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170: What To Do When Everything Feels Hard


I've got a real treat for you folks this week - you get to hear me coach myself live on the podcast! Long story short, I saw all of your comments, posts, and questions this week all about hard things: what on earth are we supposed to do when it all feels this heavy? Between the seemingly never-ending global pandemic, the contentious U.S. election, and all of the tiny little things that add up to a very heavy weight on your shoulders, it can feel incredibly overwhelming. Today we're going to go over the right questions to ask yourself in order to create the best possible strategy for YOU.

Things are hard, but never forget: I'm rooting for you.


Have you checked out the Handpicked by Rach collection? We partnered with some truly incredible mission-based companies like ABLE, MZ, and Piccolino to deliver sustainable and ethically-sourced goods that are beautiful to boot. From clutches and bags to stunning jewelry and even a few things for the kiddos in your life, Handpicked by Rach is sure to stun this holiday season! Shop the limited collection before it's gone -> http://bit.ly/handpickedRHP

Your Fave's Faves is coming November 18th! I wanted to create a little room for joy at the end of this, the year that everyone wishes to forget. That's why I called up as many celebrities as I could and asked them, "what are your five favorite things, ANY category. You're not going to believe what they told me. Actors, musicians, athletes, influencers, gamers, y'all! They're all here and they've all got five things to share. Subscribe now to be the first to listen on Wednesday the 18th! -> http://bit.ly/yourfavesfaves

Mark your calendars because Rachel's book club is coming November 2nd! For two weeks I will be joining you LIVE on Facebook to peek behind the curtain of my latest book, Didn't See That Coming. We'll be following the exclusive Target version of my book featuring an extra chapter you can't get anywhere else, so grab your copy before the second and join me each weekday to get in on the fun! Follow me on Facebook to catch them all -> http://bit.ly/RachelHollisFB

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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I M really excited to tell you about my new holiday collection. Now, if you ve been with me for a while, you know I've had product out before our start today journal and planner we have product inside of our rise at things that you can work out with I'm so proud of everything that we have put together, but straight out, I have never been this excited to bring anything in front of you. Ever we worked for over a year to curate this collection to fine small businesses that we really wanted to elevate and showcase to our audience. We made sure that we worked with.
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Got it. I know that so many of you are dreamers and business owners, and you know what it is to hustle, and so, even if we're not in the market to shop, had left for you to go check it out. If for no other reason than you know what that took right, if you're a dreamer, if you're a business owner, you can understand how much time and effort and resources went from idea from concept to actually having something in our shop a fly store, and I hope that you dig it out peeping, it's pretty. I hope it inspires you in some way and if you are looking for holiday gifts, I think you're gonna love what you see. Ok guys, I M sitting down for a solo episode of the Rachel Hollis Podcast train. Do these several times a month whenever possible,
that I can teach on a given subject, and this week I was actually going to do a podcast episode about selling online now that we have a lot of small business owners in our midst Daniele. No, I love and entrepreneurs and so mind mention, was to do podcast about, like my six things, without would be helpful if you have an online business, but then this week I kept seeing this. same comment over and over and over on Social in Book club comments in De Ams and winner I see that as someone who has been communicating and creating for my community for over a decade whenever I see a lot of people saying the same thing to me. It's always this beacon of some and to dive into, and the comment that I kept seeing this week was everything feels hard every.
It feels heart rate. What do you do when everything fills hard when you're, so four when the world's crashing down on you. I saw the sharp up. We have different admirations and because of that I thought that I could give some ideas for how to handle that, if that you, so if you are some one who feels overwhelmed by life right now. This episode is for you and if you have some one in your life that struggle with anxiety- or you know that your friends, your sister or your husband, is feel overwhelmed. Please send them this episode of the podcast, because it is just for them. I never ever think that I have all the answers not even close, but my hope is always that if I share some ideas about things that have worked for me, that even if they don't
work for you, even just the idea of like how I got to that answer, might help you get to your answer. So this is what to do when everything feels heart hi I'm hollis- and this is my podcast- I spent so many hours of every single week reading and listened podcast and watching Youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do on their shall we talk about everything like and how to be an entrepreneur. What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan for intermittent fasting? What's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for you, whatever it is, my guess or into I want to unpack it so that we can all understand these our conversations. This is information for the curious. This is the Rachel Hollis
I'd CAS now, let's begin here, number one we are in. The middle of a global pandemic is November of twenty twenty, as I record this episode, so that already makes life feel hurt, for so many of us number two I have recording this in the week where here in the U S, we are still waiting to find out the election results that makes it feel heart, so there are pulling t of extenuating circumstances that make life feel hard right now. But if
you're dealing with this. Personally, I think that where we have to begin outside of what's happening in the world, is you have to break this problem into two pieces? You have to ask yourself: is everything hard right now or does everything feel hard right now? Is everything actually hard right now or does everything feel hard right now, because, depending on how you answer that there are two different ways to approach this. There are plenty of seasons of our life were truly twelve different things feel heart. Where are your life feels impossible? I have been there many times. That is a real state. Then there are plenty of These ends where because of different factors, which I want to get into things, veal, hard
it creates anxiety, creates these feelings of suffering in us. But it's not actually real like when we really look at our lives are like. You know why I'm here I'm doing. Ok, the kids are ok in reality. Things are that hard. They just feel hard and there are answered yours for handling both scenarios, but you have to know which dealing. Why so? The very first that I'm going to ask you to do your early Rachel stop giving us this same advice I'm just gonna, keep beating this drum forever ever a man be cause. It's free. and it's easy to do and if your regularly talking to a therapist, this is the best thing I know of to help. You figure out your feelings to begin with. If life feels hard, I want you to start by grabbing a notebook by grabbing a journal,
and just doing the work to figure out what's going on, if you ve never heard me talk about this before this is how I approach journaling when I'm facing a problem- and I you guys I do this for my business. I do this as a mom. I do this in in how I want to show up in the world around me. I open a notebook, and I give myself time limit. So I say men among thirty minutes. You gotta find thirty men, of uninterrupted time and you open up the notebook, and you start writing, and in this instance the prompt could be everything feels hard because and I want you to just don't think about- don't over thing, don't stream of consciousness, everything that you can think of that is popping into your just write it all down. Everything fills hard because
no I'm struggling to pay rent this month. Everything feels hard because we're not selling as many products as we were the last couple months. Everything fills hard cause. I'm fighting with my wife, everything those hard, because I feel super fresher with me: kids, and then I raised my voice and I feel shame like whatever just everything you can possibly think of, and the reason that I tell you to set a minimum time frame is because most of us will write for about eight in its and then feel like. We have nothing else to say, and then natural inclination and that moment is just a stop writing, but I thought- that in journal work, the magic happens when you forced herself to sit there. So if I say great, you have to sit here for thirty minutes. You have to for forty five minutes or an hour. What I find is that for about ten minutes. Unlike an I, don't anything else, there's nothing else, and that is
I'm sitting there and I'm thinking on it and a meditating on the question more things start to bubble up, and the magic and the unpacking happens in what bubbles up. Second, not work comes out. First, so spend some time to unpack this and once you do once you can look at that journal entry and see what you wrote down, then you get ask yourself whether or not the things you wrote down are substantive things like. Are these real, tangible items or most of these more nebulous. Are they kind of thing that I'm telling myself are they stories I'm making up in my head? Are they real worries? Let me give you an example because of the work that I do there's like super transparent with you guys because of the work I do. I have this podcast, I write books. I have the social
platform have this company I M so freaking lucky and bless too high. This incredible online community that have built up over a deck aid, millions of people all around the world, it so rad, but with that kind of platform, comes a lot of flak. Come a lot of push back comes a lot of people say mean things just to say mean things like it. Just is right and it's so interesting. I did a podcast interview yesterday for my new podcast. It's called your faves faves. My progress producers can be so, cited that I mentioned it might actually comes out here and hot minute. and the idea behind the podcast is it's just me interviewing celebrity gas and the entire.
Your time were just talking about their favorite things like their top five list and giving category, and it's been amazing, Matthew, Mokanna, hey Christian Bell Todd your call, Karla Hall, like it's been a joy and I was doing an interview yesterday with really beg you tube gamer. I guess I can, I didn't interview yesterday with Ninja, who is one of the biggest Youtube gang murders that exist on the planet, if you are not, if you don't owe who Ninja is I'm guessing, you don't have like a twelve year old boy, ores, a boy around their age, because my I have never thought I was at school as they do right now this interview with him and I'm thinkin. This guy has, built his life, his wealth, his foot, following which is like just on Instagram, I think- has fifteen million followers its wild, so he
he has all of this attention and I'm thinking I mean he's twenty nine he's, not a child, but he feels young to me. So I'm think this guy. He grew up in this world, so he must have the perspective on being an influence are and what that means, and I was really surprised that he said how talk tat. We talked about the episode how hard it is to get so much hateful feedback on social media because he's like I'm. Streaming, a video game- and it's like fifteen year old kid that are like cussing me out and saying awful things and he's like you know there are times this doesn't bother me at all and then, if I've had a bad day or if you know you know something happened and then I get on and people are saying those things to me. It's so discouraged
it's so exhausting, but I feel like I have to be present in those and because I will be able to interact with the people who do care about the work and who are excited about what it is- and I thought that that was so powerful because I feel, like other people have liked better resources or a thicker scan or just something that makes them able to handle, mean comments, but I was like ok, I guess everybody struggles with this thing. Businesses have had to be flexible this year from working remotely to pivoting their business models for long term survival and growth us, especially I mean when we started this year. My biggest source of revenue in my company was alive events and it's not something that we were able to do in twenty twenty, which is why we said
virtual events, and we got really creative with how we showed up it's all. About the pivot. Well, If you are in charge of hiring for your business, these pivots have made your job even more challenging, especially if you have to hire for brand new roles. Thankfully, there's one place that you can always count on to make hiring faster and easier zipper, cruder, dot com, flash rise when you posted job Unzip recruiter, get sent out to over one hundred top job boards with one click, then zip, recruiters, powerful, matching technology, fines, people with the right skills and experience
your job and actively invites them to apply its. No wonder that four out of five employers who post Unzip recruiter, get a quality candidate within the first day, see for yourself right now. You can try zipper crude or for free at zipper, cruder, dot com, slash rise that zipper cruder dot com. Slash I s e in the world then I do there times now happens to me all the time where I write something or create something or make a video that in Never even occurs to me that someone would take in a negative way. Yesterday receives or maybe the day before I made a video on election day because I just had so many friends were freaking freaking out and I was just like eyes. That's all just take a break.
it's gonna be ok. What ever happens it's going to be okay and whatever happens, have up plan for how you gonna take care of your mental health. If the election, doesn't go the way that you wanted to, and I didn't even know that that was upsetting and then I AW comments today for that post from a couple days ago, where people are like Rachel light the internet, on fire again with her political telling people to breathe, telling people it's gonna be ok should not be inflammatory, but thing is at this point: in my life and career kind, no matter what I say, I am always gonna upset somebody even when I'm not trying to end there days or that's really so freaking discouraging
if your listing- and you do anything there- I know I am not the only one who experiences is everybody. If you are, social media, trying to do anything in the world right now. It's such a dumpster fire, someone's gonna, be upset about it. It honestly, it just is the way that is, and there are times or I'm like, I start to get discouraged or a comment hits me and it hurts me. feelings. I'm just like this so hard like this work, whatever and then I have to ask myself why we're way? Is this hard or does this just feel hard hard would be if you couldn't afford rent this month. Hard would be if one of your kids with sick hard would be if you were set card would be, if you got laid off hard, very real thing, but you know what says this is me
coaching me, which I do all the time I'm like you know why, with your little privilege self, this is at heart. This is actually hard. It just feels hard, and that does not mean that I disregard that feeling- I'm gonna walk you through how to process when you're feeling, like things are hard, but even just understanding which one is it? Ok, that's where you need start so start with that journal entry. Do the work to dive in and see what is really here now once you know which one it is whether it act really is hard or just feels hard. Now, I'm gonna talk you through the thing, but you can do to help make it feel better or help make it get better. So the first one start with is and by the way. If you want to pause, this do
journal work and then come back and go through this list. Based on what the answer is: that's fantastic! Ok, let's start with, you did work in your journal. And you know actually Rachel Life Really, I think difficult right now, like I'm gonna, go ahead and play cuss on that one like it's dead call. Things are happening more than one things happening, or just one things happening It's like a life alter, ground. Shaking thing here are some things you can do so the first step is to identify the true tension. Points. Ok, true tension point. So.
When things when we face big problems in our lives, everything about it feels like the thing that hurts, but often even if it's a big hardship, the pieces that hurt the most are things we can identify and work towards. So I'm trying to think of a good example of this? I was talking to community member India, firms who has a parent who has cancer, and we were just of talking through that process of all the things that she's feeling and she scared and she's on shore, and it's over. Well, meaning to the depths of her soul and
what can she do all of it feels hard, and it is that's terrifying. That's all those things she is entitled to all of those feelings, but if she just sits in carrying all, those feelings and can affect them in any way. That's what makes her feel like she's drowning. So, for instance, if you lost your job inside of covert and your facing a financial crisis in your life, that is a massive issue. That is that a summit to hold and their pieces of that they're their elements of suffering. In that that, I think it's important to hold space for told space for your grief of what you thought. This was gonna, be told space for your grief of the fact that your mom has cancer to hold space for those things, but then there are other parts.
Of the suffering like anxiety or fear, you can take steps to help yourself feel better, so a certain parts of the real hardship. You're gonna have to carry no matter what, then, by God, find a way to effect the things you can effect so in this instance in in talking through it with her. It was like. Ok, let's just identify again head back to that, are unpack this work, but let's identify all the parts. Every single piece of this situation with your mom and the fact that she's ill, that are our main, you feel different negative emotions and so we go through the last and if you go that less there are plenty of parts of it she can't touch, but then there are other parts of it were you know I want to be able to. I just want my mom to feel more comfortable. I
my mom, to know that she has a team of people rooting for her. I want to make sure I show up for her in the best possible way. I want to make sure that were able to have this time hence, finally together, so that we every minute that we possibly can. I want to make sure that I get the work done that I need to get done, so I can do therefore Mamma when she needs me like not ever hang on her wish, she got a fact but many of those pieces. She could if you want your mom to know that she has a cheerleading squad and she is loved and supported. There are tangible things you could do every single day or every single week. That would help you feel, like you are affecting some thing affect the things you can affect. Ok, when things
our hard. The note that I wrote down here and in my book was progress, makes us feel less stressed. Progress is a stress reliever, so just making some traction towards certain areas will make you feel better, but your now we're going to know what to attack. If you don't break down all of the emotions and why there showing up with they doing now, I just feel like one giant ball of overwhelm so identified the true tension points and ask ourselves which ones you want to make traction on now. If you read my book girl stop apologizing, then you know that I believe can really only effectively. We take one big thing at a time if you try and check
everything or fix everything in your life all at once. You are setting yourself up for disaster because you don't have the energy capacity to focus on everything, but if you- like I think of it like you know, you hold your hand up and will your finger right now, where you are quarter end up. Wiggly fingers, ok, Imagine that you are trying to put effort into five different things and each one of your fingers represents the five different things that you're trying to to effect. They're going to five differ directions! You could add a little bit of effort to each one, but it spread out. It's not powerful now take the same hand and followed up in a fist. Imagine that you took your the above it up into a fist- and you patched as hard as you in one direction, which one is more powerful, the sea, it happens when it comes to areas of our lives where we have struggle Lex
it in to the next piece of their? So we were just talking about this idea that if You look at your life. If you do the work you unpack what's going on, and things are actually hard that their pieces of that pain, their pieces of that hardship, that you will still have to carry it the reality of being a human being is why what it means to go through this life is that things like grief, things like loss, some of those harder emotions we are going to have to hold in our lifetime, but there are pieces of hardship that you can effect and if you choose one and you start working on one area, one thing that you can effect change in the progress in June,
that one area will give you a sense of peace. The last piece of this particular topic that I feel like is important to ask when your processing hard that is actually hard is what can you let go of that will make your life feel lighter, see, painful things and hard seasons are incredibly heavy to carry their heavy emotionally. They took a physical toll on our body. They are difficult for us to hold, and if you're going to have, hold something so heavy. Why Can you let go of in all give yourself more capacity to hold this big thing? Do you need to let go of volunteering at your kids school. Do you need let go of the fact that the house is not gonna, be clean, everyday do
you to let go of certain people in your life man. You like hanging out with that friend, but honestly she's a drama queen and every time you hang out with her it zap you have energy and then you have less energy that union in order to hold the things that are currently in your life. What can you let go of that would make. your life and the state of it right now feel lighter. I cannot answer that question for you, But you certainly can so, if you're not sure how to get to that answer, go back to the journal. Go back to the question and ask yourself what here's your prompt, what feels heavy. What parts of my life feel heavy? I could do this for myself right down, come up with a list of things that feel heavy and some of those.
How can it be able to let go of because their important pieces of my life, others? I could make it some like. Oh you know it yeah this thing over here action I don't need to do that. Doesn't it We therefore done right now doesn't really serve me in any way. Israel helping anybody. Just this thing that I keep doing does have always done it so what let go of to make yourself feel lighter. Those of the thing that you can ask yourself and unpack and work through if you are experiencing hardship that is actually heart. now. There are more ways to be a team with Microsoft. Teams bring everyone together in one space, with a new virtual room. Collaborate live drawing sharing and building ideas with everyone on the same page
make sure more of your team, is seen and heard with up to forty nine people on screen at once. Learn more about all the newest teams features at Microsoft, DOT, com, slash teams, stress or anxiety, or something from the past. Keeping you from achieving your goals, If so, this is a really good opportunity for you. You to finally meet with a therapist or get the counselor that you ve been thinking about for a long time. Now,
if you're interested in it- and you want to figure out how in the world you can pull that off inside of covert times, then I want to make sure you know about better help. Better help is a chance for you to meet with a licence professional therapist. Virtually you can connect and
safe and private online environment, and if you go on their website and fill out, some information view can start communicating with a therapist in under twenty four hours. It's not self help its professional counselling. You can send a message to your counselor at any time and you'll get timely, thoughtful responses and you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions all without ever having to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. I want you to start living a happier life today and as a listener of my podcast you'll get ten percent off your first month by visiting better help, dot com, slash rise, join over one million people taking charge of their mental health. Yes, one million people that so many people have been using better help that there were crooning additional councillors.
in all, fifty states check out better help. That's h e lp dot com, slash rise. Now, let's flip the script. Let's talk to the people, who did this work and discovered you know, my life actually isn't hard. It feels heart, which is a problem in and of itself. This is Got me going to tell you like. Oh you know, suck it up or oh people have it worse than you. That's not what I'm going to say if it feels hard if it's b, overwhelming. That is a legitimate problem that you can be solution oriented about finding an answer to. But if you understand it, You did that work and you're like oh, you know what the the fundamental things the pieces of my life that actually matter. My kids are healthy,
have you no money in the bank, even if it does a lot of money in the bank? I got money in the bank. My kids are healthy. I'm healthy us today Anybody that I know is ok. I do. I tell myself this a lot when we first went into quarantine inside of covered. I was overwhelmed and, if so, scared of sauce for my mom pop, I was so scared for my parents and my end laws and everybody whose older, because that sort of what we hearing was like ours. As you know, this is affecting these groups of people. I was so scared and then I would just every day have to remind myself he reach everyone now we dont know what tomorrow holds but right now, today S, we won that you love and care about is healthy and it pulls you back into that present. So do the work to pull yourself back into the present. What do you need to remind yourself? This is why you guys I know you're like rage, stop talking about a gratitude journal, but I well not ever
the slight overrun actually grab one less start teenager. Oh I'm, holding a man's Virilis, nay, you can't see a beacon here. The pages laying if you're watching the son, you too, you can actually see my start today journal. Yes, this is one of my products as the first product I ever. But you do not have to buy the products, go, listen to episode. Seventy two of this podcast. Where, I walk you through the entire process, the first chapter of the sea, today Journal is all about a man. joining a brighter future for yourself. What does it look like in detail? We, Israel eyes and then I take you through how to do the process every single day, starting your day with gratitude practice, then, taking that gratitude and looking into the future and asking yourself who do you want to be, and how is this going to manifest? That is what the journal is about. You don't have to buy it. You can listen to episode, seventy two of the podcast and then go do the.
in that note book where you ve been doing journaling, but a gratitude practice is one of this single. Greatest tools that I know of to pay you back into present? It's why I tell you all, if you're doing a gratitude practice that you need to focus on things that have happened in the last twenty four hours. Why because otherwise you're gonna need big stuff. You're gonna be like. Oh I'm grateful for my wife. I am grateful for my kids. I'm grateful and those are so that it's very easy to take them for granted. Even if you're trying to do a gratitude practice, you don't feel right. Like I say to you, I am grateful for my kids. I don't feel that. But if I say I am grateful that every night that my kids are at my house, we all pile up on the sofa watch something together. Maybe you ve seen it on my instance stories where were
watching. You know barbecue competition. Last night we want dog grooming competition. There we watch the mighty ducks cuz mom, let's watch a movie from your childhood and when were set in a nose at my feet and then forward, so that fits in that crap between me and the and the sofa and we're all snuggled of today there were laughing and where it's so special. If I put that moment into my gratitude. I can feel it its detailed its specific. It means something so much more than I am grateful for my kids, so finding something within the last twenty four hours that your grateful for and then do that five or ten times. What's five things are grateful for with ten things are grateful for every single day pools you back into present, there's an old expression that says it is impaired, simple, to feel gratitude and anxiety simultaneously and its real. Now,
the things that you can do to pull yourself back into present, but we are here to figure out what to do when life feels hard. And when life feels hard, you gotta unpack why to me if someone says that life fills hard. I hear that as over. That's what I hear when someone says that they feel like the thing is hard to me. That sounds like a person whose overwhelmed that sounds like that sounds like a person who is depleted, who feels burnt out right. That sounds like something very specific to me. And so I want you to ask why, at what you are going to understand that everything I teach you is just about getting to the root cause of something, because if you can, unpacking get to the root cause, then you can understand how to change it, but we can't fix anything if we
dont know why were feeling this way overwhelmed. It doesn't come from a hard day. It comes from a hard season. It comes from something happening tenuous Lee over and over to the point that feeling of anxiousness or unsure, or not, that bad becomes your reality. So if you are in in the new book which, if you haven't heard it, I think we ve posted for epoch. Four chapters of the audio book here on the podcast go listen to the last few weeks, which have been free, audio books chapters, you don't buy anything just listen into the teachings, but one of the things that I talk about a law in the book, is your perspective, when you're going something hard when you're feeling overwhelmed with everything fills hard, your perspective or the way that you see the world around. You is being your seeing it through a lens of something else
you're seeing life through the lens of your exhaustion, you're seeing I've through the lens of six months of age, eighty about financial troubles you're seeing through the lens of something that is making you feel like everything, is hard, and so it's not that everything is actually hard. It's. How do we get you back to a place where you're feeling replenished where you're feeling filled back up? First, I need you to understand why you're feeling this way in the first place had backed the journal. I, he'll overwhelmed because and then stream of consciousness, everything that you can think of. Sometimes, when people do this, they'll see
man, I'm feeling I'm feeling overwhelm because an exhaustive, because I've been working nonstop and then I'm taking care of the kids when I'm not working, and then I never have time for myself and they should have unpack all these things there. So these solutions in you, I d define those problems, but if you don't do the work to identify the problems, you don't know how to change it right when I'm feeling really tired because of work. It's like men too, we exhausting there times in my life, I have had to change my diet and I dont, go on a diet. You'll know I freaking hate diet. I hate diet, culture. I mean changing my nutrition and making sure that I'm. Getting things that are giving the energy making sure that I'm not consuming things that might make my blood sugar crash, which often makes me feel like I'm exhausted right. So I've had to train change. My nutrition I've had to make sure I'm getting enough sleep in my getting enough good sleep. Am I getting on interrupt
deep rem sleep there were times when I felt over well, I gotta raise my hand and ask for help asked for help asked for help asked for What do you need in order to be able to operate at the have you want to operate at. Let me ask this in two ways: what do you need to be able to operate the level you're at and then what do you need to operate at the level you wanna be at because if you have the resources to to the higher level now, even if your not operating there yet but you're like you, know what they like here- an example that some people frustrated by and I honestly don't care if you're upset that I have child care at this point, go find someone else to listen to cause. I'm just is, as I have children and I work full time to support MIKE bunny and my family- I'm gonna have childcare veto did it is what it is. I
learn to ask for help a really long time ago and when I first made the decision and to get a nanny, I had so much guilt about it. God, Mommy guilt me girl is so brutal and so awful and its garbage, I could do an entire I should do an entire episode, because mommy guilt has nothing to do with how you are showing up with your kids or how you think you're doing as a mom mommy guilt is. was always about what you think. Other people think of you as a mom I had so much girl. Cried people my family and in laws who said you know it a good mom. Wouldn't I mean you, Jude raises babies, yours often you wouldn't have anybody here? How will they even know you and will they even love you and what's going
happen if you had an outside so much guilt. So I got a nanny. I gotta, Mommy's helper thinks came? Maybe two days a week half days and oh, my gosh, the gift of just having any help, and I did that for a really long time, not because I couldn't have a did her for more hours, but because I felt shame that I couldn't do it all. On my own, I felt sure I thought I was supposed to be wonder: woman. I thought that I was supposed to have it all, and and do it all and figured allow, and I also think I carry lot of guilt about that, because it really does Most often fall to the mom to figure that out in a nobody ever asked my husband's. If he was gonna quit work or a few, we know. Oh, oh, what are you Dave would at what are your plans for child
that that's not a question Dave has ever gotten his entire life, but it is something that's foisted on to us a lot and so I had a lot of shame about this, and so I just kept track. And I thought man work harder. Git up earlier be more organised, create a calendar system like I try to come up with everything so that I could be the person that I thought people out their wanted me to be so that I could be good so that I could be you the ideal mom and I can have it all figured out and its such garbage and it's such a waste of time and its such energy, like just so how much energy China not only now my trying to keep up with my life, but I am also trying to please all these, visible strangers- are please people in my family up it's insane. you guys. It's insane.
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Come forward slash gifts to shop, meaningful gifts for the people, you love this holiday season, that's Etsy, dot, com, slash gifts, my advice to you! If you find yourself in that situation, If you are overwhelmed because you're trying to do too many things- and you are not asking for the help that you need ask for help- ask for help- this is insane you destroying yourself trying to keep your family afloat, trying to keep your team afloat, trying to keep your relationship a flow is insane. Maybe you need to ask for help? Maybe you need to demand of yourself not other people, because other people are not controlling you. Maybe you need The demand of yourself rest, maybe
overwhelmed, because you need some freaking rest. you need. I asked this question earlier like what need to let go of so that you can feel lighter same question for you. What you need to let go of so that you can feel lighter in spirit made what you need to let go of. Is that you're not going to try and do it all? Maybe this is not the time for you to try and do it all goes. Some of you but she were I'm a three on the indian. Graham. You all know this. If I heard this podcast years ago, and some was like scrap a bill, that's what I'm gonna do him and asked for help and we get the help and then I can work at a hundred fifty percent instead of just a hundred percent. I could do all the things there are seasons in my life, where I did not need to ask for help. I did not need to take on anything else. I needed to take a nap. I need to sit on the back patio with a glass of sweet tee and look at the back yard and watch my kids. I am not worry about anything else. There is a real
and why you feel this overwhelmed. What's the reason why another thing that you could consider and that you should consider is therapy if you are not in therapy man, I don't know how many other ways I need to tell you how important therapies, if you can afford it and you're not going? I can't think of something. That's more important in your life. Right now how it so amazing there so many ways that you can talk to a therapist on mine. One of our sponsors is a virtual therapy like there's so much that you can do to access to resources and councillors and people who can help. You understand why you're feeling the way that you're feeling, rather than just we home and and drowning in these negative emotions or numbing managed to overwhelm, to feel this way. So I'm just gonna Numb myself and my personal favorite way to Numb is to drink. I will
very easily. If I get super overwhelmed, very easily fall back to an old negative cope, mechanism, because man all that anxiety and overwhelm she gonna be there tomorrow, but for right now at least I get to feel at least to forget about it for right now. The problem is that he's gonna be there tomorrow, and not only is it going to be there tomorrow, but by using my negative coping mechanism, I've actually made myself weaker, so I made my body weaker, I'm in a wake up tomorrow, not gonna, feel is good and not can have as much energy cuz. I made these bad choices now. I've got a face overwhelmed with exhaustion or hang hangover or a sour stomach or a headache. I've literally sabotage myself by train to Numb out in my present so rash
there then reaching for a negative coping mechanism talked what they're a pest talked to a therapist at awkward at first. First, it feels a little scary, but it is incredibly powerful and if you try a therapist and you don't love, try someone it's like dating you gotta data around a little bit until you find someone, that's right for you please consider getting to the item of why you are feeling the way you're feeling. The last thing I thought of on this topic, the fur ideas, I gave you were if something some thing in your life is making me feel this way. But the other option is that some one in your life is can you feel this way, or maybe many someone's Jim Rhone, said that you are a combination of the I've people you hang out with. Most we evolve this ten million times you become the
I've people that you hang out with most so if Europe, Being overwhelmed and you feeling anxious and your filling all these things out, you look around at your core core courier, core five people do. They have the same energy that you do. Do they also feel overwhelmed? Do they also feel anxious? Did they also for like life, is out to get them. Do they also feel like the world is ending? There is always a relation between who we are spending time with and the way you feel about life always and if you're I will wait. I don't really have five people that I'm spinning allotted time with. Ok, what are the five? this of media, you consume most often because that also affects how you feel about the world around you so ask yourself. If you need to the thing that you need to let go of in the season is a person. Is a group
you shouldn't be hanging out with or maybe you're like wildfire family there crazy, but I love em same who? Could you add to your circle? Who could you hang out with you ever friend? That's really positive. Do you have an off that you have to read? Is there a cast that you listen to? Are the things that you can consume that you intentionally choose that you want to feel your spirit with good things been on a preacher's daughter, so I was think of scriptures. In this moment, the Bible has the scripture that says whatsoever is good whatsoever. Is holy. This whole thing like think on these things, because what we think we become. So if you dont have people in your life that can add that element can add the thing that you need can add. The peace can- joy can have the positivity can add the hustle had add the ambition can have the whatever
is that you need an you're like I don't know who to add, go, find it in a book you'll find it in a pot. Go find a Youtube videos, go failure, spirit with what you need pay attention. Ok, this is lasting ominously for real legislative. It pay it tension to win the overwhelm feels worse? What you do that makes your sense of everything his heart and bad feel worse. My god tell you that right now in the world, if you're going and consuming the news, or if your consuming social media, that is a very easy catalyst to making yourself feel worse. If I'm going on social media these days, I am, can sue, meaning die. Videos. Sweet senior setters then doing beautiful things,
Funny me seems like if you guys, farming on Instagram. Have you don't you should its at Missus Rachel Hollis a lot of times? My stories are just sweet good wholesome like now. Did you make me happy make me some is that time consuming, because I don't want to see everybody talking about the world's on fire, its ending its all hard these at the end times it this person, Wednesday election of that person Wednesday, elect like Yawl, we're all gonna have to get a whenever this all air, okay, This'Ll air next week, so and I hope that by the time is right- I will now be. The president of the United States is an whoever it is like President gets elected or whatever I guarantee that most Americans in this country just got up that day and still had to go to work and still had. their bills and so on,
work, minimum wage and still had to scrub toilet and still had to take care of their aid. Parents- and so we have, we have lives that we have to live. I hope the actually I hope you ll remember this. I hope that once this is all clear one seal China's finalize, and it is what it is. I hope but you will remember that this week, everyone, was telling you that the world was gonna end because it did it. I kept describing this to my team. I was like I feel like this is like why to care, when everyone told us that the if you are too Don't you remember, when the year was going to the year, two thousand everyone was so terrified that all the computers would be confused by the the multiple zeros that base Equally, the entire world everything operating on computer would just shut down in the world, would end and narrow. Like theories, and they were like the Mai, calendar and there's just like all of this stuff. That said that this was true and
in two thousand happen- and it was like months of build up and then literally, nothing happened, and it's not to say that that wildly important what has happened and who's in office and how that affects the way people treat other people. but at the end of the day So I have a life to live and there and if it and if you let it social media and media will make. You believe that you should be terrified that everything is hard, that if you don't keep paying attend to this every second of every day, if you dont focus on this, if you don't stay inside of it, then you're not gonna, know what's going on and then the world going to end and I hope that you remember. I hope that you are listening to this and whatever has happened, has happened and we do what human beings always do. We carry on and there was a time
where many many millions of people were acting like we weren't going to, if you think, have covered and quarantine. This is true for that as well. It is a disaster is terrifying. It is so hard for. So many but all around the world who have lost their lives, who have family members, but we will carry on. That is what it is to be human. It's like coming back to. What is true. Are you safe? Are your kid safe funerals? are you family saved the people that you care about our day? Well, Jeff. food in your belly give a little money in the bank did the son come up today come back to what is true? Sometimes life is hard, and sometimes life feels hard and both of those can be very heavy
to carry, but in both sides of that coin, there, things that you can do that will help you to feel better guys. If you like this episode. I would so appreciate if you would take a screen, shot and posts and your social and tell people about it. If you think it would be helpful to others, I am at Rachel, Hollis Bonds, social media and watching those on you tube, subscribe, and, like that's what the kids always say. So and I say that to see you get a notification whenever I post a new episode the Rachel Hollis Podcast, is hosted by me. Rachel Hollis Asha is produced by Chelsea Har fish and edited by Andrew Weller, with additional reduction support by sterling coats, our executive producer.
Cameron Bergmann? The Rachel Hollis Podcast, is a three percent chance production. Hey guys it's time for book club. My new book didn't see that coming came out Well, I thought I put every possible idea into the book about how you rebuild or navigate crisis, I've gotten a lot of questions and I would love to serve you guys by committing some time to answering those and digging into what you are personally walking through so starting November. Second, through November 11th, I'm going to get on my instagram every single day at noon: central and we're going to go through questions, we're going to unpack and talk about all the things
What do you do when you're navigating crisis like losing their job or losing your business or going through worse, burying a loved one. These are massive. Life changing moments and navigating them can be hard, especially, You don't have any one in your life who wants to sit with you and what that feels. Like a man, I know what that feels like so join me on Instagram November seconds. It is at Missus, Rachel, Hollis, M S, Rachel, Hollis or into search my name and I'll, be hanging out their teaching and coaching and digging into conversation about, didn't see that coming. If you
to follow along with the actual questions that target edition of the book, has the book club questions inside of it. So it's an exclusive addition. I may just for them. If you don't have the target addition, don't worry, I will make sure and read the questions you can take them down. Whenever note book you have, but the point is join me: it's totally free and hopefully it will give you perspective as you navigate the season.
Transcript generated on 2020-11-10.