Can we just take a minute? Can we just I mean what in the actual almighty world just happened, I mean I'm assuming you're, not just listening to this book for the hell of it. I am assuming you grab debt or some grabbed it for you, because you're Feeling, like the main event in a but kicking contest, I assume you are here because some part of your world, or maybe the whole of it, got turned inside out and you're trying to find your way back so before we run into what to do to change anything or help anything. Let's take a second and call bullshit seriously. I know its not polite. I know it's not what good girls do. Good girls, don't call bullshit in fact, good girls, don't you

No, the word bullshit. It seems everyone would prefer that when were hurt or scared or uncertain that we dont bother anyone else with it or at least keep our feelings at an acceptable. Yes, we know your world is burning down around you, but do please hold onto the propriety and stoicism of that quintet who continue to play even as the Titanic went down? No, not here my friend this book this time together. This is our sacred space. This is an opportunity for you to be right. oil and raw and to hold whatever negative emotion you have about whatever you're going through. I won't judge you idle.

Literally, can't even see you right now we're about to talk about some hard things, and every single chapter from here on out is about trying to help you get through the place, your n, but it's going to be impossible to move forward. If you can't first acknowledge that it sucks Ellie that you're here in the first place. So can we just say it? Can we just call that thing you went through what it is? Can we just agree that its unfair or unjust or harsh or just awful, feel free to use whatever descriptive words you can to call this what it is be sure to add in costs words too, if the Spirit moves. After all, it's not like anyone can hear your and our thoughts. It's just me

you and the reality of that thing. You went through its the fucking worst, yet I set it to cuss words in play and it's not even chapter one, but you know what so, what Right now, in this exact moment in my life, I am so sick of the I'm sorry, I could punch something when my brother committed suicide. Everyone was sorry when we lost those twin babies. We had loved and hope make part of our family. Every one was sorry when my Eric ended. Everyone was sorry. I appreciate the sentiment and the prayers and the well wishes, but here's something only people who have gone through hard things understand other people being sorry only adds to your pain when people say their sorry, the polite responses, it's ok or I'm fine

or some other inane platitude to make the other person feel safe to be around your misery. I'm not ok, I'm ten thousand different emotions, none of which I want to handle and polite way right now, and I dont think you should either So, let's acknowledge that this socks, then let's go one better. Let's acknowledge how frightening MRS and how hard it is and how much we wish it weren't happening and let's allow ourselves to be deeply disappointed by the unfairness of it all. Oh I'm sure you ve had all kinds of feelings about the state that you're in, but when crisis. Hence the emotions that swirl to the top are big and violent in their consumption of US disappointment. a small word and feeling by comparison, but at its core? What it me

and is that someone or something has failed to live up to your hopes or expectations? Maybe your partner disappoint. Do you? Maybe your child disappointed you? Maybe the economy, king crashing down, just when you were starting to make strides in your finances and its disappointed. You maybe lifeless pointed you because what you hoped for and dreamed of feels impossible because of loss. Maybe all of this feels like asked another disappointment in a string of many, and maybe if you can allow yourself to be honest about what it feels like for you, instead of pretending that you're strong enough to ignore the negative emotions, you actually be able to overcome them and move forward, have you ever painted old cabinets

I know I'm terrible at transitions, but just go with me for a minute. Imagine that you ve just bought a little bungalow in the suburbs of your favorite city. If its allay that bungalow COS you a cool million, if its Minneapolis, you got it four hundred and fifty three thousand dollars using your used. Honda, civic the down payment either way. Imagine that the bathroom in your new little bungalow is a hideously, shiny, avocado, green and for clarity. This is not freshly cut off caught green. This is that weird puppy, green color, the often caught her turns when it's more than six minutes of access to oxygen you're? So cited about your new home, but the puppy green avocado bathroom is the first thing you want to change. You think it'll be easy. You thank you just need to pick out a fabulous, nuke,

or to spread over the top of that offending shade of rotting produce? So you go get all your supplies. And you turn on some music and putrid offer. Corrado gives way to the fresh off white of swiss coffee with each glide of your roller brush. Your so proud of yourself, You covered up that offending shade with something that much more appropriate. Much more you every time you walk darling little bathroom, the color of a newly laid eg. You feel deeply satisfied with yourself. A few days later, you decide to take a long hot bubble bath to soak your aching muscles. After all, the work you have done on the house, you get the water to the perfect bath temperature hot enough to turn your whole body lobster red and then, you slide down and lie there long enough that your fingers.

And toes are shrivelled until the prince could no longer incriminate you in a crime scene. as you stand, to get out of the tab. You gasp and horror. When you see it all around your newly decorated bathroom. That fresh coat of paint is bubbling up. Your walls have the complexion of an eighth greater in the throes of puberty. What on earth you reach out and touch one of the biggest bubbles and breaks revealing the offending offer Carlo? It was before what just happened well and home remodelled terms.

Just happened is that you tried to put a fresh coat over an old coat, but didn't do anything to make sure the new paint would stick. Also, the original paint was likely a high loss, making it incredibly difficult to cover on top of an inappropriate application. You then created a perfect storm for the destruction of your project, with both heat and moisture from your bath, your bathroom make over never stood a chance. What does any of this have to do with what we are currently living with? Nothing at all. The pay has nothing at all to do with what you're going through, but it's a perfect illustration for you trying to pretend.

that you don't have negative ugly feelings about what's happening when you do or even better, maybe you're, allowing yourself to process the feelings that are allowed an acceptable but covering up the ones that might make people think less of you if we Tipp toe back over to the paint analogy for a second, the right way to have remodelled that bathroom involves both syn Paper and a coat of primer said another way you first have to dig in HU, the offending layer. Then you have to, neither layer of work to make the next layer sticks hello, is this thing on. If you want to move forward, be honest about what's going on, even if it's only to yourself.