« The Rachel Hollis Podcast

380: Lower Your Stress; Techniques for Lowering Stress & Improving Your Well-Being

2023-03-07 | 🔗
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
There's stress, unlike you, gotta go to work every day. You work at the local coffee shop and that's how you pay your car insurance and that's how you got they're strict, but there's something to that right. There is like a paycheck there's. Something would I would challenge you to do is to look out where in your life, do you have stressed for no reason, which brings me to my next piece of advice, which is to pay attention to the people, places circumstances situations anything in your life that create stress without good reason and ask just one at a time you don't have to take all of them on at once, but ask. How can I make this better? How can I take on this one piece of stress so that I don't have to deal with it? Why I'm here
oh hollis- and this is my podcast. I spent So many hours of every single week reading and listened podcast and watching youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do on this show. We talk about everything life and how to be an entrepreneur. What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan for intermittent fast? What's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for Whatever it is, my guess are into. I want unpacking so that we can all understand these, conversations this is. information for the curious. This is the rachel Hollis. Gas, the hi guys hope you all doing well, let's talk about stress. Let's talk.
about stress in our lives all the forms that comes in how it messes with us and some things you can do right now today to lower your stress, to feel better to become more sense, I heard more grounded. I got all kinds of ideas today for you on the show and were doing tricks, tips, habits, hacks call it whatever word you want. I just sort of sat down with my journal and thought. Okay, what are things that really helped me to lower stress or to combat stress, and that's we're gonna talk about today on the show, let's start with number one thing on my list is laughing: don't role your eyes at me, this is pollyanna. This is not me Unlike you know, the somewhat
tomorrow. It will. I promise I m an eternal optimist, witches freaking, saying something given the stuff keep finding a way to live through. I am still an eternal optimist. Always will be. I believe life is hard and good end awful, sometimes and scary. Sometimes, but it's a cycle it's a season. It will get better. That being said, laughing does absolutely help you to lower stress in any given moment, you could pull up. You know your favorite comic on youtube. You could call your friend that always makes you laugh and you pee your pants. You could right now reach out to your funniest friend or your.
our group or your buddies and say hey, I really need to laugh my face off this. We. What and I are we going to grab happier hey who can get to the driving range with me this week and who can meet up for this moment? How can you intentionally build your schedule around moments that are gonna, bring you joy, How can you make sure that your interacting with fun people like look, you gotta, interact with your mother in law, all the time, she's, no fun you you know that you, you gotta, go to the family party this weekend, you're going to have to interact with her. So how can you be intentional about making sure that you have something to balance that out?
recently were having dinner, and my ten year old was like mom. What's your favorite thing in the whole world and I was like in what category and he said, no ethnic everything like all everything the whole world. You only get to choose one thing: what is your favorite thing and I thought about it for a minute and I was like I guess it's when all of us like every one in the family, we're all laughing so hard like we're gonna Pierre pants, it does eyebrows and we laugh a lot, but there are those moments where something happens that we are dying laughing and
will remember those moments forever, like the one that when I said this to him, we all started laughing remembering this moment, which was we at a restaurant in hawaii monkey pod. One of my favorites were a monkey pod and carolina, and my son ford who's ten had ordered a shirley temple. As you know, big family dinner, I have a sweet drink, he orders a shirley temple, they bring it to him, he's ten he's old enough. He seems capable they bring it to him in a glass. You know my daughter who's five. She gets like a cup, but they bring his in a glass and we're all sitting there whole family having a great time. It's a big tradition for us to go to this. shot, and I don't even remember what happened or why but ford wasn't paying attention and not his glass off of the table. It fell to the floor. A broken
two ten thousand pieces. Everyone heard in the restaurants one of those like record scratch moments were all like. Oh ford, like oh my god, you know and the the restaurants very used. families and kids. So they're like no worries, no worries, we'll get it and they all start cleaning up. The whole crew of people comes over lots of people in flip flops because we're in hawaii so trying to clean up all this glass that ford's dropped on the ground. It's a whole thing with rose like four come on like embarrassing, whatever I clean it all up. It takes the whole thing. We're like okay, we're fine buddy. This is why we say you gotta be careful. They feel bad cause he's like knocked his drink over They bring him a new drink and we're all like Whenever I ya'll ninety seconds, maybe
maybe two minutes, the second that he stopped like drinking. He went to talk to his brother again and he knocked the glass onto the ground where it shattered into ten thousand pieces and it we could not breathe. It was so ford, like he's such a artist and he's like the absent minded professor and like these people had just clean up this glass. Everyone had just seen him and I swear to you two minutes to go by it found for and we were like, nobody could breathe it. We were laughing so hard, relax, we're so sorry for, like I'm, so sorry you care rapid, eight that moment, but when it happens, when
All of us are laughing so hard, like your stomach, hurts cause you just it's so special me as my favorite thing in the world, when every one in the family is just all laughing together over something I can't replicate a moment where afford accidently breaks a glass twice in you no less than ten minutes, but I will tell you that many many many of our moments like that, where we are laughing together, when we are on vacation or when we are at a restaurant together, and so we are very intentional, I say we their kids. I am very intentional about creating opportunity for that to happen again, I love traveling with my kids is one of my favorite things. I set aside special money so that I could do that. I am of everything in my life. I am most indulgent with my travel because I don't
I travel by myself. I travel with you know for kids, I'm rolling deep, but for me that is so sacred like that's why I work this hard. That's why I do as many episodes of the show. That's. Why that's what keeps me going when I am I the book and I feel discouraged and, unlike of a terrible writer, nobody cares of mrs garbage which, by the way, every writer feels like that. I'm really intentional about travel and so I understand the hard work or the stress that I'm encountering is because there is a pay off and creating moments where you can laugh and making sure that is a regular part of your life doesn't have to be travel with. Your kids can be anything, but have you consciously thought ever about what in your life brings you joy.
In your life creates opportunity for you to have a really good time for you to laugh and have fine and experience, passion and excitement. You know, maybe it's going to a concert or wanting horseback riding lesson his or you love golf, and you haven't gone in the longest time like this life is not supposed to be just work. It's not supposed to be drudgery, it's not supposed to be monotony. Your life starts to feel monotonous, something is one something is wrong, because even when I was working three jobs in fact that wasn't monotonous when I was young and broke and working three jobs. There was nothing monotonous about that. You're just like trying to survive, but there are times in life where you just sort of get in the cycle. Get up, get the kids to school, go to work, make dinner, get the kids to bed, get up, get the kids to school and it just you have to be careful too,
Often we thing I'm doing this thing now because later like when I retire when I'm older, when the kids are older some day when this happened some day when that then life's gonna feel fund, then life's gonna be less stress. Ya know That is not how this works. Life is fleeting life. Can that fast, be done is happen too many times that too many people. I love and care about two, not carry this with me in every moment, life's gonna house ass, it is, of course it is worth living breathing human beings, and, if your listening, they show. Are you watching on youtube? There's probably a chance that Europe I being whose kind of work in on themselves and trying to do something in trying to level up that's gonna, come with stress billie king said pressure is a privilege.
At the time you're trying to level up your adding pressure, which means you're going to add stress. You just gotta, make sure that you're balancing it out next thing that you can do to lower stress orgasms yeah. I want to catch your attention right here. I wanted to make a list of things that maybe you haven't heard before then maybe you haven't considered, would be really helpful to you and having a fabulously fulfilling sex life is one of those things whether you are having sex with a partner or just with yourself orgasms. Let's talk about it. Let's start right with the fact that the where was raised the way I grew up it was very inappropriate, was very taboo to talk about sex too. That you're having sex. The only way you were even amusing air quotes allowed to have sex was
If you were married and you know, grow up in a church and a culture that said you, we're gonna be a virgin until you get married and then ask Lose you get married. You need to flip some kind of switch Now. You are a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets, and you better know what you're doing and never once did. I Someone say that sex was complicated, that it came with emotions that you ma not know what you were doing your partner may not know what they were doing. It all would feel confused is just a bag of wrap, if you have no experience and if you are a human being, which means that you ve probably got some kind of preaching baggage of round sex or around mass station or around feeling or any of that stuff. It's going to effect.
the way that you're able to enjoy or not enjoy sexual acts, and that's not even taking into account if you have a history of abuse from a partner or if there are certain things surrounding your sexuality that don't feel safe, where you feel like the people in your life have an embrace there's just it's a whole host things. I did an episode recently with Emily Nagasaki, where we talked about women and sex and the narrative and how to have better sex and the psychology that goes into it. If you did not listen pursued a highly recommended top line. What I wanted to say today is, or hazards are, one of the greatest easier to access stress, relief, things that I know of in the world- and there only good for you like it's not like. I will be god, oh god, a glass of wine that may help you calm down. There's negativity there
negative things, there's stuff in that glass wine that are not great for you. Everything in an orgasm is great for you seriously. So if you haven't had one enemy This is your your pow rage, San! That's the way to go! That's something I consider. That's of that. You should try easiest way is probably by yourself, No, not everybody feels come towards that. Everyone feels different ways about that kind of experience. But if you needed, Girlfriend today, to tell you to experiment with that I will be that friend and if you're like ok rachel number one. This is embarrassing. Me number two. I we're talking about this number three really done now. I dont know ok, cool assistant experiment, it's just you fear. Now it feels good to you. It's just you see in what you
and, in my humble opinion, it's almost impossible to orgasm with a partner. If you have no idea what you like, when you buy yourself, because what you enjoy when you're by yourself is the same kind of things that are going to play into a situation with your partner. So, if nothing else, it's going to make your sex life better, because you're going to be more comfortable with your own body, and I think, oh, my god, you guys there were so many years that I felt shame around that. I think the first time that I like realized, that if I touch myself in a certain way and it it felt good, I was probably like twelve or thirteen. I would honestly this is hilarious and ridiculous, but I was in the pool
when I was like, I got out of the pool and, like you know, when you're little and you sort of there aren't steps you like push yourself up on the edge of the pool. When I push myself up on the edge of the pool, I was like what like what was that. and I remember that I was like what just happened. I was by myself swimming. And I remember being like ok how how do I make that thing happen again, and that was a star of like what is going on with my body and what is this and how does this work and I think, like most kids, there was your like. Oh, I want to see how to do this, but then, if you have been shamed and in the pen across altered, took her so much shame around masturbation or pleasure frankly that you are also a grappling with this feels with good and it also I'm gonna sending I'm. For short, gonna go to
oh my god. What? If someone find out just all of this crap, so it took a very long time to get to a place where I could masturbate and feel unashamed that I couldn't like me ten years ago, could even imagine a world where I'm just saying the word masturbation to you like no big deal, so I think, like anything else, it there's a practice of kind of on learning the fuck up psychology that was put on us by other people. It's so, while just as a side know, I sometimes think about how crazy it is that I don't know what it's like now and I don't know what's being taught now, but growing up in the eighties and nineties in a really conservative church, there was so much shame around masturbation, but also equal shame around sex before marriage. So you have all of these
people? Teenagers early twenties, always people who alike. the only way, then that they are quota. We're allowed to experience sexual pleasure is if they get married, which is the most insane is so crazy, like you're not allowed to have sex, but also do nothing with these feelings and if your body feels this way, something's wrong with you. So there's that, besides the point of our conversation today, I wanted to say that, because, if you grew up with some kind of weird psychology around you feeling pleasure, that's not going to go away and, to be honest, I don't think that that really truly left my system. Until I did, I got divorced,
because I got divorced at thirty seven and I was single and I was like oh wait. I m not ready to have a partner, I'm not ready to have sex again, but I also would like to feel pleasure and so then it was like this crazy undoing of like I do. I feel weird about this. Why do I still have like? Why can't I do this and experiences and have an orgasm and then just. Go on my life. Why do I have to go down some kind of weird shame spiral? Cider? hack that a lot to do some therapy about it and kind of look at this situation through the lead-
if the grown woman that I am not the child, that was told unhealthy things about her sexuality and all of that to say big fan, big fan of the orgasm. However, it comes to you, and so many women are raised to believe that their sexual interaction is more important for their partner than it is for them, and I call bullshit, I think if you have a great sex life, if you're, having orgasms regularly by yourself or with another person,. and it is so good for you and makes you feel so good. There's, I'm sure all kinds of data around at lowering your court is all make you feel good. My headline for you today is if revealing stressed, this is a great thing to add to your life, go play with yourself
or not maybe saved up for later, but yeah. Let's start they're having a good time. If you can every day every day. Try that I mean just the habit. Just was just see what yeah go: go good you something go click your mouse go, I don't, even Oh the language, I dunno the words I don't know the terminology, but either you or someone else make you feel good. The third thing that really helps with stress is not as exciting. very real workin out moving your body every single day. And yes, you know this is true, but it You are waiting until your super stress to go work out. It's not going to be as effective, be cause. If you wait until you are stressed out trying to work out in.
I just feel, like your odds of actually completing that work out or getting to the jam are getting out on. Iran are so much harder. You don't feel good and you want to fill at that moment, and there are so many other things you can reach for alcohol. A cigarette, a pill, drugs food as a copy mechanism. There's all kinds of things you can do that will lower your stress fast, even if there are negative effects, even if later they might bring more stress to your life. Your instinct, in a moment where you're feeling stressed out is to reach for what will work right now. So workouts are incredible. If they're on offense offense is I'm going to do this thing every single day as part of my hobby,
stack as part of my routine and my ritual and I'm going to feel better overall, because I do this every single day. It's part of my life verses, I'm gonna, try and use this as a tool to help me after I am already stressed out after I marty triggered that's the difference between working out on often like hey. This is a part of my life and working on defence. I'm in a way until I feel really stressed out, and then I'm gonna throw a medicine ball the round one thousand times it is going to be way more effective. If you are using day. We move meant to lower your stress hormones on the daily, rather than waiting until it gets really bad now, certainly there are times in my life, where I already did my morning work out. Let's say, but something happens I get super stress out and then I will do a physical activity
because I know that works really well. For me, for instance, if you are someone who has anxiety, physical activity is actually a great option if you need an additional thing to help lower stress. After its already happened, what pops into my head is at the beginning of covert when we all went into lockdown. I remember working from home We ve been at home relic. Ten days- and it was just like such a crazy time period, we didn't really know what was going on. It was still very unsure, so kind of like what's happening, and I remember I sent my ex husband was like- will all go to the grocery store and it was still like where you could go the grocery store, but should I wear a mouse? Should I not was the very confusing and he went to the grocery store and there where's like there, was nothing if you remember that time period when, like the shelves or empty poor freaking out, there were panic buying, Annie.
and therein it was like he could get stuff, but it wasn't. It was just scary. I just remember being scared. I remember him coming home and being like wholly crap there's. You know this is what I got this is what we can use, and I remember feeling so stressed out- and it was like two o clock in the afternoon I wanted to reach for a drink. I wanted to reach for something that would make me feel better. Remember putting on my stinkers and going in running around the neighbourhood like just running several too, it's a try and I needed to get it out of my body if you're someone who struggles with anxiety that can often trigger a fight or flight response inside of you and if you're feeling that kind of trigger, at least for me, it helps if my body feels like I went in to quote flight right like I ran that response exists from way back in the day when we were cavemen
And we need to be on the lookout for the sabre tooth tiger. So if you see a sabre cheese tiger, your body would fly with cortisol flood with adrenaline right and it be like you're going to use this chemical flooding your system, your muscles just got pump bigger, you have more energy, so you can get away. That's what's going on inside of you, Sometimes that happens to us because we're stressed out by traffic, because we stress out there we're gonna, be late to pick up the kids, because we're stressed out because we got into an argument with our partner. The same kind of chemicals are flooding your system as if you were confronted by a saber tooth tiger. That's when it can be really helpful to literally move to just work that energy through your body, people will try almost anything to get a better night's sleep like blowing bubbles. Head stands before bad or even breathing. Just through their left, nostril fiercely
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it's today and I just want to circle back to the idea that the stress that you have in your life needs to have a. Why that's my next piece of advice about how to relieve stress, is to take on stress or be willing to have stress in your life. If it's leading to something. If I want to have really strong arms, because I want to be able to do pull ups, a secretly really want to be able to do pull ups, and I need upper body strength in order to be able to do pull ups. Will the exercises that I do to make my arms stronger? That's stress, I'm putting stress on my muscles so that they breakdown and grow back stronger than they were before their stress. That's worth.
the stress of producing this park has free. All this is my passion is in my heart. I am so lucky that every single day like this is my job. I write books. I do a pike s, that's what I do for where it feels bananas that I get to have conversations with people for a job, but thank you, god did. I am so grateful that this is my work. It's still stressful.
There's a lot of components to this. There's a lot of his interview going to be good. Is this gas someone who is going to show up and for sure, be high and mike I'm trying to you, know we've a conversation and make it make sense, which has absolutely happened with more celebrities than you would realize. There are stressful components. This I have to travel for work I have to you know. Sometimes you'll get really excited you book a huge guest and then something happens and they have to change their plans and it's disappointing and there's all kinds of things hitting a deadline with a book that is stressful, but all of my stress has a why there's a Y to it. I think the problem is when we have stressed in our lives and there's no positive outcome attached to that stress were stress because you know we're in a relationship and our boyfriend is an asshole. You know he's a jerk. He doesn't cheat you right, but, like
You don't want to oh it'd, be hard to break up or I'm not sure. Well, you know, but we used to be so great in the beginning, and so maybe it's going to get better or, like maybe the stress in your life, your girlfriend's crazy. You got a crazy girlfriend. She's super hot and the sex is amazing, but, like she's a lunatic and all your browser like brow. What are you doing like Becky's? Not then you're like I know, but the stress has to be for some thing. having stress in your wife, that is it that is not attached to anything other than your unwillingness to confront. Why it's there
is a waste of vital energy inside of you, there's stress, unlike you, gotta go to work every day. You work at the local coffee shop and that's how you pay your car insurance and that's how you got their strict, but there's something to that right. There's like a paycheck there's, something which I would challenge you to do is to look at where in your life, do you have stress for no reason which brings me to my next piece of advice which is to pay attention to the people, places circumstances situations anything in your life that create stress without good reason and ask just go one at a time. You don't have to take all of them on at once, but ask how can I make this better? How can I take on this one piece of stress
so that I don't have to do with it any more of a perfect example of this right now my teenager can drive you guys I gotta driving teenager and when he turned. fifteen and a half his dad, and I helped him to buy a used car. There was a neighbor car like broken down the right yard, classic That is how I started. You got a used car. You gotta help pay for it. Yes, that is how my son is starting. His driving experience. I like to say this child you do not have money. Mama has money, I have money and until you have money you are going to drive this car so uber had a car. We helped him buy it. We had told all the kids from the time that they were little, that we would pay for half of their car, meaning you come up with an amount of money,
through works or babysitting they're doing what you're gonna do and mom and daddy will pay for half of that and now what we did and he got this car, I think I have a hundred sixty thousand miles it's very old she's, just she's hanging on by a thread but she's like I, I took her for a drive cause. I want to make sure you know that it was good and and safe and whatever- and I was like how this is the exact kind of first car that you need to have, which is like she's got weird. works and weird. You know you gotta jiggle. This handle to make this thing all thing, but it's an old car and Pretty early on into having it the battery died, so you jump the car. We show him how to jump the car. This is what you do. the hilarious moment in that old car. We jump her. She turns back on, but she turns back on with the alarm sounding and he experienced an incredible moment in a young drivers, life which was having to drive
the car to the mechanic, while the car alarm, I again laughing so hard and crying as he's mortified driving this broken who d down the road anyway,. battery dies, he jumps it. We drive fuel tighter battery dies, we jump at. He drives. and in the beginning, I'm turnips. Whenever my we don't know your car, yet her name's monica he named her monica I'm, like you, don't know monica yet monica has you know: she's got quirks. She's got things, you don't know her things yet my first are you had to the engine? Would overheat really easily and I couldn't afford to fix it, so I used to have to dry. Everywhere I went with the he on full blast so that the air from the outside would use the inn.
to would pull he'd. Often engine as a whole thing in your feet would again get blistered, because all the heat was going on to you it's up. Whenever it, we all have our version. This so he's rome with monica her battery keeps dying. Every single time goes out to like dr to squander mourn batteries dad and when he jumps it's a whole thing this morning it happens. I'm like we can keep jumping battery. You can keep in countering this bit of stress in your life, never know when it's gonna show up every single time. We can keep jumping the battery for this car or you can save some money and get a new battery and he's succeed.
he's broke, he's going to have to work to earn the money to do that thing until then, you gotta keep jump in this car and make it work. This is life. This is what life looks like you've got to make things work, but let's be smart about it. Yes, you're right, it would be to use that money that you're gonna earn and go vented shopping with your friends go to the movies, go, have fun of them all, but growing up, and hopefully growing up sending your life up so that it feels better is about identifying those points of grass and eliminating them. Where you can doesn't mean
we are able to eliminate them today, but I hope that by teaching him this thing, okay, let's start saving our money. Let's look for opportunities to get some work done, let's figure out how we can get to a place where we can replace this battery, so you can count on the consistency of your car working. You don't need to stress out about this when it shows up unexpectedly, so I'll, ask you the same thing I asked my teenager: is there an opportunity for a point of stress that keeps showing up in your life where you can make a different decision that would make the overall feeling better. This requires contemplation. This requires that you take a step back that you look. your wife, that you ask some questions that you pay attention here me that you pay attention to when you start to feel stress what our moments in your life, where you were feeling good.
Everything was good. Everything was fine. Maybe are super happy. Maybe I just haven't a chill day and then something happened and all of the sudden you're in a terrible mood. Your super stress out your anxieties through the roof you're having this really hard moment and you weren't before most of us will immediately jump in trying to fix. The stress were feeling which is great, but in the immediate job, to trying to fix the stress that we are feeling we rarely sap and ask ourselves what triggered that stress in the first place, one of the most powerful things. I ever learned to ask in my journey of therapy and
and to understand how my brain works. This might not work for everybody, but is very helpful for me was to start asking what set me off when did things change? When did my energy change, when did this happen? Cause I wake up almost every single morning feeling great super optimistic. It's going to be a great day, I'm happy person by nature. So, if all of a sudden I find oh it's the end of the day and I'm so stressed hour, I'm so anxious, so grouchy. I would backtrack in the day and identify one was a moment it change. For me, I could be something as simple. As
you know when I was driving the work this morning, the traffickers really bad. It's stress me out, and I was never in a good mood after that. So ok cool. If I know the traffic stresses me out, there are things I can do to make myself a better, maybe take a different route to work. Maybe I look to carpool with someone so I'm chatting instead of driving by myself. Maybe I need to listen to a podcast. Maybe I need a new playlists. Maybe I should like to work or walk to work. If you can identify What's made things change for you, you can give yourself options, but too many people are going through their day. And they're, not unpacking they're, not looking out. What's behind, you know, oz curtain they're not looking at what the problem is there, treating a symptom
their treating the symptom they're not treating the root cause of what made that symptom occur? So yeah look at what sending you off. Is it a person? Is there someone that you need to interact with less? Is there someone that you shouldn't interact with unless you're in an ok state? is there someone that you know in your heart of hearts should not be in your life, because it's bad for you emotionally, it's bad for you in a deadly. You should not have this person there, but you keep them there because you don't want to have a confrontation. think it's TIM Ferris says the quality of our life is often directly proportional to our willingness to have hard conversations as good as good, so where in your life, do you need to have a card conversation? You know me
you're like while Rachel you know my job is stressful. I hate my job. Ok, what are you doing to fix that What are you doing to change our minds that if you can't leave her job? Ok, how do we change our mindset about the environment were working in the people working with? How do we reignite the passion that we had for this job? When we first got it? How can we use gratitude as a way to help ourselves so better? If you dont have control all of you truly really do not have control over where you work. If you're like this is what the option is for me right now: ok will you can't change your environment? You can change the mindset you walk into that environment with, but maybe it's either mindset, maybe you have a job that you grown, maybe it's no longer serve, You may be, you got a new manager and that new, georgia's not aligned with the way that you want to be out here in the world. Maybe you thought that want to be an accountant, and you went to college Spain, accountant, gus, that's what your parents wanted you to do and now
you're doing it and you hate it maybe you wanted always to actually teach guitar lessons on you, too. Ok great! Do you need to be an accountant right now and then take up a hobby teaching guitar lessons on youtube? Do you need to throw do as to your counting job and just jump into the deep into the pool see if you can make it as a good archie drawn you do tomorrow, I wouldn't recommend unless you have a trust fund or something you're, bringing. to the mix. But there are so many ways was that old expression there so many ways this gonna cat. I don't know what that means. I probably offended cat lovers. I would never skin a cat, but the old expression says there are many ways to do it. Apparently, I think the same thing is true for life. There are so many different ways for you to take on a challenge there. So many different ways for you to pay
there are so many different ways to make money to bring in come in to your life. We just get stuck in the things that we now you know we get into these seas. Are these experiences in life? Many of you might be in one right now. We're life is like not that great, but is also not durable, and maybe your life's been terrible before so not that great feels pretty good. You didn't come to this planet. You did not come into this space that, you find yourself in right now, listening to this body ass, you did not come here, so that you can live a life, that's kind. Ok, that is not why you are here. That is not why you're creator put you on this earth. There is reason, there is a purpose there is a why, and I am the first person to tell you
so the life is not always going to feel good. It's not always going to be happy. It's not always going to be pockets very rarely going to be perfect. but it can be. There are moments. There are moments of joy and goodness and laughter and fine, and I Do you believe that we can take in the direction? So, most of the time life's great, there's hard stuff too, but most of the time my life is great and my life is great not because of money or success or work, or my life is great, because I have really worked very hard to strip away the peace. Is that me that were unhealthy. That were wrong. That didn't! Why not
with a woman that I am today I have made life changing earth taking decisions that not just privately but very publicly had people? Talking about me writing about me articles whatever, because it was what was right for me having a very public relationship that people know about and making the decision and to leave that marriage, because it was deeply unhealthy knowing that I would be judged for ever really to be honest, knowing I couldn't have anticipated how mean people would be about that, especially women. I couldn't have anticipated that and, of course, people who do
not know the behind the scenes and did not know they just didn't know, and not that it's anybody's business but like to feel like you're making this decision that you have to make. There is no other option you have to make for you for your children, for your family, for peace, To be okay, you have to make a decision that you will be judged for being willing to do that, because, on the other side of it, I could see a glimmer of possibility of peace. So I'm not just some random person telling you like reach for joy or like cut people out of your life or make changes. If those
Changes are going to help you be healthy, be free function, better, take care of her kids better. All of that, I am speaking as someone who did it and if I because I think if I had known how bad the fall out was going to be probably would have I stay longer We would have stayed in a really unhealthy place longer cause. I probably would have been pretty chicken shit about facing something,
in that I knew in a people we're gonna, be so harsh about, but as someone who's made a decision like that, as someone who was in a relationship where, though, relationship and the partner, where the greatest stress in my life for years and years and years and years making that decision, even with the shit show, even with the follow up even as hard as that was I'm the person on the other side of it. That is going to tell you that your peace, they your ability to take care of yourself that your ability to
do not be inside of a toxic relationship. That's worth anything, that's worth being judged. That's worth making someone angry! That's worth people not getting you that's worth losing friends, that's worth everything! We all have the right. fight for living a life peacefully without other people's toxicity like taking control of all the pieces, but especially as a mom is So he s a mom, I'm not someone who's telling you like these things will lower stressing just do it. I read about in a book like I am someone who actively chose to essentially burn down parts of my life, Unknowingly at the time was choosing to burn down.
A lot of pieces of my business, a lot of fun and like a lot of things that really were stripped away in that change and at first, when you make a decision like that, and you're watching all of the fall out. There's a part of you. That's like omen omen. Oh my god! Oh my god. What about what did I do? What is this is so much worse than I thought was gonna, be because you're just in the sack in it all hard and nothing feels like it's getting better, but slowly slowly, slowly, three years later I can tell you that, even though parts of that are still so hard, I know that that was right I know I can literally can imagine that the expression god protects, falls and children.
I feel, like god knew that I was a fool about our hard that was gonna be, and she like her blinders on. So I just all I had in that moment was faith that there had to be. something better than what I was in, and I was right, but I think I told you guys before one may your friends right, baron wrote a book called worth it and in the book she essentially talks about this idea that you know the world will always tell you like. I was amazing, like I did this thing and above a blind. It was all the staff and whatever and that they don't tell you should have the shitstorm that that decision created they just to show you the aftermath. So she tells us beautiful, store, about being the pastor of mega church in coming out a queer woman- and you know me her wife and all these things and that people only
the other side and the book really talks about. What is that? What is the interim? What is that messy middle. What is that that part in between? But when you look at the other side, it's worth it the life you get to live today is worth there, but it doesn't mean that getting to the peace that was worth that doesn't mean that the peace in the middle isn't gonna be brutal. I know I just want really deep on that idea, but whether it's the simple thing that you can change like sir, being up to change our your cars battery or pay. My relationship with my mom is toxic. She's, a narcissist she's this. That she's the other thing, and I need to make a decision to cut her out of my life, because for me and my wife either she's.
terrible mother in law and like she's, hurting our kids and whatever your story is whether some Simple or something heavy, the first suffragists acknowledging that there are solutions that will make it, so you don't have to do with this thing. The last one is simple: and you ve probably heard me say before, and I'm just gonna keep saying it adapted. Djinns adapted genes are substances used in herbal medicine for stabilization of physiological processes and promotions of her
mistakes. So that's what wikipedia says. I'm just gonna way it out in my own special terms. Adapter genes are herbs plants, different things that you can buy at the grocery store and take as part of your daily regimen that help you to feel com. I am convinced that if more people understood adapted ends and could try them out as a safe herbal over the counter remedy we would not have the epidemic of people addicted to bends, owes We do benzodiazepines
are medicines that are commonly used, philip depressive medicine. So do the things that doctors give people if you're feeling anxious. If you have nervous issues, if you are struggling with something, that's when you might get a script for xanax con a pen add a van things like that, and those medicines are incredibly effective in the moment and are ab Salut oui horrendous, horrendous for your system and there's a lot of study and evidence now that if you start to use a benzo, it's almost impossible to get off of it. I've had you know addiction specialists on this show that talk about that being one of the hardest things to get out of your system. I did an interview with doctor drew if you want to listen to it, where we talk about benzo,
are there so harmful and most people who utilise them do not understand how harmful they can be, and most people who get access to something like Xanax are sitting with a psychiatry, for eleven minutes like they're. Not it's not something. That's mine, the way that it supposed to be those medicines can be so vital and important if you need them for short periods of time, but most doctors do not have the time to make sure that their patients are actually using them correctly and getting off of them like weaning off of them in the right amount of time. So you have people who are going to their whole life, who all These have xanax in their system, who always have really intense and don't really understand how that affecting them? I I think it's one of the greatest things affecting especially women who get put on it. First,
thing that if a doctor spend a little bit more time than relays, oh, it's actually a hormonal balance. We need to treat it this way, but they don't. They treat it. If a medicine that then mutes everything your disconnected from your body, you can actually get the root cause of what's going on, and the answer is just gonna be to give you more drugs. I will get off the soap box, I'm just a very passionate about the subject, god the universe, mother earth, whatever you want to call it. I believe she gave us everything from the beginning. I believe everything that we need is here on this planet and if we were in a tribe. If you went back to ancient times, if you went back to our origins, He went back to indigenous people and native people and wherever you and I come from wherever our family of origin starts very long ago back there
there would have been a medicine man. There would have been a wise woman, there would have been what we later would call witches. There were people who knew how plants and herbs and berries ecosystem around them would work to keep us. Well, I think adapted genes are, are that I a, I literally cannot explain to you how essential central adaptogens are. to my mental health period, I did not know about adapted and I think I would probably have to be on something stronger. I think I would absolute maybe the person who is in a sitting with a psychiatrist and be, unlike the drama anxiety I can't rise above this feeling and the psychiatrist would then, you tell me to take a pharmaceutical drug,
it's a lot more intense. Luckily, thank god. A lot of work with nutritionists over time have helped me to learn about plant medicine and home implant. Medicine like pay! Eighty, I mean plant medicine like every He will be in my life. I take something called wholly basal leaf. Literally, it's a type of basil get it at any girl, she story can get it on. Amazon no know brand affiliation, but I use dial It is the brand that I use it just the one I first got, and so I just always use it. I take holy basil every single night and the only time that I haven't taken wholly basal and the last I don't know three years for no five years, maybe is when I was pregnant goods didn't know how that would solve.
Cut everything out, but other than that I have consistently use wholly base as part of just how I describe it to people, I take it I'm cause it does really mellow you out doesn't make me sleep. You like, I could function with it, but I don't feel like my brain would be firing on also under So I take away basal as part of my nighttime supplement stack and the way I describe it to people who have anxiety is, when you have an anxiety, attacker you're having anxious thought her. Anxious feelings it's like you're in anxiety, your living in the anxiety, adapted djinns to me help you. You still recognise the anxiety you still recognise this moment
is a moment that makes me feel anxious, but you are no longer in it. It's like your your outside of the anxious feelings and if your outside of the anxious feelings, at least for me, that's when my conscious self forty year old rage, not like younger version of me being triggered, or you know something showing up here. Some part of me is surfacing and like trying to take control of my body. when I'm outside of those anxious thoughts. I can talk myself down from them and I've definitely try. I to like? Oh, let me try a week without holy basil and see if, like I've healed from this, no ha, I still use it. I absolutely use it and it's like the simplest freaking thing and is over the counter is a plant that grows out of the ground. There's nothing
it's just like. I'm sure. If you guys have hung out with me for a while, you ve heard me talk about this endlessly. I cannot recommend enough and there's all kinds like quadriceps osh were gone. I am spacing on some of the others, but there's a ton of different adapted ends. I sat with wholly basal because some of the other ones may be too tired where I feel like I like, though grog next day. I'm so maybe there's one of those at a work better for you, but I really would love to encourage you if you're feeling stress, if you feel it need a little help in a little support is just the simplest thing in the whole world and I swear if more people about it, we'd have a lot healthier. Society is just yeah. I can't I cannot recommend enough. So that's my pitch for the power of adapted and for you check that out. Obviously any time here. thinking about anything, health, wise or medical, wise talk to a medical, professional arms.
The chick you know on the internet. So what do I know it's so so so important There are times in life where we need mad, like I've, absolutely taken xanax life. There are times in our life where you need something stronger. You need You're having a moment something's going on you, ve experienced trot you're in you need those things and I am the biggest support in the world of take your ments. Take your meds. What specifically, when it comes to benzodiazepines, and the medicines fall into that category it The most abused thing I think in farmer in medicine, in the united states I mean, if you watch any of the documentaries or do research, it's just it. out of control and the longer you keep things like that in your system, the harder it is to get rid of them, the harder it is to function without them, and so I just.
For what it's worth. There is an alternate route, there's all sorts of alternate routes. There's therapy, there's prayer, there's meditation, there's exercise, there's there's all kinds of things to help. You deal with the stress in your life, so I just want you to know. If nothing else from our conversation today. The only thing you take away as this maybe need to have an orgasm tonight. Now, I'm or you do for sure I mean we all do don't accept consistent, like stress, dress, dress, I stress: that's not that's not going to lead anywhere good, that's awful for your body, it's awful for your system and it's no way to live. So I want to challenge you today to identify the stress in your life and figure out some things that you can do to combat it. Alright guys hope that that was helpful. I hope
I mean we talked about all the things today as per use. If you dug this episode, we send it to a friend. That's never heard of the show we'd just be like hey this one girl rage, she's bass, coming out with that, and as always, want one encourage you. If there's something that I talked about that made, you think. an idea you have along this subject. Put it on the world. Man tell people. There are so many people who who are not ever going to identify with my sword telling or my world view, but they would identify with yours and the wave and we as a community grow and elevate and become stronger, is that we continue to share ideas and information was helpful for us in the hopes that it will be helpful to other people so
we back soon with more and better more combo. Until then, as always wants you to remember, I love you and I'm waiting for you, the rachel. How is podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis, its edited by andrew weller and jack, noble.
Transcript generated on 2023-03-08.