« Reply All

#143 Permanent Record


This week, the most humiliating, unfortunate and regrettable things on the internet that simply will not come down. Also: the father who scours the internet for lost memories.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This episode is brought to you by better for him a new podcast from eighty people in each. So Francesca Ramsay talks to visionaries in business leaders about mistakes. They ve made how they work their way through them and came out better for it. Listen unspent, FI or wherever you get your podcast. This episode is brought to you by a Sana. A saga is an app designed to help teams, plan, organise and execute all the work they do together. It helps you make sure nothing falls through the cracks, so you can focus on the work that matters most learn more. Try Osanna for free visit, asano dot com to get started. That's a ass, a dot com, from him? I was her I'll give up and I'm out
Anthea Benazir, hey guys! I feel how are you guys doing great? What are you not? As you might recall a couple weeks ago, you put a cod. Are you Peter? Put a car tireless nice yeah, so we ve been talking in the office about the things that existed on the internet, that we found embarrassing like about ourselves personally, that if we use reflect, can a razor. We would array We said that we wanted to our listeners to tell us about the things that were like that for them. We also made clear: we do not have budgetary, sir, we can get rid of it. We just wanted stories of embarrassment and humiliation online gray and oh listeners wrote in, we actually got over five hundred responses. So out of shame, yes, I talked to So many of our lovely very embarrassed listeners air
we guy responses from people of just like their ghosts. The lakes bookkeeping that follows them around the world. Did it make you feel, like you know, how when someone tells them either you're like. Oh, that's like nobody. I like you, pencils, banks and again or you're like got the amount of shame. A person can have that. I would never want that to happen me like how much was one worth the other. You just saw all the colors of shame possible in humanity. It was just everything like lots of people writing in about terrible projects they had to do in school. Tell you as much for the teach care of talk, and I wish you hadn't really bored with our backs and relax it out all that everyone was learning derivative rules. When account is approaches, we got people's cheesy high school short film.
What's your real name, the one: that's when your birth certificate for you by apple, I can't remember now thought me probably around the same time I lost my mother, and then there were people who posted embarrassing videos to Youtube for, like on test submissions like this guy was competing with other pokemon fans for a peachy cruiser that was decked out to look like. Ok, mom character, the better. It was me a bunch eight year olds.
One dry, my age in New York so case today. What I wanted to do is I have picked my five favorite stories of people, things that they want taken down from the internet that just well not down, and I want to tell you about those five and I want to start with this story. That's an example of a problem that, like a ton of our listeners, had which is usernames, liberalising once just like user name said you were young and you pick something really awful. Do you have one of these? No ok! You don't No, not anymore. There was a any more if you are young and pick something awful. There are not any more about it.
I mean I mean it's not on the internet anymore. So it's not like closure. What was I had an accountant, but local and board, where my username was just std, first isolation has actually been transmitted: disease, ok, Rep Ray how over you fourteen, maybe for what is why? What did you want to tell the world so initially my first screen name as dvd wishers there's a local band. What I really liked called the short dead deeds, and then I will Terry Brand and I was like Following what a catastrophe enough and really I just decided- I wanted it impression- I knew the end user names like what's happening that, like close enough, that people are still know that it's me but still mean something and I think our sexually transmitted disease there's my username for four years,
yeah, the eighteen, your std and then an eighteen. What happened? that's a good question oh that one came after there, but I remember what it was a bite, my username after that was what that that actually elzevir, like an accurate using area. Would you like flirting with people online, we're ok with std wherever okay? So my first story for you guys, is about a woman named alleys, and allegiance problem? Is that when you googled her name, what would shop in the image search results? Was her old, Myspace profile picture and at the bottom of the picture, was her old, Myspace username
and will you have to know is that Elisa had picked her username when she was thirteen years old? She just come back from jewish summer camp and the user name. She pact was horny Jus, six execs up, up up up up up up up Bobo comes back run becomes clear. I will give you pick that right now is legal. It would be a larrea, it's just that she did it. Of those that Irish she really with no ironing? Could she had no idea what any part of it meant, except for jus wait? You know it horny or sixty Six men know what it's like to think. It manages to hodgepodge where's that she'd heard older kids messed up. I mean I dont, actually think there is anything wrong with being horny right or
your hand jewish or loving the number six execs, but then like taken and gather em, so it it was hunting her cause like she was applying for a bunch jobs and she was like I'm really qualified. Why am I not hearing anything back? You know everything Personally, I google right. That's what people do it? That's not me being weird I just would like wonder like. Why didn't I get that call back? Is that cause they googled me and they found my screen. Name is horny. Do six execs, unlike what kind of employee is that so this problem, just like, would not go away an year after year it was just the e number wine search result for her name every. I would spend probably an hour three trying to get it taken, town, Eventually, a few years ago, I figured out that I was having trouble because there was some parental control and my myspace is connected to my parents.
Email address, that they also no longer have access to an Google wouldn't take it down, because I didn't violate their community standards. Elisa Elgin, completely screwed. But then this wonderful thing happened in she's, the only person I talked. If you had this kind of luck, but her whole power it just disappeared. Myspace has lost all users media that was uploaded during the first twelve years of my spaces. Existence like those in power, sing bathroom mirror pictures has been raised the result of what the company calls a service, mitigation project now? May that you guys are you notice, but back in March, Myspace lost a ton of user data and when they announced that the first thing elicited was renter computer search, her name check the image search results, unlike scream with joy, because the image was gone pointed you
excited more yes, our guide. That's a very happy fact, for a lot of random places on the internet? I read it out with that intention and then somehow that happens, Brian he's kind of a forest Gump character, but he just shows up everywhere in every picture basically face whenever it I do not want to call it a curse, ok or a special power, or something like that. But it's like this thing, it seems, like my face, ends up a lot of random places on the internet. I don't put it out with that intention and then somehow that happens, Brian he's kind of a forest Gump character, but he just shows up everywhere in every picture, basically face one
its put on the internet. It just like spread like wildfire. Ok, so the first time brains, curse struck was twelve years ago, and what happened was he took this picture himself aware he's kind of making like a confused like face? Ah, let me say guys does a good conferred, guy yeah he's not how I pictured em. He looks like I pictured a like a leg. I shot to the waist with him shrugging or like a bit like being more confused in like a more obvious way, but it's actually just his face and he's doing it he's expressing a lot proudly and frankly, I think I can smell something. Yeah. It's a little bit more like that year and then said: how over time it was seen by people to the point where, when you searched on will images for confused guy my face shut up in the first row right,
Yeah I was, you became just leg. Janeiro became confused guy the exactly x, I was stock confused guy and this is just a hint of what's coming for brain ok, so I have two other stories revise about Hamson this curse, the brains, curse just went nuts. The first one was in. Two thousand ten brain moves to New York and he's a big fan of the Moma, he goes there bunch. He right when you, the Ce Mark, the Marina Abramovich, exhibit going on where it was like. You sat in a chair and restated Marina Abramovich in a museum for a long time ago, is like. Should I go and said like now, makin into it and eventually got closer to and never show- and I was like shit- I need to do this. I really I really try it. So my biggest my biggest sphere of going and sitting with her, was that-
casually and and and rare occasion she would start crying. I noticed that from senior so many times from going in there so many times that she would start crying, and I was really concerned because I wasn't like a crier. I was worried that I would sit with third stare at her. She might start crying and then I would just be this stone faced, asshole looking at her, unlike just being awkward. So I sat down and it's insane it's Saturday at the Moma, its are closing weekend. There are a shit tunnel people there are so many people at the moment and The first thing I like, oh, my god, I'm government of faint, so crazy. I can't believe I'm doing this is like I'm with you any having almost like panic attack. But then I relaxing down and then take. This is actually really nice. It's like this moment like we're like making eye contact, obviously and I was like nice connection, she's really nice and then like a little terrace William Point arise,
and then another tier welled up in your other eye, and then one of the tears fell down her face and I'm like. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, if I'm taking the inside and then she takes her hand and puts it up to her chest like just the swarm saying, and so I mimic that I'm like. Okay, I'm doing the same thing and something about the act of doing that triggered something in me. Like I don't know, emotional thing and I started crying and we're just sitting a crying at each other you're, not the asshole, so another, asshole anymore depends and where does it come at each other and and he's like on the verge of borrowing and then and minimise my head down, which is the way you say, you're done
and she put her head down and I got up, but the internet part comes into play because there is a photographer there, the entire time and a film crew- oh my god, so somebody takes a picture of brains like red, I'd like we be face and from there that picture ends up on the moment website and then it just like fully takes off. It's like it's on some, like blog, it gets a full page in a book about the thing and then like also that fish. Crew. They made a documentary and let me just show you where that footage ended up. Wasn nay, Marina Abramovich, are brought under the new order. With the question on the view as what is are you she just sat fuck hours and looked at you and tucked away, I'm looking at you and just they're going to have met
we have repeatedly been crying and reject gonna giant screen find all the other seven or eight hours at a time for national criteria. Was my whole fear going into it and then that emotion at so rare for me, is now being seen in this giant screen psych. I am. The poster boy of crying so that she hasn't ten but
two thousand fourteen brains. Curse shows up again and this time it's actually very, very scary to him, and this is the thing that Brian once off then broker so five years ago. Brine, guess this text and the Texas Lake is this brine more and he was like yes and they are like. Oh do you still date Rachel Booty and he was like why and they were like is your birthday. Above up above he was like what the fuck is going on. Did he d ritual booty? He did date, Rachel Goofy users birthday by whereby a hot ok and they kept on ass. He more questions about me as a person and like those like how do you know this information? Who are you that's so creepy and they ve was creeping. They eventually reveal that I saw your profile on Time magazine or something like that way. What so brains,
Why am I in time magazine? So he goes online start searching and what he discovers is that his old facebook profile is on all these new sites. Brian had somehow become like the poster child for Facebook So what he began to piece together was that it was facebooks ten year anniversary in for their ten year anniversary they put together some press materials and they included in them a picture of what an early profile look like and of all the profiles they could pick. They chose brain and end. The kicker is complete with all my actual personal information not just my photo, my my phone number that still the one I use today, indeed bring back that that show
your response- and I know they didn't reject anything but my personal information. On their, I mean my phone number I've hell onto it for so long and here's a thing is, my phone number is my name: if seven zero Brian, was that on purpose. It was by got it like seventh grade see you wanna keep that yeah like there's one thing about it being made Ace or whatever, like that's kind of funny but personal information like that, that's going to fire, you have Facebook in they were like we're. So sorry, we will send your personal information out anymore, but there's no way we can actually fix. What's somebody out there, the horse had left the barn yet cause like Facebook, loved the biggest website from planet had taken brains and foe and may available to all of these other outlets, and they were lake here publishes, I'm your site like if you do in it
reverse image, search on this picture and just see everywhere, it's hosted on the internet. Now let me just show you. Like oh wow, it's everywhere I mean it roaming, eminent it's it's I'm looking at a right now to scrolling, threw himself at the Uruguay round, underneath each one of these things, I mean NPR, DOT, Org Gawker Dad come linked in Twitter, a bunch of ones. I dont know w ts in the world that com, which is feels more related to how I feel that have the middle Vatican, pc Magda com, I know that one clue back. Has anyone had pronounced some of these things? Geeky Sima? I think that SAM, italian for Greek Baden Nerd that word breast outcome
I'm still reusing owning drawing, yet exactly I'm still scrawling kill. This leave me here scrolling forever, realizing just how far this is reached the next step. Number three is from alone name shebang. She lives in Helsinki and I think about spunky story is she's the supreme example of someone getting famous for, like the exact opposite thing from what they want to be famous for sew in, like I think it was two thousand and five sure he was twenty living Mumbai, which is where she grew up and. She was really into the metal scene. She is really hard working and she was trying to get into the film industry. I'm just wondering where these facts are going up,
they're going somewhere like buying metals in film industry, so she gets it, assisting the cinematography hours on a music video, the music redress for an Indian. I do who had just come out and he just one. Then he was doing one of his first music reduce. That's fine, yeah. Maybe good for him was the point. What did you like his music? Oh gosh, not at all the kind of music tat? I would never understand on why or how it made it anywhere in the day the shoots of us aside. She, is like starting your job and the assistant director comes up to her and he said Can you ride a scooter and she's like ya excuse me, like I'm gonna like I'm mopeds and she's like a hot
our? Why and he's like? Okay, so the a woman we cast as the best friend of the love interest, is a no show and we just had a scene where she was supposed to ride the love interest in autumn bike. Can you just do this one scene and everything about this just made should argue on a scream ever want to be on camera and also for music bridge, of which I have completely ignore them. Did you notice, Thursday, and want to be like that closely associated Year, s position, gosh, nerve buffer,
the ensuing. No, I don't want to do this, but the said. Well, you know what you have a helmet on Andy helmet. You know your peace is not really going to be seen and I might go right in a kind of a gauge. The situation on my right. These guys need her back into those it's just riding. It's fine till she does seem very begrudgingly and as soon as I seen sign the assistant tractors like okay, so We have established through as character and that show messed up let me say the video Harry all this is very cheesy, It just like slow motion, weaves buying and so silhouetted do. I got an worse idolizes in the world, yet that's the singer no, it's kind of a Bob sugar. Isn't I agree to worship
you think about or other moves me. So in the same what's gonna happen is she vonny? Is writing them open with the love interests behind her and she's gonna pull up next to the singer, and the love interests make Cecily down. Googly eyes at him, but watch among this is her. That's about all of us here is legal, forfeits brown and let me show you the country's it's where the guy is performing on stage and she supposed to be like this huge fan and audience, I'm the audience right next to the lab interest. Oh there you are you're in pink he's been carried on stage in their your waving to the music, because no up to dance rights of the step that, to everyone doing, I meant to do as she has to pretend to be very excited.
That's her very its. She is like a disinterested smirk, because it is very there's links People who want to be enemies. Do you feel, like you ve seen, and I guess I hate this video yet so it comes out and it just blows up. The radio was getting bombarded ending airways and people just iron, recognising Chapin key like anywhere. She. Why so would walk and people would send a sound like regionally boys trying to tease like I asked the girl and, as it happens, shebang he's just getting more and more upset because for her that video, it's a recording of the moment in her life, where she feels like the most taken advantage. So you were like twenty. I mean I think, just like a twenty, it's really hard to say no, see you're trying to get into fields you're. Trying to please pupil, I mean to me, I think, partake
Only as a twenty year old woman, that's really hard to say now. I was discussed those figuring my way around this message More creation of this bollywood industry- and I didn't know where my luck- my limits were I didn't know how to say. No, but the good thing is, I smartened up so fast I learned from back one event, and I never ever made the mistake again. I kinda relaxed more opportunities where people would ask, like all be disappointed. You to stand there like no go away step never ask me again, so I have done
yeah I got up and next out a bunch people run into us about newspaper articles that we're like either just like super super clingy or just like awful articles that had been written about them in local papers, and so I want to tell you about one of them. It's about this guy named Josh and Josh had the worst lack of any one that we heard from he's a teacher now, but in his twenties he was pursuing, stand comedy
and a man there was a comedy festival happening in his home town and Josh was actually get a host, a portion of it. So I was some. I was just promoting the competition aspect of the comedy festival and they asked me to do a newspaper introduce my local paper, which is pretty excited because my grandparents were read the paper. So I did. I did the interview, and that year the branding of the comedy festival is a had people wearing clown noses. So they said, or will you be funny for the picture in the newspaper? If you were a clown knows I mean I don't I certainly agree that that stand of comedy should be compared to being a clown, but as a location so I put on the clown, knows and feeling,
awkward, I do know what to do with my hands, so it had kind of like this shrugging adviser shore and it and they take a picture in they thought you know it. That's a great picture where to put that on the front page of the newspaper. So what you're gonna see is a picture of Josh with his classes on its huge takes up like the whole friend the paper. You're, not gonna, see the headline projections story causes actually below the fold. Instead, you'll see, they have been for a completely different article right next to Josh. Here it is directly to the rate of him. It says man receives ninety days for child porn and then, if you system, like a dimly with me like what are you gonna do That's a rough had is. Overruled, are, and how on the internet is it, it was on
hush point now: lying went Lyra Alex's simply are not here. It was leg, it was everywhere. It's really. It wouldn't be good if it was a straight picture of the collapse of the second pillar, which exists really bad, that's the best. It gets better up up up up up up up up these favour sense of what they were doing. Ok, so there is another faster to the story that I didn't mention that you you may find a little suspicious. So I know the person who does the layout for the newspaper and I broke up with a good friend of his after a one year relationship the night before the picture was taken my dear boy, I assure you I am convinced it was an unfortunate accident
as I have reason to believe that he got in a little bit of gas from his editor further. Just because he got caught doesn't mean it was an accident listener. Right is a small town. And you know everybody knows everybody, and just because I broke up with his friend the night before mean necessarily that it was on purpose, sell just assume as an accident. Oh that definitely related. I can't believe you doesn't understand how bad you got set up a great. We actually got in touch with the guy who was frantic his axe, and he says he was part of a team putting together the loud and he maintains it was totally innocent, like they were just under too much. Asher and moving too quickly. I still find it pretty weird
so Josh's resigned to the fact that this picture of him the paper like that that staying there, but I got a little distracted with this idea that another listener told me about. That is something that I think could help. Actually like a lot of the other people who have articles from local. But is that they want to get taken off then I met his name. Is art and art had this idea that he just wanted to do an experiment? There is this article in the local newspaper about a high school tennis match she'd played in so. How did the game go? It will quickly. There were yeah, we asked. Sir, do you were playing doubles yeah me not terribly, but we ass, Thou art was like. I wonder if there's a way I can get this up, then do you guys have away you? Don't. Ah, it's like us to a new story about a local tennis game gal I dont know,
I can figure that out so here's what he did. He was leg I just We want people googling my name to find this thing. So I for his first thought was what if I just contact the newspaper and say they ve misspelt, my name, I figured if I could just get the spelling of my name changed then, eventually, when Google cross the site again, they re index it with my new spelling. And then later on, when somebody is actually googling, my real name that article won't be hit anymore. Smart, and then he was like by it wouldn't make sense that I'm googling the misspelling of my name to find the article yeah. So he was he would you he was like what, if my doubles partner had found, this article did it to me, and I bet run was lay came my partner semi, this article, you misspelled my name. Could you just correct back so he was like hey. You spell my name on here and
RO back within a day, and they really thank you so much for letting us know. We identified to an other places in the peace on our website that had your name is spelled, we ve corrected all three of us. That's a really good plan. Well, yeah well, so that's what he dead smart. What has actually been a list. I really can't stand by because he's entered into reducing falsity into the factual record and so are getting together. But these are. The ethical question as to how this is ethically questionable, but I think it's quite clever. I appreciate detail This brings us to my final story about something that is on the internet that should be taken down so a category of,
We heard about a lot is old writing leg, opinions and ideas that people had many years ago that they would like to wipe out of existence, and this story is like the most brutal example of that. So Megan commonly is Mormon and woods relevant about that, as she says, growing up one of the things you a lot is sex, is bad in Mormonism chastity, so not having sex before marriage You start learning about that very very early on, and so what happens is that especially Mormon women, the weight and they'll get married and suddenly they literally overnight from sexes. Bad like sex, is good, but that's that's a real.
I invite you to a high big guy. We do you? U paradigm, shift that quickly. Re I mean the only penis I'd ever seen before I got married was insured lose list. I mean like Eve. I'm not I'm not great. I haven't seen, should move, but I dont know in tracing care. I mean it. I got really horrible introduction the mail we note with devastating anyway, it wasn't even from LA too your wedding night, so maggots, just try. I work through. All of that, unlike her big discovery was,
women can really like sex and that felt like very exciting to her and then she and her husband they have kids and after they have kids. She realizes they're, not connecting at all. They ve stopped like holding hands there, just not finding time for them, and she decides to do this thing that fell egg, exciting and sort of provocative, which was to have sex with her husband every day, firm up, ok and she, has been filled, reconnected their enjoying each other's company and at the time she had a blog, and so she like, okay, this is gonna, be a post, so she writes a blog post and having composed rights her in his like. I would like to feature you on our website errand and it felt like a chair.
I've. I've wanted to be a writer. Since I was in the second grade errand, an I dropped out of college because I got married and I thought well, what's the point of a degree, you're gonna be a mom which is so crazy, because I did not marry a man who thought that he was so upset when I dropped out, and so, if I felt great regret over that, you know it had been, there was twenties ever twenty seven Twenty eight and I felt like I had missed the opportunity to become what I've always wondered. What common than this editor reaches out and I'm like only partially, I could be published on And then the postcode live and
is she immediately like every human on the planet hates her? Why well? What Megan realises now is that she had hit on something that was just like universally offensive to everyone. So it was five Risa, guys, fear five reasons you should have sex with her husband every night. Ok, I know I'm so sorry what were the five ruses? Okay, so the first one is. I talk about how motherhood is one of the ultimate expressions of women.
Heard, and I think now I just say, like motherhood is like one of ultimate expressions of love. Number two is the one that she feels really bad about. Ok, so in number two I started with o my guys. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat them like a man hold. I roles, I'm not pushing for returned the nineteen fifty years, but like wasn't isn't that exactly with that is, and so then I say, women, need any number of criteria met to feel loved. I think that's true, but then I say men are far simpler. They may be fed, they need be appreciated and they need to have sex. Ok. Well, that's not accurate right. I mean, like those three things might be part of a hundred for any given person, but I am sure you know I was raised like doc.
Laura was always on the radio growing up I mean, and I can see echoes of thy here. Let Just start streaming into makin and people are mad on all sides, There are women who are like a trying to just throw away, everything we worked for, and then their massaging is actually who are like, also really pest and who start sending her death threats and the ones that, like issue death threats were mad about me. They thought I heads centred female sexuality
too much they said I didn't know my place and that I was leading women astray and I was gonna go straight to how that they were gonna. Find me kill me, and my husband would be grateful because he be able to get a wife that new her place. She can still see the comments on having to post in the comments included, the location of the commenter, and so I started like obsessively staying up at night and looking trying to figure out where the comments were coming from and whether they were close to me or not. I'm so sorry, thank you, but I don't know. I still feel like I brought it. I myself am, which is the wrong way to feel probably, but I still feel like well, I do you brought death threats on yours. I'd like I dont, think you anything about your blog said like make me feel unsafe.
That's a lie. I'm gonna leave my children yeah. I think that that's right, but I think I think I did not understand I. I know I did not understand the internet, but I felt like I felt like I was at the episode, of it, and it was like a few years later that safe keeping her up at night Lake willingly
initial embarrassment like yeah, like the ideas I put nor exactly like a few years later. She was like this is harmful material to be out there. I really want it taken down, but at this point, like its translated into a bunch of different language, is she's reach out to having imposed, and they just don't respond so thoroughly calls just stuck. I just I just hate that there are eighteen year old, Mormon girls coming across this article n, that they see point too. You know where I say smile at your husband when he comes in the door from work like fuck, you feel like smiling smile die. You know, that's not partnership, Blake and that's not a requirement in and if it feels like a requirement, then that means that there's something to work on and it's not your smile
What do you get me a shower fact? Checker heard from half past, and they said if Megan rights them, they will take down her all blocked I wish I could give that KEDO needs to everybody else. I talk to you and everybody who wrote in I'm sorry, I can't thank you, so much for sharing your story. After the break scouring the internet for life memories.
This episode is brought to you by better for it a new podcast from eighty peed hosted by Francesca Ramsay. We all make mistakes better, for it looks at how mistakes have shaped the lives and careers of visionaries and business leaders and helps them think differently about what their working for you'll hear from an entrepreneur who ventured out on his own, and so I went out. I took seven hundred dollars. I had in the bank, but my own pickup truck took some flyers business cards in a week later ahead of business and hr rule breaker, whose learned why we all care about work in the first place that you are proud of the work that you do. You want to be able to tell your friends it that you want to be able to feel like you're, making a difference, you'll hear how they work their way through their mistakes and came out better for listen on Spotify wherever you get. Your PA casts this up so it is brought to you by a Sana picture. This a word
where you spend less time, juggling email meetings and status, updates and, more time doing the work that matters. The most your team, that's the World Asylum bill to create a saga is an app designed to help teams, plan, organise and execute all the work they do together its built to give teams clarity. So you can all understand your goals and how to achieve them together and whatever your project is a sonnet can help reduce the busy work that waste your time from small companies to global enterprises. More than a million teams across a hundred and ninety five countries get work done with Sata learn more Try Asano for free visit, assign a dot com to get started. That's a s. Dna dot com.
Welcome to issue Pavia here guys so after I talk to all those people who immensely regretted this thing of theirs that was on the internet. I talk to this other guy, who has a very different relations but these types of things to him all of the embarrassing moments that you have those are like precious jams that you should never get rid of. So his name is Dan Donna Hill and he was in her end of year extravaganza from two thousand eighteen in the unobtainable section We asked people who were feeling isolated or just far away like that. I think the thing we might says like the feeling of being on the moon in the earth We ask you, will forever father. We want to hear from them where they were right and Dan sent us a message. Three weeks after his son Clia had died of a brain aneurysm.
That place. You were talking about, I'm calling from now my son was downstairs Pint fortnight, probably, and he came upstairs and on was a Sunday morning and he said I'm feeling a bit dizzy and we looked into his. Eyes and his eyes were going all over the place and he says to feel nominee was losing his balance and he sat on the catch and I held them more. My wife called the ambulance so a couple weeks ago, ten got back in touch halo. Hey Dan gown, I'm at our yo too bad. So what Dan told me was that, for the last seven months he's been performing this strange kind of detective work, and it
started, because Dan was having these moments like multiple times a day where he would picture Kolya Lake blonde hair. Handsome face with still a little bit of middle school job and Dan imagines him playing the guitar, maybe sitting on a couch and He starts to feel so sad that he has like a mini panic attack, but it sort of like a lock it on a level it's like Sometimes our chase songs or things that remind me of euro that are connected to us. That all that I know will make me cry, because that feels good. I know that some strange, but I'm want to be in that place. Dan said he wanted to be in that place and he wanted to stay there because
he want to wake up every morning, just feeling mad at the world, because his son had died and said he wanted to picture call yet and just feel sad, and so what Dan decides to do is to try to find every trace of call you on the internet when a person dies, the things become really clear for me is that there are no more memories of that person. That's it there's this line, but they, like other things that can illicit things that you can find it probably started with the social media accounts. He was only fifty. It was so I could ask a guy a series of questions about Korea loved snake. He was rich, you guy, you know. And there's just so little. You know, there's just sat
tat night. There was part of me going on. That would be interesting. I would even just like to go in there and have a look and understand it and then also like well, it's a conversational spice and its spaces very much not of me, I don't know the password to that of. I know the password to something else it up his email for him when he was younger, maybe I'll be able to use that lack of scraped everything in every taken. I know to find you know just even just little things and questions like. Why did you sign up for Linkedin, Why have you got a linked in account like what what position to do that in no way here I know I know I've worked out the good night of his. Also had one or so that they must have set them up. At the same time, I can think why, where there was a school project or something or it could have been a joke, you way for them to connect because class and the tea
is that blocked out the issue of communicating, and so they decided violet set up linked in that's not blocked by the school service without having a clever, but then other think other things that you know they are. I can I can work that way signed up for Facebook. It was so I could ask a guy a series of questions about Korea loved make it he was a shoe guy. You know I was. I could ask a guy some questions about some shoes that he was selling and then I was like eyes on Snapchat Ah, no, there was part of me going gee? That would be interesting. I would even just like to go in there and have a look and understand it and then also like woe so conversational spice and its spaces very much not of me, and I don't know what he has shared and and what how that works? and I don't know that I want to say that I was like I'll just delete it. That's gone, we get rid of it. I was able to cut connect with his friends.
They'll grab stuff off their phones, indifferent things in India shut them through to me. You know these little snapshots of you no co, yet in a school classrooms. You know it's almost like there's Kolya it's a memory that I can have from May two thousand and maintaining yeah? It's really. I hadn't thought about the fact that its allowing you to create new memories of Clia, and so it sort of like he's in the present a little bed. There exists. Ie is not a timers apparent. You really often see your children in the school classrooms, but it's obviously let the teachers in the class, but they supposed to be doing stuff, but you know just Just like it's a five second grab of some going Korea and him turning around and going and I'm not gonna use a real name. Betty turns around these like pay, Eddie Sand is and that the authorities, but in
five seconds you get oldest. I get all this stuff right, invest all of this idea. I invest soil. I probably make up stories in my head about that five seconds and elaborate that into a school day, but it's just that the smile on his face tone of voice that uses the fact that this, ends and they're makin around in class and filming each other essentially happy. He seems a bit cheeky kid in class. He's gonna be a bit of a Joker all that stuff initially it was just that's that's what it was like to be fifteen Euro coin was it lake you are putting on his shoes? Is that sort of the feeling of it here tonight adjourn unearthing too. I told you I was right into she's all right. I don't follow
stand that he's got. They shone the spoon Nike shoes or something and he's got these added s, shoes and, if we think is like ethics, the same size and so we're on a run once Neil says, orthodox and stuff we run one sees likely she's no good, and so we actually swapped running she's in the middle of IRAN, and I just simply you Kate, those ones and I'll keep your hands. But I've got a couple of these passive There is now that when I want to fear when I'm feeling nervous or like his brother Felix, We saw avenge his end game because one of the last movies we also together was Infinity war which, we call your mind, and so that was a big thing. Sigh war, war, Korea, shoes we win saw that help
Really it does just it just feels nice. It feels comforting it's like. I know when you called in Europe a warm blanket Aranjuez, yeah and then, of course, his laptop. Had to look for those laptops to find them, and I knew where one was but he's other laptop offend underneath his bed, which is obviously because he was contravening the rules we have around. Let's not have screens in her bedroom at nice, going on his computer did a part of your brain. Think lake, I'm on his computer right now. What would clear think about me. Doing this. I think that if he was alive, he'd be pissed off, like crazy, Wouldn't do it? I wouldn't do any of you is alive, rang like like he obesity
Wanna show me his song fuck love for whatever reason and it's quite personal yeah, but I found that on his computer, a fan filed away in a series of in this little very short thing individual, especially want to share these idea that you have romantic relation cheap, some notions of love when you're fifteen with your parents rain. But I really like it. I really like it. Space to me of my imagined reality of all the great songs he would have written, and it's not that I was expecting him to become famous. Vision that maybe at some point as an odd, be the all bloke standing up. The back of some dingy pub
will be out watching him on stage. Go himself just doing put himself out there at some point and that would have been wonderful.
How close to think you're to collecting every scrap of Clia? That's on the internet, pretty close to everything that's publicly available on the internet. I think I'm scraping from scraping the bottom of the unity of the digital barrel, so to speak. I think he must be kind of scary to be close to the end of that. Scary, isn't something I've got a new idea of scary. Scary is- and I see you would scary, is the conversations that you have a euro surgeons.
And even when I started the process of trying to collect all this stuff, I know it. I know it will end some ok that ending its about doing the next bit of work to work out. What what's? What's the next part of the process?
Reply all is hosted by Pga Vote and Alex Goldman. The shows produced by three feet in me, domino Kitty, Anatoly Jessica, young and a manual jerky. Our attitude is TIM. Howard were mixed by recline and. Back checking this week by Michel Harris our theme, song by the mysterious break. Master cylinder are in turns our Christina Ella Josiah and Emily Rostock.
Labour is pulling into arrest up in discovering that their deepened out. So there you can listen to the show on Spotify or wherever you get your podcast. Thank you for listening, we'll see you in two weeks.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-13.