« Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Gary Zukav On How To Surrender

2021-10-06 | 🔗

From a June 18, 2001 Oprah Winfrey Show: Gary helps guests learn to let go of their pasts so they can move forward into the future. He explains that surrender is simply accepting your life and Oprah shares how by letting go, we step into the lives we are meant to live.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I'm over Winfrey welcome to supersede conversations the podcast. I believe that one of the most valuable gives you can give yourself is time taking time to be more fully present. Your journey to become more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us starts right now, while, if you're the kind of person who has high expectations of what your light should be, you may also find yourself disappointed things, don't go your way, maybe you're holding a grudge or holding onto painful relationship. It needs to end or you having problems moving on after the death of someone close to you. Well, when you feel frustrated an angry, because you can steer your life in the direction you
your life to go, you have to let go. I so believe in this surrendering letting go. It is a principle that rules my life, knowing when to surrender. Gary zoo cough also believes in this principle. He says that when you refuse to accept what is happening in your life, you refused to accept what is happening. You really are robbing yourself of peace and happiness. Gary, as you all know, is the author of one of my favorite books of all time. The seat of the soul and sole stories- and he says, surrendering, is the key to letting go moving on and creating a better life. You know what's really difficult to get Some people to understand that surrender doesn't mean giving up. No, it does not mean giving up.
And in fact surrender means accepting your life. We are talking about the goal of spiritual development. We are talking about the means of spiritual development and we are told about the fulfilment of a powerful human life on the earth. This starts and ends with accepting your life as it is, and that means, without existing it to resist. Your life means that You say to yourself: I wish that my life other than it is. I wish that I will not experiencing what I am I wish that other person in my life were not as he or she is lots of people do wish that Gary, yes, the question is: shall we still be wishing it at the moment of our death. You can change that now, as you here Words on this show, in other words this
is the beginning of a great venture, if you have not considered it before you, I d letting your life. I love this principle. It's really difficult to understand two, because I think a lot of people say: ok, except your life as it is, so I shouldn't even try. I shouldn't work hard. I shouldn't be ambitious. I shouldn't be driven. I should just accept my life as it is. That's a contradiction to the mind you understand. Yes, it appears to be a paradox. Here was the power of the apparent per access this to change your life. You must accept your life, you must accept your in order to change your life, for example, you are at home, raising three children and all our crying at the same time- and you have to finish and you have to cook dinner and you have to have the clean and not sure that you have enough money for the rent and all of this
combining to make you feel overwhelmed and stressed, and in panic, accepting your life means stepping into it at that moment king at your circumstances, as they are because they're not going to change in that moment accept what you are feeling and then moving forward in your life rather than trying to make your decisions from a position of overwhelm and panic isn't facing it. Also like excepting the things you cannot change, changing the things that you can and having the wisdom to know the difference. So I see is doing Europe your best work, being your most excellent self, giving it everything that you can and then surrendering that to the flow of your life, surrendering that to a higher Then you are exactly yeah, you do not. Doing what you can do and absolutely having the wisdom to know what you can't do, Yes, it is now you do not
these your responsibility for whom they are in the world. As I say you have to do everything you can do and then release it. Yes, now ceptin your emotions and accepting your experience is still the most difficult thing that most people that's right, will c mon disconnected from their feeling. So they can't accept their emotion. That's right! Ok, I'm sorry! We will look at again and again is your feeling Ten beneath this is this fundamental idea. Your life is valued everything that you feel is a valuable it has meaning around. Who resist your life? You resist the power of your life and you resist the value of your experiences, sources are inherently italian, but did you know that few jarred sauces are actually made in ITALY, new brutality the italian sauces are authentically italian made in ITALY and crafted with fine tomatoes. Finally, the italian cheeses, fresh cream and met Turanian olive oil brutality,
The italian sauce comes in for often thickly, delicious varieties, Marin era Amy Rosa, afraid, and for Cheese Alfredo when you're looking to cook press of meal foretold The italian sauce is the key ingredient you need for delicious highquality flavour and an elevator. Experience coming up here. Our conversation between Joe Flam and Dan passion of the sport fall to people who a thing or two about crafting show stopping meals grown If you're in my mouth House, my grandma's house, you go to the store and you get two loaves of italian bread and there was always the one to eat with the saucer the day, though you just all day you off biased, saucers, cooking. He didn't piece of bread in the south and the other one for dinner. Obviously, just kind of an event a rule always was we walked into the kitchen. You start the sauce baby try the sourcing and start you didn't term all hands on deck situation.
Like. You see the sauce, you stir the sauce. You know the rules, you know it's a big part of it. It was one of those things that my house always smelled like growing up. The smell of olive oil and garlic eating up in the pan is very nostalgic of like being a little kid. For me, wow Now, as a chef, are you able to tease apart? What was it about that sauce? course doesn't. Stouter factor is the sauce you grew up with, but like can you say on a culinary level. What made it so good? I think it's just taking the time in the effort to do it right cook it slow, take the time, use the right ingredients and you're putting the amount of time technique and love and do it to make sure that it's something that's great right, your restaurant rosemary is named after your two grandmothers or both important figures in your life beyond those, basically the time and ingredients. Are there other lessons that you took from them that influence how you could today, my grammar Mary she's. Ninety two,
she's, the one who made me fall in love with traditions. We still make the ravioli for Thanksgiving. We still do feast of the seven fishes. This is her way of telling me about her mother and about her grandmother. Growing up some sort of Chicago and what they did with her siblings, and it was like when I was a little girl, this is where I would go, buy the squid with my mom. We would take it back here and we clean it it's cool for me to have those stories of when I was a little boy. My grandma would lay out all the newspaper on the table in the mud, room and we'd be cleaning the squid together for Christmas Eve. I have this great love and passion for that tradition. Should that history that goes into that dash, discover more sauces, recipes and male inspiration at Bertone, dot, com, Slash D, Italia, that's brutally dot com, slash d, I t a l I and listen to the full conversation between Joe and down on the spark fall dropping September. Thirty, eight,
Wherever you get, your podcasts casts let's made shoes and she has been struggling to move on after her marriage to them. Her dreams ended eight years ago and ever since she's been haunted by feelings of betrayal and continues to refuse to trust anyone in her life. Maybe you'll see yourself. And Susan. When I was twenty four I married the man of my dreams. Mine Shining armor, we give arrange everything seems to be fine, and I just have this feeling at something wasn't right. About ten years and the marriage. I discovered that we were very different people from each other and he was living a separate life, One day in my own home, I found what never wanted me to find found magazines and books that did not
pertain to our lifestyle as a married couple, and it really really frightened me. I felt very, very betrayed my husband had very different sexual expectations, we had in the marriage he hand some infidelities, I've changed dramatically didn't know who I was last one day: I was living with the strange and I didn't want to do. I waited for the shock to subside which took about two years, and we started forest proceedings that was that there was over. Come very cynical and very gruff and the where approach people
and it's a way to keep them at arm's length so that they can't hurt me. I live a very cloistered I dont venture out come in and I closed the door. I am fearful of everything I am fearful to date. I am fearful to search afraid of being betrayed again on a daily basis. I'm joyless their trust his hand I don't know why I was betrayed I didn't deserve I know I'm supposed to go and is its I'd. I've let go of him, but I can't let go of what happened Gary as an exercise to help says and learn how to.
Again to surrender so that she can move on Gary says that surrendering is not what most people think it does not mean giving up. It means acceptance, so you can begin to create a more powerful life for yourself. But understand surrendering does not mean letting go of your responsibility. Gary says you must do your part only. You have the power to change the direction of your life tourism aspect. With your with a moment I want. I would appreciate it. If you would tell me, when is the first time you suspected that something was wrong. The day before we were married, the day before you were married How long were you man? Twenty two year and then.
When was the next time that you had a strong feeling that something was wrong about two years later and between the first time and two years later, did you have other feelings that something might be wrong? Yes, every once in a while, something would come up and it just didn't make sense to me and then when was it, that you found the club, and with the books in them. Are we ve been very about fifteen years. Then, how long? After did you get divorced a ears? Seven years? We don't have much time together, except on this show, so I want to go straight to the heart of the matter. Your intuition of system is excellent. It informed you the day before you were married, that something was wrong it continued to before you until two years later, you knew that something was wrong and it contains to inform you until ten or twelve years,
thirteen years later, you found a closet full of books that confirm how much something was wrong, and then, after two years of being in shock, you continue to be in this marriage for a longer period of time, not paying attention to what you are feeling was just in your life. It was not. Accepting your life and because you did except your life. In that first moment you created almost a quarter of a century of paying for yourself. There's a story that I love. It's about a man who's on a boat that begins to sink assailing boat and was, as water comes over deck another sailing, both approaches, and the man says, go away. God will save me continues to sink, and then he standing on top of the cabin and fishing boat arrived and the man does go away. God will save me and his boat continues to
and can tell nothing but the masters, the top of the masters above water and his clinging to it, and a coastguard cut arrived and the men says, go away, God will save me and then the boat sinks, and he drowns. And when he awakens in Heaven To God angrily and says I put all of my faith in you and you did nothing for me, you let me down, you betrayed me, and God says I did I sent you a sailing bout, a fishing boat and a code guard cutter the day before your marriage, you knew that something was wrong. That was a sailing boat two years later, you know
something was wrong even more strongly. That was the fishing boat. When you found the closet, that was the coastguard cutter and then you saying resisting watch you knew and what you feel is not accepting your life, your life had power in it and your life does have power in it. You did not. Kept watch. Your life gave you, but you can accept show life gives you now you may not. Understand all of it, You can hold the thought that it is of value. That it is meaningful that it carries information and at the Universe is compassionate and wise and is why you are having the experiences you are. Can you see? Yes, I can see it and I, and I can hear,
it's very hard to realise that on the inside it is very hard. The pain is real, the pain is real, so I have an exercise, to suggest for you, and this is one that I also suggest for all the people who were watching because it can be used by many whenever you feel yourself saying yes, but The words I say to you: you have a life before you, you have potential and it's up to you to step and to that potential in you say yes, but he deceived me. And I say you have and happiness waiting for you. If you choose to create it- and you say yes, but he he was lying to me- and I point out that this is a compassionate universe and you say yes, but every time you feel the impulse to say yes but change that too. Now what
between the time that you say yes, but and catch yourself and the time you say now, what do two things number one stop stop what you are doing and number two feel feel and then say to yourself now what the pain is? still there. But you are aware- and you are aware of the value of your life and you In that context? Now? What can you do that? Will you do that? I will do that. I had to do that. You have to do that if you want the life that you feel is calling to you, and I do feel alive calling to me, I just can't get to suffer, you can get to it
yes, but now what now? What Gary's? as you can think about the idea of surrender. This way
if someone is in the water and they become panic, they began to sink and the more they feel themselves sinking the more they panic and thrash and begin to drown. But when you stop thrashing, you can start to swim and that's what it means to surrender. You can stop thrashing except your life and began creating a more powerful existence right now. So guys Zukov is here, and we are talking today about the power of surrendering. He says when you feels burdened by the pain of anything of a divorce of the death of a loved one or an unfulfilled expectations. So rendering is the key to your freedom now made Harriet, because she is finding it really nearly impossible to move past the death of her father to yours
during his last days. Is all timers disease progressed in a horrifying way? Many of you right now we're dealing with them the members with Alzheimer's. So you know how our find that can be in troubling and disturbing Harriet says she is still tormented by what happened and fears at her father died. Eating her. My father died on February, eighteen, nineteen, ninety, nine applications from Alzheimer's disease- I had to my father in a nursing home, and it was terribly difficult for me. He didn't realize he was dying and he became very belligerent and very harmful not only to himself but to others, but especially to to me he's to be restrained and that made me feel terrible. My father was very angry with he told me that It's not just child because
would ever treat him. That way. He punched me. Tried to strangle me. Grab my arm so hard that I would feel like he was going to break them my father, me that he hated me. I knew that he loved me but to to him actually express that to me was devastating. It was a very surreal experience to have a man that I logged, and he was so. Gentle with me is a child to be physically violent with me to the point where I was afraid for my life and it hurt me so terribly not physically, just emotionally as well. When I was growing up, my father was perfect to me. He all
tat time for me, no matter how busy he was he played softball with me. I consider myself to be daddy's little girl. I could have done more in the last month that he was alive. I probably could have done more while he was still alive, but I did the best. I could do my favorite things have guilt, have prevented me from surrendering and accepting my father's staff. I used to be very self sufficient, very selfish or myself. Esteem is circling darlings and I know I'm a good person in fact I really just because of ethics. My father said since the death of my father. I have nightmares almost every night. I do believe I'm punishing myself by not allowing myself to surrender to the grief
And the loss of my father surrendering would be accepting my father's death. If it meant that he did me and the things that he said. Logically, I know that it was the disease talking to me when he would tell me he hated me or that he wanted to kill me. But in my heart I feel like he truly meant those things and it's bent. Because I can't rationalize so Gary suggested, surrender. The idea of how things should have been and understand. Her father was a multi dimensional person who did feel anger and hostility as well as love. As you move into the power of your life, you begin to appreciate the power of the lives of others. Those two happened too
other and if you cannot appreciate the power of your father's life, you cannot appreciate. Our of your own, and this is the position that you're in now I have a suggestion and I suggested not only to you but to all of the people who are watching us and that is open to the possibility. That all of your experiences and all of your emotions are for a reason, and that reason is your spiritual grub. In other words, say to yourself, I open to the public that all of my experiences, including my emotions, have a reason, and that reason is my spiritual growth and that's the context. That I off in that context, would you be-
to do an experiment with me answer. Thank you. This experiment is designed to help you feel and appreciate what you feel so what I would am going, is say to you. Some of the things that you have said to us in your piece and when I say them as I, hey them. One at a time feel what you're feeling because everything that I say is going to bring up emotions and even if you feel an impulse to jump, the chair and say, but that's not right or justify or explain dont. Do it stay with what you are feeling, because the purpose is not To say that what I am going to share with you is true or not true, in your experience, even though you shared that it is, it is only to list, emotions.
It is the only reason, and you only job is to feel those emotions awry. I suggest you close your eyes to shut off the distraction of the cameras and the lights. Your father is dead now say to yourself. I accept these emotions that I am feeling your father hit. You say to yourself, silently. I accept these emotions that I'm feeling your father tried to kill you and say to yourself silently. I accept that I am feeling these emotions, your father loved. You now say to yourself. I accept that I am feeling these emotions
And now open your eyes come back here. Those emotions are important, as you shift your attention outside of yourself and onto your external circumstances. You shift your attention away from your emotions, as you shift them onto your father to what you and what you think your father would have wanted you to feel do and say your shift. Your away from what is happening inside of yourself and what is happening inside of yourself is extremely important. Your father was a complex man and his life was a challenging and as complex as your own. It was not a single dimensional, black and white image of an all carrying patient Father. It was that for you, but he was much more. It is you begin to look at his life. You'll see the signs of stress, just as you can see them in your own life is a soul with his own challenge.
He was a soul with his own challenges. And, as you say to yourself it wasn't really. My father was the disease that caused him to do those things you ignore the power of your life, That is resisting your life. It was your father. He was complex. If you look at the condition known as Alzheimer's, apart from the medical context and consider it as an emergency. A relaxation of boundaries and limitations that allows, the expression and the experience of energies that were held in place and not loud expression or experience during a lifetime. So that an end, did. You can begin to experience in consciousness the fullness who he or she is the rage, the anger, the hatred, the love, the compassion, the tenderness, the brutality
Then you can understand this circle dance beyond how it is examined and studied by medical science, and you can appreciate your father and, as you appreciate your father, you will appreciate yourself it's the experience of your father's last days with you that are preventing you from moving forward in your life. It is you experience and the experience, but father shared with you in your last days that are giving you the tools to break free at last, so that you can begin to walk in strength and clarity and balance, and this is something that you can take it and each off, if you do not take advantage of it, that is resisting your life, that is resisting the emotion Speciale feel really
listing the circumstances that the universe has given to you see. Harriet, yes, fantasy began this again. Gary says it sounds like a paradox, but it is not only by accepting your life. Can you change it? That means only by surrendering can begin to change life. I love the principle of surrender and I think so much of what causes people. Disappointment. Pain in despair is the expectation that they have held in their mind her expectation of the idealized father is what's hanging or up more than what really what was. If you look at what what it really is, except what it really is you don't I'll get all up on what you wished. It should have been if that's what you're saying, etc, what it is your
patient and Harris emotions were telling her. What is what it says? by resisting them she resisted what is right, I would like to share with the audience something that's important to me to say we are speaking now about the most important thing that you will do in your life as you. Todd your own fulfilment, and that is to accept your own life, and sometimes because your show is so powerful the intention behind it is so good people, I suspect some anyway, but watch the show, hoping that you are a guest will say something that will give them what you call a light bulb moment that will change they live their lives so that they won't have to do it. It may be that in watching show an opera show or in watching this one you will receive, or have moment of ah ha
but I now must do something that is, exactly right. If you have a moment of illumination, you will know it because in that moment you will see your experiences from a different perspective absolutely and from that different perspective, you will see what you need to do to move forward into health. And into your own fulfilment use what you see when the light goes on, No one else can do that for you. That is your job. Why not accept What your life is giving you now. If you see something that needs to be done or changed in your life, no matter how small experiment with changing it. That is accepting your life, if you say to yourself now, I can't possibly do that because it would yes but Then you are resisting your life.
If you resist your life, you resist what you can learn from it. It resist what you can gain from it. Your life is powerful. Your life is worthy. You are worthy. You are valuable Except that I'm over Winfrey and you ve been listening to supersede conversations the pine cast. You can follow super soul on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook if you haven't yet go to apple podcast and subscribe rate and review. This podcast join me next week for another superbowl conversation. Thank you for listening at Target Year Dollar goes further, you'll find great deals. And low prices on everything your family needs. Like a box of craft mackerel and she's spirals for just ninety nine cents in that Just the start, a target. The loop ices never end price may vary.
Transcript generated on 2021-10-21.