« Pardon My Take

Comedian Jeff Ross + Chris Long For Episode 500

2019-05-31 | 🔗

NBA Finals Game 1 and Kevin Durant is smiling. Drake vs the Warriors, rest vs rust, and Siakam was on fire. If we were up 100 on the Warriors in the 4th quarter could we win. (3:12-13:08) Stanley Cup Final Game 2. (13:08-16:18) We celebrate our 500th PMT episode with our very first guest, Chris Long, for a 4 good minutes interview. (16:19-26:36) Fyre Fest of the Week (26:37-36:26) Comedian Roast Master Jeff Ross joins the show to talk about his career, the art of the roast, his most memorable roast, and he tells the story of his Prank Battle with Cousin Sal that ended with Tom Cruise mediating it at Jimmy Kimmel's house. (38:10-1:18:27) Segments include not afraid to go there, Doug Gottlieb, (1:21:41-1:27:12) Sabermetrics Football anouncers and the Over, (1:27:13-1:30:13) Tebow Update,(1:30:14-1:30:48) Scottie Pippen is suing a 5 year old, (1:30:49-1:32:14) and FAQ's.(1:32:15-1:40:18) 

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
on today's pardon my take the five hundredth episode number five hundred workers and spanish sing sing we look trace sing sing quintus it simply well it's five hundredth episode five hundred five we ve made it i dont know how we ve made it we're gonna talk a little bit about that we're on taiwan mba finals first we have comedy roast master jeff ross hilarious story tells us about his prank worth cousin cell which he still is like to this day torn up little a little like scars their tom cruise actually fixity form so he tells that whole crazy story we have the winners us connect us you google it not just from a yoke ego that we have the first barboza shaken
i'd like brought you just google that other guy we have the first ever part of my take guess chris long back on four fastest earth best four minutes good for good very good metaphor good minutes there that was the first show or the second show few counting we tried that and it filled spectacularly so we have all that pact friday show for you before we get all that though part of my takes brought you by the cash app the number one fine it's up in the app store cash as most powerful way to send spend and save it's connected to the free cash card the only debit card with boosts just select a boost in your cash at that instantly save at some your favorite places like ten percent off at port late or one dollar off at all coffee shops are always adding new boost so check yours often best of all boosts are like unlimited coupon so you can use them over and over not ready switch debit cards you don't have to cash app lets you instantly transfer funds to your cash card for free so when you see a boost you like just add funds swipe and save cash app is also the most convenient way to buy
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and then you can how are they welcomed a pardon my tape scented by the cash app go download it right now and put in the code bore stool and get five dollars to s pc a today is fry a may thirty first and it's our five hundredth episode we'll get to that the minute the more important news given durant's gotta be feel real good right very conflict kevin doran real good as algebraic the skiff bayliss takes that sound you
is kevin durant's calf magically helium healing itself so my guess skip bayliss can hear muscle fibres just weaving themselves yes so calendar goddess got to look at that game and be like hey maybe you do need me because we finally have a live a new nba finals and we have a finals that looks like it might be a series because the raptors we the north shout out all the people at jurassic park that were there from like ten a dot m on the raptors win game one
and ten a m there was more like three it was great lying and they all took the day off it was crazy does canada they get thursdays off the we win the raptors make it to them being finals you get every single day often can i like it so the rafters wind pascal see outcome was insane cry was quite and the warriors have to basically i was actually very impressed by the rafters defence of the warriors now have to say who hopefully calendar it will come back or most like little just become the warriors again and probably heiresses so didn't shoot very well they are not like thirty three percent or something from field not great for the warriors that's probably not going last and it's one of those circumstances words i gave way
beat by marked saw us yard ominous mark titus guess all fred then skeet shooting rope suit friendly invade is awesome he is very very he's good after he had the kid you nobody has to a child no he also has a booty fred vain fleets got little junk in the caboose gets him got he's one of those guys like he'll do that drivel up any can cut a box you out like four feed from the basque luigi talker act yeah he's a nice it's nice it is yet the wrappers look really good the warriors ape the thing that worries is there never out of it so even when they were down by eleven points in the fourth quarter i was like hank we got to get me in hank made some basic bitch bets tonight and i just took the warriors straight up about a thousand wars there
wait the warriors are good and the raptors they losing playoff high bet on the raptors shout out toronto because i know they think we've been dogging them all postseason which kind of have but whatever the raptors hold court on game one drake was all over the place it is the drake series they even had a sit down i think with adam silver good by the way like i i think it's kind of annoying but it's still good for an nba finals where it's like you get to see him reacting he might be banned because he touched steph curry he picked something off of his hair and he then wrote on instagram steph curry hair lint for sale on my ebay right now username draymond shouldn't wear twenty three even like mean mug them on the way out dream on space on the way out and i dont think drake when he touches nick nurse it's weird but this stuff i kind of like yet that's what i was saying going in the series is good to have drinks during shut up on the sidelines drink more and more
i've done him in the post game i need him like answering questions he wore the team or del curs raptors laurie i was slightly i want to see him with his illegitimate childlike riley curry on his lap the up both answering questions together he is he takes the petty wars to like the final level this is the final boss of this league slash petty war that was those pussy right said he had the illegitimate kid that you weren't knowledge we don't talk about that if you do he didn't respond to squash largely squashy blushed it yet less
we also had the classic rest versed rust rust wins so the warriors did look rusty in the first quarter i think they scored though the fewest points it had no quarter in the first quarter of these finals this play out and so they looked rusty common in bogey cousins may the couple appearances and i don't i mean if we're sitting here right now a k who'd you still thinks and when the series i obviously still things in me the worse but i'm excited did it's going to at least go five and we at least push that bet hank of the how many more mba games or they're gonna be i think you will go six at least so credits arise don't think anybody can beat box credit to the right yet yacht its monitoring thanks credit credit to the raptors for four shown up we the north end one last thing on on the game for me real quick to runnels victory was a total team effort quite for twenty three infrared rambler scored fifteen off the bench as a teen they put out standing defence thanks magic
alonzo good magic is really i guess al fatah we're watching it and as you know the the raptors maintained a pretty healthily they kept some distance throughout basically the entire gander once or twice the words got within five or six points yeah but it was a pretty healthy lead and i asked you to do think that if it is the four of us me you hank bob and will throw in the towel mark titus mark titus in it would that no i don't that's no we can't put martinez and here we have to have bad basketball it was through an marcella martinis now and oversaw now reseller yea it adds rebecca who is the five of us and we had a hundred point led against the gulf states words at the start of a fourth quarter could we hold off yes i don't think so absolutely we wouldn't be over the drivel by fowls each why so you're saying that judges we have not had a house we book but we'd have to go
the ball in yeah we'd have to i don't think i could involve the vital that we get it on the wall i could bring it up just go out i got all making you bring it up for hake we were i was doing the met us cutting the math how long like we could just keep getting eight seconds and then having them like get the ball back and shoot right away and i think they would probably still now we easy i think we ve been by thirty yeah i think what we'd have to do is just we have two foul shitload but promise it stops o clock yeah i just don't i think we would still lose no be like hilarious how bad we would look because i don't think we'll get the ball in half the time and i get a lease a couple docks in there just draw the ball of saying that the threat
it would be too just throw the ball the half court and try to get a hand on basically play like hale mary game where we try to get a hand on it and then just let chaos and sue and hope that that takes enough time over time to waste the clock you know we do we just have reseller throw the ball full court aim for the for the back board on the other end of the court who knows where balls going about that weighs lisa kites i don't think it starts so until someone touches the bought now even if it is the backdoor had another exactly one of pressure you have to actually touch the ball for the for the for the clock to start ok we need to we need actually figure resolving that's ever been done either jesus i think he's arnwood get tired leg ass she don't think you'd be able to do this all yelling down as much anymore yeah so i'm i'm saying we probably still lose hank thinks he'd be you think you're handles of sick enough to cross up clay
then his palace interesting you know the passing about the magic drivel thing whether match up stuff curry would be on p of tea daddy what clay would be on you ok liam would we have a key i'd have dream on on me are no like bright already monitor so that's what you do you just have to get inside dream on said a little bits davy actually if i was wrought technology know what mismatch given the looney out taken down so you're right just get it to me in the list good fundamental drilled and moving without the ball actually you think i'm stronger sent some facts i mean our each other this is like a box tough carry out now yes duties like eight inches taller than he's six talk is underlined nine and a half six to hurry so easily not about who the tossing about who's the well that's right i gotta get much bigger ass i don't think you can i ask is stuff does not know how to handle ass like you guys you thinking like we could just throw the ball it and not dribble just run around we would
they don't call travels the key factor is a hundred points and twelve minutes you i mean it's a lot of but they would just basically play for on like they were just cover every one and have stuff just stand at the corner three in the steel it throw to switch now feel it throw jones traded resell offer for delhi let me remind you that fuckin word overlap with great they put everyone on him and we ll just feast so yet this is gonna be i mean i'm excited were like the serious now because of what the raptors did so they need kevin direct back out i want to say i must say kevin right you gotta come back man some keep an eye on biggie might be hurt oh you are world injured piggy is piggy is like shortly
he's always various state of her he's teetering on the idea once you get your certain age is not like is he heard it just like how how can you get to lighten seventy five percent i did like the vest that he was wearing tonight oh yeah like they looked like the cooler man fucked a bottle of tang absurd he just like he basically went to goodwill and found the most ripped up sweater than ripped up more i said it looked like the couch from snick hand up that's not a great take it look more like to catch him wire oh yeah yeah nice little orange yeah that's how i was very look like he was like old old school like tom jackson brok yet any headlines like little slit just a little tiny slipped from mystic as head of the ranch only i can elect or if you took the couch from the if you made a flashlight out of the catch from the wire yeah that's what it is like the sweater that you put on if you just smoke like out of a bond for four days straight never leave your house than someone ranger doorbell yeah in your like ocean i gotta get dressed
yeah you're dexterous hanging out the bar you know it is the classic i'm hung over my couch all day saturday and then the delivery guy came to chinese we deliver guys adored rosetta for on meat sean patent come ass a cover myself up with whatever's veiled yeah we'll call back there so we have a series the stanley cup final we also have serious the blues have won their first stanley cup final game in the history of their organization there one in thirteen all time and that listen i know blueskins say i'm being mean right now i'm just stating facts of credit to you one in thirteen all time that's impress leyla blue one you know in the last one does it's pretty good are you worried i now know not all not not evil but not even enough to like watch the games
what do you mean did you watch on aimlessness as living and dying that though it was a good game working physical shit and the third period i know i'm not an odyssey diet hockey vain but third period tat game is as as hard stopping as it can get for sport there is there is some there's nothing like a stanley cup final or play off hockey leap third tied game pipe when the when it hits the pipe it's like that is like stop time stands still broadway yeah hour break away or like an odd man russia had just time stand still though when you have that pipe ears like oh fuck overtime hockey just socks ass if your ruling from the teams yet it is awful though even though there is like that feeling of like you have super anxiety when its tied in the third pillar and then you have that like slight moment of take a deep breath when it goes in overtime than you go fuck yeah now ptarmigan yet now it now you're right back into i think i'm running for saint loosened here's why i want to see what new kinds of fucked up
food and celebration saint louis does that i don't know about yet i learn something new about the saint louis culinary like tradition every year the weather is their pizza which minor stance like salting cracker with catch up the up and then like a lunch bull cheddar or not she shuddered whatever the yellow in the modern family is it just leave it outside on the driveway for about eight our young master pizza i says saint louis now under first i won't listen i'm rooting form because i want to be reading fat what kind of weird traditions the air yeah the hour the cutting the beagles what little i was what is the average otherwise we risk all that will you saying no advantage governor stone from them but their denial that alan while they still around saying he bread comfort it's it's not either way that's that's a good series i mean that's why it's not an errand and he's not sailors brentwood is in saint louis
i'll real yale thing yea outside the building walls they just do not have that unlike the on the restaurant they just knew that if they called it saint louis outsourcing loose everybody book i'm that eating at the saint louis rain right they tried that was skyline chile region take on new users be cincinnati diarrhea and an analysis must try to make so was called skyline diarrhoea ok let's just called chile exhibited but it s okay so that's give you good series very like the one thing i loved about the first two games stilicho final is the two games were so opposite like the bruins were dominant in the first game she out shot them by a million and the blues were just so physical and second games i love series went like basically the way the games or play just shifts every single and now they're not gonna be any penalties called from this point on right game three and after an stanley cup the boy swallowing okay so five hundred episodes we're here should we get to it so we're at our five earth episode i still can't believe five hundred someone actually
even know we walked by and mikey podcast let you know it's the 500th episode today i don't even know if he knows like it could be for all we know it could be like five hundred and five or two before eighty two when the math kind of checks out on that right maybe i don't know i can't add up those kind of numbers but it's crazy that we're here it's crazy where we started it's even crazier that month over month we've grown literally every month which i still can't believe that we look at it every time we like houses this summer is gonna be the ultimate test woke after the women's world cup there no sports until train camps where take was looking at last year grit week to this yogurt weaken its substantial you're over here yeah so and so we care about so credits all of you guys who have listened of shared who sent it to people who like enjoyed you know do
this with us i want to say it i i don't know if we improve that much but i think that our listeners him pro bigtime tat there might be line for most improve pockets listeners this year while the taking our coming up they are so but it's it's been crazy i don't really know what else to say other then and can i still like pay waste i think we still pinch ourselves every now and then we're like we were so this is still working really really out like we're still what would have happened this war is like if we were to think back over the five hundred episodes what are the best i was besides they had no besides building a new podcast studio next to a i guess let me ask the run into bob's led area where it our new studio for five hundred we are crazy but what are the first ideas that we ve had are we saying suck my dick incentive hello terrible as pretty bad when we held on her arm bay for a little too long we are somewhat removed from how can a product we were fucking moving we're
as you know in the year we try to get rid of her on their and our merge people warlike does neurotics ability it they were like hey guys do you have any more hurrah base you any more dead guerrillas weaken fucking profit off we considered killing and grill so we can we we're moving wet shit we're moving wait we were we took you know what we held on to rob a much better than his bookkeepers did yes yes we owe the people it's been a long time sudan apart my bake we owe them that i feel like i want to get high yeah we'll die don't you yeah i do listen i'm dealing with a broken off not anymore pretty much broken rib yeah in official broken we're ok from the x ray we we podcast through some shit on the show yet we do we passed through a lot of shit and so you got hit by a dog i note that it merely day wherever ago we should so we're gonna do our interview with chris long he was our first guest
ever for people who remember the start of the show it was drastically different it was so when we first started we were going to take it in them by like at ten a m monday ones a friday and what's his noise now that's a land in wait built an airport at medicines garden everyone tweet all business pete's while be like way to build a pike ass do not do that but maybe maybe to ah just once we we started the show we're gonna do thirty minutes tight every day from earth money once a friday we're going at ten a m and put it out at noon that didn't last more than a week this is stupid brain doesn't work in a more knows really dumb we also one of the dumbest things were going to do and this was the why we had chris long back on we are going to do instead of five good minutes from pity i for good minutes we interviewed i saw you go listen to the episode and we didn't even get a question and wheels the four minutes were
we also had a shitload of sound effects the regulatory output in a rattle mind when we switch releases which operates our segments night tossing the ready tommy i just for old time's sake for further for the real ones and also for the five hundred up so we have chris long back on four exactly four minutes and here is our first ever guest long timeframe now two time super bowl champion winner and retired quitter he's a quitter smoker chris launch okay we now welcome on the very first guests we ever had on pardon my take it is chris long now two time super bowl winner he had zero when we first had them on man time changes so the first time we ever had chris on we did fastest four minutes pft and i had a
this idea to do the pity i bet put one minute faster like the whole eight minute ab types yeah we're like we'll just do interviews for one four minutes we had chris on we barely that through the intro we got like one question in my parent came to the door and light has how he goes on the first so yeah yeah out like like data monitored important show and he was a year whatever sun and it wasn't at the time it was not but it is is it at this very old culturally i think it was probably more important than culturally we are probably the most important show for people who don't know what the fuck
they're doing encourages like fuck around eleven begat pressure or teenagers flash like twenty three year old days with the white hat with a new mirror the letters of their college tongs young ties the loss of the packers i had the universe and without baidu divided dollar for every do that that demo that thought man said a w albert while you you'd now in fear that you live in a fucking colleges town croatia is wondering why all these college kids keep coming up to him ass he watched the quad that's true in so big it brings up a good point when you first came on the show you had zero rings now you have to how much of your success you a tribute to coming on portmanteau great question fifty thank you
seven percent as they get seven where there is a lot that more than a lot of people i mean like if you break it down like people or entities that have had to do with my success that's pretty higher cause you got it you know slice supplier is ninety two percent howie one percent use an innocent set her how much yeah we more or less than your high school football coach than john blake yeah yeah only eight percent and eight percent are a good answer also chris another question for you how impressed her you with what we have accomplished it's kind of dumb founding go on i mean this is your call me you're like hey man we're donor five hundredth
my kind of thought to myself i was like are they good like other getting cancelled sees us like some like final episode like well like however now you're noted parsimoniously your confused probably maybe not i don't smoke pot with the sun out did you texted me pretty early only on rainy days yeah i shall go on key telling us how awesome we are well at first i thought their pride cancelling show but then i looked up like all the matrix and you guys like i'm really proud thanks man is really nice knows really nice earnest do all we have yawned you and respond to danny canal not knowing whether not pat was more dangerous and opiates yet will crush up a bunch of opiates you know go grab some white out and burn
up and see who would have actually don't do that don't i'm gonna say don't do that no gonna get even highlighted very silent but you know with with with some of the response of in getting online you you you can't be sure yes people or daughter for fear for everyone out there or put up your it's our way way more addictive in babylon marijuana but we're just ass on question what we asked where does ask questions so chris in a serious note i wanted you obviously just retired i wanted to ask you how that process went like its opposition huge decision in your life to walk from the game of football what went into that will actually is funny to the kind of came down do format cyprus thanks for coming out of the iron guide
wait by where you that we are all later were prissy came here have in both on later who whose bore you gotta go now you know why that's perfect ended on a joke directly from two guys exhilarating all you ve got burned all bad ro ro secrets think so we got to the bottom that we got survives great here in depth stuff about his house gets arm he's got some big plans was universally link rear varig socio that turns yes i actually he tape that from his parents house yeah so so really is a reversal of fortune there he started up being interviewed by mean you who were bloggers living our moms basements and now he's doing it don't do drugs kits nope you'll end up back in your parents i only get to supervise it s actually know what somebody pointed out to me that
i think the second time we had curse on when he signed with no this this further down the line when it did sign with the eagles you said that you would get a tattoo and eagles tattoo if you want a super bore them oh well the arctic as we make a lot of progress that would probably happened so how do you get my fur aim we generally portals tat then maybe once the ink starts will talk about the further you know going more too if we followed through on oliver tattoos in the ideas that we had come on you there's gotta be a little bit of leeway were worse literally staring each other and in our ass we was right now with christianity you gotta have a little leeway with things reset we look like the first person i got killed in an entire sectors of oz the real things we say the finger caught you eating poop hankering a cat those are the real thing so we'll keep will keep to in those we should do firefox weak forgets jeff ros yes you ready for it i'm your damn right i'm ok once you start you broke europe ok my foot yeah so my far festival
i broke my home is not you bring europe not broke my ribbon side and dare i say that before the interrelated okay so it's broken on party ass either i'm i'm also quitting jewel which is official valses that like sixty two haven't jeweled at all today also one thing actually know what that is gonna be my fire firstly not supporting yokels bigger cabinet not supporting me i'm trying to i'm turning settled right area through my jewels georgia is obvious and i are serious and you too i'm switching to analogue cigarettes olive on in my in fairness to two to my side of these things you kept on say you quit jewel in literally every time it turn run your jewel because you told me i can do it you robbed you picked english were ready you did not ready ok now i will support you i would you admit grit week was the worst time to ever try and mentally prepared sitting in a van all we in use join your face off now i re support you you're gonna kick this
if you see me drooling i give you permission you can slap me in my face oh ok sure said that by a half drunk phd is going to get in a fight weakened no no not no not a not listeners you owe me no i think everyone can if you catch me joe slap me that's actually a great way to quick where you if you can you're gonna drunk on saturday night see me with her mother fucking thing on me slap me right in my job get em ghetto i'm not going to drunk them ok but if you do you do hey now hank doesn't believe those focus on wait let's run oak astounded what had i more door about drinking worry about jewel young quitting respecting hank too oh when did you start due respect you ain't got it not more than you be careful pfc because what's gonna happen is like summons goodwill gb like hey you wanna hit my jewel hannity slap you want i can take it ok
i'm saying make amends look at yourself some either fireplace hermes you like one a m on sound my other firefox the week is the summer that i become not short tis a grew couple inches and last year oh yeah this tweet get trapped re for this sophie charter is in dire in pre on catch opera have spoken ladys this summer we are only falling for short kings who tough tough for me sock laboratory short in there all like married i'm just saying tat stuff for me not i would be such a classic be like all the women who were taken like we love shark i swear on my short carriage that's what i'm saying there are married to short guys are they yeah be sure yeah i'm pretty sure it will have to hold tolls the jonas guy israel short is under six we owe waste real short can be made a rush i mean just shoot minuscule surely time free to choose tonight we surely know there has been a lot of em foolish
yeah real family front man i'm frightened other growing action friends the guy from better than measures like six foot eight marilla manson what's so cock yeah and really talk so is actually half ass tall ass he usually is yeah bent and half what others are broken rib guy to front man even he did on purpose you trust your dick ultra you don't have a brute broken ribbon unless you can that would actually be very painful for me my throat not big enough what exact put that on parcel gold yeah negotiating king of barston gold good call hank
thank you for reminding me watch pfc suck his own cock i'll do that live on both a global that's fealty no we do have we did an interview today or settle be out soon with the head grounds keeper the boss red sox asked melodic questions crazy story he got hit by a car three times yeah and he s like he has a dog and his whole story about ptsd doggie talks about that in its awesome we never even mentioned the fact that public got hit by a cardinal that's right guess could about bubba you could have a dog to you you could get a dog you have a dog published still of them might by the way you have one but it sounds it doesn't work on origin fire that's my firefox the week was that i was at the doctors two days ago and first of all the fact that every time have to get a prescription refilled they have to go to the doktor just watching me echo has gone i can be a good night that's it i can't just call and get it refilled anti go in and then i was in their supposed to go at twelve i was like there he wants to make sure that you can submit a hard there
for thirty minutes late it's not for that israel's each day gotta there are thirty minutes late calling me and the one that they call me there are real i forgot about the stupid ten dollar copa realize i didn't have a team carta me so i vacuity could be put just what it showed that offers so i did the ten bucks cash do this stupid dogs of women didn't have ten dollars cash i biscuit waits like three hours which you couldn't you can just run of the aegean atm card army act on a real symbols uses these are like i don't know shit but here unless i'm just walk out professor fuckin buying a ticket supple and ensuring that doctors acquirement making the applause alex it's like i have money fair hair credit guarantee boy i haven't gm card not with me my own money yes but i can get it and i can but i can i get i owe you like whatever that's crazy they would just be like hey i'll come back like later today with ten dollars did you ever phone
you could a cash apt no are you probably just kidding now into the street and elect drawn on a cardboard sign like i need ten dollars for my after all and i'll give you want and within about thirty seconds you have ten takers you're you would eventually just made enough money you not have after all good point you so rich you just don't have those problems could just quench into gaza gone to mexico you so rich that you don't need to have your tent in on anything you would have had an attention surplus disordered right that's what you're that's that's goals that rich i my firefox good one hank by the way we shouldn shouldn't
not the cleaning people because no one thirty in the mission also wish in baghdad kind of work on a investors own like weren't there world not there in our world but item i finally but we have not recording thing outside pete trysting on air yet on airline my firefox the week is it's actually a two week fire fast because i've been up like trying to chase this high that i got i gonna confrontation at the airport two weeks ago where a person came and tried to cut the entire t essay line they relate for a flight and i had words with the person as i go to you just find out the flight was today like on a mineral shows i get so as everyone it's a fucking airport you're real asshole and it was
thrilling and when you get in a confrontation like that it's like the rest of your life is meaningless gears and i am just like i'm like a dead person walking around like did behind the eyes i just need the confrontation look i'm fuckin drinking white dragon t monster right now just to try to catch high yeah you're going to be asked to speak to lotta managers yeah it's it is like i am not a big confrontation guy but like i presume reason i was just feeling a little frisky as a friday is like fuck it i'm just going to tell this person off for trying to cut the whole line and ever since it just like the flowers don't smell as sweet nothing tastes as good i'm just looking to getting another verbal not physical mind you a verbal confrontation with no throw
pilots i mean that's pretty bad that's pretty much everything goes in new york is everything it is a little many conference eight fuck you even it is argued of somebody's nice in new york there aggressively nice right to a guy way you hold up the whole line here for the subway taken you have enough cash or got here take my fuckin car loser but you know what i'm talking about that buzz you get from like one of those like just exchanging of maybe it was made more than not no more than like twenty five seconds and words passed back and forth but that buzz will last a while because you're like that was great felt could yeah did now did you the crowd reaction around me were they on your city as well i was the reason why i did it was i was the next person in line so they physically like cut me you know they run past everyone else and they stepped in front of me and i was just like did you just find out your your flight was today like what's going on here because it is bullshit you know the like the person could have gotten there on time they're just late because they were late that you know
you're fuckin flight is right except i've been in that personal serbian clear many many anti sailor hebei always make it coming i can t and understand that at an airport if somebody's like late for a flight but if it's out of bukovsky party in they step in front of me am i now you are i'm sorry number eight hours a day i got my ticket here we put but you under you also would understand someone saying something we get like we live in a society you catch i'm more available i will always have respect and courtesy towards somebody who is also originally laid by the way totally able bodied like wasn't any issue here moving quickly when not all that other brain well yeah true not their brain that's why i went to the wrong airport the other we all the avenues to set that agenda as an adult yeah it is natural was wild listen
some of us are like peter pan we don't grow up quite as fast as i so that was our firefox so the weak but you have one above it has never might debts as far as the week we got in our new studio there's a mite sitting in front of them but it doesn't work so bubba that's your firefox the weak raking lips the week right lip like start talk actually there's no camera on me i was gonna give you your firefox as your talking but also you u tit like you are the like got hit by the car guy and then he got caught today time yeah by way more successful guy who's been hit by three cars please also older eels older you can still too you can still what you can shoot to get hit by two more cars yeah i believe and i was glad to jeff ross so comedian roast master jeff ross joined us we talked about roast which are
what's his prank war with cousin sow tom cruise being able to mediate it it was a wild interview before we get to that it is summer time and we got bird dogs bird dogs are jim shorts with built in silky soft inner liner that makes underwear obsolete you can work out in them or you can do absolutely nothing in them you can swim in them bird dogs dry faster than a bathing suit in they are super comfortable actually has ordered like seven new pairs of bird dogs for summer p if our party and hang i got a question for you what's up how important is it to have a pair of none chucks handy i'd say very important case some asshole tries to give you shit for cutting along very important so good a bird dogs dot com right now enter promo code take and they'll throw in a pair of none shocks you didn't know you need none chucks now you got none shocks yeah you heard that right none shocks will give you an actual listen homage read what they said ok
you get an actual murder weapon along with your pair of bird dogs that's bird dogs dot com promo code take and boom a free pair of nunchucks with your pair of bird dog she will not take these things off i promise you seriously guys we don't like say you know everything out there is the best bird dogs are really the best we wear them like all summer long you will see our booties popping in are bird dogs and they got that extra liner so you can go underwear and liner in case you have a hank we called a hank when you poop your pants at the hank bird dogs thou com promo code take do it right now ok here is comedian roast master jeff ros okay we now
mind the roast master jeff ros what's up in studio he's got a new netflix show out it's called historical rose is roasting people throughout history abraham lincoln cleopatra mohammed ali anne frank here how that won't go terrible she was piss debts desire i asked like this is a genius idea because you can basely rose people with and they can't she screamed for the first time in her life to get up and running so this new show like what what gave you the idea was just you just ran out of live people too rose what happened no life people want to be wrote the more than ever the part about it but you know people safely coups your dream rose so i made a list of heroes people i cared about i did notice that there are no villains you didn't roast any violence throughout history there are villains on the show on the day s right so you get to roast hitler but hitler's not
star the frank roth almost turned into a hitler wrote yeah as sometimes happens when we roasted pam anderson and turn into asia corny lover outside of these it's happened at rome did you like purposely select you you're like i don't want to have any villains as the stars of these rules because if you always say like you roast ones a lot right that's a good thought and yes we debated that alot we had a very intense writers room about what what's the went right wait arose history as fake news evolves in a fake history you go but what do we really want to say with our chance to say stuff rain but i feel like down the road we can one of doing a villain roast yeah i'm not against it i just feel like season one of a show you wanna be very clear
what you're right who also who just missed the cut ted bundy ok now i realize you want we want were albert einstein now we weren't gonna do villains ok he married his cousin and invented the atom bomb yeah sure hit season three thousand institute in season three so check it out it's all networks now you can i watch the whole thing i wanted to start kind of not at the beginning
somewhere around the beginning where i was reading upon your career and you know you talked about having thick skin as a kid in getting roasted by your uncle and what were the mean things your uncle would say it sounded like he was like really would go after you when you were little kid my uncle murray everything about him a lot lately is still with us now he died at ninety two hook out just a few years ago and i wrote about him i thought about a mulatto memorial day because you know my friends and i we were walking around downtown to some of the memorial day statues down and lower manhattan like monuments and you know a memorial day you think about veterans and my uncle murray was army medical moral were too
a while you know back when people even salem the way we do now re gonna like they just die put morgiana in dispute item it gives a happy and you let him laugh whether diets like the save programme with any other play i literally all put their hands over the big bullet hole now like this work i packs adams use big red nose on yes are found as i like modern medicine he would walk and he also liberated a concentration camp which army but in oh marilla shalt jewish soldier in the u s army respects fantastic right so like he got away when that you can say anything i couldn't say shit am sorry i can say anything i ass i said we are fucked can't pick and say any that damn because he was a man and he was awful i worked in this catering halls little kid but family business so he would just make fun of me for being daddy's boy and you know just tease me over my buck teeth my goofy hair and a little kid tenured levin years old and he was
you know he was my hero so many made fun of me in her did so so he did hurt your feelings earlier eventually ella what was the point we are like actually this is kind of fun burgess busting boss or do you we can never found out what shall i was a man really yeah i get as a boy i didn't know any better who just like mean they call them mean murray evidence grandchildren column memory it's like a defence mechanism almost like you realize you get older that you ve got this almost traumatic experience of your uncle just sitting there you ever you know he's just joking whole time venture self that like it's a waiter bus body ever deeper do there for a dyed like hey i won't say some real quick jeff it was just a joke you know what i knew that i grew up and learned all that but then for his ninetieth birthday entire family got together and rose to him a while he did to his credit they should out but he could tang could take it too and that is an uncle maurice taken
big trip soon to that earn on top of the fireplace any love that link right he had like his cousin you know like he was the man rape like getting rose to deal of being in the heart you have you ever dealt with somebody there really doesn't like to arrested i guess so but it's like for the most part euros volunteers like the whole fun of it is to get people at her up for right unless there passed away historical figures and thank the resurrect em they have no choice right put bob sag please abe lincoln and i told bob ahead of time on the historical role show and i told bob ahead of time than i think lincoln everything i read about lincoln as he has a great sense of humour so
you know i think linkum unlike the rain break a full house divided with bob side it read it it's issuing the roasting to me because if i've always liked and culture one was wanted stuck out to me were if the person getting roasted doesn't play along it becomes not fun so quickly right you know and as she was thin skinned right and this frustrate me people are so sensitive you gonna come to a roast what what do you want to go soft write us almost meaner he has i ignore you it arose that means you know you can't take it or i don't care about you but there was one i think it was was a den accurate
did i was alive lesser used days between chancellor and nobody went to it because chubby i guess doesn't have a lot of friends and so all the jokes were just about how nobody like chevy chace and you could tell he was like use a little bit pissed off about the whole thing yet seem like it from when i could tell what other comics told me that he was just like cranky the whole day wasn't taken at well riding during cope better this is probably like a good lesson for life is to be able
if you're gonna talk smack you gotta be able taken were right you anyway this is a philosophy not just in roasting this isn't like yeah i agree i do a pack has called thick skin which isn't a roast pike s it's about going through life being able to absorb what life brings that you and i do feel like like shut out to my uncle murray and like all the bullies and assholes and your life right now like in a way their preparing you for something more profound more important later right isn't you guys like you think he'd be able a roll on sports if somebody if even if you like the best sports people sports casters are failed or people who like played sports and got like that you know what it's like to lose right the worry i like i was on the worst highschool football team in new jersey the kind of the dayton bulldogs
we didn't when one game in the four years that i went icicle yeah like i think surprise or our fifty comedians from springfield nature if it meant that guy's got the chicken they told you always good example he never want to big game right in oh by the way as a great sense of humour great sense humans drove me a hundred miles an hour through the streets it now really what why he was hungry it we are performing thou there it be humorous friends for them she invited him to our show a bill with a bunch of comics anna and tony was like a hungry that nobody else is up for a browser sure and i we got a ski with his body was wasted in the passenger seat and i was actually in a follow car actually behind him in his eye to us is trying to keep up with tony romo anna at a nobody pulls over ninety one in a red light just pulled over to bust up his buddy gets out the throne
and tony just grab the door closed that left him there and the guy showed up at the restaurant on our later that's perfect was he was wearing that blue hat with nothing on it he might have been ok yeah tat blue hat i did some investigative research a few years back he's in a pizza hut commercial and they gave him a blue hat and he's been wearing it ever since you think literally a free had been wearing everson maybe it's parties deal yeah i think you just it's free shit like even rich people like free shit i love this free i don't like you bet you put a hat on every once in a while just fits perfectly to your head and yet you care what the fuck it says on it you just gonna you're gonna role have we really are life david tell gave me this bitch i liked island pretty good and i am aware that every day what about their shades where those from like those among my window the elton john premier for argument those look there it's pretty good i'm going out swag you definitely more hung over when you put those two things pleasure is you are leaving the worst hang over a vault also beware unlike like dogs and holding this box
last night was moved usually on call daddy you were part of a roasters have been lost a history i think the thing is rose to mike mike then jacobson got on stage now and i've never i've never heard of like one event sabotaging somebody's career as much as she not come up with links to how she didn't come back really haven't been falling upon her now but i think it's so she was uncovered pizza the timer listen tenor whenever the verses aching was firstly it would always before flow ngos called pizza
and arm she got up there and i think she said himself about notre dame but no videos i dont think ever came out i ever really heard about that and in those guys are still work in the area so their dinner on top of it but you know it always takes one like maybe she would she remember her guzzling vodka anderson was actually the whole thing kind of her i mean it was a good comedy show up until then i believe i was hosting and actually it was an atlantic city they sold thousands of tickets it was like a real they have like a prize fight feel a great show actual right and you know it's always fun when you see people in or used to roasting like growth right that's how the roast started when old time comics like milton borough would curse and no one ever heard that before so i will not respond the us like you drive in a race karl the sun had and then and then add a nowhere in the middle to show that women like
bending the whole thing eternal like some kind of punk rock thing that's crazy like lost the comedy and it got what became too i don't know like as happy as it is at the autonomous ever happen words like one person can sabotage arose has anyone else naw man think well courtney love tried the situation but jimmy chemical they calmed down oh yeah population all added yet when we roasted the donald trump here has the situation refused to take his sunglasses
socks your any kind of do she now your insulting people wearing sunglass yeah i love numerical made aware mom like you're not fucking snoop like take your sunglass bit his dick had examined a fuckin ass anyone have done together sunglass fuck that by the way he still thinks he did well the oecd outward jail i solemnly before that i saw him last year he was again man at their meeting on messed up like a stuck with it i thought of my comfort zone you still think you kill years later years later i respect that i like that level i wish i was an awareness and we just go to your life been like the funniest fuckin guy in the world where rises us on everything i do is adam right here what what part you do you think you played normalizing down tromp question as i just had to say that's all my other one we hobby a big probably significant for the other one we do as if you could go back in time would you still vote for donald trump yes
that rose did he tell you that you couldn't fuck around with its finances you couldn't joke darling gave us a people say that there were rules about oh really swarthy stories has been repeated so many times i think we just think it's true now a lot of the writers did interviews and said you know that he was sensitive about its finances and maybe he was but not to the roasters whom i thank for his own speech maybe he wanted a trump up his finance right right so anybody would do of course i let it mr negotiating with a contractor you always brag about how much money you arrive until somebody's tunneling so you suddenly allowing antonov been a bad man you know by and for that i didn't begrudge him not him in his whole thing it always was and always see michael talk to me like he's china viewed the richest guy in the world right the eyes aunties living like the richest richest people don't talk about their finance you know no they don't even know who they are right exactly they are completely like invest
what i know you are a party whose dad is one of the richest guys in new york in new york in america no one knows i'll do they're like rich people drugs it no one else has access to and like the everlasting gob stopper that they can have the live forever limit eyes i am convinced that all rich people have access to these later a suit designer drugs that are so fucking cool it no one lover here but not really jobs yet us actually he's in brazil has ignored he's alive argentina lasted a lot longer than he then he might have an ocean of outer back he's got that money on the board every single show he's in remission now true shot out as yet shut down on you like that you're already shown some compassion some ability guys like you ever find yourself being like our arms can be the nice guy today because everyone's like jeff ross rose master high you rip people to shreds ever like walk round being like k l that shirt man i had that men like i've got a job it's the only way i could get away with roasting reign was nice most of the time oh ok
walk around roasting my way through life i doubt be funny what are you a good movie but would be a good life people expect from you just sit down talking you come on make farmyards michael had rose does not even liked in this situation you guys aren't you know what's going on but like i'll be walk into the airport newark airport one time and some guys like my brother just got out of jail was in the bathroom when he comes out for making fun of it come on man it is those wrong it's like energy like i'm tired after a rum sherlock my brain is like it's a lot it heavy lifting the even turn on the though what i do is i it's like a superpower taken out when its absolutely necessary so what you say the going about i left i didn't that's arose in adult yet and take debate in a single year but not roast worthy actually cuts pretty deep right there on the post to you two guys like you get
the dark yeah nowhere on rose i guess we care so little about ourselves though the thing we do is we ve made every joke about ourselves that can be made so the self deprecation i mean no that link and golf shirt well here's what here's the shortfall is made by if it was made by a tennis player we do it gives them alive
heavy and if you were enough designs it's like an optical and yet it like the carpets and right last vague seaboard just looking libya lies now five years he fat i can't tell em all these an obstacle years weird things on his shirt low if you're out their wondering he's a little for that is found to the gym today you didn't attica winds are i got a long time i can tell you were bet we're getting a shape for the summer the next summer yeah all summer yeah so you do obviously like a lotta roasting head are there any projects that you want to work on that maybe i've got sidetracked because somebody ignore you're the roast guy have you wanted to get into writing or are dramatic film i do that stuff is a hobby like for a long time i was like you want to do this in an branch out but i don't owe roasting became so fun i felt pigeonholed for while they chapelle actually game you're pretty healthy pep talk about it about ten twelve years ago reads like that's your lane bro make it a highway make it a six lane highway and he's right no one really does that in man
i'm on us amazon show as an actor called sneaky p nominate cartoon called tangled so when that stuff comes up and unusually audition its usual like jeff you know so it's like if i don't have to write it not to make fun of anybody it's not like work that's like a weekend that's like a day off right in your brains not on the elegant grain you're talking about when i love that we asked a frank i have to turn out muscle out i could show up and be funny in character or it's it's like i could do that statistic easier range i don't have any things been sidetracked because i really do love roasting i feel like it's my purpose and it's also a movement like it's everywhere now i get tweets in languages i dont understand do you think that the eu has picked up steam in in almost like a response to kind of comedy has been under fire by like people on twitter and all these you know there's been a lot of changing of culture you think the the pendulum swing back as rossa qana picked up steam yeah
good that's good observation i think as we become so sensitive who s a week society you know by the way you can even put roast jokes on twitter you i read that the u basely said you do not tweet anything provocative what's where we just promote shows because lame i know right you know the foot faint you know you don't pick up followers that way but and i do warned communion sometimes like did it's not a safe space right there you're right what's funny you also the reverse of a safe space were made his safe space from people
talking about not having say right yeah i'd out at how idea not now now you gotta go to a comedy club it's like a temple of free speech yeah you got you gotta perform for people who want and then people taking it out of the thing i've also those people take commie we had our jimmy car and here a couple months ago you saying that like his biggest problems have been when people are basically taken the comedy show and then written it and put it in a paper and it takes all context out of it s kind of a twitter is a little bit when you can't really read the context or what is being said behind it because i have inflection in tone and all that and then you have to actually go back and see who saying it and other joking special with comics because they could be joking they could be posing as a character the you know so none of its real in all of its real like right like an expert doesnt matter any more than some nincompoop whose icon heroin it's just a tweet ray i'm gonna do it now like this historical show in it we rose stand frank and i got ahead of it and i talk to jewish journalists about while is doing it and then somebody who in amsterdam who lives near the anne frank house who having been seen it will way in
right and then suddenly that gets amplified until it's like an newspaper article in jerusalem unlike one twitter user from you know the end frank out like right right does anybody's opinion manner the more than anybody else that somebody who died eighty years ago it's a question of contacts environment i guess because on twitter the audience is literally everybody with it with a smartphone right they all have you know they see what it is namely a look at it in a different way from whatever angle it affects them when you're doing like a roast of shack for example ok buddy that's up there onstage third you know ended they ve agreed to beyond that stage it we're all gonna bust balls and we have agreed that we're not gonna take any this personally but if you had tweeted out any of those jokes that you made about china
holy shit out of the euro the although i'm telling you it's i it's just like i used to take everything in context some people they are comedy writers and they write jokes that are meant to be consumed by reading them some people are comedians again on sage and do what you do i think you try to take one if you took no very sowed essay issues like if you call a humorous that's what you call somebody that makes jokes but isn't funny i guess humorist but if you took a humorous and delivered those lines on a stage our ability to sky socks
if you took your jokes and put a month where they be like fuck this guy right you know so it's all about i consider library in the right environment no the room you gotta know your room around the room no the room to room could be twitter the room could be madison square garden other nor or this year i would like this is your room you guys know your crowd you know what they want to hear they probably don't want their sports their comedy watered down it's like when i do my shows i'm in vegas next weekend you know with a tell it's like he's a go we might get backlash on twitter for unlike fuck that this is where we do this
let's go full tilt buggy people are not coming to vegas for some watered down comedy one also when you get in your own head like dat start thinking about the hair it it like we always you know we listened a constructive criticism but if you start listening to every single person who has something to say you'll start changing everything you do and going away from what works and i've done stuff i have had that happened to me and the work suffers yeah becomes not great for any but right right i'm a big fan of cousin sound never madam we still sat on the show we didn't work out he would when jimmy was here in brooklyn can you tell me the history between behind your prank battle because i've heard parts of it from south perspective but in tom cruise
litigated it but it was an all time high level here because i know one alike restart anything seen a sound now please little decide be grateful pod cash dont be selfish you fuckin hates out that's what you said we now he knows he came to my historical rose premier last week and he when i heard him laughin and were all good now we're good pals i'm super excited for him and all the stuff he's doing and you ask about the history but i think it's brought us better friends ok where we truly and when we always loved each other but now it's a more open affect how did start it started when i was a writer fresh to allay for the man show how many central my best job you could ever have right here's like a dozen guys locked in two rooms coming
with the crazy shit you can put on tv right and it's all doubt up with tv cameras and girls jumping on tramplings and and and we're all making money and we're on our way for the first time and it was just a bow last and sow was the resident troublemaker he would you know you'd come back from luncheon or been there'd be like you know the screws on your desk would all be pull their equipment or he would like you know stateless chick she came to pick me up and before she could even you know let me know that
she was waiting outside so i would go outside take his shirt off and take pictures with her in her car as if he would just do stuff like that and you know it grew into stuff he would do on jimmy kimmel live like i guess toasted and one time i look at the you know that they got a lot live from the parking lot and there's sal spray painting the punchlines to my stand up jokes that i thought the night before
onto my brand new white porch at its guises eric as it was in a rich guy this is my first nice car you don't have any new that unanimity as particularly stuff like that where is just you know like i was guest us in the show for five straight nights once and i was also filming csi during the day like seven in the morning to eight at night then i'd rush than a drive and evaluate to hollywood to kimmel show and i was like the guests co host backward was live life so i had forty five minutes basically to shower basically eat something and walk on set the added rehearse earning rain like psychic qana guy and i had i'd always order a steak or hamburger and inevitably just as they handed me i d
window to goblet down just as they would handed to me salad walk out of the closet and slap it out of my aunt onto the site has a good pray go stage hungry every time i think tat sounds like penultimate moment or ultimate moment was besides the awesome hilarious prank stuff he doesn't jimmy kim alive to like regular people write his his personal pranks our deeper and very thought out right and i was on the answer with the stars going back a while now i take a very seriously i was all in i've never been on prime time may be see i really wanted to knock cha cha cha quick step like a lost twenty pounds doing it i was really i was in love with editor my partner you know like we were we were like we were gonna win right back then they would get the cast off the night you got thrown off life dancing with the stars you went right over to jimmy kimmel show and you'd be the guest the lead guess doing your costume or whatever so the opening data show we're doing a run through and editor had just had her nails done with dennis
five hundred times to precision but she got her nails don't know everything's three quarters of an inch longer on her hands so he heard her marks or a little off rang like we had these very intricate moves where she's like like when moving you know i am around and ongoing under legs and over and it's like it's like a wild kind of a moment and we do blocking understan a kiss shirt my like sisters in the audience and we're just you know a rehearsal for cameras basically one last run through our i'd sure anna added it hits her last spot and slices my eye my cornea scratched i flop on the floor and would think some kidding i cant open my i half an hour ago by can open my eye and they like since appear with a you know
the toilet carolled or something the driver to the emergency room from my god my god from herodias zero what am i doing right and and yet it was sad it was very upsetting i couldn't i couldn't see much i go to this emergency room then they sent me to a doctor and next thing i know i'm on my way back with an eyepatch back to the show and abc and kimmel text me since you know if you you got you know you eat you had a dance the show must think you're gonna be brave you'll be hero yet a dance injured her and i run a buyer my partner editor she says if you can walk you can dance that's good football bulgaria and i think the producer say i'm going to dance the show must go on he goes the chauvinism whether you dance or not that important not
like you know what i'm dancing i'm doing it i'm going to do this it's going to be good i got no my moves i don't want to miss it i've been working two months and i dance and let me know it was you know it was bad people turtles a telethon a million dollars for it and i will write my family shows up there are wearing i patches and solidarity and my guy you know maybe i can make something of this and i know that the camel show gets the results slightly ahead because everybody the gas to get kicked off right on their year i don't know stan thing at hammer what time are anything but it's the same network i'm assuming their some collusion and
it's me and kim kardashian or the last two up there with our partners right there voting people off she's one of the biggest stars in the world and their i am and about an hour before i get a text from sal saying you're safe oh my god and you're actually does the guy's been praying you along but you believe this is yet this is true it s not a crank wars it's always with somebody that you're actually close we're so not every interaction that you have is a prank right right of course we were with the best of friends right and also like they were helping me like i'm safe right for now i can like relax a little bit makes some jokes and only to prepare and closing speech not only family a brave right told everybody tone editor
so now i'm like what i read the text i'm safe from say are you sure yes so now i'm up there in the lights the music to bergeron it couldn't be more exciting i'm going to move on i get to do my second dance the quickstep which i'm really good at going to be frank sinatra i get a kick out of you you know it's like and they just click everybody off one by one cloris leachman warren sapp they're all they're all in the rollin gets down to me and kim and i'm like you could see me whispering an edited ear don't worry don't worry and then they call kim kardashian she moves on to the next
and you get to see me i'm gonna phenomena at this point i feel like sal couldn't have lie they must have changed their minds values really believing it and then try to think in as the cameras come to me and said burgess runs like anything thoughts as you leave the competition on my i just got here i don't even have barely what her nothin so now i'm on the second episode of the number one show in the world on a b c and i have nothing to say famous for quick but you did for me funny i got frustrated with the scoring and speaking a ballroom these panzer really tighten i walked out
a good life and i do remember after that date like i should have known i wasn't gonna i was the worst one even i wasn't sure i remember chris rock calling me in my trailer before the show also sings ohms stop worrying about the dancing and start thinking to some jokes which was good advice regret did not necessarily take during so i go over the camel show and now i'm ready for battle i'm so mad and south nowhere to be found of course
so is it took a long time we were manatee i was mad at him i just couldn't take it you actually were met leg was very real anger wasn't a prank we went on for not not days weeks maybe even a couple months i see him it's sunday football over jimmy's house we would sit on opposite sides and because he does a big football sunday we have like a branch of people random crawl yes in india you go over there you'd see like you know tv movie stars and rock stars and actors and you know jimmy's house right you know he still had his own always old regular schmuck guys like me do frickin tom cruise walks in and he just been on jimmy show sober not we understand but we're still like he's he really walking and up the up the stairs right now with his mother sound i are still i look at each other from across the room we haven't really talked or even anything and it take weighing army and in sound just comes over any sits next him in a cowardly whispers of my ear egos maybe we should let tom cruise settle this
i did and you know i just shrug my shoulders and i think it was sarah silberman was ere she jumped up on the coffee table unlike brought the whole thing to attention right right like aright everybody got around corners in session cortisone session tom cruise put many lawyers is about to settle the feud and you know i think you should try to help me out take detention out of right it was painful not just for me in cell but for the for the group right for the for the community for the friendships and we laid out what happened and of course jimmy keeps china interrupt and help sail along with his story gets outcome times will not necessarily tell things in the most sympathetic waivers but it owed jimmy has a very scholarly loyally way of explaining what so that between two of em unlike oh boy and i gonna make my case and explain that this was high stakes it that i worked really hard that this was something i took him you know i said we're all friends is career
move i wanted to do well i wanted to come off funny i didn't want to be caught at okay to get voted off but you want to be prepared showing it to be a little vulnerability if you have inside information which they claim they didn't use it to help me write not to embarrass me that was the case i made and that and everything else and i said is and how much i love these guys and trusts out and took a minute and consulted with his mother who was not happy with the amount of cursing that have been going on and tom ruled in my favor said sell you you really hurt your feelings and
i'm an apology why and so you could see he did not expect that outcome he expected come on get over a guy's me do you know and no but a sound mumbled this half an apology simon and tom stopped him half way through and made him do it and nancy aided pronouncing think my hand we hugged it out and some where there's a picture or have to find it and posted of tom cruise holding a football and sound i have our hands on it like like the orb
yeah i mean the rest is the rest as history has been so i notice that you made that quite conveniently all the pranks a you pulled out or lead up to this point cancer cell just wasn't like i'm gonna fuckin with definite big tv so i don't have that in me i don't i had a prank people everything i do an end so and i have debated this before when i make fun of people it's to their face you not i don't prank people i don't really sneak up on people i don't talk behind people's back if i'm going to take you down it's going to be face to face that's what a roast is that's his version of roasting right which is spray paintings
it on your arrows did you so good it's a classic prank we're just mean is possible there aren't you gotta go you have historical rose check it out on netflix jeff roscoe my last question was seeking question put an improbable hotel in vegas next year whirls you gonna be we're gonna be it the board at the mirage june seventh and eighth and no more go out the palm springs to harris so cow and the more ok nice so check embodies on tour right now promo code take for the seek purchase so you can go to jeff ros comedy show loved go to seek put in provo could take ten dollars off are you kidding you still get money i love you ok i'm not all but the people get ten dollars off free beer that's really cool yankee yeah i just did that for you why it's only time we have done that deal
just put a round from my allotted yes exactly now ok you're running you guys were actual exactly so last question is you have probably the three most absurd hairstyle small time for bald man corn rose and the jew fro how did you pull all three of those off i'm not have we done bro you got more in the last month as law lack is long i'm workin on the character of hellas at your next year like the next evolution workers just get jack this hell broke your hair out that does happen people yeah i think i've always kind of had the exact same bodies and toes about thirteen that i don't i don't like it when people get into two good shape now however are not great for com and it won't be funny if you just fluctuated like view one like one year you're like a jack in the next three or four underground it would be good but i everytime i try to get in shape as communion i do feel better but i i am like i could be writing jokes right now why my innocent mongering rammed socks
it is not for me i never found like at our skinnier change my career and i really just makes rhino rodney yeah yeah who worked on it a bathrobe yet actually he's a good looking do tat there are a lot of fun get no spect i got one last worshipfully shoot firewood back to record donald trump stopped because say what you want about no real quick you got no genetic i'll get it now could trust lip and your agenda no i'm not you're not you not going nowhere i'm going with this one like say which one about it but he's he basically gets onstage and he roast the other people that he's debating he just like in seoul some until they equally shrink into like little pile have you ever been in time with anybody that's like gemma wants you to write some material for my debate against donald trump and would you you should i have been asked i yes would you dirty i'm not going to say but i have done that kind of allow ok interest too little operative also your mean to play griffin
he's good front of our eyes oh my god what a legend fuck off were that's it you're right i don't really get a beat him yeah but he beat you in life that's true solemnly now he has a good friend of our so we just i just saw the way it's so rare i love when an superstar not just a professional yelling per stars like bring it yes he is exact do we roast him whenever we he's ownership is generally happened ten times never so fine is actually funny he's very very not athlete funny there's athlete funny than theirs funding in you mention shack before i did shaq rose a long time ago that ended smith rose to check produced and at rehearsal misses the mark of a true champion this is what i love when i see this i was nervous i don't have the reputation i have now you know like two thousand one right or to ear and i said shack and i have a lot of really over the top jokes for the night is a rehearsal and i never would normally do this but shack respect
you know like he flew me out he's producing this charity event i go you know you and emmett like i'm sure seems like you have a great sense of humor shack but emmett is he going to be okay with cuz i'm going to go in man i i can't hold back itches eagles man no one ever asked me to hold back on the court i'm not going to ask you to hold back a roast and he shook my hand look me in the eyes and i was like man i love this guy not like was the same way that play a lad tradition ass smack talk but yeah i also know what i'm kidding in playing and i can take it yes and i'm so fucking good i'm so fucking good nothing earth yup did he go think glassware jeff for us thank you much thanks ruby had plasma yap issue thoughtful question yes check out historical rose on netflix very funny i haven't watch it but very funny little mamma would you do it's a goat roast he gets roasted by bruce lee and babe ruth oh i like that it's a really cool shall i order fans will toby every ali roast yeah i thanks jeff
that interview with jeff ross was prompted by free fly a couple weeks ago this company free fly apparel semi hat they sent me under underwear they sent me short they sent me a shirt is silky silk smooth very very soft and actually when the hat right now i like it their underwear is beautiful it soft it's very convenient it's just awesome looking i love the supper they semi wait you swag for guy like me to be wearing but you know what step up in the world sometimes you look good you feel good you feel good you pod casket and so i love free fly their great the first impression took him out and i was like this is quite literally the softest shirt that i've ever felt in my life and you know it there made out of bamboo if you can believe that butter soft bamboo butter
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from doug got weep doug got leave he went there he went there not afraid to talk godly went after our player r j hampton signed with our team the museum breakers he treated orgy hampton agreeing to sign a new zealand a month ago and only telling colleges this week about is about as classless as they come i blame his parents call the coaches tell him you're decision they all would have wished him well and moved on what a d be i'm assuming that's not defences back here as a douche bag maneuver yeah wow doug god onwards from doug got leave on that one yet classless each day clouds make mistakes but not not anymore you owe me thy day now orgy hampton he is dead
b will find out in twenty years when orgy grows up if he has a successful career in the media getting invited on coward show once a month right at that point we can judge whether or not he was classy as an eighteen this shit is so fucking stupid because every single coach in college athletics pretty much
oh there's a couple guys out there who are not like this but almost every single coach is climbing the ladder let it cutting scholarships ford mortality players recruiting over their scholarship limit that happens all the time though like hey ended the bench guy you lose your scholarship because we found some one else for they will move on instantly jimbo fisher literally quit on fish you because he knew he was going to text zeno he didn't tell anyone that all these coaches are looking out for themselves all these coaches they'll tell you one day i want to be here for life and the next day their fucking gone but no an eighteen year old has to tell these colleges they basically control him because he would have gone the drafting whose lodged with the draft that no i'm actually go play for new zealand break
poor bill self poor coach k how will they find another five sorry i think too big take way here is he should also let the journalist snow began trousseau like he didn't give us a heads up he didn't get outta here you gotta was owner exertion yet we didn't know until thirty days after he saw yes wash bill self now exactly why should that well i d got leave should know i'm going to make a change in myself whenever i make a decision to launch i'm gonna be ok doug letting you know i'm having pot belly for lunch could you let chapeau lay beyond mcdonald's subway all these organizations because they were all vying for my money and for my business so yes pass that along to them let them know but then ardiaeus today now he's doing recruiting forceful sword thing that is done he offered lamentable ball yet had come to new zealand broke in the metabolic just three backs and talk my people yeah wish us that's us so
the mellow astronomy and touch us yeah that's this league for australia that that's not a leg this is illegal one lasting about a gallop it's not a secret that dog godly wants to be a college coach like he wanted the opel homo state job what it was available was lasher the year foreign he knows how this game is played college coaches college basketball coaches especially are like the tightest fraternity out there when you see like jim bay hums only friend is coach gay like all these guys they get together they all like you know get along they'll have each other's back this is such a shameless move by doug got leave to basically be like yeah these players are out of control let me in your fraternity coaches fuck off the real victim here's kansas basketball exactly two how will they get another star never and look i like ours
gotta go that's a bucket list item to go see a game a kansas but when i hate it when you have like a bunch of people agreeing with the got leaped at all have lawrence kansas in their title in them in their twitter enow title it's like dude you're just mad because you lawson which i get and again i do not begrudge coaches going up the ladder but don't fucking tell me an eighteen year old can't do the same thing funny little fact when every see somebody dune had thing where their picking which had from the college you're gonna go to her they don't know where they're going to go until the second they put that had on their higher sums on our legs had they couldn't have let anybody else know about it before that time yes so like that hand i can understand what doug saying it's like its tradition of this country to make these choices very less it is so stupid i find i just can't stand when like adults are trying to basely control eating your kids into cod is parents like such a weird fucking wounded just a weird reared move in luck obviously on bias
because he's our player oh yeah but i think i have a similar reaction even if someone else because it's just a crazy move to call an eighteen year old a douche bag for wanting to make a decision for himself i don't really understand why doug if if it's not further coaching purposes wide doug would be very upset about that don't you think it's gonna be the only wants ingratiate himself to the coachman fraternity considers dont you everyone else out their coach case looking it then he's like that i got leave he knows what he's talking or you can do is therefore cannot control if your kid out there just whisperer your choice into j businesses here so you told somebody here and then he's not going to tell anyone correct correct by way brad cow party yeah which put him on the work he is his honour it trance report i have indicated that we have preliminary interest in bread counterparts as it does for like the swag just arrived
and her next thursday were hosting doggie sports radio and to say everything is falling into place perfectly between archie hampton and now brad cocktail party going into the treasure portal it's gonna be the best two hours we ve done on that station avoidance six hours on a station but it's coming grid best to ah see met she has seen much yet so this was sent by friend of the programme rhine wingfield he's he did a little number crunching as the off season football so he needs to our you needed to candlelight get in the game little bit had some time ago recovering from a vasectomy hopefully the boys are good ryan he put together spreads way this is of a sector me save metro this is of a single area labour metrics it is so it's either you should again in march or real guys do it now but there's a withers waiting lists prompt that's true it's too it's too hot of a thing right now i'm so he put together a spreadsheet of over under by announcers in the inner fell ok who do you think out of all the major announcing teams
i'm saying the ones that do you know seventeen to twenty five games a year who do you think had the highest percentage of overs monday night crew know it was charles davis and kevin burkhardt you said the let's just say and this one is over right you know into every time i had of exactly says i like all it must happen all the time only thirty three percent for those guys i've you go down the list for treatment sixty percent the time ok with him and joe buck hangover let's see what else we have here for sea the worst one is how michael's encrusted with that's by far the worst one kevin harlan rich gain and only the over thirty five percent of the time so if you look and make money on the other over he adds little might lie that yeah communist added that out hankow says it's a mine fought because you lived here i'll michael's just say and this one is over
you know into every time you have the time he says that you like god must happen all the time only thirty three percent for those guys if you go down the list for troy aikman sixty percent of the time okay with him and joe buck and it's really over let's see what else we have here for two the worst one is al michaels and cris that's by far the worst one kevin harlan rich gain and only the over thirty five percent of the time so if you look and make money the over gophers ambrose increase carter kevin burghardt i was just because the main bulls jim nansen tony roma would you think about them i don't know fifty three percent only thirty five percent time damn i was right with the numbers yeah just reversed we re in a completely wrong will figures real drawn by exactly right yeah the money now booth only forty three percent the time oh it's your betters on sunday but now that burgers up in the booth that could all shades of generic switches they're good
change so yeah that's it got me going everything about football how far back years ago it just the season utes justices up like his the work notices our goal is the story girl but i thought i was like a ten year seventy sunrise he's here it would have to get like seven per second well you know if you have if you have to get another respect me next person gave a sect me do two thousand seventy endless keep goin back and back and back let's get tenure sample size them will compile at all someone set up a google spreadsheet where we can pull it off thank you behind that's i mean that's a hilarious way to sector it s like fuck arms gotta dig deep into the zone does it when we can't nut we just start doing math right right cuz it's the most distracted takes up all our time oh i had a quick tim tebow update oh you got struck out by a positional player okay i don't care like i said i don't care bring them up sometimes you have to listen
gas via puts positional player do cs uber rises level competition so that it does not surprise me that he would strike out against a bad pitcher last that we had a bad visual for scotty pippen cosy suing a five year old gets tough luck but i read it and i actually agree with him so essentially he he has a property in florida he rented it out the people trash the house and part of the trashing of the house with someone took crayons to all the walls and it was most likely
i've you're old so boom you'll get sued i like to think twice before you that you'll never learn don't get sued by scotty pepper yet no no tipping pippin come on you but you better get that five year old and eat i want to see like that five year old understand that you never like those yet yea fuckin better believe ok let's get a five year old understand yes hatless see her handwriting what's with matter handwriting up against the show me on the house where the grand touch the warrior exactly just go do it and i will match emma yeah scotty pippen i will you don't get rich by not soon five year olds correct you mean you have to sue ever save every penny i hoped to someday be at a point where i can just start suing everyone i would like to see riley curry for not showing up in this post season media i degree at a great is very modest honor if this is your first part of my take you probably think i'm a pretty big axe to grind riley curry the number times are brought her up i also say you're right i do you're absolutely right i don't like the fact that she goes out thereafter win and she gets to you she gets a hot dog in poland
and then in battle the cute after law she doesn't have to answer for a poor performance zone nope she's nowhere to be found probably sleep passed her bed tat oh convenient that the game start at ten thirty and i hear she's cries i can't believe they circulate newfoundland insert a ten year i'd hake ethic useless finish up episode five hundred what that would do you hear that noise the bowling alley we're material ngos subway but the subways not near here oh yes it is where are they may have set an example by guess who happily was built the studio on top of this operation stew somewhat operational subway supply of tee how many times have you cut your hair cynthia showed dubuque zero woe not even a trim nor have i had about a traumatic uptown trees fine i still consider myself not a native long hair person could have only had loan here for the last six years seven years but
i did grow up having long hair so i don't know how to deal with it sometimes and then i think a couple inches is not like a cut once it gets down to the fourth nipple that's when it's time to trim the split ends off a little bit it's a good piss a good way to measuring tape i've always wondered this where are you guys on the corporate ladder of partial are you guys in charge of different parties the work that parliament works were working hours every episode yet you'd we make all the fuckin big heavy hitter decision we're working under the carpet butter holding a black cat stepping on a broken mere ah here is a good example of what we do and do not know we hired someone today we didn't know till dave tweeted yeah
that's just out i'll go we found out what everyone else did i i would say not really i mean we work on the things you work on put in terms of corporate meetings aren't i went when we first got bought by turning day like had me kevin mean having go out there covenant i kevin i kevin and i go out to allay to meet them and we're like barely gay you get like you know this is just as much by use it is about david irving announcing it was like three years ago most went on i don't get a text or anything from them ever yeah the biggest corporate decision i make is which wing placed order from the air was their particular shower but can t of tea hadn't major beef going into it what were you to fighting about i don't think so now we really have major beef now there's linked i think it's more what happen
is theirs times of tension just of like tired or being together for a very long time most the beef you hear plays out in the show yeah true put it like i don't want to eat poop yea said they had to boot boyd man to go you buried poop ok alley poop i care remember tat we ve ever gonna like a big fight it's more literally like you can tell when we have been working like too much and there's just it's like frayed tension it's like that for the hairs gone at the fort nipple time to canada the biggest we ve got some fights about really stupid shit like shall we get a full squat rack in the studio no that would know that hake for us there on that yeah that was me some air that always sucks for hank when it just mean pfc like shopping but he's usually right always dimples earned let's get a convertible on this trip that's what we finally be heard us europeans to use
get a two cedar four p onest convertible shit again it is the p empty crew iphone guys or does one of you fuck up the group messages with no never fuck up the group presidents never although wherever we phone guy i saw our friend mark titus tweeting about that take his he isn't an android user if fox me up everyone knows one or two hundred usage in their life but he said he had a good point that he doesn't get included in group messages which is actually awesomeness because what happens when you're a group message is you that is something where you get out of a movie or you get out of like doing something you look at your phone there's fifty text message you think the world's on fire and its two dude debating something stupid back and forth in a group tax but what we all are iphone gaza we rock the iphone i need a new one by the way the sullen remind me maybe he's gonna case fuck you did you think steve jobs
you put a fuckin case on that thing so give our little rain ass they want you to break it so we have to get another one well recognition pushing job he makes him slipper you got me here's one firm for me you november sparkle yeah if there's a sparkle four five hundred episodes of p empty wayward sparkle it was the was a quiz show tat was just like the list should be like our yea it allowed the five hundred blank spaces but if you typed in like rhine whitney it would fill in like what however many ten how many of the five hundred desk you do work oh shit where we haven't had five hundred guess no unlike those reactors gas i'm saints of you it is your typing in its five hundred blank spaces you type in right windy and fills in whatever fifty eight soiled so there tat we can do all that but here's a question whether guy on how many five hundred oh i can probably get i write your arguments
yet like eighty percent of the unique guess i'd like an eighty percent i would be less than that affect here's a good question who has appeared as a guest the most on part of my take what your guys gas gloria florio real good guess when we leave up their women her poor annoying oreo chris long has been griffin border mortals titus there's a few we ve got on my prior seven or eight times flora when the warrior s with the volume purely the head yeah poisonings king hung up on the exhausted scottie pippin sake you don't want to get sued aim as it is with the true skyping bigger dick analogy ireland oh it is there anyone would be the last one is there anyone other than dac prescott damn reno who gave a shitty interview you'd want to run it back with oh i wouldn't want
coming back with either of them yeah like maybe jack face to face up to now he's freeze factors over twice word nor nodded went on deck podcast who have we screwed up that we would like to run it back i don't think so i mean there's always interviews where we know we like minded crushed it might deca because hake forgot the batteries now we what happened the audio just stop courting fucked up one or several quarter realize it till after we recorded those parts can go back god i was a fool i was fucked up because we stopped recording the recordings than sure got it ok now sir leon that was in his get we showed up to dick estate cows we like walked in will a k were here because i member how that had it him instead of recording unrecorded with four quarters i had two separate to channel reporters yet
member how they happen how ridiculous that our view was those early on loud sean gave us the like the nfl black book and dick is phone number was in there i just took it call them and i was like hey coach huge van would love to interview for our pockets parma table gonna be in chicago he's like i come my restaurant six o clock ones and i we showed up and we'll ok we're here to interview coach you like he's upstairs we always is and we should show up any were like a coach we're here for the pike s interviews ok fine and his exit down and we just sat down next like them bussing tables is like i got you are wearing assurance i did what is going on in your shirt with his face on it then i was gonna get paid for that area while he heard the first time i showed much farther on me so goes back cato kalen i'd like a real cato squarely mere maybe i do you're going to jail did tom that yeah i think we did tom that put it
i don't know i mean that you would be fun to go back through the whole list someone make a sporcle for us can someone do that please and also count the announcers someone start with two thousand and eighteen please one thousand seven hundred and seventeen right to you i will do two thousand and seventeen first and then get the boy cut off a yankee thousand sixty that's our show will see a romantic love a guess but
i'm not kidding
Transcript generated on 2020-03-28.