« Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

#47: Jessica Morey, Teaching Meditation to Teenagers

2016-11-23
Jessica Morey has turned what some may see as the impossible -- teaching teenagers how to meditate -- into her life's work. Morey, who attended her first meditation retreat at age 14, is the co-founder and current executive director of Inward-Bound Mindfulness Education, or iBme. It’s a non-profit organization that takes teens to residential retreat centers and out into the woods for hiking and meditation across the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I know about you, but I was completely nuts. When I was a teenager. I was terrible person. My mother likes it a story about the one time when I was sixteen when she looked over at me, during dinner and I was smiling- and you realize that it was the first time she had seen me smile in years, so I definitely could have used in meditation, but I can imagine that anybody would have been able to commence Do it, however, just Morey whose my guess this week does just that she's, the executive director of a group called inward bound mindfulness education or I be me and they take kids ages, fourteen nineteen to read
an initial retreat centres and out into the woods for hiking in meditation, she's gotta super interesting backstory as well, and I think this is an episode that parents in particular can be really interested in, but even if you're not apparent her story and what she does now is super interesting. So here we go for maybe see this is a ten percent. Have your podcast ambient air You started meditating ass, a teenager out of that size. Fourteen and my mom. You should go to the insight, meditation society and bury Massachusetts Butter. That's where I go, meditate be a r r e Massachusetts awesome place if you're gonna Gunnar treat that solicitor or one of the best place. I definitely agree so they my mama, go. There do ten day retreats every year when I was younger, says, is like in the eighty
your debt was your dad coup that orders it like. An oil for him, my dad, my parents are divorce and asked him ok to catch, and so who stayed with you when you did they remember you're running while some of the time they think we were here so aged forty. what were you legs working road that that idea struck you as even remotely regional? My parents did all sorts of things that there is no way I would have done yeah I want, They started a team annotation retreat right around on the first. What happened, and I I was interested in my hands- I really little. Actually, I would beg my mind to take me with her to go meditate with her friends and then out several two minutes, but then I read a book, so I just was cannot always interested imitation when a good kid he asked by paying it. I mean it's not like, of course, of a teenager. I did drugs and party and rebuild a little. The means it to some degree but yeah space like a kid, but at the same time,
He sent my brother, who was would probably have not been in the good can category and so were heat which she had a really kind of encourage and strongly to go. There are in the atmosphere there just kind of an atmosphere of peace. So even here Firstly, if we really want to be there, but he settled them and lump it, but I mean yes, there is an atmosphere of peace, but I mean I'm still a teenager in many ways and when I there I rebelled against, I feel like I'm at summer Camp and the council. go out at night and have frivolous friendly's or whatever, and I gotta stay there and eat the vegetarian food and meditated. Listen dharmu toxin, blah blah You didn't have any other. Well, things are nearing the teenagers, especially the early dance like there were no rules. So we didn't we, are you wasn't silent? I we met it when we were meditating in the hall you basically or silent, but all the people that were running the Tina treats didn't have kids, so they kind of had no ideas had that you're so as to make rules for teens. So we would like
We need each other room, so I three in the morning and Roger was a partner for gotcha these are like insider information, but now its total. for it is not the way you read your, not the that we are in at some point, don't forget out that teenagers Nina a bedtime and the boys and girls rooms or got a little bit more. We we all kept. The precepts agreed, took the five mindfulness precepts and we basically kept them. Basically, promising not not gonna do a variety of misuse. Your sexuality killed lies deal drugs or alcohol, moderating no toxic and weep Emmy might basically am I to most people dead, but then we are just like being we'd, be like downstairs, locking meditation home like a two in the morning playing lays a feather cephas aboard. Are you know that is vague, realistic? The girl you try to levitate people got your just like running. It was also there's really good old aunts and did you
Did you connect with the practice at that time or is it all about light as a feathers dives aboard yeah? I think I think when I connected with again was the atmosphere and the kind of the and the connection and attention of the adults that where there is the biggest thing when I connect to it, when I was fourteen. Fifteen bananas are to get really into actually the practice, and I had experiences of yours having that amount state of peace and go moment when your kind of quiet com, yes, I loved it- took this problem a sixteen seventeen Then, when I soon seventy nine to ten day retreat at. I am ass, an adult. Well, well, that's hard for adults. It was super hard that was really heard. It was like way but where's the happy sack you. Don't you quite drooping down you graduate from high school and you went to Burma for three months as member for most of the year
where you live in a monastery four of the attic portion of it, and I love you. You said when you called your father to tell him you're doing this. He cried yeah hidden. Actually, you Mamma gonNA, Fiona Graduate and say, was living with my dad, little face yeah defender and they were just gray because of my mom can tell me- I couldn't go and my dad contemning, I gotta go exceeding really isn't it will attempt to do things so he tried. so you, but you did and you did it. Why did you want to do it and how wasn't so on that territory, though, right after I graduated from high school and back to the energy and ECB literally, is extending an invitation. I just got the idea on my head: go to Burma. I get all sorts of ideas in my head act on them.
I know it's like one who was really vivid almost go voice in my head and plus I was like. I had a teenage brain. You know no impulse control, yet I mean, of course, attack lessening impulse, but totally not looking at the risks. I just make sure I'll do that and I think a number of the staff for the tea retreat had been recently had been to Burma or going to Burma. So I had heard them saying: they're gonna do that so just decided was what I wanted here all by yourself and did you make arrangements in advance for us to be at a monitor yeah in so they ask the staff who are going to Burma just where? Where should I go, which I think at this way so crazy? Nobody was like. Maybe you shouldn't do that, but where did you go? I will decide opened he done so monastery. Just for people don't know soda open data used
legendary meditation teacher known to be pre hard, core and strict, although I understand, could be very nice with some people depending on what the chemistry was there, but it is a really it's a hard core style of teaching and it is very, very much in silence. If I reckon you wear go wrong here and it's about achieving was known, ass stream entry, which is the the first stage of enlightenment, where you have an experience of Nirvana and he's he's like a field marshal getting getting the troops in that friction- and here you are eighty year old kid in show up there. What was it like me recently died, but we were yet more so The reason I went there is because he was the teacher who started team retreats in the: U S,
He was teaching and I'm a cell using a three months and he was like how come there's, no young people, these retreats, and so he said you guys should do teen retreats. So my teachers in the Shawn, Mcdonald and Steve's message sure will try that that's that's why I came in and then he came to them. So I knew I met him a few time over the chemistry with me was very warm. I mean those kind of very fatherly. Oliver asked me about was like headed how the food was. Unlike he would tell me to brush my he didn't even get super granular by your actual practice. No, I didn't actually interview with him. I interviewed with another teacher. Any judges are interacting get you some people. The way it works on retreat is that you, their teachers- and you do have a did, I think in a Burmese. This is a daily and almost daily after you go in and report your meditation experiences and they can get under the hood with you. Yeah incenses, add on my experience.
In everything you say is tolerant on wake up at three in the morning and then you had breakfast at five lunch at ten and then you could need anything until the next day, you're. So soon only sleep for hours, a name and then all your during his meditating totally sire said. Walk just met him. It was really tough, also like first than the miser you're, the bathroom and us like a hole in a bucket of water. Remembering like I have no idea what to do with us. So just culturally is really an. I got sticky rashly here ashen their biting Anson, just physical agate food poisoning a few times. There was really intense and I go into the matter and that, but actually the thing is I my mind was: was the more intense and all that, like the physical pain, was in some ways a relief cause? My mind was so in so much pain, brood about word or was it was content or just the fact that your mind was
The rapidity of when I realized in so that's where I had like my big, an initial, really big and say what was happening was I was beating of those being myself up like what you gonna talk about, so clearly that every time I got lost- and I thought I would be being myself a milk you here, you can't you, Sir terribly remember, you'll get it ever tell you another war, socks totally set, but it sucks more. When you don't know your daily striking distract myself You're, like my own watch tv here, you know cannonball around my kid you're retreat is, as you know, a hole in the bathroom and your mind. Yet it was Brenna several that's the thing is actually would cause less painful. When you know that's what's happening, it's even more pain for when you don't know that's happening, and you didn't know at first. I tell it and I mean yeah and also basically, I am
I'll, go to the motto go into them. In our view of the teacher no describe makes variants and the teacher just be like oh great, good practice, literally, that's like almost all he ever said, was great practice but you didn't say: alarm kick in my own asked when I got it when I go get lost workers at that point I was just like. I don't act like I'm having a really time like. I really thought I might go crazy and so? The woman whose sharing the, whose again muscle treaty next to me, is actually teacher now name any Nugent is anonymous.
And she was, I should always be outside walking and smiling, should always smiling rang out like what is she doing out we're doing something different cause. This is a hell room for me and you somehow seem to be having a good time. So I think of this, as maybe four weeks after some there. If you ran over to her room and just was like, I can't use any work like what are you doing, that I'm not doing so can bring to life? Oh amazingly she's, the one that pointed out that habit of mind of beating up of like she how much sir trace back the thought process that was happening in a sort of shadow thoughts that were actually controlling everything. Gird say more about that, because if that sounds like some an essay stuff there, but actually it's actually a super. There's there's some there there.
Yeah, I mean the sort of like those serve those quiet, subtle thoughts that actually are in some ways there quite Sano, because our beliefs, third rate, were there very astute internal waterways, exactly so there, but their serve always quietly guy on there in the background and so in this interesting- and you start looking at your mind and watching thought. If you please accept meditation practice, you start to see the kind of different loud Nelson nature of these different kinds of thought, but bases is really quiet faults and are so pretty good at this you're, probably no good at anything. This is a waste of time. your life's cossack right tell your never enamel was at that point is getting out Brutus doctrine which would guarantee energy thirst kind of none of that so I literally don't even know what is this about? The Buddha current gives hope of the Buddha. So we know haven't, talked about no self wouldn't onto a Duca suffering. We talk to other impermanence like those weren't pieces of
training before and so I'm there, and I said I got it. I was like yes, this is true. This is the way things are. I could really see the truth of it, and yet I was like and I could see it. If this was a way out, but I couldn't do it so the natives phallic stuck in this black vortex of hopelessness or if there are a million preventative arbiter. step backwards and gives you said once you know your beating yourself up it actually less painful. I find that to be true, but if I can articulate why. Why would I think for me, it was like a creates, a gap here as a whole and the like in the movies
thing and then I could eggs? I would believe it then I would actually how I would certain notice it was happening. I couldn't hear the thought they so couldn't link here. You, your terrible. He second best you know. Reading I didn't actually kind of wasn't caution. Evaporates are to feel this like to read depressed kind of feeling, and it just happened rush wherever just happened, and then I cannot there's some kind of open air. Letting go would happen in a moment of it. Just happened then, go back to the breath so we can break the night train struggle. Lemme give you, as far as my own meditation, safe we're talking about something too. Struggle with a lot of doubt. Like am I doing it right doubt and it's you make you false people can make you restless it can make you miserable you're. Just you know it's a terrible feeling of I'm getting lost in thought a million times, I'm no good at this, who am I using the wrong technique in my wasting my time, if
if I was in an MRI right now, what would it show my doing this wrong? You know uh just a whole spiral and if I actually you say, that's doubt it just like pops, the balloon. So we don't want the same yet exactly. And so that I mean that basically, what is experiencing a self doubt, but with a flavour of like self hatred, or Well, I'm at least for me the tour like so closely less so and also just seeing in the end. Then there is the insight very suddenly was like, because I could feel the feeling and outside this is this happens to me a lot. I know the feeling. life right. So it was this real as well. That can happen at this is the background static of my higher life since, like sentience and and I didn't notice, Adona yeah tell I just was then I would just get caught up in this like depressed kind of dread feeling and not know, it was going on inside that end or with the whole weight was little time for you the vow at that monastery was pretty painful. The whole time along
they're from other month have now you want to know the monastery said. Then I would like to get you out of your roof before you get out of there. You, your harking back to what you said before by how this is the first time you are dealing with the Buddhist doctrine of no self and permanence, and Duke That's a lot of ironically reopening agenda like an echo levies on that, but but she can little that. Yes, it just to say I am on the team, issues, and then I also think it a lot of retreat that I am ass or to speak now. It's like feel your breath. You kind of get us tastes of peace. In your mind, you wish you to loving kindness, but they don't go until a buddhist doctrine right and they all.
In some ways, is not appropriate for that lessons, adducing their server at a stage of development when it might be appropriate, but basically ducas the idea that their suffering that there's or Strasser dissatisfaction and life I mean you could go into an exit visas about this. I have so many opinions about at this point, but when I heard it at that time, I heard basically life sucks, and everything is not quite with the Buddha no at all, but that was deafening. How I interpret interpreted it and there's that I could say how this kind of true made and then like so is like this hopelessness. Is it now to get better at big Billy. I think about a slight, maybe modifying the correct, completely life sucks, if your constantly grasping at things that won't last great totally yeah and if you believe your thoughts, yeah basic, and if you believe that are you thinking of thoughts where they have to protect in Ghent
the getaway things for totally, though that time like not how I didn't, there's no nuance ones for the teaching in exercising the teaching recital in detail, I speaking behind a fan and that have been translated. What speak about a fan they do they like. I think it's because they're trying to say like that's, not him speaking as far as the dorm looking after him here. That's little creepy yeah, I mean what are they doing least until the wheel of the knowledge of how is he I don't really like. I didn't mean any disrespect towards said opened. It was a giant, so creepy might not have been the right, but it's it's it's a bit the off putting, I would imagine, yeah, but again I mean you're in the middle of like it's us everything is that points like there's? No there's no normal of them gave her. so do we need to get into impermanent quickly and progress and permanence being you everything changes, but then, then they kind of and thing about apparent that he would really emphasise was like so
you gonna die and everyone you, how is gonna die a run you love and you'd say that a lot in our son is eighteen year. On the one thing I could have getting me three years, I think about my family, air, my boyfriend at home or something and then I was like a nice thing about them, cause there die is resist. I wasn't getting any new wants of the of the teaching no such thing as zero yachts. No one was really exist there. Just like you, don't exist. So there's like, oh, my god. terrible like not away my terrible, the worst person and in permanent, but I also exist at some tough. I tell you, I mean it's like yeah. No self actually is as actually better translated is not self. The tea is actually super. Important. I've found is personally that that. That's my opinion is actually sugar interesting, not as nihilistic as one couldn't take it to be. We ought to get into it here a lot of stuff.
maybe I'll, get back to many ways. Leave your six weeks. Where'd you go. went to another monastery Maceda. Well, because I so basely side opened her eyes telling a brush my hair, because I dread locks at the time. And so I was there like a fan of like fish. In addition, we would not have gone on no review, my husband, I am not, and I already knew or whereas now we met him once asked, we're sorry ass it s, like you, know, hippy, exploring that part of myself, and so do I like so- and I was very like- did not take care of them at all. You do I, like four wave your book and a really hard to take So am I doesn't care of them, they lag behind being that, so I just checked them off and some of them.
My head and so that I happened to be the head. Monk of this not visor is going to your site out Lacheneur who's up and nearer armies in the Sunshine health, and he am areas like a great you become a nun, and I would like to know how these drama that initially Miller you'll become a nun. It's not ok for Europe, a shape head and not be a non, so I went to the southern. Ah sir became a man s none for while you were in love ya how long four weeks ago, yet british short non totally, not one and how's that place. I was awesome, so a few things cider lacheneur. His whole thing is loving kindness practice matter, he's kind of
as the loving kindness monk and say that he does I his monks and nuns pacts on of that agenda. An agenda we ve talked about a lot other shove it some people move just maybe it is there for them. So it's a practice where you systematically envision people and people love people who ve been your benefactors. People who are your close friends, people who are neutral people who you dont like and then everybody all people and animals and you send them good wishes. That's all swiftly so that that that was the that was the scene of this place. So they're doing there's a lot of matter goin on here and to create a chill or atmosphere and also it was a retreat. At my teacher Michel, O N Joseph just soldiering yeah, the guy who for a bunch of people, Bad reasons is going to be my teacher yeah he's there.
and he was there- distract singer- is now he was teaching authorities if they were teaching energy specifically for westerners awhile monastery. So I shall in actually Steve Michel's partner was also combat. He couldn't get him to a country, so Joseph came so the two of them teaching there It's a that also made an ice. Amsterdam just hurt nobody out. Just my Michel's like she was half like my darling mother work, seeing her out as soon as I saw her, I just started sobbing, I'm sure she's, like so loving tat. I ever met her, but she sounds great, so and but you, you till you did us forward today, you kept going in Brazil, nuts and then I M so by sea for four weeks there and many went to India Ogre so I'd disrupt after that. But thinking I'm one of him a non for my life. Those Catholic does what I wanna do well. So what you went to India with that plan that yeah
You got another monster. I went to do so. This is all planned out. My high school room was meeting me in India, so where's like in February, where we're getting too marked. So we we went to the dialogue Agus teachings every March in Dharamsala and our thoughts are with their arms and sat on his teachings for couple weeks. a retreat into button retreat and then we kind of data is like a spiritual class. We like winter, but Gaia and baronetcy and though it in a pond in Tibet, retreat there, while at the end of it, were you you look enlightened, we would lightened can't you too Yes, Joe, you decided not to become like in. If I recall, you went back, went to college, maybe gradual
and then you had a career in clean energy, clean energy and climate finance and then cut shocked at all to do go run territories yeah why there are two things I mean you have to ask your mom parents. If you become a monk or none for life, and I call it off the engine like now. You say this Vienna does it out piece of Adam and then actually solve cement monk monk, who was like presently a a psychic monk monk. If this monster that I was pricing out and I was like hair and become a nun for my life's and he's like note- you should go home, go home and work till it to go homework devastated at the time, but I just didn't want homeward college
yeah working, clean energy and then base about volunteering with teen retreats for a number of years, and we decide to make a non profit at some point so that we could do more of them around the country. That's ordered me yet so we form the nonprofit. I was only twenty ten though we may the nonprofit, and we hired an executive director. This young guy he's super healthy, charismatic and guy and linked to throat two months after he started with us. He had he went into a coma, meaning you too harsh plan woe so visa elegant. I was finding more members. I'm doing more to get keep the organization functioning so that we can still do so retreats he did get a hard transplant easier and awesome. Ogre Marian has a baby Yasser Arafat, but basically need someone to take over and it would be a kind of like the Buddha story of the heavenly messengers. So what happened-
I have to find anyone out yet again the whole story. The buddhas enlightenment, was that he was this principle I have a great life and anyone out and he laughed you was we protective in the palace and he left the palace and he saw a sick person, an old person on the dying person and that a monk and basely that's what encouraged him to start meditating to earn a start kind of a spiritual quest. So I kind of had this idea that I would some day because like dedicate myself to meditation completely, but I also had this idea that I really I wanted to teach from having been deeply embedded in the world. Like I didn't wanna, a lot of our teachers became teachers merrily young, very Joseph. Your aim, we music, meditating like full time at twenty two or something like that, and Sharon and Michel it
All of that kind of a lot of that generation of teachers had done that already have kids and get married, and I just had the slick inclination that I wanted to be like a busy crazy person, an meditate so that I could then teach crazy busy people about how to manage start. Teach me, Graham everything teacher he's the Asia but busy crazy. I understand so sorry You were in the middle of, I think, telling me about your decision to go to college. Instead they working in and were actually your task and who have young heavenly messenger at? If so be it? That was my idea this point as it can my early looked thirty. this young guy jet Jesse, who had Jesse Torrents who gun had the heart transport, was like twenty nine thirty. I met my had now husband who had was recovering from lymphoma estate for cancer and had a bone marrow transplant and
and we had been really sack almost died and then my roommate I live with got leukemia are going through. Three men and had him a bone marrow transplant, which was pretty crazy, happy man, combination and then my brother got really sick and died not long after so basic justice and all of those people were and are likely twenties early thirties. It was just this moment like wave. I I love meditation. I love teenager you'd like the one time my year, when I don't question whether one I'm doing is worthwhile. There may not be a later businesslike. There might not be a later. There might not be like when you're sixty. You can do, This is the right time to hear the impermanence are as opposed to a majority. Exactly so then it was like right carpet is more of the light. Take advantage of this time like three. If this is what you long has most meaningfully to you, you should be doing now and so pink quit my career and started running this organization. Why did you lie?
were you. Why do you like working with teen so much because of a lot of sane adults like do their best to avoid teenagers at all costs? I M actually not anti teenager, although I was in it. I gave a speech earlier today at a high school and You're, crazy love them their eyes. You, though, Why do you? Why do you give your you actually live with about dinners with your husband teaches at a school in summer Massachuset you have lived in one of the dorms. You can't get away from these people, the F B. I love working containers with adolescence. So I recently working now more also at college students and love that age group, as well
I love how much energy they have their so creative and energetic suggest this is fun. Is one piece of it. The other pieces link I like to see they have less like crossed on our hearts than adults do so they much more quickly put in the right atmosphere with the right conditions like learning this practice with a bunch of people who are kind and seeing them in their vessels, they go back to our best self pretty quickly and just like all of that natural human and seemed to be generous to be compassionate to be carrying in five days like their transformed, and I think that that happens a lot more quickly and people. Yet that's amazing yours crimson over this matter I just interpolating back to when I was a kid and just really in a knucklehead and not nice. Guy, just don't know what would have happened. If I went on one of the, I don't think you would have been able to get me onto one of those retreats, but I was in touch with a best self
I need a few things for so I don't think that every teenager should meditate necessarily or come on teen retreat. I mean I do think it would be cool if every teenager new, but there's this practice, make a kind of get a taste of it and then decide what is helpful for them But a retreat is intensive fire. They meditative out five hours a day and we definitely They have to want to be there to go on their return, but we deftly have kids, whose parents strongly encourage them to go. What is just to tell me what what you do on these reports? So it's it's. Basically, a mixture of the day we do sitting meditation, walk humanitarian, yoga, loving, kindness, everyday, compassion practice we need to ours. A small group work which is otherwise is, is that hot seat exercise yeah? What is a hot seat effort is so a bit. I think. Perhaps he does like a group meditation you're, the hearty right yeah exactly.
Part of their be like ten other people staring at me in asking me question got your. That would be the process that, but this is more tortures yeah. Oh yeah tell em so Pardo Hussy the whole idea of it is that link, So you are the object of men. If you choose to be, you become the object of meditation and so part of that, just like we're in practising with our breath or mind your cultivating that kind curious attention, but on that person, so you really practice like you, keep your eyes on the image of your tat. If you notice that your mind wandering off you bring back, I'm going out with you about amendment that was not sarcastic great and then and then it's a slight declared that, unlike the category, was to say that what then. And then the whole. The whole idea is that you're, just following your kind curiosity, so here like there's no agenda behind your questions there just like he was kind of a in this moment out of curiosity
that though they are not necessarily often those get into questions are pretty pot with profound, but it's not like you're trying to ass the hardest question just like, what's naturally rising but teenagers can be mean so that does this doesn't do, don't never become serve the it's really facilities. Survey, adult staff in the Gruber facilitating it. So you have to raise your hand, ask a question: you ask your question. They answer you have say thank you at over you, it's not a back and forth. So as a facilitator, we have a lot of control over our prosecutors. Yeah, we get tat, have shift direction, but we really rarely have to do that as a whole. Atmosphere that we create a teen retreat is ah so kind and accepting this is like foundation of what's happening in that happens because of a staff, because of-
The way that we engage them was like people want to be affected in kind. We ought. We wanted to anywhere mean because are trying to protect ourselves in some way to have given a space where the you feel safe. To do that people will do that. Tell you that this is a close enough. Analogue wows, twelve and thirteen. All my friends were having barometers. Abutments was undoubtedly have to respect both bullied. My parents and I certainly were spoken. I won T go to one of the Burmese for for so The acceptance and maybe some cash and hebrew school had a whole different vibe. When I was an hebrew school where it was like a kind of like open, Leed Dope, fleeing nerdy were learning as other language where they went in the wrong direction and we would sing these. He rue folk songs and
it actually people dropped the mask in that context, close yeah. I think that is, I think, that's what the kids hung about. They truly dropped the mask completely, and I mean they take the precepts behind each other and then we're facilitating this process like where there's a really high Tina, Saffery issues. If we're seem behaviour language, we were actively facilitating. How would you do how do you? You talked about the need for rules. What do you do? Have kids run oftener, no hook it up in the word early smoking weeders knows that what was upon the tap to get home? Ok, yeah, we send them home and the thing is over office. We try not like really don't have a policing relationship with teens us like a really trust and deep respect, and basically saying we trust you to link and if you respect the spaces, what we need to do and we re
you talk about why we have the older teens. I've been there before talk about. Why I mean they say the most beautiful things about why why it's important to celebrate honour trader? What? What? What is it? I mean whether bigger things, like wit, that energy you in your attracted to someone we are crushing on someone is so distracting, and then it like tat takes away to part of organised crime is inclusive community and when two people are doing, I kind of natural increase as exclusion and takes away from Diana saved in connection of the whole one of the things I say just for themselves and then alone will say like I feel safe here and I'm feeling like be protecting myself from around the sexual gaze. I can just be friends with people feel safe in that way, a most also really does what else goes on its job as a kind of cut you off when your listing fares to talk about the hot seat,
there is some hiking on some of these yeah so and so the everything but arms are most authoritative yeah. We also about an hour and a half workshop period in the afternoon, which is the it's a whole range of things. Don T get to choose what they want to deal with. Those will be like mindful sports, Doug, my husband always does arts creator writing, but also discussions about gender sexuality diversity? We do a lot of like social justice workshops, things like that and then hiking or nature practices, so that, oh, that's like our residential retreat. We basically rent a place like, and I am ass and then have eighteen or treat them when we go into the wilderness. So we then we also have he's been backpacking Wilderness Retreat, which is a little bit longer and we go back tax go out in a wilderness in camp on the way so that the schedules over different but were meditating out in the world
we have studied the silent at night and then we do have a longer solo period. Tillers two nights will not be alone, while in we, you know incursion into practice to be to use mindfulness in that setting the funny matter. If you read SAM Harris's book waking up, he talks about how he was on some serve teen retreat out. There was a Mediterranean retreat with some sort of wilderness. Where it when he was a kid and that there is a sad alone, part a solitary part of it, and he said his letters home rivalled anything you would have seen from Gallipoli and you know a shy low. Just like complete
self pity knows that, because I don't use prepared the way Europe apparent kids to be alone and look at their mind what kind of transformations, if any of you see of these retreats, maybe we see massive transformations mean we ve had kids and us think about the summer days. They have to be our contract frayne. Ideally, we ask and we are gone drug free before the faith and struggling with addiction, but we'll have kids at that comment will be the first time not wearing pot for years may, come on our treat and just think their ability to, first of all to be with whatever the feelings I they ve been avoiding and then go through that process of really getting close to what is actually happening in their experience and
why they might like wine have been using pot earners, a drug tat, kind of avoid that and then what they wanted, the big don't wanna, do it again to that kind of shift. For me, some of the most powerful pieces are seeing the connections that happen across some pretty big difference between the kids, like we have a real diversity of teenagers on our treats so radical sighing scale. So some kids pay nothing. Some we now come for really welfare, while families so they're coming from completely different life experience us and these in the small groups and those hots. It's one of the big things: Asia Gal have differences, but actually, ultimately you know it
fearing life in a similar way on some other. So kids, you see not across what they you'd. Initially enough. Save us all time, like I had this idea about who you were. You know you are a jogger. You are upon her whenever it is and then by the end of the small group at sight there so connected an intimate because, if seen below, so that feel is really meaningful for me and I said I'm connected costs and that scale so the rest, your life goes. But every time we see somebody so conscious reckon up a story about European in greater good, which is a website associate affiliated with university. California, Berkeley believe about, while foresaw showed that teenagers are really stress these days and that.
Apparently there was a study that that shows that meditation appears to help. Do you think we ought to be teaching every unit should every any parent on? Why now listening right now? Should they be thinking about meditation for their kids and should we be doing in public schools? What about concerns around sectarian influence, etcetera, sitter, all the stuff about the the Buddha and whatnot? back what that was referring to, as we did research our retreats thousand article about the research I came on our retreat. Oh, I was just published. That was basically you showing that even three months after the retreat, the teens had improvements in
mood in a lot of an around. There are like life satisfaction and how they felt about themselves, but actually, what was most touching for me about our important about our research was that the teens, who had the biggest shift in self compassion, who developed more versus mindfulness, so there's a study of like Wikipedia Mindful they were and then herself compassionately were the self compassion was much more corps waited with their benefits, lasting and with greater benefits later, and they re also ass, like our une, loving kindness, meditation or mindfulness in the more loving kindness. If they did that. Had these like longer lasting benefits, So those is interesting for me in terms of Howie frame like what we teach something bad and it makes sense because all of us are dealing with a jerk and our heads as you call it. Yeah he's about without was about but too I think.
I should every parent listen to this get there could be many, I think, every parent listen to this should benefit the brilliant and let that be the influence the kids on some other, and then I mean this is like the quintessential challenge, any view of younger kids. You can. halfway do practices and there's a lot of great books out there that you can do. You just simple moments of peace and quiet feel your breath. your emotions, but also here has again if I get Baino this way better than we do so twirling to hang out your kids and really hang out with em sprawly. the best thing to do. I can't see game my one and a half year old to meditate Vienna for I think we want to have your old- that's u meditating on him. Thus the meditation mean just paying attention on one of with fall completely. and then maybe, following his lead, just chewing on his fat leg, counted motivation: cuz do this Gary, yeah I mean I was egos actually just with a view. The father asking this exact question last night by the two, an analog
about how to meditate with it. They ve got to use less screwed up the internet, but it was doing here use come into our coming escape but also a you know, the baby was like picking up the grass and I try to eat everything they do phenomenon rose, I bet you could also join them and get that fascinated in the grass and like yeah, you don't mean that process. It is in a way very monthly, mindful of yours out just making up set on have kids, and I don't actually known as I know, but you can see the world a friend you just by just empathizing, with the fact that they are doing that and that very cap, so that I think with the under his that we can do. I think me when they get a four five. You can start to do some simple, there's a ridicule on where they put their teddy bear on about a real then, but the I think their debts. really happening. Even south of four five right doesn't really everyone who has been honest. I guess I think you could do is recovered. Preschooler really for love is a brief moment. I think even lower that I don't know
don't call me, I mean I'm focusing teenagers right but showed So if I'm apparent with teenager, what do I might be in maintaining a jerk like? I but what do you do that right to be? As you know, if your parent danger, you can't get them if you tell them to manage. Eight is private, but worst waiting at the nomadic Yes, so one of our the call that we get the most at an ivy me as parents saying. How do I get my kid to come on Eritrea? Would you say basically we videos remain abundance and whether we really have videos with teens talking about their experience and teens. You know their normal kids, their cool kids like sorry, take direct them. The watch this video or you just leave off. around. Basically, we try to get our marketing to be teen friendly, go away not aimed at the parents yeah exactly daguerreotype. Sulphur parents are right exactly.
so there and then what we find is a it's way be. As the t reach will grow with our galaxy cause, they bring Tito, bring their friends and siblings after years of grows. Much more. That way, I do think having mindfulness in schools is really great, even better get it. I think a toy depends on her. The personnel- and this is a new invention, my husband, but he's I dont teachings. I'll go and undue presentations or dialogues, but he's a full time teaching my from us all the scenes of the school and he was he's also- you went to this high school and he's in love sport, Hall of Fame at high school years ago, national champions across Blair. Any so incredibly sweet. But basically you know he's like he's a great ambassador for young people to to play that role. Tyndareus us so, think it does condemn. It does matter a little bit. How you frame album
mostly what you need to be wholly totally authentic with people if you're gonna teach it yet, but the school where advantageous private school. There have been some. You know skirmishes and public schools where people try to bring it in, including on Cape cod. Not far from you, your yearn to Boston, where parents of faith are unhappy about this, give you Oh I mean, in that case they dropped it, because a lot agent Lawson go through to figure out. Why haven't they succeeded a few more yoga. Then then they might mindfulness has really done to that stage. It in a way the community was hoping it would in cave God, so that we can, because the case could be taken and we could see what would happen think the way that it's so deftly have to be careful about how its top, but we're not teaching any belief system. I think that's what it comes down to for me it's in an actually or are often linked. Not don't believe me actually don't believe me that with the Buddha
right. So we take it all the time, so they dump lately dizzy. Just explore for years, often see if you find this very interesting and I honestly think of a team comes our territory. They they really try it and other I don't wanna like minute meditation of a great awesome. Do you really think that, but soon, He met kind of a stance and then were not you know. One point I try to do occur: we don't we don't do that reference suffering in a way you can just sailing just the reality. What you are saying is common sense like we're. Just maybe advanced comes yeah, but in a way when you pointed out your link, their stress people things happen that we don't want to happen, and most of us have had some experience whatever teenager. That's painful that we don't like we also like pointing out what's going on in their minds, their feelings being out of control painfully in giving them civic tools for managing that its common.
So basically, I just something think: there's not a lot of belief or dogma to answer that to me, again. I don't think it gets into the space of religious. What's your daily practice now, how would you do what war and what right now, I'm practicing between about an hour into two hours and Agnes goods on yeah, my primary practice for the past few here the past year and a half has been doing. I am really semantic meditation mean body, sensations, Leah body, sensations, but I would say body sensations from the inside or girl like your case arena feeling your pancreas while they re now like failure. Few failure for. Are you feeling your foot as if you're looking down at your foot, however, you flaky figure awareness is inside of the four year. Do great Sebastian, that's what I mean. so really being like deeply and having your awareness inside of the experience.
I think you do. I don't know, but I could be over us, and I mean I'm known to overestimate my abilities and loss of areas. I think so, but I see the different as he the difference between they give out your hand feels like and just feeling rain and even like some tat can I can be really connected to this kind of it can be like a witnessing. You know a good looking down on our clear answer, but this has had a letter. well up yeah exactly, but even that well up to what, as if there's some nowhere yeah, but that's so I dont, actually you think of it as a while. It's like invalid this being having awareness can embedded inside of the experience that so that a peace but also just kind of doing, I also find deeply relax, so to how does it actually work? You sit down start feeling foot like how what what's the
ok into the other piece of what I'm doing to us as a loving kindness practice, but some man so not no longer using the words not doing the kind of this. illustration or mantra practice. Its much, moreover, felt sense, loving, kindness practice. Saint call somebody to mind and then have just a felt sense of them yeah. But then it's like the felt sense of wishing, while bus but too with it with a target, or is it just wishing weld both I'll? Do it and but how does the soul of the thematic stuff to use your term? How does that work and seven practising a lot of the team? name, Reggie Ray. You told me about him and he's yet really amazing, meditations, so What kind of work when our long practice could look like is starting lying down, which is great to get away to convince yourself to meditate,
and then actually doing can lead to an app though yeah do you have to like me sometimes leaving. I set my alarm and I do like ten that I have a ten minute thing so that I have to sit up. So first time is lying down. It's a body scan, but with the with relaxing, so a lot of body scans are just like just you happening in your not changing the experience. There is an attitude of trying to relax. I do that who so wish I do a body scan meditation. I start I say to myself like us: sure that have the head soften the head this way Joseph teaches it. Often to teach that did you actually softening your muscles or whatever each at each area, the body is: actually it is quite relaxing and you are also paying attention to. I feel like it. You get both rate totally yeah, which is great. I haven't I actually having present just how much you get a little buzzy.
Yeah totally, which is all natural, either ray and innocent has more than a little oh yeah. get kind of like all. These are really pleasant. Sensation Joan, if the your body for sure, which is like a factor, is one of the factors awakening It's one of those like joy joy is a pity that energetic joy, p, Idee, ITA ancient indian word. What I agree. I worry a little bit about you, I've a pretty addictive personality. I were a little bit about like you. Don't mind just trying to get a buzz, Do I look like when it? What do you think you do? You feel like addicted to that feeling? Actually it gets a little old as well, which is interesting. I was so present myself that could even get their image, because meditation was for so many years, just such a death march that that I can make it pleasant sometimes or that it could be pleasant. I've court, personalized it by making my mean making a pleasant, but I was Sir proud of myself.
and then it was just cut it wants the beaten. Being pride of myself were off, it was. It was just the novelty of it in and it felt good. I want a more, but afterwards a guard get it yeah. It's not interesting, we're so an eminent. Yet people say that, but it doesn't seem. Again addicted to. In that same, I I mean there are moments when it will start a shaft and not be that feeling of like are now YO yo. Of course, but they just noticing bad. Yet right these noticing the clinging to the thing is, is important right since self righteously, it's different than I kind of addictive behaviour like having another drink or something, but so basic idea that line. I deeply relax. My body set up. If I'm doing so not a loving kindness practice am feeling and bodies, in just holding the awareness and in the centre of my body so feeling
posture. I've got a lot more into posture since, where he have Reggie so much Strader back you never really working with the elongated back and then lately holding the brought the attention on a breath of globally and then, when you get lost, as you say, escort in your attention gently back to the two posture. So the first thing- back to the posture and notice, because you'll notice, when you do that the body often tenses last right, there's too They haven't one the body tenses, intensifying it ass. The other thing that I found really interesting is often we get lost because there's some sensation we don't want to dissociation yeah, that's like almost always when I'm getting lost. there's something happening. My experience and I dont want to feel, and so
what I'll do I'll come back soft and relax and look for what's going on? What is it that I am one of your Joseph talks about struggle as feed back when you struggling with a linear experience, go take a look at there were a menace like oh wow, there's a leg, total clenching image ass or appears that I don't wanna, let it be there and then it's like this experiencing I've been out He tried to use softened around and get close to it develops, unlike willingness to be within an unjust. You just know, does have a mine will naturally like bounce off, because it doesn't want to be there to. Let's that's basically that practice. When I do loving kindness racked us, I connect into the earth and avert lady way, which now things rural seconds I picturing the gridlock now, but it's very interesting is like just in those
I am getting a sense. It's almost like you, let your warning drop down beneath you and if you can, even with this building, you can think what the building being embedded foundation in the earth and the way there's a way that spreads out all around us. Then, when I do that just serves How can I change my nervous system? Wanna bet, you know it for all of my nihilistic sarcasm. I agree with you. I see it and I agree we are set on away, but it is done well, there's that term grounded in right right, a mere that yeah, it's a real thing. So you were, you were mildly, am ambivalent. When you walk in a sense it on, you I walked into the room, and you re about doing this, but hey feeling now you can't ok used of TAT a little bit. Friggin up a little if any who did very well whatsoever that the website is, I be as in
M E, so inward bound marvellous education. I be Emmy dot info So there you have it there's another edition of the ten percent happier podcast. If you like it, please make sure to subscribe. Tellson friends about us leave as quick review. All that really helps us keep the show going. I want to thank you for listening. I also want to thank the people who make this pike ass possible internally. Garret ABC News, more Efron, Josh Co Hand, Sarah AMOS Anti calves, Deep Jones and the head of ABC New Digital Dan silver. If I want to suggest topics we should cover or guess we should bring on the show the best way to do that is hit me up on Twitter at Dan be Harris. I love hearing from you, and I really do listen to this suggestion. So please keep in common, and if you want to learn a little bit more about how to meditate and check out the ten percent happier app we'll be back as we are every
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