« Optimal Living Daily: Personal Development & Minimalism

1754: [Part 2] Why the Best Things in Life Are All Backwards by Mark Manson on Emotional Self-Control

2020-09-29 | 🔗

Mark Manson shares his why the best things in life are all backwards. This is part 2 of 2.

Episode 1754: [Part 2] Why the Best Things in Life Are All Backwards by Mark Manson on Emotional Self-Control

Mark Manson was a full-time professional dating coach for men from 2008 until 2011. Sick of the industry, he wrote his first book, Models: Attract Women Through Honesty, and changed the name and focus of his business to address broader self-development topics for men. The book took off, selling tens of thousands of copies. As he branched out into deeper issues of masculinity, self-worth, and the changing cultural landscape, the site grew. By 2013, he had begun writing about larger cultural issues — gender relations, happiness, ambition, life purpose, and cultural perspectives he had gathered while living in various countries around the world. Despite the fact that the business was still directed at men, thousands of women began reading and asking for advice as well. That same year, he made the leap to his own site and domain, broadening the demographics of his audience. The site exploded, garnering millions of views each month. Check out his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F--- on his site or Amazon.

The original post is located here: https://markmanson.net/why-the-best-things-in-life-are-all-backwards

Please Rate & Review the Show!

Visit Me Online at OLDPodcast.com and in  The O.L.D. Facebook Group

and Join the Ol' Family to get your Free Gifts!

Interested in advertising on the show? Visit https://www.advertisecast.com/OptimalLivingDaily

--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/optimal-living-daily/support
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This is optimal living daily episodes. Seventeen fifty four, why the best thing than life are all backwards. Part two mark Manson of Mark Man's and on that, and I'm just a moloch, welcome back or welcome for the this time. If you knew here is where I read to you, like a big angle, not book from many different others, but today is a continuation. Yesterday's I'd recommend listening to yesterday's episode. First, if you're caught up, let's get right to part two. And continue optimizing. Your life, why the best things in life are all backwards. Part to Burma. ants in of Mark Man's, and on that there's enough, curve one. They probably never seen or heard of before this largely because they make a lot of it up. Let's deep inverted curve. The inverted curve is the bizarre out.
Twilight Zone, Curvewear effort and reward have a negative correlation. That is the more effort you put into doing something. The more you will fail to do. It drown proofing exist on an inverted curve. The more effort you put into rice, to the surface. The more likely you'll be to fail at it similarly, the more you want to breathe the more I know you are to choke on a bunch of chlorinated water, then what you're thinking so, where mark maybe they had too many picnic allowed us to even find the deepening of the pool, much less, buying my arms and legs and try to survive in it. Who gives it about inverary curves his true few things in life functional an inverted curve, but a few things that do are extreme, the important. In fact, I will argue that the most important experiences and goals in life all exist on inverted curve. Effort and reward have a linear relationship. When the action is mindless and simple,
effort in reward of diminishing returns relationship when the action is complex and multivariate bony action becomes purely psychological an experience that exists solely within our own consciousness, the relationship whenever the reward becomes inverted pursuing happiness takes you further away from it. Attempts at greater emotional control only remove us from it. The desire for greater freedom is often causes us to feel trapped. The need to be love and accepted prevents us from loving and accepting ourselves. Aldous Huxley once wrote quote the harder we try with a conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed proficiency in results come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing or combining relaxation with activity and quote the most, fundamental components of our psychology are paradoxical. Does it because, when we consciously try to create a state of mind,
desire for that state of mind, creates a different and often opposites data. I am from the one we are trying to create. This is the backwards lives. lane in chapter one of the subtle art of thy, giving up desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience. Accepting a native experience is a positive experience, but this extends to most, if not all, aspects of our mental health in relationships number one control, the more we strive to control our own feelings and impulses, the more powerless we will feel are Your life is unruly and often uncontrollable as the desire to control it. That makes it worse. Conversely, the more we accept our feelings and impulses, the more worrying to direct them and process them number two freedom, the consequence I have four more freedom, ironically limits, thus in a number of ways, some more
it's only by limiting ourselves by choosing a committing to certain things in life that we truly exercise our freedom, number three happiness trying to be happy makes us less happy. Accepting unhappiness makes us happy than before. Security. Try to make ourselves feel as secure as possible, generates more insecurity. Being comfortable with uncertainty is what allows us to feel sick you're number five love the more we try to make others love and except us, the less they will and, more importantly, the less. We will love and accept ourselves number six respect the more we demand, respect from others, the less they will respect us the more we ourselves respect, others, the more they will come to respect us number. Seven trust the more we try to make people trust
the less inclined it will be to do so, the more we trust others, the more they will trust us in return. Number eight confidence, the more we try to feel Often the more insecurity and anxiety we will create the more we accept our faults, the more comfortable. We will feel, and our own skin number nine change. the more we desperately want to change ourselves, the more we walk feel as though we are not enough, whereas the more we accept ourselves, the more we will grow and evolve. Peace will be too busy, actually doing court to notice number ten, meaning the more we pursue a deeper meaning or purpose to our lives, the more self obsessed and shallow. We will become the more we try to add, meaning to others lives the more profound impact we will feel these internal psychological experiences exist on an inverted curve because they are both the cause and the effect of the same thing,
our minds when you desire happiness in your mind is simultaneously the thing that is desiring and the target of its own desires when it comes to these lofty abstract, existential goals our minds, are like a dog who, after a lifetime of successfully chasing catching very small creatures, has turned and decided to exact the same strategy on its own tail to the dog. Dizzy logical after all, chasing has led her to catch everything else in her doll, you life, why not her tale to, but a dog can never catch her own tail. The more she chases the more her tail seems to run away? That's because the dog lacks the perspective to realize that she and the tail of the exact same thing. The goal is to take your mind, a wonderful thing that is This life learn your chase various creatures and teach it to stop chasing its own tail, to stop choosing meaning and freedom and happiness
because those only serve to move it further away from itself to teach it to achieve what it desires like giving up what it desires, to show it how the only way to reach the surface is by letting itself sank, and how do we do this by letting go by giving up by surrendering not of weakness but out of respect that the world is beyond under our grasp by recognising that we are fragile and limited in, but temporary specks in the infinite reaches of time. You do it by relinquishing control, not because you feel powerless, but because you are powerful, because you decide to let go of things that are beyond your control. He decided to accept that. Sometimes people won't like you that often you will fail, but usually you have no include What are you doing? You lean into fear and uncertainty, and just what do you think you're going to drown just as he reached the bottom launch, you back to your salvation
you just wasn't a party of the post title. Best things in life are all backwards by Mark Manson of me, Look man send on that. A real, quick thanks to anchor for hosting this pod CAS anger is the easiest way to make a pike asked they'll distributor podcast for you, so it can be heard everywhere: Spotify, Apple, podcast, Google, podcast and many more. You can easily make money from your biogas to with no minimum listener. Ship anger gives you everything you need in one place for free, which you can use right from your phone or computer creation tools like recording, Eddie, you're podcast, so it sounds great download the anchor up or go to anchor dot fm to get started. They get a mark again. This reminded me of that example of sand. The tighter you hold on to it the more it leaks out a great point, four March, that this is the case with most psychological things like happiness because likely for on the show many
as before, with things like happiness, minimalism, meditation, pre, much all the stuff in her every on the show. There is no end game. There is no I'm finally happy or I'm finally a minimalist or I'm officially and expert meditate, her even I'm finally fit doesnt really exist and they all have to be maintained. Constantly meditation is only. I spent a lot of time on Polly thousands of ours and from all that time, I haven't necessarily reached many thing. The other benefits and some long lasting for sure, but one of stopped Falada benefits have. away. He hadn't reach any sort of ending, and that's the case with all of the stuff likely why you might have listened to hundreds of episodes with me and why keep doing this podcast it adds up. It builds something we think about together every day when someone says, while you ve done seventeen some hundred episodes on personal development, you have to be like some crazy expert group
stuff not really and hope you not looking to find. I go either, but instead were improving our lives one at a time taking away material that can help us overtime and working added together. Men awfully make your lives more meaningful, so that thank you for being on the journey with describing and sharing the show with others have a great recipe day and I'll see you tomorrow, where optimal life awaits
Transcript generated on 2020-10-18.