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Iyanla Vanzant: You Matter

2019-04-03 | 🔗

How do you say “no?” In a live appearance at UCLA’s Royce Hall, author, life coach and host of OWN’s trailblazing show “Iyanla: Fix My Life,” Iyanla Vanzant shares how you can build your "no" muscles. Iyanla says decisions matter and so do you! She mixes spiritual teachings with her unique brand of humor, including a hilarious anecdote about showing up to The Home Depot looking “tack-a-licious,” which led to a realization about self-valuation and how she presents herself to the world.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I'm over Winfrey welcome to supersede conversations the podcast. I believe that one of the most valuable gives you can give yourself is time taking time to be more fully present your journey to become more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us. Starkness right now I've said all along there isn't another show on tv like a young fix my life, she It truly is the master of helping people to ask of eight what is really holding them back from being there often Cells so she's here today She is here with her session called you matter. Yama Venza,
My name I say good morning, because I have not seen you today. I thank you for for years and years of love and support, I thank you for your years of love in support of me. I thank you for you years of love and support for my beloved sister
born me Mamma Miss offer one free and for supporting this network and the work that is done here for supporting yourself and just being willing to come out and learn and grow in here, and that is really the essence of my man of my message to you today to words. Then I want you to take from here today. You man breathe on that one. You matter who you are matters a cute all matters, because you man. How you do what you do matters Because you have. I've been you and your life is in the hands of an angel.
So how you spend that life moment by moment day by day it max you matter now I don't know about you, but I didn't know that for very long time. Anybody with me on our don't leave me out here by myself, I didn't know that for very long time because, unlike Many of us who, like many of us, I was raised by people who were crazy as here We really do not. You know in this modern age of technology, they dressed up, and they say they were. Dysfunctional, What. Steve among them was my grandmother.
I try to be a good grandmother. Grandmothers are sacred and world. I know they are, but. And I want to talk ill of did, but I will today. Not ill. Just truth. My grandmother was crazy. Ass hale mean that in a webcam. I'm you. My grandmother was so mean that when she came in the room, the Gulf, this stuff is coming. Not they wanted to be Movin in her presence, caution, me am, I the little person made them that harm me. This was all about me. Don't we do that? Don't we take on other people, stuff it make it about. Last when we don't know that we matter when you don't
Are you mad at you will make somebody else's crazy about you. You got your stuff to handle you'd I have to take on anybody else's, but I made my grandmother's meet and her crazy and impatience, about me, and I didn't know that I'm mattered because I took on what was given to me. As my all, we have a tendency to do that. And it was many many years later, many many years later, when I understood my grandmother story you see we get our meaning in our mattering from our story and if we the story in a way that disempowered us. We won't know that we matter, even in the midst of a story, my going mother was half just like you have Cherokee and half african American raised by sharecroppers inverted. This is a problem. People.
just one of them. Things is enough to jack you up,
american and Black in Virginia does. This was not on turn out well far, but I learned my grandmother story. She was one of eleven child. Her father was a sheer crop. Her mother died when she was seven and left the father to raise those eleven kids and away my grandfather. My great grandfather control. This children was what an iron fist you do this you do that you do this, you do that. You don't do this, you don't do that and one of the things that he told my grandmother was. She was never to go beyond a certain place on the far never to go beyond the place that her father could control, and one day at the age of nine, my grandmother move beyond the place that her father told her to go and when she went beyond those boundaries, she was raped by the farm owners, Sun and she came home and she ran home to tell her daddy that,
this man had heard her and what her father did was Peter. He beat her the same day. She had been right because her disobedience to his rules and his regulations could have gotten them all thrown off the far, and that was the wound at my grandmother carried you see, there's meaning in the story, no matter how tragic story may be, and if you look beyond the events for the meaning you'll find out that you matter, even in the midst of a tragedy, my grandmother stuff, They taught her that when you disobey you get punished and therefore Europe It's your need, your feelings, don't matter what matters! that you do, what other people tell you to do and what they need you to do to keep them safe. My grandmother diesel, eating, got relieved and then got beaten and that experience Taught her that she had to be silent about the difficulties that she experience in life and loyal to people lead, didn't treat our where
And when you are loyal to people that don't treat you well, you learn that you don't matter. What I want you to know today is that you matter even your mistakes matter and your difficulties matter and your tragedies matter. It's all about the way that, after my ground, the pass that message on to me. Do what other people want you to do you don't have a free, but your freedom put you at risk. You do what other people saying you don't, and it took me a long time to live beyond back teaching in that lesson and that message to learn I matter and it began with having a strong, no baby. You got to have a strong know. Some and the above we don't have we got lobby, no muscle see that right there s a flabby. No, must you gotta, have a go,
strong, solid, no muscle that you can stand in and you gotta have a yes muscle, you gotta say no to the things that don't honor. You know to the things that don't bring you joy, no to the things that don't bring you please and you don't have to explain your no. You gotta have a hundred one different ways to say now. How do you say? No, do you have no voice? No, no. Everybody notice, when oh hell, you manner, and you're no matters and dog back up on you. Now
draw your line in the sand and when somebody crosses it, you break up and Joe another line. No stand on your lie, stand for you know and stand for you. Yes, yes, yes,. When you matter, you and in your no and bore yes, and you know what each one represents to you. You matter. What you think is what you think cuz. Let me tell you something: if you don't get your mind handle, it is not going to turn out well for you. I don't know what else to say
because if you can't win in your all my between your own ears, what do you think you can do out in the world? Have you at last. The argument in your own mind,. Don't leave me out here by my cell, when you ve been trying to figure out what somebody does anyone Almasy. Doesn't she can't say that I can say that
you bet why about well bring you know, you're thinking matters it absolutely man remedies. I got some. I have some people appear among us how many people nodded more than you are here and all of them think they matter is like a committee and that committee got a sub committee. You know I don't keep the meeting in order, then suckers they just drag you not unlike what and then to make it worse when the committee is in meeting. You know when
get over a certain age. You can't remember what the committee has sinned you do Wait what do come up What all right, I'll, lock. It's not bad news about rights. The data
the path that has happened in some thoughts in simple dont complicate things in your all marks by trying to figure out what somebody else say about what you got to say. Just get the symbols that and say you, because you matter which man is what you do you use the lessons. My grandmother and the big people taught me because for a long time I didn't believe
that what I was feeling mattered, that what I was knowing mattered, and so I had an addiction to comparing myself to other people like the violence against yourself. When you compare yourself to other people,. Because they crazy to manage our own crazy. What you do an upward somebody else's compared. Yes, you, you are compared yourself too crazy. So what you want in the moment May. You dont and a yes to what you're willing to attract and create and bring into your life you matter what you do matters limiting hallowed about what I do matter. I have a habit in I do
what I do matter. I have a habit and I do everything for myself cuz. I refuse to give up my freedom in the world, my grandmother she bought for my freedom and I'm not going to walk away. With security guys in people following me, cause just everywhere, though, approached me in the target. It's not gonna turn out well, for you cuz everybody. Now you gotta target one purpose to see what they that new, since yesterday,
but I have a tendency to go out lookin less than my fabulous in so I was in the home depot and I had on some have water, sweat, pants. Your last landed not put their one may be how water you know that you're just total taxation. I was tat a misuse in palm deeper. Ok, wait a minute had won a grey, have water swept hands what the elastic at the bottom and upon Tee army jacket? I really I just want to get one little thing. I remember what it is now I will tell you about. Your would understand. Important was a why risk run announcement?
Yo cajole would understand how important it was a why risk run and not nuts house looking like that, but I can remember, comes up all right now, so I was if I had an army fatigue, jacket and. God knows is not lot of things I dont need, but abroad is one. At that time?
You do while things when you don't know you, Madam and fatigue jacket and not taught it all off with a baseball can allocate money as well as this one and integrate one would think. So I was then the man in the line and given the thing, and now they have the cell check out which I can never figured out how to do a thing wants you to put the thing. The thing and then it'd it wasn't a ring is anyway, I was standing near in mud disguise. This was a disguise because nobody who know me will think that that would be in the whole depot lookin like that
But there was no home deep will not understand, and that a matter so, of course somebody would have to be our own viewer, recognize me in the home people, and does it see your cages, recognise people and say you got to go to all level a manner maturation in hysteria At the self check counted in the home depot- and I am tackled- issues arise standing near she's, a job that it.
They taught me Madame I got it. Our home do Paul. Gossip is depot the office, the bathroom, the bed room, the kitchen, the seller, the roof, I matter and how I show up in the room matters, because I know who you are matters and how'd. You show up matters every moment of every day, no matter where you are or what you doing. You matter you are demonstrating the presence in the power and the love and being thus of God in everything that you do you mind. It doesn't matter who raised you, you man, it doesn't matter.
They did you in matters. What you do, because you matter you Luke anything else. When you start telling yourself, that's saddles DORA Stokas Fashion, Lou! Stop it because you matter some bad habit, the village and the honor of walking into your life to spend time and loving learning and healing living and growing with you and pay them, the good sense to pay. You need to be glad to be rid of them.
You're matter that chasing things that are beneath the true, Oh you are you mad upholding on the things that people where you now you matter step hey being in ways. Don't on up the divinity and the nobility within you your matter. Let me tell you could store so I do love assail. Donley me out here. It don't matter was on sale Me why blossom pomegranates, though the day out, even though I don't know what the word not Pomegranate Seattle, yet who know what they were, they were poor citizens know what to do with it.
But they were three four two. I had ever, they still sit right on the side of this thing. I don't have a clue baby anyway, I ran to the store cause they had sat on sale. I saw it in a coupon, they had the huge stocks, one two three four ten and I do love you Scots because they come in such a variety of colors are really do love them, even though, with my shoes or nobody can see that the bottom of my stomach is a color. But it matters so I want to do you started get the stuff. There were three four ten. It was on sale and I was digging, but that's you suck the lame its roots Mallingham blessed in areas that we have conversation about in this moment. And so, when I bent over one of the few socks than I was John,
to get fell in my bag. I had a bad cuz. I was returning a address that about on sale and so One of them line- and I said: ok you're an analog I'll- get that in a minute cause. I was really intriguing colors. I was looking at the colors and I was trying to get the south, so after socks and unwanted account, I got six. That would be three four, ten six, four twenty, don't know what the sale is there, but. You'll need six nucleus, the socks and I went downstairs, they ask Other- had to go down because I had to return address, and so I got two to and I our return and addressed and I stood there and I look down and all clutch your pearls horrified and shock. I look down and a pair of socks that have fallen off the rack into my bag was down there and in that moment, in that moment, a voice, adult voice. On the way to some fast food, restaurant.
Stopped in my brain and said: don't worry But if you ve already spent a lot of money. And when I heard that I said an amendment to store. I've read scared the people have the death had the bad, I'm runnin screaming to the escalator. People are looking moving out the way they didn't even notice that I was a lady. So what we have a scream, unlike us, thought Raven Lunatic, took the escalated to increase. That's not a time to get us there and I got up stairs where had paid for other means such as that we are simply not appeal. I gotta be a soft, and I gotta get back to you because I have sat in a woman is look.
Let me like you on drugs, and I said here you take these messages. Were how many sucks do you want. I said I gotta my paper, but this one fell under bag, an app avenant. Just then, ok, ok, thank you for your honesty, ass. You please, please let me buy you for such is that you can pay me for this ox, but he was the point. The point that in a moment I do know that it mattered whether or not at that peer socks and put him back, because I had But all the pregnant and meditated and stand in one one, foot and listen and openly park and everybody else that if, after all, it ass a dog spirit on away to a fast food rest, One could stop by and tell me it's ok to appear to steal. A pair of three body is at risk.
What you don't know how you do with my moment by moment by moment. You have to remind yourself how I'm showing up in this moment how one standing in this moment Helen Spring, in this moment, how on sharing, who I am in this moment, how I'm clearing and healing and releasing in this moment it matter, because I'm matter you matter, have a strong, no stand in your guess. Make sure that every time you go To the home depot, your pants meet your ankles, I'm
free, and you ve been listening to supersede conversations the pod cast. You can follow super soul on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook if you haven't yet go to apple, pod, callous and subscribe rate and review. This part can join me next week for another supersede conversation. Thank you for listening.
Transcript generated on 2020-01-10.