Sometimes, on his way to work, a feeling of pressure begins thumping in Paul Ford’s chest. His breaths shorten. They speed up. And sometimes, in those moments of extreme anxiety, Paul’s phone talks to him. It tells him everything that’s wrong with him.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
This episode is brought to you by better for him a new podcast from eighty people. In each episode Francesca Ramsay talks to visionaries in business leaders about mistakes. They ve made how they work their way through them and came out better for it. Listen on Spotify
wherever you get? Your pot casts how many would say to you at this point, so poorly I'd say put this probably too,
in that our my actual, like cited in a bunch of really dumb demands that I register when I've been drinking. I'm not really was again
for your house gimlet, MRS Reply on and I'm he gave up
This is a show about the internet and this week,
what are you a man who makes websites
and poured pockets
sites like some people get tat. Is he pulled up the master list
of all the domain to currently has registered. I have leave kitty alone. Could, as the thing I said, my children, all the time says is that while it is ready
to this, I have one for my novel that in cell very well, I have this day and anger. Dot com which are registered
Oh that's about to expire. If anybody out there wanted feature, is
doctor and I was going to be a magazine about features. Oh I registered today. Did
you dot com? I had no idea that that's a good domain name
play usher dot. Com, which is somebody, wrote an article about how platforms and publishers were like combining and then they wanted to call it a platter, and I was like I'm going to get that Domini mean if you go to it. It's it's just snoop dog shaking his head, no
specifically because the word so majesty cause that's my world, I live in that warmly. I can't have ten years a plot assure my eyes
I made it. I had a nice website, Slash web journal
Flash magazine, and then it became called a blog. We ve gotten used to that word. Bestow
bored below having podcast, isn't great. I guess he's a garbage word. Yeah paw,
also use the web solve his own personal problems
when you want to lose weight. He handed
His own website called one huge lesson in humility: it was a calorie tracking website
that he and his therapist had therapists cataloging, for he wanted to make sure you wouldn't cheat.
Another thing he'll do is hillside. Google calendar reminders for himself but way off. In a future, sometimes decades while cause you know,
I shall see somebody make a weird clear decision in their likeable older than you
gal. I never gonna do that. That's really!
that and I'm glad could schedule that said, although Papa probably thirty years from now pop up and go, remember that it's important to end things like that's all. It says it away from De Force Future Paul to heed the wisdom of present Paul repassed PA. Whatever I don't know, it's time, travel is confusing anyway, they with all things time travel the past can effectively
in terrible and unanticipated ways, ers about my wife and our Harry allowed fertility issues
Google counter alarm propped up cause. She subscribes to my calendar and it said
think about having children. How always that pop up five years old
or ended before any of this? Yasser arafat-
I was rugged. She came and she's like what the hell is. This, I say. Oh sorry, sorry,
maybe it's not terribly surprising that somebody who loses sleep trying to control the decisions they expect to make decades for now is also in their current life and anxious person. Paul has anxiety,
it got so bad at one point that it is hard for him to take the train to work. Those that was a really big time to get on the train.
Really crowded and you d surrounded by bodies and everything is like Paul saying, I'm just like the whole
would start to throb on the way in to the city, and I would just go ok this,
this must be it. I wonder from Gonna die here here on this train right now it wasn't much better at home
too little children screaming at home and they were making me worried and in interest at all the regular
he's a kid make you worried and I was not finishing a bunch of projects. I was feeling really loose loose ends and I was stressed- and I was anxious-
and overweight and terrified- and I was just a polish Shattuck had alike. I gotta do better
and then the anxiety would be like hey while I'm dying now, I'm never gonna get anything done. I'm a bad person, I'm a failure. I have a book deadline. Oh my god destroy me. When will this and I'm here? Ok, I better go upstairs
I mean it's the same little voice all the time. It's there
a bad eighty siphoned movie where, like like basket case, we like the guy, has a weird siamese twin and in a basket in front of them. Just like a bad like leg Gore covered puppet that says: evil thing
So this little monster? That's how you think. I mean basket cases great analogy for you,
you're, just like us, my little guy I've been with him every, but nobody wants to see him he's a disgusting horrible monster, but the keys there in the basket with you after
break. How does a man who sought his problems with websites solve the brow
the crippling anxiety. Ok, maybe you can guess
but cigarette, because a specific are really good. This episode is brought to you by better for it a new podcast from eighty p hosted by Francesca Ramsay. We all make mistakes better, for it looks at how mistakes have
fishing areas and business leaders and help them think differently about what their working for you'll hear from an entrepreneur who ventured out on his and so I went out. I took seven hundred dollars. I had in the bank, but my own pickup truck took some flyers business cards and a week later, I had a business
later I had a business and in each hour, rule breaker, whose learn
while we all care about work in the first place. You are proud of the work
Do you want to be able to tell your friends about it? You want to be able to feel like you're, making a different you'll hear how they work their way through their mistakes and came out better for listen on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts
welcome back to reply or when we left ball
he's doing paralyzing anxiety,
call decide what he needs to do about that anxiety was. The trail
he problem the needed troubleshooting. What is this weird force that is now
running a chunk of my life and making
feel weird and bad all the time, even though,
externally, everybody is telling me that things are good. I'm doing, ok
was it a moment worry. You are like this. This is like a point when you do something about it or was that sort of like living in that general like anxiety, ocean
why me in all my projects are like that, where I hit the lawn and like I need to make a website, and so I went off, and I mean this thing called anxiety, box, anxiety, Box, a website that would be built by Paul but
by a robot Paul. Had this idea, there were always outsourcing the good things to robots like our jobs, for instance, when I give robots the crappy things to do too like why not he too robot to take over for the part of Paul's brain,
was constantly telling him that nothing was gonna, be ok, so the way it works. If we look at the website, you go to the website,
and you put in your name in your email and
you put him what your anxiety is. So it's like I'm really anxious about finishing my book, really anxious about losing
way and you can keep adding anxieties and it saves all
to a database and then, like twelve times a day,
what kind of random it ascends
these emails from your anxiety now
things I ve had his email address and it was using it and so, like less imagine that I'm standing on the train and I'm about to go down into the train platform and, like I look at my phone and I have an email and it's the fifth email address,
that day and is from anxiety. Here's an email from June. Second, in the afternoon subject: history will forget you, because history forgets people who are unable to finish anything dear paw, everyone's really curious to see. If you can finish your book, is there anything you can do to keep them from being a total disaster? Being so sure you can finish your book in quotes, I don't want to die you, but inform me. Are you just gonna screw this up?
I mean the thing that matters is. Are you actually ready sincerely your anxiety and you made this to make yourself feel less anxious and better will ass a thing
so that that need
do the things I I have
If I don't do that. Well,
as you know, I just it it's over it overcomes you re in
it's kind of a mobilise sitting on the couch going like I
to go. Do that thing, and then it goes a man in area tat that thing done and any alike. Like any decision
freeze. The thing I'm trying to do here is
externalize the anxiety and
simulated by making this by, because it turns out that, like
your worst crab highest parts of your personality, make great
take a little robot that just scream, and so this is my job. What this, let me do is look at the robot. The language of these emails was really important in Paul. Had given the bottle list of his anxiety.
But he also gave it little sends fragments to construct the emails from stuff. Like the upshot is a key me in the loop he wanted to give the robot.
The perfect voice, the voice of a ruthlessly cheerful under minor,
author of the day, his bone and paying each
there be a new email. I was at work on his back pain. You call it badly per
air while he was watching his kids pink. This
or reason you're not happy? Is that you're unworthy of saving? We desiring air people on Facebook. Look at your picture
in possession of a weird knows and then eating.
A click here to delete your account button, because I just need a red button. In case you dislike gone out here, my seeing that voices had written out. It's crazy
ever believed that what it was saying about him was trail, the sort of like spam,
like when you look at spam is just like the Viagra spell ninety million ways or the like. You're gonna make a billion dollars from this nigerian prance like the many
see that you're like new yeah, it's crazy, poisonous robots are telling me this and I don't want anything to do with it and let's say you did. Let's say you wanted a penis like the one described in the advertisements. That would still be the wrong channel.
Till I make that decision right. You wouldn't be like. Ah my guiding, I always wanted one says, and this this email is fantastic. I M a follow up and there wasn't
was there ever one that you got that did not you down like one. We were like off, but that's the thing. That's that that's the fantastic.
Like you, gotta acknowledged the good burn, because it's an effective burn
My anxiety is incredibly intelligent about identifying
is to make me feel bad about things and using language to greater.
ACT Island. I dont Emma word person like nothing, sounds less literate than tat.
I'm a word parliament, but I I just I wonder: Physic
fear musician if your anxiety is musical right because it it has exactly your strength and it uses exactly your strength against yeah yeah, yeah
exactly ray. I feel like something not having an email like lets. You fight back against the UK
actually reply right, like I would reply and be like Earl of hot rough over and over again, so the ability to actually yell back at something which I think is something that we usually associated with being terrible on the internet. In this case, it's wonderful because you can yell at the robot and tell it to shut the fuck up
didn't work, I did anxiety about. Yes, it was immediately effective one
as was seeing it as a by, was really funny. It turned
your entire emotional freak
into this reliant
form of comedy yeah.
Does it turns out that you're not as important as you think you are nowhere near as terrible as you think you are actually fair
we ridiculous yours so ridiculous to
we went yourself all day long and yet there was there is evidence of it and seeing it actually externalize, like twenty messages in in a gmail inbox.
It was so much alike what my brain was producing like. Oh, my god, I've been wasting a lot of time with this little son of a bitch and do you
you like to physically feel better like when you would like get on a train. Would you just feel calm?
I calmed down a lot and I actually ended up like I had a little trick or my card. If I start to feel this way, I'm going to take ten deep, breaths and start to think about what my brain
to me in on itself or selling its
this reminder that, like when you hear that voice, you know who it is, and so instead
of having those leg does anxiety, episodes
on a regular basis. I stopped having them for the most part. If you told me
IQ training gone in the city right now, I wouldn't be worried at all. It's crazy
crazy think that anything arrogant solve it is, I think,
doesn't necessarily get sobs you just hear more aware of it could still there still moving. Still part of me
I'm sure it'll be there to die, but it doesnt have as much control Paul forward as a kind of cyborg he's taken human parts of himself.
Placed them with technology, but instead of Paul becoming less human policy areas, just slightly expanded,
it still lives in em like pieces of it live online. To he's out here for
the boy was hosted by Alex Goldman and Mean PDA vote, our producers Alina Miskities,
This we show is aided by Alex Bloomberg and time. Matt labour
use this place running our themes,
in scorings by the mysterious break. Master. Cylinder are add. Music is my build buildings. Thanks again, a male jump through sport created
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Transcript generated on 2020-02-14.