Hey did you know, there's a place ring it, although it is true Krim headlines five days a week called sorting scale daily and its hosted by me Right Williams, Maneater Friday, we break down all the craziest case is going on in the country in a round the globe. If you weren't notes going on before everyone talking about it subscriber sorted scale daily on Apple podcast, Spotify Sticker tune in or anywhere he was near podcast and stay safe, After about two years of molesting, my son,

the priority that I have been buying running swapping. I've got my hands on some bondage discipline, pornography with children involved in Some of the reading that I writing down in the pictures I had seen showed total submission forcing the children to do what I wanted, and I had eventually started using some of this bondage and discipline with my own son, and it escalated to the point where I was putting a large ziploc bag over his head and taping it around his neck with black duct, are black electrical tape and raping them molesting him at that point to the point that he would turn blue pass out. At this point I would ripped the bag off his head

for fear of hurting him. But because of the excitement I was extremely aroused by inflicting pain end when I seen him pass out. Change colors that was very arousing in height, mean to me, and I would rip the bag off his head and then I'm jump up on his chest, not masturbate in his face and and make him suck. My penis this girl ass. He started to come back away. Why was coughing and choking? I would recommend the mouth. I used the same sadistic style, that of the plastic bag and tape. Two three times a week and at what I infer a simple over a year If I had been arrested, when I was my steps would be, then I would have killed him

and fantasizing killing during the course of from the left five or six months, all during the course of the money. They must have some when I was using as a blur the plastic bag over his head. I had been I've thought about, killing letting go hadn't suffocate learning process, This is the last station I believe it would have been. Maybe a short is another month or two and I would eventually killed him if I was not resting.

Hello and welcome the sword and scale show that reveals that the worst monsters are real. In NEO bitter you heard from Gerald sadistic child molester interviewed by author, an assault her a man who view children, including his own son, as a commodity story, were about to tell you isn't sensational. It isn't something that will cause you to suspend your basis of disbelief. It isn't the plot of a major Hollywood movie, but it is horrible and horrifying, and what makes it so is the fact that it happens every single day in the? U S, a child is abused every ten seconds more than ninety percent of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator in some way. Hopefully this is never crossed her mind but think about it first, second, what would it be like if you couldn't even trust your own dad last month?

After the interview I did for Horehound radio I was contacted by fan of that show who had a stir way. To tell this is good. We might even stately cyber he's an adult now, but when he the child he experienced what can only be described as a living. Nightmare. I was I was raised by a single mother and With her I was. I was her only child the contract, with my dad did my early life and then late Elementary, late elementary School came and I might grandma. I run into a store and these numbers, and soon enough I was in the situation that I think someone get ran reference point state my guts out every other weekend. Members do not, for the years have you get to that point with that? but where we eventually ended up and

he delivered a paper every night. It was but the Big Cincinnati, newspaper and there was a seven day week. Job and we go in between one and three not any other day and putting on how many papers to be stopped for that particular route. He was doing, and I was I was his oldest time. There were real aside a younger brother, younger sister. Did you could just give me a little more of a clear picture of this, because it sounds a little strange you, you grew up with your mom. I get an you had met your dad into your sick. She said madame This wasn't just a person in my life and so one arms that would change that made that happen. Really it was. It was my grandma running out to him. You know, I think it a point where he had he was just never deleting long when I was younger

started like missing birthday parties or not not calling on Christmas or are not making an effort. Pretty much decided that it was the best decision to do you know if you dont want to be involved. That is fine, but you know It couldn't be a you, come around me, walk and other drowsiness directly affected when, when he the air- and I was sad or when plans will broke anything like that. Social economy. The decision are weakened, we have now and she just waited with anything I'll tell him on your phone number so that was probably push or so years past. Now. Look, you know there are six or seven right around there. What was it like growing up without a dad? Did you were you too young to even remember, yeah. I remember a lot of it. I remember asking a lot about my dad my response. Would always he d not a guy in our streets

He loves you and he's not about he just didn't know how to be a bad, and when I was young like I was enough of an answer for me and you know about my mom won't great underwrite. She did that really good job of Chile, both long answer? also had a lot of junk mail, platonic, friends and There are always people around who I have positive role models, and I was I was a boy scout and she was a leader Wanna leaders in our boys got troop and there are a lot of male, dad's involved, but she became friend weapon to confront their kids. Now I'm are able to do something other than I had. I had I've got several people. Thank you. Besides, I beg you to your father's day. You know blossom, People who had a hand in reading me there were couple: events that were like black boys governments that are specifically remember. There was one what oh mamma me and then one called tat a lad, and I never really get

do the Dayton LAD, because you neither wasn't it it's one thing to ask your friend to competition are not about to go away like a week on keeping purpose a bit harder for someone. So at all, of doing laboratory lurch. I didn't I didn't now I didn't go without you know. There are plenty of people in my life, I was at the age where I wasn't comparing my thing when other people say you know why Why don't? I have a doubt about it? There was, if you'll be alarming, that's really all I ever knew United Member. That. He was never big. Big part of the picture to you now have a big in fact what, when you would see your friends that did have you know mom and dad did was at a weird concept to you to do the job on that for yourself or no I think our moral wanting it, but I wish I was satisfied with the answer. You know that I trust my mom. I guess there when she said that

because we did not agree about that pre, abstract concept for a five year old. Understand, but I got it, you know. I think I didn't know that most kids had a moment that, but I didn't and had never never jealous you're hurt. I mean I might wonder, and then MILAN the top and openly. He could with me and then You know what a really bad report about him. He just wasn't. This done enough in my life ass, she was by that I mean she was able to keep me at a point where she is. You know he is he's not is not ready to be a daddy's doesn't know how to be a good dad. I would not answer, but had he come around and started breaking planned or forgetting Burke that use that that would have actually, I think, caused some damage yourself. Were your parents really young when when they first had you, specific going along with twenty seven, and I think my dad was a couple years, younger humbug

I shall not terribly young, they won't ever marry bow and actually, I think they had before. Did you stop dating before my mama? we found out. She was pregnant, so I wasn't there did you know him, veiled and actual like here, ok, child support- and he you know you never he repressed to get an abortion or anything like that refugees that he would do it to do, and then I think that that proved to be a bit harder. When I was born yeah. It was an odd situation, I guess, because they weren't even together anymore. I don't you think, the relationship of ever all that furious with casual dating and they decided colic, which and there she found out, she was pregnant right. So, all of a sudden, your dad's in your life again and in what was I like, I was gray I mean I I you know I did ask though I like, I said you know I did ask where

Where is that in the end? Even I have an answer at any thought. I had the answer if you break your dad, but I was still I was curious. You know so when I met him when I met him back. Back in my life. I thought that was great. The first time I met him, I found out, but have a younger sister, which siblings will always something I wanted. You know so I thought that was really cool that you know. To that end, I get a sister you now This time. You were why, like seven or eight years, yet February? Actually I am. Yeah, I'm telling you about my sister. Seven or eight when he came back around, and I think we met one night and it was like a bowling alley and then Next time we met, I actually met my Mister Brocklehurst, I tell you it started. I think there was just basic

a boy if your dad tonight we're gonna go to dinner, something and then, my mom needed to go out of town for something, and he volunteered to take me for the weekend and are you? Are you get along copper here than a long talk with me and it sounded like a good idea to everybody so we want, and then I started but I want a month after that for one week a month that must have been. Weird must have been a big change, definitely a big change, but it would allow all excited about you now emerging I would be ever dissatisfied with any of my mom surrender contraception temporarily in goddamn. It would like to have my own that you know but I remember doing it and how often in a dragoon he would help him build this little play in Iraq, it or whatever it was. He did. Shopping internal competition. There I was involved in theatre,

play that a young age. Then then I remember him starting to come through those laws I then a musical part in partner countries, my first contract when I was playing violent or what everyone What was the affectionate with you at that, and you know just suddenly thrust back in your life were: was there I could gradually are forever in February. I wasn't terribly all I want is very excited, so why should I love you? I love you back from them We were pure and affectionate in a way There were a lot of good memories and at what I thought I'd like my mom affectionate, you know like I was getting a hug every night before bad, like my mom would give me, but it was different. Got fishing war distant from stuff, you know he'd be working on a car and I'd be little help her whenever you no hidden in the ranch a minute nice theoretical. Please shake,

song idea that would be in the garage. You know somebody a weaker. We had three together, they were just ass. You know, and I definitely appreciated our railways. About a different kind of affection, but but I shall find with it. It's weird to hear somebody describe. You know such good memories when pretty obvious that there were some horrible memories. There are mobile memories yeah, like us hurricane earlier he started doing a paper out we gotta go, do they do it?

Nobody here to think about five hours, and I regret that I had great memories of bad light that I actually after a newspaper knighthood, we broke a window and like that, but not body at the time, but looking back like new advisory group that window that kind of thing We always stoppin. Do you it I'll get himself a coffee and get me a friend. You know a cappuccino stark and we looked to the water contrary to the transit country, I still am this day, because I have good memories with you now so we thought that we usually leave around one and one I am. Typically background. Cybersex didn't take too long, the law, It was on Saturday going into funders would become the paper and it started. I don't even really remember how it started to smuggle night Haiti

showed me a playboy and it had Turbary. Unfair of laws and on the wire specifically remember them. I remembered was in it If I had seen a movie- and you know how much that I thought drew Barrymore was cute or something, but he said my colleague David Byrne I am all the more. Experience that was literally like a guy I got my gosh this girl so hot and show you another guy. Yet you pretty like I've got a magazine. Heritage appeared unable just like that. You know Oh my god. Oh my god, you're Barrymore, something done literally would like, but he like that and you should enjoy. Get out, happened beyond that at that point. This showed me a playboy inside like gets not at all

our economy, about that particular. But I remember that very first thing that ever happened. I don't remember. I don't remember why it was. I was told that I've got a ten year old that obsolete about broadly acute, absolutely no way. I'm ever showed a magazine, you know there's Where are you- not that I don't understand about it, but we are not really. You were ten years. You said you return to this point: how to ride around current milk chocolate without going into previous experience, how can you ten or eleven right around there? this was this? Was in your dad's house? Was anybody else in the house? Not, but our call. Now I don't think the kid wife there like that mom,

call her being there began. Also when I was first going over there. Could they didn't have a big house, so they had my my sister had they had a little room for my sister, but I remember you're, sleeping in the bedroom with the gag you know I don't have a lower. Yet we wanted them like that nominal overshoot and then, but they were first we'll find out over there. And what did you do? with him she would have been working hard shift or something like that. I don't remember Forget it could happen in his bedroom and then, after that, so then had it? How did this progress into something more serious by the way I think at that point it is maybe opened the door he felt tat. He should. Tell me about more adult thing. They need ratcheting puberty.

About everything around the world with you and I live out just openly fade, humpy or whatever, but I I remember him describing pornographic video and I remember the name of this group of american children and I got married with hormone. And I remember him, describing it to me and like all, have to show you that time and how How are you then? We also need to read it would only couple weeks of a month later, maybe happened now and like I said I was born in obscurity like I kind of like a great idea already like deals with poor Gertrude poor dear now, not to hide it from my parents were wont, show you I got. You know that

like a good idea, yet that major you're not gonna, build a distinguished, was appropriate or not grappling yeah, and from those pictures he had shown me I've, never seen anything you now, I gotta do so. My first it should not. In fact, would really you know full blown pornography now and so he did show you harmonizing. He did, As I pointed out of parted, like you, pretty much deadline. I don't remember the exact wording. Put it very much If I'd like If you wanna, if you want to masturbate, you can I'm going to and he did and I did in front of you, you masturbated there. You have just said. The very same room while watching the video.

I remember you're making a comment because I would have done much quicker than he was yellow kind of chuckle. Anything like while you're done already you now Oh I like that. I had the weird memory: I am. I am masturbated before you know. To my mind it was it- was understood. You gonna, get to watch this video

how do you get we're good idea? I was on read it. I didn't ask me anything about about this exact experiencing someone. Someone asked me a question that I thought you actually taken beforehand. Kind of thought that it was the somebody being a jerk militia than they really were, but the question I'd never considered it. I got it That would happen and everything then someone said you feel good. Like Portugal, good, we like that point, but have the reason why you know myself, I understand that bothers because they feel good a lot of the time. You know especially in the case of childhood sexual abuse, like it feel good, especially the kid the agar going through puberty, like Harry out, the best able to make that different now yeah, that's gonna, be one of the most psychologically must have things because you don't

what to think Your buys telling you one thing in and But you know some point you realize this is the right way My mom mama very open with me about what sexual abuse, while what rate why what sexual harassment was. I know she had bought me like a kid book that covered all the stuff and I, but she often I read about it in, I could rely on my own. If I want to do- and I did, but she also, We open for questions. She never shied away from anything very honest and I knew what sexual abuse want, I knew what rape was now and yet still when was being sexually abused. I didn't know that I was in my dad. You now this is another pair. This is a stranger. You know, that's not to say that, but not to say them.

Than a bad job. Looking she did you now of Africa are nothing but good things to think about my mom, that that goes to show the power that apparent and have you know that. Objectively argue I that that was wrong, but I didn't even recognize my own subjective situation. You now Your kid, your dad Superman he can do no wrong exactly yeah yeah the Scots progressively worse it there, what you said. If you go out and we I'm your turn on into a thing where their product for Sunday, the affrighted I'm flattered and I live between the paper out then turn.

Do a thing where you now nine out of ten times that we got back from the paper out what was not born in the night, you know, there's probably went on, on that level we want to hear. I dont have a solid timeline about. I know I know when it started an undercurrent of when it ended. When things are going, next level. That's what I'm kind of unclear. I didn't have a solid memory, but happen that way for a while and its employees. They actually work, for he was. The caterer for a bit local alike,

embodies open lotion company the town four different natural brand, but the shopping havoc. A quarterly fanatic and on for he always had lotions around and so one time he said You can use this if you want enough about it makes you feel better, however, and I did and. So we went. We went forward from there and then We're not really changed. It was just tell me, I mean and him on it. And. So then, one day he said, Let me show you what, if you're like, with some one asked on it so long me too. Now using lotion and he's gonna tell me you know Masturbating you

masturbating me yeah there That was that was the longest rob. That's what getting home from the paper know? That's what it turned into is You know I didn't really out of fear anything anymore like out. How'd. You know it has gone on for so long that, even even when I started to be like a kind of hope this doesn't happen. It had gone on for so long that I didn't feel like. I could pay anything, and on top of that it had gone on for so long that I didn't feel like. I could say anything, and on top of that you know, grow up with my dad. I didn't. The establishment of boundaries with him. Like you know, When. When a mom, when my mom would tell me it's time to go to bed

I can't go to work harder to push back. You know the problem in a moment and it turned out tonight What will our tv, whatever it was? I started pushing back and testing boundaries like kids do you know, but I never had I never had that part of the relationship building with my dad so when he said no and did not push back, and I wasn't for fear of punishment. Didn't you wasn't a violent manner? Anything He didn't even really ever ground and I never got trouble there, but I just did, never feel comfortable, pushing back her. He said we're coming up and paper out. In turn on board. If you want to or whatever he would say, it was just always sure you know that's what you said. You're that and all are not pushed back with you. You must have started to feel safe dread after a while that this was going to happen and he knew it yeah yummy

there are be times when there were rare behind when I would we told well, you're, not gonna, take her out tonight and another for me because in a minute, I'd be up early. Could my mom was getting me or something But on a rare occasion where I did not go to the paper out, I preferred You now, I remember like here, listen to me We like ok, allowed to slip through the night. Then did you start to fear that this was something strange in and that someone else would find out about it. Did you start to feel any sort of guilt or any sort of shame? about what is going on. I knew I that it was wrong, but I did it. I? Never! I don't have any recollection of feeling that it would, like my fault or anything. Can be honest. I felt like defiance,

that's something early earlier than it's say something I would, but I would have been a trouble not for anything at all, except for watching pornography. You know, like obviously I didn't get any trouble at all when I finally to tell but I would have been much here like I don't want my mom committed and I would watching pornography, so me, I was a thing that I knew that was wrong, but a big scalded. If I had had You know my own magazine that Knocker stole from somewhere to my mom, found it out of my shirt scolded- maybe not in trouble you're looking Active apparent now, maybe not even a trouble but motor, They scalded believe, and I think back. All I was gonna lose in Ottawa. My mom going right, but I've, albeit without videos,. But I do remember I started making them. How about it at school and I remember one time by a thousand

a lot of play. You and I, A very varied at this point and on the plays were high school level place I was one of just a few minutes ago in a really play and I remember getting everything to one of the older kids. But on a friday- and he said, like you know how to get weakened Something like that? but I will go to my dad. If you look at pornography- and I ve learned about it on this kid- but he was Jimmy, but he wasn't my best friend Mary and I just. Aborted that island he said you have to watch out your dad's again, then he said all right. Then you know in the water, but the high school spoke, the same

after my best friend, I've got friends and then turn potatoes outside your home and tell them that we are better and all growing up and I sat down with him. Or five hours is really, questions that I would call the honor. I just wanna perspective on said. Do you remember the time like you remember the moment that I told you about my dad and he said I ll never forget it. What have we were living in this one house? my mom pretty must give me for rain in the attic and she let me put achieving their little No, I won t be in my room money tango like a player area up in the attic,

call for me a middle school. You know gonna be away my little area, and he said before you know I'll? Never forget you telling me, you told me up in your attic I couldn't remember that at all. Were telling him what finally pulled my mom. He was. Look art, calling my mom. So I remember that Germany, he laid out with whole scenario that I don't even remember that partly told him, you know my dad on this to me, and I don't really love it. I dont remember saying that at all button, not another is not making story up. You know who are you he said I ll, never forget it. You know here. I apparently would like that. I didn't know that I was telling people before I told my mom varied, not that far before stand of the abuse for Jamie didn't end there. There would be a final straw,

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What kind of the breaking point for me! we have got it back again. Back from the paper out, I remember I remember him making some common couple months,

previously on getting close to Christmas time. Then he had you. He worked a lot. He made some joke about I just need more time. I would you now typical. I wish there, more than twenty four hours kind of your whenever he said. I tell you why, if you can buy any time for Christmas. I suck your dick and I, what a necessarily you now in my head. I just wanted to make a joke about the latter part of the comment. I heard it either. We all remember it, but I want waiting on Iraq, but I thought correct with Obama gotta a calendar because he wants time and I will try to make- I got some oh come on, you know, I don't know what it was but remember, buying the calendar. I remember master banning muffin, seven after we had.

I fear that the normal masturbation retrieve house, how about it. That is agenda. And one night. He finally did. We know more of that company. I don't know. Why that maybe it's because such a drastic staff all got pretty thick? but whatever you elaborate secular, then, is what He said no more, you now I decided that I wasn't coming back there the weaker you now they went home as normal as I did. Every other weaken that I've been over there, but I am under that I wasn't gonna go back which and how I got into calling my mom what had been going on.

You know, Let me do anything to him, but she went out but not make me defending them. What did your mother say went told her well Joe the same is true that at this moment you for a long time we lived on the street and on my mom had told me, The girl had walked out after school. His mom was basically a second month for me. You know, I got him gotta gotta himself after school and often

if you could call your dad why you're there and make arrangements for him to pick you up so what school got out, that for an entire walking his house, I can't go back to my dad, I'm supposed to call me. Wow, What are your house don't work like what me I changed my mind like right now I don't wanna call him, but if I treat remind you, don't let me in ok, they're, not in my stomach, for the next several hours. It was waiting for him to come over and out. Can I use excited, you call your dad. What did he say what element if you offer whatever, and so he went to town We played whatever we played from two or three hours. And I said I did not and I'll tell you why, in r amp d, like I said that I knew she would, and I and I said I did not and I'll tell you why in the car and

Then we should not ok thought for a moment, and then we went up in the car. This is a lot of you. Wanna go to your dad and I said you not because he is he's them. Let me watch porn and master, be listen, maybe not verbatim. I dont remember that forget that copyright a whole lot but I wanted you remember her response. Does she said viewing, and sexually abusing you and you obviously appalled at the parent would be And it was at that moment, but I realized, like you, know. Well, I knew sexual abuse wasn't right now that I realized that Latvia me, you know I'm sorry I'll say it made it real? for they had made a very real, crying and I would cry she said enough. Of course you don't have to go back. There will be protected I don't think you'll be ok, and

my mom, never data again after my nature. This today, and so she was working the duty of both parents already, you know, and now she had to work even harder, because one parent that I did have one now? What's your babbling, And I mean you know me, sheep from point forward. She wanted to get me in counselling idle by which she did by. I wonder if the council, I think in every state are mandated reporters about under age, so the counselor article have law enforcement involved, but we had a big core process vandam, with every single day one it was possible. She gave it option of whether or not I wanted to go. You know what I wanted, how Butler you Bob and I wanted she always. Let me about my comfort level,

let me know how how loved I was entirely suitable some of my fellow grandma living up like that, Are we really she just helpless support system around me. Sounds like a grey mom. Do you think that she felt guilty about? Having put the situation. I sure she did. Idle. I mean I'm adult now who she did. She didn't do anything wrong. She was trying to do something for me. You know sure she did feel guilty, but Missus Shimerda Part one a whole lot? this day ensuring too much about my dad's gonna well appears a guy. You know, because she does she made such situation so much. Understandably but I'm sure she did feel guilty. You know like that. I don't think that

I don't think that she should, but what parent what'd you know full well what what good parent what'd! You know, every everything that I am at least attempting to do now for other victims. I can only give to the way she responded to my own story Can it she really did you know? The job, I think, did you they're going to law enforcement idea, tat we went to court and at what I. I told you I sat down with my friend for four or five hour. You didn't say anything my mom if the treaty more detail, but I didn't remember and I didn't remember this parliament all Balkan I currently have to go to. Rule in front of a jury work. Just me, neither Current warrant was allowed to be America. There are getting my statement and Apparently it was. It was later

the situation. You now show me the ball where he touched. You anything, and I remember any of that, but she told me she sat right outside the the court room. We should be right there when I got out and she was. Well so what ended up happening near down I had told annoyed asked me if I wanted to go to the seventy and I should now. You know there is an option for me: do not go I'd, love cannot go and apparently the morning of the same thing I woke up and had changed my mind. Tat I wanted to go. And what was convicted, I first of all it was the actual time. Sexual battery of a minor? So we, We went down to the court room at night. I don't remember

Everyone often there certainly wasn't like traffic port or anything like that. If he goes just us on this point, I know Jerry overtook us and the jargon stenographer more than ever- and I remember the judge asking me if I wanted to talk and I went up and I don't wanna talk and on the other by this time my older brother had also been born. In that sector into brother Adam, mom is pregnant with my surgically. Or how were you at this point. I would like for my freshman year, they wouldn't put this summer before my pressure yourself. Twelve thirteen right in there and my youngest brother, what we boarded literally any day and by that tracing urgent I've got my work but didn't get it was it was Nada?

she didn't make the most of the money. He did. You know, and I I remember asking the judge to not sent to jail because I needed Our work with the rest of the family was gonna, lose the house who want to take. You didn't you know so I went to this day. I have the best relationship by canvas all my siblings and much more money gets difficult. Would you do that, but I they certainly never, even that they never did anything wrong and I'm just worried for them now. So I ask the judge tonight: that put him in jail and my dad, he approached bench for sensing and but that's what the only reason- I'm not during your jails, Gaza, that that young man right there, but if I would if you travel for it, I walk off its Benjamin punch in the mouth. I remember him saying that agenda and he got he shut

you know. I can't buy the exact amount, but several years probation and then he is on the back of a directorate for life. What what are you afraid of him doing? This is somebody else I Y yeah. I am sure I expressed that the police officers, but He wasn't. You know the rest of the family. Wasn't me, to leave the house, my Money is no longer weapon, but she did say within for a long time after that, I never really understood why, but you know she didn't want here, while her three kids to go through a divorce I think a lot of it with fear if it becomes They all the money. I think she didn't know what she do. You do. You know I think I can't speak for her. I know they're not together any more, but I do still talk to her. I love her very much

but I don't I don't. I think the main reason: what about your family? She really wanted to keep her family together. You know and the thing TAT suited your dad. Did you ever talk to him again Where did tell me what was alike well, phone back that cannabis story over the past. I guess So you know I didn't talk. I didn't touch him too much in early high school one time: the point you abandoned Highschool and one time after we played some show, I must have at least been sixteen, because I was driving and I knew I'd. We had moved out of the city that twenty minutes New York. He lived on nitrates. We know that a weed I decided that with one voice and my damn, you know we got with the show it was

twelve in light of being a sixteen year old driving around later would ever, and I figured like, let me guess you, my dad countless paper out why do I didn't plan on it? but now I was there and I said whenever he wasn't there yet- and I understood by were under his breath, was What is it? What are you doing here and the like? I want a country high and I don't know what I was expecting. He wasn't me. I remember him very much for second kind of fun. His entire attitude. My visit, you know, like a wire here, you know He was probably think you like. Can I get a legal trouble he being here something you know like. Why are you here, but. I'm a wire did that another there had been some letters sent back and forth between between Michael,

for Heaven's Glinda he was he was ordered to not gonna counselor and There have been some correspondence between the two councillors. Only a couple letters and they said you know I think we're, expect you know my first followed, really angry my mommy you now. For me to write a letter and I don't. How do you much offended? If I don't want to write a letter, it was hard, Did you call me I can use whatever words I wanted to use. I don't have to worry about cutting or anything like that for every one of them and I think satellite centre. Not then, later on, after counselling, I wrote a poem or letter, he wrote back a lot of water church. You now any the letter. My second letter produce that, like I forgive you what I'd like you to start going to church you now and a faint

and he tells me that, didn't you ever wanted to they. What did you think you are doing? Didn't you ever, get to that part of anger. I actually had a child. Now I mean, let's not let my eye was raised to handle things you know. I Alan my mom, but also if you're on a night, PETE picture of my mom, you know super a higher christian me. Something like that, but, we very much is now don't get mad. You have to tell you I can't let you have to know we don't yell yeah, that's not how you do things, so my first letter was very much more of that. Do not want them. Are you doing how you think we should go back to feel but I mean I don't like being angry. He and I had a lot of anger issued now to be honest with you that

like feeling that where they got like feeling it, we will have a kid. I wanted to get out of quick impossible. You know. Having a balcony like not merely the, I think, a lot of a like. Despite having being sexually view, though the night kid I thought I was kind of a spotlight everything. Ok, you know it's, not ok, it will be soon but you must have some rage inside of you for of all of them abuse from somebody that each should have been able to trust. I certainly do yeah that showed up now. You know I wish it didn't, but it the guy and I've I've. Let him know very clearly what I think now that I'm an adult you now

because, while the while the abuses ended, I mean that's not even the end of the story. You know my mom came down the Pulitzer pornography in high school dandan. She beat it. You know she still with us but sheep, but how we don't know if you ve gotta be enough in the hollow the turnout and down after a graduate Highschool did go to for a year to, but I was more. Just getting travelling and playing music inhabited that problem. Point, because I could leave and go out whenever I wanted to convene for her. It was a convenient for me to live at home because I could leave and go however, I wanted to hear. For her. Single parent with one child. You know who offer her camper, I personally were american leave her alone. You know- and he criticised that He said that he didn't know I was in my earlier.

We still living all I needed to give it a real job, and other dinner. So much more of this You realize you know like about cancer. You know why are while for tobacco you rightly the home. And really what right does he have to criticise anything right? you mean like, louder, human, around helping craft. My future areas that unity had no say in my college had no say in my job who are you now criticising where I am you know exactly but that is no more time zone of time. I remember going an adult. I'm, gonna beer with my dad and are we I tried so hard to this relationship back together in another. Why get out? I don't get it for my own sake You really don't like don't like Roger like

I myself believe you gotta get along with a light. I like boy genuinely do I have a lot of fun. You know her he, and I were very fortunate, and I just want to be able to allow people to you. I can't when there is, There are gradually drama between people. I don't like that. I am very happy about it but did, but did you ever think that maybe you didn't have to have a grudge, maybe it and have to have anything you could just sever that relationship you put me along can't get there I could get lower. I am now looking very angry because my sizzling girdle now like my sister graduated high honours to go in a nursing. Dan invited me to her graduation party and I didn't feel like I can actually go. You know not because, I wouldn't be welcomed by my sister. I certainly what she asked me in person. You know, but I don't know what

we are not have hammered out and- and I would like to remind you for years now- and I don't I don't- want that- berlin- what about how? Much else do I have Mr Martin, it both their height regulation. About in this budget to acknowledge regulation. My brother will graduate next year to have them if that too, both in periods relationship if they get married laughter. Unlike an outcome, but not hampered out there. You know, because had talks with Russia, but you have a little and I have no reason to not believe when they say that nothing ever happen to them. Actually, my brother said I've only ever known him to be a great at which relieved me. You know it also infuriated me. You know. Why is it that I had to have been very good? I had Do they believe that? Do they believe you, oh yeah, they do believe me. I heard him talk about it. Better than the one about God.

My brother and I haven't we, we talked about one. And then literally last month, went out, you know that over a couple drink and really, but we had a difficult discussion and it wasn't, he had one. No one was angry, but He was trying to learn more like me, like he created worker won't be long now not really, possibility three at which point. Sometimes that's not sometimes that's not the best way. I mean it's great, it's a great thought, but yeah sometimes you know people do things that are really really unforgivable, and sometimes it is best to sever those ties I think I entertained the notion for Catherine, make a measurable blockade, I think the thing I hate that kind of thing. I also don't want you occasionally trivia for the invitation that gonna be there.

Like you just graduated college, we are inviting you to your regulation, poverty, You then break up but neither what's really want to talk about. We now get out by God all I don't know that aren't really difficult bachelor party struggle at the most. My third have never never said anything like they ve, never, having disbelief in my story. They ve already been you're standing idly by have, but why have you know their dad figured on a website here now? So can. I did abruptly stopped coming over when I was growing up. I always told myself that when when they turned eighteen. I would tell him- and when my sister and older her eldest brother eternity did tell em,

up until the point that I told them, I expected it to be an easy conversation and like that exploit allowed an icon. Then the house boy to you now and then, but your third I'm out of the mighty guy. You know my father Despite these will always worked out with the bathwater light Herbert it could be the best shot. My sister didn't want to talk about it. I want my brother barely one, talk about it. I realize Like all man, you know there now who have their own opinions and their own memories, which, with that you know that but I don't wanna. Someone came out of the terrible story against my mom, even if I believed them in turn our back on my mom. You know I get that. I just. I just think that it's it's weird, it's weird that

it is they just don't want, or even acknowledged they just want to talk about it, because it's it's almost like repressing something and I'm not saying that our lying about anything having ever happened to them by early these things are not a one off cape. Usually, the offender continues to offend. Type two cases so, and it's kind of strange that they would. It can. Accommodate you you're the one that was abused, so they right they would rather accommodate abuser than the person that was abused, Is Europe an odd in time I. Why didn't? I grew up in the house with him, you know, it came every? every other weekend and stopped coming when they were at a very young age. You know so from the time they were six, all the way home. Now I didn't howdy regular contact with them, let alone live in a house with him, so

I mean the way, my brother worded it if he said it's really hard to combat termed linked and enter. I think you said earlier. He said you know that when I was a kid, that's really to hear about Superman not being Superman lottery, hereabout installed I know that a local news story are local news program probably a year or so after the abusive come out, they will do it. A story on them on the fact that hundred not remember it was because their liking it no change in the enforcement of the procedures or anything like that, but they were going to do a story. Another call them. Let us know that they are going to do it, but it also difficult and even in a hat and then you know my dad's name of you. Yet there is actually a new story on him after, after all that, and I think.

Again, I think I said I didn't want to watch it and then decided to watch it, and I found out but he lost his job and they had moved as they lit than they were too close to a school. And they had interviewed the neighbours and What he had told the neighbours was that I got you into his adult movies and all that money found out and running hardly in after. He literally put the blame on me. Well now and again I, like that's a super, the first thing to do, but if I'm not around, to say otherwise. Why would he had never get out by gonna, but I'm gonna get plenty of things. The Balkan for that, not one that choosing to hold onto you know. He's a low level of next year's people, I'd want them

now as little as possible. Jamie Cyprus turned off at hatred. All of that frustration of that rage into something positive, something maybe just maybe might help someone in similar shoes. Our Thing is its better pay for an storytelling, with the way the my mom reactive, everything. I've never have never been shy about my own story. You know just

after after meeting me, you know what I try not to be awkward about it, but if the significant that do not always do I get I was actually used by that, whatever not only be the first one to say that in a conversation from the time you know they ve too, two years ago was just so many people, like primarily girl, the guy. I tell him the story, guess what happens that I gave him whatever level of detail seemed appropriate and then my friend, I'm someone would respond me like. I have a story like that, or actually you thought I was raped or anything it always say, told anyone, and like a real old tree to hear from girl, Algeria or just world. I would shrink with or guy votes for and with them. So I just I basically gathered a group of friends together and we created an anonymous website itself. Some of my ready to tell a family member. To tell

counselor: does she counselor or if they don't think they're friends, I believe, like we have a place where they can tell her story your pics to find other than email address. It'll have to give a name, are location, HIV identify information and they can t A story and inert people to respond to them two, I believe in english and german agenda. Definitely help them make the next steps, and none of us are councillors so tat we can give diagnosis, duration, but we can, we can say hey, maybe Maybe you ve gotta be a three. She got it out. They are comfortable with or, we have come. You ask any questions is to keep on talking really something You hear people who have you story further behind them in their further on what your lives in Australia telling tell me a story that has to be the first step. You have to get Haiti that bottle actually I can you imagine if I'd never told anybody

There are plenty of people who have experience of the haven't. You know and that's ass devastatingly condition me think that you're carrying on it I've been very, open about it. I still we can now. Do you think it's? It's must be easier to tell someone that's gone through. How much work should not be. If I were holding that all in you know do you think it's? It's must be easier to tell someone that's gone through a similar event. Exactly half an hour tagline if you're not alone and in fact the whole thing we want to do like I always tell people that it sometimes work. Repeated from you than I could ever before. Anyone else because one started it and if he could see other people go through and may perspective, but I've never heard of you be able to offer them perspective that I never heard that wonders for me personally, you now and just just refill

a girl, but I now had told her story and I should expressly From some tension between her family because it was kind enough to do the same thing, it had been a relative of heard and the other part of her family. She felt very much like why, still ok within Kennedy, and I realise that, like very alone in my issues, like John elaborate dealing with all that, I'm a real lifelike, your kind, you know what I'm gonna do. Let's talk about that and we were able to you now and I want it say like how much less siblings, but how Hidell. Not welcoming for me there and if not, why not their fault? You not just the situation but like we will talk about that an end and that under what spearheaded knew to be only with open my brother, you know like I do it- you, because I know what it's like and I've been through it. There are times when it is definitely a very positive experience,

We too, that there must be so hard because you, you almost feel like you're you're, breaking your family apart, like you're, the one you're. The reason why everybody can you know get along and be together. That must be very difficult, in opposition because I'm not I'm not at a point where, as you like, I will be with you. I want to say, like you not for the sake of my with their water into the bridge I can't do that, can't you do now, but the time I don't expect them to defend him and I will, the auditor love to you now very difficult and it must be even harder if let's say you're, being abused by when your parents and your parents are still together right there, you ever had any way come up to you this organisation or elsewhere. That is currently

going through, abuse is currently being abused and they just haven't told anyone it. Nobody collapse specifically said that we have very ah break. We are laid out terms and conditions on the site, say and I will never ask you for more information, but if your supply us with this system this we are going to report it. You know- and that's if you say my name is this and I live in this city and states and I'm sixteen years old and I'm still end. You know my dad does is to me then we're gonna go, your city a bit police and say: hey, that's the name of a person for nobody at this point. Nobody's there people who open their anonymity. But nobody that saying this is still happening. I mean but I thought I I wouldn't be surprised if we take away. That situation, but I a very good friend with the council, but we work with a lot of she's. Do you know

By law, a mandate reporter issued only at report wants you ve been doing for twenty years now. So I think said, I think that most of the time I mean I don't have, I don't have the numbers to back this up. To be honest, it's one of the area's I haven't researched, but I think that most the time the victims of abuse are going to tell someone, to them first or situation of this kind of end itself. Naturally, by moving or a lot a neighbour and then something happened without or are they stop boiler? Next, after something. So, I think a lot about the just and naturally make I'll tell anybody and on its own. And somehow another fund for cases where people are unable to tell, Let me ask you this: what do you think that if you have,

You told your mother that day, you think that it would have progressed even further with your dad. I afterwards. Yeah I mean I don't I don't know in what direction. I mean it. I already had such a clear progression you now. I think that I think it very possibly The have been the new normal you now I don't know if you have ever know enough to know what else would have happened, but I do think that it would have gone further What would you say to someone that's out there listening to this and they ve been abused. What would you say to them directly? There are illiterate. We found the people do not understand what they are literally millions. You now mean that,

out of their situation. There is somebody to understand and and far more people than anything Follow that up what you don't find someone, whether its anonymous letter, it's not whether to close friend a fine. I want to tell your story because that's that's a first step in a thick first step Now there are people who have all of their story for the first time and they say, like just knowing that my story is anonymously, out there you know in cyberspace.

If you're, better thanks very much too Jamie Savers, reassuring, is very personal story, so, honestly and openly with our listeners, if you are a victim of sexual abuse and want to tell your story, please visit Jamie's website at a voice for the innocent dot org. You can also find him on Facebook, dot, com, slash a voice for the innocent and twitter and Instagram at AV calf tee. I, if you want to email Jamie, you can reach him at info at a voice for the innocent outboard, and if you are indeed going through something like this or have in the past and are dealing with it on your own, please please reach out. There are so many people, just like you out there more than willing to help until next time. Thank you for listening and Stacy

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I am sure the tool I'm Jamie Baby, we're your hosts of, certainly sucking reach up a showed. We're gonna bring you a new stalking case covering the ins and outs of each stalker, their victim in there. What does she hated me? So? Might she found my stepmother, frightened it and then was caught making a plan to attack me with my stepmother. He shows up to my gallery and he's wearing a space suit. He looks at me and he goes you look like just grab and lily from the development of any looks at me very intense, leading US stock. You we hear about the cops, normally do anything or not. We carry about the crown strong wish. A lot of the creditor who's been stock in me for forty four years was starting to really interfere with my life and my freedom, a lot more than he had been one of those random messages. On my dear it was like I'm coming and I'll see you on this day. I was responding to it and then it was like a verification of a flag. I said all of a sudden, I hear a knock at the door. I opened the door and there they exploit something cameramen standing in front of me with a backpack, and he looked at me and he said a few areas, kind of panic, because that is Larry followed me my workplace, and he grabbed me for men to the door and was I unblock the Unblock may why'd. He brought me, I'm sure, your time, Jamie, baby, strictly stocking mares ungenerous. My we subscribe, one apple pie, gas spot. My weary, like God, this person will stop texting me, of course,

we re showing up everywhere. Then that's when it's like you're, like oh shit,.