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How Not to Say Stupid Stuff When You're Stressed | Susan Piver TPH Live Bonus

2020-05-22
Sometimes when you get stressed, you say dumb stuff and that is still happening to me, even after having meditated for over a decade. But in Buddhism, there's a way to deal with this. They call it right speech or mindful speech. In this bonus TPH Live session, the great Susan Piver (previous guest on the show), a meditation teacher based in the Boston area, joins me for a discussion on how to be mindful of our speech during these stressful times. During the session Susan offers a guided meditation and we take some questions live from the audience. You can find Susan Piver's Ten Percent Happier LIVE session and much more on our app. Visit tenpercent.com to download the Ten Percent Happier app and kickstart your meditation practice. Susan Piver's TPH Live session: https://10percenthappier.app.link/RightSpeech
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
From ABC, attend. And happier vodka in her guys, it's Friday, so we're drop in a bonus. In this week we gotta we ve, gotta one, as many of you have experienced. Perhaps I'll just be myself. I definitely experience this Sunday, you get stress, you say. I'm stuff that has happened to me still even after having meditated for over a decade, but in In Buddhism, there's a way to deal with this, they call it right speech or mindful speech and the great Susan Fibre and meditation teacher based in the Boston area has bought a lot about this she's written a lot about this in she recently joined me for an episode of th live where we discussed this subject in two questions from the audience. Tpa live for the UN If aid is this, show we do on on week days three eastern noon
If it were, we do alive, guided meditation for a few minutes, and then we take questions from the audience. The set in that year about the year was with me and and with Susan, and we talk about rights, beach and being mindful of your speech, and she also guides the medicine, even in the beginning. By the way you can hear my son Alexander, playing in the background, senseless was recorded, live when I have a lot of control, but what's goin on my apartment at the time and yet so, if you're, ok with that listen on here, we go Susan Piper, everybody welcome, Tpa live live from. My lips room if you hear background noise, that is my son Alexander playing with toys in the background, try to talk him into going into his room, but then work so well liberal with it like good meditated. Speaking of good meditated, we ve got a great teacher today, Susan Kleiber beaming, in from some of those Massachusetts. I think they pronounce it. You know if you're speaking, the kings, English will be
some reveal, but it locally as some of the answers and thanks for joining us, really appreciate it so glad to be here for shit you're having me at arts, our pleasure, you you're a hit last time so really great to have you back again and eighty you wanted to talk about the sex which is, I mean incredibly germane and relevant these days of speech, you know how we communicate with other people the Buddhist Bucolic right speech. Why is that? Why, in particular and on your mind, used it and he got to do something wrong I don't know how I can avoid doing something wrong in this environment. It's this topic came to my was it's crazy out there real, I mean they're p saying all sorts of things there, people getting arguments because we're isolated from each other. All we have his speech.
that's. Our sole means of communication is all happening in the ether it's so easy to projected onto, and everybody's, uncertain humanity, hence not aware, uncertainty well, and we want, make up explanations for why this is happening. Why that's happening in and when isolated, so uncertain. Plus isolation leads to some cream stuff online and at home, so how? I'm using myself, while you're entering because it's gettin routing the backdrop here so how how can meditation help us with our speech? Well, that's very good question and so first just definition of great speech, which is a classical definition, it mean nobody Spear Buddhist, obviously to practice any of this, but the whole Buddhist of liberation is called the April path. Rabies right intention, right speech, number three. So its way up there and rights
peaches, no lying, no abuse of speech, no divisive speech and no idle speech or no gossip. So we everybody's tell em, but it's really hard to find anyone who is not lying. Even if you think you're not lying people are just spouting things at the actual haven't verified that council, like there's a midnight Time to explain that there's abuse a speech in theirs devices speech and then there's got gossiping. So it's hard not to do those things, because we human beings, We get scared me get angry in What is needed before we open our piles is space just some little space and then. We can have some can see over what comes out and meditation is the practice of creating that space over and over again with every breath we get absorb your thoughts as you know, and then you see that and you let go the letting go is quite delay
full because immediately there's a space and In addition, you come back to the breath, but in life you could come back to the good intentions of your kind heart or you know the needs of the person in front of you or the truth of your feelings about without that space. There's just reflexive nonsense. Speaking for myself, I was used to save me for myself. I'm still doing reflexive nonsense by offering a little bit less so so we ve invoke meditation when we do a little bit in them will add, and let me tell people who are watching live. I know a lot of you. Don't watch live, but those are watching life. If you could send questions on this issue, in particular, thou be great sent any question you operable were propaganda, give us in preference to relevant questions, but even if their irrelevant send away so Susan, I made myself and you wanna take over left it. Thank you First, thank you for being willing to set and
your minds so meditation practice very simple: take a comfortable seat. To basically means sit up straight unless you don't feel well, then lie down and relax, meaning while you're sitting up straight soften softened, the front body, the belly, the area around the heart, the shoulders at times of straw, Second feel like the shoulders are like all the time, but you can just let them Then everything roll off your back. The mouth is closed And the reason the mouth is closed and meditation is because you, I have to say anything, and that is a delightful luxury. So let all the muscles of speech relax throughout the jar, the tongue.
And let the inclination to speak, relax too. and enjoy not having to prove anything, we're justify a question notice that inside there actually is no one talking anyway. So it is quiet. And you can rest in that quiet its awesome The bread is natural in and out through the nose, meaning there's no breathing technique. We were already breathing. So please continue. in this practice. For me, the eyes are open and the gaze is cast down. That's right, It's true, but if you'd rather close your eyes, fine or you could experiment and feel your body breathing.
It is not about noticing the brackets about feeling the breath. the gentle expansion on the inhale. And the letting go of the Ex hell. You mind will continue to think thoughts, and that is to be expected and not a problem at all. most of your thoughts will just come and go you don't have to do anything. Should you notice that you become absorbed in thought, however, to the point where you from about your breath. Yea you just woke up and now have options
In the choice in meditation is to notice that you're thinking could entail. Let go gently. Come back to your brother Gently and begin again feel This inbred, this outbreak. That is all there is to it.
we'll just sit together for a few breadth cycles and remember if you get lost no problem, just come back. Remember to just let your mind be ass, it is and fear
The body breathe.
To bring your practice to a close, stop meditating, just let the technique go. Thank you. Thank you. I like that, at the end about stop meditating really useful. So we we already got some questions. I live on the river pronounced this correctly. I think your name is no data. How can we have the right speech when we have negative thoughts in such a good christian social
question. So it's really easy to want to get in a fight with your mind, go shut up and is country, indicated So if you notice that you're having negative thoughts, that is not a problem You have to do is just like in meditation is noticed that negative thoughts they come and go and that pause, which region practiced, in which you now as a educator, have access to between thought and breath. and apply the same thing between thought and words. So it is extremely important. So please don't be mad mad at yourself for having negative thoughts, your human being.
allow it to be ass. It is and come back to what is in right in front of you see on occurs. Yes, you can have a space before words come out of your pie, all as you said before, I think that's really a Boston term. I love that term Nancy A asks. I swear all the ethics, These suggestions, forgetting that, under a little bit more control, let's illiteracy, is ice or although having time too Two the issue is getting under control. That is, can truly exacerbate the problem. If it is a problem which I hope it isn't as I do it all the time, but if you want to, if you want to sweeten your speeches, we do not use cuss. Words are only
when really really important, you could into the feeling. This is a little bit nuanced. Behind the cuss word, when you want to say anything this, you could feel that without the words and have that as part of Europe experience and don't be upset with yourself for that dont be upset with yourself or that I hope when you start grading yourself, that was good. You didn't use customer those bad you did, then you know it It creates anxiety so behind three gentle with yourself be patient with yourself and do your best yeah I've noticed I do. I swear law both in regular life and also in my writing, and that I am in regular life. I've noticed that, having a little bit more self awareness of a war, my fullest, I can can sense when it wasn't the right time to do it and that that's a good.
data point going forward. That's interesting! How do you mean you could just sense when it wasn't the right time because of your intuition didn't feel right? You know, like sometimes a good swear, really, spices, things happened, it's exactly what's you know called for other times. It adds a note of harshness when I actually mean to be are gets true, and there are certain parts of the country, certain populations, parts of the popular, Should that are truly offended by custards yeah, and I always forget that, and so it's really important to me to be polite. Yes, yes, yes, because part of rights beaches say tell them and in and also make sure to useful, and so it's also useful, if you're telling the truth in, but Europe activating other people to make the love by saying something offensive. Wild says Mindful waited deal with harsh speech from others, I have a family member whose very
Irish. I don't always know how to handle it. Yes, I love that question. Thank you. Kirsty. catch a little story, just you and if it has a customer in it, so I guess you know spoiler alert right now, so this was some time ago. This is experiencing, had with harsh negative speech that I really learn a lot from So I'm imitation teacher and I've been so meditation videos to people for a while, and I became very busy doing at some like. Why can't you have to charge something for it or keep sending out things for free low but less, but then she walked getting all this and they charge a little bit. so I sent an email on my list of compatriots and like ninety seven percent of people just didn't do anything in two and a half percent like I'll call, here's twenty bucks or whatever and then a half a percent were clearly green, so I got the emails that you dread and one of them was you anything
I thought you were spiritual, but now I see you're a liar and you this was a beaten switch. I trusted you, but now you trying to take advantage of me- and this is my favorite part of sorry- this hurt your feelings, you can just go, cried to your friends, Oprah and deep, HAWK, well, I was stunned by this accusatory horrible. I felt terrible so the conventional wisdom is duly, but I didn't I responded. I said this really hurt my feelings. I read this email actually start to cry and are trying to make you feel bad, but words have consequences. and this was the consequence of yours- I wish you well connected, that last barbershop I immediately got an email back. That said, will you hurt my feelings? I
they come to depend on his meditations and I can't afford them o K. Well, now you hurt my feelings is really different than you. Are you asking the latter? It's like very aggressive, but you hurt my feelings. How came we can talk? So we talked in we have made some arrangement. I can't remember what, but that step from furious at you and I'm pissed at you to my feelings. In this that's really interesting bridge to try to job, and I dont know exactly why it happened this time, but I think it had something to do with be just saying the trip this hurts me. This upsets me. I cried. I didn't expect us something about me this direct and real and doesn't have an agenda so and when heart,
speeches coming and you can do really really hard to know what to do. I am all my empathy, but if you- stay with what you are experiencing as a result of the horse harsh speech, rather than what you think of them or how you're gonna fight back, but with your feet. I don't mean to sound wishy washy, but that's the place when you speak from that place. You speak from power when you speak, I don't like this. I want you, stop. You speak from aggression power. Aggression are not always easy to delineate.
there's something about the truth of your experience that gives rise to power rather than aggression, stone. Does that make sense? I mean it. You often hear from people and serve the sum of the group meditation nor contemplative work. I've done. There's a you often hear the invocation of the exhortation to keep it in the eye. You just speak from your own experience, rather than characterizing somebody else and that that is a more effective way to communicate. It is that kind of what you're talking about kinder kind of yeah, but rather than a psychological or am. I am not saying that that is it more a kindness to yourself gesture of kindness to yourself. So just as an aside in the Buddhist you, there are three views of strong emotions, one as their effective, stop. Looking good, that's good!
start the second: is there not afflicted there actually bridges between me and someone else. So when I meet someone who has had my painful experience, I will know how to relate to them. The third view least employed is I Every motion is a form of wisdom, masked, even anger, which is quite dangerous so I M not saying otherwise, but anger is awake. Campi sleepy an angry said there some way to access the awake quality without the story. Then there's something quite powerful there. So all of those views are accurate, afflicted compassionate wise, just like which one is gonna work for you right now. Barbara asks
we feel so guilty when I catch myself gossiping, but there are times when I'm a part of it. What is a graceful way to get out of being in a gossip situation yeah, so this is my favorite way. not speaking so someone people go what what do you think and you always my fair? new phrase with modern times, as I dont know so always appropriate because oyster, so these sort of four qualities of right speech we take wrong speech. Basically, don't lie to gossip and so on, but is it true what you're about to say? is it necessary is a kind, and I would add, is this: the time
so you can always find some way to just stay within yourself and if people get upset with you, because I want you to gossip, then you could do something else. I think gossip, is aware way of making ourselves feel better. Yes, yes, I noticed that. I don't know that I would have been able to articulate that until you just said it, but I do notice that I will say we're pretty much at a time, but this is a very rich topic. Cuz we're getting tons of questions, so maybe we're going to have to come back to this in a future presented to real important topic right now. I appreciate the interest in it. Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it. My pleasure always good to see you like was likewise soon Somerville Massachusetts. They thanks to Susan, you can catch the video version of this honour.
You to feed or on our app just on Youtube, just search for ten percent happier and you can watch the live, guided meditation sessions and companies with the teachers every week day at three eastern Noone Pacific we'll be back on Monday with Big guessed. The great permits, children, there's not a person in Amerika who hasn't been impact it in some way by the corona virus pandemic, but it every community there are pockets of people. suiting up every day. This is my Monday last day of the cylinder stretch of photos from one of our Visa or America's essential workers, the people who are keeping moving. I turn into a home school mom and now in a new plants from eighty sinews. You gonna hear from damage
I actually went back to my office and saw a crime because it is not fair, inherently sorry that our community to sell faintly Lorraine. This is the essential inside the from emergency room, it's the police, cruiser to the czech outline. You hear what this pandemic sounds like. The people, pretty selves norms, which is always a risk that I could bring this home to my kids or my husband or my parents, listened to the essentials inside the curve on Apple podcast, refitted, podcast, em,.