good on these delivered righty a fuckin do me and these are designed in l a and made from sustainably source micro modelled model a fabric three times softer than cough cotton coffin cotton me unease softer than soft luxury underwear comes in an ever changing selection of classic colors bold shades and adventurous patterns tiger on your dick so you trade taylor you on these to your own personal style and guess what you can save time and money each month with a monthly subscription

and if you not ready for a strip janine it's ok me any can still save that's because beyond these is often you twenty percent off their first pair just use our special u r l b andy's dot com slice forget twenty percent off your first pair so go ahead revamp your underwear drawer you deserve it once again that's me and these dark complex per realities dot com slash per you know at the best ran about politics ever know while these fuckin jimmy door jimmy door unlike me is actually informed and he was calling somebody out i'm just fuckin doing all these trumped jokes who's calling him like a corporate liberal just acting as though all of this shit didn't exist during the obama presidency all of this is enough people upside down and houses these never ending fuckin wars this shit everybody gets all amp about ties he says it way better than me

forget what what think where he's on on the internet but i'm considering moving my operation over their cause you tube is a fuckin rip off won't you goddamn sleeves i told you the deal over there if your video gets flagged then you don't get the advertising money yet they still play the ad sorts like one who gets the money then they all know nobody gets it rosy if they get free adds so what stop stop in the advertisers from flag in every video they bought time on their full of shit so i'm thinking it pulling my channel and put it somewhere else i don't know i don't know what the fuck to do who knows all right simplisafe everybody you can rest easy when you protect your home and family was simply safe when you install your simply safe home security system your arm in your home with a powerful powerful sensors that tell you if a door opens or window breaks it

burglars worst nightmare is it i mean i think i've unlike you know i was always thinking what if you had like one of the most poisonous snakes in the world right in the world world world right and then when you leave at night right before you leave you fuckin you let the thing loose in your house of course not really thinking this through like eventually i have to come home but because i never fantasize pass the pearls come in and you know in the is like trying to jimmy the lock and is doing that fucking cobra comes up you know don't its little fucking you know dance right the snake you know just wait for that guy in the guy comes any sneaks in anything it is just bites a black marble and there is some shit then you come home with like your fuckin beekeepers suit on

go on he snaky snaky studies navies nagy or you know what you can do is get simply safe now the worst nightmare you know what about commodo dragon by your leg images just follows you around the house to you fuckin start collapse starts you got something that debbie i think that would be worst nightmare but evidently simply safe is right up there with commodo drift you can't afford commodo dragon or don't have a black mama guy simply safe is what you want is a hundred and five decibels siren that alert you at the first sign of trouble you love it dedicated team of security professionals watching over you you twenty four seven ready to send the police when he got kevin costner carry me out as i nozzle ended the sight of his neck was simply see if there is no long term contracts are hidden fees and around the clock monitoring is only fourteen ninety nine a month

call to action so don't spend another night second guessing your homes safety get simply safe and get some rest go to simply say bird dog com just picture with five hundred five decibel alarm goes up and you fuckin shoot up in bed with an absolute panic on please let that be a squirrel they just bounced off my fuckin window you know what isn't everybody have a panic room sleep and the fact that i believe my panic would be that the fucking door wouldn't open up i'll be in there this fuckin air tight well not air tight but sound prove fuckin room some cheesy headline after i fucking died panic grown turns into actual panic room i'm sorry that simply safe bird dog com for ten percent off your ordered simply safe dot com it's s i m p l i say

dot com is there a reason why they always misspell the words of their company is because every websites taken at this point you know i gotta billy bird dog com be i l l e bill lee bird how much time have i done here thirty seven minutes well you know what usually i'd give you a little more fucking freebies here but i got to go back to writing which i really don't want to do jesus was you know why i guess i guess that's what i'm gonna do here i have here by go sit down i do this fuckin roasting i need more shit on for drawings i need more shit on drunk where do you go where you go through the one of my get it he's little and he's done what else is there the fuck else is there

now that's the podcast lounges jackie i'm just trying to get you home ok now you listen to some music and then will add some brady sits from podcast gone by from thursday from years ago i have no idea what andrew feminist is gonna fuck it pull up buddy was pulls up some good shit i want to thank everybody who said that they had enjoyed listening to mute math em you t math mute math all one worthy of a new album you gotta check him out you gotta seem live you got to tell your friends about him so you can be the cool person that told him that there's a band called mutemath that that exists right

i'm telling you it's great as europe's are the reason for can better life go trick amounted to get a chance right that's the thursday afternoon just for protein monday morning podcast where you can you can sell it you know those buildings long they are i see what's going on it's bill power and it's the monday morning podcast for monday june twenty second two thousand and nine

dad i'm a scientist podcast by apologising for not doing a part not only not doing a podcast last week but not even given you guys the decency of sending out a bulletin with some sort of an explanation i'm in new york right now and i'm workin working on this movie thing and it's been raining oh really if its reigned like every fucking day and it's really been affecting the way the whole shoot things going so you know i had a lot of so i was walking in about six in the morning and die here it was and then also not to mention my fight didn't have batteries for my fucking quarter you know what excuse to a half hour i also data podcast for twenty five minutes last andy day and realise that i didn't you have the fuckin record iran the dumb fuck that i am your son fox said that he is

yes what do we have the goddamn thing on and i was meaning by batteries and i never did and basically i am douche bag of the week how do you like that i'm doing agatha weak for that do applaud cast you know we are miss days at work how era miss two days in iraq because he was a little fatigued it was a little fatigue general you make towards fuck a million dollars you mister two months of the season cause you hips fucked up because i don't know what you did fuckin stuck the needle into far enough jesus i was a cheap shots i'll tell you guys right now as far as small goes where'd you get it i'm getting into gulf and i am preparing myself if one more fuckin guy that i loved as positive for steroids there's one dude in particular if if he can they ever name his name i have done with fuck

baseball i'm not gonna say oh it is out of respect most you can probably guess who but i'm gonna be with the sports so this is what i figure i figure basque ball and hockey go you know they gone you like the second week of june so that i gotta do is i just gotta kill the last two weeks a june and the fog for the four weeks a joy that's all i have to kill and then then it's gonna be precedes and even then they got the hall of fame game right they got the whole affair game i think that's one and is in july and then i'm good and adopted what baseball anymore because i care if i can take it anymore you don't believe me i don't believe in santa claus i'm not like a fucking idiot but you know sammy sosa test positive way about sammy sosa mean i mean i think bear bonds belongs in the hall of fame because of what the fuck you did before

became this right it out monster me the guy was he was always a beast then he turned into the hawk you know remain so i mean iii ever do you say he's better than babe ruth i would say that because babe ruth an orange juice but why was babe ruth orange juice you know why cause it an avenue juice back dead like i was on fuckin sauce and he was eaten fried chicken and he was date rape checks on a fuckin train on the way down to baltimore that's what i read you know in the hall of fame so why not bury bonds and his huge fuck h g h head why can he get it but sammy salsa this is why i say nor that guy because our mother fucker was he wasn't any body and then sonny with somebody and then he was gone again and not only did you roy you get car with a fuckin court back ok what the fuck else do you need you know

what else do you need at that point have your best friend fox get on the mountain underhand the baltic that guy hit you'd like what six sided six home run i think he had like fuckin five hundred and sixty of them in a year and a half based busby betty betty good to make shut up stupid you got a needle stick out your shirt pocket so i think i'm gonna be able to be done and will be done with baseball i'm fuckin i'm done one more fuckin guy that i love test positive you know what you do what you guys but i go back to work i was chairing the player on and get all excited any just feel fuckin stupid you know number ninety ninety eight who the fuck was what baseball baseball was finished they still at covered from the strike the only thing that was good it was gone i was cal ripken broke loose garrick streak

the sun maguire and socio haven't this home run fucking on tests and i sat there like some depression eric fuckin kid boy oh boy we judy just see that one go over the fence fuckin scalped a ticket to go watch me maguire hit is twenty eight home run against the san diego pad raise as they say up in boston fuck you i get off sadly up deck and left field i watched him take batting practice was actually pretty funny cause at that point with such a fuckin rockstar because it already i'm close the year before this deal with such a fuckin rockstar that half stadium was full just to watch him was was just to watch this guy take batting practice and he came up to the plate standing ovation like an hour before the game everybody's waiting for the fucking crush one over the wall and i'll never forget this

pitch the first practice pitch in any laid down upon everybody laughed in some idiots booed because is there more rights you know those are the same people who were just stand back then they would just stand in iraq as it was no youtube that they could sit there and fuckin right there dumb ass comments on so anyway jesus christ seen our feed and sport should definitely not listen to this fuckin podcast i gotta have a couple of regulations out targeted congratulate the fuckin los angeles lakers jesus christ i gotta i did not watch one second of this liberation i or the last game i just was sort of flippin human society will like up by fifteen as i got those motherfuckers and then i can now and then he s pink saw necessity of fifteen championships annoy to behind the celtics and

which is true but i also know every moron l a laker fan thinks that the loss angelus like us have fifteen titles when they don't they fuckin ten ok and i believe that the fao can titles belong to the fence okay what the fuck the people in minnesota celebrate nothing those aren't there's gotta be such a country can mood i just got i gotta do this podcast though because i know i'm going to sleep till fuckin one tomorrow my home fuckin sleep pattern is just not a whack so anyway if you knew my podcast i do one of these motherfuckers every week unless some fuckin stain till six in the morning it's raining every night so let's get on with the questions here question for the week our right this person says bill i recently read something online about michael vick negotiating a spokesman deal for peter

since you now have you done well how fuckin stupid is that you like anybody is gonna believe that michael vick gives a shit about dogs that's like one one like like vince neil fuck gets pasta for drunken driving and somebody dies in the car and then like three weeks later is okay this vince nail you know when you're out party in it up just make sure you got a designated driver you know i never understood that its eye to where the fuck do you get off tell me what the fuck i should do before i get behind the fuckin we'll her you're fuckin cunt you you're gonna be so michael vick is gonna be a spokes understand people at peter what are they trying to just embarrassed the guy is ours don't like careless and we got so much power we're gonna make this guy come on

we enact like he gives a shit about dogs when he clearly doesn't it doesn't make any fuckin sense when you really think about it right that's like abby like ass a woman's group having a convicted rapists go on and be like you now you re you're really gotta respect these brides they are they work hard they will make a sandwich and sorry i'm referring that was supposed to be the rapist saying to the ladies going sorry i'm riffing and the ladies are supposed to be yelling there's nothing about making a sandwich in that statement you know if you didn't get it i'm really not good at that type of shit let's let's put to this question alright sir we have terrorist fucking give for the july tips in the next couple weak object i was route as literally ready to go into some happy fuck in middle eastern

accent which is really some just me any somebody else doing an indian accent somebody from india hero sure you got forty five thousand literally gonna do that stop myself because just that fuckin respect for myself you guys is the listeners ok i swear to god if i so we did that like and you guys actually back next week and listen to the podcast you know i would lose all respectfully let's finish this question or i recently read something about online about michael vick negotiating spokesmen deal for peter since you now have your dog what do you think about this i think i just answer that i personally hate the fucker since its people like him that would leave a dog by by the bridge or worse after i've done fighting them not to mention this is just a ploy to get back on the public's side so he can work as way into playing football again also

censure now doing the podcast wait let me just addressed that quite lena so he can it's just a ploy so we can get back in public on the people good size so he can play football again let me all you animal lovers out there don't you think my coal has paid his debt to society i mean what the fuck else does this guy have to do his dream was to play professional football it got taken away he had millions of dollars he's fucking he has nothing less they took his house they took his moms house the guy did time for fuckin with dogs he went to leavenworth leavenworth sammy the book didn't go to fuckin leavenworth he went right i'm just lulli just said that i have no idea if you went there and i asked what ails barroom fucking shit yeah that's let me say in a bar when no one can

fucking do the research i guess i can now in their blackberries you know but you guys are all your computer some sure everybody's clicking on you fuckin keyboard but you know enemy the guy went to fuckin leavenworth he was quarterback of the atlantic falcons he was one of the key was on way they would talk and laughed like he was a michael next michael jordan but he's playing fuckin football what does he do we as some dogfights people flip the fuck out right i'm not saying what he did what he did wasn't fuckin it was bizarre what he did was fuck a bizarre as i i i don't know that i'd heard it dogfights but i just thought that was slick summer gangs in new york shit added no people still debt that stuff but anyways i mean lost everything the guy last over the last two fucking years applying he's the guy lost everything any went to fucking leavenworth

jesus fucking christ it's enough fuck you peter go fuck yourself i'm doing your goddamn fuckin announcement right i said last two years trying to get rate at last all my fuckin money i lost my fucking career and are probably going to sign with the fuckin detroit lions isn't enough eu kuntz you fuckin weirdos aren't you go yell at a ball i'm a fucking slap in a house fly like you ve never done that can you fucking believe obama got shit for it fuckin a house with lands on shit get it off me you know about a mosquito with the wood people at peter flip out about a fuckin mosquito you know that scary diseases it dump of speaking that swine flu backer girl swine flu

get a love swine flu like you don't get it nobody loves gets it i'm telling you this you know it's good things you know thinned out the traffic to get some fucked it's a stone a bit about that it may become that back about how any time a new disease comes out like a cancerous be like you know i was in the forest and they get bit by something it always to be somebody an animal you know aids some do somebody fucked a monkey you know they fought the monkey they got on the concord and they blew a stewardess or a male stewardess then there was aids oh yeah yeah i'm telling you yellow fever dude somebody factor fuckin car dude really really swine flu i'm telling you do

mexico they fuckin if they fought pigs down there you know don't she'll be fuckin picks up here do you shut up every comes a goddamn doctor where do diseases come from i think they actually fishing in a study done i do think that there would be fuckin i think they would be but would you think that's what you think that they would be evil enough sorry just making sure this fucking things recording because this happen to me last week and i talk twenty five minutes and it didn't do you think they would actually be fucking evil enough to act just created disease you now i do not actually think that they could somehow control it and i don't know man you got some ass to be done is just too many

fuckin people i've said this before i swear to god i'm forty one i don't have any kids i really think i should be getting a tax break for not adding to the traffic you know i think everybody should be required to wait till forties to have kids let some all people die let some accidents happen you know let some fuckin people die so we don't have to and have nineteen leaned highways you know maybe it's good the people of fuckin pigs i don't know if in the end of it some people fuckin die and then they don't have eight kids and maybe you know does anything i say makes sense as you so fuckin stupid sometimes so anyways let me finish with this question here also since you're not doing the plot casts a new microphone system will we get it right

to hear any more view on the road or in an airport i found those to be hilarious unlike the sound better dont know why the new there too quiet but still free so i probably should be complaining hoped to see one stage soon though i don't know i don't know what the deal is what that maybe i think our last week's was too quiet because i had a problem i didn't just the device correctly i'm on the road i don't have the microphone and you know the taliban here i'm not in the fuckin about the guy the studio on that bob rock here ok so sometimes it might be a little fucked up but yeah i know a lot of people like those old podcast where i suggest go off on people and airports i guess i could do it but it was always easier to do it on my phone has people they had no idea was talking to him but if i sit here with this fucking device you know god no somewhere

take some nine eleven statute now be in some goddamn back room all right let's get to overrated underrated ok overrated underrated for this week are right overrated people who make those that moves me emotional grunts during public performances this is not yet known that the fuckin truth if you're listening to a first hand story about saving a person's life perhaps but making a noise across between almond enlightened i'm enlightened and i have a stomach pain in response to trivial fact gets old quick yeah i absolutely have to fuckin agree with that one another one overrated mrs when this gonna fuckin deaf get some feedback somebody says publics all teaches overrated they only nine months a year get paid living wages with full ban benefits and pensions and they have a ridiculously easy job i would apply

they are so that any if i have any teachers who are listening there just seeing the same shit over and over again every year and they for them those parts suck at it well calculus aside most of the ship is really simple how hard is it to teach kids how to spell the word tree every year it's not like the boston party gains a new level of new once every year you teach it yet they comply where underpaid were under appreciated but shit you're all paid for working a semi part time jobs that you mostly suck at given a free pass to the middle class and somehow the bonus of a social martyrdom i know i did that right people are always bitching oh we need more teachers dude school teachers middle class what are you when you consider middle class twenty five randy year would have the fact they pay those things living off of government money and having to explain really simple shit the children not an

he job like working a minimum wage hauling debris working the fields or cleaning forums come convalescent harms stupid fuck and lace call minors they don't country with a society like we do i guess this is a teachers talking we hope we help all young minds great job that's why most people are fuckin morons aright vary too you know i'm i'm i'm gonna fuckin way on this one i think what you are doing is your blaming the ass the problem do what you want to stand there in front of thirty snub nose kids eighteen of which probably have to dumb fuck who did a fuckin condom for parents you know when you gotta get there with their fuckin brad kid in all these fuckin parents no parent today can admit that dec is a douche bag you know not overall no parent would admit that but you norman like in a certain situation they always gotta

can excuse they get a d day the teacher i was doing there so they were doing that you know i do wanna be a fuckin did such a fucking great job do you go be a goddamned teacher i know what you may do nine months or years the shit you get the hope that their vacation days are ridiculous that is a great point think about that they get all those jewish holidays off they get the pda thing off they get the fuckin thanks having week off they get like ten day vacation fourteen days creation of a christmas february education april vacation and summer vacation you know and you come in from ninety three and i got to admit even if you are teaching calculus once you do it number years you got it down but you know what you can say that about everybody you know the fuck

let me tell you how many basements the after refinish before you got it down well you know what you gotta do you know i don't know and i think and at any time we get to shit the first they cut is they always cut education there was cut education can people have old fuckin books i don't you know something talk to some the people here in new york and some other shit that they got it with some of the public schools and no matter what they do the kids never fucking wrong but blah blah blah blah blah i i'll tell you this i do totally agree with they are ours are ridiculous anymore vacation time that they get is ridiculous i gotta be honest with you do things flying getting on an airplane and there's a fuckin screamin kid now multiply their times thirty and you gotta spent six fuckin hours at least one year goddamn plane you can ignore the kid you can put on a walk when you can't do that as a teacher

you got to actually somehow get these kids to shut the fuck up and then teach him how to spell the word tree you no fuck that you can have that job alright thought about being a teacher for a while i did stand i just wanted to somehow be in front of a group of people and be funny i'm a refugee i thought about i'd be i be funny i'll be a cup but i'll be a funny cop are poor people over i'll let him go that's what i wish to thank everyone else who gets shocked or in the second fuckin weak because i'm trying to make friends with my verdict need to be light all right let's get into the bad press thing a few weeks ago i mentioned how were you know there's certain people that just always get good press you know firemen we get good press the men and women in the arm services always get good press and bob and for the most part ninety nine percent of it is right

right but if you saw jurassic park and you listened to our goal boom expire chaos theory these exceptions you know there's no way there's not one douche bag in the navy there's no way there's not one asshole at the fire department you know there are so wanted to hear the stories and here's one bell is about an army bill i have a story about an old neighbour of mine who was in the army most people in the army never seem to have any thing never negative set about them but that's not the case with me i used to live next to a family which there were six sons and each it were real peace is a shit so isn't there always just that fucking piece of shit scumbag family you know every fuckin one of omission dad's a piece of shit the mother a piece of shit all this once all the doors the dog their car which is just a from head from top to bottom

it's just a piece of shit fuck and family they all sit there breathing through their mouths our eye anyways so goes the other all pieces shit because i'm talking about the types of assholes who would drop it of acid in someone's beer and a kick out of watching the person trip is ass off every none of them was arrested at least once the oldest was biggest piece of shit out of a bunch he shot a liquor store clerk and i think he paralyzed the guy from the waist down but not all of them there was one consider himself to be the price why you ass because he was the one who was in the army and whenever this guy would come back home to visit he would bring in quotes army toys with him this is a great fuckin story there few stories that i remember time he had a smoke screen and set it off in a abrams yard their words

there were these blue flame shooting out the back and just burned up the grass and in a matter of five seconds you what to see any of the houses on the street another i am he set off a flare in the middle of the night still see him set in the thing off he just smack the end of it on the pavement our came this list ball of light that shot up in the sky and then prove it was daylight he woke up half the neighborhood but the worst ever was when he was home for thanksgiving and i saw him out at a bar he had brought home a fuckin hand grenade and was trying to sell the fuckin thing one last thing about this family they had a reply dear brother who was a fuckin monster like two hundred fifty pounds i did with this brother was basically keep him locked up in a room and let him pro rustling one year at the what the july but block party they thought would be funny to get him drunk and let him loose at the party that

easily in the top three scariest moments in my life no bullshit people were big fences and fair this guy he didn't hurt anyone buddy the shit out of a tool shed see what i'm saying that's all there is always one asshole i don't give a shit i don't give a shit is always gonna be that he's trying to sell a fuckin hair grenade i get a question for you would you buy it i wouldn't be so afraid i blow my fuckin hand off but if someone bought it i would i want to be in the vicinity and in the the direction away they threw it i just want to be there already i any military people listen to this podcast is there anything at all how big is it's like a hand grenade you know i mean like someone like i'm in a hotel room right if

but he threw a hand grenade in this fuckin room right and was on the other side of my bed and i jumped on this side of the bed like fuckin crews and where those mission a possible fuckin movies you know in the movie i live what happened to me in real life you know what how do i add what i immediately lose my hearing would show now go through the bed with me in the bed just go flying out the fuckin window i'll be all right we'll ice asking questions artless move on his another one bill can grow on the tonight show in the movie thank you and even more so on the dog i got a pair of let me read this this is what i should have enlarged i got a pair of power much much two years ago and it changed my fuckin life the whole thank you said about not even knowing them a month ago and now are in writing the day they gonna die fuck em right there with you eggs are kids who never disappoint evil one

girl ate my cell phone i loved you may make your girl dog actually thought you might yet daughter that's fuckin some right anyway she said i still loved or never knew added in me the man i gotta i got a fucking agree with you do at fucking dogs are the greatest goddamned things ever and i respect cat people but i just i dont get it i dont get it cats are like the hot chick at a bar man they just fuckin they come to you when they need and then they just i respect cats i dolly respect cats because they're like loners you know once while pop dna what's goin on it or are you bet take it easy then they leave i totally get that ship like just where the kind of come and go and they don't pay

this arrogance to that you know i think dogs are a lot more appreciative you know i think they sense i dogs have about your sense of via the monetary system and catch them plus cats practice killing you i don't like that fuckin girlfriend i had years back i you know i just i could just sent something watching me i turn around the fine i catch the cat like stocking me was annoying knowing that the thing little think daughter was gonna fuckin do something it could do something to me are etc you know you can't peopled we like do let me tell you something dirty war to you now i wanted to i wanted to i could take out one of the many weapons that human beings have invented where i could fuckin kill it out from across the room i guess they re now michael was fighting cats a heap that community service people just

give a shit about cats you know but people love they love dogs you can trash cats i am telling you can be a comedy don't stand a comedy a u can fuckin trash cats and people just don't give a shit but you start trash and dogs and people really they really have a problem with it you know can't speak gross this shit in the house it's white why can't you just go outside and do that you know is it ever is the letter box ever clean is there any guy out there you date the girl with the fuckin cat and the stupid fucking things they have no bound is they jump up on tables around the bed there on your chest their effect on the couch you're an aunt em get on the goddamned floor fighting i can even begin to tell you how much i would fuckin torture it

i would get one of those little spray bottles with the water i guess it was you supposed to use to keep them off the couch i would just do that all the time just in general shoot him right in the fucking face that's what i would do you know like a fucking civil rights rally goddamn firehouse right through the face our way to bring that about cash registered hey bill did you see the lakers take the championship ninety nine eighty six it was awesome yes i did phil jackson now has its record tenth championship ring on her finger and you really look like a leprechaun next conan everytime i do kind of summer tells me that you will think is gay little brother above a bar pretty tall six four i think he's actually like six foot six anyways also i was thinking about your position against self check outlines

i was at the store the other day and saw there were only two people working registers and the other eight were self check outlines it was appalling and half time a person uses the self check out something malfunctions and somewhat to come over to help so why the fuck don't they just put a competent efficient individual at the register that system for example of our increasing unemployment rate i totally agree with you people are fucking morons you wanna see classic sample of fuckin morons we're all idiot standing in line by the new iphone people like the memory of like two minutes now they want to stifle came out what happened buddy ran out they bought the fuckin thing they said in line like they were gonna go see bruce springs the backstage or some shit they get the phone the found sucked the service sucked everything sucked it was over priced they re called something and then two months later they fixed it right and then the second wave were better phones for like

you want two dollars cheaper so why fuck when the next phone comes out would you run in line by the first one again you why because you are dumb fuck that's why i need to say dumb fuck who goes into a supermarket and you one of those automated cashier lines could you think it's easier you think it's quicker and you think it's better you're a moron you're working for sorry for the supermarkets in you help and put people out of jobs you both fuckin a month ago to people did the job for you for free you just stood there with your hands in your pockets whatever do you know what were you you're fighting a losing battle people are morons and if he d i'm out with some shiny new shit the line up to go do it i don't give a fuck what it is all right there's my little can editorial for the weak arright sports knowing thing sports the solves fucking face

come on like her fancy you gotta admit right you won the championship you're in a good mood you gotta admit come on if that guy wasn't fuckin plan for you that vice head that itchy beard it's like is is he doing like what was that show we had the fuck where i for the straight guy that's what he needs he needs like a make over i think he just realises he's weird looking and he's trying to covered up with hair you know one of these days i'm going to run into that guy and he's going to take his size fucking nineteen sneaker and he's going to stop me right in the face anyway over of time this guy gets fouled or commits a file every time he gets a follow commits a folly acts like somebody committed a crime i now i've been doing an impression i am on stage and i m podcast listeners if you come out to one of my shows if any time you want a yell that out please do it in between jokes i will

really appreciate that don't do that during a joke that moment my set when i look loss than i act like i'm thirsty taking a sip of water but i'm really trying to think about what the fuck i'm gonna talk next year without that and as an added bonus i'll do my direction your impression my derek cheater impasse action is the impression of derek pressure dare cheater taking a fast all right down the middle of the plate for strike one i do i do it you know i do a fantastic impressed of what he does anyways ps what do you think of the stanley cup game seventh that was an amazing gain grateful hawking and surprising the wings choked thanks again for the park as do the wings didn't choke you know that's the new age a sports somebody windsor means the other person choke variant choke they just want the penguins where a better for can t you know

i don't know there was there was a great there was a great series i did and i was site i had mixed up since i don't wanna see detroit went again just jealousy but i'm bomb the steelers won the superbowl euro fuck it it reads caught right up to whom we all one behind them and now somehow with three behind him again but you know i know but spectre steel or semi there always beating powerhouses for their titles now like to seattle seahawks in arizona cardinals and you know who knows maybe next year they play the saints for the biggest trophy ro football i have no right to be better i just want to see the bronze when stanley cup that i've done and you know areas this another way i'm gonna get out a fuckin get out a watch baseball when the rest my heroes fuckin test positive

is wimbledon wimbledon tennis darts starts this week that'll killer other weeks and i gotta do is just worry about july and at that point there's gotta be observe rina football what are you paul fans who just refused to watch baseball what do you do don't you let me better get out of the house and actually work out take up sailing alright this is the end podcast this one is what kind of short this week but it's late at night and dumb i don't off it rains tomorrow a million up shooting i believe have no idea up in the air so i probably should get some sleep even though they really caused until five what else can i talk to arrest the fuckin talk about oh i added a date that i do not have a on my website yet hopefully i have it up by the time i posters i am doing another monday only show at the punchline an ass

francisco i did one back in march i did too shows and i just went out by just sort of told stories while i kind of did my act and i had proper to the best sets i can ever remember having so i'm sure this time around i know i gotta have a good time again i just always have a good time when i'm up there and i don't know that's it that's the end of the fuckin podcast i'm gettin lupi here i should i've been doing during the day they got find another studio here in new york and go play fuckin drums and i'm tellin you i'm inching club sir and closer to being able to play that good ties bad times if i just fuckin played drums i swear god i wish i had it down by now but i always like all these days and between fuckin dominant shit but i'm tellin you and when i get that down without a doubt i'm gonna fuckin make a video of it and you guys can all

rash me about what a douche bag i look like but i'm still gonna be able to play it and their my foot that you know i'm talking about the shit right now because i know most people don't give a fuck is my foot is actually is is is aching right now for the emma i play for like two fuckin hours and i will and i was just workin on this sir that joe joe mayor that fuckin he'll tell thing i'm gonna get that thing down i'm gettin that down and i'm getting down those fast doubles and when i do boy oh boy i still won't have a gig our right right that fuckin ethnic sucked god dammit that's the under the monday morning podcast somebody semi an mp3 i said i was gonna put it up this week i just don't have the i don't have the fuckin time right now when i get back to allay and a couple weeks i'm gonna do it somebody may mean new intro if you guys were i try to come up with an intra i know it gets the musicians out there who listen to this if you want to write a intro song somebody

long time ago some band offered to do that and die i never really got back to him i think they're from michigan i can't remember bud to do that go ahead now because actually kind of know how to use garage ban and i could kindness splice it together yeah that's it so that set people i will be doin stand up in new york city actually work the comedy seller laugh stop weekend and i might be at comics this wednesday that would be june twenty fourth i might doing it but is also a chance that i might be shooting i might not be there so why its day to day just like a raw data day and die right if you listening i hope you get over your fatigue hope he took a nap

god of such cuts are you guys have a great we can cover in terms of speech jumps begin