I hope you enjoy this incredible conversation I got to have with Dr. Edith Eva Eger, Holocaust survivor and expert on both grief and what it takes to forgive. We discuss the power of the human mind, the end of our childhoods, and the transcendent nature of forgiveness.
You can learn more about Dr. Eger by visiting her website -> https://dreditheger.com and make sure you grab a copy of her new book, The Gift, out now!
The RISE App is finally HERE y'all and it's got everything you could ever want in a health and wellness app. Fully customizable workouts? Check? Nature hikes? Check. Gratitude practice? Check. Meditation with a healthy dose of humor? Check! We designed this app to be for EVERY BODY on every type of wellness journey, and it would mean so much to us if you gave it a shot. Search "The RISE App by Rachel Hollis" in your app store or follow this link for iPhone users to get started today! -> https://bit.ly/riseapprh
Look: we've all either been through it, are currently going through it, or will go through it. That's just how life is: once you think you've got it all figured out, it hits you with something you never saw coming. Grief? Check. Divorce? Check. Global pandemic? Uh, CHECK! That's why I wrote a new book all about conquering hard things and coming out the other side a better, stronger you. It's called Didn't See That Coming, and it's available for pre-order here: https://bit.ly/dstcrise
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
hiring is challenging, especially with,
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So this week I announced my next book. It's called didn't see that coming it's all about how you put your life back together after your world falls. Apart, actually wrote this inside of quarantine, because I wanted something that Ya'Ll could red eyes. You transition out of the crisis of a pandemic, and then inside of writing it. My world fell apart, and this is a story of how you keep on going. This is a story of the tactics and the tools that I have used time and time again when I have gone through grief or loss or trauma the book handout on September, twenty nine and you can find it today you can free order where ever books are sold, and, yes, I am narrating audio as always, but if you pray order, meaning if you buy any time before September, twenty ninth- if you go to didn't see that coming new book dot com, you can get my one our course on how to rebuild how'd. You rebuild your life free one, our course plus a workbook that you can pay now and utilised to start the process, something that I thought I could give you to be helpful as you transition to whatever comes next didn't see. That coming is my new book and I hope that you will check it out.
Hi, I'm Rachel Hollis, and this is my podcast. I
spend so many hours of every single week, reading and listened podcast and watching Youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that
what we do on their? Shall we?
talk about everything life and how to be an entrepreneur. What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan for intermittent fasting? What's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for you whatever it is, my guests are into. I want to unpack it so that we can all understand these,
Our conversations- this is information for the curious. This is the Rachel Hollis.
I'd CAS. Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me. I would just like to start with your story
four listeners who are not yet familiar with your work. Will you tell us a bit about your wife and son of how you became a doctor and how that lead to these incredible bucks,
gave out if you're gonna go
was born cept them
twenty nine ninety
twenty seven, my pet
and said to beautiful girls Magda sheep?
the piano Clara who play
did the violin. She was a child prodigy and why your name and my parents were
family aside could be
for TAT were being alone
there. It was really preparing me man.
Thing came from the outside and I
they were to be a crime,
trade. Might you know resources
today. I say to people that are there
was it of depression, is expression.
To be able to really
see if you have any field
then thought to be able to get it out, because what comes out of your body will never make you yeah. What's
he's in there does so
if you have a secret shared it and
tax us? I think people
very good that sharing and their yeah
Jack says we have very good report very much
caring about that.
Than themselves is so. I am very honoured to speak to taxation.
You, and so I am
I also want to tell you that I beg
curse. Sad when I was three years old and
two sisters, blind,
Four did me when data
for when walk.
Because they didn't want anyone to see whether this is done by an and down exit
Thirdly, I can still seemed assigned to you:
that damn so ugly and puny. I am never gonna find husband.
The traveller was that I believe my sister so today.
I dare to young people, don't allow anybody
define who you are you're beautiful,
God doesn't make junk
dirty for jobs.
The way you are so I'm very much share
every one to celebrate their
special mass and precious assent,
one of our kindness, you'd unique, had never be there dead. I just
can't you get my mom looked at me very seriously and she said: I'm glad
did you have brains because you
have no looks, and I think
that is very important for everyone to really see what kind
the message is theirs,
carrying with them because
I know dad tat. I do.
Time to be angry at my my bad,
Actually I became a very highly educated,
Brady and that journey scholar- and
that's why I my name is Doctor DDT why that is so
to really allow anyone to define.
Who are you on
because you're, one of a kind diamond can I
SK, as I listen to you said earlier- that I think is so important, especially for women who are listening. Is this idea that it's not what you express that makes you? Second, it's what you keep in.
So can we talk about that for a minute, because I think that the older I get the more I understand that,
Even if I am not thinking about something
my body is still holding that tension hole.
In my back holding it and stress, can you talk to our female listeners about that,
that means you're not congruent you're, not
clicking. Where were you a body,
and your mind, and you
spirit and death
What do you want? You want congruence and listening to you in that boy is listening to yourself dialogue
So when you get up in the morning, you say
Rachel. I love you. I honored you and we gonna decide what kind of a day we're going to have that you take complete charge of your thinking, feeling
and your behavior none of deposit
thinking, does any good.
Followed would be positive reaction,
see. So that's why tat people, especially
Mommy's should tell you re sure, you're such a beautiful girl, but you're a little fat and a little painfully. So you see you can sell everything before, but I say gave me there, but I gave in and yes and furthermore, Sir dead tree, we really are able
say anything but before
our South EAST, it kind is it
powering someone or depleting
If it's not done don't, say it I'd practices
my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren that day
see me as
There is one person, but
and so with dad
That is difficult.
Those sometimes will
this idea of being able to express yourself how
do. How do you do that if it's not having you were raised in, I was raised in southern culture, which said that you know
little girls should be pretty and we should be saying that we should,
not be heard. We now do what sort of pleases everybody- and I was really don't- speak until later. Yes, so if you're a deafening that your struggling,
where's the. How do you? How do you overcome it?
where'd. You know you ask yourself two very simple questions. Why am I doing now? And secondly, is it working?
it's getting me where I want to go, and if it's not
you can write your scream
it's not the ten commandments written in in and the world, and you can just say and take
and choose their kind.
ray you're, you will
they arrive because
Give up our through south early on.
You come to a responsible one. The funding one knows just
like Shakespeare, put your kind of one state and
he gave you and you give
viewed genuine richer girl anyway,
to the claim that
They did to go back to our shreds
they claim my innocence and assigned a shame and again to the perpetrator, because there is no forgiveness without rage, Uganda.
With through their age,
and not only about talk to me about that, because I,
I have some people in my life tat I feel like. I can't I really struggled to truly forgive. I bet
Thickly old may feel their age
Can you know I'd look at forgive
in a very different way. I
I'm very biased on one word: freedom, if you're dead.
Forgive you ve done
freedom so give yourself a gift
because in the Bible says you go through the valley of the shadow of death
So if you are in a dark there now,
four delight you know that
one cured freedom, say it's not that you're such a good person you for game, for what they did to you. It's not that
that'll be done, have godly powers to forgive, but you can't
would give you four
in judgment on another.
ok, exciting! Now you lied to me. I love that I explained to you because I speak
church I talk about Jesus, I talk about the poodle
jewish boy who became their profit tent and
three things I mention one is love dying,
a bird sties sound. Now, if you don't love you, then
Why should I love you?
if you don't like to be with you Saturday night, why should I wanna be with you so
the thing stars bill
in today's world alone and we die alone, and so do you live in lifestyle that means to have really passion and joy and love and purpose in your life. That's a piece lots of peace so
For that you have to give up perfectionism
because we had a human being,
a boy they make mistakes annexed.
Obscures out you know it.
Courage still be average it takes.
Age, not to make
I'm a pledge in school. At that time I asked
people, when you gave up something you have to replace tipped with something else.
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harm. Slash rise- are usually
our people, that I begin
to drive a car when I was seventeen in Czechoslovakia and I had the stick shaped and you may not know such a con ideal data, but it starts
the talk to you. When you
to switch cares. But if I street gang is I
to release the pledge, so
you can not change anything unless should replace it with something else
and change is synonymous with growing, yet we glow
back and do the same thing
The other thing I appreciate, thereby Jesus is dead. He knew how to do
to people on that level? So if I see a child in my city going,
Dunbar more part and and standing at the tree and crying
I'm gonna ask: why do you cry
I don't get into debt, but I get down to the charge lever and
the language of when eight year on a ten year old,
I doubt, however, cognitive dissonance, because I made that Chad than speak the language when they are- and I teach compassion that listening and empathy,
which is different from sympathy SAM,
fifty means. You know it's very different, very different thing, but amphetamines I crawled under your skin
be dead, which you and keep that feeling
and the way you do that this sounds like you're said about that. Instead of trying to figure it out, man always want to figure things out. Man
to understand everything and I go down,
and I say, sounds like you said, thereby added. So like I take you,
to the feeling they were, because you cannot hear what you do.
and there is no healing widow,
grieving, an you cry,
you cry and you cry and you cry, and you know what
two o in the morning. You say enough
and that say why me, but what now underway?
This concentration camp is
right in your own mind, so think about your thinking,
Nonetheless, I think I'm going to say that
when Jesus said turn the other cheek
That was really brilliantly said not to go back
and do the same thing
dangerously and expecting Dave
And lizards, what you look at this same thing from a different
that's why the word opportunity to me means a great deal because
The thing alive is then
For unity to discover
in their resources and look.
The same thing from a different perspective,
curious. I've done a lot of work recently in therapy thinking about myself at younger ages
and how much pain or trauma I carry from different ages. In my life,
and really allowing myself to imagine that little girl to imagine the six year old to imagine the fourteen year old and so on. Is that
part of your own journey as well sort of Marie Thinking, like you talked about having to forgive your perpetrators,
what is that looks like for you and is that so
saying that as a doctor was part of your process in helping people heal
You cannot really teach anything to anyone.
He's dead willing to land. I think that's very
what is also very important that people
feelings in me, and then I become my own observers of
Sal, that use
see that their arms
here to listen to your compassion. That's me, but I'm not
I tell you, oh I suffered so much and no, but I think
it's very good to detach and look at your sound from that person's perspective.
That you're absurd ring yourself, an actor
the most obnoxious percent will become
your best teacher, and what,
you don't like them. You better! Look at that in you.
There is the Hitler and everyone was fed, his goodness and kindness and
the gay was which one you were gonna choose.
Swaying. My book is good their choice.
The more choices you have. The list
you feel like a victim. I was
The wise it's not too, I am you'd being is
you're doing. Do have to be
care for the day. Eight
was victimized, but it
not too. I am it's not my identity, how
Did you learn to make their choice about her
You saw yourself.
I have a great
imagination and I decided to in Auschwitz that
I was innocent and they were
depression ass, an
king, my living God.
Guiding me to look at the guys.
Dave Manning the uniform Send had killing children then and pushing
people in again
chamber the day
the ones who are
to really paid the price
so I didn't allowed them,
did they allowed them to touch my my Spirit
and that's what I am asking people to delete
back your power, but you gotta go
through the anger and not the thing.
That ain't goodies, what it's all about anger and anger, has to do with a lot of other emotions that
underneath the anger
there is a lot of
I dare emotions in their people,
tell me I have been anxiety attack nobody's
attacking that is no attack. You just you'd. Thinking
anxiously and you
To daily acknowledge that TAT its
It is difficult to
through that angered and not to get stuck in their. So it's
it's hard work and
especially in Amerika
specially young people they,
and every thing easy and they want it now,
Then I don't wanna wait for anything
they. They want to buy their Christmas present in July, rather than waiting for something
So what you learn really in error
thing alive is patience.
things just comes slow and that's why I beg paper done marry your had Levant Mary
would best friend
you tell me if I'm wrong, the last cook was the choice and then
the new blocking a gift, and they give
if you think about that as sound, fair work. Ok, I like it. It's very practical help me
If you can read it and
the questions I ask actually to question Wendy
a child to it and see if you Chad, arrest, said why were you
did you have to speak English
Chad, where that's my little girl
Two years old, she introduced written peanut butter. She brought me a book called chicken.
Iter. Ducky luck
a good solution
do know gucci from low. Soon enough
Don't know where you're coming from you make it
I think it very important to us
When did my child to end? That is such a powerful question,
It is a very practical question because
we agree with not what happened, but what did happen.
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Let me give you an example of that.
Then my granddaughter was born. Lindsey deputy
attrition exam until then said this will get is very flexible. She admired
become a ballerina
So I said to the doktor: dense grid
can die now, because my blood
it's gonna be in in
My green do then were
lucky not doing it
that she survived, but
also became a reality, and I am-
so then- that crackers read the two hundred times she was. She was a little a little part
and then she went under discourage them anyway.
Then she was in high school. I wonder for school,
called the Bishop scorn and who
ask me to buy her address so sheep,
and go to a dance, and I am a big sucker by them was beautiful.
In their lower Ashley,
I were designers close to because
father told me that arbiter best rose garden tan
Someone is saying, but by watchmen fly you know. I have four
for growers of o scar
done by me as anymore scarves? You know I have so many anyway
I bought it address. I came home.
And all of a sudden out of the blue.
look our tears and I'm saying to myself: what's going
and with me I just thought,
Lindsey Address, so she could,
to her dance and then,
I came to the realisation that I
I'm crying because Lindsey went to a dance. I cried because I never.
To advance and that's the work. I do
hold your precious hand
we gonna revisit your place where
been what you,
land, and where are you now and you
come your own best parent to you, because self love is sound,
It's not narcissistic selfish
but don't like themselves,
I love that in the in the work that I've done with the therapists lately, it's this
the idea of thinking of those childhood wounds, or
the trauma that happened,
and then she said I want you to literally imagine yourself
the little girl and
for me I had noticed that a law
of the anger that I have about my childhood- has really manifested again in the last three years,
couldn't figure out why I've done so much therapy and so much work and
thinking what is going on and then one of my friends said: oh, you have a daughter,
so my daughter is three and all
the southern I am seeing the world or I'm seeing how I care
for her in a way that I was not cared for and
Bringing up all of these feelings for me, and so the fair said. I want you to literally imagine that your three year old, selfish
and that you are given
had that you are
making her dinner that you are. You are treating
heard away. You treat your daughter even if it's not
something that you had a silly
Sounds it has
so killing for me. Usually
a girl is crying.
And she's telling you that she is
not developed her brain
he's not develop here and she
a healthy good mommy.
And they too can make decisions toward her, so
she can just be a little girl
That's why you come to me you're dead,
So you really look at yourself.
secure, sir whatever.
You're doing where did it
piloting you or dip
eating you and there you truly become there.
De my there they admired for you.
Three year old and that's the best thing you can do
so she can look at you and trust you
you really children need to know that the world
is a safe place. You need
two big round it that's. Why
it is so important for me to be a healthy mommy
her sound because your
and gave where'd you downtown.
So I'm gonna, be your mommy. Now not only get I'm gonna be you'd midwife, nobody midway, you'd, fragment and you're gonna give birth. Today you here
that pressure. Then you gonna hold that little girl then sit. I want
the little girl just like you, my parents didn't do that
I remember we had company
one time and my
My dear asked me to go.
Some will again and then, as I was leaving guy, I had
of saved. At one moment
I didn't know that I heard that
in our shreds. Nothing came from the outside
the mood you depend on external costs,
the more you wait for someone to make you happy. You're, never gonna be happy
everything begins with you. Can I ask that you?
said this idea of nothing comes from the outside it
in the end that world that you were living in and I feel like
we are living right now, an unprecedented times were inside
of a global pandemic and I feel like
a lot of people are waiting for the answers to come from outside
they're waiting for someone to tell them they're waiting for life to go back to normal
when there is no normal, everything is different and new, and so what would you say to people
in that situation, where they keep thinking. If enough time
those by the doctors, the advice? You know, I mean they're gonna, find answers, and I really believe you
have to be able to find joy and peace and contentment and centred ness in every piece of your life regardless
so what is happening externally
speak so beautifully her knees dead.
Going through a very painful time.
Because we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow in Auschwitz, then
took us showered with didn't know where their water gas is gonna, come out, it sadly
pain for time, but
said to myself. If I just
arrived today tomorrow, I'll be free. It's
poor baby! It's
That's why? I say don't say yes, but yes,
and I can
have a closer relationship with
family. I can't write up her constitution and have rules that debt is
punishment. That is only comes. I grant you can do
tremendous a man over.
The time that candle
really change everything for you but
still warm. Do not try to
rain course walk or get.
Anything from the outside, because the more dependency, the more
depression: you're going to have
dependency breeds depression. You sad! When we first item
here at the new book you send, you asked two questions. The first is
did your childhood ends? What's the second key, would you
to be married to you. I will
to be married to me, but I
Also really like myself, I dont know if other people want to be married to me, but I love me so very good.
Said you don't need manner
did your read tat
We shall get and spies and everything nice day
We is, it starts to become as somebody at that
at the lower end of whatever
and you are toward too
Because you're nobody anti of somebody loves you. That's not.
I all you are somebody. You are right.
A person you can
become a medical doctor. You can do now and think
then what you were taught.
You're carrying those messages. Now you don't,
two followed was message it then you
I thought you know
and at times require
they things from generation to generation and wit
each people, what we have learned
and I ask you whether you
teach you do the same thing: you'll dot not to
not to become somebody about to find somebody
when you said that I actually ask myself
Are there any situations where I am reinforcing for her that,
deal that you know,
even even idols,
rising, romance or or relationships, or which is so often right. What, when I was
girl, we played wedding, we played bride, we played princess waiting for the prince
There was not anything taught
about. Who are you going to be? How are you going to show up? I can be a good person that was not a cop.
Station that I had, and so I there are fees from my parents that are
wonderful, but I do want to instil in my children by many many parts of
what I had in my childhood that I would
never want my kids to have
as you know, I I
if you're gonna red dragon
studied Latin. So I'm quoting something my preferred.
They told me that times
changing envy changing with the times today.
Is very important that
Maybe it was in the MID west.
Thirty years ago, people our stick.
Waiting for the good old days. That's you can t
standing ready. You can leave your door open. You know
I was robbed a couple of months ago with all my jewelry,
Someone said that they were
to fix my router and I let a man so yes,
Yes, so they're changing
the rise at
is finally here
I wanted to create something that would encourage you every single day that you can grab your phone and do a work out with me or hear some inspiration order, gratitude practice. So I called up some of my best friends and we have spent the last couple of years, yes years, creating something that we felt like was missing in the marketplace, something that saw health and fitness not as an ideal way to look but an ideal way to feel so. We have created in studio, workout, inspirational hikes with Trent Shelton and running or walking on treadmill with me. You can do
got with Chris Chandler in studio. You can do a gratitude practice. You can do a ground to walk with Stacy flowers. You guys, I think you're gonna love it.
Progress to a challenge, check things off one at a time and get encouraged by some of your favorite inspirational teachers. You can grab the rise app on Android or Iphone and I hope you'll try it out the Sunday free trial, please check and on social, and let me know what you think and you and me, let's get moving.
It's very important to really
acknowledge that what you practice you're gonna, be,
dead. That, and I like people,
practice to talk
to them sours, because
You'd think! That's how you gonna feel you don't
first and then think you'd think you'd feel it's good
you're feeling so began to think about your thinking and the biggest
The reason is, in your own mind,
ouch with land.
To really develop morn my energy sources
and the more I suffered
stronger. Now became evident that the victim and its them
daddy and I can survive it, and here I am telling you now
I gave up never ever ever
your enemies you just there!
and use them.
Oh, why just like kind!
on the highway. Don't let them get to you
children, that very good, they can push you
smarmy specially then
Then you give him anything.
Call it would have power would have power.
And you dont out duet, charred ever
fishing with them. I wish I could give you the cookies before dinner. Oh
I wish I could be bigger, Rockefeller then, and it just keeps
keep wishing with them that life,
but we exactly the way
I would like to be an
and not to say yes, but we're here know me
but yes, and then down me more than that
You would really not get into why because why? Because,
Why should we say? No, so I love them
this is why they cause
Why is there passed study entered word?
problem oriented- were
I belongs to be cause. Why
Baker Worldwide DES. Why not? Why? This is,
dare to say what is going on and how we gonna move forward
because my life is
the present, I did
in the present. I never forget them
asked for sure I'd
so I say two things to think about your thinking and pay attention. What you're saying
To ignore the bad behaviour as much as you can
so, if your little girl there stood the effort in the most elegant rest all round
I have to grab
it's, just that
to ignore it chances that she is learning what
you can get by to get attention.
She had run want attention
attention is better than no attention bed
it is better than no black. So
I think is your pay attention. What you're doing
Tension to and
look for something positive and reinforce that I love it.
A positive reinforced strength,
Don't worry, I'm proud of you see you,
We are proud of yourself, that's your child doesn't have to perform for you. That's boring guy got regard. Reminder say, tell me for the new.
Book it comes out in September. Is that right right?
you know what weekday Fifteenth
I can remember twenty nine kiss my birthday. I know he said I actually have a book coming out on September twenty nights I was hoping we were gonna, be book book twin.
The little glad that you have your work can look you're. The new book is called the guests and
do you think that that book as far as it for everybody or is it for people who are going through something specific mostly
people who are
Feeling and Healing
and my age comes very handy because I want,
to be called a grandma
and the great grandma rather than Doktor, DDT, Reagan,
children listened to grandma more than they listen to them by their way.
Because they know I'm not smart, I'm wise
agree. I agree. I, while you D, be wise, wise,
doktor ear. I feel, like all of us feel like you are our grandma today, so
Thank you. So much for taking the time to speak with us.
To share your wisdom. I know I got so much out of the conversation and I am sure that the listeners did as well. So thank you so much for your time.
Q and God bless you, there
Hollis podcast is hosted by me. Rachel Hollis,
Our show is produced by Chelsea Har and edited by Andrew Weller. With a dish
No production support by sterling coats, our executive producer is Cameron Bergmann the Rachel
less podcast is a three percent chance. Production.
Transcript generated on 2020-09-22.