Breaking out of your shell and gaining confidence comes in different ways at different times for us all. Emma opens up about struggles with confidence growing up, and then eventually breaking out of her shell in various ways over the past few years, especially through YouTube. Plus, questions on things like making friends, talking with people you’re interested in, and how to be unapologetically yourself despite what others may think.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ram. Thank you d, be over sponsoring this episode of anything goes now.
HBO Max Search party stirring, Elia shook HAT and John early is available. So basically, Sir
parties about for New York, Millennials Dory drew portion
Anne Elliot, whose grew
this concern is how long have to wait for a table brunch, which is obviously a dream Moldova Jaws into
discover that one of their college classmates has mysteriously vanished
so. Naturally they all become obsessed with finding their missing friend
in her little hipster pals gonna question.
To solve the case while
trying to solve the case. They encounter a weird private detective whacked outcome.
Totally lame dinner parties. They experience a lot of shit as you can imagine, and when the
Finally does come out in does.
Our heroes are suddenly left trying to cross the border after they accidently committed murder, allegedly those things crazy. It's crazy show, it's so good
and later during her friends, try to return to their normal lives at home, but the truth eventually catches up to them, because
truth is so annoying and Dorian drew find themselves on trial in the spotlight
with their names trending. All of a sudden. I don't
they're gonna still have time for brunch, which is something I am concerned about what they have to pay for their crimes like they have to
for actual avocado Final Windsor,
Forty season three premiers on June, twenty fifth, only on HBO Max, thank you HBO and now is the sound of me drinking. My coffee, hi guys,
welcome back to anything, goes, I'm a chamberlain hope you guys are having an amazing day evening morning, whatever the fuck, I'm feeling particularly chill today leg.
I don't feel the need to raise my voice or like scream or be loud, whose government have a chill conversation with a guy
because that is the modem in, but before we get to today's topic, which I'm
really really excited about. I want to just give you will life update so for one? I died, my hair
By the then, this comes out, I'm not sure if I will have shut,
everybody what I've done with it? I'm not going to tell you when I did not that you guys fuckin care. I mean it's really. It's literally hair people
such a big deal out of dying hair everybody's, like I did a thing everybody check this out. I did a thing and they got like fuckin three highlights in their hair. So that's me show you something.
Little bit, crazy, look completely different, so it is a little bit weird. I'm looking at myself in the mirror, I now holy shit. This is weird. Did this view
years ago it took six hours. I was sitting in the salon chair for six hours
it's getting my hair done, it was a long time and my tailbone hurt and I was hung
afterwards, and I film the whole things that I'll be up on my channel at some point, hopefully by the time this comes out, so you guys will know what I did, but.
really exciting. I honestly think that changing my hair is like
It actually is so it's like so fun and exciting and leg, and it just like it's like a fun accessory. You know like
the last here so I did was controversial. Some people hated it and some people loved it. It was the it was a mixed bag
I did brown hair with a blonde underneath, which was it was a weird look. I mean it was kind of weird. I don't even I got the idea off. Tik Tok, like I don't know, the whole thing was Conakry
but that was fun my lasted, but I got so sick of it and I can get my hair done
in quarantine, teen so just grew out, look like shit and then finally,
I was able to get my head on and I was like so ready for change that I literally did the most dramatic change possible so
excited to have a new hair color,
it is a surprise and I don't know-
it's a surprise cause who gives a fuck, but it is everybody likes it. Now, everybody, my family, my family, friends, Erlich. Yes, this is it we loved that something
we will see, but it's kinda. Today's topic.
I'm feeling quite boring today so enjoy that I'm really dehydrated, though I knew my coffee and its also freezing cold in the room that I'm recording in Iraq,
basically my closet because it like the sounds: there's clothes in this room so like the sound waves like get caught in the clothes in the fabric and then there's like less echo in here. I don't know if that's true, but that's just why I do it and who knows, if that's even logical,
but it's fucking freezing in here. I don't know why the icy gets so cold in here anyways. So today,
so does about coming out of my shell gaining confidence
becoming who I really am in front of everyone unapologetically. Ah, they re the way
I don't think I even realise that I did this because it was so like natural for me to kind of come out of my shell and I didn't even really noticed, but I talk to someone who is a friend not super closer anything, but like a friend, you know that
I talked to them every few months or whatever, no not even like once a year, but still in acquaintance right and I met this person when I didn't even
nl I yet so I was like visiting away and I met this person and
this was in like twenty eighteen, twenty seventeen and eighteen, twenty eighteen and you know
I was just a little seventeen year old, that leg you know just.
Stopped going to school was true.
figure out who I was like just kind of started. Getting some people
watching my videos, like everything, was weird right.
They go to allay to do something, and I mean this person and I just
Remember I was so nervous and shy. I met a bunch of people, but I'm this prison specifically an
I was just so shy and like didn't know how to fucking get a sends out literally like
couldn't show my sense of humour couldn't engage in a calm
I just so tense in like anxious and nervous and just like it was miserable, and I kind of forgot that happened. But then I talk to this person again, maybe two months ago, and they brought it up to me there, like Emma it's crazy.
How different you are now leg. You ve come out of your shall, unlike the craziest way ever like. I can't believe that leg you ve, really blossomed innocence, and I was I mean it was it almost Mimi fucking
I when they said this me as well, because I'm not really closer this person there not like a best friend or anything so, but it kind of got me thinking in then that kind of
Planted a seed, my head, like holy shit, I really have grown so much since I started this whole Youtube thing and since I move delay and
It she's been so freeing that I really just wanted to
cut until my story about coming out of my shall, unlike the phases that I've been through and like.
How I got to where I am today in maybe help some of
guys come out here shall as well, because it's really tough and I always considered myself like pretty confident but in rhetoric
they actually dont. Think I was, I really don't think I was. I think I was in front of my closest friends,
family and maybe in front of a camera because in front of a cameras, basically just me by myself, but when it kinda like new people in
new experiences. I was so timid in shy and light
scared and nervous in,
anxious, so anxious, and so I think that I've really come out of that, unlike I'm just leg, have a totally different approach to everything now
and I love to talk about it. I dont know if I've actually ever really talk about this with any one else like. I don't think I've ever had this type. A conversation like about how I didn't like whatever so
it'll be really interesting to kind of dig into then see what we can find and maybe they'll be something useful. So let me take a sip. My coffee drink too much among sitting. Okay, so,
let's start with who I was a child, I'm telling you I like ages like two to six years old. I was kind of a little bitch
based on the stories of my parents have told me about when I was like kind of a baby. I was not nice, it doesn't sound like kind of an evil baby innocence.
Five Harrods would have their friends over, like I would literally cry and like yellow them believe,
crazy to me now. I don't know it was gone on their alliance,
like that. I don't know I was like that, but yeah according to them, I was quite a little bitch
Like really judge mental as a baby, like you know, like a baby,
doesn't like you like. That was me till it. Everybody sever my parents so
only know why I was like that, but you would think like okay, a baby that comes out- and it has this insane. Bitchie attitude is probably going to grow up in, like always be like that. Well, no because then I went to school and I remember,
I showed up to my first aid kindergarten- and I remember there these three girls in they were playing games.
or whatever, and
Apparently me, like you know, go up in like tell people that you want to
our them or be their friend or whatever it was obviously make.
he's going to know what the fuck I was doing
and so I went up to them and I think it can I play with you guys and then they said
no, we only ear. There's only three people in this game, as oh so
when my Amazon on a bench by myself, which in retrospect makes me want to cry, but- and I really think it her my feelings too bad back then so I dont think we need a pity me at all.
that kind of explains how I was in school. I think I was pretty
shy, not super bowl overall in like elementary school.
then in middle school, I think I kind
came out of my show a little bit, but I think that I was kind of like a little bit
be more than elementary school, but I
that was really impressionable in middle school and that's when I kind of just conformed and became a yes man.
Whatever my friends were doing, that's what I was doing whatever my friends like that's what I like
ever my friends are wearing that's what I would wear whatever the boy that I thought was cute told me to do. That's what I would do like. I would just
go with the flow and do what everybody else was doing. I just wanted to fit in
Many died their hair. I would die their hair die. My here
die their hair, like just.
absolutely no personality of my own, just like became
with the rest of the middle scores and just had
oh individuality at all, and I think deep down,
when I was like this isn't really me, but I just kind of didn't care I was like well. This doesn't really feel right. That says really feel like me. I kind of felt like I was like wearing like a costume and I was like acting like. I was being something that I wasn't just to fit in and I like could feel that, like I didn't feel comfortable in what I was wearing like I felt like I was playing a part. I don't feel like. I felt like I was being myself and I would buy clothes that I thought were cool and then I'd never wear them because they can all get made fun of for wearing that.
The whole thing that everybody does in middle school common and then in high school. You know, I feel, like I kind of was a little bit more weird like I may be. Like became a little bit weirder in high school of you will like kind o is all but more myself
Because I went to all girl school and there's no guys, judging or whatever, so I wasn't like trying to impress boys, so I just kind of being myself, but I still think that I was in a similar mindset where I was just trying to go with the pack. You know what I mean like just.
Our people be a yes man, like I throw my
years of being at school was like a yes man for sure, and I think that that stem from me leg me like conforming so much in school and just doing
friends was, were doing in doing what was cool and like whatever it kind of made me spineless, like I
no personality or spine of my own, I was not confident I was really and secure. I dont think that I was
as empathetic as I am now. I think I just kind of only thought about myself,
because I was so like concerned about what
but he thought of me that I was like not really thinking about, like other people as much, you know
not like this mean wailing. I wasn't I'm just saying the leg. My number one focus was my
whereas I now I dont think that that's as much true I mean I definitely is, but it's like in a different way, lay back then it was like,
All of my mental real say went into leg dressing, cool for a party. You don't mean, I mean like that's what I was thinking as I now like I'd I'd put more
thought in effort in the lake reaching out
people that I love and making sure that they're doing well and you know asking people
other doing more and stuff like that, but like in height
well. I was like so focused on like being a yes man in, like
pleasing everybody, unlike fitting in
I guess I Didn'T- I was just like so much less thoughtful, but I think that's really normal. I do
and then obviously aid took that I took a test and I agree:
he waited scholarly once they became a Youtube her and
I have this phase of like six months after I
graduated, where I didn't see literally anyone like a little,
and see anybody. I was just in my mom's apartment with my camera and my computer, and I just would film videos and edit them impose them
and that was kind of I didn't. I didn't really see anyone
and I didn't really have any Youtube friends, because I lived in San Francisco and I will not answer risk of islands in the Bay area and,
like I didn't, know any Youtube or is really. I was really a part of the Youtube community. I was kind of a Youtube her but, like I didn't know anyone you know, and so that was weird because it was leg,
at school at like school, friends or whatever, but then like once I became a youtuber. I thought I was going to have Youtube friends and then I didn't know they go fuck. This is shitty and I'm really lonely.
Eventually, I started to make Youtube friends and
It was a slow process, but I did- and I started you know peoples just you know when you do the same thing as someone else and you are in the same space. It's like an immediate conversation. Sartor so
I started making friends with different people on the internet and started forming some friendships.
And then you know
never met any of them, whose always like a digital friendship like over text or whatever.
And then eventually was leg.
I'm for me to meet all of them,
I think it offers for causing this episode of anything, goes our rights or even in quarantine, prolong now
for months. God only knows, I've got a really good at finding things to do
They make me feel good. They require,
social interaction. One of them is exercise. I mean I've always been huge and exercising, but
I used to go to work out clauses and all that, but obviously those things are.
They are not allowed re now. So I've been doing a lot of running and I feel like running has really help me.
my mind get some cardio in sweat a little bit release him endorphins, and it's really help me through this quarantine,
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When I started meeting these Youtube worse. That
I admired so much that wanted to be my friend and I wanted to be their friend, and it was like this amazing thing to me, like, oh, my God, lake.
I'm. Finally, I finally have like a community of people right cause. I was like really lonely from now
going to school anymore, and I was like oh my god. This is like my new kind of
social structure, like is beauty? Worse rake? I was like that makes sense, and so I started meeting them, and I just I don't think I realized in the moment, but looking back like, I really had no spine, I just like everything that they said what they said was right
no unique opinion leg. I would disagree with everything that they said. I was scared to be myself.
in shovel. I really was I was I mean like every time I speak. I would like,
Think about every word I said and like I couldn't get a full sends out. I was so different in
life than I wasn't my videos, because I was
There are to be who I really was in front of these people, but, like I wasn't scared you down front of a camera and, like I wouldn't show my sense of humour like I literally, would not show my sense of humor. I I couldn't make a joke. I could not make a joke. It was too
scary. I would let go through in my head like six times milk of you want what, if they think that, like it wasn't funding liquidity,
we'll room, get silent like all the seven theirs is all these concerns for me, and I was so fucking scared of like saying anything. So I would just say nothing seems like we were. There is no risk in saying nothing right, and so I put them all onto this pedestal. I was a comic god. These people are so cool,
How can I be as cool as I am and whatever this was honestly so damaging? You know, because it wasn't fun for me like. I would hang out with these people and I would just be like fucking tense the whole time and I like didn't know how to act, and then you know I started filming collabs in filming clouds or give me this intense
anxiety, because I would try to have my like regular personality that I shall
we're only quite really I'm in front of a close friends and family, but like about filmy a club I like didn't, feel safe to do
like be who I really was cuz, I was like, oh my god, they're going to judge me they're, going to think I'm weird like. If I'm being
out, or am I talking a lot or whatever, and you know. I also think that a lot of my fear
About showing who I really am is that I've always been told that I talk too much and that you know I'm annoying and like this this and that
and I mean I understand that cuz. I think I used to be actually pretty annoying and I still am annoying now, but I think I'm less annoying now I kind of settled down, but I've just always been told that
like I'm annoying, and then I need to shut up and they need stop talking so like or the major.
so funny or whatever, and so when it came to light being around these people. That item lies in a sense that were now becoming my friends like there's no way for me to be myself, and you know, filming collapse was the worse because I like could not act. Nor,
on camera leg I wouldn't be acting weird and I watch those videos now, I'm like I mean some
more weird, but like some of em definitely were, and you know it's it's sad, but I also think that
putting myself in all those uncomfortable situations surrounding myself, a people that I kind of put on a pedestal. Nonsense. You know get going out of my comfort zone in filming videos with people that leg. You know when it made me nervous doing stuff like that. In realising that number one, the anxiety is mainly for nothing. Nothing really no point point having about it, but also also through working with these people that, like everybody's, a human human uniting in everybody's affair,
human. If anybody is not cool with who you really are go find someone else and that something that I think is really
hard to understand when you're in that mindset we're like no like. I really want to be friends with this person. I can't fuck this up. I can't fuck this up. I can't focus up when you're so concerned about.
messing up a potential friendship. By being yourself, it seems like,
over analyzing everything you do and say well like preserve that relationship or make sure that it like last, but in reality I don't think that's true, and I think that being yourself up front is the best option because then everything's out on the table and if you click click, and if you don't you don't and if somebody doesn't think you're dope as fuck, because you
if somebody doesn't think that, then you don't need to be their friend, and so, but I didn't know that I was so afraid of like losing friendships with these people that I kind of idolized that I just was like a fucking wreck. I was a rex, argue cussing, but I was around
because I was like I wanted to be cool and I wanted to be funny and like whatever, and I mean it's actually crazy, because I had some friendships with people for a really long time and those people still have no idea. What my real personality is not anymore causes are people, not friends with any more but their certain people that I was free
for periods of time. They never actually got to see who I really was, whether as because I felt that they were judgmental or because they put them on a pedestal or.
whatever they. Never actually knew me in a way
which is sad- and I think that that fucked up some friendships for me, you know what I mean cause. I never felt comfortable enough till. I truly be myself, but I think that having a lot of friendships, it didn't work out putting myself an uncomfortable situations. Doing all that stuff has led me to kind of be more fearless about all this. I think a big part of all of it was finding a group of friends that I did not feel. I judged me in that. I didn't feel like they did make me feel small or dumb
or intimidated. Finding a group of friends like that really help me because then I had this solid foundation, and then you know when I met you,
people. I wasn't so concerned like. Oh, these are my only options of people that I can have his friends. I can't lose this cuz. This is all I have. I have to be on my you know,
hey and everything I say ass to be perfect and everything I do as we perfect and fund
an awesome and loud in whatever like. I wasn't so concerned about that, because if I met somebody and they didn't like me- ok cool why?
my best friends that I can lean on and I don't need any one else and also finding confidence in myself in knowing like. I could spend a week alone and be completely fine. I may a wooden it's not ideal, but I could do it in knowing that also gave me some security knowing like I could be alone, and I
be fine, so I dont need anybody to some people can not like me. Some people cannot click with me and that's. Ok.
I'm just going to be myself and weather and if they like it and they like it and if they don't they don't coffee has more. I just put my microphone on my neck, so I don't know what that sounded like cuz, I don't have headphones but like I was crazy so anyway, I think the key to it all in summary for weekend
some questions. I think that the key to it all is I mean I say this in every episode, for literally everything like every time. I give advice it's like movie by yourself, but really I think that
finding your own real identity, finding your people
that understand you that you can be or yourself around and doing
things that make you feel confident. You know like
as you know, reading a fucking book I don't know but doing things for you a lot. I think that really helps when you're doing stuff for you and you have a great life on your own in India,
for you, and you have a great life on your own in in your life when no one else is in it is still a good life. When you bring people in you, you live without fear, because you're like I, have a good life with or without this person
And if they aren't going to treat me right or if they are judging me or if they don't want to be my friend, it might sting a little bit, but I have a life to go back to without them or with them. That's a great life, and,
I don't need them and I don't need any one and I don't need any ones approval, because I approve of myself- and I think that I'm funny- and I think that I'm cool
and I think that I'm a good friend and I think I'm a good family member and I think I'm a good blah blah blah. You know and when
truly do believe that about yourself. I think. That's a really think that that
helps with everything in halves of the confidence in all social situations. If you believe that some one having you as a friend, sorry about that as a cute little bird, is
because a nasty sorry, if you know you're worth then when someone
doesn't want to be in your life. You can kind of think of it as their loss,
not in a way of leg, a narcissist
big wages in a way of like what I would have a really good friend that person and so really ashamed. Shame that they didn't give me the chance and if
we believe that about yourself rather than saying like oh what's wrong with me, what it
I do wrong.
that they don't want to be my friend dont. Think of it like that. Think of it, like that's their law,
us because I would have been a really good friend that person, if that's true, if that is true, if you think you would have genuinely been a good friend of that person, and if you think you are a good friend, then it would be their loss if they missed out on a really cool friendship, and that's the way these
to think about it, you know rather than questioning yourself and wondering if you did something wrong. Unless you
And then you can handle land than you apologize than you move on, but anyway, let's get into some questions about this topic. I'm really excited to get
to it. So as you,
No I'm a big coffee drinker, which means that might either com
only stained yellow like constantly, and it's definitely and insecurity. For me,
ah, or at least that was before I found? Oh, my god, duckling stop. Are you kidding me stop, as I was trying to say, having stained teeth was a big insecurity of mine in till I found
hi smile, it's actually crazy. How the appearance of your teeth can affect your confidence like? Well, my teeth. Look, really
day and I dont want to smile
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Mile precede eyes and I need you because maybe there was your first question: how do you feel about overly confident people, while
think that there is a difference between somebody has really confident in somebody who's cocky, it's a fine line,
I actually really like being around people who are super confident and I'm not saying,
I don't like hanging out people who aren't because
There are some really amazing people who aren't necessarily confident in themselves yet and all
everybody struggles in everybody's insecure. Sometimes it's like fucking human being human stuff. Ah, I think you are
how did it get me a actually really inspiring?
I find it really inspiring when somebody's confidence
In themselves in Prague
of who they are. I think that super inspiring and amazing, and actually likes running myself with people like that, but oh, really competent people now I tenders feel like those people.
are a lot more judge mental and are more
says with themselves then like confident, like they're, like just obsessed with themselves, but they're, not confident. It's like
I think you were overly carbon and actually tend to be some of those insecure people and
hiding something which is really sad
and I like would hope for those people that they can. You know Tonia back a little bit and you know be actually leg
confident in themselves and not have to like leg overdo it till I prove a point. I just
think, that's necessary. So I don't really like being around this helps people personally, but I also hope for those people
can find themselves and stop being so obsessed themselves. Net
do you find it hard to be yourself when you're trying to fit in with new people?
not any more, but, as I mentioned earlier, yes now, I don't think so. I mean indefinitely.
New people is always a little bit awkward like you
I have to fill out the
energy and like ok, this person, somebody who needs a little bit of time to open up or as a purse,
like you know automatic,
these just kind of an open book I tend to be. Somebody is automatically an open book like I will meet somebody enact
I've known him for years. That is kind of I like that's only I do because I feel it makes things less less awkward and it makes other p.
Feel more comfortable. If I just meet somebody- and I just act like I've known him forever and give them a really,
warm and welcoming energy. Ah like if I meet somebody- and unlike
I seem excited to meet them and I see you know interested in them and like all of that, I thought
that really helps because that automatically makes the other person feel come
people around you so that its
as awkward cordon is never even happens. I mean some people aren't down for that, though some people you'll be like Hayes
to me. You like what's up in the public eye and those people are tough because then it's not your fault, there's nothing. You can do
if somebody's judgment like when you first meet them, even if your super opened in nice in welcoming- and they said
or and having it. That is at that point, not a new problem, there's nothing you can do you just have to try to.
be welcoming and wait for them to open up. Hopefully in some
they do, and sometimes I don't, but I think overall
reading somebody like setting the tone with a really warm and welcoming energy that just really
with fitting in making things not uncomfortable.
so he's at. How long did it take you to become more confident yourself after moving to allay. I think that I had a
huge turning point about a year ago.
A year in a few months into moving to allay. I think I finally have have it pretty factor for a year.
ago maybe less maybe like eight months ago. I think I
figured it out, and I think it's just from a lot of friendships in learning from those friendships and learning from the way that I was like you know, just getting tired of like be
Oh yes, man from being like, after being a yes manfully a year and a half like I was so sick of it that I was like I'm just gonna fucking be myself now I just it was like I'm over it. Somebody said any advice on a high school parties. I mean man
I didn't go to too many. I D got a few advice on a high school parties when it
to the social element leg making
friends in like having fun and not being nervous.
I would say
one thing that always you sell me was finding a friend that I felt really come.
Well with- and I was myself around them and going with that friend or going with a group of friends or whatever so going with people that, like you, already feel comfortable in safe with.
So that, like when you around other people, it you just have this like Barry
like if somebody who can help you fill blank space or help leg with
conversations that you're having in all that, if you are
and something by yourself just start talking to?
but because the sooner that you get your conversation, the sooner he loosened up, it's really.
When you first arrive at something like a party and like everybody's already talkin you like fuck and you're, like in the corner and you're like I don't know what to do. Just like start a conversation with somebody be like make a joke
thing like it anything like Billy, oh out, your pants are doubly where those from what you can do anything like that and just
conversation and then once you start,
into somebody else. I think it really helps to like a leaf.
Anxiety and, like just China, distract you from your nervousness and then
and then, sooner or later everybody will all get comfortable with each other and then it'll be Fun Party. I I've noticed that,
about high school parties has taken the beginning. Everybody like it's kind of awkward and like quiet and then like after three hours,
everybody kind of to each other, then that's when it's fun. I dont know why that is but
And then you moved away and then you go to a party and its like the beginning of
fiscal party for the whole party, where everybody is all we are not talking to each other
So I don't know what's up with that, but anyway, next
and how long did it take you to find people that you feel comfortable around
took me pry almost,
year in a way to find that out figure that out. Maybe now that's true point six months.
I got really lucky and I found my best friends really early on and that's lucky as walk, but lay out somebody asked how do you gain confidence and be able to show it? I think the first step is gaining com.
When you're by yourself, if when no one is around, you feel confident? That's an amazing first step
whether that is, as I have said, before, exercising learning how to play guitar, putting on cool outfits, doing make up really cool fuckin watching a documentary. That leg is interesting, like educating yourself on things like doing whatever makes you feel good and confident when you buy yourself, whether that's like feeling knowledgeable about something or feeling like you're taking care of your body in your mind, whatever, by doing something and yoga, you know, I'm saying like doing things that like make you feel good about yourself and make you feel productive and make you feel like.
You, have a purpose that doesn't involve any one else. Then, when you go and you start hanging out with people, it's a lot easier to show it because you have it by yourself
When you're alone and when no one's around and that really
help Senor and others, because then that shows moving on thoughts on people who act everyone they hang out with someone. Listen everybody's probably done this before I could say I really done it mainly around boys
just trying to be fuckin cool around around bay or whatever I shall only. I dont think. I think that more referred to like guys, aid crushes on in high school, but still list,
people in this is coming from somebody who has done this. I don't
severely, I've done it. I don't think it's been like that bad, but I mean GSM you're pretty bad about this, but I have done this and you just have to understand that there are very insecure. Ok,
and I know this because when I was doing this, I was very insecure and I just wanted to cater to who I was
I was worried about being myself. I wasn't worried about anything. I was worried about being what I thought this person wanted me to be in that moment, and I was really and secure, and I was not a happy person and I think that those people will figure it out. Hopefully, some people, dull some people- do, I hope for all those people that they figure it out. I sure dead and it was a rough awakening because you're you know, then you look back and like you. Why was I just like not being made like that? So shitty till it back on and it's embarrassing, but it's also, you know it's a learning lesson.
So I think you just love those people and hope for them. They grow out of that. If they're doing something that's harming you like, if they're like making fun of you and shit, then either have a talk with him or just distance yourself from that person, so he said. Was it hard being
confident self on Youtube in the beginning, I was so weird on Youtube. If I watch my own video that makes me want to throw up. I acted really weird and I was not confident at all, but it was also because I was going to return my life when I wasn't confident and then once my confidence started coming in a little bit, I think you did actually help come out,
then I started showing that on Youtube and then that started showing more in real life. And now here we are, but it was noise that way. I dont think that it was quite unquote hard being my confidence of on Youtube, because I don't think it was like a conscious decision.
I think it was kind of like a slow process in a kind of like a kind of happened naturally, but I also think that I was in when I first heard of my channel. I didn't even like
oh I'm not very confident right now and
probably showing like I was really aware of that it was kind of also conscious and all kind of have it on son and then now in retrospect I can look back and be like wow Youtube, really help me
Come out of my shell in bed,
I really was because I think that I was being who I really was on Youtube and that's what made
I want to be- who I really was in real life. So is almost reverse. It wasn't like it was like in real life. I wasn't being myself, but on Youtube I was and then eventually they molded Ulta.
But then, in the beginning of my channel, I wasn't me myself on Youtube or in real life, so like yeah, it was over. I don't have any that made sense, but,
I'm moving onto they, don't want to talk about anymore, because its confusing me what I'm saying somebody said, talk about confidence while making an exception speech. Well, let's get you a little story or so in twenty eighteen. I believe I won a
award, and I gave up the worst except in speech known to man. I don't remember what I said, but he was pretty fucking bad I was so nervous saw,
nervous, like I was still at a point where I was very leg.
I was not out of my shall yet when it came
social situations, and when I was accepting my ward, there were a bunch of you tumors in the crowd, like hundreds of which I've like washed before- and I was was due in accepting speech in front of all these people that I like
respected in like put on a pedestal right. I also started crying on the stage I was so scared. Ah it was the most awkward speech I've ever seen and it's crazy because I can now I feel, like I'd, be fine, but.
Back, then I was not ready to do something like that. It also seems so much easier than it is like. Whenever a seed he'll do, except in speeches, it looks so easier dislike. Thank you to my mom. Thank you to the academy of another fucking means I
My agent and I'd like to thank my manager and I'd like thing my lawyer and I like to thank my and I leave the Jesus and, like you know, this is what people say. They just go they rip off, but like it's actually
difficult and also I didn't nerves, gonna win. So there is like a bunch of feelings going on. It was awful. I it was really traumatized
I still don't really know how to have confidence in making an would speech, because, to be honest, I don't
I've ever gonna, give one again does that experience was so traumatized being, and I would also mean
when another word- which I don't have that every inhabiting at either so the app
I don't really ever want to given acceptance region.
show me talk about a make friends as an adult, because I have no idea. It is tough because there's like less places to me people, but I do think that.
there's like some key areas. I think that making friends at work
huge. I know my mom and my dad. They ve made a lot of friends at work or my dad used to any that a different job at length. They made a lot of friends at work. I've made friends through you tube, you know which in a sense is kind of a similar idea. You know
and I also think that leg. You know fighting Hobbes like, for example, a source. I call for me like doing cycling classes that became kind of a hobby. For me and, like I met a bunch of people through that in just from like seeing them all the time I think going to a place consistently in seeing some are people going to coffee shop all the time you end up becoming friends with like the fucking burrito like I'm, not getting it happens, and then you end up hanging on. Then you become friends, it's it's from going to these places consistently and seeing people consistently and growing relationship with them. That's very like passing and then like. Eventually, we should actually hang out. I promise I think, the best way to make friends as an adult in my opinion, but I think work is the most reliable cause. It's like you know, uses embryo everyday in Moldova.
but yeah the reason I have problems eating in public, because I don't want people to think I eat too much or not enough, especially when I'm around teenagers do you have any tips. This is so tough because I choose to get a lot of anxiety about this and I used to like eat before I go to.
like some sort of hang out or whatever just so that I didn't have to eat in front of you because it made me so uncomfortable and I'm also a picky eater and I'm vegetarian and still like there's a lot to be said,
food related anxiety, socially, like eating, and all that, like I, I've only reach
and we become okay with
in front of you especially guys any a guy's, a scary, I hate that
good about it now, but it is we really hard for me, like I think about how every single bite that I took a because I thought I looked weird when I was eating, I mean the thing is I have to realise
Nobody really is paying attention to what you're doing when it comes to eating like a thing about it: pillar, just fuckin. There is ready to eat their own food
and they're, not even probably looking at your what you look like when you eat so just try to remember that it's no
he also business. That is your business. Nobody can speak on that, that's literally none of their business and if anybody tries to like
oh you know, this is not about the way the you're eating or whatever.
They have some serious issues: I've, never I've. Never in my life been like
judge somebody I like the way
their eating or how much there eating or like what, like, that's just fucking so toxic to me,
So if anybody's doing that anyway, it's a French over the Unita,
about four one
but I have ok. I have questioned when somebody once eight french fries
If did man a? I was like there's no either that tastes good. That looks discussing
I didn't say that actually I was like is that
good, I like I've, never seen anything like that
That's the only time I think I've ever committed only how somebody was eating or what somebody was eating. Otherwise,
as you just shouldn't be doing so, if any,
he's doing that EU kick him out and
eating as a normal part of being a human and.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Somebody said how do you become less anxious around judgmental people? Oh my god. I I just can't with judgmental people that aren't like warm and welcoming and like nice
setting and open minded biggest Pepys lease heritage of hers in literally makes me want to be my hair out. Hey these people have been friends of these. Have the people like they drive me nuts or get a drive me nuts and they would tear you down. They will tell you fucking down. Let me tell you they will tell.
You down, they will make you feel like you're small they'll make you become a yes man. If you are one before they make you one leg war so availed of your own.
Be asking yourself: how do I become was anxious round judgmental people just don't fucking, be around them point period, stop being around the says people. I can tell you first hand their life runners
the only people that judgmental people can be around our people that are like Eric.
and unlike dont care about what anyone thinking just are really like obsessed with themselves, because then, when they get judge, they don't care or the others about it. That's about,
That's kind of judgmental people in like really arrogant. People go really, while the other is the judgmental B
judge them in the name. Arrogant people are like well fuck you, I don't care and then is perfect.
But if you're even remotely sensitive, hangout judgemental people is just not going to go well for you and I that is coming from one sensitive person to another. I got your back, don't talk to them, don't hang out with them if you're anxious around them, that's normal, because they do that to you. They do
two people so annoying. Somebody said how do you look confident around boys, because my first instinct is a call myself ugly or for one you are not ugly so shut up with that. I don't want to hear it, but God I've struggled with this. I actually so struggle of this. I can't accept compliments
I have a really hard time with that and, like I have a really hard time would like not being self deprecating in front of guys like. I only
oh how to be solved advocating in front of guys it's like a huge coming mechanism. For me. I think that stems from the fact
like in high school. I was never like the choice of the boy
as you know, I wasn't like the talk of the town for the boys in
school. I don't blame them. I was you know,
Emily very special at the time cuz, I was just doing what everybody else was doing and I also was a late bloomer. So I look seven years old when I was a freshman high school. So I get it, but
I think that, because I wasn't like that,
girl that everybody wanted to talk to you high school, it's kind of made me have a little bit of
serve some confidence issues from that when it comes to guys? Because I'm like,
used to being the one that no one ever chose. So then, now it's like a guy talks to me or gives me attention or like compliments me or does anything I'm like? Are you sure
about that, because.
You really are lying
guys. Nobody like me,
school? So why are you? Why do you like me now? Why do you like me? What's different yeah?
has never happened before us away. You giving me attention, I have a huge
that I struggle with that alot em. So working on that, I think that it's like
Jeanne yourself when you're doing it. I think you know if you see yourself if you are about to say something like if I've I've gotten better about somebody like complementing me or saying something, nice and then me just being like. Thank you. Instead of being like now fuck you ass natural ass, you know and when it comes to like acting covered in front a guy
just like act like they're, your friend, you don't even and just try to talk to them like they're one of your friends and be yourself and just take the pressure off and just be like. You know what whatever happens here. I don't care just try that I don't care mindset and just feel like if this dude doesn't work out or like if this dude doesn't think I'm cool or whatever I'll find another one
fur and just kind of put put it on the table. It is really scary, though, and I think that something I've done- I mean usually when I, if I like, let's eat like going to hang out with someone, that's a die
usually bring friends with me. I M not really, but like not anymore, but
I used to do that- would bring friends with me so that you know, then they bring their friends that, like it's, not as
where they give a grouping going and you can kind of buildings
that person without the pressure,
and then, when you gonna hang out with them individually or whatever, then it's like not awkward but being coveney,
run a really hard and I'm still struggling with that to this day.
And at least in the beginning like when you first meet a guy weather
Friend or Sony that you're interested in romantically, this could
ago, anyway, this ago, also for girls and whoever, like just somebody the year
Medically interested in its really nerve racking and like it's hard to be a fool yourself, but it all comes with time. Okay. Last question of the day, Ashley I want to look to see if there's any more, that we're good that I missed, they found a few more Thor, really fun. You guys ask the best fucking questions.
If you ever want to ask me questions for the podcast, I took the topics every week on at age, podcast on twitter check it out. If you want
who participated Louis but anyway, so have
more now that are really really get. This is gonna, be along episode, looks like, which is fun, indifferent, fun, fun, fun, fun.
Advice on how to regain confidence and trust in others, after being heard by people who were
very close to you, God, I've
through this I've totally been through this, and it is so it's so tough because
you put all of your love entrusting d like some friends, for example, and they end up there
you down or not being good friends or they do something to fuck you over. It makes you
who's, your faith in humanity, a little bit and your kind like, oh my god like home,
was ever trust anybody again. What I found is there
you have to remember that,
Two people are the same right
this is something I struggle with, but you you have to
try not to bring your past with you when it comes to stuff like that, because
Just because somebody did that you doesn't mean that somebody won't does it mean it may happen again. Sadly, yes, but
Now you know to be a little bit more careful that something positive that you can take with. You be careful but still be open and meet new people
and let someone prove you wrong. I feel,
but that really helps leg. If you kind of
went up and try to meet new people, and you let somebody prove you wrong, and you let somebody
show you, the good people exist that really helps
especially with relationship I mean, if you been in you know it is this. Is it with both like if you
date. Someone and lets say they cheat on you or something. It's really are to go out there and date again, because you're, like Wilhelm, I suppose, said ever think the same way now
Now, I'm now, that's the only way. I can think we have to remember that the new person you're talking to its a clean slate, let them in their act
hence paint a picture of who they really are. Don't take your past people, Eve experienced an and lead them paint. The picture does not make sense like don't allow the people that of her, you paid the picture for the new
People in your life, because those people might be the most amazing people you ever meet, and maybe they won't maybe they're shitty and maybe He'Ll- have to keep trying but try to find somebody who can prove you wrong and be open
that, but also have your guard up a little bit and be careful for your own safety, but but also dont like just be open, minded you'll get through a regardless. If somebody ends a fucking, U over again, you will be able to get through it, but I can also guarantee that if you keep looking for,
people that make you believe entrust again and make you believe
in yourself in your worth
Even though your worst should not be dependent on what other people think of you but like,
I also understand that those two things can be connected. If somebody you know, doesn't
fuck you ever can make you question yourself and it would be stupid to say that that doesn't affected. So you know what I'm saying here.
Somebody said why is it that the only person uncomfortable round my mom, I even went
are to be made over. My friends are either my sister why's that I think that.
it's so normal to like be really comfortable with your parents, I'm not forever.
Remind everybody, is a totally somewhere, not comfortable their parents at all, but I can really,
that is where I am doubly my most authentic softened
my family, my parents, not like my own failure that my mom my dad because
I know that the love from them is unconditional, and I know that
They would accept me no matter what, and I know that I dont have to fear that relation
I don't have to worry about that relationship. Them walk
away because they're my parents- and I mean I'm really
grateful that I have that type of relationship with them, because I know that that's it
but he has such a different story in such a different situation with their parents and all that. But I think that if you have one, let's make this more broad if you have one
in that you feel really safe with that you figure true
yourself with them and now with anyone else. That's probably because you don't.
Worry about that relationship going anywhere. You feel confident in the status of the relationship, and you don't think that person would just get up and leave you, because you trust them and.
I think that's really normal and I think that's really special.
Have that have a relationship with somebody may be make it a goal to try to
and more people that you trust in that way, so that you can
feel free to be yourself around others. You know and around more people than just your mom.
Finally, will they give you a similar energy to your mom? It like make you feel safe in comfortable like that.
last question: do you have that person in individual,
Certain type of person that you just cannot make combo with in your mind, does blank with nothing at all. Yet
I kind of mention this earlier, but its people that are like really
Dodge Mental in cold when you first meet them. I really struggle with that, because I'm like oh shit
you don't like me. So how do I, how amazing,
Chill start occur,
but with this person, when it's very clear that they don't even really want to have a combat with me
I totally understand that and that super uncomfortable, but just remember
but that's not your fault, unlike you know me
We just need to go talk to someone else, but I do know. I'd have dealt with people like that in always makes me so uncomfortable, and it makes me like question myself. Oh, my god, oh my
I'm not doing a good job here, like I don't know, but usually it's not you you know, and even if it is who cares, you'll, yellow, yellow, and on that note,
I've, been recording for way longer than normal an hour in twenty minutes? That's fucking crazy. I hope you guys all enjoy.
This episode. I love you all so much and I really appreciate as coming back every week in listening,
to me ramble about random shit. If you have any
ideas of topics it you want me to,
Talk about- or you want to put his.
in the question element of this podcast,
at age, podcast on Twitter, I tweet the questions I tweet links the broadcasts a great place to go for resources there.
yeah. I love you all have been amazing rest of your day morning night evening.
week month- enjoy your month. I love you all, keep a real. Why another think you'd Aubert's responsiveness.
If anything goes. As I mentioned earlier, I've been doing a lot of running. It's been making me feel really really good, and that's
I uh has now come out with the new treaty dash the world's first performance running. She made from premium natural materials, its belpher performance, with a low environmental impact with the dashboard, no matter who cross the finish line. First, we all win their comfortable. They look cool their sleep.
And I feel good, knowing what I'm doing for the environment. Little steps help no pun intended with the new Aubert's Treat Asher feel confident. Knowing that you can run harden tread light on the planet find your parent Albert saw come today. Thank you all birds