“The formula for a successful relationship is: The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the TWO people involved.” - Dr. Phil. In the season finale of Relationship Reality Check: How Much Fun Are You To Live With? episode 8, Dr. Phil details the two jobs you need to master for a successful relationship. For more information and worksheets: https://www.drphilintheblanks.com/ See omnystudio.com/policies/listener for privacy information.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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I'm gonna, be a good friend. I'm gonna talk about something positive
and by the way something positive doesn't mean talking about you, job number, one. You need to teach your partner. What your needs are
your second job is to discover what your partners needs are. So I hope you ve done what you need to do and if you have it it's not too.
Believe you can boil life down to a bumper sticker.
Then shine whatever
believe you can vote down to a t shirt last, not about Bumpersticker Isn, T shirts
showing my age? I don't think you really have bumper sticker anymore, but you know what I'm talking about cute clever phrases, but I'm gonna cut
it myself a little bit and tell you that I do believe there is a
Saincte, clear formula for success in a
relationship there is assessing clear formula for success in your relationship.
To tell you what it is, in fact,
Lynn, Starman every
ship reality check,
It's funny you live with. It all starts in forty seconds when we've been taking a journey talkin about relationships, and it would look back.
Over the journey. You remember I started out by talking about the relationship you have with yourself
Member of the reason I started there's because I said
You know yourself better than any one else. Therefore,.
If you don't like you.
And you know yourself better than I do that, I'm in
and to take your word, for it mean you spend more time
whether you than I do,
You know yourself more intimately than I do and if you have decided
With more data that I have that you're, not a quality human being, who am I to second guess the person that has more information? Therefore I want you to get along with you. I want you to be your best friend. I want you to accept yourself, flaws, fallacies and all nobody's perfect you're not going to be the perfect partner and by the way, if you're looking for a partner, don't spend your life looking for the perfect partner. If you can make a list of all the things you want all the things you need in a partner and you can find
Candidate, that's eighty percent, you better bag them tag him and take him home because you're going to find that you can grow the other ten or twenty percent in a lot less time than you would spin.
Looking for some one that had that other ten or twenty percent you're, never gonna find a hundred percent. But if you find some one that has the core characteristics that you believe or non negotiable other things you can learn to live with or you can grow. So I hope I thought provoked you enough in looking at your partner in telling you that one of the things you have to do is except your partner that you ve stopped obsessing over small things. You ve stopped obsessing over idiocy increases and ask yourself: does this person have the core characteristics and values of who I want to spend my life with and if they do, then their nuances, their idiots sank, receives the differences that define them. You can live with those things you need to lighten up. I told you: there was a formula for success in a relationship
give you a caution here, and I really hope you hear me if you really have just kind of half listened to the other seven episodes in the series, if you really have it done the soul searching if you haven't filled out the different surveys, questionnaires and tasks that have put on the website- you're, not ready for this Formula-
for success in a relationship. There is an old saying that would fit nicely on a t, shirt or a bumper sticker, a poor, workmen quarrels with his tools. What does that mean a poor, workmen quarrels with his tools?
So my doesn't really know how to use a tool
You don't really know how to use information, they're gonna find fault with a tool or the information, but if they have prepared themselves for the next level, if they prepared themselves to use the tool information.
Then they'll make use of it. But if I hand you a shovel and you did with the wrong- and I can't help you so I hope you've done what you need to do and if you have it it's not too late. You can go back and ask yourself some of the hard questions. First, half of one things, I've said that you have to do.
Relationship autopsy then go back and bigger out if your relationships in the ditch, what have you done to put his there? If you are in a second relationship? A second:
Are you getting ready to get into one
you're, really, not ready. If you haven't go back and figure out what you did to run, the first went off in the ditch. Some decisive hope. You ask yourself the hard questions. I hope you ve taken you victim had off and said I own my relationship. Ok, I cant do any more than just tell you that I will be happy to be here.
I hope you do here's the formula, I'm going to say this to you several times, so you don't need to pull your car over in Rochester down. The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which
It is based on a solid underlining friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved, and, let me say again, the formula for success in a relationship is a function of me
it depends on a solid underlining friendship and, to the extent it meets the needs of the two people involved to people involved. Not just you, the two people involved. So let's break that down it's a function of a solid underlying friendship in episode. Seven we talked about. You have to have a good friendship to have a good relationship, and I talked about the fact that you will invest more with people that you do so
Surely no, then you will sometimes invest with people with whom you have an intimate relationship. Remember I said you will go to work out a god. You see a game last night another, but you will pass your partner in the hall at home disco if that there's something wrong with that, you want to invest the most where you have the most invest.
Already invested a lot in the people that you are living with have children will have years of shared history with that's where you want to invest your energy effort. Now, let's talk about the solid underlying friendship.
I don't know if you fell in love immediately with
significant other or if you had a friendship first and it grew into something romantic, it doesn't really matter, but ask yourself if you ve stopped being good France, ask yourself if you have
loud, your relationship to become problem, driven where all you do. Is you solve problems? You solve kid problems, money problems in law, problems, activities a daily living problems, house problems whatever, and if that's true, if that is your relationship or defines too much of your relationship, then let's make a plan
to start being friends you, and how do you do that? Well, I've said you own your relationship, so you can define it as such.
But underlying friendship again. What do you do with your France think about the two or three best friends that you have in your life? Not your significant other, the two or three best friends that you have in your life. What do you do? What do you talk about?
What do you focus on? What do you laugh about? What do you share about and find a cure
Larry to that with your significant other, you dont
waste talk about work if it's a co worker when you go to lunch. What are you talk about? Do you talk about something you read?
Hey we talk about a tv show last night. Do you talk about fun things that aren't task oriented if all
You ever deal with your relationship or problems. Then you have a problem relationship. Think about that. If all you
ever deal with in your relationship or problems. Then you have a problem relationship and if the person that you are always solving problems with, is your significant other.
You're not gonna want to see them come through the door, because you know here comes trouble here comes problem,
you associate them with problems, you don't associate them with laugh
You dont, associate them with joy. It's like the Graham Ray,
we're coming through the door. You know this is just somebody that I associate with problems. You know, there's a statistic, a sad and tragic statistic that partners who go through major trauma- and that can be one of them- has a serious illness or a child is lost to an illness or an accident. Some tragic like that
it typically have a very difficult time adjusting and they have an uncommonly high divorce rate
Why do they have an uncommonly high divorce rate because they went through this problem together,
and now they are a trigger for each other. Every time
You look at your wife, you think about those hours at the hospital were
looking in the waiting room sitting in their holding hands, and you say well that would bond you together.
It may have at the time. But
how you associate that person with all that pain, all that agony all that misery. That can you work through that, of course, you can, but most people don't.
So we associate people with everything, that's in their aura. Everything that surrounds them. So ask yourselves
What is your partner most likely to associated with, and the answer is water them?
common topics in issues that the two of you talk about. Do the two of you talk,
about funny movies. Do the two of you talk about planning, interesting adventures? Do you talk about accomplishments and achievements that you each
Been able to create in your life or do you talk about there's, not enough money, your kids on drugs, your mother, keeps interfering
if its problem problem problem problem problem than they're going to associate you with a problem, what I
what you do is subtly a step at a time get your part
to start associating you with joy
associating you with fun, with safety, with peace, with tranquillity, with excitement. Think of all the positive words, adjectives that you can imagine and say that's what
Wanna be associated with the old joke, I'm the government now I'm here to help you
Often, do you get a letter
the government and their there to help you how bout never
There there to regulate you penalize you charge you,
They don't ever right, you just let you know how well you're doing as a citizen. When was the last time you got a letter from the government said I addressed
a drop your line? Let you know how well we think you're doing as a citizen, I don't remember
we're getting a letter like that. So that's why
the old joke? Hey! I'm your gun,
but I'm here to help you yeah. No, no you're, not trust me, I'm your government! No, nobody trusts! The IRS. Are you kidding me? They associate them with
Problems and payments and taking money, etc, etc. What are you associated with
and the way to do that is to sit down and say what are the twenty most TK
men topics we ve talked about in the last month and help
many of those would you put in the fund column, the positive column.
The health engendering column, the building self.
Team column, the peace and tranquillity column the hate? Let me take that offer. You call em if you wonder why your partner seems distant from you, it may well be because
their distant from you. It's not a perception! It's a reality. They do distance themselves from you because they associate you with pain. They associate. You was problems. I appreciate you negativity. You can change that by becoming a good friend. What do good friends? Do I keep saying this good friends laugh good France, talk good friends share about fun things in their life. Good friends, talk about
Movies TV shows trips; they took something funny that happened, that's what they talk about, that's what they laugh about. They complement each other
they stick up for each other, they have each other's back. They find something positive to come in on with each other
they tease each other, they joke around. Who was last
me joked around with you partner? Well, if the answer is, I can't remember pats problem. When I talk about. Does your partner feel safe with you, I don't mean: do they think you're gonna?
problem, do they think you're gonna, abandon them in the middle. The highway somewhere mean delivery.
Save for the emotionally or do
they think, no matter what they do, you're going to judge them. How judgmental are you.
Because if they associate you with judging them
to control them trying to dictate to them? Then
you're? Not gonna, have a good reaction to you.
On the other hand, if they have the expectation that
whatever they do.
Be ok with you. Where are they
certain this way or that way it as long as it gets done. You're not gonna. Judges.
This can live and let live euro.
It was them do and what they do the way they do it there. Ok,
You do what you do the way you do it. You just tend to accept each other. So how do you want to be reacted too, like here comes to judge here, come the judge.
Or like you here comes my friend lever, what is it you want them to see, anticipate and respond
when they regard you and you need ask yourself what you are inducing in them, so ask yourself what reaction your pulling for? Are you judge mental? Are you controlling? Are you dictatorial and if you
Are there going to associate negatives with you and the way to change that is change your interaction patterns? What would they do
If you came home and you had not one critical thing to say, you didn't quizzically em.
You didn't go through the spanish inquisition about what he or she spent money on you didn't go through the spanish inquisition about
why they did something this way instead of that lay why they said this to their mother instead of that to their mother, remembering that
Eighty percent of all questions or statements in disguise when you start asking questions. Why did you say this to your mother.
Did you let him do that? But why did you do those questions, those our judgments? They are pronouncements which is
I subtitled this series, how much fun or you to live with? If you are constantly questioning interrogating, judging and attempting to control
then how much fun you live with, not much. If your partner is you
two and has a knee jerk reaction to being judged you.
Not much fun live with. So if you come home and criticise your wife or your husband,
Partner for the way they manage
you're in laws, they're not gonna, have much of a positive anticipation of interacting with you,
Do you do that with your friends? Do you mean
France for large and say okay so
Did you say that to your husband, why did you say that to your mother? Why did you let him do it if you do you're not going to be having much
company lunch next week, you're going to be there by yourself because somebody's going to say listen, I don't want to go to lunch that person. I don't want to spend time with them. Cuz they beat me up the whole time. I'd rather go get a peanut butter sandwich and sit on a bench then go sit with this person. I just don't want to listen to it. Don't want to hear it, so what do you need to do you need to resolve? If I want a good friend, I need to be a good friend. I think about that. If I want my partner to be a good friend, then I'm
to be a good friend and I want to live with a good friend. So I need to be a good friend. You get what you give. I strongly believe in the principle of reciprocity. We talked about that earlier. You get what you give, so the quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is based on a solid underlying friendship, and I'm too
when you you need to assess how good have a friend you are being not how good of a friend your partner is being not how good of a friend your spouse is being how good of a friend you are being? Are you judging? Are you criticising?
Are you questioning or you being a good friend
That's what I want you to focus on be a good friend, the first four minutes member. I said the first four minutes. You come home. You do not talk about problems. How about making that the first eight minutes, the first twelve minutes about letting it set the tone and that's what you deal with
can you do that all the time we'll, of course not. There are problems that you have to deal with, but if it defines your relationship that doesn't work now you're going to fold under pressure, I'm just going to
Are you ahead of time you're gonna fold under pressure? Unless you do
and we re to tell you to do, which is gonna seem really awkward, and that is. I want you to role play the situation. I want you to decide before you get with
partner, the next time. Maybe you work outside the home. Maybe a partner works outside the home. Maybe you both work outside the home. I don't know it doesn't matter, but when you're apart and you come back together, you need to script yourself.
You need to have a dozen don't lift and you need to recognize what I have said before. You do not have to react to every poked. You get you down,
after react, every stimulus they throw out there
let it slide. So you need the script yourself. There are five fun.
Things I'm going to talk about tonight and
it will not get off topic. I
not yet off script.
When I go home tonight when I see my partner for the first time today, I'm gonna talk about one two, three four or five of these things and
I'm gonna tell a joke. I'm gonna relate a funny story. I'm gonna do something that keeps it positive,
and if I have a problem, then we'll deal with it tomorrow, but today I'm going to be a fun date. I'm going to be a good friend, I'm going to talk about something
positive and by the way something positive doesn't mean talking about you.
As I said, a person's most favorite topic is themselves focus on your partner, find something about them to be interested in. Have them tell you,
story. Have them regale you with tales of something be interested in them their life? What they're doing what's important to them be a good audience. You wanna be a good friend.
You're good audience be an interested audience being engaged audience, be an eye contact plugged in audience. So it sound simple formula for success in relationship
the extent to which is based on solid underlining friendship. Well, that's not so we,
because you may well have a well entrenched pattern of not being a good friend you may,
Be it a really intense relationship being a problem. Solver, a problem partner, judge an inquisitor, a fault, fight,
Yeah got throw all that out inside. It may break my job, not to say it, but
I'm going to go home and I'm going to talk about fun, stuff, niece, wealth doctrine,
that's fine. We may go bankrupt in the meantime. Well, you'll be happy and bankrupt, but decide you're going to be a good friend support your partner. Take your partner side always, but what, if they're wrong? Well, you can still support them. You
still be understanding and may be down the road. There is an opportunity for. Do you suggest a different approach, but if their upset, if they feel like they ve, been hurt, somebody
braided them unfairly be understanding with them. The
Opportunity will present itself to authentically suggest modification, but be a supporter,
Her red little book long time ago called balcony people by Joyce Land ORF heavily and talks about this. What is is balcony people.
We all have one need people in our balcony.
People are no matter what we do,
some people, that it is always in your balcony tyranny on you.
This count on their always gonna, be there.
We all need balcony people be one. Your partners, balcony people have their back. Take their side, be their encourage her.
So do friends tell each other the truth. Yes, they do, but there is a difference between
be a genuine,
being brutally honest. Remember us talking about there.
Genuine conveys the message
brutally honest, conveys the message without consideration for the impact of the way you convey it, the timing of when you convey it so the first part of this relationship formula.
Is. Success depends on a solid underline friendship. If you don't have that doesn't matter. What second part is you have to be good friends.
And if you dont know how to be a good friend. You need to stop and think about how to be a good friend.
Now I ask you: if
the done the work,
And you were ready to turn your attention
applying this relationship formula. I must ask you a few questions.
And see if you can answer yes, if you can
you're, not ready to start being a good friend.
I realise that it's not too late.
And you say that, honestly, that you realize it's not too late.
It is reasonable for me to want a rewarding and fulfilling relationship.
Can you say that in earnest that is reasonable to want that. I am entitled
and deserve a high quality carrying relationship. Does
EL. Thank you deserve it, you'll, never get it.
I have identified the wrong thinking that has previously contaminated my relationship. We ve been through the myths we ve been through the bad spirit we ve been through. The point that you are not very
that you own your relationship? So if you buy
five, the wrong thinking which previously
emanate your relationship than you re move on. I have identified the bad speed
it's that contaminate my relationship,
Have you done that work? Have you written down the bad spit
the ones I listed, that your guilty of doing
by embrace the personal relationship values that will configure me for success. We talked about those things. Have you die
most and gotten real about the pain and problems in your relationship, so that you can talk about the issues and not just the topics, and if that's true, then you re to move forward. I accept and acknowledge full ownership of my contribution to wear this relationship is
Own it, you recognize either illicit, maintain or allow whatever this relationship
Lastly, I am committed to tapping into my core of consciousness. I am actively going to choose what kind of partner I, if you can say yes to those statements, then you're ready
to embark on this formula, the first part of which is crucial
you're Saladin, lying French and yes, statements will be listed on the website
You can't fully endorse any one of those you're not ready to move forward.
Let us turn to the second. Half of this formula is a function of the extent to which it made
the needs of the two people involved, let's talk about that because
that means you have to jobs, it's a function of the extent to which it meets the needs of the two people involved. That means you have to jobs. Job number, one! You need to teach your partner, what you
needs are just for this to work. It has to be both of your needs, so you have a job. You have to teach your partner. What your needs are number to. You have to work to discover the needs of your partner.
No, they gonna just said you have to work to teach your partner your needs, because this is not going to be a high quality relationship if your needs are met and your partner can't make your needs
dont know what they are now. It would be great if you and your partner have been going through this series together because it means your book.
Listening right now, and so your both gonna undertake
These two jobs, which means you can be running towards each other, but more
likely your listening to this by yourself, so your
partner may not actively be seeking to learn what your needs are so you're going to have to motivate them to want to learn, but you have to give yourself permission to say, I'm entitled for my needs to be acknowledged, I'm entitled for them to be known, and you cannot teach your partner your needs. If you don't know what they are right, what are your need? What do you need from this relationship? Well,.
You need to be loved? You need to feel safe. Do you need to know that your partners, proud of you, do you need to know that your partner trust, you appreciate you want to spend time with? You is
attracted to you is turned on by. You is intrigued by you. What are your needs so to do this? You have to recognize that needs are not weaknesses for you to pretend that you don't need someone mentally emotionally, physically, socially, that's just a scam, and then you do need them. So
Let's just get real about it. You need to sit down and make a list of what your needs that your partner can fulfil,
An issue I need a better job. Well, unless your partners, your employer them, that's not relevant. What do you
aid that your partner can give you.
Number one need in. All people is acceptance. Now you can put
it was in their success, belonging this acceptance. But it's all that some.
But he likes you want to be with you wants to be around. You want to have him in their life. Yeah. Ok, that's right! That's a need!
is it important to you that you know that your partners, proud of you and what you do,
who you are, what you have achieved an accomplished? The work you do that
person? You are the things you believe in the pursuits that you undertake. What are your needs? Do you need quiet time? Do you need alone time? What is it you need it?
Port that you can articulate those things to your partner, so they don't have to read your mind. Why,
should they have to guess what you need they shouldn't. They may see things in you. You need that. You don't realize this great, but you at least need
to be in touch with what you believe you need and communicate them.
Things to your partner. Your second job is to discover what your partners needs are.
What's important to them.
And a lot of this will depend on what their history has been rob
both grew up with alcoholic fathers. The stereo tipping,
Is it may sound? There is a dynamic for kids grow up without calling fathers they do become very independent,
and self reliant, so they do tat.
The do things alone because they have a fear of depending on other people, be
As they have a history of being disappointed and let down so if you have a partner that
been abandoned by apparent abused by apparent. You have a partner
It was sexually molested know what their vulnerable
these are no, what their hot buttons are. No, what they need to soothe, though
wounds if they were from a big family and they had to fight for attention they had to fight for their place in the world.
I'm married Robin, as you all know, and
She was from a family of five children for girls
one boy and she was the youngest girl from.
Very low income family.
Her mother was really good at sewing, and what does that mean? Well, it means
They never got store, bought clothes all
clothes were made by their mother
does it also mean she was
youngest. So that means almost
Everything she got was a hand me down from an older sister social.
Never got any new clothes
she never got store, bought clothes and a complicated further
she's a twin. So that may be
had the share everything with a twin, so she's, the youngest for girls and a twin, so
It was like everything was half and to make it worse, her birthday three days after Christmas, so it's like
Through Christmas, within three days later, it's your birthday is like we're. Gonna burn,
I don't give and gifts here we do.
Fourthly, we could at Christmas. So at Christmas time it say that last present,
they say that one for three days you I'll be your birthday present like come on, so
grow up your whole life, the youngest.
For girls all
closer are dams. Are you closer,
I made you sherry.
Where you to earn any birthday, three
This is like come on Gimme a break here. Now
If you know Robin and you ve seen her wardrobe, you know she's been playing catch up for a long time and she a hell of a job at it, but that's important to her. I know that
So I ever complained about that important her.
Is more important than this to me? You give me some ten ashore,
to teach a, and some
she's some rubber autumn have good to go. There was
pardon me, but it's not matter the support.
These important her. I need to know her needs and you need
really focus on whether to put
Do you partner, whether it's important to you think about
lay in a bed at night and
we'll five year old child come workshop, says. Let me I'm thirsty,
these are well. I'm not go back to bed where you'd ever. Do you? Don't you like it?
Great cause, I'm not thirsty, you get him a drink, us their thirsty. Well, I can't say that my wife don't go
My clothes are not important to me, therefore,
maybe go buy clothes. So you shouldn't that's ridiculous.
She faces a value on looking nice and presenting
have a nice wardrobe, that's important her some might say: well done
because it's not important to me.
It is important to me that she looks nice. I love that about her lover, sense of style
but my point is a recognised her.
Need where she was in a birth order. Legacy for girl sharing with it
Emma Balboa learn your partners needs be sensitive.
Even if they dont know how to articulate it and if they ve been through trauma, they ve been through tragedy of some sort. It doesn't take Einstein to figure out the the
vulnerabilities their learn, their needs.
Important point. To make into here is: don't judge your partners needs when you discover them.
The worst thing in the world you can do is get your partner to open up to you and make disclosures about their intimate needs.
For you to then say. Well, that's just silly dough judge your partners needs you partners disclosures work to discover them. Look at their history. You make some inferences, validate those inferences with them, but
when they do disclose that it's really important. You handle that with sensitivity as though it were a fragile egg. There are certain things
Your partner may tell you they need that they may
need from you that you may think they're just wrong.
That they already have that they don't need that they're just wrong. That's not how you feel. That's not what you do that at that data. No, thus not the time or place do there yet
Side, you will be right, you'll be happy when they
close something to you,
need to be a real good steward of that information, and let me tell you the biggest mistake you can ever make in your relationship if your part
discloses something to you in this process. I am talking about with regard
to discovering needs.
Sharing with you telling you what they need what's important to them, based on
Vulnerabilities may be based on wounds if they ve carried throughout their life. If you ever ever,
I await their by bringing it up in a argument later.
And throwing it up in their face, like they ve entrusted to you. The face
feel, particularly hypersensitive, because.
They were molested as a child and
later you say. Well, I guess that's just
cause. You were molested. This stop your sentence. Go pack, your back
eggs load your car and move your happy ass down the road, because there are no coming back from that.
When some one takes the risk of injury
Assisting you with their truth, vulnerabilities needs pain.
An you then use that to leverage them later in an argument that
is a violation of the worst order, and I can t
Are you I've seen it happen and there
No coming back from it.
It is a violation of trust is like. I want to know your needs, because I want to meet them and
to tell you that in you used it against some. That is psychopathic exploitation and they were
dove view and should.
You must be good stewards of that information and don't you ever, I don't care. How upset you are. I don't care of its in divorce papers, five years later,
I don't care how why it comes up there
is never ok, never ever never. Ok, so you have to jobs.
Teach them. What your needs are
and learn what their needs are.
It's real hard, sometimes to sit down and say. Well, when you think what my needs are. I don't really know so. I'm going to help you do that on the website, I'm going to put in a section of helping you build your personal profile
I'm going to give you a list of suggestions for several different categories
one is emotional needs me. Give you a few examples will be less there. The need to feel and be told at your loved.
The need to feel that your priority in your partners, life the need to feel accepted, flaws fallacies at all the need to feel desired. This is
therefore out of fifteen or sell them on list for you and those
The suggestions you you may have ten more, but those are some pretty broadly applicable needs. Physical needs, the need to be touched and caressed
the need to be physically welcomed when you encounter your partner that they open up to you, the hug, you they pat you on the back.
The need for a satisfying rewarding sex life, then I'm on it
the category of spiritual needs the need to feel that your personal spiritual values, our support
without judgment, even if they're not shared social needs,.
The need to be remembered with calls and acknowledgements what, apart the need to hear sweet things in the social environment.
The need to share fun enjoy and social situations.
Lastly, I want to give you some suggestions or security needs, the need to feel
your partner will rally to your aid of the need arises: the need to be supported by your partner, the need to know that your partner is permanently committed. Someone list those categories they're. These are just to help. You jumpstart, I'm also going to put something
to help you build your partner's profile, hell we're in tuned in to them. You are in, and there's going to be a quiz on the website called a partner awareness quiz. I want to ask you twenty questions
to test how? Well you know your partner,
Your little simple, everyday things like I can describe my partner considers to be his or her greatest area of difficulty in inner
acting with each of their parents. I can discuss.
I have the most dramatic events that occurred in my partner childhood. I know which part
The restaurant menu my partners likely to look at first.
This gets into how well you really know your partner on a day to day basis, and then I'm going to put some things in their that help you.
Build out a family history. So you know what your partner
And you are bringing with you historically
So I'm gonna have a family history section in there, so you can say well
now that I write that down? That kind of tells me a little bit about why here she does the things that he or she does. I think, by going through some of these things, some of these surveys and quit
It's gonna really trigger you up to tune,
and to your needs, as well as your partners, needs thanks. Go make a big big difference in Hell.
Can you get started in identifying your list so once again, the quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which its based on solid underlying friendship and meets the needs.
Of the two people involved, so that means you need to work on your friendship. Do you want a good friend be a good friend, and then you have to jobs. One is to teach her part.
Your needs, which you can't do if you dont know them from putting things on
applied to help you and enjoy.
Number two is discover the needs of your partner from putting some things on the website that will help you trigger you to tune in to
fill your partners needs in what they might be,
the question is
are you committed enough to work to meet those needs.
And, if you ve, come this far wherein Episode eight, the final episode of youth
This far, I'm betting year committed enough to try and make those needs a priority and meet those needs for your partner. I hope you realize
how much our you have in this relationship, and you know what, if you do the same?
we're talking about, and your partner does.
Respond, you have
peace of mind, of knowing you ve done above and beyond. You ve, stopped being a victim and started being an action. Oriented change
in your relationship that should give you a tremendous amount of peace.
But I'm telling you
Do these things you're going to see changes on the other hand, because I have a strong believer that you get what you get.
This has been relationship reality check. The question was
how much funny you live with very apt
you spending this time.
You're gonna be a whole lot more fun with it.
Every one of these up there has been a
right reminder to me to be a better partner.
Then, a great reminder to me to keep those relations
skills, home focus on the things that bought me together with
my wife forty years ago. So
been learning every step of the way. As I hope you guys been hope, this series
Better value- and I hope you recommended to what other people.
Listen to as well. This is
Then you can come back to listen parts and pieces of it as you need,
it should. Ships are married throughout Europe.
And each one is active and ongoing.
Hang in there.
Create results in life that you believe you deserve
play your right to have a first class relationship and don't settle for anything less.
Don't you feel,
before I go I'd like to tell you about the podcast terrible thanks for asking
Each episode Post nor American Ernie leads honest conversations about the terrible things in life. We don't often talk about like addiction, grief and childhood trauma,
So give it a listen, terrible thanks for asking you can find it anywhere. You look for your podcast
Transcript generated on 2019-12-20.