« The Rachel Hollis Podcast

486: STOP Asking Permission

2023-09-25 | 🔗

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hi guys it's rage, and this is a quick word on permission. some coming in to my very last month of put cast- or at least until next year and in this last gosh, I guess six months that I've been touring around it's the first time that my blue has been able to really see
I speak see me interact with you guys it's the first time that he's like met y'all and it's been really cool to have his perspective. As someone who really had no idea who I was when he first met me a few weeks ago, we were leaving the san diego show and he was like you know. I noticed something during your q and a tonight. So if y'all aren't familiar during podcast tour, I do a live q and a at the end with members of the audience, and it's the first time in the last. You know few months that he's been able to watch these interactions if you've ever been to arise conference. You know how special those moments are, because people have the courage to stand up and say things that maybe they've never said out loud before and they're really scared their nerve.
ass, they want to ask me they're excited he's, like you know. What I realize tonight is that the audience she seems to already know the answer and, unlike oh no, that's the big secret. That's that's the answer to every. I am not a guru, I'm not the best advice you're ever going to get literally. If you watch me, do q and a I just keep asking them questions until they start to stand more firmly in what they know is their truth. This is something I realized a long time ago that when I get-
interact with people or maybe this happened across the board. Any kind of you know public figure or if you're, someone who writes books or does podcast may be, everybody gets this, but definitely with my audience. She knows the answer she is coming because she wants me to validate the answer for her. She wants me to give her permission. Well. To be honest, she wants any one to give her permission, but because I've been a voice, authority in her life because of the show or the books. She feel safe, telling me a wild dream that she has or a big goal that she set for herself, and she knows I'm not gonna judge her that may be everybody else in her life will judge her, but I Won'T- and so she stands in front of me and she's like I want to build this business, but nobody in my life gets it and I'm like, of course they don't cause. You have the vision, God gave you the vision, not your partner, it's why he can't see it because you see it clearly because it was given to you
I wanna, really complete a health journey have never actually stuck with it, and I come from a family that really struggles with their health, and so they all tell me that I can't run like, of course. Of course you have the ability to finish. Of course you can do this. Of course you can come. Of course you can practise self care. I am repeating back to them the thing they're telling me that they want now. The reason that I bring this up is because I I also find myself doing this in my life. Some types, it's usually in the areas that I'm kind of pursuing a stretch goal like I'm reaching for something bigger, I'm reaching for something that I'm a little bit over My skis and I dont totally know how and pull it off and
man, I really want to talk about this to a mentor. I really want to talk to a business coach about what I'm working on, and you know what I realize. I really want to talk to an older man. That's that is the truth and I hate it. But it's true. There is some pardon me that feels like. If I can talk to an older man has clearly daddy issues are still go and strong, but if I can talk to an older man He tells me it's a good idea, then all pursuer now the flip is also true one billion times in my life. I found older man. The dock do and I've told them my idea and there, like I don't get it. That's not good. I dont like and like you're right, it's stupid, I'm an idiot. Why did I even think this was a thing? I want to point this out today. In case there is some area of your life where you find yourself asking for permission, and I want to say this.
You to me to whatever younger version of ourselves feels like are not worthy enough to just pursue things, because they want to stop asking permission. Stop asking permission, you do not need someone else's permission to pursue the dreams of your heart and if you do, if you believe now, I actually I'm not allowed to sign up for that. Unless my partner approves, I'm not allowed to do this thing unless that. If you believe you need someone else's permission, the. our dynamics in that relationship are not. Ok. Let me let me rephrase rural quick if you are over eighteen. If you listen
Your sixteen year old and mamma said no, you gotta less. You gotta, you gotta, listen for two more years, then you go out. You do whatever it is. You want to do, but my instinct is that most of you are grown ass adults. and you still believe on some level that you're not allowed to get a gym membership. That you're not allowed to try and write a book that are not allowed to do the thing unless you have their buying and there is whoever it rubber. As for you, I remember when I was first married a hundred years ago more like twentysomething years ago, and I had always had the stream of beef.
An author, since I was eleven years old, I'd wanted to be an author and it was our first wedding anniversary and I thought it would be q if, every year, on our anniversary, we did whatever the classical like gift is: there's like a a classic gift for anniversaries like wood or silver or whatever. I was like. Well, wouldn't that be cute. If we took that theme and then we got each other gifts based on this idea,
and it just so happened that the first year, the theme or the gift or whatever was paper- and I was trying to come up with what I could get him that was paper and then I was like. Oh my gosh, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write a collection of short stories about us about life about whatever and I'm going to give him the gift of the stories. I'm going to give him paper, and I was so excited. It was really the first time that I'd ever finish, something like truly finished a written work that I was working on. It wasn't a full book by any stretch of the imagination bosom most I had ever done and I got it done in time for anniversary I like wrapped it up in a box and I was so excited and he opened it and was like what like okay and he never read it, and he didn't care, and I was so disappointed and my feelings were so hurt.
And it was emblematic of a lot of stuff that I didn't see until about eighteen years later. But the point is, In that moment I was so her and I internalize the m thought yeah. He didn't cause you're shitty rider, and why did you think you should do this? I can now understand. I thought if I wrote this thing and I wrote it quote for him to give us a gift and he liked it. Then that would mean that I was like. Oh, I could pursue this thing and I was young. You know all that twenty one twenty two years old like has a baby? I don't know what I was doing, but I'm telling you story right now in case you find yourself, Leaving that this day If you wanna, do you ve gotta get your partner to like it too, in order for you to be allowed to, like it stop asking permission
stop even telling them what you're up to just go do stuff go pursue the dreams of your heart because you are a human and you are worthy and you dont need someone else's by and for the dream to be worthy to.
Transcript generated on 2023-09-28.