From ABC this is the ten percent. Have your podcast Dan Harris, hey guys it's Friday. So it's bonus time. Instead of a bonus meditation Though this week we're gonna bring you an episode of the pod cast meditative story. You may have heard about this pike S really good, and the episode we're gonna drop here is my episode in this episode. I tell personal story about a father son, trip. I went on with my son Alexander when he was four years old and how this trip really cheap. Our relationship. If Europe earlier with meditative story, as I said, is really good show. It combines immersive storytelling with mindfulness problem. embedded right into the narrative all with a lot of really good music woven right into it This has been winning awards of late at is definitely worth checking out. I really like the team over it. Meditative store, I'm glad were developing

sir relationship, they tell us that many of their listeners used the ten percent happier app and we that many people in Tpa land are and a meditative story. So I hope you enjoy this episode. when Bianca I first had Alexander. I remember there being a whole soon army of sentiment both over you from my friends and on social media from people I didn't know where we are being told and exhorted too. Enjoy every moment or cherish every moment, and I always wondered about that. Is this juice

kind of perfunctory thing that people sale or is it may be based in some sort of remorse that they may feel about having let their kids childhoods slip by without really taking it all. And while I was happen, parenting is avoided a custom steep climbs full on free fools shop. Tens one moment your failed with doubted, worry the next joy and delight it just is this way today. Storyteller Damn Harris is aboard Costa and gender and the creator of the ten percent happier meditation up and podcast in the story he's about to town dance, a candid look into his attempts to connect more with his son Alexander.

I must now be a guide for meditative story. so why now in this moment, what can you do to really be here to help may be as present as possible? For you, I'm feeling my feet on the ground. I am aware of the temperature of the air when my skin, I know them movement in my face as I speak, what is it for you. Relaxing the body letting the body breathe, your senses open

your mind open, meeting the world, so things have been pretty and of all her on my house for a little while my son Alexander, is for and is all about his mommy right now. They're bond is beautiful and tight, but that sometimes means it's really hard for me to break in as the nature of our respective schedules, my wife Bianca spend more time with Alexander, I work very funny hours employed at ABC News, where I anchor good morning, America, on the weekends, which means I'm up at three forty five in the morning and once I've stretched

Howard and meditated. I sneak out of the apartment ass quietly ass possible so as to not wake Alexander and we again and then I take a quick car right through the dark and often utterly silent city streets to the office. Those are my weekend mornings and then during the week. One of Ankara's of Nightline, which means for several nights. I stay up really late to Ankara that show ok is highly trained physician, but she's not working right now. She had breast cancer a few years ago and she's been taken a little time off, thankfully she's fine, but this scenario. It does mean she spends a lot more time with Alexander than I do. Typically in the morning on week days, I walk out. Did the living room dishevelled and our into Alexander's playtime, with his mom before he heads off to school? Sometimes, ok

damn right in the middle of the often difficult routine, of getting him ready for school he's, pre school right now often Alexander thoroughly rejects me. You don't look at me. He won't even say hello and if I go over to him, he wives are cause for his mommy and runs away. This, as you might imagine, does not feel awesome first thing in the morning the person I love the most in the world totally rejecting me when I can get him to explain why he'll tell me that he doesn't like that. I have for Uncle crazy, hair or that I smell it feeds my overall sense of guilt that I'm not spending enough time with him. There are times when these interactions can make me sad or resentful bud,

good mornings. If I go out into the little room- and I said quietly long enough- he will actually come over to me on his own and on bad mornings. All I get is him reluctantly deigning to allow me to kiss him on the forehead? I'm not a big one format of physical claims, but Alexander is something of a miracle we were told Bianca at I that it was a long shot that we would ever have a child. We went through. I ve f, twice in vitro fertilisation and on the second round, which we already knew was almost certainly going to be our last round. We got one egg. Everybody who goes through IVF is, of course, having fertility issues, but still many of these people get eight to twelve. So again we got one and they implanted did, and now we have this giant blonde kid.

running around the house as a result. This is a huge deal for us to have a kid, and I really really love him and I do feel guilty about the that I'm not around as much as I would like to be. I do my best at this we deliberately found an apartment that seven blocks from my office so unable to pop in and out and see him during the day and it also close to a school. So I do go pick him up. When I can. Those school figures are actually quite magical often surprised and delighted to see me and I'll run right over and give me a hug The thing I try to do is to organise regular father son dates, because I found that when it's just the two of us he is much much swear to me. So it's not like. I never see him, but I would love to see a more. I miss a lot of dinner.

At home and mornings and stuff like that. One of my colleagues made a joke. Recently. He referred to my parenting style as ten percent around which was kind of a funny joke, but it definitely stuck in my

Am I spending enough time of him and what I do see a police officer fixated on mommy, the rum persona non grata. If he were to write her present, you are right now what percentage, which is Goya Self Ten percent? Fifty percent more can be a fine thing to do from time to time and no need to give yourself a hard time. Just causes high right now. What would it be to grow your presence by ten percent come back to your breath. The feeling of the bad so had set of you is the sensations of this moment.

So I decide in consultation with my wife To try to be a little bit more proactive and take Alexander on a father son trip so that we can can, in all new way I wonder what a change of scene will bring. I hesitate travelling with a then three year old. I worry hill revolts at the idea of being away from mommy for a while. So I gingerly broach the subject with him, while he's playing with his toy, at the dining room table one night, I say: what do you think little man? Do you want to go to Boston? Do you want to go to Boston, to see your grandparents. I grew up in Boston and my parents are still there again. Do you want to spend two nights? Just you and daddy and he says yes I cast him on this over the ensuing gaze. Any consists

these says yes, so why put it on the books I buy us plane, tickets and because a room until my parents to clear time in their schedules as the trip approaches increasingly concerned that he's gonna have a full on temper tantrum. When I pick him up and try to get him in the cab to the airport what, if he doesn't want, leave mommy what if the entire trip is, romantic an awful for both of us. What do you want? we put him to bed. I used to put him to bed He was a baby, but ever since he's been able to speak, he's at a whole problematic sleep career. He would not. Let me put him to bed. His mom can put him to bed. His nanny can put him to bed, but not me fact one time I arranged a night were both his mother and his nanny were out of the house, so I would be the only option I remember he was sitting in the bath before bedtime and after I'd feel

shampooing him it dawned on him that I was going to put him to bed. he's you're freaking out in and whining in a way that suggested a full on bout of crying may be in the offing. One of the cats haven't a walk through the bathroom at that time, Alexander, would you be ok with Ruby, putting you to bed and he's a yes I asked him. Why? Then he said because she's a girl, so there was second fiddle to Ruby

Can you imagine being that fly on the wall? See Dan slumped his son adamant the cat nonchalant we leave. on Sunday. I finish: work walk into Europe our men and he's in a great mood all dressed up, hair combed ready to go. I walk over to him and asked: are you ready he answers in the affirmative enthusiastically, so I changed my suit and call a car we had to the airport, and I do my best to get him talking on the way about all the fun things will do in Boston. I put a heavy emphasis on ice cream He's in a really good mood halo,

at the window. He laughs and enjoys himself once we're at the airport. He's a dream going through security. He insists, though, in writing on top of my Rowley suitcase this. Hard on my aging body, carrying this little beast on my suitcase through the airport all day, but about having a really good time. We land in Boston and go to the hotel. Together, we head straight to the pool for a little bit after checking in and then his grandparents show up and we eat dinner in our hotel room. It's a great time and then the hour arrives where I'm going to have to put him to bed. I do have a strategy, though there No official bedtime. I tell him instead We had out into the long carpeted hallways where it is gain time

I make him run wind sprints in his pj's for an indeterminate period. Occasionally other guests walk out of there rose and see what Alexander and I are doing. They laugh at us give unable to get him tired enough. I'm thinking then he'll have no choice but to fall asleep. We have a whole set of games in the hallway, where I running up and down like a dog he's, loving it giggling and squealing. As I chased him, I am clearly winning here. We had to bed to read them. books I was eating about. Bedtime are going to sleep. We just reading books here and after just a few minutes. It crashes I should say this. Kid generally is not a great sleeper. He wakes up all the time and screams in the middle of the night. But

tonight not on the boys trip with Alexander deeply asleep, and and exhausted to no doubt how are you, energy levels if you want to raise them a little try straightening the spine, opening the chest, raising the chin, letting the body led the mind we see the next day at Lego, land me Alexander and his grandmother six hour Yes, I am bored out of my mind, but he is having a great time and it feels great just to watch him go that night. We have

I add my parents apartment his uncle. My brother, who just happens to be in Boston that night joins us. It's really sweet. Just my original nuclear family right here with my little son was being a really good kid eating his dinner, a beggar with an egg on it. He dan is well, he eats because that would be does when he's happy, everybody lass and he says a lot of funny cute things, the Of admiration and adoration of my fans, all focused on my little boy is really meaningful. For me. After dinner, we head back to our home. Hell room. He runs more wines, spirits in the hallway and again sleeps through the night. On our last day we had to the New England Aquarium. We look at all the fish. Alexander's attention span the limited, so we move very quickly from penguins. The eels to sharks

He seems highly motivated to get me into the gift shop, so we can get a treat when we get back on the plan. dad Home Alexander is great. He looks out the the whole time clutching the new stuff. Well, I got him as somebody been meditating for nearly a decade now I've had many moments during this trip. Were I'm really glad to have the training, because I'm able to just two into how for lack of a less cheesy word? How sweet this experience is? I love this kid. Obviously, every parent loves there, but especially given the fact that I'm an older dad, I'm forty, seven and given everything Bianca? I went through to get this kid. This whole situation is especially point when Bianca. I first had Zander. I remember there being a wholesome normie of sentiment, both over Email for my friends and on social media from people I didn't know

where we are being told and exhorted too enjoy every moment or cherish every moment and I always wondered about that. Is this just a kind of perfunctory thing: people say war is it may be based in some sort of remorse, that name feel about having let their kids childhoods. slip by without really taking it all, and while I was happening one of them, These things meditation is designed to do. is to wake you up and down, be right here? wherever you haven't of eight throughout the course of my job to my son. There are a lot of little snapshots in my mind of him looking at the window as the plane flu

by watching him. Look at the penguins in the aquarium or fiddle with legos at Lego, land or dance around bagel in hand, while my family laughs, and in all of these moments I was really able to do the opposite of zoning out, able to zone. In my experience that really amplifies the awesomeness quotient immeasurably, the self awareness been able to generate that anybody can generate through meditation allows me to notice and accentuate joy, and it can provoke What I consider to be healthy reflection about the the in arguable fact that these moments are fleeting, so it's best not to waste them by reflect finally reaching for my iphone or something-

in this world of distractions, minds have become so well trained to jump from one thing to another: you might even field up right now. If so, can you rest acknowledge how Dan Story is making you feel letting the enjoyment of appreciation think him I should say there are few moments during our trip, where Alexander says he misses mommy? It hurts my feelings a bit, but I I just do a version of what were told to do during meditation rather than denying or try to paper over that his feelings exist. I get him to tune into himself. I ask him how does missing mommy make you feel sad and if he says yes, which usually does I say,

it's ok to feel sad. I get it but we're gonna say very soon. In the meantime, we have fought. Generally speaking, this works like a charm, when we finally get home and ride the elevator up to our apartment. I prepare They tell his mother about what an amazing job Alexander did within minutes, though, pretty much as soon as these around his mother. Again, he has a temper tantrum, not me, it's directed quite squarely at her. This speaks, in my view, to the impenetrable bond. He has with her, and it actually makes me feel like whole dynamic among the three of us is about me and more about the fact that many children simply have intense relationships with their mothers, and you know what I think it's great, that they have this blood. It's now clear that there is nothing for me to fields Alice or resentful about. Clearly, the move here is just for me to make time.

Alexander and I to intervene, one on one, so we can build our own relationship and I think our ways: trip really helped on that front, interrupting patterns. The groups in our everyday lives created new space for us to relate to one another differently, we're building our own repertoire of private, jokes and secret memories, mostly involving my allowing him to have more chocolate. The mommy does so I have to say I did that I'm going to do it again. We're already talking about going down to Florida together, have also learn my lesson about crazy hair in the mornings. Now, when I wake up many days, I put water in my hair. So I looked better France. That is also help oh and Other day he told me that he has now decided at daddy is henceforth aloud to put him to bed, so finally, on a par with our cat, Ruby.

We reach the end Dan story in just a moment. Will guide you through a closing meditation Hunting is hard given that my own out a child, a boy is pretty much the same age as Alexander there's a lot that I recognise and dance story the importance of stepping out of everyday routines in order to connect. But of all the themes, the one wonder stands out. The most, for me, is the simple power of time spent together when there's disconnection we solve it. By connecting. letting time and attention do their work attend,

and connection or in their own way the heart of meditation. Since you here, why not join me in a short meditation inspired by done story, it'll, be in two parts and will start here, just as you are have a position your body is in if you're moving or still take a bath take to take as many as you want. If it's been one of those days when outside. Letting the sound drain away any tension that you might have been holding and, in the first part of this meditation, the idea is to just rest, your attention with the body no need to fix it in any area in particular, instead, just resting being aware of the body as a hall giving it to your attention connecting

the whole body. However, it is fill your awareness soaking up your attention. As you do so, there will be flickers away from your connection with the body times, when particular sensations thoughts, feelings come in and take over as with Dan. These might include doubt judgment boredom. Are we tiredness? It's ok. Whenever you notice your connection with your overall sense of the body break just come back and start again bringing the attention back. We connecting. Ok, now that you're, hopefully feeling a bit more grounded, let's move into the second part of the meditation. What I'd like you to do

is to bring someone to mind that you wish she could spend more time with four Dan. It was his son for me, it's my eldest sister, who was it for you there's no right answer, but in my experience the first person you think of is probably the best person to go with. If you're visual person, you can picture an image of them, but if, like me, you don't have too much of a visual mind, just recall something about them, an event, a feeling, a story, an image without his whatever helps bring them to mind, whatever helps bring them into awareness, and this is where will rest keeping your person in mind spending time with the image of them in my feel, totally contrive totally fake has okay. It can be like that. Sometimes

Just do it anyway, bringing to mind the person you wish. You could spend more time with his keeping them in awareness as much as you can. As you do, this all sorts of thoughts may come up. Thoughts of regret self judgment doubt thought of delight happiness enjoy, as you feel touched by them, they're, all. Okay, we do the best. We can. You know let this gentle attention towards your dear person forge a real sense of connection. They might be far away, they might be in the next room. You might have seen them just five minutes ago. Will it could have been decades? It's all! Ok, your body relaxed your breathing gentle, your special person in mind feeling your mind

Feeling the charge between trusting the quality of your wish to spend more time with them deepening your connection, just a standard without exciting meditative story is awaited. What original, in partnership with Dr Global the show is produced?

the studio inside as white partners in New York of Executive produces a demonstrable June Cohen arena. Huffington and Dan cats are producer. Sabrina fine supervising producer is Jai Punjabi, a curator is carry Goldstein original music and sound design is by the holiday brothers mixing and marching by Brian Pay, special thanks to an sacks Juliana Stone Summer, Matisse, mechanically Madison, Odin Borg. He Benoit O Connell Libby, Duke Smithy Sinha and Sarah Sandman, and I'm gonna tell the creator of the butterfly meditation out and your house visit. Meditative story don't come to find the transcript. This episode,

thanks again to the fox offer it meditative story, don't forget to go check him out wherever you get your pack ass One more thing before I let you go if you're a long time listener you ve heard me talk many many times about our companion, meditation app. You might even be a little sick of it, so you might ask: why does Harris keep talking about this? If I want to meditate ten, I just go on Youtube and search for. Guided meditation for free or sit in silence on my own or use. Another app were first all. Yes, all that you can do all those things there are many, different ways to learn how to meditate and if you ve, already found one or more ways that work for you. That's great he'd go with it. However, I do think there's something special if I do say so myself about the relationship between what we do

you're on the podcast interviewing world renowned experts getting there take on issues that impact our minds on a day to day basis, and the app where we share practices specifically chosen to help. You will apply the lessons learned here. The bike asked there's a kind of deliberate symbiosis. In our conversation a few weeks ago, the meditation teacher seventy Selassie hit on something key about. This relationship will be just play. You a quick quote Her I'm a big proponent of what I would call integrating study in practice. So combined. Their practice are what we call insights. That's why this tradition is called insight. Is these aha moments endures so great. And articulating man bringing people on to kind of disgust. Bat like what is it that we are learning and then how to A re incorporate that back into the practice. I will be honest. It makes me feel

Little bit uncomfortable hearing said praise my interview, skills. She may or may not be right about that, but what I do think she articulate really That is why we're so gung HO about the aforementioned symbiosis between the work we do you're in the park ass in the work that we do over on the app practice and study work best encounter because your he several parts of the mind at once that's how I learned from my teachers, you engaging my prefrontal cortex reading books your articles having conversations I need those articles and books were recommend. or sent directly to me by said, but then so doing the practices that help me sort of integrate the wisdom into deeper parts of my mind in my body and that really the experience for striving to bring you hear a ten percent

here the wisdom of experts explained in a reliable way, alongside practices that help you apply which have learned. So I encourage you to give it a try by downloading the ten percent happier app for free wherever you get your apps so end of pitch, but thanks for listening, Was he a back here on Monday for a brand new episode with the NBA star Chris Bosh, I'm not much of a sports fan, but I was really blown away by Chris. He has a lot of incredibly useful things to say about keeping your go and check at about letting go. He's got quite a story about letting go

when his own life and career so that coming up on Monday, there was somebody body. This is Elsie Grandison here to tell you about my new pod chasm. Eighty see audio poured life out loud. This shows all about preserving the history and honouring the contributions of the old beating you community each week, I'll talk to some of the most fascinating people, paving the way towards a more inclusive world. These conversations can get heavy, but this shows also gummy. Bill was so much joy and I mean, after all, we are car gay people, rights of Gouty, some happiness in there somewhere check out life out loud with me, Elsie Grandison, wherever you get your pockets.