« Off The Pill

#23 - Ft. Bethany Mota - Taking a Break from YouTube

2019-07-14 | 🔗

Ryan Higa, Paco, David, and special guest Bethany Mota talk about her childhood, career, how she met her boyfriend D-Trix, and her love of music. Bethany also speaks on why she took a break from YouTube and how it led her to finding herself again.

Guest - Bethany Mota http://instagram.com/bethanynoelm Shout to RODE Microphones - http://en.rode.com Order Ninja Melk - https://ninjamelk.com Follow "Off The Pill" and send us your questions and topics!   http://twitter.com/OffThePill http://instagram.com/OffThePillPodcast Listen on: Apple Podcast - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/o... Google Play - https://play.google.com/music/listen#... Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/6XBRxzv... Hosted by: Ryan Higa Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/notryanhiga YouTube - http://www.youtube.com/RyanHiga Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/higatv/ Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/therealryanhiga Contact Information: Media Inquiries - media@offthepillpodcast.com Advertising - advertising@offthepillpodcast.com

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
And I just what obviously wasn't expecting insights fell to the ground and I was wearing a dress. I dont know what it is about dance with women's slowly. It is attractive, it'll, just a cow like right there at the window contagious broke free. You have adequate. Are we good to go Well, I'm back to another episode off. Rather I didn't I messed up. So I welcome back to another episode of off the pill podcast, most of all sound. I guess we'll go at that. Today we are struggling today we have a special gas, Miss Bethany. What are the house? How and of course, as always, we have given the moderator, see
given that, in order to know about the monitoring is about is under replaced only when we have all the little right next to us that you didn't do anything I so we are like. I say we're here with death and thank you for being here with horror. So close, what were you just talking about before we start rolling, we're tom or something what about the room that Dietrich made for right so Just a preface that aren't you re not ass. Well, ass, the time a little bit about introduction of some for some of the audience it doesn't know who you are my true so high are you I well. Production hearing our I am Bethany MOTA. I mean you tube her eyes. Making videos forward gosh like since handles and nine ah, but ten years now wow
and I do other things like music in designing and just a lot of different things, and mainly Do social media staff salaries brought in over ten million subscribers? yeah and also that's very early Andrews, almost a billion views. You nearly are you still work. You are working with not advocate, golly. Just Arab asked: are you? Are you still working with them or no now ended in an inkling twenty fifteen, ok, it was like a few years in a really really courage, as I felt very out of place because I was suddenly thrown in with all these, like legit fashion designers. To like help me put this collection together and out and get well go. Really well it better than I could have ever expected, but yeah was definitely like crazy that I was like a teen at the time, but you don't have. If that's when I met you I think right in Japan, we men, Japan, it was at that time. I think,
later neither whose way before that are really things like it was a while ago, twelve or something oh yeah, how old were you at the time at sixteen? Ok, I would mention, Why are we got you to eat squid ink. That was a hundred advice, Are you really picking? I still remember that terrified. I know it wasn't bad though you didn't like it was pretty bad. How did the m passed all like thing come about a kind of interested in how they can came about today, just reach out here, and where I won't, it started with just like a casual meeting like I didn't think anything was really gonna come of it and we. We just did a few meeting greets like in New York and they were like. Well, we on our work with more so I basically they picked a few items from their existing line and like put that out as like. These are my topics in than those kind of all sold out.
And then they decided they want to do like a full on like partnership, so I launched the Bethany Motor Clothing brand under them and those in all their stores and online, and it was really successful, it was just really fun also to like. Actually design and have something out there that everybody was like could actually have and where and yet it was a crazy experience, you're you're sick. Team? I think I must have been seventeen or eighteen when that happened, but John crews. Nobody young grace you working with a bunch of adults. That's crazy to is like because I'm older now I mean I'm so young, but it's like I'm are aware of what was actually happening. I feel like because it all happened so quick and because I got into it so young. I didn't really know what was going on almost like, not to say appreciate it but kind of kind of like,
This was so unaware of like how, like one of a kind that was because each of us deal that right now is a pretty big deal right, especially at the time Are you two birds that wasn't like you're like one, the first to get a major? That's a major bran like it said, I think right, not absolutely nothing. We don't have been Hawaii, though I think in a long, but when I heard about it I've heard of that before and then, like that's a major Brandon for you to bring back, then we weren't getting those can ideals now, maybe yeah back. Then it was a big deal. But are you still say, you're not working with them anymore, but very still doing you're still doing fashions related things right. Not like developing Oh then I mean something that I definitely want to do more in the future, but I think it just be much different than it was back then because, as was obviously alot younger, I think anything I put out now is just going to be like a little old,
but I haven't been designing. I've just been like, like I sold, do fashion related content, but just knowledge designing, close, not to remain focused on back to making more videos. Could you do take a break for a bit right, yeah. I took like I feel like I took a lot of little breaks and then I took a pretty big break most recently and I think it was just like It started probably end of twenty fourteen. When our was like, I am so burnt out on this thing is, I was going hard for years and I They had no social life like I didn't, have any friends as also homes schooled when I started making videos so getting into it. When I first started first couple years, it was like three videos a week while and no one on my team so's just me filming editing, anything and I didn't socialize easy at all. My question is
you're home school. How did you like come across Youtube and knowing that you could make videos and something that is actually because I was home school at that? I feel like I was more Where of it, because I was home all the time diamonds Hove is like he's on line, and then I stumbled across it. I feel like. Actually, if I was in public school at the time, I probably wouldn't have cared as much about it and definitely wouldn't have made videos, and it was just because I was just bored and so I started watching them and then decide to make them also being so shy growing up. I think if I was in public school there's no way I would have even started to channel, but it was because I felt like I was kind of like a hiding in a way, and then this is like me being able to talk to the world from like my own room. A truer yard afflict back in the day, especially like arm
it is true or not, but I feel, like all other older you tubers people start a long time ago, were more like shy and introverted people who found the space to express themselves and it's kind of change to like the opposite. I'm not really noticed that I think they're back. Then there was a lot of. It was mostly, I think, introverted right people that felt like this was kind of their. Only outlet tat actually expressed themselves in ways that they would never do friend of people right and then now it's a man. I want to say it, but it sounds like it was like the losers Those are kids who are kind of on it and it kind of made it big and then all the cool kids are here. You know like the Logan Paul's are like tall buff. Looking good looking dudes in like you know, we weren't that back, so we ve gone a space or we're like save, but another age took over. Do you feel like it kind of help your person like help, develop your personality, absolutely
like even comparing then ten. Now my First, video, I was so awkward, I mean I'm still awkward, but back then it was so bad, but I was whispering in the video cuz. I didn't want anyone to hear me talk like in my house and then I also was wearing glasses back then cuz. I was too afraid to work. Jack, so every video I have to like take my glasses off and just be like school winteam. Just so I could look in the viewfinder in like see what was going on so awkward and so scared. But don't you think? That's what made you lovable, though, like to the people who really like love, you'd like oh, my god, I relate she awkward. I think that's why we watch people like me, certain people, though we cannot see ourselves in Seville like a girls, I wear my age could relate to so much of what was going on with me back then cause I was just really trying to figure it out his hand of all over the place while woods getting back to the just cause. I brought it up earlier, but didn't continue about these story that you are telling us about
the dark, Don T, you're dating DE tricks? I had a secret ravens, very public. I lived with theatrics for a long time and now he's so there is no I'm without delay for like a few years, but yes, oh DOM districts is currently which was yon so either do you think you dance so he was gonna be here, but he will be here another time he said. Oh I know how that story can basically the night that you had your ninja milk Release Party, DOM held a small. It'll get together like a barbecue at his house and so like a lot I speak to you guys, went and weaken like hanging out he's. He showed us around avenues again as wanna see this. This room I made for that.
Made a room. He made a rush romantic and what is the oak? What it was the occasion will, let you take it. Awakes yo this best, so basically diameter room for me and for Christmas, because we have this rule with like any gifts that we give, whether it's like birthday, a Christmas that we have to make them, and he came like store bought. So I made him like this light up. Sign mainly used power tools for the first time was really brought myself, but he made me this room. That was basically he required in my childhood room, and so he did Is research apparently like looking at what my room looks like in like watch all of my old videos when I had like hot pink walls, so he painted this wall hot, pink and then
dislike stitch, mural, causally loan stitches, like my favorite dizzy movie, and then he had at these pictures of me. I like walk in and the first thing. I see these letters at the top of the window that the USA Little Beth men, there is all of these pictures of me as a baby, but he photoshopped him so into them. So it's like little babies again you and it's not that I don't think that's. My fourth agreed that it is creepy like it is I lost. Is there, though, told him? I was honestly in tears because I would like to ask: is the most awful thing anyone has ever done? Is it creepy a little by little bit, but yeah I, so many like screenshot id like a picture or like a screenshot from my draw my life video unframed day, which was really q there like pictures of my family everywhere and then
I too childhood crushes, which were doing cos browser like second quality health care through their funny. Now I still what I mean, I don't want whenever wiser, but there too has a funny brute Iberia one. Only works in a brewery has links Disney or they from yeah, you don't exactly Corey Brenda Song. Was it. Our membership has now arrived. Second shrieks, we live a second goal. Oriented effort of those guys grew up in there. Like Ninety divide the regeneration in nine years ago. The gipsy like. Why me that's like The latest off it was super thoughtful and it yeah it's
really really cute room. He got like this old tv with lake the edge the ached with. Why can I speak the it S. Tames service really really sweet. I was crying. How long have you been we basically two years we met three years ago and then we dated four like almost a year and then broke up for like six months and then got back together. Now it's been like a little over a year since we got back together, user Schubert of a thing to say why it's almost certainly always voice lie. I mean european family has not really touchy freely, but when I see you guys, you awaits you yet
no, no I didn't say I was painted on her arm- is in a very loving first years he's such a passionate lover. He really is does nothing I get so exciting area excitedly. Now that we have met before, because I mean we're just I've mothers earlier, but you actually saying- and I no that at first but you ve, guys came here on if enough, because work together or not- but I know dumb, came here as well to work with David. Oh yeah. We did one song today's minutes on our dog, dumb thinking as both wrote it or dumb Rudy, downright that when this first sweet song and dumb I mean I was I avoid told about this, but I think you know she's, one of them most underrated, singers, on Youtube. I think she could have done music if she didn't do beauty but you're doing that right now,
yeah a little bit. I think it's just one of those things that I've done wolden so much, and I really want to do It's like I'll. Do it I'll put out a song. Five years ago. Something and then I was like I don't know it's I'm just so. Unsure and also I just wanted like. I know it but it's one of those things are like almost waiting for the right time, but I also kind wander perfect: it before I start putting it out, because I just always want to give peace. Something that I feel is of some dense and that I am proud of, and if I feel like it's not really there for me, then I don't really want to share it with you. You do you sure, like that I was. I was more like that and then now it's just I may podcast
he's given ass the father there now I mean I mean we still. We still have projects like that, but I am. I wanted to be able to just do things that are alike and no free, not having like so much thought to every single thing? You have to want to do those things as well and I feel like you're the same way but like what is your main focus because you, Do so many things that you're doing the videos you like you said you were doing d, the clothing, the fashion thing and then you sing wench dance to for a little bit I'll, just see you learning dad's if you're living with your not living with Don, but you guys are dating because all he does is dance at every moment if he will be in the car start like yeah. He does. I started doing a lot of freestyle, dance, ianu, really bad. No, I haven't really be. Dancing, you would think like we don't really dance together. He's actually taught me a few things and he sees a choreographed little things for us that we never like finished.
The dancing is something that I cannot really only went forward dancing with the stars like that was the most. I've ever really pursued that a kind of wanted did pursued a little more after the fact. But yeah. I don't know, I think it was fun, but is actually not something that I see myself doing like it being a mail. I thought you weren't, like. I thought you were a dancer from that. I mean you're, pretty good. I took dance classes growing up and then once I got the offer for dancing with the stars, I was like. I really want to do it. Cuz dance is always something that I really enjoyed, but just never really went for Annie. I think I definitely surprise myself Muse also just like having such a good teacher, but I definitely found myself doing things that didn't know. I could do firstly, it's so many different styles like every week, it's like you'll have salsa than you'll have like jive than you'll have the contemporary and
so I just became more aware of my body, which is really cool, but I think I, like a kind of foam love a dance a little bit during that show. It's just something that is kind of cool to have like. I think I could incorporate it into certain things in the future, but deadly wouldn't be like my main thing. How long ago was that when you're on that show, was twenty fourteen. I think, would you say that your your excitement about dance got you more interested in. Dawn yours about the time right, yeah. I what about that. I do ink saw- maybe maybe like us of conscious, like wow, I'm really loving, Datsun, here, look and look out good. This guy is advancing, that's actually attractive. That's actually. What made us like hang come. Together Yak is it. Is it like a Youtube Youtube greater summit like one of the after parties, and I was just really
like anytime, Adrienne and after party or anything I'd always be salsa dancing. I don't really know how to do it, but I enjoy it can so Just remember. There was like this crowd of people and as a coup here is, can associate answer me tonight and I kind of new. You said that Oh I just I. I thought that every time I would they go to a party like who here it looks like they would also dance with me and I knew use a dancer. Obviously in so we just started salsa dancing, and then we just like dancing. I instant the attraction that was Actually, the first time that I was like. Oh he's q because I met him before that and the Tony Robins conference, and I just because I'm cool like all cool core by innocent really into a sea the skills yeah, I didn't see the schedule. Enzymes are those moves hours lake see sandy advantage of being a dancer because
I don't know what it is about dance, but women just love. It is attractive. It is its attractive when someone knows how to move their body well, pocket Condemn his house out working, not anymore any doubts a brig later be boy oh really did, but he got more to like it was a coral. I guess dams. Well versed in India, David? I was evidence at all, I'm the worst answer I'm too stiff. Like I look like I'm sure you walk away from it all you say only a clock of more than a wider I'd, say: you're, going back to a David was saying that you're, actually a good singer and David doesn't just give our compliments. He's very blunt ashes boil I mean to people that dont know how gave it is David is very like talented people here, like it or not is likely that they will be straight up and you won't see you're good unless you are, unless you really are. But
does tell I've ass David before us. Can everyone sing and what was your answer to that on do you want me to be honest round me completely honest? Can anyone seeing or learn to sing? Yes, yes, and to sing, but can I do believe some people are born with natural talent, and some people were never have ample and never even Hayleigh, even if they learn it will have that. I think we're dialogue with DAS, given our that will with dense something like what you look like a dancer when you dance you may he looks like a dance, he dances, but when David and I dance where that, where those people would can't wait. Iron. I think I can for me we're gonna, be edgier danzayemon, Ursula David. I think you know what I'm saying is you can learn, but you never be. Never look I'll, never be de tricks. Now, research and innovation that there were high wage, so you're saying so like that, but some people that are really great singers, that its natural someone who worked really hard could never like attain that so
not that now as a minute disappoint, alot of people, nobody to a certain level. It's true right. I think them they come. So just their natural speaking boys. That sounds better I'd. Only it's about speaking voice. For me, I think it's more about like good. So the way that explain is: u fine, young kids or amazing singers right because agree with that, You'll see like journal on those tv shows there are naturally gifted they did not learn how to do that because they were taught they're just born way, and I think there are a lot of people like that in many different fields, including dad's singing, were intelligence writin. I think like Bur people who were born with it, but then I do think that you could work on anything. You can get good to a certain point, but I dont know if you can achieve greatness, makes sense. I think it's true. It's just like being good a basketball right. May I could be the like. I could work my ass off and I'll still be five, eight and
Never in the NBA, and even there are I ve players shorter people who can dunk, I think, no matter how much I wouldn't work I got I condemn ha. I can do there's is a basketball game gave their right and our blank and those writer, the game, we're gonna sitting down, dislike, relaxing and then this one gin, kid dislike palm. The ball ran up and dumped. And he was like a little bit shorter and the first thing me in writing did was we stood up? really, shorter than I like that lies about. So I mean. Why did I bring them So what about island musical tat an inn for Danzig? You could dance because that's quite natural for you. I was saying that no matter how much David I train will never. We could get good till it the point our cap. I think I get it yeah, but that you have liked this high cap for again
and singing, and I don't know about you think you can choose which was really heavy enough, but acts by you I mean I would never do. That show is put it that way. That's it with us you'd. Never do it. Never. There's gotta be some great incentive from an embarrassment, somehow because I think taking this into in another route is You are very kind of introverted kid. It sounds like, but you have all these natural talents within you. What did you kind of always just knows there was just like other seems interesting, and you pick it up very easily. Break with the singing I felt like. I was always singing when I was younger and I just remember, remember like getting mad when people in the car would sing with me and they were like off like eight year old me out. His duties are mad about that. That means you have really good software sense of pitch and, unlike I think I mean this is a question
so I ask a lot of musicians and singers is who, in your family is musically gifted so usually, when my musician friends either their mom dad both Grandpa grandma. It's always like that. So I was wondering if, if that applies to you as well, maybe an uncle or not. It's like a gift actually a lot. My mom is, and my grandpa and then a lot of my cousins mom, so my mom side, gotcha yeah thoughts, drew my theory stew CS. It is something you're gonna born with an eight is turning to a certain degree of sky, be genetic right magazine your genes, because I mean I I some bad but like to certain Missy's at ever. Like my majority of that initiative can sing. You know. I mean like the majority Filipinos that a lot of happiness can allow like black people. Most of them. I know can at least sound better than your average person yet another
sure not I may be make up a bible, I know are all at least somewhat decent. The cab, nice others and they steep boys are like the and actually thing or something as a musician. I will verify that. Ok, somnambulist, you know it's a nice time. The truth I finality Americans Filipinos generally speaking the darker you. I don't know what it is you I don't know what it is. I think it's maybe the their vocal corps. There. She shall be drunk lawyer darker too you gotta know an arduous, basing it hurt me when racist on it, but it's it's a great Europe is a very positive thing. It's a positive stereotype even I've heard some like even no avenue marriage or not grace. They say like so bad and they sing and unlike nor so good you're such a liar, like you, you just all really good and singing, George, you haven't noticed there are a high cap for that right. They could learn to sing right
yeah sucks being Filipino in not being able to sing or you're only part. You know what I've never heard. You sing the because I can that's what they also have. You tried, yeah. Let's hear some low on exploiting those who most tone. You have not had mixed waking error to those exquisite glances, well now, we know so you're gonna be a singer dancer your basically made to be a pop star. You got the fashion a little bit of everything. What is in like not joking around? What is your next thing you want to do. I mean and honestly the music is one thing that I have just recently. Taking more seriously and I it's because I've been so scared with it for so long I just kind have been diving deeper into it recently and yes, who definitely music stuff and then just kind of getting back into you too
again. I think that I needed to take a break to kind reset, and I think I felt this almost this pressure of also who people have perceived to me to be for so long, especially getting into it so young that was kind of one of the biggest chow because I faced was, as I got, older, was kind of breaking from these ideas. How people saw me, which definitely I was never fake, like that- was one hundred percent me at the time, but then, as I getting older, and then I did are having more in social life and did start like kind of exploring myself more. It didn't necessarily add up with what people are used to seeing so yeah. I just Kennedy had time to take a break from all of that and it's kind of like what you said is like. I want that kind of freedom back of not feeling so much pressure of everything
that I post has to be like the most perfect thing in the world right and just the fact that I could. Actually, this post is enough, and as long as actually enjoyed it, that's more than enough cause. I definite got to a point where I was enjoying it, and it was just a big stress, boss. I can relate to the one hundred percent I definitely of senior blogs. This is like a while back, but just like knowing you outside of Youtube cuz. I met you before. I seen your videos and then we would like all your videos. I was like, oh that's, interesting, you're, a lot more. You know like like myself a lot more like energetic, and you would be like talking here. Wrong and it is hiring an especially we're getting older since you started at what age was that thirteen YA thirteen years, certainly one of those on you like one those Disney kids right who trapped in the same like hey, is the only well those things and then not that you,
had I'm just saying but Disney Ghana, but when you're trapped into this thing you just it's, it's exhausting because you grow up, everybody grows up and to certain egregious you need to have that switch and people are gonna like it, but it has to happen Miley Cyrus and it works yeah. While we are at the hour she break part of our show. So I guess we'll be right back hey guys just want to say thank you to our sponsor anchor Anchor is, the easiest way to make a pot cas it so easy. In fact, we decide to use it to distribute our show. This show off the pill podcast, it gives you everything you need in one place for free which you can use right from your phone or your computer anchor. Also
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and we're back and we get back. Actually I forgot in the beginning of the episode, but thank you and shall to road for these MIKE's cause. They gave it to us for free and the road Castro Road CASTOR. So again, thank you to road all your needs for things that are audio ass. She don't know just road is alot argue for your audio needs like a stays another slogan, no, I'm reading it. We can add for your audio needs road, take the highroad. They could use that you don't have that our right and our really back ok do we want to start with eggs? We have out we don't always get a lot of questions from people, but when we now your name and send given in the park as we go on a question, so you want to go through some of those yeah. We why don't you haven't heard lobby? We don't even know that you started up again yeah, so I think they're kind of curious about what you're doing
here we got one here, would have you been doing since not posting videos, we talk about about. I ve talked about that I mean that's what they're interested in we get the wet where we can take. That too, is a lot of you to Brazil, even didn't creators have been taking breaks lately they ve been saying like it. I need her. I've been getting burnt out. I need to take action mental health and stuff, and maybe this is something that you vied with and that something that you felt the time or maybe you feel a little differently so may weaken again idea night pick your brain about that's kind of why you know you took a break in what are you been doing? Yeah I mean I feel like they. U timber break thing has definitely become like a thing for a lot of people, especially in the past like two year hey it's almost like when I first saw the other people were doing it. It was kind of comforting. So it's okay, I'm not the only one. That's like a spear
in saying this in having the same feelings, because when I have and to me I feel like no one had ever talked about that at that point, or at least I had never heard anyone, What about that- and so I felt leg is something going on with me that that, like I'm, suddenly feeling all of this stuff like mentally with my craft and yak as when it first happened to me was- I think I didn't realize that maybe I needed to take a break, but it's been incredibly helpful for me. I think just a kind of distance. My. A little bit and work on myself because for me at least, I think I was so in it that I completely a little bit like kind of lost a part of me and I wasn't keeping up with myself. So I wasn't like my full self for my audience, I feel like they definitely saw that, and yeah. So I think when I first noticed it was like two thousand and fourteen two thousand and fifteen, when I was just like, I I need to
a boy and even doing that was so hard because people want things like all the time and it was really hard to kind of step away from that, no filling a lot of people work confuse cause. I never really like told people why took a break, but it was kind of just what I needed to do for me. On mental health and just kind of checking him with myself and in just kind of like reconnecting with the world a little bit and appreciating things outside of social media that helped so much causes to find myself almost like getting anxious. If I was like, if I was some, are really cool and experiencing something, if feeling this need to have to pose about it and if I did- and I felt like doing it- I didn't do that I'd be upset about it like like who am I getting upset they didn't show this everybody and I could have had an amazing time, but I didn't because I was so worried about posting and I think everyone can relate to that.
Even you know people like girls, you're, worried about him see a guys. I go out in post this thing that I went to this party, so I'm so mad about that incentives. Literally, enjoying it and not worrying about having to posted cabbages candidate. At the moment, so that was one of the most valuable things. I've learned is to actually just kind of enjoy life, and now it's easier Can I get back into it, because I feel much more myself than I was What what are some other ways that you said you were working on yourself outside of your creating treating Youtube videos like what will or some other things that you did for yourself. Besides not posting on social media, its activities were like what what does that mean to you liked? It are you working on your self assembly in a break even like what is I mean yet what some people may go out to a meditation retreat? What are you doing? Yeah, it's huge Some people may just focus on a relationship or semi will make travelling like what
or maybe do nothing right like what what are some things at you you did too can get to that place where you feel free. Ah, I definitely didn't gone anyway. Three village. I didn't do any of that leg. Meditation, which meditations And I ve tried it in its cool. I just didn't really do any of that stuff. I feel like I just morceau dove into myself and asked myself question is about, like kind of where I was at with myself, and how I felt about myself, and then I started to realize that also because I'd start in making video so young. I think I I know at one point I felt
pressure of, like my parents on my body at one point, because, like everything that I do is feel like, it's always been so like fashion in that kind of focused, so obviously like my parents was a part of that, and I think that I let that stuff kind of tarnish my view of my like self. That makes sense, so I kind of did a lot of like almost just like kind of doing like I don't know how to explain it more. So, just like thinking about it and and understanding myself What made me kind of get farther away from myself and I kind of had to love myself again and love myself more than I ever had before, which then I think it comes into like a whole. Other thing: it's not even about Youtube as much that's just kind of like life stuff think everybody on some level at some point life experiences. It's like I feel like. I didn't fully love myself at that point and then kind of feeling like
had to please everybody at that point in my life was in helping the fact that I wasn't really loving myself, and so I needed to stub wavering everything to figure out how to get that love back for myself. And it just came down to honestly would help. Do you like being a kid again and like just be, curious about life, in a way that I feel, like I kind of got jaded to allow two things in life: what I was saying earlier when I was younger. I didn't realize what was going on to the point that it was happening so much that I think I failed to even be as grateful as I could have been, and that was one of the most valuable thing that. I've learned and like the past few years and during taking a break is just how to be amazed by life again and be excited about living. Those beautiful straying knife,
think go out of a people to hear that in it and I think, because you're in the beauty space in particular, no beauty is all about kind of like an outward. Apparently your outward appearance right and if you re no beauty in the superficial form, but I know it's going back to what you said about rediscovering yourself and figuring out like who am I first before I can start putting on the make up in the outer. It's right. I think it's pretty interesting that you brought that it has never thought of it. That way, yeah anything, that's good for other creators. Two here, like you, said at the time I guess two thousand and fourteen fifteen. You said you tried to get break. It wasn't the same thing as like this past year, right where every few here everybody's, like long burnt out, I need to take a break. It definitely must have been hard to have to like He had so much success in so much momentum that it's not easy thing,
I given even now. For me, this is like my version of a brief, but I'm still doing stuff. It's. I can't even imagine like I'd. Just just getting myself to this point was so difficult like. How did you gotta you convince yourself to be like ok, this is the best decision for my life to take a break. When you have all this momentum going,
Three, you have a successful channel, that's ring in revenue, and you know at any point. If you do stop, you used to have your hard core fans, but you do know. If you do stop, there's a most Youtube is no that's like deadly to your career, right yeah. So how did you get to the point where you convince yourself, or were you at a breaking point where you just said I have to do it. It was kind of both because I think that I was continuing to try to put stuff out when I was already feeling that way, and I just felt like it wasn't as good as it could have been if I was like in a better place. So I knew for that reason that I probably needed to take a break and it was really hard to step away, but I think it was a bit of a feeling of just like. I know that I could be happier- and I know that I could be in a better place, so maybe
just need to to listen to how I feel right now and take the action that I need to and also is like. I feel like at the end of the day. I don't really have anything to lose, because as long as it's so cheap As long as it's your turn like I'm so happy like I'm so happy with life, in a way that I'm like wasn't back then, and so I wouldn't change, any of that- and I knew that, obviously it was gonna change. If I wasn't uploading as consistently, especially if, like their people girls. My same age that are posing exactly what I'm posting that are more consistent, Emmy. Obviously, if I'm not keeping up with that, then people would prefer to watch them, but I think just learning, to be ok with that and not letting that it was almost Morven ego thing and I feel like once I let once I can of understood my ego and I was able to control that it helped so much cause. I was like
I had these fears that didn't even really exists, but it was only because of my ego, fears of like other people surpassing you late, the girls, your age and stuff like that at all about Doha. It makes sense that is attempting to do. I don't think necessarily few haven't really been agreed. It's hard to explain that fear, lotta people it when you tell them on burnt out or like recently like lily, as mentioned in other. Do tourism came on and said we know there burnt out. Then I take a break. I see all these comments are like all, while must be topping a millionaire whose famous- and they don't really understand you know or or they think it's a lot easier to do what we do to their agri, where, even if it wasn't easy, though it's like everybody knows themselves better than any one else re, so I think gum that part of it for other creatures. They think they understand. Alec, that's
everybody can burn out for people who don't have these color, who are in these lucky fortunate situations where some people just can't take those breaks? What would you say that to those people I mean I mean I know it's not enough money on the spot. I trained thing about that too, because I understand what you're saying, but I feel it is hard for me to preach that two people who can afford to like. I know that my job is too much ram burnt out. I need this job, but I to do it. How would we I'm just trying to see for myself? How do you reach out to those people and, given the same advice, absolutely yeah? I think that there are ways that everyone can do it to be completely honest. I think that. It's I dont think I really what
I did my situation, is I completely swept away, but I dont think that I really had to do that. I think that their deftly was ways for me to continue what I was doing well, being smart in accomplishing what I did in the past four years. As far as like myself, personal growth, I think I could have done that simultaneously while staying consists, but I didn't do that. I think it's because I was just so in fear. I was so afraid and so confused that I just want to completely shut it all off, but I dont think that was really necessary. I think that's what I felt that I needed to do, because I look back on it in and yes, I did, that break, but part of me is like you know, maybe I should have just at least state a little more, consistent and and worked on myself so think, there's a lot, they even do, even if you can't just completely stutter away yeah. I think it's what I thought to be the most valuable, literally just being able to be honest with myself and be just
parent about where I am personally and just really diving into yourself and that's kind of the part that can be hard for people to is you know it's it's being open with yourself about like what your fears are, what you're afraid of what it is, because I think also the biggest problem is that I didn't want to admit that it was my ego and I think I figured all that while still being consistent. I just kind of Joseph step away from Cairo. That's good advice. What a morning did you have like? What does your circle? Look like you're friends, I know you worked with you work with their your dad. I'm he's been pretty integral in your career. Like did you have friends to kind of like hell? you get through this. I know you you're dating dog, but what was anybody else in your circle, or was it your family that kind of help you come? this realization and kind of eliminating your ego, yeah I mean surrounding myself with friends is helpful and I ve done that
it's also nice, just like, like I said, just be more in the moment with people, because our village, I wasn't always the best doing so yeah, definitely just making more time for friends in my family has always been really supportive. My dad is been there since the first video. So I always like go to him for that kind of stuff as well. Is always very encouraging and also can helps me remember like why, started doing it all in the first place, and it wasn't for obviously like we didn't know that any of the successes even possible at that unlike back then it's like, we don't even know that you could make a courier out of it. And so he always can reminds me of that the little me that started it so
and when you started you're you're pretty young. So I like, how do you your dad, your dad between your dad as someone who's interviewing your business in and also and dad like? It's kind of it can begin a little weird right. I mean yeah, I think it was definitely it was definitely more challenging when we live together, because it was hard to separate the two, but once I kind of moved out and like had my own place and all of that, it honestly got way easier. I think there's something about it's like. I don't really want to talk about business over dinner. You know it's like you want to separate I think that's the only time that it was really challenging, but everything else it's like he's. Ways just down for whatever I want to do in just backing me up and whenever my decision is for whatever it may be, but he's definite he dumb I got. I got to know him better than you.
A couple of tourism. We ve done, like I'm sure if you like you in your dad and your mom and yeah, and basically be with your mom, and we just be with your dad. And I guess it's kind of speech to like what you are saying that you are kind of like to yourself cunning, but he would constantly be like he has good ideas. Costly, like pitching he's using your husband, like he's, always come into effect. Even for you exactly what. If we did this with you did this and who now he pitching ideas, I think I know what you mean when you say like once you more in the household, because if he was constantly, I don't know if he did the same thing to you. But to me I was like these are good, but if I had that every single day, like bring it night. I think that would be pretty Elsie. I can be a lot. I mean it's all great intention by ordinary he's right yeah. He definitely have a lot of ideas, kind of time, you're back to what Davidson in the first half, where music can be tied to like your parents and stuff. So
an aspect that like how hard you were grinding, enlightenment, possibly like you know, you burnt yourself out and suchlike sounds like. Maybe you got it from your dad just that that work, ethic and yeah I'm just curious as to what like what does he do besides, you know before, like you, you do beset farmers yeah. He worked on dairy farms cause we grumbling Central California so's, like only dairy farms, ignore helping monarchies lost banners. I don't know. I have heard today in our from Fresno cause. I basically, if we wanted to go to any shopping, mall we'd have to either go to Modesto Fresno cause. There's like there's nothing in the town. We got a target, never basic, really stoked, sounds like mine, where I'm from he lost smiled small town girl, yes in her small town, so he would just work on like electricity in like building dairies, and he owned is on dairy business.
They knew how to be a business owner but gave us all a dairy farms up until I asked Maybe my manager general medical care, I d I've been around a lot of cows, I never never tried to look when I had a lot of pet cows, because we lived lad, though isn't it you have to take? What do you mean? as a farmer, I guess there, airline coming, you talked about the youngest their heads in there also of Europe. Right right, you know, I think, and I hope that didn't happen Nobody knows who went to another part: they just want to the other more. I bet they just gotten your parents were still there. I mean I I don't know I'm
I have had many members who had cause, but they had em for different fleets. Lobby yeah we had kids, we lived literally on dairy farm, one of the farms. Are you worked on, and so we just had like a bunch of cows. I remember one night like two o clock in the morning: there's a bunch of noise outside the house and I woke up and there is a slight cows. I opened the window and just a cow. Why? Right there at the window contagious broke free use, sleek surrounding areas. I grew up with cows to all around he, so it's like that Constantine I can. I can smell it. Economic, where you live. Manure do you have any siblings everyone sister younger older, She is older, she's five years older and she has two beautiful daughters wishing about your Youtube career. She actually started a channel lake shore. After I did and
she was going with her for a while. I don't know if she's still posting on it but yeah she got into it for a second to it's funny, cuz I being she might have made fun of me right in the beginning, when I started and then she's like I'm going get on this year they like. What are you doing here? Do you think you are yeah? I think everybody I got so might session the beginning yeah. She is probably a public school life. My sister Makes you to be real public yeah? Ok, Where then you're saying at the break that you you chose to go to private schooling, yeah and your sister chose the public rout. Why did you choose private scorns instead of a public? I just was I just never really liked public? Oh and my parents just gave us a choice or like if you wanna be home school to Kansas, like okay, like M, I'm doing that. I just felt like I just feel like I was wasting time like in between
if I could. If I had my way, I was like I just want to go to school, do other work. Nobody says no lunch dislike you, do all the work and then go home and that's what homes going was was still like five hours a day or what will holiness yeah, but how does it work? How does the homes going so I'd never asked this to someone before, but how does it yeah? What wake up at a certain time d? Just do your? Can you want me years yeah, you may, as they do in every line, That was the problem now is, I feel, like a definitely taught me a lot about like managing my own stuff in like having a schedule. A little bit, though, has actually maybe not cause. I started does habit where I would do all my works for the week like the night before I had to go in cuz. Basically, I still at a teacher, so I can meet with a teacher once a week, and I would give her all of my work for that week and then, if there were any tests, then I would
tests and so basically it's like if I had to meet with her every Tuesday, I would literally leave all my word frilly Monday, you'd procrastinate. Which is the same thing as every other students in public school I was the opposite really. I would do my work as soon like in class. If I could make homework and suchlike, just like it at home, but it was too I have to worry about it. I was opposite anyway that enjoy, even though you have it, I thought it was your parents. I tell you, I don't know much Yet why me my party would like supervise, I guess are like held any here and there but yeah. It's like. I had an actual teacher technically got it so with a teacher like go to your home, or you mean at this place about in other home school kids, or is it just a guy one thing it is even they go in an area like other teachers in their cubicles sang, really interesting, many friends, and then we can talk about it, but yeah. I did I had friends from
school and then also, once I became homes called for a couple years. That's when I really was in dance class and then I took theatre for a little bit too. So I made new friends through ass. Well, you still keep in touch with homer. I am not so much. I mean a few like when I go back home but yeah not not as much as I said what I was one long twitter question You have another I'll give any scary fan encounters gulls, pretty consistent question now, scary oranges, interesting ribby, yeah a hooker, really good big was whether she said so. You got some ok. Well, I have one in civic, weird the dog about
now a cure. Her now. This guy, a while back. This was probably I don't even remember, twelve thirteen twenty fourteen, this guy, that watch my videos, whose lot older than me, maybe by like twenty or thirty years he it. Came to a couple meeting greets and was just like strange scenarios, but then We are just one. Was I gotta like a package or like a letter to my house, This is what I was living with my family and we opened it up and there's like this usb thing, and so we put it in the computer, and it was the video of this guy, and he just started saying like all this stuff in you just like. So I have your address in, like I'm gonna tell you
I found it and he like pulled up the listing of like my house, and it was like looking through the photos for some reason. Unlike yes, I know at my house look like of all those of your house will like, as he found the listing of the how mine, and so just like sir clicking through it, and just like was like you sure, like just where he was telling me like. I should be more careful with my personal information costs for he was like it could affect your well being and also in some height. And just like said some like honestly, weird stuff, and it really freaked me out From that point I was like I can't live here, can ignore our you moved yeah. That was one of the reasons why this is a little more. Recent then Malik when you first started now well yeah? This was like probably for five years ago, yeah.
That is how it was evident, tat his bank leafy. What about your? Your parents are not their anymore in that at that location at the girls rearmament, yeah. Some is probably the most like creepy we're. Situation, yeah I've just other man has just been like little mishaps here and there. But what about like weird interactions, because you do a lot of meaning rates and stuff was a weird somebody said to you. I got proposed to a lot, but I seriously, though very weird. No, not I mean with candy not like, legitimate. What I had in IRAN has. Has anyone ever gone? Oh here, why you, you know, look they call you look in your videos all the time I get the autumn I'd like that. I don't like shorter than to its stay, because people see and I'm sure even worse for you because you're the beauty space right,
Why don't know I don't know? Is it worse or do they come up to you and be like? Oh, you look good in your in your videos. They said they said that before it is just like a data, they don't mean it is insulting the like all european taller. Oh yeah, you look a lot skinnier videos, or something like that. And all of those have done to remove its the same for like you, because you're a girl. Now has been the only one, I've gotten his height, is I go on all really like allow your lot shorter in person be treated as a discourse? I mean I not so much anymore, but back then it was like. I was really I really hated being so sore, I hated being by three and someone. People would say that I'm like thank you for reminding me, but that was probably the only thing There was one time into meeting great. This wasn't like she didn't say anything, maybe act of her things. Only that made it happen is like she Basically we wanted me to give a piggy back ride, but I did
no, that suit she, like. Maybe she told me that I didn't hear x is really loud so, like this girl's comes up, she's jumps on my back and I want it. Has a soul to use she jumped on my bag and I just what obviously wasn't expecting. Insiders fell to the ground and I was wearing a dress, my father the floor, and she immediately just like, gets back up and runs away and now in earnest yeah. So very I felt so bad press charges against him. You ran so so happy like she. Does she just wanted like a cue act or do you know it's funny budget debates, cheese? Listening you remembered now members, have you ever gotten any crazy gives cause. I know I know from what I've heard females tend to get like more extravagant gifts from France than that
I have a friend she's. She got like an Iphone. Have you forgotten anything like the master? Is now any jewellery? Now, really I've never been anything trades relay her appeal box. I used to yeah. I did. I mostly godlike stitch, stuffed animals because you love, we launched a gm and a lot of handmaid stuff, mostly whenever anything, really crazy. A lot of food. We another twitter question here from Selina. What's with something that your most proud of, today. I was really proud that I got here like super early. I was really bad and I
yeah. You wanna, though I got here. Its head is really really for Ellie, that's like being an hour earlier, really early hour, always late. So much that I literally was like. Should I not going on it's a ten minutes early munitions make yeah, does Marie crowded, ass, but other than that other than that most proud of, like it's, a tough yeah I like, and what genre life like, whatever you want, two million, let's say career, do do feel I come to feel at your six successful now I do you didn't when you were actually making videos you had to have yeah. Definitely I think I've also feel like in a different way. Now, where this will like I I mean I know a little more like. I still have obviously so much to learn, but I feel a guy. I filled
success in a way of lake. I guess what I understand and when I'm aware of now and like just kind of how I define success too, because I think like what, how I defined success in the passes, maybe a little different than I define it now, but as far as like my aunt league biggest accomplishment or like thing than most proud of, I think we I think your answers great yeah, like I think, I'm definitely proud of everything that I've done career, wise layer, obviously, unlike while those thus really cool hey did Oliver, especially starting so young, and not knowing that any of that was possible in like building something at this age and also just doing something that I never thought I would do cause I just never saw myself is that person, and even the people around me never saw as that person. So I'm definitely really proud of that, and I definitely felt that success,
but I am also really proud of how much I have evolved as a person and how I also define success now, because I feel it is just a lot healthier and more fulfilling. What's a good answer to a very broad question, and if you do, if you didn't feel success, I was in the sea should because your on this pod Ryan, only by a real success, will this is a big accomplishment. Waiter ruin a real moment, our eyes. Well, we're pretty much at the end of our show. So I guess thank you again for being so real with us and for being here yeah, it's the opposite way around its it's our honour that you're here, Is there anything you want to plug washing I can tell you what do you say you are getting back into you, two yeah Youtube stuff, so stuff check out Beth's channel, which are tremble Bethany. Most of her
to be more embarrassing, there was before it wasn't your name. It was Macbook seven MAC Barbie! I remember that check out Bethany Motor. She changed her name or channel name, and you can follow us at off the pill on Twitter and at off the pill pie, gas on Instagram. I remembered this times and again shadow to road think they're much yes, thank you wrote for the freeze things. That being said, I am, he said was he goes next episode, and this is how we always ended. We just breathed into the MIKE and ruin our road makes in three two one. A harmonised go so you singers. I don't know how to do that. Dude. This is really nice,
Transcript generated on 2020-03-28.