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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey guys it's Rachel. Last week I posted a video on social media I thought was empowering. I did I feel so fucking stupid in retrospect, but I really thought that it was empowering? It doesn't even matter at some. They have hold a lot of real ass we can have. Is it doesn't matter why it matters how it was received and How was received was deeply hurtful for a lot of people. And that is crushing to me- that's crushing to me. I've done so much reflection and I still have
How much more to do one of the big realizations for me is how, deeply, my privilege, as a white woman runs, I did understand how that would be hurtful to others and that's my privilege, right lake. Because I don't have to filter things that I say or your content that I create through any sort of lens. That is the privilege like, because I didn't man. How does this sound for a white woman to say these things? That is, my privilege- and it is a fact up and deeply unfair privilege that you have, if your white in America, that you don't have to think about the fact that your white, I hate, that this is still in me. Guess in retrospect, it's stupid. To think that you could do you
five years of learning and it will erase the thirty three, that came before that or the hundreds, and Dreads and hundreds of years that racism has been practice in this country, but it's still in there. Clearly because I did this thing and I hurt people, and I hurt people just People and social media, which is devastating, but I heard my friends and I heard my team at work who fight so hard for this Brandon. For empowering women and lifting them up, and I did so Thing that mean so that a whole group of women don't feel safe to be in this community with us, and that is devastating.
And I will carry the shame of it with me for the rest of my life. You know when I got into this world like when I started a podcast or when I started to write nonfiction. I got into it because I was. Curious, like I had so many questions about how the world worked or how life worked or why We'll do things the way they do or why. I do things away that I do And somewhere along the way in stepping into personal development, all of leaders. No, I shouldn't say all of the leaders, but so many of the leaders in this space are teachers and they're so confidently teaching and they're so like this. What I know- and this is what you should do as a student there is. I don't
romance in some one else telling you they have the answers like up in in church. That's what church was in so many ways a a little girl was like. Oh no, these are the rules, the person on stage. They have the answers and if I. To do what that teacher says, then everything Gonna be ok. And somewhere along the line, it flipped- and I felt like I was a teacher- and I tried really hard to always say like look, I'm not an expert just things that I know from my life and they helped me and maybe they'll help you. But I think that if you spend years teaching that at some point- your ego starts to believe you know all the answers you stop in curious and here No, no, you start assuming that you don't have so much to learn. And this is where I find myself
still have so much to unpack and process and work through because I have to hold space. For the mistake that I made and the pain that I caused. I have to hold space for the things that I did. So that's what's happened and now like with any hard thing. You have to ask yourself: what are you going to decide that this means. Are you going to decide that you're if your head in the sand and you're gonna tended to happen or you're gonna quickly, move forward or you're gonna sort of do. Whatever makes it look like in public, you did the right thing, but privately you didn't change your heart at all n
None of the house are right so What it means for me first and form is that the structure of This business has to change and the first step that I am taking to change. That is I am postponing a women's conference planned for May and one the first things I thought, and all of this was the fuck. Am I too think that I can teach other women any When I still have this much to learn all be working on this. For the rest of my life, but to try and speak. Or led out on something or work with integrity.
When I have it fully unpack, first or unlearn less or done enough feels so wrong. My best friend, has been so insanely graceful to me in this process and she said to me the other day, she's liking of people think that we learn best. The way we learn in school like you sit and you listen to someone teach and you the information and that's how you learn but she's like honestly, The way we really learn like some things sinking into our bones, is by going through something deeply painful. Because ass, a shit, you're, never gonna forget and I understand that, for me, hold any kind of platform or for me.
Get to do this work or for me to get to speak to any sort of audience at all. This was unnecessary pain. Is unnecessary pain and I wish, with every single fibre of my being. I wish that I didn't have to her so many people. In the process of understanding that this was a lesson I still needed to learn, but I did and I own I'm sorry fairly to this end, you fill her and disappointed me, I'm so fucking sorry.
But what I want you to see from this is change. I want you to see change in me and how I operate in the world, and so I have work to do. I have to listen and I have to do better and I have to work to unpack this thing inside of me and that's not something that happens in a week or a month. That's a lifetime of work when something like this happens in such a public way. I think there is a desire to see the work that needs to be done in an equally public way but
me. I think that real true Fantastic change takes time and it takes the real. All people in your life who hold you accountable and. Significant ways, not just the public perception, and so I. I'm, going to do the work. And I'm going to do, the work with. My dearest friends and my colleagues, and my therapist and asthma- as there will be Part of this process that I will talk about publicly because I think that-
this is a conversation that needs to happen and needs to ten you to happen in order this to be real? It has to be something that I do. For myself and for my kids and for my friends, and that is private work. That is not something that I want to do to show off right like I want to do I want to do this work and I want to unpack these parts of me because. Hu, I wanna be. I can change the way that the public views me, but I can change who I am on the inside so that I can feel proud
of how I show up as a woman and a mother and a friend and a leader for my team. So that's what I'm gonna do. So what that means for this podcast that you listen to, I think, is a return To being curious is a reminder that I don't have all of the answers and that maybe some things you hear from me are helpful, but really I hope this is a reminder that we're never done in this yes, there is still so much learning to do there still so much, all of us- to keep doing the fucking work.
In every area. That's whereat! I failed in a really big way and if you're gonna go through that you'd better received. As a lesson from the universe that you should have fucking learned a long time ago, and if you made it this far appreciate you listening and if you made it this far, I hope that you'll stick around to watch this change and see me do better, and I hope that you hold me accountable. If you don't,
Transcript generated on 2021-05-28.